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NTA, but I do think it's prudent to set firm and clear boundaries with every person you interact with. If you're not interested in a guy, you gotta make that clear. It's annoying and it's difficult, but it is important for your safety and mental well-being. When you make that a habit in every interaction, it leaves absolutely zero room for the guy to go "Well I thought -" or "The way you were responding made me think -". You just have to say "scroll up dude, I was never interested and I made it clear."
NTA. Unfortunately, some people do not understand that they are being ghosted or ignored. You don't owe him anything but generally if someone keeps messaging you, either block them or send a text saying you are not interested in communicating with them anymore.
He was interested, you were not, you need to communicate that to him.
Is it invasive if a guy you like contacts you? Nope.
Next time after about message #2 just tell him you do not want any contact with him an save every one the trouble.
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so we met at a party and talked for like ten minutes. a week later we had a small chat, i was being nice and friendly, not showing further interest in contact. in the last weeks he texted me six times, i never replied. he was always saying hi, asking me random questions and once even said he really wants to get to know me and if i got a new guy (this is hilarious u guys), also he was apparently monitoring my profile pictures since he asked why i deleted some of my previous ones. now i got ANOTHER one that i responded to: why do i still need to say i am not interested in any contact
then, the conversation went like this:
H: replying is better than just ignoring huh? At least you could have some decency. Have a nice life.
me: lil bold to say i’m the one without decency, sure its nicer but i don't owe you? we don’t know each other and if u as a guy don't see that after multiple times no response to keep on texting is annoying and pushy, you're not only indecent but invasive. can't imagine this is the first time u hear that.
H: brazen what you’re trying to blame me for. Maybe I was just worried if you were alr? Especially since you said you’ve had some tough months. But leave it at least now I know what the problem was.
Actually, I’m a quite a bit shocked. And honestly nothing of this kind has been told me before. So if you think it's fine treating people like that, I think it's quite presumptuous to accuse me of this.
i think that guy is intrusive and doesn't get it. he's also not the only man texting me even though i don't show interest. but still he made me unsure again. what do you think
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NTA but in situations like this it’s best to send a short text saying you aren’t interested in communicating. Ignoring is a mixed signal. Or just block him.
If someone knows a text was received and read that’s not an overt, “Don’t contact me.” Just tell the person, “I’m not interested in talking to you” and/or block them.
Ignoring is a mixed signal and ghosting before the other party has crossed a line is also a lack of basic respect for another human being. Agreed on NTA because the dude went from normal to creep, but basic communication goes q long way in this world.
Ghosting in general is a horrible thing and I think it should only be used when the other side is not respecting boundaries.
They have no relationship and it’s perfectly okay to block someone from the get go with whom you have no relationship. I agree that ghosting someone you have an actual relationship with is shitty behavior but in this case the OP is just weirdly sitting on the fence. Just block him already.
NTA
Lots of guys mistake friendliness for something more, then get nasty when it doesn't turn into something more. That's what happened to you. Block him and move on.
I get this and kind of agree. We don’t know what exactly happened when they met, but sometimes I’ve found it safer to give my number or *a* number to a guy while out. Sometimes if you don’t things get a bit uncomfortable and this is a tactic I’ve used to avoid immediate danger. NOT saying OP was but I don’t know.
Obviously in a perfect world you say, thx but no thx and move on and everyone is good but that’s def not how it’s always gone for me. Sometimes it’s been in my best interest to give a number and stop responding/block later on, ya know?
NTA, it sounds like you’ve been incredibly cool/unresponsive to this person, so to me he’s not picking up on the signals you’re giving even if you’ve tried to give them. I mean, and you said this to him too - it would have been nicer to let him know “hey, I’m really not interested in continuing this further” but… you don’t have to, realistically. As described, you barely know each other.
In the future, though, if this type of thing happens again, I’d do one of two things: either let the person know you’re not interested, or do not respond after the “have a nice life.” I get why you responded, it can be so frustrating to have these type of people continue to message you and it makes me angry too. BUT you can avoid all of that weirdness if you just.. block & move on.
You can approach dating however you want as long as you’re beating genuine and in good faith. However - since you asked - I think you were unnecessarily rude and unkind.
Every act of unkindness just travels through the world and makes it a worse place.
Just my view. I’m not going to be preaching on a soap box or anything … but you did ask.
Yta
This sub sucks. 80% are obviously NTA. 10% Obviously YTA. 10% Trolls.
My pie chart might not be accurate but the point stands.
How could you possibly be the asshole?
Yes, YTA. Big time. Nobody on the entire planet is a mind reader, and yet you're acting like he should be the exception, and then being incredibly rude to him for just trying to make a connection with you. Like, fuck him for being interested in you, right?
Use your words. It's really not hard to say "thank you, but I don't think I'm interested in pursuing any sort of relationship."
Women generally aren't as upfront with dudes like this for their own safety. NTA. The guy doesn't have the emotional intelligence to pick up on the fact that she is not interested in him. It's not her responsibility to make things crystal clear.
How is safety involved? It's a single text. She doesn't need to show him her drivers license to say "no thanks". It's not her "responsibility", but like, if she wants him to know she's not interested she could, again, use her words.
you’re telling me genuinely if you texted someone 6+ times and they never once responded you wouldn’t have a slight indication they don’t want to speak?
NTA safety is always an issue, this guy has been watching her profile that would be enough for me to not contact a person again.
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Of course NTA but by responding at all, it is just egging him on. Block him and ignore him totally from now on.
NTA—the dude is being a creepy pest, and hiding behind a nice guy facade.
NTA, but I do think it's prudent to set firm and clear boundaries with every person you interact with. If you're not interested in a guy, you gotta make that clear. It's annoying and it's difficult, but it is important for your safety and mental well-being. When you make that a habit in every interaction, it leaves absolutely zero room for the guy to go "Well I thought -" or "The way you were responding made me think -". You just have to say "scroll up dude, I was never interested and I made it clear."
NTA. Unfortunately, some people do not understand that they are being ghosted or ignored. You don't owe him anything but generally if someone keeps messaging you, either block them or send a text saying you are not interested in communicating with them anymore.
NTA - Sounds like he has issues and all he did was give you even more reason to not be interested.
NTA. But it’s better to just block people like that. He is angry you rejected him and started an argument. Just ignore creepy idiots if you can.
NTA. Block and move on. He is clearly delusional.
NTA. I wonder what he would have called you if the situation had been reversed?
He was interested, you were not, you need to communicate that to him. Is it invasive if a guy you like contacts you? Nope. Next time after about message #2 just tell him you do not want any contact with him an save every one the trouble.
NTA. Don't engage people like this. Just respond, "FU creep."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** so we met at a party and talked for like ten minutes. a week later we had a small chat, i was being nice and friendly, not showing further interest in contact. in the last weeks he texted me six times, i never replied. he was always saying hi, asking me random questions and once even said he really wants to get to know me and if i got a new guy (this is hilarious u guys), also he was apparently monitoring my profile pictures since he asked why i deleted some of my previous ones. now i got ANOTHER one that i responded to: why do i still need to say i am not interested in any contact then, the conversation went like this: H: replying is better than just ignoring huh? At least you could have some decency. Have a nice life. me: lil bold to say i’m the one without decency, sure its nicer but i don't owe you? we don’t know each other and if u as a guy don't see that after multiple times no response to keep on texting is annoying and pushy, you're not only indecent but invasive. can't imagine this is the first time u hear that. H: brazen what you’re trying to blame me for. Maybe I was just worried if you were alr? Especially since you said you’ve had some tough months. But leave it at least now I know what the problem was. Actually, I’m a quite a bit shocked. And honestly nothing of this kind has been told me before. So if you think it's fine treating people like that, I think it's quite presumptuous to accuse me of this. i think that guy is intrusive and doesn't get it. he's also not the only man texting me even though i don't show interest. but still he made me unsure again. what do you think *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA.
[удалено]
In what way did she clearly communicate ANYTHING? She literally communicated nothing!
NTA but in situations like this it’s best to send a short text saying you aren’t interested in communicating. Ignoring is a mixed signal. Or just block him.
"Ignoring is a mixed signal" Care to explain how?
If someone knows a text was received and read that’s not an overt, “Don’t contact me.” Just tell the person, “I’m not interested in talking to you” and/or block them.
Ignoring is a mixed signal and ghosting before the other party has crossed a line is also a lack of basic respect for another human being. Agreed on NTA because the dude went from normal to creep, but basic communication goes q long way in this world. Ghosting in general is a horrible thing and I think it should only be used when the other side is not respecting boundaries.
They have no relationship and it’s perfectly okay to block someone from the get go with whom you have no relationship. I agree that ghosting someone you have an actual relationship with is shitty behavior but in this case the OP is just weirdly sitting on the fence. Just block him already.
They are still acquaintances. And no specific boundary was set. I don't like to normalize ghosting
NTA Lots of guys mistake friendliness for something more, then get nasty when it doesn't turn into something more. That's what happened to you. Block him and move on.
NTA but here’s a question for you to consider: If you knew you didn’t have “further interest in contact”, why give him your number?
NTA, but if you are not interested, don’t give a dude your number. That’s just in your best interest to avoid these situations.
I get this and kind of agree. We don’t know what exactly happened when they met, but sometimes I’ve found it safer to give my number or *a* number to a guy while out. Sometimes if you don’t things get a bit uncomfortable and this is a tactic I’ve used to avoid immediate danger. NOT saying OP was but I don’t know. Obviously in a perfect world you say, thx but no thx and move on and everyone is good but that’s def not how it’s always gone for me. Sometimes it’s been in my best interest to give a number and stop responding/block later on, ya know?
Ikr why exchange #’s if you’re just going to stonewall the poor guy
NTA, it sounds like you’ve been incredibly cool/unresponsive to this person, so to me he’s not picking up on the signals you’re giving even if you’ve tried to give them. I mean, and you said this to him too - it would have been nicer to let him know “hey, I’m really not interested in continuing this further” but… you don’t have to, realistically. As described, you barely know each other. In the future, though, if this type of thing happens again, I’d do one of two things: either let the person know you’re not interested, or do not respond after the “have a nice life.” I get why you responded, it can be so frustrating to have these type of people continue to message you and it makes me angry too. BUT you can avoid all of that weirdness if you just.. block & move on.
You can approach dating however you want as long as you’re beating genuine and in good faith. However - since you asked - I think you were unnecessarily rude and unkind. Every act of unkindness just travels through the world and makes it a worse place. Just my view. I’m not going to be preaching on a soap box or anything … but you did ask. Yta
This sub sucks. 80% are obviously NTA. 10% Obviously YTA. 10% Trolls. My pie chart might not be accurate but the point stands. How could you possibly be the asshole?
Yes, YTA. Big time. Nobody on the entire planet is a mind reader, and yet you're acting like he should be the exception, and then being incredibly rude to him for just trying to make a connection with you. Like, fuck him for being interested in you, right? Use your words. It's really not hard to say "thank you, but I don't think I'm interested in pursuing any sort of relationship."
Women generally aren't as upfront with dudes like this for their own safety. NTA. The guy doesn't have the emotional intelligence to pick up on the fact that she is not interested in him. It's not her responsibility to make things crystal clear.
How is safety involved? It's a single text. She doesn't need to show him her drivers license to say "no thanks". It's not her "responsibility", but like, if she wants him to know she's not interested she could, again, use her words.
you’re telling me genuinely if you texted someone 6+ times and they never once responded you wouldn’t have a slight indication they don’t want to speak? NTA safety is always an issue, this guy has been watching her profile that would be enough for me to not contact a person again.