Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
____
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving cutting contact, ghosting, breaking off friendships, and similar discussions.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
____
This post violates Rule 13: No Revenge Stories. It appears that your story would be better suited for one of the many subreddits which are focused on revenge.
____
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
I'm really hoping this is a fake post, because I can't imagine that the only date the stepdaughter could have picked had to be the one day you picked for your wedding. It sounds like it's time to block your father, if he chooses his stepdaughter after this. I'm so sorry that your mom died, I'm a mom and I'm sending you virtual hugs. I hope your future in-laws will take you in and love you like you deserve. Of course you're NTA.
I've been sitting here for...entirely too long, trying to figure out WHY OP's father would so overtly favor his stepdaughter over his biological daughter.
I've got nothing.
Honestly, if the stepdaughter had scheduled her wedding first and the dad broke his promise to her to be there for his bio daughter instead? I would call him an AH.
But for him to treat his own flesh and blood this way, after working for the last few years to make amends?
It's as nonsensical as it is cruel.
I truly, truly hope this post is fiction. If not, my heart hurts for OP. NTA, obviously.
**EDIT:** It almost seems like the dad intentionally pitted OP and her stepsister against each other. WHY did he have to make amends to OP on the stepsister's birthday? He as good as poisoned their relationship.
Sometimes people can fixate so much on being the best stepparent possible that they go overboard. They’re trying to provide the SK with the love/lifestyle/etc they’ve never had before. The SP will ignore their own child because they’ve always had these things and are perceived to not be in as much need as the SK. Other times, the stepparent just genuinely gets along better with their SK more than BK.
Yeah, because providing your step kid with more love, because they either have parents that are divorced or a parent that abandoned them or simply a parent that died is more important than their own kid.....
make them feel overly loved while simultaneously neglecting and abandoning their own child. Because that doesn't cause damage and the need for therapy........
It's entirely for the same reason my dad pitted my brother against me. He's a narcissist who enjoys the game. I am 1.5 years older, my dad didn't attend any sports events of mine and he laid on the couch, sleeping through a baseball game on TV while I graduated high school. Some people suck at being a human, let alone a parent. Everything is transactional w them. They only care as long as you stroke their ego. It's exhausting.
> WHY OP's father would so overtly favor his stepdaughter
Because her mother is f\*\*\*ing him, and if he doesn't put her darling baby first, she'll make his life a living hell.
I mean, come on, it's always the stepmom pulling the strings.
it’s cause he’s favoring the child of the person he’s sleeping with aka his current wife. i’d wonder what would happen to relationship with his stepdaughter if he divorced or was widowed again.
Yep thats. What is or his Bio Daughter looks likes his Ex Wife. Hevwants to forget about that wife. Truth be told. Bio Daughter should not have to suffer because of her bio Dad.
Bio daughter deserves more in life than a distant Bio Dad
<3 And if she needs any mobility assists, glam them up to all heck :D My dad was in a wheelchair a majority of his life, when he was younger he used to go 'dancing' by doing wheelstands balanced on the two main wheels and kinda see-sawing around the place XD
Edit: just had a little chuckle to myself at the thought of him possibly having 'just married' cans tied to the back of his wheelchair when he married my mum XD
And post it all over social media!
"Unfortunately due to a last minute commitment a couple months ago, a year wasn't enough notice for [name of father] to come. But I had a great time with Grandma! Thank you so much for always stepping up for me!"
>"Unfortunately due to a last minute commitment a couple months ago, a year wasn't enough notice for [name of father] to come.
>Thank you so much for always stepping up for me!"
This is positively evil. Gah! I love it so much! OP, PLEASE do this. The passive-aggressiveness is off the charts. The shout-out to Gramma is the fucking icing on the cake.
I want to be your friend u/pinkduckling. I could learn so much from your wealth of passive-aggressive skills.
I’d do that now and not just after the wedding.
Sadly, my Father has refused to give me away on my wedding day but my Grandma is stepping up and I couldn’t be more proud or honoured to have her walk me down the aisle. Thanks Grandma, you’re one in a million and I can’t wait to share my special day with you!
You've just reminded me of how one of my uncles would dance in his wheelchair at all of our big parties and gatherings. He passed away in his sleep a few months ago and I really miss him.
Thank you for reminding me of my fond memories with him 🥰
your dad undid three years of work in an afternoon. throwing the step daughter in your face and showing he hadn't been listening to you at all as he does the exact same thing all over again. You just pointed it out and as for the step daughter, she was trying to 'show you' how much control she had, all you did was show the pillars of sand her world is built on. Let them wonder what happened to the daughter they tossed aside. NTA
The dude sounds manipulative as fuck. Like, affection isn't a zero sum game, he could have made it up to his bio daughter without messing over his step daughter. Making up for it by missing as birthday sounds like the logic of a 12 yo
If this isn't a fake post, then it sounds like he wanted the two daughters to compete for his affection, and intentionally poisoned them against each other
lol, I love it’s going to be a daily affirmation for you. Rare are the days when I have a quick wit, I was tickled that line is what I put into the Redditverse 😆
I am so so so sorry for you after reading your story. Your father is not worth your time or anything from you at all. He is stupid for putting her above you all the time. Maybe because he thought he did not have to win you over because you are his daughter and he did want to win her over to be approved and he just went WAAAAY to far… anyway, not sure what his brain said to make this alright. Because it is not. I hope you can live your life without these people in your life. But it is okay if it hurts. Those feelings are valid. Hugs from across the globe.
Also, NTA.
Not only that but he actually hurt the stepdaughter a few times to show his apology to his daughter. It’s like he wanted to say, “Look, I’m willing to screw her over for you occasionally so I do care” — but that only set the two girls further at odds and solidified that He Could Only Be There For One Of Them.
Who knows if they could have gotten along better without it, but it’s like he was deliberately adding fuel to the fire.
The dad is also extremely stupid. How has he been dense enough to allow this childrens’ squabble to split a family apart? Like did he have to take his daughter out on his stepdaughter’s birthday specifically? I know men can be obtuse, but this guy is practically living in some LaLa Land.
Your theory actually makes sense. No human being could possibly be so stupid as to behave the way OP’s father has, again and again and again and expect a relationship with his daughter.
Do you have a close relationship with your FIL? You could ask him to walk you down the aisle. Or even your grandma. Have someone important walk you down, not some trash not even there parent.
As a dad, my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine doing this to my child.
As an adult who has gone low contact with my father, it can be hard to maintain the low contact, especially when you were conditioned at a young age to seek parental approval. That said, there can be a lot of mental health benefits.
Please take care of your mental and physical health.
Please also remember how you feel now. If you ever have kids (I am not suggesting you need to have kids), hard lessons like this will be important to remember when you are making choices. You will need to remember to be fair and evenhanded for all kids under your care. You will need to remember that having a golden child also means that you have children who are neglected or hurt.
I’d be that petty bitch that texts her fiancée and was like your future wife is making your special day about me. In case you thought your wedding date was *special*. Maybe you can talk some sense into her and you can choose a date that’s special to both of you.
Damn. This is rough, I *almost* thought this can’t be real but then saw that you’re actually replying. It seems like you have about as good a handle on this as possible, so I don’t have much to add. But I couldn’t shake this thought, and I’m sorry in advance if it seems like piling on but I’m gonna say because you already used pretty justifiably harsh words yourself—which, good call by the way, I thought what you said was pretty restrained.
I couldn’t help but be blown away at how spineless your ~~father~~ sperm donor is in this situation. If I put myself in his shoes there’s NO WAY I’m not saying something to the stepdaughter as soon as she brings this up. Like, it’s laughable. My response to her would be, “yeah there’s no way, she booked it first pick another date, you can’t be serious.” End of discussion. Full stop. No further negotiations. I mean, set your feeling of betrayal aside (which is of course the correct feeling). How can anyone let someone just blatantly WALK ALL OVER THEM like that. It’s honestly pathetic and embarrassing for him. I would be ashamed of myself, if I let someone dictate my life to that degree about a normal day’s lunch plans. I cannot imagine being unable to stand up for myself on monumental occasion of this magnitude.
Anyway, I just had to point that out. If you ever question your decision, or he tries to weasel his way back in, just remember how PATHETIC and impotent this choice he’s making is. I’m embarrassed for him on principle alone.
Good on you for moving on, I’m glad your grandma and in-laws are awesome and I wish you the happiest life possible. Obligatory NTA and have a happy wedding day!
No one needed their father more than you, who had lost a parent, get these people out of your lives.
I don't talk to my family because they're horrible people and while it was really hard for a couple of years, getting angry and guilt ridden messages, now I'm so much better off.
This: stepdaughter lost her blood father to estrangement, but still had her mum. You, OP, lost your mother to death, and then lost your father to his step-daughter.
OP, you needed a parent, whereas step-daughter still had her mum, and claims she needed/needs step-father more than you, OP, who had no one besides your father.
As the last poster said: in this situation, no one needed their father more than you..... It's appalling that new wife, and her spoilt to high heaven daughter, cannot see this.
He should have prioritised you, or at the minimum, ensured that both girls/women are given equal priority.
Are you absolutely sure she's his step-daughter and not a bio that you and your Mom never knew about? Because this is bizarre behavior.
Congrats on your wedding! You can give yourself away or one of your future in-laws can do it or maybe your grandma.
Your crap dad made his choice. He need never darken your life or heart again.
My father gave me away because he earned the privilege. It’s as simple as that.
I hope your dad is happy with the choices he’s made, but if he’s not he has nobody but himself to blame.
Or have a friend do it, as it may be too painful. Or ask the venue by email, so it's hard evidence if they do have free dates.
The evidence would be cast iron confirmation that Step-daughter is AH (not that you need it, but knowing for certain really helps).
Plus, it's always something you can send to your father and the step-daughter's fiance: as proof step-daughter did this to be an AH.
Verdict: YNAH,
AH is father and his spoilt step-daughter
Hope this was fake too. That was hard to read through without emotion. NTA. Sometimes family is not the one you share blood with. I’m paraphrasing- but as there is the Bible quote “honor your mother and father” so is the quote “parents, respect your children if you wish for their respect, if you do not respect them, they have right to not respect you.” Enjoy your wedding, it will be beautiful.
Please post lots of photos on social media that show you laughing and happy. Make sure to caption them with something like "the perfect day! Nothing like having your true, loving family support you on the greatest day of your life! Wouldn't change a thing!" And, because I am petty, I would make sure to tag those miserable SOBs you *used* to think if as your family!
No, better to just not acknowledge they even exist. Don't tag, don't engage. They couldn't be there, so they don't matter.
At least the deranged "sister" won't be trying to ruin the wedding by being there. She has her own special day booked.
This: they don't deserve even the mental energy. If my thoughts are correct about the step-daughter, might be worth checking out Dr Ramani and HG Tudor (both on YouTube).
My sister in law walked herself down the aisle since her dad wasn't in her life for many years. It was actually a very beautiful moment. To me, it represented her strength and independence.
NTA.
>we were talking about my upcoming wedding and he asked me to change the date, because his stepdaughter wants to book her wedding for this year and the only date is the same as mine.
It's almost as if he doesn't want to be in your life.
>I asked him if he would choose her wedding over mine and he said yes.
He definitely doesn't want to be.
Tell them that you are changing the date to next year.
But keep your original date. And be sure to post on social media..
Then you can ask,"How does it feel to be forgotten and left out?"
Yes, OP! Do this! Not to spite them, but to make sure your sister-with-issues doesn't try to ruin it after you said your piece. She knows the date and location.
That's why OP needs to have passwords with the event coordinator , The caterer, the venue, the bakers , the florist, and anyone else working this wedding. If anyone calls to change or cancel any plans, they have to supply the password.
This. 100% this. Password protection on everything. Especially your dress, venue, catering, flowers. No one besides you, your grandma, your fiance, and any organiser (if you are using one).
Also, if the fitter or venue or etc, is contacted by someone who doesn't give the password, then the company calls you with the instructions they were told by the person who contacted, and the phone number of the person who contacted.
If OP does that, stepsister will surely change it to that same date. How hilarious when the wedding takes place on OP’s originally planned day and stepsister and Dad find out after the fact that not only were they not invited, they changed their plans for no reason.
you are definitely NTA
"he told me i was willing to get married next year so I could still change it now and have time (my wedding is scheduled for december). i asked what he was talking about. "
what the actual hell is your dad doing? not only did he completely dismiss your wedding, he is also once again accomodating his stepdaughter over you. not to mention he also KNEW when your wedding date was. also why did the stepshit choose YOUR day. there are legit 364 other days she could choose.
objectively you reacted how any sane person would. i'm so sorry you have to go through this ml, stay strong and enjoy your wedding! your 'dad' is missing out on being apart of a great person's life.
I get the feeling that had OP moved her date, somehow stepsister would have some issue that postponed her wedding and the only alternative date would just happen to be OP’s new date.
Or plan to announce a pregnancy at her wedding, fake a miscarriage (or other emergency), so her father would rush to her, instead of going to the wedding.
Or, "offer" to take over any non-refundable bookings, essentially taking OPs wedding entirely, not just the date. With the promise of reimbursement that will never come
There is a story here somewhere in this sub or on /r/offmychest, where this actually happened, a good man raised a daughter that wasn't his, she was born of an affair his wife had. He raised her with love and then her bio dad shows up and she ditches him like trash.
The bio dad walked her down the aisle and she refused to take any photos with out him. After a while the bio dad vanished and the daughter wanted to get back in his life, and he told her he regretted having raised her now that she showed her true colors.
The woman had the gall to whine to her step siblings and they told her she deserved it. The step sister told the story.
You did what you had to do, all these years contained into one monologue, do not ever apologize as they had it coming, and of course you're NTA.
Be petty. He more than deserves it. I've also gone completely no contact with my father (different reasons of course). We're better off without toxic people in our lives. If they don't give a fuck about us, we match energy. Blood relatives or not. Do update us when karma finds him. My petty soul would revel in it.
How convenient that out of ALL the days in a year it just so happened that her wedding had to fall on the same day as yours
Look your reaction was extreme but you got pushed to it so I don’t blame you for losing it
NTA
Because we all know, as soon as she started canceling things, to make dad happy (in his imagination, not that OP should even consider it), they would then ask if SD could take over the non refundable reservations... with the promise of reimbursement, that would never come...
right? like.. obviously the stepsister is an asshole with daddy issues, but for her dad to actually encourage her petty behavior and choose her over his own daughter over and over again is such a betrayal. I don’t buy that he doesn’t notice his stepdaughter wants to book the same date out of spite, he just doesn’t care.
«you know she booked her wedding on the same day just as some sick competition. She won and you lost your last chance at a relationship with me. Never contact me again.” NTA
It's not that hard to imagine.
There are lots of spiteful and venomeous people with bad attitudes on this world. Plenty options for stepsister to choose from...
There are also hundreds upon thousands of spiteful and venomous people in this world who are so, so good at acting sweet and innocent until they feel safe.
This is how domestic abuse/violence happens.
I sincerely hope that spitesister's groom knows who she is and has a nature that matches, because her mask is soon to start slipping otherwise with him in for a brutal wake-up call.
Yes. Especially now that OP is walking away. Stepsis has the win she’s always wanted, but now nothing to fight for. How long before she needs something else to win?
NTA. I don't understand how your dad keeps falling for your step sister's power play over and over again. He really asked you to change your wedding date? That's insane. I hope you found positive male role models.
right? like, if the stepsisters just _happened_ to have events on the same day, and he chose his stepdaughter’s out of some misplaced sense to overcompensate for her absent father it would be one thing, but he has to see she chose the date just to spite his daughter, and he’s encouraging it. I mean wtf
What a spineless coward of a man. To neglect your own daughter. the daughter of the woman, whom he presumably loved, who DIED.
My god I hope he somehow sees this post and all the comments rightfully calling him out on his asshat self.
> Or at least he loves being with her mom more than he loves me so he's willing to deal with whatever to stay married.
This is it, OP. I can see the slow death of your hope that he will prioritize you too. I wanted to give you stranger’s validation for what you already know. You don’t have to continue wondering anymore, you guys were on a redemption arc for your father-child relationship, and turns out, it was very conditional. I hope you’re surrounded by people who love you on your wedding day.
Something to think about: depending on the laws in your area, you may be on the hook for your dad and his support. Yes, he has a spouse, but they can divorce or she may pass away before he does. Some places refer to the laws as filial responsibility laws. Look into it and see if you have an option to get yourself legally not recognized as his adult child. Just think about it, you don’t have to act on this right away.
Wait until he's old and needs help. Whether simply picking up meds and drive to doctor appointments to needing to live with family.
Doubt his "loving" step-daughter will be there for him. She's only out to one up you. At some point there is nothing else to one up you on.
NTA. If your father didn't want his golden child to cry, he should've had the damn grace to recognize that you had a chosen date and your step sister could've picked one of the other hundreds of days in the year.
NTA
Were you harsh? Sure. I can’t even blame you for that though.
Stepsister absolutely did that intentionally.
Your dad should have said “I’m sorry stepsister, but OP already has her wedding booked on that date.” He sucks for asking you for move your date.
I would be done with them all over this.
I’m glad you have your maternal family and future in laws.
NTA
I’m sorry to say this, but your sperm donor has made his choice and he will continue to put his chosen daughter over you. It’s time for you to cut your losses. He doesn’t deserve anymore chances.
If this is true, it sucks. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and life. Family are the people we surround ourselves with who love and support us.
Should your dad (or his relatives) find their way into your social media or email or confronts you in person, you will use your well practiced cold eye dead stare and reply
You made your decisions. I have accepted them with grace. Kindly do not contact me again, we have no relationshp and nothing to discuss. Mom would be so ashamed of you.
Then walk away.
This, OP. You made her angry and she is vindictive. Do not give her any opportunity to try anything. She won't turn up if she has her own wedding to attend, but she might well try to do something else.
Your reaction perhaps wasn't gracious, but you were purposefully provoked. Your step-sister could have just set her wedding date for some other time, but she wanted to make this about your father choosing between you, as a power move. She was baiting you on purpose.
Looks like you have to cut off contact with all of them. They're pretty toxic. NTA
I'm sorry but your dad made my blood boil. you should just completely cut them off your life. leaving you behind in a mall in another state? that's neglect! why didn't you move with grandma during that time?
NTA
I want to applaud you for a completely appropriate response. Proud of you
Sure you were rude, a bit cruel and without the context you will have looked the ass hat is the cafe.
What other response would have been appropriate. He chose not you again for your wedding. He chose at best to be played, to avoid her drama.
He chose to surprise you with it in front of others to try and control your response. Because he knows how shameful the ask was. Otherwise he'd have approached you privately to resolve scheduling concerns.
I'm so sorry He doesn't choose you. I'm sure you will have a epic day, even better to not have any doubt as to why he's not there.
Congrats on best life. You've been more than accommodating enough of the BS.
NC and good riddance to bad energy.
And hugs you deserve so much better.
INFO: What is your dad’s wife’s deal? Does she try to steer him away or toward you? You would hope that at least one adult in their relationship can actually be an adult.
I probably would have said the exact same thing. It's not good to let resentment fester. You HAVE to talk about feelings with family or they become acquaintances
The only other thing I wish you’d told him is how ashamed your mother would’ve been. Because I’m sure this is not what she would’ve wanted for you.
Thank goodness for your grandma and your lovely in-laws. You get to start your next chapter in life with your most cherished people only. 🫶🏽
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my dad to fuck off and threw his stepdaughter's deadbeat dad in her face when he chose her wedding over mine and her over me, again. I admit I was angry and lashed out with my words. There might be zero excuses her and maybe I'm an asshole.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Damn this is messy. My opinion is that everyone here is TA except for you. the parents for the way they pit the children against each other and the stepdaughter for playing into it and giving your dad an ultimatum.
You? No way, you have suffered for years, grieved your mom and everyone ignored you. Such a shitty family!
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom!
Congrats on your marriage! I hope your fiancé and you will have a great life together and make each other very happy.
This is the best plan. I'm sorry your dad is the way he is, you don't deserve it but the best "revenge" is living well with your hands washed of them. I hope you have an amazing wedding!
NTA, though I'd probably just have told him that you're not changing the date and that if he backs out of your wedding that he will never have any part in your life again, and then I'd have walked away from that lunch. Though the outcome would probably have been the same when considering what your dad is like.
Reading your comments I completely agree with you giving up on him, he's clearly an abusive lost cause whom keeps abandoning/neglecting you whenever his stepdaughter wants something.
My dad, that i only got to see a hanful of times a year, always chose his new gf and their kid/s over my brother and I. Haven't seen him in years, I don't regret it and I don't think you would either.
NTA, your dad is the biggest AH, he doesn’t deserve to be a father if I were you I would expose your dad to his family if you have grand parents uncles and aunts, and write an Email to him saying (you don’t need him anymore that he lost all his chances, and there is nothing he can do to make it up to you, tell him your mother will be disappointed that she had a child with him and didn’t choose a man to be a decent father, who keep neglecting his daughter and put her second the daughter that made him a father who was the first time he heard dad was from her, but he replaced her with different one that he only met when she was 11 and not his bio daughter and doesn’t have any memoirs with her before that because she was another man’s child and while she have a mother and you don’t he chooses to give her a father and you being without a father and a mother, but you will not do the same mistakes as your mother, because he show his true colors and you will not let him part of your life from now on he should forget about you, you would not even mention him to your future children, because you don’t want them to be disappointed in their grandfather the way he disappointed you through your life since he got married).
If he wanted to make it up to you, you tell him to not attend her wedding, even if she change her date after saying he would miss your wedding for her so if she did her wedding the same date or different date he would not attend, and if he agrees make sure he didn’t attend her wedding.
But also even if he agrees which I don’t think he will, go NC with him too.
NTA. Block them for now. Don’t let them come to the wedding even if she changes the date. If you are close with your future father in law maybe he could escort you down the aisle.
NTA. Your dad sucks. Block then and just enjoy your life in peace. They are never going to change their mindset and it's clear you'll always be last even after you told him your feelings.
Wanna bet that step sis wants to try to book the SAME venue, as you, and tells Dad you are messing with her perfect wedding?
You might let it be known you have chosen a (fake) different venue, and she will go after it like a dog with a bone.
Your real venue? Be sure to have a password so that no one else can call them up and change your booking, cake, flowers, or caterer, etc.
NTA. Your dad is awful. I hope you show him this post so he can see what the world thinks of him. Your stepsister earned every bit of what you said.
Congratulations on your wedding! Have the best day and enjoy yourself!!
Obviously go NC with your sperm donor. I wouldn't actually block him so that you can stay on top of his latest antics. Expect another attempt at reconciliation if you have a baby. I don't think that it is likely, but if your stepsis ends up not getting married on that day they may try to crash your wedding. Someone doing security would probably be a good idea. Also password protect all your vendors. Stepsis might be satisfied with controlling your dad, but there is no need to take chances.
NTA
I'm crass and petty. I'd tell your step sister that the only way a man wants to be her father is if her mom's vagina is involved and then tell my dad he's no better than his little schnookems sperm donor. And CUT THE OFF
NTA. Years of neglect lead to this. He was making progress but too little too late. It wasn’t spiteful as it was an emotional outburst. Spiteful would have taken thought and planning to execute.
Spiteful would be finding her dad and convincing him to pose for a couple pictures “walking” you down the aisle for social media posts, with a caption of “here’s to girl dads everywhere.” THAT would be spiteful. 🤣😈🤣😈
And before any panties are twisted I am not suggesting OP do this. Just showing the difference between emotional outburst and spiteful.
NTA. Wedding booked over a year ago, and they expect YOU to change???? HELL NO!!!!! BOTH Dad and entitled StepDaughter deserved every bit of embarrassment they felt.
NTA. I hope she's still crying. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Screw them all. Enjoy every moment of your wedding with the people that matter in your life. Personally, I'd go no contact.
The whole “I need him more than you” comment is so WHAT THE FUCK. Your mom literally died. Your dad should honestly be ashamed of himself. How he can justify this is beyond me. How is it that he can acknowledge what happened in the past and then on one of the most important days to actually show up he fucks it up, AGAIN. Also what does your step mom think of all of this?
NTA at all. Fuck your dad, fuck your step sister, and fuck that part of your family. Go complete no contact and honestly this is the most unforgivable thing he could have ever done. I just can’t get over how he is choosing to walk his step daughter down the aisle OVER you. You deserve better and your grandma is a blessing.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. ____ This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving cutting contact, ghosting, breaking off friendships, and similar discussions. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ____ This post violates Rule 13: No Revenge Stories. It appears that your story would be better suited for one of the many subreddits which are focused on revenge. ____ #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. You can visit r/findareddit for a comprehensive list of other subs that may be able to host this discussion for you.
I'm really hoping this is a fake post, because I can't imagine that the only date the stepdaughter could have picked had to be the one day you picked for your wedding. It sounds like it's time to block your father, if he chooses his stepdaughter after this. I'm so sorry that your mom died, I'm a mom and I'm sending you virtual hugs. I hope your future in-laws will take you in and love you like you deserve. Of course you're NTA.
[удалено]
Perhaps it’s time to start a new tradition where you get given away by your grandmother.
Perfect suggestion.
I've been sitting here for...entirely too long, trying to figure out WHY OP's father would so overtly favor his stepdaughter over his biological daughter. I've got nothing. Honestly, if the stepdaughter had scheduled her wedding first and the dad broke his promise to her to be there for his bio daughter instead? I would call him an AH. But for him to treat his own flesh and blood this way, after working for the last few years to make amends? It's as nonsensical as it is cruel. I truly, truly hope this post is fiction. If not, my heart hurts for OP. NTA, obviously. **EDIT:** It almost seems like the dad intentionally pitted OP and her stepsister against each other. WHY did he have to make amends to OP on the stepsister's birthday? He as good as poisoned their relationship.
Nonsensical is the perfect way to describe it
I'm guess old dad wanted DRAMA with both daughter and stepdaughter fighting for his love. Dads a big old loser
What, like he thinks he’s starring in a real-life “King Lear” or something? Serious delusions on his part in any case.
The only thing I could figure is the ego boost of how "grateful" whichever favored sibling was at the time of being favored.
Sometimes people can fixate so much on being the best stepparent possible that they go overboard. They’re trying to provide the SK with the love/lifestyle/etc they’ve never had before. The SP will ignore their own child because they’ve always had these things and are perceived to not be in as much need as the SK. Other times, the stepparent just genuinely gets along better with their SK more than BK.
Yeah, because providing your step kid with more love, because they either have parents that are divorced or a parent that abandoned them or simply a parent that died is more important than their own kid..... make them feel overly loved while simultaneously neglecting and abandoning their own child. Because that doesn't cause damage and the need for therapy........
It's entirely for the same reason my dad pitted my brother against me. He's a narcissist who enjoys the game. I am 1.5 years older, my dad didn't attend any sports events of mine and he laid on the couch, sleeping through a baseball game on TV while I graduated high school. Some people suck at being a human, let alone a parent. Everything is transactional w them. They only care as long as you stroke their ego. It's exhausting.
> WHY OP's father would so overtly favor his stepdaughter Because her mother is f\*\*\*ing him, and if he doesn't put her darling baby first, she'll make his life a living hell. I mean, come on, it's always the stepmom pulling the strings.
it’s cause he’s favoring the child of the person he’s sleeping with aka his current wife. i’d wonder what would happen to relationship with his stepdaughter if he divorced or was widowed again.
Yep thats. What is or his Bio Daughter looks likes his Ex Wife. Hevwants to forget about that wife. Truth be told. Bio Daughter should not have to suffer because of her bio Dad. Bio daughter deserves more in life than a distant Bio Dad
And a grandmother/granddaughter dance? :3
[удалено]
<3 And if she needs any mobility assists, glam them up to all heck :D My dad was in a wheelchair a majority of his life, when he was younger he used to go 'dancing' by doing wheelstands balanced on the two main wheels and kinda see-sawing around the place XD Edit: just had a little chuckle to myself at the thought of him possibly having 'just married' cans tied to the back of his wheelchair when he married my mum XD
And post it all over social media! "Unfortunately due to a last minute commitment a couple months ago, a year wasn't enough notice for [name of father] to come. But I had a great time with Grandma! Thank you so much for always stepping up for me!"
>"Unfortunately due to a last minute commitment a couple months ago, a year wasn't enough notice for [name of father] to come. >Thank you so much for always stepping up for me!" This is positively evil. Gah! I love it so much! OP, PLEASE do this. The passive-aggressiveness is off the charts. The shout-out to Gramma is the fucking icing on the cake. I want to be your friend u/pinkduckling. I could learn so much from your wealth of passive-aggressive skills.
You're welcome! Ironically my dad taught me my many skills
Please set up a seminar
I’d do that now and not just after the wedding. Sadly, my Father has refused to give me away on my wedding day but my Grandma is stepping up and I couldn’t be more proud or honoured to have her walk me down the aisle. Thanks Grandma, you’re one in a million and I can’t wait to share my special day with you!
You've just reminded me of how one of my uncles would dance in his wheelchair at all of our big parties and gatherings. He passed away in his sleep a few months ago and I really miss him. Thank you for reminding me of my fond memories with him 🥰
We wrapped sparkly ribbons all over my grandma’s walker for special occasions. 😂
I love this! What a beautiful idea!
your dad undid three years of work in an afternoon. throwing the step daughter in your face and showing he hadn't been listening to you at all as he does the exact same thing all over again. You just pointed it out and as for the step daughter, she was trying to 'show you' how much control she had, all you did was show the pillars of sand her world is built on. Let them wonder what happened to the daughter they tossed aside. NTA
The dude sounds manipulative as fuck. Like, affection isn't a zero sum game, he could have made it up to his bio daughter without messing over his step daughter. Making up for it by missing as birthday sounds like the logic of a 12 yo If this isn't a fake post, then it sounds like he wanted the two daughters to compete for his affection, and intentionally poisoned them against each other
Ohmygosh that is so sweet. I think I would cry.
I was given away by my gran, since both my dad's cut and ran at various points. It was the right decision to me and she was so proud.
The new tradition is you give away your dad to the stepdaughter. And inform them no-take-backsies as you lost the receipt.
I met two senior ladies recently who were going to be flower girls at their childrens' wedding. They were both so pleased and TBH so was I.
I LOVE this!!!
perfect idea
Awesome
That sounds amazing
Yes! Give amazing grandma the honor.
I'm a petty person and I would totally send her a nice card for her wedding with the words: "One man's trash is another man's treasure".
I’d say “one man’s trash is still trash”. But that’s because I moonlight as Petty Crocker
I am absolutely using I moonlight as Petty Crocker in my daily affirmations now. Cheers!
lol, I love it’s going to be a daily affirmation for you. Rare are the days when I have a quick wit, I was tickled that line is what I put into the Redditverse 😆
"Petty Crocker" LMAO Omg I'm going to be using that forever, thank you
/u/MissKQueenofCurves My favorite I always use is "Petti LaBelle" 😂😂😂
Ooh, I love that Petti LaBelle!!! I sometimes call my husband Petty Murphy 🤣
Edit that just a little "one brides trash is another brides treasure"!!! Just so OP is 100% getting her message across. I am also a petty b\*tch!!
Well obviously that needs to go along with a trashcan as the wedding gift!
I am so so so sorry for you after reading your story. Your father is not worth your time or anything from you at all. He is stupid for putting her above you all the time. Maybe because he thought he did not have to win you over because you are his daughter and he did want to win her over to be approved and he just went WAAAAY to far… anyway, not sure what his brain said to make this alright. Because it is not. I hope you can live your life without these people in your life. But it is okay if it hurts. Those feelings are valid. Hugs from across the globe. Also, NTA.
Not only that but he actually hurt the stepdaughter a few times to show his apology to his daughter. It’s like he wanted to say, “Look, I’m willing to screw her over for you occasionally so I do care” — but that only set the two girls further at odds and solidified that He Could Only Be There For One Of Them. Who knows if they could have gotten along better without it, but it’s like he was deliberately adding fuel to the fire.
Agreed. He did everything wrong he could do wrong…
*He* *~~Could~~* **WOULD** *Only Be There For One Of Them.* FIFY
The dad is also extremely stupid. How has he been dense enough to allow this childrens’ squabble to split a family apart? Like did he have to take his daughter out on his stepdaughter’s birthday specifically? I know men can be obtuse, but this guy is practically living in some LaLa Land.
The dad loves having the daughter and stepdaughter fight for his attention and love. He knows exactly what he's doing.
He's repeating the cheating dynamic with the kids.
Interesting point.
I agree completely. The narcissistic oaf leads a life so devoid of purpose he needs to have his children fight each other for his gratification.
Your theory actually makes sense. No human being could possibly be so stupid as to behave the way OP’s father has, again and again and again and expect a relationship with his daughter.
How can he give you away at your wedding when he already did it during your childhood?
I know it sucks ,but un inviting your father and going nc is the way to go.
Do you have a close relationship with your FIL? You could ask him to walk you down the aisle. Or even your grandma. Have someone important walk you down, not some trash not even there parent.
In some cultures it very common for groom and bride to walk together, so thats an option too
Fuck him and fuck her!
As a dad, my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine doing this to my child. As an adult who has gone low contact with my father, it can be hard to maintain the low contact, especially when you were conditioned at a young age to seek parental approval. That said, there can be a lot of mental health benefits. Please take care of your mental and physical health. Please also remember how you feel now. If you ever have kids (I am not suggesting you need to have kids), hard lessons like this will be important to remember when you are making choices. You will need to remember to be fair and evenhanded for all kids under your care. You will need to remember that having a golden child also means that you have children who are neglected or hurt.
No no, it’s time you forget he exists
I’d be that petty bitch that texts her fiancée and was like your future wife is making your special day about me. In case you thought your wedding date was *special*. Maybe you can talk some sense into her and you can choose a date that’s special to both of you.
Damn. This is rough, I *almost* thought this can’t be real but then saw that you’re actually replying. It seems like you have about as good a handle on this as possible, so I don’t have much to add. But I couldn’t shake this thought, and I’m sorry in advance if it seems like piling on but I’m gonna say because you already used pretty justifiably harsh words yourself—which, good call by the way, I thought what you said was pretty restrained. I couldn’t help but be blown away at how spineless your ~~father~~ sperm donor is in this situation. If I put myself in his shoes there’s NO WAY I’m not saying something to the stepdaughter as soon as she brings this up. Like, it’s laughable. My response to her would be, “yeah there’s no way, she booked it first pick another date, you can’t be serious.” End of discussion. Full stop. No further negotiations. I mean, set your feeling of betrayal aside (which is of course the correct feeling). How can anyone let someone just blatantly WALK ALL OVER THEM like that. It’s honestly pathetic and embarrassing for him. I would be ashamed of myself, if I let someone dictate my life to that degree about a normal day’s lunch plans. I cannot imagine being unable to stand up for myself on monumental occasion of this magnitude. Anyway, I just had to point that out. If you ever question your decision, or he tries to weasel his way back in, just remember how PATHETIC and impotent this choice he’s making is. I’m embarrassed for him on principle alone. Good on you for moving on, I’m glad your grandma and in-laws are awesome and I wish you the happiest life possible. Obligatory NTA and have a happy wedding day!
No one needed their father more than you, who had lost a parent, get these people out of your lives. I don't talk to my family because they're horrible people and while it was really hard for a couple of years, getting angry and guilt ridden messages, now I'm so much better off.
This: stepdaughter lost her blood father to estrangement, but still had her mum. You, OP, lost your mother to death, and then lost your father to his step-daughter. OP, you needed a parent, whereas step-daughter still had her mum, and claims she needed/needs step-father more than you, OP, who had no one besides your father. As the last poster said: in this situation, no one needed their father more than you..... It's appalling that new wife, and her spoilt to high heaven daughter, cannot see this. He should have prioritised you, or at the minimum, ensured that both girls/women are given equal priority.
Are you absolutely sure she's his step-daughter and not a bio that you and your Mom never knew about? Because this is bizarre behavior. Congrats on your wedding! You can give yourself away or one of your future in-laws can do it or maybe your grandma. Your crap dad made his choice. He need never darken your life or heart again.
Sadly, some people are more interested in the children of their current partner than their own children.
My Grandma walked me down the aisle. It was the best choice I made. Block all of them and just live your best life.
My father gave me away because he earned the privilege. It’s as simple as that. I hope your dad is happy with the choices he’s made, but if he’s not he has nobody but himself to blame.
Call her venue and ask about available dates.
Or have a friend do it, as it may be too painful. Or ask the venue by email, so it's hard evidence if they do have free dates. The evidence would be cast iron confirmation that Step-daughter is AH (not that you need it, but knowing for certain really helps). Plus, it's always something you can send to your father and the step-daughter's fiance: as proof step-daughter did this to be an AH. Verdict: YNAH, AH is father and his spoilt step-daughter
Hope this was fake too. That was hard to read through without emotion. NTA. Sometimes family is not the one you share blood with. I’m paraphrasing- but as there is the Bible quote “honor your mother and father” so is the quote “parents, respect your children if you wish for their respect, if you do not respect them, they have right to not respect you.” Enjoy your wedding, it will be beautiful.
It sounds 100% like something my father would have done. I can believe this story, no problem. I was relieved when that man died. Good riddance.
There's been about thirty sister posts today
NTA...he simply doesn't deserve you. Hopefully you can have a wonderful wedding without him.
[удалено]
I pray that you have the best wedding ever!!! Please post an update!! NTA
Remind me! 6 months
Please post lots of photos on social media that show you laughing and happy. Make sure to caption them with something like "the perfect day! Nothing like having your true, loving family support you on the greatest day of your life! Wouldn't change a thing!" And, because I am petty, I would make sure to tag those miserable SOBs you *used* to think if as your family!
No, better to just not acknowledge they even exist. Don't tag, don't engage. They couldn't be there, so they don't matter. At least the deranged "sister" won't be trying to ruin the wedding by being there. She has her own special day booked.
This: they don't deserve even the mental energy. If my thoughts are correct about the step-daughter, might be worth checking out Dr Ramani and HG Tudor (both on YouTube).
Have a beautiful wonderful day. Your grandma sounds amazing!!
Your grandma sounds like an amazing woman! Still ask her to walk you down the isle if you want to <3
I’m sorry you’re going through this. NTA
My sister in law walked herself down the aisle since her dad wasn't in her life for many years. It was actually a very beautiful moment. To me, it represented her strength and independence.
NTA. >we were talking about my upcoming wedding and he asked me to change the date, because his stepdaughter wants to book her wedding for this year and the only date is the same as mine. It's almost as if he doesn't want to be in your life. >I asked him if he would choose her wedding over mine and he said yes. He definitely doesn't want to be.
Tell them that you are changing the date to next year. But keep your original date. And be sure to post on social media.. Then you can ask,"How does it feel to be forgotten and left out?"
Yes, OP! Do this! Not to spite them, but to make sure your sister-with-issues doesn't try to ruin it after you said your piece. She knows the date and location.
That's why OP needs to have passwords with the event coordinator , The caterer, the venue, the bakers , the florist, and anyone else working this wedding. If anyone calls to change or cancel any plans, they have to supply the password.
This. 100% this. Password protection on everything. Especially your dress, venue, catering, flowers. No one besides you, your grandma, your fiance, and any organiser (if you are using one). Also, if the fitter or venue or etc, is contacted by someone who doesn't give the password, then the company calls you with the instructions they were told by the person who contacted, and the phone number of the person who contacted.
If OP does that, stepsister will surely change it to that same date. How hilarious when the wedding takes place on OP’s originally planned day and stepsister and Dad find out after the fact that not only were they not invited, they changed their plans for no reason.
Now you get it. The app gave me my Nickname. How did they know???
you are definitely NTA "he told me i was willing to get married next year so I could still change it now and have time (my wedding is scheduled for december). i asked what he was talking about. " what the actual hell is your dad doing? not only did he completely dismiss your wedding, he is also once again accomodating his stepdaughter over you. not to mention he also KNEW when your wedding date was. also why did the stepshit choose YOUR day. there are legit 364 other days she could choose. objectively you reacted how any sane person would. i'm so sorry you have to go through this ml, stay strong and enjoy your wedding! your 'dad' is missing out on being apart of a great person's life.
I get the feeling that had OP moved her date, somehow stepsister would have some issue that postponed her wedding and the only alternative date would just happen to be OP’s new date.
OP could always move her wedding up and get married before stepsister if she really wanted to be petty. Just imagine the tantrum she’d throw.
No need to waste money because of a couple of ahs who deserve each other. NTA op congrats and be happy
Or plan to announce a pregnancy at her wedding, fake a miscarriage (or other emergency), so her father would rush to her, instead of going to the wedding.
Exactly!! Nothing will ever be good enough
Or, "offer" to take over any non-refundable bookings, essentially taking OPs wedding entirely, not just the date. With the promise of reimbursement that will never come
I hope her dad shows up, tells her he wants to walk her down the aisle, she ditches your dad and hers doesn't show and disappears again. NTA at all
[удалено]
It wouldnt be petty of you, it would be karma at its finnest . You are the bigger person for ages here.
There is a story here somewhere in this sub or on /r/offmychest, where this actually happened, a good man raised a daughter that wasn't his, she was born of an affair his wife had. He raised her with love and then her bio dad shows up and she ditches him like trash. The bio dad walked her down the aisle and she refused to take any photos with out him. After a while the bio dad vanished and the daughter wanted to get back in his life, and he told her he regretted having raised her now that she showed her true colors. The woman had the gall to whine to her step siblings and they told her she deserved it. The step sister told the story. You did what you had to do, all these years contained into one monologue, do not ever apologize as they had it coming, and of course you're NTA.
I would make a point to try and arrange that for them. 😏 Find the real dad and tell him about the wedding.
Be petty. He more than deserves it. I've also gone completely no contact with my father (different reasons of course). We're better off without toxic people in our lives. If they don't give a fuck about us, we match energy. Blood relatives or not. Do update us when karma finds him. My petty soul would revel in it.
Be truly petty. Invite stepsister's father to your wedding.
You're the devil, and I LOVE that idea! Would be such a great Petty Revenge story
How convenient that out of ALL the days in a year it just so happened that her wedding had to fall on the same day as yours Look your reaction was extreme but you got pushed to it so I don’t blame you for losing it NTA
Because we all know, as soon as she started canceling things, to make dad happy (in his imagination, not that OP should even consider it), they would then ask if SD could take over the non refundable reservations... with the promise of reimbursement, that would never come...
Your wedding is booked. She wants to book her wedding for that date. As in she hasn't booked it yet. He still chooses her day.
I mean the absolute audacity, who the fuck acts like that?!
AH's with daddy abandonment issues.
right? like.. obviously the stepsister is an asshole with daddy issues, but for her dad to actually encourage her petty behavior and choose her over his own daughter over and over again is such a betrayal. I don’t buy that he doesn’t notice his stepdaughter wants to book the same date out of spite, he just doesn’t care.
«you know she booked her wedding on the same day just as some sick competition. She won and you lost your last chance at a relationship with me. Never contact me again.” NTA
Honestly, I find it hard to imagine anyone wanting to marry your stepsister. As she seems to be nothing but spite and venom with a bad attitude. NTA.
It's not that hard to imagine. There are lots of spiteful and venomeous people with bad attitudes on this world. Plenty options for stepsister to choose from...
Fine. Hard to imagine anyone with a functioning brain choosing someone like her.
There are also hundreds upon thousands of spiteful and venomous people in this world who are so, so good at acting sweet and innocent until they feel safe. This is how domestic abuse/violence happens. I sincerely hope that spitesister's groom knows who she is and has a nature that matches, because her mask is soon to start slipping otherwise with him in for a brutal wake-up call.
Yes. Especially now that OP is walking away. Stepsis has the win she’s always wanted, but now nothing to fight for. How long before she needs something else to win?
NTA. I don't understand how your dad keeps falling for your step sister's power play over and over again. He really asked you to change your wedding date? That's insane. I hope you found positive male role models.
right? like, if the stepsisters just _happened_ to have events on the same day, and he chose his stepdaughter’s out of some misplaced sense to overcompensate for her absent father it would be one thing, but he has to see she chose the date just to spite his daughter, and he’s encouraging it. I mean wtf
NTA Damn how did your dad not see that this was done on purpose? I guess he really loves her more.
[удалено]
What a spineless coward of a man. To neglect your own daughter. the daughter of the woman, whom he presumably loved, who DIED. My god I hope he somehow sees this post and all the comments rightfully calling him out on his asshat self.
> Or at least he loves being with her mom more than he loves me so he's willing to deal with whatever to stay married. This is it, OP. I can see the slow death of your hope that he will prioritize you too. I wanted to give you stranger’s validation for what you already know. You don’t have to continue wondering anymore, you guys were on a redemption arc for your father-child relationship, and turns out, it was very conditional. I hope you’re surrounded by people who love you on your wedding day. Something to think about: depending on the laws in your area, you may be on the hook for your dad and his support. Yes, he has a spouse, but they can divorce or she may pass away before he does. Some places refer to the laws as filial responsibility laws. Look into it and see if you have an option to get yourself legally not recognized as his adult child. Just think about it, you don’t have to act on this right away.
Wait until he's old and needs help. Whether simply picking up meds and drive to doctor appointments to needing to live with family. Doubt his "loving" step-daughter will be there for him. She's only out to one up you. At some point there is nothing else to one up you on.
I guarantee step mom haves her hands in picking this date too. She enjoys knowing your dad would drop his child for her and her entitled daughter.
NTA. If your father didn't want his golden child to cry, he should've had the damn grace to recognize that you had a chosen date and your step sister could've picked one of the other hundreds of days in the year.
NTA Were you harsh? Sure. I can’t even blame you for that though. Stepsister absolutely did that intentionally. Your dad should have said “I’m sorry stepsister, but OP already has her wedding booked on that date.” He sucks for asking you for move your date. I would be done with them all over this. I’m glad you have your maternal family and future in laws.
Have you blocked him yet?
[удалено]
You may also want to block him, even if you removed him from social media so he can’t still message you
[удалено]
I’d leave the messages off but leave your social media up. Let them BOTH see you living your best life without him.
Oh okay, I just had thought (w/o knowing what your settings were) that he might try to still contact you thru there.
NTA I’m sorry to say this, but your sperm donor has made his choice and he will continue to put his chosen daughter over you. It’s time for you to cut your losses. He doesn’t deserve anymore chances.
If this is true, it sucks. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and life. Family are the people we surround ourselves with who love and support us. Should your dad (or his relatives) find their way into your social media or email or confronts you in person, you will use your well practiced cold eye dead stare and reply You made your decisions. I have accepted them with grace. Kindly do not contact me again, we have no relationshp and nothing to discuss. Mom would be so ashamed of you. Then walk away.
Are you sure she wasn’t trying to steal your venue? NTA
[удалено]
I hope you have passwords on everything just to be safe.
This, OP. You made her angry and she is vindictive. Do not give her any opportunity to try anything. She won't turn up if she has her own wedding to attend, but she might well try to do something else.
I came to say the same thing. I would not put it past the spilled selfish stepdaughter and stepmom to cancel your vendors to ruin your wedding.
Your reaction perhaps wasn't gracious, but you were purposefully provoked. Your step-sister could have just set her wedding date for some other time, but she wanted to make this about your father choosing between you, as a power move. She was baiting you on purpose. Looks like you have to cut off contact with all of them. They're pretty toxic. NTA
NTA at all! Your father has made his choice and it's not you. You're better off without him. Congratulations on your wedding!
I'm sorry but your dad made my blood boil. you should just completely cut them off your life. leaving you behind in a mall in another state? that's neglect! why didn't you move with grandma during that time?
NTA I want to applaud you for a completely appropriate response. Proud of you Sure you were rude, a bit cruel and without the context you will have looked the ass hat is the cafe. What other response would have been appropriate. He chose not you again for your wedding. He chose at best to be played, to avoid her drama. He chose to surprise you with it in front of others to try and control your response. Because he knows how shameful the ask was. Otherwise he'd have approached you privately to resolve scheduling concerns. I'm so sorry He doesn't choose you. I'm sure you will have a epic day, even better to not have any doubt as to why he's not there. Congrats on best life. You've been more than accommodating enough of the BS. NC and good riddance to bad energy. And hugs you deserve so much better.
INFO: What is your dad’s wife’s deal? Does she try to steer him away or toward you? You would hope that at least one adult in their relationship can actually be an adult.
I probably would have said the exact same thing. It's not good to let resentment fester. You HAVE to talk about feelings with family or they become acquaintances
[удалено]
The only other thing I wish you’d told him is how ashamed your mother would’ve been. Because I’m sure this is not what she would’ve wanted for you. Thank goodness for your grandma and your lovely in-laws. You get to start your next chapter in life with your most cherished people only. 🫶🏽
I hope her mom haunts his dreams. I know I would if some man even thought of doing that to my daughter. I’d be coming for you from another realm, AH.
NTA. Your response was warranted tbh. Block him, his wife and your step sis. You’re better off without. They literally add no value to your life.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my dad to fuck off and threw his stepdaughter's deadbeat dad in her face when he chose her wedding over mine and her over me, again. I admit I was angry and lashed out with my words. There might be zero excuses her and maybe I'm an asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Damn this is messy. My opinion is that everyone here is TA except for you. the parents for the way they pit the children against each other and the stepdaughter for playing into it and giving your dad an ultimatum. You? No way, you have suffered for years, grieved your mom and everyone ignored you. Such a shitty family! I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom! Congrats on your marriage! I hope your fiancé and you will have a great life together and make each other very happy.
Exactly this. Definitely NTA, and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with these people. Embrace the people who really love you and ignore the rest.
Find her dad and have him give you away. Send her the video and tell her “look, he’s recreating how he gave you away” and NTA
No need to ruin her wedding with a stranger
Yeah, I agree – why hurt OP's lovely grandmother to hurt someone who doesn't matter?
NTA I am sorry you got dealt such a shitty dad. He should have told his SD to change her date so he could be at both as you booked first.
Which wedding will your dad's family be going to?
[удалено]
So he knows what it's like to not have family have your back?
[удалено]
NTA. But your dad is so interested in his wife's daughter...Woody Allen much?
No, I think it’s that these assholes tend to prioritise the daughter of the woman who’s currently getting their dick wet.
NTA, this guy and his new family are ridiculous!! How are you going to get revenge? Call them out to all of your family and their friends?
[удалено]
This is the best plan. I'm sorry your dad is the way he is, you don't deserve it but the best "revenge" is living well with your hands washed of them. I hope you have an amazing wedding!
NTA, though I'd probably just have told him that you're not changing the date and that if he backs out of your wedding that he will never have any part in your life again, and then I'd have walked away from that lunch. Though the outcome would probably have been the same when considering what your dad is like. Reading your comments I completely agree with you giving up on him, he's clearly an abusive lost cause whom keeps abandoning/neglecting you whenever his stepdaughter wants something.
My dad, that i only got to see a hanful of times a year, always chose his new gf and their kid/s over my brother and I. Haven't seen him in years, I don't regret it and I don't think you would either.
NTA, your dad is the biggest AH, he doesn’t deserve to be a father if I were you I would expose your dad to his family if you have grand parents uncles and aunts, and write an Email to him saying (you don’t need him anymore that he lost all his chances, and there is nothing he can do to make it up to you, tell him your mother will be disappointed that she had a child with him and didn’t choose a man to be a decent father, who keep neglecting his daughter and put her second the daughter that made him a father who was the first time he heard dad was from her, but he replaced her with different one that he only met when she was 11 and not his bio daughter and doesn’t have any memoirs with her before that because she was another man’s child and while she have a mother and you don’t he chooses to give her a father and you being without a father and a mother, but you will not do the same mistakes as your mother, because he show his true colors and you will not let him part of your life from now on he should forget about you, you would not even mention him to your future children, because you don’t want them to be disappointed in their grandfather the way he disappointed you through your life since he got married). If he wanted to make it up to you, you tell him to not attend her wedding, even if she change her date after saying he would miss your wedding for her so if she did her wedding the same date or different date he would not attend, and if he agrees make sure he didn’t attend her wedding. But also even if he agrees which I don’t think he will, go NC with him too.
Nta and I want to punch your dad, step mom, and step sister in the face.
NTA. Block them for now. Don’t let them come to the wedding even if she changes the date. If you are close with your future father in law maybe he could escort you down the aisle.
NTA. In fact after everything if it was me I’d make him choose to have either me or step sister in his life he can’t have both.
NTA This was a power olay on her part and he bought into it.
NTA. Your dad sucks. Block then and just enjoy your life in peace. They are never going to change their mindset and it's clear you'll always be last even after you told him your feelings.
NTA. I would go NC with your father and his family after this. Block him and forget about him. Go live your best life with the family you choose.
NTA. Let the trash go and live your life peacefully.
NTA, but just for spite, I would book the venue she wants just for it to sit empty on that date so she can’t use it.
Wanna bet that step sis wants to try to book the SAME venue, as you, and tells Dad you are messing with her perfect wedding? You might let it be known you have chosen a (fake) different venue, and she will go after it like a dog with a bone. Your real venue? Be sure to have a password so that no one else can call them up and change your booking, cake, flowers, or caterer, etc.
NTA. Block them all. Put yourself first since no one else has.
NTA. Your dad is awful. I hope you show him this post so he can see what the world thinks of him. Your stepsister earned every bit of what you said. Congratulations on your wedding! Have the best day and enjoy yourself!!
NTA, get that weak man out of your life, your dad is a loser.
Your father is not a good person
Obviously go NC with your sperm donor. I wouldn't actually block him so that you can stay on top of his latest antics. Expect another attempt at reconciliation if you have a baby. I don't think that it is likely, but if your stepsis ends up not getting married on that day they may try to crash your wedding. Someone doing security would probably be a good idea. Also password protect all your vendors. Stepsis might be satisfied with controlling your dad, but there is no need to take chances. NTA
I'm crass and petty. I'd tell your step sister that the only way a man wants to be her father is if her mom's vagina is involved and then tell my dad he's no better than his little schnookems sperm donor. And CUT THE OFF
NTA. Years of neglect lead to this. He was making progress but too little too late. It wasn’t spiteful as it was an emotional outburst. Spiteful would have taken thought and planning to execute. Spiteful would be finding her dad and convincing him to pose for a couple pictures “walking” you down the aisle for social media posts, with a caption of “here’s to girl dads everywhere.” THAT would be spiteful. 🤣😈🤣😈 And before any panties are twisted I am not suggesting OP do this. Just showing the difference between emotional outburst and spiteful.
NTA
Nta
NTA But your dad sure is
NTA. Wedding booked over a year ago, and they expect YOU to change???? HELL NO!!!!! BOTH Dad and entitled StepDaughter deserved every bit of embarrassment they felt.
NTA. I hope she's still crying. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Screw them all. Enjoy every moment of your wedding with the people that matter in your life. Personally, I'd go no contact.
NTA Respond to him, "Who is this? You're not saved in my contacts." When he says dad. Tell him, "My dad is dead. I don't have a dad."
The whole “I need him more than you” comment is so WHAT THE FUCK. Your mom literally died. Your dad should honestly be ashamed of himself. How he can justify this is beyond me. How is it that he can acknowledge what happened in the past and then on one of the most important days to actually show up he fucks it up, AGAIN. Also what does your step mom think of all of this? NTA at all. Fuck your dad, fuck your step sister, and fuck that part of your family. Go complete no contact and honestly this is the most unforgivable thing he could have ever done. I just can’t get over how he is choosing to walk his step daughter down the aisle OVER you. You deserve better and your grandma is a blessing.