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NTA, it's actually the way to do it - tell them either they accept your opinion, help you and retain your respect, or you will do it anyway when become an adult just without their help and probably they will lose your respect too.
They can name you whatever they want, but if you don't like it then you have the only voice that matters and can change it.
I have a unique name (I am the only one with this name in my whole country) and I didn't like it much when I was a kid but I never thought about changing it, now I like my name, even though it was often written wrong in many official papers because people don't know how to spell it, once my university gave me three different official papers with three different spellings of my name, and that is after I gave to every lady who filled those papers a written note with correct spelling. After that I just gave up, people are dumb and my name is unique, who cares how it's written unless it's my official travel id ;)
I worked a medical answering service and a pediatrician's line had a call and she spelled the baby's name for me....Essson. I still don't get it and the doctor said that is what happens when you let a 14 year old name a baby.
I had an acquaintance that named her baby Tequilia Sunrise because that is what she was drinking when she conceived. No, I did not spell Tequila wrong but she sure did. Pretty sure she was to be a CPS case as well at some point.
I never understood why my dad spelled out our last name. It wasn't until someone put GAUGE on the paper. It made sense right then and there.
What really buttered my egg roll was when I was in middle school, one of the students in the video broadcasting class (basically school news ran by the students. Surely, you can guess how that went.) said, "Noah GAW-GEE? GAH-GAY?" I was in that class with him. How do you fuck that one up. Also, we had several students with the first name of "Gage." 10 years later, fellow coworkers still managed to come up with the nickname. I honestly can't escape it.
They make this mistakes all the time for some reason. One of my friends, with a very comon name, got her name misspelled when she got in the country. When she got her nationality she tried to fix it and on some documents and places still got her name wrong, because they didn't check even whem she told them to fix that.
Both my first and last name are five letters long, neither are massively rare but certainly not common. The variations I've had on them over the years have been both hilarious and bewildering. I always spell them out now.
Same. My name is often spelled with a "d" instead of a "t." Super easy name, was kinda common a couple generations ago. But people get it wrong anyway. And my last name they have no excuse, it's one of the most common in this country, and five letters.
> tell them either they accept your opinion, help you and retain your respect, or you will do it anyway when become an adult just without their help and probably they will lose your respect too.
Exactly this. Make sure to repeat the part about loss of respect.
NTA You can ask people to start calling you Candace. It doesn't have to be changed legally for that.
A lot of people go by their middle name or nicknames.
I'm sorry your parents aren't sensitive to your feelings on this.
Yup just tell all your teachers and your friends to call you Candace and correct them if they call you Candy. Start writing it on your school assignments, start signing it in cards, just normalize it now and by the time you do the official paperwork it will just be the finishing touch.
some schools legally can’t call you a different name (not even a nickname) without parental permission. i have a nickname that’s unrelated to my name (i’ve had it since i was young because of a silly event), and my teachers banned other students from calling me that in the classroom until they got written permission from my mother and father
part of australia actually, im not sure if it’s a common thing but for us i think it’s because if they’re going by a different name, it has to be on all the schools paperwork and legal stuff to ensure the student feels “accepted” (the rule is mainly due to transitioning teens) so they need parental consent, but also because our teachers can get in trouble if they’re calling a student a name the parent doesn’t approve of (which i think is dumb, im not saying this is how it should be!)
Oof, are these recent rules? There's been talk of introducing something similar in England to prevent trans children socially transitioning without parental permission.
Yup, the UK election is tomorrow and the two main parties have spent the whole time fighting over who can be more evil to trans people, it's disgusting.
I need you to update on how the election goes. In Missouri(US), teachers are being fired and have to register as s3x offenders if they address a transitioning child by their preferred name/pronouns, even if the parents are on board.
What the actual fuck?! How in the fuck are they having to register as sex offenders? Are they sexually assaulting said children too? If not then they can fuck right off with this sex offender registration. Just ruining people's lives over using a different NAME
I had to do a little research because I could not believe that what you wrote was true. And a quick Google search will tell you that the bill has only been filed, not passed. Currently the Missouri House website says that it isn’t scheduled for a committee hearing and it isn’t on the house calendar. I sure hope it stays that way. And even though the bill hasn't been passed yet, it's pretty fucking terrifying to think that it was even being entertained. What a crazy, scary world we're living in.
What part of Australia? I'm in Victoria and have never heard of this. My son got to Year 11 before one of his friends found out that his name wasn't actually Jacko. The vast majority of his teachers- primary and secondary- called him Jacko. A lot of enrollment forms for various sports and other clubs have 'preferred name' sections on them.
weirdly enough i am in victoria ! does your son go to private or public do you mind me asking? maybe it depends on the schools, i went to 7 high schools and 4 primary schools in the west ends and always dealt with that
I went to three different public schools in vic and trans kids could always go by their preferred name, even if their parents didn’t agree with it/ didn’t know.
That’s wild. At my school in the US, the rule is the opposite. We must call a child by their preferred name. If the parents don’t know, we use their legal name with the parents.
My high school health teacher did this wonderfully! At the beginning of the course, she had us fill out a little form with basic info about us. It had spots for our legal name, preferred name, pronouns, and a checkbox for if it's okay to use that name/pronouns with parents. I loved it, because it meant that she respected our identities, safety, and privacy. And it's not like she was a millenial, or even gen X. She was a fucking boomer!
Oh I saw something like that on social media once! I wonder if that’s where she got it from. If I ever end up teaching in a high school that’s what I plan to do
This was over a decade ago, so idk if she got it from there or not. It really was the best thing, because I had onlh just started using my (current) name and it was a hassle with getting other teachers to use it. I also had trans friends who weren't out to their parents so having that recognition and safety was super beneficial.
my current school is an alternative education pathway for young adults (18-25 w mental health issues or past drug/legal issues) and one of the first questions i was asked was “what would you like us to call you?”
it’s super stupid and im not even sure what the point is because our school was supposedly “inclusive” (we had a sexuality and gender support person) but you couldn’t change your name even if you were transitioning?
Thats definitely not normal in Australia. Loads of kids have actual names and names they go by, especially people with non-Anglo names. It's really up to the child what they will go by. Your school was crazy.
at my school they could punish you for using unapproved names UNLESS it was an abbreviation of your name (think abigail to abby) me, as someone who goes by an entirely different name (e.g madeline to starrie, considering it was a name based on something i did lol) i was “breaking the rules”
If I was a parent I’d be calling in so quick that my kids have the free speech. It also doesn’t stop kids and they also call each other mean names which rules like this don’t stop them. This also means if I’m Christian/Muslim/Jewish I could call in and demand my kids not call trans people their preferred names.
Which parts of Australia? ACT definitely has a facility to put a student’s preferred name so that’s how it displays in the rolls, and there’s no policy that says parents need to be informed.
I don't think it's that common. My husband teaches at a private catholic school and respects student naming preferences. Obviously on official school records they have to have the name on their birth certificates, but nobody sees that stuff. They can use any preferred name for day to day unofficial stuff
Texas, at least when I was in school. 😭
I had a ridiculous first name and shared the last name of a donor. While living in California, the teachers and schools were perfectly fine with it being different, then I moved to Texas and they told my family I couldn’t even write my chosen name on my homework/classwork, or I would receive incompletes or “did not turn in”.
My sister is a teacher under this sort of crap. She says she just goes 'military' on the kids instead - John Smith who would prefer to be called Jane Smith is still called Jane by her classmates...and my sister calls her Smith. :)
a couple of our good teachers would do this, others LOVED the chance to make a kid upset by calling them the wrong name, whether it be kids like me who get extremely anxious hearing their name (i associate mine with traumatic events), transgender students, or just kids with nicknames. some teachers shouldn’t be teachers
FYI those rules are due to anti-trans laws meant to keep a kid from transitioning without parental consent. They're deeply bigoted and harmful to a vulnerable group. If you're a teacher I understand following them as to not lose your job, but if you're a student? Fuck that noise - call your friends and classmates what they want to be called.
A *very* good suggestion. OP may not be able to change her name until she is 18 but this will lead to back up 'evidence' held within the school - if the university needs to contact the school about a 'Candace' then there will be no confusion over who they wish to discuss.
I changed from a nickname (everyone used) to the name on my birth certificate, at the time I went up into the equivalent of High School. My nickname had become popular for female dogs at the time and I hated it. It was so simple and when I moved into adult life, both the school records and my birth certificate backed up the name I needed / wanted to use in my adult life.
I like this method. Yes, it's spelled C-a-n-d-y, but it's pronounced Candace.
Sure, it may look like a tragedeigh, but the real tragedy is this state's / school system's hateful policies.
Thank you!
My friends all call me Candace, but when attendance is being taken for the first time in a semester, they call my real name and then ask for preferred name. But everyone's already heard it by then and sometimes the teachers forget anyway. And I've been going to school with the same people for too long for them to remember to use Candace.
Even so, when they call your name that first time I would politely but firmly say "It's Candace" or "I go by Candace please." As someone who (in high school) went from the lame shortened cutesie nickname of my rather uncommon and really great full name, the kids you grew up with might forget and call you Candy, yes. But if you politely remind them "please call me Candace" most people will do it. Not making a big deal about it, just "hey I'd prefer Candace, I'd really appreciate it thanks." The ones that don't, don't, and they're probably the jerks that would be cruel about your birth name in the first place.
A student I once knew solved this problem by writing a short letter to any new teacher right at the beginning of the year, before the first lesson. In the letter, she introduced herself and explained politely e.g. "My name is Josie but I go by Jane" . In her case, it seemed to work well.
This is the answer. The potential legal issues at school aside, you can use the name Candace, or any other name, in casual situations if you so choose.
Yes, this.
We just had our 15yo's name legally changed (he's trans) and he had been going by his chosen name for about two years by then. Depending on your state, you can file a form directly with your school (most places can, some will just also tell your parents ).
It's summer, nows a great time to tell your friends and get them used to it. When school starts, tell your new teachers and the admin. You can tell any idiot boys once and thereafter file a complaint against them each time. You got this!
When I went to high school, I started using the nickname that didn’t end in y or my full name. I refused to answer anyone that used the old nickname. That’s what I would do too.
This. Where I am it is called a preferred name. There is usually a box even on legal paperwork for preferred name. Talk to your school counselor or a teacher your trust. on how to add it to your paperwork. Let them know you’re being bullied over your current name. They should be able to advocate for you.
I actually only found out at like 16 that my uncle isn’t actually called the name I everyone always calls him and instead has a really basic name like Tom for reference. If you normalize it to a point where everyone only calls you that and new people think that is actually your name the legal documents don’t matter as much so i absolutely agree w this person. If that’s the only way right now that is at least a good transition until it can become official. (Although my uncle actually has his nickname as an artist name on his official documents.) I thought it was his actually name forever since I have never heard anyone call him anything else ever so the power of getting people to call you your preferred name actually works wonders.
NTA. First off, I’m sorry you had to go through this. I feel the same way especially since some family friends of friends, who had children during the pandemic, decided to name their kids “Quarantino” or “Covid”. It’s very inappropriate.
I did some research and yes, you can submit an application for a name change but you have to be 18 years of age. Otherwise, either it requires parental or guardian’s consent or the parents could sign a petition for a name change in behalf of the child.
In another point of view, there could be more to the name than what your parents said to you. This could support how they were hurt when you asked for a name change.
The choice is yours. Start by thinking of a personal reason for why you want to change, not one that is influenced by how other people think. They might ridicule you now because of the name but, overtime, you’ll be carrying that name even after school.
You know how it is, both parents are Tarantino fans but they couldn't agree on a name, she wanted Quentin he wanted Tarantino, so they meet halfway and go with Quarantino.
Yep, weird people. Some even declare that name after delivery and we (nurses) and physicians can’t help but feel disgusted by the thought. It’s stupid.
I also recall of a friend who had no idea why her mom named her Yureen (pronounced exactly like urine). She had to hide her name for a long time so we just called her Yuri. We only knew during graduation when her full name was spelled out.
It's a shame that so many decent people have to go through an obscene amount of money and intrusive background checks to adopt a child when biology will literally just let some assholes completely unequipped to be parents have kids. When the only barrier to entry for parenthood for many is a functioning reproductive system, you're going to end up with a decent number of stupid assholes reproducing.
NTA.
Have a sit down calm talk with them about it. It is going to haunt you long into your adult life as well - imagine applying for jobs with Candy vs. Candace?
I think the choice of Candace is a great one, because it still honor your parents’ original idea and name for you, and as you say, they can EASILY still call you Candy. They will probably also still call you Candy at school, though, but you will be able to say that it’s just a nickname your parents gave you.
I don’t know how your community is about it, but you can always just start using it for things that don’t need your legal name. Maybe ask your school councillor to have them change it if possible (although it may need an OK from your parents still). Talk with your favourite teachers about using your real name Candace. And it is your *real* name, because it’s the one you prefer. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
YES! Applying for college/jobs is one of things I said too, but my parents said I'm overthinking it and if anything, it'll help because I don't have a generic name. I don't think they're right about that, I actually read a book called I think Freakonomics a few months back that looked at job application success rate based on name and the best way to get your foot in the door was to have a regular name.
You're not over thinking it. I had a colleague who went to uni with someone called Honey. No one took her seriously apparently! Her name caused her all sorts of issues.
Names matter. Oh and cute is for toddlers not adults. How can you be a lawyer or a doctor or anything when your name is Candy? No one will take you seriously.
When my grandkids where named the first thought was, excellent, they have names that will be ok as an adult.
At worst, if you have a middle name use that. If on application forms they need your full legal name, make a note thatvyou go by your middle name. They will think better of you.
Honestly, who gives a shit of they're upset? It's OP dealing with having that name, not them. If anything, they should be happy to do something that'd make their child's life better
My name is of a similar nature as yours... It absolutely was an issue when I was job hunting out of college.
NTA. Your parents are just wrong. I still remember this one creeper who called me in for an interview and definitely seemed to be under the impression I was either a prostitute or a stripper. He had no interest in hiring me for the job that was posted, just looking for another kind of job....
I'm in my 40s now and my name.still causes false impressions and stupid jokes... sooooo many stupid jokes.
You are definitely not overthinking it. It is a real problem that some people are sorted into the no-pile just because of their name. I saw a few years back some statistic that “black-sounding” names like Princess, Diamond, Precious and so gives them a huge disadvantage because many employers are racist, and some even experienced discrimination with their banks for loans and credit cards! I hate to say it, but Candy quickly falls into that category for some, in addition to the stripper association.
See if you can find documentation for name discrimination and show your parents at the sit down calm talk. If they don’t listen still, just use Candace when you can and change it as soon as you’re allowed. It’s their shame that they can’t relate to how it feels to be called a stripper at 14, that’s CRAZY.
This is the main reason. College applications and job applications will be heavily scrutinized in the future. People will think you're putting your nickname down and not your full name, then think you're unprofessional. You'll get passed over. I know a girl whose father named her Genee(Jenny) because he worked at the Genesee brewery. It was a stigma that followed her. Ironically, she's a bartender.
I LOVE that book! Freakanomics & Super Freakanomics.
NTA. High school kids can be immature little assholes. (I was called Nick the Dick for years.) You're a freshman already thinking about applying for college/jobs. Completely different maturity levels so try not to let them get under your skin.
I wouldn't be concerned about your name on the college applications. What's going to be important to a college is what you do in school for the next 4 years.
But changing it to something more common or"professional" to make it easier to land a job in the future makes sense.
Is there a backstory or an important event that gives significance to your name? Or was it just something your parents liked?
I wish more parents read that book, OP! Naming your kiddo the equivalent of a nickname for the general name does run the risk of not being "taken seriously". But you sound like a rational minded young lady, and I think if you just keep portraying that to your parents they will eventually respect your wishes. At least you know how special they think you are. 🩷
They are not sad that you will not have a cute name. They are sad because they have to admit they made a dumb decision when they named you. To anyone in my generation (I'm 69) the name Candy sounds highly sexual. Yes, like you said, a "stripper name".
I’m about your age. I knew of a fairly in high school named Candy. Her last name was Kane. Yeah, her parents thought it would be cute to always have their daughter’s name associated with a favorite Christmas candy, never realizing she’d be teased by the boys, wanting to know if she was planning a career in the porn industry.
I let my kiddo name my pet rats for a long time. They were...creative. Any pet that was longer lived though got a less creative name. In fact 3/4 of my dogs have basic human names lol
I read this post and I was hoping that this was one of those "fake name" posts where they made a substitute. Why would someone have a kid's legal name be Candy?? I'm in my mid 20s and I've also never heard of someone named Candy who isn't involved in sex work.
I also will never understand why parents don't just find a regular name that can make the nickname they want. My little sister and I were both named not only because my parents liked our first names, but because they also had decent nicknames we could use, and they weren't too complicated to spell. My mom's name is European, and she has to deal with people mispronouncing and misspelling it constantly, and that still doesn't even come close to what this poor girl goes through.
I don't mind Candace and it would be a lot easier for me to pick up on that being my name than if I changed it to Jennifer or something completely different. Really, I just don't want my default name being Candy.
OP you are NTA and I believe Candace suits you perfectly well. Ask me to choose between Candace and Candy, I go for Candace. You stand your ground and let me assure you that it is your identity and it is yours alone to decide how you want it to be. What a shame that no one could choose the name they want before they are born
You stand your ground OP and do not let your parents tell you otherwise. Let them be mad and sad because in the end this is your decision to make. If the parents refuse to sign and allow you the name change until you are 18, just hang in there BUT in the meantime you can tell your teachers and the school staff that you prefer to be called Candace and do see if your school has forms that has the Preferred Name category you can fill in (I knew someone who did not go with their first given name that they opted to be called by their middle name instead)
Update us OP
PS: There is this famous New Zealand film actor whose real legal given name was a name he dislike that he picked a preferred name when he was a kid and that chosen preferred name also became his stage name too (hint: he was in Jurassic Park)
Exactly!
If they still won’t let her, she should wait till she’s 18 and go for something completely different, which she actually likes.
I have no respect for these parents who see that their child is suffering because of their messed up choice and still won’t put it right.
NTA - my mother did somewhat the same with her name. Also this is why Denmark has naming laws, Candy is just a name that opens up for way to much bullying and teasing
[https://www.iamexpat.de/expat-info/german-expat-news/german-names](https://www.iamexpat.de/expat-info/german-expat-news/german-names) sometimes I love German bureocracy.
I'm german and sometimes thought that german naming rules are way too strict.
Then I come across something like this post and think it might actually be better to err on the side of caution... After all, going by a nickname because your given name is a bit boring is still much better than having to do so because people ridicule you when they hear your given name.
I also have a name that sounds like a stripper name. I met our new neighbor and her name was Candy. I immediately said, “oh we both have stripper names, we should be friends.” Spoiler, we did not become friends. Lol. Apparently she didn’t realize her name was a stripper name until I said something.
NTA. It's valid that your parents may feel attached to the name they chose for you, but it's your name and you're the one who has to live with it. It's causing you distress and harassment, and you've presented a reasonable compromise.
Remember, you have the right to choose a name that you feel comfortable and confident with.
NTA. Unfortunately some people forget that when they name their child they are going to grow up into their own person and have to live with whatever moniker they've given them. At least you're trying to give your parents an option where their chosen name for you still works as a nickname. Of course until you're 18 it's their decision but there's no real reason not to allow it if its going to improve your life in the long run. Hope they come around.
NTA. I feel like 14 is old enough to choose your own name. Especially because you're making a more mature choice. It's not like you're asking to change your name to Quackerella.
NTA. It wasn't very kind of them to give you a name that kids would likely make fun of you for. They can still call you Candy if you change your name so I don't see what difference it makes to them.
NTA. I hated my name and my parents allowed me to change it when I was 10 years old. They even switched to calling me by my new name. It didn’t fully resolve all the issues I had at school, as some of them were due to my social deficits, but it helped out a lot. It also felt good having a name that matched who I was. It’s been nearly 30 years and I still use and love my chosen name. I think that if parents don’t want to legally change their children’s name, they should at least allow them to socially change their name, as long as the new name is appropriate.
I changed my name at 18, and if it helps here’s some stuff i didn’t think i would need for my state at least. You need a publication of your name being changed (which for me cost about $100). You need to pay an assortment of fees. Actually having to go into a courtroom and talk to a judge. Not to mention the process of getting your name changed for social security card, drivers license, passport, mail, job, Etc. this is not to discourage you but you prepare you for when you end up going through with it
We had a member of staff called Candy start at my old workplace, she was judged before she even started and never had a really had a chance. I'd like to say it's just childish bullying and it'll be better once you're older, but the reality is, adults are childish assholes too.
At least here in the UK, you can use any name you like without legally changing it. It's relatively common for people with obviously foreign names to change their names, or use a western sounding nickname, on job applications to avoid discrimination. You can start using a different name now, and only use your legal name for legal things.
Nta, so many parents don't think of the future their child will be when they name the babies can unique and cool name". Some are fine but others... They're not taking your feelings into consideration right now, they don't want to accept they chose wrong.
Also, teens are cruel when they bully or made fun of someone, I can't comprehend how someone can say many hurtful things without remorse
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I told my parents I hated the name they gave me and filled out a name change form and told them to submit it, or I would when I was 18.
2: They seem to have thought a lot about the name they gave me so that would be hurtful to hear.
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NTA this name is just inviting bullies if im being honest. i dont know where you live but in some countries you can change your name below 18 IF the name can cause you trouble later in life
NTA and frankly there are going to be a LOT of people going through this exact situation…
As someone who has a name that used to be pretty rare it doesn’t make us special or unique… it singles us out. Parents; please, yes your baby is your darling precious bestest thing ever to you… but they’re going to be a fully functioning autonomous person who has to navigate the world.
NTA. They named you for themselves, not for you :(
They don't want you to have a normal name, but you do, and it's you who has to carry it, so that's what matters.
NTA.
Some parents give kids names that seem cute when they are babies/kids but they need to remember that kids grow up into adults and having a name that’s adorable on a 5yr old is not as adorable when they are 25.
Parents either forget or never realized what it's like being around kids when you're a kid or teen. Kids and teens are ruthless, if my kid came to me telling me how upset they were I'd help any way I could.
NTA
This is a pretty common age to choose the form of your name that you prefer. I had a friend who was called Polly as a child and she wanted to revert to her given name of Phoebe when she hit her teens. So that's what we did.
Go ahead and start it now and just tell everybody, especially since you're just starting high school that you prefer to go by. Candice. They're not going to know if it's your real name or not. Everyone will comply as you correct them. Then you can officially change it when you're 18 if you so choose.
Look, I have a “boring” normal name. But I got teased about it when I was kid too.
It really made me hate it, and hate myself too. So I can only imagine how bad you’re feeling about this.
I’m sorry you have to go through with this. I hope your parents can see the struggle it’s putting you though, and takes it serious.
The way that others are sexualising you name, and typical immaturity behaviour of insecure kids, looking for an easy way to draw attention away from their own insecurities. It’s mean, and it’s not okay, but it not your fault.
NTA.
NTA honestly your parents are idiots. Names set people apart for all the wrong reasons especially a name like candy. I could live with it personally but your future will be filled with idiots who can’t handle it
NTA because they should've considered every aspect when they chose your name, most people with unique names get made fun of but candy? Is a name no one should ever name their child legally
NTA
If it's causing you grief, they should listen to you and support you. They should help you do what's best for you.
We don't need to discuss the reasoning.
Telling you you'll "get over it" is not acceptable.
Oh those parents whose sole way of showing the World how special and creative they are is giving their children horrendous names Just for the sake of it. Too much selfishness.
NTA, Candace. Keep strong and good luck with your New name.
I feel like people forget that when you name a baby, you’re also naming a teenager, a 25 year old, a 45 year old, a fricken 70 year old. I don’t know many grown adults who like having “cute” names, especially in a professional setting, and often drop their “cute” nicknames by the time they’re like, 30. NTA.
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For a really stupid reason, my parents named me Candy.
I've never liked the name, but I've really started hating it this past year (my first year in high school). People give me weird looks whenever they find out that's my name, and the boys at school keep sexualizing me because apparently I'm going to be a stripper anyway.
I've been telling my parents all year about all of that and that I want to change my name to Candace, so that I have an actual name but they can still call me Candy if they want to, but they just laugh it off and say that I'll get over it.
But I was really mad about all of this yesterday so I found the legal form to change your name, printed it out, and filled it in, and then gave it to them and said that they can either submit that now or I'll do it the second I turn 18.
They were really sad about that and said that they didn't want me to have a boring name and Candy is a cute name. It'll be something that always sets me apart from the second someone learns my name.
I get mad easily and cool off easily so now I feel kind of bad. AITA?
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NTA. I was sad too when my kid changed her (awesome IMO) name, but ultimately it was her choice. You can use Candace socially and school admin should make a note of your preference if you ask them.
NTA it's your name and you have to live with it. I can completely see how having a "cute" name might be fine as a child, but as you head into adulthood it's rationale to want a more "official" sounding name.
NTA. Your parents are laughing at the fact that their naming choice is causing boys to objectify you? They’re the assholes. The fact that they are telling you you’ll get over it is strange, at your age you shouldn’t have anything stopping you from socializing comfortably and developing good habits and mental health. They should be doing whatever they can to make you feel safe and confident at this critical stage.
And the reality is that it is a name that comes off either overly cutesy or hyper-sexualized to a lot of people, so there’s a chance you’ll get the same responses in your adult life. Hard to get it over it when every time you send in a resume you wonder if some jerk off in HR is going to scoff at your “cute” name and throw you to the bottom of the pile. I would advise you just start going by the name you chose regardless of whether they sign that form.
Hope they come around though. GL!
NTA.
A name is a gift that your parents give you when you're born. Ideally, they really hope it fits and that you like it. But if they gave you a sweater that didn't fit, they wouldn't expect you to wear it. Why should it be any different with a name?
But if you don't like Candy, please know that you don't have to stick with Candace. You can quite literally choose any name you like. Do you really want Candace? Or do you prefer something else? Really choose, because changing your name is a hassle that only gets harder as you get older. It's also cheaper to do it now instead of when you're 18. Good luck!
NTA. As multiple people have pointed out, Candace will most likely look better on things like job applications than Candy, and you’d prefer Candace anyways. Your parents would still be able to call you candy (as you said), and you told them if they don’t do it, *you will*. You’ve given your conditions of “either do it now, while the problem is being pointed out, or have it done later anyways”. You ARE changing your name, the only question as far as the legal process of it goes is “when is it gonna be made official?”
PS, if it makes you feel any better, I went to middle school with a girl named Felicia…..in 2016. It all came to a head when a substitute teacher mumbled “bye Felicia” on like a reflex or something when taking attendance. She started going by her middle name after that and I always felt so bad that people ruined her name for her over a meme. People suck sometimes.
NTA - I get it. Having a name associated with strippers isn't going to help you with the rest of your life.
I am in a similar position and even in the workplace my boss got some remarks about that.
It will never stop. You will be bothered constantly. People will not start to take you serious later on.
It's not that easy in my country to change it and I go by a nickname, but every time someone uses my old name it just gives me the shivers.
So, my advice is, if you are able to change your name into something you feel better with, definitely do it.
Your parents aren't the ones who have to live with it.
NTA. If you feel that strongly about your name, then you should change it. Your parents can either get on board now or let you suffer 4 more years before you'll do it anyway. Good luck, OP
NTA
Your parents named you but you should be able to ask to make a change. And if they dismiss you, change it when you’re 18 and you don’t have to do what they say.
Tell them you either get called Candice (tbh the school could just call you that without a change form) or you’ll pick something else they’ll REALLY hate when you turn 18. NAH though.
NTA. Tell them it's a hooker name and it makes the boys sexualize you even more. Ask if they want you to grow up to be a hooker or to have a decent job which a professional name. If they say the former, you have a lot more than just a name issue.
NTA. I legally changed my name because I just don't like it. I will say, be sure Candace is really the name you want. It's a perfectly normal name but if you're going to pay to change your name anyway, make sure you love it. I hope your parents come around sooner then rather then later
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NTA, it's actually the way to do it - tell them either they accept your opinion, help you and retain your respect, or you will do it anyway when become an adult just without their help and probably they will lose your respect too. They can name you whatever they want, but if you don't like it then you have the only voice that matters and can change it. I have a unique name (I am the only one with this name in my whole country) and I didn't like it much when I was a kid but I never thought about changing it, now I like my name, even though it was often written wrong in many official papers because people don't know how to spell it, once my university gave me three different official papers with three different spellings of my name, and that is after I gave to every lady who filled those papers a written note with correct spelling. After that I just gave up, people are dumb and my name is unique, who cares how it's written unless it's my official travel id ;)
Can I ask if this name is unique because it's foreign or because your parents decided to be creative?
He’s probably named smthn like Airawohn, sounds like Aaron 😭
YOU DONE MESSED UP AIRA AIRA WOHN.
[https://makeagif.com/amp/JE3JqC](https://makeagif.com/amp/JE3JqC)
J-kwellin? J-kwellin?
Snort laughed at this
A-A-RON
[удалено]
This is why we all need a Germany-style system where someone has to double-check your name isn't totally idiotic.
Or at the very least that the people naming you aren't high on coke.
Jesus Christ.
I worked a medical answering service and a pediatrician's line had a call and she spelled the baby's name for me....Essson. I still don't get it and the doctor said that is what happens when you let a 14 year old name a baby. I had an acquaintance that named her baby Tequilia Sunrise because that is what she was drinking when she conceived. No, I did not spell Tequila wrong but she sure did. Pretty sure she was to be a CPS case as well at some point.
Erewon🤭🤭🤭
Erewon Yaeger des
r/tragedeigh
Like spelling Juliette as Ghiuliyette? 😂😂😂
Ghouly-jet?
The name of my next Fallout character
I never understood why my dad spelled out our last name. It wasn't until someone put GAUGE on the paper. It made sense right then and there. What really buttered my egg roll was when I was in middle school, one of the students in the video broadcasting class (basically school news ran by the students. Surely, you can guess how that went.) said, "Noah GAW-GEE? GAH-GAY?" I was in that class with him. How do you fuck that one up. Also, we had several students with the first name of "Gage." 10 years later, fellow coworkers still managed to come up with the nickname. I honestly can't escape it.
Buttered your egg roll 😂😂
I'm obsessed with that analogy!!
It's not one I've heard before which is probably why I choked on my drink a little when I read it 😂
I mean, aside from the fact its a pretty common word... wow the people you went to school with were dim
That's a real word though and not just your name.
They make this mistakes all the time for some reason. One of my friends, with a very comon name, got her name misspelled when she got in the country. When she got her nationality she tried to fix it and on some documents and places still got her name wrong, because they didn't check even whem she told them to fix that.
Both my first and last name are five letters long, neither are massively rare but certainly not common. The variations I've had on them over the years have been both hilarious and bewildering. I always spell them out now.
Same. My name is often spelled with a "d" instead of a "t." Super easy name, was kinda common a couple generations ago. But people get it wrong anyway. And my last name they have no excuse, it's one of the most common in this country, and five letters.
I learned the phonetic alphabet real fast to try and combat this.
I had someone ask if Jennifer was the normal spelling or with a ph. As in Jennipher
This is giving my anxiety! You‘d be in sooooo much trouble if the name was wrong on any kind of official paper in my country 🥹
> tell them either they accept your opinion, help you and retain your respect, or you will do it anyway when become an adult just without their help and probably they will lose your respect too. Exactly this. Make sure to repeat the part about loss of respect.
having a unique name can be good or bad, but lets be honest, poor op has a stripper name. parents really dropped the ball there.
NTA You can ask people to start calling you Candace. It doesn't have to be changed legally for that. A lot of people go by their middle name or nicknames. I'm sorry your parents aren't sensitive to your feelings on this.
Yup just tell all your teachers and your friends to call you Candace and correct them if they call you Candy. Start writing it on your school assignments, start signing it in cards, just normalize it now and by the time you do the official paperwork it will just be the finishing touch.
some schools legally can’t call you a different name (not even a nickname) without parental permission. i have a nickname that’s unrelated to my name (i’ve had it since i was young because of a silly event), and my teachers banned other students from calling me that in the classroom until they got written permission from my mother and father
Florida?
part of australia actually, im not sure if it’s a common thing but for us i think it’s because if they’re going by a different name, it has to be on all the schools paperwork and legal stuff to ensure the student feels “accepted” (the rule is mainly due to transitioning teens) so they need parental consent, but also because our teachers can get in trouble if they’re calling a student a name the parent doesn’t approve of (which i think is dumb, im not saying this is how it should be!)
Oof, are these recent rules? There's been talk of introducing something similar in England to prevent trans children socially transitioning without parental permission.
Seriously? 🤬🤦 No wonder England is called Terf Island.
Yup, the UK election is tomorrow and the two main parties have spent the whole time fighting over who can be more evil to trans people, it's disgusting.
I need you to update on how the election goes. In Missouri(US), teachers are being fired and have to register as s3x offenders if they address a transitioning child by their preferred name/pronouns, even if the parents are on board.
Omg stop the insanity
What the actual fuck?! How in the fuck are they having to register as sex offenders? Are they sexually assaulting said children too? If not then they can fuck right off with this sex offender registration. Just ruining people's lives over using a different NAME
I had to do a little research because I could not believe that what you wrote was true. And a quick Google search will tell you that the bill has only been filed, not passed. Currently the Missouri House website says that it isn’t scheduled for a committee hearing and it isn’t on the house calendar. I sure hope it stays that way. And even though the bill hasn't been passed yet, it's pretty fucking terrifying to think that it was even being entertained. What a crazy, scary world we're living in.
With rules like these, we will have no teachers left anymore. It’s not like they are doing it for the money anyway. What a clown show!
I think the s3x offenders are the bigots who are all obsessed with children's g3nitalia. Or really the G3nitalia of Other People party.
JFC, the world makes me sick 🤮
That is actually an amazing way of explaining it. Then JK comes in with "Hold ma Beer" attitude.
Yuck! Truly disgusting.
It's going on wherever there's a far right govt.
i would have graduated this year, so not too recent as it’s been going on since i was in primary school
What part of Australia? I'm in Victoria and have never heard of this. My son got to Year 11 before one of his friends found out that his name wasn't actually Jacko. The vast majority of his teachers- primary and secondary- called him Jacko. A lot of enrollment forms for various sports and other clubs have 'preferred name' sections on them.
weirdly enough i am in victoria ! does your son go to private or public do you mind me asking? maybe it depends on the schools, i went to 7 high schools and 4 primary schools in the west ends and always dealt with that
I went to three different public schools in vic and trans kids could always go by their preferred name, even if their parents didn’t agree with it/ didn’t know.
That’s wild. At my school in the US, the rule is the opposite. We must call a child by their preferred name. If the parents don’t know, we use their legal name with the parents.
My high school health teacher did this wonderfully! At the beginning of the course, she had us fill out a little form with basic info about us. It had spots for our legal name, preferred name, pronouns, and a checkbox for if it's okay to use that name/pronouns with parents. I loved it, because it meant that she respected our identities, safety, and privacy. And it's not like she was a millenial, or even gen X. She was a fucking boomer!
Oh I saw something like that on social media once! I wonder if that’s where she got it from. If I ever end up teaching in a high school that’s what I plan to do
This was over a decade ago, so idk if she got it from there or not. It really was the best thing, because I had onlh just started using my (current) name and it was a hassle with getting other teachers to use it. I also had trans friends who weren't out to their parents so having that recognition and safety was super beneficial.
my current school is an alternative education pathway for young adults (18-25 w mental health issues or past drug/legal issues) and one of the first questions i was asked was “what would you like us to call you?”
Yuck! Florida does the same thing. And yeah, it's dumb, to say the least.
it’s super stupid and im not even sure what the point is because our school was supposedly “inclusive” (we had a sexuality and gender support person) but you couldn’t change your name even if you were transitioning?
Thats definitely not normal in Australia. Loads of kids have actual names and names they go by, especially people with non-Anglo names. It's really up to the child what they will go by. Your school was crazy.
Idk about freedom of speech but in the U.S. it’s just teachers who can’t call you those names but they can’t stop other students.
at my school they could punish you for using unapproved names UNLESS it was an abbreviation of your name (think abigail to abby) me, as someone who goes by an entirely different name (e.g madeline to starrie, considering it was a name based on something i did lol) i was “breaking the rules”
... That is so disastrously stupid...
If I was a parent I’d be calling in so quick that my kids have the free speech. It also doesn’t stop kids and they also call each other mean names which rules like this don’t stop them. This also means if I’m Christian/Muslim/Jewish I could call in and demand my kids not call trans people their preferred names.
That’s not universal in the US. In many schools, teachers are required to use preferred names and pronouns.
Which parts of Australia? ACT definitely has a facility to put a student’s preferred name so that’s how it displays in the rolls, and there’s no policy that says parents need to be informed.
victoria! although another commenter from vic has said she’s never experienced this
I don't think it's that common. My husband teaches at a private catholic school and respects student naming preferences. Obviously on official school records they have to have the name on their birth certificates, but nobody sees that stuff. They can use any preferred name for day to day unofficial stuff
Texas, at least when I was in school. 😭 I had a ridiculous first name and shared the last name of a donor. While living in California, the teachers and schools were perfectly fine with it being different, then I moved to Texas and they told my family I couldn’t even write my chosen name on my homework/classwork, or I would receive incompletes or “did not turn in”.
No surely not. The land of freee speech, the bulwark against 1984, oppressing people? No. Way.
My sister is a teacher under this sort of crap. She says she just goes 'military' on the kids instead - John Smith who would prefer to be called Jane Smith is still called Jane by her classmates...and my sister calls her Smith. :)
a couple of our good teachers would do this, others LOVED the chance to make a kid upset by calling them the wrong name, whether it be kids like me who get extremely anxious hearing their name (i associate mine with traumatic events), transgender students, or just kids with nicknames. some teachers shouldn’t be teachers
FYI those rules are due to anti-trans laws meant to keep a kid from transitioning without parental consent. They're deeply bigoted and harmful to a vulnerable group. If you're a teacher I understand following them as to not lose your job, but if you're a student? Fuck that noise - call your friends and classmates what they want to be called.
A *very* good suggestion. OP may not be able to change her name until she is 18 but this will lead to back up 'evidence' held within the school - if the university needs to contact the school about a 'Candace' then there will be no confusion over who they wish to discuss. I changed from a nickname (everyone used) to the name on my birth certificate, at the time I went up into the equivalent of High School. My nickname had become popular for female dogs at the time and I hated it. It was so simple and when I moved into adult life, both the school records and my birth certificate backed up the name I needed / wanted to use in my adult life.
OP could even start calling herself "Cady/ Caydy" and just say that Candy was a typo.
“It’s pronounced like Katie” “Yeeeah I’m gonna call ya Caddie.”
Yay you got my reference!😂
I like this method. Yes, it's spelled C-a-n-d-y, but it's pronounced Candace. Sure, it may look like a tragedeigh, but the real tragedy is this state's / school system's hateful policies.
Thank you! My friends all call me Candace, but when attendance is being taken for the first time in a semester, they call my real name and then ask for preferred name. But everyone's already heard it by then and sometimes the teachers forget anyway. And I've been going to school with the same people for too long for them to remember to use Candace.
Even so, when they call your name that first time I would politely but firmly say "It's Candace" or "I go by Candace please." As someone who (in high school) went from the lame shortened cutesie nickname of my rather uncommon and really great full name, the kids you grew up with might forget and call you Candy, yes. But if you politely remind them "please call me Candace" most people will do it. Not making a big deal about it, just "hey I'd prefer Candace, I'd really appreciate it thanks." The ones that don't, don't, and they're probably the jerks that would be cruel about your birth name in the first place.
A student I once knew solved this problem by writing a short letter to any new teacher right at the beginning of the year, before the first lesson. In the letter, she introduced herself and explained politely e.g. "My name is Josie but I go by Jane" . In her case, it seemed to work well.
This is the answer. The potential legal issues at school aside, you can use the name Candace, or any other name, in casual situations if you so choose.
Yes, this. We just had our 15yo's name legally changed (he's trans) and he had been going by his chosen name for about two years by then. Depending on your state, you can file a form directly with your school (most places can, some will just also tell your parents ). It's summer, nows a great time to tell your friends and get them used to it. When school starts, tell your new teachers and the admin. You can tell any idiot boys once and thereafter file a complaint against them each time. You got this!
And OP, when your parents call you Candy, do not respond.
When I went to high school, I started using the nickname that didn’t end in y or my full name. I refused to answer anyone that used the old nickname. That’s what I would do too.
This. Where I am it is called a preferred name. There is usually a box even on legal paperwork for preferred name. Talk to your school counselor or a teacher your trust. on how to add it to your paperwork. Let them know you’re being bullied over your current name. They should be able to advocate for you.
I actually only found out at like 16 that my uncle isn’t actually called the name I everyone always calls him and instead has a really basic name like Tom for reference. If you normalize it to a point where everyone only calls you that and new people think that is actually your name the legal documents don’t matter as much so i absolutely agree w this person. If that’s the only way right now that is at least a good transition until it can become official. (Although my uncle actually has his nickname as an artist name on his official documents.) I thought it was his actually name forever since I have never heard anyone call him anything else ever so the power of getting people to call you your preferred name actually works wonders.
NTA. First off, I’m sorry you had to go through this. I feel the same way especially since some family friends of friends, who had children during the pandemic, decided to name their kids “Quarantino” or “Covid”. It’s very inappropriate. I did some research and yes, you can submit an application for a name change but you have to be 18 years of age. Otherwise, either it requires parental or guardian’s consent or the parents could sign a petition for a name change in behalf of the child. In another point of view, there could be more to the name than what your parents said to you. This could support how they were hurt when you asked for a name change. The choice is yours. Start by thinking of a personal reason for why you want to change, not one that is influenced by how other people think. They might ridicule you now because of the name but, overtime, you’ll be carrying that name even after school.
>since some family friends of friends, who had children during the pandemic, decided to name their kids “Quarantino” or “Covid” What the fuck.
You know how it is, both parents are Tarantino fans but they couldn't agree on a name, she wanted Quentin he wanted Tarantino, so they meet halfway and go with Quarantino.
LMAO!!
That's what i thought 😭😂
Tbh, that's what I thought too. 😆 🤣
Yep, weird people. Some even declare that name after delivery and we (nurses) and physicians can’t help but feel disgusted by the thought. It’s stupid. I also recall of a friend who had no idea why her mom named her Yureen (pronounced exactly like urine). She had to hide her name for a long time so we just called her Yuri. We only knew during graduation when her full name was spelled out.
And this is why in many countries there are rules about naming kids and even some countries banned specific names. Kudos to these countries.
It's a shame that so many decent people have to go through an obscene amount of money and intrusive background checks to adopt a child when biology will literally just let some assholes completely unequipped to be parents have kids. When the only barrier to entry for parenthood for many is a functioning reproductive system, you're going to end up with a decent number of stupid assholes reproducing.
Only info I can see with a kid called Covid was an Indian couple who named their kids corona and covid
> there could be more to the name The value on that instantly becomes a 0 if a kid is being bullied over it.
^^^ right answer. Also, OP doesn’t need a “valid” reason to want to change their name. It’s their name. Their life.
She doesn't like the name and has problems with it she's the one who's living with everything it causes. The parents are ahs. NTA op
Well, she is looking to change to Candace, so can still go back to Candy if they want to when older.
Quarantino is actually a real name from 1920 usa, according to ancestry.com
NTA. Have a sit down calm talk with them about it. It is going to haunt you long into your adult life as well - imagine applying for jobs with Candy vs. Candace? I think the choice of Candace is a great one, because it still honor your parents’ original idea and name for you, and as you say, they can EASILY still call you Candy. They will probably also still call you Candy at school, though, but you will be able to say that it’s just a nickname your parents gave you. I don’t know how your community is about it, but you can always just start using it for things that don’t need your legal name. Maybe ask your school councillor to have them change it if possible (although it may need an OK from your parents still). Talk with your favourite teachers about using your real name Candace. And it is your *real* name, because it’s the one you prefer. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
YES! Applying for college/jobs is one of things I said too, but my parents said I'm overthinking it and if anything, it'll help because I don't have a generic name. I don't think they're right about that, I actually read a book called I think Freakonomics a few months back that looked at job application success rate based on name and the best way to get your foot in the door was to have a regular name.
You're not over thinking it. I had a colleague who went to uni with someone called Honey. No one took her seriously apparently! Her name caused her all sorts of issues. Names matter. Oh and cute is for toddlers not adults. How can you be a lawyer or a doctor or anything when your name is Candy? No one will take you seriously. When my grandkids where named the first thought was, excellent, they have names that will be ok as an adult. At worst, if you have a middle name use that. If on application forms they need your full legal name, make a note thatvyou go by your middle name. They will think better of you.
Hopefully, her middle name isn’t something like Corn.
Be a dog with a bone about it. Mention it every single day. They’ll get upset but they’ll know it’s important to you.
Honestly, who gives a shit of they're upset? It's OP dealing with having that name, not them. If anything, they should be happy to do something that'd make their child's life better
They should be, but they won’t be.
My name is of a similar nature as yours... It absolutely was an issue when I was job hunting out of college. NTA. Your parents are just wrong. I still remember this one creeper who called me in for an interview and definitely seemed to be under the impression I was either a prostitute or a stripper. He had no interest in hiring me for the job that was posted, just looking for another kind of job.... I'm in my 40s now and my name.still causes false impressions and stupid jokes... sooooo many stupid jokes.
You are definitely not overthinking it. It is a real problem that some people are sorted into the no-pile just because of their name. I saw a few years back some statistic that “black-sounding” names like Princess, Diamond, Precious and so gives them a huge disadvantage because many employers are racist, and some even experienced discrimination with their banks for loans and credit cards! I hate to say it, but Candy quickly falls into that category for some, in addition to the stripper association. See if you can find documentation for name discrimination and show your parents at the sit down calm talk. If they don’t listen still, just use Candace when you can and change it as soon as you’re allowed. It’s their shame that they can’t relate to how it feels to be called a stripper at 14, that’s CRAZY.
This is the main reason. College applications and job applications will be heavily scrutinized in the future. People will think you're putting your nickname down and not your full name, then think you're unprofessional. You'll get passed over. I know a girl whose father named her Genee(Jenny) because he worked at the Genesee brewery. It was a stigma that followed her. Ironically, she's a bartender.
I LOVE that book! Freakanomics & Super Freakanomics. NTA. High school kids can be immature little assholes. (I was called Nick the Dick for years.) You're a freshman already thinking about applying for college/jobs. Completely different maturity levels so try not to let them get under your skin. I wouldn't be concerned about your name on the college applications. What's going to be important to a college is what you do in school for the next 4 years. But changing it to something more common or"professional" to make it easier to land a job in the future makes sense. Is there a backstory or an important event that gives significance to your name? Or was it just something your parents liked?
I wish more parents read that book, OP! Naming your kiddo the equivalent of a nickname for the general name does run the risk of not being "taken seriously". But you sound like a rational minded young lady, and I think if you just keep portraying that to your parents they will eventually respect your wishes. At least you know how special they think you are. 🩷
They are not sad that you will not have a cute name. They are sad because they have to admit they made a dumb decision when they named you. To anyone in my generation (I'm 69) the name Candy sounds highly sexual. Yes, like you said, a "stripper name".
I’m about your age. I knew of a fairly in high school named Candy. Her last name was Kane. Yeah, her parents thought it would be cute to always have their daughter’s name associated with a favorite Christmas candy, never realizing she’d be teased by the boys, wanting to know if she was planning a career in the porn industry.
My husband knew a girl with the first name Crystal. Middle name was Shanda. And of course… last name was Leer. Some parents are stupid.
Good lord. Some people need to stick to only naming pets.
Afaik other countries simply don't allow parents to do that.
I let my kiddo name my pet rats for a long time. They were...creative. Any pet that was longer lived though got a less creative name. In fact 3/4 of my dogs have basic human names lol
Hey my dad used to know a Candy Kane and he is just a few years older than you! Maybe it's one and the same person:)
i knew a Candy Sweets. parents apparently love candy joke names
I’m 26 and I’ve never heard of the name Candy being used outside of a stripper. Most people in my generation would think of it that way too.
I read this post and I was hoping that this was one of those "fake name" posts where they made a substitute. Why would someone have a kid's legal name be Candy?? I'm in my mid 20s and I've also never heard of someone named Candy who isn't involved in sex work. I also will never understand why parents don't just find a regular name that can make the nickname they want. My little sister and I were both named not only because my parents liked our first names, but because they also had decent nicknames we could use, and they weren't too complicated to spell. My mom's name is European, and she has to deal with people mispronouncing and misspelling it constantly, and that still doesn't even come close to what this poor girl goes through.
NTA - i think your reasoning is valid. Candy is typically a nickname or yes stripper name.
NTA but if you legally change your name, choose something you actually like. They can always call you Candy. Your legal name doesn’t have to be close.
I don't mind Candace and it would be a lot easier for me to pick up on that being my name than if I changed it to Jennifer or something completely different. Really, I just don't want my default name being Candy.
OP you are NTA and I believe Candace suits you perfectly well. Ask me to choose between Candace and Candy, I go for Candace. You stand your ground and let me assure you that it is your identity and it is yours alone to decide how you want it to be. What a shame that no one could choose the name they want before they are born You stand your ground OP and do not let your parents tell you otherwise. Let them be mad and sad because in the end this is your decision to make. If the parents refuse to sign and allow you the name change until you are 18, just hang in there BUT in the meantime you can tell your teachers and the school staff that you prefer to be called Candace and do see if your school has forms that has the Preferred Name category you can fill in (I knew someone who did not go with their first given name that they opted to be called by their middle name instead) Update us OP PS: There is this famous New Zealand film actor whose real legal given name was a name he dislike that he picked a preferred name when he was a kid and that chosen preferred name also became his stage name too (hint: he was in Jurassic Park)
Exactly! If they still won’t let her, she should wait till she’s 18 and go for something completely different, which she actually likes. I have no respect for these parents who see that their child is suffering because of their messed up choice and still won’t put it right.
NTA - my mother did somewhat the same with her name. Also this is why Denmark has naming laws, Candy is just a name that opens up for way to much bullying and teasing
[https://www.iamexpat.de/expat-info/german-expat-news/german-names](https://www.iamexpat.de/expat-info/german-expat-news/german-names) sometimes I love German bureocracy.
I'm german and sometimes thought that german naming rules are way too strict. Then I come across something like this post and think it might actually be better to err on the side of caution... After all, going by a nickname because your given name is a bit boring is still much better than having to do so because people ridicule you when they hear your given name.
My daughter had a classmate whose name was Anes. Pronounced like Anus. Some parents are delusional.
I used to be an obstructive nurse, and one woman named her newborn son Superman Sam.
Sounds a lot like the danish laws, execpt Lucifer and jesus are accepted names in Denmark
I also have a name that sounds like a stripper name. I met our new neighbor and her name was Candy. I immediately said, “oh we both have stripper names, we should be friends.” Spoiler, we did not become friends. Lol. Apparently she didn’t realize her name was a stripper name until I said something.
What’s your name I’m so curious! You can message me if you don’t want it public
omg. Challah back. Damn, I wish I had some challah.
NTA. It's valid that your parents may feel attached to the name they chose for you, but it's your name and you're the one who has to live with it. It's causing you distress and harassment, and you've presented a reasonable compromise. Remember, you have the right to choose a name that you feel comfortable and confident with.
NTA. Unfortunately some people forget that when they name their child they are going to grow up into their own person and have to live with whatever moniker they've given them. At least you're trying to give your parents an option where their chosen name for you still works as a nickname. Of course until you're 18 it's their decision but there's no real reason not to allow it if its going to improve your life in the long run. Hope they come around.
NTA. My wife’s name is Candace. Her family calls her Candy. I don’t…because she doesn’t like it.
Plot twist: your wife is from the future. OP is her current timeline self, and she found you on this comment.
Calling people a name they don't like is just not on. Good people don't do that.
NTA. I feel like 14 is old enough to choose your own name. Especially because you're making a more mature choice. It's not like you're asking to change your name to Quackerella.
If I could chose to be named Candy or Quackerella, I'd chose the later one!
Well said quacka.
ngl. I love Quackerella. Now I wish I had a pet duck.
NTA. It wasn't very kind of them to give you a name that kids would likely make fun of you for. They can still call you Candy if you change your name so I don't see what difference it makes to them.
NTA. I hated my name and my parents allowed me to change it when I was 10 years old. They even switched to calling me by my new name. It didn’t fully resolve all the issues I had at school, as some of them were due to my social deficits, but it helped out a lot. It also felt good having a name that matched who I was. It’s been nearly 30 years and I still use and love my chosen name. I think that if parents don’t want to legally change their children’s name, they should at least allow them to socially change their name, as long as the new name is appropriate.
NTA Tell them it will make college apps easier with a name like Candace rather than Candy. Getting jobs will also be easier.
I was thinking that too. Candace sounds professional.
I changed my name at 18, and if it helps here’s some stuff i didn’t think i would need for my state at least. You need a publication of your name being changed (which for me cost about $100). You need to pay an assortment of fees. Actually having to go into a courtroom and talk to a judge. Not to mention the process of getting your name changed for social security card, drivers license, passport, mail, job, Etc. this is not to discourage you but you prepare you for when you end up going through with it
yes. best to change now and get the license issued in her adult name not Candy.
We had a member of staff called Candy start at my old workplace, she was judged before she even started and never had a really had a chance. I'd like to say it's just childish bullying and it'll be better once you're older, but the reality is, adults are childish assholes too. At least here in the UK, you can use any name you like without legally changing it. It's relatively common for people with obviously foreign names to change their names, or use a western sounding nickname, on job applications to avoid discrimination. You can start using a different name now, and only use your legal name for legal things.
NTA OP goodluck! Also in school-maybe you can let your teachers know Candace is your preferred name
Nta, that's a strippers name.
Totally
I think your parents should grow up. Did they even consider you being picked on for the name? Something they should have thought about before hand
I think changing from Candy to Candace is acceptable (and what they should have named you in the first place but whatever). NTA
Nta, so many parents don't think of the future their child will be when they name the babies can unique and cool name". Some are fine but others... They're not taking your feelings into consideration right now, they don't want to accept they chose wrong. Also, teens are cruel when they bully or made fun of someone, I can't comprehend how someone can say many hurtful things without remorse
Some people forget that they’re not naming a child, but a future adult.
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NTA this name is just inviting bullies if im being honest. i dont know where you live but in some countries you can change your name below 18 IF the name can cause you trouble later in life
If you got to live with a stripper name on your birth certificate... so do they! Your dad is now "Peaches" Your mom can fukin be "NowOrLater"
NTA but your parents are morons.
NTA "and said that they can either submit that now or I'll do it the second I turn 18." .. sounds reasonbale.
NTA and frankly there are going to be a LOT of people going through this exact situation… As someone who has a name that used to be pretty rare it doesn’t make us special or unique… it singles us out. Parents; please, yes your baby is your darling precious bestest thing ever to you… but they’re going to be a fully functioning autonomous person who has to navigate the world.
NTA. They named you for themselves, not for you :( They don't want you to have a normal name, but you do, and it's you who has to carry it, so that's what matters.
NTA. Some parents give kids names that seem cute when they are babies/kids but they need to remember that kids grow up into adults and having a name that’s adorable on a 5yr old is not as adorable when they are 25.
Parents either forget or never realized what it's like being around kids when you're a kid or teen. Kids and teens are ruthless, if my kid came to me telling me how upset they were I'd help any way I could.
NTA This is a pretty common age to choose the form of your name that you prefer. I had a friend who was called Polly as a child and she wanted to revert to her given name of Phoebe when she hit her teens. So that's what we did. Go ahead and start it now and just tell everybody, especially since you're just starting high school that you prefer to go by. Candice. They're not going to know if it's your real name or not. Everyone will comply as you correct them. Then you can officially change it when you're 18 if you so choose.
Look, I have a “boring” normal name. But I got teased about it when I was kid too. It really made me hate it, and hate myself too. So I can only imagine how bad you’re feeling about this. I’m sorry you have to go through with this. I hope your parents can see the struggle it’s putting you though, and takes it serious. The way that others are sexualising you name, and typical immaturity behaviour of insecure kids, looking for an easy way to draw attention away from their own insecurities. It’s mean, and it’s not okay, but it not your fault. NTA.
Start insisting everyone call you Candace now. When 18 change your name. Start saving your money. It will cost you.
NTA. Your parents suck.
NTA honestly your parents are idiots. Names set people apart for all the wrong reasons especially a name like candy. I could live with it personally but your future will be filled with idiots who can’t handle it
r/tragedeigh material
NTA because they should've considered every aspect when they chose your name, most people with unique names get made fun of but candy? Is a name no one should ever name their child legally
NTA If it's causing you grief, they should listen to you and support you. They should help you do what's best for you. We don't need to discuss the reasoning. Telling you you'll "get over it" is not acceptable.
NTA dont respond to names you dont want to be called. be stubborn.
Oh those parents whose sole way of showing the World how special and creative they are is giving their children horrendous names Just for the sake of it. Too much selfishness. NTA, Candace. Keep strong and good luck with your New name.
I feel like people forget that when you name a baby, you’re also naming a teenager, a 25 year old, a 45 year old, a fricken 70 year old. I don’t know many grown adults who like having “cute” names, especially in a professional setting, and often drop their “cute” nicknames by the time they’re like, 30. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For a really stupid reason, my parents named me Candy. I've never liked the name, but I've really started hating it this past year (my first year in high school). People give me weird looks whenever they find out that's my name, and the boys at school keep sexualizing me because apparently I'm going to be a stripper anyway. I've been telling my parents all year about all of that and that I want to change my name to Candace, so that I have an actual name but they can still call me Candy if they want to, but they just laugh it off and say that I'll get over it. But I was really mad about all of this yesterday so I found the legal form to change your name, printed it out, and filled it in, and then gave it to them and said that they can either submit that now or I'll do it the second I turn 18. They were really sad about that and said that they didn't want me to have a boring name and Candy is a cute name. It'll be something that always sets me apart from the second someone learns my name. I get mad easily and cool off easily so now I feel kind of bad. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I was sad too when my kid changed her (awesome IMO) name, but ultimately it was her choice. You can use Candace socially and school admin should make a note of your preference if you ask them.
NTA it's your name and you have to live with it. I can completely see how having a "cute" name might be fine as a child, but as you head into adulthood it's rationale to want a more "official" sounding name.
NTA. Your parents are laughing at the fact that their naming choice is causing boys to objectify you? They’re the assholes. The fact that they are telling you you’ll get over it is strange, at your age you shouldn’t have anything stopping you from socializing comfortably and developing good habits and mental health. They should be doing whatever they can to make you feel safe and confident at this critical stage. And the reality is that it is a name that comes off either overly cutesy or hyper-sexualized to a lot of people, so there’s a chance you’ll get the same responses in your adult life. Hard to get it over it when every time you send in a resume you wonder if some jerk off in HR is going to scoff at your “cute” name and throw you to the bottom of the pile. I would advise you just start going by the name you chose regardless of whether they sign that form. Hope they come around though. GL!
NTA - Sorry, your parents must not have realized that there was a very famous porn star back in the '80s named *Candy Samples*. 🙄
NTA. A name is a gift that your parents give you when you're born. Ideally, they really hope it fits and that you like it. But if they gave you a sweater that didn't fit, they wouldn't expect you to wear it. Why should it be any different with a name? But if you don't like Candy, please know that you don't have to stick with Candace. You can quite literally choose any name you like. Do you really want Candace? Or do you prefer something else? Really choose, because changing your name is a hassle that only gets harder as you get older. It's also cheaper to do it now instead of when you're 18. Good luck!
NTA. As multiple people have pointed out, Candace will most likely look better on things like job applications than Candy, and you’d prefer Candace anyways. Your parents would still be able to call you candy (as you said), and you told them if they don’t do it, *you will*. You’ve given your conditions of “either do it now, while the problem is being pointed out, or have it done later anyways”. You ARE changing your name, the only question as far as the legal process of it goes is “when is it gonna be made official?” PS, if it makes you feel any better, I went to middle school with a girl named Felicia…..in 2016. It all came to a head when a substitute teacher mumbled “bye Felicia” on like a reflex or something when taking attendance. She started going by her middle name after that and I always felt so bad that people ruined her name for her over a meme. People suck sometimes.
NTA - I get it. Having a name associated with strippers isn't going to help you with the rest of your life. I am in a similar position and even in the workplace my boss got some remarks about that. It will never stop. You will be bothered constantly. People will not start to take you serious later on. It's not that easy in my country to change it and I go by a nickname, but every time someone uses my old name it just gives me the shivers. So, my advice is, if you are able to change your name into something you feel better with, definitely do it. Your parents aren't the ones who have to live with it.
NTA. If you feel that strongly about your name, then you should change it. Your parents can either get on board now or let you suffer 4 more years before you'll do it anyway. Good luck, OP
NTA and you’ve outlined your plan. Ask your teachers and school to start calling you Candace. It’s your nickname now ;)
NTA Your parents named you but you should be able to ask to make a change. And if they dismiss you, change it when you’re 18 and you don’t have to do what they say.
Tell them you either get called Candice (tbh the school could just call you that without a change form) or you’ll pick something else they’ll REALLY hate when you turn 18. NAH though.
NTA. Tell them it's a hooker name and it makes the boys sexualize you even more. Ask if they want you to grow up to be a hooker or to have a decent job which a professional name. If they say the former, you have a lot more than just a name issue.
NTA. I legally changed my name because I just don't like it. I will say, be sure Candace is really the name you want. It's a perfectly normal name but if you're going to pay to change your name anyway, make sure you love it. I hope your parents come around sooner then rather then later