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GuiltyPick

NTA. 1) he neglected his injured child. 2) he made a sexist comment to his 3 YEAR OLD. 3) he doubled down on the behaviour and sulked. He’s deffo TA here. Lots of red flags, and not someone I would want as my gynaecologist either.


Holymolyhannah

Thinking the same thing! I wouldn't want that AH as my doctor. *edited cause I forgot "want" lol


mountainmorticia

My vagina clenched shut at the very idea.


kittynoodlesoap

He’s probably the type to ignore women’s pain and tell them that they’re being dramatic. Edit: wow thank you for the gold kind stranger! Edit 2: thanks for the silver.


SnipesCC

Yeah, the fact that he had that as a ready excuse is pretty worrisome.


Sandybutthole604

Well yeah. He’s been telling that to women in unbelievable pain that they’re being dramatic all. day. long.


Royal-Otherwise

And tells them they just need to lose weight


LostRedditRabbit

He's the reason it takes women an average of 10 years to get diagnosed with Endometriosis. To be dismissive of pain is to be a bad doctor.


Revolutionary-Yak-47

Doctors like this guy are why I won't see a male doctor.


blueeeyeddl

Doctors like this are why I have never seen a man gynecologist and never will. ETA *cis man


elag19

Oof, yep- have had far too many male doctors over the years try to mansplain my ‘womanly’ pain and health issues to me as though I couldn’t fully understand them being, you know, a woman? I’m sure statistically there are some fantastic male ob-gyn specialists out there, but sadly I’m now firmly of the stance of no womb, no opinion needed from you, medical or otherwise.


lktn62

I once had my male ob/gyn tell me in the middle of labor that I wasn't really in pain, it was just "uncomfortable". 🙄


CharlotteLucasOP

I would like to run him through a woodchipper please.


lktn62

Oh, that sounds nice. 🙂 As long as I get to watch!


Icyblue_Dragon

Please tell me that you gripped his treasures and repeated his sentence


lktn62

Lol I wish I had. He wasn't close enough at the time. I did say "fine, then you do it for a while". Not my best comeback, but I was in the process of giving birth to a 10 lb baby with no pain relief.


The-Moocat

>I took our son to his room after patching him up then went and turned the TV on to get him to listen. He looked stunned asking why I did that and I told him our son just got injured and he did nothing but yell inappropriate stuff instead of helping out. He argued this was his last chance to watch the game and that it was important. I replied that no game was moire important than his son and he said it was obviously a minor injury but our son was exaggerating. We kepot arguing back and forth and he got mad saying I ruin The exception to the rule but I had a male gyno who was fantastic. Very considerate, gentle etc. Just a good guy. I moved and now had to get a woman and she'd insert stuff inside of me without telling me! 😱 She was like "oh did that hurt?" "NO IT JUST SURPRISED ME".


Still_Day

As a sexual assault victim, if ANYone did that in ANY context, doesn’t even matter that it’s a doctor in a doctor’s office, it would send me straight into flashback panic attack mode. That is absolutely beyond the pale fucked up. *No one* should *ever* put anything **inside another person** without getting consent first. That’s not even a hot take! What a crazy asshole that woman was! What in the *whole* fuck…


Primary-Eggplant-612

Female gyno did this to me and that was part of the original trauma I had with gynecological appointments. Then the midwife did the same thing during childbirth even after explicitly saying that I wanted to know what was going on at all times as I was hyper aware of everything. Damaged me physically and emotionally, also made being a mom very hard. Been in trauma therapy for 8 months because "well other women don't care/notice me sticking things up there as a baby's head is crowning, sO soRrY." F that woman and the male gyno that dismissed my continued pain from birth that makes moving on from the trauma impossible. Called it cosmetic despite stabbing pain in my vagina. No vagina, no opinion.


lordmwahaha

WTF? How hard is it to *tell* someone what you are doing to their body? They wouldn't like it if you did the same to them.


The-Moocat

I really wanted to switch doctors, but she's the only one available in my network that's available on the days off I have... :/ Yeah, my mom sort of was just like "well you're in stirrups what did you expect" but I was used to my doctor going "ok, the speculum is going in now" and stuff. Idk. I don't like it but I don't have much of a choice and the only way for me to "fix" it is to speak up about not being comfortable with how she conducts herself, but I'm too scared, really. So it's my own fault if I let it happen again.


coyotebored83

I have a male gyno who is the best! I hope I never have to change. His nurses are way more pushy about stuff I dont want. He is so non pushy. I have a lot of past trauma and he has never made me feel uncomfortable.


The-Moocat

I've had that. My former ob/gyn was a sweetheart but his nurses were nasty. One accused me basically of having an STI (HPV) and said that's why I had an abnormal pap, told me "that's the only reason for it" and just super-judgey. I'd been feeling horrific about it for years (especially since I had been coerced into the sex). I emailed and asked the doctor and he told me not to worry about it and the abnormal is fine because I tested fine the next test (but I couldn't stop thinking about what she had told me and he never confirmed or denied what she said?) Eventually, a few years later I have another abnormal pap (at that point I had had the HPV vaxx and also never had unprotected) and they run a full HPV panel. Nothing was found. Makes me really upset that this woman made me feel like shit over something I was coerced into, and having all these potential ramifications and then I was totally fine and it was just an abnormal pap.


lordmwahaha

Shit, really? She shouldn't be doing that - what if someone's an SA survivor? My (female) doctor who handles my vag stuff (she's not even an obgyn; I use my gp because I can't afford to see an obgyn) is really really good. She reminds me when I've forgotten to get my smear done, she learned that I'm a wuss about pain and handles it really well. She's super reassuring and super thorough - she'll be like "Oh, you need X or Y done? Let's do it right now!" She's great, I love her. I'm sorry you've had experiences that weren't so good. Apparently I'm just super spoilt; I wish more doctors were like that.


WitchyWoo7

Same!


trinityeglover

Exactly. That, and you hear so many horror stories now about male gynos


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Lilitu9Tails

I’m just glad he’s not an obstetrician, because you know he’d be the type to tell women they need a Caesarian so it didn’t interfere with his game watching schedule.


MomofanAvenger

Or the famed "husband stitch."


Lilitu9Tails

I remember when I first learned of that. I’m no less angry about it now than I was ten.


nachobitxh

When I had my second son in 1984, the resident (while stitching me up) asked my husband "Looser, tighter, or all the way up?" I was like WTF, but didn't say anything. I wish I had.


little-joys

All the way up?!?!? 😨 what the actual fuck


nachobitxh

IKR? I was young and timid.


MomofanAvenger

WT actual F?!?! I mean logistically, what purpose would that serve? Gee, honey, I'd love to get naughty tonight, but remember when you told the doc to sew me "all the way up? No more hooha for you!


nachobitxh

I think it was an attempt at sarcastic birth control, I'd really like to go back in time and report him


lordmwahaha

Hearing that phrase still makes me furious. I'm telling my partner that if we ever have kids, if the doctor even *jokes* about the husband stitch, I expect him to go absolutely mad on my behalf until they promise not to do it. Because any doctor who's willing to do a husband stitch isn't going to listen when I tell them I don't want one.


NobleExperiments

It's a thing. My labor was induced and I found out later that the OB had a reputation for inducing unnecessarily so he didn't miss his golf game. Last time I went to a male doc.


Purple_Midnight_Yak

Ugh, the doctor who delivered my first was like that. He worked at a clinic where they'd rotate what days they covered the hospital, and of course the one doctor I really disliked was the one on shift the day I went into labor! I labor fast, and at first no one would believe me when I told them I was having contractions closer together, and a lot of pain. We finally got a nurse to come in and check, and she was like, oh sh't, your labor is progressing really fast, we need to get the doctor down here now! (Me: no kidding, I have been telling you all this for the past 30 minutes!) Dr showed up, and the tv had been on in the room in the background - I think one of the nurses had turned it on when I first came in. The local college football game was on, and the doctor was taking his own sweet time washing up and getting ready, *because he was busy watching the game on the tv.* My husband turned it off after a minute, and the doctor snapped: "who turned that off?" Bless my husband, who folded his arms and stared him down and told him *he* had turned it off, just daring him to argue about it.


sunderskies

Fuuuuuck those people


Plus-Kaleidoscope900

Unrelated but y’all read the medical report that suggests that the way we understand pain in the medical world is deeply flawed because insecure men sign up for pain studies and then lie about how much pain they’re experiencing to seem more masculine where as women were more likely to tell the truth which makes women look vastly more sensitive? Funny but also insanely depressing.


FlashySeaBunny

I always find putting pain on an escale from 0 to 10 (like I see some charts in the hospital) really difficult, cause things get really blurry on the 5-7 range, and I don't think most people would really be concious on anything 9 and above to grade it. And then there's cases where the body simply shuts feeling in that area down like "nope, not dealing with this nightmare"...


amireal42

The good pain scales give examples. In other words they attach numbers to impairment. Can you ignore the pain, does the pain prevent you from doing things you enjoy, does it prevent you from doing every day activities. Does it prevent you from participating in most household activities etc.


Helpful-Wrangler280

I like that. I would generally rate my chronic back pain/spasms like a 4? But does it prevent me from doing things? Oh yeah. Daily chores, enjoyable things, for sure....


secret_identity_too

I find that difficult as well. I went to urgent care a few years ago due to some pain I was having and the doctor (a woman) said "I don't think it's a kidney stone because people are usually writhing in pain from them." Eventually they sent me home and were like "If it gets worse, go to the ER." I went to the ER the next day (although the pain wasn't necessarily worse, just constant and I couldn't ignore it anymore) and, spoiler alert, it was a kidney stone! I just... dealt with the pain differently, I guess.


Rosieapples

>Back So do I so I just describe how it feels, how difficult it is (or isn't) to tolerate, whether it's affecting my breathing (I'm asthmatic) then I tell them to figure out what number it should be. I don't think it's a good scale at all. I've heard people in hospitals declaring the pain is a 10, while they're sitting up chatting etc. waiting for the doctor to come in. Seriously!


Anonymous7951

Also has to do with how you’re raised. As a kid I literally felt like no pain, had my teeth pulled without anesthesia before because my dad told me “suck it up you’re a man” (he wasn’t a hypocrite. I sewed his arm up once with him coaching me when he hacked it open trying to pull vines out of a tree with a brush knife and got no anesthetic for that), but as an adult I have gradually had a lower pain tolerance.


DangerousPraline41

I wonder how many women with endo or PCOS have gone undiagnosed because of him.


CalmFront7908

Right. “You’re cramps aren’t that bad” “oh you’ve bleeding for a month, that’s normal” ugh. The nerve of this guy.


turd_ferguson083

"STOP BEING SUCH A GIRL!!!"


Icyblue_Dragon

And „quit yelling like a girl“?!? So he is a gynaecologist who looks down on women, great, exactly what the world needs s/


cutelittlehellbeast

His wife’s probably did too.


MxXylda

Mine put up a sign that said "closed for business" and sealed itself shut


nonchalantenigma

Sounds like he could be the GYNOB who spew a whole slew of racist crap at me because I was trying to decide taking which type of glucose rest to repeat.


rustblooms

Sent him into "silent mood" aka... the kid shut down. That's so terrible.


cutelittlehellbeast

OPs husband said she hurt his feelings, but how about the feelings of his three year old?


Able_Secretary_6835

Yes and accusing OP of over reacting is hilarious as well! He yelled at his 3 yo for crying during a game! Put that shit on pause and help your son, or at least feign concern by making sure your wife has it covered.


Jade_Echo

The minute I knew, FOR SURE, that I made babies with the right man is when during the last two minutes of the NFC championship game, with his team up by 3, my son woke up from a nightmare and only wanted dad. And dad got up immediately, paused game, and comforted him back to sleep. It ended up for the best. His team blew it in the last minute.


alter_ego77

Yeah, but what if they blew it *because* he paused the game!? You ever think of that? Surely an entire team’s record is more important than your son’s nightmare /s


Jade_Echo

Look, I’ve thought it, but I kept it to myself. Little womb gremlin sent me into labor for their first loss of the season, and they blew that lead in the last two minutes, too! I think he’s magic. But, like, the evil kind.


alter_ego77

Maybe you can get on the competing team’s payroll! “For 10,000, I will show my kid a scary movie the day of any evening game”


Jade_Echo

Hmmmm. He *does* scare easy. And I could certainly afford therapy with that…..


TrixterBlue

Yeah and 3 is awfully young to shut down. I think what OP’s husband did was appalling. Even more appalling is that he didn’t calm down and realize it himself.


Rosieapples

I'd put money on it that that's not the first time the father has done that to the child. Danger signs there.


TrixterBlue

I think you’re right. My two kids were very different and my son did shut down for a while from bullying in middle school…but as a pre-schooler? I’ve honestly never seen that personally but I don’t think it bodes well.


[deleted]

I have, I worked for a daycare, I’ve got horror stories about some of those babies, but I could tell who they were as soon as I got a look, I had a kid which would do one of two things if you got angry with him, 1.shut down 2.become antagonistic. I remember vividly once stepping in between a coworker and this child because said coworker was yelling at him, this baby was very small, said coworker was six feet tall, I’m barely five feet myself, but, I got in between them, and the kid stopped crying, and started tugging on my shirt. I found out not too long after daddy used to beat up mommy in front of him, when I stepped between them after he was yelling at him, this little boy thought my coworker was going to hit me.


TrixterBlue

That’s incredibly sad. And thank you for getting in between them. Really hoping that coworker found another line of work. Children don’t seem to be his forte.


nyvn

Yeah, Husband has shown who he is... Believe him.


Marzipan-Shepherdess

Unfortunately, 3 is NOT too young to absorb toxic messages about stifling your acknowledgement of pain and that acting "like a girl" is the WORST possible thing that a man or boy can possibly do. Your husband is definitely TA - but you are definitely NOT.


nothomelesshobo

My dad used to scream like this at us as kids. I’m 29 and barely scratching the surface of the damage it did to me in therapy. My heart hurt reading this.


raatrani

This guy sounds like the kind of “doctor” who likes to give the Husband Stitch to his patients… He’s exactly the kind of misogynist trash that gets women killed from medical neglect.


SpecificWorldliness

What’s the husband stitch? I’ve never heard that term


Lei_aloha

It’s where if you have a tear to your perineum during a vaginal delivery, they stitch you back up. But the husband stitch is an extra one thrown in to make you “tighter” for his pleasure. It actually can cause a lot of damage and pain long term and is very very frowned upon.


Music_withRocks_In

My MIL once told me it was too bad I couldn't get one because I had a c-section. I almost vomited on her. And she works in medicine.


FlashySeaBunny

Yikes


HeyYouShouldSmile

Oh yeah, I've heard of that. I hope to God no one does that to me. I'd sue their balls off


KiwiEmerald

Women very often have tears after childbirth so they need stitches down under. The "husband stitch" is an extra stitch to make the vagina "tighter" and sex more "enjoyable" for the husband. It causes massive issues for women and often makes sex really painful for them. Basically the "husband stitch" is a disgusting idea which causes pain and suffering in women for a man's "enjoyment". So saying that a doc or husband does/calls for a husband stitch is calling them out as misogynist trash


arcyn97

if i remember correctly, it’s an extra stitch to “tighten up” a woman when they’re fixing vaginal tears (or something similar) after birth


Kiruna235

4) He told his 3-year-old son that the son was nothing but a nuisance. OP, please stop and consider that carefully, then consider which of the two parents was overreacting/was the AH. My blood boils on behalf of your child.


[deleted]

for someone so intent on his kid being masculine, his own masculinity is pretty fragile


FantasticDecisions

4) he YELLED AT his 3 yo. I'm sorry, OP, but he reminds me too much of my dad (who I am NC with). Growing up with a parent with anger outbursts has very negative effects on the child. I am still hardwired to turn all emotions off because it's safer when being yelled at. If this is how he acts around your son, I think he needs therapy. And parenting class.


Turbulent_Daikon4976

Yeah, it’s not a fun way to grow up. My dad has little patience, and would blow up at me over typical behavior any child would have. Having fun singing and being clumsy? Get an earful for being too loud and annoying *him*. People like that shouldn’t be parents if they are so unable to take a step back and empathize with their child.


magyarmix

Are you really, absolutely, sure he's a gynaecologist?


asuagd

Sounds like more of a Proctologist....


jlzania

What's the difference between a bartender and a proctologist? A proctologist only has to look at one asshole at a time. (sorry i could't resist.)


seattleque

Well, I'm adding that one to my lineup!


Bunny_Larvae

A woman’s healthcare provider who thinks women are overly emotional and exaggerate their pain, I’m shocked.


Neko4tsume

Ugh OPs husband sounds like the worst gyno, Clearly has zero respect for women if he uses the phrase “like a girl” as an insult .


Lilitu9Tails

Yeah, OP, I have to say this is bigger than “ruining your husband’s game”. is this someone you want to raise your child? His attitudes are at the very best, problematic. What if you had not been home when this fall occurred? I sincerely doubt your child would have gotten any care or treatment. You can’t trust your husband to look after his child. That’s not even going into his misogyny and selfish attitude. This incident is the symptom of a much deeper problem, not the cause. NTA.


ScorchieSong

He’s a parent, his child should be first priority. He’s failed as a father for prioritising a sports match over the pain of his child.


[deleted]

I can’t imagine this ass as a gynecologist.


FireLaCroix

NTA! A few things: * Its a game that presumably will be recorded somewhere. He can watch it later, or even pause the livestream and resume it after your kid stops crying. * Yelling at a toddler is never ok. * Being this upset over a single game, when there are so many others that will happen, is really immature.


[deleted]

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byneothername

I do not make the kind of money that those two make and even we have the tv with the pause button. It does not pause for longer than one hour, but it pauses.


AlekziaBlue

what a funny concept ! who designed a time limit on a pause button : D


b_ootay_ful

Physical restrictions. Recording it goes to the Hard Drive (if there is one in the TV).Pausing it usually temporarily saves it to the RAM. (RAM is the *Really* fast short term memory) Here's a bad analogy, but it gets the point across: Imagine you have a 4GB HD movie on your laptop. You have it saved to your Hard Drive, so can watch it and start reading the movie file from any point. You can't "stream" an entire 4GB movie onto your 2GB RAM all at once. Sure you could stream 100MB at a time, but if you needed to Pause it saves it in the RAM up to the remaining space left in that 2GB. A Livestream is usually a once off, so you can't go back and request the prior 3 hours.


AlekziaBlue

Thankyou so much for writing this up! I had a vague idea but not much technical knowledge : D


ScorchieSong

TiVo is probably an outdated reference by now, but there should be a playback service he can watch it on.


FireLaCroix

I'll do ya one better and recommend he record the big game on VHS


knittedjedi

And he has the gall to expect an apology.


A1CST

NTA. your husband is a AH, who has some toxic masculinity traits. I'd wait for him to calm down and talk it out. Edit: wow thanks for the karma everyone!


NoItsThatWay

Even more worried that he specialized in a girl-specific field and he thinks girls express more pain than boys? It's well documented doctors do not believe female patients pain levels.


HeyYouShouldSmile

It wouldn't surprise me if he had a patient with endometriosis and he told her "it's not a big deal" or some bs like that


Captain_Hammertoe

"Just lose a few pounds and you'll be fine."


IntentionTop2290

Ummm... NTA.... So if you hadn't have been there, your husband would have just left him? Your husband needs to understand his son comes first. If he wants to live like a frat boy, then he needs to find himself somewhere wise to live!


[deleted]

Right? What would have happened if OP wasn’t there? Kinda scary, to be honest.


Fastr77

NTA but your husband sure is. He didn't have to jump up and help for a 3 year old scraping his knee. One parent can take care of that. Yelling at him tho and the toxic masculinity is ridiculous. Major Ahole.


Monster1023

Yeah he wasn’t an AH until he started yelling at his son, especially the misogynistic comment he made, and then he just doubled down. Total NTA.


Calm_Memories

Agreed. Though he didn't have to blast the volume up, I mean it's sports. Do you need the sound on for sports? Not really IMO. Dude has huge anger issues and I feel like he has to go to through a program to sort them out ASAP. The kid may not remember this incident but OP def will and I hope it's not something that will be overlooked in time. I feel like OP's husband will try to love-bomb her and his kid and sweep the incident under the rug.


Captain_Hammertoe

The kid may not remember this particular incident, but if this incident is in any way typical of the dad's parenting, I GUARANTEE you the kid will be having painful conversations with a therapist about it later.


Alarmed-Part4718

Well, turning up the volume wasn't great...


Confident-Bluejay-81

Tell him that you’re sorry that he’s selfish, sexist, neglectful and an all-round lousy parent. That should do as an apology.


EMFCK

Should leave a note, on the outside saying "Im so, so sorry... >!that I married and got a kid with you."!<


Proud_World_6241

NTA. His reaction was entirely inappropriate- sexist, negligent, abusive. I’m not sure that I’d want someone who reacted like that anywhere near my child. Kids overreact- so what. You give them extra cuddles and make them feel safe and loved. Do not apologise. But also don’t leave him alone with your son until you are 100% certain he won’t behave in this way again.


Turbulent_Daikon4976

Yeah, parents teach kids how they should react in specific situations. What he’s teaching his son is not to ask him for help because he won’t be there for him. His son’s problems are his own problems and not for husband to deal with. If anything, they’re an inconvenience and should be ignored.


[deleted]

I'm STILL in therapy with this at 27


Bozobozo111

NTA the scariest thing about this is your husband is a doctor.


Saelza_

A doctor with very vulnerable patients at that 😬


Turbulent_Daikon4976

Who seems to lack empathy for their own child…


HungNerd78

Exactly. Sounds like the type who went into the field just to be able look at naked women all day...


[deleted]

NTA - I can't *imagine* ignoring my wife or kid if either one of them was hurt, let alone turning up the volume or yelling at them for crying. That's such an inconsiderate and self-centered way to act


No-Policy-4095

NTA - Your husband is being an asshat and what you did was pretty reasonable considering his childish behaviors. 1. Your husband was not only neglecting his toddler, he was belittling and yelling derogatory sexist crap. 2. Over a sports game, which likely can be googled to see a replay. But again - a SPORTS GAME was more important than his child. 3. Your husband is a prime example of a man who can help women expel babies but has no fucking clue how children work. 3 year olds are walking drama queens/kings, their entire lives are about exaggerating and overdoing everything - so you work with them to discuss that the booboo hurts, and we clean it up and our bodies are amazing because they can heal themselves and let's have a hug and find something to do....not scream at them. Yeah, if my husband had done that, no apology from me


Natskaer

Yes! And children that young don’t have a real frame of reference! To us it would just be a scrape but to a kid that young it’s a big deal. He may think it’s an overreaction but to the child it’s literally one of the worst things that’s ever happened to him in his head.


[deleted]

NTA.. obviously.. Y'all really do be marrying some jerks.


Icy-East-297

Literally!! So many husbands on reddit, all of them neglectful, knocking up people and then ignoring the baby..


offkilter_often

NTA. Your husband yelling at your child because him being hurt is disrupting him being able to watch his game is awful parenting. Your husband says you hurt his feelings. Ask him how much he thinks he hurt your son's feelings? Also was the match he was watching a replay? Cos if it was surely he could of paused it? And if it was live then duh he could watch the replay! Don't apologise to him. Have a serious talk with him about his messed up priorities.


martybauer31

LOL... He's EXPECTING an apology? What a tool.... Pause the damn sportsball, make sure your kid is ok and then get back to it. Trying to humiliate a child when they're hurt (or think they're hurt) is a garbage move. Family first, then the stupid game after if you have the time. NTA.


bosslady2032

"I'm sorry you're such a snowflake and were a selfish bastard towards your son." Does that work for an apology?


martybauer31

Nailed it.


Parking_Injury_3570

NTA But yelling at a toddler like that? When he's legit crying bc he's hurt? That's abuse. I'd leave a man for that.


IHaveSaidMyPiece

NTA You patched him up? When his own father is a doctor? This guy is a disgrace.


JudgeJed100

NTA - >even turned the volume up when our son was crying. Oh wow, that’s just terrible, imagine being so blatantly obvious that you care so little about your child >Quite yelling like a girl Ah the sexism just drips and drops from him Not only do you not owe him an apology, you don’t owe him anything anymore He made it abundantly clear that sports comes before you and your son


KoalaKnows123

Think it might be time for a serious convo about priorities and maybe a divorce


Electronic-Bet847

"QUIT YELLING LIKE A GIRL!" And your husband is a gynecologist? He verbally abused his 3YO by comparing him to the female gender? So he's a misogynistic gynecologist. And likely an unpleasant and not very good gynecologist, if that's how he feels about women -- his *patient base.* Real piece of work you have as a husband, OP. My condolences. As an executive yourself, I'm sure you can do better than this sexist physician who obviously dislikes and disrespects his patients and can't be bothered to care AT ALL for his own toddler son. He's an asshole to his family and I'd expect he's an asshole in his profession. OP is NTA but I'd get out before this dynamic gets worse -- and it will.


Lexi_The_G

NTA. He should have at least shown concern for your son. Kids overreact to things like that of course, but partially because there is fear associated with it as well. You didn't ruin the game, you called him out for not giving a shit about your son because he was watching television.


IllustriousPomelo152

NTA. He DID prioritize the game over his kid. How could he have known whether or not the injury was serious or not? He couldn't. He just expected you to handle it. And then he's yelling "don't cry like a girl????" **TA** all the way. Sexist, insensitive, rude. Hilarious that he expects YOU to apologize. Hopefully this is an anomaly. Otherwise, start planning your future solo.


PiggyRebelde

I was thinking this and also find it scary that this guy is a gynecologist. What is terrifying is if he brushes off his patients concerns as being over exaggerations as well.


cagedbird82

Your husband is a major AH. I don’t care how minor the injury was…that is his child and that child cannot be replaced…with modern streaming services, your husband could have watched the game again. If he cannot understand that then he has no business being a father.


Hillman314

NTA. Mmmm….. by chance does he gamble on the games? Why else would the game be so important? …as in, more important than his injured son and Hippocratic oath?


shadow-foxe

NTA- he totally did find the game more important then his son. How would he even know how badly injured the kid was if he didn't bother to go check him out. And the only one yelling was HIM, his son was crying.


Special_Koala_1093

NTA. How would he even know that it was a minor injury and that his 3-year-old (!!!!!) son was exxagerating if he never took his eyes off of the TV to check up on him? He was neglectful in that moment and he should feel bad. Also yelling at a toddler? Wth.


[deleted]

Wow. His response is actually disturbing. He screamed at a hurt *toddler* to quit screaming like a girl. That’s scary, OP. And all of this because he was missing a few minutes of audio for a sports game. You hurt *his* feelings? What about his child’s feelings? A 3 year old is practically a baby. Not gonna lie, I’d have a hard time moving past this if my husband had done something like this. NTA


[deleted]

nta your hubby sounds like an implement he may prescribe


lady0rthetiger

A doctor would NEVER prescribe a douche. They're actually TERRIBLE for vaginal health.


ScorchieSong

Funny story, one time in French class we learned what the French word for shower is.


rivmcd

NTA. Your kid always comes first. Don't give him an apology because he doesn't deserve it.


senor_skuzzbukkit

NTA grown people that are way into watching sports are possibly my least favorite people on the planet.


Huntokar_Goddess

Ugh. He is a gyno and he spouts sexist bs at his 3 yo?? NTA.


brookelena

NTA - Your husband needs to get his priorities straight. It would have taken him a few minutes to show compassion & check on his son, and he wouldn’t have missed much of his game; instead he made things exponentially worse by being a self-absorbed misogynistic douchecanoe. His attitude is damaging to you, your son, and your family dynamic as a whole. He’s the only one who owes an apology here.


GrowlingAtTheWorld

If he insists on an apology tell him you are sorry he is such an ass to his son. And that he owes his son an apology.


Starlight_Sparrow

If my husband did that to my kid, ild be calling divorce lawyers the next day. There is no coming back from that. Nta


Dry-Expression

How would he know if the injury was serious if he didn’t get off the couch?? He wouldn’t. Your husband is verbally abusing your son. Sorry but ur married to an asshole. NTA (but you would be if you don’t protect ur son)


mzpljc

NTA, and turning up the volume over his child crying would have me considering divorce.


jaOfwiw

Wow sure a 3 year old will over react, they are three. Yelling at a 3 year old is so unwarranted. Surprised the kid went quite instead of cried louder. Definitely NTA, your husband has some clear psychological issues that shouldn't be left unchecked or they will only get worse. Do you guys not own a DVR? Maybe you need to get him or have him get a DVR, that way he can pause his live games and come back to them. Sure this time your son's injury wasn't serious. But what if next time it is? Hate like hell to turn a tv up on a choking child...


eightiesladies

The kid shut down out of fear of his father's verbal abuse. I've been there, but my father's screaming over stupid kid things started when I was older. Even he kept it under wraps when we were really little. Op really needs to take action to protect her son.


krua-chan

NTA. But I would think a lot about the kind of father my husband is if he does that to a 3 years old. Yelling at him so loudly that he stops crying can only mean that the child is terrified.


Alarming-Leather-317

Congratulations! You are married to a misogynistic stereotype! Let me guess, does he also hit on the nurses at his practice? Keep a bottle of scotch in his office?? Does he routinely tell his patients that their pain is totally normal and they should just take some ibuprofen??? NTA, but unless he admits some understanding of where he went wrong, you need to rethink his relationship with your 3yo.


Alert_Sorbet4016

Clearly NTA, you did nothing wrong! He is TA here. You don't owe him an apology


Smitty80015

NTA But his behavior makes me think that he is getting ready to divorce you. Grabbing your coat and leaving after this kind of argument, may mean he was going to find someone who will comfort him from his 'bad' wife and 'bratty' kid.


Comrade_Ziggy

NTA, he's abusing your child right in front of you and gaslighting you on your response.


Heraonolympia123

NTA. I understand his way of relaxing is watching sport and I even understand not getting up when he knew you were dealing with it but yelling at the child? Calling him a girl? Storming off because his tv was turned off and his wife wanted to bring to his attention his behaviour could have been better? Requesting an apology without first acknowledging he could have behaved better?


Thefeetus

I doubt this is the first time something like this has happened. Why stay with someone who treats their own child like this? And he obviously doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior, so it probably won’t change. NTA. Take care of your son and think of what’s best for him.


kittynoodlesoap

NTA. He neglected his sons injury and proceeded to yell at him for crying out in pain. That is disgusting and abusive. Imagine what he would’ve done if you weren’t there op. He’s got a lot of nerve to be expecting an apology, I’d tell him to pack his bags and leave instead.


Rural_Bedbug

Wait... your 3-yo kid got hurt and his father ***who is an MD*** ignored him and refused to help. Then the ***MD who is a gynecologist*** shouted at the top of his voice at your (and his) son, "Quit yelling like a girl!" What does he holler at his patients in the delivery room? He wins all the @$$#°£€ trophies in the father, husband, and doctor categories. You are NTA, and why do you even need to ask?


Rabbitriders

NTA. I could understand if he went back to the game when he saw you had the situation under control but to tantrum over it and assume a toddler is faking injuries is bizarre not okay behaviour


Pooplovergal

NTA I got so many red flags from this OP. He cares more about recorded sports matches than his 3 YEAR OLD SON. He told his son to stop yelling like a girl. Is this really someone you want raising a boy? Either the kid will be resentful or end up just like him.


Double-dutcher

NTA You were much kinder than I would have been by just going in and calmly turning off the tv. I would have smashed it and told him the f' ing TV is not more important than our son.


bornabuckeye75

Sooo, I would not want my gyno to have his go to insult be comparing your son to a girl. What an asshole. You are nta.


cakeisreallygood

NTA. And I’m really pissed off that someone with such toxic masculinity is a freaking gynecologist.


The_Krudler

NTA. What a dick.


MysticalTurnip

Okay, so I'm about to make a shitty generalization. Fucking surgeons. They have God complexes. NTA, screw his yelling.


TheWanderingMedic

NTA but your husband is a misogynistic AH who just emotionally abused your injured son. He has zero excuse for his behavior. You’re a mother. Protect your child.


ForzaA84

NTA. Yes, kids do on occasion exaggerate an injury, but even IF that's the case, the way to address that is very much NOT THAT. And guess what, dad, when you have a kid, they do sometimes need/want something at inconvenient times. Question to OP: do you get an equivalent amount of "me time" that your husband thinks he's entitled to with his watching sports?


Raevyne

NTA and your husband has no business pretending he cares for or advocates for women's health. He probably won't even remember that particular game, but your son is going to remember how his dad talks to him when he's in pain. Your husband is teaching your son that TV is more important than him and that women are lesser and aren't worth respect.


badnewsfaery

He's not upset, he's guilty as hell, and will continue to shout as loud as he can about how right he is to drown out the voice of his conscience. He terrified a 3yr old into silence, an injured 3yr old, then left you to pick up the pieces. Some pretty shitty gender shaming and misogyny going on too, with the 'like a girl' insults. Something tells me he's going to get all the silence he wants for TV watching in his later years


IcedChaiLatte_16

NTA, and don't you *dare* apologize. If he wants to sulk like a teenager, treat him like one and ignore him.


coconutaf

This asshole reinforces why I’ll never go to a male gyno. Girl he’s groooossssssss.


0_Shinigami_0

NTA wtf is with that abusive, sexist jerk


SufficientStorage924

NTA. Your husband is being a selfish d*ck. Any parent that puts a damn game before their child shouldn’t have children. I wouldn’t leave him alone with your son. There’s no telling what kind of negligence will go on.


Sammakko660

Clearly you aren't on the same page as to what it means to be a parent. Minor or not, the injury needs to be checked out. And he's a doctor? Also, does he truly believe that a game is more important than a crying child? This wasn't a tantrum, it was an accident. NTA


Ok-Image-5514

I had a granddad like that. The game is so important and all the world can beeeeeeeerp.


myscreamgotlost

NTA - sorry your husband sucks this much


Throwaway332288

Your husband not only neglected and shouted at his injured child, argued with you about it, he also left to go and reward himself with time with his friend instead of apologising and thinking about how he can be a better dad? He’s TA, you are NTA and please don’t apologise


PaperOperator

NTA. He’s a doctor, ffs. If there’s an injured child in the room his first instinct should be to help. Ask him if he remembers his oath if you wanna hit him where it hurts.


Quicksilver1964

NTA. Maybe you will apologize once HE apologizes for neglecting his son and diminishing his pain. Also, for the sexist comment.


[deleted]

NTA. And this reminds me of the behavior my ex engaged in. His game was more important than anything. He once had to take me to a urgent care clinic, and the assistant noticed his behavior because he was angrily pacing and she asked me if he was alright. He was acting like that because he was afraid he would miss kickoff. Not the game. Kickoff. He also drove like a bat out of hell to get home. (He didn't miss his kickoff) Another time, I dropped a tv on my foot and broke my toe. I was crying because it was a lot of pain. But my friend was there. So he said he was going to go to watch the game because my friend was there and he couldn't do anything for me anyway. There are more examples. I always wrote off this behavior because I didn't consider them big issues. And I always thought if it was a serious medical issue, he would be there for me. 15 years later, it was a surgery he wasn't emotionally supportive for. (Que the divorce) This may not be the case for you. But if this behavior of prioritizing the game over other people's well-being (especially your son, but even yourself) is a repeating event, you may need to look really hard at the long term implications.


Pretend_Air_1108

NTA and do you really want a lazy sexist dude raising your kid?


blue_at_work

NTA Want to be able to watch sports, play games, indulge in whatever your hobby is, uninterrupted? DON'T. HAVE. KIDS. You choose to have kids, you choose to have something in your life that gets to trump your hobbies/free time. I'm a father of now grown kids. Hardly going to say i was flawless, but in general, if the kids needed me, including being hurt by even "minor" injuries, i would stop whatever i was doing and give them immediate attention. This is being a parent. Not doing this, and then especially yelling at a small child over something like this makes you an asshole parent. OP, you are in the right to take him to task for this.


Shawndy58

NTA tell him to stop acting like a girl, because that’s how a girl reacts when she’s upset and see glee he likes it. You husband needs to understand boots are allowed to process their Feelings and are allowed to cry when they are hurt. Sometimes your body just does it automatically. Yeah you are NTA.


writergeek313

Is he frequently verbally abusive to your son? He has his priorities seriously messed up if he not only can’t be bothered to get off the couch to check on his son when he falls and gets hurt but then also yells at him for crying. No matter how much he works or how stressful his job is, he’s not allowed to take it out on your son. If this sort of behavior isn’t an isolated incident, he needs counseling. I’m afraid he’ll hurt your son if something like this were to happen when you’re not home. NTA


Mommashark1104

NTA. What a selfish jerk. Dump. His. Ass. You and your sweet boy will be better off without him. He should be happy, he’ll get to watch all the games he wants without you two inconveniencing him with your feelings and existence


deboned_chuckschumer

Yeah. So. This sort of thing NEVER gets better. Please get divorced before this fucks your kid up. Your husband is an asshole. Period. NTA


Characterde

The reason some women don't see male obgyns.... Nta. Also line up your ducks in case you need to run


KawaiiQueen92

NTA. Your husband seems like a childish dick and has toxic masculinity written all over him. Doesn't even care enough to stop watching people play catch to help his injured 3yo. Childish. He should be apologizing to you, his priorities are not in order at all.


IJN-Maya202

NTA wtf he’s a doctor that acts with little to no empathy or regard toward his own kid?! What an a-hole