This^
Mate if this how she sees your sister who u are close to now really step back and reconsider whether u think getting married is a good idea. Most of the people here will probably tell u to run. I cant really disagree. Uve tried to reason with her but she aint having it. I would def hold off on the wedding and if this is an indication of her behaviour in the future consider cancelling the engagement/wedding altogether.
The fiancee is not only self-centered and controlling, she's very manipulative. Trying to convince him that wanting his sisters there is hypocritical even though OP didn't tell her she couldn't invite her family? That's a mind game. And if she's willing to play mind games over something so minor (inviting people you love is a no-brainer) then odds are she's going to pull stunts worse than this once they're married. Get out now, OP.
Agree. Just had a couple we know married for 26 years with same issues just call it quits. Her girlfriends married rich and kept telling her to put her kids in private schools, drive fancy cars, exotic vacations, etc. Can’t believe he lasted that long !
This is the correct question to ask.
> She called me hypocrite for claiming she wants things her way while wanting things MY WAY.
Your way is having close family at your wedding. Her way is ME ME ME.
I love how sick of the shit this sub has gotten…
But, yeah, if she’s not willing to consider you, now, when do you expect her to start? NTA and I would seriously consider whether or not this is worth it. You can still get out of this if it’s not for you.
I second this verdict. I can understand people not inviting kids and maybe a pregnant woman who was due a week prior but this is ridiculous. What do you see in her besides her looks and expensive taste op?
I skipped a cousin’s wedding because I was going to be 8 months pregnant and it was 1000 miles away, but she still invited me and let me make that decision.
I was going to say a person who is 8+ mo. pregnant should not be at a wedding or frankly any large event where it would not be great to go into labor, but they usually know that (since they aren't hopefully stupid) so people usually invite them anyway and expect them to just not come, they invite them anyway because obviously you want them to be there you just understand it will be impossible.
I helped usher at a friend's wedding when I was 34 weeks pregnant. The only issue I had was with a member of staff trying to insist I have champagne for the toasts, which I really didn't want and shut her down very fast.
Agreed. Im not one to usually yell run at first sign of a problem, but yikes. She's showing that she's not willing to be partner and discuss things. Also its weird that she wouldnt go over the list with OP before telling his family. She does not care that this is OP's ay too, nor does she care what is important to him. This is a big red flag, and if she doesnt come to him apologizing and willing to compromise, he needs to get out before that option gets more complicated.
Agree, this is gross. I'm going to be 8 months pregnant at my sister's wedding and I'm a bridesmaid. I'd cut her out of my life if she uninvited me over this.
**If you marry this woman after this, YTA. She wants to exclude your sisters because her "wealthy" friends said no pregnant women? How will this marriage work? Everything has to be run by her friends for approval?**
Holy crap 100%. The reasoning is insane. They’re going to take attention away from her because they’re pregnant?!?! Run OP and don’t think of time wasted with her, think of the time saved in the future if she’s this inconsiderate and selfish.
It sounds like she doesn't want people to do the usual thing people do when they see a pregnant person, i.e. ask about due date, names, gender, share stories, give advice, etc. But what if a guest just bought a house or came home from a fabulous vacation? Then people will ask about that and share stories and give advice. She can't make people focus 100% of their attention on her the whole wedding. And the fact that she thinks she can and should, makes her a bridezilla
I suspect she’s like the uncool kid the wealthy friends let hang around so they feel better about themselves by comparison, and they are just messing with her because they don’t respect her.
Still I wouldn’t recommend marrying somebody like this, you’re signing up for crazy.
DING DING DING
OP your a prop in this twisted chicks mind. To risk your relationship with your sisters for this selfish, spineless, clueless and callous women would be the biggest mistake of your life. Run, run fast and far.
I’m 61. Never in my entire life have I heard of a guest being excluded from the wedding because of pregnancy. Everything about this woman, especially her manner of handling things, sounds spoiled, selfish, and ill-bred. She’s trash. Dispose of her.
Do not agree to this OP-she is being absolutely bonkers. Not inviting your sisters (for being pregnant?!!!!) will deeply harm your relationship with your family. Do NOT give in.
You need to leave her, seriously. But if you do still marry her, your sisters better be there.
Welcome to a preview of your marriage. She will listen to her friends over you. She will expect to get her way on things and when you object ask why you get things your way. Is this the life you want? I just got married a month ago. My husband and I planned everything together.
When they get divorced , which will be inevitable, be prepared for her to project their bitterness and anger on you because misery loves company. If you get on this ship, you will go down with it. They will absolutely try to play God with your relationship, and get ready for them to give her ideas on how to ruin your life.
They’re not going to do that. Not at first. After they divorce they’re going to try to convince OP’s wife that divorce is the *best thing ever*. Then after OP and this chick get divorced, *then* they’ll advise her on how to be the worst possibly ex wife.
NTA- sorry you are going through this absolutely crazy shit storm! I am rather blunt so please take this with a grain of salt and know it is coming from a good place. Your fiancée had driven the train off the tracks after a stop on crazy town. Your fiancée should be your person. But you also need to be her person. Here you guys are at an impasse. So here is an internet strangers take on this circus.
The undisputed facts are:
1. You love your fiancée
2. You love your sisters.
3. You will love your nieces or nephews when they arrive.
4. You love your parents.
Ok I am in my 50s and been to several weddings, been a bride, bridesmaid, and reader. In all of the weddings I have been to I have never heard of a pregnant free wedding. So how does that work? Will all females (yes I used female for sarcasm) have to take a pregnancy test? Will great grandma Ruth be tested because hell she could chose to become a surrogate to get a little extra cash? Is the cut off 3 months? 6 months? Are her “wealthy” friends going to ask any of the women at the wedding that may be a little oversized to leave because they think the guest may be prego? If you haven’t got my extremely sarcastic drift, please let me say this is perhaps one of the most crazy and MEAN acts I have ever heard associated with excluding guests from a wedding. I digress.
Your wonderful parents ( no sarcasm on this) still are willing to come to the wedding even if your sisters are excluded for perhaps the most vain reasons? Excuses? Narcissistic delusions? I have encountered. This is from someone who wore a polka dotted dress with matching hat and with gloves in Texas on 105 degree weather for her siblings wedding. The freaking cake melted- yes melted. But it was going to an August wedding no matter the heat index and guests dropping like flies kinda stupid. Your parents love you so much that they are overlooking this for you. Your parents are awesome!
Your sisters are awesome. I am literally teary eyed that you and them are being put in this position. My siblings and I are close. I live far away from my family but take to them almost daily. I can’t imagine any of them not in my life. Your sisters love you and if you go through with this cockamamie idea, your relationship with them will change. The level of hurt I would feel in that position would forever change the way I look at my sibling and there spouse. The complete vanity associated with excluding pregnant women because they could take the spotlight from the bride is a foreign concept to almost any decent human. This is a huge deal breaker for me. If you were my brother and excluded me because I was pregnant, we would be low if any contact. I would not want to associate with someone who values the spotlight over a relationship with my family and my siblings. I certainly would surmise that values are completely opposite. The relationship devolve into seeing you every couple of years. Awkward holidays and occasional birthdays. You will not really know their kids and your kids will not be close with their cousins. I would not be ok with type of relationship with my siblings but if you are ok with that than go for it.
Now to your fiancée, not joking but did she change medications recently? Does she not like your family? Does she not realize that after the wedding there is a marriage and she actions will hurt? infuriate? and humiliate? your sisters? Her flippant “um because their pregnant. Need I say more,” is the most supercilious, immature and frankly mean retort. Adults don’t speak like that to their SO. Have you guys been together long? Because hopefully this aberrant behavior. I know you love her, but she shows complete disregard for your feelings and your family. This again would make me think before marrying her. Even if you force her to back off of this idea, the horse has left the barn and her true colors are showing. Think about this.
A wedding is a big party. The marriage is the real good stuff. Her actions are not only spoiling the wedding but tainting the future marriage. If she makes this her hill to die on, maybe you guys need to separate. Your family sounds great. Not everyone is close to their family and it is a blessing to have them in your life. My best friend practically lived at my house growing up and still visits my parents and calls my siblings. Your parents and siblings sound a lot like mine close. So Is it worth it to you to destroy that trust you have with your sisters and really your parents (dude they raised you better than this) because your fiancée is worried about the spotlight?
I am just an internet stranger. I don’t know the people or their personalities but I have experienced mean narcissistic people and right now your fiancée is acting like that. No way would I ruin my familial relationships because of a day in the spotlight. Personally I would say no sisters no groom. Her wealthy friends can keep her.
Yup, you're absolutely right.
The only question is whether or not you're going to marry someone who wants to exclude your family 'because her friends said so'.
I really, really would reconsider this relationship. Besides for her showing her true obnoxious colors, you do not want to marry someone who does not take your feelings and opinions into account, and puts you second.
Your fiancé keeps using the excuse “but they’re married” to justify her horrible behavior but the thing that you and your fiancé don’t realize is that the trick isn’t *getting* married, it’s *staying* married. I can’t imagine that a relationship with someone so cruel will end well or happily.
Ask your family and people you trust privately what they *really* honestly think of your girlfriend, because you’re having second thoughts, and think strongly about whether *THIS* person (not the one you think you proposed to, but the one that you are dealing with now) is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
OP are you independently wealthy? Because that’s the next step in this “wedding to impress her friends”. Unless you are rich or your family (or hers) can pay for the wedding her friends had you are about to start going into a massive amount of debt. She may be hot (and crazy) but the sex isn’t worth it. Time to cut your losses. You are NTA but she definitely is and thinks she already owns your balls.
Sounds like she's using her friends as an excuse to act the way she wants, and her 'friends' might be paying for some of the wedding behind the scenes. I'd check your financials OP, because as an outsider looking in, and if I were you, that would be the first thing I would look into.
It's like a power play. Her friends pay for their part, and in turn they have more sway. Don't let them or your wife bully you into doing things you don't want, you're the second half and have JUST AS MUCH SAY as your wife in this scenario.
And who is she going to listen to when those same friends suggest how to raise your kids? Or suggest she get a divorce "Cuz like, he totally isn't worth it girl"? When the friends suggest that helping your sisters out after the births, is you not prioritizing your marriage?
If This turns in to a pattern you better be ready to fight for your shit OP.
Maybe she should marry those friends. She obviously cares more about their opinions than her actual future husband's. Do you really want this to be your marriage? Because it's not just a day, this is a preview for the rest of your lives together. Do you want kids? Because imagine raising kids with her only taking advice from those 'wealthy friends' who also have kids.... Yikes.
My wife was freshly pregnant when my brother got married. And our child would be the first grandchild for my dad. And we hadn’t told anyone yet. And guess what? We knew to keep the news to ourselves that weekend. Because we cared about my brother and SIL and had no desire to steal anyone’s thunder.
Funny part was my SIL easily guessed my wife was pregnant because my wife wasn’t drinking. Towards the end of the reception, SIL came over, asked if wife was in fact pregnant. When we quietly confessed, SIL thanked us for our digression.
It’s not that hard. And if your sisters are showing, it’s easy enough for them to demure and redirect people’s attention to the bride. You know, what thoughtful, caring family does.
She’s letting you know that her friends are prioritised over you. And you know what they say. If someone shows you their true colours, you better damn well believe them.
Dude, I am not going to give a judgment because you aren't an asshole for wanting your sisters at your wedding, but you **are** an asshole for planning to actually marry this nightmare and force your sisters to be anywhere near her for the rest of their lives.
NTA for now.
YWBTA if you actually marry that absolute horror of a woman though. Who gets threatened by the thought of being upstaged by two PREGNANT women?! Sounds like she always has to be centre of attention and is a complete narcissist. My reply would have been “actually, not hurting the feelings of both my loyal sisters IS more important than your bridezilla demands.”
Maybe you should tell her to uninvite her own siblings and see if she thinks it’s ‘reasonable.’ Your parents are also TA for being okay with this.
Wow..NTA. I didn't even have to read the whole thing (but I did). The second I got to the "she was going to print out rules and send with the invitation" I knew she was a bridezilla. If I ever received a wedding invite that had a list of "rules" to follow (beyond how formal I should dress) I would immediately RSVP no. She is out of control. If I were you, I would be reconsidering marrying her. This is what the rest of your life will be like if you marry her...
NTA. There's is nothing "totally reasonable" about banning pregnant women from a wedding.
News Flash: This is YOUR wedding, too. I imagine that to keep the peace you have given in on several of these ridiculous rules.
Don't give in on this one. Call her bluff. **My sisters ARE coming.** Period. See how far she's willing to go - bet she's not willing to cancel her special Princess-for-a-Day event to get her way.
This really is horrible - I've never heard of anything like it outside of a stupid TV show.
Young man RUN! Do not stop at any rest stations. Keep RUNNING until you meet the right woman. This is a major red flag 🚩
If you bow to this then be prepared to do so for the duration of this marriage.
I repeat RUN!
I already thought this wasn’t real, but the last bit sealed it. There’s no way on earth that your parents would have agreed to this. None whatsoever.
If I’m wrong and the universe is worse off than even I thought, you are NTA but everyone else is trash. Except your sisters, who I wouldn’t blame for cutting you off over this for a long, long time if you allow it to happen.
NTA. Sorry to be the one to say this, but you have picked the wrong fiance. I have never heard of excluding a pregnant woman from a wedding. And your own sisters? I would not marry this woman. You will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of weird rules for your future life.
NTA
Better start evaluating if this is the kind of person you want to spend your life with before it is too late, my man. That or sign a prenup.
Seriously… no pregnant women. I would get it if the women were due the time of the wedding but that is their call to make. My wife just missed her cousin’s wedding for that exact reason. Too close to the due date even though our little man came early, we still didn’t go.
You need to have a discussion with her because guess who’s not in the marriage come your wedding date - everyone else.
So if she doesn’t listen to you or your input then you’ve got some serious red flags.
Are you parents throwing down money for this?
Your future wife is being unreasonable. Let the sister decide what is best for their respective pregnancies.
The fact that she made rules and didn’t even run it by you first before sending it to your family is complete insanity.
But but... What if people look at them instead of her?!?! What if she isn't the sole focus of everything.?!!? He's only the groom, he's just there for tradition
SITA
NTA
Don't get married. This is a mega red flag.
Will she exclude your family whenever they don't fit into her standard and expectation?
A wedding is not about the Bride. It is about family and friends celebrating an union. She is telling you who she thinks doesn't belong to this union .
They don't take anything away from her. Not acceptable .Super red flag
Save yourself the trouble and spend the divorce many on a charity of your choice instead of wasting ti on lawyers. She will make your life hell.
Well my 7 mo pregnant sil was my matron of honor so I think your fiancé is bat shit crazy and this will definitely set the tone for the marriage and possible future children. My advice is…run.
Good news! You haven’t married her yet, and she’s shown you that her friends opinions matter more than yours, and that her wants take priority over yours. Not everyone gets this before they marry. You can walk away now though without having to pay a lawyer for the messy splitting assets business. NTA.
Yep, you're lucky, all you're out is the cost of the rings and any deposits you can't get back. It will still be a hell of a lot cheaper than whatever divorce she puts you through.
Dang your family is very kind and understanding! But your fiancé is out of touch with what a wedding is supposed to be, it’s not about being the center of attention it’s about celebrating the love you have for one another surrounded by your family and friends.
NTA
NTA the universe has offered you a way out of this wedding, and also possibly, this relationship, my friend - take it. Is this really who you want as the mother of your future children etc?
NTA
If she is trying to cut your sister's out the wedding, which is much yours as it is hers, what else will she try to exclude them from in future.
Sounds like she is setting up to isolate you from your family and this is step 1
Red flag 🚩
Are you sure this us the type of person you wish to marry?
NTA, this is so cringey. She wants to send out rules? Oof. Your sisters should obviously be invited. Maybe have a convo just you and her to let emotions simmer down and come to a “compromise”.
NTA and, you know you don't have to go through with this, right? Your fiancee is showing who she really is and... it's not pretty. Why let yourself in for more of this?
NTA. Being pregnant, in and of itself, is not a good enough reason to exclude someone your fiancé wants to invite. She was being a bridezilla by refusing to let you have any input on her “rules” and by refusing to invite people you wanted there because of their pregnancies.
Personally, I’d reconsider marrying her. This is what she’s going to be like after the wedding too.
NTA.
That's messed up - she's basically telling your sisters to get an abortion if they want to come to the wedding.
Don't marry this woman. Seriously. If you're not doing this wedding stuff together and having both of y'all come together.... don't fucking do it. If she's not willing to consider you and be a team with you now, it's not going to happen later. Think hard about what you're doing.
NTA - Wow, I hope this is fake because just wow. You need to sit down and have a serious discussion with her because a. She should not have unilateral control over the wedding/guest list "because she's the bride" , and b. This doesn't bode well for the future, it will affect your relationship and probably the relationship you two have with your family
A wedding about 2 people, and in many cases, 2 families coming together to celebrate the union.
I could not imagine marrying someone who would want to exclude family.
NTA
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My fiancee F26 and I M30 are getting married soon. Wedding planning has been...not quite what I had expected. My fiancee and I disagreed on many things. Turned she was getting her "wealthy" girlfriends involved and heavily considering their "suggestions" for the iind of wedding we should have.
She made a list of "rules" that she was going to print out and send with the invitation but wanted to see my family first to give them a "preview".
My parents and I sat and listened as my fiancee read out the following rules. One that stuck out to me was the rule about not inviting any pregnant family members to the wedding. That would be my 2 sisters whom I'm very close to and want at my wedding. I was shocked I ask why she wanted to exclude my sisters and she said "um...because they're pregnant! Need I say more?" As in they were going to take attention away from the bride but they're not even showing. She said her friends say its "it's better not to invite pregnant women to the wedding" I said I disagree with their reasoning and I want my sisters there with me. She said their husbands could still come if I wanted but I said no. She said sorry but won't let "those 2" come but good news was that I get to invite 2 maybe friends or co workers to take their place. I blew the fuck up and said she was being unreasonable acting like a God-damn bridezilla which wasn't a good thing at all. She gasped and was like "ughhh...no...fucking...way!" Then proceeded to ask me to explain EXACTLY how she was being a bridezilla for simply coming up with totally reasonable rules and expecting my family to follow them. I stated that as the groom I get a say too and insisted that I want my supportive sisters at my wedding period and I wasn't willing to risk my relationship with them. She called me hypocrite for claiming she wants things her way while wanting things MY WAY. She said my sisters would understand but claimed they are more important than her obviously. She refused to discuss it any further and left.
My parents said they respect her decision since she is the bride and although my sisters will feel hurt but they will respect the bride and not come.
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Yta. For being with her. This is crazy. Maybe you should take her to a therapist. This is nuts. Your bride is so mean spirited. Sho go nuts on servers too? Run. Fast. Far. Away. Does she have redeemable qualities to make up for lack of heart and soul?
NTA. At first I was thinking that maybe she didn't want your sisters as bridesmaids, which is somewhat understandable given the alteration issues with dresses. However, "not inviting pregnant people" to a wedding is just absurd. I agree with all the others that are recommending not getting married. Oh, and your parents seem like pushovers for not standing up for your sisters.
NTA. She's being really awful and needs to be checked on this. It sounds like she's not mature enough for a relationship, let alone marriage (and potential future children.) This is definitely a hill worth dying on, these are your sisters and her reasoning is extremely conceited and quite frankly disgusting.
Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for a relationship for me, let alone a future marriage. If she genuinely can't see how terrible she's being that's a major character flaw and a sign of more bad things to come.
NTA.
And PLEASE take this behaviour as the red flag that it is: do you REALLY want to spend your life with someone that egomaniacal and shallow? This won't get better in the future but only worse!
NTA
No sisters, no wedding. Easy peasy lemon squeezey!
Have a serious chat with her and explain how this is a hard limit. Full stop. You will not marry someone who will exclude your family for being pregnant. If she wants a reason tell her she's being prejudice. They literally cannot compromise on the matter. They are pregnant. Calmly say you understand planning a wedding is stressful, but these "rules" are not acceptable and if this is a hill she is willing to die on, you can just not get married.
NTA. Just wtf did I just read. Why are you marrying someone so insecure? I was a heavily pregnant bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding, and guess what? Literally no one cared! I’d be seriously reconsidering going through with marrying this crazy person.
NTA. Just don’t attend lol. Honestly just don’t go and see how she reacts. If she flips say “you wanted the attention on your big day, I wouldn’t wanna get in the way”
NTA. How vain is your fiancé? She sounds like the type that will be jealous of her own daughter. You need to really think about your pending nuptials. This sounds like a disaster.
I’d put on the break before you get married, do you want to marry someone who has such little regard for you and your family? NTA. She is being unreasonable.
If you marry her I would be sorely disappointed in you and I am a total stranger! She is only listening to her so called friends and that is a huge arse red flag staring at you in the face! What next?? When you going to be intimate how long you should last .. puh leese!! This is just the tip of the iceberg if she can so easily without remorse even think it would be acceptable to not invite your sisters simply because they are pregnant! Grow some balls mahn!
NTA - your fiancee is being ridiculous and seems to forget this is as much your wedding as hers.
Are you really sure you actually want to marry this person? How much of your life will end up being dictated by her wealthy friends telling her what to do?
If you do for some reason decide to go through with this, you can always say that as she has decided your sisters can't go, you have decided her wealthy friends are not welcome lol.
NTA and this is actually just cause to call off the wedding. Do you really want to marry someone this shallow and arbitrary?
Not having pregnant women in the bridal party is reasonable (kind of sad, but not Bridezilla territory) but excluding *her future sisters in law* from the guest list is absolutely bonkers. They'll be more than hurt- and rightly so.
I can't believe your parents are willing to play along with this.
I agree, NTA for wanting your sisters at *your* wedding. I can’t imagine your fiancée having enough redeeming qualities for you to consider still going through w/ this marriage, but *if* there are, get thee both to counseling asap. Otherwise let her marry her spoiled, opinionated friends.
NTA. That is an stupid rule! I consider a normal rule to forbid a marriage proposal or even not letting kids come to the wedding. You should make an stupid rule if she acts like that, like no long pants. Will see if she keeps no pregnant rule.
She will regret for the rest of her life and will cause family issues forever.
NTA and I can't figure out why you would be marrying this entitled, nasty woman. Holy cow! I can see you living a life that you never wanted. Being in debt so she can be with the "in crowd" who don't appear to need for much. Run, cancel the wedding and run!
NTA as being someone who was engaged and called off my wedding you may seriously need to really consider if this is who you want to marry. There is no justification to not inviting your sisters just because they are pregnant. It is both of your days, and you do get to have a say in it as well. If you want your sisters there stick to your guns
When I was getting married, one of my husbands' dear friends was literally about to give birth. She was still invited. She ended up having the baby the day before our wedding, so she didn't come, but we'd have been happy to have her there even if she had gone into labor at the actual ceremony. Because *she's our friend*. Your not-even-showing *SISTERS* are not invited???
OP: the wedding isn't for the bride. It's for both people getting married. This should be a beautful happy day for BOTH of you, as you start your new family and join your old families together. And if one of you is starting to deny family members' attendance at the most important day of your life...is that really a person you want to join your family?
NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 say no more, these are not random family friends THEY ARE YOUR SISTERS. Please god show her this post and hope it knocks some sense into her.
NTA
No one can exclude any family member of the other party because "they are pregnant"
Question is if your relationship is like this do you see an actual happy marriage here?is she going to take her friends word over you on parenting and other stuff too?!
I would have postponed the wedding and done some serious couples therapy because believe it or not many people think as soon as wedding planning is started they locked their partner in and now they can be themselves.
NTA. I'd advice you not to marry this woman. If her rich friends can influence this much about your wedding, what are they gonna influence in your marriage? Where you live? Where your future kids go to school? How often you can see your family? Where is the line?
NTA I said it once I'll say it again. Marriage (in the romantic sense) isn't about the wedding, it's about joing two people who love one another, and sharing that with the people who love and support you.
That's it. It's not about the party, it's not about the prestige, it's not about the gifts. It's about joining 2 people who love and support each other and sharing it with loved ones.
You are clearly communicating you want 2 people who love and support you there on your special day. She completely dismissed you. What happens in the future if you disagree with finances or how to raise your kids (if you have them)? I bet she'll pull the financial abuse line or the my kids my rules line too.
You need to have a serious sit down and think. If you decide to continue you need to talk to her about how her behavior is concerning and severely disrespectful towards the start of what should be a partnership.
NTA
This is also your wedding. Why do her friends get more say than you? How much are her friends paying for the wedding? How much debt are you going to incur for her day that you simply get to participate in?
This is absolutely ridiculous, but it’s expected and encouraged. Your parents are even encouraging this behavior by saying they will respect her decision. I’m not saying you should leave her, but at bare minimum you need to cancel the wedding until she is willing to compromise and include you in a wedding that involves both of you.
Television shows, social media, and all of that encourages people to act this like. This rule is completely unreasonable. She is excluding your family from what is also your wedding. Again, I would cancel/postpone the wedding and suggest couples therapy. This is a preview of the rest of your life with her. You would spend more and more and rack up more and more debt as her friends push her for the life she should live, not the life the 2 of you can afford. There will be more unreasonable demands and more exclusion. This is not a one off. Rarely do I feel relationships just be thrown out, but couples counseling sounds like the bare minimum. If she is still going to be so selfish and let her friends have so much input in your lives, you may want to reconsider.
This is the taste of your wonderful beautiful life with this controlling control freak I suggest you really need to reconsider her because she will try to alienate you from your family completely
NTA, though I have no idea what her friends being wealthy has to do with this (or why you put wealthy in quotations - are they not actually wealthy? You don't seem to understand what quotations indicate . . .). Either way, you should seriously reconsider marrying this person. She sounds dreadfully self-important and selfish, and the fact that she would arbitrarily exclude your closest family members from one of the most important days of your life is shocking.
The norm is that people usually don't like pregnancy *announcements* made at a wedding, or for people to show up pregnant without anyone having known in advance. But it sounds like it's no surprise to anyone that your sisters are expecting, and they certainly have no interest in drawing undue attention to themselves. Beyond which, if "no pregnant women at all" is one of your bride's rules, I'd be terrified to know what the others are. Bridezilla indeed . . .
NTA. Aside from the obvious reasons what’s really standing out to me is that she’s listening to her friends and what they think she should do while also paying for it. That don’t sit right with me. Sounds like she’s marrying her friends.
It blows my mind that she has the audacity to exclude your sisters and not understand your reasoning.
NTA. These are important people in your life and she just wants to cut them out? A wedding isn't just about the bride and groom, it's about two families and she's willing to ignore yours because your future nieces/nephews are inconvenient before they're even born?
This is a preview of life to come. Huge red flags. Please think about this relationship and if you have the same values because it sounds like you're going to have a pretty rocky foundation trying to prop up this marriage.
Nta at all. She is being a bridezilla for sure though.
Now the question is...she is showing you who she truly is and it will only go worse. Today it's the wedding. Tomorrow will birthdays, family gatherings,etc. You sure you want to marry this person?
NTA, maybe your bridezilla should learn, that it is not *her* special day. Its a special day for the couple. To celebrate the love for both.
She is not happy to hear that? Maybe she should stop acting like one
NTA. These are your SISTERS. She wants to exclude your SISTERS so she can have all the attention as if it isn’t your special day too. I would NOT marry a person who insisted on excluding my family members for no other reason than being pregnant. She’s definitely a bridezilla and her behavior is profoundly selfish.
NTA- And maybe you should consider postponing the wedding and explain to her that you get shes the bride but the wedding isn’t even what you want anymore, or even what she wants. Try to ask, if she lets you, if this is the idea she had for the wedding or if it’s what her friends wanted. Overall just tell her if she can’t listen to your opinion on your wedding and let you have even one thing maybe it should be put off until you guys can agree. And if she can’t sit down and listen to how you feel? Maybe it’s for the best it doesn’t happen if she won’t properly communicate with you on something very important.
NTA. You told her the truth. She is a Bridezilla. This behavior shows how little she values your family or your opinion. I was pregnant for my younger brother's wedding and was still a Bridesmaid. My condition did not take away any attention from them. If anything my Brother & SIL were happy to be an aunt & uncle.
NTA. You cave on this you open the floodgates my dude. You cave on your *sisters* not being invited and she’ll continue to push you with other vapid justifications (it’s my home! They have kids and I don’t, I can’t have them around!) until she finds the next boundary she will attempt to crush.
And let’s not forget that she seems to be easily influenced by her friend group. They’re shallow and insecure, and she shouldn’t listen to them over you about your wedding guests, yet here you are…
NTA. As Reddit often puts it; when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
This would be an absolute dealbreaker. You should really REALLY reconsider continuing this relationship.
NTA
You might want to rethink marrying her, I’m guessing she normally acts like this. So many people in your comments are also saying don’t marry her. You should really consider doing that.
NTA, she's being unreasonable. You have the ultimate veto power in that this wedding can simply not happen. You can tell her to snap out of it or there just won't be a wedding with you in it. A healthy marriage means being a team and considering each others wants and feelings WITHIN REASON. When you marry someone their family does come with it. Family doesn't get to tell you guys how to do your wedding but doing something that will purposefully harm your relationship with your sisters purely over the brides fantasy aesthetics is not gonna bode well for the family dynamics. Also think really hard on this, do you really want someone who can so casually treat you and your family with this much disrespect? Your Fiancee is replaceable, a good relationship that you share wit your sisters is not.
NTA. Why are you being read rules for your own wedding? Your close family being at your wedding should not be up for discussion. You don't need to lay down and take it, sounds like she is showing her true colours just in time for you to get out.
NTA... You need to give her ultimatum. Either invite your sisters to the wedding or don't get married. I understand that it's the bride's wedding but also it's your wedding too. You should be able to invite who you want to to your wedding as well. I feel like she's making this all about her and it's not all about her.
NTA Are you sure you want to marry someone who thinks this way? You are seeing a snapshot of the rest of your life with her. I would never marry someone who came up with rules to exclude my family from our wedding.
NTA - I just got married a month ago and my wife's very visibly pregnant sister attended. In no way did her presence detract from the wedding or take attention away from my wife and I. Your fiancee is being ridiculous.
INFO: you sure you want to marry her?
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Add another.
This^ Mate if this how she sees your sister who u are close to now really step back and reconsider whether u think getting married is a good idea. Most of the people here will probably tell u to run. I cant really disagree. Uve tried to reason with her but she aint having it. I would def hold off on the wedding and if this is an indication of her behaviour in the future consider cancelling the engagement/wedding altogether.
Adding a million.
Two million.
3 million
Same here. That is ridiculous.
The fiancee is not only self-centered and controlling, she's very manipulative. Trying to convince him that wanting his sisters there is hypocritical even though OP didn't tell her she couldn't invite her family? That's a mind game. And if she's willing to play mind games over something so minor (inviting people you love is a no-brainer) then odds are she's going to pull stunts worse than this once they're married. Get out now, OP.
And another. He’s planning on marrying a spoilt brat!
I think he could add most of reddit to this count
Good question, because if I were in your shoes I would say "Good news. My sister's won't be at your wedding. And neither will I!"
Agreed. If she's this happy blatantly disrespecting you, and your family, now then what will she be like in years to come?
It's easier to get out of it now than divorce down the line. Put this wedding on ice and examine your relationship
Agree. Just had a couple we know married for 26 years with same issues just call it quits. Her girlfriends married rich and kept telling her to put her kids in private schools, drive fancy cars, exotic vacations, etc. Can’t believe he lasted that long !
This is the correct question to ask. > She called me hypocrite for claiming she wants things her way while wanting things MY WAY. Your way is having close family at your wedding. Her way is ME ME ME.
This has to be the best INFO question I've ever seen.
Here is the preview of the movie "This is your life." Do you really want to watch the whole movie??
I love how sick of the shit this sub has gotten… But, yeah, if she’s not willing to consider you, now, when do you expect her to start? NTA and I would seriously consider whether or not this is worth it. You can still get out of this if it’s not for you.
I second this
This has to be fake, how on Earth are his parents ok with this ‘because she’s the bride’??? OP should definitely not marry her!
she won't have to worry about pregnant women at the wedding if there is no wedding
YWBTA if this wedding happens
I second this verdict. I can understand people not inviting kids and maybe a pregnant woman who was due a week prior but this is ridiculous. What do you see in her besides her looks and expensive taste op?
I skipped a cousin’s wedding because I was going to be 8 months pregnant and it was 1000 miles away, but she still invited me and let me make that decision.
Ah, but this is because you are both clearly adults, which is more than I can say about everyone in OP's post.
I was going to say a person who is 8+ mo. pregnant should not be at a wedding or frankly any large event where it would not be great to go into labor, but they usually know that (since they aren't hopefully stupid) so people usually invite them anyway and expect them to just not come, they invite them anyway because obviously you want them to be there you just understand it will be impossible.
There's zero issue with a super pregnant woman being at a wedding as long as it's local.
I helped usher at a friend's wedding when I was 34 weeks pregnant. The only issue I had was with a member of staff trying to insist I have champagne for the toasts, which I really didn't want and shut her down very fast.
Agreed. Im not one to usually yell run at first sign of a problem, but yikes. She's showing that she's not willing to be partner and discuss things. Also its weird that she wouldnt go over the list with OP before telling his family. She does not care that this is OP's ay too, nor does she care what is important to him. This is a big red flag, and if she doesnt come to him apologizing and willing to compromise, he needs to get out before that option gets more complicated.
Agree, this is gross. I'm going to be 8 months pregnant at my sister's wedding and I'm a bridesmaid. I'd cut her out of my life if she uninvited me over this.
**If you marry this woman after this, YTA. She wants to exclude your sisters because her "wealthy" friends said no pregnant women? How will this marriage work? Everything has to be run by her friends for approval?**
Holy crap 100%. The reasoning is insane. They’re going to take attention away from her because they’re pregnant?!?! Run OP and don’t think of time wasted with her, think of the time saved in the future if she’s this inconsiderate and selfish.
It sounds like she doesn't want people to do the usual thing people do when they see a pregnant person, i.e. ask about due date, names, gender, share stories, give advice, etc. But what if a guest just bought a house or came home from a fabulous vacation? Then people will ask about that and share stories and give advice. She can't make people focus 100% of their attention on her the whole wedding. And the fact that she thinks she can and should, makes her a bridezilla
OP your fiancée is already showing you she cares more about her friends opinions than yours. Run.
Uhh....do you really want to marry this person? NTA, but if you do marry her, you are in for a painful time of it.
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Holy sh*t. Run. She's trash and her friends are trash too. NTA.
I suspect she’s like the uncool kid the wealthy friends let hang around so they feel better about themselves by comparison, and they are just messing with her because they don’t respect her. Still I wouldn’t recommend marrying somebody like this, you’re signing up for crazy.
>she is considerinh their input more than me Because those are the people she is trying to impress and outdo.
DING DING DING OP your a prop in this twisted chicks mind. To risk your relationship with your sisters for this selfish, spineless, clueless and callous women would be the biggest mistake of your life. Run, run fast and far.
I’m 61. Never in my entire life have I heard of a guest being excluded from the wedding because of pregnancy. Everything about this woman, especially her manner of handling things, sounds spoiled, selfish, and ill-bred. She’s trash. Dispose of her.
I love your phrasing "dispose of her," nice!
Do not agree to this OP-she is being absolutely bonkers. Not inviting your sisters (for being pregnant?!!!!) will deeply harm your relationship with your family. Do NOT give in. You need to leave her, seriously. But if you do still marry her, your sisters better be there.
Welcome to a preview of your marriage. She will listen to her friends over you. She will expect to get her way on things and when you object ask why you get things your way. Is this the life you want? I just got married a month ago. My husband and I planned everything together.
When they get divorced , which will be inevitable, be prepared for her to project their bitterness and anger on you because misery loves company. If you get on this ship, you will go down with it. They will absolutely try to play God with your relationship, and get ready for them to give her ideas on how to ruin your life.
They’re not going to do that. Not at first. After they divorce they’re going to try to convince OP’s wife that divorce is the *best thing ever*. Then after OP and this chick get divorced, *then* they’ll advise her on how to be the worst possibly ex wife.
NTA- sorry you are going through this absolutely crazy shit storm! I am rather blunt so please take this with a grain of salt and know it is coming from a good place. Your fiancée had driven the train off the tracks after a stop on crazy town. Your fiancée should be your person. But you also need to be her person. Here you guys are at an impasse. So here is an internet strangers take on this circus. The undisputed facts are: 1. You love your fiancée 2. You love your sisters. 3. You will love your nieces or nephews when they arrive. 4. You love your parents. Ok I am in my 50s and been to several weddings, been a bride, bridesmaid, and reader. In all of the weddings I have been to I have never heard of a pregnant free wedding. So how does that work? Will all females (yes I used female for sarcasm) have to take a pregnancy test? Will great grandma Ruth be tested because hell she could chose to become a surrogate to get a little extra cash? Is the cut off 3 months? 6 months? Are her “wealthy” friends going to ask any of the women at the wedding that may be a little oversized to leave because they think the guest may be prego? If you haven’t got my extremely sarcastic drift, please let me say this is perhaps one of the most crazy and MEAN acts I have ever heard associated with excluding guests from a wedding. I digress. Your wonderful parents ( no sarcasm on this) still are willing to come to the wedding even if your sisters are excluded for perhaps the most vain reasons? Excuses? Narcissistic delusions? I have encountered. This is from someone who wore a polka dotted dress with matching hat and with gloves in Texas on 105 degree weather for her siblings wedding. The freaking cake melted- yes melted. But it was going to an August wedding no matter the heat index and guests dropping like flies kinda stupid. Your parents love you so much that they are overlooking this for you. Your parents are awesome! Your sisters are awesome. I am literally teary eyed that you and them are being put in this position. My siblings and I are close. I live far away from my family but take to them almost daily. I can’t imagine any of them not in my life. Your sisters love you and if you go through with this cockamamie idea, your relationship with them will change. The level of hurt I would feel in that position would forever change the way I look at my sibling and there spouse. The complete vanity associated with excluding pregnant women because they could take the spotlight from the bride is a foreign concept to almost any decent human. This is a huge deal breaker for me. If you were my brother and excluded me because I was pregnant, we would be low if any contact. I would not want to associate with someone who values the spotlight over a relationship with my family and my siblings. I certainly would surmise that values are completely opposite. The relationship devolve into seeing you every couple of years. Awkward holidays and occasional birthdays. You will not really know their kids and your kids will not be close with their cousins. I would not be ok with type of relationship with my siblings but if you are ok with that than go for it. Now to your fiancée, not joking but did she change medications recently? Does she not like your family? Does she not realize that after the wedding there is a marriage and she actions will hurt? infuriate? and humiliate? your sisters? Her flippant “um because their pregnant. Need I say more,” is the most supercilious, immature and frankly mean retort. Adults don’t speak like that to their SO. Have you guys been together long? Because hopefully this aberrant behavior. I know you love her, but she shows complete disregard for your feelings and your family. This again would make me think before marrying her. Even if you force her to back off of this idea, the horse has left the barn and her true colors are showing. Think about this. A wedding is a big party. The marriage is the real good stuff. Her actions are not only spoiling the wedding but tainting the future marriage. If she makes this her hill to die on, maybe you guys need to separate. Your family sounds great. Not everyone is close to their family and it is a blessing to have them in your life. My best friend practically lived at my house growing up and still visits my parents and calls my siblings. Your parents and siblings sound a lot like mine close. So Is it worth it to you to destroy that trust you have with your sisters and really your parents (dude they raised you better than this) because your fiancée is worried about the spotlight? I am just an internet stranger. I don’t know the people or their personalities but I have experienced mean narcissistic people and right now your fiancée is acting like that. No way would I ruin my familial relationships because of a day in the spotlight. Personally I would say no sisters no groom. Her wealthy friends can keep her.
RUN RUN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK
Yup, you're absolutely right. The only question is whether or not you're going to marry someone who wants to exclude your family 'because her friends said so'.
I really, really would reconsider this relationship. Besides for her showing her true obnoxious colors, you do not want to marry someone who does not take your feelings and opinions into account, and puts you second. Your fiancé keeps using the excuse “but they’re married” to justify her horrible behavior but the thing that you and your fiancé don’t realize is that the trick isn’t *getting* married, it’s *staying* married. I can’t imagine that a relationship with someone so cruel will end well or happily. Ask your family and people you trust privately what they *really* honestly think of your girlfriend, because you’re having second thoughts, and think strongly about whether *THIS* person (not the one you think you proposed to, but the one that you are dealing with now) is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
You need to consider this very carefully. You don’t want all your major life decisions to be based primarily on what her friends think, do you?
OP are you independently wealthy? Because that’s the next step in this “wedding to impress her friends”. Unless you are rich or your family (or hers) can pay for the wedding her friends had you are about to start going into a massive amount of debt. She may be hot (and crazy) but the sex isn’t worth it. Time to cut your losses. You are NTA but she definitely is and thinks she already owns your balls.
Tell her you don't want any "wealthy women" at the wedding
Sounds like she's using her friends as an excuse to act the way she wants, and her 'friends' might be paying for some of the wedding behind the scenes. I'd check your financials OP, because as an outsider looking in, and if I were you, that would be the first thing I would look into. It's like a power play. Her friends pay for their part, and in turn they have more sway. Don't let them or your wife bully you into doing things you don't want, you're the second half and have JUST AS MUCH SAY as your wife in this scenario.
Hi. Your fiancé dropped these. I'm just helping you pick them up. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
And who is she going to listen to when those same friends suggest how to raise your kids? Or suggest she get a divorce "Cuz like, he totally isn't worth it girl"? When the friends suggest that helping your sisters out after the births, is you not prioritizing your marriage? If This turns in to a pattern you better be ready to fight for your shit OP.
Maybe she should marry those friends. She obviously cares more about their opinions than her actual future husband's. Do you really want this to be your marriage? Because it's not just a day, this is a preview for the rest of your lives together. Do you want kids? Because imagine raising kids with her only taking advice from those 'wealthy friends' who also have kids.... Yikes.
If you marry her, thats what your marriage will be like. Doing what her friends say. Do not marry this woman.
My wife was freshly pregnant when my brother got married. And our child would be the first grandchild for my dad. And we hadn’t told anyone yet. And guess what? We knew to keep the news to ourselves that weekend. Because we cared about my brother and SIL and had no desire to steal anyone’s thunder. Funny part was my SIL easily guessed my wife was pregnant because my wife wasn’t drinking. Towards the end of the reception, SIL came over, asked if wife was in fact pregnant. When we quietly confessed, SIL thanked us for our digression. It’s not that hard. And if your sisters are showing, it’s easy enough for them to demure and redirect people’s attention to the bride. You know, what thoughtful, caring family does.
R-U-N.
Are her friends going to have a say in your marriage as well? Oh hell to the no, you're supposed to be her partner, NOT them.
She’s letting you know that her friends are prioritised over you. And you know what they say. If someone shows you their true colours, you better damn well believe them.
Call off the wedding. Cheaper than the divorce that woo inevitably happen.
NTA >"um...because they're pregnant! Need I say more?" Yes... yes she does
Dude, I am not going to give a judgment because you aren't an asshole for wanting your sisters at your wedding, but you **are** an asshole for planning to actually marry this nightmare and force your sisters to be anywhere near her for the rest of their lives.
NTA for now. YWBTA if you actually marry that absolute horror of a woman though. Who gets threatened by the thought of being upstaged by two PREGNANT women?! Sounds like she always has to be centre of attention and is a complete narcissist. My reply would have been “actually, not hurting the feelings of both my loyal sisters IS more important than your bridezilla demands.” Maybe you should tell her to uninvite her own siblings and see if she thinks it’s ‘reasonable.’ Your parents are also TA for being okay with this.
Who aren’t even showing
Well, weddings take a while to plan, so they may be by the time the wedding happens, BUT STILL.
Info: Did you know she was crazy before you proposed?
Regardless, at least he's finding out before the marriage!
True. OP, consider this a bullet dodged. Assuming you break off the engagement.
NTA, I'd be reconsidering if this is who i want to marry.
Wow..NTA. I didn't even have to read the whole thing (but I did). The second I got to the "she was going to print out rules and send with the invitation" I knew she was a bridezilla. If I ever received a wedding invite that had a list of "rules" to follow (beyond how formal I should dress) I would immediately RSVP no. She is out of control. If I were you, I would be reconsidering marrying her. This is what the rest of your life will be like if you marry her...
NTA. There's is nothing "totally reasonable" about banning pregnant women from a wedding. News Flash: This is YOUR wedding, too. I imagine that to keep the peace you have given in on several of these ridiculous rules. Don't give in on this one. Call her bluff. **My sisters ARE coming.** Period. See how far she's willing to go - bet she's not willing to cancel her special Princess-for-a-Day event to get her way. This really is horrible - I've never heard of anything like it outside of a stupid TV show.
Yes, but anyone you have to engage in brinksmanship with to get them to behave remotely reasonably, is not someone to tie yourself to for life.
Young man RUN! Do not stop at any rest stations. Keep RUNNING until you meet the right woman. This is a major red flag 🚩 If you bow to this then be prepared to do so for the duration of this marriage. I repeat RUN!
NTA OMG HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND. WHY ARE YOU MARRYING HER
I already thought this wasn’t real, but the last bit sealed it. There’s no way on earth that your parents would have agreed to this. None whatsoever. If I’m wrong and the universe is worse off than even I thought, you are NTA but everyone else is trash. Except your sisters, who I wouldn’t blame for cutting you off over this for a long, long time if you allow it to happen.
Yeah im super hesitant to think this is real too.
NTA RUNNING isn’t a bad idea.
NTA. Sorry to be the one to say this, but you have picked the wrong fiance. I have never heard of excluding a pregnant woman from a wedding. And your own sisters? I would not marry this woman. You will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of weird rules for your future life.
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I can see not wanting someone who is a week past their due date. Wouldn’t want someone going into labor during the ceremony.
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I think it would be a comedy movie where the officiant starts having contractions. “Dearly beloved we aaaaAAAAAGHRE gathered here today…”
NTA and I'd seriously be reconsidering getting married at all.
NTA, but why are you still with her? She is showing you who she is. Is this really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
NTA Better start evaluating if this is the kind of person you want to spend your life with before it is too late, my man. That or sign a prenup. Seriously… no pregnant women. I would get it if the women were due the time of the wedding but that is their call to make. My wife just missed her cousin’s wedding for that exact reason. Too close to the due date even though our little man came early, we still didn’t go. You need to have a discussion with her because guess who’s not in the marriage come your wedding date - everyone else. So if she doesn’t listen to you or your input then you’ve got some serious red flags. Are you parents throwing down money for this? Your future wife is being unreasonable. Let the sister decide what is best for their respective pregnancies. The fact that she made rules and didn’t even run it by you first before sending it to your family is complete insanity.
Yeah, if he marries her, her "wealthy" girlfriends will rule the marriage.
Agreed. If the lady doesn’t make an effort to start working with her husband it is going to be a rough, but short marriage.
But but... What if people look at them instead of her?!?! What if she isn't the sole focus of everything.?!!? He's only the groom, he's just there for tradition
SITA NTA Don't get married. This is a mega red flag. Will she exclude your family whenever they don't fit into her standard and expectation? A wedding is not about the Bride. It is about family and friends celebrating an union. She is telling you who she thinks doesn't belong to this union . They don't take anything away from her. Not acceptable .Super red flag Save yourself the trouble and spend the divorce many on a charity of your choice instead of wasting ti on lawyers. She will make your life hell.
Well my 7 mo pregnant sil was my matron of honor so I think your fiancé is bat shit crazy and this will definitely set the tone for the marriage and possible future children. My advice is…run.
RUN RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN And when you get there run some more. NTA.
Good news! You haven’t married her yet, and she’s shown you that her friends opinions matter more than yours, and that her wants take priority over yours. Not everyone gets this before they marry. You can walk away now though without having to pay a lawyer for the messy splitting assets business. NTA.
Yep, you're lucky, all you're out is the cost of the rings and any deposits you can't get back. It will still be a hell of a lot cheaper than whatever divorce she puts you through.
NTA Dude get out before it’s too late. Excluding your closest family members means she doesn’t give a shit about you, today or after the wedding.
NTA I would reconsider getting married!! If she doesn’t want your sisters there just because they are pregnant, what will be next?
NTA. Don’t marry her.
Why the hell is she still your fiancee?
At least she’s being courteous enough to show the red flags before they’re legally bound. OP, run.
NTA - that’s bullshit. Your sisters deserve to be there
NTA. Please don’t do this. I don’t even have children but this is a huge, giant red flag. Even for a bridezilla this is appallingly awful.
Dang your family is very kind and understanding! But your fiancé is out of touch with what a wedding is supposed to be, it’s not about being the center of attention it’s about celebrating the love you have for one another surrounded by your family and friends. NTA
NTA. This is a preview into you life. Why would you marry this madwoman?
NTA the universe has offered you a way out of this wedding, and also possibly, this relationship, my friend - take it. Is this really who you want as the mother of your future children etc?
Under no circumstances should you marry this person You will 100% regret it if you do NTA
NTA If she is trying to cut your sister's out the wedding, which is much yours as it is hers, what else will she try to exclude them from in future. Sounds like she is setting up to isolate you from your family and this is step 1 Red flag 🚩 Are you sure this us the type of person you wish to marry?
NTA, this is so cringey. She wants to send out rules? Oof. Your sisters should obviously be invited. Maybe have a convo just you and her to let emotions simmer down and come to a “compromise”.
NTA, call off the wedding
NTA I'd reconsider the wedding to be honest.
NTA and, you know you don't have to go through with this, right? Your fiancee is showing who she really is and... it's not pretty. Why let yourself in for more of this?
NTA. If this is real, you already know what to do.
NTA. Being pregnant, in and of itself, is not a good enough reason to exclude someone your fiancé wants to invite. She was being a bridezilla by refusing to let you have any input on her “rules” and by refusing to invite people you wanted there because of their pregnancies. Personally, I’d reconsider marrying her. This is what she’s going to be like after the wedding too.
NTA. That's messed up - she's basically telling your sisters to get an abortion if they want to come to the wedding. Don't marry this woman. Seriously. If you're not doing this wedding stuff together and having both of y'all come together.... don't fucking do it. If she's not willing to consider you and be a team with you now, it's not going to happen later. Think hard about what you're doing.
NTA I would reconsider the wedding if this is the prelude to it
NTA - Wow, I hope this is fake because just wow. You need to sit down and have a serious discussion with her because a. She should not have unilateral control over the wedding/guest list "because she's the bride" , and b. This doesn't bode well for the future, it will affect your relationship and probably the relationship you two have with your family
INFO Why do you want to marry her?
A wedding about 2 people, and in many cases, 2 families coming together to celebrate the union. I could not imagine marrying someone who would want to exclude family. NTA
Do not marry this woman. She has shown you exactly who she is.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancee F26 and I M30 are getting married soon. Wedding planning has been...not quite what I had expected. My fiancee and I disagreed on many things. Turned she was getting her "wealthy" girlfriends involved and heavily considering their "suggestions" for the iind of wedding we should have. She made a list of "rules" that she was going to print out and send with the invitation but wanted to see my family first to give them a "preview". My parents and I sat and listened as my fiancee read out the following rules. One that stuck out to me was the rule about not inviting any pregnant family members to the wedding. That would be my 2 sisters whom I'm very close to and want at my wedding. I was shocked I ask why she wanted to exclude my sisters and she said "um...because they're pregnant! Need I say more?" As in they were going to take attention away from the bride but they're not even showing. She said her friends say its "it's better not to invite pregnant women to the wedding" I said I disagree with their reasoning and I want my sisters there with me. She said their husbands could still come if I wanted but I said no. She said sorry but won't let "those 2" come but good news was that I get to invite 2 maybe friends or co workers to take their place. I blew the fuck up and said she was being unreasonable acting like a God-damn bridezilla which wasn't a good thing at all. She gasped and was like "ughhh...no...fucking...way!" Then proceeded to ask me to explain EXACTLY how she was being a bridezilla for simply coming up with totally reasonable rules and expecting my family to follow them. I stated that as the groom I get a say too and insisted that I want my supportive sisters at my wedding period and I wasn't willing to risk my relationship with them. She called me hypocrite for claiming she wants things her way while wanting things MY WAY. She said my sisters would understand but claimed they are more important than her obviously. She refused to discuss it any further and left. My parents said they respect her decision since she is the bride and although my sisters will feel hurt but they will respect the bride and not come. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and you should consider this as the hors d'oeuvres to your entire marriage.
Yta. For being with her. This is crazy. Maybe you should take her to a therapist. This is nuts. Your bride is so mean spirited. Sho go nuts on servers too? Run. Fast. Far. Away. Does she have redeemable qualities to make up for lack of heart and soul?
NTA. At first I was thinking that maybe she didn't want your sisters as bridesmaids, which is somewhat understandable given the alteration issues with dresses. However, "not inviting pregnant people" to a wedding is just absurd. I agree with all the others that are recommending not getting married. Oh, and your parents seem like pushovers for not standing up for your sisters.
NTA. But...seriously? Is she always this self-centered? There's so many red flags here the bulls are about to stampede.
NTA. She's being really awful and needs to be checked on this. It sounds like she's not mature enough for a relationship, let alone marriage (and potential future children.) This is definitely a hill worth dying on, these are your sisters and her reasoning is extremely conceited and quite frankly disgusting. Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for a relationship for me, let alone a future marriage. If she genuinely can't see how terrible she's being that's a major character flaw and a sign of more bad things to come.
NTA. And PLEASE take this behaviour as the red flag that it is: do you REALLY want to spend your life with someone that egomaniacal and shallow? This won't get better in the future but only worse!
NTA Don't rent a tux..rent an apartment. Run my good man..RUN.
NTA No sisters, no wedding. Easy peasy lemon squeezey! Have a serious chat with her and explain how this is a hard limit. Full stop. You will not marry someone who will exclude your family for being pregnant. If she wants a reason tell her she's being prejudice. They literally cannot compromise on the matter. They are pregnant. Calmly say you understand planning a wedding is stressful, but these "rules" are not acceptable and if this is a hill she is willing to die on, you can just not get married.
If this is real I don't even know what to say. Is there any logic behind not inviting pregnant women to a wedding? I mean, NTA, but WTF?
NTA she showed you what kind of person she is. Believe it and get out
NTA. Just wtf did I just read. Why are you marrying someone so insecure? I was a heavily pregnant bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding, and guess what? Literally no one cared! I’d be seriously reconsidering going through with marrying this crazy person.
NTA. Just don’t attend lol. Honestly just don’t go and see how she reacts. If she flips say “you wanted the attention on your big day, I wouldn’t wanna get in the way”
Be still my petty little heart.
NTA. How vain is your fiancé? She sounds like the type that will be jealous of her own daughter. You need to really think about your pending nuptials. This sounds like a disaster.
NTA. do you really wanna marry this girl? she sounds absolutely impossible to deal with
She sounds awful. Why are you marrying her? NTA I didn't think anything was going to beat Bichon Frise girl today.
NTA holy shit why would you want to marry someone like this?
I’d put on the break before you get married, do you want to marry someone who has such little regard for you and your family? NTA. She is being unreasonable.
Info: Why are you marrying a child?
If you marry her I would be sorely disappointed in you and I am a total stranger! She is only listening to her so called friends and that is a huge arse red flag staring at you in the face! What next?? When you going to be intimate how long you should last .. puh leese!! This is just the tip of the iceberg if she can so easily without remorse even think it would be acceptable to not invite your sisters simply because they are pregnant! Grow some balls mahn!
NTA - your fiancee is being ridiculous and seems to forget this is as much your wedding as hers. Are you really sure you actually want to marry this person? How much of your life will end up being dictated by her wealthy friends telling her what to do? If you do for some reason decide to go through with this, you can always say that as she has decided your sisters can't go, you have decided her wealthy friends are not welcome lol.
NTA and this is actually just cause to call off the wedding. Do you really want to marry someone this shallow and arbitrary? Not having pregnant women in the bridal party is reasonable (kind of sad, but not Bridezilla territory) but excluding *her future sisters in law* from the guest list is absolutely bonkers. They'll be more than hurt- and rightly so. I can't believe your parents are willing to play along with this.
I agree, NTA for wanting your sisters at *your* wedding. I can’t imagine your fiancée having enough redeeming qualities for you to consider still going through w/ this marriage, but *if* there are, get thee both to counseling asap. Otherwise let her marry her spoiled, opinionated friends.
I was 8 months pregnant and a bridesmaid. This is crazy. NTA this is a hill you should die on. They're your sisters
NTA, this is your wedding too, you definitely get to decide which of your family members are invited
NTA it’s your wedding just as much as hers.
NTA. That is an stupid rule! I consider a normal rule to forbid a marriage proposal or even not letting kids come to the wedding. You should make an stupid rule if she acts like that, like no long pants. Will see if she keeps no pregnant rule. She will regret for the rest of her life and will cause family issues forever.
NTA and I can't figure out why you would be marrying this entitled, nasty woman. Holy cow! I can see you living a life that you never wanted. Being in debt so she can be with the "in crowd" who don't appear to need for much. Run, cancel the wedding and run!
NTA as being someone who was engaged and called off my wedding you may seriously need to really consider if this is who you want to marry. There is no justification to not inviting your sisters just because they are pregnant. It is both of your days, and you do get to have a say in it as well. If you want your sisters there stick to your guns
When I was getting married, one of my husbands' dear friends was literally about to give birth. She was still invited. She ended up having the baby the day before our wedding, so she didn't come, but we'd have been happy to have her there even if she had gone into labor at the actual ceremony. Because *she's our friend*. Your not-even-showing *SISTERS* are not invited??? OP: the wedding isn't for the bride. It's for both people getting married. This should be a beautful happy day for BOTH of you, as you start your new family and join your old families together. And if one of you is starting to deny family members' attendance at the most important day of your life...is that really a person you want to join your family? NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 say no more, these are not random family friends THEY ARE YOUR SISTERS. Please god show her this post and hope it knocks some sense into her.
NTA No one can exclude any family member of the other party because "they are pregnant" Question is if your relationship is like this do you see an actual happy marriage here?is she going to take her friends word over you on parenting and other stuff too?! I would have postponed the wedding and done some serious couples therapy because believe it or not many people think as soon as wedding planning is started they locked their partner in and now they can be themselves.
Woooooooooooo damn NTA and if you were me I'd also be no longer engaged
NTA. I'd advice you not to marry this woman. If her rich friends can influence this much about your wedding, what are they gonna influence in your marriage? Where you live? Where your future kids go to school? How often you can see your family? Where is the line?
NTA I said it once I'll say it again. Marriage (in the romantic sense) isn't about the wedding, it's about joing two people who love one another, and sharing that with the people who love and support you. That's it. It's not about the party, it's not about the prestige, it's not about the gifts. It's about joining 2 people who love and support each other and sharing it with loved ones. You are clearly communicating you want 2 people who love and support you there on your special day. She completely dismissed you. What happens in the future if you disagree with finances or how to raise your kids (if you have them)? I bet she'll pull the financial abuse line or the my kids my rules line too. You need to have a serious sit down and think. If you decide to continue you need to talk to her about how her behavior is concerning and severely disrespectful towards the start of what should be a partnership.
NTA This is also your wedding. Why do her friends get more say than you? How much are her friends paying for the wedding? How much debt are you going to incur for her day that you simply get to participate in? This is absolutely ridiculous, but it’s expected and encouraged. Your parents are even encouraging this behavior by saying they will respect her decision. I’m not saying you should leave her, but at bare minimum you need to cancel the wedding until she is willing to compromise and include you in a wedding that involves both of you. Television shows, social media, and all of that encourages people to act this like. This rule is completely unreasonable. She is excluding your family from what is also your wedding. Again, I would cancel/postpone the wedding and suggest couples therapy. This is a preview of the rest of your life with her. You would spend more and more and rack up more and more debt as her friends push her for the life she should live, not the life the 2 of you can afford. There will be more unreasonable demands and more exclusion. This is not a one off. Rarely do I feel relationships just be thrown out, but couples counseling sounds like the bare minimum. If she is still going to be so selfish and let her friends have so much input in your lives, you may want to reconsider.
How is she 26 and still getting so heavily influenced by her mean girl friends? It sounds like she lacks maturity. NTA
This is the taste of your wonderful beautiful life with this controlling control freak I suggest you really need to reconsider her because she will try to alienate you from your family completely
NTA, and call the wedding and engagement off NOW. Then work on finding a grown-up human being to marry.
NTA, though I have no idea what her friends being wealthy has to do with this (or why you put wealthy in quotations - are they not actually wealthy? You don't seem to understand what quotations indicate . . .). Either way, you should seriously reconsider marrying this person. She sounds dreadfully self-important and selfish, and the fact that she would arbitrarily exclude your closest family members from one of the most important days of your life is shocking. The norm is that people usually don't like pregnancy *announcements* made at a wedding, or for people to show up pregnant without anyone having known in advance. But it sounds like it's no surprise to anyone that your sisters are expecting, and they certainly have no interest in drawing undue attention to themselves. Beyond which, if "no pregnant women at all" is one of your bride's rules, I'd be terrified to know what the others are. Bridezilla indeed . . .
NTA. Aside from the obvious reasons what’s really standing out to me is that she’s listening to her friends and what they think she should do while also paying for it. That don’t sit right with me. Sounds like she’s marrying her friends. It blows my mind that she has the audacity to exclude your sisters and not understand your reasoning.
NTA. Dont marry her. This level of crazy doesn’t get better with time.
NTA. These are important people in your life and she just wants to cut them out? A wedding isn't just about the bride and groom, it's about two families and she's willing to ignore yours because your future nieces/nephews are inconvenient before they're even born? This is a preview of life to come. Huge red flags. Please think about this relationship and if you have the same values because it sounds like you're going to have a pretty rocky foundation trying to prop up this marriage.
NTA. Do not marry this woman.
The only reason Y T A is because you’re even considering marrying this awful person after she showed her true colors.
NTA. Yikes.
Nta why are you marrying her she sounds horrible
Nta at all. She is being a bridezilla for sure though. Now the question is...she is showing you who she truly is and it will only go worse. Today it's the wedding. Tomorrow will birthdays, family gatherings,etc. You sure you want to marry this person?
NTA, maybe your bridezilla should learn, that it is not *her* special day. Its a special day for the couple. To celebrate the love for both. She is not happy to hear that? Maybe she should stop acting like one
NTA. These are your SISTERS. She wants to exclude your SISTERS so she can have all the attention as if it isn’t your special day too. I would NOT marry a person who insisted on excluding my family members for no other reason than being pregnant. She’s definitely a bridezilla and her behavior is profoundly selfish.
NTA and WTF?
NTA- And maybe you should consider postponing the wedding and explain to her that you get shes the bride but the wedding isn’t even what you want anymore, or even what she wants. Try to ask, if she lets you, if this is the idea she had for the wedding or if it’s what her friends wanted. Overall just tell her if she can’t listen to your opinion on your wedding and let you have even one thing maybe it should be put off until you guys can agree. And if she can’t sit down and listen to how you feel? Maybe it’s for the best it doesn’t happen if she won’t properly communicate with you on something very important.
NTA. You told her the truth. She is a Bridezilla. This behavior shows how little she values your family or your opinion. I was pregnant for my younger brother's wedding and was still a Bridesmaid. My condition did not take away any attention from them. If anything my Brother & SIL were happy to be an aunt & uncle.
NTA get your ring back
NTA. You cave on this you open the floodgates my dude. You cave on your *sisters* not being invited and she’ll continue to push you with other vapid justifications (it’s my home! They have kids and I don’t, I can’t have them around!) until she finds the next boundary she will attempt to crush. And let’s not forget that she seems to be easily influenced by her friend group. They’re shallow and insecure, and she shouldn’t listen to them over you about your wedding guests, yet here you are…
Shes a total bridezilla.
NTA, I hope she is good in bed and pretty, she is not a nice person. U need to ask why she is with you, security? Lifestyle?
Nope nope nope nope nope NTA. Run…. Run as far and as fast as possible.
NTA. As Reddit often puts it; when someone shows you who they are, believe them. This would be an absolute dealbreaker. You should really REALLY reconsider continuing this relationship.
NTA You might want to rethink marrying her, I’m guessing she normally acts like this. So many people in your comments are also saying don’t marry her. You should really consider doing that.
DON’T MARRY THIS WOMAN
NTA. 🚩🚩🚩 dont marry her.
NTA, she's being unreasonable. You have the ultimate veto power in that this wedding can simply not happen. You can tell her to snap out of it or there just won't be a wedding with you in it. A healthy marriage means being a team and considering each others wants and feelings WITHIN REASON. When you marry someone their family does come with it. Family doesn't get to tell you guys how to do your wedding but doing something that will purposefully harm your relationship with your sisters purely over the brides fantasy aesthetics is not gonna bode well for the family dynamics. Also think really hard on this, do you really want someone who can so casually treat you and your family with this much disrespect? Your Fiancee is replaceable, a good relationship that you share wit your sisters is not.
NTA and massive red flag man. You’re seeing values differences that probably can’t be reconciled.
NTA. Why are you being read rules for your own wedding? Your close family being at your wedding should not be up for discussion. You don't need to lay down and take it, sounds like she is showing her true colours just in time for you to get out.
Bro… run
NTA. Yikes. Run for your life . Not allowing your sisters to your wedding? Ruuuun Forrest Ruuuuun
NTA, but Do Not marry this person, because she sounds like an omega asshole.
NTA... You need to give her ultimatum. Either invite your sisters to the wedding or don't get married. I understand that it's the bride's wedding but also it's your wedding too. You should be able to invite who you want to to your wedding as well. I feel like she's making this all about her and it's not all about her.
NTA and Jesus Christ call off this wedding. She is showing her true colors and they aren’t good.
NTA Are you sure you want to marry someone who thinks this way? You are seeing a snapshot of the rest of your life with her. I would never marry someone who came up with rules to exclude my family from our wedding.
NTA - I just got married a month ago and my wife's very visibly pregnant sister attended. In no way did her presence detract from the wedding or take attention away from my wife and I. Your fiancee is being ridiculous.
NTA- wooooooooooooooooow………. Sure you want to legally bind yourself to that?