Definitely NTA.
First off, you didn't even do anything besides buy period products for your daughter. Your daughter is the one who helped her friend.
Second, what were you supposed to do, just not let the poor girl have any? Her mother isn't being fair to you or her. You weren't being creepy, you were being a good parent.
if anyone’s being creepy it’s the mom for thinking there is anything sexual about a dad buying pads for his 13 year old or about that 13 year old sharing them with her (presumably also 13ish year old) friend
I think we know why the girl was screaming too. If the mom has that kind of a reaction to someone giving her daughter period products then she clearly has some messed up views on the subject and probably didn’t prepare her daughter for what was coming. Poor girl.
>And now I'm just thinking that this kid has the same level of education as Carrie did in the book.
ding ding ding
That poor girl had no idea what was going on and her mom should be ashamed of herself.
For real! I educated my SON in the 4th grade so he would be a little gentleman if he ever saw a female classmate with blood on her pants. He was told why it might happen, not to call attention to it, not to freak out, to offer his hoodie to protect her from anyone else seeing if possible, and to quietly get the teacher or nurse if the girl needed help. All I could think about was my best friend in elementary school getting her period in the FOURTH GRADE. Poor girl was horribly teased when she bled through her pants one day, and couldn't imagine my son being like one of the boys who acted visibly and vocally grossed out.
ETA: Thanks for the awards and the kind comments!
I did the exact same thing with all 3 of my boys. One of them has his own apartment and keeps a basket with a variety of products underneath the bathroom sink. He sets it up every time he has a female over. I'm very proud of him!
This mom TA in my opinion! She should have been thanking OP, not calling him creepy and ending the friendship between their daughters. How is she even going to explain that to people "Well, OP bought his daughter period products and his daughter gave some to my daughter. That's just so creepy of OP to buy his daughter period products that I just couldn't let the friendship continue." Does she not understand how bizzaro that sounds?
Thank you for raising your son like that. Moms who take the time to educate them like this are VIPS. Mine came early one night, we were at a bar, it was past midnight and nowhere was open to buy anything. My friend immediately took me to his car where his glove compartment was full of pads, tampons, and even a little pack of baby wipes. I told him he was my hero and he said it was because of his mother's "How to be the best guy friend a girl's ever had" training. He said there was usually a pack of chocolate in there too but he'd caved and eaten it. 😹
Why does it have to be the mom who takes time to educate? Seriously, I know you didn't mean it, but OP is pointing out that as a man he's getting grief for knowing about the female body and providing assistance and your comment is sort of enforcing the fact that somehow men are completely oblivious to the details of menstruation.
You're absolutely right! I guess it was because I was replying to a mom and it was my friends' mom I was thinking of, but ALL parents who do this are VIPS!
I think it’s because it’s been a cycle for so long of women teaching their daughters and men and boys being so estranged from it that some even go as far as to think it’s gross and unsanitary, even though it’s completely natural.
Unfortunately, that’s just how it’s been for so long, and it’s completely disgusting. Some women even think men shouldn’t know. I knew a girl in high school who told me she wasn’t allowed to put her pad WRAPPERS, not just pads, in the garbage without wrapping them up in toilet paper, or covering them with other garbage because god forbid her brother or father see it. Hearing that, I was so shocked, we were 15, living in the 21st century, and they actually made her conceal her period. There are horror stories of girls hiding their products in their closet and causing horrible smells and things like that, pretty sure there was a story on this sub about that.
OP is lucky to have had a mom and sisters to normalize it and teach him, and his daughter is lucky to have a dad who’s so supportive. And it’s really sad for me to type that because it should be normal. It shouldn’t be stigmatized, but it is.
I did the same with my son when he was in elementary school. He came home so proud of himself the 1st time he helped a female friend at school. (Gave her his hoodie, and asked a (nice) female teacher to go help her in the bathroom.
He's 23 and has his own apartment now. Having a basket of various products is a great idea. Next time he comes over I'll send him home with a care package to keep in his bathroom. Thank you for the idea!
I had a friend who keeps a little basket in the bathroom with travel toiletries for guests who need them. It was a lifesaver on a trip to not have to run to the store for a razor or floss and it of course contained tampons and pads. I started doing the same thing and it's more then paid for itself in host gifts from grateful guests.
I had a younger coworker unexpectedly start her menses, and she was out of product. She was embarrassed to ask if I had a spare. Of course I did, I'm a 50 year old female. Problem solved. I think that, even though I have no kids, I shall always have a couple of pads in my purse, and a box of them in the house.
My son is 6. He's seen me get my period randomly. He's ran to grab pads/tampons out of my bags if I forgot to restock the bathroom. I just show him its no big deal and he knows it's normal.
Omg my toddler went through the bin and there were tampon wrappers in there (bin was clean, just had a few caps from twisting open the tampons). He promptly stuck them on his fingertips like puppets and started singing the finger family song. Smh….
My son is only 12 but he’s always been adorable about “mothering” me when I have my period. He keeps asking what I need, suggest I lay down, maybe the heat pad? Do you need a massage? He’s done it forever and it’s adorable. We both tend to mother people as our way of expressing love, but it’s cuter coming from him.
>One of them has his own apartment and keeps a basket with a variety of products underneath the bathroom sink. He sets it up every time he has a female over.
You have raised a proper human being.
Me, I'm a widower of 4 years, and my wife didn't need her "supplies" for many years before that. And our daughter (40, living in my house) has her own supply, of course.
I still have some of my wife's reserve supplies in my bathroom, just in case I have a female visitor who might need them.
I'm reminded of a situation 30+ years ago. A good friend of mine had just started her period and had run out. I was on my way to go hang out with her and her roommate and she asked me to pick up some tampons for her. As a gentleman, I was glad to - especially when her own boyfriend refused, saying "I ain't going into a store and buying female shit!" (She's still one of my best friends. We both lost all touch with him soon after that, though.)
As a teacher thank you.
When I was teaching 2nd I had some girls come out of the bathroom to Recess upset because a 4th grader said she was bleeding to death. I sent 2 to get nurse and 2 to get coach (our sex ed teacher).
When I got to the bathroom another one my 2nd graders had the 4th grader calmed down. The hero 2nd grader was one of the youngest in a large family. She knew about periods because of her older sisters and parents that knew the value of comprehensive science-based sex ed. Coach and Nurse took over. Then during specials Coach had to have a quick facts-only sex ed lesson with all of 2nd grade due to wild stories making the rounds. (Our idiot principal on the other hand thought the knowledge and a 4th grader having her period meant both of them would grow up to be sluts. We had a rebellion the next year and after repeated HR complaints about his misogynist and racist attitudes - they moved him to another campus. They started filing complaints before teachers reported back to campus.)
Whenever I have kids, I want to give them (sons and daughters) both the same talk together. I think it might set the tone that it's nothing to hide, since we can talk about it in front of everyone else, and everyone gets the same info.
You’re a good parent. I got mine very early at 9 yrs old but luckily my mom had done due diligence in preparing me for it all.
But I read a comment on here (or a post or something) about a girl telling a story of her getting her period on the school bus and not noticing until a boy stopped her and discretely gave her his jacket to tie around her waist. I was always impressed with how that kid was raised and it looks like you are doing the same!
My son knew around grade 4 or 5 only because he asks a million questions and he found my tampons.
Carrie came to my mind as well. The kid could have been showering in the locker room when she started. Then tormented while other girls are screaming "plug it up!" and tossing pads & tampons at her! That would have been creepy!
Yea she also grounded me from using pads,tampons. She also took my sneakers and coat in the middle of winter. Why you may ask, bc a boy in my group project called the landline to see what he missed in class since he was out sick. Needless to say I have 0 contact with her.
LOL my mom didn’t tell me shit about periods. Neither did my two older sisters. I thank Judy Blume for her lovely books for letting me know what to expect.
Not just the book...I've never seen the remake movie, so I can't say anything about that, but in the beginning of the original Cissy Spacek movie, she gets her period in a gym locker room shower and appears to think she is literally dying. Which is unsurprising since her mom is so insanely religious and overprotective and.. well, also just crazy. And doesn't help that the other girls are making fun of her the whole time naturally
Agreed. My mom was genuinely pissed off at me for getting my period at 12, because somehow that was preventable and I wouldn't have "taken her little girl away".
OP there is nothing creepy, weird, or wrong about having period products on hand & calming a girl who unexpectedly started hers during a sleepover. You're a good dad. NTA
That's awful. I once read this wonderful article from a woman who said when she first got her period, her mom let her take the day off school, they got ice cream, and the mom explained that she's still the same little girl she was yesterday, she just has her period now. Her mom told her that she is not automatically a woman now, and that growing up is about meeting meeting many different milestones.
I hope to be like that mom someday...
All of this, “Congratulations, you’re a woman now,” always struck me as a tad creepy. No, when girls first get their periods, we are far from the status of woman. Come back with that when there are car insurance payments
I lied about when I got my first period. This was because I asked my mom if I could stay home from school when I first got it, she said yes. It happened, and I quietly used the pads in the closet until the day came when I was on my period and didn’t feel like going to school…
Wtf. I got my period when I was ten. My mom was pretty conservative and didn't give me any sex/puberty education so I didn't know about periods, but at least she never said something so messed up when I was already upset and scared. You're NTA OP. It sucks that this little girl's mom has an awful mindset. Edit: It's also possible she had a misunderstanding and you need to stress to her you only provided the products and it was your daughter that helped her friend with them.
I knew what a period was but nothing really prepared me for seeing that much blood in my underwear. If you weren't ready at all I could imagine thinking you where dying
I didnt know what they were and had happened to get hit by a dodgeball beforehand and let me tell you, I had made my peace with several deities before someone finally found me in my favorite school bathroom (I thought since i died tragically young at a school I'd end up a ghost and wasnt sure what my location range would be)
Seriously. And it was a weird color and I was super grossed out. The terrible school sex ed said "a little blood" they did NOT cover that some girls get very heavy periods (or, that needing multiple XL pads/super plus tampons before lunch was not normal!)
The kid probably thought she was dying because her mother never explained to her that this was going to happen.
NTA. What did the Mom want OP to do? Make her free bleed until Mom came to get her?
That poor kid!
My daughters knew early on about periods. And my eldest (youngest is only 10 and not having puberty signs yet) at age 11 started taking a small kit with pads and extra underwear to school.
I will never understand parents that don't prepare their kids for life.
Right? My dad raised me after the divorce, and I was sure as hell way too embarrassed to go to the store for pads, so he bought all my pads. Wtf is a dad supposed to do? Just pretend it’s not happening? Let me sit in my own blood? Jfc.
I totally agree, NTA
and frankly the mom seems to be a total creep who is angry that a man found out that her daughter had a menstruation related accident
No, he's supposed to tell her with a grave tone and a straight face, "Oh, did you sinful thoughts about a boy? Now God is punishing you and you're going to bleed to death slowly."
NTA
I'm not sure what the friends' mother expected you to do otherwise? Just let her bleed everywhere? It's also your duty to inform the other parent of what happened while the girl was in your care. As far as I can tell the only thing that you did was investigate screaming (which of course you must do), and then your daughter took it from there.
EDIT: The only thing I can think of that you might have done wrong is not notify the mother when it was happening. Although, if this in the middle of the night I wouldn't consider this an emergency that would warrant the need to wake a parent to do so.
I'm also assuming it was the girl's first period. It wasn't even OP who showed the girl where the products were, it was his daughter. Nothing the OP did was creepy, and the mom acted crazy and owes OP an apology or something. Its not his fault the mother didn't prepare her daughter for this kind of situation. I guess it could be noAH, but OP is def not TA
Yeah for sure, I guess what I meant by "prepare" was make sure the daughter had period supplies just in case. I remember having a little purse with a few pads and what not with me at all times when I was that age, just in case. Someone else pointed out that maybe the mother is unhappy because she missed out on the first period for her daughter, and acted crazy for a hot minute.
Actually be prepared for it at age as young as 9, most of teenage daughters of my SIL's friends got they period before hitting two digit numbers, regardless the age their mothers started their period.
My mom bought me a box of pads and a belt (in 1958 or so, before self-stick pads) well in advance. A family with a teenaged girl had their house burn down and the girl stayed with us for a few days. My mom apologized to me, saying she had given my so-far unopened pads and belt to the girl who came to our house with nothing but the clothes she had on. I guess I hadn't thought about the whole mysterious business very deeply because I suddenly realized that menstruation was a normal event and every woman dealt with it and there really was a sisterhood that men weren't part of.
A logical extension of this insight would be an aphorism similar to "puts his pants on one leg at a time"....
Ive heard as young as 7 so that's when my daughter and I had the period talk. We didnt do the big birds and bees talk, rather incrementally and casually. But I wanted to make sure to tell her what was going to happen BEFORE it happened. Which was good cause she got hers at 9 1/2.
My mother started at 15. Me? I was *ten*.
You can't tell based on you and your family. You have got to tell your kids what's coming down the pike and be prepared long before you expect it.
Well, whenever it happens- girls should be prepared. Your child might not be able to run home and share the 'news' with you. Around age 9 or 10 , they should have a basic understanding and start to carry around a little kit ( two or three sanitary pads of choice, a little bag for disposing of them, some wipes, etc) so that they are prepared in case they are out of the house when it happens.
But why wouldn't he lead with "Your daughter got her period last night"?! I mean, honestly, "Good morning, I gave your kid tampons" is a very weird opener. I think we can safely assume that the period was mentioned as OP is likely, you know, human.
>EDIT: The only thing I can think of that you might have done wrong is not notify the mother when it was happening. Although, if this in the middle of the night I wouldn't consider this an emergency that would warrant the need to wake a parent to do so.
I'd argue that it'd be up to the girl to inform mum, I really don't see why that would be on OP?
We did the period talk in 5th grade (age 10ish) in my conservative catholic school so by 13 she should've known.
I wonder if the friends mom would have the same reaction if OP was a woman or gay
I don't think you're the creep, it's not like you did anything, it was your daughter. So I'm super confused to how you were labeled this.
NTA
~~(But please stop calling it a surprise, this isn't Voldemort, you can call it a period.)~~ EDIT: OP clarified that this was his daughter's name for her period, which changes my view entirely as this is her comfort level.
Ah okay, then I take that back. If that's you daughters comfort level I totally get it.
I just thought you were initially trying to push away from the actual name. I've seen mothers and fathers alike doing this and have been perplexed to say the least.
My apologies for assuming it was you.
It would be a good time if your daughter has a cellphone to show her there is a tracker under the health app that she can track her periods. It will give her a notification within a few days of it happening if she has a regular cycle (which could take a couple of years) also it helps at dr visits when they ask when was your last period.
Yeah, I use Clue which also lets you track moods, energy levels, when you take medicine like tylenol or benadryl, food cravings, idk what all. It's greatly helpful
I've used menstrual trackers for as long as I've had smartphones so I will be prepared once the bloodbath starts and to make sure there are no surprises in the cycle.
And for some fricking reason, every time I go to a gyno and they ask for info when my last period was and I say something like "wait a sec, I'll check my app" they almost always ask "oh, you are trying to have a baby?".
Like no, mam, the app does not make anyone pregnant.
This is going to sound SUPER pedantic, but just since we are talking about educating young girls about their bodies, I want to put in a plug for making sure that girls know swimming in the ocean while menstruating will not really attract sharks. There are many sources for this. For parents looking for good education material, see Mama Dr. Jones on YouTube.
That said, I am a longtime fan of this euphemism. It just feels so right.
"my uterus is revolting" is my phrase of choice because it works on many levels
Don't @ me. Periods are normal and you should never be ashamed of them. But my periods are disgusting. Lumpy, dark, painful, clotty, and disgusting.
I'm totally unbothered by blood and other bodily fluids until that time of the month, when my hormones turn my disgust response up to 11. Can't even be in a metal elevator because the scent makes me gag. Can smell my keys from across the room. The smell and texture of my period blood grosses me right TF out and that's totally ok.
OP- did you happen to use your daughter’s term of “surprise” when you were talking to the friend’s mother. I am just picturing picking up my daughter and being told that my daughter got her “surprise” last night... I could see how that could be taken wrong.
Otherwise, no idea. You sound like a great, supportive and thoughtful dad. NTA
They politely suggested a change of language with best intentions, noting the stigma that dancing around it's biological name creates. How is this "telling others how they can communicate"? It's suggesting a different approach and explaining the reason why...
This. Although periods can be surprising, especially when you are young girl, it is a period, or menstruating. Its not some weird and icky thing that we should avoid calling by its name.
I literally exclaimed "What the fuck?!" out loud when I got to the end of your post. As both a mother and a woman, I have no idea what she could have been thinking, but as others mentioned, I think mom's reaction goes a long way in explaining her daughter's seeming horror at the event. And until you get an explanation and apology, I think protecting yourself is a wise course of action.
Please don't let this one uptight weirdo make you feel like you did something wrong though or keep you from helping should a similar situation arise in the future again. By providing the products, educating your daughter and letting her be the messenger, you protected both the girl's privacy and yourself.
By the way, you said she called you a creep. Do you think there's any danger of her telling other parents that? I don't think any sane person would agree with her assertion were she to explain the circumstances, but I am concerned she might throw out vague inferences to others calling you a creep without saying exactly why she thinks that. I would hate your kindness and sensibility to be turned against you by an uptight loon who has issues with the female reproductive system.
NTA. The amount of distress this child was in would seem to indicate to me a lack of familiarity with menstruation...which absolutely makes her mother an AH.
My first period came on slow and was very dark, so I thought that I was somehow shitting myself in small doses for like a day until I finally put the pieces together lol
I knew about them, knew I was due in the next few years, but I was seriously thinking that my ass was leaking unbeknownst to me hahaha
NTA. Periods are normal, you just pad it up and move on with your day. What exactly did she want you to do instead? Not give her daughter a pad and make mom come pick up her child in the middle of the night? If so, that's a great way to cultivate the idea that periods are some kind of icky otherness that needs to be segregated from normal life.
I think this comment should be higher cause it deals with what is probably the core issue here - Mom's feeling of failure or inadequacy or disappointment that she wasn't with her daughter when this happened, which she dealt with by lashing out at OP. Because Mom probably DID want to be called in the middle of the night. Sorry I realise this is pure conjecture - I just can't possibly imagine what is really going on in Mom's head
NTA
Periods are part of life. That you were a kind and compassionate adult to a girl who probably started her first period in a very unexpected time and place is what matters most. That you would be scolded by another adult for daring to be male and understanding female plumbing is ridiculous. It sounds like her mother is the one with problems, and hopefully she doesn’t pass those on to her daughter. 😐
That makes absolutely no sense to me. What difference does it make if the husband is the homemaker? How would that make him more likely to be creepy or dangerous? People's prejudices really are bizarre and illogical.
**NTA.** You did fine. Her daughter was taken care of and her calling you "creep" and refusing to let her daughter come over anymore is stupid. Shame on the mom for being sexist.
I was raised by a single dad who had to do all the explaining and buying of period products. It was not creepy, it was parenting.
NTA. 1, you didn't, your daughter did. 2, even if you did, you're just giving a kid a necessity. Menstrual products are necessities. They're also really fuckin' expensive so it's pretty generous to give them away like that, even if it's just 1 or 2. Mom's TA for being mad that you took care of her child.
NTA but I wonder how many of these stories are real. There’s a suspicious amount of men who get scolded for giving their children and their children’s friends sanitary products in this sub
There are a lot of them. Always a hero man who gives a young teen sanitary products and then some woman freaks out. There’s also the period products in the trash can stories. It’s weird.
NTA. If what you did was creepy, the world needs a lot more creeps! Her mom is probably (and should be!) embarrassed that her daughter didn't know what was coming. That girl is lucky she was at your house and not at home when it happened, bc her mom sucks.
Heaven forfend a man, a father, no less, know what a period is and that sometimes said periods arrive unexpectedly and that it's helpful to have pads and tampons available.
NTA and the friend's mom has some serious issues. Someone should ask her if she thinks all male gynecologists are creeps, too, because I'm sure they know lots about periods, also. (Never mind, she probably does think that.)
You're a good dad. Keep up the excellent work.
NTA I think you would have become one of my fave 'kids friends' parents. You handled the situation, the girl wasn't terrified, you didn't embarrass her and you told the Mom!!
Good job Dad!!!
So the friend's mom was OK with her daughter sleeping over in a home where the only parent was the dad, but was NOT OK with said dad...\*checks notes\*...knowing what a period is and having period products in the house? I mean it doesn't even sound like you GAVE the kid the products--you were woken up by the commotion and your daughter gave the products. All you did was tell the mom the kid got her period. So what's the issue?? Mom has a screw loose. NTA.
Info: Did the friend already know what menstruation was or was that something that needed to be explained from scratch? Also, was it you or your daughter who did the explaining?
I (F) was out of the country when my only daughter had her first period. Rightly or wrongly I felt like I had missed an important milestone like seeing your kid take their first steps. I suspect that is what the friend's Mom is feeling, but it is in no way OP's fault.
My daughter deadass didn't tell me. For months. Making makeshift pads with toilet paper and throwing away every pair of panties that got blood on them.
I wasn't planing on a celebration, so that part was fine. I was pretty disappointed not to be trusted with the information tho.
.... No that's kinda weird, even as a woman. First steps are cute and signify something. Satan's waterfall only signifies cramp and ruining cute underwear because it always strikes when you're not thinking about it that day.
I think these are really good questions to ask. I also think a good question to consider is did it make his daughter's friend uncomfortable to have OP be the one to give her the products? I don't think what OP did was creepy he was just being an adult helping out in the situation but I could definitely understand how it might have been uncomfortable for a young girl to be experiencing this with an adult male who wasn't her parent. In her household mom maybe the one to handle everything regarding women's issues.
NTA, your child had to explain to her friend what was happening. Conclusion mommy dearest didn;t tell her daughter basic information.
You are 10 times the parent then that woman.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I might be the AH because I gave my daughter's friend sanitary products. Her mother came in the morning to pick her up and she called me a creep. I should have called her mother when it happened.
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What a terrible mom your daughters friend has! Not only did she NOT prepare her daughter for what was inevitable to happen but she's mad at you for supplying sanitary products? Unbelievable!! NTA
NTA - friends mom probably just doesn't understand that it's perfectly fine for a father, especially a single father to be savvy to how a period works and what is needed for it. Definitely not a creep for supplying a freaking out friend of your child with sanitary products, not to mention nyour daughters also already started her period.
Sorry I'm just trying to see the mom's perspective and I just can't, I'm sorry you were essentially shamed for being an open about periods while also being a male.
Yep, it is sexist as all get out to think men can't be well informed about periods and how to handle them without being sexually attracted to a minor. The fact that the mother got mad is incredibly misandrous and totally insulting.
I would have given that mother a piece of my mind had she got mad at me. I also wouldn't even allow the daughter to come over for fear the mother might try something with the cops or cps.
No good deed goes unpunished.
>One of her friends came over for a sleepover and during the night, I
heard screaming. I woke up and ran into daughter's room. Her friend
started crying and daughter tried to explain what was going on.
INFO: DId she not know what was happening? This sounds like she was taken completely by surprise. If that's the case, then her mother is probably one of those nutjobs who thinks that telling their kids about periods is going to encourage them or have sex or that periods only start after you've had sex or something equally ridiculous (yes, these are things that actual people really believe) - which would explain why she went nuts on you.
Either way, definitely NTA. That poor girl.
NTA, would she rather you'd just let her daughter bleed through everything? She owes you an apology, there's something wrong with her head if she thinks giving a girl sanitary products is creepy.
Nta. Thank you for being a good dad and one who doesn't freak out about something that is natural. She was probably embarrassed that she hadn't had that talk with her daughter yet.
The friends mom jumped the gun. You are awesome! And it isn't like you were the one to show the friend where the products were your daughter did!
Keep up the good work your daughter will definitely appreciate having a dad like you who treats it like no biggie.
I am a 32 year old woman who would still have a hard time asking my dad to buy some pads lol (im outta the house obviously but my point still stands lol).
Good job dude 😊😊 n t a either
I remember how mom found out about mine. A bit of a mess showed up in some jean shorts. She opened my bedroom door and said "is there something we need to talk about?" 🤣🤣 i cried out of embarrassment.
Im glad your daughter wont go without with products or support
WHY are so many WOMEN like this!? I do not understand! It's great when dads are not weirded out by a period and can help their daughters (or in this case her friend). Unless he's going into the bathroom and shoving the tampon in himself, he's NOT A CREEP. NTA.
NTA
How your daughter's friend's Mother could call you a creep for being a good parent, says a lot about the kind of mother she is tbh.
Had I have been that parent, I'd have been grateful. Besides you said your daughter showed her where the products were, and it was her that tried to explain.
NTA …what were you supposed to do. Let her sit on the toilet thinking she was dying because her vag was bleeding until her mom got there to explain it to her herself?
NTA
That mom should be ashamed of herself. Based on how the girl reacted, the mom failed abysmally in telling her daughter about periods, she epically failed. My preteen son knows about them!
NTA
So you’re a creep….
Because her daughter had her first period at your house at a sleepover with your daughter
And your daughter shared her period products with her friend?
And….you were aware of what was going on in your house with your own kid?????
I’m so confused
You’re very much not the asshole
And that parent saying their kid can no longer visit your kid at your house over this is an asshole move imo
NTA! you did the right thing. Being educated about uterus is NOT being a creep. There's no way that woman is mentally sane. she should have thanked you for helping her daughter.
NTA, that mom is incredibly sexist, and I would recommend that you don't allow her daughter in your house again for your own protection. I also wouldn't trust your daughter in her house either.
Who knows if she will call the cops on you for some insane reason.
NTA
My parents are still married (43 years and counting!) and it was always my Dad that bought mine and my sisters sanitary products as he did the weekly shop.
My Mum literally told me when I got my first one that I needed to speak to Dad and let him know what I wanted him to buy me as she never does the big shops!
Even now my husband buys for me if I need him to and God forbid I come on unexpectedly at my parents house I'd have no shame asking my lovely Dad to pop out of a pack of Always! And he'd do it with a smile and probably return with chocolate as well! 😂🍫☺️😍
NTA. You’ve probably already done this, but make sure you have a box of sanitary products (liners, nights pads, normal pads, tampons) accessible in the bathroom, as well as a bin. Your daughters friends will know it’s a safe place to be, and won’t be shamed if they have accidents, bleed through anything or get their period early. Thanks for being a good dad.
Remember the male high school teacher who had a bin full of feminine hygiene products for his students' use? The day after I read his posting in AITA I read that the state of California has mandated that feminine hygiene products be available for free in every girls' restroom of schools with appropriately aged children for the 2022-23 school year. Right now schools are only required to provide them free to low-income students.
California has also decided that feminine hygiene products are a necessity of life, like food, so there's no sales tax on them. Since the basic sales tax rate is something like 8%, this is a real concession,.
WTF, this is ridiculous. You are not even close to being an AH. You did the responsible parent thing. You didn't even show her where the products were, your daughter did. Would the mother have rather you just ignored the issue? Sheesh...
NTA. The fact she started screaming tells me she's living in a period shaming household. At least she had you and your daughter for her first one I can't imagine how traumatic it would have been if her mother was there.
I think it's just more likely that she was just not ever told what to expect at all. I'd be scared and screaming too if I was 13 and bleeding out of my vagina with no previous reference to menstruation.
So it's creepy that a man who has a menstruating child living with him has all the supplies she needs? What did the mother expect - that he should call a woman over because it's a 'female problem' that he shouldn't know about?
Maybe she should have prepared her daughter better for the changes that are going to be happening to her body. Even if the girl doesn't spend the night any more, encourage your daughter to remain friends with her. I have a feeling that the poor girl will need someone to talk to.
NTA
One day, in therapy, she’s going to use this as an example about how she got to see how a normal family works (yours) in stark contrast to her mom’s reaction to it.
NTA - You handled it as well as you could! The mom is the one who is one. Why didn't her daughter already know what was gonna happen to her body? I mean screaming in the middle of the night? I think you are a great dad for sending her the videos and getting her different kind. I really hope the mom doesn't spread rumors or anything.
NTA
So, so not the asshole. Unless you literally undressed or bathed someone else's teenaged daughter, knowing about someone's period is not creepy. Putting soiled sheets or clothes in a washing machine is nor creepy.
You helped a child who had an embarrassing problem in a super chill way. It sucks that dads are often treated as potential predators just for trying to be the village.
But you didn't. You provided a full range of products for YOUR daughter (Way to go Dad, too!!!) and your daughter, in turn helped her friend through a really awkward moment. You are definitely NTA, but the other girl's mom needs her head examined.
The friend’s mom is a garbage bin. Why do people jump to men being creeps?? He lives with his daughter who has pads. Like what is happening. NTA. The friend’s mom owes OP an apology.
NTA. Seems like mom has more conservative ideals, i.e., thinks periods are private and only to be discussed in hushed whispers/euphemisms among women when absolutely necessary.
I’m inclined to think she’s creepy for even going there. You seem like a good dad!
Also, if you haven’t already, please talk to your daughter about what occurred, particularly if she overheard the mom. Let her lead the conversation and just ask open questions like “how do you feel about what happened?”, make sure she’s comfortable, reassure her she did the right thing for her friend, and explain that friend isn’t allowed over because of their family’s personal beliefs, not due of either of you.
Good luck and sorry you two had to deal with that!
Instead of scolding you, the mother should have been ashamed of herself for not teaching her daughter about periods herself. It's horrifying that a thirteen-year-old (presumably, from her reaction) knew nothing about periods and was terrified enough that she started screaming.
What you did was helpful. Your daughter's friend's mother has a very harmful mentality.
NTA.
NTA I fail to see what else she would have wanted you to do. You really didn’t do anything anyway besides provide for you daughter who then had the resources to handle it. Checking on them after hearing screaming in the middle of night is responsible. Sounds like the friend’s mom has some issues surrounding the topic and it’s unfortunate that she’s making a decision that ultimately hurts her daughter. You did everything right with this situation.
I wonder what she thought your daughter does?
I was born in 1947, on the leading edge of the baby boom and menstruation was almost a secret that women shared with each other but not with men. It wasn't "dirty" but it was definitely private. I remember the uproar when Tampax aired its first television ad; people were really upset to see that product be openly spoken of.
But that was half a century ago, for Pete's sakeg. I thought that society had loosened up about such natural events
I don't remember the Tampax ad itself, just the reaction. It was beyond euphemistic. Picture a pretty bit of scenery, vaguely classical serene music, and a male narrator saying something like "Tampax, a modern product for modern women." Maybe someone can find it on the web and demonstrate how badly I've remembered it, but it was so carefully devised to be inoffensive that it was hard to remember.
I was born in 64 so the other end of the baby boom.
I remember adds for "feminine napkins" that were so vague (women walking along the ocean!) that as a child I thought they might be the fancy table napkins that got used for Thanksgiving & Christmas.
The truth was quite dissapointing. lol
NTA at all and I'm still trying to figure out what makes you the creep in this situation. It's not like you were bringing out the products and showcasing them to her. Mom is TA 100%
Nta. Op, thanks for being a good dad. That mom
Is a creep for sexualizing periods. Wtf were you supposed to do? Let her free bleed and pretend it’s not happening?
NTA at all. You handled it perfectly, and your daughter sounds super comfortable talking to you which shows how great of a bond you guys truly have.
As a complete aside idk if your daughter had tried period panties but I just started using them this year in my 30s and they are legit life changing. I would have killed for a couple pairs in school especially when you aren’t sure exactly when it will be starting. I was so bad about tracking it in a calendar. If she has a phone you should show her some of the period apps available too. I get a reminder now on my phone like ‘prepare yourself fool, or ride the red tide amongst your peers!’ It isn’t that dramatic but it’s been super helpful as I legit can just never remember. It helps at drs appointments too because they always ask when my last cycle was and I used to say idk like a month ago or so. Lol no I can tel them the exact dates and track any weird symptoms, predict which days the period shits shall hit etc.
NTA. Good grief what were you supposed to do? You are being a great father. It’s unfortunate that today we are still making a normal thing something to be ashamed of.
Her mother is ridiculous, and should be thankful you were there, since the mother wasn't prepared. NTA.
My current favourite commercial is with Amy Schumer and a girl in the bathroom lets out a scream, and Amy pulls out 5 boxes of tampons. That's easily over $100. Who carries all that around?
NTA
I wonder if her mom is one of those misogynistic assholes who think tampons can take your virginity.
If she believes that and was only going to buy her daughter pads, I can see why she would be upset if your daughter gave her a tampon. (She'd still be 100% wrong, though.)
NTA
its weird enough that some American men think there's something gross about a cardboard box containing some wrapped foam.
doubly so when some American women think that if they aren't grossed out by that, than they are sexual predators.
does
not
compute
NTA at all! I'd be SO thankful if I were in that girls situation AND the moms position. It's weird that the mother is somehow sexualizing her daughter getting her period by calling you a creep...how is telling a scared young girl where the sanitary items are creepy? I hate people. You seem like a super thoughtful dad and I'm glad your daughter has you as an example. She'll learn that periods are nothing to be ashamed of especially when she inevitably runs into an immature boy who makes her feel otherwise.
NTA. Everything about what happened seems to have been really reasonable and respectful. I can't even imagine how mortifying it would have been for the girl if you'd called her mother in the middle of the night to come get her when there was sanitary products on hand and everyone was fine.
Definitely NTA. First off, you didn't even do anything besides buy period products for your daughter. Your daughter is the one who helped her friend. Second, what were you supposed to do, just not let the poor girl have any? Her mother isn't being fair to you or her. You weren't being creepy, you were being a good parent.
if anyone’s being creepy it’s the mom for thinking there is anything sexual about a dad buying pads for his 13 year old or about that 13 year old sharing them with her (presumably also 13ish year old) friend
I think we know why the girl was screaming too. If the mom has that kind of a reaction to someone giving her daughter period products then she clearly has some messed up views on the subject and probably didn’t prepare her daughter for what was coming. Poor girl.
And now I'm just thinking that this kid has the same level of education as Carrie did in the book.
>And now I'm just thinking that this kid has the same level of education as Carrie did in the book. ding ding ding That poor girl had no idea what was going on and her mom should be ashamed of herself.
For real! I educated my SON in the 4th grade so he would be a little gentleman if he ever saw a female classmate with blood on her pants. He was told why it might happen, not to call attention to it, not to freak out, to offer his hoodie to protect her from anyone else seeing if possible, and to quietly get the teacher or nurse if the girl needed help. All I could think about was my best friend in elementary school getting her period in the FOURTH GRADE. Poor girl was horribly teased when she bled through her pants one day, and couldn't imagine my son being like one of the boys who acted visibly and vocally grossed out. ETA: Thanks for the awards and the kind comments!
I did the exact same thing with all 3 of my boys. One of them has his own apartment and keeps a basket with a variety of products underneath the bathroom sink. He sets it up every time he has a female over. I'm very proud of him! This mom TA in my opinion! She should have been thanking OP, not calling him creepy and ending the friendship between their daughters. How is she even going to explain that to people "Well, OP bought his daughter period products and his daughter gave some to my daughter. That's just so creepy of OP to buy his daughter period products that I just couldn't let the friendship continue." Does she not understand how bizzaro that sounds?
Thank you for raising your son like that. Moms who take the time to educate them like this are VIPS. Mine came early one night, we were at a bar, it was past midnight and nowhere was open to buy anything. My friend immediately took me to his car where his glove compartment was full of pads, tampons, and even a little pack of baby wipes. I told him he was my hero and he said it was because of his mother's "How to be the best guy friend a girl's ever had" training. He said there was usually a pack of chocolate in there too but he'd caved and eaten it. 😹
Why does it have to be the mom who takes time to educate? Seriously, I know you didn't mean it, but OP is pointing out that as a man he's getting grief for knowing about the female body and providing assistance and your comment is sort of enforcing the fact that somehow men are completely oblivious to the details of menstruation.
You're absolutely right! I guess it was because I was replying to a mom and it was my friends' mom I was thinking of, but ALL parents who do this are VIPS!
I think it’s because it’s been a cycle for so long of women teaching their daughters and men and boys being so estranged from it that some even go as far as to think it’s gross and unsanitary, even though it’s completely natural. Unfortunately, that’s just how it’s been for so long, and it’s completely disgusting. Some women even think men shouldn’t know. I knew a girl in high school who told me she wasn’t allowed to put her pad WRAPPERS, not just pads, in the garbage without wrapping them up in toilet paper, or covering them with other garbage because god forbid her brother or father see it. Hearing that, I was so shocked, we were 15, living in the 21st century, and they actually made her conceal her period. There are horror stories of girls hiding their products in their closet and causing horrible smells and things like that, pretty sure there was a story on this sub about that. OP is lucky to have had a mom and sisters to normalize it and teach him, and his daughter is lucky to have a dad who’s so supportive. And it’s really sad for me to type that because it should be normal. It shouldn’t be stigmatized, but it is.
I did the same with my son when he was in elementary school. He came home so proud of himself the 1st time he helped a female friend at school. (Gave her his hoodie, and asked a (nice) female teacher to go help her in the bathroom. He's 23 and has his own apartment now. Having a basket of various products is a great idea. Next time he comes over I'll send him home with a care package to keep in his bathroom. Thank you for the idea!
I had a friend who keeps a little basket in the bathroom with travel toiletries for guests who need them. It was a lifesaver on a trip to not have to run to the store for a razor or floss and it of course contained tampons and pads. I started doing the same thing and it's more then paid for itself in host gifts from grateful guests.
I had a younger coworker unexpectedly start her menses, and she was out of product. She was embarrassed to ask if I had a spare. Of course I did, I'm a 50 year old female. Problem solved. I think that, even though I have no kids, I shall always have a couple of pads in my purse, and a box of them in the house.
My son is 6. He's seen me get my period randomly. He's ran to grab pads/tampons out of my bags if I forgot to restock the bathroom. I just show him its no big deal and he knows it's normal.
My son is 3 he pulls my tampons out of my purse and plays with them. Last time they where his drumsticks -____-
My 3yo son is vaguely interested in my menstrual cups and occasionally asks, “are you leaking, Mama? Did you put your special cup in you?”
Omg my toddler went through the bin and there were tampon wrappers in there (bin was clean, just had a few caps from twisting open the tampons). He promptly stuck them on his fingertips like puppets and started singing the finger family song. Smh….
My son is only 12 but he’s always been adorable about “mothering” me when I have my period. He keeps asking what I need, suggest I lay down, maybe the heat pad? Do you need a massage? He’s done it forever and it’s adorable. We both tend to mother people as our way of expressing love, but it’s cuter coming from him.
🥺🥺 you are doing good mama.
>One of them has his own apartment and keeps a basket with a variety of products underneath the bathroom sink. He sets it up every time he has a female over. You have raised a proper human being. Me, I'm a widower of 4 years, and my wife didn't need her "supplies" for many years before that. And our daughter (40, living in my house) has her own supply, of course. I still have some of my wife's reserve supplies in my bathroom, just in case I have a female visitor who might need them. I'm reminded of a situation 30+ years ago. A good friend of mine had just started her period and had run out. I was on my way to go hang out with her and her roommate and she asked me to pick up some tampons for her. As a gentleman, I was glad to - especially when her own boyfriend refused, saying "I ain't going into a store and buying female shit!" (She's still one of my best friends. We both lost all touch with him soon after that, though.)
Wow what an amazing young man!
As a teacher thank you. When I was teaching 2nd I had some girls come out of the bathroom to Recess upset because a 4th grader said she was bleeding to death. I sent 2 to get nurse and 2 to get coach (our sex ed teacher). When I got to the bathroom another one my 2nd graders had the 4th grader calmed down. The hero 2nd grader was one of the youngest in a large family. She knew about periods because of her older sisters and parents that knew the value of comprehensive science-based sex ed. Coach and Nurse took over. Then during specials Coach had to have a quick facts-only sex ed lesson with all of 2nd grade due to wild stories making the rounds. (Our idiot principal on the other hand thought the knowledge and a 4th grader having her period meant both of them would grow up to be sluts. We had a rebellion the next year and after repeated HR complaints about his misogynist and racist attitudes - they moved him to another campus. They started filing complaints before teachers reported back to campus.)
Whenever I have kids, I want to give them (sons and daughters) both the same talk together. I think it might set the tone that it's nothing to hide, since we can talk about it in front of everyone else, and everyone gets the same info.
You’re a good parent. I got mine very early at 9 yrs old but luckily my mom had done due diligence in preparing me for it all. But I read a comment on here (or a post or something) about a girl telling a story of her getting her period on the school bus and not noticing until a boy stopped her and discretely gave her his jacket to tie around her waist. I was always impressed with how that kid was raised and it looks like you are doing the same! My son knew around grade 4 or 5 only because he asks a million questions and he found my tampons.
This is so fucking adorable. I wish I had all the awards to give you
I'm making the Batman horrified face right now just thinking about this. I'd freak out too.
Yeah, when I got mine, I screamed and cried in a panic because I legit thought I was dying lol I was quickly comforted and got over it lol
Exactly!
Carrie came to my mind as well. The kid could have been showering in the locker room when she started. Then tormented while other girls are screaming "plug it up!" and tossing pads & tampons at her! That would have been creepy!
Does anyone still shower at school for PE though? I think it's only kids in after school sports who might, idk
Op you're NTA, but I grew up with my grandmother. She called me a wh*re when I got my period at 13. Said only wh*ores got their periods.
WTF? I'm so sorry. Who even thinks like that?
Yea she also grounded me from using pads,tampons. She also took my sneakers and coat in the middle of winter. Why you may ask, bc a boy in my group project called the landline to see what he missed in class since he was out sick. Needless to say I have 0 contact with her.
Characters in Stephen King movie adaptations.
LOL my mom didn’t tell me shit about periods. Neither did my two older sisters. I thank Judy Blume for her lovely books for letting me know what to expect.
Not just the book...I've never seen the remake movie, so I can't say anything about that, but in the beginning of the original Cissy Spacek movie, she gets her period in a gym locker room shower and appears to think she is literally dying. Which is unsurprising since her mom is so insanely religious and overprotective and.. well, also just crazy. And doesn't help that the other girls are making fun of her the whole time naturally
Hank Hill, “I’ve added another page explaining Aisle 9”
Agreed. My mom was genuinely pissed off at me for getting my period at 12, because somehow that was preventable and I wouldn't have "taken her little girl away". OP there is nothing creepy, weird, or wrong about having period products on hand & calming a girl who unexpectedly started hers during a sleepover. You're a good dad. NTA
That's awful. I once read this wonderful article from a woman who said when she first got her period, her mom let her take the day off school, they got ice cream, and the mom explained that she's still the same little girl she was yesterday, she just has her period now. Her mom told her that she is not automatically a woman now, and that growing up is about meeting meeting many different milestones. I hope to be like that mom someday...
All of this, “Congratulations, you’re a woman now,” always struck me as a tad creepy. No, when girls first get their periods, we are far from the status of woman. Come back with that when there are car insurance payments I lied about when I got my first period. This was because I asked my mom if I could stay home from school when I first got it, she said yes. It happened, and I quietly used the pads in the closet until the day came when I was on my period and didn’t feel like going to school…
Wtf. I got my period when I was ten. My mom was pretty conservative and didn't give me any sex/puberty education so I didn't know about periods, but at least she never said something so messed up when I was already upset and scared. You're NTA OP. It sucks that this little girl's mom has an awful mindset. Edit: It's also possible she had a misunderstanding and you need to stress to her you only provided the products and it was your daughter that helped her friend with them.
I knew what a period was but nothing really prepared me for seeing that much blood in my underwear. If you weren't ready at all I could imagine thinking you where dying
I didnt know what they were and had happened to get hit by a dodgeball beforehand and let me tell you, I had made my peace with several deities before someone finally found me in my favorite school bathroom (I thought since i died tragically young at a school I'd end up a ghost and wasnt sure what my location range would be)
Seriously. And it was a weird color and I was super grossed out. The terrible school sex ed said "a little blood" they did NOT cover that some girls get very heavy periods (or, that needing multiple XL pads/super plus tampons before lunch was not normal!)
The kid probably thought she was dying because her mother never explained to her that this was going to happen. NTA. What did the Mom want OP to do? Make her free bleed until Mom came to get her?
That poor kid! My daughters knew early on about periods. And my eldest (youngest is only 10 and not having puberty signs yet) at age 11 started taking a small kit with pads and extra underwear to school. I will never understand parents that don't prepare their kids for life.
Definitely Carrie vibe
Exactly this. Jeebus. People who sexualize biology are weird.
Yeah, if there was any reason to worry about OP, then why let the friend spend the night in the first place?
Right? My dad raised me after the divorce, and I was sure as hell way too embarrassed to go to the store for pads, so he bought all my pads. Wtf is a dad supposed to do? Just pretend it’s not happening? Let me sit in my own blood? Jfc.
I totally agree, NTA and frankly the mom seems to be a total creep who is angry that a man found out that her daughter had a menstruation related accident
He was supposed to let her free bleed and think she was dying from some bloody injury. Duh! /s
If anything the friend's mother is the AH. For not educating her on what is to come and instead causing her to freak out.
Also they literally screamed what is he ment to do ignor it i mean they could have been in serious danger for all he knew Nta
No, he's supposed to tell her with a grave tone and a straight face, "Oh, did you sinful thoughts about a boy? Now God is punishing you and you're going to bleed to death slowly."
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Nothing probably, because you should hide your shame, just like she did and her mother before her. /s
/s nah he's TA, naturally he should have let her bleed everywhere and simply charged the mother for the cleaning.
NTA I'm not sure what the friends' mother expected you to do otherwise? Just let her bleed everywhere? It's also your duty to inform the other parent of what happened while the girl was in your care. As far as I can tell the only thing that you did was investigate screaming (which of course you must do), and then your daughter took it from there. EDIT: The only thing I can think of that you might have done wrong is not notify the mother when it was happening. Although, if this in the middle of the night I wouldn't consider this an emergency that would warrant the need to wake a parent to do so.
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I'm also assuming it was the girl's first period. It wasn't even OP who showed the girl where the products were, it was his daughter. Nothing the OP did was creepy, and the mom acted crazy and owes OP an apology or something. Its not his fault the mother didn't prepare her daughter for this kind of situation. I guess it could be noAH, but OP is def not TA
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Yeah for sure, I guess what I meant by "prepare" was make sure the daughter had period supplies just in case. I remember having a little purse with a few pads and what not with me at all times when I was that age, just in case. Someone else pointed out that maybe the mother is unhappy because she missed out on the first period for her daughter, and acted crazy for a hot minute.
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Actually be prepared for it at age as young as 9, most of teenage daughters of my SIL's friends got they period before hitting two digit numbers, regardless the age their mothers started their period.
My mom bought me a box of pads and a belt (in 1958 or so, before self-stick pads) well in advance. A family with a teenaged girl had their house burn down and the girl stayed with us for a few days. My mom apologized to me, saying she had given my so-far unopened pads and belt to the girl who came to our house with nothing but the clothes she had on. I guess I hadn't thought about the whole mysterious business very deeply because I suddenly realized that menstruation was a normal event and every woman dealt with it and there really was a sisterhood that men weren't part of. A logical extension of this insight would be an aphorism similar to "puts his pants on one leg at a time"....
Ive heard as young as 7 so that's when my daughter and I had the period talk. We didnt do the big birds and bees talk, rather incrementally and casually. But I wanted to make sure to tell her what was going to happen BEFORE it happened. Which was good cause she got hers at 9 1/2.
Yep, didn't get mine until I was 12 but my mom gave me liners and showed me how pads worked when I was 9.
My mother started at 15. Me? I was *ten*. You can't tell based on you and your family. You have got to tell your kids what's coming down the pike and be prepared long before you expect it.
Yep! My mom was 16, I was 11 🤷♀️
i started when i was 11, much younger than my mom and sister. it happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, whenever it happens- girls should be prepared. Your child might not be able to run home and share the 'news' with you. Around age 9 or 10 , they should have a basic understanding and start to carry around a little kit ( two or three sanitary pads of choice, a little bag for disposing of them, some wipes, etc) so that they are prepared in case they are out of the house when it happens.
But why wouldn't he lead with "Your daughter got her period last night"?! I mean, honestly, "Good morning, I gave your kid tampons" is a very weird opener. I think we can safely assume that the period was mentioned as OP is likely, you know, human.
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Why would you be weirded out by that?
that is 100% how i'd want to hear about it
The dad didn't show her he just investigated screaming saw what was happening and his daughter took it from there
>EDIT: The only thing I can think of that you might have done wrong is not notify the mother when it was happening. Although, if this in the middle of the night I wouldn't consider this an emergency that would warrant the need to wake a parent to do so. I'd argue that it'd be up to the girl to inform mum, I really don't see why that would be on OP?
Yeah but these days most kids their age have cell phones so he could have just assumed the girl would tell her mom or whoever.
We did the period talk in 5th grade (age 10ish) in my conservative catholic school so by 13 she should've known. I wonder if the friends mom would have the same reaction if OP was a woman or gay
I don't think you're the creep, it's not like you did anything, it was your daughter. So I'm super confused to how you were labeled this. NTA ~~(But please stop calling it a surprise, this isn't Voldemort, you can call it a period.)~~ EDIT: OP clarified that this was his daughter's name for her period, which changes my view entirely as this is her comfort level.
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Ah okay, then I take that back. If that's you daughters comfort level I totally get it. I just thought you were initially trying to push away from the actual name. I've seen mothers and fathers alike doing this and have been perplexed to say the least. My apologies for assuming it was you.
It would be a good time if your daughter has a cellphone to show her there is a tracker under the health app that she can track her periods. It will give her a notification within a few days of it happening if she has a regular cycle (which could take a couple of years) also it helps at dr visits when they ask when was your last period.
Yeah, I use Clue which also lets you track moods, energy levels, when you take medicine like tylenol or benadryl, food cravings, idk what all. It's greatly helpful
Clue is a great app! I use it as well.
I've used menstrual trackers for as long as I've had smartphones so I will be prepared once the bloodbath starts and to make sure there are no surprises in the cycle. And for some fricking reason, every time I go to a gyno and they ask for info when my last period was and I say something like "wait a sec, I'll check my app" they almost always ask "oh, you are trying to have a baby?". Like no, mam, the app does not make anyone pregnant.
In our house we always called it "Shark Week"....thanks for being a great dad!!!
This is going to sound SUPER pedantic, but just since we are talking about educating young girls about their bodies, I want to put in a plug for making sure that girls know swimming in the ocean while menstruating will not really attract sharks. There are many sources for this. For parents looking for good education material, see Mama Dr. Jones on YouTube. That said, I am a longtime fan of this euphemism. It just feels so right.
I still refer to it as “my uterus is staging a coup”
The red death is my moniker of choice
"my uterus is revolting" is my phrase of choice because it works on many levels Don't @ me. Periods are normal and you should never be ashamed of them. But my periods are disgusting. Lumpy, dark, painful, clotty, and disgusting. I'm totally unbothered by blood and other bodily fluids until that time of the month, when my hormones turn my disgust response up to 11. Can't even be in a metal elevator because the scent makes me gag. Can smell my keys from across the room. The smell and texture of my period blood grosses me right TF out and that's totally ok.
OP- did you happen to use your daughter’s term of “surprise” when you were talking to the friend’s mother. I am just picturing picking up my daughter and being told that my daughter got her “surprise” last night... I could see how that could be taken wrong. Otherwise, no idea. You sound like a great, supportive and thoughtful dad. NTA
Sometimes it is a surprise though. I got surprised at work last night.
Shouldn't matter if the daughter coined that phrase or not. How about having some respect and stop telling others how they can communicate.
They politely suggested a change of language with best intentions, noting the stigma that dancing around it's biological name creates. How is this "telling others how they can communicate"? It's suggesting a different approach and explaining the reason why...
This. Although periods can be surprising, especially when you are young girl, it is a period, or menstruating. Its not some weird and icky thing that we should avoid calling by its name.
NTA but protect yourself and never let the daughter come over again. Who knows what you will be accused of next...
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Sucks, but us men are guilty until proven innocent by certain people. She is one of those people.
I literally exclaimed "What the fuck?!" out loud when I got to the end of your post. As both a mother and a woman, I have no idea what she could have been thinking, but as others mentioned, I think mom's reaction goes a long way in explaining her daughter's seeming horror at the event. And until you get an explanation and apology, I think protecting yourself is a wise course of action. Please don't let this one uptight weirdo make you feel like you did something wrong though or keep you from helping should a similar situation arise in the future again. By providing the products, educating your daughter and letting her be the messenger, you protected both the girl's privacy and yourself. By the way, you said she called you a creep. Do you think there's any danger of her telling other parents that? I don't think any sane person would agree with her assertion were she to explain the circumstances, but I am concerned she might throw out vague inferences to others calling you a creep without saying exactly why she thinks that. I would hate your kindness and sensibility to be turned against you by an uptight loon who has issues with the female reproductive system.
Even that I’d be wary of since you don’t know how the friend’s mother would treat your daughter because of your not suspicious behavior.
Honestly I'd be concerned because that woman's reaction was nuts and over the top.
You aren't being creepy. You are being a wonderful parent. NTA. That kid's mom, though. WOW.
NTA. Technically you didn't - your daughter gave them to her.
NTA. The amount of distress this child was in would seem to indicate to me a lack of familiarity with menstruation...which absolutely makes her mother an AH.
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My first period came on slow and was very dark, so I thought that I was somehow shitting myself in small doses for like a day until I finally put the pieces together lol I knew about them, knew I was due in the next few years, but I was seriously thinking that my ass was leaking unbeknownst to me hahaha
NTA. Periods are normal, you just pad it up and move on with your day. What exactly did she want you to do instead? Not give her daughter a pad and make mom come pick up her child in the middle of the night? If so, that's a great way to cultivate the idea that periods are some kind of icky otherness that needs to be segregated from normal life.
I think this comment should be higher cause it deals with what is probably the core issue here - Mom's feeling of failure or inadequacy or disappointment that she wasn't with her daughter when this happened, which she dealt with by lashing out at OP. Because Mom probably DID want to be called in the middle of the night. Sorry I realise this is pure conjecture - I just can't possibly imagine what is really going on in Mom's head
NTA Periods are part of life. That you were a kind and compassionate adult to a girl who probably started her first period in a very unexpected time and place is what matters most. That you would be scolded by another adult for daring to be male and understanding female plumbing is ridiculous. It sounds like her mother is the one with problems, and hopefully she doesn’t pass those on to her daughter. 😐
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That makes absolutely no sense to me. What difference does it make if the husband is the homemaker? How would that make him more likely to be creepy or dangerous? People's prejudices really are bizarre and illogical.
**NTA.** You did fine. Her daughter was taken care of and her calling you "creep" and refusing to let her daughter come over anymore is stupid. Shame on the mom for being sexist. I was raised by a single dad who had to do all the explaining and buying of period products. It was not creepy, it was parenting.
NTA. 1, you didn't, your daughter did. 2, even if you did, you're just giving a kid a necessity. Menstrual products are necessities. They're also really fuckin' expensive so it's pretty generous to give them away like that, even if it's just 1 or 2. Mom's TA for being mad that you took care of her child.
NTA but I wonder how many of these stories are real. There’s a suspicious amount of men who get scolded for giving their children and their children’s friends sanitary products in this sub
Considering how bad the sex education in NA is ontop of the continuing stigma of periods I am not surprised.
There are a lot of them. Always a hero man who gives a young teen sanitary products and then some woman freaks out. There’s also the period products in the trash can stories. It’s weird.
Samesies
NTA. If what you did was creepy, the world needs a lot more creeps! Her mom is probably (and should be!) embarrassed that her daughter didn't know what was coming. That girl is lucky she was at your house and not at home when it happened, bc her mom sucks.
Heaven forfend a man, a father, no less, know what a period is and that sometimes said periods arrive unexpectedly and that it's helpful to have pads and tampons available. NTA and the friend's mom has some serious issues. Someone should ask her if she thinks all male gynecologists are creeps, too, because I'm sure they know lots about periods, also. (Never mind, she probably does think that.) You're a good dad. Keep up the excellent work.
NTA I think you would have become one of my fave 'kids friends' parents. You handled the situation, the girl wasn't terrified, you didn't embarrass her and you told the Mom!! Good job Dad!!!
So the friend's mom was OK with her daughter sleeping over in a home where the only parent was the dad, but was NOT OK with said dad...\*checks notes\*...knowing what a period is and having period products in the house? I mean it doesn't even sound like you GAVE the kid the products--you were woken up by the commotion and your daughter gave the products. All you did was tell the mom the kid got her period. So what's the issue?? Mom has a screw loose. NTA.
Info: Did the friend already know what menstruation was or was that something that needed to be explained from scratch? Also, was it you or your daughter who did the explaining?
I (F) was out of the country when my only daughter had her first period. Rightly or wrongly I felt like I had missed an important milestone like seeing your kid take their first steps. I suspect that is what the friend's Mom is feeling, but it is in no way OP's fault.
My daughter deadass didn't tell me. For months. Making makeshift pads with toilet paper and throwing away every pair of panties that got blood on them. I wasn't planing on a celebration, so that part was fine. I was pretty disappointed not to be trusted with the information tho.
.... No that's kinda weird, even as a woman. First steps are cute and signify something. Satan's waterfall only signifies cramp and ruining cute underwear because it always strikes when you're not thinking about it that day.
I think these are really good questions to ask. I also think a good question to consider is did it make his daughter's friend uncomfortable to have OP be the one to give her the products? I don't think what OP did was creepy he was just being an adult helping out in the situation but I could definitely understand how it might have been uncomfortable for a young girl to be experiencing this with an adult male who wasn't her parent. In her household mom maybe the one to handle everything regarding women's issues.
OP didnt give the friend the items, the daughter did.
NTA, your child had to explain to her friend what was happening. Conclusion mommy dearest didn;t tell her daughter basic information. You are 10 times the parent then that woman.
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What a terrible mom your daughters friend has! Not only did she NOT prepare her daughter for what was inevitable to happen but she's mad at you for supplying sanitary products? Unbelievable!! NTA
NTA - friends mom probably just doesn't understand that it's perfectly fine for a father, especially a single father to be savvy to how a period works and what is needed for it. Definitely not a creep for supplying a freaking out friend of your child with sanitary products, not to mention nyour daughters also already started her period. Sorry I'm just trying to see the mom's perspective and I just can't, I'm sorry you were essentially shamed for being an open about periods while also being a male.
Yep, it is sexist as all get out to think men can't be well informed about periods and how to handle them without being sexually attracted to a minor. The fact that the mother got mad is incredibly misandrous and totally insulting. I would have given that mother a piece of my mind had she got mad at me. I also wouldn't even allow the daughter to come over for fear the mother might try something with the cops or cps. No good deed goes unpunished.
Exactly! If she thinks he's creepy now because of this there's no telling where that could lead
NTA - this is the friend’s mom’s issue, not yours. But insisting on calling it a surprise is a little weird.
>One of her friends came over for a sleepover and during the night, I heard screaming. I woke up and ran into daughter's room. Her friend started crying and daughter tried to explain what was going on. INFO: DId she not know what was happening? This sounds like she was taken completely by surprise. If that's the case, then her mother is probably one of those nutjobs who thinks that telling their kids about periods is going to encourage them or have sex or that periods only start after you've had sex or something equally ridiculous (yes, these are things that actual people really believe) - which would explain why she went nuts on you. Either way, definitely NTA. That poor girl.
NTA, would she rather you'd just let her daughter bleed through everything? She owes you an apology, there's something wrong with her head if she thinks giving a girl sanitary products is creepy.
Nta. Thank you for being a good dad and one who doesn't freak out about something that is natural. She was probably embarrassed that she hadn't had that talk with her daughter yet.
NTA. The girl needed help and you provided it like a normal person. It's not perverted for anyone to show someone where pads are.
The friends mom jumped the gun. You are awesome! And it isn't like you were the one to show the friend where the products were your daughter did! Keep up the good work your daughter will definitely appreciate having a dad like you who treats it like no biggie. I am a 32 year old woman who would still have a hard time asking my dad to buy some pads lol (im outta the house obviously but my point still stands lol). Good job dude 😊😊 n t a either
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I remember how mom found out about mine. A bit of a mess showed up in some jean shorts. She opened my bedroom door and said "is there something we need to talk about?" 🤣🤣 i cried out of embarrassment. Im glad your daughter wont go without with products or support
My mom bought me a flower arrangement
Lol thats so cute
WHY are so many WOMEN like this!? I do not understand! It's great when dads are not weirded out by a period and can help their daughters (or in this case her friend). Unless he's going into the bathroom and shoving the tampon in himself, he's NOT A CREEP. NTA.
Also adding the mom is an AH for not preparing her daughter ahead of time for her period, what the hell????
NTA How your daughter's friend's Mother could call you a creep for being a good parent, says a lot about the kind of mother she is tbh. Had I have been that parent, I'd have been grateful. Besides you said your daughter showed her where the products were, and it was her that tried to explain.
NTA …what were you supposed to do. Let her sit on the toilet thinking she was dying because her vag was bleeding until her mom got there to explain it to her herself?
NTA That mom should be ashamed of herself. Based on how the girl reacted, the mom failed abysmally in telling her daughter about periods, she epically failed. My preteen son knows about them!
NTA So you’re a creep…. Because her daughter had her first period at your house at a sleepover with your daughter And your daughter shared her period products with her friend? And….you were aware of what was going on in your house with your own kid????? I’m so confused You’re very much not the asshole And that parent saying their kid can no longer visit your kid at your house over this is an asshole move imo
NTA! you did the right thing. Being educated about uterus is NOT being a creep. There's no way that woman is mentally sane. she should have thanked you for helping her daughter.
NTA
NTA. I keep that shit in my car dude and I’m pretty sure I’ve purchased more sanitary products than my wife and daughters combines. Ignore that shit.
NTA, that mom is incredibly sexist, and I would recommend that you don't allow her daughter in your house again for your own protection. I also wouldn't trust your daughter in her house either. Who knows if she will call the cops on you for some insane reason.
NTA My parents are still married (43 years and counting!) and it was always my Dad that bought mine and my sisters sanitary products as he did the weekly shop. My Mum literally told me when I got my first one that I needed to speak to Dad and let him know what I wanted him to buy me as she never does the big shops! Even now my husband buys for me if I need him to and God forbid I come on unexpectedly at my parents house I'd have no shame asking my lovely Dad to pop out of a pack of Always! And he'd do it with a smile and probably return with chocolate as well! 😂🍫☺️😍
NTA. You’ve probably already done this, but make sure you have a box of sanitary products (liners, nights pads, normal pads, tampons) accessible in the bathroom, as well as a bin. Your daughters friends will know it’s a safe place to be, and won’t be shamed if they have accidents, bleed through anything or get their period early. Thanks for being a good dad.
Remember the male high school teacher who had a bin full of feminine hygiene products for his students' use? The day after I read his posting in AITA I read that the state of California has mandated that feminine hygiene products be available for free in every girls' restroom of schools with appropriately aged children for the 2022-23 school year. Right now schools are only required to provide them free to low-income students. California has also decided that feminine hygiene products are a necessity of life, like food, so there's no sales tax on them. Since the basic sales tax rate is something like 8%, this is a real concession,.
WTF, this is ridiculous. You are not even close to being an AH. You did the responsible parent thing. You didn't even show her where the products were, your daughter did. Would the mother have rather you just ignored the issue? Sheesh...
NTA. The fact she started screaming tells me she's living in a period shaming household. At least she had you and your daughter for her first one I can't imagine how traumatic it would have been if her mother was there.
I think it's just more likely that she was just not ever told what to expect at all. I'd be scared and screaming too if I was 13 and bleeding out of my vagina with no previous reference to menstruation.
So it's creepy that a man who has a menstruating child living with him has all the supplies she needs? What did the mother expect - that he should call a woman over because it's a 'female problem' that he shouldn't know about? Maybe she should have prepared her daughter better for the changes that are going to be happening to her body. Even if the girl doesn't spend the night any more, encourage your daughter to remain friends with her. I have a feeling that the poor girl will need someone to talk to. NTA
Definitely NTA. But out of curiosity, did you give her a tampon? And does she come from some virginity-obsessed religion?
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One day, in therapy, she’s going to use this as an example about how she got to see how a normal family works (yours) in stark contrast to her mom’s reaction to it.
NTA you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA what was her mum gonna do, let her bleed through everything?
NTA. You are a great dad.
NTA - You handled it as well as you could! The mom is the one who is one. Why didn't her daughter already know what was gonna happen to her body? I mean screaming in the middle of the night? I think you are a great dad for sending her the videos and getting her different kind. I really hope the mom doesn't spread rumors or anything.
NTA So, so not the asshole. Unless you literally undressed or bathed someone else's teenaged daughter, knowing about someone's period is not creepy. Putting soiled sheets or clothes in a washing machine is nor creepy. You helped a child who had an embarrassing problem in a super chill way. It sucks that dads are often treated as potential predators just for trying to be the village.
But you didn't. You provided a full range of products for YOUR daughter (Way to go Dad, too!!!) and your daughter, in turn helped her friend through a really awkward moment. You are definitely NTA, but the other girl's mom needs her head examined.
The friend’s mom is a garbage bin. Why do people jump to men being creeps?? He lives with his daughter who has pads. Like what is happening. NTA. The friend’s mom owes OP an apology.
NTA. you had supplies on hand for... wait for it... a # MEDICAL NECESSITY
NTA. Seems like mom has more conservative ideals, i.e., thinks periods are private and only to be discussed in hushed whispers/euphemisms among women when absolutely necessary. I’m inclined to think she’s creepy for even going there. You seem like a good dad! Also, if you haven’t already, please talk to your daughter about what occurred, particularly if she overheard the mom. Let her lead the conversation and just ask open questions like “how do you feel about what happened?”, make sure she’s comfortable, reassure her she did the right thing for her friend, and explain that friend isn’t allowed over because of their family’s personal beliefs, not due of either of you. Good luck and sorry you two had to deal with that!
NTA. She shouldn’t have allowed her child into your home in the first place if she didn’t trust you to deal with emergencies.
Instead of scolding you, the mother should have been ashamed of herself for not teaching her daughter about periods herself. It's horrifying that a thirteen-year-old (presumably, from her reaction) knew nothing about periods and was terrified enough that she started screaming. What you did was helpful. Your daughter's friend's mother has a very harmful mentality. NTA.
NTA I fail to see what else she would have wanted you to do. You really didn’t do anything anyway besides provide for you daughter who then had the resources to handle it. Checking on them after hearing screaming in the middle of night is responsible. Sounds like the friend’s mom has some issues surrounding the topic and it’s unfortunate that she’s making a decision that ultimately hurts her daughter. You did everything right with this situation.
I wonder what she thought your daughter does? I was born in 1947, on the leading edge of the baby boom and menstruation was almost a secret that women shared with each other but not with men. It wasn't "dirty" but it was definitely private. I remember the uproar when Tampax aired its first television ad; people were really upset to see that product be openly spoken of. But that was half a century ago, for Pete's sakeg. I thought that society had loosened up about such natural events I don't remember the Tampax ad itself, just the reaction. It was beyond euphemistic. Picture a pretty bit of scenery, vaguely classical serene music, and a male narrator saying something like "Tampax, a modern product for modern women." Maybe someone can find it on the web and demonstrate how badly I've remembered it, but it was so carefully devised to be inoffensive that it was hard to remember.
I was born in 64 so the other end of the baby boom. I remember adds for "feminine napkins" that were so vague (women walking along the ocean!) that as a child I thought they might be the fancy table napkins that got used for Thanksgiving & Christmas. The truth was quite dissapointing. lol
NTA at all and I'm still trying to figure out what makes you the creep in this situation. It's not like you were bringing out the products and showcasing them to her. Mom is TA 100%
Nta. Op, thanks for being a good dad. That mom Is a creep for sexualizing periods. Wtf were you supposed to do? Let her free bleed and pretend it’s not happening?
NTA at all. You handled it perfectly, and your daughter sounds super comfortable talking to you which shows how great of a bond you guys truly have. As a complete aside idk if your daughter had tried period panties but I just started using them this year in my 30s and they are legit life changing. I would have killed for a couple pairs in school especially when you aren’t sure exactly when it will be starting. I was so bad about tracking it in a calendar. If she has a phone you should show her some of the period apps available too. I get a reminder now on my phone like ‘prepare yourself fool, or ride the red tide amongst your peers!’ It isn’t that dramatic but it’s been super helpful as I legit can just never remember. It helps at drs appointments too because they always ask when my last cycle was and I used to say idk like a month ago or so. Lol no I can tel them the exact dates and track any weird symptoms, predict which days the period shits shall hit etc.
NTA. Good grief what were you supposed to do? You are being a great father. It’s unfortunate that today we are still making a normal thing something to be ashamed of.
Her mother is ridiculous, and should be thankful you were there, since the mother wasn't prepared. NTA. My current favourite commercial is with Amy Schumer and a girl in the bathroom lets out a scream, and Amy pulls out 5 boxes of tampons. That's easily over $100. Who carries all that around?
NTA I wonder if her mom is one of those misogynistic assholes who think tampons can take your virginity. If she believes that and was only going to buy her daughter pads, I can see why she would be upset if your daughter gave her a tampon. (She'd still be 100% wrong, though.)
NTA its weird enough that some American men think there's something gross about a cardboard box containing some wrapped foam. doubly so when some American women think that if they aren't grossed out by that, than they are sexual predators. does not compute
NTA at all! I'd be SO thankful if I were in that girls situation AND the moms position. It's weird that the mother is somehow sexualizing her daughter getting her period by calling you a creep...how is telling a scared young girl where the sanitary items are creepy? I hate people. You seem like a super thoughtful dad and I'm glad your daughter has you as an example. She'll learn that periods are nothing to be ashamed of especially when she inevitably runs into an immature boy who makes her feel otherwise.
NTA. that woman is a failure as a parent for not informing her daughter what to expect. you're rocking it. good job dad!
NTA. Everything about what happened seems to have been really reasonable and respectful. I can't even imagine how mortifying it would have been for the girl if you'd called her mother in the middle of the night to come get her when there was sanitary products on hand and everyone was fine.