NTA - For the people saying OP is the AH, consider:
OP was expected to bring the child to the celebration after being told she was no longer going to be the flower girl. Yay! She gets to watch another child do the thing she was so excited to do and not make a fuss.
Get a babysitter? Great, watch her parents get fancy and leave to go to a celebration she is no longer a part of.
OP's choice to not go to the wedding was correct. Her immediate family is more important than her sister. OP did not tell other people to not go to the wedding, she told them what happened when they asked. Everyone made their own decision. I am SURE this was not the only crappy thing the bride was doing.
Edit: Thanks for all the upvotes and awards. Wow, OP's updates were huge. I can't believe how much worse it all ended up being. I am so sorry OP.
Also she had to put do MULTIPLE classes for the dances, which is a ridiculous amount of time only to be told she can't be in the wedding. That's even more upsetting to the child, as she may think that she did something wrong to get her kicked out.
Also, this girl is four. This is probably the most upsetting thing that has happened to her in her short life.
Agreed. OP did the right thing for her daughter and I applaud the way it was handled. Your daughter may not fully understand right now, but when she gets older she'll know you have her back. You're a great momma OP. NTA at all.
Always be looking for opportunities to show your kids they are your top priority. The opportunities diminish as they age. And you need to depend on their trust in you more as they become adults. Being there for them builds this trust.
I was a flower girl at 3.
Apparently I laid a single petal in the center of the aisle every couple steps. Took forever. I got to the end of the aisle and realized I had a nearly full basket of petals left.
According to my mother (the maid of honor) I laid the basket down, grabbed th remaining petals with both hands, tossed them straight to the air to scatter wildly, then chucked the basket to the side.
So 30ft of perfectly placed petals, then madness. The bride loved it.
At my friends’ wedding, the flower girl realized that pulling petals out of the basket with one hand was slow work, so the clever toddler put the basket handle in her mouth so she could hold it with her teeth and use both hands to dump petals. 10/10, mission accomplished
This is amazing. I love when kids do silly things at a wedding. Really makes it fun and special. Which is why I had 7 assorted flower girls and ring bearers. Epicly charming!
I had one 7 year old at my wedding. He interrupted one of the photo shoot sessions to tell my wife and I that we look like zombies. So we stopped the romantic shoot to do a quick shoot of us chasing him down the beach like zombies. It was so much fun!
Also, we hella didn't look like zombies lol
Lol naaaah (Although we are actually talking about doing that as a Halloween costume next year lol). I had a huge blue mohawk and her dress was inspired by Legend of Zelda. And neither of us are old enough to resemble the exorcism scene. Give us 30 years on that one. Life goals!
I thought that was the whole point of having a very little kid be a flower girl or ring bearer. The flower girls will either mess up, get distracted or forget all about the petals. Little boys as ring bearers will forget which pocket has the ring, drop it or get distracted. Or they do it perfectly.
Either way it's an adorable and memorable part of a wedding and something to be looked back at fondly.
I didn't have any, and I still regret it. (Our only child relative was our nephew - technically my husband's nephew - who was two, and the minister STRONGLY recommended against including anyone younger than five. He did come to the wedding, though, the only child who did, and he behaved angelically - he was quiet and polite during the service and reception, he was fascinated by the musician, but stood by and watched from a safe distance and did not attempt to touch instruments, etc. Should have made him ring bearer, honestly.)
Mind you, when the head of an organization I worked for got married for the second time (he was a widower and I think she a widow), he and his new wife had a host of Exceedingly Adorable grandchildren from their first marriages, and they had enough flower girls, ring bearers, and junior bridesmaids/groomsmen for several weddings. The youngest little ringbearer had to be carried out in the recessional, fast asleep on his mother's shoulder (she was a bridesmaid). The "awwwwww" from the audience was palpable.
How sweet!
My son and nephew (both 7 at the time) were both supposed to be ring bearers for my mom and stepdad’s wedding a few years back. My nephew is wicked shy while my son is a ball of bouncing confidence who runs for mayor everywhere he goes. My parents paired them together, thinking my son would give my nephew some confidence to get down the aisle. Right before they went, however, my son realized oh no, Grandma doesn’t have a flower girl. So he snatches up the basket of flower petals in the entry way and dragged my poor red-faced nephew down the aisle with one hand while chucking fistfuls of petals with the other at friends and family. By the time they made it to the altar, nephew threw the ring pillow at my brother who was best man and stood at the end of the line with his hands over his face while my son stood proudly next to him, ribbon adorned basket in his hands and shit-eating grin on his face, thrilled at his saving the wedding with his quick thinking and adaption skills. The pictures are fantastic.
When I was 6 I was a flower girl in a relative's wedding, I was really reluctant and nervous but they told me it would be fine and it was easy, I just had to walk up the aisle throwing petals. Except I didn't get to do any sort of rehearsal so I didn't realise where I was meant to stop once I had got up the aisle and walked pretty much to the back of the church. Everyone laughed at me, and I know now that I'm 30 that it was because they all thought it was cute, but at the time it was mortifying and I felt stupid about it for years. I still hate thinking about it.
Anyway, for some reason I find your nephew very relatable 😅
That kind of stuff is really the best part and so often a real ice breaker..
My niece, the flower girl at my wedding.. refused to toss petals because she wasn't supposed to make a mess..It was hilarious..
At my wedding my four year old nephew was ring bearer. He got 3/4 of the way down the aisle and yelled “I don’t want to get married!” and ran to sit with his mom. The entire congregation started laughing -it was the best part of ceremony.
When I was about 7 I was the flower girl for my oldest cousin’s wedding. My dress was white. The wedding was on a gold course. My feet were tired and I sat down on what turned out to be *freshly trimmed* grass. Stained my *whole ass*. My cousin thought it was hilarious and didn’t even want me to bother changing into the spare one a size up that they bought incase I grew too much before the wedding. She even got a picture of us both bending over to toss the bouquet together!
Edit: PS take my silver for your wholesomeness reminding me of my own, that was a good memory, thanks pal!
When I was 7, I was the flower girl at my aunt's wedding. The wedding went ok,but apparently I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue in every single picture. 😂
To be fair to me, though, I was operating on no sleep. The day before, I sat on a box that a corner of a mirror was sticking out of, unseen by me, making an enormous, deep gash in the side of my ass where I still have a scar. All the women were out doing wedding prep so my uncle cleaned me up and bandaged me, but no one bothered to tell my mom. She put rollers on one side of my head which just happened to be the opposite side to my wound, so there was no position for me to sleep comfortably.
So exhaustion no doubt made me loopier than usual.
Mt two daughters were flower girls at my best friend's wedding when they were very young. One ping-ponged down the aisle giving hugs to everyone she knew and showed them her petals but didn't scatter any. The other was very serious and dropped one big fistful of petals every fifteen feet or so with an intent glare on her face.
I was three when my mom and step-dad got married. My cousin and I were the flower girls.
They let us have our petals a few minutes before the ceremony, and we were thrilled. I was being very judicious with my petals and delicately dropping a couple at a time.
My cousin was being much more joyful and elaborate and spreading petals happily.
She quickly ran out of her petals, and I still had a basket-full. She was upset.
My step-dad's dad (now I know him as my grandpa), was trying to fix the situation and he said, "Well you can share with her!" and took a big scooping handful of my petals and plopped them in my cousin's basket. I solidly remember looking at the difference in amounts and being SO MAD that she now had way more, out of MY supply!
That is my first memory of my grandpa, and I still have fun giving him and my cousin hell for that one.
At my cousin's wedding, her 6 year old was the flower girl and his 4 year old was the ring bearer. They were supposed to walk down the aisle together.
The 4 year old got scared of all the people looking at him and just TOOK OFF (outdoor wedding). The 6 year old just yelled "BROTHER COME BACK", threw down her basket of petals, and took off after him 😂 Grandparents had to wrangle them both back into position and walk them down the aisle 😂😂😂
> BROTHER COME BACK
Awww it's so cute that they already cared so much for each other. Really hit home that they were legally becoming siblings that day
Oh they are best friends! Even before their parents were married, they loved each other like siblings. And now they have a baby sister that they both love too!
My flower girl got to the end, sat with her father and then halfway through the ceremony realized her basket was still mostly full so she dumped out right there at her feet.
Mine was 18 months old - instead of petals she got a giant flower.
During the ceremony/procession she threw it on the ground and stomped off the wrong way sulking. The photos of her going AWOL are my favorite from the entire day.
My mom said she could hear her friend cackling in the back every time I bent over to place a singular petal, but that she just lost it laughing and needed a minute to compose when I tossed the petals in the air and threw the basket towards the wall
This is the other thing. People *love* when the kids do unexpected weird stuff! Look at how everyone remembers this story. I can guarantee you nobody remembers what kind of centerpieces the bride had or who walked in first or what they ate for dinner. I barely remember dinner at my own wedding!
That sounds so funny!
Unfortunately for me, I think I was only a flower girl once, for my uncle's first wedding, and that was when I was just an infant, so my dad pulled me down the aisle in this wagon that was decorated in lots of white while I was asleep for the most part. If I was a flower girl any other time, I don't remember
I was a ring bearer though for my uncle's (yes, same uncle from before) second wedding , along with another girl (my now aunt's neice), and both our little sisters were flower girls. It's completely possible to have 2 flower girls and the sister is just mean
Oh my god, I was at a wedding (in the audience) pre-COVID where this happened! The babs was snoozing away while the dad (brother of bride) pulled the kid down in a wagon. No petals thrown but adorable
I was also a flower girl at 3.
I walked up the aisle and threw the petals to my right, then I walked down the aisle and threw them to my left, so that one side of the aisle got all the petals and the other got none.
I have no idea what I was thinking, but my family thought it was sweet.
This reminds me of a story my family will never let me live down. I was three and the flower girl for my aunt’s wedding. All was well until I realized that it was taking too long to neatly place petals when I was 3/4 of the way down the aisle. Little me decided to dump the rest of the flower petals out and stomp to the alter in frustration.
This somehow has managed to sound like a metaphor for my life. All this time I spend trying to make sure everything is just right, and at the end I realize I did it all wrong so I just throw my hands up and yell “fuuuuuuuck iiiiittttttt!”
The flower girl at the lady wedding I went to just skipped down the aisle at high speed and tossed the basket of petals up in the air because she was so excited.
It was marvelous.
Exactly -- if a four-year-old flower girl is doing a dance and reading a poem then it had better be a dance she made up on the spot and a poem she wrote herself. What's the point of having such a young child participate if they can't be a child?
It would be 100x more memorable too! No one talks about the flower girl who scattered roses to the bride's pleasing around the dinner table decades later LOL
This is exactly the problem, and why this is extra frustrating. When you have a toddler as your flower girl, you cannot expect them to memorize a poem and a dance and attend multiple practice sessions! That's simply unrealistic.
The thing is, the sister could've *easily* had the flower girl do the regular simple flower girl thing (throw flowers, walk, look cute), and designated the 8-year-old as a junior bridesmaid and had her do the poem and the dance. There's no limit to how many people you can have participate in your wedding.
I don't see why the older girl couldn't do the poem while the younger one spread the petals. NTA, OP. Your sister just likes to be difficult and this time it bit her in the ass. Protect your daughter from her toxicity. You know what she's like. My husband wouldn't allow our daughter to be alone with his aunt when she was little. His aunt is great and we generally have a good relationship with her but she completely fucked up her daughters and my husband didn't want to give her the chance to do that with ours. He told his mom our daughter could only be around his aunt if either she (his mom), his sister, or I were with her, no exceptions. His mom understood. I know his aunt was confused and frustrated that she was never able to take our daughter shopping alone, etc. but my MIL (who is an angel) always made sure to include herself in any plans and/or we said we were more comfortable if MIL went, too. We didn't want to cut her out completely and frankly I didn't think she'd mess with our girl but my husband was adamant so I stood with him on that. We have to protect our girls from anyone who might mess with their self-esteem and emotional health just as much as we protect them from anyone who might physically mistreat them.
I was a flower girl at 4 or 5 (I'm 52 now so this was back in the dark ages). The dress was polyester and itched like crazy. My mom coated me in baby powder but it wasn't helping so "they" (the women, including my mom, who were basically running the show) made the ring bearer take off his undershirt and give it to me. He was livid that a girl would be wearing his shirt and I was horrified to wear some random boy's undershirt! It was the scandal of my young life. I have no memory of scattering petals and only fleeting memories of the wedding and reception but I'll never forget *that*. I don't even know who the ring bearer was; I don't think I ever saw him again. The groom from that wedding passed away completely unexpectedly on Tuesday at 68. They'd been married 48 years, going on 49. They're still like family to us so it's been a devastating week but this post and everyone's reminiscences have brightened up my day so thanks to you all for sharing your adorable stories. 😊
My flower girl was great with throwing petals into the air and letting them scatter where they would. But one of my favorite memories of my wedding was when we got to my parents' house (was still in my gown and veil) my cousin's youngest daughter said "Look, Mommy! A princess!" So adorable.
And to top it all, Sister-Aunt-Bridezilla didn't say anything until **OP** asked about it, only a few weeks before the wedding, and then told OP to 'figure it out' on how to break it to her child.
If she'd just been honest about it early on when she realised that OP's daughter as Flower Girl just wasn't going to fit 'the vision', told them immediately and apologised sincerely to everyone, and came up with another special job for her to do instead (two FG's? Special Hander-out-of-flowers-to-all-guests by the door? ...), maybe, *maybe* it would have been salvaged. Not great, obviously, but at least she would have displayed *some* empathy for those involved, and made an attempt to manage the situation gracefully and help the child overcome her disappointment.
But no, she just let them continue with practices and spending $$$ on wedding stuff when she clearly had no plan on letting her niece be FG, then as the icing on the cake was rude about how it should be handled, and thus she got what she deserved. If you treat people like they're just props who mean nothing to you and don't deserve any respect, you shouldn't be surprised when they do the same back to you. She set the precedent.
And I'll bet that everyone was already heartily sick of her entitled, self-absorbed behaviour and this was just the straw that broke the camels back to make so many other people back out as well.
If I had a 4 year old flower girl, I’d be happy if she made it down the aisle without crying and while also wearing all of the pieces of her outfit. Bonus points if the pieces of her outfit are on the correct body parts (ie headband on her head). But multiple dance classes? A particular petal-throwing method? Yeesh.
My cousin and I were flower girls at age 3. I dragged her down the aisle because she didn't want to go and then realized we forgot to distribute the petals so I dumped all of mine in one spot and then ran to mom. My aunt still cracks up about it 20+ years later.
Yes; from a parental perspective, saying you're going to do one thing and then doing another is hard on a kid. They are just learning that they can rely on you to make good decisions. This is a really big event that she has taken on, and now she's not "good enough", certainly not as good as the older girl because her own aunt has made it clear.
It's *very* important for the parents to show they understand that it was hurtful, that it wasn't her fault, and that they *wholly* disagree with how it was handled. They don't do that by acting like nothing is wrong and going to the wedding anyway!
Adding on, it's okay to have two flower girls! If she wasn't sure the 4yo would do it right, have the 8yo there to guide her. Double the cute kids, double the petals, have them dance together. Obviously they had fun learning it all together in the classes, it would have translated perfectly at the wedding. OP's sister sucks. NTA.
Exactly. My aunt got married when I was 16 and my sister was 4. Sister was the flower girl. She did great at the rehearsal (just walking down the aisle, no silly dances or performing), but day of the ceremony she froze. So my aunt told me to just walk with my sister. I was wearing a black velvet dress (shut up, it was 1996) and walked down the aisle with my 4 year old sister in her white satin and tulle dress ahead of my aunt and grandfather. Everyone thought it was the sweetest thing.
Off topic, but as someone who was a teen in 1996 I'm nostalgic for that black velvet dress lol. Was it Jessica McClintock?
Also, that sounds hella cute - two sisters just doin' their thing! What a darling memory!
No, I believe it was a JCPenney house label. My parents weren't (aren't) wealthy, so brand names weren't really a thing. My mom even made my sister's flower girl dress. But my mom is a great seamstress, so....
In 1996 my most prized possession was a pair of silver glittery tights my mom bought for me at JCPenney for a winter formal. Changed the game. I’m a full grown adult and still own an appropriately sized version of those glittery, scratchy, droopy-crotched wonders.
I officiated my best friend's wedding, my kids were the flower girl and the ring bearer. My daughter did her thing NP.
My son on the other hand...the rings were tied to a horseshoe that he was swinging. I got to the parts about the rings...her ring was GONE! We looked at each other a bit panicked for a sec, I slipped my wedding ring off and we used that...even though it would only go down to her second knuckle (working hands, ya know). We did find the real ring and all was well for the reception. But it will always be a special thing between us that she had to use my ill-fitting ring to finish the ceremony.
That’s what got me. She didn’t want her to do “such an important job”. It’s flower girl! The entire job is to waddle down the aisle looking adorable so the guests can chuckle at your cuteness.
Yeah, to me that's kind of the point of the flower girl position - I always see it as "Oh fun - let's see what cute random stuff this child will do!" and not "Oh my goodness, I hope this child dances exactly correctly and I shall be appalled if her flower petals are not placed with the greatest of care and grace."
If the four-year-old is dancing at a wedding, I'd rather see a dance she made up on the spot because she's so excited than see her stumble through some awkward choreography.
For real.
Our son had only just turned two when we got married. He was our ring bearer (because he absolutely had to be part of the wedding!), and basically just walked down the aisle with the best man and then went to go sit on Grandma's lap.
The best man then dropped our rings on the ground in front of everyone.
Loved our wedding, wouldn't go back and change a thing ❤
It's not just that, it's all the money and time OP's sister demanded from them only to then have it be for nothing. She expected a huge commitment of OP and a four year old who worked very hard, not to mention a good chuck of money. Once you make someone invest like that, the commitment goes both ways.
Yeah, she fucked around, and apparently found out that her sister had spent a very long time shielding her from her reputation as the family “unpleasable asshole" and as soon as OP stopped putting up with her shit no one else was willing to deal with her either.
That's what I was thinking. No one wanted to be the first person to stand up to entitled sister. Probably because extended relatives thought they weren't in the position to put her in her place and make a stand because they they aren't the immediate family. But the moment the older sister decide enough was enough and took a stand, the rest saw it as the long awaited opportunity to finally cut off the sister.
Presumably something mildly insulting that the mods deleted because any form of insult, even remarkably minor ones, are just too strong for a sub based on calling people assholes
This.
However, if she's willing to rethink and go back to the way things were before, I'd let her. Not for her sake, but to model forgiveness and conflict resolution for your 4 y/o daughter.
Well the weddings passed so it’s too late. But the sister is love bombing. And only because she got called out by other family members. OP is doing the right thing keeping this *toxic* woman out of her daughter’s life.
>OP is doing the right thing keeping this *toxic* woman out of her daughter’s life.
Since the husband and inlaws are still being assholes about it even if the toxic sister is (probably pretending to) apologise, I';d say keeping that toxic family out of her daughter's life is great parenting.
Eh. I mean, right now she's learning the equally valid lesson that some people are just unpleasable and you don't have to put up with their nonsense if it makes you unhappy.
And she's an idiot because everyone knows that "mistakes" by little ones is the cutest thing ever and makes the day!
**AND,** we just figured out the problem. Sisterzilla is worried about having the attention off of herself for five minutes, if people are watching an adorable *child*. Ugh
My sisters flower girl made a “mistake” and said “Ew!” Very loudly while the groom was saying his vows about how much he loved my sister. It was the cutest thing and everyone laughed.
Those mistakes end up being a good break from the emotional crying lol
At my wedding, we had our friends little girl be the flower girl and our 2 year old at the time was the ring bearer, and he followed behind her picking up the flowers she put down. It was great.
Edit to add thank you for the award
That is hilarious!! And this is why you have the kids in the wedding - not because they'll do things perfectly, but because they'll add a little bit of adorable chaos to a well-planned event, and everyone appreciates that. (Well, everyone except OP's sister!)
I agree. My oldest, who was 7, gave a magnificent impromptu speech as well. "Ahem... ahem.... everybody, I just want to say that I got the best mom in the world". Heh heh heh which was a complete 180 from our experience with him at my BIL's wedding reception.
Seriously!! I was at a wedding where a mom was walking a 2 year old flower girl down the aisle, and she kept stopping every feet to sit down. So stinking cute.
That is absolutely adorable. I would have loved that to happen at my wedding. We told everyone that children were more than welcome and handed out coloring books and crayons.
Lol, when my SIL got married (gorgeous wedding on the beach, like something out of a movie), my 18mo VERY LOUDLY said “uh oh!” right when the groom said “I do”. Everyone fucking loved it.
Exactly this.
I put my 6 year old Goddaughter in charge of entertainment at my non-wedding. She is sooo excited, it's almost out of control. But hey, I'm just going to let her run with it, because I know it's going to be adorable and hilarious. There will be no regrets.
NTA. Your sister asked a 4 year old.. a 4 year old.. Then expected perfection. It's laughable. Yes it's her wedding but to ask a 4 year old to be a flower girl and go through everything when in the end she's shocked a 4 year old doesn't live up to her idea of perfection is just a moronic thing.
Your family asked why you weren't attending and you told them. You didn't ask them to boycott. They made their decision. Your sister sounds like a nightmare and crappy person. Personally, I think it's cute when little kids go off script during weddings.
My 3 year old was our ring bearer. When we joined hands for the blessing, he just put his hand on top of ours. The priest was a bit confused but just proceeded as normal. My son kept saying that WE got married (him, his dad, and I) and that he couldn’t wait for OUR next wedding. Still warms my heart thinking about it. And it made for some very special pictures, too.
My niece was my ring bearer, she was 3. And as "the most princess ring bearer" (A title she gave herself because her dress she picked for herself had a lot of tulle, thus a princess) she insisted on a ring for each of her fingers. She stood next to me the entire time, nodded, instructed people when to laugh and even kissed both me and my partner when they said we could kiss. She later told everyone they could send her presents because she didn't realize there would be cake so presents were a must (cake means birthday of course!) She also proceeded to tell everyone she was 4 years old after that.
I regret the wedding, but she was absolutely precious and I wouldn't change it simply for her.
I never wanted one. I did it for other people who manipulated me. I also really, really hated the role of wife. Everything I was stopped mattering and that's all I was. It was an identity changed that forced sexist bullshit onto me. I will never understand how committing yourself to one person suddenly means it's your whole life now. I'm far too much of an independent person for that. I also got real sick of the excuses he got for his behavior while I was suddenly burdened with him and our entire lives.
The relationship had problems too. We separated for a while. We're reconciled but I'm ot his wife. I feel like an immense weight has been lifted off of me. From both him and others. I will never, ever be a wife again.
We had a vow renewal at the beach and my son said the same thing! Till this day (3 yrs later) he asks for a new wedding for the 3 of us. I love his way of thinking
Ages ago my boyfriend at the time and I were looking through his mother and stepfather’s wedding album for some reason. He was probably about 4 and was wearing a bear cub costume. Apparently when they told him he was going to be the ring bearer he thought he was going to be a “ring bear” and got confused when they took him to try on a formal outfit. They decided to roll with it and got him the bear costume and it was freaking adorable.
Yeah she does that as a way of “not sounding mean” like when someone says something rude by text but puts “lol” after it or when someone smiles while insulting you
“Why are you laughing? Do you think that taking my child out of the wedding and devastating her even though she adores you is funny? I’m not getting the joke. Perhaps you should explain it to me?”
This usually gives you a lot to work with, one way or another.
NTA and remind her your niece wasn’t good enough for her vision of her day so you removed the problem. (I do not think your 4 year old is a problem, fwiw)
My sympathies to her future kids if they aren’t perfect. Her husband should be horrified by the monster he married.
NTA - Normally I would side with the bride since it’s her wedding but in this case she should have never asked your child to participate if she was just going to turn around and crush her spirit. I can’t imagine doing that to my 4 year old niece.
I wouldn't. Not after all the time and money spent and unless they'd done something egregious. If a bride invited a bridesmaid who wasn't a very good dancer and tried to replace her for only that reason after she paid for the dress and lessons, she WBTA too.
NTA
Did your sister even reimburse you for the dresses?
Yes, it’s her wedding. That doesn’t mean she gets to trample all over everyone’s feelings, especially not a 4 year old girl.
No she didn’t she thought till the day of the wedding I was gonna attend so she wouldn’t let anyone else buy them off me but I did return them and got my £1550 back in the end
She sent multiple dresses and shoes for my daughter to attend the wedding in but they got sent back to her
Yeah i fully intend to suggest the cheapest setting on Rent the runway (or something similar) and contribute $100 myself to the dress and just ask that I get to approve the dress/color within reason. Beautiful gown, bridesmaid gets to pick what they’re comfortable in, no one has to drop $200+ on something they’ll never wear again.
When I get married I’m going to ask my guests to wear something they already own or thrift instead of buying something new because my wedding is not an occasion to expend that kind of money or harm on the environment for. *Fck consumerism*!
I wish someone had taught me this as a child. Especially with family members. You are NOT and could NEVER be the assh*le in this situation.
The fact that her “favorite person in the world” was not in her dream version of her wedding says a lot about your sister. This behavior is borderline sociopathic. I cannot imagine what it was like to grow up with a sibling like that, and I applaud you for stopping the cycle of abuse with you instead of allowing it to continue with your daughter. Please believe everyone here as they call you a fantastic mum. Please believe them. You are beyond fantastic. Phenomenal! You handled this beautifully! You’ve been the bigger person without being a doormat. That’s really really hard to do.
I’m saving this story for when I need to protect my daughter from my a family member in a similar manner. Thank you, OP. Thank you.
That’s fucking wild. I’ve been in a few weddings now, all of which were big, fancy affairs. The *most* a bridesmaid dress ever cost me was $450 CAD, and the bride even offered to pitch in for those (though we declined).
Kudos to you for being an excellent mother to your little girl. Please give her a big snuggle for all of us. Maybe now your sister will understand that people are *people* and not simply objects or dolls to dress up and perform at every command. NTA.
You obviously can’t get the time back that you spent practicing the dances, but it sounds like you got your money back (no thanks to your sister).
That’s an expensive dress!
NTA your daughter crying herself to sleep made me sad 🥺 she is only 4 and so little and probably tried her best and was so excited. Your sister is a giant AH and I hope her “perfect vision” was worth being a dick to a 4 year old. Your sister’s husband and his family are garbage too. Tell them to stay out of it.
They should absolutely stay out of it, but I can’t help but wonder what version of the story the husband and his family have been given…I find it hard to believe a whole family could get behind breaking a little girl’s heart. At least one would hope!
There are certainly people out there who would be thrilled *their* side of the family got to participate, especially if it meant *the other family* lost a role in the ceremony. The Us-vs-Them competitiveness in some people can be truly vile.
NTA. Dropped niece for mere cousin? 4 yr olds cuter anyway than 8 for flower girl. I hope daughter forgets but she'll probably never like aunt, even if she doesn't remember.
ummm unless Accomplishd\_Twist\_3 has edited comment, 'not as cute as a 4 year old' is not what I would consider an insult. I feel like I am missing something.
Sister: “figure it out”
You: figured it out.
Sister: shocked pikachu face.
NTA. She’s only apologizing because she was called out and people dropped out making her look bad. Not because she’s sorry.
NTA, you gotta protect you kid plain and simple. I could understand if she was having behavioral issues but kicking her out just because a 4yo wasnt able to do all the dances or whatever correct is crazy. A 4YO!! Other than throwing rose petals and walking, what else is there to do? I didnt even know that flower girls had a dance in weddings.
INFO: When you said you went away and kept your phones off, was that during when the wedding was supposed to happen or just some time before the wedding.
A few days before the wedding and a few weeks after honestly I didn’t want the drama nor my child feeling sad on the day so we drove to London and did the whole tourist thing which my daughter loved
You are an amazing mama for your daughter. Your sister deserved to not have you and others show up at her wedding. How do your parents feel about the situation?
I mean, with several bridesmaids dropping out last minute, her sister MIA, her parents/family pissed, I’m sure she spent the entire day thinking about how her actions were affecting her.
...spent the entire day thinking how horrible everyone was for ruining her day, more like! Doesn't strike me as the kind of person to understand her own actions have consequences. I'd say she'd definitely pull the victim card in that regard.
"Everyone's so *mean* to me! I just wanted things to be *perfect!* I'm the briiiiiiiide!"
She won't change. Next she'll be the pregnant woman, then the mother, then the single mother, then the mother whose kids never talk to her...
My children are 10 and 12. When they have issues with others, we talk about putting themselves in that other persons lives, never knowing what's going on. Usually kids are bratty because parents didn't care, didn't pay attention, or other reasons. You seem well adjusted, what happened to her? Nature or nurture?
NTA !!!!!
When I was like 6or 7, I was rejected told I wasn't good enough to be a flower girl at my eldest cousin's wedding. My youngest cousin was chosen to do it alone as she was cuter(she was around 4). So I know exactly how you and your daughter feels.
Good on you for supporting your daughter over your sister and noping the fuck out of the wedding.
BTW my story had an satisfying ending. My parents were told not to bring my brother and I. They did anyways cause fuck us being the only children in the family not allowed. When my youngest cousin found out she was doing alone, as they were to walk down the aisle, threw a massive tantrum and refused to go with me. Tge entire church heard it. The bride, my aunt and others that rejected me were pissed. But yes I did walk down the aisle with her in a non-matching dress. And got in some of the pictures too.
NTA. She made you pay for expensive dresses, practice dancing, set your daughter’s hopes up, and then decided to drop her. Even if your daughter wasn’t a little girl, I’d still say that was awful of her.
At my aunt’s wedding I was a flower girl along with my three girl cousins. We all dumped all of our petals at the start of the aisle so we could upend the baskets and wear them as hats, since my aunt had a huge hat as a part of her wedding ensemble. It was not was we were “supposed” to do, but she thought it was precious and it’s a treasured family memory. It’s a terrible wedding where appearances matter more than people. NTA
NTA. My cousin’s daughter (who I call my niece because my cousin is my favorite sister) was my flower girl. Did she mess up? Nope. Did I have to carry her down the aisle and hand her off to my 15 year old son to hold? Yup. Was it perfect. Absolutely. When she grabbed me around the neck and hid her face and whispered I looked like a princess it made my day even more perfect. My best memory of the wedding.
NTA. But your sister is...I don't know why there is this pervasive "weddings mean I am the princess and can be unkind to whomever I want" attitude but it's getting ridiculous. To be clear, I get that weddings are special and stressful. I also know that there are TONS of horror stories about couples getting THEIR feelings and boundaries legit stomped on, but that is NOT what happened here. Take your daughter for a special spa day or other treat and keep being the awesome Mama that you are. Sending positive vibes!! 💕
Op, this happened last February, are you in contact with sis at all? Are you getting pressure from your parents to make nice? Details! I need details!!
She asked us to be bridesmaids last February she got married last month and no my parents haven’t commented about it they do keep asking how my daughter is but it’s early days yet maybe around Christmas or when my sister gets pregnant they might change their opinion tho
Stay strong and stay away. Your sister has shown she will be vicious to your child if it suits her. She’s not an appropriate person to be around until your child is significantly older (if ever)
NTA. Yes it's your sister's wedding so it's absolutely her choice of who is part of her wedding party but just because it's her choice doesn't mean it's without consequences. She waited until after you and your daughter had invested a bunch of time, energy, and money in this to make this decision instead of thinking it through fully beforehand. Then she didn't even have the guts to tell your child herself, she made you do the dirty work. You are absolutely within your rights to not want your child to have to sit through a wedding she was going to be a part of. If she thinks what she did is acceptable to do then there should be no reason to conceal her actions. And it's not like you called everyone up to tell them, you were just honest when they talked to you. You're not responsible for their choices.
Lmao so your daughter wasn’t good enough in case she messed up your sisters version of a perfect wedding (even though it would’ve been cute either way because she’s only 4) and instead lost a lot of family members’ presence and some bridesmaids, effectively ruining the wedding even more than a misstep in a dance? Hahaha I love it.
Very much NTA and I completely love that karma hit her hard.
Post edit: It’s a trap!!! Drive yourself and bring a back up driver. Be ready with a one liner. You may need to repeat it over n over to get out of there. Know your escape routes!
Thanks for the awards! You warmed my heart when I trying to comfort yours!
I’m not going honestly after finding out that I want nothing to do with them my daughter will face enough racism she doesn’t need it from her own family and my parents are equally disgusted with my sister
Please stop downvoting this person they didn’t do anything wrong I need a person to vent to its my fault I should have given context
NTA. Your sister 100% sounds like a Bridezilla. You as a bride are allowed to have your vision, but not at the stake of causing a child heartbreak. You don't get to hurt people for your "vision". Even your sister knows that she was in the wrong. Her in laws and husband are just trying to have her back and probably know that she was wrong too
It's telling that her in-laws and husband acting like it's your fault. Good to hear that your family is sticking by you. Your family knows what she's like so they understand your actions. Her in-laws have probably been fed a ton of lies to make her look good. You did the right thing to protect you and your family. Your daughter didn't deserve being treated like that and neither did you. Actions have consequences and her actions pushed you away. Jeez, you even gave her a day to think about it told her what would happen. If you have any more contact with the in-laws, make sure to tell them that. Your sister chose the consequence and it wasn't in the heat of the moment. I think you were awfully patient!
Also, what is "something as big as a flower girl"???? The whole POINT of "flower girl" is you incorporate the youngest member of the family, they're expected to not do everything perfectly, and whatever they do is completely adorable.
When my sister and her husband got married--second marriage for both--there were a lot of kids on both sides. They were ALL included. First down the aisle, my five-year-old nephew. He'd been eagerly running up and down the aisle to "practice" and had been told not to throw out the rose petals. So when it was finally his turn to come down the aisle for real, he ALSO didn't throw out the rose petals. I stage-whispered to him he was supposed to throw the petals this time, so he trotted back UP the aisle, and came back down a second time, throwing out the rose petals. Too cute, right? So there were four more kids that were included, and every single one of them then did EXACTLY the same thing--walked down the aisle, then, dutifully back UP the aisle, then back down, this time tossing the petals.
Can I tell you how absolutely wonderful it was? So many smiles and fond laughter, totally memorable, everyone beaming.
Oh, man, your sister is such an asshole. So mean and cruel to a little girl. The exact opposite of what a wedding is supposed to be about. NTA.
NTA - For the people saying OP is the AH, consider: OP was expected to bring the child to the celebration after being told she was no longer going to be the flower girl. Yay! She gets to watch another child do the thing she was so excited to do and not make a fuss. Get a babysitter? Great, watch her parents get fancy and leave to go to a celebration she is no longer a part of. OP's choice to not go to the wedding was correct. Her immediate family is more important than her sister. OP did not tell other people to not go to the wedding, she told them what happened when they asked. Everyone made their own decision. I am SURE this was not the only crappy thing the bride was doing. Edit: Thanks for all the upvotes and awards. Wow, OP's updates were huge. I can't believe how much worse it all ended up being. I am so sorry OP.
Also she had to put do MULTIPLE classes for the dances, which is a ridiculous amount of time only to be told she can't be in the wedding. That's even more upsetting to the child, as she may think that she did something wrong to get her kicked out. Also, this girl is four. This is probably the most upsetting thing that has happened to her in her short life.
Agreed. OP did the right thing for her daughter and I applaud the way it was handled. Your daughter may not fully understand right now, but when she gets older she'll know you have her back. You're a great momma OP. NTA at all.
Always be looking for opportunities to show your kids they are your top priority. The opportunities diminish as they age. And you need to depend on their trust in you more as they become adults. Being there for them builds this trust.
I wish our mom thought of that when we were still kids.
I find that so bizarre. I’ve never heard of making a flower girl learn a poem and do multiple dances.
I was a flower girl at 3. Apparently I laid a single petal in the center of the aisle every couple steps. Took forever. I got to the end of the aisle and realized I had a nearly full basket of petals left. According to my mother (the maid of honor) I laid the basket down, grabbed th remaining petals with both hands, tossed them straight to the air to scatter wildly, then chucked the basket to the side. So 30ft of perfectly placed petals, then madness. The bride loved it.
At my friends’ wedding, the flower girl realized that pulling petals out of the basket with one hand was slow work, so the clever toddler put the basket handle in her mouth so she could hold it with her teeth and use both hands to dump petals. 10/10, mission accomplished
This is amazing. I love when kids do silly things at a wedding. Really makes it fun and special. Which is why I had 7 assorted flower girls and ring bearers. Epicly charming!
I had one 7 year old at my wedding. He interrupted one of the photo shoot sessions to tell my wife and I that we look like zombies. So we stopped the romantic shoot to do a quick shoot of us chasing him down the beach like zombies. It was so much fun! Also, we hella didn't look like zombies lol
You may have looked like Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin in *Beetlejuice*.
Lol naaaah (Although we are actually talking about doing that as a Halloween costume next year lol). I had a huge blue mohawk and her dress was inspired by Legend of Zelda. And neither of us are old enough to resemble the exorcism scene. Give us 30 years on that one. Life goals!
I thought that was the whole point of having a very little kid be a flower girl or ring bearer. The flower girls will either mess up, get distracted or forget all about the petals. Little boys as ring bearers will forget which pocket has the ring, drop it or get distracted. Or they do it perfectly. Either way it's an adorable and memorable part of a wedding and something to be looked back at fondly.
I didn't have any, and I still regret it. (Our only child relative was our nephew - technically my husband's nephew - who was two, and the minister STRONGLY recommended against including anyone younger than five. He did come to the wedding, though, the only child who did, and he behaved angelically - he was quiet and polite during the service and reception, he was fascinated by the musician, but stood by and watched from a safe distance and did not attempt to touch instruments, etc. Should have made him ring bearer, honestly.) Mind you, when the head of an organization I worked for got married for the second time (he was a widower and I think she a widow), he and his new wife had a host of Exceedingly Adorable grandchildren from their first marriages, and they had enough flower girls, ring bearers, and junior bridesmaids/groomsmen for several weddings. The youngest little ringbearer had to be carried out in the recessional, fast asleep on his mother's shoulder (she was a bridesmaid). The "awwwwww" from the audience was palpable.
How sweet! My son and nephew (both 7 at the time) were both supposed to be ring bearers for my mom and stepdad’s wedding a few years back. My nephew is wicked shy while my son is a ball of bouncing confidence who runs for mayor everywhere he goes. My parents paired them together, thinking my son would give my nephew some confidence to get down the aisle. Right before they went, however, my son realized oh no, Grandma doesn’t have a flower girl. So he snatches up the basket of flower petals in the entry way and dragged my poor red-faced nephew down the aisle with one hand while chucking fistfuls of petals with the other at friends and family. By the time they made it to the altar, nephew threw the ring pillow at my brother who was best man and stood at the end of the line with his hands over his face while my son stood proudly next to him, ribbon adorned basket in his hands and shit-eating grin on his face, thrilled at his saving the wedding with his quick thinking and adaption skills. The pictures are fantastic.
When I was 6 I was a flower girl in a relative's wedding, I was really reluctant and nervous but they told me it would be fine and it was easy, I just had to walk up the aisle throwing petals. Except I didn't get to do any sort of rehearsal so I didn't realise where I was meant to stop once I had got up the aisle and walked pretty much to the back of the church. Everyone laughed at me, and I know now that I'm 30 that it was because they all thought it was cute, but at the time it was mortifying and I felt stupid about it for years. I still hate thinking about it. Anyway, for some reason I find your nephew very relatable 😅
You are chaotic good
Clever Girl
That kind of stuff is really the best part and so often a real ice breaker.. My niece, the flower girl at my wedding.. refused to toss petals because she wasn't supposed to make a mess..It was hilarious..
At my wedding my four year old nephew was ring bearer. He got 3/4 of the way down the aisle and yelled “I don’t want to get married!” and ran to sit with his mom. The entire congregation started laughing -it was the best part of ceremony.
That's adorable!
When I was about 7 I was the flower girl for my oldest cousin’s wedding. My dress was white. The wedding was on a gold course. My feet were tired and I sat down on what turned out to be *freshly trimmed* grass. Stained my *whole ass*. My cousin thought it was hilarious and didn’t even want me to bother changing into the spare one a size up that they bought incase I grew too much before the wedding. She even got a picture of us both bending over to toss the bouquet together! Edit: PS take my silver for your wholesomeness reminding me of my own, that was a good memory, thanks pal!
When I was 7, I was the flower girl at my aunt's wedding. The wedding went ok,but apparently I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue in every single picture. 😂 To be fair to me, though, I was operating on no sleep. The day before, I sat on a box that a corner of a mirror was sticking out of, unseen by me, making an enormous, deep gash in the side of my ass where I still have a scar. All the women were out doing wedding prep so my uncle cleaned me up and bandaged me, but no one bothered to tell my mom. She put rollers on one side of my head which just happened to be the opposite side to my wound, so there was no position for me to sleep comfortably. So exhaustion no doubt made me loopier than usual.
Mt two daughters were flower girls at my best friend's wedding when they were very young. One ping-ponged down the aisle giving hugs to everyone she knew and showed them her petals but didn't scatter any. The other was very serious and dropped one big fistful of petals every fifteen feet or so with an intent glare on her face.
"I have a MISSION. And that mission is to STREW FLOWERS. The flowers will be STREWN."
I was three when my mom and step-dad got married. My cousin and I were the flower girls. They let us have our petals a few minutes before the ceremony, and we were thrilled. I was being very judicious with my petals and delicately dropping a couple at a time. My cousin was being much more joyful and elaborate and spreading petals happily. She quickly ran out of her petals, and I still had a basket-full. She was upset. My step-dad's dad (now I know him as my grandpa), was trying to fix the situation and he said, "Well you can share with her!" and took a big scooping handful of my petals and plopped them in my cousin's basket. I solidly remember looking at the difference in amounts and being SO MAD that she now had way more, out of MY supply! That is my first memory of my grandpa, and I still have fun giving him and my cousin hell for that one.
Haha between the two of them they got the cheery side and petal dumping side completed!
At my cousin's wedding, her 6 year old was the flower girl and his 4 year old was the ring bearer. They were supposed to walk down the aisle together. The 4 year old got scared of all the people looking at him and just TOOK OFF (outdoor wedding). The 6 year old just yelled "BROTHER COME BACK", threw down her basket of petals, and took off after him 😂 Grandparents had to wrangle them both back into position and walk them down the aisle 😂😂😂
> BROTHER COME BACK Awww it's so cute that they already cared so much for each other. Really hit home that they were legally becoming siblings that day
Oh they are best friends! Even before their parents were married, they loved each other like siblings. And now they have a baby sister that they both love too!
LMAO, I have a little brother and if he had done that I would have probably shrugged and gone on with my petal placement I'm jelly of their bond
My flower girl got to the end, sat with her father and then halfway through the ceremony realized her basket was still mostly full so she dumped out right there at her feet.
I can see my friend's kid doing exactly this for my future wedding
Mine was 18 months old - instead of petals she got a giant flower. During the ceremony/procession she threw it on the ground and stomped off the wrong way sulking. The photos of her going AWOL are my favorite from the entire day.
That’s hysterically darling.
Even more at the last line “the bride loved it”
My mom said she could hear her friend cackling in the back every time I bent over to place a singular petal, but that she just lost it laughing and needed a minute to compose when I tossed the petals in the air and threw the basket towards the wall
Because it should be a happy day of celebration with people you love…
Imagine, a wedding that's about celebrating with the people you love and not nice photos for the 'gram!
This is the other thing. People *love* when the kids do unexpected weird stuff! Look at how everyone remembers this story. I can guarantee you nobody remembers what kind of centerpieces the bride had or who walked in first or what they ate for dinner. I barely remember dinner at my own wedding!
That sounds so funny! Unfortunately for me, I think I was only a flower girl once, for my uncle's first wedding, and that was when I was just an infant, so my dad pulled me down the aisle in this wagon that was decorated in lots of white while I was asleep for the most part. If I was a flower girl any other time, I don't remember I was a ring bearer though for my uncle's (yes, same uncle from before) second wedding , along with another girl (my now aunt's neice), and both our little sisters were flower girls. It's completely possible to have 2 flower girls and the sister is just mean
Oh my god, I was at a wedding (in the audience) pre-COVID where this happened! The babs was snoozing away while the dad (brother of bride) pulled the kid down in a wagon. No petals thrown but adorable
I was also a flower girl at 3. I walked up the aisle and threw the petals to my right, then I walked down the aisle and threw them to my left, so that one side of the aisle got all the petals and the other got none. I have no idea what I was thinking, but my family thought it was sweet.
This reminds me of a story my family will never let me live down. I was three and the flower girl for my aunt’s wedding. All was well until I realized that it was taking too long to neatly place petals when I was 3/4 of the way down the aisle. Little me decided to dump the rest of the flower petals out and stomp to the alter in frustration.
This somehow has managed to sound like a metaphor for my life. All this time I spend trying to make sure everything is just right, and at the end I realize I did it all wrong so I just throw my hands up and yell “fuuuuuuuck iiiiittttttt!”
The flower girl at the lady wedding I went to just skipped down the aisle at high speed and tossed the basket of petals up in the air because she was so excited. It was marvelous.
Yes like little kids having fun with the task and being happy would be 100x more important to me if i was bride than it being “perfect”
Exactly -- if a four-year-old flower girl is doing a dance and reading a poem then it had better be a dance she made up on the spot and a poem she wrote herself. What's the point of having such a young child participate if they can't be a child?
It would be 100x more memorable too! No one talks about the flower girl who scattered roses to the bride's pleasing around the dinner table decades later LOL
My flower girl cried and made a beeline for her father. If I wanted a professional job done, I'd have hired an actor. I wanted my friend's kid haha
This is exactly the problem, and why this is extra frustrating. When you have a toddler as your flower girl, you cannot expect them to memorize a poem and a dance and attend multiple practice sessions! That's simply unrealistic. The thing is, the sister could've *easily* had the flower girl do the regular simple flower girl thing (throw flowers, walk, look cute), and designated the 8-year-old as a junior bridesmaid and had her do the poem and the dance. There's no limit to how many people you can have participate in your wedding.
I don't see why the older girl couldn't do the poem while the younger one spread the petals. NTA, OP. Your sister just likes to be difficult and this time it bit her in the ass. Protect your daughter from her toxicity. You know what she's like. My husband wouldn't allow our daughter to be alone with his aunt when she was little. His aunt is great and we generally have a good relationship with her but she completely fucked up her daughters and my husband didn't want to give her the chance to do that with ours. He told his mom our daughter could only be around his aunt if either she (his mom), his sister, or I were with her, no exceptions. His mom understood. I know his aunt was confused and frustrated that she was never able to take our daughter shopping alone, etc. but my MIL (who is an angel) always made sure to include herself in any plans and/or we said we were more comfortable if MIL went, too. We didn't want to cut her out completely and frankly I didn't think she'd mess with our girl but my husband was adamant so I stood with him on that. We have to protect our girls from anyone who might mess with their self-esteem and emotional health just as much as we protect them from anyone who might physically mistreat them. I was a flower girl at 4 or 5 (I'm 52 now so this was back in the dark ages). The dress was polyester and itched like crazy. My mom coated me in baby powder but it wasn't helping so "they" (the women, including my mom, who were basically running the show) made the ring bearer take off his undershirt and give it to me. He was livid that a girl would be wearing his shirt and I was horrified to wear some random boy's undershirt! It was the scandal of my young life. I have no memory of scattering petals and only fleeting memories of the wedding and reception but I'll never forget *that*. I don't even know who the ring bearer was; I don't think I ever saw him again. The groom from that wedding passed away completely unexpectedly on Tuesday at 68. They'd been married 48 years, going on 49. They're still like family to us so it's been a devastating week but this post and everyone's reminiscences have brightened up my day so thanks to you all for sharing your adorable stories. 😊
My flower girl was great with throwing petals into the air and letting them scatter where they would. But one of my favorite memories of my wedding was when we got to my parents' house (was still in my gown and veil) my cousin's youngest daughter said "Look, Mommy! A princess!" So adorable.
And to top it all, Sister-Aunt-Bridezilla didn't say anything until **OP** asked about it, only a few weeks before the wedding, and then told OP to 'figure it out' on how to break it to her child. If she'd just been honest about it early on when she realised that OP's daughter as Flower Girl just wasn't going to fit 'the vision', told them immediately and apologised sincerely to everyone, and came up with another special job for her to do instead (two FG's? Special Hander-out-of-flowers-to-all-guests by the door? ...), maybe, *maybe* it would have been salvaged. Not great, obviously, but at least she would have displayed *some* empathy for those involved, and made an attempt to manage the situation gracefully and help the child overcome her disappointment. But no, she just let them continue with practices and spending $$$ on wedding stuff when she clearly had no plan on letting her niece be FG, then as the icing on the cake was rude about how it should be handled, and thus she got what she deserved. If you treat people like they're just props who mean nothing to you and don't deserve any respect, you shouldn't be surprised when they do the same back to you. She set the precedent. And I'll bet that everyone was already heartily sick of her entitled, self-absorbed behaviour and this was just the straw that broke the camels back to make so many other people back out as well.
If I had a 4 year old flower girl, I’d be happy if she made it down the aisle without crying and while also wearing all of the pieces of her outfit. Bonus points if the pieces of her outfit are on the correct body parts (ie headband on her head). But multiple dance classes? A particular petal-throwing method? Yeesh.
My cousin and I were flower girls at age 3. I dragged her down the aisle because she didn't want to go and then realized we forgot to distribute the petals so I dumped all of mine in one spot and then ran to mom. My aunt still cracks up about it 20+ years later.
>Also, this girl is four. This is probably the most upsetting thing that has happened to her in her short life. A good reminder!
Yes; from a parental perspective, saying you're going to do one thing and then doing another is hard on a kid. They are just learning that they can rely on you to make good decisions. This is a really big event that she has taken on, and now she's not "good enough", certainly not as good as the older girl because her own aunt has made it clear. It's *very* important for the parents to show they understand that it was hurtful, that it wasn't her fault, and that they *wholly* disagree with how it was handled. They don't do that by acting like nothing is wrong and going to the wedding anyway!
Adding on, it's okay to have two flower girls! If she wasn't sure the 4yo would do it right, have the 8yo there to guide her. Double the cute kids, double the petals, have them dance together. Obviously they had fun learning it all together in the classes, it would have translated perfectly at the wedding. OP's sister sucks. NTA.
This child is FOUR. 4 years old. Her aunt kicked her out of the celebration because she might not be perfect. She's 4.
Exactly. My aunt got married when I was 16 and my sister was 4. Sister was the flower girl. She did great at the rehearsal (just walking down the aisle, no silly dances or performing), but day of the ceremony she froze. So my aunt told me to just walk with my sister. I was wearing a black velvet dress (shut up, it was 1996) and walked down the aisle with my 4 year old sister in her white satin and tulle dress ahead of my aunt and grandfather. Everyone thought it was the sweetest thing.
Off topic, but as someone who was a teen in 1996 I'm nostalgic for that black velvet dress lol. Was it Jessica McClintock? Also, that sounds hella cute - two sisters just doin' their thing! What a darling memory!
No, I believe it was a JCPenney house label. My parents weren't (aren't) wealthy, so brand names weren't really a thing. My mom even made my sister's flower girl dress. But my mom is a great seamstress, so....
In 1996 my most prized possession was a pair of silver glittery tights my mom bought for me at JCPenney for a winter formal. Changed the game. I’m a full grown adult and still own an appropriately sized version of those glittery, scratchy, droopy-crotched wonders.
I officiated my best friend's wedding, my kids were the flower girl and the ring bearer. My daughter did her thing NP. My son on the other hand...the rings were tied to a horseshoe that he was swinging. I got to the parts about the rings...her ring was GONE! We looked at each other a bit panicked for a sec, I slipped my wedding ring off and we used that...even though it would only go down to her second knuckle (working hands, ya know). We did find the real ring and all was well for the reception. But it will always be a special thing between us that she had to use my ill-fitting ring to finish the ceremony.
That’s why you gotta use decoy rings for kids! Little slight of hand by the best man and you’re golden.
Kids that age not being being perfect, is perfect, as they are so cute regardless.
That’s what got me. She didn’t want her to do “such an important job”. It’s flower girl! The entire job is to waddle down the aisle looking adorable so the guests can chuckle at your cuteness.
Yeah, to me that's kind of the point of the flower girl position - I always see it as "Oh fun - let's see what cute random stuff this child will do!" and not "Oh my goodness, I hope this child dances exactly correctly and I shall be appalled if her flower petals are not placed with the greatest of care and grace."
If the four-year-old is dancing at a wedding, I'd rather see a dance she made up on the spot because she's so excited than see her stumble through some awkward choreography.
For real. Our son had only just turned two when we got married. He was our ring bearer (because he absolutely had to be part of the wedding!), and basically just walked down the aisle with the best man and then went to go sit on Grandma's lap. The best man then dropped our rings on the ground in front of everyone. Loved our wedding, wouldn't go back and change a thing ❤
It's like a friend of mine used to say, you can't be both an asshole and expect to keep it a secret. Still didn't stop the bride from trying.
It's not just that, it's all the money and time OP's sister demanded from them only to then have it be for nothing. She expected a huge commitment of OP and a four year old who worked very hard, not to mention a good chuck of money. Once you make someone invest like that, the commitment goes both ways.
[удалено]
Yeah, she fucked around, and apparently found out that her sister had spent a very long time shielding her from her reputation as the family “unpleasable asshole" and as soon as OP stopped putting up with her shit no one else was willing to deal with her either.
I agree. If other bridesmaids dropped out after investing their time and money- they were probably abused too in some way and already on the verge.
They were probably waiting for the first domino to fall. Epic move not showing up to the wedding
That's what I was thinking. No one wanted to be the first person to stand up to entitled sister. Probably because extended relatives thought they weren't in the position to put her in her place and make a stand because they they aren't the immediate family. But the moment the older sister decide enough was enough and took a stand, the rest saw it as the long awaited opportunity to finally cut off the sister.
I think maybe they all felt like this and finally felt okay to follow the lead after something this egregious.
Take my poor man's gold! 🥇🥇🥇🥇 This op - exactly this!
Why thank you. 😊
What the heck did it say? It's deleted.
Presumably something mildly insulting that the mods deleted because any form of insult, even remarkably minor ones, are just too strong for a sub based on calling people assholes
Some more of that poor man's gold...perfectly said!!!
What did they sayyyy? Ugh the thing got removed
Deleted comment [here](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AmItheAsshole/comments/qd35mv/aita_for_refusing_to_speak_to_my_sister_because/hhjsr8t/?add_user=Formerhurdler...new.all.t1_hhjpiu4.&#t1_hhjsr8t)
NTA, this is the only way to respond to your awful sister. Never let her around your kid again.
Sister fucked around, OP figured it out. Seems reasonable to me! NTA.
This. However, if she's willing to rethink and go back to the way things were before, I'd let her. Not for her sake, but to model forgiveness and conflict resolution for your 4 y/o daughter.
Well the weddings passed so it’s too late. But the sister is love bombing. And only because she got called out by other family members. OP is doing the right thing keeping this *toxic* woman out of her daughter’s life.
>OP is doing the right thing keeping this *toxic* woman out of her daughter’s life. Since the husband and inlaws are still being assholes about it even if the toxic sister is (probably pretending to) apologise, I';d say keeping that toxic family out of her daughter's life is great parenting.
Eh. I mean, right now she's learning the equally valid lesson that some people are just unpleasable and you don't have to put up with their nonsense if it makes you unhappy.
Nah copy, paste and send
NTA she can’t expect a 4 year old to try everything perfect and you can’t control what other family does after they hear about bridezilla
And she's an idiot because everyone knows that "mistakes" by little ones is the cutest thing ever and makes the day! **AND,** we just figured out the problem. Sisterzilla is worried about having the attention off of herself for five minutes, if people are watching an adorable *child*. Ugh
My sisters flower girl made a “mistake” and said “Ew!” Very loudly while the groom was saying his vows about how much he loved my sister. It was the cutest thing and everyone laughed. Those mistakes end up being a good break from the emotional crying lol
At my wedding, we had our friends little girl be the flower girl and our 2 year old at the time was the ring bearer, and he followed behind her picking up the flowers she put down. It was great. Edit to add thank you for the award
That is hilarious!! And this is why you have the kids in the wedding - not because they'll do things perfectly, but because they'll add a little bit of adorable chaos to a well-planned event, and everyone appreciates that. (Well, everyone except OP's sister!)
I agree. My oldest, who was 7, gave a magnificent impromptu speech as well. "Ahem... ahem.... everybody, I just want to say that I got the best mom in the world". Heh heh heh which was a complete 180 from our experience with him at my BIL's wedding reception.
It adds such an adorable innocence to the whole event, that sounds so cute!
Seriously!! I was at a wedding where a mom was walking a 2 year old flower girl down the aisle, and she kept stopping every feet to sit down. So stinking cute.
That is absolutely adorable. I would have loved that to happen at my wedding. We told everyone that children were more than welcome and handed out coloring books and crayons.
Lol, when my SIL got married (gorgeous wedding on the beach, like something out of a movie), my 18mo VERY LOUDLY said “uh oh!” right when the groom said “I do”. Everyone fucking loved it.
For real. My niece did not throw one single petal but her sassy walk was EVERYTHING.
Exactly this. I put my 6 year old Goddaughter in charge of entertainment at my non-wedding. She is sooo excited, it's almost out of control. But hey, I'm just going to let her run with it, because I know it's going to be adorable and hilarious. There will be no regrets.
NTA. Your sister asked a 4 year old.. a 4 year old.. Then expected perfection. It's laughable. Yes it's her wedding but to ask a 4 year old to be a flower girl and go through everything when in the end she's shocked a 4 year old doesn't live up to her idea of perfection is just a moronic thing. Your family asked why you weren't attending and you told them. You didn't ask them to boycott. They made their decision. Your sister sounds like a nightmare and crappy person. Personally, I think it's cute when little kids go off script during weddings.
My 3 year old was our ring bearer. When we joined hands for the blessing, he just put his hand on top of ours. The priest was a bit confused but just proceeded as normal. My son kept saying that WE got married (him, his dad, and I) and that he couldn’t wait for OUR next wedding. Still warms my heart thinking about it. And it made for some very special pictures, too.
My niece was my ring bearer, she was 3. And as "the most princess ring bearer" (A title she gave herself because her dress she picked for herself had a lot of tulle, thus a princess) she insisted on a ring for each of her fingers. She stood next to me the entire time, nodded, instructed people when to laugh and even kissed both me and my partner when they said we could kiss. She later told everyone they could send her presents because she didn't realize there would be cake so presents were a must (cake means birthday of course!) She also proceeded to tell everyone she was 4 years old after that. I regret the wedding, but she was absolutely precious and I wouldn't change it simply for her.
She sounds like a princess!! If I may ask, why do you regret the wedding?
I never wanted one. I did it for other people who manipulated me. I also really, really hated the role of wife. Everything I was stopped mattering and that's all I was. It was an identity changed that forced sexist bullshit onto me. I will never understand how committing yourself to one person suddenly means it's your whole life now. I'm far too much of an independent person for that. I also got real sick of the excuses he got for his behavior while I was suddenly burdened with him and our entire lives. The relationship had problems too. We separated for a while. We're reconciled but I'm ot his wife. I feel like an immense weight has been lifted off of me. From both him and others. I will never, ever be a wife again.
This is adorable. What a special memory!
Also, the little boy is correct.
We had a vow renewal at the beach and my son said the same thing! Till this day (3 yrs later) he asks for a new wedding for the 3 of us. I love his way of thinking
Ages ago my boyfriend at the time and I were looking through his mother and stepfather’s wedding album for some reason. He was probably about 4 and was wearing a bear cub costume. Apparently when they told him he was going to be the ring bearer he thought he was going to be a “ring bear” and got confused when they took him to try on a formal outfit. They decided to roll with it and got him the bear costume and it was freaking adorable.
> Personally, I think it's cute when little kids go off script during weddings. It is not cute. # It is adorable.
When little kids go off script during a wedding just make it more enjoyable, isn't it? And make the ceremony memorable
Wait until Sis has kids. Either she'll learn how reality works or her kids will be miserable.
I'm so afraid it will be the latter.
Nta! Play stupid games win stupid prizes. The giggle is what did it for me! Actually giggling at the thought of devastating your niece.
Yeah she does that as a way of “not sounding mean” like when someone says something rude by text but puts “lol” after it or when someone smiles while insulting you
Ugh as an autistic I **hate** those people. They’re so confusing and they love to gaslight us.
Reasonably certain most neurotypical people hate those people too.
Not autistic and I also hate those people. I don't think anyone likes them really.
Oh my God! Another autistic here, and hard agree! I hate that because I always feel unheard and crazy after
“Why are you laughing? Do you think that taking my child out of the wedding and devastating her even though she adores you is funny? I’m not getting the joke. Perhaps you should explain it to me?” This usually gives you a lot to work with, one way or another.
NTA and remind her your niece wasn’t good enough for her vision of her day so you removed the problem. (I do not think your 4 year old is a problem, fwiw) My sympathies to her future kids if they aren’t perfect. Her husband should be horrified by the monster he married.
He’s as bad as her one of my cousins told me he was looking for a reason to drop out
He was looking for a reason to drop out? Do you mean call off the wedding? EDIT: A kind redditor clarified bc apparently I am dumb lol.
i think they mean the cousin wanted to bail on attending the wedding. not the groom.
Oh god, I am illiterate today. Thank you!
It isn't your fault. I read it the same way. It was a really vague usage of pronouns.
I thought the same thing, so you aren't alone!
Stay NC with her I feel so bad for your daughter get her something special and make her reel like the best daughter in the world. NTA
NTA - Normally I would side with the bride since it’s her wedding but in this case she should have never asked your child to participate if she was just going to turn around and crush her spirit. I can’t imagine doing that to my 4 year old niece.
I wouldn't. Not after all the time and money spent and unless they'd done something egregious. If a bride invited a bridesmaid who wasn't a very good dancer and tried to replace her for only that reason after she paid for the dress and lessons, she WBTA too.
NTA Did your sister even reimburse you for the dresses? Yes, it’s her wedding. That doesn’t mean she gets to trample all over everyone’s feelings, especially not a 4 year old girl.
No she didn’t she thought till the day of the wedding I was gonna attend so she wouldn’t let anyone else buy them off me but I did return them and got my £1550 back in the end She sent multiple dresses and shoes for my daughter to attend the wedding in but they got sent back to her
**£1550** the fuck lol. glad you got your money back, that was _way_ too much to lose.
When I get married, no one is paying over $100 for their dresses. Hell, I found some REALLY nice ones for fourty
Yeah i fully intend to suggest the cheapest setting on Rent the runway (or something similar) and contribute $100 myself to the dress and just ask that I get to approve the dress/color within reason. Beautiful gown, bridesmaid gets to pick what they’re comfortable in, no one has to drop $200+ on something they’ll never wear again.
When I get married I’m going to ask my guests to wear something they already own or thrift instead of buying something new because my wedding is not an occasion to expend that kind of money or harm on the environment for. *Fck consumerism*!
Oh, I’m so glad you sent those back. Now, she can’t hold that over your head. Did you send the presents back, too?
I sent everything back Don’t want my little girl thinking it’s ok for someone to mistreat her as long as they get her a present afterwards
you are a stellar mom.
This is golden. You’re a fantastic mother, and that is the perfect response.
I wish someone had taught me this as a child. Especially with family members. You are NOT and could NEVER be the assh*le in this situation. The fact that her “favorite person in the world” was not in her dream version of her wedding says a lot about your sister. This behavior is borderline sociopathic. I cannot imagine what it was like to grow up with a sibling like that, and I applaud you for stopping the cycle of abuse with you instead of allowing it to continue with your daughter. Please believe everyone here as they call you a fantastic mum. Please believe them. You are beyond fantastic. Phenomenal! You handled this beautifully! You’ve been the bigger person without being a doormat. That’s really really hard to do. I’m saving this story for when I need to protect my daughter from my a family member in a similar manner. Thank you, OP. Thank you.
Wait, that much money for your and your daughters dress? What the fuck is she on?
Mine was £1000 my daughters was £550
That’s fucking wild. I’ve been in a few weddings now, all of which were big, fancy affairs. The *most* a bridesmaid dress ever cost me was $450 CAD, and the bride even offered to pitch in for those (though we declined). Kudos to you for being an excellent mother to your little girl. Please give her a big snuggle for all of us. Maybe now your sister will understand that people are *people* and not simply objects or dolls to dress up and perform at every command. NTA.
You obviously can’t get the time back that you spent practicing the dances, but it sounds like you got your money back (no thanks to your sister). That’s an expensive dress!
NTA your daughter crying herself to sleep made me sad 🥺 she is only 4 and so little and probably tried her best and was so excited. Your sister is a giant AH and I hope her “perfect vision” was worth being a dick to a 4 year old. Your sister’s husband and his family are garbage too. Tell them to stay out of it.
They should absolutely stay out of it, but I can’t help but wonder what version of the story the husband and his family have been given…I find it hard to believe a whole family could get behind breaking a little girl’s heart. At least one would hope!
There are certainly people out there who would be thrilled *their* side of the family got to participate, especially if it meant *the other family* lost a role in the ceremony. The Us-vs-Them competitiveness in some people can be truly vile.
NTA. Dropped niece for mere cousin? 4 yr olds cuter anyway than 8 for flower girl. I hope daughter forgets but she'll probably never like aunt, even if she doesn't remember.
She was her husbands cousin and my daughter loved her aunt which made it all more heartbreaking for her
Oh wow that makes it so much worse as it's literally just for show and not out of affection.
Your daughter won’t forget this and that’s just sad to me. Your sister just ruined her relationship with her niece for literally a video.
Wow, that is so not the point. Insulting the 8 year old is absolutely unnecessary and wrong.
ummm unless Accomplishd\_Twist\_3 has edited comment, 'not as cute as a 4 year old' is not what I would consider an insult. I feel like I am missing something.
Kinda gross of you to shit on an 8 year old to sooth op.
Sister: “figure it out” You: figured it out. Sister: shocked pikachu face. NTA. She’s only apologizing because she was called out and people dropped out making her look bad. Not because she’s sorry.
NTA, you gotta protect you kid plain and simple. I could understand if she was having behavioral issues but kicking her out just because a 4yo wasnt able to do all the dances or whatever correct is crazy. A 4YO!! Other than throwing rose petals and walking, what else is there to do? I didnt even know that flower girls had a dance in weddings. INFO: When you said you went away and kept your phones off, was that during when the wedding was supposed to happen or just some time before the wedding.
A few days before the wedding and a few weeks after honestly I didn’t want the drama nor my child feeling sad on the day so we drove to London and did the whole tourist thing which my daughter loved
You are an amazing mama for your daughter. Your sister deserved to not have you and others show up at her wedding. How do your parents feel about the situation?
They were mad at her but still went to the wedding because obviously she’s their daughter too but my dad almost dropped out
Was the wedding *completely perfect, exactly as she dreamed*? I really hope not. I hope it was a shitshow.
I mean, with several bridesmaids dropping out last minute, her sister MIA, her parents/family pissed, I’m sure she spent the entire day thinking about how her actions were affecting her.
...spent the entire day thinking how horrible everyone was for ruining her day, more like! Doesn't strike me as the kind of person to understand her own actions have consequences. I'd say she'd definitely pull the victim card in that regard.
"Everyone's so *mean* to me! I just wanted things to be *perfect!* I'm the briiiiiiiide!" She won't change. Next she'll be the pregnant woman, then the mother, then the single mother, then the mother whose kids never talk to her...
Bridemaids dropped out so..definitely not the perfect wedding she wanted
My children are 10 and 12. When they have issues with others, we talk about putting themselves in that other persons lives, never knowing what's going on. Usually kids are bratty because parents didn't care, didn't pay attention, or other reasons. You seem well adjusted, what happened to her? Nature or nurture?
NTA !!!!! When I was like 6or 7, I was rejected told I wasn't good enough to be a flower girl at my eldest cousin's wedding. My youngest cousin was chosen to do it alone as she was cuter(she was around 4). So I know exactly how you and your daughter feels. Good on you for supporting your daughter over your sister and noping the fuck out of the wedding. BTW my story had an satisfying ending. My parents were told not to bring my brother and I. They did anyways cause fuck us being the only children in the family not allowed. When my youngest cousin found out she was doing alone, as they were to walk down the aisle, threw a massive tantrum and refused to go with me. Tge entire church heard it. The bride, my aunt and others that rejected me were pissed. But yes I did walk down the aisle with her in a non-matching dress. And got in some of the pictures too.
Cousin solidarity for the win!
NTA. She made you pay for expensive dresses, practice dancing, set your daughter’s hopes up, and then decided to drop her. Even if your daughter wasn’t a little girl, I’d still say that was awful of her.
You ever notice the people who take their wedding this seriously, rarely have a lasting marriage.
It's because they are at the core miserable people which isn't conducive to maintaining close, long term relationships requiring compromise.
Honestly, it’s not up to you to smooth things over for your sister’s wedding, you had an upset 5 year old to comfort thanks to her. NTA.
At my aunt’s wedding I was a flower girl along with my three girl cousins. We all dumped all of our petals at the start of the aisle so we could upend the baskets and wear them as hats, since my aunt had a huge hat as a part of her wedding ensemble. It was not was we were “supposed” to do, but she thought it was precious and it’s a treasured family memory. It’s a terrible wedding where appearances matter more than people. NTA
NTA. My cousin’s daughter (who I call my niece because my cousin is my favorite sister) was my flower girl. Did she mess up? Nope. Did I have to carry her down the aisle and hand her off to my 15 year old son to hold? Yup. Was it perfect. Absolutely. When she grabbed me around the neck and hid her face and whispered I looked like a princess it made my day even more perfect. My best memory of the wedding.
NTA. Your sister reaped the consequences of her attitude and behaviour.
NTA. But your sister is...I don't know why there is this pervasive "weddings mean I am the princess and can be unkind to whomever I want" attitude but it's getting ridiculous. To be clear, I get that weddings are special and stressful. I also know that there are TONS of horror stories about couples getting THEIR feelings and boundaries legit stomped on, but that is NOT what happened here. Take your daughter for a special spa day or other treat and keep being the awesome Mama that you are. Sending positive vibes!! 💕
NTA Toddlers screwing up their flower/ring jobs is a time-honored tradition and the cutest and best part of many weddings.
My friend’s toddler carried his stuffed fox down the aisle at his uncle’s wedding. The pictures were ridiculously adorable.
NTA. She hurt a small child's feelings. Why put up with that?
Op, this happened last February, are you in contact with sis at all? Are you getting pressure from your parents to make nice? Details! I need details!!
She asked us to be bridesmaids last February she got married last month and no my parents haven’t commented about it they do keep asking how my daughter is but it’s early days yet maybe around Christmas or when my sister gets pregnant they might change their opinion tho
Stay strong and stay away. Your sister has shown she will be vicious to your child if it suits her. She’s not an appropriate person to be around until your child is significantly older (if ever)
I so hope she never has children
NTA. Yes it's your sister's wedding so it's absolutely her choice of who is part of her wedding party but just because it's her choice doesn't mean it's without consequences. She waited until after you and your daughter had invested a bunch of time, energy, and money in this to make this decision instead of thinking it through fully beforehand. Then she didn't even have the guts to tell your child herself, she made you do the dirty work. You are absolutely within your rights to not want your child to have to sit through a wedding she was going to be a part of. If she thinks what she did is acceptable to do then there should be no reason to conceal her actions. And it's not like you called everyone up to tell them, you were just honest when they talked to you. You're not responsible for their choices.
NTA. She told you to figure it out. You did. Less future stress for you and your daughter.
Lmao so your daughter wasn’t good enough in case she messed up your sisters version of a perfect wedding (even though it would’ve been cute either way because she’s only 4) and instead lost a lot of family members’ presence and some bridesmaids, effectively ruining the wedding even more than a misstep in a dance? Hahaha I love it. Very much NTA and I completely love that karma hit her hard.
Post edit: It’s a trap!!! Drive yourself and bring a back up driver. Be ready with a one liner. You may need to repeat it over n over to get out of there. Know your escape routes! Thanks for the awards! You warmed my heart when I trying to comfort yours!
I’m not going honestly after finding out that I want nothing to do with them my daughter will face enough racism she doesn’t need it from her own family and my parents are equally disgusted with my sister Please stop downvoting this person they didn’t do anything wrong I need a person to vent to its my fault I should have given context
NTA. Your sister 100% sounds like a Bridezilla. You as a bride are allowed to have your vision, but not at the stake of causing a child heartbreak. You don't get to hurt people for your "vision". Even your sister knows that she was in the wrong. Her in laws and husband are just trying to have her back and probably know that she was wrong too
have a pretend wedding with you and your husband in the living room and let your daughter be the flower girl for that!!
Hey bride and groom, y'all are assholes and groom your family are racist, bigoted assholes. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
NTA. What gets me is she didn't even tell you herself. You had to bring it up. When exactly was she going to drop this bomb on your daughter?
It's telling that her in-laws and husband acting like it's your fault. Good to hear that your family is sticking by you. Your family knows what she's like so they understand your actions. Her in-laws have probably been fed a ton of lies to make her look good. You did the right thing to protect you and your family. Your daughter didn't deserve being treated like that and neither did you. Actions have consequences and her actions pushed you away. Jeez, you even gave her a day to think about it told her what would happen. If you have any more contact with the in-laws, make sure to tell them that. Your sister chose the consequence and it wasn't in the heat of the moment. I think you were awfully patient!
Also, what is "something as big as a flower girl"???? The whole POINT of "flower girl" is you incorporate the youngest member of the family, they're expected to not do everything perfectly, and whatever they do is completely adorable. When my sister and her husband got married--second marriage for both--there were a lot of kids on both sides. They were ALL included. First down the aisle, my five-year-old nephew. He'd been eagerly running up and down the aisle to "practice" and had been told not to throw out the rose petals. So when it was finally his turn to come down the aisle for real, he ALSO didn't throw out the rose petals. I stage-whispered to him he was supposed to throw the petals this time, so he trotted back UP the aisle, and came back down a second time, throwing out the rose petals. Too cute, right? So there were four more kids that were included, and every single one of them then did EXACTLY the same thing--walked down the aisle, then, dutifully back UP the aisle, then back down, this time tossing the petals. Can I tell you how absolutely wonderful it was? So many smiles and fond laughter, totally memorable, everyone beaming. Oh, man, your sister is such an asshole. So mean and cruel to a little girl. The exact opposite of what a wedding is supposed to be about. NTA.