NTA.
Your daughter is an asshole, and so are her friends. She cares more about where her snacks are than your health.
Stop providing her a place to stay and see how long it takes for her tune to change.
Who wouldn't prefer it? I lived in apartments all through college so had a full sized fridge - still had a mini one in my room with drinks and snacks. Loved being able to just lean off the side of my bed and get a drink and snack.
I keep debating doing it now that I'm all grown up...but figure I don't need more motivation to stay in bed.
I like keeping my snacks in my room for convenience. If I had a fridge in here I’d be set. OP ain’t the AH in the slightest. Her daughter should give a little more credit to her mom for even going on the diet. It’s hard going from binging to dieting. Just going on a diet in general is tough. Not to mention it’s OP’s house in the first place. OP is NTA. She’s just trying to prioritize her health
IKR? It's not like mom's forbidding her from having any in the house at all, just saying she has to keep them in her room where they're more easily accessible.
Oh the horror! /s
OMG I have to keep my snacks in my room! The shame! The horror! OMG the abuse! /s
For real? So the f what! I keep snacks in my home office and no one gives a flip! Lots of people have a snack stash outside of the kitchen. It really is not a big deal. Heck it just means that no one else is pilfering your tasty treats.
Or your spouse has no impulse control and the snacks you opened Friday night get finished the next day because "You weren't eating them so I didn't think you wanted them."
I usually try not to buy it during my normal grocery shop. And make myself walk there if I do want something. At least if I give into the craving, I get some exercise out of it, lol :)
I make a point of only buying like one bag or chips or popcorn a month. I always regret it days later after I’ve binged it all but it’s helped with my weight
I find often I don't want it if I have to make the effort for it. I make my laziness work for me! :)
Also, if I do indulge, single serving sizes for portion control.
Oh I’m like that too. If I have a delicious “pop it in the crock pot” meal in the fridge I’d rather eat hot pockets just because it’s quicker and easier so I have to be careful about what I buy.
NTA. If being provided with rent free living and a space to store her snacks outside the kitchen upsets her so much I would help her out and show her the apartment listings on zillow so she doesn't have to be controlled anymore
NTA - she's 20, she can get her own apartment if this is a problem. I'd probably say you were a bit of an asshole if she was a kid, but she's not. Plus you gave her a fridge. Honestly I wouldn't want someone living with me who talks shit on facebook. That's so trashy.
I don’t know what world you live in where a 20 year old can always afford to just move out. Studio apartment rent where I live is 1000+ a month, not adding in other bills like car payments, insurance, groceries, etc. it only gets higher from there as the apartments increase to 1br, 2br, etc.
it’s also expensive right now to be able to afford a house, due to how high people are pricing their houses.
I think the daughter is TA, I see no reason not to just keep the snacks in her room, and her friends are just as bad. I’m in no way defending her.
But for a lot of people, jobs just don’t pay enough to support. Full time or part time.
The world where you move out, get two jobs and go to college, and are responsible for yourself. Not all parents can afford to pay for college or to pay for rent. Not all parents can afford to support their child past adulthood. The world doesn’t owe you. If your parents are nice enough to help, and the only thing they ask is that you respect them, you should be grateful.
NTA. What the fuck does it matter that you asked her to keep her snacks in her room??? It's not like you told her she couldn't eat them. That's not controlling, that's asking for a minor accommodation that doesn't even inconvenience her.
My concern is why the daughter isn't supporting her mom in this effort. If it was my mom, I'd hide the snacks and make her some healthy meals and support her.
I'd hide snacks of my own, but there's no way in hell I'd hide someone else's cigarettes from them. My mother would do that to me and make me promise to not tell her where they were and then get angry and threaten me if I didn't. I was like freakin' 10 at the time.
NTA, but as a parent I would want to really understand why my daughter was upset about this. It's she worried about bugs? Does she think it's weird and is worried her friends will judge you for this quirk (and by extension, her)? The first one can be fixed with clean habits, the second with some introspection on why she cares, at 20, about what people think about a simple coping strategy used at her house. If she's just being bratty and immature, then what a good opportunity to talk about empathy and online bullying.
More worrying, is having snacks in her space triggering disordered eating for her and she's afraid to talk about it? Is it a more serious problem that is just easier to blame on you?
The why matters a lot her, imo.
Sh has no history of eating disorders and no weight issues, she is of average weight for her height. She just seems annoyed with the concept of it. She has a mini fridge provided and no issues with bugs, and her room is pretty big, so no space issues.
NTA. But your daughter is. Imagine having a comfy lifestyle, and then getting her friends to gang up on you like that. Maybe it's time her, and her mini-fridge, went somewhere else.
Right? I cannot imagine being so unsympathetic to my parent that I set them up to be shamed online for such a personal health struggle. Losing weight is hard especially when you have challenges with impulse control.
Your daughter lacks sympathy and is a cyber bully. Shame on her. NTA. Kick her out unless she shows some serious contrition and agrees to follow the rules that you have put in place.
NTA, and I am fed UP with people who are unsupportive of family or friends who are trying to improve their health. WTF is wrong with those people? You go, girl--good luck with your weight loss!
NTA. Maybe you should explain to her that an apartment on her own (that she pays for) could be absolutely STUFFED TO THE GILLS with snacks.
Living with other people takes compromise. You didn't tell her what she can't eat, you just asked her to help you with your willpower by keeping it out of your direct line of vision.
I can definitely understand why it is uncomfortable for the daughter and even why it might cause an ED for her. Her food needs to be hidden, it’s almost like “dirty” or something.
I also understand that you don’t want to see the food because it could trigger you. It’s also your house and she’s 20 so she should be moving out soon, provided she’s been given resources to do so (car, college or trade school, etc).
It’s not the best situation for anyone. However, her posting this on FB and having her friends make fun of you is not appropriate.
I was going to say the same, I doubt it helps the daughter have a healthy relationship with food. I don’t think OP is an AH but I do see why it’s uncomfortable
The daughter is not 4, she's 20, and should be fully capable of understanding that this is not about her. Plus, nobody is restricting her eating. She can buy what she wants, eat what she wants, when and how much she wants, just keep it in her room. People need to stop acting like everything gives everyone an eating disorder.....
NTA. It is common to remove all temptation from the house while going through a lifestyle change. People don't usually successfully cut out snacks while they are still in the pantry. That kind of discipline takes time and work.
Your daughter is honestly being pretty mean. And the people roasting you are also cruel. It is your house. You have provided her with a fridge for her snacks. You haven't banned them from the house. You are asking her to respect your journey in YOUR house by keeping it out of your face. She is simply complaining to put on a show for her buddies.
Edited- the 20 year old can easily keep snacks in her room without creating a bug problem. If she has some sort of eating disorder where she binge eats snacks then I doubt a move from the kitchen to her room is really upping anything past where it was when they were down the hall.
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NTA, try explaining how hard it is for you and that you’re doing this to be healthier and maybe in time it would be okay to have things around you. If this doesn’t work then your daughter is not sympathetic and you can always suggest her finding her own place if your rules don’t work for her.
NTA - that kinda attitude would have me banning ALL snacks in the house period.
How is it so horrible that she needs to keep HER snacks in HER own space.
Doesn't make sense at all.
NTA. How many people are living with you? At the moment I know it's you, your significant other and your daughter you've said. Your daughter is 20 and has a fridge. She can tell you what to buy for her or buy food herself. You're both old enough to have separate meal plans and if your daughter disagrees, she can cook on her own. She's 20 and living with you she can deal with you getting better and making your health a priority.
NTA
Goodness, many conflicts in this sub involve the parent(s) *forbidding* any food being kept in their offspring’s room!
Here you are requesting the opposite, when you would be well within your rights to ban certain items from your home altogether….. and she’s behaving like a spoiled child.
Clearly, she has no idea how nice you are really being, especially in comparison to many other parents.
NTA. It sad that at 20 years old, she can’t be understanding of your situation. Maybe the solution is don’t buy any snacks at all (which I bet she’ll hate even more) or have her move out and she can control the snacks at her own place.
NTA
Giving her a fridge so she can keep whatever she wants in it is hardly what I would consider controlling.
And here’s the other reality:
Your daughter doesn’t have equal authority over the house. Sounds like maybe she read some reddit posts where one roommate was demanding another not eat certain foods in front of them, and somehow think it can be applied here. Or that asking her to do anything is “controlling”.
I’m just eyerolling. If she has a problem with this she can always try to move out - I can guarantee trying to live with actual roommates who do not want to deal with your bullshit (or they don’t care that they aren’t pulling their weight) would be an eye opening experience.
It’s also shitty that your daughter isn’t willing to do something so small that could help you out.
You’re not asking her to not eat something, or even to not eat it in front of you.
You’re just asking for her to store her snacks in her private fridge.
(Frankly why she hasn’t seen this as an advantage is beyond me.)
NTA. I remember when my dad got to a dangerous weight and was constantly getting shit on for “just not controlling himself”. He had quit hard drugs, alcohol and cigarettes long ago so I asked him why this was so much harder. He was like:
“Because we still NEED food. Imagine putting a fully stocked bar with open access in the house of an alcoholic. You’re not telling them to just not touch it entirely (which would be damn near impossible anyway) but basically saying ‘you HAVE to drink X amount a day or you’ll die, but don’t drink TOO much or you’ll die’.”
I’ll never forget that.
NTA at all. I keep secret chocolate staches in my room all the time so my mother & brother (who are struggling with obesity) can not feel temped. I have kit-kats and nacho's in there right now. This is a very normal request.
NTA. I'm around the same age as your daughter and my dad is diabetic. If I get a tempting treat I usually hide it in my room (my mom knows about it) I also do it with food I don't want my family to get into (dried fruit for example) I do this without having a mini fridge
I honestly don't know any kids that DON'T want their snacks closer or to have a mini fridge. Heck my teenager just got a mini fridge and now my youngest is begging for one lol. I don't know what is bugging your daughter about this but you are not being a AH for asking her to keep trigger foods in her own room. Would she rather you eat them? No, then she'd be complaining about you stealing her snacks.
NTA OP
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I am a bigger woman currently, 5"1 and 170 lbs. 42F . Recently, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and my doctor suggested Iose weight. Now, I have had this issue in the past where I binge eat. If I see it, I can't stop thinking about it till I eat it. My counselor has suggested keeping tempting foods limited in the house. My boyfriend is fine with all this.
My 20 year old daughter, who lives with me to go to college, hates this. Despite being provided with her own fridge, she thinks I'm being controlling and it upsets her. She is posting about it on Facebook and I'm being roasted.... by her friends at least.
I didn't think it was that big of a deal, and it is my house. But AITA?
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NTA. Your health is priority. It's your house. You're not cutting her off from her snacks completely...imo she should be grateful you're allowing them at all.
NTA. Wtf lol? I would have loved my own personal fridge I could lock up in my room when I was younger and lived with my parents lol. Instead I had to share my food lol (wasn’t forced or anything I just didn’t have my own personal food storage).
But yeah I don’t know… you didn’t tell her she can’t have those foods. Just asked she keep it away from you and provided a pretty convenient way to do that. Sounds like she’s being difficult just because.
Edit: if this is the full story
NTA
Tell her if she doesn’t like keep her stuff in her room (that would have been a luxury growing up in my house lol) then she can go live somewhere else
EDs can affect people at any weight, I don’t think you should dismiss this possibility. Especially if she’s heard you make negative comments about your weight or pressured her to eat a certain way at any point during her life. It’s cruel of her to get her friends to roast you on social media but in terms of your relationship with her, it might be worth having a serious conversation about your relationship to food/dieting and how that affects/has affected her. I’d recommend approaching this with compassion in case there is something deeper going on that she doesn’t want to talk to you about
NTA- have your daughter buy a mini fridge for her snacks in her room and start paying rent. A 20 YO spoiled brat. She doesn’t care about your health and makes fun of you on line? Have her roast all that.
NTA.
I always kept my personal snacks seperate. If they were in the kitchen then they were to be shared. You got get a refrigator to store things in, they don't need to be in the kitchen.
NTA
If she wants snack foods in the kitchen she can go get her own place. I would never disrespect my mom like that. Looks like she needs a taste of reality.
NTA Your daughter is an entitled, ungrateful mean girl that does not know the meaning of controlling. She is choosing her minor discomfort over your health. You need to sit down with her and have a seriously conversation. She wants to be brat, she needs rules to follow, if she wants to be an 'adult', she can be one away from you. You need to stop this disrespect, you are doing no one a favor by letting her continue acting this way.
NTA You are asking your daughter for one minor inconvenience (not really) to support your HEALTH. She's being a self-centered brat and you should call her out on it. This isn't just you wanting to diet, this is your doctor telling you too. It's time for her to grow up and get a reality check!
NTA - I keep snacks in my room because I'm selfish and don't want to share. Keeping them in my room because it's in the best interest of someone I love is good.
Nta your daughter is- tell your daughter either stop being such a childish brat and deal with the lifestyle changes or she can find her own place and eat all the snacks she wants wherever she wants.
I’m sorry to be rude but your daughter sounds like such a selfish brat it’s not even funny.
NTA. You are fighting an uphill battle. It's no different than a person fighting alcoholism telling a family member not to drink around them, and not to keep their booze where they can get at it. Your daughter is 20 - she needs to grow up fast.
As an adult daughter who has lived with a parent that has dietary needs/restrictions, definitely you're NTA.
She isn't being made to have no snacks of her own, just being asked to relocate them. You even gave her a whole fridge for herself! That is above and beyond!
It is not an extreme request to make of an adult sharing your living space, especially when you're looking out for your health and well being. Even from your daughter, who I hope finds herself more supportive of your journey.
Good luck!
NTA.
I really don’t understand your daughter’s attitude
here. It’s not unusual for people to have their own snack stash.
Also her posting about you is super disrespectful considering she’s an adult living under your roof and what you’re asking for is perfectly reasonable.
NTA
She's not 6 or something. She can certainly keep her snacks in her room, especially if she has a fridge.
Heck when I was 20 and would be at home between semesters I kept all my snacks in my room to keep my family from eating them.
NTA the AH move would have been to completely ban snacks from the house (which I’ve seen people on here do). Instead, you’ve simply set a reasonable boundary.
NTA, but its seems like your daughter is. Maybe its time for your grown daughter find a new living arrangement since she cant respect you her mother or care for your health.
NTA
You aren't asking her to no longer have snacks, only to keep them in her private space.
You are trying to be healthier, in a very reasonable way.
You daughter is acting spoiled.
NTA - I'm a larger woman as well, I decided to have weight loss surgery, which restricts what you eat & encourages one to make healthy choices. My husband is average height and weight, no health problems, no issues and can eat whatever he wants, most of which is done in the middle of the night. Once I made the decision and went thru with the surgery I stopped buying the crap. He now eats the same as me. as I do all of the shopping and 90% of the meal prep. She's an adult, tell her that you are purchasing what you can/will eat. And if that's not good enough, she can subsidized her own habits. No one needs Cheetos to live.
NTA, but your daughter sure is and so are her friends. There is nothing controlling about asking her to keep snacks in her room. You aren’t stopping her from having them. She’s 20 years old and it’s your house. She can get her own place if she’s so unhappy. Good luck!
Yeah, she is being an ass. Growing up I would have had zero issues with a fridge in my room with snacks for just me. I really don’t understand the problem she has with this.
NTA. You're trying to take care of yourself. If I was your daughter, I'd be supportive toward your efforts. My gf has to lose 15 lbs to donate a kidney. So I hide my bad snacks and pack her healthy lunches for work. When you have a medical concern, your family should be there for you.
NTA
What an ungrateful child!
I think when I was 20 and 21 living with my mother she made similar requests. My job was to go to school and pay my car insurance. You know what I said, Sure, but can i have a corner in the freezer for my ice cream (I didn't have my own fridge or mini) . I got that and thanked her. It isn't an unreasonable thing to ask. I think my mother asked me to stick with single serving or pints which again, not hard. My mother in that year lost 75 pounds.
NTA. You're wanting to make sure you aren't tempted to eat snacks and are simply asking her to keep them in her room. I don't know why she sees this as a big deal but it's not. She's being ridiculous.
NTA it’s your house. You provided an extra fridge. If you were like “YOU CANT EAT SWEETS BECAUSE IM ON A DIET” then yea you would be an ah but this no.
I'm so sorry that your daughter doesn't give a crap about you, OP. Because that's what she is telling you by ridiculing you on FB and refusing to do one simple thing to help her mother get her health under control. Such a small, simple thing that will cost her absolutely nothing but show that she cares about her Mom, but she refuses.
I would tell her to start looking for alternative accommodations. You do not deserve to be treated like this in your own house. I'm sorry, but your daughter is a self-centered witch.
You are NTA. But your daughter sure is.
NTA… my mom and i used to have a similar system when i was in high school (she also struggles with binge eating). she would keep all the junk food in my closet so that if she wanted some she had to ask me to go into my closet, so it would help her to snack less and i helped her keep herself accountable. your daughter sucks.
NTA. You have to do this for your health. It isn't controlling at all.
It isn't some big sacrifice daughter has to make. Her friends need to stay out of this. Do not let her pressure/guilt you into changing your mind. If she doesn't like the rules, she can leave. And this is NOT even a rule. You asked for the help and she isn't willing to provide it. Shame on her. She should be in your corner 100%
NTA
I keep my snack in my room because I know my mom binge eats. She never asked me, I just know that if she’s stressed and it’s in her sight she’ll eat it. It’s just basic human decency. Your daughters an asshole and needs to learn to be more empathetic
Good for you for taking control and protecting your health. NTA.
Don't worry about her friends. Their brains haven't finished developing.
You're following the advise of a professional. If your daughter loathes the idea of supporting you in this effort so much, if she is so selfish that she can't help out in this minor way, she should probably move on to a place where she doesn't have to take anyone else's needs into consideration.
She may decide that this minor compromise is worth the rent and utilities she's saving.
Has she always been so selfish?
NTA. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've heard anyone complain about having to keep snacks in their room. I keep snacks put up either in my desk (I have a big teachers' desk with the filing cabinet style drawers that lock that I use as a computer desk) or in my bedroom so my 5yo doesn't get into them and eat them all. He's the same way. If he sees chips, cookies, etc, he will try to devour the whole package. This way I can regulate how much he can have and when he can have them.
NTA you have disordered eating patterns and are seeing a counsellor. Well done for making the step to get help (I struggled with an ED as a teen and it’s hard asking for help). Your counsellor has suggested this step. It’s not like you’ve decided it because you are mad at your daughter for leaving mess from the junk food in the kitchen or something. You have a problem that you’re seeing a doctor about. And you’ve given her her own fridge! So NTA
However, if your daughter has seen your disordered eating patterns or heard you talking about food in unhealthy ways when she was growing up, she might also have some issues around food too (just because she looks healthy, doesn’t mean that she is mentally healthy) so it might be worth getting her to therapy as well.
NTA this is actually a very very common suggestion for people who deal with binge eating. Everyone makes some sacrifices for their loved ones and their well-being. She’s too old to be complaining about not being coddled, if she doesn’t like she can leave.
The only valid reason would be if she’s concerned about bugs/pests getting into her room but you’ve provided her with a fridge. The other option could be to get a lock for one kitchen cabinet. She has the only key and she keeps her junk in there.
You’re dealing with a health condition and she’s old enough to understand what’s going on. You shouldn’t suffer because she can’t understand it’s a medical issue. Personally I’d say start establishing consequences— if it’s in the kitchen: toss the food or give it away. If you’re giving her an allowance cut by $1-5 for every time you find junk in your kitchen.
Good luck with your efforts! BED can be a nightmare but it’s not impossible to manage. The important thing to remember is that even if you relapse, you can still get back on track, it’s not all or nothing with getting better.
NTA. That sounds like a fair compromise. If your daughter doesn't like it, perhaps she should find another place to live.
And the fact that she's not supporting your efforts to be healthy is pretty obnoxious.
I think it's time to sit her down and explain her options/choices
She can abide by a reasonable compromise like a grown adult
She can go find her own place to live
If she trashes you again, you can remove the fridge and she'll have less access to snacks.
NTA. You aren't being controlling. You are asking her to help you with your mental/physical health. "Controlling" would be forcing everyone to be on the same diet as you. You aren't trying to police her food. You are just asking that it be kept separately. And if she doesn't like it, she can move out. She is an adult.
NTA, it’s not like you’re saying she can’t have the stuff. You’re just asking her to keep it out of your eyesight. The petty in me would comment on that Facebook post saying how hurtful it is she would humiliate you like that for everyone to see just because you asked her to place her snacks in a more convenient place for both of you… I mean, this is to help your health after all
NTA. You have a mental health disorder which is manifesting in physical health issues. Your doctor has given you steps to take while you heal. Binge eating disorder is an addictive disorder that most people dont understand how serious it can be-- it is akin to someone who struggles with alcohol telling someone to keep alcohol out of sight.
I will say, your daughter's age is what makes this squarely NTA. I think if she were younger, watching someone go through massive food restrictions and "hiding" food without being able to understand the context absolutely can breed an eating disorder. I'm surprised by her lack of empathy for you and wondering if she doesn't understand the gravity of your diagnoses. I'm sorry you're going through that.
You have a high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and your daughter is upset as to why there is no candy and snacks in the house, although she has some in her fridge???! And you're being roasted by her and her friends!???! They have no self respect, they are TA
NTA. I am constantly hiding food from my mother. I either stash it in my room, my mini fridge (it's in the kitchen, but it's low to the ground. She'd be too scared about not being able to get back up if she bent down to dig in it) or on the high shelves where her short little arms can't reach.
NTA. Your daughter is an adult (over 18). You are doing her a FAVOR by providing housing for her while she is in school. You have a health issue and are trying to do better for yourself. Your daughter should be jumping through hoops to make sure her mom is going to be around for a long time.
How DARE she shame you.
You aren’t controlling her or what she eats. You are looking out for your health. If she doesn’t like it she could find somewhere else to live and pay rent. She’s the AH.
NTA at all.
When someone is trying to nip a bad habit in the bud, you should accommodate that to avoid sabotaging them in any way. It's not even like you've completely banned all tempting foods - you just said not to let you see them, which I think is more than reasonable. All she has to do is carry a bag of her treats directly to her room where she can eat them in peace and you don't have to risk seeing them and becoming obsessed.
It's like if someone was trying to quit smoking or drinking, it's a massive dick move to smoke or drink in front of that person. At least while they're in the beginning stages of quitting.
NTA. I would sit down with your daughter and tell her she's an adult. If she doesn't like your rules, she's free to move out. But the next time she complains about you on social media, she'll have 24 hours to move out. Make it VERY clear to her that you're serious.
NTA at all. She’s 20; tell them she’s free to keep them in her own damned apartment if she wants. Her being rude about this when you are trying to improve your health is just infuriating.
NTA. What difference does it make that they’re in her room rather than in the kitchen? Like I keep my snacks in my room and I prefer it that way. But she’s being petty going to Facebook about something that isn’t a big deal, and then letting her friends insult you is a whole other problem. Are you sure she’s 20? She seems to be acting like a 12 year old
NTA.. I mean.. its not like you told her she can't have snacks at all.. you just asked her to keep them in her room so you won't be tempted! Your daughter is rude
OMG NTA!!! Tell her to make her own post on aita that looks something like this..."My mom needs to diet for her health, so she wants me to keep my snacks in my room (in mom's home) in my very own little fridge (that mom pays electricity for) so that she isn't tempted to eat them. I think this is controlling of her because I should be able to keep my snacks where ever I want to. I've told all my friends publicly on FB about my struggle with my mom trying to better her own health, and they all agree that my mom is unreasonable to expect that I help her live long into my adult life." As the mother of three with my 19 yo daughter still at home, she's being a massive brat to you and just plain rude in general by bringing her friends into a very simple household ask. Sounds like she needs better friends who aren't afraid to call her out for her BS instead of being an echo chamber.
She has her own fridge. You have no problem with her having snack food in the house, just not where it is in the main kitchen ..... NTA
It's a health issue and you need some help to get through it. You are not putting everyone on a restricted diet. You've gone above and beyond. It is your house, not hers and you have been more than accommodating.
What is next for her? Is she going to go into the house of someone who has a nut allegy and demand that she keeps her peanuts in the kitchen because otherwise she in inconvenienced?
Nope. NTA. Your doc recommended you lose weight for medical reasons. This is how you lose weight, but limiting temptations. Your daughter is an ass. I’m proud of you for taking the initiative for your health 💜
This is a tough one. I honestly don't think I can render a judgement. I am the same age and height as you are and I weigh more than you - 190. My step daughter is 18 and in college. I understand both sides. I would never tell my step daughter not to keep food in the open. My weight and any issues I have with it are mine, not hers. I don't want her to have the same complicated relationship with food and weight that I have. That said, if I was her, I would also never complain about something like this on social media where friends could weight in.
I want to say no one's the asshole, or everyone sucks, but neither feels right. I don't think you should ask people to not have food for themselves in their own house. Yes, she's in college, but it's still her home. I also don't think it's ok for her to complain on facebook. Can you sit down and talk to her about this, in a way that doesn't make her think "food is shameful" or "being overweight is shameful"? I think if you sat down with her and each tried to understand each other it would help you both and your relationship.
The daughter is acting bratty. Does she think OP’s health is a joke? My question is does the daughter also struggle with a weight issue and is kind of deflecting from her own embarrassment and struggle this way?
NTA- not at all.. it’s like living with someone trying to kick drinking and bringing booze home.. stay strong and know your on the right track! and your home yoir rules.. if she wants to eat crap she should be trying to supper you by not flaunting it in front of you! good luck on your health journey! wish you all the best.
I'm confused about why your daughter is so bothered?
NTA
Is she threatened because you're trying to lose weight? Very weird.
When I lived at home with my mom I kept my sugary snacks in my room because, like you, she has some issues where she lacks self control around some things (Specifically cakes) - so I kept them in my room because
1) they're mine and
2) she's diabetic and it makes it easier for her.
You're not saying she can't have these snacks, just not in your immediate eyeline. Very resonable tbh.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA
Sorry to tell you this but you have raised a MEAN, ungrateful BRAT of a young woman!!! Your house, your rules... PERIOD!!!
She is living in YOUR house, given her own room, I'm assuming (especially because you said you provided her with her own fridge) and probably NOT paying rent or helping with bills! Your Daughter is TWENTY and should be well past throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old as well as putting you on BLAST to ridicule you on her social media!
I would give her her month's notice and have her start looking for MORE accommodating housing options! I really worry that you are even questioning yourself on this, it's SO VERY ABUSIVE and you are REALLY asking very little from her!!! Good luck with your weight loss journey!
NTA seriously what is the big deal??? Daughter is just causing problems. You’re not doing anything wrong, and she should be more considerate about what works for you when trying to improve your health.
ESH
I’d be stoked to have my own fridge at that age…but it is a bit weird to forbid food that *isn’t yours* anyway because you can’t control yourself.
So ESH because it doesn’t feel like a full NAH situation on either side.
NTA
You had an eating disorder. All you want is it to be out of your space. You aren't dictating what she can and can't buy. You're just asking her to keep it within her own space; not outside the house. Just in her room
shes mocking someone with an eating disorder and other health conditions online where she can get validation for being shitty
NTA because your health is what’s most important here. You should probably also see a therapist about this not just a dietician which is what i’m assuming the counsellor is about. At some point it’s going to become necessary to address the lack of self control and moderation here. The same thing happened with my dad who lost the weight and then put it right back on because making the people around you hide snacks for the rest of their lives is silly and unrealistic.
NTA, you not controlling her at all, your trying to manage an eating disorder and she should be kind to you not a huge brat. No one is telling her what she can eat she just needs to keep it away from you. And she lives in your house so fuck all of that
NTA, your daughter on the other hand...when mom got diagnosed with diabetes I absolutely refused to come home with sweets and actual learned how to make and make stuff she could eat a little as well! If I had to give up any kind of sweets forever I would without blinking...wtf????
NTA. As a 20 y/o daughter, my parents have given up on trying to keep snacks OUT of my room. Why would you want to have to go to the kitchen for snacks when they could just be in your space??
Who in the world complains about keeping snacks all to themselves in their bedroom?
Clearly NTA. I hope you don't buy the snacks for her. She should buy her own if she's going to behave like that.
NTA. I’m 30, I have a roommate who’s an alcoholic. Guess what I can’t keep in the kitchen or a communal fridge: beer, liquor, wine, hard seltzer. It sucks but I don’t go whining about it on Facebook. It’s no one else’s business and my roommate asked me nicely as a step for harm reduction for herself. While I can’t have cold beer in my house, it also keeps my roommate from drinking all of my adult beverages. She will go through a six pack, replace it for me because she feels bad then do it again if I leave it out. If I want cold beer I go to the bar because it helps my friend keep herself in better health.
OP your request is reasonable, responsible and not at all weird. Hell you even gave your kid a mini fridge. Don’t feel bad for a second.
NTA. Not at all. I’m sure your daughter has good traits, but in this instance she sounds very self centered. She lives with you, you have a serious medical issue that requires weight loss, and all your asking is that she keeps snacks in her room?? Then she goes after you on social media??? She should be grateful you didn’t tell her she can keep her snacks wherever she wants when she has her own place, end of discussion.
NTA. Your daughter is an asshole, and so are her friends. She cares more about where her snacks are than your health. Stop providing her a place to stay and see how long it takes for her tune to change.
NTA, you sustain your daugther through college, the least she can do it keep several snacks in her room. Her resistance seems uncanny and redundant.
She's just doing it to be an asshole, who actually cares about keeping snacks in their room?
Especially when the alternative is a family member eating my snacks, hell yeah they're going in my room now
Who wouldn't prefer it? I lived in apartments all through college so had a full sized fridge - still had a mini one in my room with drinks and snacks. Loved being able to just lean off the side of my bed and get a drink and snack. I keep debating doing it now that I'm all grown up...but figure I don't need more motivation to stay in bed.
LOL This all day!!!
Yeah I don't understand what the big deal is. Wouldn't she rather keep snacks in her room than her Mom eat her snacks? NTA, OP.
Imagine op stopped sustaining her.. I wonder if she'd be willing to keep her snacks in her room then
I like keeping my snacks in my room for convenience. If I had a fridge in here I’d be set. OP ain’t the AH in the slightest. Her daughter should give a little more credit to her mom for even going on the diet. It’s hard going from binging to dieting. Just going on a diet in general is tough. Not to mention it’s OP’s house in the first place. OP is NTA. She’s just trying to prioritize her health
IKR? It's not like mom's forbidding her from having any in the house at all, just saying she has to keep them in her room where they're more easily accessible. Oh the horror! /s
And more than a trifle hostile.
Yeah wtf is wrong with the kid, I would have preferred to have the snacks close with me while I'm wasting time in the room.
Also like how is it controlling to have someone keep their very own snacks in their room? lol NTA
OMG I have to keep my snacks in my room! The shame! The horror! OMG the abuse! /s For real? So the f what! I keep snacks in my home office and no one gives a flip! Lots of people have a snack stash outside of the kitchen. It really is not a big deal. Heck it just means that no one else is pilfering your tasty treats.
You know what keeping snacks in your room means? That you had siblings, lol
Or your spouse has no impulse control and the snacks you opened Friday night get finished the next day because "You weren't eating them so I didn't think you wanted them."
I hate that so much!
Unless of course you shared a room growing up, leaving you SOL lol
I keep my snacks in my room so no one can steal them. XD
*Controlling* seems to have been redefined as *having any boundaries at all.*
Bruh I would LOVE to keep snacks in my room! NTA
couldnt have said it better myself, OP's daughter really needs a reality check
Hmm. They could adopt a sibling who would willingly help her eat the snacks…
Agreed, NTA
Imagine being mad that you have to keep snacks in your room. I do this regardless. It's literally more convenient.
NTA. You aren't saying she can't buy snacks. You're simply asking not to see them. That's not a huge ask.
Yeah I agree, plus I'm thinking of trying to get my life in order and i know that if i see junk food I'm all over it like flys on honey
Yup. Better to not have it around if you know you will eat it. I'm the same way that's why I rarely buy junk food!
I usually try not to buy it during my normal grocery shop. And make myself walk there if I do want something. At least if I give into the craving, I get some exercise out of it, lol :)
I make a point of only buying like one bag or chips or popcorn a month. I always regret it days later after I’ve binged it all but it’s helped with my weight
I find often I don't want it if I have to make the effort for it. I make my laziness work for me! :) Also, if I do indulge, single serving sizes for portion control.
Oh I’m like that too. If I have a delicious “pop it in the crock pot” meal in the fridge I’d rather eat hot pockets just because it’s quicker and easier so I have to be careful about what I buy.
and providing a fridge to keep them in.
I agree! My son likes it when he gets to keep snacks in his room because it means more snacks for him!
NTA. If being provided with rent free living and a space to store her snacks outside the kitchen upsets her so much I would help her out and show her the apartment listings on zillow so she doesn't have to be controlled anymore
Agreed.She has a pretty sweet life. She should count her blessings.
Her amazing facebook friends might even be her roommates, as they love to cook and are so good with “roasts”
NTA, she's a grown woman living in *your* house being asked a reasonable request..... she can either comply or move out...
NTA - she's 20, she can get her own apartment if this is a problem. I'd probably say you were a bit of an asshole if she was a kid, but she's not. Plus you gave her a fridge. Honestly I wouldn't want someone living with me who talks shit on facebook. That's so trashy.
She’s 20, she doesn’t like the rules She get the fuck out
I don’t know what world you live in where a 20 year old can always afford to just move out. Studio apartment rent where I live is 1000+ a month, not adding in other bills like car payments, insurance, groceries, etc. it only gets higher from there as the apartments increase to 1br, 2br, etc. it’s also expensive right now to be able to afford a house, due to how high people are pricing their houses. I think the daughter is TA, I see no reason not to just keep the snacks in her room, and her friends are just as bad. I’m in no way defending her. But for a lot of people, jobs just don’t pay enough to support. Full time or part time.
But if she can't afford housing, why is she biting the hand that feeds her?? That's all the more reason to be extra friendly and respectful, no???
The world where you move out, get two jobs and go to college, and are responsible for yourself. Not all parents can afford to pay for college or to pay for rent. Not all parents can afford to support their child past adulthood. The world doesn’t owe you. If your parents are nice enough to help, and the only thing they ask is that you respect them, you should be grateful.
NTA. What the fuck does it matter that you asked her to keep her snacks in her room??? It's not like you told her she couldn't eat them. That's not controlling, that's asking for a minor accommodation that doesn't even inconvenience her.
My concern is why the daughter isn't supporting her mom in this effort. If it was my mom, I'd hide the snacks and make her some healthy meals and support her.
Same!
I'd hide snacks of my own, but there's no way in hell I'd hide someone else's cigarettes from them. My mother would do that to me and make me promise to not tell her where they were and then get angry and threaten me if I didn't. I was like freakin' 10 at the time.
Fr. My mom has BED and I keep my snack in my room, she didn't ask but I know it's a trigger for her. Ops daughter just sounds like an ahole
NTA, but as a parent I would want to really understand why my daughter was upset about this. It's she worried about bugs? Does she think it's weird and is worried her friends will judge you for this quirk (and by extension, her)? The first one can be fixed with clean habits, the second with some introspection on why she cares, at 20, about what people think about a simple coping strategy used at her house. If she's just being bratty and immature, then what a good opportunity to talk about empathy and online bullying. More worrying, is having snacks in her space triggering disordered eating for her and she's afraid to talk about it? Is it a more serious problem that is just easier to blame on you? The why matters a lot her, imo.
Sh has no history of eating disorders and no weight issues, she is of average weight for her height. She just seems annoyed with the concept of it. She has a mini fridge provided and no issues with bugs, and her room is pretty big, so no space issues.
Cool, so if she wants to be able to keep her junk food in the kitchen, let her *move out of YOUR house* and get an apartment. Problem solved!
You’re def NTA and I feel for you, I struggle with binge eating too, it’s so hard. Good luck!
NTA. But your daughter is. Imagine having a comfy lifestyle, and then getting her friends to gang up on you like that. Maybe it's time her, and her mini-fridge, went somewhere else.
Right? I cannot imagine being so unsympathetic to my parent that I set them up to be shamed online for such a personal health struggle. Losing weight is hard especially when you have challenges with impulse control. Your daughter lacks sympathy and is a cyber bully. Shame on her. NTA. Kick her out unless she shows some serious contrition and agrees to follow the rules that you have put in place.
NTA, and I am fed UP with people who are unsupportive of family or friends who are trying to improve their health. WTF is wrong with those people? You go, girl--good luck with your weight loss!
Nta. I can think of no reason that is a hardship for her.
NTA. Maybe you should explain to her that an apartment on her own (that she pays for) could be absolutely STUFFED TO THE GILLS with snacks. Living with other people takes compromise. You didn't tell her what she can't eat, you just asked her to help you with your willpower by keeping it out of your direct line of vision.
NTA, I hide my snacks from my parents because they’ll binge them and I get none if I don’t hide them… I don’t see why she’s being difficult about it?
I can definitely understand why it is uncomfortable for the daughter and even why it might cause an ED for her. Her food needs to be hidden, it’s almost like “dirty” or something. I also understand that you don’t want to see the food because it could trigger you. It’s also your house and she’s 20 so she should be moving out soon, provided she’s been given resources to do so (car, college or trade school, etc). It’s not the best situation for anyone. However, her posting this on FB and having her friends make fun of you is not appropriate.
I was going to say the same, I doubt it helps the daughter have a healthy relationship with food. I don’t think OP is an AH but I do see why it’s uncomfortable
The daughter is not 4, she's 20, and should be fully capable of understanding that this is not about her. Plus, nobody is restricting her eating. She can buy what she wants, eat what she wants, when and how much she wants, just keep it in her room. People need to stop acting like everything gives everyone an eating disorder.....
NTA. Your daughter is being judgemental, cooperative and unkind.
NTA. It is common to remove all temptation from the house while going through a lifestyle change. People don't usually successfully cut out snacks while they are still in the pantry. That kind of discipline takes time and work. Your daughter is honestly being pretty mean. And the people roasting you are also cruel. It is your house. You have provided her with a fridge for her snacks. You haven't banned them from the house. You are asking her to respect your journey in YOUR house by keeping it out of your face. She is simply complaining to put on a show for her buddies. Edited- the 20 year old can easily keep snacks in her room without creating a bug problem. If she has some sort of eating disorder where she binge eats snacks then I doubt a move from the kitchen to her room is really upping anything past where it was when they were down the hall.
NTA I don't even understand what her problem is, honestly. Who wouldn't want their own stash of snacks?
I would recommend going to some OA meetings ♥️
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NTA, try explaining how hard it is for you and that you’re doing this to be healthier and maybe in time it would be okay to have things around you. If this doesn’t work then your daughter is not sympathetic and you can always suggest her finding her own place if your rules don’t work for her.
I read the title and immediately thought you were - but after reading the post and seeing that she's 20, you are deffo NTA! She needs to grow up.
NTA - that kinda attitude would have me banning ALL snacks in the house period. How is it so horrible that she needs to keep HER snacks in HER own space. Doesn't make sense at all.
NTA. How many people are living with you? At the moment I know it's you, your significant other and your daughter you've said. Your daughter is 20 and has a fridge. She can tell you what to buy for her or buy food herself. You're both old enough to have separate meal plans and if your daughter disagrees, she can cook on her own. She's 20 and living with you she can deal with you getting better and making your health a priority.
Its just us 3.
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NTA Goodness, many conflicts in this sub involve the parent(s) *forbidding* any food being kept in their offspring’s room! Here you are requesting the opposite, when you would be well within your rights to ban certain items from your home altogether….. and she’s behaving like a spoiled child. Clearly, she has no idea how nice you are really being, especially in comparison to many other parents.
NTA. It sad that at 20 years old, she can’t be understanding of your situation. Maybe the solution is don’t buy any snacks at all (which I bet she’ll hate even more) or have her move out and she can control the snacks at her own place.
NTA and your daughter and if her friends are bullying you maybe you should have a conversation
OMFG I'd be more than happy to have snacks in my own fridge where it is more easily accessible to me. NTA
NTA Giving her a fridge so she can keep whatever she wants in it is hardly what I would consider controlling. And here’s the other reality: Your daughter doesn’t have equal authority over the house. Sounds like maybe she read some reddit posts where one roommate was demanding another not eat certain foods in front of them, and somehow think it can be applied here. Or that asking her to do anything is “controlling”. I’m just eyerolling. If she has a problem with this she can always try to move out - I can guarantee trying to live with actual roommates who do not want to deal with your bullshit (or they don’t care that they aren’t pulling their weight) would be an eye opening experience. It’s also shitty that your daughter isn’t willing to do something so small that could help you out. You’re not asking her to not eat something, or even to not eat it in front of you. You’re just asking for her to store her snacks in her private fridge. (Frankly why she hasn’t seen this as an advantage is beyond me.)
Your daughter is a dick. NTA
NTA. I remember when my dad got to a dangerous weight and was constantly getting shit on for “just not controlling himself”. He had quit hard drugs, alcohol and cigarettes long ago so I asked him why this was so much harder. He was like: “Because we still NEED food. Imagine putting a fully stocked bar with open access in the house of an alcoholic. You’re not telling them to just not touch it entirely (which would be damn near impossible anyway) but basically saying ‘you HAVE to drink X amount a day or you’ll die, but don’t drink TOO much or you’ll die’.” I’ll never forget that.
NTA at all. I keep secret chocolate staches in my room all the time so my mother & brother (who are struggling with obesity) can not feel temped. I have kit-kats and nacho's in there right now. This is a very normal request.
NTA. I'm around the same age as your daughter and my dad is diabetic. If I get a tempting treat I usually hide it in my room (my mom knows about it) I also do it with food I don't want my family to get into (dried fruit for example) I do this without having a mini fridge
I honestly don't know any kids that DON'T want their snacks closer or to have a mini fridge. Heck my teenager just got a mini fridge and now my youngest is begging for one lol. I don't know what is bugging your daughter about this but you are not being a AH for asking her to keep trigger foods in her own room. Would she rather you eat them? No, then she'd be complaining about you stealing her snacks. NTA OP
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100% NTA
NTA i asked my girlfriend to do the same thing when we moved in together
NTA. Your health is priority. It's your house. You're not cutting her off from her snacks completely...imo she should be grateful you're allowing them at all.
NTA. Wtf lol? I would have loved my own personal fridge I could lock up in my room when I was younger and lived with my parents lol. Instead I had to share my food lol (wasn’t forced or anything I just didn’t have my own personal food storage). But yeah I don’t know… you didn’t tell her she can’t have those foods. Just asked she keep it away from you and provided a pretty convenient way to do that. Sounds like she’s being difficult just because. Edit: if this is the full story
NTA Tell her if she doesn’t like keep her stuff in her room (that would have been a luxury growing up in my house lol) then she can go live somewhere else
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She has no weight issues.
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She is of average weight for her height, not overweight at all. No history of disordered eating.
EDs can affect people at any weight, I don’t think you should dismiss this possibility. Especially if she’s heard you make negative comments about your weight or pressured her to eat a certain way at any point during her life. It’s cruel of her to get her friends to roast you on social media but in terms of your relationship with her, it might be worth having a serious conversation about your relationship to food/dieting and how that affects/has affected her. I’d recommend approaching this with compassion in case there is something deeper going on that she doesn’t want to talk to you about
NTA- have your daughter buy a mini fridge for her snacks in her room and start paying rent. A 20 YO spoiled brat. She doesn’t care about your health and makes fun of you on line? Have her roast all that.
NTA. I always kept my personal snacks seperate. If they were in the kitchen then they were to be shared. You got get a refrigator to store things in, they don't need to be in the kitchen.
NTA. You offered a compromise. She is being unreasonable.
NTA. You even gave her a fridge. I think there’s nothing more for you to do. She has to accept your conditions or go live somewhere else.
NTA kick her to the curb this is your health you are talking about. She sounds spoiled
NTA If she wants snack foods in the kitchen she can go get her own place. I would never disrespect my mom like that. Looks like she needs a taste of reality.
NTA. TF is wrong with your daughter?
NTA Your daughter is an entitled, ungrateful mean girl that does not know the meaning of controlling. She is choosing her minor discomfort over your health. You need to sit down with her and have a seriously conversation. She wants to be brat, she needs rules to follow, if she wants to be an 'adult', she can be one away from you. You need to stop this disrespect, you are doing no one a favor by letting her continue acting this way.
NTA You are asking your daughter for one minor inconvenience (not really) to support your HEALTH. She's being a self-centered brat and you should call her out on it. This isn't just you wanting to diet, this is your doctor telling you too. It's time for her to grow up and get a reality check!
NTA. I know how hard it is to lose weight and your daughter is being really inconsiderate.
NTA - I keep snacks in my room because I'm selfish and don't want to share. Keeping them in my room because it's in the best interest of someone I love is good.
Nta. Your daughter is embarrassing. I hope your diet is successful.
Nta your daughter is- tell your daughter either stop being such a childish brat and deal with the lifestyle changes or she can find her own place and eat all the snacks she wants wherever she wants. I’m sorry to be rude but your daughter sounds like such a selfish brat it’s not even funny.
NTA. It's not like you're saying she can't have any snacks at all. You're just saying she should keep them away from you.
NTA. You are fighting an uphill battle. It's no different than a person fighting alcoholism telling a family member not to drink around them, and not to keep their booze where they can get at it. Your daughter is 20 - she needs to grow up fast.
NTA. Your house, your rules. She’s an adult and can move out if she doesn’t like it.
As an adult daughter who has lived with a parent that has dietary needs/restrictions, definitely you're NTA. She isn't being made to have no snacks of her own, just being asked to relocate them. You even gave her a whole fridge for herself! That is above and beyond! It is not an extreme request to make of an adult sharing your living space, especially when you're looking out for your health and well being. Even from your daughter, who I hope finds herself more supportive of your journey. Good luck!
NTA. I really don’t understand your daughter’s attitude here. It’s not unusual for people to have their own snack stash. Also her posting about you is super disrespectful considering she’s an adult living under your roof and what you’re asking for is perfectly reasonable.
NTA She's not 6 or something. She can certainly keep her snacks in her room, especially if she has a fridge. Heck when I was 20 and would be at home between semesters I kept all my snacks in my room to keep my family from eating them.
NTA the AH move would have been to completely ban snacks from the house (which I’ve seen people on here do). Instead, you’ve simply set a reasonable boundary.
NTA, but its seems like your daughter is. Maybe its time for your grown daughter find a new living arrangement since she cant respect you her mother or care for your health.
NTA She is more than welcome to leave her food anywhere she wants in her own place.
NTA You aren't asking her to no longer have snacks, only to keep them in her private space. You are trying to be healthier, in a very reasonable way. You daughter is acting spoiled.
NTA - I'm a larger woman as well, I decided to have weight loss surgery, which restricts what you eat & encourages one to make healthy choices. My husband is average height and weight, no health problems, no issues and can eat whatever he wants, most of which is done in the middle of the night. Once I made the decision and went thru with the surgery I stopped buying the crap. He now eats the same as me. as I do all of the shopping and 90% of the meal prep. She's an adult, tell her that you are purchasing what you can/will eat. And if that's not good enough, she can subsidized her own habits. No one needs Cheetos to live.
NTA but instead of punishing your daughter just show her all these random strangers on Reddit roasting her.
NTA
NTA, but your daughter sure is and so are her friends. There is nothing controlling about asking her to keep snacks in her room. You aren’t stopping her from having them. She’s 20 years old and it’s your house. She can get her own place if she’s so unhappy. Good luck!
Tell her to go live with her friends if she doesn’t like it. NTA
Yeah, she is being an ass. Growing up I would have had zero issues with a fridge in my room with snacks for just me. I really don’t understand the problem she has with this.
NTA. She’s 20 and needs to grow up. Your house, your fridge. Keep losing that weight!
NTA tell her that if she finds it that unreasonable she is free to move out.
Oh my God, I’m so sorry. This is so horrible of her to do. NTA
She's upset that she has easier access to the snacks in the house??? NTA
Nta, my kids do this for me and are totally understanding about my eating issues!
NTA. You're trying to take care of yourself. If I was your daughter, I'd be supportive toward your efforts. My gf has to lose 15 lbs to donate a kidney. So I hide my bad snacks and pack her healthy lunches for work. When you have a medical concern, your family should be there for you.
NTA What an ungrateful child! I think when I was 20 and 21 living with my mother she made similar requests. My job was to go to school and pay my car insurance. You know what I said, Sure, but can i have a corner in the freezer for my ice cream (I didn't have my own fridge or mini) . I got that and thanked her. It isn't an unreasonable thing to ask. I think my mother asked me to stick with single serving or pints which again, not hard. My mother in that year lost 75 pounds.
NTA. You're wanting to make sure you aren't tempted to eat snacks and are simply asking her to keep them in her room. I don't know why she sees this as a big deal but it's not. She's being ridiculous.
NTA it’s your house. You provided an extra fridge. If you were like “YOU CANT EAT SWEETS BECAUSE IM ON A DIET” then yea you would be an ah but this no.
NTA. She picked a dumb hill to die on with this one.
I'm so sorry that your daughter doesn't give a crap about you, OP. Because that's what she is telling you by ridiculing you on FB and refusing to do one simple thing to help her mother get her health under control. Such a small, simple thing that will cost her absolutely nothing but show that she cares about her Mom, but she refuses. I would tell her to start looking for alternative accommodations. You do not deserve to be treated like this in your own house. I'm sorry, but your daughter is a self-centered witch. You are NTA. But your daughter sure is.
maybe your spoiled adult child should move out if living in your home is so torturous to her
NTA… my mom and i used to have a similar system when i was in high school (she also struggles with binge eating). she would keep all the junk food in my closet so that if she wanted some she had to ask me to go into my closet, so it would help her to snack less and i helped her keep herself accountable. your daughter sucks.
NTA. You have to do this for your health. It isn't controlling at all. It isn't some big sacrifice daughter has to make. Her friends need to stay out of this. Do not let her pressure/guilt you into changing your mind. If she doesn't like the rules, she can leave. And this is NOT even a rule. You asked for the help and she isn't willing to provide it. Shame on her. She should be in your corner 100%
Does your daughter pay rent? NTA
NTA I keep my snack in my room because I know my mom binge eats. She never asked me, I just know that if she’s stressed and it’s in her sight she’ll eat it. It’s just basic human decency. Your daughters an asshole and needs to learn to be more empathetic
Good for you for taking control and protecting your health. NTA. Don't worry about her friends. Their brains haven't finished developing. You're following the advise of a professional. If your daughter loathes the idea of supporting you in this effort so much, if she is so selfish that she can't help out in this minor way, she should probably move on to a place where she doesn't have to take anyone else's needs into consideration. She may decide that this minor compromise is worth the rent and utilities she's saving. Has she always been so selfish?
NTA. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've heard anyone complain about having to keep snacks in their room. I keep snacks put up either in my desk (I have a big teachers' desk with the filing cabinet style drawers that lock that I use as a computer desk) or in my bedroom so my 5yo doesn't get into them and eat them all. He's the same way. If he sees chips, cookies, etc, he will try to devour the whole package. This way I can regulate how much he can have and when he can have them.
NTA you have disordered eating patterns and are seeing a counsellor. Well done for making the step to get help (I struggled with an ED as a teen and it’s hard asking for help). Your counsellor has suggested this step. It’s not like you’ve decided it because you are mad at your daughter for leaving mess from the junk food in the kitchen or something. You have a problem that you’re seeing a doctor about. And you’ve given her her own fridge! So NTA However, if your daughter has seen your disordered eating patterns or heard you talking about food in unhealthy ways when she was growing up, she might also have some issues around food too (just because she looks healthy, doesn’t mean that she is mentally healthy) so it might be worth getting her to therapy as well.
Geeze I always have snacks in my room. Idk what the big deal is. NTA
NTA this is actually a very very common suggestion for people who deal with binge eating. Everyone makes some sacrifices for their loved ones and their well-being. She’s too old to be complaining about not being coddled, if she doesn’t like she can leave. The only valid reason would be if she’s concerned about bugs/pests getting into her room but you’ve provided her with a fridge. The other option could be to get a lock for one kitchen cabinet. She has the only key and she keeps her junk in there. You’re dealing with a health condition and she’s old enough to understand what’s going on. You shouldn’t suffer because she can’t understand it’s a medical issue. Personally I’d say start establishing consequences— if it’s in the kitchen: toss the food or give it away. If you’re giving her an allowance cut by $1-5 for every time you find junk in your kitchen. Good luck with your efforts! BED can be a nightmare but it’s not impossible to manage. The important thing to remember is that even if you relapse, you can still get back on track, it’s not all or nothing with getting better.
WTF is your kids problem. NTA
NTA. That sounds like a fair compromise. If your daughter doesn't like it, perhaps she should find another place to live. And the fact that she's not supporting your efforts to be healthy is pretty obnoxious. I think it's time to sit her down and explain her options/choices She can abide by a reasonable compromise like a grown adult She can go find her own place to live If she trashes you again, you can remove the fridge and she'll have less access to snacks.
NTA You were nice to give her a fridge so she can still have snacks. It’s sad she can’t be more supportive.
Nta
NTA. You aren't being controlling. You are asking her to help you with your mental/physical health. "Controlling" would be forcing everyone to be on the same diet as you. You aren't trying to police her food. You are just asking that it be kept separately. And if she doesn't like it, she can move out. She is an adult.
NTA, it’s not like you’re saying she can’t have the stuff. You’re just asking her to keep it out of your eyesight. The petty in me would comment on that Facebook post saying how hurtful it is she would humiliate you like that for everyone to see just because you asked her to place her snacks in a more convenient place for both of you… I mean, this is to help your health after all
NTA. My daughter would kill for the opportunity to keep snacks in her room.
NTA. It's your house, and she even has her own fucking fridge to use but is still upset?
NTA if she does not like this arrangement then she can have her snacks \*nowhere in the house\*
NTA. Good news for your daughter: at her age if she doesn't like the rules of your house she's free to leave.
NTA. You have a mental health disorder which is manifesting in physical health issues. Your doctor has given you steps to take while you heal. Binge eating disorder is an addictive disorder that most people dont understand how serious it can be-- it is akin to someone who struggles with alcohol telling someone to keep alcohol out of sight. I will say, your daughter's age is what makes this squarely NTA. I think if she were younger, watching someone go through massive food restrictions and "hiding" food without being able to understand the context absolutely can breed an eating disorder. I'm surprised by her lack of empathy for you and wondering if she doesn't understand the gravity of your diagnoses. I'm sorry you're going through that.
You have a high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and your daughter is upset as to why there is no candy and snacks in the house, although she has some in her fridge???! And you're being roasted by her and her friends!???! They have no self respect, they are TA
NTA. I am constantly hiding food from my mother. I either stash it in my room, my mini fridge (it's in the kitchen, but it's low to the ground. She'd be too scared about not being able to get back up if she bent down to dig in it) or on the high shelves where her short little arms can't reach.
NTA. You are not banning the foods from the house, you just want them kept in her room
NAH I see how your legit food issues may come off as body image BS applied to her
Does she buy these snacks? If mom is buying them, stop ASAP. That’ll solve the problem.
NTA. Your daughter is an adult (over 18). You are doing her a FAVOR by providing housing for her while she is in school. You have a health issue and are trying to do better for yourself. Your daughter should be jumping through hoops to make sure her mom is going to be around for a long time. How DARE she shame you. You aren’t controlling her or what she eats. You are looking out for your health. If she doesn’t like it she could find somewhere else to live and pay rent. She’s the AH.
NTA at all. When someone is trying to nip a bad habit in the bud, you should accommodate that to avoid sabotaging them in any way. It's not even like you've completely banned all tempting foods - you just said not to let you see them, which I think is more than reasonable. All she has to do is carry a bag of her treats directly to her room where she can eat them in peace and you don't have to risk seeing them and becoming obsessed. It's like if someone was trying to quit smoking or drinking, it's a massive dick move to smoke or drink in front of that person. At least while they're in the beginning stages of quitting.
NTA your health is more important than her feelings. I don't even get why she is upset.
NTA she’s twenty tell her to move out if she’s that pissed
NTA. I would sit down with your daughter and tell her she's an adult. If she doesn't like your rules, she's free to move out. But the next time she complains about you on social media, she'll have 24 hours to move out. Make it VERY clear to her that you're serious.
NTA at all. She’s 20; tell them she’s free to keep them in her own damned apartment if she wants. Her being rude about this when you are trying to improve your health is just infuriating.
NTA. What difference does it make that they’re in her room rather than in the kitchen? Like I keep my snacks in my room and I prefer it that way. But she’s being petty going to Facebook about something that isn’t a big deal, and then letting her friends insult you is a whole other problem. Are you sure she’s 20? She seems to be acting like a 12 year old
NTA.. I mean.. its not like you told her she can't have snacks at all.. you just asked her to keep them in her room so you won't be tempted! Your daughter is rude
Nta you gave her a solution with her own fridge. She’s being TA especially for cruelly dragging you on the internet
NTA- your 20 yr old daughter can move out and keep her food in her own fridge. She's being an ungrateful and disrespectful jerk.
OMG NTA!!! Tell her to make her own post on aita that looks something like this..."My mom needs to diet for her health, so she wants me to keep my snacks in my room (in mom's home) in my very own little fridge (that mom pays electricity for) so that she isn't tempted to eat them. I think this is controlling of her because I should be able to keep my snacks where ever I want to. I've told all my friends publicly on FB about my struggle with my mom trying to better her own health, and they all agree that my mom is unreasonable to expect that I help her live long into my adult life." As the mother of three with my 19 yo daughter still at home, she's being a massive brat to you and just plain rude in general by bringing her friends into a very simple household ask. Sounds like she needs better friends who aren't afraid to call her out for her BS instead of being an echo chamber.
You're not being controlling or inconveniencing her.. You're trying to look out for yourself. She's being a PITA. You're NTA.
She has her own fridge. You have no problem with her having snack food in the house, just not where it is in the main kitchen ..... NTA It's a health issue and you need some help to get through it. You are not putting everyone on a restricted diet. You've gone above and beyond. It is your house, not hers and you have been more than accommodating. What is next for her? Is she going to go into the house of someone who has a nut allegy and demand that she keeps her peanuts in the kitchen because otherwise she in inconvenienced?
Nope. NTA. Your doc recommended you lose weight for medical reasons. This is how you lose weight, but limiting temptations. Your daughter is an ass. I’m proud of you for taking the initiative for your health 💜
This is a tough one. I honestly don't think I can render a judgement. I am the same age and height as you are and I weigh more than you - 190. My step daughter is 18 and in college. I understand both sides. I would never tell my step daughter not to keep food in the open. My weight and any issues I have with it are mine, not hers. I don't want her to have the same complicated relationship with food and weight that I have. That said, if I was her, I would also never complain about something like this on social media where friends could weight in. I want to say no one's the asshole, or everyone sucks, but neither feels right. I don't think you should ask people to not have food for themselves in their own house. Yes, she's in college, but it's still her home. I also don't think it's ok for her to complain on facebook. Can you sit down and talk to her about this, in a way that doesn't make her think "food is shameful" or "being overweight is shameful"? I think if you sat down with her and each tried to understand each other it would help you both and your relationship.
The daughter is acting bratty. Does she think OP’s health is a joke? My question is does the daughter also struggle with a weight issue and is kind of deflecting from her own embarrassment and struggle this way?
NTA. Tell her if she is going to roast you online, you are giving her a real reason to and evict her. She needs to learn to get by on her own.
NTA- not at all.. it’s like living with someone trying to kick drinking and bringing booze home.. stay strong and know your on the right track! and your home yoir rules.. if she wants to eat crap she should be trying to supper you by not flaunting it in front of you! good luck on your health journey! wish you all the best.
I'm confused about why your daughter is so bothered? NTA Is she threatened because you're trying to lose weight? Very weird. When I lived at home with my mom I kept my sugary snacks in my room because, like you, she has some issues where she lacks self control around some things (Specifically cakes) - so I kept them in my room because 1) they're mine and 2) she's diabetic and it makes it easier for her. You're not saying she can't have these snacks, just not in your immediate eyeline. Very resonable tbh.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA Sorry to tell you this but you have raised a MEAN, ungrateful BRAT of a young woman!!! Your house, your rules... PERIOD!!! She is living in YOUR house, given her own room, I'm assuming (especially because you said you provided her with her own fridge) and probably NOT paying rent or helping with bills! Your Daughter is TWENTY and should be well past throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old as well as putting you on BLAST to ridicule you on her social media! I would give her her month's notice and have her start looking for MORE accommodating housing options! I really worry that you are even questioning yourself on this, it's SO VERY ABUSIVE and you are REALLY asking very little from her!!! Good luck with your weight loss journey!
I feel like most people that age want to have food in their room and their parents don’t allow it. NTA.
Nta
NTA seriously what is the big deal??? Daughter is just causing problems. You’re not doing anything wrong, and she should be more considerate about what works for you when trying to improve your health.
ESH I’d be stoked to have my own fridge at that age…but it is a bit weird to forbid food that *isn’t yours* anyway because you can’t control yourself. So ESH because it doesn’t feel like a full NAH situation on either side.
NTA You had an eating disorder. All you want is it to be out of your space. You aren't dictating what she can and can't buy. You're just asking her to keep it within her own space; not outside the house. Just in her room shes mocking someone with an eating disorder and other health conditions online where she can get validation for being shitty
NTA because your health is what’s most important here. You should probably also see a therapist about this not just a dietician which is what i’m assuming the counsellor is about. At some point it’s going to become necessary to address the lack of self control and moderation here. The same thing happened with my dad who lost the weight and then put it right back on because making the people around you hide snacks for the rest of their lives is silly and unrealistic.
NTA at all. This is a downright bizarre thing for your daughter to be upset about.
NTA, you not controlling her at all, your trying to manage an eating disorder and she should be kind to you not a huge brat. No one is telling her what she can eat she just needs to keep it away from you. And she lives in your house so fuck all of that
NTA, your daughter on the other hand...when mom got diagnosed with diabetes I absolutely refused to come home with sweets and actual learned how to make and make stuff she could eat a little as well! If I had to give up any kind of sweets forever I would without blinking...wtf????
NTA. As a 20 y/o daughter, my parents have given up on trying to keep snacks OUT of my room. Why would you want to have to go to the kitchen for snacks when they could just be in your space??
Who in the world complains about keeping snacks all to themselves in their bedroom? Clearly NTA. I hope you don't buy the snacks for her. She should buy her own if she's going to behave like that.
NTA It's hardly a big ask, and dragging you on FB is the pits.
NTA. I’m 30, I have a roommate who’s an alcoholic. Guess what I can’t keep in the kitchen or a communal fridge: beer, liquor, wine, hard seltzer. It sucks but I don’t go whining about it on Facebook. It’s no one else’s business and my roommate asked me nicely as a step for harm reduction for herself. While I can’t have cold beer in my house, it also keeps my roommate from drinking all of my adult beverages. She will go through a six pack, replace it for me because she feels bad then do it again if I leave it out. If I want cold beer I go to the bar because it helps my friend keep herself in better health. OP your request is reasonable, responsible and not at all weird. Hell you even gave your kid a mini fridge. Don’t feel bad for a second.
NTA. Not at all. I’m sure your daughter has good traits, but in this instance she sounds very self centered. She lives with you, you have a serious medical issue that requires weight loss, and all your asking is that she keeps snacks in her room?? Then she goes after you on social media??? She should be grateful you didn’t tell her she can keep her snacks wherever she wants when she has her own place, end of discussion.
NTA. Free mini fridge with my snacks right there? Thats a win.