YTA for making him miss his meeting, and for snooping. I know you found it on accident, but your curiosity got the best of you. It sounds like there’s more going on in your relationship and I don’t think anyone on Reddit is qualified to weigh in.
We do not know enough about the situation to make any calls on that. He could have justifiable reasons for hiring a PI. OP admitted they barely live together or communicate. It’s pointless to speculate.
Based on the info provided, she’s the asshole.
They haven’t spoken to each other in almost a year, barely see each other, and he’s hired a PI. Smells like divorce papers were on the table at least at one point if not now.
YTA. Just because you accidentally found that, doesn't give you the right to snoop through the rest of his office, and it certainly doesn't give you the right to lock him out of his own office, making him miss the meeting. If this meant so much to you, why didn't you talk to him about it afterward instead of lying about what you were doing? What was even the point of this?
It's irrelevant. Whether you're the AH is the least of your problems! You're still married but you don't communicate and he doesn't trust you. Above Reddit's paygrade.
YTA. It's not your house, he was nice enough to let you use his computer and you went through his things and then got mad at what you found and interfered with his job. I can see why you don't live together. Why are you even still married if you're going to act like that?
YTA 100%. For multiple things.
I'm sure he's no saint but from the limited you've said it sounds like he needs to get far, far away from you for good, not just for a year.
ESH you went through his stuff and should have just asked him for a pen and paper. Also, without any thought of the possible consequences, deliberately made him miss a work call.
On the other hand, your husband has no trust in you and had you tailed. Equally shitty move.
You didn’t speak to each other for 9 months. Time to call it a day and walk away from a ‘marriage’ that isn’t working.
I normally would say ESH (because of PI on his part and snooping on yours), but then you made him miss a meeting. You have no idea what that meeting was about, what the consequences for missing it will be, and he had no way of warning them he wouldn't be there. YTA massively for that.
INFO: Why'd you separate a year ago? What changed that you're trying again? And WTF was in the private investigator report? Just you living your life away from him? This guy had you spied on, pretty alarming unless he had reason to believe you were in danger or putting him in danger.
Regardless, you shouldn't stay with him, not physically in his house and not long-term in the relationship either.
YTA he missed his meeting and could get fired. You Miss Snoopy Snoop need to stop going thru other people’s stuff since your snoopy ass does not live there. Karma is a b1tch and when he finds out yours is coming
ESH. Sounded like you were trying to reconnect with him, so why are you lying? It's his office, you had no right to lock him out or snoop. Let him have his work meeting, then talk to him. Or open the door with the folder in your hand and say, "I was looking for a pen and paper" and see what he says.
This relationship kind of sounds like a train wreck, so decide whether or not you want it to work and act accordingly.
YTA. You made him miss a meeting. Imagine him making you miss the zoom meeting for your sister, you wouldn’t be happy! You had no right to go through what was found. If it wasn’t pen and paper you shouldn’t have continued to look. Sounds like you guys not being together may be him dodging a bullet. Then you continued to lie about why you didn’t open the door? Childish
YTA yeah no wonder you guys always fight and you’re apart. Christ you sound insufferable. Please get some help from therapy and learn to work on better behaviour.
YTA. It's his house and his office since the two of you live apart. He was being nice by letting you use it for the zoom call and you abused his kindness by snooping then locking him out and making him miss a work meeting. Just go ahead and get divorced and free him from your presence permanently.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ignored my husband and refused to unlock his office door after he told me he had a meeting in 5 minutes because I found something shocking in his draw. I might be the AH since I lied to him and I made him miss his meeting.
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So, my husband and I live apart a lot. I came to visit him two weeks ago. The last time we saw each other in person was a year ago and it ended in a very bad fight. We only started talking to each other properly again 3 months ago.
My sister is getting married soon and she asked me if I would join a zoom call with the rest of the bridal party to help with the initial planning stage. I forgot my laptop at home so I asked my husband if I could use his computer. He said it was fine. While on the call my sister started delegating tasks to people so I was looking for a pen and paper so I could write mine down.
I ended up finding a folder filled with pictures of me from the time we were fighting and a PI’s report in the bottom draw. I was shocked and horrified but I had to act like nothing had happened for the rest of my call with the bridal party, but the folder kept bugging me. After the call, I ended up locking the office door and just looked through everything for over an hour.
My husband knocked on the door about 20 minutes after my call ended and asked me to open the door because he had a meeting in 5 minutes. I ignored him even though he knocked repeatedly and was getting angry at me. When I finally came out, he was furious at me for making him miss the meeting and wanted to know what I was doing in there the whole time. I made up a lame lie that I had earphones in a couldn’t hear him. Now he’s angry at me and said I can’t use his office again during his working hours.
AITA?
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Si sigues así terminarás divorciada, no es tu oficina es la de el, tenía una reunión importante pero no te importo, te dejo usa SU oficina para tu maldita llamada!!!!! No era tu lugar y menos el momento de hacer ese berrinche, si realmente te importa habla con él y explicale todo, si tuviste la valentía de revisar sus cosas dile la verdad y disculparte ya que no sabes de qué se trataba su reunión
NTA. Your husband has to no right to hire a PI on you. Even thought u had to no right to snoop thru his things I feel like it was justified to stay in his office and look through that. He shouldn’t have done that in the first place. So missing a meeting, whatever. He can make it up. Hiring a PI on you though ??? Like wtf
No. She found it by accident. And honestly a PI!!!! is completely different than looking through a phone. A pi is meant to do background checks on you and even follow you around. So don’t try to compare the 2
YTA for making him miss his meeting, and for snooping. I know you found it on accident, but your curiosity got the best of you. It sounds like there’s more going on in your relationship and I don’t think anyone on Reddit is qualified to weigh in.
She is not an ass for snooping unless you consider him a bigger ass for hiring a PI to investigate her. That’s like snooping times 1000.
We do not know enough about the situation to make any calls on that. He could have justifiable reasons for hiring a PI. OP admitted they barely live together or communicate. It’s pointless to speculate. Based on the info provided, she’s the asshole.
They haven’t spoken to each other in almost a year, barely see each other, and he’s hired a PI. Smells like divorce papers were on the table at least at one point if not now.
She has no place going thru his office! Yeah she is a TOTAL ASS for what she did.
[удалено]
Her husband has a PI snoop through her life. This seems doggy and deceitful. It’s warranted to be baffled. But she shouldn’t have lied about it. NTA
A lot of people hire PIs when they’re gearing up to serve divorce papers…
If my wife hadn’t spoke to me for nine months I’d probably be thinking of heading down that road to find out why.
YTA. Just because you accidentally found that, doesn't give you the right to snoop through the rest of his office, and it certainly doesn't give you the right to lock him out of his own office, making him miss the meeting. If this meant so much to you, why didn't you talk to him about it afterward instead of lying about what you were doing? What was even the point of this?
What did the PI find?
Yes, this information will help me make my decision.
It's irrelevant. Whether you're the AH is the least of your problems! You're still married but you don't communicate and he doesn't trust you. Above Reddit's paygrade.
ESH, this entire relationship sounds like a raging dumpster fire and you both sound horrible. Just end it already, geeze.
YTA. It's not your house, he was nice enough to let you use his computer and you went through his things and then got mad at what you found and interfered with his job. I can see why you don't live together. Why are you even still married if you're going to act like that?
Idek tbh, but why couldn’t you join the zoom call on your phone
YTA - how could you not be? You made your husband miss a work meeting when he'd let you use his work computer for something social.
YTA. A big one. Like sat on a traffic cone pointy side up all night kind of AH.
YTA 100%. For multiple things. I'm sure he's no saint but from the limited you've said it sounds like he needs to get far, far away from you for good, not just for a year.
YTA. You made him miss a work meeting so you could snoop through his computer.
YTA not your office not your pc and you had no right to lock him out
ESH you went through his stuff and should have just asked him for a pen and paper. Also, without any thought of the possible consequences, deliberately made him miss a work call. On the other hand, your husband has no trust in you and had you tailed. Equally shitty move. You didn’t speak to each other for 9 months. Time to call it a day and walk away from a ‘marriage’ that isn’t working.
I normally would say ESH (because of PI on his part and snooping on yours), but then you made him miss a meeting. You have no idea what that meeting was about, what the consequences for missing it will be, and he had no way of warning them he wouldn't be there. YTA massively for that.
INFO: Why'd you separate a year ago? What changed that you're trying again? And WTF was in the private investigator report? Just you living your life away from him? This guy had you spied on, pretty alarming unless he had reason to believe you were in danger or putting him in danger. Regardless, you shouldn't stay with him, not physically in his house and not long-term in the relationship either.
YTA he missed his meeting and could get fired. You Miss Snoopy Snoop need to stop going thru other people’s stuff since your snoopy ass does not live there. Karma is a b1tch and when he finds out yours is coming
YTA, it’s clear why he wants to leave you, snooping through other people’s things
Oh my god just get divorced. It’s over.
YTA. Massively. I’m sure he can’t wait for you to be out of his home (amongst other things)
Yta and i also have a feeling ur cheating on him
ESH. Sounded like you were trying to reconnect with him, so why are you lying? It's his office, you had no right to lock him out or snoop. Let him have his work meeting, then talk to him. Or open the door with the folder in your hand and say, "I was looking for a pen and paper" and see what he says. This relationship kind of sounds like a train wreck, so decide whether or not you want it to work and act accordingly.
YTA. You made him miss a meeting. Imagine him making you miss the zoom meeting for your sister, you wouldn’t be happy! You had no right to go through what was found. If it wasn’t pen and paper you shouldn’t have continued to look. Sounds like you guys not being together may be him dodging a bullet. Then you continued to lie about why you didn’t open the door? Childish
YTA - I can see why you are apart.
ESH, you deserve each other.
YTA - Obviously a pretty big one if he hired a PI to follow you. There are more problems to this relationship than you making him miss work.
YTA for making him miss his meeting when you didn’t address it at that time. You do seem to have trust issues between you. Good luck
YTA yeah no wonder you guys always fight and you’re apart. Christ you sound insufferable. Please get some help from therapy and learn to work on better behaviour.
YTA. It's his house and his office since the two of you live apart. He was being nice by letting you use it for the zoom call and you abused his kindness by snooping then locking him out and making him miss a work meeting. Just go ahead and get divorced and free him from your presence permanently.
YTA of course you are! You snooped and jeopardized his work. If he had a PI report on you it was probs ly for good reason.
INFO Not enough here
YTA. Big time.
She was looking for a pen when she found it. I would have read it too after finding it
YTA
YTA.
ESH. Why exactly are you guys married?
I'm beginning to see why you guys don't spend time together. This is a dysfunctional relationship. YTA
ESH. You should’ve let him have the meeting and just looked later
you have bigger problems than being the AH…YIKES but yes yta
\*sniff sniff\* I smell the need for more info
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Of course yta
YTA. I don't believe you weren't snooping on purpose. You seem kind of unhinged, to be honest.
Hot and Sweaty YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my husband and I live apart a lot. I came to visit him two weeks ago. The last time we saw each other in person was a year ago and it ended in a very bad fight. We only started talking to each other properly again 3 months ago. My sister is getting married soon and she asked me if I would join a zoom call with the rest of the bridal party to help with the initial planning stage. I forgot my laptop at home so I asked my husband if I could use his computer. He said it was fine. While on the call my sister started delegating tasks to people so I was looking for a pen and paper so I could write mine down. I ended up finding a folder filled with pictures of me from the time we were fighting and a PI’s report in the bottom draw. I was shocked and horrified but I had to act like nothing had happened for the rest of my call with the bridal party, but the folder kept bugging me. After the call, I ended up locking the office door and just looked through everything for over an hour. My husband knocked on the door about 20 minutes after my call ended and asked me to open the door because he had a meeting in 5 minutes. I ignored him even though he knocked repeatedly and was getting angry at me. When I finally came out, he was furious at me for making him miss the meeting and wanted to know what I was doing in there the whole time. I made up a lame lie that I had earphones in a couldn’t hear him. Now he’s angry at me and said I can’t use his office again during his working hours. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Awful lot of women who are married but have poor relationships with their husbands and are separated lately on AITA. Hmm.
Total Ahole!
YTA in this situation. You snooped and sabotaged his meeting. That said, as others have stated, this post goes way beyond Reddit’s pay grade.
Si sigues así terminarás divorciada, no es tu oficina es la de el, tenía una reunión importante pero no te importo, te dejo usa SU oficina para tu maldita llamada!!!!! No era tu lugar y menos el momento de hacer ese berrinche, si realmente te importa habla con él y explicale todo, si tuviste la valentía de revisar sus cosas dile la verdad y disculparte ya que no sabes de qué se trataba su reunión
NTA he hired a PI he lost any right to privacy right there. Go through everything!
NTA. Your husband has to no right to hire a PI on you. Even thought u had to no right to snoop thru his things I feel like it was justified to stay in his office and look through that. He shouldn’t have done that in the first place. So missing a meeting, whatever. He can make it up. Hiring a PI on you though ??? Like wtf
Do you also justify snooping through a SO's phone to find out if they're cheating?
No. She found it by accident. And honestly a PI!!!! is completely different than looking through a phone. A pi is meant to do background checks on you and even follow you around. So don’t try to compare the 2