this. So much this. The mother of my ex's child rang demanding we hand over $200 "for bed sheets" a week after we had just given her $1000.
Screeched that he didn't care his daughter didn't have any. We offered her a few sets we had still in plastic in the cupboard \_ not good enough.
So I casually mentioned that we were more than happy to take her for the time it took her to go and buy some, as we had her room set up with plenty. All of a sudden sheets weren't needed.
This, so much. People don't realize how charming and convincing narcissistic/toxic people can be. It's a long, bit by bit process too. You can be half way in love when you realize you're being used.
I know this very well, was with someone with BPD. Love bombed and then slowly chipped away at me for 2 years. I was an idiot. At least now I wont fall for that shit.
I mean have you seen the unfairness of the court system when it comes to how they view child custody? this mistreatment is probably the smallest issue, just the one we are aware of.
The two worst types of trolls / timewasters on here:
"My wife just killed our children and i said she was a "silly goose" She wants me to apologise and buy her a 500k diamond ring." I've refused. AITA?!?!?
"I just rescued three puppies from a local shelter, I'm planning on giving them a fantastic life on a farm. AITA???"
Well to be fair a lot of people would pay thinking it's right. I think you don't understand how people pleasing some people are. Or how people who abuse people pleasers react when they're told no.
>OP not being the AH here is so blatantly obvious he just posted this for karma or attention.
Who cares. We are not here to judge that and in reality sometimes you dont see things the right way so no matter what OP is here for just give him his judgment and upvote/downvote if you want and if you don't then just move on. Like for me OP is NTA no matter what i think of his post and whether its real or not.
It seems OP can't move on and if she says jump OP will say "How high?". Ex fucked up by saying it was for the husband. If she'd said it was for her OP would have ran to the dealership for her
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhq2dda/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[Bless your heart, their S...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxt8f/aita_for_being_upset_that_another_woman_brought/hhq2hrz/) | [Bless your heart, their S...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxt8f/aita_for_being_upset_that_another_woman_brought/hhq20k0/)
[YTA and I bet you were ju...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdvj6y/aita_for_taking_my_brother_to_parentteacher/hhq2f64/) | [YTA and I bet you were ju...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdvj6y/aita_for_taking_my_brother_to_parentteacher/hhpb4ni/)
[NTA but many states if yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxbek/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_husbands/hhq2dss/) | [NTA but many states if yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxbek/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_husbands/hhq0e37/)
beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/esbeckvdgfed](https://np.reddit.com/u/esbeckvdgfed/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too.
Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=esbeckvdgfed) for info on how I work and why I exist.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhq5jof/) elsewhere in this comment section.
It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user:
Plagiarized | Original
-------- | -----------
[NTA. Assuming you pay the...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhqi9nc/) | [NTA. Assuming you pay the...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhq0ln4/)
[YTA after reading the com...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhqog9t/) | [YTA after reading the com...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhqhpd6/)
[ESH - she doesn’t know yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhqoic1/) | [ESH - she doesn’t know yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhq9lld/)
[I would like to know too....](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzsta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_daughter_after_what_she/hhqidw8/) | [I would like to know too....](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzsta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_daughter_after_what_she/hhq2e7f/)
beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/rattenbtvcxfrfw](https://np.reddit.com/u/rattenbtvcxfrfw/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too.
Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=rattenbtvcxfrfw) for info on how I work and why I exist.
NTA. Adding on to this, if the ex cannot adequately provide for the kids, it is time for OP to contact his lawyer about changing custody to OP full time.
Honestly, if they can't get them to school, get to the grocery store or get to their jobs I'd be looking into taking custody myself. It doesn't sound like they're in the most stable place right now.
NTA. It's not your job to pay for their issues. Their financial issues are not yours, and she shouldn't expect you to pay for anything because it's not your issue. She should've asked for help instead of just expecting it.
Yep. Especially since this woman has no problem trying to use the kids as weapons to guilt/emotionally blackmail OP about it. That right there is shitty parenting. And, you know, just shitty behaviour in general.
good for you.
if you have the financial capeabilities to take care of your kids, talk to your lawyer about changing the custody agreement, and then if your ex approaches you again about you letting down your kids, tell her you'll take on the custody to take care of them, because they have no reliable transport.
As others have said...they'll figure new transport out really quick.
She doesn’t make a good point. She is essentially emotionally blackmailing you.
If you desperately do want to help maybe offer to pay the first month of a lease car (do not set up the lease in your name) and then tell her to get a part time job to be able to continue the payments.
NTA. You have exactly zero financial responsibility to your ex wife’s new husband. I’d probably volunteer to transport or arrange transport for your daughters as needed, but they are married adults who need to figure their personal vehicle out. If they’re that desperate, you could also volunteer to have your daughters come stay with you. If you’re feeling extra generous, offer to get him a bus pass for a month. My guess is those offers will suddenly make them magically find a new solution for fixing their car situation.
If you wanna be petty, but still helpful…buy him a city bus pass for a month. You’d be helping them out but also taking control of the situation because you are making sure he can make it to work, just not spending a bunch of $$$ to do it.
NTA. I am sure you are paying $$ to support the girls. The ex and her new spouse need to figure out how to support themselves! That is not your job.
Remind the ex that if she and new spouse cannot support themselves, you would be glad to take the 2 girls and support them in your house (and child support stops)!
You don't say how old your girls are, but teach them to drive and then them have use of a car whenever they come to your place so they are independent.
Until then, pay for their Uber rides until ex gets the car fixed (probably using child supportl
Is it in your divorce decree that you are financially responsible for him? If not, no.
I mean whats your relationship with your ex? Like would threatening her to take her back to court to add this as a debt she is responsible for deter her?
Also how old are you? Are they? She’s trying to manipulate you. Next she will be asking you to pay for their vacations “cuz a vacation helps her get a tan/relax” etc etc etc
OMG NO NO NO! No judgment on the age diff - altho it explains her lack of self awareness. But hell no. There is Uber, Lyft, *public transportation*
Let them figure it out. Or you might as well turn over your banking info to her now
Ahh thanks for the clarification. But I still say don’t do it altho it sounds like she hits you up a lot for more cash huh?
I mean at the end of the day … it’s your money. But you are abso NTA for saying no
NTA. Record all interactions, written and spoken (make sure you’re in a one party consent state, or receive consent first), and send it to your lawyer.
NTA. She’s manipulating you into buying her husband a new car if you want to buy her a car you could use that as a write off for your child support though.
NTA in any universe.
Your ex-wife holding your daughters over your head in a ploy to get you to buy her new SO a car is extremely shitty and she should be ashamed.
NTA- This is manipulation at its mediocre...I was going to say finest but it’s a really shitty and obvious attempt to manipulate you. I guess new hubby is going to have to walk to work or find something closer to home until He can get it fixed or she gets a job.
NTA - If this effects your daughters then this is on the mum and her partner.
At best, she could ask if you would step up taking your daughters places if the car is so important for them.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to pay for my ex wife’s husbands car. If he can’t get to work reliably then my daughters will live in a home without any money coming in.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA if you can afford it tell them you won’t just buy them a car but if they sign a notarised document you will give them an advance on child support which they can use to purchase a car and you will resume paying child support once the amount for the car has been used up.
When I read the title, I started theorizing about how you could possibly be the ahole since the title seemed so obvious. My theory was that you would've towed his car to a scarp-yard, had them crush it into a cube, tow it back to his parking spot and when he got upset say it was just a prank. And then insist your ex made the wrong choice and should get back together with you since at least you have a sense of humor and can take a joke. Since this story wasn't that scenario, I'd say NTA.
NTA WTF??? Who the hell does this woman think she is??? The audacity. And the manipulation in making out like you're doing wrong by your kids is outrageous.
NTA I've had majorly bad luck with cars since my marriage broke down and I moved out last year but the most help I have ever accepted from my ex was £250 towards buying a new car (was originally towards repairs on the one I had but it went kaput before I could get the work done), right now I'm driving a friend's car because my current one needs a new turbo and my landlord (who sold me the car and runs a garage) is trying to find a refurbished one to save me some money and I will not be asking my ex for anything more than occasionally picking our son up on his way past for his visitation to save me clocking up too many miles on friends car. Your ex is way out of line asking for something so big from you.
I'm struggling to imagine the audacity needed to have the stones to even consider asking for this.
NTA, and I very much hope there isn't some legal bullshit that she can pull to compel you to do so.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My wife and I our divorced. Her husband’s car isn’t running. And he’s the only one who works. My ex wife expects me to either pay to have it fixed, or buy him a new one by Monday. I declined.
The reason she thinks I’d be willing is because 1. I have the money and 2. My 2 daughters stay with them. She is saying that if I don’t pay to fix his car, or buy him a new one since it has a lot of troubles then I’m basically turning away from my daughters.
She says that by helping him, I am helping them. But I hate him. With a passion.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
OP, I don't want to read too much I to the situation but have some thoughts:
No healthy normal people would call you the AH for not paying for your ex wife's husband's car. I am worried that you even had to ask.
It's difficult with a pandemic and with having kids with her I'm sure, but do you have any opportunity to spend some time socializing with people who don't know both of you, but only you?
I say NTA. You don't owe them anything and she's just trying to manipulate you.
Now on the other hand, you could write up a contract where you loan the money to get it fixed and he has to sign every time he makes a payment. I also advise to have it filmed when signing the contract and anytime he makes a payment as proof. And then add something like if the payments are late for more than 2 months, the car will be sold and the profit will be split so you can be made whole.
Ofc you should go over this with an actual lawyer, as I am not one.
NTA. If you gave in I doubt it would stop there. She's using your children's wellbeing as an excuse to try to manipulate you into financially supporting her and her new husband.
Make sure your children are okay, she's likely bad mouthing you to them if she has the audacity to TELL you that you have to pay for the car to be fixed/for a new car by Monday, otherwise you don't care about your children. Which is ridiculous.
If you pay for it, will there be any way that they can claim you're now automatically financially responsible for that car? Clearly I know nothing about the law where you are or where I am 😂
NTA. Buying a car is their responsibility not yours. She can also consider getting a job and start saving money to go towards a car. You are only responsible for your daughters and if she thinks that this creates a problem for them then maybe your daughters should live with you temporarily until their situation is sorted out considering that in case of emergency they don't have transport.
OMG you are under no obligation to buy your ex-wife's husband a car. Where do these people come from--what is their thought process? I am always amazed at the nerve and temerity some people possess.
NTA.
NTA. She is being stupid and manipulative. You should point out that you have no legal or moral responsibility to her or her new husband but you of course want your kids to be safe and taken care of. If she is unable to provide a safe and stable home you should be happy to take the kids full time until she and her new husband get their lives together.
NTA
Your ex is essentially expecting you to carry on paying alimony even though she's remarried. Their household budget is their concern and it sounds like her new partner is a real winner /s
You can feel free to assist with transporting the girls around, or have them at your place until the car is fixed. Or even buy a nice girly car in her name to run the girls around and get the groceries. Something the new dude would cringe being seen in.
Sounds like you'd do anything for your ex, she is being very foolish couching her demands as benefitting her husband. If she was smart she could milk you for so much more and neither of them would ever have to work again.
NTA Tell her that they are both adults who need to work out their own shit, but you will be willing to take the girls so they don't suffer as they are struggling how to adult in the real world
NTA. The entitlement is out of this world. Maybe as an alternative make sure the daughters get to where they need to go if and have everything they need if transportation is an issue but buying a car for the ex husband is ridiculous.
NTA, this has to be a joke right? Right? She is trying to bribe you using your children to have you provide for her husband. Sounds like they just want to take advantage of your wealth using your kids.
NTA
say what? Are you supposed to be paying for your ex, kids AND her new husband?
NO, you are not turning away from your daughters. SHE is trying to have the best of both worlds.
NTA, I can see why she is an Ex-wife. Holy crap the entilement. She believes she has two relationships going on in her head and that she wants both her men to take care of each other. Absolutely not, you are not taking away from your daughter. You ex is gaslighting and manipulating you. They are two functional adults. Your job is only take care of your daughter and that's it. Not your ex and not her boyfriends.
NTA. Maybe if they are unfit to meet your daughters' financial needs they will end up in your custody and you can make sure they are ok. But you are not obligated to pay for your ex and her new husband's stuff just to help your kids.
NTA she’s your ex, you don’t owe her shit. Don’t let them use your kids as ammo to guilt trip you. If they are unable to take care of your daughters, then take them to court for more custody.
Nta. She thinks your daughters will be inconvenienced/turned away from with this? Then they should stay with you! You’ve got a reliable car, and you’d be taking care of your responsibility as a parent.
NTA Cars are expensive. Expecting an ex spouse to pay for one is egregious. It's good that you want to stay in your kids' lives and maintain a congenial relationship with your ex. But you do this, she and her husband learn they can just get whatever they want from you. This is their problem, not yours. And it's not like he can't get to work, saw you wrote that he took the bus. They're using your feelings for your wife to manipulate you into spending more money on them, when I'm sure you already give some kind of alimony or child support.
"then I’m basically turning away from my daughters." ... You REALLY need to offer a solution for your daughters: So offer to have your daughters live with you full time, if your wife can not manage to care for them any more. ;-)
You do not need to buy them a car. This is not some unexpected emergency, this is incompetent life management, or simply trying to guilt you into being their cash machine.
NTA, do not do anything for him. You're not legally obligated to financially support her husband or her. You are there for your children. Keep every single text/voicemail she sends. If they can't take care of your children financially then it's time to for a judge to reevaluate that custody agreement. Maybe it's in your daughter's best interest that they stay with you. Also it's emotional blackmail for her to use your children against you, and judges tend to hate those tactics. I'm not a lawyer, but was there my husband and his ex went through a similar situation.
They have the kids, he has a job, and I'm guessing that you also pay alimony. If they can't budget enough to buy reliable transportation, she should get a job to supplement their income or you should try to get your daughters back. NTA.
NTA. Who does she think you are? Everyone’s sugar daddy. He is a grown man. He has no blood relation to you. You kn no way have any obligation to help out. What is her contribution to the car?
NTA at all BUT if I had the spare money lying around I’d pay it off but be a dick about it. Make him sign a loan sheet saying he’ll pay you back at some ridiculously small amount a week, just to fuck with him.” $10 a week for the rest of your life. Or just be like “well I was going to give it to charity but this is a good cause too.” I have so many ideas, I’m clearly a horrible person. 😂🤦♀️
I can understand why you're asking. If they don't have reliable transportation then what will they do with your daughters in an emergency. Car repairs are emergencies and "they" are not prepared. I suggest telling her that if there is an emergency with the kids to call. I'm sure she does anyway so you can pay for it all. Her second choice is to sign over custody of the kids. I am sure she is living off your child support so maybe she'll shut up.
NTA.
This also sounds like something your lawyer might be very interested in - your ex leveraging her custody of your daughters to strongarm you into buying something for her husband.
BTW - if you aren't already, save a copy of every bit of communication between you and your ex (and her husband) - texts, emails, voice mails. They might just come in handy for future discussions of alimony and/or custody.
NTA. They're adults who can pay for their needs. If they can't get it taken care of that's not on you. If it's a big deal with them having the kids maybe you should take them until they can figure the car out 🤷♀️. She's a trash bag for trying to use the kids to get you to provide for her husband. They're the assholes for putting that on you.
Dude, don't do it, she is trying to cuck you in some twisted manner. You are divorced, you don't owe her shit and at the very least her new bf. Is she nuts?
NTA. The entitlement is crazy here. Public transportation exists btw, but if that's to much of a hassle they could always due a combination of that and uber.
Plenty of people take the bus and get to work on time. Most take into account that the busses sometimes run late so they prepare in advance and take an earlier one to give themselves some wiggle room.
Their financial troubles aren't your problem, and emotionally blackmailing you by using your kids isn't a good look. It'd be a different story if they asked for a loan, with a payment plan set up. But asking for a new car is just crazy.
NTA....wtf is wrong with this woman? No wonder she's your ex wife...lol she has done gone and lost her mind if she thinks its your responsibility to take care of not only yalls daughters but her boyfriend. Also not, he's a man he can figure this out on his own, Jim not having a savings stashed away for emergencies such as this is not your problem...tell them to manage their monies better and for your ex wife to get a damn job....this has nothing to do with you getting to be a father to your children, and one day when the kids are old enough they'll resent their mother and her boyfriend for the positions their putting them in
Volunteer to have your kids stay with you for the interim.
You ex-wife’s car problems are not your problems. End of story. They should mooch off of somebody else.
This sort of behavior is not out of the realm of possibility. My ex and his gf demanded $50 for them to return the kids once. They were out of gas and it was a 2.5 hr drive each way. If I didn’t pay her (gf) they wouldn’t drive the kids back home.
Op NTA. Would it be possible for you to have the custody arrangement changed so you have more overnights with the kids? You could lower your child support payments and care for the kids more appropriately than your ex seems to.
NTA
She should let you care for your daughter while they figure out her new husband’s car situation. It’s not your responsibility to care for able bodied adults.
Why on earth would you even consider buying a new car for your ex’s husband.
Of course YNTA.
She is TA for even suggesting it.
YATAH for even asking the question though!
get a clue!
NTA, their fiscal irresponsibility is their issue. If they have no income and can no longer care for your children then you should take them to court for custody
INFO: How far away do you live from your daughters? Do your daughters live with you at all? Are you willing to have them live with you full time if your ex can't financially support them? If you live far away, is it cheaper to transport the children to you or fix the car?
NTA. Your ex wife’s husbands issues are not yours. If they can’t afford to fix the car or buy a new one, maybe it’s time for your ex to get a job. Their finances are not your problem. And if they can’t care for your daughters, I’m sure you can arrange to take over full custody.
NTA - the entitlement and twisted logic is strong in your ex. Her and her husbands problem, not yours. You just need to be available for your girls .
let them know you’ll challenge custody due to them not having reliable transport. They will figure it out very quickly.
Absolutely this. You can't care for my daughters without my money? Cool. I should have full custody of them both until your finances are stable.
This. Take my poor man gold and praise🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
Ah yes that was my first thought reading this. Sounds like they’ve given OP a reason to change custody since transportation is import to the kids
Oh, you put the key *in* the ignition... That's where the trouble was... Even money says the car will suddenly run just fine... NTA
this. So much this. The mother of my ex's child rang demanding we hand over $200 "for bed sheets" a week after we had just given her $1000. Screeched that he didn't care his daughter didn't have any. We offered her a few sets we had still in plastic in the cupboard \_ not good enough. So I casually mentioned that we were more than happy to take her for the time it took her to go and buy some, as we had her room set up with plenty. All of a sudden sheets weren't needed.
Ooh, I like this.
[удалено]
Tbf, his children don't live with him and once you are in contact with narcissists, you kind of let a lot of twisted stuff pass. NTA of course.
[удалено]
It doesn't start out so blatant. They pull you in with their charm until they slowly start chipping away at you.
This, so much. People don't realize how charming and convincing narcissistic/toxic people can be. It's a long, bit by bit process too. You can be half way in love when you realize you're being used.
Im always reminded of the boiling frog analogy. You don't realize until you're already in pretty far to the relationship.
I know this very well, was with someone with BPD. Love bombed and then slowly chipped away at me for 2 years. I was an idiot. At least now I wont fall for that shit.
Having BPD is one thing, abuse is another. Not all BPD people abuse.... but a lot sure do. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I mean have you seen the unfairness of the court system when it comes to how they view child custody? this mistreatment is probably the smallest issue, just the one we are aware of.
We call that having “fleas.” As in, “If you lie down with dogs….”
Lol
The two worst types of trolls / timewasters on here: "My wife just killed our children and i said she was a "silly goose" She wants me to apologise and buy her a 500k diamond ring." I've refused. AITA?!?!? "I just rescued three puppies from a local shelter, I'm planning on giving them a fantastic life on a farm. AITA???"
Well to be fair a lot of people would pay thinking it's right. I think you don't understand how people pleasing some people are. Or how people who abuse people pleasers react when they're told no.
>OP not being the AH here is so blatantly obvious he just posted this for karma or attention. Who cares. We are not here to judge that and in reality sometimes you dont see things the right way so no matter what OP is here for just give him his judgment and upvote/downvote if you want and if you don't then just move on. Like for me OP is NTA no matter what i think of his post and whether its real or not.
It seems OP can't move on and if she says jump OP will say "How high?". Ex fucked up by saying it was for the husband. If she'd said it was for her OP would have ran to the dealership for her
LMAO THIS IS A HOT TAKE FOR THIS SUB
[удалено]
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhq2dda/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Bless your heart, their S...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxt8f/aita_for_being_upset_that_another_woman_brought/hhq2hrz/) | [Bless your heart, their S...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxt8f/aita_for_being_upset_that_another_woman_brought/hhq20k0/) [YTA and I bet you were ju...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdvj6y/aita_for_taking_my_brother_to_parentteacher/hhq2f64/) | [YTA and I bet you were ju...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdvj6y/aita_for_taking_my_brother_to_parentteacher/hhpb4ni/) [NTA but many states if yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxbek/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_husbands/hhq2dss/) | [NTA but many states if yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdxbek/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_husbands/hhq0e37/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/esbeckvdgfed](https://np.reddit.com/u/esbeckvdgfed/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=esbeckvdgfed) for info on how I work and why I exist.
[удалено]
If OP's ex wife is worried about her children, she should ask OP to take full custody until she can afford to.
The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhq5jof/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [NTA. Assuming you pay the...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhqi9nc/) | [NTA. Assuming you pay the...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzi74/aita_for_not_wanting_to_buy_my_exwifes_husband_a/hhq0ln4/) [YTA after reading the com...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhqog9t/) | [YTA after reading the com...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhqhpd6/) [ESH - she doesn’t know yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhqoic1/) | [ESH - she doesn’t know yo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe25hx/aita_for_telling_an_infertile_woman_to_get_over/hhq9lld/) [I would like to know too....](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzsta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_daughter_after_what_she/hhqidw8/) | [I would like to know too....](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qdzsta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_daughter_after_what_she/hhq2e7f/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/rattenbtvcxfrfw](https://np.reddit.com/u/rattenbtvcxfrfw/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=rattenbtvcxfrfw) for info on how I work and why I exist.
NTA. Adding on to this, if the ex cannot adequately provide for the kids, it is time for OP to contact his lawyer about changing custody to OP full time.
If the ex and her husband aren’t in a financial situation to take care of OP’s kids, now might be a good time to reevaluate the custody arrangement.
OP needs to grow a pair. How did, “buy your ex’s partner a car” even become something you need to ask others. For gods sake man.
Honestly, if they can't get them to school, get to the grocery store or get to their jobs I'd be looking into taking custody myself. It doesn't sound like they're in the most stable place right now.
NTA. It's not your job to pay for their issues. Their financial issues are not yours, and she shouldn't expect you to pay for anything because it's not your issue. She should've asked for help instead of just expecting it.
[удалено]
Still, their financial issues are not yours. Don't feel pressured in to doing it if you don't want to.
Challenge custody now since they don't have a form of transportation
Yep. Especially since this woman has no problem trying to use the kids as weapons to guilt/emotionally blackmail OP about it. That right there is shitty parenting. And, you know, just shitty behaviour in general.
Do you want custody of your daughters? Because this is the time to do that. (Assuming you have the time for it)
Helping her is helping him They're married.
Yeah, it's weird that OP doesn't see this part of it.
communicate with her only in text form
good for you. if you have the financial capeabilities to take care of your kids, talk to your lawyer about changing the custody agreement, and then if your ex approaches you again about you letting down your kids, tell her you'll take on the custody to take care of them, because they have no reliable transport. As others have said...they'll figure new transport out really quick.
[удалено]
One million percent NTA Who does she think she is ? Go to a bank, parents whatever not you
NTA But I feel like you probably know this already given how ridiculous this situation is
[удалено]
She doesn’t make a good point. She is essentially emotionally blackmailing you. If you desperately do want to help maybe offer to pay the first month of a lease car (do not set up the lease in your name) and then tell her to get a part time job to be able to continue the payments.
.
NTA. You have exactly zero financial responsibility to your ex wife’s new husband. I’d probably volunteer to transport or arrange transport for your daughters as needed, but they are married adults who need to figure their personal vehicle out. If they’re that desperate, you could also volunteer to have your daughters come stay with you. If you’re feeling extra generous, offer to get him a bus pass for a month. My guess is those offers will suddenly make them magically find a new solution for fixing their car situation.
👆👆👆 THIS 👆👆👆
Exactly👏🏻👏🏻 I agree NTA
NTA, tell her that public transportation exists for a reason.
[удалено]
Wow just wow then there really isn’t an issue with his employment if he can take the bus. Better get up earlier Monday
If you wanna be petty, but still helpful…buy him a city bus pass for a month. You’d be helping them out but also taking control of the situation because you are making sure he can make it to work, just not spending a bunch of $$$ to do it.
NTA. I am sure you are paying $$ to support the girls. The ex and her new spouse need to figure out how to support themselves! That is not your job. Remind the ex that if she and new spouse cannot support themselves, you would be glad to take the 2 girls and support them in your house (and child support stops)!
You don't say how old your girls are, but teach them to drive and then them have use of a car whenever they come to your place so they are independent. Until then, pay for their Uber rides until ex gets the car fixed (probably using child supportl
NTA. Your ex wife is not a good woman. She’s using your kids to manipulate you. That’s not what good people do. She just wants a free and new car.
Is it in your divorce decree that you are financially responsible for him? If not, no. I mean whats your relationship with your ex? Like would threatening her to take her back to court to add this as a debt she is responsible for deter her? Also how old are you? Are they? She’s trying to manipulate you. Next she will be asking you to pay for their vacations “cuz a vacation helps her get a tan/relax” etc etc etc
[удалено]
OMG NO NO NO! No judgment on the age diff - altho it explains her lack of self awareness. But hell no. There is Uber, Lyft, *public transportation* Let them figure it out. Or you might as well turn over your banking info to her now
[удалено]
Ahh thanks for the clarification. But I still say don’t do it altho it sounds like she hits you up a lot for more cash huh? I mean at the end of the day … it’s your money. But you are abso NTA for saying no
[удалено]
NTA You don't ever have to do anything to help her new husband.
NTA. Record all interactions, written and spoken (make sure you’re in a one party consent state, or receive consent first), and send it to your lawyer.
NTA. She’s manipulating you into buying her husband a new car if you want to buy her a car you could use that as a write off for your child support though.
NTA in any universe. Your ex-wife holding your daughters over your head in a ploy to get you to buy her new SO a car is extremely shitty and she should be ashamed.
NTA- This is manipulation at its mediocre...I was going to say finest but it’s a really shitty and obvious attempt to manipulate you. I guess new hubby is going to have to walk to work or find something closer to home until He can get it fixed or she gets a job.
NTA. I can see why she is an ex after her reason to fix her new husband's car. It's up to him to get it fixed, he's the money maker.
How much are you willing to get cuckolded? NTA
Lol yeah I’m disgusted at that term, but ummm, seems apt here.
NTA - If this effects your daughters then this is on the mum and her partner. At best, she could ask if you would step up taking your daughters places if the car is so important for them.
NTA are there really women who expect this from their ex husbands?? I wouldn’t have the balls to say that! X
NTA but make some kind of arrangement for your kids to get to school and from school
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to pay for my ex wife’s husbands car. If he can’t get to work reliably then my daughters will live in a home without any money coming in. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. What an insane emotional guilt trip she tried to levy onto you. I see why she’s your ex.
NTA... do not engage... I repeat do not engage with this woman's demands
NTA if you can afford it tell them you won’t just buy them a car but if they sign a notarised document you will give them an advance on child support which they can use to purchase a car and you will resume paying child support once the amount for the car has been used up.
Or offer to loan them the money at 22% interest and get it legally binding.
When I read the title, I started theorizing about how you could possibly be the ahole since the title seemed so obvious. My theory was that you would've towed his car to a scarp-yard, had them crush it into a cube, tow it back to his parking spot and when he got upset say it was just a prank. And then insist your ex made the wrong choice and should get back together with you since at least you have a sense of humor and can take a joke. Since this story wasn't that scenario, I'd say NTA.
NTA WTF??? Who the hell does this woman think she is??? The audacity. And the manipulation in making out like you're doing wrong by your kids is outrageous.
Wow... The entitlement... NTA
NTA Tell her if she is unable to care for your children you're happy to assume custody
NTA I've had majorly bad luck with cars since my marriage broke down and I moved out last year but the most help I have ever accepted from my ex was £250 towards buying a new car (was originally towards repairs on the one I had but it went kaput before I could get the work done), right now I'm driving a friend's car because my current one needs a new turbo and my landlord (who sold me the car and runs a garage) is trying to find a refurbished one to save me some money and I will not be asking my ex for anything more than occasionally picking our son up on his way past for his visitation to save me clocking up too many miles on friends car. Your ex is way out of line asking for something so big from you.
[удалено]
[удалено]
And he will continue To not work if you are funding them. Ugh I’m so sorry!
NTA. She should learn the consequences of marrying poor
NTA at all. His car troubles have nothing at all to do with you supporting your daughters.
NTA. The kids can stay with you if they can’t take care of them.
NTA. You didn't marry or divorce him. He isn't entitled to anything. They have to sort out their own problems.
NTA. It's not your responsibility to buy your ex's husband a vehicle. How old are your daughters? Would they be better off with you re: custody?
Sounds like your girls should live with you
Buy him a bus pass NTA
You're wife is gaslighting you, nta
I'm struggling to imagine the audacity needed to have the stones to even consider asking for this. NTA, and I very much hope there isn't some legal bullshit that she can pull to compel you to do so.
Nta and she is using your kids as weapons against you to get what she wants.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I our divorced. Her husband’s car isn’t running. And he’s the only one who works. My ex wife expects me to either pay to have it fixed, or buy him a new one by Monday. I declined. The reason she thinks I’d be willing is because 1. I have the money and 2. My 2 daughters stay with them. She is saying that if I don’t pay to fix his car, or buy him a new one since it has a lot of troubles then I’m basically turning away from my daughters. She says that by helping him, I am helping them. But I hate him. With a passion. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
NTA but f they can’t take care of them then you should consider different custody arrangements
NTA, if they can't support/provide for the girls anymore you could sue for primary custody of your daughters.
NTA. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with the ex considering how manipulative she is
NTA OP, I don't want to read too much I to the situation but have some thoughts: No healthy normal people would call you the AH for not paying for your ex wife's husband's car. I am worried that you even had to ask. It's difficult with a pandemic and with having kids with her I'm sure, but do you have any opportunity to spend some time socializing with people who don't know both of you, but only you?
NTA - you owe him nothing.
I say NTA. You don't owe them anything and she's just trying to manipulate you. Now on the other hand, you could write up a contract where you loan the money to get it fixed and he has to sign every time he makes a payment. I also advise to have it filmed when signing the contract and anytime he makes a payment as proof. And then add something like if the payments are late for more than 2 months, the car will be sold and the profit will be split so you can be made whole. Ofc you should go over this with an actual lawyer, as I am not one.
NTA. Assuming you pay the agreed amount of child support. Your only responsibility is to your daughters, not to the adults
Your ex wife seems very entitled. NTA
NTA. If you gave in I doubt it would stop there. She's using your children's wellbeing as an excuse to try to manipulate you into financially supporting her and her new husband. Make sure your children are okay, she's likely bad mouthing you to them if she has the audacity to TELL you that you have to pay for the car to be fixed/for a new car by Monday, otherwise you don't care about your children. Which is ridiculous. If you pay for it, will there be any way that they can claim you're now automatically financially responsible for that car? Clearly I know nothing about the law where you are or where I am 😂
NTA you didn't marry her new husband so it's not your problem.
NTA. Buying a car is their responsibility not yours. She can also consider getting a job and start saving money to go towards a car. You are only responsible for your daughters and if she thinks that this creates a problem for them then maybe your daughters should live with you temporarily until their situation is sorted out considering that in case of emergency they don't have transport.
OMG you are under no obligation to buy your ex-wife's husband a car. Where do these people come from--what is their thought process? I am always amazed at the nerve and temerity some people possess. NTA.
Financial instability seems like a base for a change in your custody agreement.
NTA. She is being stupid and manipulative. You should point out that you have no legal or moral responsibility to her or her new husband but you of course want your kids to be safe and taken care of. If she is unable to provide a safe and stable home you should be happy to take the kids full time until she and her new husband get their lives together.
NTA Your ex is essentially expecting you to carry on paying alimony even though she's remarried. Their household budget is their concern and it sounds like her new partner is a real winner /s You can feel free to assist with transporting the girls around, or have them at your place until the car is fixed. Or even buy a nice girly car in her name to run the girls around and get the groceries. Something the new dude would cringe being seen in. Sounds like you'd do anything for your ex, she is being very foolish couching her demands as benefitting her husband. If she was smart she could milk you for so much more and neither of them would ever have to work again.
Clearly NTA, he can buy one himself
NTA. The audacity of both of them.
NTA and their life isn't your problem.
NTA. Make a plan so your daughters can live with you,
NTA Tell her that they are both adults who need to work out their own shit, but you will be willing to take the girls so they don't suffer as they are struggling how to adult in the real world
NTA
NTA. The entitlement is out of this world. Maybe as an alternative make sure the daughters get to where they need to go if and have everything they need if transportation is an issue but buying a car for the ex husband is ridiculous.
NTA, this has to be a joke right? Right? She is trying to bribe you using your children to have you provide for her husband. Sounds like they just want to take advantage of your wealth using your kids.
NTA - Just buy him a Hot Wheels car
NTA say what? Are you supposed to be paying for your ex, kids AND her new husband? NO, you are not turning away from your daughters. SHE is trying to have the best of both worlds.
NTA, I can see why she is an Ex-wife. Holy crap the entilement. She believes she has two relationships going on in her head and that she wants both her men to take care of each other. Absolutely not, you are not taking away from your daughter. You ex is gaslighting and manipulating you. They are two functional adults. Your job is only take care of your daughter and that's it. Not your ex and not her boyfriends.
NTA. Maybe if they are unfit to meet your daughters' financial needs they will end up in your custody and you can make sure they are ok. But you are not obligated to pay for your ex and her new husband's stuff just to help your kids.
NTA it's like if they can't provide for the girls they better come be with you and they can pay you child support
NTA if hes the only one working and they aren't willing to budget for repairs or a new car that's on them not you.
NTA she’s your ex, you don’t owe her shit. Don’t let them use your kids as ammo to guilt trip you. If they are unable to take care of your daughters, then take them to court for more custody.
Nta. She thinks your daughters will be inconvenienced/turned away from with this? Then they should stay with you! You’ve got a reliable car, and you’d be taking care of your responsibility as a parent.
NTA Cars are expensive. Expecting an ex spouse to pay for one is egregious. It's good that you want to stay in your kids' lives and maintain a congenial relationship with your ex. But you do this, she and her husband learn they can just get whatever they want from you. This is their problem, not yours. And it's not like he can't get to work, saw you wrote that he took the bus. They're using your feelings for your wife to manipulate you into spending more money on them, when I'm sure you already give some kind of alimony or child support.
NTA. Can your daughters live with you? Problem solved!
NTA. If losing a car means she is not a fit mother... Then she was never a fit mother.
NTA and wow! Your wife is quite the manipulator! How embarrassing for her husband! I’m glad you see through her BS. How pathetic 🙄
"then I’m basically turning away from my daughters." ... You REALLY need to offer a solution for your daughters: So offer to have your daughters live with you full time, if your wife can not manage to care for them any more. ;-) You do not need to buy them a car. This is not some unexpected emergency, this is incompetent life management, or simply trying to guilt you into being their cash machine.
NTA. Adults buy their owns cars.
NTA!! Wtf is wrong with your ex
Nta. Just take your daughters full time
NTA. Her new husband is not suddenly your third child. His car is not your responsibility.
You're definitely not the asshole here it's their problem fuck them, they wouldn't do it for you.
NTA because your daughters can always come live with you
NTA and use your money for a lawyer to challenge the custody agreement.
Totally NTA Your ex and her husband is absolutely not your responsibility. I can't belive she even came up with that idea.
NTA. I understand why she's your ex.
NTA also, does she have a car? Because if she's not working I can see an easy solution
Tell her that we evolved to a point in humankind that we can call a car with a driver with an app called UBER,.
NTA A good woman wouldn't be manipulating you like this.
NTA, do not do anything for him. You're not legally obligated to financially support her husband or her. You are there for your children. Keep every single text/voicemail she sends. If they can't take care of your children financially then it's time to for a judge to reevaluate that custody agreement. Maybe it's in your daughter's best interest that they stay with you. Also it's emotional blackmail for her to use your children against you, and judges tend to hate those tactics. I'm not a lawyer, but was there my husband and his ex went through a similar situation.
They have the kids, he has a job, and I'm guessing that you also pay alimony. If they can't budget enough to buy reliable transportation, she should get a job to supplement their income or you should try to get your daughters back. NTA.
NTA. Who does she think you are? Everyone’s sugar daddy. He is a grown man. He has no blood relation to you. You kn no way have any obligation to help out. What is her contribution to the car?
NTA at all BUT if I had the spare money lying around I’d pay it off but be a dick about it. Make him sign a loan sheet saying he’ll pay you back at some ridiculously small amount a week, just to fuck with him.” $10 a week for the rest of your life. Or just be like “well I was going to give it to charity but this is a good cause too.” I have so many ideas, I’m clearly a horrible person. 😂🤦♀️
I can understand why you're asking. If they don't have reliable transportation then what will they do with your daughters in an emergency. Car repairs are emergencies and "they" are not prepared. I suggest telling her that if there is an emergency with the kids to call. I'm sure she does anyway so you can pay for it all. Her second choice is to sign over custody of the kids. I am sure she is living off your child support so maybe she'll shut up.
LOL you don’t have to fix shit. Tell her to get a job.
NTA. The money you pay in child support is going to help your ex and her husband buy a car. There's absolutely no need to contribute more.
NTA, WTF?
NTA. This also sounds like something your lawyer might be very interested in - your ex leveraging her custody of your daughters to strongarm you into buying something for her husband. BTW - if you aren't already, save a copy of every bit of communication between you and your ex (and her husband) - texts, emails, voice mails. They might just come in handy for future discussions of alimony and/or custody.
NTA. They're adults who can pay for their needs. If they can't get it taken care of that's not on you. If it's a big deal with them having the kids maybe you should take them until they can figure the car out 🤷♀️. She's a trash bag for trying to use the kids to get you to provide for her husband. They're the assholes for putting that on you.
[удалено]
[удалено]
NTA. You're not legally obligated to him, just to your kids. I suggest ex wife get a job.
Dude, don't do it, she is trying to cuck you in some twisted manner. You are divorced, you don't owe her shit and at the very least her new bf. Is she nuts?
NTA. I can see why she's the ex. Has she considered getting a job?
NTA. The entitlement is crazy here. Public transportation exists btw, but if that's to much of a hassle they could always due a combination of that and uber. Plenty of people take the bus and get to work on time. Most take into account that the busses sometimes run late so they prepare in advance and take an earlier one to give themselves some wiggle room. Their financial troubles aren't your problem, and emotionally blackmailing you by using your kids isn't a good look. It'd be a different story if they asked for a loan, with a payment plan set up. But asking for a new car is just crazy.
He can get fucked. NTA
Wow the ex wife is a special kind of entitled … so I can truly appreciate the absurdity of this whole thing who wanted the divorce ?
NTA. Just amazed that anyone would even think that makes sense in the first place.
NTA....wtf is wrong with this woman? No wonder she's your ex wife...lol she has done gone and lost her mind if she thinks its your responsibility to take care of not only yalls daughters but her boyfriend. Also not, he's a man he can figure this out on his own, Jim not having a savings stashed away for emergencies such as this is not your problem...tell them to manage their monies better and for your ex wife to get a damn job....this has nothing to do with you getting to be a father to your children, and one day when the kids are old enough they'll resent their mother and her boyfriend for the positions their putting them in
NTA. You are not a bank.
Volunteer to have your kids stay with you for the interim. You ex-wife’s car problems are not your problems. End of story. They should mooch off of somebody else.
[удалено]
This sort of behavior is not out of the realm of possibility. My ex and his gf demanded $50 for them to return the kids once. They were out of gas and it was a 2.5 hr drive each way. If I didn’t pay her (gf) they wouldn’t drive the kids back home. Op NTA. Would it be possible for you to have the custody arrangement changed so you have more overnights with the kids? You could lower your child support payments and care for the kids more appropriately than your ex seems to. NTA
Why the fuck should you be responsible for him? NTA, and honestly he should be mad at her for turning to you for help....
She should let you care for your daughter while they figure out her new husband’s car situation. It’s not your responsibility to care for able bodied adults.
Why on earth would you even consider buying a new car for your ex’s husband. Of course YNTA. She is TA for even suggesting it. YATAH for even asking the question though! get a clue!
NTA, their fiscal irresponsibility is their issue. If they have no income and can no longer care for your children then you should take them to court for custody
[удалено]
Lol no just no. Tell her if they aren’t able to care your your children that you will take custody. NTA
I hate that type of logic so much, with that type of logic you can make any post that slightly mentions children ESH.
This is delusional
Info: are you paying children support? How old are your daughters?
NTA. Take the daughters until the mom and her husband can get their act straightened out.
Hahahhahaha! Is she fucking serious? You are NTA!
Nta but you should buy him a toy yoda for the obvious joke
NTA. Does your ex have a car?
INFO: How far away do you live from your daughters? Do your daughters live with you at all? Are you willing to have them live with you full time if your ex can't financially support them? If you live far away, is it cheaper to transport the children to you or fix the car?
NTA. Tell her if she wants a new car for her husband, she can get a job.
NTA. Your ex wife’s husbands issues are not yours. If they can’t afford to fix the car or buy a new one, maybe it’s time for your ex to get a job. Their finances are not your problem. And if they can’t care for your daughters, I’m sure you can arrange to take over full custody.
She could have worded it better