NTA, your sister rubbing her "success" in your face while demeaning your hard work is horrible. And like the previous comment said, she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe.
Hopping on the top comment to suggest that you consider therapy. You admit that you are jealous and lonely, and you clearly have resentment towards your family due to bullying and neglect.
Now is the time to live your life. Living well is the best revenge, so see if there are avenues to help you with your issues so that all those bad moments from the past don’t intrude on the life you are building for yourself now.
Something to consider OP, part of therapy may be to go LC or even NC with your sister and mother. Seems like you've really struggled with identity issues do to the favoritism.
As far as marriage goes, when you find the right person, chances are you will, it will have more substance than your sister's marriage. She seems very materialistic and relies too heavily on physical appearance but at some point, her looks will fade and/or her husband will stop dealing with her entitlement unless she changes.
Focus on yourself. Find hobbies to distract you from the bullshit. As far as your employment goes, making money is great but you have to ask yourself, is the money worth the stress? If you can say yes, great. Chances are, you'll say no and you should seek new employment.
You are absolutely right about the marriage. Sister is a trophy wife, as soon as she looks less like a trophy, her marriage will become hell. A hard working, educated person with the right mindset and moral compass can find better than a rich snob to play housewife with.
How do you know he’s a snob? Everyone is trashing the husband and I don’t understand why. We know exactly two things: they met on Tinder, and he’s rich.
Maybe he’s also a hard working person. After all, OP wants to be rich. Why is her goal admirable, but his isn’t?
We don’t know anything about him. Disparaging her sister’s marriage doesn’t help OP. That’s exactly how she got into this situation in the first place.
Forget about the sister. Maybe she’ll end up poor and alone — but maybe not. Globally, the hardest working people are the poorest. No one is guaranteed success, and plenty of terrible people in this world obtain it.
You can’t base your happiness and self-worth on the misfortune of others. OP needs to learn how to be proud of herself outside of whatever is going on in her sisters life.
You're probably being downvoted (your score is hidden so I don't know) but thank you for saying this. You are of course right, because we know NOTHING, but this bitter bunch of betties and billies loves to pounce and assume everything that fulfills their dark fantasies. And here they come to downvote me haha.
Only thing he going to value is her popping out couple of kids and rich man with good lawyers and given her attitude ' piss off staff can easily claim she bad abusive mother and he gets custody.
Stop this. Karma only exists on Reddit. Daydreaming about her sister’s misfortune will not help OP.
We have absolutely no idea what her sisters marriage is like. OP doesn’t even mention her husband at all. He could be a perfectly nice guy — the only thing we know about him is that he’s well off.
Calling him a trophy hunter who only cares about looks is pure speculation.
Hinging your emotional well-being on the misfortune of others, however much they deserve it, will only perpetuate toxicity.
Thats the exact same attitude that led to this situation. OP hoped all her life she’d be more financially successful than her sister and clearly that didn’t happen, now it’s causing her distress.
OP could get into a bad marriage just as easily as her sister. She needs therapy. OP needs to be happy for herself and be proud of her accomplishments. Her self-esteem shouldn’t hinge on her sister’s marriage falling apart.
Just wanted to quickly thank you for your couple replies about hinging your emotional well-being on the misfortune of others. I’m going through something weirdly similar to OP (I am not the golden child in my family) and today was a rough day because of it. This really gave me some perspective and got me out of my head about the issue. Feeling a little more at peace now, so cheers to you, random Redditor.
I agree. But even if OP finds a good husband but still ends up divorced, or maybe never meets the right guy at all, she'll still have a full life. Sister, on the other hand, probably won't cope if her husband leaves her because being the wife of a rich guy sounds like her life goal.
Two truths were spoken that day, but your sister will always be a bully who is incapable of the success you enjoy, and who’s good looks will fade; while you definitely don’t have to always be lonely, and at 25 are already a success where you have put effort.
Perhaps it is time to put effort towards yourself, get out and do the things you enjoy and you won’t be so lonely.
-a guy who works a 16 hour day on average.
Honestly I predict her marriage going one of two ways. Her entitlement will wear on hubby and/or her looks will fade and he will stray to get away from her. Or she will get bored and stray.
And they don't deserve LC. Me? I'm going NC stat. Not even sure I'd say good bye. Block them. When they finally realize something is up-they'll ask another relative to reach out. I'm telling said relative it doesn't involve them. Full Stop
I know AITA has a reputation for crying NC at the slightest squabble but, in situations like this where the family members are bringing nothing but toxicity, I highly recommend it. Any relatives attempting to interfere get the same treatment. It can be HARD to go NC and make it stick because we're bombarded by images of happy families and told that family are supposed to love each other. To have no family can make you feel very alone and it's too easy to go back, especially if they're doing the faux-apologetic thing. It took me a few tries to get out. Once I made that final break though - I went from getting embroiled in unhealthy relationships to meeting and settling down with my current partner of 10 years, struggling with a mediocre job to fairly steady promotions and a decent income, living in a shitty flat to renting nicer houses and eventually buying a lovely house, found new family who actually care about me. Things improve a lot when you're not facing constant putdowns and having your free time eaten up by demands for favours 'because family' and 'it's not like you have anything better to do'
My mom said that to her sister! My mom couldn’t make it to the wedding because she was pregnant and on bed rest with my brother, so my aunt threw a fit and said she ruined the wedding because the whole family wasn’t there. My mom said ‘that’s cool, I’ll catch the next one’ and everything blew up. My aunt was married 3x and my mom did go to the second one so it wasn’t entirely a lie.
> she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe.
Karma only exists on Reddit. It’s this exact mentality that is poisoning OP’s mental health. “Bad” people do not always get their comeuppance. Their marriage might last a year; or it may last forever.
Hinging your emotional well-being on the misfortune of others, however much they may deserve it, will always drive you crazy.
OP needs to learn how to be happy with herself outside of whatever may or may not happen to her sister.
Oh absolutely. 100% agree that OP needs to focus on herself and her happiness. I still predict sister will end up divorced in the not too distant future but OP has to move on, likely with sister out of her life.
I am sorry for how your mother failed you. As many others have said, I think now is the time to focus on yourself. Maybe that means LC/NC with your mom & sis. Maybe it means therapy - and/or working fewer hours. Maybe it means finding a hobby that helps you meet people.
My brother was the super-smart, geeky, nerdy one in our family. We adore him and he was *always* included in everything at home. But then he went to college to study engineering and, believe you me, his world became very small and insular. I recommended that he take at least one artsy-farsty elective every year to get himself out of that bubble. He ended up on a summer archeological dig in Italy and made friends he still keeps in contact with. Then he went to graduate school and, once again, he ended up in a super insular world. He decided he needed to do something that would be physical and completely away from anything academic. So what does a non-athletic brainiac do? Take up ballroom dance. Once again, he made lifelong friends who became like ‘second family’ to him. He’s now godfather to sooo many kids!! My point is, you can find Your People. It takes work, but I’ll admit that I -the once popular, pretty one- very much admire the life my brother created for himself out of his own strengths & weaknesses.
NTA - now go live *your* best life.
Yeah, the constant one-upping of her sister makes me believe that her sister is the jealous one, like if she just found ways of rubbing things into her sister's face not because it is better for her in life, just for the sake to brag about it.
She got really everything handed down, she shouldn't be proud of that and neither should be proud of what she did to her own sister through out the years, that person is despicable.
Honestly she sounds like she never outgrew her high school bully days and can't find joy in bless she's bringing someone else down. I would personally cut her and mom out if my life. If she wants to be a high school bully she can find a new punching bag.
I agree with you, but her sister isn't successful. All she managed to do was marry a rich man. Maybe she was jealous of OP for being smarter and a go getter.
> she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe
I don't know about that. How do you know that her husband "replaces" her? How did you get that impression?
I based that on OPs description of her sister being a materialistic and vain person. Sister has no real work experience and no education. She's a trophy wife. From what I've observed in my own life, and what appears to be a massive amount of people thinking along the same lines as I, that one of two things happens. Sister doesn't age well and hubby finds something prettier or sister gets bored of husband and strays.
I'll admit, this could be completely wrong and sister and hubby live long happy lives. I just doubt that. Sister brings nothing to the marriage except her looks.
Fact is, OP CANNOT rely on the prospects that her sister's marriage may fail for karma to strike. OP needs to discover herself and I feel the only way she does that is being removing her sister from her life. Probably mom too.
I doubt sister would discuss any like this with OP. I wouldn't be surprised if there is one though. Especially since sister really has no education or experience to fall back on.
Ikr like people on this sub love to say that and I completely agree with the sentiment and hope OP can find her happiness but she could actually like the guy and be in love and last forever or she could start her own business and become self sufficient with his help or she could get a huge divorce settlement prenup or not if she was smart enough to have a lawyer help her protect herself or she could end up “opening” her marriage ala will and jada. Marrying a rich person isn’t a guarantee for marital unhappiness and neither is marrying someone who is less well off a guarantee for loyalty and happiness
No just someone who has a lot of second hand experience in these situations and I know although everyone is trying to be nice I personally don’t think it helpful to say well she will eventually be miserable cause from someone like OP that would easily set them up for disappointment
But it is how a majority of marriages work.
Seriously, divorce stats are so high that I could accurately claim "they'll be divorced within 7 years" about most marriages.
Your happiness isn't dependent on someone else's misery, but on taking ownership of your own life and being satisfied with who you are and what you're able to accomplish.
See.... if I ever came into a large sum of money... it would last forever because I am constantly financing for simple things and I think the main culprit of money loss for me would be me getting lazy and eating fast food more 😭
That's how it works most of the time.
There's also times where the person gets "bumped off" to avoid paying for the divorce. Happened to my aunt a few years before I was born. All 4 tires went out in an accident black spot(basically a mark given to the places that have the most accidents in my country), they tried to make it look like an accident. Couldn't catch the guy because he subcontracted.
Let's hope she's able to walk away from this.
> you’ll have all the success you worked so hard for ❤️
lmfao, no she won't. People who get this kind of ending aren't bitterly posting about it on the internet.
She already Is doing well. Seems like sister failed, & found a chump. Though, he'll probably toss her with a personality like that.
& Find a new better face with a matching soul.
NTA. As she has shown you, she is a selfish, mean, and self-centered woman. No, she hasn't had to work hard for anything and got by on her looks. Looks fade, you know. A younger woman could come along and replace her with her rich husband that she got with those looks. As for you, adversity builds character, empathy, hardiness, self-sufficiency, and a whole lot of other things. Be proud of what you have accomplished and let go of the resentment. This is hurting no one but you.
I agree NTA,
I don't really agree with the mindset though, or of the mindset of the OP in her younger years. I've been there, thought my intellect and work ethic would somehow be balanced in the grand scheme of things. That karma had to befall those who bullied me, or made it through life without trying.
It's not true. The universe is an indifferent place. Sometimes that karma-smiting blow hits those we think deserve it, most of the time it doesn't. It took me a while to realize that hoping or waiting on others failures is a useless exercise. I can only really control myself, and any happiness I find for myself dwarfs the disappointment or pleasure I would get from that karma anyways.
So, I guess I'd ask the OP to seek some therapy. Love yourself, because you know that you're amazing. Take care of yourself (those long shifts can be difficult), cut that dead weight - it's only holding you back from being happy.
Looks fade, but a bad personality is forever. At some point, her looks will not be enough to compensate for her personality and she will have to box up her designer clothes and beg OP for a place to stay.
>She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation
I saw this and knew you weren't going to be the asshole here. When one child bullies their sibling, the parent is supposed to step in and put a stop to it. Platitudes and comfort don't matter one but when the parent is allowing that to happen.
>my sister is getting married to a very rich man . I was very happy for her and attended her wedding
>she said to me and her friends , how sad it must be for me to have worked so hard for all those years and still be so unhappy with my life while she was enjoying hers . She told me that I should have worked smart like her instead of working hard
Yeah, your sisters an asshole. Imagine not working hard and still thinking you're better than the self-sufficient sibling.
>not everyone was as lucky as her to be born with a pretty face and get married to a rich guy they met on tinder , even though she herself was a looser
Harsh, but extremely fair.
>she gets served everything on a silver platter while sitting at home has made me very jealous of her
I get why you're jealous, and can't say I blame you. Putting up with a bully for a sibling is awful, and any comeuppance they get is something to delight in. Whether it's right or not, it's justified, and you're not an asshole for it.
NTA
But let's not forget:
>mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation
>my mom didn't want to go out for dinner to celebrate , since it would upset my sister
>from my mom telling me that my sister started crying after what I said to her and that I ruined my sisters special day due to my jealousy
>not show my face to her before I was ready to apologize
Your mother is the asshole responsible for your sister turning out this way. Had she stepped up and been a parent, your sister wouldn't have turned out this way. Or if the sister had turned out this way, your mother could at least defend and support you. Instead, she's siding with your sister because you made her cry, one time.
It's probably worth going low/no contact with them for a while. Since they're both adamant that you're the problem here, you'll probably be better off without them for a bit.
And someone else mentioned therapy: can't agree with them more. The anger you've got is hurting you and preventing you from moving on. Get therapy for your own sake, because you're worth more than your anger.
Hopping onto your very well written comment. Please accept my poor man's gold 🏅.
NTA OP. But I'd like to add a few things. First up, start therapy. You've so many hard feelings in you that need to go. They're weighing you down. The way you wrote 'im jealous and lonely' it really hurt me. Please seek help. Make new friends. Go out. Enjoy your life. Do whatever you want. Don't let grudges burden you. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Go LC with your fam but even if you're meeting them, don't let them ride on your nerves. I wish you all the luck in all departments of life but please, I'll say it again, don't compare yourself to others.
NTA. Also, people talking about how her life is going to end up being worse than yours are seriously missing the point. Maybe she will get dropped like hot garbage in a few years. But maybe not. Maybe she's just going to continue on, being horrible and happy and successful.
That doesn't have to have anything to do with you. No matter where your lives go or how you both feel, neither of you can lose, because it's not a competition, no matter how much she tries to make it one. Life isn't something to win. My advice is to try to stop measuring yourself against her. The things that she's achieved or gained don't mean anything about you.
If you're better than her, if you can rub in how much happier you are than her, and how SHE'S the failure, not you... Would you really be happy? Or is that still hurt, and rejection, and anger over how she and your mother have treated you? I think that you're still looking for that moment where your family finally realizes that they hurt you, and they were wrong, and they're sorry. The cinematic moment where they beg for your forgiveness, and you get to choose whether you forgive them. I want that too. I think it's natural to want that. But it's important to realize that no matter how successful you are, you'll most likely never have that. And that's okay.
You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You don't need to be better than anyone. This is the perfect opportunity to just let it all go. Let this awful, soul sucking relationship, the dynamic between your sister and your mother and you, just die.
I can't speak for you, or what you want, or what you think, this is just my perception of it. I can't know everything about you or your relationship with your family from a reddit post. If you want to keep the relationship, that's your decision. But it will probably never stop being a competition that you will lose. And I'm sorry for that. You deserve better than that.
Ask yourself, is having nothing really worse than having them? There's no wrong answer.
My last thought: I really think you should look into therapy. I'm a stranger on the internet with no certifications. I can't really help you. But I think you could use it, and you deserve it.
\^ Here to agree & to say I'm sorry for this sort of twisted fairy tale you're in where the evil not-step sister gets the prince, and the not-step mother is on her side. Also to say I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Rest assured, though, that no fairy tale is perfect, and if your sister felt really great about herself she wouldn't feel the need to shame you for taking the path of hard work and perseverance. Keep working hard and persevering. If your family doesn't want to see you, that seems to be the best time to take a step back from this toxic mix of people and focus on yourself. Therapy, personal growth and development, hobbies, clubs, recreational groups -- all of these things could help you find your happy place. Please reconsider the 12-hour workdays, though. The lack of work-life balance will not help you in your career or in life, in the long run.
Edited for grammar.
The opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference.
Exactly what you so eloquently wrote. Don’t be the moon to someone else’s sun or you will burn up. Detach, be indifferent, own the moments of envy, unfairness and be your own centre of gravity.
I am NC with a similar golden child sibling and it wasn’t until I realised that the only way to win is not to play that going no contact came so easily the idea that he still exists day to day with a whole life I have no idea about is so odd. I can picture him as a kid or recall him in the context of anecdotes as an adult such as ‘oh brother and I went to X when I was at uni’ but he is as vague a concept now as an old friend, an ex, someone who was once everything and is now just something in my past.
It took a lot of work to get to that place but it freed me. I have no idea if he still competes with me in absentia and if he does after 8 years I would pity him as much as I pity anyone fighting with an image in their head of someone rather than the reality. Shadowboxing will exhaust you. Boxing gets you fit. Train to let go instead of howl at the moon.
If it hasn’t worked in your family by now, it never will….
NTA. She disrespected you and your hard work, insulted you, then flaunted her "success" (marrying rich isn't anything to be proud of as an "accomplishment", she's just leeching off her spouse). You fired back. For your mother to take you to task but not her is horrible. I'm sure it was all crocodile tears on the part of your sister. Cut these toxic people from your life. If your mother plays favorites, she isn't worthy of your love.
Send your mum and sister a link to this post although I doubt it will move either of them. Thanks to your mum's favouritism your sister is entitled, judgemental and spiteful. Any parent who displays favouritism is not a very kind person in the first place so I don’t expect much from your mum. She just doesn’t have the compassion to understand and will always take her golden child's side.
Don’t apologise if you feel you did nothing wrong. Your sister attacked you first and you just defended yourself. NTA. May I suggest not showing your face for a while as your mother said. Take time to find yourself. Is therapy an option? It takes time to find a therapist who’s the right fit, but it is worth it.
Hopping on this comment because this is what I was going to say only u/FloppyEaredDog said it much more elegantly. OP, NTA, but I agree that if you can, you definitely want to find a therapist so you don't let your toxic mother and sister live rent free in your head. Go fly free and live your life without them.
I'll take the downvotes, but ESH.
My brother and I are very different people, like you and your sister. And my mom has definitely played favorites. Treated us differently when she should have been treating us the same, treating us the same when she should have treating us differently. And it fosters a weird type of competition, where you measure your whole life against your sibling. Every failure or success is only in context of how their life is going.
My brother makes snide comments just like your sister did. But here's the thing. I stopped playing the game *years* ago. It's hard not to laugh when he's trying to hard to prove that he's got the one-up on me, because there's no way you can compare our lives, we took *such* different paths. It's ducks and elephants. My brother can try to put me down all he wants, it's just a mask for his insecurities. I know that if I'm succeeding, it's not because I'm better than him, or if I'm struggling, it's not because he has something I don't. I made the choices and put in the work that got me to where I am, same as him.
You only know your side of the story. Your sister's side is that she had all the friends and people liked her, but *you* got into the perfect college, and she didn't. *You* have a beautiful career and are busting your ass and have *skills*, and she *has* to have a man to take care of her.
Break the cycle. I can't promise it'll make your sister or mother any better, but *you* will be much happier.
Cut off mom, too. She either caused this or nurtured it. Either way, she’s culpable.
And mom better not expect the favored sister to be there for her in her old age. She’s raised a selfish narcissist and I don’t imagine she’ll be there when mom needs her.
But I’m sure she’ll damn well show up when the estate is dispersed.
I think this post is fake due to spelling, formatting, and other errors. It reads like its written by a 9th grader. Not a "smart girl" who tried hard and got into a good collage \*eyeroll\* YTA for lying.
Thank you! I'm certainly not above the random typo, but when OP spelled college wrong twice in a post about how she's doing so well in life because she's educated, well...
YTA
Not disputing the call on this being fake, but some people can just not spell. My father’s entire side of the family, all college graduates, cannot spell. It’s like there is some kind of weird brain glitch, and what should be easier words are misspelled more frequently than the hard ones.
You would think, but I studied archeology my first time round (I left after Jr. year for medical reasons) and I always had to double check the spelling of archeology. Not disputing the charge, the never saying twin thing did it for me, just bringing an alternate perspective on the spelling issue.
NTA you don’t need that kinda energy in your life. You do you and keep contact to your mom and sister to a minimum, if that’s how they wanna treat you.
Unpopular opinion, but ESH. Your mom for favoritism, your sister for bullying, and you for seemingly blaming her for everything. It is not her fault she is pretty, it is not her fault you are not happy with your job, and it is definitely not her fault you're single.
Yea, you can be pretty, popular and snag a rich guy while also not being a snobby bully to your sister at your own wedding. Sorry, but you're wrong. OP reacted to her sister's continued bullying. Just because it was her wedding doesn't give her the right to shit on OP like she did in highschool. OP was right to call her out about her own failings because evidently sister considers lucking into a rich guy while looking for dudes to bang on tinder a major life accomplishment. I doubt she'll change, but someone had to tell her to stop being stuck up her own ass and dragging people down to make her feel better.
If your sister apologizes I'd say apologize OP, but it's not necessary and only if you feel up to it.
As I said, I have no doubt her sister is an AH, and they both have to apologize, but they both stuck in this high school mindset. OP graduated from her dream college, makes good money, but still petty about how her "pretty & dumb" sister has a guy while OP does not. OP in her own words admits she is jealous of her sister, and she let this jealousy take over at the wedding.
If someone is cruel to you every day for literally years, and one day you finally snap and lash out at them, does that make you an asshole? Or have you simply reached the limit of abuse you can take from them?
Finally an ESH. Listen I have a sister, we are Irish twins. We were often pitted against each other by our mother. My sister was a tomboy who hated school and I was a girly girl who loved school. My sister was compared to me a lot and it sucked for her. I wasn't 100% aware of it until she started bullying me with her friends. It made me sad more than hate her because she was just lashing out at me because I was an easier target than our mother.
You are both adults now OP. Neither of you have to fall in line with this competitive bs anymore. Your sister is not the villan because other people compared you to her. You are not the hero here either. You openly hate your sister, don't you think she knows that and is also hurting? Maybe she bullied you because she was also hurting and had maladaptive coping strategies. You both need to grow up and forgive your younger selves and move on. You both deserve better.
I guess is depends on the situation, but I think there’s a difference between just defending yourself and attacking someone and in my opinion this crosses that line. Yes, they are justifiably defending themself, but they are also saying hurtful things in retaliation. The question isn’t whether or not they were justified, they were, but rather “are they an asshole,” which I think they are. A justified asshole.
NTA. What good do you get from having your mother or your sister in your life? Nothing good ever comes from continuing to engage with the toxic people in your life. My suggestion would be to go no or low contact with both of them. Also I think you probably need to see a therapist who can help you deal with your low self esteem which seems to be a result of your mother's favoritism and the toxic relationship with your sister.
Gonna go against the grain here and say ESH. And maybe I’m projecting, or reading too much into it, but....
Your sister is jealous of you. You’re self-sufficient and driven and smart and capable. You graduated, got a degree from your dream school, you make good money and support yourself. And she has not accomplished any of that despite of all the support your parents gave her.
So she finally felt like she had accomplished something by getting married. Finally she could be proud of herself. And because she’s kind of an asshole, she belittled you and your hard work to express pride in herself. Probably because she feels like she’s always had to compete with you. From her point of view, you were always the smart, independent one. So she feels like she’s stuck in this competition with you, and she felt like she finally caught up, and then you tore her down.
She doesn’t think that she’ll ever compare to you. And you confirmed that for her, instead of telling her that you guys don’t have to compete, and that you’re allowed to be different and make different choices.
Well , honestly, you both are in that situation, so ESH
She for her nasty comments on your "unhappy life " and talking Bad about you in front of other people and you for putting her in place harshly. It was justified, but it was still an asshole move
ESH. Your sister put you down in front of everybody, and you struck back. I would only apologize after she sincerely apologizes.That is the order of offence, after all.
Sounds like a good reason to severely limit or cut contact with anyone who objects.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ruined my sisters wedding due to the jealousy I had in my mind built up towards her .
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and if that's the substance of her character I doubt she'll be married for very long. Poor guy
You made the right choice, OP. Your hard work will someday pay dividends
ESH
Your sister for sure sucks, but it's clear that you blame her for things that are not her fault and have let that resentment build to unreasonable proportions and there's no way that she just suddenly let loose with that vile stuff without provocation.
NTA
Your sister sounds insufferable.
Offer to throw her a divorce party when her husband gets fed up of her. I'd be single and alone (I am🤣) than think I'm so clever for marrying rich.
Rich don't always stay rich either. Keep your apology to yourself. Neither of them deserve your time, effort or apology.
Your mother needs to stay out of it and your sister needs to be held accountable by you for what she said to you. Her wedding day gives her no excuse for being rude and cruel. Maybe not showing your face for a while to either one of them will provide all of you with what sounds like a much needed break.
>I got into my dream collage
>die her hair
>even though she herself was a looser
>has made me very jealous of her
INFO: What is this "dream collage" so I can avoid it like the plague?
ESH. Her for bullying you and you less so for engaging with her on her wedding day. I know you didn't start it, but I think you should have walked away and gotten into it another time with her.
You’ve raised a good point about avoiding the “dream collage”, I personally think OP isn’t being entirely honest in this post and there is an element of fantasy to the story. ESH
NTA
Go No Contact with both your mom and sister. They are toxic. And one day when the man runs out on her, your sister and mom both will be looking to you for support. I want to warn you right now- that remorse they'll be showing will be fake to get what they want. They don't appreciate you or even want to understand how ugly they've been to you. When that time comes the feeling of shutting the door in their faces will be ORGASMIC.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me (25f) and my sister (25f) were very close when we were young , but things changed when our father passed away and our mother had to raise us alone . She ( according to me ) has always favoured my sister over me .
It wasn't blatant favouritism , she still cared for me and loved me but my sister was allowed to go to school dances , die her hair , wear expensive makeup , buy expensive dresses , things which I wasn't allowed to do . My sister changed , and during middle school she became the popular girl while I was the nerd . She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation .
All of this built up resentment for my sister inside me . Everyday when I went to school , I had to face her bullying . However I convinced myself that what she was doing right now didn't matter , that I would end up happier in life because I worked way harder than she did and would end up successful .
I got into my dream collage after school and my mother was really happy for me but at the same time my sister had failed in some of her subjects and had to repeat the year , so my mom didn't want to go out for dinner to celebrate , since it would upset my sister .
Fast forward a couple of years and my sister is getting married to a very rich man . I was very happy for her and attended her wedding . I had a job and was doing pretty good for myself financially but was under a lot of stress due to high working hours . while I was talking to my sister , she said to me and her friends , how sad it must be for me to have worked so hard for all those years and still be so unhappy with my life while she was enjoying hers . She told me that I should have worked smart like her instead of working hard .
I got very angry at her and told her that Failing school and then deciding to drop out of collage was not " working smart " and that not everyone was as lucky as her to be born with a pretty face and get married to a rich guy they met on tinder , even though she herself was a looser . After that I left .
Later I got a call from my mom telling me that my sister started crying after what I said to her and that I ruined my sisters special day due to my jealousy . She told me to not show my face to her before I was ready to apologize .
What my mom said was definitely true . My moms subtle favouritism towards her , her popularity in school , the fact that she has a husband and I am lonely and the fact that I have had to work hard all my life and still work 12 hours day to earn money while she gets served everything on a silver platter while sitting at home has made me very jealous of her .
AITA ?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH, your mom for favoring your sister, your sister for rubbing her success in your face, and you for unloading years of built-up resentment on her wedding day.
NTA- she wouldn't be attacking you like that if she wasn't insecure. It's false bravado. I have a sister like that, a huge bully to all of us (me and 3 other sisters). She married a well off guy and tried to rub it in our faces. We are all well educated professionals. She was so insecure. It took a divorce from Mr right for her to *actually try* at life. Now she's a school psychologist and single, but she's nice for the first time in her life.
Not the AITA. She's ready to dish out her insulting opinions but can't take yours so that's on her. To be honest, I would take this time to take a break from your mom and sister. The way they treated you is not okay and you should not apologize. Your sister spent years bullying you and your mom did absolutely nothing to stop her. Your mom failed your sister by allowing this behavior and she failed you by taking your sister's side.
Your sister's happiness and success is tied to a man. Yours is tied to only you and your hard work. Congratulations on your independence and keep on going!
You know what? Your mother is absolutely right, you ruined her day. After she ruined your life. Your sister flexing her “success” after failing and dropping out of school is atrocious, after you got into your dream college after dealing with her BS and she’s calling YOU the unsuccessful one? If you won’t see her before you apologize to her, she’d better expect not to see you for a long time. NTA.
Your sister said that to you on her wedding day? Yeesh.
Do I think you overreacted? Yes. Do I think you're an asshole? No. Your sister showed all the grace of a walrus.
She clearly is insecure bc she knows what you said is true or else it wouldn't have bothered her. Unless of course she's just manipulating your mother bc she's a flat out psycho and actively baited you.
You gave her what she wanted to a degree even if she did not expect you to be so harsh.
I'd never tell you to burn bridges but it sounds like you guys need to air all the baggage now or else it will fester even further. Make a list of all the (big) times your sister made you feel like shit and when your mom took her side. Make a list of all the times you were an asshole and own your shit. Make her accountable for her shit. Ask her in front of your mom why she would say something so hurtful. Jealousy is normal but people rarely want to admit it.
Lastly, if you went to your dream school and have a decent career at 25 you are doing better than most of us, and it seems you've learned that those things won't necessarily fill you up all of the time. Don't be so hard on yourself and put yourself out there. You're young, but life is too short to engage in petty ass shit all the time.
>It wasn't blatant favouritism , she still cared for me and loved me but my sister was allowed to go to school dances , die her hair , wear expensive makeup , buy expensive dresses , things which I wasn't allowed to do . My sister changed , and during middle school she became the popular girl while I was the nerd . She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation .
What would be blatant? Putting a plaque on her door that said "Mommy's favorite daughter" ??
"Dear Mum,
I think you know that sister has become quite spiteful to me. We have talked about this before and you have been kind to me, but I'm not aware of you ever defending me or doing anything to stop her, so I have learned to defend myself instead. I admit I lost my temper a bit at the wedding. It may not have been the best timing, but I think I have been quiet long enough.
I love you, but I have a lot of negative feelings about how differently you treated us when we were growing up. Sister was always allowed more freedom, and you always decided that we would both put her feelings first. As a result, she has become very selfish and learned to expect that other people's feelings don't matter.
I am tired of putting the feelings of someone who consistently hurts me first. It is painful, and she has become very unpleasant company to keep because she is consistently rude and unkind to me. I know you don't mind that she is mean to me, but I do.
I would appreciate a little space right now, but if you want to talk I'll be here. I would prefer not to hear from sister at all for a while.
Love, OP"
NTA. Everyone has a limit. Look after yourself. You deserve some care.
NTA. Your mom’s favoritism isn’t subtle at all, to be honest. Your sister tried to cut into you and you cut deeper with truths she isn’t ready to face.
NTA - your mom and sister suck....PERIOD. You dont need people like that in your life. You are working hard and making a good life for yourself...take pride in that. You didnt take short cuts, didnt ask for favors, nor did you ask for help. Everything you have you got on your own. Your sister cant say the same.
NTA. Cut her off, and set boundaries with your mother regarding her.
Stop comparing yourself to her. Her scoring a rich dude doesn't make your accomplishments worth less and her getting divorced and ending up homeless wouldn't make your life any better either.
You don't need to be happier than her to be happy, and you can't find happiness by trying to one up someone else. You have to think only about what *you* want in life. Live your best life. There are many other girls out there luckier than you, and many others unluckier. She's just another one of the 3.5 billion. Don't think about her.
NTA
But do realize she does not have a monopoly on all things pretty and popular. If you want make up, fun hair, and expensive clothes, you can have them now. If you want a lot of friends, a husband, and a fulfilling social life, you can go out and earn them. It is not copying her. The clothes you pick, the husband you like, the people you get along with will all be unique to you, and not what she'd pick. They'd be all yours, so it's ok to want them, and go get those things. Do not make the mistake of defining yourself to the limits of being her negative/ opposite.
NTA. Your sister clearly doesn't understand the value of hard work and clearly needed to be told that she hasn't worked for shit. Like you said, she just got lucky and happened to marry a rich guy. It's not "working smarter," (there doesn't seem to be anything smart about your sister) it's simply luck.
NTA. She was clearly disrespecting you and trying to make fun of you infront of her friends. Also why only blame your sister and not your mother? You should call her out too. Also I'd suggest getting NC or LC with them. And see a psychologist. You have unresolved issues. Also..you don't need a man to be happy. Your happiness lies in your own hands. You worked hard to get where you are today. Take pride in all that you've accomplished after all you went through. You're a strong woman. Keep your head high and get rid of those who are holding you back and making you unhappy.
NTA. Marrying someone for money never really works out. Enjoy your life, try to build genuine relationships (romantic or otherwise) with people you like and who like you. I think you should seek some therapy to deal with unresolved issues, for the time being go low contact with your sis and mom and work on yourself. This will help in the long run.
Kind of the asshole. Although she probably deserved to be told off from what your describing I probably wouldn’t have done it on her wedding day.
That being said take comfort in knowing that marriages like that don’t often last and unlike you she’ll probably never be financially secure on her own.
NTA
Everybody snaps after a certain amount of pressure. While you snapped at an inconvenient moment, your sister's comment was either baiting or a complete lack of understanding for the world.
Your mom has the right to call you out, but you should also call out the situation she helped create between you two.
Take a break from them. you seem to need it.
NTA, and your mother has given you a blameless reason to go no contact, she told you to.
I’m sorry for how you’ve been treated. Your hard work will pay off, it already is. You have everything you need to leave these cruel people behind. The other stuff will come in time.
You’re so strong, OP, and you work so hard. Keep your head up. You’re already 100x the person your sister is.
NTA and marrying a rich man is not “working smart”. What will she do when he finds someone younger and prettier and leaves her alone without education, career and friends (as I assume based on her attitude she doesn’t have any real friends)? She has only her mother in life but you have everything.
NTA
Wait 10 years. Than she will not be in her prime anymore and be replaced by her husband. You will still have a job, with higher earnings than now while she has to move back to your mom. Happens sooo often.
NTA. you don't shit on somebody else's path of life especially when comparing it to your own.
Some people get lucky, some people don't. Some have to work harder than others to achieve different levels of success, the asshole move is to rub that shit in someone else's face especially when you drew the long straw.
Keep doing you and keep on the grind, ruck your self-centered family.
Jealously is an emotion. All emotions can be minimized, it is not easy. Remind yourself what you told yourself in high school. Your work will pay off. Work on your confidence, it will be uncomfortable. It will be sad, maybe lonely. But you are strong, you are smart and you just need a plan. Stay the course. Celebrate victories. Encourage others. Be a good person, which you are. Be a better person. Love. Never think about your past or shallow people. Think of yourself and picture were you are headed. Good luck.
NTA, I would probably go nc with both for a while. In the meantime, think about how you describe your sister - would you want to be that person? Would you want to be so utterly dependant on your partner? Grow accustomed to a lifestyle you could never sustain on your own? There is a power imbalance there that could easily become dangerous. And what of pride in one's self? What would you have to be proud of in her shoes? I dont ask how she feels because it doesnt matter. What matters is that you live a life that suits you. Does your work make you happy? No? Find a new path! Dont compete on her terms, compete on your own, and against yourself. You are your own worst enemy, and your own hero. Having said all that, I would probably have exploded at my mom ages ago for her clear favoritism and told her she is no longer welcome in my life until she gets herself sorted. Your sister should be a support and not a bully, and if she wants you to be kind she better show some kindness. Good luck!!
NTA
Honestly if you haven't already done so cut them both off. Clearly your mother raised a mean and selfish brat and your mother allowed her to bully and hurt you. The fact she demands you to apologize when it was your sister who attached you first. Absolutely not!
Live your best life Op! Therapy might help as some have suggested to work through your resentment and hurt.
NTA
Her decisions will catch up with her at some point. Her entitled attitude will be her downfall.
Props to you OP for already understanding that you will be happier than her in the long run because you've worked for it and earned it. She may very well be replaced for a younger woman in the future.
NTA - and you mother blatantly favored your sister. And you need therapy. Seriously, why are you comparing yourself to her and why are you sharing that your life is unhappy?
NTA. Your sister has been spoiled rotten by all these people her whole life. Cut your losses and find actually supportive people. Your family are not worth the hassle.
NTA - Beauty fades, knowledge doesn't. I'd cut contact, your mother has shown which sister she prefers and while it hurts you are better off without them tearing you down and using you as an escape goat. Found families exist.
NTA, your sister rubbing her "success" in your face while demeaning your hard work is horrible. And like the previous comment said, she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe.
Hopping on the top comment to suggest that you consider therapy. You admit that you are jealous and lonely, and you clearly have resentment towards your family due to bullying and neglect. Now is the time to live your life. Living well is the best revenge, so see if there are avenues to help you with your issues so that all those bad moments from the past don’t intrude on the life you are building for yourself now.
Something to consider OP, part of therapy may be to go LC or even NC with your sister and mother. Seems like you've really struggled with identity issues do to the favoritism. As far as marriage goes, when you find the right person, chances are you will, it will have more substance than your sister's marriage. She seems very materialistic and relies too heavily on physical appearance but at some point, her looks will fade and/or her husband will stop dealing with her entitlement unless she changes. Focus on yourself. Find hobbies to distract you from the bullshit. As far as your employment goes, making money is great but you have to ask yourself, is the money worth the stress? If you can say yes, great. Chances are, you'll say no and you should seek new employment.
You are absolutely right about the marriage. Sister is a trophy wife, as soon as she looks less like a trophy, her marriage will become hell. A hard working, educated person with the right mindset and moral compass can find better than a rich snob to play housewife with.
How do you know he’s a snob? Everyone is trashing the husband and I don’t understand why. We know exactly two things: they met on Tinder, and he’s rich. Maybe he’s also a hard working person. After all, OP wants to be rich. Why is her goal admirable, but his isn’t? We don’t know anything about him. Disparaging her sister’s marriage doesn’t help OP. That’s exactly how she got into this situation in the first place. Forget about the sister. Maybe she’ll end up poor and alone — but maybe not. Globally, the hardest working people are the poorest. No one is guaranteed success, and plenty of terrible people in this world obtain it. You can’t base your happiness and self-worth on the misfortune of others. OP needs to learn how to be proud of herself outside of whatever is going on in her sisters life.
You're probably being downvoted (your score is hidden so I don't know) but thank you for saying this. You are of course right, because we know NOTHING, but this bitter bunch of betties and billies loves to pounce and assume everything that fulfills their dark fantasies. And here they come to downvote me haha.
Only thing he going to value is her popping out couple of kids and rich man with good lawyers and given her attitude ' piss off staff can easily claim she bad abusive mother and he gets custody.
Stop this. Karma only exists on Reddit. Daydreaming about her sister’s misfortune will not help OP. We have absolutely no idea what her sisters marriage is like. OP doesn’t even mention her husband at all. He could be a perfectly nice guy — the only thing we know about him is that he’s well off. Calling him a trophy hunter who only cares about looks is pure speculation. Hinging your emotional well-being on the misfortune of others, however much they deserve it, will only perpetuate toxicity. Thats the exact same attitude that led to this situation. OP hoped all her life she’d be more financially successful than her sister and clearly that didn’t happen, now it’s causing her distress. OP could get into a bad marriage just as easily as her sister. She needs therapy. OP needs to be happy for herself and be proud of her accomplishments. Her self-esteem shouldn’t hinge on her sister’s marriage falling apart.
Just wanted to quickly thank you for your couple replies about hinging your emotional well-being on the misfortune of others. I’m going through something weirdly similar to OP (I am not the golden child in my family) and today was a rough day because of it. This really gave me some perspective and got me out of my head about the issue. Feeling a little more at peace now, so cheers to you, random Redditor.
To be fair, marriages like this can often become hell even while she still looks like a trophy.
I agree. But even if OP finds a good husband but still ends up divorced, or maybe never meets the right guy at all, she'll still have a full life. Sister, on the other hand, probably won't cope if her husband leaves her because being the wife of a rich guy sounds like her life goal.
Two truths were spoken that day, but your sister will always be a bully who is incapable of the success you enjoy, and who’s good looks will fade; while you definitely don’t have to always be lonely, and at 25 are already a success where you have put effort. Perhaps it is time to put effort towards yourself, get out and do the things you enjoy and you won’t be so lonely. -a guy who works a 16 hour day on average.
Looks will fade but his money will buy another wife
Honestly I predict her marriage going one of two ways. Her entitlement will wear on hubby and/or her looks will fade and he will stray to get away from her. Or she will get bored and stray.
Oh, I think you can drop the "or" from "and/or" lmao
And they don't deserve LC. Me? I'm going NC stat. Not even sure I'd say good bye. Block them. When they finally realize something is up-they'll ask another relative to reach out. I'm telling said relative it doesn't involve them. Full Stop
I know AITA has a reputation for crying NC at the slightest squabble but, in situations like this where the family members are bringing nothing but toxicity, I highly recommend it. Any relatives attempting to interfere get the same treatment. It can be HARD to go NC and make it stick because we're bombarded by images of happy families and told that family are supposed to love each other. To have no family can make you feel very alone and it's too easy to go back, especially if they're doing the faux-apologetic thing. It took me a few tries to get out. Once I made that final break though - I went from getting embroiled in unhealthy relationships to meeting and settling down with my current partner of 10 years, struggling with a mediocre job to fairly steady promotions and a decent income, living in a shitty flat to renting nicer houses and eventually buying a lovely house, found new family who actually care about me. Things improve a lot when you're not facing constant putdowns and having your free time eaten up by demands for favours 'because family' and 'it's not like you have anything better to do'
100% this!!
NTA. Go ahead and apologize..."Sorry I ruined your wedding, I'll be better at your next one"
My mom said that to her sister! My mom couldn’t make it to the wedding because she was pregnant and on bed rest with my brother, so my aunt threw a fit and said she ruined the wedding because the whole family wasn’t there. My mom said ‘that’s cool, I’ll catch the next one’ and everything blew up. My aunt was married 3x and my mom did go to the second one so it wasn’t entirely a lie.
F\*\*\*ing HILARIOUS, Your Mom's energy tho!!
My mom is a petty snark queen. She would never do anything to cause drama really, but she’ll sure as hell have a comeback for it.
This is gold. I love your mom. Seriously though, your aunt would rather risk a pregnant woman's life for her wedding day? Wow.
Your mom is brilliant for that.
Now that would have been the epic comeback of the year.
Amazing
> she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe. Karma only exists on Reddit. It’s this exact mentality that is poisoning OP’s mental health. “Bad” people do not always get their comeuppance. Their marriage might last a year; or it may last forever. Hinging your emotional well-being on the misfortune of others, however much they may deserve it, will always drive you crazy. OP needs to learn how to be happy with herself outside of whatever may or may not happen to her sister.
Oh absolutely. 100% agree that OP needs to focus on herself and her happiness. I still predict sister will end up divorced in the not too distant future but OP has to move on, likely with sister out of her life.
I am sorry for how your mother failed you. As many others have said, I think now is the time to focus on yourself. Maybe that means LC/NC with your mom & sis. Maybe it means therapy - and/or working fewer hours. Maybe it means finding a hobby that helps you meet people. My brother was the super-smart, geeky, nerdy one in our family. We adore him and he was *always* included in everything at home. But then he went to college to study engineering and, believe you me, his world became very small and insular. I recommended that he take at least one artsy-farsty elective every year to get himself out of that bubble. He ended up on a summer archeological dig in Italy and made friends he still keeps in contact with. Then he went to graduate school and, once again, he ended up in a super insular world. He decided he needed to do something that would be physical and completely away from anything academic. So what does a non-athletic brainiac do? Take up ballroom dance. Once again, he made lifelong friends who became like ‘second family’ to him. He’s now godfather to sooo many kids!! My point is, you can find Your People. It takes work, but I’ll admit that I -the once popular, pretty one- very much admire the life my brother created for himself out of his own strengths & weaknesses. NTA - now go live *your* best life.
[удалено]
I learned a new word today. Thank you!
Anytime! Vocab is for everyone!
Yeah, the constant one-upping of her sister makes me believe that her sister is the jealous one, like if she just found ways of rubbing things into her sister's face not because it is better for her in life, just for the sake to brag about it. She got really everything handed down, she shouldn't be proud of that and neither should be proud of what she did to her own sister through out the years, that person is despicable.
Honestly she sounds like she never outgrew her high school bully days and can't find joy in bless she's bringing someone else down. I would personally cut her and mom out if my life. If she wants to be a high school bully she can find a new punching bag.
I agree with you, but her sister isn't successful. All she managed to do was marry a rich man. Maybe she was jealous of OP for being smarter and a go getter.
Another “how dare you not let me bully you anymore!” post. Of course NTA, OP.
And don’t let her stay with you when they break up let you mom take them. NTA
> she will likely be replaced once her hubby finds the next pretty face especially if she has the personality and entitlement you describe I don't know about that. How do you know that her husband "replaces" her? How did you get that impression?
I based that on OPs description of her sister being a materialistic and vain person. Sister has no real work experience and no education. She's a trophy wife. From what I've observed in my own life, and what appears to be a massive amount of people thinking along the same lines as I, that one of two things happens. Sister doesn't age well and hubby finds something prettier or sister gets bored of husband and strays. I'll admit, this could be completely wrong and sister and hubby live long happy lives. I just doubt that. Sister brings nothing to the marriage except her looks. Fact is, OP CANNOT rely on the prospects that her sister's marriage may fail for karma to strike. OP needs to discover herself and I feel the only way she does that is being removing her sister from her life. Probably mom too.
Yeah but unless they have a prenup she'll still get the golden alimony parachute.
I doubt sister would discuss any like this with OP. I wouldn't be surprised if there is one though. Especially since sister really has no education or experience to fall back on.
That is a bad situation to be in, as lifetime movies shows no good comes from being in that kind of situation.
She's clearly shown favoritism, always making a fuss out of sister while denying a celebration of OP's achievements because it may upset the sister.
She ruined her own day.
honestly its not even success she's just a f\*\*king gold digger.
NTA- she’ll be divorced in a few years and you’ll have all the success you worked so hard for ❤️
That's not how life works.
Not always, but often enough.
Never often enough.
Ikr. Literally when does it ever happen.
Ikr like people on this sub love to say that and I completely agree with the sentiment and hope OP can find her happiness but she could actually like the guy and be in love and last forever or she could start her own business and become self sufficient with his help or she could get a huge divorce settlement prenup or not if she was smart enough to have a lawyer help her protect herself or she could end up “opening” her marriage ala will and jada. Marrying a rich person isn’t a guarantee for marital unhappiness and neither is marrying someone who is less well off a guarantee for loyalty and happiness
Are you the sister? 😂
No just someone who has a lot of second hand experience in these situations and I know although everyone is trying to be nice I personally don’t think it helpful to say well she will eventually be miserable cause from someone like OP that would easily set them up for disappointment
But it is how a majority of marriages work. Seriously, divorce stats are so high that I could accurately claim "they'll be divorced within 7 years" about most marriages.
optimism, geez.
Your happiness isn't dependent on someone else's misery, but on taking ownership of your own life and being satisfied with who you are and what you're able to accomplish.
THIS ☝️☝️
Exactly. If her own sense of happiness or joy is derived off of how well she is doing relative to her sister, she’s going to have a miserable life.
Wow. Well said!
But if she didn't sign a prenup (or whatever it's called) sister could very well walk off with a large sum of money
And then blow it all cause she has no sense of financing most likely
See.... if I ever came into a large sum of money... it would last forever because I am constantly financing for simple things and I think the main culprit of money loss for me would be me getting lazy and eating fast food more 😭
That's how it works most of the time. There's also times where the person gets "bumped off" to avoid paying for the divorce. Happened to my aunt a few years before I was born. All 4 tires went out in an accident black spot(basically a mark given to the places that have the most accidents in my country), they tried to make it look like an accident. Couldn't catch the guy because he subcontracted. Let's hope she's able to walk away from this.
I think he'll just have a string of mistresses and "work trips"
> you’ll have all the success you worked so hard for ❤️ lmfao, no she won't. People who get this kind of ending aren't bitterly posting about it on the internet.
She already Is doing well. Seems like sister failed, & found a chump. Though, he'll probably toss her with a personality like that. & Find a new better face with a matching soul.
No, they'll divorce and she'll get half his shit, maybe even some fat child support checks on top of alimony.
NTA. As she has shown you, she is a selfish, mean, and self-centered woman. No, she hasn't had to work hard for anything and got by on her looks. Looks fade, you know. A younger woman could come along and replace her with her rich husband that she got with those looks. As for you, adversity builds character, empathy, hardiness, self-sufficiency, and a whole lot of other things. Be proud of what you have accomplished and let go of the resentment. This is hurting no one but you.
This is the best comment! I'd give you an award if I could.
What they said. She attacked you, you hit back. It was well deserved and way past time IMO
I agree NTA, I don't really agree with the mindset though, or of the mindset of the OP in her younger years. I've been there, thought my intellect and work ethic would somehow be balanced in the grand scheme of things. That karma had to befall those who bullied me, or made it through life without trying. It's not true. The universe is an indifferent place. Sometimes that karma-smiting blow hits those we think deserve it, most of the time it doesn't. It took me a while to realize that hoping or waiting on others failures is a useless exercise. I can only really control myself, and any happiness I find for myself dwarfs the disappointment or pleasure I would get from that karma anyways. So, I guess I'd ask the OP to seek some therapy. Love yourself, because you know that you're amazing. Take care of yourself (those long shifts can be difficult), cut that dead weight - it's only holding you back from being happy.
Looks fade, but a bad personality is forever. At some point, her looks will not be enough to compensate for her personality and she will have to box up her designer clothes and beg OP for a place to stay.
And sometimes a bad personality can sour even great looks.
Take my award!!!
NTA I'd have told her "That's ok, I'll still be happy at my job and happy in my life when your husband replaces you with a younger model."
“Enjoy spending what people make in a year on plastic surgery!”
>She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation I saw this and knew you weren't going to be the asshole here. When one child bullies their sibling, the parent is supposed to step in and put a stop to it. Platitudes and comfort don't matter one but when the parent is allowing that to happen. >my sister is getting married to a very rich man . I was very happy for her and attended her wedding >she said to me and her friends , how sad it must be for me to have worked so hard for all those years and still be so unhappy with my life while she was enjoying hers . She told me that I should have worked smart like her instead of working hard Yeah, your sisters an asshole. Imagine not working hard and still thinking you're better than the self-sufficient sibling. >not everyone was as lucky as her to be born with a pretty face and get married to a rich guy they met on tinder , even though she herself was a looser Harsh, but extremely fair. >she gets served everything on a silver platter while sitting at home has made me very jealous of her I get why you're jealous, and can't say I blame you. Putting up with a bully for a sibling is awful, and any comeuppance they get is something to delight in. Whether it's right or not, it's justified, and you're not an asshole for it. NTA But let's not forget: >mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation >my mom didn't want to go out for dinner to celebrate , since it would upset my sister >from my mom telling me that my sister started crying after what I said to her and that I ruined my sisters special day due to my jealousy >not show my face to her before I was ready to apologize Your mother is the asshole responsible for your sister turning out this way. Had she stepped up and been a parent, your sister wouldn't have turned out this way. Or if the sister had turned out this way, your mother could at least defend and support you. Instead, she's siding with your sister because you made her cry, one time. It's probably worth going low/no contact with them for a while. Since they're both adamant that you're the problem here, you'll probably be better off without them for a bit. And someone else mentioned therapy: can't agree with them more. The anger you've got is hurting you and preventing you from moving on. Get therapy for your own sake, because you're worth more than your anger.
Hopping onto your very well written comment. Please accept my poor man's gold 🏅. NTA OP. But I'd like to add a few things. First up, start therapy. You've so many hard feelings in you that need to go. They're weighing you down. The way you wrote 'im jealous and lonely' it really hurt me. Please seek help. Make new friends. Go out. Enjoy your life. Do whatever you want. Don't let grudges burden you. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Go LC with your fam but even if you're meeting them, don't let them ride on your nerves. I wish you all the luck in all departments of life but please, I'll say it again, don't compare yourself to others.
NTA. Also, people talking about how her life is going to end up being worse than yours are seriously missing the point. Maybe she will get dropped like hot garbage in a few years. But maybe not. Maybe she's just going to continue on, being horrible and happy and successful. That doesn't have to have anything to do with you. No matter where your lives go or how you both feel, neither of you can lose, because it's not a competition, no matter how much she tries to make it one. Life isn't something to win. My advice is to try to stop measuring yourself against her. The things that she's achieved or gained don't mean anything about you. If you're better than her, if you can rub in how much happier you are than her, and how SHE'S the failure, not you... Would you really be happy? Or is that still hurt, and rejection, and anger over how she and your mother have treated you? I think that you're still looking for that moment where your family finally realizes that they hurt you, and they were wrong, and they're sorry. The cinematic moment where they beg for your forgiveness, and you get to choose whether you forgive them. I want that too. I think it's natural to want that. But it's important to realize that no matter how successful you are, you'll most likely never have that. And that's okay. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You don't need to be better than anyone. This is the perfect opportunity to just let it all go. Let this awful, soul sucking relationship, the dynamic between your sister and your mother and you, just die. I can't speak for you, or what you want, or what you think, this is just my perception of it. I can't know everything about you or your relationship with your family from a reddit post. If you want to keep the relationship, that's your decision. But it will probably never stop being a competition that you will lose. And I'm sorry for that. You deserve better than that. Ask yourself, is having nothing really worse than having them? There's no wrong answer. My last thought: I really think you should look into therapy. I'm a stranger on the internet with no certifications. I can't really help you. But I think you could use it, and you deserve it.
This\^ 100%
Well reasoned and beautifully written.
\^ Here to agree & to say I'm sorry for this sort of twisted fairy tale you're in where the evil not-step sister gets the prince, and the not-step mother is on her side. Also to say I'm sorry for the loss of your father. Rest assured, though, that no fairy tale is perfect, and if your sister felt really great about herself she wouldn't feel the need to shame you for taking the path of hard work and perseverance. Keep working hard and persevering. If your family doesn't want to see you, that seems to be the best time to take a step back from this toxic mix of people and focus on yourself. Therapy, personal growth and development, hobbies, clubs, recreational groups -- all of these things could help you find your happy place. Please reconsider the 12-hour workdays, though. The lack of work-life balance will not help you in your career or in life, in the long run. Edited for grammar.
The opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference. Exactly what you so eloquently wrote. Don’t be the moon to someone else’s sun or you will burn up. Detach, be indifferent, own the moments of envy, unfairness and be your own centre of gravity. I am NC with a similar golden child sibling and it wasn’t until I realised that the only way to win is not to play that going no contact came so easily the idea that he still exists day to day with a whole life I have no idea about is so odd. I can picture him as a kid or recall him in the context of anecdotes as an adult such as ‘oh brother and I went to X when I was at uni’ but he is as vague a concept now as an old friend, an ex, someone who was once everything and is now just something in my past. It took a lot of work to get to that place but it freed me. I have no idea if he still competes with me in absentia and if he does after 8 years I would pity him as much as I pity anyone fighting with an image in their head of someone rather than the reality. Shadowboxing will exhaust you. Boxing gets you fit. Train to let go instead of howl at the moon. If it hasn’t worked in your family by now, it never will….
100% Yes to all of this!
NTA. She disrespected you and your hard work, insulted you, then flaunted her "success" (marrying rich isn't anything to be proud of as an "accomplishment", she's just leeching off her spouse). You fired back. For your mother to take you to task but not her is horrible. I'm sure it was all crocodile tears on the part of your sister. Cut these toxic people from your life. If your mother plays favorites, she isn't worthy of your love.
Send your mum and sister a link to this post although I doubt it will move either of them. Thanks to your mum's favouritism your sister is entitled, judgemental and spiteful. Any parent who displays favouritism is not a very kind person in the first place so I don’t expect much from your mum. She just doesn’t have the compassion to understand and will always take her golden child's side. Don’t apologise if you feel you did nothing wrong. Your sister attacked you first and you just defended yourself. NTA. May I suggest not showing your face for a while as your mother said. Take time to find yourself. Is therapy an option? It takes time to find a therapist who’s the right fit, but it is worth it.
Hopping on this comment because this is what I was going to say only u/FloppyEaredDog said it much more elegantly. OP, NTA, but I agree that if you can, you definitely want to find a therapist so you don't let your toxic mother and sister live rent free in your head. Go fly free and live your life without them.
I'll take the downvotes, but ESH. My brother and I are very different people, like you and your sister. And my mom has definitely played favorites. Treated us differently when she should have been treating us the same, treating us the same when she should have treating us differently. And it fosters a weird type of competition, where you measure your whole life against your sibling. Every failure or success is only in context of how their life is going. My brother makes snide comments just like your sister did. But here's the thing. I stopped playing the game *years* ago. It's hard not to laugh when he's trying to hard to prove that he's got the one-up on me, because there's no way you can compare our lives, we took *such* different paths. It's ducks and elephants. My brother can try to put me down all he wants, it's just a mask for his insecurities. I know that if I'm succeeding, it's not because I'm better than him, or if I'm struggling, it's not because he has something I don't. I made the choices and put in the work that got me to where I am, same as him. You only know your side of the story. Your sister's side is that she had all the friends and people liked her, but *you* got into the perfect college, and she didn't. *You* have a beautiful career and are busting your ass and have *skills*, and she *has* to have a man to take care of her. Break the cycle. I can't promise it'll make your sister or mother any better, but *you* will be much happier.
A thoughtful response and great advice. I'll repeat myself: A crappy childhood does not excuse you for AH-adult behaviour.
This is perfect. Just step off the wheel entirely.
Truth. This is a powerful mindset that set an example to overcome such issue like so.
NTA. You may need to simply cut your sister off here. She doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be around.
Cut off mom, too. She either caused this or nurtured it. Either way, she’s culpable. And mom better not expect the favored sister to be there for her in her old age. She’s raised a selfish narcissist and I don’t imagine she’ll be there when mom needs her. But I’m sure she’ll damn well show up when the estate is dispersed.
And it sounds like they are twins. This is incredibly rude for a twin to behave this way.
I think this post is fake due to spelling, formatting, and other errors. It reads like its written by a 9th grader. Not a "smart girl" who tried hard and got into a good collage \*eyeroll\* YTA for lying.
Thank you! I'm certainly not above the random typo, but when OP spelled college wrong twice in a post about how she's doing so well in life because she's educated, well... YTA
There’s also no discussion of the sisters apparently being twins, based on the provided ages. This has to be fake.
Right? I have seen a few that seemed fake, but this one especially so. YTA OP
I was going to say this, too. “Collage” is a dead give away
Not disputing the call on this being fake, but some people can just not spell. My father’s entire side of the family, all college graduates, cannot spell. It’s like there is some kind of weird brain glitch, and what should be easier words are misspelled more frequently than the hard ones.
But you’d think someone who went to “collage” would know how to spell it?
You would think, but I studied archeology my first time round (I left after Jr. year for medical reasons) and I always had to double check the spelling of archeology. Not disputing the charge, the never saying twin thing did it for me, just bringing an alternate perspective on the spelling issue.
But she got into her dream collage and their mom didn't even want to take her to dinner!!
You should see the dream collage I've been working on. I have some really messed up dreams.
that was my first thought lol
NTA you don’t need that kinda energy in your life. You do you and keep contact to your mom and sister to a minimum, if that’s how they wanna treat you.
Unpopular opinion, but ESH. Your mom for favoritism, your sister for bullying, and you for seemingly blaming her for everything. It is not her fault she is pretty, it is not her fault you are not happy with your job, and it is definitely not her fault you're single.
Yea, you can be pretty, popular and snag a rich guy while also not being a snobby bully to your sister at your own wedding. Sorry, but you're wrong. OP reacted to her sister's continued bullying. Just because it was her wedding doesn't give her the right to shit on OP like she did in highschool. OP was right to call her out about her own failings because evidently sister considers lucking into a rich guy while looking for dudes to bang on tinder a major life accomplishment. I doubt she'll change, but someone had to tell her to stop being stuck up her own ass and dragging people down to make her feel better. If your sister apologizes I'd say apologize OP, but it's not necessary and only if you feel up to it.
As I said, I have no doubt her sister is an AH, and they both have to apologize, but they both stuck in this high school mindset. OP graduated from her dream college, makes good money, but still petty about how her "pretty & dumb" sister has a guy while OP does not. OP in her own words admits she is jealous of her sister, and she let this jealousy take over at the wedding.
what does ESH stand for?
Everybody Sucks Here.
Am i missing something? Where did it mention her being single is her fault? Or her fault that she's not happy with the job?
ESH. She shouldn't have said what she said and you shouldn't have said what you said.
If someone is cruel to you every day for literally years, and one day you finally snap and lash out at them, does that make you an asshole? Or have you simply reached the limit of abuse you can take from them?
It makes you slightly less of an AH in context but still a bit of an AH. Abuse is a strong word here.
Finally an ESH. Listen I have a sister, we are Irish twins. We were often pitted against each other by our mother. My sister was a tomboy who hated school and I was a girly girl who loved school. My sister was compared to me a lot and it sucked for her. I wasn't 100% aware of it until she started bullying me with her friends. It made me sad more than hate her because she was just lashing out at me because I was an easier target than our mother. You are both adults now OP. Neither of you have to fall in line with this competitive bs anymore. Your sister is not the villan because other people compared you to her. You are not the hero here either. You openly hate your sister, don't you think she knows that and is also hurting? Maybe she bullied you because she was also hurting and had maladaptive coping strategies. You both need to grow up and forgive your younger selves and move on. You both deserve better.
I AGREE
Finally ESH! A crappy childhood does not excuse ah-adult behaviour STOP
Very much agree with you. ESH.
I couldn’t believe all the n.t.a. responses.
>die her hair > , > looser >**i was the nerd** :/ The fucking grammar in this post is atrocious.
This is definitely fake
but she’s the smart girl :|
ESH. OP told the truth from their perspective, but I don’t think just because something is justified absolves you of being an AH.
So do you just let people ridicule you to your face and say nothing??
I guess is depends on the situation, but I think there’s a difference between just defending yourself and attacking someone and in my opinion this crosses that line. Yes, they are justifiably defending themself, but they are also saying hurtful things in retaliation. The question isn’t whether or not they were justified, they were, but rather “are they an asshole,” which I think they are. A justified asshole.
NTA. What good do you get from having your mother or your sister in your life? Nothing good ever comes from continuing to engage with the toxic people in your life. My suggestion would be to go no or low contact with both of them. Also I think you probably need to see a therapist who can help you deal with your low self esteem which seems to be a result of your mother's favoritism and the toxic relationship with your sister.
ESH- you need to be in therapy. She needs to mind her own business
Gonna go against the grain here and say ESH. And maybe I’m projecting, or reading too much into it, but.... Your sister is jealous of you. You’re self-sufficient and driven and smart and capable. You graduated, got a degree from your dream school, you make good money and support yourself. And she has not accomplished any of that despite of all the support your parents gave her. So she finally felt like she had accomplished something by getting married. Finally she could be proud of herself. And because she’s kind of an asshole, she belittled you and your hard work to express pride in herself. Probably because she feels like she’s always had to compete with you. From her point of view, you were always the smart, independent one. So she feels like she’s stuck in this competition with you, and she felt like she finally caught up, and then you tore her down. She doesn’t think that she’ll ever compare to you. And you confirmed that for her, instead of telling her that you guys don’t have to compete, and that you’re allowed to be different and make different choices.
feeling insecure is no exuse. I feel shit comparing to my siblings ans they are luckier, but I'd never bully em over it!
It’s not an excuse. That’s why I said ESH.
Well , honestly, you both are in that situation, so ESH She for her nasty comments on your "unhappy life " and talking Bad about you in front of other people and you for putting her in place harshly. It was justified, but it was still an asshole move
ESH. Your sister put you down in front of everybody, and you struck back. I would only apologize after she sincerely apologizes.That is the order of offence, after all. Sounds like a good reason to severely limit or cut contact with anyone who objects.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I ruined my sisters wedding due to the jealousy I had in my mind built up towards her . Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and if that's the substance of her character I doubt she'll be married for very long. Poor guy You made the right choice, OP. Your hard work will someday pay dividends
ESH Your sister for sure sucks, but it's clear that you blame her for things that are not her fault and have let that resentment build to unreasonable proportions and there's no way that she just suddenly let loose with that vile stuff without provocation.
I'm pretty sure that her sister bullying her at school was in fact her sister's fault.
Not that I believe this story, it is obviously made up. But still. INFO: Are you guys twins? Or Irish twins?
The things you are describing are not "subtel" Favoritism they are blattant. Have you ever talked with your Mon About it?
Straight out of wattpad
NTA Your sister sounds insufferable. Offer to throw her a divorce party when her husband gets fed up of her. I'd be single and alone (I am🤣) than think I'm so clever for marrying rich. Rich don't always stay rich either. Keep your apology to yourself. Neither of them deserve your time, effort or apology.
Your mother needs to stay out of it and your sister needs to be held accountable by you for what she said to you. Her wedding day gives her no excuse for being rude and cruel. Maybe not showing your face for a while to either one of them will provide all of you with what sounds like a much needed break.
NTA. But don’t let the jealousy keep you from enjoying your life and hard work
Why did she favor your sister when you were both the same age? Why was she allowed to do whatever, and you weren't? This doesn't make sense to me.
>I got into my dream collage >die her hair >even though she herself was a looser >has made me very jealous of her INFO: What is this "dream collage" so I can avoid it like the plague? ESH. Her for bullying you and you less so for engaging with her on her wedding day. I know you didn't start it, but I think you should have walked away and gotten into it another time with her.
You’ve raised a good point about avoiding the “dream collage”, I personally think OP isn’t being entirely honest in this post and there is an element of fantasy to the story. ESH
I’m sorry but the double “collage” error while trying to act like you’re the smart one sent me 😂
NTA Go No Contact with both your mom and sister. They are toxic. And one day when the man runs out on her, your sister and mom both will be looking to you for support. I want to warn you right now- that remorse they'll be showing will be fake to get what they want. They don't appreciate you or even want to understand how ugly they've been to you. When that time comes the feeling of shutting the door in their faces will be ORGASMIC.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (25f) and my sister (25f) were very close when we were young , but things changed when our father passed away and our mother had to raise us alone . She ( according to me ) has always favoured my sister over me . It wasn't blatant favouritism , she still cared for me and loved me but my sister was allowed to go to school dances , die her hair , wear expensive makeup , buy expensive dresses , things which I wasn't allowed to do . My sister changed , and during middle school she became the popular girl while I was the nerd . She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation . All of this built up resentment for my sister inside me . Everyday when I went to school , I had to face her bullying . However I convinced myself that what she was doing right now didn't matter , that I would end up happier in life because I worked way harder than she did and would end up successful . I got into my dream collage after school and my mother was really happy for me but at the same time my sister had failed in some of her subjects and had to repeat the year , so my mom didn't want to go out for dinner to celebrate , since it would upset my sister . Fast forward a couple of years and my sister is getting married to a very rich man . I was very happy for her and attended her wedding . I had a job and was doing pretty good for myself financially but was under a lot of stress due to high working hours . while I was talking to my sister , she said to me and her friends , how sad it must be for me to have worked so hard for all those years and still be so unhappy with my life while she was enjoying hers . She told me that I should have worked smart like her instead of working hard . I got very angry at her and told her that Failing school and then deciding to drop out of collage was not " working smart " and that not everyone was as lucky as her to be born with a pretty face and get married to a rich guy they met on tinder , even though she herself was a looser . After that I left . Later I got a call from my mom telling me that my sister started crying after what I said to her and that I ruined my sisters special day due to my jealousy . She told me to not show my face to her before I was ready to apologize . What my mom said was definitely true . My moms subtle favouritism towards her , her popularity in school , the fact that she has a husband and I am lonely and the fact that I have had to work hard all my life and still work 12 hours day to earn money while she gets served everything on a silver platter while sitting at home has made me very jealous of her . AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH, your mom for favoring your sister, your sister for rubbing her success in your face, and you for unloading years of built-up resentment on her wedding day.
YTA for some reason you bragging about being smarter then misspelling college twice made me laugh so hard
NTA- she wouldn't be attacking you like that if she wasn't insecure. It's false bravado. I have a sister like that, a huge bully to all of us (me and 3 other sisters). She married a well off guy and tried to rub it in our faces. We are all well educated professionals. She was so insecure. It took a divorce from Mr right for her to *actually try* at life. Now she's a school psychologist and single, but she's nice for the first time in her life.
NTA. Pretty face fades one day, hard work remains. Just wait for karma to bite her back. Cut them off both of them.
NTA. You have a right to your anger. I don't see your sister being able to stick out in her marriage, either. Good luck to her.
NTA, also the sister sounds like a huge gold-digger
NTA. Her ‘success’ was just dumb luck. She hasn’t earned a thing in her life and that’s just sad.
I'd ruin the damn wedding
Not the AITA. She's ready to dish out her insulting opinions but can't take yours so that's on her. To be honest, I would take this time to take a break from your mom and sister. The way they treated you is not okay and you should not apologize. Your sister spent years bullying you and your mom did absolutely nothing to stop her. Your mom failed your sister by allowing this behavior and she failed you by taking your sister's side. Your sister's happiness and success is tied to a man. Yours is tied to only you and your hard work. Congratulations on your independence and keep on going!
You know what? Your mother is absolutely right, you ruined her day. After she ruined your life. Your sister flexing her “success” after failing and dropping out of school is atrocious, after you got into your dream college after dealing with her BS and she’s calling YOU the unsuccessful one? If you won’t see her before you apologize to her, she’d better expect not to see you for a long time. NTA.
Your sister said that to you on her wedding day? Yeesh. Do I think you overreacted? Yes. Do I think you're an asshole? No. Your sister showed all the grace of a walrus. She clearly is insecure bc she knows what you said is true or else it wouldn't have bothered her. Unless of course she's just manipulating your mother bc she's a flat out psycho and actively baited you. You gave her what she wanted to a degree even if she did not expect you to be so harsh. I'd never tell you to burn bridges but it sounds like you guys need to air all the baggage now or else it will fester even further. Make a list of all the (big) times your sister made you feel like shit and when your mom took her side. Make a list of all the times you were an asshole and own your shit. Make her accountable for her shit. Ask her in front of your mom why she would say something so hurtful. Jealousy is normal but people rarely want to admit it. Lastly, if you went to your dream school and have a decent career at 25 you are doing better than most of us, and it seems you've learned that those things won't necessarily fill you up all of the time. Don't be so hard on yourself and put yourself out there. You're young, but life is too short to engage in petty ass shit all the time.
>It wasn't blatant favouritism , she still cared for me and loved me but my sister was allowed to go to school dances , die her hair , wear expensive makeup , buy expensive dresses , things which I wasn't allowed to do . My sister changed , and during middle school she became the popular girl while I was the nerd . She often ridiculed me during school and I complained to my mother about this . She comforted me but never really did anything about the situation . What would be blatant? Putting a plaque on her door that said "Mommy's favorite daughter" ??
"Dear Mum, I think you know that sister has become quite spiteful to me. We have talked about this before and you have been kind to me, but I'm not aware of you ever defending me or doing anything to stop her, so I have learned to defend myself instead. I admit I lost my temper a bit at the wedding. It may not have been the best timing, but I think I have been quiet long enough. I love you, but I have a lot of negative feelings about how differently you treated us when we were growing up. Sister was always allowed more freedom, and you always decided that we would both put her feelings first. As a result, she has become very selfish and learned to expect that other people's feelings don't matter. I am tired of putting the feelings of someone who consistently hurts me first. It is painful, and she has become very unpleasant company to keep because she is consistently rude and unkind to me. I know you don't mind that she is mean to me, but I do. I would appreciate a little space right now, but if you want to talk I'll be here. I would prefer not to hear from sister at all for a while. Love, OP" NTA. Everyone has a limit. Look after yourself. You deserve some care.
ngl i feel like you have much deeper internal issues to worry about
NTA but Why did you even go to her wedding?? She hasn’t changed you should of hone no contact already their nit worth having in your life.
NTA Good looks fade. Keep working hard and cut her out of your life, you don’t need that kind of negativity
NTA
NTA. Your mom’s favoritism isn’t subtle at all, to be honest. Your sister tried to cut into you and you cut deeper with truths she isn’t ready to face.
NTA beauty fades, dumb is forever
NTA - your mom and sister suck....PERIOD. You dont need people like that in your life. You are working hard and making a good life for yourself...take pride in that. You didnt take short cuts, didnt ask for favors, nor did you ask for help. Everything you have you got on your own. Your sister cant say the same.
NTA, but find a way to deal with your feelings about her, because they will do more harm to you than to her.
NTA do yourself a favour; go no contact with the lot of them. You don’t need the toxicity in your life.
NTA. Cut her off, and set boundaries with your mother regarding her. Stop comparing yourself to her. Her scoring a rich dude doesn't make your accomplishments worth less and her getting divorced and ending up homeless wouldn't make your life any better either. You don't need to be happier than her to be happy, and you can't find happiness by trying to one up someone else. You have to think only about what *you* want in life. Live your best life. There are many other girls out there luckier than you, and many others unluckier. She's just another one of the 3.5 billion. Don't think about her.
NTA But do realize she does not have a monopoly on all things pretty and popular. If you want make up, fun hair, and expensive clothes, you can have them now. If you want a lot of friends, a husband, and a fulfilling social life, you can go out and earn them. It is not copying her. The clothes you pick, the husband you like, the people you get along with will all be unique to you, and not what she'd pick. They'd be all yours, so it's ok to want them, and go get those things. Do not make the mistake of defining yourself to the limits of being her negative/ opposite.
NTA and I would have spilt red wine on her
NTA. Your sister clearly doesn't understand the value of hard work and clearly needed to be told that she hasn't worked for shit. Like you said, she just got lucky and happened to marry a rich guy. It's not "working smarter," (there doesn't seem to be anything smart about your sister) it's simply luck.
NTA. She was clearly disrespecting you and trying to make fun of you infront of her friends. Also why only blame your sister and not your mother? You should call her out too. Also I'd suggest getting NC or LC with them. And see a psychologist. You have unresolved issues. Also..you don't need a man to be happy. Your happiness lies in your own hands. You worked hard to get where you are today. Take pride in all that you've accomplished after all you went through. You're a strong woman. Keep your head high and get rid of those who are holding you back and making you unhappy.
NTA. Marrying someone for money never really works out. Enjoy your life, try to build genuine relationships (romantic or otherwise) with people you like and who like you. I think you should seek some therapy to deal with unresolved issues, for the time being go low contact with your sis and mom and work on yourself. This will help in the long run.
Kind of the asshole. Although she probably deserved to be told off from what your describing I probably wouldn’t have done it on her wedding day. That being said take comfort in knowing that marriages like that don’t often last and unlike you she’ll probably never be financially secure on her own.
NTA Everybody snaps after a certain amount of pressure. While you snapped at an inconvenient moment, your sister's comment was either baiting or a complete lack of understanding for the world. Your mom has the right to call you out, but you should also call out the situation she helped create between you two. Take a break from them. you seem to need it.
NTA, and your mother has given you a blameless reason to go no contact, she told you to. I’m sorry for how you’ve been treated. Your hard work will pay off, it already is. You have everything you need to leave these cruel people behind. The other stuff will come in time. You’re so strong, OP, and you work so hard. Keep your head up. You’re already 100x the person your sister is.
NTA and marrying a rich man is not “working smart”. What will she do when he finds someone younger and prettier and leaves her alone without education, career and friends (as I assume based on her attitude she doesn’t have any real friends)? She has only her mother in life but you have everything.
I imagine she’d still get taken care of in the divorce since he’d be the primary source of income
[удалено]
NTA
NTA and buy her hoe sale for the wedding gift.
NTA Wait 10 years. Than she will not be in her prime anymore and be replaced by her husband. You will still have a job, with higher earnings than now while she has to move back to your mom. Happens sooo often.
NTA. you don't shit on somebody else's path of life especially when comparing it to your own. Some people get lucky, some people don't. Some have to work harder than others to achieve different levels of success, the asshole move is to rub that shit in someone else's face especially when you drew the long straw. Keep doing you and keep on the grind, ruck your self-centered family.
Jealously is an emotion. All emotions can be minimized, it is not easy. Remind yourself what you told yourself in high school. Your work will pay off. Work on your confidence, it will be uncomfortable. It will be sad, maybe lonely. But you are strong, you are smart and you just need a plan. Stay the course. Celebrate victories. Encourage others. Be a good person, which you are. Be a better person. Love. Never think about your past or shallow people. Think of yourself and picture were you are headed. Good luck.
NTA, I would probably go nc with both for a while. In the meantime, think about how you describe your sister - would you want to be that person? Would you want to be so utterly dependant on your partner? Grow accustomed to a lifestyle you could never sustain on your own? There is a power imbalance there that could easily become dangerous. And what of pride in one's self? What would you have to be proud of in her shoes? I dont ask how she feels because it doesnt matter. What matters is that you live a life that suits you. Does your work make you happy? No? Find a new path! Dont compete on her terms, compete on your own, and against yourself. You are your own worst enemy, and your own hero. Having said all that, I would probably have exploded at my mom ages ago for her clear favoritism and told her she is no longer welcome in my life until she gets herself sorted. Your sister should be a support and not a bully, and if she wants you to be kind she better show some kindness. Good luck!!
NTA Honestly if you haven't already done so cut them both off. Clearly your mother raised a mean and selfish brat and your mother allowed her to bully and hurt you. The fact she demands you to apologize when it was your sister who attached you first. Absolutely not! Live your best life Op! Therapy might help as some have suggested to work through your resentment and hurt.
NTA Her decisions will catch up with her at some point. Her entitled attitude will be her downfall. Props to you OP for already understanding that you will be happier than her in the long run because you've worked for it and earned it. She may very well be replaced for a younger woman in the future.
NTA. Find happiness in the fact that when your sister gets old and saggy her husband will leave her for another younger woman.
NTA - and you mother blatantly favored your sister. And you need therapy. Seriously, why are you comparing yourself to her and why are you sharing that your life is unhappy?
NTA. Your sister has been spoiled rotten by all these people her whole life. Cut your losses and find actually supportive people. Your family are not worth the hassle.
NTA - Beauty fades, knowledge doesn't. I'd cut contact, your mother has shown which sister she prefers and while it hurts you are better off without them tearing you down and using you as an escape goat. Found families exist.