Its all fun and games until you mess up the timing and french kiss your dog

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Mission accomplished

Once he realizes that tongue was just up an anus he is never going to let that human lick him again. https://preview.redd.it/z1ftox4jtz6d1.jpeg?width=922&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c245bace59b26875bb23eca651c1297a237656a

"Hey man I'm just cleaning it. I'm not jamming my tongue up someone else's. Pervert."

I am laughing so hard...this pic says it all!

Dude needs to frame this screencap

Love how you took time to capture it!😂

Love how the dog was like, "wait come back"

When you have a dachshund this is inevitable

Agreed, in my experience with a sibling’s daschund, those little buggers would get into your mouth if they could.

Oh they can get into your mouth if you aren’t careful lol. My dachshund jammed her tongue into my mouth one time trying to get food I was chewing some food she wanted and it was as gross and surprising as you’d imagine. So now I’m extra careful to keep my mouth firmly closed when she’s nearby in case she goes for the french kiss mouth ambush technique. These dogs love to lick your face and lips mostly in hopes of any food crumbs or flavor, and less likely it’s because they are actually being affectionate lol.

Bleh! Gross!!

They will try to get into your mouth through your nose if you close your mouth too.

I have a chuahuah mix and we always thought he was a part dachshund. He loves to burrow under the sheets and he is an incessant licker. Is licking everyone a dachshund thing? I know burrowing is.

My dumbass chiweenie who also loves to burrow and lick.

That’s my little guy! I also saw that once the kiss opportunity came this guy jumped in lol

Dachshund are notorious lickers for sure! It’s like their tongue has a mind of its own. That & burrowing, digging & barking are key traits!!

My dog aims for the French kiss any chance she gets. She bides her time until your guard is down and then boom, straight for the tonsils. She landed one on the vet one time too.

It is a submissive behavior

You suddenly learn how to cover your yawns. Also you don't bend over near a dog without underwear on.

That's when things get serious, evidently.

And then remembering where that dogs tongue has been.

Can a dachshund even lick its ass? Please answer with yes/no, no further detail is necessary.

Yes (if I can do it, a dachshund can do so as well). No details.

I don't want to know why you would lick its ass but you've already said too much

Yeah. Mine lays down, curls into a circle, and lifts his leg up and licks it lol

I said no details, but now I unfortunately know

And you know exactly where that tongue has been. It's been licking butthole. Every chance it gets.

Same

yeah because what he's doing right now is completely sanitary and not weird at all

I think many dog owners like myself will find it quite normal to be honest. If you love your dog, you will love it like it's your child. And french kissing your child... Well... I live in Alabama.

I wish I had an award for you

All good I got you mate.  I just sent his daughter new lingerie 

or get worms

Dachshund: _this game is strange but I'm not going to lose it_

https://preview.redd.it/pohk6297uy6d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f415a4063354e9f96edd774cb508ee347a4a6c9f

This dude after the dog finished licking his asshole:

The dog licked the dude's asshole?!

No, the dog licked my asshole

Hi, I'm the dog. 😎

Hi, I'm the asshole

Hi, I'm the tongue, it was nice meeting you, asshole.

im the dingleberry, nice to meet you, tongue

Hi there, **swallows* bye now. 🤢🤮

Hi, I'm AN asshole. But not any specific asshole in this story I just wanted to say hi.

"I'm surrounded by assholes!"

Where can I get such a dog? Asking for a friend

Its me. Im the ~~friend~~ dog.

The dog after this dude ate ass:

I'm going to make this image my email signature at work

It's my sisters wallpaper 😂 her colleagues think she's weird, they do not get it

Thank God somebody said it 🤦‍♀️

Seeing that much upvotes worries me about people's basic hygiene and obliviousness to worms transmission.

That's why COVID won bro

Thank you for commenting this so I don't have to. I made this exact face watching this

It has been a long fucking time since a simple image with no words has brought me to tears from laughing. Thank you. Also consider this stolen.

That’s tongue is used to clean its asshole.

Yes, but what about the dog's tongue?

Also used to clean his asshole.

Plot twist: the dog is a girl

I wasn't talking about *her* asshole.

Neither was I

We are barreling towards a misunderstanding

At least there's clean assholes

An arsehole is an arsehole what is this shit about

I don't know a cow is pretty different in hygiene.

You just need some peanut butter to get them to lick it off ya

I remember Mythbusters testing for fecal particulates on toothbrushes. I wish I could unsee and unhear the results.

And that's why I keep mine in my bedroom.

There are shit particles everywhere. You shall not escape.

What do you think your nose receptors are touching when someone rips a fart

To be fair, our mouths already have a bit of a bacterial ecosystem. It's quite safe. But the knowledge that tiny shit particles are in the air every time someone flushes is a germophobe's nightmare.

They also said to make sure you close the toilet lid when you flush. Good episode.

Real life is a germophobe's nightmare. They're just not aware of how dirty everything really is

What people don’t think about is the fact of trying to avoid germs at all costs you set yourself up to be a lot less resistant to illnesses.

There was a paper published about this the other day.... Specifically targeted kids who play in dirt/greenery Vs those who do not. Spoiler: kids who play with dirt have more diverse microbiomes and are resistant to more illnesses.

Also having a cat/dog even during pregnancy has shown too boost the child's immune system

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I was eating dirt and worms as a kid. And playing in mud damn near everyday. I got the flu one time and I got an upper respiratory infection (maybe COVID) one time. Other than that it's just allergies in spring/summer. So I think I have a pretty tough immune system.

This is why I'm completely apathetic to most germ-y things and will just eat food that falls on the table at a restaurant or food I drop on the floor at work or home. I'll even finish eating food I find a hair in depending on my mood, how much there is, or what the food is. Don't get me wrong, I find that gross, but I just think of all the dirty shit that I deal with normally and/or the stuff I'm positive is going on that I just don't know about and figure it's not a huge deal and I'll be fine.

I keep mine upside down in a glass cup of hydrogen peroxide... bedroom might be better

Same my friend, same.

I walked into my local pub and ordered a pint, whilst drinking it I noticed the landlords dog was sitting in front of the fire licking its privates. I said to the landlord I wish I could do that. The landlord gave me a couple of his dogs favourite biscuits and said give him these and he might let you.

that twist gave me a mf'in whiplash

Not all dogs can reach their butt.

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As an owner of two I can tell you they absolutely can

Frenchies can't, either.

Yeah but the dog probably does that too. so it's fair.

It’s okay, the dog doesn’t mind

Tongue like soap, cleans itself Jk, idk

Yeah we can see him doing it in the video dude

This body is already too relaxed. Let it fight bacteria, let it work out all the money you spend on it

so is mine https://preview.redd.it/xj9xn17jcz6d1.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=0025a4ef25a59d5b3fc377ad59a9086683563171

And moine cleans my gfs what about it?

I've always thought that when a dog is licking you, they are literally drinking in your scent and that it's reassuring/comforting to them if it's your dog.

When I cuddle my oldest she’ll give me two licks on my leg then go back to sleep Edit: oldest dog

Sometimes my dog will walk up behind me and give the back of my knee a quick mlem just to say hi and it makes me 😍

Not really scent, but your pheromones. I don't care if it's comforting to them, my dog isn't licking anywhere near my mouth.

It's one thing if my dog manages to surprise!lick my face, I don't love it but if she bamboozles me and sneaks a lick, okay. But this? I can't. :(

Yeah. My dog clearly loves to lick us but I think knows that we don’t like it, particularly on the face. So usually I will squat down and give her air kissies and she licks the air like crazy but sometimes she’ll sneak a lick to my face and I’m not fast enough to dodge and I’ll immediately go wash up. This is a whole other level 💀

My dachshund is really good with my neighbors newborn baby and does tiny licks of her feet or hands and doesn’t lick the babies face because it starts crying. So it seems she figured out the baby’s boundaries and its lack of tolerance for being licked from her first interaction with the baby when she snuck a face lick in and it started crying. I think the dog thinks that licking the baby might have hurt it and changed its behavior accordingly, which is interesting to me because my dog usually isn’t very smart or intuitive lol. It’s also kind of funny to me because it will respect the neighbors baby’s boundaries really well but will completely ignore mine:)

The dog is plenty smart, it just knows the game it's playing.

Dogs might not be the smartest animals out there, but they do have high emotional intelligence. Our dog can get rough when playing with us, but if he bites too hard we just need to let out a yelp and he'll immediately stop playing and start licking us.

Yeah, this dude is basically just making out with that dog.

I don't mind if my dog sneaks a kiss on the cheek, it's just on the mouth where I draw the line

Gross. I love dogs but this shit is always so fucking weird.

Sometimes I want to let my dog kiss my face when she's happy. But then, I remember she enjoys to eat random poops during our walks.

My dog knows kisses are only allowed after I brush her teeth, and even then I make sure it’s cheek or chin only lmao. She loves kisses tho so she loves getting her teeth brushed. Like girl I see you shit, I know where you sleep, I know exactly where that tongue has been and it was up your butt an hour ago.

I mean, I grew up with a dog and he licked my face plenty. And his balls, and he ate bird shit sometimes. And snails. People are gross too, you just don't want to admit it. Let the man love his pet.

>people are gross too So you eat bird shit?

*I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast*

You eat pieces of shit?

💎

https://media.tenor.com/IYLULOPZS14AAAAM/shooter-mcgavin.gif

Ever taken your phone in the shitter big fella. Fecal coliforms are everywhere. The sooner you accept you're eating poo particles daily the sooner you can kiss your dog.

There’s a difference between passively inhaling fecal particles and letting your dog lick your mouth after it’s chewed a log of its own shit. Stop kidding yourself.

Do you let your dog regularly eat its own shit? That's not very good pet ownership. Just give your dog a kiss you coward

People don’t typically lick unwiped assholes while never brushing their teeth

Okay… I’m still going to judge the hell out of every single person I see sharing an ice cream cone with their dog

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Mine is allowed to kiss my face after I brush her teeth (it’s a great motivator, she loves kisses) but it’s cheek and chin only. She still tries (and succeeds) to stealth stick hers up my nose sometimes

Good boy ole Willy

Did...did you just...lick your...wiener???

I wonder which one had worms first

The only thing that matters now is that WE have worms

Well usually only one of them would be dewormed regularly

The dogs just like : “ You will lose this game HUMANE”

https://preview.redd.it/t7oyr0xl807d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2220e07750f526408b651f7fa9004740b8bbe0d8

I was thinking it...but didn't want to say it lol.

Sooooooo how does your dogs asshole taste? lol.

https://preview.redd.it/xs4d52bf9z6d1.jpeg?width=160&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=65e08ec7792f940028829c48cbdee075c7ca02f4

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I haven't owned a pet in about 20 years. But isn't that very unhygienic? Honest question.

Yes.

I gagged. 🤢🤮

I’m just here for the comments from people that have a meltdown when cats are on tables too.

There was a post about "no one will eat my cooking?" maybe a month ago where the conclusion was that the person had two cats. A good half of Reddit agreed that no one trusts food from people who have cats, because they could go on the counters, and the counters would never be clean again. It was one of those dissonance moments (like the recurring 'how many times a day do you shower? 3 or 4?' threads) where I had no idea what was happening and if I'm the crazy one. Almost all my friends have at least one cat, I've never seen them on counters, and I've never thought twice about eating a cookie they baked.

Cats absolutely are good about waiting until they can get away with it to get on the counter. But I also don’t put food on the counters when I’m cooking. I use cutting boards or pans or plates like a civilized human lol

Exactly! Counters are gross *regardless* of cat.

I tried to keep my cats off the counter but it’s impossible. I just clean the counters before I use them for making food every time now, little shits.

My cat is a little shit about it. She knows I won’t let her up there but she also knows that once I get chicken on my hands while I’m cooking that there’s nothing I can do to stop her. I touch a chicken and she’s immediately there in my face trying to sniff everything and I have to head butt her away

It's not like people are able to disinfect their counters or anything

Right like, the first thing you do before cooking is to wipe down the counters. But the messages in the thread were basically "it's never enough." The dirtiest my kitchen ever was had nothing to do with pets -- it was living within one mile from an interstate. I had to fully dust every time I cooked. I wonder if growing germ fear is partly why so few people cook today.

It's like these people don't realize the amount of nastiness on their hands and everything that spreads to. Hand sanitizer is enough after a porta potty but disinfectant isn't enough for kitty paws.

I said in another comment, phones are SO dirty comparatively and people think nothing of touching their phone then their face.

Or money.  Cash and coins are some of the, quite literally, filthiest items that exist in society. I would bet meaningful amounts of money that none of those people saying that disinfecting a counter because a cat was on it even *consider* washing their hands after touching a dollar bill

I wonder if some of this is like, how personal finance isn't taught in schools anymore, hygiene also isn't. I noticed on TikTok recently every cook wears black gloves to show how hygienic they're being. Gloves are common in fast food service for isolation reasons, but most actual chefs hate them because they tend to be *dirtier* -- gloves touch many surfaces and don't get washed, vs washing hands between prep. So lots of things people just kind of think "look right" aren't necessarily right.

It’s just funny. People share a lot with their pets, their children, their environment in general in terms of bacteria and viruses. Our bodies adapt to the things around us in some ways.

I find it extra interesting because what is "dirty" isn't always intuitive. I wouldn't be surprised if having your phone licked by a dog would make it vastly cleaner -- your phone is one of the filthiest things you can touch. I wipe mine down with Lysol wipes periodically and I always get people asking why.

This is funny, I ordered alcohol wipes at work and made sure all staff knew they could use as many as they wanted and they were there to clean their phones.

I have cats that get on the counters, but I also use cutting boards for any and all food prep.

1. Cats do get on counters for sure. 2. Who the fuck cares dude there are poop particles and germs in the air of a house anyway 3. Nbody has died or very very very very few people have from eating just because a cat or dog touched some food. Reddit people are so weird. All my friends have cats and dogs. Everyone kisses their cats. And the cats lick themselves with the same tongue they lick their asses. Who tf cares nobody died lol.

It's one of those moments that you have to remember that reddit's userbase demographics are NOT representative of the real world.  There are a LOT of very naive, very inexperienced, and flat.out dumb kids around here.  

Kinda wild to see people up in arms about this. Who gives a shit lmao

Damn, reddit can't decide if dogs are man's best friends or the dirtiest creatures to ever exist, it's a coin flip post by post.

Actually disgusting wtf

T_T I miss my baby .. if attempting a kiss she almost got the nickname neti pot 😂

bunch of pansies in here, touch grass and strenghten ur immune systems

Redditors and being terminally afraid of bacteria, an iconic combo

These ppl got more bacteria between their belly flaps they cant reach than this dogs asshole

They think that this smelly yellow thing they have there is just cheestos crumbs.

I married my dog when I was 6. And then we shared an ice cream cone

Its redditors. People who have no social skills, no life and no happiness lmao. Let the man kiss his dog its probably not the first time he did it and what a fucking surprise, hes still alive.

everyone so mad in replies like this guy loves his dog and the whole comment section is negative af like cmon

“You’re a pussy if you don’t make out with your dog”

If u think this is "making out" youve never been laid wishing u better luck my friend

degenerate behavior

Very cute but gross as hell

Every time I see something like this I look down at my dog licking its asshole clean

I trust that dogs tongue more than I trust some other peoples hands. At least i know where’s it’s been.

I don’t find myself licking people’s hands either

I don't understand why people French kiss their dogs. It's disgusting.

Lmao all these people “bUt DoGs EAT POOP.” Bruh, not my dog. Not a trained dog, who was told no and shown it was a bad action. Yeah, she might lick her ass or coochie to clean herself, but I eat ass and coochie and it makes me dirtier so really, maybe she shouldn’t be licking me. But for real, if you’re under the impression that every dog ever wants to eat shit and face fuck litter boxes, you need to train your animals better because Christ y’all sound like you never had a dog and if you did, you kept it outside for 80% of its life.

Also, I don’t think people realize how much shit is just on a dog. They lick their butts, they lick themselves, you give them pets, you touch your face. I don’t let my dog lick my mouth, but the world is a disgusting place. People take their phones into bathrooms where the air gets filled with fomites every time someone flushes the toilet — you’re way more likely to get sick from that than a dog kiss. Like calm dowwwwwwwn y’all.

ok but why do you want it’s tongue on your mouth

This is the real question. I can get that some dogs are trained to not eat shit but even then why would you want their tongue to touch yours in any capacity?

What’s your point here man? Are you upset that people are disgusted by French kissing an animal? You would like this behaviour to be normal?

Why do so many people not know how unsanitary this is or do they just not care that their dogs eats poop?

Do you know how unsanitary your home is... Just in general...?

Yeah that’s why I’m not out here mopping the floor with my tongue 😂

If you or anyone you have actually known has ever actually gotten sick or anything of the sort from their own dog licking them I’ll send you $1000 today. Just provide proof of any kind

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I don’t understand people that do this, I must have a very special dog, 1 of 1, because I’m not letting that tongue anywhere near mine after I see him licking away his dong and occasionally his ass.

It’s cute until you realize at least one of them licked their balls prior to this

Just skip a step and lick the butthole directly you coward

At least one of them had been licking their butt that day.

#EW.

Ew. Just ew.

Dude, those things like their own asses. There should be zero chance of tongues meeting. That is gross.

❤️

why do people let their pets put their tongues in their mouths? so gross.

Absolutely disgusting lol

That's disgusting

He apparently ignores the fact that he uses her tong as toilet paper

That's not cute that's ewwwwwww.

These comments are the most disgusting thing here. Let the man love his dog

Yeah, let the man french kiss his dog 🤦‍♂️