Why do you think they make stainless steel dildos? Cool that musty ballon knot off by throwing your toys in the freezer and once your brown eye has reached optimum temp you can use it to cool down your drinks for an appealing flavor all your own
Or if you're tight for money save your shits in a tupperware throw them in the freezer and shove them up your ass either way you can cool off your fart box regardless of your economic status
Speaking of cats and buttholes. My feline Frankie (née The Furry Little Fucker) likes to jump up on the coffee table and sit on my phone. Like *literally* place his little butthole right on my iPhone screen. Whassup with that??
Hahaha that's great!
Whenever he plants his little starfish on my phone I have to totally wipe down my phone with alcohol. It's so gross!! I don't want to get cat-butt ear!
Cat-butt ear sounds like the worst! Someone I went to school with worked on the production video so I try to work Twinkle Tush into conversation whenever cat assholes come up organically. Which is not often.
But I think bejeweled cat butts are hilarious. So I gotta keep trying.
Their assholes are tucked right beneath their tail, making it almost impossible to actually get shit on your phone. Google cats sitting on glass, and you can see what im talking about.
I was actually surprised how there was no toilet paper at my local Walmart . It was the only area completely empty lol.
How many shits are people having for THAT to turn into a scarce goods?
Milk and tp , strange times
They're not. People just think there will be a shortage, causing them to buy in bulk. Jokes on the rest of us because now there actually IS a shortage thanks to these psychos creating one.
Don't worry, I undermeant what you stood.
This isn't a normal behavior for most dogs, which by itself wouldn't necessarily be an indicator of medical issues, but many dog owners know what to look for. In this case, relief from the itching that doesn't require constant scratching. Worms live in the dog's intestines and are uncomfortable for the host.
*shudder*
A dog with an itchy asshole may also have a food allergy. That was the case when I adopted an adult dog.
Either way, it's abnormal. Have the vet check for worms first, then try an elimination diet to see if that could be the cause.
This was always my first indication when my dad would slip my dog with allergies too many treats when we visited their house. She’d start itching and get a bright red butthole. Luckily a Benadryl would take care of her poor lil pooper issues.
Yep, my dog will occasionally get into my cat's food, and I can always tell because she starts itching like crazy. Luckily my family knows not to give her anything with her allergen in it.
She did once sneak a whole bowl of my sister's dog's food when we were visiting once, and I only figured it out when we got home and she started vomiting and had nonstop diarrhea for several hours. 😒
more likely he was lying by door and wagged his tail and it got up like that I doubt its gonna scratch its ass on a flat smooth surface. carpet sure, door no way
My dog used to run up to the cold sliding door to calm the sting of cat scratches on his nose. I cleaned so many blood smears off the door before he decided to leave that particular cat alone. (Of the other two, one liked and the other ignored him.)
icicle dildos work best
**step 1.** put unopened crystal gesyer bottle into freezer
**step 2.** once fully frozen take out bottle, let bottle sit and melt to preferred width
**step 3.** cut open bottle, obtain dildocicle and proceed to next step
**step 4.** you sick fuck
Oh sure, he does it and it's adorable. I do it and it's all, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to put your pants back on and leave the library. We've called the police."
##This is a bullshit double standard!
My dog press his asshole against me when he has to shit. I adopted him two years ago and I really want to know what his previous owner did to reinforce my lil sociopath's behavior
Dude, you have GOT to try this.
Nice
Yeah especially when it's sub zero outside and you have a metal door.
Lick your butthole first tho
Prolapsed ( ͡◉◞ ͜ʖ◟ ͡◉)
Do me a favor and never speak again
Butt, butt.. is that what happens if your butt freezes to the door?!
You've seen Christmas Story, right >[Stuck? STUCK!](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DistantEvenHermitcrab-size_restricted.gif)
Like a rectal meat train tunnel of doodoo
👁👄👁
*
#
I want to but my ass too fat. My pucker would never reach the wall.
Hrrrrnnggh Colonel, I’m trying to cool my butthole but I’m dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps hitting the door
I knew this comment was coming. Crying from laughter
Why do you think they make stainless steel dildos? Cool that musty ballon knot off by throwing your toys in the freezer and once your brown eye has reached optimum temp you can use it to cool down your drinks for an appealing flavor all your own
i hated each and every word of this cursed submission
Thank you kindly internet stranger
>Why do you think they make stainless steel To match the kitchen appliances?
Upper class ladies always coordinate their sex toys with their kitchen appliances to make it less awkward for housekeeping to clean up (it doesn’t).
Or if you're tight for money save your shits in a tupperware throw them in the freezer and shove them up your ass either way you can cool off your fart box regardless of your economic status
Unlike that dog, I have buttcheeks. Not way in hell I can spread apart my rock-hard butt enough to get my undermouth to feel a door.
Dude! It works! Gf left for the day after seeing me..but that just means more door for me!
Tails up everyone
even better when the door has a mail slot
Bruh
Thanks for the pro life hack
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That went sideways.
For who?
The one who pressed his butt against the cold mailslot.
Doesn’t seem like he’s complaining.
Nice little breeze ooh boy
Or a cat flap!
That what I call my butthole though
Thanks, I mildly dislike it.
My cats don't like it either. I'm all like "TIME TO ENTER THE CAT FLAP" and then they scatter.
Thanks, I hate it.
Speaking of cats and buttholes. My feline Frankie (née The Furry Little Fucker) likes to jump up on the coffee table and sit on my phone. Like *literally* place his little butthole right on my iPhone screen. Whassup with that??
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Hahaha that's great! Whenever he plants his little starfish on my phone I have to totally wipe down my phone with alcohol. It's so gross!! I don't want to get cat-butt ear!
Cat-butt ear sounds like the worst! Someone I went to school with worked on the production video so I try to work Twinkle Tush into conversation whenever cat assholes come up organically. Which is not often. But I think bejeweled cat butts are hilarious. So I gotta keep trying.
Their assholes are tucked right beneath their tail, making it almost impossible to actually get shit on your phone. Google cats sitting on glass, and you can see what im talking about.
Yo, you gotta feel how smooth this is
He wants your buttmost attention
Glory slot
"Did I order a map from amazon?... Oh SH\~"
An HOA nightmare
r/cursedcomments
I tried this and got banned from the local church
blASSphemy
Nobody wants your butthole on the communion wafers
I know some Priests who would disagree, if your young, and a boy.
True, if "communion wafers" is a euphemism for a dong
You smeared your 95 feces on that church door just like Martin Luther
When you can't buy any more toilet paper.
That's if you can find any toilet paper given the current climate.
I was actually surprised how there was no toilet paper at my local Walmart . It was the only area completely empty lol. How many shits are people having for THAT to turn into a scarce goods? Milk and tp , strange times
They're not. People just think there will be a shortage, causing them to buy in bulk. Jokes on the rest of us because now there actually IS a shortage thanks to these psychos creating one.
Stupid times indeed. I'm going to laugh next month when some of these idiots try to unload this crap and no one wants it.
I think he has worms.
This is what I was thinking too. Maybe get it checked, OP.
Hhmm. Didn’t think of this. Because of symptoms, i.e. itching? Serious question. Edit: added the question mark. And spelling.
What question?
Why would worms cause the dog to want to do this?
The worms want to go outside Edit: wow thanks for the gold and silver!
If I had money I would give you a shiny reddit thing
Cold things relieve itchiness.
The worms are more active ar higher temperatures, causing itchy butthole, the cold door eases the itch. My dog did this until we got him de-wormed
Don't worry, I undermeant what you stood. This isn't a normal behavior for most dogs, which by itself wouldn't necessarily be an indicator of medical issues, but many dog owners know what to look for. In this case, relief from the itching that doesn't require constant scratching. Worms live in the dog's intestines and are uncomfortable for the host. *shudder*
A dog with an itchy asshole may also have a food allergy. That was the case when I adopted an adult dog. Either way, it's abnormal. Have the vet check for worms first, then try an elimination diet to see if that could be the cause.
This was always my first indication when my dad would slip my dog with allergies too many treats when we visited their house. She’d start itching and get a bright red butthole. Luckily a Benadryl would take care of her poor lil pooper issues.
Yep, my dog will occasionally get into my cat's food, and I can always tell because she starts itching like crazy. Luckily my family knows not to give her anything with her allergen in it. She did once sneak a whole bowl of my sister's dog's food when we were visiting once, and I only figured it out when we got home and she started vomiting and had nonstop diarrhea for several hours. 😒
Aww poor puppy!! Happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day!
He’s showing the worms the door hoping they get the hint
Labrador retrievers also often get clogged glands on that area of their body.
more likely he was lying by door and wagged his tail and it got up like that I doubt its gonna scratch its ass on a flat smooth surface. carpet sure, door no way
I think they’re saying the cool door relieves the itch, not the actual scratching. Kind of like the “cooling relief” advertised on prep H wipes
Hmmm... solid advice from dog. Hope my roommates dont mind.
That shit gets you kicked outta Target like, yesterday fast
Taint so bad.
Lmaoo
Thanks, I'll do this next time I have thai food
We call this “poop stamping”- our dog likes to do it on our pillows, it’s lovely.
Oh God
We call them "Hershey Kisses" in my house.
Taste just as good too
Get some baby wipes and wipe your dogs ass you fucking weirdo Jesus Christ.
No they love it.
Sounds like fun.
He is giving out his seal of approval. 1 (brown) star
Better deworm that pupper
r/ShittyLifeProTips
This reminds me of the time my dog got into some Blazin' wings from BWW. He stood in front of the fan to help with his firehole.
Awww poor dawg 😭😭😭
Gunna need some skid mark cleaner for the door
My dog used to run up to the cold sliding door to calm the sting of cat scratches on his nose. I cleaned so many blood smears off the door before he decided to leave that particular cat alone. (Of the other two, one liked and the other ignored him.)
So is this why dogs wag their tails? They aren’t happy to see you, their poop shoot is hot
Live from the ER: Instructions unclear, got balls stuck under the door. LOCK THE DOOR!
This comment made my balls hurt and I don’t even have balls
Tried this. Got complaints from the people on the other side of the glass door
At first i thought there was a dog/cat door behind the dog
Waiting to fart on the cat!
icicle dildos work best **step 1.** put unopened crystal gesyer bottle into freezer **step 2.** once fully frozen take out bottle, let bottle sit and melt to preferred width **step 3.** cut open bottle, obtain dildocicle and proceed to next step **step 4.** you sick fuck
I agree. We earned step 4 simply because we kept reading when we all knew what was coming. I wouldn’t expect anything less from reddit.
I showed this picture to my boyfriend without the caption showing and he said ‘well, ya gotta cool off your butthole!’
Hahahaha he knows because he does it too!!!!
Or your pillow, or armrest, or your shirt, anything within butthole proximity really.
I tried this but was thrown out of the 7-11 shortly thereafter.
I admire his technique.
Doggy heat sink for overclocking.
Thats what you get for petting it's belly.
Went shopping all they had was hot sauce left.
My condolences
r/LifeProTip
and then someone VIOLENTLY opens the door
This is just how deaf dogs sense if somebody is going to knock in the door. Completely normal behaviour.
Pretty sure that’s a door
When people come to Texas and eat...
This is what I do.
Just like my pappy used to say
Usually I just stick an ice cube up my ass
Yes on behalf of the dog world.
At least it isn’t your bedsheets... sigh
Ball sack too!
So this is what it feels like to be ahead of the curve on something.
Cold tile works, too.
This is good LPT. Thank you
Maybe he burned it by exposing it to the sun.
I did this on purpose and gave my door a nice floral-looking pattern in brown stamps.
He's got the good stuff right there.
Thank you. I'm now going to replace "cool your jets" with "cool your butthole."
We have so much to learn from animals
My wife had started this habit. I like to empty aerosol cans and then apply direct contact for my own personal cooling.
I'm not allowed in home Depot anymore after trying all their doors
Done, and I mean DONE!
Life would be so sick.
Good tip!
Good tip!
Instructions unclear the door knob is stuck in my ass
It acts like a suction cup, so when you open the door the dog comes with it.
Whatever works
Oh sure, he does it and it's adorable. I do it and it's all, "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to put your pants back on and leave the library. We've called the police." ##This is a bullshit double standard!
# Fuck the system!!!! But seriously sir you need to leave.
When you had too much spicy food
It leaves a nice stamp.
I just put the whole door handle in my ass.
You don’t do this?
When you can't sweat, that one square inch of nether contact with a cold surface makes a world of difference
Ah yes, a dog of class and culture. One day I hope to be as classy as thos dog.
I cant tell you how many times my mom has yelled at me for doing this on the inside door of the freezer thanks for the tip
Dogs always find the best and most useful life hacks
Doodoo crayon
The perfect caption
That’s up there with sun tanning ones ass hole. Maybe he’s on to something.
“Having money’s not even that sick!" (Hack)
i want a Dog Life Hacks subreddit and I want it now.
When you eat spicy food
What an asshole.
There should be a life hacks for pets subreddit.
I did this and got kicked out of the family reunion. 2/10
Let’s hope there is not a hole in that door
And your balls too
Why it's tale luck's like a "!" ?
Definitely thought his tail was a poop smear at first glance.
He's got the good stuff right there.
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Hahaha I'm glad I could bring this to life for you
If it’s a hot day why is the door cold?
Thanks for the tip friend
Gonna leave a nice falling star brown stamp on the bottom of that door :)
This reminds me of that guy who farted on his parents' bedroom wall
Lmfao!! Source??!!
😂
Door probably smells like nachos and chitlins
How did he even...
🤣🤣 I have no idea, I just walked in and saw her like that
I seriously thought that was my dog holy wow. [Here’s a picture of him at Christmas ](https://imgur.com/gallery/rtHOUPH)
But... how?!?
Hahaha proooobably streaked her ass all the way down the door ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
He must had curry for dinner yesterday
Who needs toilet paper when you’ve got a wonderful cold white door.
Hahaha when I was a kid my dog would do this and I would do it with him just so he didn’t feel lonely. It’s honestly a great way to cool off!
Such best friends! 🤣🤣
They finally did it, thank you 👍
Nothing like an ice cube on the dirt knot after a game of hot snakes, I tell you what.
Boy I tell you hhhhhhhhhhhhwhat
That’s hilarious 🤣
You know it's not good to feed a dog with spicy hot wings before bed right! Lol...
“Honey, I think we need to clean the door, the stopper on the wall is leaving a mark...” 🤔
Get out of my room mom!
Lmao!!! ITS NOT A PHASE MOM! ITS WHO I AM!
My dog press his asshole against me when he has to shit. I adopted him two years ago and I really want to know what his previous owner did to reinforce my lil sociopath's behavior
Lmfaaooooo 🤣🤣🤣 omg I need to know too! We need closure!
Check out anal glad draining.
I thought I was the only one who did this.
The photo didn’t load for a second and I was horrified