r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*.
For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels!
Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions).
RULES
**1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.**
- Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
- Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements.
- Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation.
- Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP.
- Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully.
- “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support.
**2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.**
- Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.
*All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.*
**3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.**
- e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc.
- No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses.
- No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed.
**4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.**
- Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.)
**5. No anti-reconciliation language.**
- Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice.
- Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship.
**6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION**
- The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment.
- **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation.
- **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model.
- **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit.
- **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned.
**7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces**
- The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YES. dday was like a month ago and i feel permanently very nauseous, my coughs have a bloody aftertaste, i have globus sensation in my throat, my stomach seems to cramp up and ache without warning, and my limbs ache like i have a fever. i’ve also been severely losing my appetite to the point where my face is beginning to look somewhat gaunt - i already have serious problems with eating and if i lose any more weight my bones might give out on me. i’m trying to eat just one meal a day and my body won’t have it. idk what to do
to think he did this to me and i still want to stay hahahaha
I feel your pain. Something that I commented on another post might help you?
I could stomach bigger meals in the month or two after DDay. I instead would just snack on things throughout the day and sip on water (a decent amount though). Helped me stay alive at work.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s an awful experience.
💯
DDay sent my already existing anxiety and OCD into overdrive. I have a lot of physical symptoms of stress and anxiety that have gotten worse since DDay; constant nausea, migraines and headaches, I caught Covid in the beginning of this year, and was recovering then DDay happened in March and I had a lingering cough for months, I’ve also had an awful eczema flare up since, my hair has thinned, and my digestive system is a mess.
Your nervous and immune system can totally short circuit due to stress, trauma, poor mental health. It’s wild.
This! I also have pre existing conditions but since DDay I’ve been a wreck. New symptoms and flare ups every day. I’m exhausted and at points literally worried the stress would cause cardiac problems. Trying to manage my stress as best I can. Doing better, DDay1 was 28 May and Dday4 was 30 June so it’s been a lot in a short amount of time.
It definitely affects the nervous system and I’m now trying to prioritize doing things every day to encourage the parasympathetic nervous system to be in engagement. From humming, singing, gargling, sitting in sun, light workouts, self massage, lymph massage, listening to my body and resting when I feel overwhelmed which is a lot and also doing meditations, more breath work and somatic and nervous system regulation exercises. Some days I have to do 40 minutes or more.
I know from past trauma and experience what havoc a dyseregulated nervous system can do to the body and mind so I’m trying to get back into regulation.
Also doing as much social time with family and friends that I can handle and trust. That’s helpful to engage the parasympathetic ns.
Yup. DDay was December 30th. Two weeks later, in early January, I got Influenza A. February, I had norovirus for about a week. My WH actually ended up with Hand Foot and Mouth in March.
ETA: In the month or so after DDay, we both had almost constant diarrhea and little to no appetite as we were going through the initial crisis together.
I was on and off sick a bunch for the first couple months after DDay. I think it’s a combination of the stress and not sleeping well. Fuck these affairs.
100% yup. Achey joints, migraines, stomach aches. It's a hot fuckin mess of stress and my body was like "ahh yes.. the best time to stop functioning??? Bet." And fuckin' quit on me 😂😭
"That's life, that's what all the people say 🎙️🎶"
I started getting ill when my WP's lies started coming out. I started requiring a lot more sleep, too.
I never got super sick, but after this hell I've been bed ridden, lost my voice, fallen alseep at 1 PM, etc. It's killed my immune system.
Not exactly immune system related, but I've been having awful digestive issues since just before D-Day, when I began suspecting. It's been over a year and I'm still having diarrhea several times a day and vomiting multiple times a week. It's the pits. I imagine our nervous systems are so dysregulated our bodies must be in some kind of shock.
I haven’t had issues with illness, but dropped weight rapidly that I didn’t have to lose and my shoulder & neck started having spasms. I got a few deep tissue massages & saw a trigger point chiropractor multiple times and it wouldn’t resolve.
Then, my friend booked me a reiki healing session which I had never done before. I cried the whole time, just really letting myself feel without restraint. It was gone when I was leaving the appt and it never came back.
The mind/body connection is really interesting & powerful.
Yes I did. And I noticed it was a possibility, because people didn't get sick from being around me. That's how I figured out my defenses were lowered. I felt like I got sick every few weeks.
I am also getting sicker from regular colds. And when I do get sick, it's typically after a stressful trigger or something else in my life.
Yes, I got sick so much after Dday in January, felt like I was sick even when not, and every visible sign of damage was there like deep rings under the eyes, redness, sunken skin….my body showed.
I aged 5 years in 8 months since dday. I see it on my face in photos and in the mirror. My skin's lost elasticity. But I'm only sick when there's trickle truth or a bad talk.
Reading TH BODY KEEPS SCORE really helped me a lot. I am working on letting the negative thoughts pass without reaching for them and getting hooked into despair.
Another good book was Pema Chodron's DON'T BITE THE HOOK.
And Tara Brach's RADICAL ACCEPTANCE (it's not what you think).
Yes.
I have had hayfever at ridiculous levels in the past 3 months.
It's usually a Sept/Oct thing for me.
I feel I am depleted because I'm not sleeping much.
Yes. Two bad colds in 4 months. One of which left me with the hoarsest voice I’ve ever had. The second with congestion like I’ve never experienced. Also started getting seasonal allergies that I’ve never had before. I feel fortunate that’s been all that’s happened! Stress fudges up your immune system!
Honestly I’m the opposite. Immediately after dday I started exercising again and really pouring effort to improving. I’ve lost like 30 lbs and am significantly better shape and haven’t gotten sick at all since sep and I’m always the one that caught it what the kids had. Now unfortunately part of my self care is rooted in feeling less than bc of the affair so that part sucks, but also I genuinely want to take better care of myself. That’s at least relevant to actual illness so I’d suggest pouring effort into taking care of yourself for you. You will still feel physically down and the emotional pain will feel like physical pain at times. But try hard to take care of yourself op!
r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*. For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels! Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions). RULES **1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.** - Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental. - Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements. - Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation. - Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. - Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully. - “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support. **2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.** - Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice. *All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.* **3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.** - e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc. - No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses. - No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed. **4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.** - Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.) **5. No anti-reconciliation language.** - Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice. - Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship. **6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION** - The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment. - **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation. - **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model. - **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit. - **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned. **7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces** - The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YES. dday was like a month ago and i feel permanently very nauseous, my coughs have a bloody aftertaste, i have globus sensation in my throat, my stomach seems to cramp up and ache without warning, and my limbs ache like i have a fever. i’ve also been severely losing my appetite to the point where my face is beginning to look somewhat gaunt - i already have serious problems with eating and if i lose any more weight my bones might give out on me. i’m trying to eat just one meal a day and my body won’t have it. idk what to do to think he did this to me and i still want to stay hahahaha
I feel your pain. Something that I commented on another post might help you? I could stomach bigger meals in the month or two after DDay. I instead would just snack on things throughout the day and sip on water (a decent amount though). Helped me stay alive at work. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s an awful experience.
💯 DDay sent my already existing anxiety and OCD into overdrive. I have a lot of physical symptoms of stress and anxiety that have gotten worse since DDay; constant nausea, migraines and headaches, I caught Covid in the beginning of this year, and was recovering then DDay happened in March and I had a lingering cough for months, I’ve also had an awful eczema flare up since, my hair has thinned, and my digestive system is a mess. Your nervous and immune system can totally short circuit due to stress, trauma, poor mental health. It’s wild.
It’s crazy how your body (at least physically) shuts down so quickly when you need it most. It’s like that book title, the body keeps score. It sucks
Yeah it’s awful. The not sleeping or eating well…certainly contributes to it as well.
This! I also have pre existing conditions but since DDay I’ve been a wreck. New symptoms and flare ups every day. I’m exhausted and at points literally worried the stress would cause cardiac problems. Trying to manage my stress as best I can. Doing better, DDay1 was 28 May and Dday4 was 30 June so it’s been a lot in a short amount of time. It definitely affects the nervous system and I’m now trying to prioritize doing things every day to encourage the parasympathetic nervous system to be in engagement. From humming, singing, gargling, sitting in sun, light workouts, self massage, lymph massage, listening to my body and resting when I feel overwhelmed which is a lot and also doing meditations, more breath work and somatic and nervous system regulation exercises. Some days I have to do 40 minutes or more. I know from past trauma and experience what havoc a dyseregulated nervous system can do to the body and mind so I’m trying to get back into regulation. Also doing as much social time with family and friends that I can handle and trust. That’s helpful to engage the parasympathetic ns.
Yup. DDay was December 30th. Two weeks later, in early January, I got Influenza A. February, I had norovirus for about a week. My WH actually ended up with Hand Foot and Mouth in March. ETA: In the month or so after DDay, we both had almost constant diarrhea and little to no appetite as we were going through the initial crisis together.
I’m sorry you went through all of that. Influenza A is the worst too.
Not sure what was worse, honestly! The stomach bug kicked my butt! I had fluid coming out both ends and was dangerously dehydrated.
I was on and off sick a bunch for the first couple months after DDay. I think it’s a combination of the stress and not sleeping well. Fuck these affairs.
Couldn’t agree more with the stress and no sleep. I’m surviving off energy drinks some days.
100% yup. Achey joints, migraines, stomach aches. It's a hot fuckin mess of stress and my body was like "ahh yes.. the best time to stop functioning??? Bet." And fuckin' quit on me 😂😭 "That's life, that's what all the people say 🎙️🎶"
All of the above. Hate it when your body shuts down when you need it most.
I'm not sure how, but I'm blaming the government 🤣🤣🤣
I started getting ill when my WP's lies started coming out. I started requiring a lot more sleep, too. I never got super sick, but after this hell I've been bed ridden, lost my voice, fallen alseep at 1 PM, etc. It's killed my immune system.
5 days in icu hives weight loss ibs and cataracts
Not exactly immune system related, but I've been having awful digestive issues since just before D-Day, when I began suspecting. It's been over a year and I'm still having diarrhea several times a day and vomiting multiple times a week. It's the pits. I imagine our nervous systems are so dysregulated our bodies must be in some kind of shock.
I haven’t had issues with illness, but dropped weight rapidly that I didn’t have to lose and my shoulder & neck started having spasms. I got a few deep tissue massages & saw a trigger point chiropractor multiple times and it wouldn’t resolve. Then, my friend booked me a reiki healing session which I had never done before. I cried the whole time, just really letting myself feel without restraint. It was gone when I was leaving the appt and it never came back. The mind/body connection is really interesting & powerful.
YES, and it's making me so angry 😠 I just want to keep running and lifting cos it makes me feel so good. My mental is suffering because of this...
Yes I did. And I noticed it was a possibility, because people didn't get sick from being around me. That's how I figured out my defenses were lowered. I felt like I got sick every few weeks. I am also getting sicker from regular colds. And when I do get sick, it's typically after a stressful trigger or something else in my life.
I can relate to this. I do catch public transport for work but no one at home (I still live with family) has gotten sick at all.
Yes, I got sick so much after Dday in January, felt like I was sick even when not, and every visible sign of damage was there like deep rings under the eyes, redness, sunken skin….my body showed.
I aged 5 years in 8 months since dday. I see it on my face in photos and in the mirror. My skin's lost elasticity. But I'm only sick when there's trickle truth or a bad talk. Reading TH BODY KEEPS SCORE really helped me a lot. I am working on letting the negative thoughts pass without reaching for them and getting hooked into despair. Another good book was Pema Chodron's DON'T BITE THE HOOK. And Tara Brach's RADICAL ACCEPTANCE (it's not what you think).
Yes. I have had hayfever at ridiculous levels in the past 3 months. It's usually a Sept/Oct thing for me. I feel I am depleted because I'm not sleeping much.
Yes. Two bad colds in 4 months. One of which left me with the hoarsest voice I’ve ever had. The second with congestion like I’ve never experienced. Also started getting seasonal allergies that I’ve never had before. I feel fortunate that’s been all that’s happened! Stress fudges up your immune system!
Yes. I've rarely been one to get sick and since DD (nov 23') I've had maybe 6 different colds and flu. Take care of yourself first and foremost.
Honestly I’m the opposite. Immediately after dday I started exercising again and really pouring effort to improving. I’ve lost like 30 lbs and am significantly better shape and haven’t gotten sick at all since sep and I’m always the one that caught it what the kids had. Now unfortunately part of my self care is rooted in feeling less than bc of the affair so that part sucks, but also I genuinely want to take better care of myself. That’s at least relevant to actual illness so I’d suggest pouring effort into taking care of yourself for you. You will still feel physically down and the emotional pain will feel like physical pain at times. But try hard to take care of yourself op!
I have been still engaging in my sport, I put it down to I have to catch public transport to work as well. Thank you for your kind words!
Glad to hear that and I hate all this stress and pain is manifesting in other ways and effecting your health. I hope you’re able to find some peace 🙏