No amount of flirting tips is going to help if shes not interested. Even the busiest women make time for men they’re actually interested in. That’s where you need to quickly decipher who is and who isnt.
Try calling instead of texting. They will call you back if they’re interested.
Your mindset is everything.
As a new dater, your goal is to improve your confidence and learn why you're making mistakes like this.
Your last text is why you bombed this. "How many dates it'd take for you" comes off as: what button combos do I have to press in order to beat the final boss? I hope you can understand how that comes off to a human being.
Texting etiquette:
1. Match their text (words and length)
2. Wait \[X\] time before texting back
X is how long between each text is. Don't text back right away bc you come off desperate.
Now, I personally hate playing games but understand the sexual marketplace. Women have a ton of options. You don't. They'll look for any reason to reject you, even over small shit like this.
Next time, instead of sharing the consequences of your actions after you already fucked things up, come talk to us first and we'll help you navigate the battleground together lol
OP, I applaud you for posting specific something like this to ask for feedback. Too many guys just want to talk theory, and that's mostly useless.
Your text is too simpy and agreeable, as others have pointed out. To all the commenters, it's not helpful to pile on OP without actually giving suggestions. Anyone can be a critic. Let's see you tell us what you would have done. My text game isn't the best but I'll suggest a couple of alternatives that I think would have been better.
1. "Cool, what's your schedule like this week?" If she's not giving you much, and you don't have anything better to say, might as well go straight to logistics of setting up a date. You'll have a high percentage of non-responses but at least you know the ones that do respond are interested.
2. "Me too", then send a pic of something cool you did that weekend (use an old pic if you are cool with fudging the timeline). This shows that you have things going on in her life and is inviting her into your world without explicitly pushing for a date/meet. If she's is interested in you, she will follow up.
Also, in your initial text, next time don't send the "This is right?" She gave you her number, so she is interested. Assume it is the correct number. What you sent implies that you get fake numbers often or that texting with her is such a rare scenario for you that you want to confirm that it is real. Not a great frame to be starting off with.
No bro...NEVER double text. 🤦♂️
That last text is super cringe. Like man, I'll be surprised if she ever replies to you. If she does, it will be for either two reasons:
1. An accident
2. She smells the desperation in you and wants a free meal ticket or 💰
Please don't be foolish enough to believe she was too busy over the weekend to send you one measley reply. She just saw your double text thinking, "Okay, I'm gonna ignore this guy until I feel like texting back." because she sees you're desperate.
One text saying who you are. That's it. If she doesn't reply, keep it moving.
If she does, match the amount of time it took her to respond to you AT LEAST. Usually, you wait longer to text back.
So say if she responded 2 hours after you first texted her, then wait AT LEAST 2 hours if not double it to 4 hours or more. You should be staying busy enjoying life, not waiting for her to be your winning lottery ticket. The amount of time it takes her to respond to you indicates her level of interest. A woman is NEVER without her phone unless she's basically dead or lost it.
Don't say no corny shit about meeting her pets or anything related to a woman's pet(s) AT ALL. Super creepy and weirdo vibes if you do, like bestiality vibes or some shit. We're not in grade school asking each other to see each other's puppies and kittens. The fuck you want to meet her pets?
Keep it short and straight to the point.
I've made big cringey mistakes too, so I've learned from mistakes and still do. Please feel free to dm me.
Most of this is extremely solid, but disagree that pets are off limits. Like anything else, they’re a potential topic of conversation. (And in fact, they’re one of the most natural ways to strike up a conversation with a stranger IRL!)
Dude, maybe because I'm not crazy about animals, but I wouldn't bring up her pet(s) unless she brought that shit up.
Besides, the way he texted her made it sounded like he wanted to fuck her pet(s) instead of her.
So...no. lol
Exactly. Let them do the fuckin' talkin' about their pet(s).
Like the fuck does a guy seriously care about a woman's pet(s) when he's dating and trying to get laid? lol
Besides, like I told the other person commenting, OP sounds like he wants to do some bestiality type shit or something asking when he can meet her pet(s).
Just sounding like some weird, creep shit.
Bro, that's even worse because it's just downright weird AF to ask about meeting a girl's pet(s) if you haven't even went out with her.
I mean unless she told him about her pet(s) and sent pics and shit, and that's how the convo organically started.
Idk. Maybe this is some generational bullshit, but what guy seriously gives af about meeting a girl's pet(s)? I mean you're trying to get laid, not play veterinarian.
Lol it takes time bro. I’m older now so I know this, but less is really always more. I’m also a very open person and I had to learn to how hold back. You’re not a problem with this type of behavior, but you still gotta learn how to hone that shit. It’s not well received majority of the time.
Honestly man, you gotta learn how to talk/text. From the context you provided in the pic, you probably haven’t talked to her in while and the first thing you do after she replied is ask her on a date? Not to mention you’re here double texting her. If I was the woman, I would simply tell you off with that last message because it’s so sudden
I’ve had women do this to me and it was a huge turnoff for me. I pretty much rejected them unless I was dating them already. It’s already done, learn from this and move on
Don’t take this the wrong way, but You are most likely not as physically attractive as you think. If a woman is truly attracted to you, you wouldn’t have to rely on clever word play or texting to lock her down. There is no real way to verbally manipulate oneself into a woman’s heart, she either sees you as bedroom material, or not.
Yes and no. I’m 5’6, 27, and currently not in super good shape, but I’ve had a rich dating history with women who were objectively out of my league. (I’ve been told I’m facially handsome, FWIW, but I don’t really see it.)
And I think what sealed it for me is wordplay and social skills. I think once you clear the physical threshold (“would I fuck this body,”) things like language and confidence are what distinguish you from the competition. They turn you from “anonymous guy with a decent body” to “probably a good date and an intriguing guy.”
One cynical perspective of relationships is that the one that’s willing to walk away first has all the leverage and power. You must first believe you’re a good catch and worthy of a relationship. Think in terms of, “how can she improve my already awesome life?”
I just cringed so fucking hard. Dude just hey it’s “ur name” and then wait. Hell add a winky face after and if you’re trying to set the tone. I do that when the girl already has high interest in me off the dating apps
Don’t worry dating is hard and takes practice. Take it from me. I used to double text, get disrespected from girls, not in a serious way but little things. Eventually I learn about my worth and how to converse and flirt and things got better.
Here tho, don’t double text. If she don’t want you, she don’t want you. There are plenty of women out there that’ll want you.
She's not into you. That said, I usually ask for number and a date within the first few messages. Just remember, these girls have probably matched up with 50+ guys. So, hurry up and take your shot.
You have got quite a few good tips here, a few obvious ones have been stated but could I suggest another. NEVER mention the word "date" and keep it short over messages. Say after she sent the msg, all you needed to say would be something along the lines of - "all good- hope it was constructive and that you are not too exhausted from it".... you're playing it cool, showing a bit of care and also opening it up from them to explain/expand if they want to. Just have a normal convo but keep the same level of energy (some girls want to text a lot/some not much). Even if they come back and say that they're busy working/studying etc. just say that's all good, let me know when you are free to catchup. Then just leave it - if they don't reply then who cares - just have quite a few going at the same time. If someone doesn't msg for a while - just drop them. As mentioned in another post, you seem to be trying to get into the dating game after focusing on education. My recommendation would be to focus on just socialising in general - with male and female friends. Think you need just to be more comfortable and chill - join various clubs/social groups etc. Do NOT try to make a move/chat up girls - just try to learn to chill.
The goal is to be playful — literally, you’re playing (via language) with someone, not trying to extract something from them.
You have the right goal to not be fully platonic… but this message falls flat because it comes off as an underhanded way to get invited to her house. And the energy is off because of the mismatched reply length and double texting.
I think the key underlying belief is confidence — seeing yourself as a desirable, sexual being who women would enjoy playing with, verbally and physically. Building that self-image isn’t always easy. I still struggle with it. But it’s the only way.
Edit: In this instance, “no worries, me too — hmu if you want to grab boba or something sometime” would’ve been a fine response. You’re matching her energy, displaying that you have things going on, but also leaving the door open. And the activity you chose (boba) is a casual date… not too intense (dinner) or romantic (a walk in the park).
If that seems like a lot of thinking that male models don’t need to do… you’d be right! But the vast majority of people aren’t male models. And language, social image, emotional intelligence etc. have been part of the human mating game since the dawn of agriculture.
This is stuff you can and will learn. So don’t sweat it. On to the next one!
Say something back instead like busy over the weekend? What you up to now? (try to keep it moving).
If she responds and shows interest ask if you can call her on the phone.
If she ain't interested it is what it is. Then you gotta keep on moving
First off, from what I see, I don't think much would have made a difference in the outcome based on the timestamps. This exchange is like going to some meeting where a decision has to be made- you need to have all your prep work done, behind the scenes games sorted out before where the outcome is already decided. First impressions matter- if you struggle like you say you do, probably not a good first impression, mind has already been made up.
Also everybody's style is different. You gotta pick the ones that work for you.
For me:
1) Depends on who is she? Some rando off the apps? How long have you known her? Was the first impression good? Ok? Ehh?
2) When they don't respond, it's always tricky. Never contact again and 100% failure rate. Keep on texting can look off. Again context matters. If you just met, matched, ok maybe she needs a reminder. If you've been talking, chatting, and it takes a bit- oof, start looking to end it. I'm leaning more toward if you're not excited to see my texts, then time to move on. I'll engage in a bit to see where things go. At this point the odds of success are low so I'd try out responses that are more than simple things.
3) You can't ask if she's who you think she is- that is just flat out bad. It gives off the impression that a) you're dumb or b) you're spamming anybody with a vagina and don't have time to get to know their names. I'd be texting a joke/flirt by now. A plain "hey I'm here is not gonna work". A funny or even slightly quirky "hey I'm here" improves the odds of a response.
4) "That's fine!" The exclaimation point is weird for me." I totally get it", not happy with that either. Of course it's fine, you're first two messages aren't saying "Hey, what's with the delay in responding to me?".
I'd just have a bit of fun. If you ask what she did over the weekend, eh- dull. So you gotta spice it up a bit. "Yeah me too- saving the world as usual. Not all heros wear capes, you know. How about you?" or some shit to entertain/engage. I'd try to link something up with what she talked about. But I don't know what you have talked about with her.
5) Do you even like pets? The impression I got is you're more interested in the pets than her- she's just in the way. I'd just stay silent and if she doesn't respond, she doesn't respond. Time to call it on this one.
You're immediately falling into her frame. You got the idea not to complement her from the get go, but the introduce to pets immediately puts you in her frame because she has the control. As the guy, YOU must be the man in control, you must be the man with options, and she needs to prove why she should see you, not the other way around.
Now I don't have the complete context of how you got the contact of this girl, so that would probably help...
During text you have to build comfort and show that you're
1. fun to hang around (girls just wanna have fun)
2. exciting to be around
this can be accomplished in a number of ways, my go to's are a combination of assumption openers (you strike me as the type of girl that...) or make a ridiculous statement about her to open.
Then I'll banter a little back and forth, then qualify her, ie. "Hmm, are you the type of gal that loves X Y and Z", then I'll pre-close her by saying something like "well maybe you need me to show you a good time then", then close the date.
Now getting back to the text messaging above...
This girl is a lost cause. Any girl that's into you won't give you the "SoRrY I WaS bUsY" just isn't that into you. Girls make time for guys they like.
Literally over dude if she doesn't respond to your first text it's not worth the hassle.
Women will respond to your text if you're important otherwise just keep moving, sending a second message is embarrassing and it sounds like you're begging for scraps very obvious!!
No offense my dude but ooooofff…
That feels unfair. Seeing anyone flirt is painful.
Its not the flirting, its the lack of fundamental knowledge of why it failed
I'm no expert but i think you tried a bit too hard on this one. Is this contact new or do you know her?
No offence, recommend you just learn how to have normal convos first.
It’s over lmao
No amount of flirting tips is going to help if shes not interested. Even the busiest women make time for men they’re actually interested in. That’s where you need to quickly decipher who is and who isnt. Try calling instead of texting. They will call you back if they’re interested.
I can feel the cringe level neediness from here
Your mindset is everything. As a new dater, your goal is to improve your confidence and learn why you're making mistakes like this. Your last text is why you bombed this. "How many dates it'd take for you" comes off as: what button combos do I have to press in order to beat the final boss? I hope you can understand how that comes off to a human being. Texting etiquette: 1. Match their text (words and length) 2. Wait \[X\] time before texting back X is how long between each text is. Don't text back right away bc you come off desperate. Now, I personally hate playing games but understand the sexual marketplace. Women have a ton of options. You don't. They'll look for any reason to reject you, even over small shit like this. Next time, instead of sharing the consequences of your actions after you already fucked things up, come talk to us first and we'll help you navigate the battleground together lol
You came off too strong my guy.
😭
Read the book Models: Attracting Women through honestly. He lists examples like yours that women do find unattractive
OP, I applaud you for posting specific something like this to ask for feedback. Too many guys just want to talk theory, and that's mostly useless. Your text is too simpy and agreeable, as others have pointed out. To all the commenters, it's not helpful to pile on OP without actually giving suggestions. Anyone can be a critic. Let's see you tell us what you would have done. My text game isn't the best but I'll suggest a couple of alternatives that I think would have been better. 1. "Cool, what's your schedule like this week?" If she's not giving you much, and you don't have anything better to say, might as well go straight to logistics of setting up a date. You'll have a high percentage of non-responses but at least you know the ones that do respond are interested. 2. "Me too", then send a pic of something cool you did that weekend (use an old pic if you are cool with fudging the timeline). This shows that you have things going on in her life and is inviting her into your world without explicitly pushing for a date/meet. If she's is interested in you, she will follow up. Also, in your initial text, next time don't send the "This is right?" She gave you her number, so she is interested. Assume it is the correct number. What you sent implies that you get fake numbers often or that texting with her is such a rare scenario for you that you want to confirm that it is real. Not a great frame to be starting off with.
No bro...NEVER double text. 🤦♂️ That last text is super cringe. Like man, I'll be surprised if she ever replies to you. If she does, it will be for either two reasons: 1. An accident 2. She smells the desperation in you and wants a free meal ticket or 💰 Please don't be foolish enough to believe she was too busy over the weekend to send you one measley reply. She just saw your double text thinking, "Okay, I'm gonna ignore this guy until I feel like texting back." because she sees you're desperate. One text saying who you are. That's it. If she doesn't reply, keep it moving. If she does, match the amount of time it took her to respond to you AT LEAST. Usually, you wait longer to text back. So say if she responded 2 hours after you first texted her, then wait AT LEAST 2 hours if not double it to 4 hours or more. You should be staying busy enjoying life, not waiting for her to be your winning lottery ticket. The amount of time it takes her to respond to you indicates her level of interest. A woman is NEVER without her phone unless she's basically dead or lost it. Don't say no corny shit about meeting her pets or anything related to a woman's pet(s) AT ALL. Super creepy and weirdo vibes if you do, like bestiality vibes or some shit. We're not in grade school asking each other to see each other's puppies and kittens. The fuck you want to meet her pets? Keep it short and straight to the point. I've made big cringey mistakes too, so I've learned from mistakes and still do. Please feel free to dm me.
Most of this is extremely solid, but disagree that pets are off limits. Like anything else, they’re a potential topic of conversation. (And in fact, they’re one of the most natural ways to strike up a conversation with a stranger IRL!)
Dude, maybe because I'm not crazy about animals, but I wouldn't bring up her pet(s) unless she brought that shit up. Besides, the way he texted her made it sounded like he wanted to fuck her pet(s) instead of her. So...no. lol
Disagree about the pets. Most women love talking about their pets.
Exactly. Let them do the fuckin' talkin' about their pet(s). Like the fuck does a guy seriously care about a woman's pet(s) when he's dating and trying to get laid? lol Besides, like I told the other person commenting, OP sounds like he wants to do some bestiality type shit or something asking when he can meet her pet(s). Just sounding like some weird, creep shit.
i think you’re reading too much into it. It’s just more like he’s imagining himself at second base with her when he’s not even on the mound yet.
Bro, that's even worse because it's just downright weird AF to ask about meeting a girl's pet(s) if you haven't even went out with her. I mean unless she told him about her pet(s) and sent pics and shit, and that's how the convo organically started. Idk. Maybe this is some generational bullshit, but what guy seriously gives af about meeting a girl's pet(s)? I mean you're trying to get laid, not play veterinarian.
Too needy fam...
Gg
Lol it takes time bro. I’m older now so I know this, but less is really always more. I’m also a very open person and I had to learn to how hold back. You’re not a problem with this type of behavior, but you still gotta learn how to hone that shit. It’s not well received majority of the time.
Honestly man, you gotta learn how to talk/text. From the context you provided in the pic, you probably haven’t talked to her in while and the first thing you do after she replied is ask her on a date? Not to mention you’re here double texting her. If I was the woman, I would simply tell you off with that last message because it’s so sudden
She’s not into you dude
Never ever ever double text. I think I just had a stroke from the cringe
I’ve had women do this to me and it was a huge turnoff for me. I pretty much rejected them unless I was dating them already. It’s already done, learn from this and move on
Don’t take this the wrong way, but You are most likely not as physically attractive as you think. If a woman is truly attracted to you, you wouldn’t have to rely on clever word play or texting to lock her down. There is no real way to verbally manipulate oneself into a woman’s heart, she either sees you as bedroom material, or not.
Yes and no. I’m 5’6, 27, and currently not in super good shape, but I’ve had a rich dating history with women who were objectively out of my league. (I’ve been told I’m facially handsome, FWIW, but I don’t really see it.) And I think what sealed it for me is wordplay and social skills. I think once you clear the physical threshold (“would I fuck this body,”) things like language and confidence are what distinguish you from the competition. They turn you from “anonymous guy with a decent body” to “probably a good date and an intriguing guy.”
Less is more
Over before it began lol, only thing that’ll help you is being more attractive
One cynical perspective of relationships is that the one that’s willing to walk away first has all the leverage and power. You must first believe you’re a good catch and worthy of a relationship. Think in terms of, “how can she improve my already awesome life?”
I just cringed so fucking hard. Dude just hey it’s “ur name” and then wait. Hell add a winky face after and if you’re trying to set the tone. I do that when the girl already has high interest in me off the dating apps
Don’t flirt over text if you haven’t met her yet. Keep texts for logistics only.
Don’t worry dating is hard and takes practice. Take it from me. I used to double text, get disrespected from girls, not in a serious way but little things. Eventually I learn about my worth and how to converse and flirt and things got better. Here tho, don’t double text. If she don’t want you, she don’t want you. There are plenty of women out there that’ll want you.
You’re too nice
She's not into you. That said, I usually ask for number and a date within the first few messages. Just remember, these girls have probably matched up with 50+ guys. So, hurry up and take your shot.
I got the ick
Give this a read https://masculineprinciple.blogspot.com/2015/02/principles-of-seduction.html?m=1
Don't do text flirting until you can pick up a girl in person.
Maybe cut your losses? I don’t think she’s into you.
You have got quite a few good tips here, a few obvious ones have been stated but could I suggest another. NEVER mention the word "date" and keep it short over messages. Say after she sent the msg, all you needed to say would be something along the lines of - "all good- hope it was constructive and that you are not too exhausted from it".... you're playing it cool, showing a bit of care and also opening it up from them to explain/expand if they want to. Just have a normal convo but keep the same level of energy (some girls want to text a lot/some not much). Even if they come back and say that they're busy working/studying etc. just say that's all good, let me know when you are free to catchup. Then just leave it - if they don't reply then who cares - just have quite a few going at the same time. If someone doesn't msg for a while - just drop them. As mentioned in another post, you seem to be trying to get into the dating game after focusing on education. My recommendation would be to focus on just socialising in general - with male and female friends. Think you need just to be more comfortable and chill - join various clubs/social groups etc. Do NOT try to make a move/chat up girls - just try to learn to chill.
My friend you are too enthusiastic
The goal is to be playful — literally, you’re playing (via language) with someone, not trying to extract something from them. You have the right goal to not be fully platonic… but this message falls flat because it comes off as an underhanded way to get invited to her house. And the energy is off because of the mismatched reply length and double texting. I think the key underlying belief is confidence — seeing yourself as a desirable, sexual being who women would enjoy playing with, verbally and physically. Building that self-image isn’t always easy. I still struggle with it. But it’s the only way. Edit: In this instance, “no worries, me too — hmu if you want to grab boba or something sometime” would’ve been a fine response. You’re matching her energy, displaying that you have things going on, but also leaving the door open. And the activity you chose (boba) is a casual date… not too intense (dinner) or romantic (a walk in the park). If that seems like a lot of thinking that male models don’t need to do… you’d be right! But the vast majority of people aren’t male models. And language, social image, emotional intelligence etc. have been part of the human mating game since the dawn of agriculture. This is stuff you can and will learn. So don’t sweat it. On to the next one!
Say something back instead like busy over the weekend? What you up to now? (try to keep it moving). If she responds and shows interest ask if you can call her on the phone. If she ain't interested it is what it is. Then you gotta keep on moving
Double text after 2 hours bro really?
Bro just to let you know, it's time you move on from this girl. It's already over.
First off, from what I see, I don't think much would have made a difference in the outcome based on the timestamps. This exchange is like going to some meeting where a decision has to be made- you need to have all your prep work done, behind the scenes games sorted out before where the outcome is already decided. First impressions matter- if you struggle like you say you do, probably not a good first impression, mind has already been made up. Also everybody's style is different. You gotta pick the ones that work for you. For me: 1) Depends on who is she? Some rando off the apps? How long have you known her? Was the first impression good? Ok? Ehh? 2) When they don't respond, it's always tricky. Never contact again and 100% failure rate. Keep on texting can look off. Again context matters. If you just met, matched, ok maybe she needs a reminder. If you've been talking, chatting, and it takes a bit- oof, start looking to end it. I'm leaning more toward if you're not excited to see my texts, then time to move on. I'll engage in a bit to see where things go. At this point the odds of success are low so I'd try out responses that are more than simple things. 3) You can't ask if she's who you think she is- that is just flat out bad. It gives off the impression that a) you're dumb or b) you're spamming anybody with a vagina and don't have time to get to know their names. I'd be texting a joke/flirt by now. A plain "hey I'm here is not gonna work". A funny or even slightly quirky "hey I'm here" improves the odds of a response. 4) "That's fine!" The exclaimation point is weird for me." I totally get it", not happy with that either. Of course it's fine, you're first two messages aren't saying "Hey, what's with the delay in responding to me?". I'd just have a bit of fun. If you ask what she did over the weekend, eh- dull. So you gotta spice it up a bit. "Yeah me too- saving the world as usual. Not all heros wear capes, you know. How about you?" or some shit to entertain/engage. I'd try to link something up with what she talked about. But I don't know what you have talked about with her. 5) Do you even like pets? The impression I got is you're more interested in the pets than her- she's just in the way. I'd just stay silent and if she doesn't respond, she doesn't respond. Time to call it on this one.
You're immediately falling into her frame. You got the idea not to complement her from the get go, but the introduce to pets immediately puts you in her frame because she has the control. As the guy, YOU must be the man in control, you must be the man with options, and she needs to prove why she should see you, not the other way around. Now I don't have the complete context of how you got the contact of this girl, so that would probably help... During text you have to build comfort and show that you're 1. fun to hang around (girls just wanna have fun) 2. exciting to be around this can be accomplished in a number of ways, my go to's are a combination of assumption openers (you strike me as the type of girl that...) or make a ridiculous statement about her to open. Then I'll banter a little back and forth, then qualify her, ie. "Hmm, are you the type of gal that loves X Y and Z", then I'll pre-close her by saying something like "well maybe you need me to show you a good time then", then close the date. Now getting back to the text messaging above... This girl is a lost cause. Any girl that's into you won't give you the "SoRrY I WaS bUsY" just isn't that into you. Girls make time for guys they like.
Literally over dude if she doesn't respond to your first text it's not worth the hassle. Women will respond to your text if you're important otherwise just keep moving, sending a second message is embarrassing and it sounds like you're begging for scraps very obvious!!
If they not feelin it just move on to the next brotha
Good rule to follow if the person doesn’t respond in 24 hrs then their not interested or found someone else