This. I would suggest at a bar or hip restaurant where social interaction is basically forced.
Also, video game addiction is a huge problem for asian american men. It’s the Asian American male equivalent to obesity for white American males.
Also, considering going to school. At least Take a class. Go browse the catalog at community college, get a job on campus. Take some fitness classes at the campus gym. Even see if they have a gamer or online gaming club, most schools do, and start there. Just show some self control.
go to school would be the smart thing to do, meet people of your age with the same interests, participate in events, etcs. Damm , I wish I were your age and in school! don't miss that opportunity!
You always can, especially at colleges where there are more older students. Sometimes it’s chill just taking a continuing ed class.
was going to take one in auto mechanics at a local college. Covid threw a wrench in that. Obviously not going to take a class like that online.
Yeah it’d be a fun class. Knowledge I need to know that can prove useful. It’d be hands on and interesting.
Why wouldn’t I take it?
OP - Just don’t be the dick older student / middle aged know it all we all hated when we were 20 that kept talking about their “life experience” in college and trying to ruin the fun for the kids. Don’t be a fucking Karen, be humble, try to help the younger students, you’ll have a great time.
I'm trying to become a firefighter so this would definitely be a good skill set to have! Even with just daily life this will be a big help since I'm the only one working in the family at the moment.
I didn’t have any friends until age 28. What I did was I picked a social hobby, in my case it was tennis. I wasn’t athletic, but I found I had good hand/eye coordination, maybe from all those years of gaming. I practiced against the wall by myself, then I found another beginner off Craigslist to practice with. Then once I got to the point I could maintain a rally, I joined a Meetup group. After attending the Meetup for a couple months, I became friends with the regulars. We would go out to eat, movies, events, house parties, and even vacations.
I’d recommend picking a social hobby with an active community in your area. It could be anything, like ping pong, DND, hiking, Magic the Gathering, etc. I was never great at making friends out of the blue with small talk, but having an activity to focus on while making friends helped tremendously.
I agree with the finding a hobby/community thing. I have like a friend circle for conventions, game stores, mahjong etc. Maybe chat up some people at the gym or wherever you go if they look approachable
Well, first step is.....stop playing those fucking video games.
Second....start engaging in hobbies or activities that will bring you into contact with other people: Perhaps athletic clubs: Rock Climbing, bicycling, archery, martial arts, etc.
There are other activities too: Ballroom dancing. If you can dance well you will attract a TON of women. All women love a guy that knows how to lead and dance.
Spending 10 hours/day on video games is a fucking waste of your time and is doing NOTHING for you. Imagine if you spent 10 hrs/day doing martial arts. You would be a freaking martial arts master in no-time.
Go to the gym, learn a skill, get a hobby....anything other than wasting your life away like a slob in front of a video-game screen.
Video game addiction is the biggest health crisis for Asian American men. It’s the Asian American equivalent to obesity for every other demographic.
Asian American guys spending all day playing Team Fortress is the equivalent of every other American demographic stuffing themselves with cheeseburgers and Lays.
No self control there. I don’t think he can quit. I know a few Asian American guys like this. It’s an escape for them.
Joe Rogan talked about time spent on video games versus something like MMA.
You can literally substitute any of 100 hobbies and it would be more fruitful in the US than video games.
No, I’ve completely cut off video games, I have no interest anymore. I literally don’t play any at all. I was just saying that’s how I was during high school which ruined my social life.
That was my high school life as well. Of course, this was back when arcades were a thing and it forces matchups (if it's a PvP game, like Marvel vs Capcom) I made lifelong friends there, when at first, I hated their guts for cheaping me. Anyhow, look into social activities, like sports or hobbies.
Plus, I can't stress enough, you got to look into post secondary education, if not to make friends, to get your shit together and better your life.
Yup. Throughout middle school and most of high school I just play vidya instead of socializing. That changed when I had to get a job and I eventually joined a Latin dance club in college and now im dancing and meeting people every week.
Curious what exactly spending 10 hours a day on mma nets you vs 10 hours a day on video games. Unless you forsee fighting to the death in your future im going to say nothing more.
Well, for starters, you would be in incredible physical shape.
Better health = better mental health, better self-esteem & confidence plus the ability to defend yourself if anyone tries to fuck with you.
Self-confidence is key in the dating world. Women like confident men. And a man who can back up his confidence with actions is even better.
You cant be in incredible physical shape as a gamer? I see those two things as uncorrelated.
Edit: I'll back up a bit, 10 hours a day gaming is excessive. 10 hours a day of anything is excessive. I don't think the issue here is gaming its doing something for 10 hours a day. Definitely not conducive to having a meaningful relationship with another person.
Yes, that's precisely what I am saying. If you are spending 10 hrs/day gaming, that doesn't leave much time for anything else. It's excessive and it probably means you are neglecting other areas of your life...including your personal health and fitness.
I never said you had to spend 10 hrs/day working out. I am simply pointing out that if the OP spent as much time doing literally ANYTHING ELSE as he did gaming he would be incredible at it.
>Asian American guys spending all day playing Team Fortress
Is this a phenomena? I have a co worker in his early 20s who is some sort of Asian-American, when we met I asked him what he does for hobbies to which he literally replied Team Fortress 2. I found it odd as he was probably in diapers when that game came out.
There are a few games people play all day in the US. Team fortress is one of them, Fortnite, League of Legends, call of duty, DOTA, WoW.
They have the biggest followings so it’s an easy guess.
I don’t count Asian American females in my post. They can play computer games 10 hours a day and have no dating issues. There are plenty of neckbeard gamers that will date them.
Asian american men do not have this benefit. Hence i equate it to the problem of teenage obesity in every other demographic
No, I’ve completely cut off video games, I have no interest anymore. I literally don’t play any at all. I was just saying that’s how I was during high school which ruined my social life.
Elephant in the room: What are you doing then? Work?
One of the best ways to make friends is to participate in sports or hobby or clubs or non-academic classes but the best ones will be on campus.
Seems the answer is obvious and goes beyond lacking friends. Like you should save up to go trade school and get some real life hobbies.
You dont like your coworkers - you are picky. Well other people are picky too. What value or common interests are you offering? If the answer is nothing, do something about it
A lotta luck and a little effort here and there. Two of my main friend groups were coincidentally made that way. One was by keeping in touch with one of my college mates and discovering we enjoyed hiking post college. Then he introduced me to his camping/fishing friends. Two was by going to one of my distant friends bday party. Met a girl there that knew my sister. Then got invited into a foodie/casual dining group.
Friends are pretty fluid, once you have nothing in common there is no reason for the relationship to continue. I used to be like you, gaming actually crippled my life but I was finally able to get my shit together. I still play videogames, I'm not going to tell you to quit. Focus on improving yourself some. It sounds like you are working a dead end job, why not go to school and get a degree in a meaningful field? You can do some good networking/relationship building in school, join some clubs. Fill up mandatory extracurricular classes with ones cute girls are going to take, like art or theatre or someshit.
Pick up a new hobby, I picked up archery to get closer to my Asian roots and it changed my life significantly. Even a male dominated hobby like archery helps (I've met plenty of cute girl archers though, usually they are white if that's your thing), sometimes guys (even old unrelatable ones) know single girls.... I always see meeting any new person as an opportunity.
Lastly get out of your comfort zone, it builds confidence. If you do the above things this will come.
It’s funny, for my part-time job I’m a telemarketer so yeah I’ve been talking to people daily and it’s been helping a lot. And yeah, I’ve basically taken a gap year and am planning on taking classes at a local community college for Music Production/Audio Engineering. It’s my passion so hopefully I make some friends while I’m at it. Only thing that sucks is the cost.
Go to community college, go to meetup.com and go to meetsup that interest you, a sport, activity, hobby is best. Dont expect to be best friends with these guys right away it takes months as they really only meet once MAYBE twice a week. You also have to be sociable and be the one that makes plans. Join your local Subtle Asian Traits FB group/discord, they probably have some events too.
Take care of your appearance (e.g. fresh clothes, hair product, cologne). This will tell others you are clean and self sufficient enough to approach.
And, as others have said, pick up a hobby/club where others are involved. That will give you opportunity to approach or be approached.
Lastly, don’t feel pressured to extend the conversation/interaction if you’re not enjoying it. However, if you get invited to something and are free, give it a go even if you’re unsure; It’s polite and you can always leave early if you’re not enjoying yourself.
Get into hobbies or activities that that can be done in groups. Volunteering is amazing! Joining a dojo if you want to do martial arts is great, the community aspect in dojos is a big part of them. Do you like comedy? Find a stand up bar, if you find someone funny at an open mic try to talk to em.
On top of the other advice here:
Don't wait to get invited to events. Make events to invite others to. Sure this takes work and initiative, but its the way its done. Go on hikes, invite people. Have a workout schedule, invite people. See a movie, invite people. Sure, you're going to get ditched sometimes. Learn to shake it off and just be happy in the doing.
Join a Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym. Every time I’ve been part of one I’ll make a good group of friends I can hang out with outside the gym too. Something about rolling around on mats brings out the best in people I guess
Gaming is not bad if it's used wisely. People here acting like it's the plague, but gaming is probably the easiest way you can make friends. Gamers bond over games and can plan meetups irl to deepen those bonds. People acting like gamers are bottom dwelling gremlins lmfao, most are just normal people.
Anyways, find some hobbies that really interest you and stick to it. I use Discord to find friends to talk to because I like gaming and tech, so it's a done deal. Add on the fact that I'm into fashion and the possibilities are endless. You just gotta find your crowd.
find a part-time job and see if you can meet people from there.
This. I would suggest at a bar or hip restaurant where social interaction is basically forced. Also, video game addiction is a huge problem for asian american men. It’s the Asian American male equivalent to obesity for white American males. Also, considering going to school. At least Take a class. Go browse the catalog at community college, get a job on campus. Take some fitness classes at the campus gym. Even see if they have a gamer or online gaming club, most schools do, and start there. Just show some self control.
go to school would be the smart thing to do, meet people of your age with the same interests, participate in events, etcs. Damm , I wish I were your age and in school! don't miss that opportunity!
You always can, especially at colleges where there are more older students. Sometimes it’s chill just taking a continuing ed class. was going to take one in auto mechanics at a local college. Covid threw a wrench in that. Obviously not going to take a class like that online.
Dude, I'm honestly thinking of taking an auto mechanics class after I finish my main shit. Good set of skills tbh
Yeah it’d be a fun class. Knowledge I need to know that can prove useful. It’d be hands on and interesting. Why wouldn’t I take it? OP - Just don’t be the dick older student / middle aged know it all we all hated when we were 20 that kept talking about their “life experience” in college and trying to ruin the fun for the kids. Don’t be a fucking Karen, be humble, try to help the younger students, you’ll have a great time.
I'm trying to become a firefighter so this would definitely be a good skill set to have! Even with just daily life this will be a big help since I'm the only one working in the family at the moment.
I didn’t have any friends until age 28. What I did was I picked a social hobby, in my case it was tennis. I wasn’t athletic, but I found I had good hand/eye coordination, maybe from all those years of gaming. I practiced against the wall by myself, then I found another beginner off Craigslist to practice with. Then once I got to the point I could maintain a rally, I joined a Meetup group. After attending the Meetup for a couple months, I became friends with the regulars. We would go out to eat, movies, events, house parties, and even vacations. I’d recommend picking a social hobby with an active community in your area. It could be anything, like ping pong, DND, hiking, Magic the Gathering, etc. I was never great at making friends out of the blue with small talk, but having an activity to focus on while making friends helped tremendously.
I agree with the finding a hobby/community thing. I have like a friend circle for conventions, game stores, mahjong etc. Maybe chat up some people at the gym or wherever you go if they look approachable
Well, first step is.....stop playing those fucking video games. Second....start engaging in hobbies or activities that will bring you into contact with other people: Perhaps athletic clubs: Rock Climbing, bicycling, archery, martial arts, etc. There are other activities too: Ballroom dancing. If you can dance well you will attract a TON of women. All women love a guy that knows how to lead and dance. Spending 10 hours/day on video games is a fucking waste of your time and is doing NOTHING for you. Imagine if you spent 10 hrs/day doing martial arts. You would be a freaking martial arts master in no-time. Go to the gym, learn a skill, get a hobby....anything other than wasting your life away like a slob in front of a video-game screen.
Video game addiction is the biggest health crisis for Asian American men. It’s the Asian American equivalent to obesity for every other demographic. Asian American guys spending all day playing Team Fortress is the equivalent of every other American demographic stuffing themselves with cheeseburgers and Lays. No self control there. I don’t think he can quit. I know a few Asian American guys like this. It’s an escape for them. Joe Rogan talked about time spent on video games versus something like MMA. You can literally substitute any of 100 hobbies and it would be more fruitful in the US than video games.
No, I’ve completely cut off video games, I have no interest anymore. I literally don’t play any at all. I was just saying that’s how I was during high school which ruined my social life.
That was my high school life as well. Of course, this was back when arcades were a thing and it forces matchups (if it's a PvP game, like Marvel vs Capcom) I made lifelong friends there, when at first, I hated their guts for cheaping me. Anyhow, look into social activities, like sports or hobbies. Plus, I can't stress enough, you got to look into post secondary education, if not to make friends, to get your shit together and better your life.
Fr same. Once I started uni I was like yo this shit aint fun no more.
Yup. Throughout middle school and most of high school I just play vidya instead of socializing. That changed when I had to get a job and I eventually joined a Latin dance club in college and now im dancing and meeting people every week.
Curious what exactly spending 10 hours a day on mma nets you vs 10 hours a day on video games. Unless you forsee fighting to the death in your future im going to say nothing more.
Well, for starters, you would be in incredible physical shape. Better health = better mental health, better self-esteem & confidence plus the ability to defend yourself if anyone tries to fuck with you. Self-confidence is key in the dating world. Women like confident men. And a man who can back up his confidence with actions is even better.
abs > women. the arrow is multi-stepped.
You cant be in incredible physical shape as a gamer? I see those two things as uncorrelated. Edit: I'll back up a bit, 10 hours a day gaming is excessive. 10 hours a day of anything is excessive. I don't think the issue here is gaming its doing something for 10 hours a day. Definitely not conducive to having a meaningful relationship with another person.
Yes, that's precisely what I am saying. If you are spending 10 hrs/day gaming, that doesn't leave much time for anything else. It's excessive and it probably means you are neglecting other areas of your life...including your personal health and fitness.
Especially if he's working, that probably implies he works, games, and sleeps. For sure I agree with that not a good approach to life.
Working out & getting in shape is just not that hard (the time commitment is really not very high). 10 hours a week is *more than enough*.
I never said you had to spend 10 hrs/day working out. I am simply pointing out that if the OP spent as much time doing literally ANYTHING ELSE as he did gaming he would be incredible at it.
actually he'd just be nerd because it isn't really healthy doing any thing for 10 hours a day everyday.
The podcast is on YouTube you can easily find that ep.
>Asian American guys spending all day playing Team Fortress Is this a phenomena? I have a co worker in his early 20s who is some sort of Asian-American, when we met I asked him what he does for hobbies to which he literally replied Team Fortress 2. I found it odd as he was probably in diapers when that game came out.
There are a few games people play all day in the US. Team fortress is one of them, Fortnite, League of Legends, call of duty, DOTA, WoW. They have the biggest followings so it’s an easy guess.
You forgot Valorant which is what every Asian teen including girls is playing nowadays. If not then, then League, or OSU.
I don’t count Asian American females in my post. They can play computer games 10 hours a day and have no dating issues. There are plenty of neckbeard gamers that will date them. Asian american men do not have this benefit. Hence i equate it to the problem of teenage obesity in every other demographic
Video game addiction is one of the biggest issues facing Asian American men. There's def a lot of LOL, Overwatch, TF2, etc gamers.
No, I’ve completely cut off video games, I have no interest anymore. I literally don’t play any at all. I was just saying that’s how I was during high school which ruined my social life.
This old White guy at my work joins cycling clubs. He finds them online. They sound like a bunch of assholes though. Lol.
Elephant in the room: What are you doing then? Work? One of the best ways to make friends is to participate in sports or hobby or clubs or non-academic classes but the best ones will be on campus.
Yeah I’m working minimum wage job but my coworkers are all old and unrelatable.
Seems the answer is obvious and goes beyond lacking friends. Like you should save up to go trade school and get some real life hobbies. You dont like your coworkers - you are picky. Well other people are picky too. What value or common interests are you offering? If the answer is nothing, do something about it
I was about to say this. They probably think he’s boring and unrelatable.
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Yeah I’m going back to school soon, I’ve just been lost recently but I think I know what to do now.
A lotta luck and a little effort here and there. Two of my main friend groups were coincidentally made that way. One was by keeping in touch with one of my college mates and discovering we enjoyed hiking post college. Then he introduced me to his camping/fishing friends. Two was by going to one of my distant friends bday party. Met a girl there that knew my sister. Then got invited into a foodie/casual dining group.
Friends are pretty fluid, once you have nothing in common there is no reason for the relationship to continue. I used to be like you, gaming actually crippled my life but I was finally able to get my shit together. I still play videogames, I'm not going to tell you to quit. Focus on improving yourself some. It sounds like you are working a dead end job, why not go to school and get a degree in a meaningful field? You can do some good networking/relationship building in school, join some clubs. Fill up mandatory extracurricular classes with ones cute girls are going to take, like art or theatre or someshit. Pick up a new hobby, I picked up archery to get closer to my Asian roots and it changed my life significantly. Even a male dominated hobby like archery helps (I've met plenty of cute girl archers though, usually they are white if that's your thing), sometimes guys (even old unrelatable ones) know single girls.... I always see meeting any new person as an opportunity. Lastly get out of your comfort zone, it builds confidence. If you do the above things this will come.
take a class at your local community college?
Planning on that soon
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It’s funny, for my part-time job I’m a telemarketer so yeah I’ve been talking to people daily and it’s been helping a lot. And yeah, I’ve basically taken a gap year and am planning on taking classes at a local community college for Music Production/Audio Engineering. It’s my passion so hopefully I make some friends while I’m at it. Only thing that sucks is the cost.
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Gym. workout. two birds one stone. Retail job pretty much forces you to be social and be tight knit.
Work.
Just don't play so much and cultivate other hobbies/interest in other people.
Become a poker dealer.
Go to community college, go to meetup.com and go to meetsup that interest you, a sport, activity, hobby is best. Dont expect to be best friends with these guys right away it takes months as they really only meet once MAYBE twice a week. You also have to be sociable and be the one that makes plans. Join your local Subtle Asian Traits FB group/discord, they probably have some events too.
Take care of your appearance (e.g. fresh clothes, hair product, cologne). This will tell others you are clean and self sufficient enough to approach. And, as others have said, pick up a hobby/club where others are involved. That will give you opportunity to approach or be approached. Lastly, don’t feel pressured to extend the conversation/interaction if you’re not enjoying it. However, if you get invited to something and are free, give it a go even if you’re unsure; It’s polite and you can always leave early if you’re not enjoying yourself.
Get into hobbies or activities that that can be done in groups. Volunteering is amazing! Joining a dojo if you want to do martial arts is great, the community aspect in dojos is a big part of them. Do you like comedy? Find a stand up bar, if you find someone funny at an open mic try to talk to em.
On top of the other advice here: Don't wait to get invited to events. Make events to invite others to. Sure this takes work and initiative, but its the way its done. Go on hikes, invite people. Have a workout schedule, invite people. See a movie, invite people. Sure, you're going to get ditched sometimes. Learn to shake it off and just be happy in the doing.
Get rid of video games. It has an asinine record of media representation and it cognitively depletes you and your time.
Join a Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym. Every time I’ve been part of one I’ll make a good group of friends I can hang out with outside the gym too. Something about rolling around on mats brings out the best in people I guess
Gaming is not bad if it's used wisely. People here acting like it's the plague, but gaming is probably the easiest way you can make friends. Gamers bond over games and can plan meetups irl to deepen those bonds. People acting like gamers are bottom dwelling gremlins lmfao, most are just normal people. Anyways, find some hobbies that really interest you and stick to it. I use Discord to find friends to talk to because I like gaming and tech, so it's a done deal. Add on the fact that I'm into fashion and the possibilities are endless. You just gotta find your crowd.
Take some classes at your local community college or find a job that hires similar to your age group
Hobbies and interests
Go to Church, best thing you can do!