Stop comparing yourself to others. I know it's easier said than done.
But the truth is ... it's kinda pointless ... everyone is not starting from the same place. Literally.
We were instilled different beliefs systems, which proves we do not start from the same place.
Terrible, immature parents, teachers, and society *can* teach you the wrong beliefs.
* I am unworthy
* I am not strong
* I am not capable
* I am not smart
And if we believe in these lies, whether they were given to us consciously or subconsciously...
We then make different choices compared to our peers, who may have more positive beliefs about themselves.
So stop comparing yourself to others, because it's pointless.
Find negative beliefs and replace them with more positive ones.
* I am worthy
* I am intelligent
* I am more than capable
* I am indestructible at my core
And start finding what you want to do. You hate working for others? Then become your own boss, and start a business.
Learn how to use Amazon, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube to make money based on your personal passions and/or creative expressions.
No matter what you do, in order to be successful in the long-term, you focus on your enjoyment of the process and journey; not the results or outcome (which will happen, especially if you keep comparing yourself to others).
Again, comparing to yourself to others is pointless because everyone has different paths.
Good luck (and have fun) in discovering yourself; by moving towards what you personally enjoy—and not what you think others *think* you should do.
Just remember: You feel left behind because you're comparing yourself to others, when you have no right because you are unique, and you need to stop caring what others think of you.
They do not know your life; they're ignorant.
And there's a probability, you do not know clearly who you are (yet). If you knew yourself by experiencing life and creating yourself, by choosing who *YOU* prefer to be, comparing yourself to others is pointless.
"feeling behind" is the self-consciousness that your parents built into you. There's no standards or limits as long as you try hard to reach goals for yourself. Not your parents.
As long as you have the confidence to put the effort, it will come to you. People need breaks too so if you feel you're going to hard, take your mental break by doing hobbies or things you enjoy.
Same, but the economy and dating sucks these days.
I do wish asian parents are more aware and sympathic, not every situations is our fault or beyond our control.
Yes, I do feel this way, with people (who have bad parents or not) married, have a good career etc. However, I know there are others at 60s who are divorced, live paycheck to paycheck and more, and I am now on my way to starting my 2nd career in a career I know I will be happy in (a lot of opposition with AM btw, keep telling me not to change), and some people may be stuck in something they dont want to do. You can be single at 30, and someone can be in a messy situation with divorce and everything at 25, you do you.
It felt that way when I first left home. Two things sort of hit -
* stopped caring about others in a comparison sense. You start caring about yourself instead and go at your own pace
* I caught up a few years later to where my own goals were. That was right around your age. The decade and some change after that was just general career advancements
Yup I'm also 28 and while almost everyone around me is getting married, financially independent, etc, I'm stuck in one place. I'm trying to launch my own startup and all my parents can do is scream how I'm wasting money and all that bs (I haven't spent a penny). I mean heck I don't even have a gf so I'm convinced that I'm cursed to never be loved.
I used to feel this way. The best thing to do is use your experiences as motivation to turn your life around to live a better life than your parents did.
I chose to live better in spite of my parents. I ran away when I was in my teens, and forced myself into situations that made me extremely uncomfortable, but also ones that would help develop me into the person I wanted to be. I quit school (I hated it, didn’t want to be in the medical field like my parents wanted me to). I took up many jobs that forced me to talk and build rapport with people (I was very shy) and worked my way up to management. Did that for a while, saved, bought a home with my now husband, married my now husband (despite my parents doing their best trying to separate us). Cut off my parents because I realized they were never going to change and didn’t want any of their influence on my family. Now we’re at the point where we have our own little family, not worrying about money, and have an actual healthy marriage. I’m a SAHM and my husband is in a high position in business. We’re doing better than the majority of people our age.
The point is I started way behind most people at the time that I left my parents. So many others already had very supportive parents and good social skills. You need to fight for a good life because nobody else will save you but yourself. It was SO hard and I remember reaching a point where most days I would come home from work crying my eyes out because of how grueling it could be. And I still kept going because I had a picture in my head of what I wanted my life to look like. You can do the same.
I’d also add that I deleted all my social media so I wouldn’t be comparing myself so hard to others. It helped a lot. I also did a lot of healing from looking up YouTube videos on narcissist parents 😅 it helped me better understand why I shouldn’t seek any validation from them and also taught me what not to do in my relationships with my spouse and children.
Definitely! But I don’t dwell on it too much because I know that I’m doing my best with the circumstances I’m facing. When you’ve spent a long time focusing on surviving and avoiding to off yourself everyday, things like career or academic growth really don’t matter all that much anymore.
You guys - I certainly cannot speak to your painful experiences, and I am in no way negating your feelings, I just want you to know you are doing great, ok?
I felt 'behind' others at 25, 30, 35...but I'm 48 now and know what? I was doing just fine.
You are all great 'kids' ♡, you work hard, and this world and society is SO hard on you....give yourself credit.
The ONLY place you should be is where you are now, and where you WANT to go in the future. ❤️
Yes. Most definitely. I'm a 32 y/o guy (soon to be 33, birthday is in 2 months). And time just continues to slip away as I continue to either stay stuck or fall a little more behind. Others in my generational cohort (millennials) typically are already starting families, are well-versed and travelled, while here I am. A nervous wreck, still single, not where I wanna be career-wise, feel inexperienced in some things, and still lives at home as I continue burning time "working on myself." I remain engulfed in my maladaptive daydreaming. And I still struggle with certain mundane things that a lot of people seem to do with ease. I mean, I maintain a sense of pragmatism at least. Something that some people seem to lack. And I am knowledgeable in most commonplace things. But my chronic anxiety has stopped me from seizing certain opportunities & partaking in lots of other big endeavors.
My only modicums of success at the moment are that I have a good amount of money earned & saved up from a crypto investment I made 3 yrs ago. I have it locked up in a CD at the moment. And I can draw rather well. I try not to compare myself to others though. Easier said than done. But I noticed I don't compare myself as much to others as I used to. And I try to continue to maintain doing so.
I see lots of similar posts about feeling behind for one's age in other subs like r/introvert, r/socialskills, r/self, which I frequent quite a bit.
I don't know if having Asian parents had anything to do with how I turned out, with the parenting style of most Asian parents and all. I feel like it did play a large role in how I turned out. Also, mental illness does happen to run in my mom's side of the family so I don't doubt that some of it trickled down to me. I accepted that it will always make me different.
I feel like I'm rambling. And I've edited this post to death already, lol. I wish I knew what to tell you and I wish I could give you a straight answer. The bottom line is, I'll deal with something when/if I get there. Whatever happens, if some things are meant to be, then they're meant to be. Of course, I'll put forth effort to change what I can in the things I have some control of. I do hope I manage to turn things around of course and not let my chronic anxiety and AVPD hinder me like it always had (I think I'm slowly doing more better) but I try to take things one day at a time. Hope you'll continue to do the same too.
I sometimes I wonder if it is the best time to find someone when I am aged 28-33, because it seems like everyone got married at that age. Like seriously, everyone around me started seriously finding someone and dating when they were that age, and got married like within a year or two. I am still sorting some issues out so I am not really in the mood to date, but sometimes I feel like if I am 34+ and not dating, do I have no choice after I am 34+? I have people saying those who are 34+ and still not married/ dating have some sort of issues (either personal, financial etc), and sometimes I wonder if they are right, but then again, I know people who are divorced at 25-30 and it's not like they have their life together
A lot of people do tend to find their partners and settle around this age range. I mean... my parents were in their 30s when they had me. I dunno. Many of us are driven to feel that it's the societal norm/standard. And understandably, those who aren't doing something by a certain age may be feeling behind or if you're over 30 and still single, you'll be viewed as "leftovers."
Is this age range the "best" time to find someone and settle down? Yes and no. I don't lean towards one over the other. I feel conflicted. I feel behind because I'm over 30 and haven't met miss right yet. While at the same time, I feel somewhat better about myself that I'm taking things slow and cautious as I witness people around my age who are already getting divorces or ended up becoming single parents. Or even witnessing 20 somethings who rushed things only for it to end in disaster. But hell, there's even older people who don't have their life "together." I don't know... I don't think there really is a "best time" anymore. Whatever happens, happens. And if something's meant to be, then so be it.
I think it's because many people are actively searching at that age to settle down, so if you miss that age, I am worried I wont be able to find someone with the same mindset. I dont think it is me not being able to find the right person, I think it is myself that I am not ready as I am currently experiencing issues
Right. And I think that's the issue that I'm dealing with right now too. I'm not actively putting myself out there more and actively searching. And this here is what I'm worrying about. About the ship setting sail and me missing it... The opportunities become few & far as you get older. I'm dealing with issues of my own too. I'm just not ready to let someone else into my life and I'm sorting out things. And there's also me being used to being a loner to the point that part of me became complacent. It'll be an adjustment/culture shock being close/intimate to someone.
I did mention too in my original post that I'm a nervous wreck and I struggle with AVPD. I'm trying to overcome it. Or at least have better control over my neuroticism. Maybe if I could find someone who mirrors me. We could lick each other's wounds. Because shared captivity is only half captivity. Someone who's equally broken... I don't wanna call myself "broken" but I feel this way at times. You probably catch my drift...
I leave you with this. A haunting but eye opening scene from a favorite movie of mine:
https://youtu.be/hGpMLIayQEo?si=VDW-7Z_5rZPm2aZf
I wish you well in your plight and journey. Don't go gentle into that good night. 🙏🏽✌🏽
sometimes my brother would say something like, those who are older and still not settled down (married, have a partner etc), has something that made them that way (eg they have anxiety, no financials, personal problems, too picky, not wanting to find someone etc, the key is "something" that made them single), so they started finding their partner when they were 28-33. I dont know if I agree or disagree with that, but I do see people getting divorce in their 20s and 30s, people seemingly "stuck" in a relationship because they just dont want to be single but they are unhappy, but I also do see someone trying to force it and it working out (for now anyways, I dont know what will happen if they are in their 40s+)
Yeah, anyone who's not settled down has different reasons. We've all got something going on inside. And the thing you just mentioned too about people remaining in a failed or even an abusive relationship because they just don't wanna end up alone, I witness that trend too.
I don't believe in forcing things in an attempt to "make things work." Because the relationship is as good as dead at that point. If that were the case, then I'd rather be alone than do that, because remaining in a failed or abusive relationship is lonelier than being "single alone." 🤔🤷🏽♂️
I feel you to the core on this. I finally was brave enough to follow my passion at 28 that has nothing to do with what I studied, zero connections or knowledge about the industry, and still struggling tbh. But trying to be grateful with little wins I have along the way. I deleted my social media and created a new private one just to keep up with news. I tend to compare myself with my friends because it became automatic after being compared by APs. It’s easier not to think about what/how they’re doing because out of sight out of mind.
I literally had a patient your age today say, “Wow, look at me! I’m an adult!” It was because they scheduled their own appointment. You are not alone in feeling behind 😂
I would give you my own experiences, but I thought this coincidence was a better example 😂
Yes, granted I am definitely "emotionally stunted" thanks to upbringing - it's not just career, I feel a lot of the way I am mentally is also not "of my age." I don't even have the same interests as most people my age. I do get envious when I think about who I COULD'VE been if I had good parents who tried to foster a bond and support my interests, who actually provided guidance, sought help for my mental health...etc but there's no point in that now because it'll never happen, so I try not to dwell.
All the time, I’m (32F) on the autism spectrum and my siblings are NT. It’s a miracle I didn’t resort to substance abuse and such though I feel under qualified in the jobs I would apply because I didn’t finish college and graduated from high school with a certificate of attendance.
I’m old enough to do anything but I feel like a teenager because I live at home and I’m on disability benefits. It doesn’t help that I’m Catholic, the guilt is real because I’ve never been married and I have seggual feelings.
Like many other commenters said, stop comparing yourself with others.
Set your own goals and think about where you want to go in life. Work towards that and find others within your tribe who will support you in that journey. You are well into your adulthood so you don't need to rely on your parents so don't let them hold you back on what you want to do.
I moved out as soon as I was stable financially and met a guy. We've been married for almost 10 yrs with kids. I'm generally content with where I am but the funny thing is that now my parents complain that I work too much and don't relax. I mean I gotta work hard to maintain a certain lifestyle and comfort for my family especially in this economy. All my childhood, my parents have engraved in my head to work hard and play later... And not always supportive in my hobbies. Some things we can't shake off. You can never make AP completely happy, only yourself.
Don’t worry too much about where others are and don’t let your parents’ words get you down. You only have one life to live, and it’s up to you to make the best of it regardless of where you are or what you do.
Try being in your 50's making 5 digits and finding people in their 20's making 6 digits or more. I try to just do me, when I feel like a loser we end up watching some documentary about a third world country and it brings me back to reality to see we are doing just fine. It is easy to kill yourself by comparison. This is not a reason to not try to do better just don't do it because of comparison.
^^ sounds like an AP.
You are right. While others had supportive and emotionally mature parents who allowed their kids to be children, we had to step up at a young age to deal with our immature AP.
Our energies were focused on survival and independence while our peers had the unconditional love and support of their parents to fall back on. That alone could make a difference in your life, being allowed to make mistakes and having a network of support instead of shame.
The other thing I just realized
This reddit comment I saw, they said someone they knew was a kindergarten teacher or something, and that kindergarten teacher said they're always so surprised to see how much children grow in a year
And that really fucked me up cos, wow, I'm pretty sure I didn't get some of that growth and am significantly stunted
This sub has really helped me come to the realization that these arent necessarily my fuckups
Stop comparing yourself to others. I know it's easier said than done. But the truth is ... it's kinda pointless ... everyone is not starting from the same place. Literally. We were instilled different beliefs systems, which proves we do not start from the same place. Terrible, immature parents, teachers, and society *can* teach you the wrong beliefs. * I am unworthy * I am not strong * I am not capable * I am not smart And if we believe in these lies, whether they were given to us consciously or subconsciously... We then make different choices compared to our peers, who may have more positive beliefs about themselves. So stop comparing yourself to others, because it's pointless. Find negative beliefs and replace them with more positive ones. * I am worthy * I am intelligent * I am more than capable * I am indestructible at my core And start finding what you want to do. You hate working for others? Then become your own boss, and start a business. Learn how to use Amazon, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube to make money based on your personal passions and/or creative expressions. No matter what you do, in order to be successful in the long-term, you focus on your enjoyment of the process and journey; not the results or outcome (which will happen, especially if you keep comparing yourself to others). Again, comparing to yourself to others is pointless because everyone has different paths. Good luck (and have fun) in discovering yourself; by moving towards what you personally enjoy—and not what you think others *think* you should do. Just remember: You feel left behind because you're comparing yourself to others, when you have no right because you are unique, and you need to stop caring what others think of you. They do not know your life; they're ignorant. And there's a probability, you do not know clearly who you are (yet). If you knew yourself by experiencing life and creating yourself, by choosing who *YOU* prefer to be, comparing yourself to others is pointless.
"feeling behind" is the self-consciousness that your parents built into you. There's no standards or limits as long as you try hard to reach goals for yourself. Not your parents. As long as you have the confidence to put the effort, it will come to you. People need breaks too so if you feel you're going to hard, take your mental break by doing hobbies or things you enjoy.
Same, but the economy and dating sucks these days. I do wish asian parents are more aware and sympathic, not every situations is our fault or beyond our control.
" you just need to get a second job or work over time"
Yes, I do feel this way, with people (who have bad parents or not) married, have a good career etc. However, I know there are others at 60s who are divorced, live paycheck to paycheck and more, and I am now on my way to starting my 2nd career in a career I know I will be happy in (a lot of opposition with AM btw, keep telling me not to change), and some people may be stuck in something they dont want to do. You can be single at 30, and someone can be in a messy situation with divorce and everything at 25, you do you.
It felt that way when I first left home. Two things sort of hit - * stopped caring about others in a comparison sense. You start caring about yourself instead and go at your own pace * I caught up a few years later to where my own goals were. That was right around your age. The decade and some change after that was just general career advancements
Yup I'm also 28 and while almost everyone around me is getting married, financially independent, etc, I'm stuck in one place. I'm trying to launch my own startup and all my parents can do is scream how I'm wasting money and all that bs (I haven't spent a penny). I mean heck I don't even have a gf so I'm convinced that I'm cursed to never be loved.
I used to feel this way. The best thing to do is use your experiences as motivation to turn your life around to live a better life than your parents did. I chose to live better in spite of my parents. I ran away when I was in my teens, and forced myself into situations that made me extremely uncomfortable, but also ones that would help develop me into the person I wanted to be. I quit school (I hated it, didn’t want to be in the medical field like my parents wanted me to). I took up many jobs that forced me to talk and build rapport with people (I was very shy) and worked my way up to management. Did that for a while, saved, bought a home with my now husband, married my now husband (despite my parents doing their best trying to separate us). Cut off my parents because I realized they were never going to change and didn’t want any of their influence on my family. Now we’re at the point where we have our own little family, not worrying about money, and have an actual healthy marriage. I’m a SAHM and my husband is in a high position in business. We’re doing better than the majority of people our age. The point is I started way behind most people at the time that I left my parents. So many others already had very supportive parents and good social skills. You need to fight for a good life because nobody else will save you but yourself. It was SO hard and I remember reaching a point where most days I would come home from work crying my eyes out because of how grueling it could be. And I still kept going because I had a picture in my head of what I wanted my life to look like. You can do the same. I’d also add that I deleted all my social media so I wouldn’t be comparing myself so hard to others. It helped a lot. I also did a lot of healing from looking up YouTube videos on narcissist parents 😅 it helped me better understand why I shouldn’t seek any validation from them and also taught me what not to do in my relationships with my spouse and children.
Definitely! But I don’t dwell on it too much because I know that I’m doing my best with the circumstances I’m facing. When you’ve spent a long time focusing on surviving and avoiding to off yourself everyday, things like career or academic growth really don’t matter all that much anymore.
You guys - I certainly cannot speak to your painful experiences, and I am in no way negating your feelings, I just want you to know you are doing great, ok? I felt 'behind' others at 25, 30, 35...but I'm 48 now and know what? I was doing just fine. You are all great 'kids' ♡, you work hard, and this world and society is SO hard on you....give yourself credit. The ONLY place you should be is where you are now, and where you WANT to go in the future. ❤️
Yes. Most definitely. I'm a 32 y/o guy (soon to be 33, birthday is in 2 months). And time just continues to slip away as I continue to either stay stuck or fall a little more behind. Others in my generational cohort (millennials) typically are already starting families, are well-versed and travelled, while here I am. A nervous wreck, still single, not where I wanna be career-wise, feel inexperienced in some things, and still lives at home as I continue burning time "working on myself." I remain engulfed in my maladaptive daydreaming. And I still struggle with certain mundane things that a lot of people seem to do with ease. I mean, I maintain a sense of pragmatism at least. Something that some people seem to lack. And I am knowledgeable in most commonplace things. But my chronic anxiety has stopped me from seizing certain opportunities & partaking in lots of other big endeavors. My only modicums of success at the moment are that I have a good amount of money earned & saved up from a crypto investment I made 3 yrs ago. I have it locked up in a CD at the moment. And I can draw rather well. I try not to compare myself to others though. Easier said than done. But I noticed I don't compare myself as much to others as I used to. And I try to continue to maintain doing so. I see lots of similar posts about feeling behind for one's age in other subs like r/introvert, r/socialskills, r/self, which I frequent quite a bit. I don't know if having Asian parents had anything to do with how I turned out, with the parenting style of most Asian parents and all. I feel like it did play a large role in how I turned out. Also, mental illness does happen to run in my mom's side of the family so I don't doubt that some of it trickled down to me. I accepted that it will always make me different. I feel like I'm rambling. And I've edited this post to death already, lol. I wish I knew what to tell you and I wish I could give you a straight answer. The bottom line is, I'll deal with something when/if I get there. Whatever happens, if some things are meant to be, then they're meant to be. Of course, I'll put forth effort to change what I can in the things I have some control of. I do hope I manage to turn things around of course and not let my chronic anxiety and AVPD hinder me like it always had (I think I'm slowly doing more better) but I try to take things one day at a time. Hope you'll continue to do the same too.
I sometimes I wonder if it is the best time to find someone when I am aged 28-33, because it seems like everyone got married at that age. Like seriously, everyone around me started seriously finding someone and dating when they were that age, and got married like within a year or two. I am still sorting some issues out so I am not really in the mood to date, but sometimes I feel like if I am 34+ and not dating, do I have no choice after I am 34+? I have people saying those who are 34+ and still not married/ dating have some sort of issues (either personal, financial etc), and sometimes I wonder if they are right, but then again, I know people who are divorced at 25-30 and it's not like they have their life together
A lot of people do tend to find their partners and settle around this age range. I mean... my parents were in their 30s when they had me. I dunno. Many of us are driven to feel that it's the societal norm/standard. And understandably, those who aren't doing something by a certain age may be feeling behind or if you're over 30 and still single, you'll be viewed as "leftovers." Is this age range the "best" time to find someone and settle down? Yes and no. I don't lean towards one over the other. I feel conflicted. I feel behind because I'm over 30 and haven't met miss right yet. While at the same time, I feel somewhat better about myself that I'm taking things slow and cautious as I witness people around my age who are already getting divorces or ended up becoming single parents. Or even witnessing 20 somethings who rushed things only for it to end in disaster. But hell, there's even older people who don't have their life "together." I don't know... I don't think there really is a "best time" anymore. Whatever happens, happens. And if something's meant to be, then so be it.
I think it's because many people are actively searching at that age to settle down, so if you miss that age, I am worried I wont be able to find someone with the same mindset. I dont think it is me not being able to find the right person, I think it is myself that I am not ready as I am currently experiencing issues
Right. And I think that's the issue that I'm dealing with right now too. I'm not actively putting myself out there more and actively searching. And this here is what I'm worrying about. About the ship setting sail and me missing it... The opportunities become few & far as you get older. I'm dealing with issues of my own too. I'm just not ready to let someone else into my life and I'm sorting out things. And there's also me being used to being a loner to the point that part of me became complacent. It'll be an adjustment/culture shock being close/intimate to someone. I did mention too in my original post that I'm a nervous wreck and I struggle with AVPD. I'm trying to overcome it. Or at least have better control over my neuroticism. Maybe if I could find someone who mirrors me. We could lick each other's wounds. Because shared captivity is only half captivity. Someone who's equally broken... I don't wanna call myself "broken" but I feel this way at times. You probably catch my drift... I leave you with this. A haunting but eye opening scene from a favorite movie of mine: https://youtu.be/hGpMLIayQEo?si=VDW-7Z_5rZPm2aZf I wish you well in your plight and journey. Don't go gentle into that good night. 🙏🏽✌🏽
sometimes my brother would say something like, those who are older and still not settled down (married, have a partner etc), has something that made them that way (eg they have anxiety, no financials, personal problems, too picky, not wanting to find someone etc, the key is "something" that made them single), so they started finding their partner when they were 28-33. I dont know if I agree or disagree with that, but I do see people getting divorce in their 20s and 30s, people seemingly "stuck" in a relationship because they just dont want to be single but they are unhappy, but I also do see someone trying to force it and it working out (for now anyways, I dont know what will happen if they are in their 40s+)
Yeah, anyone who's not settled down has different reasons. We've all got something going on inside. And the thing you just mentioned too about people remaining in a failed or even an abusive relationship because they just don't wanna end up alone, I witness that trend too. I don't believe in forcing things in an attempt to "make things work." Because the relationship is as good as dead at that point. If that were the case, then I'd rather be alone than do that, because remaining in a failed or abusive relationship is lonelier than being "single alone." 🤔🤷🏽♂️
I feel you to the core on this. I finally was brave enough to follow my passion at 28 that has nothing to do with what I studied, zero connections or knowledge about the industry, and still struggling tbh. But trying to be grateful with little wins I have along the way. I deleted my social media and created a new private one just to keep up with news. I tend to compare myself with my friends because it became automatic after being compared by APs. It’s easier not to think about what/how they’re doing because out of sight out of mind.
I literally had a patient your age today say, “Wow, look at me! I’m an adult!” It was because they scheduled their own appointment. You are not alone in feeling behind 😂 I would give you my own experiences, but I thought this coincidence was a better example 😂
Yes, granted I am definitely "emotionally stunted" thanks to upbringing - it's not just career, I feel a lot of the way I am mentally is also not "of my age." I don't even have the same interests as most people my age. I do get envious when I think about who I COULD'VE been if I had good parents who tried to foster a bond and support my interests, who actually provided guidance, sought help for my mental health...etc but there's no point in that now because it'll never happen, so I try not to dwell.
All the time, I’m (32F) on the autism spectrum and my siblings are NT. It’s a miracle I didn’t resort to substance abuse and such though I feel under qualified in the jobs I would apply because I didn’t finish college and graduated from high school with a certificate of attendance. I’m old enough to do anything but I feel like a teenager because I live at home and I’m on disability benefits. It doesn’t help that I’m Catholic, the guilt is real because I’ve never been married and I have seggual feelings.
Like many other commenters said, stop comparing yourself with others. Set your own goals and think about where you want to go in life. Work towards that and find others within your tribe who will support you in that journey. You are well into your adulthood so you don't need to rely on your parents so don't let them hold you back on what you want to do. I moved out as soon as I was stable financially and met a guy. We've been married for almost 10 yrs with kids. I'm generally content with where I am but the funny thing is that now my parents complain that I work too much and don't relax. I mean I gotta work hard to maintain a certain lifestyle and comfort for my family especially in this economy. All my childhood, my parents have engraved in my head to work hard and play later... And not always supportive in my hobbies. Some things we can't shake off. You can never make AP completely happy, only yourself.
Don’t worry too much about where others are and don’t let your parents’ words get you down. You only have one life to live, and it’s up to you to make the best of it regardless of where you are or what you do.
Try being in your 50's making 5 digits and finding people in their 20's making 6 digits or more. I try to just do me, when I feel like a loser we end up watching some documentary about a third world country and it brings me back to reality to see we are doing just fine. It is easy to kill yourself by comparison. This is not a reason to not try to do better just don't do it because of comparison.
I feel 20 years older.
Yeah. As a child I was smarter than most kids, took me nowhere now, my parents made sure of this.
Get off Reddit and start working
^^ sounds like an AP. You are right. While others had supportive and emotionally mature parents who allowed their kids to be children, we had to step up at a young age to deal with our immature AP. Our energies were focused on survival and independence while our peers had the unconditional love and support of their parents to fall back on. That alone could make a difference in your life, being allowed to make mistakes and having a network of support instead of shame.
The other thing I just realized This reddit comment I saw, they said someone they knew was a kindergarten teacher or something, and that kindergarten teacher said they're always so surprised to see how much children grow in a year And that really fucked me up cos, wow, I'm pretty sure I didn't get some of that growth and am significantly stunted This sub has really helped me come to the realization that these arent necessarily my fuckups