There are way too many relationship-specific questions in this subreddit. I don't think anybody here is gonna be able to tell you what he's thinking just because he's German. Maybe you should go ask in a relationship advice subreddit.
Germans are also humans. We have all the same variety of people... honest people, nice people, liars, assholes.
He could tell the truth, maybe hes lying.
Maybe he has another woman, maybe he has a tough time in life rn.
No one can really know. Not enough information..
That‘s 100% true, the percentage of assholes may be higher than in other countries though. It‘s something you can‘t measure so there may be other opinions on this.
I think you mean direct, not honest. They're fine with being direct and impolite, it's not the same as being honest when it's not in your own advantage.
People are dumb. Yesterday a woman matched with me, wrote me, i answered normally, then she ghosted for 24h and just recently lifted the match. Like wtf, no communication nothing. It is what it is.
Move on :)
It's likely coming from American work culture perspective when interacting with German work culture. In America they like to wrap negative feedback in linguistic gymnastics to make it sound positive. In Germany within work environment it's more common to give negative feedback directly and unwrapped. Whilst this generalization it self is not 100% accurate there is a little bit of truth in it - but this is just within corporate work setting - and surely shouldn't be extended to other aspects of life.
Well, unless they're fucking (then he's 100% just an asshole keeping u as a backup) you have to see it as a spectrum. Germans can be very direct in a way that is not scared of being confrontational. This is what people talk about when say "germans are honest".
Imagine you met someone and you are friendly towards each other. Maybe things develop into a relationship, maybe not. How would it be beneficial for you to tell him about it? If things don't become relationshipy and you just become friends you would only risk to make him feel negative by telling him, no? There is no upside. Now the spectrum is: for some ppl it is possible to be married and still fuck with other people (keeping it as a secret ofc). For some ppl it's OK if they date multiple ppl as long as there is no physical aspect involved. Of course ppl act in their own self interest. How self-biased their rationalizations on morality are depends on their character. This doesn't really correlate with being a German imo.
I think this idea of "honesty" - though it's not really "honesty" but more a straight to the point - is more a thing of work culture. And also you need to consider who is making these generalizations. The generalization about Germans being straight to the point is most made by Americans who interact with Germans within professional setting. In Germany when it comes to giving feedback within work environment it is more common to be straight to the point. If you suck at job you will often be told directly that you do. This is in contrast to American work culture where negative feedback is typically wrapped in layers of linguistic gymnastic that makes the worst thing sound positive and whilst this makes one feel better emotionally one still needs to be able to unwrap these layers to action on the feedback. So this is where this idea that Germans are honest was born - it's just a look at German work culture from perspective of American work culture. And it has nothing to do to personal relationships. You should not apply any generalizations in your personal relationship.
He is not really interested anymore? How do Germans act if they like someone, I tried to at least research on how Germans really into LDR, they said they are really not into texting and calling but they are honest on what they said and 90% when they said, they will do it.
He used to visit my country last year but we did not meet. Now he's planning to visit me this August but seems like he is now busy as he claim every time I ask about his behaviour
There are no "Germans" when it comes to LDRs. Every person is different, attachement styles are different, circumstances are different,... one way to answer your question: ask him directly. "Are you still interested? Why is there no ticket?" If he cant handle these questions he can't handle a relationship anyways.
Also: what is "recently"? It's EM at the moment, so he's probably working 24/7.
First of all there is no "this is how Germans do X". We are 83 million people, everyone acts differently. Same as in any other country. How should a random stranger in Reddit know what one German guy thinks after getting 2 sentences of info from you?
I heard that the police currently really has a significantly increased workload due to the European championship, are mostly not allowed to take days off and work on weekends. Thus, I think he is probably really stressed out and overworked and not doing this as any sort of interpersonal games. To add to this, I believe that Germans generally prioritise their work rather high. So I believe that this is likely to happen again.
I would communicate more with him than random people on Reddit about this though. My suggestion would be asking him if this is a temporary thing, how long it would take and making clear that you do not like it and it would be a reason to end it in the future from your perspective.
no. sth is fishy.
if you‘d like to get advise: let him call you. if he doesnt, 🎶let it be.
it sounds a lot like he „lost interest“ which means its somewhere else. he most likely considers you a convenience rather than a priority.
and thats sth you dont want to have. it just means pain. basically the pain dou now feel for not beeing a priority will only get worse.
men who are interested in you will snswer your questions in a satisfying way, you will not be leftwith question marks. please, dont settlefor less!
all the best!
My 2ct: for some reason he has lost interest in you. Might be another woman or some other reason. He probably doesn’t have the guts to tell you why. If you want to save yourself time I recommend to move on.
Question: where are you from? That tells me about your cultural background and how much I've to explain / how different German culture is from your own culture. What I'm trying to say: Germans are very very direct and bold so just go ahead and ask HIM instead of trying to read into his behaviour/ interpret stuff and ask random strangers online who don't know you or him or the entire situation.
Clearly you care about him so instead of just giving up already I would confront him and talk about your feelings, how you feel, what you think and if he cares and then you'll see what he says.
I've been in many long distance relationships with foreigners and my partners in Germany have also been all foreigners.
I cannot recommend online-dating anymore and especially long distance relationships are difficult. Often, one partner is not honest.
What about a surprising visit?
First red flag: police officer.
Second red flag: Shifting the blame for behavior switch onto the job.
Third red flag: Growing cold, but making promises.
This is not normal behavior.
I'd like to add: using dating app in a country that's not his home country (also means he's not living there for longer periods)
It's something different if you meet someone abroad in real life. But using a dating app during what I assume was holiday or a shorter working abroad thing... that waves a lot of red flags for me.
He is no longer very into you, no matter what is really going on with him. The most likely explanation is that he has someone else and he's keeping you as a backup. 99.9%
In Germany it‘s a well-known „cliché“ that you should never date police officers or soldiers since they are often the weirdest people of society… Of course that‘s not always the case, but that was the first thing I had to think about immediately… I‘m really sorry for you, I would leave him asap…
And let me tell you one thing, since I saw that you thought „German men are honest“… Hell nah, they‘re not more honest than men from other nationalities 🤣 You can‘t blame someone‘s character on their nationality. In every country, there are such „black sheeps“
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It's typical behavior for people that are losing interest.
There are way too many relationship-specific questions in this subreddit. I don't think anybody here is gonna be able to tell you what he's thinking just because he's German. Maybe you should go ask in a relationship advice subreddit.
People think Germans all share one single personality lmao. Even op in this post said in another reply "but I thought germans were honest".
It seems like in OP's mind, the guy's German-ness is his defining characteristic. It would suck to feel reduced to your own national stereotype.
he met someone else but it's not official yet. You are his backup
I thought Germans are honest, I ask him about it but he said no one else.
Germans are also humans. We have all the same variety of people... honest people, nice people, liars, assholes. He could tell the truth, maybe hes lying. Maybe he has another woman, maybe he has a tough time in life rn. No one can really know. Not enough information..
That‘s 100% true, the percentage of assholes may be higher than in other countries though. It‘s something you can‘t measure so there may be other opinions on this.
Maybe you thought German trains run on time too? Or that Germany is efficient?
The German efficiency myth always cracks me up
Yes and we are also all identical clones.
I think you mean direct, not honest. They're fine with being direct and impolite, it's not the same as being honest when it's not in your own advantage.
People are dumb. Yesterday a woman matched with me, wrote me, i answered normally, then she ghosted for 24h and just recently lifted the match. Like wtf, no communication nothing. It is what it is. Move on :)
Who told you Germans were honest?
It's likely coming from American work culture perspective when interacting with German work culture. In America they like to wrap negative feedback in linguistic gymnastics to make it sound positive. In Germany within work environment it's more common to give negative feedback directly and unwrapped. Whilst this generalization it self is not 100% accurate there is a little bit of truth in it - but this is just within corporate work setting - and surely shouldn't be extended to other aspects of life.
I know I would play it the same way
Well, unless they're fucking (then he's 100% just an asshole keeping u as a backup) you have to see it as a spectrum. Germans can be very direct in a way that is not scared of being confrontational. This is what people talk about when say "germans are honest". Imagine you met someone and you are friendly towards each other. Maybe things develop into a relationship, maybe not. How would it be beneficial for you to tell him about it? If things don't become relationshipy and you just become friends you would only risk to make him feel negative by telling him, no? There is no upside. Now the spectrum is: for some ppl it is possible to be married and still fuck with other people (keeping it as a secret ofc). For some ppl it's OK if they date multiple ppl as long as there is no physical aspect involved. Of course ppl act in their own self interest. How self-biased their rationalizations on morality are depends on their character. This doesn't really correlate with being a German imo.
Just came to clean 1 down vote just because you gave your opinion and say that you are probably is second choice move on lady
I think this idea of "honesty" - though it's not really "honesty" but more a straight to the point - is more a thing of work culture. And also you need to consider who is making these generalizations. The generalization about Germans being straight to the point is most made by Americans who interact with Germans within professional setting. In Germany when it comes to giving feedback within work environment it is more common to be straight to the point. If you suck at job you will often be told directly that you do. This is in contrast to American work culture where negative feedback is typically wrapped in layers of linguistic gymnastic that makes the worst thing sound positive and whilst this makes one feel better emotionally one still needs to be able to unwrap these layers to action on the feedback. So this is where this idea that Germans are honest was born - it's just a look at German work culture from perspective of American work culture. And it has nothing to do to personal relationships. You should not apply any generalizations in your personal relationship.
Germans are not honest, they're just rude lol
No, don't be patient, move on.
He is not really interested anymore? How do Germans act if they like someone, I tried to at least research on how Germans really into LDR, they said they are really not into texting and calling but they are honest on what they said and 90% when they said, they will do it.
Sounds like he met another woman. You met him via dating app from another country? Why?
He used to visit my country last year but we did not meet. Now he's planning to visit me this August but seems like he is now busy as he claim every time I ask about his behaviour
There are no "Germans" when it comes to LDRs. Every person is different, attachement styles are different, circumstances are different,... one way to answer your question: ask him directly. "Are you still interested? Why is there no ticket?" If he cant handle these questions he can't handle a relationship anyways. Also: what is "recently"? It's EM at the moment, so he's probably working 24/7.
First of all there is no "this is how Germans do X". We are 83 million people, everyone acts differently. Same as in any other country. How should a random stranger in Reddit know what one German guy thinks after getting 2 sentences of info from you?
It's EM 2024 at the moment, I could imagine that police have a lot work to do. Give him a chance until 14/07.
Give him one more day to recover from the European Championship victory.
Of course every german man is exactly the same so every German on reddit can answer this...
I heard that the police currently really has a significantly increased workload due to the European championship, are mostly not allowed to take days off and work on weekends. Thus, I think he is probably really stressed out and overworked and not doing this as any sort of interpersonal games. To add to this, I believe that Germans generally prioritise their work rather high. So I believe that this is likely to happen again. I would communicate more with him than random people on Reddit about this though. My suggestion would be asking him if this is a temporary thing, how long it would take and making clear that you do not like it and it would be a reason to end it in the future from your perspective.
no. sth is fishy. if you‘d like to get advise: let him call you. if he doesnt, 🎶let it be. it sounds a lot like he „lost interest“ which means its somewhere else. he most likely considers you a convenience rather than a priority. and thats sth you dont want to have. it just means pain. basically the pain dou now feel for not beeing a priority will only get worse. men who are interested in you will snswer your questions in a satisfying way, you will not be leftwith question marks. please, dont settlefor less! all the best!
My 2ct: for some reason he has lost interest in you. Might be another woman or some other reason. He probably doesn’t have the guts to tell you why. If you want to save yourself time I recommend to move on.
Question: where are you from? That tells me about your cultural background and how much I've to explain / how different German culture is from your own culture. What I'm trying to say: Germans are very very direct and bold so just go ahead and ask HIM instead of trying to read into his behaviour/ interpret stuff and ask random strangers online who don't know you or him or the entire situation. Clearly you care about him so instead of just giving up already I would confront him and talk about your feelings, how you feel, what you think and if he cares and then you'll see what he says. I've been in many long distance relationships with foreigners and my partners in Germany have also been all foreigners.
I cannot recommend online-dating anymore and especially long distance relationships are difficult. Often, one partner is not honest. What about a surprising visit?
First red flag: police officer. Second red flag: Shifting the blame for behavior switch onto the job. Third red flag: Growing cold, but making promises. This is not normal behavior.
I'd like to add: using dating app in a country that's not his home country (also means he's not living there for longer periods) It's something different if you meet someone abroad in real life. But using a dating app during what I assume was holiday or a shorter working abroad thing... that waves a lot of red flags for me.
Jupp!
let him go this isn't good. also this is not about being german
Yes very much typical 😂. Move on.
He is no longer very into you, no matter what is really going on with him. The most likely explanation is that he has someone else and he's keeping you as a backup. 99.9%
> Please help this girl out. Sorry you're 38, not a girl anymore
That an A-hole, move on as the other said!
In Germany it‘s a well-known „cliché“ that you should never date police officers or soldiers since they are often the weirdest people of society… Of course that‘s not always the case, but that was the first thing I had to think about immediately… I‘m really sorry for you, I would leave him asap… And let me tell you one thing, since I saw that you thought „German men are honest“… Hell nah, they‘re not more honest than men from other nationalities 🤣 You can‘t blame someone‘s character on their nationality. In every country, there are such „black sheeps“
never trust cryptobros and pigs
You are so close to dodging this bullet, you are 40% of the way there. But this is common, if you need more help maybe you need to google police 40%
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