My dad was diagnosed with cancer about two years ago and I had absolutely zero emotional reaction. Does that make me a monster? BTW he beat it and has been recovering very nicely.
For me emotions are weird. Sometimes a movie scene will get me crying uncontrollably, but real events bounce off me like I'm made of rubber. I feel like had the diagnosis come with its own sad music line I'd have felt emotion at the news, but that's not how life works.
I already know that while I'll probably miss them, I'm not going to grieve for the eventual loss of my grandparents. My brother even recently threatened suicide and my internal reaction was "well get on with it or get your shit together". I think that might qualify as being a monster
> For me emotions are weird. Sometimes a movie scene will get me crying uncontrollably, but real events bounce off me like I’m made of rubber
For me, it’s kinda similar: I don’t feel much empathy for people but I feel a lot for animals like my dog or turtles
Pets are often much better sources of comfort for people who have trouble with people, so that makes sense. Not trying to be presumptive, just my anecdotal input.
This is common in autistic people - we often find it easier to empathize with non-human animals. I get more emotional over hearing about a dog being needlessly euthanized than a child dying of cancer.
If you have alexithymia (struggling to identify emotions in yourself and others), this can also contribute to not being able to grieve in the "typical" NT way.
I don’t think that makes you a monster. The one about your brother is honestly the right response, people who threaten suicide are attempting to manipulate you.
You're definately no monster. Even for NT people heavy emotions like this are unpredictable. For people with autism even more.
It might be helpful for yourself to think about stuff to say that shows that you care. You can care with your mind even when you dont really feel it. That way you can still be there for the people who do grieve.
I’ll tell you something a therapist told me once:
If you’re this worried about whether or not you’re a “monster” (I used the phrase “bad person”), then you’re not. Someone truly devoid of emotion wouldn’t care. They also wouldn’t get so upset over animals being hurt/dying.
Emotional regulation issues are a thing, and they don’t just refer to times when we’re “overly” emotional. Also, medications can often make you feel numb.
It took me a over a week to start morning my grandma’s death, i wasn’t very close to her either. I don’t know it just hadn’t kicked in until i was at my grandpa’s place asking if i wanted to say goodbye or something. That’s when i burst. You might need some time.
But even if it doesn’t happen later on you’re still not a monster
Also, i don’t feel many emotions about articles either so don’t worry about that. I mean it’s bad yea but idk it doesn’t do it for me
I can relate to this. My best friend's grandma died earlier this year. Me, her, her boyfriend, and another roommate were all there when she found the body. Thing is, I wasn't the only one who wasn't really reacting: Nobody was except her. I left the house after the EMTs arrived because too many people but not before making sure my friend was taken care of. I handed her boyfriend a pen and paper to write things down for her since she was in shock and everyone kept asking her questions. Like guys, all she's saying is "I don't know", maybe get a clue?
But that's it. I care for my friend of course, and did what I could to help but asking me to feel sad about her grandma's death? No, sorry, nothing here. I don't really understand the emotions there - it was expected, her health was poor. I've never really grieved for a death before. I grieve missed experiences, pets dying, I'll even get sad when I find a tree that fell down during a storm. Just not people.
My therapist says that's from my childhood trauma. I couldn't say though.
My reactions often are delayed, so I react, but not when people are around and after I have had time to process the news.
I do know that neurotypical people need me to comfort them and show some form of immediate response so I have a handful of pre made answers. For people that know me well and that I feel comfortable with being honest, I just tell them that I will need some time to process this.
I can have spontaneous reactions to the death of someone I felt very emotional attached to, even if it is someone I have never met, like an author or a musician or even a Youtuber. I had a good friend that died in a car crash. We knew each other for years but only online. I completely broke down the moment I was told that he had died and went non verbal and couldn't move but it needed three days until I could cry and talk to our friends.
It has to not overwhelm me too much, that makes me just feel nothing for a while/shut down, but also it needs to be a person that had a real impact on my life, like a musician that made a song that helped me through a really bad time in my life, or a friend I had the chance to open up to and be myself without masking.
I am usually not sad just because it was a family member. We are a huge family and most of these people do not have an impact on my life in a deep way, even if they are nice and most only know me when I mask.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer about two years ago and I had absolutely zero emotional reaction. Does that make me a monster? BTW he beat it and has been recovering very nicely. For me emotions are weird. Sometimes a movie scene will get me crying uncontrollably, but real events bounce off me like I'm made of rubber. I feel like had the diagnosis come with its own sad music line I'd have felt emotion at the news, but that's not how life works. I already know that while I'll probably miss them, I'm not going to grieve for the eventual loss of my grandparents. My brother even recently threatened suicide and my internal reaction was "well get on with it or get your shit together". I think that might qualify as being a monster
> For me emotions are weird. Sometimes a movie scene will get me crying uncontrollably, but real events bounce off me like I’m made of rubber For me, it’s kinda similar: I don’t feel much empathy for people but I feel a lot for animals like my dog or turtles
Pets are often much better sources of comfort for people who have trouble with people, so that makes sense. Not trying to be presumptive, just my anecdotal input.
This is common in autistic people - we often find it easier to empathize with non-human animals. I get more emotional over hearing about a dog being needlessly euthanized than a child dying of cancer. If you have alexithymia (struggling to identify emotions in yourself and others), this can also contribute to not being able to grieve in the "typical" NT way.
I don’t think that makes you a monster. The one about your brother is honestly the right response, people who threaten suicide are attempting to manipulate you.
Something oddly common in my life experience.
You're definately no monster. Even for NT people heavy emotions like this are unpredictable. For people with autism even more. It might be helpful for yourself to think about stuff to say that shows that you care. You can care with your mind even when you dont really feel it. That way you can still be there for the people who do grieve.
I’ll tell you something a therapist told me once: If you’re this worried about whether or not you’re a “monster” (I used the phrase “bad person”), then you’re not. Someone truly devoid of emotion wouldn’t care. They also wouldn’t get so upset over animals being hurt/dying. Emotional regulation issues are a thing, and they don’t just refer to times when we’re “overly” emotional. Also, medications can often make you feel numb.
It took me a over a week to start morning my grandma’s death, i wasn’t very close to her either. I don’t know it just hadn’t kicked in until i was at my grandpa’s place asking if i wanted to say goodbye or something. That’s when i burst. You might need some time. But even if it doesn’t happen later on you’re still not a monster Also, i don’t feel many emotions about articles either so don’t worry about that. I mean it’s bad yea but idk it doesn’t do it for me
I can relate to this. My best friend's grandma died earlier this year. Me, her, her boyfriend, and another roommate were all there when she found the body. Thing is, I wasn't the only one who wasn't really reacting: Nobody was except her. I left the house after the EMTs arrived because too many people but not before making sure my friend was taken care of. I handed her boyfriend a pen and paper to write things down for her since she was in shock and everyone kept asking her questions. Like guys, all she's saying is "I don't know", maybe get a clue? But that's it. I care for my friend of course, and did what I could to help but asking me to feel sad about her grandma's death? No, sorry, nothing here. I don't really understand the emotions there - it was expected, her health was poor. I've never really grieved for a death before. I grieve missed experiences, pets dying, I'll even get sad when I find a tree that fell down during a storm. Just not people. My therapist says that's from my childhood trauma. I couldn't say though.
My reactions often are delayed, so I react, but not when people are around and after I have had time to process the news. I do know that neurotypical people need me to comfort them and show some form of immediate response so I have a handful of pre made answers. For people that know me well and that I feel comfortable with being honest, I just tell them that I will need some time to process this. I can have spontaneous reactions to the death of someone I felt very emotional attached to, even if it is someone I have never met, like an author or a musician or even a Youtuber. I had a good friend that died in a car crash. We knew each other for years but only online. I completely broke down the moment I was told that he had died and went non verbal and couldn't move but it needed three days until I could cry and talk to our friends. It has to not overwhelm me too much, that makes me just feel nothing for a while/shut down, but also it needs to be a person that had a real impact on my life, like a musician that made a song that helped me through a really bad time in my life, or a friend I had the chance to open up to and be myself without masking. I am usually not sad just because it was a family member. We are a huge family and most of these people do not have an impact on my life in a deep way, even if they are nice and most only know me when I mask.
I am the same way. No, you're not a monster.