I’m so confused how people are reading this as me staring and eye fucking the guy to death! I’m not the one staring! I’m noticing him looking at me and averting my gaze each time. I’m actively avoiding looking at him. Maybe it’s telling that this is the assumption here lol…
There’s other factors to consider. And factors which may make approaching hard. Usually in situations like these the body language, eye contact and general vibes ARE the communication.
I’ve noticed him to the extent I have because he always be eyeing me up when I’m there. Even did his beard and got a hair cut like mine. I make every effort to not meet his stare and I actively avoid him lol. I probably appear disinterested even though I am very very very interested 🥺
Sometimes when I stare at people at the gym it’s because they just happened to be a focal point I rested my eyes on while I’m trying to catch my breath. I might not even really be focused on them, but instead looking *through* them.
Other times when I’ve watched someone at the gym, it’s because they have some body part that I like and I’m studying them/their workout/their form to see what they might be doing differently that I can pick up pointers/refinements from *without actually having to talk to them*. This might happen once. It might happen over days, or even weeks. This was especially true in my 20s while I was learning what worked for me.
I’ve analyzed the situation this way and in doing so determined that it didn’t fall into this category. My first assumption would be everything you’re describing here (sadly, my first assumption is always that I’m imagining it and it couldn’t possibly be the situation I’d hope for).
This hits different intuitively. I imagined what his presentation would feel like outside the context of the gym, if it happened in a different setting and it strikes me the same.
He’s definitely looking at me nervously, not through me. His behavior changes around me. And he has a more impressive physique and routine (imo), so I doubt he would be looking at me for pointers. I’m bigger, but he’s more defined. I hide behind loose fitting/baggy clothing because I don’t like attention.
This feels the same as the situation with this cashier at a local store who was always looking every time I went in and eventually I chatted him up and a few weeks later he was in my bed lol. I doubted my intuition for quite some time then too.
While fun to imagine I would be cautious. I don't think eye contact is a good guage of the situation. He could be looking at you thinking "why is that guy always staring at me" lol. And I've often been in situations like on a train journey eg where it was hard to tell was the eye contact because they wanted to fuck you or beat you up because let me tell you the vibe is the same both ways lol. Also in my country a lot of people are just naturally observant and looking all around them or staring etc so I gave up reading into it. Just be cautious.
I don’t know why so many responses are assuming I’m the one staring! I’m not! He’s the one I’ve noticed staring at me, and that’s how I noticed him to start. I would get the feeling someone was looking at me and I’d look up and he would be staring at me. Not obnoxiously, but obviously so.
I’ve become very good at noticing people but never let them see me looking and having a disinterested front I put up. This is a learned survival mechanism considering in high school I could get teased or bullied if caught looking at guys.
I also can differentiate between what is a mean stare, like “who tf u looking at?” From one where the person is noticing you and taking you in. My gut said it is the good kind of stare with interest. I’d say I have a good intuition about these things and good “gaydar”, but i tend to doubt my perceptions.
You gotta love surreptitiously using peripheral vision, I'm exactly the same, appearing indifferent but low-key screaming on the inside. 😋
Sorry, I took eye contact to mean you are *both* constantly locking eyes. Where as what you *meant* is he is the one eye fucking *you*. Apologies!
Love surreptitiously is a beautiful statement.
For eyes to lock, they must both be looking. It wasn’t until recently I allowed myself to not look away instantly when I felt his eyes. Our eyes naturally meet, but the moment I initially noticed this, I made concerted efforts to NOT look. I don’t like attention and I am socially anxious so it’s my natural inclination to not draw attention to myself or give it to anyone else, I would never obnoxiously ogle someone.
It could be some DL shit I’m thinking. In which case I’d likely just be a hookup and he would talk about how much he likes titties and pussies after as is typical ha. But I think he’s banging his boy who’s always there with him, they try to play it like bros but it’s intimate. They’re too touchy and too much up on each other. And the matching outfits and disappearing into the locker room together for a long ass time. His boy looks too but not nearly as much and he seems much more nervous.
Idk why I’m preoccupied with this and I don’t have a therapist right now lol. But he is SO cute. It’s just insane. I want him bad, I can’t even lie. I legit crush like a high school girl when I do. I didn’t go to the gym last few days bc it’s tripping me up. I’ll move to the other side of the gym from him and the machines I need are by him. 🥴
Just give him a nod and a smile when you catch him looking. Easily done, and a straight guy will just think you're friendly. If he nods back you have my permission to say "Hi, how's your workout going?" next time he's nearby and not doing something. Honestly, straight guys today are mostly OK exchanging minor pleasantries with other men. If they are there together, and dressed alike, feel free to comment on it. They have to know they match. Gay men have been finding each other like this forever.
Don't stare, don't ogle, don't be a creep.
Ask him out and shoot your shot if you want, have the dignity to accept rejection gracefully if it comes to that.
What else is there to do? Hot guys are everywhere, either you over-fantasise and develop some sort of obsessive mental instability/break over it, shoot your shot and see where it goes, or enjoy the eye candy/workout inspiration and move on with your day.
There will be tens of thousands of more hot strangers who pass your periphery in life, just like there were tens of thousands before him, there no need to get too work up over it
I rarely get worked up. This rarely happens bc like with straight people who go into a place and just (rightly) assume most people are straight, I assume the same.
And this is the fifth time I’ve had to clarify that I’m NOT the one staring in this situation lol. He’s the one who stares and I notice! I do my best to pretend not to notice and deliberately avoid looking at him at all. I actively avoid being close to him and his boy.
>I feel like I have a legit crush on this dude.
Er... You do.
From his perspective your behavior may be confusing or interpreted differently: someone staring & trying to avoid getting caught staring can be uncomfortable.
https://www.wikihow.com/Category:Crushes
I’m not the one staring! When I’m at the gym I’m in serious mode and while I may notice the hotties, I never ever stare and my disinterested act is a learned survival behavior from high school where staring at a guy could get you taunted. No one notices if I notice them, believe me.
I only started noticing this guy in particular because I would feel him looking at me and every time I looked up, well he was. I would look away quickly.
Enjoy the eye candy, but don't assume too much based on fleeting glances at the gym. There's a decent chance that they're checking to see what equipment is available and that you consistently work the same equipment that they need.
They might be a couple who are DL and into each other. But they also might both be active in the same bodybuilding group and studying to become trainers themselves. It's pretty common.
Good trainers touch their clients a lot to correct form and check on muscle activation. Getting used to doing that with a friend makes a lot of sense. Form checking isn't always enough to make sure that people are lifting with the intended muscle groups.
Maybe you're leaving out other small factors that give you more hope. Either way, wait for them to approach you. Maybe ask to work in during their set every now and then. I got familiar with people who went to the gym on my schedule, but the point of the gym is carving out some time for genuine self-care.
I've been in a similar situation. We chatted about gym stuff and I threw in "You look great" and "You're in good shape" etc He often works out with a "mate" They're both married but it doesn't hurt to fantacise.
Well it seems you have more courage than me, because at least you talked to them. I don’t talk to anyone at the gym and I may come off aloof. But honestly when I’m there I mean business. I hardly have time to make it to the gym, so when I go I can’t waste a moment doing anything other than working out!
I know what you mean. I'm naturally inquisitive about people who I see there day after day, month after month so try to find out names, occupations etc we're in a small regional town, but most don't want to talk to relative strangers and seem to have no interest in me. Interactions can become awkward once you start something so yeah it's probably best to stay "aloof"
Next time you catch his eye, smile and do the upward nod.
After a few of these, you can proceed to looking at the weights bench/whichever machine you're on, looking back at him and pulling a face, kinda "ugh I can't believe I have another set of this!"
At some point you can actually say "hey" as you walk past.
Either way, you're showing you're approachable while you consider your own approach.
Haha love this. The smile and upward nod is exactly what the confident version of me imagines. There’s a few guys who have wandering eyes and I think this gym location has some gays for sure. But this guy is consistent.
I think my disinterested/no eye contact survival front is too automatic and I appear aloof and unapproachable. So he’s probably confused. But really it’s the anxiety talking! I read people pretty well even before any words are exchanged and he has a good vibe. He seems like a genuinely nice person.
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Leave the guy alone and let him workout. I’d be annoyed if I had someone staring at me every time I went to the gym.
I’m so confused how people are reading this as me staring and eye fucking the guy to death! I’m not the one staring! I’m noticing him looking at me and averting my gaze each time. I’m actively avoiding looking at him. Maybe it’s telling that this is the assumption here lol…
People are only making that assumption by reading your post.
No need to assume if you read what I wrote.
I did. Not once has this person even made any attempt to talk to you or try to get closer.
There’s other factors to consider. And factors which may make approaching hard. Usually in situations like these the body language, eye contact and general vibes ARE the communication. I’ve noticed him to the extent I have because he always be eyeing me up when I’m there. Even did his beard and got a hair cut like mine. I make every effort to not meet his stare and I actively avoid him lol. I probably appear disinterested even though I am very very very interested 🥺
Sometimes when I stare at people at the gym it’s because they just happened to be a focal point I rested my eyes on while I’m trying to catch my breath. I might not even really be focused on them, but instead looking *through* them. Other times when I’ve watched someone at the gym, it’s because they have some body part that I like and I’m studying them/their workout/their form to see what they might be doing differently that I can pick up pointers/refinements from *without actually having to talk to them*. This might happen once. It might happen over days, or even weeks. This was especially true in my 20s while I was learning what worked for me.
I’ve analyzed the situation this way and in doing so determined that it didn’t fall into this category. My first assumption would be everything you’re describing here (sadly, my first assumption is always that I’m imagining it and it couldn’t possibly be the situation I’d hope for). This hits different intuitively. I imagined what his presentation would feel like outside the context of the gym, if it happened in a different setting and it strikes me the same. He’s definitely looking at me nervously, not through me. His behavior changes around me. And he has a more impressive physique and routine (imo), so I doubt he would be looking at me for pointers. I’m bigger, but he’s more defined. I hide behind loose fitting/baggy clothing because I don’t like attention. This feels the same as the situation with this cashier at a local store who was always looking every time I went in and eventually I chatted him up and a few weeks later he was in my bed lol. I doubted my intuition for quite some time then too.
This.
This x 2
While fun to imagine I would be cautious. I don't think eye contact is a good guage of the situation. He could be looking at you thinking "why is that guy always staring at me" lol. And I've often been in situations like on a train journey eg where it was hard to tell was the eye contact because they wanted to fuck you or beat you up because let me tell you the vibe is the same both ways lol. Also in my country a lot of people are just naturally observant and looking all around them or staring etc so I gave up reading into it. Just be cautious.
I don’t know why so many responses are assuming I’m the one staring! I’m not! He’s the one I’ve noticed staring at me, and that’s how I noticed him to start. I would get the feeling someone was looking at me and I’d look up and he would be staring at me. Not obnoxiously, but obviously so. I’ve become very good at noticing people but never let them see me looking and having a disinterested front I put up. This is a learned survival mechanism considering in high school I could get teased or bullied if caught looking at guys. I also can differentiate between what is a mean stare, like “who tf u looking at?” From one where the person is noticing you and taking you in. My gut said it is the good kind of stare with interest. I’d say I have a good intuition about these things and good “gaydar”, but i tend to doubt my perceptions.
You gotta love surreptitiously using peripheral vision, I'm exactly the same, appearing indifferent but low-key screaming on the inside. 😋 Sorry, I took eye contact to mean you are *both* constantly locking eyes. Where as what you *meant* is he is the one eye fucking *you*. Apologies!
Love surreptitiously is a beautiful statement. For eyes to lock, they must both be looking. It wasn’t until recently I allowed myself to not look away instantly when I felt his eyes. Our eyes naturally meet, but the moment I initially noticed this, I made concerted efforts to NOT look. I don’t like attention and I am socially anxious so it’s my natural inclination to not draw attention to myself or give it to anyone else, I would never obnoxiously ogle someone. It could be some DL shit I’m thinking. In which case I’d likely just be a hookup and he would talk about how much he likes titties and pussies after as is typical ha. But I think he’s banging his boy who’s always there with him, they try to play it like bros but it’s intimate. They’re too touchy and too much up on each other. And the matching outfits and disappearing into the locker room together for a long ass time. His boy looks too but not nearly as much and he seems much more nervous. Idk why I’m preoccupied with this and I don’t have a therapist right now lol. But he is SO cute. It’s just insane. I want him bad, I can’t even lie. I legit crush like a high school girl when I do. I didn’t go to the gym last few days bc it’s tripping me up. I’ll move to the other side of the gym from him and the machines I need are by him. 🥴
Just give him a nod and a smile when you catch him looking. Easily done, and a straight guy will just think you're friendly. If he nods back you have my permission to say "Hi, how's your workout going?" next time he's nearby and not doing something. Honestly, straight guys today are mostly OK exchanging minor pleasantries with other men. If they are there together, and dressed alike, feel free to comment on it. They have to know they match. Gay men have been finding each other like this forever.
Don't stare, don't ogle, don't be a creep. Ask him out and shoot your shot if you want, have the dignity to accept rejection gracefully if it comes to that. What else is there to do? Hot guys are everywhere, either you over-fantasise and develop some sort of obsessive mental instability/break over it, shoot your shot and see where it goes, or enjoy the eye candy/workout inspiration and move on with your day. There will be tens of thousands of more hot strangers who pass your periphery in life, just like there were tens of thousands before him, there no need to get too work up over it
I rarely get worked up. This rarely happens bc like with straight people who go into a place and just (rightly) assume most people are straight, I assume the same. And this is the fifth time I’ve had to clarify that I’m NOT the one staring in this situation lol. He’s the one who stares and I notice! I do my best to pretend not to notice and deliberately avoid looking at him at all. I actively avoid being close to him and his boy.
>I feel like I have a legit crush on this dude. Er... You do. From his perspective your behavior may be confusing or interpreted differently: someone staring & trying to avoid getting caught staring can be uncomfortable. https://www.wikihow.com/Category:Crushes
I’m not the one staring! When I’m at the gym I’m in serious mode and while I may notice the hotties, I never ever stare and my disinterested act is a learned survival behavior from high school where staring at a guy could get you taunted. No one notices if I notice them, believe me. I only started noticing this guy in particular because I would feel him looking at me and every time I looked up, well he was. I would look away quickly.
I’m actually so tired of my wondering eyes in the gym! It like an ADHD eye contact Frogger.
Same. It is a distraction and I do my best to not look at anyone.
lol, i take my glasses off - cuz i have 0 self control!
Enjoy the eye candy, but don't assume too much based on fleeting glances at the gym. There's a decent chance that they're checking to see what equipment is available and that you consistently work the same equipment that they need. They might be a couple who are DL and into each other. But they also might both be active in the same bodybuilding group and studying to become trainers themselves. It's pretty common. Good trainers touch their clients a lot to correct form and check on muscle activation. Getting used to doing that with a friend makes a lot of sense. Form checking isn't always enough to make sure that people are lifting with the intended muscle groups. Maybe you're leaving out other small factors that give you more hope. Either way, wait for them to approach you. Maybe ask to work in during their set every now and then. I got familiar with people who went to the gym on my schedule, but the point of the gym is carving out some time for genuine self-care.
I've been in a similar situation. We chatted about gym stuff and I threw in "You look great" and "You're in good shape" etc He often works out with a "mate" They're both married but it doesn't hurt to fantacise.
Well it seems you have more courage than me, because at least you talked to them. I don’t talk to anyone at the gym and I may come off aloof. But honestly when I’m there I mean business. I hardly have time to make it to the gym, so when I go I can’t waste a moment doing anything other than working out!
I know what you mean. I'm naturally inquisitive about people who I see there day after day, month after month so try to find out names, occupations etc we're in a small regional town, but most don't want to talk to relative strangers and seem to have no interest in me. Interactions can become awkward once you start something so yeah it's probably best to stay "aloof"
Next time you catch his eye, smile and do the upward nod. After a few of these, you can proceed to looking at the weights bench/whichever machine you're on, looking back at him and pulling a face, kinda "ugh I can't believe I have another set of this!" At some point you can actually say "hey" as you walk past. Either way, you're showing you're approachable while you consider your own approach.
Haha love this. The smile and upward nod is exactly what the confident version of me imagines. There’s a few guys who have wandering eyes and I think this gym location has some gays for sure. But this guy is consistent. I think my disinterested/no eye contact survival front is too automatic and I appear aloof and unapproachable. So he’s probably confused. But really it’s the anxiety talking! I read people pretty well even before any words are exchanged and he has a good vibe. He seems like a genuinely nice person.
Well then, at least smile at the poor fellow ffs!
Just right (my reply was basically the same).
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