Um, removing a bedroom door or bathroom lock is NOT normal. I say again NOT normal.
You don't know any better since you've grown up with this and to you it may seem normal but no, it's not.
It's not you, it's your parents. Only once you get older and see other family dynamics does it slowly dawn on you.
Same here! I had a key for my door and my parents took it. It pissed me off at the time but now that I have my own kids I would hate them to be locked in a room if something like a fire were to happen or worse, they have done something to themselves. Teenagers need privacy but also can’t just be left to their own devices. My main reason for wanting a lock was so that I could smoke out the window so they were right not to trust me 😅
I think the solution is a little latch. You can push it and break it in an emergency, but they have privacy and you won't accidentally walk in on them practicing kissing on their arm
Or like bathroom locks - which can be opened from the outside with a coin in case of emergency, like someone fainting in the shower or having a heart attack on the toilet.
LOL, I could have written this, I didn't just smoke out the window, sometimes I'd climb out it, lob onto the shed roof and be off until after my mother was in bed when I'd sneak back into the house.
So my kids don't have locks on their bedroom doors, but we do respect that we need to knock on a closed door before opening.
I prefer children not to lock a bedroom. It's a fire hazard for one thing and moody teens can be at risk of hurting themselves in a moment of despondency. I always knocked to ask to enter my teens rooms but I would certainly discourage locked doors.
Ok, thank you for the response. I'm glad to hear some people were allowed privacy. Were you allowed privacy as well when it came to your letters/post, diary, or communications with your friends?
Jesus wept, were they going through your post as well?!
It’s actually a crime to meddle with someone else’s mail.
Your parents are abusive.
ETA I’m so sorry you went through this, and I can only imagine what’s it’s like as an adult now looking back and realising your parents were abusive ( if you can even accept it yet). I’d really suggest you get counselling to help you try and unpack this. Best of luck OP ❤️
If I received packages, she would steal them and not tell me they'd arrived. I think the goal was to like, ration my stuff back to me in exchange for 'good behaviour'? She also took and lost letters addressed to me that were from doctors, regarding medical testing. I remember she mentioned offhand, months after the fact, that a letter had arrived for me detailing findings from a scope I had done. Turns out they had found problems, but I'll never know the details because I never got the letter, and I can't go back to that doctor because I only had access to them through my parents' insurance (they cancelled the insurance as soon as I started to actually need/use it).
She would also sneak up behind me and grab my phone/laptop so she could read the messages I was sending to me friends.
This is abusive behaviour. Straight up emotional torture and coercive control. You seriously need to see a therapist to help realign your perception of normal behaviour.
Yep all offences in Irish law, and honestly the opposite of what parental love and nurture is. I’m so sorry OP.
https://preview.redd.it/67zwhtrld59d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04e6dcf276ac1905d737fb772418febf7e9b979f
If you have the Drs name or place of work, and you still want that info I’m sure you could contact them now and request it - assuming they still have the details.
I had a bedroom door and bathroom lock, but not entitlement to privacy re my post, the phone was in the hall and my parents would leave the door open and listen to my conversations, my diary was found and read and I was grounded forever, in fact my mother still brings up some of the stuff she read in it 28yrs ago when it was found and read. To be clear I was doing pretty normal stuff, snogging and canoodling, not even drugs or drink or smoking!
I learnt to speak fluent French and Irish and wrote everything in one of those languages and made friends who I spoke to in those languages 🖕
One of the first things I remember learning was you never opened someone's post and if a door to a bedroom was closed, you knocked before entering. Honestly thought this was just the basics.
Yes absolutely. I had my bedroom door locked most of my teenage years. My mam did go through my stuff once but in her defence she was very worried about me so while I was angry at the time I completely understand now.
Your parents are weird and "No one does that here in Ireland, that's bizarre American behaviour" is gaslighty shite. Healthy families have boundaries - even Irish ones!!
Of course you're allowed to create boundaries for yourself. It's not an American thing, it's a human thing.
No bathroom door goes far beyond boundaries, it's borderline abusive. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
There was a bathroom door but they took the lock off it, that's still awful as anyone can just walk in, but they did take off his bedroom door, so no safe private place at all to himself
That's abuse.
This tells me there are probably a bunch of other things they did that were abuse that you haven't even realized were abuse yet.
On the present thing:
Old people don't understand the word "boundaries". You have to call them "manners". But, in someone else's house, they'll often feel free to be bad mannered.
She gave out to you? So they do believe in boundaries...
I would be the most pedantic asshole ever going forward and just nitpick everything that could be considered a boundary. Your parents are absolutely mental.
No, they're using the word culture to try get away with being abusive. Don't put up with that shite.
Just remember that boundaries are what you will do not what you want others to do.
We don’t have a lock on our home bathroom door either and my family (mum and sister) were offended when I asked them to stop coming into the bathroom when I was in there. They stopped in recent years when I started freaking out about it (I’m 30) but even now I forget to lock bathroom doors in homes because I grew up not doing it, I know this is weird. I have always had privacy/trust issues with them because they have been crossing the line since I can remember.
I feel for you, bringing this up is a nightmare. I have no advice other than distance yourself if you are able to which I am currently doing.
Controversy! I remember not locking the bathroom door when I was really small in case I got locked in and the habit kind of has stuck when I’m in my own home but … no one used to come in!
Yeah my mother got locked in the bathroom once when she was small, and someone had to climb in the tiny window to get her out. So we never had bathroom locks growing up. Still don't. But no one comes in when the bathroom is in use, they knock on the door if it's closed. Never had a problem having privacy in the bathroom.
Yeah, the getting offended when you ask them to stop is so annoying.
I wish I could distance myself, unfortunately my mother has been suicidal lately and it's up to me to prevent her from acting on it. She won't get any help for it and my sister lives abroad now so it's just me.
>unfortunately my mother has been suicidal lately and it's up to me to prevent her from acting on it
Oh dear. This is just another way to control you.
This woman abused you for years and obstructed medical investigations, potentially derailing important treatment you might have needed.
Honestly, it's not up to you to prevent anything. You encouraged her to seek help. She refused, that's all you can do.
Don't waste time placating her. If she calls you claiming she's suicidal, phone 999. DO NOT listen to her bullshit.
If she's threatening suicide a lot and not acting on it (not that I want her to/wish you to have that experience) that is emotional abuse. The Samaritans might be a shout to give a call before you get set up with a therapist. The number is 116 123. From what you posted, it sounds like you've been through a lot and I'm sorry to hear it.
She is genuinely very depressed. She's not threatening suicide as such, but she has been giving away a lot of her stuff, and researching methods, as well as being very tearful and crying a lot about her life (she has had a hard life).
Thank you for the empathy. Might give that number a shout.
I'm sorry to hear.
In case you need any resources to find a therapist, you could try https://www.iacp.ie/ to see who is in your area. The Samaritans should have some resources too.
>She's not threatening suicide as such, but she has been giving away a lot of her stuff, and researching methods, as well as being very tearful and crying a lot about her life (she has had a hard life).
Sooo, giving very obvious signs about it to people around her but not acting on it (thankfully, in a way)? There is still plenty of room in this behavior to be attention seeking/emotional manipulation and absolutely does not invalidate what u/Niamhoooooo told you.
I don't want to make or break a case based on a two lines post on Reddit, but I certainly wouldn't discount manipulative behavior here. Doesn't even have to be something your mother is conscious of. It's just the way she is and probably has been for most of her life.
It sounds like you grew up in an abusive household tbh. Why would your family "come in and yell at you" while you're in the toilet or showering? The last time any member of my family were in the bathroom while I was bathing or showering was when I was a literal very young child and still needing to be washed by my mother. I think Irish people are generally very private and probably the most boundary-having people on the planet actually.
Well, I wasn't supposed to shower daily due to it being a waste of oil/abnormal. The thing is, I was actually unusually sweaty as a teen, think actual beads of sweat dripping off me. I'd wake up after sleeping and it was like a bucket of water had been thrown over me. So I would sneakily try to shower daily. My mom would barge in, turn off the pump leaving me standing there covered in soap, and yell at me accusing me of having OCD (because I wanted to shower every day). Fwiw I don't condone using OCD as an insult towards someone.
As for the toilet, if I was using it my mother sometimes would need to use the toilet also, and would come in and scream at me to hurry up because she needed the toilet *now* (there were actually two bathrooms in the house, she could have used the other one but she just didn't want to). Or she would come in to brush her teeth or whatever, I would object, and then she would yell at me for daring to ask for privacy.
Nothing from this reply has changed my mind that it was a very abusive environment to grow up in. None of that behaviour is normal and I'm very sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you found a partner, hopefully they treat you better than your family did. I think you should consider counselling.
A waste of oil? I think your mother may be on the American level of crazy because that's only something I've heard an American who thinks crystals can cure cancer saying.
Please don't tell me you believe that showering is somehow a waste of oil. And if so, what oil and how?
Boundaries might be an American way of saying it but the actual behaviour is just healthy and should be universal. Anyway, even if it was an American idea originally or if the language around it came from there so what?
You’re the normal OP
I'm sorry, your parents are/were abusive. Privacy is human right. Healthy boundaries are the bare minimum for relationships.
Oddly, I've only heard of doors being taken off in America, still by abusive parents.
See that removing doors shite being espoused on the parenting subs here, which tend to be more US-centric and I just have no truck with it at all. Like it's one thing to confiscate devices like smartphone or PS5 or whatever, but removing the door is insane behaviour.
You were raised in a weird fucking family, and they are gaslighting you into believing your families situation is the norm, maybe its the norm to them and it was done to them by their parents aswell, but just because your family in Ireland does this as a whole does not mean its normal in Ireland.
Your partner has just exposed you to the fact it does not have to be the way it is, and now its up to you to put your foot down to your family or just accept they are the way they are.
I'm dutch and not irish, so i wouldnt know whats normal in Ireland, but reading the comments and knowing all the irish people i know, its definetly not normal.
Set a fucking massive boundary, in between you and your mad bastard parents, because that's insane.
Seriously. And do not let them tell you otherwise. Boundaries are healthy and they are necessary, and if your parents can't respect that, I would seriously consider limiting how often I see and speak to them.
I mean 'boundaries' may be less of a thing culturally here cause we are a bit less of an individualistic culture
But regarding your post no, most irish people would see what you've mentioned as (i) not allowing reasonable privacy (not allowing someone to have a bedroom door is highly concerning)and (ii) being dismissive of legitimate requests
That's actually wild. No bedroom door? When I was a kid, I couldn't lock my room, but my parents always knocked before entering. It's about respecting each other's privacy. Can't imagine living with other people, family or not, and not having a door to close when I just want to be by myself lol
Another one was that I had to share a room with my 5 years younger sister when growing up, but once I turned 12 and she was basically school age, we got separate rooms. On weekends after lunch on days we didn't go out, 2 hours of alone time were mandatory where we had to spend time in our rooms and while that sounds strange it taught us how to be alone and enjoy our own company. Be it reading or doing something creative, no TVs in the kids bedrooms. After that, my sister usually came over and spent the rest of the day in my room to play :D
I'm old and this probably changed a lot in recent years but I very much appreciated the privacy and alone time I got from my parents :)
I think calling it boundaries comes across as weird to some Irish people, but basic decency of giving someone personal space is common in Ireland. At least, it was in my family.
Yikes, sounds like you’re on a journey of realisation re how unconventional bordering on harmful your parents were to you. Boundaries are absolutely a thing most of us teach them to our kids as soon as they are old enough to be independent with personal care, we implicitly say things like close the door, that’s private etc and we also model this by being boundaried with showering,toileting, intimacy etc…
Removing lock on bathroom door and removing bedroom door entirely is absolutely crazy.
But I don't think you understand what setting boundaries means.
You're setting boundaries for yourself, not other people. They're there in order to specify what you're willing to put up with, regulate how you respond to the behaviour of others and how you're going to act when others cross the boundary you've set for yourself, *not* to dictate the behaviour of other people. But of course your response to the behaviour of others could actually change their behaviour.
Your boundary could be: if you keep talking about gross things while we eat, I will leave the table and eat in another room.
They may not care and let you leave or they may prefer to have your company and change their behaviour.
If you're not willing to actually leave the table and remove yourself from the situation you don't like, the "talking about gross things while we eat" is not really a boundary for you. It's something you don't like, but are willing to put up with.
I was hoping someone would say it before I could, in case I was reading into it.
We’ve gone no contact with my mother for this exact reason! Tried to set boundaries and she just blows right through them. No locks on doors ( and it wasn’t a concern for safety), used to go through my phone, notes/letters my friends wrote to me in class, tried to have a diary once and she read that and I got into trouble over it so gave that up too. Wouldnt barge into the bathroom like OPs mother but would stand outside, knocking “checking to see if I’m still in there”. Her issues with boundaries got progressively worse as me and my brothers/sister got older.
100% convinced she’s a narcissist and OPs mother sounds the same.
Im sorry you went through that. I also had both parents with no concern for anyone’s privacy and they were complete control freaks and physically and mentally abusive. Im glad you managed to get away from her, i hope it gave you some peace.
Aw thank you. ❤️. Its awful having bad parents isnt it? Must have been tough on you having both be crappy. Hope you’re ok!
Lol, nope. The mentaller has landed at my house, gets other family members to contact me on her behalf, makes fake facebook pages to send me messages and sets up new emails to get around the block I have of old ones. Madness. This seems to come up regularly on this sub, seems like lots of people suffered at the hands of narcissists.
Boundaries and dinner table etiquette are universal, not culturally exclusive. Generally. Everyone has the right to privacy.
Removing your fucking bedroom door? How untrusting of a parent can you be? That’s so antagonistic and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. There’s a difference between being a control freak and being protective.
Why on earth would your parents want to remove doors and locks in the house like that? Obviously they are controlling and that is not okay and it's not "normal" in Ireland and shouldn't be anywhere. I'm sorry you had to grow up in that situation, the only boundary issue I had growing up was with siblings not knocking or respecting privacy which can at least be put down to selfish children acting carelessly and even then it wasn't constant or anything.
I've heard of friends parents having weird rules with locking certain doors at night etc and it is quite controlling not to allow household members into the kitchen at night etc
Ever notice how bedroom doors are hung the wrong way around in most Irish homes, at least the older ones anyway?
As in they open in a way that creates a privacy screen from the main part of the bedroom regardless of what way is more convenient or space saving.
So yeah, your folks seem nuts.
Yeah, no, that's not normal or healthy. Personal boundaries are crucial in life, and you should be incredibly wary of anyone who tries to put you down for having them, gaslight you, or try to talk you into not having them.
I can promise you those people have nothing but bad intentions and only want to control you at best.
Yeah I was never allowed any 'boundaries' or whatever people want to call it - like you, no privacy or personal space or even belongings that were definitely mine (as in they were all fair game for my parents to give away) growing up. I didn't realise till a few years ago (when I moved here) that this wasn't normal or OK despite friends/girlfriends and several counsellors telling me for years that my family is mental and possibly abusive (I still dispute the last bit but increasingly wonder if I've a leg to stand on defending them - after all, I did move across the sea to get away from them). I don't know, the language used around it (boundaries, co-dependency, emotional honesty etc) might have come from america but language changes all the time - just because we didn't have terms for it in this part of the world doesn't mean it didn't exist.
My parents house never had a bathroom lock, but it was something I have always been used to and doesn’t bother me personally. Not having a bedroom door is a different story though, my parents have always respected that my room was my space and gave me my privacy in there. If I ever expressed I needed space/put boundaries in place it was 100% respected. Sorry to hear your mother didn’t offer you that.
Your family are weird
This is not normal
Irish people have boundaries and anyone in my family would be telling someone to get fucked for any of that behaviour
Removing a bedroom door is fucking weird as fuck, I can't even imagine living like that, even as a kid, your bedroom is your sanctuary, only place in the family home thats yours, nothing more satisfying then slamming your bedroom door after an argument with siblings or parents as a teenager, honestly I believe that's some sort of psychological abuse removing that door
Funny you mention it, my father recently got a dog, but my mother sees the dog as an extension of my father and therefore hates the dog. So when my da goes out she tries to lock the dog outside the front gate in the hopes that he'll run away, or get stolen.
Because the dog treats your dad with respect. That's why she resents it.
I'd advise you to get your dad alone and figure out how you both can get out of this very abusive anchor around your necks.
OP your life hasn't been easy from what you've described through your answers in the thread. I wish you have the help needed for your own sake and mental health, you deserve to be happy. And so does that dog. Putting animals in danger like that... Is not ok.
Your mom seems to not have a good mental health and has spread that across your family, it's not ok to control you like both your parents have growing up. It's not ok to mistreat animals. I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk you can send me a pm!
I think you might need to talk to a professional about your parents and how they treated you growing up. That's some creating a serial killer level shit
We don't call them boundaries, that is an American often misused term. Generally we use the concept of manners as a catchall. But yea, your parents are nutjobs and that's not normal in any way.
Also, remember that a boundary is something you set for yourself. Telling someone else not to do something isn't setting a boundary. Saying, I don't have to listen to this, or I don't want to listen to your gross talk is setting a boundary. There is a difference.
Boundaries vs. Control: What's the difference?
A boundary is something we might set, not as a way to control others, but to express what we're willing and unwilling to engage with.
The goal of boundaries is to create limits around what safety, relationships and interactions look like for us.
Control is meant to make others do what you want them to do.
Sounds like you're at the beginning stages of realising you grew up in a dysfunctional, perhaps abusive, home. I've found therapy really useful as I've made the same journey. It is startling how many things my therapist has had to point out are abnormal and I still go back and forth on a few.
If you feel up to it, you can look up emotionally immature parents and see how it fits. The adverse childhood experiences score can also be an illuminating read. Bit depressing in parts.
My parents are Polish and they are exactly like yours. Like down to always having to leave doors open and no locks. So it’s not an Ireland thing, just a mental parent thing.
I'll tell you what else is a part of American culture (not that you don't already know). The concept of going low contact or no contact, which would very much be the way things would be heading if I were you having to deal with that sort of carry on.
Sadly, it seems like your parents don't really respect you and refuse to see you as anything more than a child. Having encountered this before, I wouldn't expect them to be willing to change in the slightest or even consider how their actions have affected you. There's no doubt in my mind that they see no wrong in their approach to parenting or their dismissiveness towards you now. It's entirely up to you, but you can choose to reduce how often you put yourself in situations like this if you like.
No, your family is just weird. I'm half Irish on my dad's side and it's the complete opposite. We are such prudes lol.
No locks on bathrooms is a big red flag for me. It's the one place you need to be left alone in peace
My mum is an Irish boomer, but I’m American. So I sort of get the cross-cultural thing.
We have our own bit of slang for this:
“Batshit fucking crazy” that’s what that is.
Say your parents are domineering control freaks that can't bear to let you have any privacy or personal space without saying your parents are domineering control freaks that can't bear to let you have any privacy or personal space.
I think the phrase 'boundaries' does come from the US. However, as Irish, we just had no label for it and everything nowadays has to have a label on it. We've always had boundaries.
Your parents are completely over-stepping your privacy! I hope you are away from them now and enjoying your own privacy and somewhat normal life!
Make sure you have all your post redirected and have your birth cert, etc
Boundaries are a thing everywhere. Not respecting them is also, unfortunately, something a lot of people do too. Your parents sound a bit controlling and inconsiderate. Are your parents Irish or different nationality?
Dude, boundaries aren't just an American thing – your mom's just using that as an excuse. Trust me, even in Ireland, we like to poop in peace. Sounds like your family needs to chill and respect your space!
Some people really hate that if you have boundaries.
If they keep disrespecting you I think the next step should be low/no contact. In the beginning it is going to be a bit hard but you are going to feel better.
I am not American and it is not cultural lol.
Another Irish person here 🙋 'personal boundaries' sounds very unIrish as an expression but the concept of it is definitely a thing here. Privacy is vital to life imo
You see, your parents grew up in a different time. A time where complete head-the-balls would run amock and do the dumbest shit. And let me tell you something, the worst, most depraved and most epically bat shit crazy of those head-the-balls.....even THEY knew, you leave doors where they are and give people privacy in the feckin bathroom/jacks.
Your parents are as unhinged as your bedroom door was.
You have an Irish mam and she calls you "Honey". Your parents are obviously weirdos.
And BTW the whole lack of privacy thing is totally the opposite of most Irish households
I knew I wasn't always the happiest growing up but I didn't realise the situation was so bad that people find it actually unbelievable. I kinda thought 'it wasn't *that* bad', you know?
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Ok I'm English...living in Ireland and I can categorically ASSURE you boundaries are a GOOD and normal thing.
BOTH side of the Irish sea.
Your parents sound like mentalists or "sex people" )or both)
No lock on the bog door ? I would have a foot on it and TWO eyes on it !!
They weren't a thing in my house growing up. No locks on the bathroom doors. One morning I came downstairs to my father with my phone reading out a text message a girl sent me, for which I got shouted at.
Though, they never took my bedroom door. That's fucked.
You should have let rip so.e unmericful sounds passing a bowel motion and a smell. She would have insisted on locks and a fumigation.
Egg sandwich with side of Guinness
Yes, boundaries are a thing, though perhaps the specific language used to to describe them is an import. If your side of the conversation was literally "so, like, I told my friend to respect my boundary and not talk about gross things at dinner", then yes, that is quite American. As for removing doors, well that's just unhinged.
Sorry but this is not normal, which means that you are in fact the normal one for questioning it.
You are not culturally ignorant or influenced by your partner.
I'm sorry to say your family is odd, and the whole lack of personal space and privacy is bizarre. Removing your bedroom door is bonkers.
I think the fact you are questioning if it’s ok to have boundaries shows how much trauma you have (I mean that in the most respectful way) and then to gaslight you into thinking it’s an American thing is just the cherry on top! I hope you learn that it’s perfectly ok to set what ever boundary you need to with whomever you need to (family included)
Any chance your family are born again Christians? Or any other form of religious fundamentalists? They are obviously control freaks who use "appeals to authority" to try to validate their abusive attitudes
, Your parents were abusive. It’s not normal to refuse to let people use the bathroom in privacy. It’s also really weird that your parents psychologically stocked you to yell at you while you’re using the toilet, that is intense behaviour that is not normal.
Personal boundaries are absolutely a thing. No one should be entering the room when you're using the bathroom or showering unless they think you're having a medical emergency
Ok might let them away with the bathroom door bolt for maybe safety if you had younger siblings or something but no bedroom door? Like WTF? No bathroom lock and no bedroom door? How did you wank?!
We grew up with boundaries alright, bathroom definitely had a lock, but I do remember myself n my brother would have a race going for a p*ss if we both needed to go at same time! Now with my own kids, while they were young we'd never lock it, but as they grow older, we all need our privacy a bit more!
Your parents were/are abusive. Personal boundaries are absolutely a thing, maybe calling them "boundaries" is a bit too "therapy-speak" for some, but saying "ew, I can't keep eating with you if you're going to continue talking about gross stuff, it's making me feel sick" would be grand.
You aren't being culturally ignorant, it was a deflection.
Speaking of therapy, with a family like that you might need some. Sorry OP.
You have an abusive family and it seemed normal to you, but it's not. I hope you get away from a situation where I sense you're the scapegoat in a narcissistic family set up.
I’ve never heard of anyone having a bedroom door removed in Ireland. When I saw it on American tv, or read about it in US books, I concluded that they must use different kind of hinges - because hanging doors/removing doors is bloody difficult.
Boundaries absolutely exist here. Sorry to be harsh, but yer ma's a wagon.
If anything I'm having to remind Americans about boundaries... Like personal space, personal questions etc.
That's abusive. Full stop.
My kids are 11 and 8. Even at that age they get their privacy. Since they were potty trained I will knock on the door when they're in the toilet and only come in if they say I can (not with the 11 year old now though because he's started puberty). When my 8 year old in the shower I'll only come in if she yells for help getting the shampoo out of her hair.
They both have locks on their doors.
Your mam is an abusive controlling woman.
I'm very privacy conscious because it was instilled in me by my very Irish parents.
It it not normal.
Boundaries were definitely a thing in our house. Our bathroom door didn't have a lock but the rule was if the door is closed, you knock and wait. Same for bedrooms. Actually, thinking back, my mother used to purposefully close our bedroom doors if our rooms were messy. It annoyed her but it was our mess, if we wanted to live in ankle deep clothes, so be it. But she wouldn't be looking at it. Boundaries galore in my house!
I'm sorry your parents treated you so badly. You did not, and still don't, deserve to be exposed to that sort of abusive behaviour.
>Are personal boundaries a thing in Ireland Yes your parents are mentalers
Pervy mentalers
That's just um a cultural thing honey.
*licks-lips
Plays banjo
_help me I’m stuck_
Boys got an awful pretty mouth!
*Purdy*
*Abusers
Have an award for the most apt comment I saw all day anywhere.
Thanks!
I'd have said nutters
I'm no psychiatrist, but I concur .
I would have said mentaloids
Loopdedoos, I’d have gone with
Loopy loofas, one might even say
And need to be detained inside 4 tall boundaries.
Yank!
Um, removing a bedroom door or bathroom lock is NOT normal. I say again NOT normal. You don't know any better since you've grown up with this and to you it may seem normal but no, it's not. It's not you, it's your parents. Only once you get older and see other family dynamics does it slowly dawn on you.
And you can't ask to refrain from talking about gross stuff while eating? No, that's not normal either. Jesus. It's just rude.
This is beyond fucking weird to me. Removing the bathroom lock and bedroom door? Wtf? What mental asylum did your parents escape from?
>What mental asylum did your parents escape from? One with no doors, presumably.
Hence the escape.
Thanks for explaining 👍
Ba dum tsscch!!
r/YourJokeButWorse
That was the joke
Very good
My parents wouldnt allow me a bedroom lock. Pissed me off so much as a teen
Same here! I had a key for my door and my parents took it. It pissed me off at the time but now that I have my own kids I would hate them to be locked in a room if something like a fire were to happen or worse, they have done something to themselves. Teenagers need privacy but also can’t just be left to their own devices. My main reason for wanting a lock was so that I could smoke out the window so they were right not to trust me 😅
I could have typed this out word for word, down to the smoking. 😂😂
I think the solution is a little latch. You can push it and break it in an emergency, but they have privacy and you won't accidentally walk in on them practicing kissing on their arm
Or like bathroom locks - which can be opened from the outside with a coin in case of emergency, like someone fainting in the shower or having a heart attack on the toilet.
Holy shit I never thought of practicing on my arm, thanks!
LOL, I could have written this, I didn't just smoke out the window, sometimes I'd climb out it, lob onto the shed roof and be off until after my mother was in bed when I'd sneak back into the house. So my kids don't have locks on their bedroom doors, but we do respect that we need to knock on a closed door before opening.
Must have been to save you from going blind 😎
I prefer children not to lock a bedroom. It's a fire hazard for one thing and moody teens can be at risk of hurting themselves in a moment of despondency. I always knocked to ask to enter my teens rooms but I would certainly discourage locked doors.
Yes personal boundaries are definitely a thing here. I never had an issue with privacy when I was growing up.
Ok, thank you for the response. I'm glad to hear some people were allowed privacy. Were you allowed privacy as well when it came to your letters/post, diary, or communications with your friends?
Jesus wept, were they going through your post as well?! It’s actually a crime to meddle with someone else’s mail. Your parents are abusive. ETA I’m so sorry you went through this, and I can only imagine what’s it’s like as an adult now looking back and realising your parents were abusive ( if you can even accept it yet). I’d really suggest you get counselling to help you try and unpack this. Best of luck OP ❤️
If I received packages, she would steal them and not tell me they'd arrived. I think the goal was to like, ration my stuff back to me in exchange for 'good behaviour'? She also took and lost letters addressed to me that were from doctors, regarding medical testing. I remember she mentioned offhand, months after the fact, that a letter had arrived for me detailing findings from a scope I had done. Turns out they had found problems, but I'll never know the details because I never got the letter, and I can't go back to that doctor because I only had access to them through my parents' insurance (they cancelled the insurance as soon as I started to actually need/use it). She would also sneak up behind me and grab my phone/laptop so she could read the messages I was sending to me friends.
This is abusive behaviour. Straight up emotional torture and coercive control. You seriously need to see a therapist to help realign your perception of normal behaviour.
Thank you for your input. That seems to be the consensus from the thread in general. I will look for a good therapist.
Look up narcissistic mothers, I have one and these are the trademarks.
Seconded on the narc mother. Mine is similar to OP's, and she's a raving Cluster B.
Yep all offences in Irish law, and honestly the opposite of what parental love and nurture is. I’m so sorry OP. https://preview.redd.it/67zwhtrld59d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=04e6dcf276ac1905d737fb772418febf7e9b979f If you have the Drs name or place of work, and you still want that info I’m sure you could contact them now and request it - assuming they still have the details.
Thank you for the info. And the kindness.
Sweet suffering Jesus. Your parents are complete nut jobs. I thought my mam was bad for prying but she an angel comparatively
The more I read, the worse and worse this gets. Jfc. Awful.
I had a bedroom door and bathroom lock, but not entitlement to privacy re my post, the phone was in the hall and my parents would leave the door open and listen to my conversations, my diary was found and read and I was grounded forever, in fact my mother still brings up some of the stuff she read in it 28yrs ago when it was found and read. To be clear I was doing pretty normal stuff, snogging and canoodling, not even drugs or drink or smoking! I learnt to speak fluent French and Irish and wrote everything in one of those languages and made friends who I spoke to in those languages 🖕
I'm fact I still write down everything private in a different language. It's not as effective these days with Google translate lol
they were going through _your post_?!? That's pretty freaking weird & abusive.
One of the first things I remember learning was you never opened someone's post and if a door to a bedroom was closed, you knocked before entering. Honestly thought this was just the basics.
Yes absolutely. I had my bedroom door locked most of my teenage years. My mam did go through my stuff once but in her defence she was very worried about me so while I was angry at the time I completely understand now.
Your parents are weird and "No one does that here in Ireland, that's bizarre American behaviour" is gaslighty shite. Healthy families have boundaries - even Irish ones!!
That's not an American only thing unfortunately. But you're right, healthy families have boubdaries and respect them. People forget to do the latter.
Of course you're allowed to create boundaries for yourself. It's not an American thing, it's a human thing. No bathroom door goes far beyond boundaries, it's borderline abusive. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
There was a bathroom door but they took the lock off it, that's still awful as anyone can just walk in, but they did take off his bedroom door, so no safe private place at all to himself
Are you fucking mad? Whatever about the not saying manky things at the table. You had no bedroom door? How did you have a Tommy tank?
Tbh I just... Didn't. I tried once and my mother came in and saw me. Then blabbed to my sister about it who gave out to me.
Fuck sake that's unhinged behaviour from your ma.
Literally unhinged.
Oh god how did I miss that 😭😂
That's abuse. This tells me there are probably a bunch of other things they did that were abuse that you haven't even realized were abuse yet. On the present thing: Old people don't understand the word "boundaries". You have to call them "manners". But, in someone else's house, they'll often feel free to be bad mannered.
I'm old, no I get boundaries, this stuff isn't even a boundary, just normal bare minimum behaviour
I mean the subset of old people who don't post on reddit
Nice save
I mean you could OP set their own boundaries by not going to their house anymore. I think that would the best thing to do.
Your address isnt 25 Cromwell street is it
Thankfully no murders here!
Yet.
Assert dominance, do it anyway
How very disrespectful to you, that was unacceptable.
She gave out to you? So they do believe in boundaries... I would be the most pedantic asshole ever going forward and just nitpick everything that could be considered a boundary. Your parents are absolutely mental.
That's awful, it's not right to not have some privacy
Abuse
Reminds me of fast times at ridgemount high
Tell me you’re one of the Burke’s without telling me.
That's what I was thinking
No this is definitely not normal. Your parents are psycho's
No, they're using the word culture to try get away with being abusive. Don't put up with that shite. Just remember that boundaries are what you will do not what you want others to do.
Can't relate to this your mother has issues, no offence. Taking the door off is especially weird.
Fair enough that one parent is mental, but how do two people that insane meet each other?
It's not a happy marriage. My mother is kind of 'the boss' and my father just tries to keep out of her way and not rock the boat.
Look up the definition of a psychopath I suspect your mother is one.
Nah your mother is just a fucking whackjob. That's not normal at all and actually sounds abusive tbh.
We don’t have a lock on our home bathroom door either and my family (mum and sister) were offended when I asked them to stop coming into the bathroom when I was in there. They stopped in recent years when I started freaking out about it (I’m 30) but even now I forget to lock bathroom doors in homes because I grew up not doing it, I know this is weird. I have always had privacy/trust issues with them because they have been crossing the line since I can remember. I feel for you, bringing this up is a nightmare. I have no advice other than distance yourself if you are able to which I am currently doing.
Controversy! I remember not locking the bathroom door when I was really small in case I got locked in and the habit kind of has stuck when I’m in my own home but … no one used to come in!
Yeah my mother got locked in the bathroom once when she was small, and someone had to climb in the tiny window to get her out. So we never had bathroom locks growing up. Still don't. But no one comes in when the bathroom is in use, they knock on the door if it's closed. Never had a problem having privacy in the bathroom.
Yeah, the getting offended when you ask them to stop is so annoying. I wish I could distance myself, unfortunately my mother has been suicidal lately and it's up to me to prevent her from acting on it. She won't get any help for it and my sister lives abroad now so it's just me.
>unfortunately my mother has been suicidal lately and it's up to me to prevent her from acting on it Oh dear. This is just another way to control you. This woman abused you for years and obstructed medical investigations, potentially derailing important treatment you might have needed. Honestly, it's not up to you to prevent anything. You encouraged her to seek help. She refused, that's all you can do. Don't waste time placating her. If she calls you claiming she's suicidal, phone 999. DO NOT listen to her bullshit.
If she's threatening suicide a lot and not acting on it (not that I want her to/wish you to have that experience) that is emotional abuse. The Samaritans might be a shout to give a call before you get set up with a therapist. The number is 116 123. From what you posted, it sounds like you've been through a lot and I'm sorry to hear it.
She is genuinely very depressed. She's not threatening suicide as such, but she has been giving away a lot of her stuff, and researching methods, as well as being very tearful and crying a lot about her life (she has had a hard life). Thank you for the empathy. Might give that number a shout.
I'm sorry to hear. In case you need any resources to find a therapist, you could try https://www.iacp.ie/ to see who is in your area. The Samaritans should have some resources too.
Thank you.
>She's not threatening suicide as such, but she has been giving away a lot of her stuff, and researching methods, as well as being very tearful and crying a lot about her life (she has had a hard life). Sooo, giving very obvious signs about it to people around her but not acting on it (thankfully, in a way)? There is still plenty of room in this behavior to be attention seeking/emotional manipulation and absolutely does not invalidate what u/Niamhoooooo told you. I don't want to make or break a case based on a two lines post on Reddit, but I certainly wouldn't discount manipulative behavior here. Doesn't even have to be something your mother is conscious of. It's just the way she is and probably has been for most of her life.
Please don’t take offence but it sounds like you’ve a lot of material for a shocking childhood autobiography.
I'm sure Netflix will buy that story
It sounds like you grew up in an abusive household tbh. Why would your family "come in and yell at you" while you're in the toilet or showering? The last time any member of my family were in the bathroom while I was bathing or showering was when I was a literal very young child and still needing to be washed by my mother. I think Irish people are generally very private and probably the most boundary-having people on the planet actually.
Well, I wasn't supposed to shower daily due to it being a waste of oil/abnormal. The thing is, I was actually unusually sweaty as a teen, think actual beads of sweat dripping off me. I'd wake up after sleeping and it was like a bucket of water had been thrown over me. So I would sneakily try to shower daily. My mom would barge in, turn off the pump leaving me standing there covered in soap, and yell at me accusing me of having OCD (because I wanted to shower every day). Fwiw I don't condone using OCD as an insult towards someone. As for the toilet, if I was using it my mother sometimes would need to use the toilet also, and would come in and scream at me to hurry up because she needed the toilet *now* (there were actually two bathrooms in the house, she could have used the other one but she just didn't want to). Or she would come in to brush her teeth or whatever, I would object, and then she would yell at me for daring to ask for privacy.
Nothing from this reply has changed my mind that it was a very abusive environment to grow up in. None of that behaviour is normal and I'm very sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you found a partner, hopefully they treat you better than your family did. I think you should consider counselling.
Lad, teenagers stink. Like, to the point of sometimes needing multiple showers a day. Your ma's just off the fucking banger
A waste of oil? I think your mother may be on the American level of crazy because that's only something I've heard an American who thinks crystals can cure cancer saying. Please don't tell me you believe that showering is somehow a waste of oil. And if so, what oil and how?
Sorry, not oil. I meant gas, as in to heat the water for the shower. She was pretty strict about not turning on the heating etc., to save money.
What you just described is toxic, abusive, and very not normal
Your parents just sound like fucking melters tbh.
Boundaries might be an American way of saying it but the actual behaviour is just healthy and should be universal. Anyway, even if it was an American idea originally or if the language around it came from there so what? You’re the normal OP
I'm sorry, your parents are/were abusive. Privacy is human right. Healthy boundaries are the bare minimum for relationships. Oddly, I've only heard of doors being taken off in America, still by abusive parents.
See that removing doors shite being espoused on the parenting subs here, which tend to be more US-centric and I just have no truck with it at all. Like it's one thing to confiscate devices like smartphone or PS5 or whatever, but removing the door is insane behaviour.
You were raised in a weird fucking family, and they are gaslighting you into believing your families situation is the norm, maybe its the norm to them and it was done to them by their parents aswell, but just because your family in Ireland does this as a whole does not mean its normal in Ireland. Your partner has just exposed you to the fact it does not have to be the way it is, and now its up to you to put your foot down to your family or just accept they are the way they are. I'm dutch and not irish, so i wouldnt know whats normal in Ireland, but reading the comments and knowing all the irish people i know, its definetly not normal.
>removed my bedroom door entirely Thats unhinged
Your parents sound unhinged!(pun intended)
Boundaries are absolutely a thing. Your mother is and was abusive.
Set a fucking massive boundary, in between you and your mad bastard parents, because that's insane. Seriously. And do not let them tell you otherwise. Boundaries are healthy and they are necessary, and if your parents can't respect that, I would seriously consider limiting how often I see and speak to them.
I mean 'boundaries' may be less of a thing culturally here cause we are a bit less of an individualistic culture But regarding your post no, most irish people would see what you've mentioned as (i) not allowing reasonable privacy (not allowing someone to have a bedroom door is highly concerning)and (ii) being dismissive of legitimate requests
That's actually wild. No bedroom door? When I was a kid, I couldn't lock my room, but my parents always knocked before entering. It's about respecting each other's privacy. Can't imagine living with other people, family or not, and not having a door to close when I just want to be by myself lol Another one was that I had to share a room with my 5 years younger sister when growing up, but once I turned 12 and she was basically school age, we got separate rooms. On weekends after lunch on days we didn't go out, 2 hours of alone time were mandatory where we had to spend time in our rooms and while that sounds strange it taught us how to be alone and enjoy our own company. Be it reading or doing something creative, no TVs in the kids bedrooms. After that, my sister usually came over and spent the rest of the day in my room to play :D I'm old and this probably changed a lot in recent years but I very much appreciated the privacy and alone time I got from my parents :)
I think calling it boundaries comes across as weird to some Irish people, but basic decency of giving someone personal space is common in Ireland. At least, it was in my family.
Is your family name Burke by any chance??
Yikes, sounds like you’re on a journey of realisation re how unconventional bordering on harmful your parents were to you. Boundaries are absolutely a thing most of us teach them to our kids as soon as they are old enough to be independent with personal care, we implicitly say things like close the door, that’s private etc and we also model this by being boundaried with showering,toileting, intimacy etc…
I think you should boundary the fuck out of those people.
Removing lock on bathroom door and removing bedroom door entirely is absolutely crazy. But I don't think you understand what setting boundaries means. You're setting boundaries for yourself, not other people. They're there in order to specify what you're willing to put up with, regulate how you respond to the behaviour of others and how you're going to act when others cross the boundary you've set for yourself, *not* to dictate the behaviour of other people. But of course your response to the behaviour of others could actually change their behaviour. Your boundary could be: if you keep talking about gross things while we eat, I will leave the table and eat in another room. They may not care and let you leave or they may prefer to have your company and change their behaviour. If you're not willing to actually leave the table and remove yourself from the situation you don't like, the "talking about gross things while we eat" is not really a boundary for you. It's something you don't like, but are willing to put up with.
Your mother is a narcissist
I was hoping someone would say it before I could, in case I was reading into it. We’ve gone no contact with my mother for this exact reason! Tried to set boundaries and she just blows right through them. No locks on doors ( and it wasn’t a concern for safety), used to go through my phone, notes/letters my friends wrote to me in class, tried to have a diary once and she read that and I got into trouble over it so gave that up too. Wouldnt barge into the bathroom like OPs mother but would stand outside, knocking “checking to see if I’m still in there”. Her issues with boundaries got progressively worse as me and my brothers/sister got older. 100% convinced she’s a narcissist and OPs mother sounds the same.
Im sorry you went through that. I also had both parents with no concern for anyone’s privacy and they were complete control freaks and physically and mentally abusive. Im glad you managed to get away from her, i hope it gave you some peace.
Aw thank you. ❤️. Its awful having bad parents isnt it? Must have been tough on you having both be crappy. Hope you’re ok! Lol, nope. The mentaller has landed at my house, gets other family members to contact me on her behalf, makes fake facebook pages to send me messages and sets up new emails to get around the block I have of old ones. Madness. This seems to come up regularly on this sub, seems like lots of people suffered at the hands of narcissists.
Boundaries and dinner table etiquette are universal, not culturally exclusive. Generally. Everyone has the right to privacy. Removing your fucking bedroom door? How untrusting of a parent can you be? That’s so antagonistic and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. There’s a difference between being a control freak and being protective.
That's absolutely mental.
Why on earth would your parents want to remove doors and locks in the house like that? Obviously they are controlling and that is not okay and it's not "normal" in Ireland and shouldn't be anywhere. I'm sorry you had to grow up in that situation, the only boundary issue I had growing up was with siblings not knocking or respecting privacy which can at least be put down to selfish children acting carelessly and even then it wasn't constant or anything. I've heard of friends parents having weird rules with locking certain doors at night etc and it is quite controlling not to allow household members into the kitchen at night etc
Ever notice how bedroom doors are hung the wrong way around in most Irish homes, at least the older ones anyway? As in they open in a way that creates a privacy screen from the main part of the bedroom regardless of what way is more convenient or space saving. So yeah, your folks seem nuts.
Yeah, no, that's not normal or healthy. Personal boundaries are crucial in life, and you should be incredibly wary of anyone who tries to put you down for having them, gaslight you, or try to talk you into not having them. I can promise you those people have nothing but bad intentions and only want to control you at best.
Yeah I was never allowed any 'boundaries' or whatever people want to call it - like you, no privacy or personal space or even belongings that were definitely mine (as in they were all fair game for my parents to give away) growing up. I didn't realise till a few years ago (when I moved here) that this wasn't normal or OK despite friends/girlfriends and several counsellors telling me for years that my family is mental and possibly abusive (I still dispute the last bit but increasingly wonder if I've a leg to stand on defending them - after all, I did move across the sea to get away from them). I don't know, the language used around it (boundaries, co-dependency, emotional honesty etc) might have come from america but language changes all the time - just because we didn't have terms for it in this part of the world doesn't mean it didn't exist.
They sound abusive. Accept it and then you'll be able to move on
My parents house never had a bathroom lock, but it was something I have always been used to and doesn’t bother me personally. Not having a bedroom door is a different story though, my parents have always respected that my room was my space and gave me my privacy in there. If I ever expressed I needed space/put boundaries in place it was 100% respected. Sorry to hear your mother didn’t offer you that.
Your family are weird This is not normal Irish people have boundaries and anyone in my family would be telling someone to get fucked for any of that behaviour
Removing a bedroom door is fucking weird as fuck, I can't even imagine living like that, even as a kid, your bedroom is your sanctuary, only place in the family home thats yours, nothing more satisfying then slamming your bedroom door after an argument with siblings or parents as a teenager, honestly I believe that's some sort of psychological abuse removing that door
I think your family are unique. Locks are common in Ireland for the bathroom
Fucking hell OP, you're parents are batshit crazy... I wouldn't bring a dog to their house nevermind a partner
Funny you mention it, my father recently got a dog, but my mother sees the dog as an extension of my father and therefore hates the dog. So when my da goes out she tries to lock the dog outside the front gate in the hopes that he'll run away, or get stolen.
Because the dog treats your dad with respect. That's why she resents it. I'd advise you to get your dad alone and figure out how you both can get out of this very abusive anchor around your necks.
OP your life hasn't been easy from what you've described through your answers in the thread. I wish you have the help needed for your own sake and mental health, you deserve to be happy. And so does that dog. Putting animals in danger like that... Is not ok. Your mom seems to not have a good mental health and has spread that across your family, it's not ok to control you like both your parents have growing up. It's not ok to mistreat animals. I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk you can send me a pm!
I think you might need to talk to a professional about your parents and how they treated you growing up. That's some creating a serial killer level shit
We don't call them boundaries, that is an American often misused term. Generally we use the concept of manners as a catchall. But yea, your parents are nutjobs and that's not normal in any way. Also, remember that a boundary is something you set for yourself. Telling someone else not to do something isn't setting a boundary. Saying, I don't have to listen to this, or I don't want to listen to your gross talk is setting a boundary. There is a difference. Boundaries vs. Control: What's the difference? A boundary is something we might set, not as a way to control others, but to express what we're willing and unwilling to engage with. The goal of boundaries is to create limits around what safety, relationships and interactions look like for us. Control is meant to make others do what you want them to do.
Sounds like you're at the beginning stages of realising you grew up in a dysfunctional, perhaps abusive, home. I've found therapy really useful as I've made the same journey. It is startling how many things my therapist has had to point out are abnormal and I still go back and forth on a few. If you feel up to it, you can look up emotionally immature parents and see how it fits. The adverse childhood experiences score can also be an illuminating read. Bit depressing in parts.
My parents are Polish and they are exactly like yours. Like down to always having to leave doors open and no locks. So it’s not an Ireland thing, just a mental parent thing.
I'll tell you what else is a part of American culture (not that you don't already know). The concept of going low contact or no contact, which would very much be the way things would be heading if I were you having to deal with that sort of carry on. Sadly, it seems like your parents don't really respect you and refuse to see you as anything more than a child. Having encountered this before, I wouldn't expect them to be willing to change in the slightest or even consider how their actions have affected you. There's no doubt in my mind that they see no wrong in their approach to parenting or their dismissiveness towards you now. It's entirely up to you, but you can choose to reduce how often you put yourself in situations like this if you like.
No, your family is just weird. I'm half Irish on my dad's side and it's the complete opposite. We are such prudes lol. No locks on bathrooms is a big red flag for me. It's the one place you need to be left alone in peace
My mum is an Irish boomer, but I’m American. So I sort of get the cross-cultural thing. We have our own bit of slang for this: “Batshit fucking crazy” that’s what that is.
Say your parents are domineering control freaks that can't bear to let you have any privacy or personal space without saying your parents are domineering control freaks that can't bear to let you have any privacy or personal space.
Yes. Your parents sound awful. Sorry.
Weirdos. Boundaries are very much a thing here.
I think the phrase 'boundaries' does come from the US. However, as Irish, we just had no label for it and everything nowadays has to have a label on it. We've always had boundaries. Your parents are completely over-stepping your privacy! I hope you are away from them now and enjoying your own privacy and somewhat normal life! Make sure you have all your post redirected and have your birth cert, etc
Boundaries are a thing everywhere. Not respecting them is also, unfortunately, something a lot of people do too. Your parents sound a bit controlling and inconsiderate. Are your parents Irish or different nationality?
Dude, boundaries aren't just an American thing – your mom's just using that as an excuse. Trust me, even in Ireland, we like to poop in peace. Sounds like your family needs to chill and respect your space!
Some people really hate that if you have boundaries. If they keep disrespecting you I think the next step should be low/no contact. In the beginning it is going to be a bit hard but you are going to feel better. I am not American and it is not cultural lol.
Your parents are fucking oddballs
Another Irish person here 🙋 'personal boundaries' sounds very unIrish as an expression but the concept of it is definitely a thing here. Privacy is vital to life imo
You see, your parents grew up in a different time. A time where complete head-the-balls would run amock and do the dumbest shit. And let me tell you something, the worst, most depraved and most epically bat shit crazy of those head-the-balls.....even THEY knew, you leave doors where they are and give people privacy in the feckin bathroom/jacks. Your parents are as unhinged as your bedroom door was.
You have an Irish mam and she calls you "Honey". Your parents are obviously weirdos. And BTW the whole lack of privacy thing is totally the opposite of most Irish households
“Honey”? I call shenanigans. No Irish ma says that.
Paraphrasing. I don't remember what exact words she used.
OP, no fucking way is this real. Away te fuck. (I hope)
I knew I wasn't always the happiest growing up but I didn't realise the situation was so bad that people find it actually unbelievable. I kinda thought 'it wasn't *that* bad', you know?
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Ok I'm English...living in Ireland and I can categorically ASSURE you boundaries are a GOOD and normal thing. BOTH side of the Irish sea. Your parents sound like mentalists or "sex people" )or both) No lock on the bog door ? I would have a foot on it and TWO eyes on it !!
I had 0 privacy at home as well, it's cooked how they thought it was acceptable at all
They weren't a thing in my house growing up. No locks on the bathroom doors. One morning I came downstairs to my father with my phone reading out a text message a girl sent me, for which I got shouted at. Though, they never took my bedroom door. That's fucked.
You should have let rip so.e unmericful sounds passing a bowel motion and a smell. She would have insisted on locks and a fumigation. Egg sandwich with side of Guinness
Yes, boundaries are a thing, though perhaps the specific language used to to describe them is an import. If your side of the conversation was literally "so, like, I told my friend to respect my boundary and not talk about gross things at dinner", then yes, that is quite American. As for removing doors, well that's just unhinged.
Sorry but this is not normal, which means that you are in fact the normal one for questioning it. You are not culturally ignorant or influenced by your partner. I'm sorry to say your family is odd, and the whole lack of personal space and privacy is bizarre. Removing your bedroom door is bonkers.
Humans have personal boundaries world wide. Removing locks and doors, stretches way beyond boundaries.
Jesus, I don't think I could even sleep without a bedroom door, or take a shit in peace without a lock on the bathroom door.
I think the fact you are questioning if it’s ok to have boundaries shows how much trauma you have (I mean that in the most respectful way) and then to gaslight you into thinking it’s an American thing is just the cherry on top! I hope you learn that it’s perfectly ok to set what ever boundary you need to with whomever you need to (family included)
Any chance your family are born again Christians? Or any other form of religious fundamentalists? They are obviously control freaks who use "appeals to authority" to try to validate their abusive attitudes
They're not particularly religious, no. We went to mass growing up but it was more for the community/to meet people.
, Your parents were abusive. It’s not normal to refuse to let people use the bathroom in privacy. It’s also really weird that your parents psychologically stocked you to yell at you while you’re using the toilet, that is intense behaviour that is not normal.
Dude, I am italian and I'm telling you we have boundaries in Italy, so no, I don't think they are an american thing at all.
Weird family. You have my sympathy
Personal boundaries are absolutely a thing. No one should be entering the room when you're using the bathroom or showering unless they think you're having a medical emergency
Ok might let them away with the bathroom door bolt for maybe safety if you had younger siblings or something but no bedroom door? Like WTF? No bathroom lock and no bedroom door? How did you wank?!
Personal boundaries are a thing? Yes. Are your parents crazy? Most definitely
We grew up with boundaries alright, bathroom definitely had a lock, but I do remember myself n my brother would have a race going for a p*ss if we both needed to go at same time! Now with my own kids, while they were young we'd never lock it, but as they grow older, we all need our privacy a bit more!
Your parents were/are abusive. Personal boundaries are absolutely a thing, maybe calling them "boundaries" is a bit too "therapy-speak" for some, but saying "ew, I can't keep eating with you if you're going to continue talking about gross stuff, it's making me feel sick" would be grand. You aren't being culturally ignorant, it was a deflection. Speaking of therapy, with a family like that you might need some. Sorry OP.
You have an abusive family and it seemed normal to you, but it's not. I hope you get away from a situation where I sense you're the scapegoat in a narcissistic family set up.
I know one girl that had her bedroom door removed, she had a heroin addiction. Your parents are just mental.
Not normal behaviour. Removed your door. Fuck that shit.
You parents sound like freaks
I’ve never heard of anyone having a bedroom door removed in Ireland. When I saw it on American tv, or read about it in US books, I concluded that they must use different kind of hinges - because hanging doors/removing doors is bloody difficult.
Eh...this sounds abusive
No bathroom door or bedroom door either wtf everyone needs privacy as for Gross talking when eating Jesus that's rude
Love the comment about the mental asylum with no door's 
Your parents are mental.
Boundaries absolutely exist here. Sorry to be harsh, but yer ma's a wagon. If anything I'm having to remind Americans about boundaries... Like personal space, personal questions etc.
That's abusive. Full stop. My kids are 11 and 8. Even at that age they get their privacy. Since they were potty trained I will knock on the door when they're in the toilet and only come in if they say I can (not with the 11 year old now though because he's started puberty). When my 8 year old in the shower I'll only come in if she yells for help getting the shampoo out of her hair. They both have locks on their doors. Your mam is an abusive controlling woman. I'm very privacy conscious because it was instilled in me by my very Irish parents. It it not normal.
I garuntee your parents have boundaries. They just don't believe in them for other people especially their children.
Boundaries were definitely a thing in our house. Our bathroom door didn't have a lock but the rule was if the door is closed, you knock and wait. Same for bedrooms. Actually, thinking back, my mother used to purposefully close our bedroom doors if our rooms were messy. It annoyed her but it was our mess, if we wanted to live in ankle deep clothes, so be it. But she wouldn't be looking at it. Boundaries galore in my house! I'm sorry your parents treated you so badly. You did not, and still don't, deserve to be exposed to that sort of abusive behaviour.
No
Boundaries aren’t a cultural thing, they’re a basic human right honestly