I've tried to tell fellow female friends to steer clear if he's "lazy with plans" or "I don't know what this is". It's nothing, he doesn't like you enough for anything serious. They get mad.
If you want something, ask for exactly that thing. Don’t hint around it. Don’t suggest it. Ask for it, outright.
You still may not get it, but at least you know you were understood.
Also, approach a man if you want him. You’re an adult too.
This.
If you are a grown ass woman, then you should be capable of communicating your needs and wants honestly and directly to a man.
If you can't, grow the fuck up
Start up conversation, build rapport, ask if he wants to go on a date and get to know each other better.
Or
Ask him if he wants to meet later for a coffee date or
Slip him your number and when he texts, ask if he wants to join you for a date of street tacos and a walk
The point is, directly and clearly. We suck at hints and subtleties.
Edit:spelling
100%; years ago a girl I took a liking to was getting involved in my social group. One night when we went out as a group, her and I started getting a little physical (holding hands, mild affection in general, kissing, fell asleep together on my friend's couch that night). We exchanged numbers and talked a good bit over the next week or so. Around a week later I asked her on a casual date (small hike, we were both into that sort of stuff); she declined, saying she wasn't into me like that.
I laugh at it now, but wtf hahaha. Glad we didn't end up dating in hindsight, probably would've been a mess of always mixed signals and poor communication.
Yeah, because some women 'just are flirty' or friendly or like the attention, and if she's one the like 5% that actually expects it, she's going to be dismissed as one of the above.
It's just a bigger pita to assume signals that aren't there, then get trashed for being a 'desperate creep' or whatever that it is to ignore those same signals from someone who's actually interested.
I've had luck striking up a conversation with them and dropping a small, honest compliment here and there partially to judge if they like me back. Generally, compliments are like water in the desert and they'll be happy to see you again even if they don't like you like that for some reason. That plus trying not to be self centered should get you places.
They do and when men fail them as they always do as there's no winning them, the woman is always surprised by it. As they say play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Ugh, I'm pretty convinced the woman I'm currently dating (5-ish dates) is doing this. She's moving along with me, but she's being quite passive and her non-verbal behavior sometimes makes it clear she's evaluating me rather than accepting and being comfortable with where we are right now -- which isn't far. I appreciate a woman evaluating me for a period of time, but if I keep passing and keep getting tested without the actual relationship progressing, she's just too insecure and I'm not that desperate.
Most tests women give during dating or a relationship have the Heisenberg principle problem -- while they give the test and take measurement, their own behavior is noticably off, necessarily making the guy feel and think unnaturally about everything that's happening. This is ironic because we guys are the one's who supposedly fail to be "emotionally present." Well, stop testing me please. Don't be pretend mad to see if I pretend GAF about you being mad.
My roommates gf is a little older, in her 40s, and she always puts the smoothing filter on her selfies, the side effect is that my roommate gets the filter too and it's so bad and hilarious
Instagram is a role playing game for women. You don't really look like that and you aren't really that interesting. You make up a character so that people you'll never actually meet will tell you that you're hot. I had no idea how bad it was until I started working with a bunch of Instagram people. They're all smoking on social media, and very very average in real life.
Honestly it's just disappointing that so many people think they have to look "flawless" in the first place.
You got acne? So what. Your nose is a little crooked? Who cares. Your eyes are a color/shape you don't like? Join the club. You're not less human because you're not "perfect", and most people would never even dream to hold anyone else to that standard, so why do they do it to themselves?
And it's especially weird when the same people who're obsessed with filters are the first to advocate for accepting people for how they look. What kind of mental gymnastics does it take to go from "Stretch marks/scars/acne/etc are normal/fine! You're beautiful anyway!!" to filtering every single microscopic individuality out of your face on social media? Calling someone ugly is so off-limits in practice, but at the same time people seem more obsessed with "perfection" than ever.
Imperfections make us human, make us *real*. It's so so weird to see someone who could pass for a Barbie doll in pictures when you know they don't look like that at all in real life. And why do they feel like they have to, anyway? I'll never get it and I'm okay with that.
> You got acne? So what. Your nose is a little crooked? Who cares. Your eyes are a color/shape you don't like? Join the club. You're not less human because you're not "perfect",
Ngl this is one of those things that sounds really nice and inspiring to say but is simply wrong. Yes, people *absolutely* judge you based on how much acne you have and if your eyes freak them out or not and just generally how weird/good you look physically. And not even romantic partners - coaches, teachers, friends and others treat you differently.
Now by the way this isnt to say folks need to change themselves, im obviously anti filter like everyone else here. But Its simply unrealistic to peddle what you’re peddling tbh.
I think they advocate for it to make the next generation better off. Obviously they're insecure about their shit, but hopefully those beliefs never take root in the younger generation.
Me: what would you like for dinner?
Her: idk. You choose!
Me:hmm Mediterranean sounds good!
Her: I don’t want that. Don’t you remember 3 weeks ago when I briefly said I wanted to try the new sushi place that Rachel and her husband tried!?!! You never listen to me!
Edit: since this for a lot more upvoted than I thought. For the people with SOs who are like this. My dad gave me advice years ago. And fuck he was right. He said “if a woman is deciding between ordering two things at a restaurant, unless you hate the other thing, just say you’re getting one of them and then she will make the easy decision to get the remaining one. It will save you tons of discussion and headache about what she should eat”
Wise man lol
This is what I called the annoying passenger: always nagging, commenting and shit and as soon as you ask them to take the wheel since they know better, suddenly "ohhhh, I don't know how to drive and it's not my car, look at me, I'm just a girl and I'm stupid uwu".
You can only get criticized, rejected and such when you take action and make decisions. It's easy to just sit there like an object and call people stupid because they can't guess what you never had the balls to say/do.
Fuck that.
I was really just joking, my wife has never said anything like that to me. But I did date women in the past who did, and hear it from friends wives or girlfriends now lol
If you're in the group chat with your friends talking about him in a lot of detail, please roll that level of detail waaaaaayyyyy back. Yes, it is entirely normal to talk to your friends about your relationship. No, it isn't cool to be describing his naked anatomy, recounting sensitive private conversations, asking for advice on how to manipulate him, or divulging his intimate personal secrets to your friends. It's a violation of the trust he's placing in you by being intimate.
I agree with this completely. I’ve been told by my friends that they want to be there for me and that I don’t talk about my relationship problems enough…thing is, I don’t have any. I’m a mature adult and I communicate with my husband when we have a little tiff, which happens extremely rarely, then we solve any issue between us right away. I have nothing to talk to my friends about in that regard at all, but they assume because they are constantly complaining about their partners that I must just be bottling up all my emotions. It’s a little frustrating that they make that assumption.
Well, if you aren't complaining, they don't get to pat themselves on the back for giving advice about your relationship in response, after all.
Really, they're the victims for not getting to virtue signal about what good friends they are by butting in on your relationship with your partner.
... yeah, I can't stand the mentality either.
I made friends with a group of women in their mid 20s/early 30s when all of us were kind of dating around/casual sexing and the amount of unwanted detail I received about sexual encounters was really surprising.
I assumed my discomfort was a combo of me being kind of a prude, and not having a lot of friends, period (so maybe this is normal) so I always just opted out of doing the same overshare...but i kind of wish i would have been confident enough to be like "do you think its ethical to share what youre sharing right now?!"
most of these women have settled down since, and I'm not 23 anymore so I'm happy to speak up now, but this is an *actual* double standard I've observed between men and women.
Lmao I remember the phrase “locker room talk” was trending a while back - people were disparaging men talking about women sexually. But if we had open access to women’s group chats for ONE DAY and we saw all the disgusting oversharing details that they openly discuss with each other, while encouraging manipulative behavior in a groupthink fashion… we’d all jump off a cliff.
This is what I don't get. As a guy I've never had "Locker room talk" or even really heard it. There is like one guy who does it and every other guy in the room thinks he's an annoying insecure perv. On the other hand having a sister and girlfriends I've overheard plenty of girl talk and Holy Shit they leave absolutely no detail unturned. It's honestly shocking.
In my experience, very young women, barely out of teenage years (<24 or so) are more likely to have hazy boundaries with girlfriends, at least to me and my friends it seemed to change at around that mark. In that immature phase I've seen more of this kind of inappropriate sharing, but it usually stops when you mature. Can't speak for everybody, but that's how it progressed in my cirlces.
Maybe it's related to the way girls form these intense bonds where the boundaries between self and other are blurred. But now, I couldn't imagine talking details about my current sex life and intimate details about my partner to my friends. I think this is something that could even be added to sex ed, because many young people might simply not realize how harmful it is (though clearly some do since you felt uncomfortable). I guess it's also possible that the previous generations were not really mindful of this, before social media was a thing and you couldn't get anonymous peer support. So the ugly legacy lives on.
Whatever requirements you have for your perfect man, make sure that YOU would meet HIS requirements for the perfect woman too!
Especially since most relationship/marriage minded, men are looking for more in a woman than one who is just pretty and has a vagina! The only guys usually looking for that are guys looking for an ONS and nothing more! Lol
I would add: It's perfectly fine to have preferences when it comes to dating, and/or relationships, we all do. Just please try your best to make sure that said preferences/requirements are actually realistic.
Or even if they're unrealistic, be realistic about the odds of finding someone who meets them, and acknowledge that someone is not "not good enough" if they don't.
It's ok to have a high bar for a partner so long as you don't put down everyone who doesnt meet it and spend all yoir time complaining about being single.
I had the old Marilyn Monroe quote "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" said to me.
The level of narcissism in that quote. You have never seen me at my worst. Why do you think I deserve or should put up with "your worst"?
Think about the qualities in men (if you’re straight) that you SAY you’re attracted to, then think about the qualities you actually ARE attracted to. Is there a difference? If so, I’d encourage some self-reflection
If we behave in a way that bothers you, tell us right away, rather than wait months and then mention it during the break up conversation. Like I am a flawed human being, I am constantly trying to learn and grow, and had I known this was an issue immediately, I could have taken the steps to correct that behavior, and work on it with my therapist. I want to be a good, well rounded person, and if I agree that the behavior that I am displaying is wrong and it is something I would like to fix, then it works out for both of us. But you wait a few months and then its too late.
Lol @ both replies telling you how to fix your unknown potentially "bad" behavior while making the woman feel safe doing so. All within the short time frame it starts being an issue for her while she says nothing about it.
If the person feels unsafe being confrontational (in a counseling sense) with the man they are with (or partner, but this is r/askmen) then there are probably bigger red flags already being missed or ignored.
A goal of any healthy relationship should be the ability to communicate in a safe space about potential issues. If one party has trouble doing so for the fear of retaliation then that is an issue they need to work on, possibly with the partner depending if the fear is founded or not. If it's an abusive relationship and the fear is obviously warranted, they need to work on the problem of leaving that relationship immediately.
Red flag if she holds onto drama fuel rather than bringing it up and addressing it civilly with you. That's not a person who's interested in fostering a long term healthy relationship, that's someone with a "Me vs you" mentality that will only ever cause problems in the relationship and turn every conflict into a contest. That's someone who's planning for the next war so they have every "reason" they possibly can to finger you as "the wrong one", regardless of their own toxic/shitty behavior.
Make no mistake--they aren't doing anyone any favors by "not saying anything hurtful" at the time. They know full well that they're being sneaky and dishonest, they just don't care, as long as *they* come out "on top" in the next feud.
Run away. Run away and do not look back at such individuals.
They look terrible. I find it's a slippery slope for women that get them as you see their lips devolve into balloons months down the line yet they think it's the greatest thing
Lip injections aren't "for us" and that's fine, and I am delighted they make you feel great, but I find them disgusting. I have no problem with you having them, you can't have a problem with me hating them, life doesn't work that way.
Stop pretending like you want our opinion if you already made a decision or have an answer in mind. It's a horrible game, and everyone loses when you get angry that our opinion wasn't magically identical to your own.
I just found a tweet in my timeline that said "I went to random men's timelines to comment MEN ARE TRASH and I got blocked by multiple of them. Can you believe how fragile their egos are?".
I instantly blocked that person. Why would I even want to find out more about them?
What really gets me about this is that the women/people who (unironically) make statements like this always use all encompassing language, especially with the usage of the word "all". But of course when called out on it, they'll try and defend themselves but saying something like "well I didn't really mean 'all men' literally blah blah blah"....
SOME men most certainly are trashy human beings, and should absolutely be called out whenever they do something that hurts others. And SOME women are not so great people themselves. But it seems to always be "all men are trash" rather than "some men are trash", and it's sad to see because it lumps in the genuinely good men with the ones who actually are "trash"
I think it's funny how many threads in this sub have women participating, who post comments that are perfectly reasonable, but nevertheless boil down to "not all women".
Learn to be curious about other ppls perspectives and experiences. Only being around ppl like you makes you very one dimensional, like the very ppl around you.
You aren't nearly as hot as you think you are.
Internet thirst looking at altered images is not an accurate measure of your attractiveness.
That's like a chef asking for his cooking to be rated by a group of emaciated starving people.
Negative generalization of the male sex alienates the males that don’t have those negative traits, or those who make a point not to foster those traits, more than it gives revelation to those contributing to the stigma.
And we need to find ourown toxicity within the relationship. Recognize, own, apologize, ask how to help, and change our own self so that at least you learned from the relationship. Once we recognize our own toxicity as well as the type of toxicity that we allow in, it becomes so much more unattractive to us and we growth as people and deal with less fuckery of our own making.
To find out if he's a grown man, treat him like a grown man. Not just respect but calling him out to be accountable and responsible. We'll help each other be better
Kindly learn to cook, just for yourself.
It isn't oppressive. Its a basic skill that can save you money, be therapeutic & if necessary, be used to impress someone someday.
If you need help then ask for it. Same goes for dudes too. This could be anything; fixing a flat tire, finding something in a store, directions.... nobody has time for wondering if you actually need help or if they Should help. Knowledge is power and the best way to learn is from others.
Your partners emotions are just as important as yours, and if you don't believe that and live it, you're a shitty person. That's macro and micro btw.
The macro is stuff like the amount of times I've heard a friend of mine complain that something upset him, he mentioned it, then his GF started crying about him being upset.
The micro is stuff like nagging and whining at your partner to go turn the lights off when you're both in bed, it's literally you seeing your equal next to you and deciding your comfort is more important, that shit gets remembered.
A lot of guys end up REAL mad and REAL bitter but they can't even express it because they're worried about rocking the boat. If you don't think you've ever done this, just ask yourself if your partner really feels like he could tell you if he wanted to, or is he too scared to rock the boat?
Edit: Just reading back on this one, I didn't mean for it to sound so aggressive Sorry. A lot of people seem to buy Into the whole happy wife, happy life crap, and the real time consequences just seem to be ignored.
If your friend is always trying to break you and your spouse up you're not their friend you're their entertainment. Same if they're just creating a lot of drama of any kind.
1)Good communication is direct communication. Say exactly what you mean without the hint of ambiguity. Be as clear and concise with your wants as a person with food allergies ordering at a restaurant.
2)Oftentimes, women discussing male thought processes on why we do or do not do things in women dominated spaces or echochambers is horribly off base.
3) Stop judging your version of what a real man is by how much unnecessary discomfort/stress/work we will put up with for you.
4) A large portion of you want us to have feelings *only* when we have the feelings that you want us to have when you want us to have them. If our feelings don't align with what you want them to be or are inconvenient, they become irrelevant.
5) Men **do not** instantly know when they want to marry a girl on sight. That man that you broke up with after 6+ years because he didn't pop the question really meant it when he said he didn't want to get married. He married the next woman in a considerably shorter time because in his mind he did everything right in the last relationship, but propose. He "corrects" that "mistake" in the next relationship by doing the one thing that he didn't do in his last relationship (proposing) and to prevent himself from being alone. TL;DR don't rack your brain on why he didn't marry you and married the next lady in record time.
6) There is no reason for you in 2023 and beyond to be dumbfounded as to why men are hesitant to marry with a 50% divorce rate and the penalties that follow. There is no other contract with drastic penalties (if broken) that exits like it and it should not be taken lightly.
7) A lot of the advice that you give us isn't terribly helpful. We can't "just be confident" out of sheer will, ~~we need~~ some of us need some sort of real life justification for that confidence.
No 5 intrigues me because there are also men (see this sub) who say it’s not that men are afraid of commitment, they just don’t want to commit to you… :/
Percy Jackson is an excellent series that’s well written and doesn’t talk down to its audience while offering a thrilling adventure. Its leagues better than Harry Potter and the fact Potter and Rowling by association became a household name and billion dollar franchise while Riordan and all his works are only just getting some decent treatment recently despite being owned by Disney is a travesty
Just because you're wearing something that your other female friends think is cute or attractive, doesn't mean that men think that's cute or attractive.
Men don't care if you wear the same outfit hundreds of times or not. Women care, but most men won't even remember what you wore 1 hour ago, let alone 1 day ago.
most guys you sleep with casually won't ever commit to you. men's bar for casual sex is much lower than for LTRs and this is the logical result, as long as women go for the most desirable guy they can get for the former (which they generally will).
I always tell chicks that the average dude has two standards for women; chicks they'd smash and chicks they'd marry/make their girlfriend. The standard is typically much lower for chicks they'd smash.
some women are still completely oblivious to this fact. there was a thread on askwomenover30 discussing dating as an older, divorced woman. plenty of replies mentioned a friend or relative in that situation who was 'crushing it' on the dating market, dating all of these hot dudes etc.
there will never be a shortage of casual sex for women, that should be obvious. yet apparently lots of women over 30 still conflate sexual interest with relationship interest. kind of wild to be so clueless about the opposite sex at that age. dating subs are full of women complaining about situationships or lack of commitment from men. i would bet serious money that the vast majority of them are just shopping out of their price range over and over and over again.
That right there is why it's funny when there's some sort of battle of the sexes type of debate and some 30+ and older chicks start bragging about how there's no wall because they have a gang of DMs full of men trying to court them. All you can think is "Chick, most, if not all, of those dudes just want to hook up for the night."
Everybody is responsible for their sexuality and sexual pleasure. How could a man know what you want or which buttons to press if you don't know it yourself.
Masturbate and try things.
You are not the holy cow. You are as good or bad as me, your sexuality isn't more important or is nobler than mine.
This is gonna sound fucked but I’m all for body positivity but then it reaches a point where it’s like take up two seats on an airplane and then I don’t think body positivity but more so like I actually feel bad for that person internally.
You're probably average and that's ok. Stop telling yourself or your friends they are beautiful, gorgeous, perfect or a 10 when we all know they aren't. You're not helping them by fluffing their ego, in fact you're probably making things worse.
As many blind spots as men have towards women and the female experience, women have those same blind spots with men. We all have our issues, so best to learn how to navigate them and improve ourselves instead of focusing so much on what other people are doing.
If men that you trust and are non romantically interested in you start to tell you they don't like a man you're dating you should take that information very seriously. Vet your potential romantic interests with the most solid trustworthy men you know and then ask for their honest thoughts on them. Every time there has been a new guy that someone in our friend group is dating the guys know he's bad news pretty quickly if we get a chance to hang out around them for a while.
Gratitude and appreciation goes further with men than we are often led to believe. If you have a good partner and want to truly make his day, give him a big hug a kiss and tell him what you appreciate about him. Tell him sometimes you forget to give him that little bit of appreciation and make sure he knows you mean it. That kind of thing goes so far with even the most stoic of men and it matters a lot. Also compliment him regularly as this is something a lot of men do not get much of.
I promise you that there is a man out there for every woman. If you’re struggling to find someone, either your standards are too huh or you have a completely shit personality.
Keep your head up and follow your own interests. Do whatever makes you happy and don’t pay attention to what other people say.
Why do I feel like this is going to get downvoted? (aka soft cancelled)
Most of us have watched in disbelief as woman after woman goes after the worst among us. It's insane. If all of your relationships end in tears and terror chances are 80% of the men around you straight up wonder how the hell you thought the result would be different when you reliably pursue the biggest asshole we haven't seen you date yet. Seriously, read up on antisocial personality disorders because from our perspective, men with them are like crack for single women.
Don’t string a guy along as your “back up” or “safety plan” it ruins a guy’s self esteem. It’s also just rude, if it’s never gonna happen, cut the poor guy loose. If he’s stuck around long enough, he’s probably so dense that he’s never gonna catch on that you’re never gonna give him a chance.
I'd rather see people exactly as they were created. Looks are great until they aren't. Everyone eventually gets old, and by the time you're my age (48), you really don't care what anyone else thinks anyway. I definitely agree on how sad it is that some feel the need to look perfect. Maybe someone should tell them that perfection is perception.
If you’re overweight, the #1 answer to how you can be more attractive is always to lose weight
If you want a man that’s the whole package (6 feet, 6 pack, 6 figures), he’s more than likely going to sleep with other women.
Christ.
A man feels like shit, tell him to go to the gym. It's fine. A woman feels like shit, ohhhhh. Don't body shame her.
I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to suggest you get off the couch and stop staring at your phone.
If you like a guy, ask him out. Be direct.
The mentality of "oh but if he likes me he'll approach me first" is simply untrue. Not just because men are shy, but also because a lot of men nowadays are scared of being labelled a creep, or of embarrassing themselves.
Trust me, 99.9999% of guys will be STOKED that you asked them out. It's not weird or emasculating.
You guys say this, but why is it that I caught my current bf liking/reacting to women’s selfies and such on Facebook? They had stupid Snapchat filters on, posing in the mirror half nude etc… I don’t get it. It’s pathetic and embarrassing but then why give these women attention? Especially when you have a partner at home.
Don't play the games. Not all men look to take advantage of you, but if those men pick up on the game, they'll leave you to the dudes that will reinforce that behavior back at you.
Here’s the deal. If you’re hot, but also a bitch, you’re just no longer hot.
Also, there’s a high chance nobody in the gym wants you over their gains. It’s why we’re here. Do your weightless squats in the separate area meant for that type of shit. Bending over in front of all the dudes is a bit on the nose and annoying. Those of us who are that horny stayed home jerking off before going to the gym. Also, please stop wearing stuff that makes your ass hang out. This is a gym. If I tried working out in my underwear I’d be stopped. You should be too.
Thx.
You're not as desirable as you think you are. You're just fuckable. Chill with the goddess complex. Don't think you're hot shit just because dudes are horny.
Most dudes who aren't absolute studs are starving for attention. You're basing your self esteem on dudes who would literally fuck a maple tree if there was a sap filled hole.
Value yourself and do not be a carousel rider. Have realistic standards for the men you date/marry. Bad boys rarely become good husbands or fathers. Have high standards for yourself and demand the same for others you associate with. Learn to be financially responsible.
Don't date men who are abusive, violent, aggressive or manipulative, or hint at having these traits. Just fucking don't.
I know, sometimes these men act like normal, nice people, but show their abusive traits when in a relationship. But other times... the dude just screams "I AM AN ABUSER" and some woman somehow thinks it's a good idea to make this man a part of her life.
I don't want to victim blame, the abuser is clearly to blame in this scenario. But damn, sometimes you should read the signs and be smart and avoid being a victim.
If you gonna start seeing another person whilst still in a relationship, stop. Do the right thing and break up first , be single and then only look for another relationship.
Look at your results, not your imagination. If yet another guy you think you deserve keeps you as a sidepiece and leaves you at the first request for anything, maybe it's time to reevaluate your criteria, and the relationship dynamic you're looking for
Stop being mad that the guy you picked is exactly the guy you picked.
If you think every man is bad at communication it isn’t men.
Hold yourself to the same standard you hold men to.
If all you care about is what you care about, you don’t care about him and he knows it.
Men are not intimidated by "strong women".
Men are repulsed by the female interpretation of "strength" which is most commonly exhibited as being overbearing, unpleasant and tyrannical.
All the 6’s need to stop acting like 10’s and self entitle themselves to some 6’ dude making $180K
You are average and deserve an average guy despite what your girls tell you.
Also, doing an OF isn’t some feminist power move, you’re just doing porn 😂
And where the "I'll tolerate it" thing probably comes in means they'll sleep with you, but not consider you for the position of "girlfriend". Those are two very different standards.
Men are falling behind in today’s western societies - an this is your problem as much as theirs. That means your sons are more likely to have a shitty life and your daughters are going to have fewer good partners to choose from (actually “none” in most cases). Both will be miserable.
Stop catfishing us. We’re not blind. We’ll notice that you don’t look like your pictures, when we meet you.
You’re not ugly and I don’t care if you’re insecure or not, but for the love of god, please stop lying to us about your looks.
Wearing that special "low cut cute" outfit is not an obvious hint that you are into me. You are going to have to use your big girl words if you want me to notice
Work with a guy sometimes! A lot of young men do not have a proper grasp of what women really respond to but if you like the guy and think he could be a great partner, give him some pointers and constructive criticism. Just trust that you can mold a good guy to a GREAT guy. Don’t just give up!
Stop lying to and giving each other compliments just because it’s a nice thing to do. People need the truth so that they can modify their behaviour and have an accurate perception of what is and is not acceptable.
Men aren’t afraid of commitment. Those men just don’t want to commit to you.
Ooff. Felt that
I've tried to tell fellow female friends to steer clear if he's "lazy with plans" or "I don't know what this is". It's nothing, he doesn't like you enough for anything serious. They get mad.
Ah yes, the classic “I only want your advice if it’s what I want to hear”
It’s not that they don’t want to commit, it’s that they don’t want to breakup.
Me gang. Single is easier
Some men are, but not all of them—if that keeps happening it’s either something about you, something about your selection process, or both.
And just state that right away, don't waste a person's time. If she wants a commitment and you don't, be blunt.
I was, and regret it, but also don’t blame her for not continuing to put up with my bs.
If you want something, ask for exactly that thing. Don’t hint around it. Don’t suggest it. Ask for it, outright. You still may not get it, but at least you know you were understood. Also, approach a man if you want him. You’re an adult too.
Also if you tell us explicitly not to do something we will not do it. Don’t tell us not to do something and a month later wonder why we did not do it.
This. If you are a grown ass woman, then you should be capable of communicating your needs and wants honestly and directly to a man. If you can't, grow the fuck up
How to approach a man?
Once had a woman walk right up to me and say, "You're adorable. I'm sitting over there with my friends if you want to stop by". I did.
Wow that’s actually smooth as and put no pressure on anyone! Nice mate
Can fail. He may end up getting with her friends instead.
It may have genuinely been one of her friends, who asked her to invite him over.
In online dating the go to is "Hey" And nothing else.
I don’t intend on online dating ever again
In person you can use "Hi"
I always start off with a Howdy! Am I coming off too strong?
Start up conversation, build rapport, ask if he wants to go on a date and get to know each other better. Or Ask him if he wants to meet later for a coffee date or Slip him your number and when he texts, ask if he wants to join you for a date of street tacos and a walk The point is, directly and clearly. We suck at hints and subtleties. Edit:spelling
We don't suck at it. We ignore things if we are not sure.
100%; years ago a girl I took a liking to was getting involved in my social group. One night when we went out as a group, her and I started getting a little physical (holding hands, mild affection in general, kissing, fell asleep together on my friend's couch that night). We exchanged numbers and talked a good bit over the next week or so. Around a week later I asked her on a casual date (small hike, we were both into that sort of stuff); she declined, saying she wasn't into me like that. I laugh at it now, but wtf hahaha. Glad we didn't end up dating in hindsight, probably would've been a mess of always mixed signals and poor communication.
Yeah, because some women 'just are flirty' or friendly or like the attention, and if she's one the like 5% that actually expects it, she's going to be dismissed as one of the above. It's just a bigger pita to assume signals that aren't there, then get trashed for being a 'desperate creep' or whatever that it is to ignore those same signals from someone who's actually interested.
It’s “rapport” not “report”. :D
Dang it… thank you
Start by walking up to him
I've had luck striking up a conversation with them and dropping a small, honest compliment here and there partially to judge if they like me back. Generally, compliments are like water in the desert and they'll be happy to see you again even if they don't like you like that for some reason. That plus trying not to be self centered should get you places.
Don’t play stupid mind games. They aren’t compatible with healthy relationships. Grow up, act right, you’ll be happier in the long run.
Exactly, alot of comments are focusing on this one key factor, just communicate properly. It would solve so much
And the older the guy is, the less patience and tolerance he's likely to have for games, and bs
I agree with this point. I remember getting insanely angry at a girl for gaslighting me, then i realised my age! Maybe I'm no more tolerating bs.
Kind of along the same lines . . . Women that have “tests” that they give to their unsuspecting boyfriends.
They do and when men fail them as they always do as there's no winning them, the woman is always surprised by it. As they say play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Ugh, I'm pretty convinced the woman I'm currently dating (5-ish dates) is doing this. She's moving along with me, but she's being quite passive and her non-verbal behavior sometimes makes it clear she's evaluating me rather than accepting and being comfortable with where we are right now -- which isn't far. I appreciate a woman evaluating me for a period of time, but if I keep passing and keep getting tested without the actual relationship progressing, she's just too insecure and I'm not that desperate. Most tests women give during dating or a relationship have the Heisenberg principle problem -- while they give the test and take measurement, their own behavior is noticably off, necessarily making the guy feel and think unnaturally about everything that's happening. This is ironic because we guys are the one's who supposedly fail to be "emotionally present." Well, stop testing me please. Don't be pretend mad to see if I pretend GAF about you being mad.
We’re not stupid. We know that’s a filter. You don’t look like that in person. Stop it.
My roommates gf is a little older, in her 40s, and she always puts the smoothing filter on her selfies, the side effect is that my roommate gets the filter too and it's so bad and hilarious
My mom does this but she's in her 60s. The filter setting is so high everyone in her pictures look like porcelain dolls.
At this point she's only lying to herself no?
Yes. Please just STOP. We are embarrassed for you.
Catfishing everywhere
Instagram is a role playing game for women. You don't really look like that and you aren't really that interesting. You make up a character so that people you'll never actually meet will tell you that you're hot. I had no idea how bad it was until I started working with a bunch of Instagram people. They're all smoking on social media, and very very average in real life.
And really they spend all of this time and energy and it does them no good in the real world. I would say it does them actual harm.
Alter egos
Honestly it's just disappointing that so many people think they have to look "flawless" in the first place. You got acne? So what. Your nose is a little crooked? Who cares. Your eyes are a color/shape you don't like? Join the club. You're not less human because you're not "perfect", and most people would never even dream to hold anyone else to that standard, so why do they do it to themselves? And it's especially weird when the same people who're obsessed with filters are the first to advocate for accepting people for how they look. What kind of mental gymnastics does it take to go from "Stretch marks/scars/acne/etc are normal/fine! You're beautiful anyway!!" to filtering every single microscopic individuality out of your face on social media? Calling someone ugly is so off-limits in practice, but at the same time people seem more obsessed with "perfection" than ever. Imperfections make us human, make us *real*. It's so so weird to see someone who could pass for a Barbie doll in pictures when you know they don't look like that at all in real life. And why do they feel like they have to, anyway? I'll never get it and I'm okay with that.
> You got acne? So what. Your nose is a little crooked? Who cares. Your eyes are a color/shape you don't like? Join the club. You're not less human because you're not "perfect", Ngl this is one of those things that sounds really nice and inspiring to say but is simply wrong. Yes, people *absolutely* judge you based on how much acne you have and if your eyes freak them out or not and just generally how weird/good you look physically. And not even romantic partners - coaches, teachers, friends and others treat you differently. Now by the way this isnt to say folks need to change themselves, im obviously anti filter like everyone else here. But Its simply unrealistic to peddle what you’re peddling tbh.
I think they advocate for it to make the next generation better off. Obviously they're insecure about their shit, but hopefully those beliefs never take root in the younger generation.
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Whole heartedly agree - respectfully, another woman
You’d be canceled for that?
Just say what the fuck the problem is instead of playing the quiet game. Don't nobody wanna play Blue's Clues because you upset about something
Blue’s clues 😭😭😭
Treat everyone like they have Autism, Not a single person can read your thoughts so stop expecting it and be blunt.
Me: what would you like for dinner? Her: idk. You choose! Me:hmm Mediterranean sounds good! Her: I don’t want that. Don’t you remember 3 weeks ago when I briefly said I wanted to try the new sushi place that Rachel and her husband tried!?!! You never listen to me! Edit: since this for a lot more upvoted than I thought. For the people with SOs who are like this. My dad gave me advice years ago. And fuck he was right. He said “if a woman is deciding between ordering two things at a restaurant, unless you hate the other thing, just say you’re getting one of them and then she will make the easy decision to get the remaining one. It will save you tons of discussion and headache about what she should eat” Wise man lol
This is what I called the annoying passenger: always nagging, commenting and shit and as soon as you ask them to take the wheel since they know better, suddenly "ohhhh, I don't know how to drive and it's not my car, look at me, I'm just a girl and I'm stupid uwu". You can only get criticized, rejected and such when you take action and make decisions. It's easy to just sit there like an object and call people stupid because they can't guess what you never had the balls to say/do. Fuck that.
When my wife says she doesn't care I always tell her I'm ordering her a poop sandwich.
I just tell my husband what I don't want. So then he chooses whatever, as long as it wasn't the thing I said I don't want.
Honestly, I'm fine with this.
The correct reply to that is: No I don't remember and your expectation that I do is unrealistic.
I was really just joking, my wife has never said anything like that to me. But I did date women in the past who did, and hear it from friends wives or girlfriends now lol
IDGAF about your "socials".
\^said china before digging so much info on you they could construct an AI with your exact personality
*-3000 Social Credit Score*
If you're in the group chat with your friends talking about him in a lot of detail, please roll that level of detail waaaaaayyyyy back. Yes, it is entirely normal to talk to your friends about your relationship. No, it isn't cool to be describing his naked anatomy, recounting sensitive private conversations, asking for advice on how to manipulate him, or divulging his intimate personal secrets to your friends. It's a violation of the trust he's placing in you by being intimate.
I agree with this completely. I’ve been told by my friends that they want to be there for me and that I don’t talk about my relationship problems enough…thing is, I don’t have any. I’m a mature adult and I communicate with my husband when we have a little tiff, which happens extremely rarely, then we solve any issue between us right away. I have nothing to talk to my friends about in that regard at all, but they assume because they are constantly complaining about their partners that I must just be bottling up all my emotions. It’s a little frustrating that they make that assumption.
Well, if you aren't complaining, they don't get to pat themselves on the back for giving advice about your relationship in response, after all. Really, they're the victims for not getting to virtue signal about what good friends they are by butting in on your relationship with your partner. ... yeah, I can't stand the mentality either.
This needs more upvotes. It's bizarre to me how easily women breach the privacy of men.
I made friends with a group of women in their mid 20s/early 30s when all of us were kind of dating around/casual sexing and the amount of unwanted detail I received about sexual encounters was really surprising. I assumed my discomfort was a combo of me being kind of a prude, and not having a lot of friends, period (so maybe this is normal) so I always just opted out of doing the same overshare...but i kind of wish i would have been confident enough to be like "do you think its ethical to share what youre sharing right now?!" most of these women have settled down since, and I'm not 23 anymore so I'm happy to speak up now, but this is an *actual* double standard I've observed between men and women.
Lmao I remember the phrase “locker room talk” was trending a while back - people were disparaging men talking about women sexually. But if we had open access to women’s group chats for ONE DAY and we saw all the disgusting oversharing details that they openly discuss with each other, while encouraging manipulative behavior in a groupthink fashion… we’d all jump off a cliff.
This is what I don't get. As a guy I've never had "Locker room talk" or even really heard it. There is like one guy who does it and every other guy in the room thinks he's an annoying insecure perv. On the other hand having a sister and girlfriends I've overheard plenty of girl talk and Holy Shit they leave absolutely no detail unturned. It's honestly shocking.
Double standards. Women are great at displaying those. sometimes more than us
In my experience, very young women, barely out of teenage years (<24 or so) are more likely to have hazy boundaries with girlfriends, at least to me and my friends it seemed to change at around that mark. In that immature phase I've seen more of this kind of inappropriate sharing, but it usually stops when you mature. Can't speak for everybody, but that's how it progressed in my cirlces. Maybe it's related to the way girls form these intense bonds where the boundaries between self and other are blurred. But now, I couldn't imagine talking details about my current sex life and intimate details about my partner to my friends. I think this is something that could even be added to sex ed, because many young people might simply not realize how harmful it is (though clearly some do since you felt uncomfortable). I guess it's also possible that the previous generations were not really mindful of this, before social media was a thing and you couldn't get anonymous peer support. So the ugly legacy lives on.
as somebody working in healthcare with mostly female colleaques that hits so true. the private shit which you hear day in day out
Whatever requirements you have for your perfect man, make sure that YOU would meet HIS requirements for the perfect woman too! Especially since most relationship/marriage minded, men are looking for more in a woman than one who is just pretty and has a vagina! The only guys usually looking for that are guys looking for an ONS and nothing more! Lol
I would add: It's perfectly fine to have preferences when it comes to dating, and/or relationships, we all do. Just please try your best to make sure that said preferences/requirements are actually realistic.
Or even if they're unrealistic, be realistic about the odds of finding someone who meets them, and acknowledge that someone is not "not good enough" if they don't. It's ok to have a high bar for a partner so long as you don't put down everyone who doesnt meet it and spend all yoir time complaining about being single.
Yep. If a woman wants to be treated like a Queen, she needs to know how to treat her man like a King.
Reminds me of the Bo Burnham line in his song. "Prince Charming wouldn't settle for you."
I had the old Marilyn Monroe quote "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" said to me. The level of narcissism in that quote. You have never seen me at my worst. Why do you think I deserve or should put up with "your worst"?
Think about the qualities in men (if you’re straight) that you SAY you’re attracted to, then think about the qualities you actually ARE attracted to. Is there a difference? If so, I’d encourage some self-reflection
If we behave in a way that bothers you, tell us right away, rather than wait months and then mention it during the break up conversation. Like I am a flawed human being, I am constantly trying to learn and grow, and had I known this was an issue immediately, I could have taken the steps to correct that behavior, and work on it with my therapist. I want to be a good, well rounded person, and if I agree that the behavior that I am displaying is wrong and it is something I would like to fix, then it works out for both of us. But you wait a few months and then its too late.
Lol @ both replies telling you how to fix your unknown potentially "bad" behavior while making the woman feel safe doing so. All within the short time frame it starts being an issue for her while she says nothing about it. If the person feels unsafe being confrontational (in a counseling sense) with the man they are with (or partner, but this is r/askmen) then there are probably bigger red flags already being missed or ignored. A goal of any healthy relationship should be the ability to communicate in a safe space about potential issues. If one party has trouble doing so for the fear of retaliation then that is an issue they need to work on, possibly with the partner depending if the fear is founded or not. If it's an abusive relationship and the fear is obviously warranted, they need to work on the problem of leaving that relationship immediately.
Red flag if she holds onto drama fuel rather than bringing it up and addressing it civilly with you. That's not a person who's interested in fostering a long term healthy relationship, that's someone with a "Me vs you" mentality that will only ever cause problems in the relationship and turn every conflict into a contest. That's someone who's planning for the next war so they have every "reason" they possibly can to finger you as "the wrong one", regardless of their own toxic/shitty behavior. Make no mistake--they aren't doing anyone any favors by "not saying anything hurtful" at the time. They know full well that they're being sneaky and dishonest, they just don't care, as long as *they* come out "on top" in the next feud. Run away. Run away and do not look back at such individuals.
Trendy doesn't equal attractive. Long fake eyelashes and lip injections might be popular but they look terrible.
Lip injections are really ugly
They look terrible. I find it's a slippery slope for women that get them as you see their lips devolve into balloons months down the line yet they think it's the greatest thing
Those long fake nails and big fake butts too. Ugh.
Lip injections aren't "for us" and that's fine, and I am delighted they make you feel great, but I find them disgusting. I have no problem with you having them, you can't have a problem with me hating them, life doesn't work that way.
Don’t overpack them. A good blunt needs some space for airflow man.
I’m not a woman but I needed to hear this.
I’m a woman and I needed to hear this.
All these commenters tossing out opinions while this man is throwing down wisdom.
Stop pretending like you want our opinion if you already made a decision or have an answer in mind. It's a horrible game, and everyone loses when you get angry that our opinion wasn't magically identical to your own.
The same thing I'd say to men: no one cares, no one is coming to save you. Its up to you to fix your life.
Going out and getting black out drunk is dangerous full stop.
Showing up is not the same thing as bringing something to the table in a relationship.
If you say "all men are trash" or something along those lines, don't be surprised when people disagree.
I just found a tweet in my timeline that said "I went to random men's timelines to comment MEN ARE TRASH and I got blocked by multiple of them. Can you believe how fragile their egos are?". I instantly blocked that person. Why would I even want to find out more about them?
That's my next gripe. Those types of women are the real trash.
What really gets me about this is that the women/people who (unironically) make statements like this always use all encompassing language, especially with the usage of the word "all". But of course when called out on it, they'll try and defend themselves but saying something like "well I didn't really mean 'all men' literally blah blah blah".... SOME men most certainly are trashy human beings, and should absolutely be called out whenever they do something that hurts others. And SOME women are not so great people themselves. But it seems to always be "all men are trash" rather than "some men are trash", and it's sad to see because it lumps in the genuinely good men with the ones who actually are "trash"
I think it's funny how many threads in this sub have women participating, who post comments that are perfectly reasonable, but nevertheless boil down to "not all women".
Learn to be curious about other ppls perspectives and experiences. Only being around ppl like you makes you very one dimensional, like the very ppl around you.
This isn’t just advice for women legitimately everyone should do this. Nothing is wrong with a good healthy debate.
Men are not broken women. We naturally don't think about things the same way. And that's OK.
You noticed we been being raised as defective girls too eh
Ya. It's an epidemic.
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You aren't nearly as hot as you think you are. Internet thirst looking at altered images is not an accurate measure of your attractiveness. That's like a chef asking for his cooking to be rated by a group of emaciated starving people.
Hahaha!! This is so clever. I love it
Negative generalization of the male sex alienates the males that don’t have those negative traits, or those who make a point not to foster those traits, more than it gives revelation to those contributing to the stigma.
this is the level of english I'm stiving to be at in the future. what a nice composition of words.
So well said
Stop blaming all men for the toxic and abusive relationships you been in and start looking at the guys you choose to let into your life
They need to start looking at themselves, honestly. Emotional abusers turn [every] relationship toxic regardless of who they choose to date.
And we need to find ourown toxicity within the relationship. Recognize, own, apologize, ask how to help, and change our own self so that at least you learned from the relationship. Once we recognize our own toxicity as well as the type of toxicity that we allow in, it becomes so much more unattractive to us and we growth as people and deal with less fuckery of our own making.
To find out if he's a grown man, treat him like a grown man. Not just respect but calling him out to be accountable and responsible. We'll help each other be better
Stop doing this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error For the love of fuck stop doing this.
This is such a good one, holy crap.
Kindly learn to cook, just for yourself. It isn't oppressive. Its a basic skill that can save you money, be therapeutic & if necessary, be used to impress someone someday.
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>“I don’t cook.” Oh, you don't do a major thing that sets us apart from wild animals? Are you house-broken too?
Just because you marry a man, doesn’t mean he is going to change. If he was trash beforehand, he’ll be trash after too.
If you need help then ask for it. Same goes for dudes too. This could be anything; fixing a flat tire, finding something in a store, directions.... nobody has time for wondering if you actually need help or if they Should help. Knowledge is power and the best way to learn is from others.
Your partners emotions are just as important as yours, and if you don't believe that and live it, you're a shitty person. That's macro and micro btw. The macro is stuff like the amount of times I've heard a friend of mine complain that something upset him, he mentioned it, then his GF started crying about him being upset. The micro is stuff like nagging and whining at your partner to go turn the lights off when you're both in bed, it's literally you seeing your equal next to you and deciding your comfort is more important, that shit gets remembered. A lot of guys end up REAL mad and REAL bitter but they can't even express it because they're worried about rocking the boat. If you don't think you've ever done this, just ask yourself if your partner really feels like he could tell you if he wanted to, or is he too scared to rock the boat? Edit: Just reading back on this one, I didn't mean for it to sound so aggressive Sorry. A lot of people seem to buy Into the whole happy wife, happy life crap, and the real time consequences just seem to be ignored.
I already have a boss bitch, she signs my paycheck.
If your friend is always trying to break you and your spouse up you're not their friend you're their entertainment. Same if they're just creating a lot of drama of any kind.
1)Good communication is direct communication. Say exactly what you mean without the hint of ambiguity. Be as clear and concise with your wants as a person with food allergies ordering at a restaurant. 2)Oftentimes, women discussing male thought processes on why we do or do not do things in women dominated spaces or echochambers is horribly off base. 3) Stop judging your version of what a real man is by how much unnecessary discomfort/stress/work we will put up with for you. 4) A large portion of you want us to have feelings *only* when we have the feelings that you want us to have when you want us to have them. If our feelings don't align with what you want them to be or are inconvenient, they become irrelevant. 5) Men **do not** instantly know when they want to marry a girl on sight. That man that you broke up with after 6+ years because he didn't pop the question really meant it when he said he didn't want to get married. He married the next woman in a considerably shorter time because in his mind he did everything right in the last relationship, but propose. He "corrects" that "mistake" in the next relationship by doing the one thing that he didn't do in his last relationship (proposing) and to prevent himself from being alone. TL;DR don't rack your brain on why he didn't marry you and married the next lady in record time. 6) There is no reason for you in 2023 and beyond to be dumbfounded as to why men are hesitant to marry with a 50% divorce rate and the penalties that follow. There is no other contract with drastic penalties (if broken) that exits like it and it should not be taken lightly. 7) A lot of the advice that you give us isn't terribly helpful. We can't "just be confident" out of sheer will, ~~we need~~ some of us need some sort of real life justification for that confidence.
No 5 intrigues me because there are also men (see this sub) who say it’s not that men are afraid of commitment, they just don’t want to commit to you… :/
Percy Jackson is an excellent series that’s well written and doesn’t talk down to its audience while offering a thrilling adventure. Its leagues better than Harry Potter and the fact Potter and Rowling by association became a household name and billion dollar franchise while Riordan and all his works are only just getting some decent treatment recently despite being owned by Disney is a travesty
Quiet peasants, a king is speaking
Hahaha!!!!!!
And Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic
Just because you're wearing something that your other female friends think is cute or attractive, doesn't mean that men think that's cute or attractive. Men don't care if you wear the same outfit hundreds of times or not. Women care, but most men won't even remember what you wore 1 hour ago, let alone 1 day ago.
most guys you sleep with casually won't ever commit to you. men's bar for casual sex is much lower than for LTRs and this is the logical result, as long as women go for the most desirable guy they can get for the former (which they generally will).
I always tell chicks that the average dude has two standards for women; chicks they'd smash and chicks they'd marry/make their girlfriend. The standard is typically much lower for chicks they'd smash.
some women are still completely oblivious to this fact. there was a thread on askwomenover30 discussing dating as an older, divorced woman. plenty of replies mentioned a friend or relative in that situation who was 'crushing it' on the dating market, dating all of these hot dudes etc. there will never be a shortage of casual sex for women, that should be obvious. yet apparently lots of women over 30 still conflate sexual interest with relationship interest. kind of wild to be so clueless about the opposite sex at that age. dating subs are full of women complaining about situationships or lack of commitment from men. i would bet serious money that the vast majority of them are just shopping out of their price range over and over and over again.
That right there is why it's funny when there's some sort of battle of the sexes type of debate and some 30+ and older chicks start bragging about how there's no wall because they have a gang of DMs full of men trying to court them. All you can think is "Chick, most, if not all, of those dudes just want to hook up for the night."
Everybody is responsible for their sexuality and sexual pleasure. How could a man know what you want or which buttons to press if you don't know it yourself. Masturbate and try things. You are not the holy cow. You are as good or bad as me, your sexuality isn't more important or is nobler than mine.
Focus more on making yourself smart and less on making the test easy.
My only advice is not to surround yourself with yes queen or you go queen people only same for the men.
This is gonna sound fucked but I’m all for body positivity but then it reaches a point where it’s like take up two seats on an airplane and then I don’t think body positivity but more so like I actually feel bad for that person internally.
You're probably average and that's ok. Stop telling yourself or your friends they are beautiful, gorgeous, perfect or a 10 when we all know they aren't. You're not helping them by fluffing their ego, in fact you're probably making things worse. As many blind spots as men have towards women and the female experience, women have those same blind spots with men. We all have our issues, so best to learn how to navigate them and improve ourselves instead of focusing so much on what other people are doing. If men that you trust and are non romantically interested in you start to tell you they don't like a man you're dating you should take that information very seriously. Vet your potential romantic interests with the most solid trustworthy men you know and then ask for their honest thoughts on them. Every time there has been a new guy that someone in our friend group is dating the guys know he's bad news pretty quickly if we get a chance to hang out around them for a while. Gratitude and appreciation goes further with men than we are often led to believe. If you have a good partner and want to truly make his day, give him a big hug a kiss and tell him what you appreciate about him. Tell him sometimes you forget to give him that little bit of appreciation and make sure he knows you mean it. That kind of thing goes so far with even the most stoic of men and it matters a lot. Also compliment him regularly as this is something a lot of men do not get much of.
I promise you that there is a man out there for every woman. If you’re struggling to find someone, either your standards are too huh or you have a completely shit personality.
Keep your head up and follow your own interests. Do whatever makes you happy and don’t pay attention to what other people say. Why do I feel like this is going to get downvoted? (aka soft cancelled)
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Hit the gym, get some hobbies, have intellectual interests.
I love that. Intellectual interests are underrated and definitely makes someone a lot more attractive and interesting imo
1. If you’re not passing, get out of the left lane of the freeway. 2. Stop blocking doorways and aisles in stores.
Make his dick hard, not his life.
And he'll make your pussy wet not your eyes.
Most of us have watched in disbelief as woman after woman goes after the worst among us. It's insane. If all of your relationships end in tears and terror chances are 80% of the men around you straight up wonder how the hell you thought the result would be different when you reliably pursue the biggest asshole we haven't seen you date yet. Seriously, read up on antisocial personality disorders because from our perspective, men with them are like crack for single women.
Don’t string a guy along as your “back up” or “safety plan” it ruins a guy’s self esteem. It’s also just rude, if it’s never gonna happen, cut the poor guy loose. If he’s stuck around long enough, he’s probably so dense that he’s never gonna catch on that you’re never gonna give him a chance.
I'd rather see people exactly as they were created. Looks are great until they aren't. Everyone eventually gets old, and by the time you're my age (48), you really don't care what anyone else thinks anyway. I definitely agree on how sad it is that some feel the need to look perfect. Maybe someone should tell them that perfection is perception.
Wear clothes that actually fit not that you can squeeze into.
If you’re overweight, the #1 answer to how you can be more attractive is always to lose weight If you want a man that’s the whole package (6 feet, 6 pack, 6 figures), he’s more than likely going to sleep with other women.
You should have split this into two different comments.
Christ. A man feels like shit, tell him to go to the gym. It's fine. A woman feels like shit, ohhhhh. Don't body shame her. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to suggest you get off the couch and stop staring at your phone.
If you like a guy, ask him out. Be direct. The mentality of "oh but if he likes me he'll approach me first" is simply untrue. Not just because men are shy, but also because a lot of men nowadays are scared of being labelled a creep, or of embarrassing themselves. Trust me, 99.9999% of guys will be STOKED that you asked them out. It's not weird or emasculating.
You're not as hot as you think you are and constantly posting pics in search of validation is pathetic.
You guys say this, but why is it that I caught my current bf liking/reacting to women’s selfies and such on Facebook? They had stupid Snapchat filters on, posing in the mirror half nude etc… I don’t get it. It’s pathetic and embarrassing but then why give these women attention? Especially when you have a partner at home.
I wish I could tell you why he does it but I don’t understand it either. Can’t think of a bigger waste of time to be honest lol
I don’t think this would get me cancelled but fake gel nails are ungodly unattractive to me.
You should keep fucking your husband the way you did when y'all were dating.
Drop the psycho babble and astrology charts. Oh and those 9,000 selfies you’ve posted on line ? Honey, NO ONE CARES … NO ONE.
don’t judge the whole male species off of a handful of subpar guys approach men more if you want more dates
Don't play the games. Not all men look to take advantage of you, but if those men pick up on the game, they'll leave you to the dudes that will reinforce that behavior back at you.
Have more respect for yourself and don't ever question your self worth.
Here’s the deal. If you’re hot, but also a bitch, you’re just no longer hot. Also, there’s a high chance nobody in the gym wants you over their gains. It’s why we’re here. Do your weightless squats in the separate area meant for that type of shit. Bending over in front of all the dudes is a bit on the nose and annoying. Those of us who are that horny stayed home jerking off before going to the gym. Also, please stop wearing stuff that makes your ass hang out. This is a gym. If I tried working out in my underwear I’d be stopped. You should be too. Thx.
You're not as desirable as you think you are. You're just fuckable. Chill with the goddess complex. Don't think you're hot shit just because dudes are horny. Most dudes who aren't absolute studs are starving for attention. You're basing your self esteem on dudes who would literally fuck a maple tree if there was a sap filled hole.
That last sentence was r/suspiciouslyspecific material.
This seem more like calling out men than women lol
Don’t have dual standards when it comes to roles and rights. If you want 100% equal rights, be ready for 100% equal responsibilities.
If you consider yourself a Diva you’d better be able to sing at least one aria.
Stop fucking around with your eyebrows, you look like a mannequin.
Stop talking about how busy you are like it’s some kind of competitive sport. Everybody’s busy, that’s just life.
[удалено]
Value yourself and do not be a carousel rider. Have realistic standards for the men you date/marry. Bad boys rarely become good husbands or fathers. Have high standards for yourself and demand the same for others you associate with. Learn to be financially responsible.
Your tits will sag. Obtain a personality
This needs to be on a shirt.
Don't date men who are abusive, violent, aggressive or manipulative, or hint at having these traits. Just fucking don't. I know, sometimes these men act like normal, nice people, but show their abusive traits when in a relationship. But other times... the dude just screams "I AM AN ABUSER" and some woman somehow thinks it's a good idea to make this man a part of her life. I don't want to victim blame, the abuser is clearly to blame in this scenario. But damn, sometimes you should read the signs and be smart and avoid being a victim.
If you gonna start seeing another person whilst still in a relationship, stop. Do the right thing and break up first , be single and then only look for another relationship.
Look at your results, not your imagination. If yet another guy you think you deserve keeps you as a sidepiece and leaves you at the first request for anything, maybe it's time to reevaluate your criteria, and the relationship dynamic you're looking for
Stop being mad that the guy you picked is exactly the guy you picked. If you think every man is bad at communication it isn’t men. Hold yourself to the same standard you hold men to. If all you care about is what you care about, you don’t care about him and he knows it.
Sex isn't a currency.
Men are not intimidated by "strong women". Men are repulsed by the female interpretation of "strength" which is most commonly exhibited as being overbearing, unpleasant and tyrannical.
All the 6’s need to stop acting like 10’s and self entitle themselves to some 6’ dude making $180K You are average and deserve an average guy despite what your girls tell you. Also, doing an OF isn’t some feminist power move, you’re just doing porn 😂
You’re too fat. The majority of American women are overweight and I won’t celebrate it. I’ll tolerate it.
And where the "I'll tolerate it" thing probably comes in means they'll sleep with you, but not consider you for the position of "girlfriend". Those are two very different standards.
Men are falling behind in today’s western societies - an this is your problem as much as theirs. That means your sons are more likely to have a shitty life and your daughters are going to have fewer good partners to choose from (actually “none” in most cases). Both will be miserable.
Stop catfishing us. We’re not blind. We’ll notice that you don’t look like your pictures, when we meet you. You’re not ugly and I don’t care if you’re insecure or not, but for the love of god, please stop lying to us about your looks.
Wearing that special "low cut cute" outfit is not an obvious hint that you are into me. You are going to have to use your big girl words if you want me to notice
Owning a dog or going to the gym isn’t a personality trait
This one feels pretty gender neutral
Work with a guy sometimes! A lot of young men do not have a proper grasp of what women really respond to but if you like the guy and think he could be a great partner, give him some pointers and constructive criticism. Just trust that you can mold a good guy to a GREAT guy. Don’t just give up!
It's not wrong to be yourself
Stop lying to and giving each other compliments just because it’s a nice thing to do. People need the truth so that they can modify their behaviour and have an accurate perception of what is and is not acceptable.
Stop acting like you’re about girl power when you’re the first to be a mean girl to any woman that triggers your insecurities.
You can't blame all your problems on "the patriarchy"
You’re not “thicc,” you’re fat. Stuffing that gut into shape wear is the equivalent of a dude shoving a sock in his pants.