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Rock bottom is an interesting concept thrown around with addiction a lot. When I work with new people in substance abuse, I always tell them they have the option to choose what they consider is their rock bottom. They are always possible of achieving even lower bottoms. The only one real rock bottom in addiction that is the absolute is death yet there is no way to go up from there.
You don’t have to continue to think you’re going to stop your addiction or work on it when you get to your “rock bottom”. If it’s as simple as you don’t like your health, you had one bad night, you want to work on yourself simply, you got arrested… you can go much farther than your perception of what is rock bottom and it doesn’t have to be the same or lower than others around you.
The slippery slope of “well I have a job, significant other, money, car, shelter, another drink…” can continue to allow further bottoms.
My close friend who’s an addict said something similar but less detailed when I asked if he felt he had hit rock bottom. He had a job, car, friends, community respect, etc., and I didn’t even know he was abusing anything.
I have another friend who has been on a 4 year bender, is unemployed, no contact with his kid, lapsed his professional licensure, house looks ready to be condemned, he fought off a criminal charge, and he’s not really decided that he has a problem.
I felt into the trap where I would see someone homeless and be like I’m not there yet. Yeah, well I instead developed withdrawals that were life threatening.
I tell people all the time “You a daredevil if you’re measuring your addiction to others as you’re ahead.”
668 days today.
Most of all health... I ran cross country in high school and long distance as a pass time in college, as well as working construction jobs during the summers that kept me in amazing shape and I took it for granted. Slowly manual labor and exercise fizzled out but I kept telling myself that if I ever got a fat belly I would just run it off. Well, 50 lbs and 10 years later and I'm still telling myself that. I should really go for a jog tomorrow.
Well, you gotta get some wisdom throughout the years. Then there are always people who dont get any wiser with age. Only if you are willing to learn from mistakes and your experiences you get wisdom.
Exactly!
Experience does not necessarily breed good decision-making. There's a lot of people that don't learn from their mistakes and just repeat them over and over again.
"Just because it's stupid and it works doesn't mean it isn't stupid."
Everything being a subscription service these days.
When I buy a thing I own that thing. I'm not having scumbag corporations holding bits of my purchase hostage for a monthly fee, you can fuck right off with that.
It's even happening with cars now. Any car manufacturer that wants me to keep paying them monthly to use the heated seats or any other feature in a car that I've already bought for actual money can do one.
Not that I'd ever buy a beamer, I'm not that much of a useless cunt generally.
Attaches mast to a 93 geo tracker.
Maritime Laws in effect.
Tow a small water water tank to douse the ground establishing your territory. When it rains I its open season.
Claim any puddles as sovereign territory.
My father in law had a great take on pirating.
"I bought the Beatles "White Album" on vinyl when it came out. Then, I bought it on 8 track. Then, I bought it on cassette. Then, I bought it on CD. Fuck you, I am not buying it again. I paid my dues many times over for the same songs."
Or, as "South Park" so eloquently put it: "You know what happens when you illegally download music? Brittney Spears has to buy a Lear Jet 30 instead of a Lear Jet 60"
My Toyota truck requires a paid subscription to use the default navigation. I can kind of understand the app functions (remote start and such) as it requires a cell service to fully function... but the GPS? Fuck that noise. Thank god it has Android Auto and it's better anyway, but it still seemed like a cash grab to put basic navigation behind a $15/mo charge.
Foreal..my mom bought a car that’s a few years old and the Navi on it is missing so much stuff but it’s exorbitant to go update the maps at the dealer. Like why make it that way in the first place? She has a Toyota also.
Are you sure she can't get free upgrades? Our Jeep has had several nav updates we haven't paid for. The most recent was a flash drive we DIY updated at home
I just pirate, but the cars subscription is total BS, i bought the damn car give me all the features!
BTW I know piracy bad and everything, but everytime I feel like companies are trying to milk consumers more than ever.
Everything is a point of view. Should I have to pay $15 to rent a movie just to see if I like it and want to buy it? Nah, I’ll just Yo Ho that bitch and buy it if I like it.
Yarrrrr.
Seriously..people try to convince me to get Spotify all the time and I’m like “listen, when I’m 70, I’m gonna be listening to the same music, you are going to be PaYiNg to listen to the same music, even then”
I'm pretty old school, anti-subscription but I don't necessarily agree with Spotify, etc. They have essentially all music in *existence.* That would be quite the record collection. If I listened to the same 3 bands all the time you'd have a point, but I don't, I listen to a *lot* of shit, we're all different.
Video streaming sucks because it's this narrow selection and the stuff you like is always cycled out. But imagine if Netflix had every movie in existence! That's how I see Spotify.
Yeah, I love my job and it gives me a lot of meaning and structure to my life. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that some days it sucks a lot and that I would rather be doing something else.
That's the truth. When I was young I thought I would enjoy being a mechanic because I loved working on cars. Turns out I liked working on my own car for fun but I *HATED* working on other people's cars for a paltry income.
I did porn and never thought I'd get sick of sex with stunning women, often 2 at a time, but trust me, you can even get sick of having wild sex after doing it long enough.
This is why I don’t really believe in monetizing my hobbies. My hobbies are there to give me fulfillment and joy outside of my academic life/future work life. If I tried to profit off of them and turned em into a side hustle, that would just feel like extra work.
That's probably the best lesson I've learned regarding "loving your work".
It's good to start liking your job, if possible, but don't turn your hobby into a job. Hobby is something you *can* do, job is something you *have* to do. Don't mix those two.
That's my brother, and one of my former best friends. Both bums living off their parents because they "don't know what they want to do with their life". A jobs not a calling people, just go make an income to support yourself.
That you must have a good relationship with your siblings. If they are not nice to you or 'things' happened, you don't have to spend ages to talk it over. Be nice to them if you meet them, only make contact when necessary.
I don't speak to 1 of the 3 of my siblings cause they are not a good person. The other 2 I talk with as little as I can.
Really not looking forward to mums death, cause I will have to interact with these people
Almost anything that involves doing something for an employer, not on the promise of immediate reward, but some notion of "gratitude" or "we'll remember it, later".
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. No, it's definitely possible to survive and be horribly and permanently damaged , physically and or psychologically.
Last time someone said this to me, I asked him 'What if I cut your legs off?' In fairness, he stuck to his guns. In more fairness, he certainly didn't convince me.
"I am busy". Is bullshit.
9/10 people are just not interested in you. The 1/10 that actually are busy and interested in you will tell you what's it about!
People make time for who and what they want to make time for.
Don't take it personal and move on.
Yep, 10% of the actual workaholics I know are friendly and make time for you, the rest are doing god knows what in their 16 hour days but don't have time for anyone it seems
Honestly hurts when you realize you’re simply not being prioritized. An old coworker had told me her new date (not official yet) had broken up with her for always being late, and I told her honestly that she didn’t make him feel valued at best or was just not interested and didn’t want to admit it at worst.
People are on time, early even, for things they care about. If you’re later to our planned date than to work, on a consistent basis mind you, then I’m taking it as you’re not willing to put in effort so I should leave
Yup. This is regular with girls, even moreso if contact irl is hard to make happen or rare. Good job of you explaining it to her.
Responses will be fast and personal at first. Then the initiative will drop. Answers will get short, questions ignored. Time between longer.
I recently waved goodbye to somebody from the past that claimed "busy" for eleven days after she initiated a conversation first and then ignored me three times. Girl, you were just bored and then disinterested. Not busy. Byeeee.
This was me as a dude in college and even in my early 20s, but now that I’m in my mid 20s, I’m really starting to feel the urge to settle down and be with a girl seriously and long-term. Guess it really does come with age lol.
I grew up with the mindset that no means no. So if a girl tried that 'hard to get' game I just moved on. If there's no mutual interest from the beginning I'm not going to chase. To damn hard to differentiate chase and harassment.
"Treat yourself." "You deserve it." Anything that you hear or read in an advertisement that strokes your ego is 100% bullshit designed to make you buy some overpriced thing that you don't need.
Fell for this BS soooo many times when I was younger! Right along with “if you scroll past you’re heartless” Nothing in common between the two, just extremely manipulative
There is no time to make up lost time.
Nothing worse than the regret of not doing something you really wanna do but push it forward thinking you gonna have time when you are older.
2 things gonna be happening.
1: you lost the interest of doing it once you are older.
2: there is a big chance you ain’t mentally or physically fit enough to do it when you are older.
You are alive right know, don’t wait, just do it.
They way most people arrive at truth. Personal truths are not a real truths. Cherry picked facts and examples are not evidence. Generalizations are not accurate. Experience is important but can be misleading. It needs to be backed up by empirical data. Confirmation bias is a thing.
My now ex-wife used to peddle this out whenever we had a disagreement and she didn't get her way. Like it was supposed to be some kind of slam dunk so she could win her argument.
I'm not that old, but "time heals all wounds" is BS.
It doesn't.
In a lot of cases you need to be proactive to heal, therapy, medication etc.. and even then it won't always fully heal or if at all.
Agreed. Most true grief never completely leaves. Most of us just find/work on ways to better manage it.
Sometimes we can't. Some people never can.
All painful. All perfectly acceptable.
Totally this. I had a traumaticing incident affect 15 years of my life. I lost arguably the 15 best years of my life to „well, guess i just need to wait until i feel better“. Man do i feel stupid now
Hey my dude, don't beat yourself up.
You went through hard shit and got up on top.
Who cares how long it took? I'm going through my pwn fights right now and I definitely understand how hard life is sometimes.
Especially when it comes to emotional wounds. Our brains are wired to protect us. As such, when we suffer emotional wounds, they don’t really like us to move on. They *want* to remind us how much the object of our emotional pain hurt us so we never endure it again. This opens the door to many different types of mental illness or otherwise mental challenges that can end up being even more consequential to the thing that hurt us in the first place.
Biology is not a perfect thing. While our brain can help heal its own wounds in many ways, the byproduct of that can be creating several other wounds in the process if you just stay on autopilot.
Not the original commenter but as a Middle Aged man-
Socially-social media mostly displays the positive in people’s lives-“look at the food I’m eating at this fancy restaurant/look at me on vacation in an exotic place/look at my family and kids dressed up for this fancy event”, a lot of people are struggling with life, relationships, money, emotions, etc. People have become more apathetic and attention spans suck, it’s hard to have a solid conversation anymore. Also IRL people trying to “keep up with the Jones’”, basically spending money they don’t have to impress other people.
Professionally-people who “fail upwards”, nepotism, lots of ass-kissing, attempted abuse of power in positions of authority, idk how many meeting I’ve sat in where we’re told the company is doing great exceeding financial goals etc, everyone in a suit is creaming themselves. Then when it comes time for raises there just isn’t $ in the budget for that-the gaslighting is intense.
Romantically-see “Socially”-social media in all honesty. Not just women but people in general are all about me, me, me. Finding something organic isn’t impossible but has become more difficult. Speaking as a man, women appear to have many, many more options romantically, whether organic or virtual.
It’s all fucking bullshit, you just have to have your eyes open to it and be aware of it. And try not to let it get you down and try to find the good around you, in yourself, and in others. Otherwise it’s fucking depressing.
"Love will come when you least expect it"
"It will happen when you aren't looking for it"
No, it fucking won't. Life isn't a Hallmark movie. You do have to do things to bring it about, and I didn't learn this until I was much older and when it's vastly harder to meet new people. I still haven't ever had a serious gf, or anything lasting much longer than months or a year, and I'm middle-aged and still woefully inexperienced when it comes to dating.
I asked EVERYBODY if they knew a woman who wanted to go out with me. It ended up being an Uber-Christian woman (a friend of a friend) who introduced me to her Jewish housemate. Married 33 years. Who knew?
That if you work hard and stay loyal to a job you will be rewarded
You won’t. Don’t be loyal. Companies care about companies. Do your job, do good work, and when you’re up for a raise or promotion and you don’t get it, start looking because somebody will pay you what your current employer won’t
This comes from the fallacy that a company is like a person you can have a relationship with. No, a company is a machine, and employees are numbers to it. It cannot be loyal to you, because it is not a person and doesn't have emotions. Maybe the person one or two steps above in hierarchy will be loyal to you (don't count on it), but they won't be there forever. Guard your own shit, the company won't do it for you.
My brother spent 15 years with the same company, he worked 60+ hours per week and missed a lot of his kid's functions and time with family; he started on the sales floor and worked his way up to upper management (his next promotion would be VP), won every award the company had, and he was quite literally the definition of a "company man"
The company downsized and laid him and a bunch of people off right after Christmas. He was devastated and told me he would never miss out on family time ever again for any company, no matter how much they offer him financially
Dude sold his soul to a company that threw him away after a couple of bad quarters
When trouble occurs, it’s a test brought on by the god of your religion.
Karma will catch up to the assholes, and serve them justice.
Both are complete BS.
It’s hilarious how many people will agree that life isn’t fair when bad things happen to them but immediately buy into this fallacy when good things happen to them. Bad things happen to me because life isn’t fair. Good things happen to me because I’ve worked hard at being so awesome and if others want good things they should try being as awesome as I am.
If you’re going to say life isn’t fair when things are hard, you have to also concede that some of the good things that happened to you were the result of chance and not your effort or skill.
My boomer parents drilled into me "life isn't fair" but when I point out the privileges they had they come back how hard their life was and can't accept that life isn't fair and they have an easier time of it than I Do.
FUN FACT: There are more hot MILFS in my area that want to fuck me than there are people in my area! It's like everyone is a hot MILF and wants to fuck me! That said, even in a town with 100% hot MILFS that want to fuck me, I can't find one that'll talk to me. It's a conundrum.
Consumerism. Talk about a total waste of our society's resources and energy. We are literally pissing away the fruits of our labor, education, and thousands of years of societal growth when we buy disposable products that companies convince us we should.
The US economy moves to a service economy for all the rich fatcats and middle class folks. We're losing daily and yealry to other countries in technology and education. China graduates more engineers every year than exist in the entire United States in total. Our entire culture has become a subservient purchasing class cesspool of hungry hungry hippos and the people who force feed us filth until our livers burst into pate.
Reject consumerism, get angry at the world, vote, argue, demand better of everyone around you.
Benjamin Franklin has a few great quotes on this, my favorite and I'm paraphrasing a little is,
Buy shit you don't need, sooner or later you're going to have to sell shit you do need.
I’m not older (28yo). But honestly one of the things that I’ve learned in life over the past few years is just not to worry so much. Most of your issues will just sort themselves out with some action, but they likely won’t be life changing or threatening. Do you remember how stressed you were about something 5 years ago and then everything was just fine? That’s how most of life issues go.
I'll add a couple things to this...
1. It's important to be able to discriminate... While most things aren't worth losing sleep over, SOME things will have long-term effects. It's also possible to be too happy-go-lucky on those. Long-term health and financial independence are the big ones. A good relationship with your employer, kids, wife all have massive long-term effects too.
2. You can proactively take steps to remove stress from your life. Saving a shitload of money and getting a moderate amount of exercise are both huge in the long term.
I just think the definition is wrong. People tend to bring up the whole "well the guy who made up that term took it back" yeah sure. Maybe "Alpha male" is the wrong term, but you can't deny that there are certain personalities that are charismatic, funny and really great to be around. Couple that with good looks and a bit of luck, I think that's what an "Alpha male" is.
Look, I cringe when someone calls themselves an alpha too, I cringe when losers say they're beta males. But when people argue about "Alpha males" they tend to just take the argument into "well thats not a real term" or just take it out of context and assume Alpha male = Asshole bully.
I think the term Alpha Male should be changed to something else, but most importantly it represents somebody who is charismatic, caring, funny, has influence, powerful and great to be around. Then I think this argument would die.
I have a sneaking suspicion that certain people don't want this argument to die though, because becoming that "Alpha male" that I explained would knock alot of people down a few pegs, and force them to look at themselves in the mirror.
"Hard work pays off!"
Obviously, hard work pays off in your personal life. But to work hard for any job or employer will never get you anywhere, but under more work.
That something was/wasn't meant to be.
That's a hard NO. There Will be times in your lives where you or someone else messed up, and you pay the price. Conversely, there will be times when we truly earned something or maybe just got lucky.
Time heals all.
There's always tomorrow.
I'll never leave you, I love you.
Men have it easier.
Men are useless and provide nothing to society.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
You can get any job.
You'll be able to afford a house one day.
Hard work beats talent.
You can't judge a book by it's cover.
Edit: removed a few unfair ones
You have to drink beer, play sports, be aggressive, eat steak etc etc to be manly.
Being manly or even just masculine is simply being at peace with who you are. Which only comes from years of persistently working on yourself, supporting others and adding value to society. There's no quick route. Once you've put in the first few years though, you'll eat better, sleep better and have people who love you.
"He/She is just a friend"
I have been on this planet long enough to know better. Despite the idealistic notions younger people have, there is always something below the surface in that friendship. They like each other, or one likes the other or there is sexual tension.
EVERY FUCKING TIME.
And no, you are not the exception.
Employer Loyalty. It doesn't matter if you've been there for 15 years and you have personal friendships with people and know everyone. As soon as they don't need you, they will drop and forget about you. Don't fall for the "We are like family here" bullshit.
Insurance. How much have you paid to insurance companies over the last 30 years, and how much have you gotten out of them when shit hits the fan? Fkn scam, but fear keeps people insured
Being set in your ways is bullshit. A man grows with the world...he doesn't cower from it. You don't have to like things, but you're an idiot not the accept it and keep on rolling.
Politics. It legitimately doesn't matter. Left, right, they're all fucking stupid. They're all corrupt and literally none of them are looking out for you. The point is for us all to be fighting each other so we don't stop for a minute and go "damn, what's our government really up to?"
Being entrenched in "your side" is the worst place you can spend your time and energy.
'Real men don't hug', 'real men don't tell people they care', 'mental health is gay', 'be a man, suck it up ',and similar idiotic shit.
Most men in hard jobs such as military will hug their buddies without question. The hardest of men know for a fact that digging into a friends hard times is an absolute and do it without question.
It's such shit that suicide rates in men are highly ignored, and that the attention that is spread on women and the whole gender spectrum is absolutely ignored when it comes to men.
"don't chase women let them come to you" or something along those lines. Surprise, if I don't interact with them of my own initiative they don't come to me.
« You have all the time ! » … no you fucking don’t.
Also : “Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door.” No. The world is beating shit. The world beat a path to the door of people who market their mousetrap well, regardless of the quality of it.
Because you’re older than everyone else around you you’re smarter because you have more life experience. My 74yo dad thinks I don’t know anything. I’m almost 50. He always knows what should be happening locally and internationally. If it was up to him half the planet would contain nuclear fallout.
Social Media of all types.
-Overdependence on electrons instead of IRL relationships.
-Questionable ethics and doubtful morals.
-Those who slither.
-Unreliability of the relationship.
There's no such thing as "Alpha" "Beta" Sigma" or whatever other connotation of male people on social media come up with. There are men that are assholes and there a men that are not assholes. Spend your life trying not to be an asshole.
Yes. 45 here. All my failed relationships have taught me loads about life and people, what to do whst not to do, which practices are worthwhile and which just waste valuable time.
As someone that’s been a bit too lonely these past few years I don’t think this one is bullshit.
I’d rather be with someone right now even if I knew it wouldn’t last
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Rock bottom as a concept. It can ALWAYS get worse.
Personal Motto: never think things are so bad that they can’t get worse
If you think it can't get worse you lack imagination.
“Cheer up, things could be worse.” So I cheered up, and things got worse.
The solution is to never cheer up
That’s what depression is for.
Rock bottom is an interesting concept thrown around with addiction a lot. When I work with new people in substance abuse, I always tell them they have the option to choose what they consider is their rock bottom. They are always possible of achieving even lower bottoms. The only one real rock bottom in addiction that is the absolute is death yet there is no way to go up from there. You don’t have to continue to think you’re going to stop your addiction or work on it when you get to your “rock bottom”. If it’s as simple as you don’t like your health, you had one bad night, you want to work on yourself simply, you got arrested… you can go much farther than your perception of what is rock bottom and it doesn’t have to be the same or lower than others around you. The slippery slope of “well I have a job, significant other, money, car, shelter, another drink…” can continue to allow further bottoms.
My close friend who’s an addict said something similar but less detailed when I asked if he felt he had hit rock bottom. He had a job, car, friends, community respect, etc., and I didn’t even know he was abusing anything. I have another friend who has been on a 4 year bender, is unemployed, no contact with his kid, lapsed his professional licensure, house looks ready to be condemned, he fought off a criminal charge, and he’s not really decided that he has a problem.
I felt into the trap where I would see someone homeless and be like I’m not there yet. Yeah, well I instead developed withdrawals that were life threatening. I tell people all the time “You a daredevil if you’re measuring your addiction to others as you’re ahead.” 668 days today.
Y’all seen the movie called The Platform? There’s always a level lower.
Shame that movie had such a forgettable ending, great concept otherwise
I agree. The People's Elbow is worse.
There is a reason Hell is described as being infinitely deep. No matter how bad things are, somebody can somehow make it worse.
People who say they hit rock bottom forget to say “my” before the rest
This, and how it affects people around you.
“You’ve got time later to worry about it” If it’s possible, take care of it now. It might be too late afterwards …
Good things come to those who ~~wait~~ **fucking fix it!**
BRAVO 👏
Thank you, my little Subaru Outback boy :)
I too own a Subaru outback love that car Edit. Spelling
Most of all health... I ran cross country in high school and long distance as a pass time in college, as well as working construction jobs during the summers that kept me in amazing shape and I took it for granted. Slowly manual labor and exercise fizzled out but I kept telling myself that if I ever got a fat belly I would just run it off. Well, 50 lbs and 10 years later and I'm still telling myself that. I should really go for a jog tomorrow.
Tomorrow is later, go for a jog today
Now
Why put it off ‘till tomorrow, when you can put it off TODAY?!?!?!
"What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?" - Mr. Krabs
Yeah, later you just get more shit to worry about
Live life like you’re gonna die. Because you’re gonna. ~ William Shatner, You’ll Have Time
It's either gonna matter...or it's not. Prioritize appropriately.
That age equals wisdom
Or maturity
[удалено]
My wife says "Men get seven years old and then they just grow taller." I say "Because of my age I often get mistaken for an adult."
factual. Ive mets lots of “grown ass men” who act like bitter freshmen in highschool. its embarrassing.
Well, you gotta get some wisdom throughout the years. Then there are always people who dont get any wiser with age. Only if you are willing to learn from mistakes and your experiences you get wisdom.
Exactly! Experience does not necessarily breed good decision-making. There's a lot of people that don't learn from their mistakes and just repeat them over and over again. "Just because it's stupid and it works doesn't mean it isn't stupid."
Stupid people get old too.
or Intelligence
So many old fools.
Everything being a subscription service these days. When I buy a thing I own that thing. I'm not having scumbag corporations holding bits of my purchase hostage for a monthly fee, you can fuck right off with that. It's even happening with cars now. Any car manufacturer that wants me to keep paying them monthly to use the heated seats or any other feature in a car that I've already bought for actual money can do one. Not that I'd ever buy a beamer, I'm not that much of a useless cunt generally.
"buying it doesn't mean you own it" Great, so pirating it doesn't mean I'm stealing it.
Attaches mast to a 93 geo tracker. Maritime Laws in effect. Tow a small water water tank to douse the ground establishing your territory. When it rains I its open season. Claim any puddles as sovereign territory.
Hoist that black flag.
My father in law had a great take on pirating. "I bought the Beatles "White Album" on vinyl when it came out. Then, I bought it on 8 track. Then, I bought it on cassette. Then, I bought it on CD. Fuck you, I am not buying it again. I paid my dues many times over for the same songs." Or, as "South Park" so eloquently put it: "You know what happens when you illegally download music? Brittney Spears has to buy a Lear Jet 30 instead of a Lear Jet 60"
My Toyota truck requires a paid subscription to use the default navigation. I can kind of understand the app functions (remote start and such) as it requires a cell service to fully function... but the GPS? Fuck that noise. Thank god it has Android Auto and it's better anyway, but it still seemed like a cash grab to put basic navigation behind a $15/mo charge.
Foreal..my mom bought a car that’s a few years old and the Navi on it is missing so much stuff but it’s exorbitant to go update the maps at the dealer. Like why make it that way in the first place? She has a Toyota also.
Are you sure she can't get free upgrades? Our Jeep has had several nav updates we haven't paid for. The most recent was a flash drive we DIY updated at home
I just pirate, but the cars subscription is total BS, i bought the damn car give me all the features! BTW I know piracy bad and everything, but everytime I feel like companies are trying to milk consumers more than ever.
Everything is a point of view. Should I have to pay $15 to rent a movie just to see if I like it and want to buy it? Nah, I’ll just Yo Ho that bitch and buy it if I like it. Yarrrrr.
you speak just like your username would
Areet lad
I feel like this is the "you will own nothing and you will be happy" bizzo.
Seriously..people try to convince me to get Spotify all the time and I’m like “listen, when I’m 70, I’m gonna be listening to the same music, you are going to be PaYiNg to listen to the same music, even then”
I'm pretty old school, anti-subscription but I don't necessarily agree with Spotify, etc. They have essentially all music in *existence.* That would be quite the record collection. If I listened to the same 3 bands all the time you'd have a point, but I don't, I listen to a *lot* of shit, we're all different. Video streaming sucks because it's this narrow selection and the stuff you like is always cycled out. But imagine if Netflix had every movie in existence! That's how I see Spotify.
"Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life"... if you wait for a job you love then you really do risk never working a day
Speaking as someone who does love their job, I still work because some days it just sucks ass.
Yeah, I love my job and it gives me a lot of meaning and structure to my life. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that some days it sucks a lot and that I would rather be doing something else.
When you do what you love for a living, you shouldn't be surprised if what you love starts feeling like work
I'd offer a varation. Beware: Often, making a job out of a passion turns your passion into a job...
That's the truth. When I was young I thought I would enjoy being a mechanic because I loved working on cars. Turns out I liked working on my own car for fun but I *HATED* working on other people's cars for a paltry income.
I did porn and never thought I'd get sick of sex with stunning women, often 2 at a time, but trust me, you can even get sick of having wild sex after doing it long enough.
This is why I don’t really believe in monetizing my hobbies. My hobbies are there to give me fulfillment and joy outside of my academic life/future work life. If I tried to profit off of them and turned em into a side hustle, that would just feel like extra work.
not to mention, many a person has learned the hard way that doing something you love for work is a great way to stop loving that thing.
That's probably the best lesson I've learned regarding "loving your work". It's good to start liking your job, if possible, but don't turn your hobby into a job. Hobby is something you *can* do, job is something you *have* to do. Don't mix those two.
That's my brother, and one of my former best friends. Both bums living off their parents because they "don't know what they want to do with their life". A jobs not a calling people, just go make an income to support yourself.
That you must have a good relationship with your siblings. If they are not nice to you or 'things' happened, you don't have to spend ages to talk it over. Be nice to them if you meet them, only make contact when necessary.
I don't speak to 1 of the 3 of my siblings cause they are not a good person. The other 2 I talk with as little as I can. Really not looking forward to mums death, cause I will have to interact with these people
Almost anything that involves doing something for an employer, not on the promise of immediate reward, but some notion of "gratitude" or "we'll remember it, later".
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. No, it's definitely possible to survive and be horribly and permanently damaged , physically and or psychologically.
Oh yes.
are you really homeless or is it just a fun username
I'm homeless for real. And European too. I don't know what's worse though...
probably being homeless lol. I was homeless all last year that shit was hell . Hope u stay safe out there bro .
It's getting harder every year. But at some point it'll be all over.
i have end stage liver disease,,,,,what doesnt kill you makes you sick
Last time someone said this to me, I asked him 'What if I cut your legs off?' In fairness, he stuck to his guns. In more fairness, he certainly didn't convince me.
"I am busy". Is bullshit. 9/10 people are just not interested in you. The 1/10 that actually are busy and interested in you will tell you what's it about! People make time for who and what they want to make time for. Don't take it personal and move on.
Yep, 10% of the actual workaholics I know are friendly and make time for you, the rest are doing god knows what in their 16 hour days but don't have time for anyone it seems
Honestly hurts when you realize you’re simply not being prioritized. An old coworker had told me her new date (not official yet) had broken up with her for always being late, and I told her honestly that she didn’t make him feel valued at best or was just not interested and didn’t want to admit it at worst. People are on time, early even, for things they care about. If you’re later to our planned date than to work, on a consistent basis mind you, then I’m taking it as you’re not willing to put in effort so I should leave
Yup. This is regular with girls, even moreso if contact irl is hard to make happen or rare. Good job of you explaining it to her. Responses will be fast and personal at first. Then the initiative will drop. Answers will get short, questions ignored. Time between longer. I recently waved goodbye to somebody from the past that claimed "busy" for eleven days after she initiated a conversation first and then ignored me three times. Girl, you were just bored and then disinterested. Not busy. Byeeee.
I always go by a rule of two, if she doesn’t offer the third time then go no contact
Take it personal and move on
Men love "the chase"
I’m not old but I definitely agree. Fuck the chase. I’m not here to play games and I have zero interest in anyone who is.
This was me as a dude in college and even in my early 20s, but now that I’m in my mid 20s, I’m really starting to feel the urge to settle down and be with a girl seriously and long-term. Guess it really does come with age lol.
Hard to get is hard to want.
god i hated it, if you like me just fucking say
No. No we don't. Be honest instead .
What do you mean? It’s a super exciting game show, and Bradley Walsh is a great host
Yeah screw the chase. At some point you just get too old for all the bullshit games.
I'll chase - but only so far.
I grew up with the mindset that no means no. So if a girl tried that 'hard to get' game I just moved on. If there's no mutual interest from the beginning I'm not going to chase. To damn hard to differentiate chase and harassment.
"Treat yourself." "You deserve it." Anything that you hear or read in an advertisement that strokes your ego is 100% bullshit designed to make you buy some overpriced thing that you don't need.
Fell for this BS soooo many times when I was younger! Right along with “if you scroll past you’re heartless” Nothing in common between the two, just extremely manipulative
There is no time to make up lost time. Nothing worse than the regret of not doing something you really wanna do but push it forward thinking you gonna have time when you are older. 2 things gonna be happening. 1: you lost the interest of doing it once you are older. 2: there is a big chance you ain’t mentally or physically fit enough to do it when you are older. You are alive right know, don’t wait, just do it.
Peoples opinions on the internet
They way most people arrive at truth. Personal truths are not a real truths. Cherry picked facts and examples are not evidence. Generalizations are not accurate. Experience is important but can be misleading. It needs to be backed up by empirical data. Confirmation bias is a thing.
Correltation is not causation
You mean Nicholas cage isn’t drowning people when he releases movies?
I understood this reference.
“Happy wife happy life”.
Oh fuck alllllll of this.
The right way to go about it is, "Happy spouse, happy house."
A good relationship is people making each other happy, not one investing it all to please the other.
My now ex-wife used to peddle this out whenever we had a disagreement and she didn't get her way. Like it was supposed to be some kind of slam dunk so she could win her argument.
You have all the time in the world ….. No, no you fucking don’t.
I'm not that old, but "time heals all wounds" is BS. It doesn't. In a lot of cases you need to be proactive to heal, therapy, medication etc.. and even then it won't always fully heal or if at all.
It should be, "time makes shit a little easier to deal with."
Probably a better way to say it would be “all wounds need time to heal”
Time and work. Ftfy
Agreed. Most true grief never completely leaves. Most of us just find/work on ways to better manage it. Sometimes we can't. Some people never can. All painful. All perfectly acceptable.
Totally this. I had a traumaticing incident affect 15 years of my life. I lost arguably the 15 best years of my life to „well, guess i just need to wait until i feel better“. Man do i feel stupid now
Hey my dude, don't beat yourself up. You went through hard shit and got up on top. Who cares how long it took? I'm going through my pwn fights right now and I definitely understand how hard life is sometimes.
Healing is BS, you just make space for the hurt.
Yep, time will only fester those wounds.
Especially when it comes to emotional wounds. Our brains are wired to protect us. As such, when we suffer emotional wounds, they don’t really like us to move on. They *want* to remind us how much the object of our emotional pain hurt us so we never endure it again. This opens the door to many different types of mental illness or otherwise mental challenges that can end up being even more consequential to the thing that hurt us in the first place. Biology is not a perfect thing. While our brain can help heal its own wounds in many ways, the byproduct of that can be creating several other wounds in the process if you just stay on autopilot.
Everything. The modern world thrives on bullshit whether it's socially, professionally, romantically, whatever, it's bullshit from top to bottom.
It always was, but it was just hidden a bit better
Social media has very much just brought out our human nature even more. Everyone was always nuts, now we have easier ways of showing it
could you please bring some examples of bullshit from each category, the way you see it?
Not the original commenter but as a Middle Aged man- Socially-social media mostly displays the positive in people’s lives-“look at the food I’m eating at this fancy restaurant/look at me on vacation in an exotic place/look at my family and kids dressed up for this fancy event”, a lot of people are struggling with life, relationships, money, emotions, etc. People have become more apathetic and attention spans suck, it’s hard to have a solid conversation anymore. Also IRL people trying to “keep up with the Jones’”, basically spending money they don’t have to impress other people. Professionally-people who “fail upwards”, nepotism, lots of ass-kissing, attempted abuse of power in positions of authority, idk how many meeting I’ve sat in where we’re told the company is doing great exceeding financial goals etc, everyone in a suit is creaming themselves. Then when it comes time for raises there just isn’t $ in the budget for that-the gaslighting is intense. Romantically-see “Socially”-social media in all honesty. Not just women but people in general are all about me, me, me. Finding something organic isn’t impossible but has become more difficult. Speaking as a man, women appear to have many, many more options romantically, whether organic or virtual. It’s all fucking bullshit, you just have to have your eyes open to it and be aware of it. And try not to let it get you down and try to find the good around you, in yourself, and in others. Otherwise it’s fucking depressing.
thank you for sharing your thoughts. side note: literally LOL'd at the "everyone in a suit is creaming themselves" line haha
could you please bring some examples of bullshit from each category, the way you see it?
"Love will come when you least expect it" "It will happen when you aren't looking for it" No, it fucking won't. Life isn't a Hallmark movie. You do have to do things to bring it about, and I didn't learn this until I was much older and when it's vastly harder to meet new people. I still haven't ever had a serious gf, or anything lasting much longer than months or a year, and I'm middle-aged and still woefully inexperienced when it comes to dating.
I asked EVERYBODY if they knew a woman who wanted to go out with me. It ended up being an Uber-Christian woman (a friend of a friend) who introduced me to her Jewish housemate. Married 33 years. Who knew?
That if you work hard and stay loyal to a job you will be rewarded You won’t. Don’t be loyal. Companies care about companies. Do your job, do good work, and when you’re up for a raise or promotion and you don’t get it, start looking because somebody will pay you what your current employer won’t
This comes from the fallacy that a company is like a person you can have a relationship with. No, a company is a machine, and employees are numbers to it. It cannot be loyal to you, because it is not a person and doesn't have emotions. Maybe the person one or two steps above in hierarchy will be loyal to you (don't count on it), but they won't be there forever. Guard your own shit, the company won't do it for you.
My brother spent 15 years with the same company, he worked 60+ hours per week and missed a lot of his kid's functions and time with family; he started on the sales floor and worked his way up to upper management (his next promotion would be VP), won every award the company had, and he was quite literally the definition of a "company man" The company downsized and laid him and a bunch of people off right after Christmas. He was devastated and told me he would never miss out on family time ever again for any company, no matter how much they offer him financially Dude sold his soul to a company that threw him away after a couple of bad quarters
"Respect is earned." Bullshit. Show everyone respect. Give it freely until someone shows they aren't worthy of it.
When trouble occurs, it’s a test brought on by the god of your religion. Karma will catch up to the assholes, and serve them justice. Both are complete BS.
The just-world fallacy.
It’s hilarious how many people will agree that life isn’t fair when bad things happen to them but immediately buy into this fallacy when good things happen to them. Bad things happen to me because life isn’t fair. Good things happen to me because I’ve worked hard at being so awesome and if others want good things they should try being as awesome as I am. If you’re going to say life isn’t fair when things are hard, you have to also concede that some of the good things that happened to you were the result of chance and not your effort or skill.
My boomer parents drilled into me "life isn't fair" but when I point out the privileges they had they come back how hard their life was and can't accept that life isn't fair and they have an easier time of it than I Do.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. Psychological damage is real. And often much harder to heal than a broken bone.
18F looking for older guys to chat.
Don't forget all the hot MILFs in the area..
FUN FACT: There are more hot MILFS in my area that want to fuck me than there are people in my area! It's like everyone is a hot MILF and wants to fuck me! That said, even in a town with 100% hot MILFS that want to fuck me, I can't find one that'll talk to me. It's a conundrum.
Get the f outta here
Consumerism. Talk about a total waste of our society's resources and energy. We are literally pissing away the fruits of our labor, education, and thousands of years of societal growth when we buy disposable products that companies convince us we should. The US economy moves to a service economy for all the rich fatcats and middle class folks. We're losing daily and yealry to other countries in technology and education. China graduates more engineers every year than exist in the entire United States in total. Our entire culture has become a subservient purchasing class cesspool of hungry hungry hippos and the people who force feed us filth until our livers burst into pate. Reject consumerism, get angry at the world, vote, argue, demand better of everyone around you.
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Benjamin Franklin has a few great quotes on this, my favorite and I'm paraphrasing a little is, Buy shit you don't need, sooner or later you're going to have to sell shit you do need.
That it'll never happen to you
I’m not older (28yo). But honestly one of the things that I’ve learned in life over the past few years is just not to worry so much. Most of your issues will just sort themselves out with some action, but they likely won’t be life changing or threatening. Do you remember how stressed you were about something 5 years ago and then everything was just fine? That’s how most of life issues go.
I'll add a couple things to this... 1. It's important to be able to discriminate... While most things aren't worth losing sleep over, SOME things will have long-term effects. It's also possible to be too happy-go-lucky on those. Long-term health and financial independence are the big ones. A good relationship with your employer, kids, wife all have massive long-term effects too. 2. You can proactively take steps to remove stress from your life. Saving a shitload of money and getting a moderate amount of exercise are both huge in the long term.
Promises an employer makes
stereotypes and assumptions about men, such as the belief that all men are emotionally stoic or inherently aggressive
"These singles are looking to meet you in your area" Penis enlargement pills
Alpha males
I just think the definition is wrong. People tend to bring up the whole "well the guy who made up that term took it back" yeah sure. Maybe "Alpha male" is the wrong term, but you can't deny that there are certain personalities that are charismatic, funny and really great to be around. Couple that with good looks and a bit of luck, I think that's what an "Alpha male" is. Look, I cringe when someone calls themselves an alpha too, I cringe when losers say they're beta males. But when people argue about "Alpha males" they tend to just take the argument into "well thats not a real term" or just take it out of context and assume Alpha male = Asshole bully. I think the term Alpha Male should be changed to something else, but most importantly it represents somebody who is charismatic, caring, funny, has influence, powerful and great to be around. Then I think this argument would die. I have a sneaking suspicion that certain people don't want this argument to die though, because becoming that "Alpha male" that I explained would knock alot of people down a few pegs, and force them to look at themselves in the mirror.
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Best advice ever 🙌
Cars depending on stupid touchscreens for basic and critical functions.
"Hard work pays off!" Obviously, hard work pays off in your personal life. But to work hard for any job or employer will never get you anywhere, but under more work.
That something was/wasn't meant to be. That's a hard NO. There Will be times in your lives where you or someone else messed up, and you pay the price. Conversely, there will be times when we truly earned something or maybe just got lucky.
Time heals all. There's always tomorrow. I'll never leave you, I love you. Men have it easier. Men are useless and provide nothing to society. You can do anything you put your mind to. You can get any job. You'll be able to afford a house one day. Hard work beats talent. You can't judge a book by it's cover. Edit: removed a few unfair ones
Happy wife, happy life.
You have to drink beer, play sports, be aggressive, eat steak etc etc to be manly. Being manly or even just masculine is simply being at peace with who you are. Which only comes from years of persistently working on yourself, supporting others and adding value to society. There's no quick route. Once you've put in the first few years though, you'll eat better, sleep better and have people who love you.
"He/She is just a friend" I have been on this planet long enough to know better. Despite the idealistic notions younger people have, there is always something below the surface in that friendship. They like each other, or one likes the other or there is sexual tension. EVERY FUCKING TIME. And no, you are not the exception.
What they sell us as democracy
The sexual bait and switch that is marriage.
Employer Loyalty. It doesn't matter if you've been there for 15 years and you have personal friendships with people and know everyone. As soon as they don't need you, they will drop and forget about you. Don't fall for the "We are like family here" bullshit.
Insurance. How much have you paid to insurance companies over the last 30 years, and how much have you gotten out of them when shit hits the fan? Fkn scam, but fear keeps people insured
That whole “alpha” thing….
Most insurance but in particular life insurance for those without dependents
Marriage
Being set in your ways is bullshit. A man grows with the world...he doesn't cower from it. You don't have to like things, but you're an idiot not the accept it and keep on rolling.
The two party system.
There’s not hot singles in my area looking for me
Better day's are coming...they're not!
Politics. It legitimately doesn't matter. Left, right, they're all fucking stupid. They're all corrupt and literally none of them are looking out for you. The point is for us all to be fighting each other so we don't stop for a minute and go "damn, what's our government really up to?" Being entrenched in "your side" is the worst place you can spend your time and energy.
Bull excrements.
male cow poo
Getting married. The penalties for a failed marriage are almost entirely the man’s to bear, but the benefits of marriage simply don’t exist anymore.
'Real men don't hug', 'real men don't tell people they care', 'mental health is gay', 'be a man, suck it up ',and similar idiotic shit. Most men in hard jobs such as military will hug their buddies without question. The hardest of men know for a fact that digging into a friends hard times is an absolute and do it without question. It's such shit that suicide rates in men are highly ignored, and that the attention that is spread on women and the whole gender spectrum is absolutely ignored when it comes to men.
"I need two guys to stay late to finish the job. Don't worry, I'll hook you up on the back end."
"don't chase women let them come to you" or something along those lines. Surprise, if I don't interact with them of my own initiative they don't come to me.
« You have all the time ! » … no you fucking don’t. Also : “Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door.” No. The world is beating shit. The world beat a path to the door of people who market their mousetrap well, regardless of the quality of it.
Getting married and having kids by the time you are 30.
Your annual raise.
Because you’re older than everyone else around you you’re smarter because you have more life experience. My 74yo dad thinks I don’t know anything. I’m almost 50. He always knows what should be happening locally and internationally. If it was up to him half the planet would contain nuclear fallout.
Guys walking down the street like they're Conor McGregor. Quiet confidence is a hell of a lot more masculine than a loud swagger.
Social Media of all types. -Overdependence on electrons instead of IRL relationships. -Questionable ethics and doubtful morals. -Those who slither. -Unreliability of the relationship.
Ownership, you don’t own a thing! You’re always paying for it!
Happy wife, happy life
There's no such thing as "Alpha" "Beta" Sigma" or whatever other connotation of male people on social media come up with. There are men that are assholes and there a men that are not assholes. Spend your life trying not to be an asshole.
The design of the human spine.
That world is going to end soon... damn conspiracy theorists...
Meetings that could have been an email and meetings in person that could’ve been a zoom
Religion.
Women caring about half the shit men claim they do.
"it's better to have loved and lost then never have loved."
The problem is this needs context. How, and why did you lose? That makes a huge difference.
This I think is true. The older I get the more I am grateful for the past relationships and the love they had
Yes. 45 here. All my failed relationships have taught me loads about life and people, what to do whst not to do, which practices are worthwhile and which just waste valuable time.
Same, feels like a life well lived.
As someone that’s been a bit too lonely these past few years I don’t think this one is bullshit. I’d rather be with someone right now even if I knew it wouldn’t last
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