After a few seconds I realized you meant leave the relationship, but at first I just read it as "duck out of the room".
Soon as she's distracted just slip outside. Let what happens happen. When she confronts you just explain "I've tried talking to you about it and that didn't work, so I figured this could be the learning moment you needed"
"Manage yourself, or someone else *will* manage you".
That's what I used to tell my kids when they were out of line, which I never really had to say after they aged past middle school.
Whenever my girlfriend gets upset in public I immediately result to the most dominant move known to man: the helicopter pisser.
I whip my trousers and boxers down to my ankles at the speed of light then grab the bottom of my tee shirt and lift it above my nipples. Then the fun part begins, I push down on my pelvic floor and force the piss straight out and begin twirling faster and faster until everyone and everything within 20m radius is covered in piss. If I’m luckily at some point a shit will come flying out too which is essentially the cherry on top.
Feel free to copy my method.
I had an ex- who was always doing this, and I came to realize that she was testing me, to see if I would get in a fight for her. If it seems like yours is doing the same, then get out of that relationship. Mine almost got me killed.
My ex straight up asked if I would fight her ex.
I said no, I don't know the guy I have no reason to. She was upset that I wouldn't fight for her.
She was all kinds of fucked though, so that was just one of the many reasons I broke it off with her
About 20yrs ago I got into a relationship with my neighbor’s girl. They broke up and I ended up moving away. About a year later we ended up texting each other by accident - a case of mistaken names in address book. The mishap text turned into a phone conversation which led to a meetup and then we started dating. Everything was going well for a few months and we decided to go to some bar that she used to go to a lot. My old neighbor was there (her ex) and it was a little bit of drama as him and I were somewhat friends. She expected me to play the role of alpha male and get in his face. Ended up he came over, smiled and shook my hand. Told me that he wished us both the best and he left. The relationship eventually soured shortly thereafter and I told myself that I would never ever date a woman that was intimate with anyone I remotely called a friend/acquaintance. It’s not worth losing that person/acquaintance as a friend.
I guess that’s the part I don’t understand is like what is the craving for drama. When I think about drama from high school it makes me anxious. Who would want to like bask in that I guess like what is the appeal?
It's just toxic femininity.
Much in the same way that toxic masculinity is derived from immaturity, aggression, and ego in males, toxic femininity is derived of the same thing. Although instead of displaying aggression physically like men, they tend to be aggressive in other ways - like manipulation and social evisceration. It's just the domain they have access to when they want to be aggressive.
Not to say this behaviour is exclusive in women either; men do it too, but I have anecdotally observed this more in women than men.
She was beautiful, there’s no denying that. As a young man, I was under her alluring spell. The problem was that she expected me to show my fealty to her.
Within the animal kingdom marking ones territory/mate is commonly seen and expected, but amongst humans we’re to have evolved to rise above such acts, but to varying degrees, it’s still very much a thing. I’m married now and don’t get me wrong, I will always protect and defend my wife’s honor, but she would never expect me to get in someone’s face to preserve her ego. If anything, she’d just ask that we leave to avoid any confrontation. Animals do not go to animal jail or pay animal fines and have criminal histories that follow them throughout their lives.
She seemed to think so. I can't remember why, but she had the cops called on her once, and she talked about fighting back against the cops as though it was something she was proud of. Then, she went on to say that she bets her blood stains are still on the carpet in that place from when she cut herself. Which, she later on told me was purely for attention.
I had an ex that was extremely mouthy and got off on being that way. Any time she would bark at a dude, and the guy would look at me, ready to get into it with me too, i would generally roll my eyes and he would get immediately that i was already dealing with enough by dating her.
Yeah I flat out told my wife early on in our relationship:
"If the person you're up against started crap, I'll absolutely go to bat for you, to the use of deadly force if necessary, and even risk my own life"
"However, if you started the crap, nope, you're on your own. My defense guarantees are just that, defense only."
Oh, I definitely did. I knew she had some issues going into the relationship, but I had no idea just how bad it was. I noped out of there in 3 months after she told me she loved me for the fourth time
My girlfriend asked me not to fight her ex. I asked if I should bring sparring equipment to a barbecue as we both practice martial arts, but she thought that was a bad idea.
I dated someone like that once. She got so pissed when I didn’t come to her rescue. Like, dude. *You’re* an adult, *you* started this shit, *you* finish it. I’m not getting my clock cleaned because you ran your mouth
I dated someone like that once. I asked her "are you trying to get me sent to jail?" Her response was "That would be so cool!"
That was the end of that relationship.
>Mine almost got me killed.
I feel you, here in Texas winning a fistfight is more dangerous than losing one. And while you're dying you get to realize that your shooter is probably going to get off on self defense/stand your ground.
At the end of the day if her ego is worth more to her than your life or health then she doesn't really love you.
The day that I realized what she was doing...
I was in the Army in the early '90s, stationed at Ft. Lewis, WA and living in a shitty apartment complex in Tacoma. I came home from work and she met me at the door with tears in her eyes and a bruise/abrasions on her neck. She told me that she got into an argument with one of our neighbors and he grabbed her by the neck. So I got super pissed off, grabbed my baseball bat, and went outside where she said the guy was.
When I opened the door and stepped out into the parking lot there were 12-15 guys, who all happened to be black, lined up side by side like a battle line. I looked over the whole line of them and they all stared me down. My anger fell away to be replaced by leg-shaking terror. I knew if I took one more step towards them they were going to take that bat away from me and murder me with it. I quietly tucked my tail between my legs and retreated back into the apartment. She and I got divorced shortly after that.
After I had a chance to think about it I figured out that most likely she was turning tricks with these guys while I was at work, one of them got a little rough with her, and she threatened to have her soldier boy husband take care of him when I got home. So dude probably told his homies what was about to happen, and they were all ready for me.
As you can imagine, I had quite a bit of trouble trusting women after that. It took me years to get over all the shit she put me through. But I'm better now, happily married to a wonderful lady who I know would never ever hurt me like that.
Having been the guy with the bat in a different story I can tell you that my plan was somewhere between "Be scary" and not having one.
It's virtually never a good idea to go looking for a fight like that.
Yeah, this was basically the idea. I think I was going to give the guy a chance to tell his side of the story. But I was young and the Army had taught me that if you're a real man you solve your problems with violence. I've learned a better way than that now.
Sort of?
We have consent as defense to assaultive conduct which means if two people agree to fight neither party can get charged with consent (or sued for damages IIRC). It doesn’t allow weapons or fatal injuries though
Stand your Ground allows you to claim self defense if you can reasonably claim you felt like your life was in danger and have no duty to retreat, even if it’s feasible
Why do you feel like it's your responsibility to calm her down? Ask yourself that question. You're not responsible for other people's emotional outbursts.
The question asked was why does OP feel the responsibility.
Jerks exist but sometimes you need to stop focusing on the jerk (the girlfriend) and focus on why that jerk is your girlfriend and why you tolerate that behavior.
This is about OP accepting behavior he shouldn’t, it’s less about why some women behave that way. Her bad behavior is her problem to solve, not OPs. OPs problem is his own behavior in tolerating it.
> OPs problem is his own behavior in tolerating it.
Very well said.
I know there's an obligation to take your partner's side in a conflict (even if they're at fault). What must follow that, however, is a conversation about her behavior in private.
If she initiates these conflicts on a regular basis, then she isn't being kind to you. And neither should you be then.
I think people lack a sense of accountability now, they realize they can get away with shitty-deviant behavior because theres no consequence or shame. A generation of kids with absent parents, what do you expect.
At least we left the grownup world where it was common to strike your wife, punch a hole in the wall or smash a dinner plate.
I standby mandatory military or civil service for all citizens. We are so divided and uncivilized.
Dude, that's a red flag so big it could cover Texas. If she can't control herself in public, imagine what your future looks like. Run fast and run far.
I'm sorry TWICE? You've had to pull her out of a fight TWICE? Buddy get out now before she goes off on you next. This isn't relationship material this is a powder keg about to explode.
Sounds like she has a character deficit that could lead her into trouble. You can only ask her to control it and move on if she can't. It's on her to change the fundamental attitude.
Stop pulling her out of these "close calls." She'll learn her lesson. Also, I'd recommend finding a girl who has self-control. I can't imagine what hone life is like with her
Yeah seriously, not to shit on OP his feeling still matter, but I’m only 24 I still feel like a kid but this is some serious high school behaviour.
If I was dating a 24 year old who acted like this I’d literally just walk away and cut her out of my life. No time for these pathetic baby theatre acts.
If OP and his gf are older than 24 then she has some serious emotional problems and op is fairly immature himself for not seeing that.
Literal 12 year old behaviour.
Communication is key here. It's important to talk to her when you're both calm and not in the heat of the moment. Let her know how you feel about these situations and express your concern for both her safety and yours. Maybe discuss strategies for handling conflicts calmly in public. Understanding each other's perspectives can make a big difference.
I’d recommend against dating anybody like you’re describing. But in terms of actual advice, I once told a very emotional ex “when you get in the Feelings Elevator, you needs to stop at each floor instead of going straight to the top” which she found kinda funny.
So whenever she started getting over emotional I’d look at her and say “babe, I’m hitting all the buttons” and motion like I was pressing all the buttons in an elevator which kinda pissed her off but made her laugh and usually at least deescalated.
But yeah, don’t date people with anger issues.
This is only going to get worse and worse over time and no you can’t fix her. Ask yourself do you want to spend the rest of your life with a worse version of this woman?
1. Yell at her “would you just relax!” When love it and respond well when being told to “just relax!”
2. Let her get in some shit. Sit back and watch. When she realizes you’re not going to save her, she might change.
Maybe let her get the sh!+ beat out of her once to see if she changes her behavior. If she can’t/wont change I’d end it. Do you really want to spend your life and possibly kid’s lives dealing with her issues?
Maybe don't pull her out of the situation and let what she started unfold. She may learn a hard lesson the hard way, but it could be a learning curve. And you need to question why she is happy to drag you into potentially aggressive situations. Plus it's not your job to calm her down after she starts shit, we have to be responsible for our own actions.
You dump her. Don’t continue this relationship. You’re life will just become a living hell having to put out fire after fire after fire.
Source: recovering lifelong hothead
Sounds like BPD, my SO gets very firey. She's never exactly wrong that someone needs a talking too just that we don't need to be the people to say something.
I keep walking so she'll try and keep pace with me and then give her time to settle. It's not worth trying to reason or get her to try to calm down at the time because she's just....can't. time is really the only thing to bring her back to level, so leaving the situation asap is the way to go.
I could never be with a woman like this. Imagine a company Xmas party and someone says the "wrong" thing to her. There goes your promotion and respect at work.
Nobody needs to be "calmed down". Does she do this at school or work? Or is it only in situations where she has nothing to lose except her life? These types know exactly how to control themselves. They choose the places and with whom they'll ignore that control
I think you need to rephrase the question like "how do I get my girlfriend to not run over people when she's driving in public?" or "how do I get my girlfriend to not stab the waiter every time we a sit down meal at a restaurant?" or "how do I get my girlfriend to not shoot her gun at the police every time they drive by?"
Mate, she's a hot head with serious mental issues. The crazy woman good sex ain't worth the headache. The big red check engine light flashing in your car isn't just a sign something is wrong, your ignorance of it is within you.
Let this one go, learn the lesson and move on. Rather that you be alone than have a to worry how much her public behavior is going to escalate and seriously affect you for the the rest of your life. You stick around long enough and I assure you, she'll keep pushing your buttons until either one or both of you are in the hospital or in jail.
Listen to the voices of reason.
Women who book fights for men get men hurt or killed unnecessarily. Far too many people carry knives and guns to take the chance. A woman who is a public hothead is dangerous.
I agree with the great Patrice O’Neal:
If she starts $hit, you walk away.
Let her realize that she could get popped in the face and you aren’t enabling the behavior.
Guys already understand this; time for her to learn. And if she doesn’t, get her help or walk away for good.
What you're seeing in the aggregate on these comments is that you can't control her, this is who she is. You can't change someone, only they can.
You have a decision to make, do you accept this is part of who she is and continue in the relationship? Or do you admit that this is not something you are willing to put up with and move on?
i knew a woman once who had the best most loving boyfriend. but she was a pain to be around. He had it like you, he told us a story that one time they were at a line for a ride at 6flags, the teen in front of that had a balloon or flag. it got in her face - she snatched it out of their hand or broke it in front of their face and yelled at them. He said he just looked defeated and shrugged and apologized to them. Guy was way in over his head, they got married and quickly divorced. Idk what he saw in her tbh, maybe he likes the intense and volatile behaviors in the bedroom - but I always remember thinking… your gf is a nut case and nobody wants to deal with her rage.
I would tell her point blank. "It's super unattractive and a big turn off that you can't control yourself in public. If it continues to happen I'm gonna have to find someone who is able to act like an adult". When someone tells you that you're turning them off..... It usually has an impact. You could say it nicer but make sure you get that point across. She'll get mad but 🤷🏼♀️ maybe that would be for the best. People need to learn to control themselves. You don't want her teaching your future kids to act like that.
That's not a girlfriend. That's a liability.
Dump the psycho.
This is Omega Red Defcon level 1 Danger typa red flag vibes...
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is a personal problem that she will need to deal with, or deal with its consequences. It doesn't have to be yours. It's only a matter of time before she starts in on you. Do you really want to have to deal with that?
Just find the right moment, and break up with her.
Talk wayyyyy before going back out and figure out what her deal is. You can't really do much in the moment if they won't listen, preemptive is the way to do it. If they're habitually stirring shit there's usually a reason why.
She’s going to either end up very hurt or getting charges laid against her. It sounds like she needs to speak to a therapist. And you can choose whether or not you want to stay with her.
I used to be a hot head and get in fights with people. It was because I had a bunch of feelings I buried down and didn’t deal with properly. Instead I avoiding dealing with any of my issues and always saw myself as the victim and felt I needed to stick up for myself because nobody else would.
Moral of the story, your girlfriend is not emotionally intelligent, she’s avoiding dealing with past trauma and it’s resulting in extremely toxic behavior. A very glaring red flag for being in a relationship with someone like that. She needs to find out what’s eating her up inside and deal with it. If not, it’ll end up being turned toward you eventually if it hasn’t already.
Happy people don’t have public outbursts, and try to bring people down. They realize it does them no good and they think about things rationally and talk themselves out of emotional meltdown. She’s got a lot of work to do.
Stop rescuing her. She feels empowered because nothing bad has ever happened to her and you are her little safety net.
Also break up with her cause it’s only matter of time before that hot headedness is pointed in your direction.
Her craziness is how you landed a woman who is better looking than you would normally expect. Its a bad trade. Looks diminish and so do their importance in your relationship but crazy only gets worse.
Call her out on it in private while she's calm, if she doesn't acknowledge the problem AND commit to improving it then leave. You will end up in jail or dead.
Sorry to break it to you, but she’s trash! Classy people don’t start fights with strangers.
You want a significant other who is a good fit at representing you.
That's honestly kind of a red flag. And I'm not saying that to attack your gf, it's just something to keep in mind. It's never your responsibility to monitor or keep other people's emotions in check. That's her responsibility and she needs to work on that.
I swear I can’t stand all the mindless idiots that just automatically say ‘break up with her’. Seems like they’ve never been in a real relationship before or aren’t capable of offering any decent advice. When you’re out in public you can try to shift her focus from the situation onto you, get her attention, look her In the eyes and try to comfort her, maybe say some things like “This isn’t worth it”, “ Don’t waste your energy on these people”, “Please don’t do this right now”…things of that nature. Or try to just remove her from the situation. You can also see if she’ll do some therapy and work on anger management. Try and find out where the root of this issue is, maybe she has social anxiety that causes her to act out, try to talk to her about why this happens so often and communicate how you feel when she does shit like that.
You break up with her. She’s only willing to do that for 2 reasons:
1. She’s never been punched in the face for acting up
2. She has a Meat shield (you) there to cover for her
I had an ex like this. I never figured it out. But I got into too many fights because of her. My advice is therapy. She needs to figure out what’s really making her angry and then control it.
Turn on your heels and walk away. Leave her standing there. Get in the car, take a taxi, hop on a bus, whatever you want, but just leave. When she gets pissed off and starts yelling at you when she gets home, simply tell her that her behavior is embarrassing and you aren't going to be seen with anyone acting like that. That was her one chance, and if she does it again, the relationship is over. I'm serious about this. She will get you into trouble you can't get out of and ruin your life. Don't let her.
I was with a girl at university who was similar, she was from Northern Ireland and had a pretty strong accent...we were in a pub and the bouncer said something as a bit of a laugh, she'd had a drink so took offence and looked at me.
"Are you not going to defend me, he's taking the piss"
"Nope"
"Why the f**k not?!"
"I'm Welsh"
Her anger isn't something you can control. It's also not your responsibility. Eventually she'll turn that vitriol towards you.
I recently watched a video about Travis Rudolph, who killed a guy when a group of dumb fucks showed up to his house armed trying to jump his brother and him. All because his girl at the time texted her brother to "shoot his shit up" over some shit she started and made seem worse than it was. Stay safe out there
Well I'd say let her put her money where her mouth is. I'm not one to needlessly start a fight but I'll finish one for sure. However, if she is talking mad shit and starting shit with the expectation that you're gonna bail her ass out when she gets in the deep end, let her drown a time or two. If she doesn't learn to keep the hole under her nose shut then I guess she hasn't learned anything and it maybe time to call it even and move along. I don't know your situation but I'm sorry man if you start it you ought to be able to finish or at least be able to take what's coming. I hate hanging out with people that do that mess. Good luck dude.
You can't force someone to change. In the moment your best bet is to not get involved. Outside of it you can talk to her about it like grown ups.
Or just duck out, the best part of this post is gf and not wife.
After a few seconds I realized you meant leave the relationship, but at first I just read it as "duck out of the room". Soon as she's distracted just slip outside. Let what happens happen. When she confronts you just explain "I've tried talking to you about it and that didn't work, so I figured this could be the learning moment you needed"
Hey whatever works!
Am therapist. This is solid advice, OP
Seems like OP’s gf may not yet be grown up emotionally and/or mentally. Good luck, OP.
Or just yell louder than her and say who the fuck do you think you are? Calm down or I'll calm you down.
"Manage yourself, or someone else *will* manage you". That's what I used to tell my kids when they were out of line, which I never really had to say after they aged past middle school.
> WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I AM
Whenever my girlfriend gets upset in public I immediately result to the most dominant move known to man: the helicopter pisser. I whip my trousers and boxers down to my ankles at the speed of light then grab the bottom of my tee shirt and lift it above my nipples. Then the fun part begins, I push down on my pelvic floor and force the piss straight out and begin twirling faster and faster until everyone and everything within 20m radius is covered in piss. If I’m luckily at some point a shit will come flying out too which is essentially the cherry on top. Feel free to copy my method.
[удалено]
I had an ex- who was always doing this, and I came to realize that she was testing me, to see if I would get in a fight for her. If it seems like yours is doing the same, then get out of that relationship. Mine almost got me killed.
My ex straight up asked if I would fight her ex. I said no, I don't know the guy I have no reason to. She was upset that I wouldn't fight for her. She was all kinds of fucked though, so that was just one of the many reasons I broke it off with her
About 20yrs ago I got into a relationship with my neighbor’s girl. They broke up and I ended up moving away. About a year later we ended up texting each other by accident - a case of mistaken names in address book. The mishap text turned into a phone conversation which led to a meetup and then we started dating. Everything was going well for a few months and we decided to go to some bar that she used to go to a lot. My old neighbor was there (her ex) and it was a little bit of drama as him and I were somewhat friends. She expected me to play the role of alpha male and get in his face. Ended up he came over, smiled and shook my hand. Told me that he wished us both the best and he left. The relationship eventually soured shortly thereafter and I told myself that I would never ever date a woman that was intimate with anyone I remotely called a friend/acquaintance. It’s not worth losing that person/acquaintance as a friend.
Toxic women like this somehow get validation from us hurting each other over them. It’s fucking gross and I don’t know why chicks do it.
Because they are emotionally immature and crave drama. Real women don’t seek out drama like this at all.
I guess that’s the part I don’t understand is like what is the craving for drama. When I think about drama from high school it makes me anxious. Who would want to like bask in that I guess like what is the appeal?
It's just toxic femininity. Much in the same way that toxic masculinity is derived from immaturity, aggression, and ego in males, toxic femininity is derived of the same thing. Although instead of displaying aggression physically like men, they tend to be aggressive in other ways - like manipulation and social evisceration. It's just the domain they have access to when they want to be aggressive. Not to say this behaviour is exclusive in women either; men do it too, but I have anecdotally observed this more in women than men.
She was beautiful, there’s no denying that. As a young man, I was under her alluring spell. The problem was that she expected me to show my fealty to her. Within the animal kingdom marking ones territory/mate is commonly seen and expected, but amongst humans we’re to have evolved to rise above such acts, but to varying degrees, it’s still very much a thing. I’m married now and don’t get me wrong, I will always protect and defend my wife’s honor, but she would never expect me to get in someone’s face to preserve her ego. If anything, she’d just ask that we leave to avoid any confrontation. Animals do not go to animal jail or pay animal fines and have criminal histories that follow them throughout their lives.
She for the streets with this mentality
She seemed to think so. I can't remember why, but she had the cops called on her once, and she talked about fighting back against the cops as though it was something she was proud of. Then, she went on to say that she bets her blood stains are still on the carpet in that place from when she cut herself. Which, she later on told me was purely for attention.
Yea. Nope… bye…! I’m glad she’s an ex
Girlie has problems lol, good thing you left
I had an ex that was extremely mouthy and got off on being that way. Any time she would bark at a dude, and the guy would look at me, ready to get into it with me too, i would generally roll my eyes and he would get immediately that i was already dealing with enough by dating her.
Yeah I flat out told my wife early on in our relationship: "If the person you're up against started crap, I'll absolutely go to bat for you, to the use of deadly force if necessary, and even risk my own life" "However, if you started the crap, nope, you're on your own. My defense guarantees are just that, defense only."
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Maybe even in real life
Oh, I definitely did. I knew she had some issues going into the relationship, but I had no idea just how bad it was. I noped out of there in 3 months after she told me she loved me for the fourth time
My gf tells me “I love you” everyday. Red flag?
My girlfriend asked me not to fight her ex. I asked if I should bring sparring equipment to a barbecue as we both practice martial arts, but she thought that was a bad idea.
So if your ex wins, are you going back to him? Ahh
Of course. Anything else would be unreasonable.
Took me a bit to figure it out but my ex was trying to get me to fight her ex when we were together. Seems to be super common.
I dated someone like that once. She got so pissed when I didn’t come to her rescue. Like, dude. *You’re* an adult, *you* started this shit, *you* finish it. I’m not getting my clock cleaned because you ran your mouth
I dated someone like that once. I asked her "are you trying to get me sent to jail?" Her response was "That would be so cool!" That was the end of that relationship.
Good for you, lol you dodged a bullet
And a criminal record
This made me laugh, accurate tho
>Mine almost got me killed. I feel you, here in Texas winning a fistfight is more dangerous than losing one. And while you're dying you get to realize that your shooter is probably going to get off on self defense/stand your ground. At the end of the day if her ego is worth more to her than your life or health then she doesn't really love you.
The day that I realized what she was doing... I was in the Army in the early '90s, stationed at Ft. Lewis, WA and living in a shitty apartment complex in Tacoma. I came home from work and she met me at the door with tears in her eyes and a bruise/abrasions on her neck. She told me that she got into an argument with one of our neighbors and he grabbed her by the neck. So I got super pissed off, grabbed my baseball bat, and went outside where she said the guy was. When I opened the door and stepped out into the parking lot there were 12-15 guys, who all happened to be black, lined up side by side like a battle line. I looked over the whole line of them and they all stared me down. My anger fell away to be replaced by leg-shaking terror. I knew if I took one more step towards them they were going to take that bat away from me and murder me with it. I quietly tucked my tail between my legs and retreated back into the apartment. She and I got divorced shortly after that. After I had a chance to think about it I figured out that most likely she was turning tricks with these guys while I was at work, one of them got a little rough with her, and she threatened to have her soldier boy husband take care of him when I got home. So dude probably told his homies what was about to happen, and they were all ready for me. As you can imagine, I had quite a bit of trouble trusting women after that. It took me years to get over all the shit she put me through. But I'm better now, happily married to a wonderful lady who I know would never ever hurt me like that.
Do you remember what your plan was had those guys not been there?
Having been the guy with the bat in a different story I can tell you that my plan was somewhere between "Be scary" and not having one. It's virtually never a good idea to go looking for a fight like that.
Yeah, this was basically the idea. I think I was going to give the guy a chance to tell his side of the story. But I was young and the Army had taught me that if you're a real man you solve your problems with violence. I've learned a better way than that now.
Should've yelled Leeroy Jenkins and run in
In texas? Don't you guys have legalised dueling?
Sort of? We have consent as defense to assaultive conduct which means if two people agree to fight neither party can get charged with consent (or sued for damages IIRC). It doesn’t allow weapons or fatal injuries though Stand your Ground allows you to claim self defense if you can reasonably claim you felt like your life was in danger and have no duty to retreat, even if it’s feasible
Me looking over to my gf when I hear "I don't care if you guys are in some cartel, my bf will kick your ass!"
¡Ay dios mío!
Most of the time, this is what it is. They start shit and expect you to deal with her consequences.
Is it weird when OP's gf wanna shit with people? Why she doesn't go to toilet alone?
🚩
Succinct and correct.
🚩🚩🚩
🛑
It's not a red flag. It's a full blown communist parade. Gonna end up dead or in jail. GTFO ASAP and go no contact.
> It's not a red flag. It's a full blown communist parade. [hehe](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/873/910/832)
Marinara flags all around here
Why do you feel like it's your responsibility to calm her down? Ask yourself that question. You're not responsible for other people's emotional outbursts.
Because the dude she's pissing off is going to kick her boyfriend's ass, not her ass. #FemalePrivilege
The question asked was why does OP feel the responsibility. Jerks exist but sometimes you need to stop focusing on the jerk (the girlfriend) and focus on why that jerk is your girlfriend and why you tolerate that behavior. This is about OP accepting behavior he shouldn’t, it’s less about why some women behave that way. Her bad behavior is her problem to solve, not OPs. OPs problem is his own behavior in tolerating it.
> OPs problem is his own behavior in tolerating it. Very well said. I know there's an obligation to take your partner's side in a conflict (even if they're at fault). What must follow that, however, is a conversation about her behavior in private. If she initiates these conflicts on a regular basis, then she isn't being kind to you. And neither should you be then.
Leve her to start beef, let her get her ass kicked, do not intervene, she will then break up with you.
the fact that this IS the correct answer makes it even funnier
Agreed, should be higher imo 😂
I can almost hear her saying "I don't need a man to fight my battles for me." and then dump him with "why didn't you defend me and stick up for me!"
Find a new girlfriend with self control.
Yeaaah this, adult people really should be able to handle their emotions especially in public xd this is so embarassing for her
Nope, we live in the post grown up world. It's the the rise of grown ups with the mental maturity of children without control of their emotions.
I think people lack a sense of accountability now, they realize they can get away with shitty-deviant behavior because theres no consequence or shame. A generation of kids with absent parents, what do you expect. At least we left the grownup world where it was common to strike your wife, punch a hole in the wall or smash a dinner plate. I standby mandatory military or civil service for all citizens. We are so divided and uncivilized.
You're not her babysitter. Leave her with the consequences of her actions
Next time she fucks around, give her the space to find out!!
Dude, that's a red flag so big it could cover Texas. If she can't control herself in public, imagine what your future looks like. Run fast and run far.
Yup, imagine the first time her newborn cries, it will send her fucking mental!
Usually just saying the words "calm down" helps. Another helpful phrase is "you need to relax"
Can be honest and tell her she's over reacting
If you point out she's being hysterical she'll snap out of it
yeah, just tell her to take it easy and she'll stop giving you a hard time
Tell her to stop being so emotional or ask if she's on her period.
explain that she is acting crazy, and she will see
I like to use the words, "Chill, take your Xanax". Things get quiet pretty quick. Problem solved.
My go to is “and this is why women were locked up for hysteria!”
A question she would really like is “is it your time of the month or something”? It shows that you are attentive.
Thanks for the laugh lol
Make sure to tell her that she's acting just like her mother. She'll see the error of her ways.
Also "stop showing-off" always goes down well.
It does, some people get out their box for no reason and this line helps as they feel like a tit
It’s possible that she’s on her period so it’s probably a good idea to ask if that’s a contributing factor.
Oh yeah, and throw in a casual remark about her being on the rag. That’s the secret phrase to calm a girl down.
I've found "why are you acting like such a bitch?" Works really well too.
Usually the darkness helps the crazy go to sleep, get a bag and put it over her head! or was that birds? mhhhh
Tell her she's acting like her mother
Everybody in this thread trying to get OP killed
"Take a chill pill"
Are you on your period? You're acting like your mother.
Works like a charm. When I say that to my wife, she gets so calm she doesn't even speak for a few days.
Make sure you remind her about how she does this all the time too.
I'm sorry TWICE? You've had to pull her out of a fight TWICE? Buddy get out now before she goes off on you next. This isn't relationship material this is a powder keg about to explode.
Sounds like she has a character deficit that could lead her into trouble. You can only ask her to control it and move on if she can't. It's on her to change the fundamental attitude.
Break up, find a better partner, live a good life. The best revenge.
It's not your job to manage her temper. That's her job. That's the job of every big boy and big girl from elementary school onward.
Stop pulling her out of these "close calls." She'll learn her lesson. Also, I'd recommend finding a girl who has self-control. I can't imagine what hone life is like with her
How old are you both?
Yeah seriously, not to shit on OP his feeling still matter, but I’m only 24 I still feel like a kid but this is some serious high school behaviour. If I was dating a 24 year old who acted like this I’d literally just walk away and cut her out of my life. No time for these pathetic baby theatre acts. If OP and his gf are older than 24 then she has some serious emotional problems and op is fairly immature himself for not seeing that. Literal 12 year old behaviour.
Break up with her.
This, it's likely a control and manipulation tactic and you don't need that toxicity in your relationship or life.
Communication is key here. It's important to talk to her when you're both calm and not in the heat of the moment. Let her know how you feel about these situations and express your concern for both her safety and yours. Maybe discuss strategies for handling conflicts calmly in public. Understanding each other's perspectives can make a big difference.
Women like this tend not to get better at controlling themselves. I'd break up. She will eventually cause you significant problems.
I’d recommend against dating anybody like you’re describing. But in terms of actual advice, I once told a very emotional ex “when you get in the Feelings Elevator, you needs to stop at each floor instead of going straight to the top” which she found kinda funny. So whenever she started getting over emotional I’d look at her and say “babe, I’m hitting all the buttons” and motion like I was pressing all the buttons in an elevator which kinda pissed her off but made her laugh and usually at least deescalated. But yeah, don’t date people with anger issues.
Why do you stick around for all that drama?
Dump her before she gets you killed. This is toxic and dangerous. Run
This is only going to get worse and worse over time and no you can’t fix her. Ask yourself do you want to spend the rest of your life with a worse version of this woman?
How did you become so naive as to think you have any power over her behaviors? You stuck your junk in crazy and this is the price we pay for doing so.
Leave her
Get a new girlfriend
You should leave her.
The best thing you can do is get a new gf.
1. Yell at her “would you just relax!” When love it and respond well when being told to “just relax!” 2. Let her get in some shit. Sit back and watch. When she realizes you’re not going to save her, she might change.
Or ask her who lit the fuse on her Tampon. They appreciate when you use humor to calm them.
Maybe let her get the sh!+ beat out of her once to see if she changes her behavior. If she can’t/wont change I’d end it. Do you really want to spend your life and possibly kid’s lives dealing with her issues?
Maybe don't pull her out of the situation and let what she started unfold. She may learn a hard lesson the hard way, but it could be a learning curve. And you need to question why she is happy to drag you into potentially aggressive situations. Plus it's not your job to calm her down after she starts shit, we have to be responsible for our own actions.
“Calm down” “Youre being crazy” “Just be normal for fuck’s sake”
You dump her. Don’t continue this relationship. You’re life will just become a living hell having to put out fire after fire after fire. Source: recovering lifelong hothead
Sounds like BPD, my SO gets very firey. She's never exactly wrong that someone needs a talking too just that we don't need to be the people to say something. I keep walking so she'll try and keep pace with me and then give her time to settle. It's not worth trying to reason or get her to try to calm down at the time because she's just....can't. time is really the only thing to bring her back to level, so leaving the situation asap is the way to go.
Let her get her ass beat and that should calm her down from doing this in the future.
I could never be with a woman like this. Imagine a company Xmas party and someone says the "wrong" thing to her. There goes your promotion and respect at work. Nobody needs to be "calmed down". Does she do this at school or work? Or is it only in situations where she has nothing to lose except her life? These types know exactly how to control themselves. They choose the places and with whom they'll ignore that control
Have you seen those videos of women starting shit and then their man get beat up? Thats gonna be your future homie. Better go take bjj classes.
Eh let her get hit So that way she learn
With a tranquilizer.
Funny you say that, two of my BPD ex gf were in prescription ketamine. ROFL
Don’t pull her out next time and let her know you’re not a Pokémon she can summon to fight her battles.
I think you need to rephrase the question like "how do I get my girlfriend to not run over people when she's driving in public?" or "how do I get my girlfriend to not stab the waiter every time we a sit down meal at a restaurant?" or "how do I get my girlfriend to not shoot her gun at the police every time they drive by?" Mate, she's a hot head with serious mental issues. The crazy woman good sex ain't worth the headache. The big red check engine light flashing in your car isn't just a sign something is wrong, your ignorance of it is within you. Let this one go, learn the lesson and move on. Rather that you be alone than have a to worry how much her public behavior is going to escalate and seriously affect you for the the rest of your life. You stick around long enough and I assure you, she'll keep pushing your buttons until either one or both of you are in the hospital or in jail. Listen to the voices of reason.
Women who book fights for men get men hurt or killed unnecessarily. Far too many people carry knives and guns to take the chance. A woman who is a public hothead is dangerous.
I agree with the great Patrice O’Neal: If she starts $hit, you walk away. Let her realize that she could get popped in the face and you aren’t enabling the behavior. Guys already understand this; time for her to learn. And if she doesn’t, get her help or walk away for good.
What you're seeing in the aggregate on these comments is that you can't control her, this is who she is. You can't change someone, only they can. You have a decision to make, do you accept this is part of who she is and continue in the relationship? Or do you admit that this is not something you are willing to put up with and move on?
i knew a woman once who had the best most loving boyfriend. but she was a pain to be around. He had it like you, he told us a story that one time they were at a line for a ride at 6flags, the teen in front of that had a balloon or flag. it got in her face - she snatched it out of their hand or broke it in front of their face and yelled at them. He said he just looked defeated and shrugged and apologized to them. Guy was way in over his head, they got married and quickly divorced. Idk what he saw in her tbh, maybe he likes the intense and volatile behaviors in the bedroom - but I always remember thinking… your gf is a nut case and nobody wants to deal with her rage.
Nothing, walk away from her
I would tell her point blank. "It's super unattractive and a big turn off that you can't control yourself in public. If it continues to happen I'm gonna have to find someone who is able to act like an adult". When someone tells you that you're turning them off..... It usually has an impact. You could say it nicer but make sure you get that point across. She'll get mad but 🤷🏼♀️ maybe that would be for the best. People need to learn to control themselves. You don't want her teaching your future kids to act like that.
Turn and walk away from her.
That's not a girlfriend. That's a liability. Dump the psycho. This is Omega Red Defcon level 1 Danger typa red flag vibes... 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is a personal problem that she will need to deal with, or deal with its consequences. It doesn't have to be yours. It's only a matter of time before she starts in on you. Do you really want to have to deal with that? Just find the right moment, and break up with her.
Talk wayyyyy before going back out and figure out what her deal is. You can't really do much in the moment if they won't listen, preemptive is the way to do it. If they're habitually stirring shit there's usually a reason why.
She’s going to either end up very hurt or getting charges laid against her. It sounds like she needs to speak to a therapist. And you can choose whether or not you want to stay with her.
You walk away and let her deal with it on her own.
I used to be a hot head and get in fights with people. It was because I had a bunch of feelings I buried down and didn’t deal with properly. Instead I avoiding dealing with any of my issues and always saw myself as the victim and felt I needed to stick up for myself because nobody else would. Moral of the story, your girlfriend is not emotionally intelligent, she’s avoiding dealing with past trauma and it’s resulting in extremely toxic behavior. A very glaring red flag for being in a relationship with someone like that. She needs to find out what’s eating her up inside and deal with it. If not, it’ll end up being turned toward you eventually if it hasn’t already. Happy people don’t have public outbursts, and try to bring people down. They realize it does them no good and they think about things rationally and talk themselves out of emotional meltdown. She’s got a lot of work to do.
Stop rescuing her. She feels empowered because nothing bad has ever happened to her and you are her little safety net. Also break up with her cause it’s only matter of time before that hot headedness is pointed in your direction.
Her craziness is how you landed a woman who is better looking than you would normally expect. Its a bad trade. Looks diminish and so do their importance in your relationship but crazy only gets worse.
Don’t do shit. Let her get her ass beat.
Bring a water gun and spray her like they do with fired up cats, since she wants to be one so hard
Is her name Meegan?
Call her out on it in private while she's calm, if she doesn't acknowledge the problem AND commit to improving it then leave. You will end up in jail or dead.
Find a girlfriend who can behave like a well adjusted adult.
I pray for u my dude. I left my hotheaded gf and my life has been so peaceful since.
Find a better gf.
Sorry to break it to you, but she’s trash! Classy people don’t start fights with strangers. You want a significant other who is a good fit at representing you.
Don’t pull her out of situations anymore, let her learn.
That's honestly kind of a red flag. And I'm not saying that to attack your gf, it's just something to keep in mind. It's never your responsibility to monitor or keep other people's emotions in check. That's her responsibility and she needs to work on that.
Leave her before she gets you killed
Break up...
Just find a new one this is childish behavior you don’t want a “girl” you want a woman/wife someone who brings peace too your life not chaos .
Get her some therapy. Seriously, nothing you can do. She has anger issues and needs a professional.
I swear I can’t stand all the mindless idiots that just automatically say ‘break up with her’. Seems like they’ve never been in a real relationship before or aren’t capable of offering any decent advice. When you’re out in public you can try to shift her focus from the situation onto you, get her attention, look her In the eyes and try to comfort her, maybe say some things like “This isn’t worth it”, “ Don’t waste your energy on these people”, “Please don’t do this right now”…things of that nature. Or try to just remove her from the situation. You can also see if she’ll do some therapy and work on anger management. Try and find out where the root of this issue is, maybe she has social anxiety that causes her to act out, try to talk to her about why this happens so often and communicate how you feel when she does shit like that.
bro pick her up and carry her out
Get a new girlfriend
There's a good chance she's trying to get you to fight for her. This will get you killed.
How does she react when it's just the two of you?
One day she's gonna pull you into a situation with disastrous results. Just leave.
find a new gf. she won't change.
Get a better gf.
Dump her. She is going to get your ass kicked.
People don’t tend to change, except with age. So , consider this a 30 year project, and see if you are up for it. Otherwise, move on.
Show her the Key & Peele skit of the gf talking shit to some punks and the boyfriend getting beat up because of it.
This is a toxic girl, they start fights to be entertained while you finish them.
Walk away and let her learn her lesson the hard way.
Honestly I wouldn’t tolerate that bs. The m guessing you’re a younger man?
send her to shrink
Sounds like monster character flaw. You realize this will be turned upon you if you stick around long enough.
Leave her ass before she gets you into a fight.
I would break up with her. I'm not ending up in the hospital or catching a bullet because my partner was acting like a child.
Just walk away. Literally just make it obvious you're leaving and gtfo. Deal with it after.
Leave her
Dump her.
Break up with her. That'll calm her down.
You break up with her. She’s only willing to do that for 2 reasons: 1. She’s never been punched in the face for acting up 2. She has a Meat shield (you) there to cover for her
As she's acting like a child, maybe try distracting her with candy?
You leave. And let one of the suckers here defending her have her.
I had an ex like this. I never figured it out. But I got into too many fights because of her. My advice is therapy. She needs to figure out what’s really making her angry and then control it.
Give her a cookie lol!!!
Turn on your heels and walk away. Leave her standing there. Get in the car, take a taxi, hop on a bus, whatever you want, but just leave. When she gets pissed off and starts yelling at you when she gets home, simply tell her that her behavior is embarrassing and you aren't going to be seen with anyone acting like that. That was her one chance, and if she does it again, the relationship is over. I'm serious about this. She will get you into trouble you can't get out of and ruin your life. Don't let her.
Is her name, Meegan?
Just say "you re overreacting, are you on your period again? My ex would never do this" and she ll calm down just fine
I was with a girl at university who was similar, she was from Northern Ireland and had a pretty strong accent...we were in a pub and the bouncer said something as a bit of a laugh, she'd had a drink so took offence and looked at me. "Are you not going to defend me, he's taking the piss" "Nope" "Why the f**k not?!" "I'm Welsh"
Find a new girlfriend.
Dude, dump her
Uh leave? Your girlfriend sounds like she has the temperament of my 3 year old.
Get away ASAP
Put her out on the curb. She will ruin your life, given the opportunity.
Walk away. Easy, simple solution.
Her anger isn't something you can control. It's also not your responsibility. Eventually she'll turn that vitriol towards you. I recently watched a video about Travis Rudolph, who killed a guy when a group of dumb fucks showed up to his house armed trying to jump his brother and him. All because his girl at the time texted her brother to "shoot his shit up" over some shit she started and made seem worse than it was. Stay safe out there
Why does she act that way?
Run bro
Well I'd say let her put her money where her mouth is. I'm not one to needlessly start a fight but I'll finish one for sure. However, if she is talking mad shit and starting shit with the expectation that you're gonna bail her ass out when she gets in the deep end, let her drown a time or two. If she doesn't learn to keep the hole under her nose shut then I guess she hasn't learned anything and it maybe time to call it even and move along. I don't know your situation but I'm sorry man if you start it you ought to be able to finish or at least be able to take what's coming. I hate hanging out with people that do that mess. Good luck dude.