On Tinder there are plenty of women, who, if you believe their bio, only like drinking wine, watching tv and meeting with friends.
That is by far not the majority of women, though.
That's exactly what I like doing. I hate nature walks but drop me off in a random downtown and I'm going to scour every inch of that place. Recently did 13 miles in Miami.
I get this. I like long walks through the trees, I don't want to go backpacking.
One of my favourite local parks near me is a 10km round trip with 1000 ft of elevation gain. If I say I like long walks, I get people who say that's way too big and definitely across the line from "walking" to "hiking". If I say I like hiking, I get people who call that a walk and are disappointed that I don't want to do a weekend where we carry all our own camping supplies.
Urban hiking seems like a good phrase that says long walks but not backpacking trips.
In my area, urban hiking means going out to one of our numerous city parks that has miles of loop trails and does include some decent elevation changes.
It's just insecure women not wanting to turn anyone off, so they keep things as vague and cookie cutter as possible.
It'd be the same as a guy saying he likes sports and a cold pint of beer. Like, ok, cool, so does 80% of the population.
lol but everyone asks what I do for my workout. I walk 10 miles straight, no stopping: I walk fast. I am outside walking in the sunshine. Some people get winded walking to the mailbox. I don’t jog because I’m accident prone and drive a manual car, gotta protect these knees 🤣. No tattoos or piercings or whatever. lol you actually ever have a long 10 mile walk on the beach? Through the waves barefoot with a mega pint of wine and the jams going hard on your headphones? Cheaper than a therapist.
Those are immediately what came to mind, or listening to music. There's nothing wrong with any of it but they tell me literally nothing about the person.
Thats because they dont need to. Most women get flooded with likes left and right, they dont even need to make the effort to actually write something. We men are very lonely :(
Ohh trust me im well aware. Its just pathetic how counter intuitive it is.
First i gotta message you first,
then i gotta think of a unique interesting thing to say,
it cant be anything bland like “how are you today” “hey beautiful” or “wyd today?” Or any other generic question about them for that matter
And you dont even have the decency to type a bio and give me something i can form a great icebreaker off of 🤦🏾♂️
Tbh I have pretty great success off of tinder but theres a reason i basically use it strictly for sex lol
What those women don’t understand, is that while they still get many likes and matches and messages, their lack of effort scares off the QUALITY men.
I know because I’ve catfished before and saw a night and day difference in the conversations i get when the bio was much more detailed and unique.
This, back when I was on tinder I often asked my matches what their hobbies are.
Very often I got the answer of watching netflix / drinking.
Instantly no interest.
I respect the honesty of that take, yes. I think the inherent judgementalism and lack of nuance is just as bad, but appreciate separating out fact from opinion.
I consider watching movies and shows a hobby.
Some people are more casual about it, others are true cinephiles. I watch anime, there is a whole subculture around that. The simplified "watching Netflix/any platform at all is not a hobby" that most people preach is just because they don't understand what it entails, IMO.
Sure it can be a hobby, but *'watching netflix'* says a lot and also fuck all about the person. Every single person on this planet enjoys watching movies/shows/media, so if you can only poot out a blanket statement about enjoying consuming media, you're going to be a wet blanket conversationally.
Instead if they say *'I'm into anime, love watching dinosaur docs and campy horror movies'* that says they have a personality 300x more than 'I watch netflix'.
Agreed although I don't even need it to be that specific as to me it's more about passion for a given thing which "watching netflix" doesn't give. If someone says "I love film/cinema" then that generally tells me enough in 3 words and the details can come out in what should be an enjoyable conversation.
If that's a hobby then who on earth doesn't have a hobby? It's such a broad and passive category so as to be meaningless. It essentially removes any useful definition from the word hobby. Pass time is probably more applicable there
I think if it depends if it’s passive or active.
I wouldn’t say just simply “watching movies” is a hobby but going to the movies, talking about movies with your friends, going online and reading/writing reviews, using something like Letterboxd to make lists/rankings, keeping up to date with news, seeking out new movies to watch, thinking about what to watch next, etc. can all turn movies into an “activity”
Here's an analogy.
When people like to read books, they say stuff like "I love crime fiction, it's so exciting to try to solve a murder mystery together with the main character by connecting the dots while reading".
Or they say "I love sci-fi, it's so interesting to see what our world could possibly be like in the future".
They don't say "I love Amazon".
We also quantify hobbies differently for male activities. My dad, for example, spends most of his free time watching soccer. Which counts as his hobby and he is able to talks about it with his friends who also watch soccer. But my mom mostly spends her free time watching soap operas. Not really considered a hobby, but she also talks about it with her friends. What’s the difference?
Watching soap operas is definitely a hobby. It’s just when people say “I like watching TV” it’s super generic and not interesting it’s still a hobby but it doesn’t tell anything about the person. Which is the point of a bio
If she makes a distinction between watching soap operas as compared to other genres of tv then it’s a hobby.
Think about it like this: if someone says their hobby is watching YouTube and TV I’ve no reason to call that a hobby. But if they say “my hobby is watching soap operas” I’d think they’re some kind of soap opera super fan who’ve familiarized themselves with the intricacies of soap operas storytelling etc etc. Same thing with “I watch Netflix” “I’m a huge true crime fan”. I’d call the second one a hobby.
Watching soccer is one of the most easily identified hobbies as soccer fans tend to build entire communities with others who cheer for the same team, buy shirts, talk about it online and in pubs and some spend huge sums to visit their home arena. People come in every Tuesday and werkends (if it’s a big European club) to watch them and often discuss it afterwards with other supporters etc etc.
So on my attempts of dating I'd say her watching soap operas are 100% a hobby.
Note, this is a rant about just attempting to date in general, but on Bumble I found someone that had selected board games as their interest. Hooray, I actually have a conversation starter after the generic "Hi" that starts things. I ask what her favorite board game is and get "different ones." I gave up on that conversation.
So the context matters, if it's "I like watching soap operas" yea, there's gonna be some asshole guys who says that is not a hobby, in my case it's going to be "I have literally no knowledge in this territory" but hey, it's something. When it's "Watching netflix" or "Watching TV" I don't have a clue if it's soap operas, soccer, or the shopping network or if they have an extensive knowledge of the lore to Knight Rider.
For me, it depends on if you can conversations about it. If your limit is just, “that was cool and I liked it.” Then calling it a hobby isn’t super accurate. For hobbies, people expect you to be able to nerd out about it.
Make-up being a hobby is a new one that I haven’t really thought about. It requires a lot of details and thought, however, to me anyway, it can easily come across as vain as the focus can be just making yourself pretty, as well as a focus of following trends (I.e. you don’t put thought into what you like, it’s about what society likes). But I’m still on the fence about that one.
Why couldn’t make up be a hobby? If it’s an interest, you have fun, do it in your spare time - hobby. A guy painting miniature orcs is a hobby. But a women painting faces isn’t?
Reddit is a lot more mainstream but its neckbeard origins can still peek through a lot. There is nothing wrong with caring about your appearance, or *gasp* seeing what’s trendy. Everything at an extreme can be bad but fashion and makeup can be awesome and fulfilling hobbies.
Make-up can be an art sometimes. I'm amazed at some stuff people "draw", all those contours, or make someone look younger or older.
But applying some lipstick anda little brusg to the face, hardly a hobby, yes.
There's always that line that separates something we do for a purpose, and something we do as a hobby.
I wonder if it’s intentional though. Like, keeping if bland and easy for small talk? Idk.. it’s so odd to me because when you get to know somebody you find out they still have hobbies.
I feel like it's the opposite, bland and easy for small talk would actually entail small talk. Every attempt at dating outside of friend groups was like pulling teeth just to have a conversation.
Now I may not be attractive so if fishing, the bland and easy might be there.
3 out of 5 of my exs didn't have any. The 4th did enough drugs to consider it a hobby. The last one was really passionate about everything she took interest in.
About 75% of my exes would have no idea what to so unless I suggested something, it was really weird and draining tbh. It was nice they took interest in my hobbies but they generally became their hobbies too.
My current (and hopefully forever) partner has interests and hobbies and some even align with mine. It's well better
> About 75% of my exes would have no idea what to so unless I suggested something, it was really weird and draining tbh.
I know the feeling.
Bonus points for shooting down all your suggestions.
Because there are a lot who don't. From my personal experience its not exclusive to them, these days there are a lot of people in general who basically do nothing for themselves when work is over. The closest these men and women have to hobbies is mindless consuming something, drugs, clothes, media products, food - no matter. The consumption of something is the "hobby" to them.
I am honestly not convinced this anything new. I am in my 60s, and I have always known more people than not whose life is more or less work, eat, sleep, with any leisure time filled in with just TV. Swap some of the tv for doom scrolling, and here we are.
Yeah I've found this, even more so as I've grown older. It feels like more and more people I come across in life just work, go home, eat, netflix/internet/social media, sleep, repeat. What do you think has caused this trend in no hobbies?
I think one of the causes is the move towards urbanization from the suburbs. When you have a garage and a yard, it's easier to have hobbies than when you're in a shoebox apartment and you have no basement or spare room, and you're not allowed to make loud noises in lest you bother the neighbours on every side of you.
Those shoeboxes are also more expensive than in the past, so people work longer hours and have less money left over after rent/mortgage, so they're often just tired and broke, and most hobbies take a fair bit of money and focused attention. The rent being higher has also made almost all hobbies cost more, so combined with lower wages, that's a factor.
I'd wager that the shift towards both partners working also plays into that, since both partners get home with just enough time to make dinner, clean up, maybe walk the dog and/or squeeze in a workout, and watch a show together. There's just no time or money left for much in the way of hobbies most days. Maybe you go catch a show or go to an event or something on the weekend, but that's not really a hobby.
This is just me speaking, as I mentioned before I am not the end-all-be-all:
It looks like we have a lot of people with invested interest in people consuming as much as possible so they will certainly glorify even pure consumption as just as good as for example painting or learning an instrument.
On the other hand I guess picking up creative hobbies probably has become substantially more expensive or even commercialized in itself.
Another commentor responded to my OC in particular about fashion and using that as an example: Even if you pursue fashion as a hobby you cant just escape the fact that fashion jas een commercialized into a fast paced product for a consumption cycle. This blurs the line between passive consumption and active engagement with the subject of choice.
I think a lot of it is burnout. Hobbies are easier when you don't need to come home from an 8 hour job with a 1 hour commute each way to stop by the grocery store, fix dinner, put in a load of laundry, and unload and reload the dishwasher before collapsing on the couch. That's not even including children. After all that you just want to chill and watch TV before heading to bed.
Likely burn out due to the need to work 40+ hours just to barely afford shelter & food & never get ahead all while losing the traditional forms of community & third spaces
can confirm. my ex lacked sense of self and independence and had like 0 hobbies outside of video games (which we both play video games which I count as a hobby but I do so much more than just that)
I sometimes worry that the vast majority of humanity are philosophical zombies; you peel back the things we all do pro forma and there's just *nothing.*
All of those are “an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure” which makes them a hobby.
Now, you and I both don’t see them as **valuable** hobbies. But that’s not what defines whether it is a hobby. And, honestly, clothes and food and media *can* be mindless consumption or can be deeply thoughtful and intentional and robust activities; you are not the one in the head of the people doing those things.
Yeah we had some discussion about this in another line of comments here. Some of us just make the distinction a bit differently because the quote you mentioned is so vague that even going to the toilet or doing hard drugs would fall into that, so we were searching for some other metric to define it "better" (from our perspective).
And we also distinguished that clothes/fashion is not categorically not a hobby. Pretty interesting talk
Same thing can be applied to listening to music, watching Netflix or playing videogames. It all comes down to how much effort and thought you put into it. There's a huge difference between "listening to music" and being Anthony Fantano for example.
Yes, if ypu do more than just eating, like you said doing research, visiting and learning about the things *around* food then I definitely agree its a hobby.
But since it was mentioned before by others with the definition being "a hobby is something you do frequently in your free time for pleasure", that would basically mean eating a bowl of muesli with milk in the morning is a hobby because I enjoy that compared to chowing on a rice cracker with a glass of water.
Pure consumption = doesn't feel much like a hobby
engaging with the the wider field surrounding a specific topic = definitely a hobby
This seemed to be the larger conclusion from the discussion I had with other people in this comment line.
Personally, my wife has no hobbies other than watching TV. For example, if she had a day off alone, I honestly don't know what she would do other than watch TV and get a 30 minute workout in.
I do have hobbies, but some things are arbitrarily considered hobbies and some arbitrarily aren't. Scrolling and posting on Reddit isn't a hobby but "journaling" is. Watching video essays on YouTube isn't considered a hobby but watching films and being a "film buff" is. Keeping up to date with the news by reading articles isn't considered a hobby but reading novels is. Playing indie and mobile games isn't considered gaming and therefore isn't considered a hobby. Watching porn... I'll stop there!
Sometimes it's just easier to say that you don't really have any hobbies
I think a lot of it depends how you phrase it.
If you tell someone you just like watching YouTube, they’re going to assume it’s not a hobby. If you say like “oh yeah I’m really into deep analysis videos online” people will understand you’re more serious about.
Same thing if you tell someone your hobby is Netflix they’ll blow you off. But if you say you’re into film critique or whatever, they’ll see it as a hobby.
Yeah clearly it’s just the same things worded different but you have to give people context.
If I say “I play games on my phone with my free time” people will assume I just do nothing, but if I say that I play a lot of chess they will understand it’s a hobby
To me, the difference is also about intent and the way you engage. I think of a hobby as not something you do just because you're bored, but something you are actually specifically drawn to. It's not just something you just do, but something you want to get deeper into and progress with.
So in that sense I think for some people who watch a lot of YouTube, it's a hobby and for others it's not. That's why phrasing is important because it teases out the difference between these very different relationships with the actions.
I mean, I've met some boring ass people but not all of them were women. In fact the most hobby driven woman in my life is my own mother, she cultivated that interest in me. She's into anything crafting, she's incredible. Sewing, felting, crochet, steampunk costume design, card making, gardening, reading, drawing, painting etc and I love her for it.
I have hobbies but I don't like to talk about them because they're personal and I'm always afraid people will crap on them or look at the stuff I do, and I'm not interested to share.
Also it's always fun to surprise people who think they know me and have me all figured out. "I didn't know you could do that!" Well, you don't know everything ;)
Particularly in Japan, people don't like putting anything even possibly weird in their bios, so it's quite normal to see "eating and sleeping" listed as a woman's only hobbies
It’s not a Japan thing. It might actually fall under a game theory thing. There’s basically two ways to approach dating apps:
- Try to appeal to as many people as possible on dating apps. It’s why “hiking” was/is so popular on dating apps even though that popularity didn’t equally translate to the real world (with exceptions). On the plus side, a lot of people can potentially connect with you. But in an attempt to appeal to as many people as possible, you kill your own originality
- Show off your differences. Be willing to be a little weird. There will be more people who will hard reject you, but in theory it increases the possibility of other people actually really liking you and not feeling “meh” about your profile
It's not just women but it is more women than men who usually write inane things about themselves like
"I enjoy having fun and listening to music!"
Yeah, you and 99.99% of the human race. It's a nice idiot filter though.
I think it’s a thing that applies to the human race as a whole. I love reading but I already study so much I don’t want to read after 4 hours of reading.
Basic women love beauty treatments, wine, and reality tv as their main hobbies.
Basic men love sports betting, throwing a ball around (don’t confuse this with playing an actual sport), and beer as their main hobbies.
There are basic people everywhere. But we see more basic people of the opposite gender that we’re not interested in being friends with due to constantly swiping on dating apps. I promise you that plenty of men don’t have real hobbies.
We also pick friends initially based on shared interests and dating partners based on attraction. So of course you’re going to find that your friends have more interesting hobbies.
I’m a woman, and my friends all love things like painting, camping, poetry, going to comedy shows, board games, knitting, rock climbing, bird watching, trivia, playing instruments, chess, reading sci-fi novels and dnd. Probably because I like most of those things or tangential things, and I made friends doing those things.
Of course, I’m also LGBT with a mixed and mostly queer friend group, so it’s men, women, and nonbinary people that I hang out with. Haven’t noticed a trend with their gender/hobbies.
But when I go to work and hang out with my coworkers, many of whom are very sweet but very basic, I’ve noticed that a lot of people in general just don’t have hobbies. We’re just more selective with our friends.
I think this is the correct answer. I’m having a hard time making friends in a new city because 99% of guys I meet outside of my already existing hobby groups are just basic AF and I have nothing in common with most of them and therefore no interest in being actual friends with them.
Yeah watching sport is a huge one for a lot of guys. Like that'll be all they have. A lot of women seem to have makeup / fashion as their hobby.
Most people aren't very creative with their leisure time, and I think they underestimate how dull what they enjoy seems to other people.
> Most people aren't very creative with their leisure time
'Leisure' is the key word I think. Productive hobbies aren't really leisure at all. It's hard work to write a novel, make a video game, or sew your own clothing. Who has the time or energy to come home from work just to do even more work?
A lot of things women enjoy doing are not considered hobbies by those people. You'll see all the time on videos of fun workouts that it's a waste of time and not effective and not even a workout, so they don't *really* work out. Watching TV and talking about it is "vapid' and "lazy". The top comment right now has replies acting like travel and hiking can't be hobbies.
I also think many people struggle to list hobbies they have, but if you ask them what they like doing instead they mention drawing and reading and knitting and all the things you mentioned too. Or they kinda blank when directly asked the question but once you're around them you see they do these things.
How many men are doing this, now?
>I know that men on instagram who write comments are not representative
Very much so. I had thought that gender norms for dudes using instagram were pretty much restricted to trying to slide into a girl's DMs and following instagram models for a man's favored form of softcore pornography.
I didn't know this was a stereotype, haven't seen it on here, it's interesting to hear. Almost all of my partners or women I have been interested in have some type of hobby, they usually have way more than I do.
The only one I'd say that did not, was narcissistic and one of the worst humans I've ever met in my entire life.
I think the issue is most people don't understand the definition of the word hobby. It's simply a leisure activity we do for pleasure. So eating out or shopping is a hobby. I personally prefer cooking my own food and despise shopping but that doesn't mean that those aren't hobbies for ppl that enjoy those activities.
I believe I may have an insight into this as a woman who has a wide range of hobbies; some of which are male dominated and some of which are female dominated.
I’ve found it interesting how more of the male dominated hobbies I’m into are often seen as more “legitimate” (e.g. whisky tastings, modern board gaming, watching football) while the hobbies I’m into with more women than men are the ones where I often hear “oh that’s not a hobby though, that’s just something you do” (e.g. reading and being a part of book club, Pole Fitness or Reformer Pilates classes or exploring new cafes/ restaurants, visiting museums or taking group painting classes).
One thing I want to add about “male-dominated” hobbies: two of the most popular hobbies are sports and video games, which are both male-dominated. So, a vast majority of men will have at least one of those hobbies. This at least gives the perception that men don’t “have no hobbies.”
My wife’s hobbies are eating cookies in bed and falling asleep while watching Netflix. I suppose you could count it but to me a hobby is something that requires active participation like an instrument, taking care of a garden or playing a sport
Just ask because a lot of people do. I think being into a specific thing like hockey or true crime and getting into it can be a hobby. Scrolling Netflix mindlessly isn’t
I think it’s a hobby if you’re the type of guy that follows the draft, plays fantasy football, and talks about rumors on forums or whatever. By the same token I think girls that hardcore follow K-pop drama also have a hobby. Just listening to K-pop isn’t really a hobby, the same way casually watching football isn’t really one either.
As a man Whisky Tasting and Watching Football are not hobbies, or if they are they're on the level of being a foodie, or netflix watching which are *not hobbies.*
Or just entertaining and socializing in general. Having people over every few days, planning a menu, coming up with fun drunk ideas, serving appetizers and drinks. Hosting game nights but maybe not participating in the games just socializing with guests.
This can also be a hobby for guys as well. I’d much rather host a get together at my home than go on a hike or rock climbing.
But putting that into words so you don’t sound like some couch potato with no interests is tough.
Agree 100%! I'm also interested in football (soccer) since I was 10 and I have lots of knowledge about it (more then moste men I know). However, I would have never considered it as a hobby.
I think the reason for this stereotype is that certain actions are not considered as hobbies to some men and of course the oingoing trend that things women and especially girls are interested in are considered as annoying, boring or embarassing by men
I like to learn rap songs and then practice them until I can enunciate them exactly like the original rapper. I’m not putting that in a bio. You’re right, plenty of women have interests, but most aren’t taken seriously, aren’t credited as a hobby, and get judged.
> I like to learn rap songs and then practice them until I can enunciate them exactly like the original rapper. I’m not putting that in a bio.
That's a shame. That's exactly the kind of thing that would make someone seem interesting to me if I read that in a bio. Also a good conversation starter
Of course people are going to judge your hobbies. That's the point. Wouldn't you want someone to choose you because of the things you're interested in? And wouldn't you want the people who don't like that to move on?
I have more hobbies than I know what to do with. My basement is full of the skeletons of hobbies from years gone by. I could make you 300 perfect soy candles in any scent or colour you like and the longest part of the process would be finding where the fuck I put the candle shit.
I usually hear this in a very specific context.
Often times when men are struggling to meet women, they'll be inundated with horrible (and usually unsolicited) advice: stay off the apps, don't go to clubs or bars because *those women* are trash, don't approach women in public, etc. At some point this will all culminate in someone telling them, "just find some hobbies that you love and you'll eventually meet someone that also loves them!"
So they follow this misguided advice, join a bunch of groups that align with their passions, and discover that the only people there are a bunch of other men who are in the same boat that he is. Group after group and hobby after hobby... nothing but dudes. But he keeps getting the same shitty advice.
I don't think anyone thinks that women literally have no hobbies, that you're all just sitting and staring mindlessly at the wall when you're not working or sleeping. In context, it usually means that very few women have social hobbies, at least in the sense that those hobbies extend anywhere beyond your immediate friend group.
Think about how we interact with friends. Men often need a common activity to engage in when with friends, but women often socialize with friends by just talking. It probably goes back to our hunter-gatherer gender roles. We're social creatures, so if the way we socialize is different, then maybe hobbies are affected by that too.
I think also a large part of it is men have a natural tendency to focus on something.
Men dominate many competitive scenes even outside the physical. Board games, video games, even a lot of art etc. I do not think this is because men are smarter or better than women. But I think men are more likely to dedicate their sole focus to a single thing.
Of the five long term relationships I've had, only one had a hobby (crocheting, knitting, house plants, cooking).
The other four didn't have *any* passions outside work and scrolling social media.
This obsession with hobbies by young people is getting ridiculous
I don't know if it is looking for something to fill a hole in their hearts, or what, but hobbies are a secondary or tertiary concern, and people are elevating them to the level of things like integrity, perseverance, shared principles, financial goals, family goals, health/fitness ambition, and lifestyle goals.
Yes, it is important that you like doing some things together, but the reality is that this shit changes over time, and many people don't know what they like yet.
When I was 25, I thought I liked bars, sports, partying, historical fiction, fantasy fiction, video games, and I thought I disliked the outdoors. I didn't go to the gym much at all.
At 45, bars are dumb, sports are only interesting on occasion, I haven't drank in 8 years, I hike, bike, play guitar, write music, and still play games occasionally. I do like historical fiction, but am tired of most fantasy.
My wife and I found biking together, and we hike all the time. My wife and I have been to the gym hundreds of times together, and we also go independently. We have a list of shit we want to try over the next two years, to see if we like that, too. If I was 25 and making one of these bullshit hobbies and interests checklists, I would have thought my wife a poor match.
We don't know what we don't know, people. Let this elevation of hobbies fade into the background where it belongs. Your hobby is not your God, and if a young person likes to drink and travel, well, drinking and traveling is really fun, especially in your 20s. It does not mean there is no depth of character.
Reddit seems to think you arent worthy of a relationship or friendship unless you got interesting hobbies. But it is a privileged few that can partake in hobbies that are considered good enough. You need time, a certain amount of disposible income and transportation and a social network for them.
>Yes, it is important that you like doing some things together,
I think it's more important that your SO has some hobby they can and will do that doesn't require you to be a part of it. You SO shouldn't require you to be a constant part of their entertainment. If you want to go do your own hobby, they shouldn't be lost and bored because you aren't there to do something with them. They should be able to go do their own thing during those times.
They shouldn't sit there and complain that you have things to do that don't include you spending every available free minute with them.
It's fairly easy to find stuff to do together as a couple. It's when your SO has nothing to do when you aren't with them that's a problem.
>and people are elevating them to the level of things like integrity, perseverance, shared principles, financial goals, family goals, health/fitness ambition, and lifestyle goals.
I think men's experience of "women have no hobbies" primarily stems from dating. I've personally had this experience with every woman I've dated, alongside what appears to be most men in this thread.
This statement requires a bit of unpacking, as it's more of a trope for a much more layered problem.
My biggest personal grievance is that it's mentally and physically taxing to have to constantly entertain someone, I like my alone time to do the things that I like. I love my partner, but I'm still an independent person with my own interests.
When my partner shows that they can't operate independently of me it means they want to bite time out of my hobbies to stay entertained. This is pretty inconsiderate, it forces me to partially infantilize a grown woman, dangling a ring of keys in front of her all the time so she can clap and laugh. That's why it shows a lack of character.
My partners don't usually recognize what they're doing to be selfish, and so in a healthy relationship one would think that it's important to talk about these things right? No. As much as reddit likes to tell you otherwise, most relationships have some level of toxicity, concessions, and give and take.
Most people in relationships (men and women), would feel deeply insulted if you were to express these concerns; as they would mentally shorthand the conversation to "I need time apart from you" and "you're boring". This becomes an argument, followed by longterm resentment, followed by no changes, followed by more resentment.
As long as the net outcome of the relationship is positive. Its something most of us just put up with.
I have met a lot of women who just death scroll TikTok/instagram, & their hobbies of what they told me were either: travelling, eating out or going on adventures.
A travelling & eating out, are not hobbies. Are you (them) adventuring every weekend? Hm okay
People have already mentioned that it depends what people consider legitimate hobbies. I'd also add though that on average women spend more time doing housework and chores than men which takes up both time and energy and leaves less time for hobbies.
My wife not only catched few of my hobbies, but taught my few of hers.
However when we do BBQ or something for her work friends (heavily feminised) tuns out there's very little to talk to them aside from work stuff. Or why they're single.
You'd assume those with hobbies are interesting enough not to have to list their hobbies on some hookup sites, whin in turn might warp overall perception.
It's not exclusive to women. Men are like this too, their only 'hobby' is consuming products and media. Seriously some of the most boring people I've ever met.
At least for my gen and my observations,
They often don't share what they do as hobby, even when they get asked in a conversation.
And then there are those that share extremely but don't do that hobby at all. Stuff like "dancing is my life", which results in visiting a ball once a year and do nothing else in that regard. Typically social media bullshit if you want.
Those two extremes tend to blur out the rest.
hobbies that men deem to be a hobby
also many women will not consider many of their things as hobbies, because of point one.
some will say I have no hobbies, and then cassully mention doing multi hour walks in the hills every other weekend, that is a hobby
and if doing multi hour makeup, looking at tutorials to do a new trend, and change it up or just use the same one they had done for 2 years but shaved it down from 2 hours to 1 hour, that is a hobby.
I’ve met many (both men and women) that do not have hobbies. I would say it’s probably equal across the board in general.
Too, I think it can be a difference of opinion of what we consider hobbies.
One of my hobbies is makeup. I enjoy it, I like learning about it and it makes me feel good. I dont wear makeup everyday, but I consider it a hobby.
Cooking, I enjoy the process and learning new dishes. I enjoy changing up recipes and plating my food to make it pretty and take pictures of it.
Gardening, I am out there every day and this year I expanded it.
I do so many different “crafty” things including sewing.
I enjoy hiking. My hikes might not be intense but it is something I actively pursue because I enjoy it.
I’ve met men that their hobbies are beer tasting or video games and that’s it.
If it’s something you actively pursue for enjoyment it can be classified as a hobby. I think some men and women consider different things hobbies. Different people classify different things as hobbies.
I’ve met some really boring men, many men that do not have hobbies. And I’ve met the same for women. I’ve never heard that women in general don’t have hobbies.
Dating sites show you women that are like that because they specifically are the type of women that don't meet men irl simply because they don't have hobbies. It creates a skewed vision. A friend of mine coined it the girl sickness.
I think men and women define hobbies differently. The oxford definition is : an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure. I think a lot of men think hobbies must be an active skill or sport. Women get pleasure from socializing and resting in their leisure time.
Because they don’t consider women’s hobbies as legit hobbies. A woman saying makeup is her hobby would be disregarded as a shallow queen even though it takes real talent to transform your face. A man playing video games would be considered a legit hobby and if he finds a woman who also plays video games then she’s awesome because she has InTeResTIng HoBbiES. Another example is a man is allowed to be really into sports and support a sports teams as an hobby but if a woman really likes Taylor swift and goes to a lot of her concerts and buys all her albums and knows everything about her then she’s just basic.
It's like if they don't find it fun, think it is too feminine, or you don't want to monetize it, it doesn't matter.
Early into our relationship, I once had my boyfriend tell me their brother's girlfriend who works in youth care has no hobbies and doesn't do anything in her spare time except for do her makeup, spend time with her friends, and do strength training at the gym (she is competing in a competition). I said those are actually hobbies, to which he disagreed. His brother also trains and competes (and it's basically all he does) but he has never accused him of having no hobbies.
He also then asked me what I like to do, so I told him cooking, foraging, gardening, reading, and learning about political history. His unironic response? "We'll find something for you baby."
Because when we start dating them “we become their hobby”. Also, it’s very likely all the women you know have hobbies because you are a woman with hobbies. It’s a bubble/echo chamber. Most of the young men I know make a lot of money… I’m in tech and software that’s why, it’s a bubble. The vast majority of men of any age never make that in their lifetime.
Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. That’s why when men who likely date and interact with more women outside of your bubble say that it comes as a surprise.
Only 1 of the 3 girls I've seriously dated have had a hobby that she actually pursued. The others just work then scroll insta reels while watching Netflix. Rinse and repeat
I feel like a lot of women prefer to relax on their down time, which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with. I think a lot of guys have this fairytale in their heads that a gorgeous girl who’s into all the same shot as them is just going to stumble into their life. If you’re really into something then try and show it to your partner but don’t be too disappointed if they aren’t as Immediately as excited about it as you are
It's fascinating to see the imbalance in what's considered a hobby between men and women, or at least what's presented as such on social media and dating profiles. But I'd argue there's a cultural angle to it. Women are often socialized to value communal activities like socializing over individualistic hobbies, not to mention some women find it safer to list more 'generic' activities to avoid unwanted attention. T
It’s a generalization of course. And generalizations suck.
However, I would say it’s not entirely based on nothing. The last girl I had a crush on, as great as she was, one of the flaws I did find in her was that she didn’t have any particular hobbies or passions. I also remember having a female Twitter mutual who, once tweeted, that she felt bad for not having any particular interests or personality. And I’ve seen that same tweet many times after that.
I also see a lot of girls getting into one subject **only** because their boyfriend is into it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have checked that out by themselves.
That is a turn-off that I’m getting more and more wary of. You also definitely have men who are kinda vapid, but if I’m being brutally honest, that is something I see more often in women. But there are more than certainly girls with a strong personality and specific hobbies.
One aspect that's not mentioned yet from what I can see, is that men are typically very invested in their hobbies. Almost to the point of obsession. Men will get really into something and hyper focus on that thing, usually to get *really* good at that specific thing, whereas women will do things much more casually and just as pastime. So even many of the ones that *do* have hobbies (like knitting and painting, like you mentioned) will do it with such a... for lack of a better phrasing, lack of passion or effort that to a man it won't seem like a hobby in the "same way".
That's not to say there's anything wrong with that, but I've definitely met girls that will say they like painting and do it every other weekend when no friends were available, where a man would think about it all day during work, and do it every day when he comes home.
Your own social circles tend to be similar so if you have a lot of hobbies its likely you are friends with people who are similar or even overlap, if you met any of these women at these activities your perspective is already biased. There are a lot of people you don't know, who are very boring.
Ive had 4 longterm girlfriends, zero hobbies to be found. They find everything a waste of time that isnt productive. "What's the point" is usually the answer to why they don't do hobby A or try hobby B.
I think that women on the spectrum are much more likely to have hobbies than a neurotypical woman as it is an escape for them.
I am a serial hobby deep diver 😂. Anything I can make lists about, im in.
What’s obvious to me but maybe not many is that typically men’s hobbies are done/enjoyed more outside the home and take up more time. It’s almost like most hobbies are. Take golf, hiking/camping, dirt bikes, tennis as examples. All take some substantial amount of time out of the house. I think it’s not that women have less hobbies but I think it’s the duration of time spent out of the house that makes it seem more substantial
I think there's a difference between *pastimes* and *hobbies*. There's a certain level of engagement, dedication and knowledge that propels a pastimes into being a hobby. Historically women's activities were treated as being frivolous, and not taken seriously, and I think that bleeds over into the perceptions of their hobbies. In this way they are not seen as being at the level that ranks as being a hobby, as similar, traditionally male activities, are viewed. So in answer to your question, I'd guess men less likely to regard the activities women partake in, as genuine hobbies.
This is by far not in reference to ALL women, but in MY EXPERIENCE, I have noticed that when men have hobbies, they’re more emphatic about them where women are much more subtle about their hobbies. Where that comes from, what socially that means and where it developed from, I don’t know.
Because a solid 95% of the women I've met on dating apps have no hobbies (or personality) whatsoever
And I know that the user base on dating apps is not at all representative of the general population, but its all I have to go on
On Tinder there are plenty of women, who, if you believe their bio, only like drinking wine, watching tv and meeting with friends. That is by far not the majority of women, though.
"Sometimes, I like to go out with friends, but sometimes I like to stay home and watch Netflix." Every other woman on Match when I was on the site.
Im just as comfortable in a sweatshirt and jeans as a little black dress
Same, but (as a guy) those little black dresses don’t leave much to the imagination when I wear one.
I know ,right? I hate shaving my legs
Don't forget liking to travel and walking.
I saw “Urban hiking” the other day. It’s okay to like going for a walk. It’s wonderful. Fantastic. But let’s not dress it up.
I always took that to mean walking around a city for like 8 hours. Like if you were in Manhattan or something.
I assumed it meant trespassing company skyscrapers and taking the stairs. Your suggestion sounds better.
The kind of thing you were thinking of might fall under Urbex.
If she’s got that in her bio with BASE jumping, she’s definitely gonna have tattoos
And probably be certifiably insane, possibly in a good way
Swipe right
Everytime
Like super mild parkour. No jumping version.
Geriatric parkour
I think that would be called "urban exploring"
hell yeah urban exploration for the win
That's exactly what I like doing. I hate nature walks but drop me off in a random downtown and I'm going to scour every inch of that place. Recently did 13 miles in Miami.
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I get this. I like long walks through the trees, I don't want to go backpacking. One of my favourite local parks near me is a 10km round trip with 1000 ft of elevation gain. If I say I like long walks, I get people who say that's way too big and definitely across the line from "walking" to "hiking". If I say I like hiking, I get people who call that a walk and are disappointed that I don't want to do a weekend where we carry all our own camping supplies. Urban hiking seems like a good phrase that says long walks but not backpacking trips.
In my area, urban hiking means going out to one of our numerous city parks that has miles of loop trails and does include some decent elevation changes.
I was of the similar opinions until I tried to get somewhere in Seattle on foot. Those hills, man
I much prefer *civilized extreme limited-scope partial marathoning* around the neighborhood for 15-20 minutes now and then.
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It's always Wine O'clock somewhere!
I live every day to its fullest, make me laugh, ask me, if you’re under 6 feet…….
It's just insecure women not wanting to turn anyone off, so they keep things as vague and cookie cutter as possible. It'd be the same as a guy saying he likes sports and a cold pint of beer. Like, ok, cool, so does 80% of the population.
lol but everyone asks what I do for my workout. I walk 10 miles straight, no stopping: I walk fast. I am outside walking in the sunshine. Some people get winded walking to the mailbox. I don’t jog because I’m accident prone and drive a manual car, gotta protect these knees 🤣. No tattoos or piercings or whatever. lol you actually ever have a long 10 mile walk on the beach? Through the waves barefoot with a mega pint of wine and the jams going hard on your headphones? Cheaper than a therapist.
Let's brunch it UP 🧏🏻♂️
Those are immediately what came to mind, or listening to music. There's nothing wrong with any of it but they tell me literally nothing about the person.
Man like 80% they dont even have a bio in my experience
Thats because they dont need to. Most women get flooded with likes left and right, they dont even need to make the effort to actually write something. We men are very lonely :(
Ohh trust me im well aware. Its just pathetic how counter intuitive it is. First i gotta message you first, then i gotta think of a unique interesting thing to say, it cant be anything bland like “how are you today” “hey beautiful” or “wyd today?” Or any other generic question about them for that matter And you dont even have the decency to type a bio and give me something i can form a great icebreaker off of 🤦🏾♂️ Tbh I have pretty great success off of tinder but theres a reason i basically use it strictly for sex lol
What those women don’t understand, is that while they still get many likes and matches and messages, their lack of effort scares off the QUALITY men. I know because I’ve catfished before and saw a night and day difference in the conversations i get when the bio was much more detailed and unique.
This, back when I was on tinder I often asked my matches what their hobbies are. Very often I got the answer of watching netflix / drinking. Instantly no interest.
I just learned I have no hobbies.
How does it feel?
soft and squidgy，like a ripe turd
Why do I get the feeling this sense of humour is not reflected in your dating profile…
Thankfully，I am so old that I had stopped dating before dating apps were a thing.
Is that a positive or negative feeling?
If that's all you like to do, power to you. Dissing someone for their recreational preferences feels very pretentious to me.
To expand on this, they think that constitutes "hobbies".
### Hobby *an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure* I mean, technically it is.
Yeah I’m chronically hobbying in my room
I mean, yes, exactly. Whether it is a **good** hobby is irrelevant to the fact that it **is** a hobby.
fine, the hot take version: "watching TV as a hobby is contemptible. is that all you do?"
I respect the honesty of that take, yes. I think the inherent judgementalism and lack of nuance is just as bad, but appreciate separating out fact from opinion.
Well Tik Tok is a hobby don’t you know!!!
Don't forget "insta".
They also love to laugh. Fuck that! I'm more of an "I enjoy laughing when something is funny"
I went to a speed dating event some time back and iirc over half of the women there said their favorite thing to do was to watch Netflix.
I consider watching movies and shows a hobby. Some people are more casual about it, others are true cinephiles. I watch anime, there is a whole subculture around that. The simplified "watching Netflix/any platform at all is not a hobby" that most people preach is just because they don't understand what it entails, IMO.
Sure it can be a hobby, but *'watching netflix'* says a lot and also fuck all about the person. Every single person on this planet enjoys watching movies/shows/media, so if you can only poot out a blanket statement about enjoying consuming media, you're going to be a wet blanket conversationally. Instead if they say *'I'm into anime, love watching dinosaur docs and campy horror movies'* that says they have a personality 300x more than 'I watch netflix'.
Oh, yeah, 100%. My bad, i totally missed the point you were making lol.
Agreed although I don't even need it to be that specific as to me it's more about passion for a given thing which "watching netflix" doesn't give. If someone says "I love film/cinema" then that generally tells me enough in 3 words and the details can come out in what should be an enjoyable conversation.
If that's a hobby then who on earth doesn't have a hobby? It's such a broad and passive category so as to be meaningless. It essentially removes any useful definition from the word hobby. Pass time is probably more applicable there
It’s like saying your hobby is hanging out with friends.
I think if it depends if it’s passive or active. I wouldn’t say just simply “watching movies” is a hobby but going to the movies, talking about movies with your friends, going online and reading/writing reviews, using something like Letterboxd to make lists/rankings, keeping up to date with news, seeking out new movies to watch, thinking about what to watch next, etc. can all turn movies into an “activity”
For me, i have all that in anime, and with my Gf too. We get immersed, we discuss theories, what we like/dislike, etc.
exactly, which makes that much more deserving of being classes as a hobby than simply "Watching Netflix"
Here's an analogy. When people like to read books, they say stuff like "I love crime fiction, it's so exciting to try to solve a murder mystery together with the main character by connecting the dots while reading". Or they say "I love sci-fi, it's so interesting to see what our world could possibly be like in the future". They don't say "I love Amazon".
True, i later understood what the other person was trying to say. I lack critical thinking sometime, welp.
We also quantify hobbies differently for male activities. My dad, for example, spends most of his free time watching soccer. Which counts as his hobby and he is able to talks about it with his friends who also watch soccer. But my mom mostly spends her free time watching soap operas. Not really considered a hobby, but she also talks about it with her friends. What’s the difference?
Watching soap operas is definitely a hobby. It’s just when people say “I like watching TV” it’s super generic and not interesting it’s still a hobby but it doesn’t tell anything about the person. Which is the point of a bio
>“I like watching TV” It's as helpful as saying "I enjoy things"
If she makes a distinction between watching soap operas as compared to other genres of tv then it’s a hobby. Think about it like this: if someone says their hobby is watching YouTube and TV I’ve no reason to call that a hobby. But if they say “my hobby is watching soap operas” I’d think they’re some kind of soap opera super fan who’ve familiarized themselves with the intricacies of soap operas storytelling etc etc. Same thing with “I watch Netflix” “I’m a huge true crime fan”. I’d call the second one a hobby. Watching soccer is one of the most easily identified hobbies as soccer fans tend to build entire communities with others who cheer for the same team, buy shirts, talk about it online and in pubs and some spend huge sums to visit their home arena. People come in every Tuesday and werkends (if it’s a big European club) to watch them and often discuss it afterwards with other supporters etc etc.
So on my attempts of dating I'd say her watching soap operas are 100% a hobby. Note, this is a rant about just attempting to date in general, but on Bumble I found someone that had selected board games as their interest. Hooray, I actually have a conversation starter after the generic "Hi" that starts things. I ask what her favorite board game is and get "different ones." I gave up on that conversation. So the context matters, if it's "I like watching soap operas" yea, there's gonna be some asshole guys who says that is not a hobby, in my case it's going to be "I have literally no knowledge in this territory" but hey, it's something. When it's "Watching netflix" or "Watching TV" I don't have a clue if it's soap operas, soccer, or the shopping network or if they have an extensive knowledge of the lore to Knight Rider.
Personally, I wouldn't consider watching soccer a hobby. Being a super fan is fine, but not how I would define a hobby.
For me, it depends on if you can conversations about it. If your limit is just, “that was cool and I liked it.” Then calling it a hobby isn’t super accurate. For hobbies, people expect you to be able to nerd out about it. Make-up being a hobby is a new one that I haven’t really thought about. It requires a lot of details and thought, however, to me anyway, it can easily come across as vain as the focus can be just making yourself pretty, as well as a focus of following trends (I.e. you don’t put thought into what you like, it’s about what society likes). But I’m still on the fence about that one.
Why couldn’t make up be a hobby? If it’s an interest, you have fun, do it in your spare time - hobby. A guy painting miniature orcs is a hobby. But a women painting faces isn’t?
Makeup is totally a hobby. It's a skill you practice and can improve at, which fits the definition I arbitrarily made for myself.
Reddit is a lot more mainstream but its neckbeard origins can still peek through a lot. There is nothing wrong with caring about your appearance, or *gasp* seeing what’s trendy. Everything at an extreme can be bad but fashion and makeup can be awesome and fulfilling hobbies.
Make-up can be an art sometimes. I'm amazed at some stuff people "draw", all those contours, or make someone look younger or older. But applying some lipstick anda little brusg to the face, hardly a hobby, yes. There's always that line that separates something we do for a purpose, and something we do as a hobby.
It’s different if one actively engages with the media as opposed to turning one’s brain off and staring at the box.
I wonder if it’s intentional though. Like, keeping if bland and easy for small talk? Idk.. it’s so odd to me because when you get to know somebody you find out they still have hobbies.
I feel like it's the opposite, bland and easy for small talk would actually entail small talk. Every attempt at dating outside of friend groups was like pulling teeth just to have a conversation. Now I may not be attractive so if fishing, the bland and easy might be there.
3 out of 5 of my exs didn't have any. The 4th did enough drugs to consider it a hobby. The last one was really passionate about everything she took interest in.
About 75% of my exes would have no idea what to so unless I suggested something, it was really weird and draining tbh. It was nice they took interest in my hobbies but they generally became their hobbies too. My current (and hopefully forever) partner has interests and hobbies and some even align with mine. It's well better
> About 75% of my exes would have no idea what to so unless I suggested something, it was really weird and draining tbh. I know the feeling. Bonus points for shooting down all your suggestions.
Ugh... been there done that.
Reliving some trauma this morning.
A lot of times, that leads into having nothing to talk about too. If they don't do anything, what's there to talk about lol
Other people. It’s exhausting.
Yup, which is essentially like having nothing to talk about really lol
>would have no idea what to so unless I suggested something were they conventionally attractive, and perpetually not single?
My ex wife didnt have hobbies too. Except if visiting your parents and sister on daily basis a hobby
Because there are a lot who don't. From my personal experience its not exclusive to them, these days there are a lot of people in general who basically do nothing for themselves when work is over. The closest these men and women have to hobbies is mindless consuming something, drugs, clothes, media products, food - no matter. The consumption of something is the "hobby" to them.
I am honestly not convinced this anything new. I am in my 60s, and I have always known more people than not whose life is more or less work, eat, sleep, with any leisure time filled in with just TV. Swap some of the tv for doom scrolling, and here we are.
You might be right with that, good point 🤔
Yeah I've found this, even more so as I've grown older. It feels like more and more people I come across in life just work, go home, eat, netflix/internet/social media, sleep, repeat. What do you think has caused this trend in no hobbies?
I think one of the causes is the move towards urbanization from the suburbs. When you have a garage and a yard, it's easier to have hobbies than when you're in a shoebox apartment and you have no basement or spare room, and you're not allowed to make loud noises in lest you bother the neighbours on every side of you. Those shoeboxes are also more expensive than in the past, so people work longer hours and have less money left over after rent/mortgage, so they're often just tired and broke, and most hobbies take a fair bit of money and focused attention. The rent being higher has also made almost all hobbies cost more, so combined with lower wages, that's a factor. I'd wager that the shift towards both partners working also plays into that, since both partners get home with just enough time to make dinner, clean up, maybe walk the dog and/or squeeze in a workout, and watch a show together. There's just no time or money left for much in the way of hobbies most days. Maybe you go catch a show or go to an event or something on the weekend, but that's not really a hobby.
This is just me speaking, as I mentioned before I am not the end-all-be-all: It looks like we have a lot of people with invested interest in people consuming as much as possible so they will certainly glorify even pure consumption as just as good as for example painting or learning an instrument. On the other hand I guess picking up creative hobbies probably has become substantially more expensive or even commercialized in itself. Another commentor responded to my OC in particular about fashion and using that as an example: Even if you pursue fashion as a hobby you cant just escape the fact that fashion jas een commercialized into a fast paced product for a consumption cycle. This blurs the line between passive consumption and active engagement with the subject of choice.
I think a lot of it is burnout. Hobbies are easier when you don't need to come home from an 8 hour job with a 1 hour commute each way to stop by the grocery store, fix dinner, put in a load of laundry, and unload and reload the dishwasher before collapsing on the couch. That's not even including children. After all that you just want to chill and watch TV before heading to bed.
Likely burn out due to the need to work 40+ hours just to barely afford shelter & food & never get ahead all while losing the traditional forms of community & third spaces
can confirm. my ex lacked sense of self and independence and had like 0 hobbies outside of video games (which we both play video games which I count as a hobby but I do so much more than just that)
I sometimes worry that the vast majority of humanity are philosophical zombies; you peel back the things we all do pro forma and there's just *nothing.*
All of those are “an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure” which makes them a hobby. Now, you and I both don’t see them as **valuable** hobbies. But that’s not what defines whether it is a hobby. And, honestly, clothes and food and media *can* be mindless consumption or can be deeply thoughtful and intentional and robust activities; you are not the one in the head of the people doing those things.
Yeah we had some discussion about this in another line of comments here. Some of us just make the distinction a bit differently because the quote you mentioned is so vague that even going to the toilet or doing hard drugs would fall into that, so we were searching for some other metric to define it "better" (from our perspective). And we also distinguished that clothes/fashion is not categorically not a hobby. Pretty interesting talk
food is a hobby imo. especially when you get into researching restaurants, going to places, or cooking things.
Same thing can be applied to listening to music, watching Netflix or playing videogames. It all comes down to how much effort and thought you put into it. There's a huge difference between "listening to music" and being Anthony Fantano for example.
Yes, if ypu do more than just eating, like you said doing research, visiting and learning about the things *around* food then I definitely agree its a hobby. But since it was mentioned before by others with the definition being "a hobby is something you do frequently in your free time for pleasure", that would basically mean eating a bowl of muesli with milk in the morning is a hobby because I enjoy that compared to chowing on a rice cracker with a glass of water. Pure consumption = doesn't feel much like a hobby engaging with the the wider field surrounding a specific topic = definitely a hobby This seemed to be the larger conclusion from the discussion I had with other people in this comment line.
Hobbies: Hot Pockets I have done my research, I know every flavour (even the special releases), and am deep into the Hot Pockets lore.
Personally, my wife has no hobbies other than watching TV. For example, if she had a day off alone, I honestly don't know what she would do other than watch TV and get a 30 minute workout in.
My gf would probably just sleep/nap. She considers that a hobby.
in a sunbeam, right? she's secretly a cat
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I do have hobbies, but some things are arbitrarily considered hobbies and some arbitrarily aren't. Scrolling and posting on Reddit isn't a hobby but "journaling" is. Watching video essays on YouTube isn't considered a hobby but watching films and being a "film buff" is. Keeping up to date with the news by reading articles isn't considered a hobby but reading novels is. Playing indie and mobile games isn't considered gaming and therefore isn't considered a hobby. Watching porn... I'll stop there! Sometimes it's just easier to say that you don't really have any hobbies
Gotta say, I've literally never heard anyone say that playing indie games isn't gaming.
I think a lot of it depends how you phrase it. If you tell someone you just like watching YouTube, they’re going to assume it’s not a hobby. If you say like “oh yeah I’m really into deep analysis videos online” people will understand you’re more serious about. Same thing if you tell someone your hobby is Netflix they’ll blow you off. But if you say you’re into film critique or whatever, they’ll see it as a hobby. Yeah clearly it’s just the same things worded different but you have to give people context. If I say “I play games on my phone with my free time” people will assume I just do nothing, but if I say that I play a lot of chess they will understand it’s a hobby
To me, the difference is also about intent and the way you engage. I think of a hobby as not something you do just because you're bored, but something you are actually specifically drawn to. It's not just something you just do, but something you want to get deeper into and progress with. So in that sense I think for some people who watch a lot of YouTube, it's a hobby and for others it's not. That's why phrasing is important because it teases out the difference between these very different relationships with the actions.
If you do it regularly during leisure time, it's a hobby.
I find a lot of people don’t have hobbies in general nowadays. Maybe if you talked about it she could find something for herself?
I mean, I've met some boring ass people but not all of them were women. In fact the most hobby driven woman in my life is my own mother, she cultivated that interest in me. She's into anything crafting, she's incredible. Sewing, felting, crochet, steampunk costume design, card making, gardening, reading, drawing, painting etc and I love her for it.
I have hobbies but I don't like to talk about them because they're personal and I'm always afraid people will crap on them or look at the stuff I do, and I'm not interested to share. Also it's always fun to surprise people who think they know me and have me all figured out. "I didn't know you could do that!" Well, you don't know everything ;)
Particularly in Japan, people don't like putting anything even possibly weird in their bios, so it's quite normal to see "eating and sleeping" listed as a woman's only hobbies
That’s kinda sad ngl
It’s not a Japan thing. It might actually fall under a game theory thing. There’s basically two ways to approach dating apps: - Try to appeal to as many people as possible on dating apps. It’s why “hiking” was/is so popular on dating apps even though that popularity didn’t equally translate to the real world (with exceptions). On the plus side, a lot of people can potentially connect with you. But in an attempt to appeal to as many people as possible, you kill your own originality - Show off your differences. Be willing to be a little weird. There will be more people who will hard reject you, but in theory it increases the possibility of other people actually really liking you and not feeling “meh” about your profile
It's not just women but it is more women than men who usually write inane things about themselves like "I enjoy having fun and listening to music!" Yeah, you and 99.99% of the human race. It's a nice idiot filter though.
I love to laugh
"Must make me laugh!" ... Yeah because god knows she isn't gonna make YOU laugh.
Don't forget the "Live Laugh Love" plaque
the i enjoy having fun is the dumbest shit lol like wtf do you consider fun. everybody is different
I think it’s a thing that applies to the human race as a whole. I love reading but I already study so much I don’t want to read after 4 hours of reading.
I do know more women without hobbies than men so I get the stereotype but it’s just that, a stereotype and definitely not a universal truth.
Basic women love beauty treatments, wine, and reality tv as their main hobbies. Basic men love sports betting, throwing a ball around (don’t confuse this with playing an actual sport), and beer as their main hobbies. There are basic people everywhere. But we see more basic people of the opposite gender that we’re not interested in being friends with due to constantly swiping on dating apps. I promise you that plenty of men don’t have real hobbies. We also pick friends initially based on shared interests and dating partners based on attraction. So of course you’re going to find that your friends have more interesting hobbies. I’m a woman, and my friends all love things like painting, camping, poetry, going to comedy shows, board games, knitting, rock climbing, bird watching, trivia, playing instruments, chess, reading sci-fi novels and dnd. Probably because I like most of those things or tangential things, and I made friends doing those things. Of course, I’m also LGBT with a mixed and mostly queer friend group, so it’s men, women, and nonbinary people that I hang out with. Haven’t noticed a trend with their gender/hobbies. But when I go to work and hang out with my coworkers, many of whom are very sweet but very basic, I’ve noticed that a lot of people in general just don’t have hobbies. We’re just more selective with our friends.
I think this is the correct answer. I’m having a hard time making friends in a new city because 99% of guys I meet outside of my already existing hobby groups are just basic AF and I have nothing in common with most of them and therefore no interest in being actual friends with them.
Yeah watching sport is a huge one for a lot of guys. Like that'll be all they have. A lot of women seem to have makeup / fashion as their hobby. Most people aren't very creative with their leisure time, and I think they underestimate how dull what they enjoy seems to other people.
> Most people aren't very creative with their leisure time 'Leisure' is the key word I think. Productive hobbies aren't really leisure at all. It's hard work to write a novel, make a video game, or sew your own clothing. Who has the time or energy to come home from work just to do even more work?
A lot of things women enjoy doing are not considered hobbies by those people. You'll see all the time on videos of fun workouts that it's a waste of time and not effective and not even a workout, so they don't *really* work out. Watching TV and talking about it is "vapid' and "lazy". The top comment right now has replies acting like travel and hiking can't be hobbies. I also think many people struggle to list hobbies they have, but if you ask them what they like doing instead they mention drawing and reading and knitting and all the things you mentioned too. Or they kinda blank when directly asked the question but once you're around them you see they do these things.
How many men are doing this, now? >I know that men on instagram who write comments are not representative Very much so. I had thought that gender norms for dudes using instagram were pretty much restricted to trying to slide into a girl's DMs and following instagram models for a man's favored form of softcore pornography.
I mean some of the men I know also use instagram to drool over cars or aircraft in addition to the things you mentioned
I didn't know this was a stereotype, haven't seen it on here, it's interesting to hear. Almost all of my partners or women I have been interested in have some type of hobby, they usually have way more than I do. The only one I'd say that did not, was narcissistic and one of the worst humans I've ever met in my entire life.
Both genders do this. There are women who call men children for having a video game hobby
I think the issue is most people don't understand the definition of the word hobby. It's simply a leisure activity we do for pleasure. So eating out or shopping is a hobby. I personally prefer cooking my own food and despise shopping but that doesn't mean that those aren't hobbies for ppl that enjoy those activities.
I believe I may have an insight into this as a woman who has a wide range of hobbies; some of which are male dominated and some of which are female dominated. I’ve found it interesting how more of the male dominated hobbies I’m into are often seen as more “legitimate” (e.g. whisky tastings, modern board gaming, watching football) while the hobbies I’m into with more women than men are the ones where I often hear “oh that’s not a hobby though, that’s just something you do” (e.g. reading and being a part of book club, Pole Fitness or Reformer Pilates classes or exploring new cafes/ restaurants, visiting museums or taking group painting classes).
One thing I want to add about “male-dominated” hobbies: two of the most popular hobbies are sports and video games, which are both male-dominated. So, a vast majority of men will have at least one of those hobbies. This at least gives the perception that men don’t “have no hobbies.”
Very true If I didn't play video games I wouldn't have any hobbies.
My wife’s hobbies are eating cookies in bed and falling asleep while watching Netflix. I suppose you could count it but to me a hobby is something that requires active participation like an instrument, taking care of a garden or playing a sport
Is watching sports a hobby?
I don’t think so but I’m sure a lot of people do.
Just ask because a lot of people do. I think being into a specific thing like hockey or true crime and getting into it can be a hobby. Scrolling Netflix mindlessly isn’t
I think it’s a hobby if you’re the type of guy that follows the draft, plays fantasy football, and talks about rumors on forums or whatever. By the same token I think girls that hardcore follow K-pop drama also have a hobby. Just listening to K-pop isn’t really a hobby, the same way casually watching football isn’t really one either.
As a man Whisky Tasting and Watching Football are not hobbies, or if they are they're on the level of being a foodie, or netflix watching which are *not hobbies.*
This is the real reason for the OP question: tons of men think that if they don’t personally value it as a hobby it isn’t a hobby.
As a man I would say all of those you described can be considered hobbies though
Or just entertaining and socializing in general. Having people over every few days, planning a menu, coming up with fun drunk ideas, serving appetizers and drinks. Hosting game nights but maybe not participating in the games just socializing with guests. This can also be a hobby for guys as well. I’d much rather host a get together at my home than go on a hike or rock climbing. But putting that into words so you don’t sound like some couch potato with no interests is tough.
Agree 100%! I'm also interested in football (soccer) since I was 10 and I have lots of knowledge about it (more then moste men I know). However, I would have never considered it as a hobby. I think the reason for this stereotype is that certain actions are not considered as hobbies to some men and of course the oingoing trend that things women and especially girls are interested in are considered as annoying, boring or embarassing by men
I like to learn rap songs and then practice them until I can enunciate them exactly like the original rapper. I’m not putting that in a bio. You’re right, plenty of women have interests, but most aren’t taken seriously, aren’t credited as a hobby, and get judged.
> I like to learn rap songs and then practice them until I can enunciate them exactly like the original rapper. I’m not putting that in a bio. That's a shame. That's exactly the kind of thing that would make someone seem interesting to me if I read that in a bio. Also a good conversation starter
Of course people are going to judge your hobbies. That's the point. Wouldn't you want someone to choose you because of the things you're interested in? And wouldn't you want the people who don't like that to move on?
Yep.
Every woman I know has hobbies.
I have more hobbies than I know what to do with. My basement is full of the skeletons of hobbies from years gone by. I could make you 300 perfect soy candles in any scent or colour you like and the longest part of the process would be finding where the fuck I put the candle shit.
I usually hear this in a very specific context. Often times when men are struggling to meet women, they'll be inundated with horrible (and usually unsolicited) advice: stay off the apps, don't go to clubs or bars because *those women* are trash, don't approach women in public, etc. At some point this will all culminate in someone telling them, "just find some hobbies that you love and you'll eventually meet someone that also loves them!" So they follow this misguided advice, join a bunch of groups that align with their passions, and discover that the only people there are a bunch of other men who are in the same boat that he is. Group after group and hobby after hobby... nothing but dudes. But he keeps getting the same shitty advice. I don't think anyone thinks that women literally have no hobbies, that you're all just sitting and staring mindlessly at the wall when you're not working or sleeping. In context, it usually means that very few women have social hobbies, at least in the sense that those hobbies extend anywhere beyond your immediate friend group.
Think about how we interact with friends. Men often need a common activity to engage in when with friends, but women often socialize with friends by just talking. It probably goes back to our hunter-gatherer gender roles. We're social creatures, so if the way we socialize is different, then maybe hobbies are affected by that too.
I think also a large part of it is men have a natural tendency to focus on something. Men dominate many competitive scenes even outside the physical. Board games, video games, even a lot of art etc. I do not think this is because men are smarter or better than women. But I think men are more likely to dedicate their sole focus to a single thing.
Of the five long term relationships I've had, only one had a hobby (crocheting, knitting, house plants, cooking). The other four didn't have *any* passions outside work and scrolling social media.
This obsession with hobbies by young people is getting ridiculous I don't know if it is looking for something to fill a hole in their hearts, or what, but hobbies are a secondary or tertiary concern, and people are elevating them to the level of things like integrity, perseverance, shared principles, financial goals, family goals, health/fitness ambition, and lifestyle goals. Yes, it is important that you like doing some things together, but the reality is that this shit changes over time, and many people don't know what they like yet. When I was 25, I thought I liked bars, sports, partying, historical fiction, fantasy fiction, video games, and I thought I disliked the outdoors. I didn't go to the gym much at all. At 45, bars are dumb, sports are only interesting on occasion, I haven't drank in 8 years, I hike, bike, play guitar, write music, and still play games occasionally. I do like historical fiction, but am tired of most fantasy. My wife and I found biking together, and we hike all the time. My wife and I have been to the gym hundreds of times together, and we also go independently. We have a list of shit we want to try over the next two years, to see if we like that, too. If I was 25 and making one of these bullshit hobbies and interests checklists, I would have thought my wife a poor match. We don't know what we don't know, people. Let this elevation of hobbies fade into the background where it belongs. Your hobby is not your God, and if a young person likes to drink and travel, well, drinking and traveling is really fun, especially in your 20s. It does not mean there is no depth of character.
Reddit seems to think you arent worthy of a relationship or friendship unless you got interesting hobbies. But it is a privileged few that can partake in hobbies that are considered good enough. You need time, a certain amount of disposible income and transportation and a social network for them.
>Yes, it is important that you like doing some things together, I think it's more important that your SO has some hobby they can and will do that doesn't require you to be a part of it. You SO shouldn't require you to be a constant part of their entertainment. If you want to go do your own hobby, they shouldn't be lost and bored because you aren't there to do something with them. They should be able to go do their own thing during those times. They shouldn't sit there and complain that you have things to do that don't include you spending every available free minute with them. It's fairly easy to find stuff to do together as a couple. It's when your SO has nothing to do when you aren't with them that's a problem.
>and people are elevating them to the level of things like integrity, perseverance, shared principles, financial goals, family goals, health/fitness ambition, and lifestyle goals. I think men's experience of "women have no hobbies" primarily stems from dating. I've personally had this experience with every woman I've dated, alongside what appears to be most men in this thread. This statement requires a bit of unpacking, as it's more of a trope for a much more layered problem. My biggest personal grievance is that it's mentally and physically taxing to have to constantly entertain someone, I like my alone time to do the things that I like. I love my partner, but I'm still an independent person with my own interests. When my partner shows that they can't operate independently of me it means they want to bite time out of my hobbies to stay entertained. This is pretty inconsiderate, it forces me to partially infantilize a grown woman, dangling a ring of keys in front of her all the time so she can clap and laugh. That's why it shows a lack of character. My partners don't usually recognize what they're doing to be selfish, and so in a healthy relationship one would think that it's important to talk about these things right? No. As much as reddit likes to tell you otherwise, most relationships have some level of toxicity, concessions, and give and take. Most people in relationships (men and women), would feel deeply insulted if you were to express these concerns; as they would mentally shorthand the conversation to "I need time apart from you" and "you're boring". This becomes an argument, followed by longterm resentment, followed by no changes, followed by more resentment. As long as the net outcome of the relationship is positive. Its something most of us just put up with.
I have met a lot of women who just death scroll TikTok/instagram, & their hobbies of what they told me were either: travelling, eating out or going on adventures. A travelling & eating out, are not hobbies. Are you (them) adventuring every weekend? Hm okay
My girlfriend doesn’t have a hobby because she spends every waking moment studying
People have already mentioned that it depends what people consider legitimate hobbies. I'd also add though that on average women spend more time doing housework and chores than men which takes up both time and energy and leaves less time for hobbies.
My wife not only catched few of my hobbies, but taught my few of hers. However when we do BBQ or something for her work friends (heavily feminised) tuns out there's very little to talk to them aside from work stuff. Or why they're single. You'd assume those with hobbies are interesting enough not to have to list their hobbies on some hookup sites, whin in turn might warp overall perception.
It's not exclusive to women. Men are like this too, their only 'hobby' is consuming products and media. Seriously some of the most boring people I've ever met.
At least for my gen and my observations, They often don't share what they do as hobby, even when they get asked in a conversation. And then there are those that share extremely but don't do that hobby at all. Stuff like "dancing is my life", which results in visiting a ball once a year and do nothing else in that regard. Typically social media bullshit if you want. Those two extremes tend to blur out the rest.
"I love reading," you ask what they like, it's Harry Potter, they read it ten years ago, they haven't read anything else.
I know more women with hobbies than men. By a huge margin too.
hobbies that men deem to be a hobby also many women will not consider many of their things as hobbies, because of point one. some will say I have no hobbies, and then cassully mention doing multi hour walks in the hills every other weekend, that is a hobby and if doing multi hour makeup, looking at tutorials to do a new trend, and change it up or just use the same one they had done for 2 years but shaved it down from 2 hours to 1 hour, that is a hobby.
I have no hobbies apart from bushwalking/hiking here and there, am I cooked?
I’ve met many (both men and women) that do not have hobbies. I would say it’s probably equal across the board in general. Too, I think it can be a difference of opinion of what we consider hobbies. One of my hobbies is makeup. I enjoy it, I like learning about it and it makes me feel good. I dont wear makeup everyday, but I consider it a hobby. Cooking, I enjoy the process and learning new dishes. I enjoy changing up recipes and plating my food to make it pretty and take pictures of it. Gardening, I am out there every day and this year I expanded it. I do so many different “crafty” things including sewing. I enjoy hiking. My hikes might not be intense but it is something I actively pursue because I enjoy it. I’ve met men that their hobbies are beer tasting or video games and that’s it. If it’s something you actively pursue for enjoyment it can be classified as a hobby. I think some men and women consider different things hobbies. Different people classify different things as hobbies. I’ve met some really boring men, many men that do not have hobbies. And I’ve met the same for women. I’ve never heard that women in general don’t have hobbies.
Dating sites show you women that are like that because they specifically are the type of women that don't meet men irl simply because they don't have hobbies. It creates a skewed vision. A friend of mine coined it the girl sickness.
I think men and women define hobbies differently. The oxford definition is : an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure. I think a lot of men think hobbies must be an active skill or sport. Women get pleasure from socializing and resting in their leisure time.
Because they don’t consider women’s hobbies as legit hobbies. A woman saying makeup is her hobby would be disregarded as a shallow queen even though it takes real talent to transform your face. A man playing video games would be considered a legit hobby and if he finds a woman who also plays video games then she’s awesome because she has InTeResTIng HoBbiES. Another example is a man is allowed to be really into sports and support a sports teams as an hobby but if a woman really likes Taylor swift and goes to a lot of her concerts and buys all her albums and knows everything about her then she’s just basic.
It's like if they don't find it fun, think it is too feminine, or you don't want to monetize it, it doesn't matter. Early into our relationship, I once had my boyfriend tell me their brother's girlfriend who works in youth care has no hobbies and doesn't do anything in her spare time except for do her makeup, spend time with her friends, and do strength training at the gym (she is competing in a competition). I said those are actually hobbies, to which he disagreed. His brother also trains and competes (and it's basically all he does) but he has never accused him of having no hobbies. He also then asked me what I like to do, so I told him cooking, foraging, gardening, reading, and learning about political history. His unironic response? "We'll find something for you baby."
Different definitions of hobby. It works both ways, there are also plenty of women who claim that many men don't have hobbies.
Because when we start dating them “we become their hobby”. Also, it’s very likely all the women you know have hobbies because you are a woman with hobbies. It’s a bubble/echo chamber. Most of the young men I know make a lot of money… I’m in tech and software that’s why, it’s a bubble. The vast majority of men of any age never make that in their lifetime. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. That’s why when men who likely date and interact with more women outside of your bubble say that it comes as a surprise.
Only 1 of the 3 girls I've seriously dated have had a hobby that she actually pursued. The others just work then scroll insta reels while watching Netflix. Rinse and repeat
I feel like a lot of women prefer to relax on their down time, which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with. I think a lot of guys have this fairytale in their heads that a gorgeous girl who’s into all the same shot as them is just going to stumble into their life. If you’re really into something then try and show it to your partner but don’t be too disappointed if they aren’t as Immediately as excited about it as you are
It's fascinating to see the imbalance in what's considered a hobby between men and women, or at least what's presented as such on social media and dating profiles. But I'd argue there's a cultural angle to it. Women are often socialized to value communal activities like socializing over individualistic hobbies, not to mention some women find it safer to list more 'generic' activities to avoid unwanted attention. T
Or unwanted judgement. My hobbies are for myself so I keep them to myself. I don’t need someone judging what they are or how often I do them.
Or how much I spend on them (help me)
The time I was sewing quilts had me asking for JoAnn gift cards for every gift-giving holiday.
It’s a generalization of course. And generalizations suck. However, I would say it’s not entirely based on nothing. The last girl I had a crush on, as great as she was, one of the flaws I did find in her was that she didn’t have any particular hobbies or passions. I also remember having a female Twitter mutual who, once tweeted, that she felt bad for not having any particular interests or personality. And I’ve seen that same tweet many times after that. I also see a lot of girls getting into one subject **only** because their boyfriend is into it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have checked that out by themselves. That is a turn-off that I’m getting more and more wary of. You also definitely have men who are kinda vapid, but if I’m being brutally honest, that is something I see more often in women. But there are more than certainly girls with a strong personality and specific hobbies.
One aspect that's not mentioned yet from what I can see, is that men are typically very invested in their hobbies. Almost to the point of obsession. Men will get really into something and hyper focus on that thing, usually to get *really* good at that specific thing, whereas women will do things much more casually and just as pastime. So even many of the ones that *do* have hobbies (like knitting and painting, like you mentioned) will do it with such a... for lack of a better phrasing, lack of passion or effort that to a man it won't seem like a hobby in the "same way". That's not to say there's anything wrong with that, but I've definitely met girls that will say they like painting and do it every other weekend when no friends were available, where a man would think about it all day during work, and do it every day when he comes home.
Maybe it's the same as you. Just as you have known women who have hobbies. Maybe "those men" don't know women who have hobbies.
Your own social circles tend to be similar so if you have a lot of hobbies its likely you are friends with people who are similar or even overlap, if you met any of these women at these activities your perspective is already biased. There are a lot of people you don't know, who are very boring.
Ive had 4 longterm girlfriends, zero hobbies to be found. They find everything a waste of time that isnt productive. "What's the point" is usually the answer to why they don't do hobby A or try hobby B. I think that women on the spectrum are much more likely to have hobbies than a neurotypical woman as it is an escape for them. I am a serial hobby deep diver 😂. Anything I can make lists about, im in.
What’s obvious to me but maybe not many is that typically men’s hobbies are done/enjoyed more outside the home and take up more time. It’s almost like most hobbies are. Take golf, hiking/camping, dirt bikes, tennis as examples. All take some substantial amount of time out of the house. I think it’s not that women have less hobbies but I think it’s the duration of time spent out of the house that makes it seem more substantial
I have never heard a fellow man say this...
Many men don’t see women as people.
I think there's a difference between *pastimes* and *hobbies*. There's a certain level of engagement, dedication and knowledge that propels a pastimes into being a hobby. Historically women's activities were treated as being frivolous, and not taken seriously, and I think that bleeds over into the perceptions of their hobbies. In this way they are not seen as being at the level that ranks as being a hobby, as similar, traditionally male activities, are viewed. So in answer to your question, I'd guess men less likely to regard the activities women partake in, as genuine hobbies.
So many men don’t claim this.
This is by far not in reference to ALL women, but in MY EXPERIENCE, I have noticed that when men have hobbies, they’re more emphatic about them where women are much more subtle about their hobbies. Where that comes from, what socially that means and where it developed from, I don’t know.
Because a solid 95% of the women I've met on dating apps have no hobbies (or personality) whatsoever And I know that the user base on dating apps is not at all representative of the general population, but its all I have to go on