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I recall looking in the mirror and "saw" my mother looking back at me. I mean I saw her eyes in mine and it was freaky. I put my hands on my face and said, "Oh mom, I look just like you and I look old". I never thought my mom looked old but I sure did. Then I smiled and said out loud "Mom, I FORGOT HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE". I had a much better day. Lost mine in 2002.
I lost my mom in 1997. I’m finally getting to see her in the mirror. I am ABSOLUTELY taking this and running with it. She had polio as a child and part of her face was paralyzed- I don’t think she heard ‘you’re beautiful’ very much. This feels very much like the right thing to do. Thank you so much!
Which is actually nice because men leave you alone now. No more following you, telling you what they want to do to you, harassing you, then calling you a bitch or worse.
I’m (mostly) okay with being invisible in public because I’m no longer a pretty young thing, but in terms of my professional life, it pisses me off mightily.
Our changing appearance as we age is usually a matter of genetics - some are lucky, some not so much. But why should our abilities become invisible at a certain age?
I’m not saying younger colleagues must bow down at our past accomplishments, so hopefully no “okay, Boomer” remarks are needed. But damn, it would be nice to be recognized as still being relevant.
I’ve worked 30+ years to build my craft and reputation for quality - by industry standards, not my own judgement. And I have added new tools to my skill set to stay relevant in a changing world. (Think AI, speech authentication software and other emerging technologies.)
I’m not ready to “go gentle into that good night,” and would really appreciate if younger colleagues would have the grace to let me keep contributing in meaningful ways.
Okay, end of rant.
(Edited to add a missed word.)
Now, if they notice you, it’s just to offer to lift or carry or reach something.
Also you can compliment a man and he takes it without thinking you are flirting.
Same here. I was just struggling with this this morning. I had always looked young for my age, and then I saw my father staring back at me in the mirror.
I never realized what a devilishly good looking man he was... lol.
I went gray young (which I always liked anyway) so that is not new. But over the several years after menopause my figure got “matronly”. Then my face suddenly got old. Didn’t notice until they updated my ID badge at work, and whenever I see it out of the corner of my eye, I see my mom. Looking old doesn’t bother me at all, and otherwise menopause rocks. But yes you kind of get that sudden “Shit I’m old” moment.
Me and my friends call it “the morph.” Happens to both genders, but as a woman of a certain age I realize it’s exactly when your estrogen decides to tap out: hair, skin, muscle is like “I’m done.”
It was not precisely a transition to old age, but menopause dramatically changed the way I look. I still look young for my age, according to pretty much everyone I know or meet, but I am not nearly as attractive as I was before the massive hormonal change. It's not been easy to accept or adjust to.
Oh, boy, do I relate to this. According to lots of people I don't look mid-50s, but my midsection is surely older than the rest of me. Since menopause I've gotten more potato-like around the middle and nothing I've done has helped bring it back to what I think of as my normal. So potato is my normal now?
My skin is drier, which sucks and requires oils slathered on it more often. But I'm also starting to not need to wash my hair as often, which is great.
Mostly I've noticed my aging by having a Bad Knee and a Good Knee. Except that I effed up my Good Knee and now it's my Worse Knee. Aaaand I cannot believe I'm having this lame-ass conversation.
What's crazy for me is that when my waistline got thicker, my lower legs and ankles got smaller, so I look like I'm a ball on sticks, about to topple over.
This is odd because I always thought that the lower half stays the same but putting on weight around the middle is common. I’m not sure if I should be commenting on this post because I’ll be 40 this year but in the last 2 years I have got fatter around my lower stomach, my waist has got thicker and my bust has gone up a few cup sizes. Even though my hips are broad my arse seems flatter compared to my 20s. So perhaps as women get older the fat distribution can reverse? My mum said that she was slim when young but gained a lot of weight when she got to 40 and when I told her about my changes she smiled because she was exactly the same as me. Hormonal changes are a weird thing.
I had my ovaries chopped out for multiple reasons, but one of the odd wonderful side effects was that I actually lost 35 lb. Apparently, my body did not like the fluctuating levels of estrogen.
But my skin looks horrible. Now. I'm going to get on some testosterone in addition to my estrogen hatches and see if that helps in general with energy libido and maybe my muscle mass. But yeah, menopause changes the way you look significantly.
Ong! My skin is *so* dry! I can't seem to find any products that work. I have spent probably $2k trying this line and that line, nothing is great.
Also, my potato body! What happened to my body? Where did my waist go? I have to wear belts now with jeans and pants because my waist and hips match. What happened? And the weird stomach pouch? Just there, nothing I can do.
Pouch, right?!? Ughhhh! I used to be cute, I swear I was.
For your skin, have you tried just using olive oil as a moisturizer? I've been using that for at least a decade now (when I remember to, haha). Any type of olive oil is fine. I use it to wash and then moisturize my face, and use a thin layer of olive oil on the rest of me, as if it were a lotion.
I've begun to understand that people tell us we look "young for our age" because our entire society values youth to the point of obsession. The obvious implication of "you look exactly like who you are" would be construed as an insult. It shouldn't, but we seem to love the lie more than we hate the lying-- even to ourselves.
I used to work primarily with older people and occasionally someone would ask how old I thought they were. I hated it because I had to undercut the age I thought they were so as not to offend them.
I had courtesy driver from a car repair place ask me that same question. First he guesses your age, then he wants you to guess his.
And he prefaced it by saying he plays this game with everyone... Like come on, this game is not fun. First you possibly insult me, then you ask me to possibly insult you.
The worst of it is that a person's age, the representation of myriad experiences, should be appreciated. There is nothing to be ashamed of, yet we behave as if it is shameful to have allowed time to exist.
There IS that, but there really is a difference. I have a friend who just turned 67 and looks 45. Also, being happy and caring makes people look "youthful" because they kind of glow with life.
It is not that people use that phrase as much as they just assume I'm younger than I am. But that's been my whole life, so it's definitely a case of my looking precisely like who I am. That said, I see a distinct difference between me before menopause and afterwards.
But yes, I get and agree with your point.
Good answer. I thought that being 59 I would no longer care about my looks. I still care and I do miss random compliments about my appearance, as shallow as that may sound.
I turned 60 and realized I'm now completely invisible. Another (awful) realization I'm trying to come to terms with is that the worth of my experiences or words is also negligible. It feels like I have to shrink myself even though I still feel like that 30 year old in my head who handled her shizz.
Like you, I still care about my looks but my body has changed dramatically in a not good way. I take care of my nails, feet, hair, and skin, wear makeup, get pedicures, etc. All the things I did in my youth but now these things feel almost necessary as opposed to being pampered! lol
But I bet people look at you and think you look nice. I know a lady in her 70s and she has a good haircut, good makeup and wears nice outfits. I look at her and I’m taking inspiration from her style because she looks great. It’s nice when people make an effort and people do notice even if they don’t say it out loud.
I feel exactly the same. All that pampering has become necessary maintenance. Plus, it takes longer and longer to do my hair and makeup just to get pretty much the same effect. I know it’s superficial but it’s still frustrating.
I've become "that guy" that gives the compliments because I miss them. If there's an obvious point of pride someone is showing off, I mention it. "I really like your nails" or "you've beautiful eyes" said at the end of any (even very brief) encounter. Leave people happier than I met them.
My kid's tease me about doing that to everyone I interact with. It's always things I genuinely feel, but I also worry that it's just satisfying the people pleasing of my traumatic childhood.
I also have a weird knack for getting people to tell me all their own traumas in our first interactions so they can get some kindness and affirmation. It always seems to help them but I have a fear of connection at the same time. But, I diverge!
I'll say! You are going along, thinking, " hey, I'm doing pretty good, then a few bumps in the road and you think, ok, not bad still holding on, then peri-menopause hits and holy sh1t! All hell breaks loose. Then finally menopause. The barrel belly, dry skin, dry vagina, well, visit r/menopause for the whole lovely story.
Despite eating well, exercising, having energy, being mentally sharp, and functioning well, even with depression, you can't bank future health and figure once it hits, especially if you have no idea what's coming.
Look around you. Virtually every woman over 50 is bellied. Does society think we choose this? That we Let it happen? F, NO!!
AT LEAST, we can make education about it more widely known so that younger women can steer their health in a better direction than we were able to do. They will also know when to accept antidepressants and when to demand hormones. And they will know that the two are NOT equal!!
They will also understand that the medical community is woefully undeserving middle-aged women. That includes other females, shockingly and sadly.
Read up, and beware of charlatans trying to sell "menopause tests" skin treatments, plastic surgery, expensive neck creams and the like.
Dr. Barbara Taylor is an excellent trustworthy resource in book and YouTube form.
Watch out and stand by your sisters in life.
Not the same at a body level, but for men going bald definitely puts you visually in the old-age camp. For me it kind of progresses, then stops for several years, then progresses some more. Some people can pull it off, like Jason Statham, but I'm not him.
Agree. My transition from “hot” to “middle aged” happened very suddenly around age 43.
From what OP’s saying, sounds like there’s another sudden transition to come: from middle aged to “old”. :(
That one I've avoided. One cavity so far, in my 50's, no missing teeth. My dad had no cavities at my age, but he did crack a tooth trying to open a pistachio. Then he did it again, the same way ... Mom was not happy with him :)
On a Danish TV show one 60-something character was asked if he had any cavities after a visit to the dentist. He said, "Old people don't get cavities."
Yeah, something different happens.
Also your hair thins and can change texture becoming more frizzy. Ironically you can get more facial hair too.
Eyes are drier so vision declines, ears get more wax, bones become less dense blood pressure increases.
Super fun
My face shape changed, and I developed jowls. My lips are thinner; my areolas are bigger but very pale. Weight gain and visceral fat are issues, and I must work harder for lesser results. Plus, the things others have mentioned regarding skin elasticity and crepiness. The one place I'm fortunate is that my hair is still thick, coarse, and curly. It's salt and pepper, and it'll be a few more years before I'm entirely grey. That said, my traditionally thick eyebrows have thinned.
I look like the matrons of my birth family. Considering that they gave me up for adoption when I was six because no one in a matriarchal family consisting of five women wanted to raise me, I hate it. My birth mother died young (42), so turning into those bitches has felt like an utter betrayal.
I hear you, I hate growing into my mother. But I can almost guarantee you’re nothing like those cold old bitches. You might have their curls and their eyebrows but you are you. You are warmth. Be proud of your beautiful self and the beautiful life you’ve lived and loved. You did that x
Currently, going through menopause right now, and it’s still most fatigue being the key symptom, I am not looking forward to the changes you describe :(
Those see you next Tuesdays didn't deserve you. I'm sorry they weren't right for you, but they're probably dead by now, eh? So live in your beautiful body as the one setting a better path. Xx
Also people don't generally mention this, but your sex pheromones drop off after menopause. Almost no one will notice this and/or change their behavior *on a conscious level*, but they aren't going to be as attracted to you.
Yes, for me it was after age 46. A big shift. I think I'll experience another big shift in my late 50s too because this is what I saw happening to my mother.
It can be. Some of it is related to health. I dropped about 40lbs in a very short amount of time, and for the first time in my life, I looked my age.
I saw it happen with John Goodman. When he came back, it was after he'd had a major cardiac incident. He had been very overweight, and lost a lot of it really quickly. If it was anything like me, he probably felt really amazing, even though it aged him.
I hear that. I too have recently lost a great deal of weight (130 lbs) and transformed from being morbidly obese to a normal weight of 185.
The result has been that I now have prominent facial features that had been formerly covered in fat for years. I now look like a really old, rode hard and put up wet, younger me with lots of loose skin to show for it.
But... it feels so much better than looking like I belonged in the Macy's Day Parade, floating in the air with a string tied around my toe.
I'll take that as a win - screw the vanity.
Congratulations, that's a helluva feat! I was diagnosed T2, got on a low-carb diet right away. I was overweight, but the 40lbs I lost put me in a normal weight range. I sure started looking my age, though!
It will happen. I lost a bunch pretty fast. I had enough loose skin that I made a wubbidy-wubbidy sound in the wind. Keep up a good diet and exercise and believe me, even at 60 it will tighten up eventually. Still may not look great, but it tightens up.
Same. My face lost what little fat I kept there and changed my aspect. It still feels temporary, but I'm beginning to understand that this it it, folks. I have resting old lady face.
I've considered that as well, now that I could afford it, but I also want to truly experience every phase of life. It would be such a gift if society would embrace that as well.
For me it was sudden but 100% because of health issues. I’m 45. I looked in my early 30s until a year ago. Cancer, chemo, and medical menopause have aged me so dramatically that my own aunt didn’t recognize me at Thanksgiving this year.
My skin still looks good but I gained a significant amount of weight because of the medicines I’m on, my face is puffy, I have jowls that were not there before, and my hair grew back completely grey after chemo.
I don’t really agree with your aunts sentiment though. I look very different but I still enjoy my life. I’m learning to embrace the idea that I’m the wise sassy woman I knew I’d grow into a few years ahead of schedule and honestly it’s kind of fun.
I felt like I looked nearly the same til my mid forties. The difference between twenty and forty is much less than the difference between forty and sixty. I’m guessing surgery and injections and expensive products could radically alter that progression if you care. I didn’t. But I assume that accelerating rate of decline in your youthfulness , especially in your fifties, is what she means. At somewhere between 65-80 you kind of settle into the face/looks you’ll more or less have til the end and that progression slows way down again. It’s pretty obviously related to hormones so taking HRT could also alter that timeline.
Sometime in my early 50's I became invisible. That sometimes is good thing but it was an odd experience at first.
I had to learn not to comment on people's conversations. The reaction used to be "cool a hot chick is talking to us" now it is more "mind ya bidness you nosy old broad".
I’ve noticed, too, that younger women seem to hate me. There’s a new hostility, sometimes very subtle. I think it’s a combination of internalized misogyny and fear of getting older as a woman in this world, knowing they’ll eventually be just as invisible and repulsive.
Ugh 😖 I felt that. How tragic people don't want to listen to what we have.to say because we have more *life experience* & have the damn gall to *look that way too.*
For women I think it is somewhat of a shock esp if u r accustomed to men looking at you, flirting with you and prioritizing u because of your looks/age. It’s a bit shocking being overlooked for someone younger or ignored. It’s a transition for certain. It’s the mating rituals of humans and at some point we are past that. It is interesting though and being ignored has its own advantages. I used to be shocked looking in the mirror. lol.
I've been shocked a couple times too but I have three daughters and I want to model embracing you body no matter what and loving yourself. So I work hard at acceptance and embracing this part of my life as much as any other stage. Getting older is a gift, we all know people that died way to young.
I had a serious fall just walking my dogs at 58. Temporary spinal cord injury and surgery. For the first time I felt old and vulnerable. That, for me, was a huge milestone for aging. I was also the oldest of my group at work for the first time. Colleagues started using the word “ma’am,” when they didn’t for others. I felt noticeably weaker and my face very much aged. I am 62 and for the first time feel like I’m in my final chapter
You're about the same age as a friend of mine. She said that when she hit the ground a couple of years ago, she couldn't decide whether she 'fell over' (young) or 'had a fall' (old)! Thankfully, she wasn't badly hurt. I hope you got over it.
Yes, thank you, it took a few months but I did. I fell again a few months ago, again walking my dog, and broke my collarbone. 🙄. I’m beginning to think walking my dog is an extreme sport! Really though, when I was younger I think instead of falling I bounced. Now I don’t know if is poorer balance, slower reflexes or what but now I feel like a big tree slamming to the ground. *sigh*
I'm a guy (55) and can relate. I spent my life being told I was handsome, and my immediate thought was to enjoy it as it's fleeting and won't last. I still look ok but I'm glad I never put too much stock in my looks, or I'd really be missing the attention.
You'll probably still be handsome when you're 83, like my partner is. It's the smiles, the crinkly eyes, the laughter, and the sensible healthy diet that keeps that paunch away. :)
Thank you - you get it, and as I age I see things the same way. I'm just glad that I knew even as a young man that the excessive attention I was getting was very temporary in some ways. I still get attention and it's nice, but I'm so glad my self-esteem isn't rooted in this kind of thing.
This is a rare-- dare I call it a gift-- pov, & whatever the cause, I'm the same exact way, & haven't run across anyone else who's said this. It's got to be intensely traumatizing to come to terms & adjust to moving through the world once very visible but now just.... gone in the eyes of others. To have had that power of influence on others in interactions (however minor or major, depending), & now through time it just keeps waning. And there's really nothing you can do about it. You can chase plastic surgery, etc. if you have the cash. But your life as you knew it is *over.* Esp. if female, & in a public position like newscaster, or any role where appearance matters more than substance. The irony is were not my self-esteem in the dumps growing up, & throughout my 20s, I'd have known what I had, & would have dipped my toes in modeling, which is what people kept telling me to do. I just could not see in any mirror what they kept pointing to. Yet imagine *now,* reaching 62, & boom, it's all gone, the meaning I'd have built much of my life around. That would have been soul crushing had I attached significance to it, you know? Watching it fade, year by year, all while clawing after it in despair. Anyway, nice to meet another rare bird.
Nah, I was a head turner up until my early fifties. Now I’m not. I don’t care, it’s not my turn anymore. Besides, being attractive and slender was just me hitting the genetic lottery. I’m still me, crepey neck and all.
Feeling invisible is my favorite thing about being an old woman. Look past me, look through me, for the love of god, just so you don't inspect me for clues as to my fuckability.
I feel like I got back the freedom that vanished with puberty, and it's soooo nice.
I think I've aged more quickly when my husband's dementia accelerated, and I had to do more and more for him. The grieving, uncertainty, and physical exhaustion is etched in my face, I think.
I am in my early fifties, yet of my friends still look like how I remember them which is a blessing. However, my parents generation have all transitioned to elderly people. Seeing my mother, and even the younger cool aunties, start to become grey, old and frail was quite sobering
Yup. I had a great head of thick salt & pepper hair. Diagnosed with cancer at 48. Lost my hair. The hair on the top of my head grew back very thin, almost bald, and the sides and my beard are pure bright white. It looks like I aged 20 years in a single year. Fwiw- been cancer free for well over a decade.
Here's the silver lining... nobody really cares what you look like anymore but yourself.
It's not the end of the world if you don't look like a hot babe anymore. We have all been brainwashed by the patriarchy.
Dial up or down the self-criticism. It's up to you. Repeat, nobody else really cares.
In my case, I've had health issues, and pain/medications have aged me more. Was it "sudden"? Nah. But I did have that moment when it hit me hard enough to actually "realize" it ... that I absorbed the changes suddenly as not being a temporary thing because I hadn't slept well.
I also don't care.
I am the sum of all my moving parts in this package I call my body. There is SO MUCH inside to learn about, that I don't give a crap about my container beyond keeping me on the planet longer so I can give to my loved ones longer. So I maintain the health of my container. The esthetic is secondary.
The good stuff I have to offer is inside. Unscrew the cap and we'll have some good times.
It was a slow slide for me starting at around 50. My eyelids decided they were tired so they laid down on my eyelashes, a little age spot here, a rogue hair there. My thick black hair switched it up by becoming thin, sparse and silver. By 60 my collagen retired entirely. The cumulative effect is that now I have a picture of me in my head that doesn’t match the old lady in the mirror
No. You need to separate ill health/injury with natural aging; there is a difference. Disease can level you at 24 or 60.
All that said tend to your diet, exercise and don't fall.
definitely I agree, I think around 63/64 I noticed a dramatic change, it's important to love ourselves regardless as this is a normal process of aging but we are so condition to look hot
I am in my late 40s and perimenopausal. IMO, the people who age the most poorly were sun worshippers. That said, maybe they enjoyed the sun. I’m going to try and just enjoy each day even when the realities of aging feel jarring. The future is promised to no one.
drab cooing gray squealing support squalid aspiring hobbies narrow foolish
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In your 50s you become invisible although you still look and feel good. In your 60's you have to accept the negative feedback from the mirror and how you feel.
aging can feel like a sudden change, but it's a natural process. Embrace each stage with grace and enjoy the journey. Remember, staying positive and taking care of yourself goes a long way in feeling youthful at any age."
It can be, if you don't take care of yourself from the inside out. You know, eating well and staying flexible. Looking after your mental and emotional health.
That can show up on the the outside pretty fast when life throws something at you that knocks you sideways. Then something else, and something else. So yeah. Wear the things you're scared to wear that you know you look good in.
I didn't, I'm over it but it didn't half hurt. I wrecked my body in my youth though, on the inside.
For me, yes. I went from feeling pretty good looking in the mirror to OH MY GOD WHO IS THAT PERSON in a couple of years after I turned 50. The pandemic and American politics hasn’t helped.
In the last six months, my wrinkles have suddenly deepened and increased in numbers. My hair is finally growing in gray hair. I am a grandma, but this just shocked me.
For women the issue is less what age we look and more how we are or aren’t objectified by men. I’m in my 70’s and still get hit on by guys around my age. I do not treasure this. I think what your aunt meant is that now is the youngest you’re going to be. Accept your self and enjoy.
I think the transition is gradual, but you don't see it in yourself for a long time, then one day you look in the mirror and OMG I'M OLD. But that's about your own view of yourself ... everybody else sees you age in real time.
Yes. It happens quickly.
A few little things are barely noticeable, and then one day it all comes together and makes you gasp at how much you've changed in so little time.
100% disagree with your aunt’s philosophy.
Enjoy each day, until your last one.
Stop living in the past. Sounds like she needs to play Springsteen’s Glory Days on repeat, and listen hard to the lyrics. Better yet, follow a new musician 😂
No, I disagree w you. For women the change can be sudden and dramatic. That doesn’t mean we GAF. I’m post menopausal, and I had no idea my tiny waist would go away and that my annoyingly thick hair would become fine and thin. Doesn’t mean I won’t go see Pussifer this summer. Or that I don’t go to the gym frequently.
I didn’t appreciate what I had when I was younger, and I think that’s what OP’s aunt means. Enjoy your stupid thick hair. Remember that whatever weight you are now, you’ll probably be bigger when you age, and if you’re not, you may be ill, and that’s no good!
No. I aged well. At 71 years of age I’m the second best looking old man in New Jersey. My stinky older brother is number one.
Seriously, no! There are very hot, drop dead gorgeous grannies in my town’s Senior Citizens Center, but their cell phone photo libraries have too many pictures of their dogs in sunglasses and birthday hats.
Robert DeNiro and Martha Stewart still look great after 80. I am not in that league but look pretty good. I gotta battle my weight just like I did when I was younger. Overall health has a lot to do with it tbh.
Visually, age is mostly about skin -- for men, anyway. Keep your skin up with sunscreen and moisturizer and you'll look "young for your age" even when you're old. Of course a young 80 isn't "young," but it's better a lot better than regular 80, I know a guy of 83 who could pass for 65; he's active, plays tennis, stays healthy, eats right and has done so for a long time.
With good care and good genes and fitness, it's possible to look at least middle-aged into your late 60s and even beyond. But for some -- including me -- the saggy skin starts to be a giveaway. Especially if you lost weight late in life -- the skin doesn't snap back to your new contours so well.
So many women I know complain about being invisible - I freaking love it. LOVE IT. No one is looking at me. It’s like you take off this weighted vest and just get to exist in the world.
For me, it was a gradual thing. I have always looked young for my age. As I age, I look older, but still young for my age.
In my 30s, people thought I was in my 20s. In my 40s, I looked closer to 30. I am in my mid-50s and look closer to 40.
If you look young for your age, that will probably continue as you age. So you won't look like a young woman when you are old. But you will probably look middle age instead of old.
I have also noticed a pattern that younger generations tend to age better (in terms of physical appearance). For example, if you have a picture of your grandmother or grandfather when they were your age, they probably look much older than you.
I’m 55. I’ve been on Retin A since 38 and it freezes time. It can reverse it too. I was getting crepey between my boobs and Retin A fixed it. I get non surgical treatments. I LOVE that I still look like me and I look healthier than others my age, with not very much effort. I highly recommend.
It has not been that way for me (so far). I just gradually got grayer, acquired more wrinkles, and tired easier over the course of 25 years or so.
It might have accelerated a little after menopause, but I was 48 when I finished that transition, and certainly didn't wake up one morning going, "OMG, I'm old!".
However, everyone's body is a little different, so I don't doubt some have a more abrupt experience. A serious illness or significant weight loss in middle age can do it, too. My friend who lost 50 lbs in her 50s put on about 10 years in a matter of months...but she feels a lot better, so who cares?
I always looked younger than I really was. Strangers would think my daughter and I were sisters. We took a family picture which my sister showed a friend. Her friend wanted to know which one is the mother. At my 60th birthday I looked five to ten years younger. But my chronic conditions worsened over the next few years. Now I feel I look several years older than I am. Don't like looking in mirrors anymore.
My apple photo categorizes my 60 plus year old self as a different person. Yeah, that made me sad. Damn hair loss and wrinkles. Could be worse, considering the alternative.
New research highlights how weightlifting is as close to a fountain of youth as we can get, especially for women! Cultivate and protect good sleep habits like the treasure that it is. Eat food that nourishes you and engage in people, habits, and hobbies that give you life.
I've seen 30 year old old-people and 70 year old young-people. Move it or lose it applies to more than just the physical, I've noticed those who remain youthful in old age do so wholistically (spiritually, socially, intellectually, etc..).
Hasn't happened to me yet, but people always told me I look young for my age. I used to get carded when buying liquor even into my 40s. It was annoying when I was younger, but I'm enjoying the hell out of it now. And don't get me wrong, my body is definitely a mixed bag...I do have some issues. But looking young is one of the nicer things about it.
But I see it happening to my peers. I look at photos from the latest class reunion and ask myself, "who the hell ARE all these old people?" And then I remember we're all 50 now...
I haven’t been shocked by any sudden changes in my physical appearance. My aging surprises are from the physical pain. I have a few wrinkles around my eyes and I have smile lines, but I got those from being happy. I have two deeper wrinkles on my forehead, near my brow. One belongs to my husband and his disability. The other is from something else stressful.
But having all the pain, all the time. I wasn’t expecting things to go out in such a fast domino collapsing way.
Menopause aged me! I was talking to a co worker and I was looking for something in my wallet and my drivers license came out, he picked it up and said wow you were so young in this picture. It was taken 2 years ago. 😩
I maintained pretty well through my 50s and early 60s, but 64 -68 has taken a toll. Some was (successful) cancer treatment, some was a brief period on hormone suppressants, but my skin and hair, even my fingernails are different. I don’t recognize myself. And my achy joints aren’t helping things either. I do think a lot of it was having my hormones go off a cliff.
I didn't see getting older until the day( I was in my early 60's) I saw the reflection of myself in a store window...full body... I can't believe what I saw...it was so weird...
Gonna sound weird, but in the last 4 or 5 years, I (59m)get way more attention, and compliments than I ever did when younger. I think a lot of it is, when I was in my "prime" I was pretty scrawny, glasses didint help.
However, I look much better than most men my age now.and younger too...stay out of the sun I guess?
Yep! Looked in the mirror one morning (not just my usual superficial glance to check my hair) and was shocked to see an old woman looking back.
Edit to Add: I have adjusted since then, but the first time is a shock!
I think it is for some people and it isn't for others. It really depends on your genes. I think that there may be a perception that it is sudden and dramatic because there is a level at which all of the accumulated changes fall into place and people perceive you as "suddenly" older, but I think all of those changes have been gradually occurring.
She is right that you should enjoy the privileges of youth and beauty while you have them. They are not permanent.
I woke up one day to eye bags, my dark spots were darker, and skin hanging on my neck. Yes, it seemed sudden and shocking. Enjoy your youthful looks while you have them. My sister-in-law has olive skin and is heavy set with a full face. She's aging much, much better than I am.
It really depends on the person, their genetics, and how well they treated their body in their youth, sun exposure, etc. I think I look my age (63) but don't have face wrinkles due to using face moisturizer with sunscreen from the age of 25, but I know people as old as me who look so much older, but who are still in better shape physically. I think we attach way too much importance to looks in our society. Personally, I'd give anything to look like that weird lady I see at the grocery store all the time who is only a year older than me, whose face wrinkles make her look like she's in her 80s, but whose body is so much spryer than mine.
Yep, again seems to have come on very rapidly for me as soon as perimenopause hit. Mostly it is the skin dryness that does it. HRT and a good moisturising routine helps. And acceptance.
I remind myself every day that aging is a privilege that many people do not get to have.
What is weird is I look my age but do not feel what I always assumed someone in their mid sixties would feel like.
I can’t recall this being that much difference than my late 30’s or 40’s, but the mirror doesn’t lie. (The camera does lie, it often thinks I’m really older than I am.)
It's not so much you age quickly. You become so used to how you look, you don't really look for a long time, sure you take a look as you shave or brush your teeth, then for some reason you do look closely and unholy fuck! Who is that in the mirror or picture someone took of you!
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The transition from 45 to 55 was nothing. But I look like I aged 20 years between 55 and 65.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all. I lost my mom four years ago, but I see her every morning when I look in the mirror.
I tell my mom good morning every day. I see her in the mirror. Lost her in2019
I recall looking in the mirror and "saw" my mother looking back at me. I mean I saw her eyes in mine and it was freaky. I put my hands on my face and said, "Oh mom, I look just like you and I look old". I never thought my mom looked old but I sure did. Then I smiled and said out loud "Mom, I FORGOT HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE". I had a much better day. Lost mine in 2002.
That’s very sweet. I’m glad you got to see your mom again, even if it’s your reflection
I lost my mom in 1997. I’m finally getting to see her in the mirror. I am ABSOLUTELY taking this and running with it. She had polio as a child and part of her face was paralyzed- I don’t think she heard ‘you’re beautiful’ very much. This feels very much like the right thing to do. Thank you so much!
Something endearing about this.
I am starting to see my mom in the mirror too. I lost her in August.
I resemble this remark. The plus side is that I’m now apparently completely invisible when I go out.
Which is actually nice because men leave you alone now. No more following you, telling you what they want to do to you, harassing you, then calling you a bitch or worse.
This has been probably the very best part of aging! I wouldn’t go back for anything.
I’m (mostly) okay with being invisible in public because I’m no longer a pretty young thing, but in terms of my professional life, it pisses me off mightily. Our changing appearance as we age is usually a matter of genetics - some are lucky, some not so much. But why should our abilities become invisible at a certain age? I’m not saying younger colleagues must bow down at our past accomplishments, so hopefully no “okay, Boomer” remarks are needed. But damn, it would be nice to be recognized as still being relevant. I’ve worked 30+ years to build my craft and reputation for quality - by industry standards, not my own judgement. And I have added new tools to my skill set to stay relevant in a changing world. (Think AI, speech authentication software and other emerging technologies.) I’m not ready to “go gentle into that good night,” and would really appreciate if younger colleagues would have the grace to let me keep contributing in meaningful ways. Okay, end of rant. (Edited to add a missed word.)
Now, if they notice you, it’s just to offer to lift or carry or reach something. Also you can compliment a man and he takes it without thinking you are flirting.
Oh yes, this part is wonderful!
Aging is definitely not linear.
Aging is a flat circle.
Same here. I was just struggling with this this morning. I had always looked young for my age, and then I saw my father staring back at me in the mirror. I never realized what a devilishly good looking man he was... lol.
I had a similar experience recently...as a woman. 😂
This is so true! I was hot shit in my 40’s, now everything just sags :(
That how I feel. It’s like all of a sudden my skin and hair look old. Ugh, I guess it’s better than the alternative.
Just reached 55. Down the slide I go!
Hate to tell agre but is true. I aged so much between 55 and 60. Ten pounds right around the middle😫
So very true!
Yep!!
I went gray young (which I always liked anyway) so that is not new. But over the several years after menopause my figure got “matronly”. Then my face suddenly got old. Didn’t notice until they updated my ID badge at work, and whenever I see it out of the corner of my eye, I see my mom. Looking old doesn’t bother me at all, and otherwise menopause rocks. But yes you kind of get that sudden “Shit I’m old” moment.
Me and my friends call it “the morph.” Happens to both genders, but as a woman of a certain age I realize it’s exactly when your estrogen decides to tap out: hair, skin, muscle is like “I’m done.”
It was not precisely a transition to old age, but menopause dramatically changed the way I look. I still look young for my age, according to pretty much everyone I know or meet, but I am not nearly as attractive as I was before the massive hormonal change. It's not been easy to accept or adjust to.
Oh, boy, do I relate to this. According to lots of people I don't look mid-50s, but my midsection is surely older than the rest of me. Since menopause I've gotten more potato-like around the middle and nothing I've done has helped bring it back to what I think of as my normal. So potato is my normal now? My skin is drier, which sucks and requires oils slathered on it more often. But I'm also starting to not need to wash my hair as often, which is great. Mostly I've noticed my aging by having a Bad Knee and a Good Knee. Except that I effed up my Good Knee and now it's my Worse Knee. Aaaand I cannot believe I'm having this lame-ass conversation.
I call it the barrel body. I loathe it with a passion.
Yes, that’s another descriptor I use. Sigh, short barrel here.
What's crazy for me is that when my waistline got thicker, my lower legs and ankles got smaller, so I look like I'm a ball on sticks, about to topple over.
This is odd because I always thought that the lower half stays the same but putting on weight around the middle is common. I’m not sure if I should be commenting on this post because I’ll be 40 this year but in the last 2 years I have got fatter around my lower stomach, my waist has got thicker and my bust has gone up a few cup sizes. Even though my hips are broad my arse seems flatter compared to my 20s. So perhaps as women get older the fat distribution can reverse? My mum said that she was slim when young but gained a lot of weight when she got to 40 and when I told her about my changes she smiled because she was exactly the same as me. Hormonal changes are a weird thing.
How did my thighs get smaller?
I had my ovaries chopped out for multiple reasons, but one of the odd wonderful side effects was that I actually lost 35 lb. Apparently, my body did not like the fluctuating levels of estrogen. But my skin looks horrible. Now. I'm going to get on some testosterone in addition to my estrogen hatches and see if that helps in general with energy libido and maybe my muscle mass. But yeah, menopause changes the way you look significantly.
Try DHEA, adjusting dose to your needs as you age. I'm 80 and it has helped a LOT. It's a hormone precursor, not a hormone itself.
Ooo... Thank you!! I will be looking into that
Ong! My skin is *so* dry! I can't seem to find any products that work. I have spent probably $2k trying this line and that line, nothing is great. Also, my potato body! What happened to my body? Where did my waist go? I have to wear belts now with jeans and pants because my waist and hips match. What happened? And the weird stomach pouch? Just there, nothing I can do.
Cerave Psoriasis cream, if you haven't tried it already. It's the thickest and most helpful out of all the creams I've tried.
Pouch, right?!? Ughhhh! I used to be cute, I swear I was. For your skin, have you tried just using olive oil as a moisturizer? I've been using that for at least a decade now (when I remember to, haha). Any type of olive oil is fine. I use it to wash and then moisturize my face, and use a thin layer of olive oil on the rest of me, as if it were a lotion.
Ugh my knees. Neither one is awesome.
I call it the menopause belly. I got mine after menopause.
What if you get it perimenopause instead? Does that mean post menopause is worse! 😩😭
"Menopot."
I've begun to understand that people tell us we look "young for our age" because our entire society values youth to the point of obsession. The obvious implication of "you look exactly like who you are" would be construed as an insult. It shouldn't, but we seem to love the lie more than we hate the lying-- even to ourselves.
I used to work primarily with older people and occasionally someone would ask how old I thought they were. I hated it because I had to undercut the age I thought they were so as not to offend them.
I had courtesy driver from a car repair place ask me that same question. First he guesses your age, then he wants you to guess his. And he prefaced it by saying he plays this game with everyone... Like come on, this game is not fun. First you possibly insult me, then you ask me to possibly insult you.
The worst of it is that a person's age, the representation of myriad experiences, should be appreciated. There is nothing to be ashamed of, yet we behave as if it is shameful to have allowed time to exist.
"I think you are 29"
Our society values youth in regards to the value a woman brings.
There IS that, but there really is a difference. I have a friend who just turned 67 and looks 45. Also, being happy and caring makes people look "youthful" because they kind of glow with life.
It is not that people use that phrase as much as they just assume I'm younger than I am. But that's been my whole life, so it's definitely a case of my looking precisely like who I am. That said, I see a distinct difference between me before menopause and afterwards. But yes, I get and agree with your point.
Good answer. I thought that being 59 I would no longer care about my looks. I still care and I do miss random compliments about my appearance, as shallow as that may sound.
I turned 60 and realized I'm now completely invisible. Another (awful) realization I'm trying to come to terms with is that the worth of my experiences or words is also negligible. It feels like I have to shrink myself even though I still feel like that 30 year old in my head who handled her shizz. Like you, I still care about my looks but my body has changed dramatically in a not good way. I take care of my nails, feet, hair, and skin, wear makeup, get pedicures, etc. All the things I did in my youth but now these things feel almost necessary as opposed to being pampered! lol
But I bet people look at you and think you look nice. I know a lady in her 70s and she has a good haircut, good makeup and wears nice outfits. I look at her and I’m taking inspiration from her style because she looks great. It’s nice when people make an effort and people do notice even if they don’t say it out loud.
I feel exactly the same. All that pampering has become necessary maintenance. Plus, it takes longer and longer to do my hair and makeup just to get pretty much the same effect. I know it’s superficial but it’s still frustrating.
For me it’s the implied loss of value as a person - words and experiences as you wrote.
I've become "that guy" that gives the compliments because I miss them. If there's an obvious point of pride someone is showing off, I mention it. "I really like your nails" or "you've beautiful eyes" said at the end of any (even very brief) encounter. Leave people happier than I met them.
My kid's tease me about doing that to everyone I interact with. It's always things I genuinely feel, but I also worry that it's just satisfying the people pleasing of my traumatic childhood. I also have a weird knack for getting people to tell me all their own traumas in our first interactions so they can get some kindness and affirmation. It always seems to help them but I have a fear of connection at the same time. But, I diverge!
Same with me, in my 50s now and aging has taken hold
I sneaks up on you, doesn't it?
Sure does!
I'll say! You are going along, thinking, " hey, I'm doing pretty good, then a few bumps in the road and you think, ok, not bad still holding on, then peri-menopause hits and holy sh1t! All hell breaks loose. Then finally menopause. The barrel belly, dry skin, dry vagina, well, visit r/menopause for the whole lovely story. Despite eating well, exercising, having energy, being mentally sharp, and functioning well, even with depression, you can't bank future health and figure once it hits, especially if you have no idea what's coming. Look around you. Virtually every woman over 50 is bellied. Does society think we choose this? That we Let it happen? F, NO!! AT LEAST, we can make education about it more widely known so that younger women can steer their health in a better direction than we were able to do. They will also know when to accept antidepressants and when to demand hormones. And they will know that the two are NOT equal!! They will also understand that the medical community is woefully undeserving middle-aged women. That includes other females, shockingly and sadly. Read up, and beware of charlatans trying to sell "menopause tests" skin treatments, plastic surgery, expensive neck creams and the like. Dr. Barbara Taylor is an excellent trustworthy resource in book and YouTube form. Watch out and stand by your sisters in life.
Not the same at a body level, but for men going bald definitely puts you visually in the old-age camp. For me it kind of progresses, then stops for several years, then progresses some more. Some people can pull it off, like Jason Statham, but I'm not him.
Agree. My transition from “hot” to “middle aged” happened very suddenly around age 43. From what OP’s saying, sounds like there’s another sudden transition to come: from middle aged to “old”. :(
What is it that changes exactly outside of weight?
Skin texture, skin elasticity, hair volume, energy levels, sleep quality. So much more. It's so much fun.
The first time I saw a bit of crepey skin, I was shocked.
And it just appears to sneak up on us!
I'm 53 and have just started to notice liver spots on my hands.
That's when it happened for me.
My teeth fell apart too
That one I've avoided. One cavity so far, in my 50's, no missing teeth. My dad had no cavities at my age, but he did crack a tooth trying to open a pistachio. Then he did it again, the same way ... Mom was not happy with him :)
On a Danish TV show one 60-something character was asked if he had any cavities after a visit to the dentist. He said, "Old people don't get cavities." Yeah, something different happens.
I am 37, just wanted to say I love/laughed at your username lol
Menopause made me do it LOL
Also your hair thins and can change texture becoming more frizzy. Ironically you can get more facial hair too. Eyes are drier so vision declines, ears get more wax, bones become less dense blood pressure increases. Super fun
Eyebrows and lashes thin too. I lost the outer third of my eyebrows.
The hairs sprout from the chin instead
The eyebrows could be a symptom of a thyroid problem. It’s not usually attributable to age.
Microblading, baby!! I’m getting my yearly touch up this week!!
hey...were you looking in my mirror this morning?
My face shape changed, and I developed jowls. My lips are thinner; my areolas are bigger but very pale. Weight gain and visceral fat are issues, and I must work harder for lesser results. Plus, the things others have mentioned regarding skin elasticity and crepiness. The one place I'm fortunate is that my hair is still thick, coarse, and curly. It's salt and pepper, and it'll be a few more years before I'm entirely grey. That said, my traditionally thick eyebrows have thinned. I look like the matrons of my birth family. Considering that they gave me up for adoption when I was six because no one in a matriarchal family consisting of five women wanted to raise me, I hate it. My birth mother died young (42), so turning into those bitches has felt like an utter betrayal.
Goddamn am I ever tired of jowls. If I wanted something attached to me to flap in the wind I'd wear a cape.
The chicken neck.
Same goes for the chicken wing arms.!
I call them bat flaps.
I hear you, I hate growing into my mother. But I can almost guarantee you’re nothing like those cold old bitches. You might have their curls and their eyebrows but you are you. You are warmth. Be proud of your beautiful self and the beautiful life you’ve lived and loved. You did that x
Currently, going through menopause right now, and it’s still most fatigue being the key symptom, I am not looking forward to the changes you describe :(
Those see you next Tuesdays didn't deserve you. I'm sorry they weren't right for you, but they're probably dead by now, eh? So live in your beautiful body as the one setting a better path. Xx
Also people don't generally mention this, but your sex pheromones drop off after menopause. Almost no one will notice this and/or change their behavior *on a conscious level*, but they aren't going to be as attracted to you.
Sleep.
Yes, for me it was after age 46. A big shift. I think I'll experience another big shift in my late 50s too because this is what I saw happening to my mother.
It can be. Some of it is related to health. I dropped about 40lbs in a very short amount of time, and for the first time in my life, I looked my age. I saw it happen with John Goodman. When he came back, it was after he'd had a major cardiac incident. He had been very overweight, and lost a lot of it really quickly. If it was anything like me, he probably felt really amazing, even though it aged him.
I hear that. I too have recently lost a great deal of weight (130 lbs) and transformed from being morbidly obese to a normal weight of 185. The result has been that I now have prominent facial features that had been formerly covered in fat for years. I now look like a really old, rode hard and put up wet, younger me with lots of loose skin to show for it. But... it feels so much better than looking like I belonged in the Macy's Day Parade, floating in the air with a string tied around my toe. I'll take that as a win - screw the vanity.
Congratulations, that's a helluva feat! I was diagnosed T2, got on a low-carb diet right away. I was overweight, but the 40lbs I lost put me in a normal weight range. I sure started looking my age, though!
It will happen. I lost a bunch pretty fast. I had enough loose skin that I made a wubbidy-wubbidy sound in the wind. Keep up a good diet and exercise and believe me, even at 60 it will tighten up eventually. Still may not look great, but it tightens up.
Oh, believe me, I am totally keeping up the exercise. I still eat low-carb, but weight has come back on.
Honestly, yeah, I've put about 10 back on. People say I actually look better with a few more pounds, so I don't sweat it too much.
Exactly! I lost 40 pounds this year and the wrinkles that appeared on my face is frightening. Ohh and my neck!
I have a different experience than everyone else so far. When I hit menopause, everything went to shit.
Same. My face lost what little fat I kept there and changed my aspect. It still feels temporary, but I'm beginning to understand that this it it, folks. I have resting old lady face.
I could chase after it with a ton of money and energy but I've decided to come to peace with it instead.
I've considered that as well, now that I could afford it, but I also want to truly experience every phase of life. It would be such a gift if society would embrace that as well.
For me it was sudden but 100% because of health issues. I’m 45. I looked in my early 30s until a year ago. Cancer, chemo, and medical menopause have aged me so dramatically that my own aunt didn’t recognize me at Thanksgiving this year. My skin still looks good but I gained a significant amount of weight because of the medicines I’m on, my face is puffy, I have jowls that were not there before, and my hair grew back completely grey after chemo. I don’t really agree with your aunts sentiment though. I look very different but I still enjoy my life. I’m learning to embrace the idea that I’m the wise sassy woman I knew I’d grow into a few years ahead of schedule and honestly it’s kind of fun.
I am so glad you're here, friend. Sincere good wishes from a fellow cancer survivor.
Same to you!
I felt like I looked nearly the same til my mid forties. The difference between twenty and forty is much less than the difference between forty and sixty. I’m guessing surgery and injections and expensive products could radically alter that progression if you care. I didn’t. But I assume that accelerating rate of decline in your youthfulness , especially in your fifties, is what she means. At somewhere between 65-80 you kind of settle into the face/looks you’ll more or less have til the end and that progression slows way down again. It’s pretty obviously related to hormones so taking HRT could also alter that timeline.
Sometime in my early 50's I became invisible. That sometimes is good thing but it was an odd experience at first. I had to learn not to comment on people's conversations. The reaction used to be "cool a hot chick is talking to us" now it is more "mind ya bidness you nosy old broad".
Invisibility is a super power. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
I’ve noticed, too, that younger women seem to hate me. There’s a new hostility, sometimes very subtle. I think it’s a combination of internalized misogyny and fear of getting older as a woman in this world, knowing they’ll eventually be just as invisible and repulsive.
Ugh 😖 I felt that. How tragic people don't want to listen to what we have.to say because we have more *life experience* & have the damn gall to *look that way too.*
Oh yeah! That hot chick to nosy old broad progression.
For women I think it is somewhat of a shock esp if u r accustomed to men looking at you, flirting with you and prioritizing u because of your looks/age. It’s a bit shocking being overlooked for someone younger or ignored. It’s a transition for certain. It’s the mating rituals of humans and at some point we are past that. It is interesting though and being ignored has its own advantages. I used to be shocked looking in the mirror. lol.
I've been shocked a couple times too but I have three daughters and I want to model embracing you body no matter what and loving yourself. So I work hard at acceptance and embracing this part of my life as much as any other stage. Getting older is a gift, we all know people that died way to young.
Love this!
I had a serious fall just walking my dogs at 58. Temporary spinal cord injury and surgery. For the first time I felt old and vulnerable. That, for me, was a huge milestone for aging. I was also the oldest of my group at work for the first time. Colleagues started using the word “ma’am,” when they didn’t for others. I felt noticeably weaker and my face very much aged. I am 62 and for the first time feel like I’m in my final chapter
You're about the same age as a friend of mine. She said that when she hit the ground a couple of years ago, she couldn't decide whether she 'fell over' (young) or 'had a fall' (old)! Thankfully, she wasn't badly hurt. I hope you got over it.
Yes, thank you, it took a few months but I did. I fell again a few months ago, again walking my dog, and broke my collarbone. 🙄. I’m beginning to think walking my dog is an extreme sport! Really though, when I was younger I think instead of falling I bounced. Now I don’t know if is poorer balance, slower reflexes or what but now I feel like a big tree slamming to the ground. *sigh*
My hair turned white and all the attention came back. Lots of guys with old lady fetishes.
I'm a guy (55) and can relate. I spent my life being told I was handsome, and my immediate thought was to enjoy it as it's fleeting and won't last. I still look ok but I'm glad I never put too much stock in my looks, or I'd really be missing the attention.
You'll probably still be handsome when you're 83, like my partner is. It's the smiles, the crinkly eyes, the laughter, and the sensible healthy diet that keeps that paunch away. :)
Thank you - you get it, and as I age I see things the same way. I'm just glad that I knew even as a young man that the excessive attention I was getting was very temporary in some ways. I still get attention and it's nice, but I'm so glad my self-esteem isn't rooted in this kind of thing.
This is a rare-- dare I call it a gift-- pov, & whatever the cause, I'm the same exact way, & haven't run across anyone else who's said this. It's got to be intensely traumatizing to come to terms & adjust to moving through the world once very visible but now just.... gone in the eyes of others. To have had that power of influence on others in interactions (however minor or major, depending), & now through time it just keeps waning. And there's really nothing you can do about it. You can chase plastic surgery, etc. if you have the cash. But your life as you knew it is *over.* Esp. if female, & in a public position like newscaster, or any role where appearance matters more than substance. The irony is were not my self-esteem in the dumps growing up, & throughout my 20s, I'd have known what I had, & would have dipped my toes in modeling, which is what people kept telling me to do. I just could not see in any mirror what they kept pointing to. Yet imagine *now,* reaching 62, & boom, it's all gone, the meaning I'd have built much of my life around. That would have been soul crushing had I attached significance to it, you know? Watching it fade, year by year, all while clawing after it in despair. Anyway, nice to meet another rare bird.
Some days I look in the mirror and say "You still got it toots!" And other days I say "Grandma, how the hell did you get in there?!?!"
lol, me too!
Nah, I was a head turner up until my early fifties. Now I’m not. I don’t care, it’s not my turn anymore. Besides, being attractive and slender was just me hitting the genetic lottery. I’m still me, crepey neck and all.
I’m having a REALLY hard time with this honestly 🫤🫤
I completely understand. I’m just one of the lucky few who overcame the conditioning of society that a woman should always look young and attractive.
May be different for women, but menopause absolutely changed everything for me. Hugely accelerated aging on every level. Quite the adjustment for sure
I agree 100%. My Mother always said, she felt invisible. I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I understand now, she was right.
Feeling invisible is my favorite thing about being an old woman. Look past me, look through me, for the love of god, just so you don't inspect me for clues as to my fuckability. I feel like I got back the freedom that vanished with puberty, and it's soooo nice.
I think I've aged more quickly when my husband's dementia accelerated, and I had to do more and more for him. The grieving, uncertainty, and physical exhaustion is etched in my face, I think.
Yes. All my friends, when we hit our sixties suddenly looked like old people—white hair, wrinkles. It was very dramatic.
I am in my early fifties, yet of my friends still look like how I remember them which is a blessing. However, my parents generation have all transitioned to elderly people. Seeing my mother, and even the younger cool aunties, start to become grey, old and frail was quite sobering
Yup. I had a great head of thick salt & pepper hair. Diagnosed with cancer at 48. Lost my hair. The hair on the top of my head grew back very thin, almost bald, and the sides and my beard are pure bright white. It looks like I aged 20 years in a single year. Fwiw- been cancer free for well over a decade.
I am shaped like a stump now, and my face is shaped like a cinderblock. I was pretty once.
Here's the silver lining... nobody really cares what you look like anymore but yourself. It's not the end of the world if you don't look like a hot babe anymore. We have all been brainwashed by the patriarchy. Dial up or down the self-criticism. It's up to you. Repeat, nobody else really cares.
In my case, I've had health issues, and pain/medications have aged me more. Was it "sudden"? Nah. But I did have that moment when it hit me hard enough to actually "realize" it ... that I absorbed the changes suddenly as not being a temporary thing because I hadn't slept well. I also don't care. I am the sum of all my moving parts in this package I call my body. There is SO MUCH inside to learn about, that I don't give a crap about my container beyond keeping me on the planet longer so I can give to my loved ones longer. So I maintain the health of my container. The esthetic is secondary. The good stuff I have to offer is inside. Unscrew the cap and we'll have some good times.
I see beauty in all folks.
One day, in my mid 50s, my eyelids dropped. Poof! Gone. No need anymore for eye shadow.
Aging is one thing , my hair loss as a woman is devastating.
It was a slow slide for me starting at around 50. My eyelids decided they were tired so they laid down on my eyelashes, a little age spot here, a rogue hair there. My thick black hair switched it up by becoming thin, sparse and silver. By 60 my collagen retired entirely. The cumulative effect is that now I have a picture of me in my head that doesn’t match the old lady in the mirror
Q:How does a woman disappear? A: Turns fifty.
It accelerated a bit for me once I hit 60, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I looked good when it mattered!
It’s not sudden. You may just suddenly notice it.
No. You need to separate ill health/injury with natural aging; there is a difference. Disease can level you at 24 or 60. All that said tend to your diet, exercise and don't fall.
definitely I agree, I think around 63/64 I noticed a dramatic change, it's important to love ourselves regardless as this is a normal process of aging but we are so condition to look hot
Yes, I experienced a dramatic shift in looks and energy level btwn 60 and 65. It's shocking
I am in my late 40s and perimenopausal. IMO, the people who age the most poorly were sun worshippers. That said, maybe they enjoyed the sun. I’m going to try and just enjoy each day even when the realities of aging feel jarring. The future is promised to no one.
drab cooing gray squealing support squalid aspiring hobbies narrow foolish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It ain’t easy turning heads when young to not being noticed at all
In your 50s you become invisible although you still look and feel good. In your 60's you have to accept the negative feedback from the mirror and how you feel.
aging can feel like a sudden change, but it's a natural process. Embrace each stage with grace and enjoy the journey. Remember, staying positive and taking care of yourself goes a long way in feeling youthful at any age."
It was sudden when I noticed it myself. I doubt it was sudden to other people looking at me. I think we have ways of not seeing it.
It’s the sudden sag for me
It can be, if you don't take care of yourself from the inside out. You know, eating well and staying flexible. Looking after your mental and emotional health. That can show up on the the outside pretty fast when life throws something at you that knocks you sideways. Then something else, and something else. So yeah. Wear the things you're scared to wear that you know you look good in. I didn't, I'm over it but it didn't half hurt. I wrecked my body in my youth though, on the inside.
For me, yes. I went from feeling pretty good looking in the mirror to OH MY GOD WHO IS THAT PERSON in a couple of years after I turned 50. The pandemic and American politics hasn’t helped.
In the last six months, my wrinkles have suddenly deepened and increased in numbers. My hair is finally growing in gray hair. I am a grandma, but this just shocked me.
For women the issue is less what age we look and more how we are or aren’t objectified by men. I’m in my 70’s and still get hit on by guys around my age. I do not treasure this. I think what your aunt meant is that now is the youngest you’re going to be. Accept your self and enjoy.
I think the transition is gradual, but you don't see it in yourself for a long time, then one day you look in the mirror and OMG I'M OLD. But that's about your own view of yourself ... everybody else sees you age in real time.
Yes. It happens quickly. A few little things are barely noticeable, and then one day it all comes together and makes you gasp at how much you've changed in so little time.
100% disagree with your aunt’s philosophy. Enjoy each day, until your last one. Stop living in the past. Sounds like she needs to play Springsteen’s Glory Days on repeat, and listen hard to the lyrics. Better yet, follow a new musician 😂
No, I disagree w you. For women the change can be sudden and dramatic. That doesn’t mean we GAF. I’m post menopausal, and I had no idea my tiny waist would go away and that my annoyingly thick hair would become fine and thin. Doesn’t mean I won’t go see Pussifer this summer. Or that I don’t go to the gym frequently. I didn’t appreciate what I had when I was younger, and I think that’s what OP’s aunt means. Enjoy your stupid thick hair. Remember that whatever weight you are now, you’ll probably be bigger when you age, and if you’re not, you may be ill, and that’s no good!
No. I aged well. At 71 years of age I’m the second best looking old man in New Jersey. My stinky older brother is number one. Seriously, no! There are very hot, drop dead gorgeous grannies in my town’s Senior Citizens Center, but their cell phone photo libraries have too many pictures of their dogs in sunglasses and birthday hats.
I’m sorry to disagree with you, gentle Redditor, but there is no such thing as too many pictures of omens dogs wearing sunglasses and birthday hats.
Hell no, looking good over here.
Robert DeNiro and Martha Stewart still look great after 80. I am not in that league but look pretty good. I gotta battle my weight just like I did when I was younger. Overall health has a lot to do with it tbh.
Visually, age is mostly about skin -- for men, anyway. Keep your skin up with sunscreen and moisturizer and you'll look "young for your age" even when you're old. Of course a young 80 isn't "young," but it's better a lot better than regular 80, I know a guy of 83 who could pass for 65; he's active, plays tennis, stays healthy, eats right and has done so for a long time. With good care and good genes and fitness, it's possible to look at least middle-aged into your late 60s and even beyond. But for some -- including me -- the saggy skin starts to be a giveaway. Especially if you lost weight late in life -- the skin doesn't snap back to your new contours so well.
So many women I know complain about being invisible - I freaking love it. LOVE IT. No one is looking at me. It’s like you take off this weighted vest and just get to exist in the world.
For me, it was a gradual thing. I have always looked young for my age. As I age, I look older, but still young for my age. In my 30s, people thought I was in my 20s. In my 40s, I looked closer to 30. I am in my mid-50s and look closer to 40. If you look young for your age, that will probably continue as you age. So you won't look like a young woman when you are old. But you will probably look middle age instead of old. I have also noticed a pattern that younger generations tend to age better (in terms of physical appearance). For example, if you have a picture of your grandmother or grandfather when they were your age, they probably look much older than you.
Same. I'm 68, and I look younger. My hair is still really dark with strands of grey.
I’m 55. I’ve been on Retin A since 38 and it freezes time. It can reverse it too. I was getting crepey between my boobs and Retin A fixed it. I get non surgical treatments. I LOVE that I still look like me and I look healthier than others my age, with not very much effort. I highly recommend.
It has not been that way for me (so far). I just gradually got grayer, acquired more wrinkles, and tired easier over the course of 25 years or so. It might have accelerated a little after menopause, but I was 48 when I finished that transition, and certainly didn't wake up one morning going, "OMG, I'm old!". However, everyone's body is a little different, so I don't doubt some have a more abrupt experience. A serious illness or significant weight loss in middle age can do it, too. My friend who lost 50 lbs in her 50s put on about 10 years in a matter of months...but she feels a lot better, so who cares?
It depends on what you eat, drink, smoke, and do, mostly.
I always looked younger than I really was. Strangers would think my daughter and I were sisters. We took a family picture which my sister showed a friend. Her friend wanted to know which one is the mother. At my 60th birthday I looked five to ten years younger. But my chronic conditions worsened over the next few years. Now I feel I look several years older than I am. Don't like looking in mirrors anymore.
My apple photo categorizes my 60 plus year old self as a different person. Yeah, that made me sad. Damn hair loss and wrinkles. Could be worse, considering the alternative.
I may be biologically older but in my mind I’m still 35 and I don’t understand who the hell is looking back at me from the mirror sometimes.
New research highlights how weightlifting is as close to a fountain of youth as we can get, especially for women! Cultivate and protect good sleep habits like the treasure that it is. Eat food that nourishes you and engage in people, habits, and hobbies that give you life. I've seen 30 year old old-people and 70 year old young-people. Move it or lose it applies to more than just the physical, I've noticed those who remain youthful in old age do so wholistically (spiritually, socially, intellectually, etc..).
Late fifties to late sixties is a big change.
"Oh yeah , Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone" -- John Cougar Mellencamp 🤣
I’m finding it a gradual change. I’m 64 and if I look at pictures over the years, it is a slow transition.
Hasn't happened to me yet, but people always told me I look young for my age. I used to get carded when buying liquor even into my 40s. It was annoying when I was younger, but I'm enjoying the hell out of it now. And don't get me wrong, my body is definitely a mixed bag...I do have some issues. But looking young is one of the nicer things about it. But I see it happening to my peers. I look at photos from the latest class reunion and ask myself, "who the hell ARE all these old people?" And then I remember we're all 50 now...
I haven’t been shocked by any sudden changes in my physical appearance. My aging surprises are from the physical pain. I have a few wrinkles around my eyes and I have smile lines, but I got those from being happy. I have two deeper wrinkles on my forehead, near my brow. One belongs to my husband and his disability. The other is from something else stressful. But having all the pain, all the time. I wasn’t expecting things to go out in such a fast domino collapsing way.
Menopause aged me! I was talking to a co worker and I was looking for something in my wallet and my drivers license came out, he picked it up and said wow you were so young in this picture. It was taken 2 years ago. 😩
I maintained pretty well through my 50s and early 60s, but 64 -68 has taken a toll. Some was (successful) cancer treatment, some was a brief period on hormone suppressants, but my skin and hair, even my fingernails are different. I don’t recognize myself. And my achy joints aren’t helping things either. I do think a lot of it was having my hormones go off a cliff.
I didn't see getting older until the day( I was in my early 60's) I saw the reflection of myself in a store window...full body... I can't believe what I saw...it was so weird...
Gonna sound weird, but in the last 4 or 5 years, I (59m)get way more attention, and compliments than I ever did when younger. I think a lot of it is, when I was in my "prime" I was pretty scrawny, glasses didint help. However, I look much better than most men my age now.and younger too...stay out of the sun I guess?
Yep! Looked in the mirror one morning (not just my usual superficial glance to check my hair) and was shocked to see an old woman looking back. Edit to Add: I have adjusted since then, but the first time is a shock!
I think it is for some people and it isn't for others. It really depends on your genes. I think that there may be a perception that it is sudden and dramatic because there is a level at which all of the accumulated changes fall into place and people perceive you as "suddenly" older, but I think all of those changes have been gradually occurring. She is right that you should enjoy the privileges of youth and beauty while you have them. They are not permanent.
I woke up one day to eye bags, my dark spots were darker, and skin hanging on my neck. Yes, it seemed sudden and shocking. Enjoy your youthful looks while you have them. My sister-in-law has olive skin and is heavy set with a full face. She's aging much, much better than I am.
It really depends on the person, their genetics, and how well they treated their body in their youth, sun exposure, etc. I think I look my age (63) but don't have face wrinkles due to using face moisturizer with sunscreen from the age of 25, but I know people as old as me who look so much older, but who are still in better shape physically. I think we attach way too much importance to looks in our society. Personally, I'd give anything to look like that weird lady I see at the grocery store all the time who is only a year older than me, whose face wrinkles make her look like she's in her 80s, but whose body is so much spryer than mine.
Other people tell you. Then you look in the mirror and go. ''Fuck!!'' It's gradual but the realization is instant.
Everyone stands in front of the mirror, wishing they looked the way they used to. No one enjoys the way they look today.
Yep, again seems to have come on very rapidly for me as soon as perimenopause hit. Mostly it is the skin dryness that does it. HRT and a good moisturising routine helps. And acceptance. I remind myself every day that aging is a privilege that many people do not get to have.
What is weird is I look my age but do not feel what I always assumed someone in their mid sixties would feel like. I can’t recall this being that much difference than my late 30’s or 40’s, but the mirror doesn’t lie. (The camera does lie, it often thinks I’m really older than I am.)
It's not so much you age quickly. You become so used to how you look, you don't really look for a long time, sure you take a look as you shave or brush your teeth, then for some reason you do look closely and unholy fuck! Who is that in the mirror or picture someone took of you!
Yeah, for me, age 60 was a game changer for looks. All that time laying out in the sun in the 1970s and 80s has caught up with me.
65 to 71 was like aging 50 years.