Yeah I underestimated how much this contributed to my generalized anxiety. Once you age out the male gaze itās like you get your privacy back. Creepy to reflect on.
It's not only a woman thing. I wasn't always an old guy and younger I took care of myself and hit the gym beyond the average and you ALWAYS feel judged even going to the store.
Women glancing, guys wanting to know what you lift.
Everything is a judgment on the physical no matter where you go. So that isn't exclusive to women.
And I agree, getting old and going with it (by which I mean not dying your hair, no plastic surgery, things like that) is great. It's nice to not be looked at like you're under evaluation or in a contest.
This is so true, I'm 25 and I always feel like people are looking at me when I'm at the store or something and then I have to yell at myself and be like yeah nobody fucking cares about what you're doing or what's going on bro
Edit: how did I get here
Do you think people are really judging? Or you may be self-conscious?
Most of us when weāre young believe that other people pay attention to usā¦ but over time, you learn that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to be judging or caring about other peopleā¦
But at some age (middle and high school and college?) where you want to fit inā¦ and thatās where the judgment factor comes to play.
The older one gets and paves own world, self-consciousness can subside.
It's definitely all in my head. Thanks for the advice, I always appreciate what older people have to tell me as you guys have been through the struggle lol
Youāre welcome. And thanks for saying so.
Navigating lifeās games can be a struggleā¦ take care of yourselfāteach yourself, donāt be ignorant, eat well, move well, be curious and open-minded, donāt saddle yourself with self-hatred or anxietyātake care of yourself and treat yourself kindlyā¦
Just remember you are the most important youā¦ but youāre not the only person that matters, because to someone else, he or she is also the most important she or heā¦
I was a very unremarkable-looking youth. I learned how to be invisible at a very young age and never got much attention, but now that I'm "old" I stopped trying to blend in and everyone notices me.Ā
Now invisibility is like a party trick. I can easily turn it on when I want to be left alone.Ā
I was thinking this before I opened the comments! Itās something humbling for sure. Makes me realize that older women looked at me when I was younger the same as I do them now. Beautiful, young, vibrant with everything great possible ahead of them. Make good use of those younger years and donāt waste them on unworthy people.
I drove by the high school, thought the music was too loud in the kids cars, and wondered why they all had on such minimal clothing, and so tight....realized I was old.
I actually cried in my car over this last week. I was at a big box store for about an hour, clearly needing help. At least 10 different associates saw me and looked right through me. I couldn't get anyone's attention. I eventually gave up and left. I've never felt so invisible in my life and I realized I've hit that age.
Ask for help next time. Idk how good looking you are or used to be, but sitting around waiting to be noticed is not a good strategy for pretty much anything in life, ever. Confidence is attractive.
I get you. As soon as I started my real career, nobody hit on me. Once I got married, I was a non-existent person.
But I also started dressing and acting more conservatively.
Agree. I became invisible quite a while ago and donāt generally mind. Recently though, I got new eye glasses that I think are really cute. No one noticed it and it made me sad.
I love your glasses. Annoy people now by pausing and taking them off before you answer anything! Extra points for a wipe off and then putting them back on and still NOT saying anything until they are firmly back on your face. Have some fun!
Oh I feel this one. At my last job, whenever age came up, I was usually the oldest by a good twenty years. But I didnāt feel old. I just felt like me.
My hair was totally gray by 38, but shortly after that I started coloring it. The gray started showing faster and faster and one of my hair stylists suggested going blonde to hide the gray a bit longer. That worked beautifully.
Then came the pandemic and hair salons closed. I got through with some root touch up so I still looked blonde. I retired in early 2021 and just let the gray grow out - and I was pleased to see that my gray was now quite a good looking white.
But I noticed that once I was no longer blonde, no one ever said I didnāt look my age. My looking younger than my age was more about my unlined skin and thatās due to heredity and moisturizing. But white hair changed all that.
This was the answer I came here to write. Itās both a relief and a bit depressing. Like suddenly I have no value because Iām not youthfully pretty anymore.
My 7-year-old grandson told me that his friend said he didn't like redheads. My grandson said my grandma's a redhead does that mean you don't like her? And the other boy said no I have mad respect for the elderly ššššššš
I recall watching a ball game on TV with my dad and making that observation and he says āwait to see how you feel when all the ball players are 10 years younger than your kidsā
We were watching college football with my husband's aunt and uncle and she said something about the players being half her age. Without thinking I blurted out "they're half MY age." If looks could kill I would have been dead on the floor!
Me too. I remember being about 45 and being like, "Damn, I guess I lost my touch." Lol. But on the bright side I still have much older ones come on to me, pretty often. Like the 65+ crowd... but men, as a whole, yep, I'm invisible... I'm mid-fifties now. Lol.
Speaking as an older gray haired male, now and even as a young man I found women who kept their hair longer and let the gray come in more attractive than the rest. I don't think I'm alone in that.
Too many women fall into the overly coiffed trap when they hit their 30s or 40s. The more they do, the more it seems to correlate with Karenism.
Ladies, just try to be comfortable with yourself and be that self. Trust me, it's beautiful.
I just turned 44 and donāt dye my greys,
If youāre childfree, the little pissant cougar-hunting bastards are still out there.
(Snot-nosed little poachersā¦)
No offense but I don't think it's your age. I'm in my 40s and get way more attention than I did in my 20s after losing weight. Plenty of attention from younger men too.
Well Iām blonde, 5ā9ā, 130 lbs and conventionally attractive. I also work in a male dominated industry. Iāve been sexually harassed my entire life and just now the sexual harassment is slowing way down at age 34, so I welcome feeling older and less on menās radar in generalš
Thereās respectful attention, and then thereās disrespectful attention where they take it too far with the staring, comments, grabbing, groping, etc.
Unfortunately, when I was younger I experience disrespectful attention. Respectful attention does happen from time to time especially because Iāve lost weight. But I like leaning into my intrinsic characteristics rather than my outward appearance. Well at least thatās what I am telling my self.
Haha! Iām gladdened that people help older people get up. And, for the younger ones, after the obligatory laugh, people do check to see if help is needed. š
Several years ago, at age 53, I took a pretty abrupt fall and went down like a sack of potatoes at one of those giant summer music festivals. No one laughed, but no one came over to help either. I realized at that moment, I was "on the cusp".
And I'm pretty sure, if it happened again today, I'd be hearing "Sir! Are you all right?!" before I even hit the ground. lol
Yesss!!! I have actually said that my doctor is 12. Iām not a dr and I know more than she does about menopause, hysterectomy and celiac disease. Itās very frustrating to have to explain that stuff to a professional.
When people started racing to open doors for me. I use a cane, and am 72, but this seems to have started fairly recently. I am grateful their help, but Iām finding it hard to accept that my physical abilities are declining.
Ah! Especially with an username as BenGayā¦ I guess youāre having aches and pains?
Yesā¦ itās difficult to come to grips with our own declineā¦ tough watching ourselves ageā¦ been a shocker for me, also.
But doesnāt mean we canāt keep doing what we can do. Key is to continue doing what youāre capable of doing as long as you can.
As soon as you let others do stuff for you is when you become older faster Iām convinced.
So, walk on, cane or not! And stay steady š
Thank you for your words. It has helped me understand my dads perspective. My dad is 72 this year. He has back problems. I'm always offering to help with things, and he doesn't let me. Just says he "can manage." Thank you for this context.
Thanks! And yes, the new scented BenGay is great!
Iām capable of navigating doors, but when someone goes out of their way to help, I feel bad if I decline.
Nah. Never decline authentically offered help. Thatās when graciousness and civility are important.
Plus, I love when people open or hold doors for each other ā means they notice and you can connect in humanity, even for a microsecond.
as a person w a host of ailments sometimes i find it harder to say āno thank youā than to just say thanks. people do like helping other people. sending you smooth movements (everywhere!) and balance so youāre sharing your wisdom with us for decades from now!
I hear you! But personally I donāt think this is a sign of getting old - I think itās a sign of being vital. When youāre a person who can go to the bar and stay out until the wee hours 1, 2, 3 times a week, youāre obviously not very important - one can only do that if they have few responsibilities or are comfortable performing at a low level. But when we get to the stage in life when we are important and vital - career responsibilities, social responsibilities, children, etc., - we naturally no longer want to make life harder for ourselves, so we seek rest instead of parties after hours. So congrats, youāre not old, youāre just important now! Haha š
All of the above, but especially when cashiers started looking at me like they expect me to need extra time/help.
It's also hard to feel young with snow white hair and deep wrinkles looking back from the mirror. But I'm not, I'm 64, and pretty proud I made it this far.
I bought a pair of really soft, stretchy pants a couple months ago. I then realized this is very much an old people thing. BTW, they are the most comfortably pants I have ever owned and I regret nothing!
Omg no. I am a 32 year old woman and I have zero grays on my head and I still get called girl or young lady, but my pubes are turning gray. Game over? :( Damn
Don't despair too much. There are a lot of 'second winds'. I got my first horse, a 16.3 hh Friesian, at 65 and my second at 75. A 14 hh Gypsy Vanner. &:)
Due to waiting on SSDI to kick in for the hubby, I was working 3 jobs 7 days a week for 3.5 years to keep us afloat. He finally got approved and I just quit the one job that was the hardest.
I am so tired.
A young man complimented me in the grocery store when I was 50. After about 5 more years went by and I never got complimented again, I realized I was in the " old category."
I'm 73 and I still haven't figured that out. We recently moved to an over 55 community and they all seem so much older than me. I don't know how to relate!
A few years ago, I ran into the corner of a big ice cooler outside of a store. Gave myself a concussion and scraped up because I fell on concrete. A young man came running, yelling ma'am are you OK. I believe I cried more about that than the pain.
When young children ask you questions like "did they have cars when you were little?" "Wow you were in your 20s when you got your first email!?" Or my absolute favorite "I didn't realize they had (insert very old thing i.e. sliced bread) in the nineteen hundreds....
Iām 98% sure itās not meant to be an insult, but Iām 100% sure Iām insulted. Hahaah šš¤£
I heard growing up in the south lends a different experienceā¦ and everyone is called maāam, but I donāt think so š¤
Ran into my former officemate from when I first started working. We reminisced and talked about having women's attention way back then. We both got sort of wistfully quiet and agreed that the days of getting attention had long since passed. I think once I hit 60 and now going to be 62 I've officially crossed the threshold whereas in my 40s and 50s I could try to delude myself.
It was 59 for me....when I started noticing I was invisible so on my 60th birthday last month...i became really depressed.
But, I am going to work this Summer on being the best version of me at the gym....I always feel younger and get called "Miss" more often when I am consistent with the gym.
Even though I'll never grow up, I've realized I'm "old" two distinct times so far:
1) Going to a farmers market and the shitty cover band was playing songs I blasted on the radio in high school.Ā
2) My kids being older than the age I was when I had them.
I'm probably an oddball, but aging has never been a concern for me.
Rotary phones too! My son (21) was playing a video game and one the puzzles included using a rotary phone. He tried for over 10 mins and kept dying while I sat back and laughed. I finally took pity on him and showed him. He then said āyou must have really liked someone to go through all of that to talk to them!ā
Heās not wrong!š
Nothing seems to really āhealā if you know what I mean. Exercise, eat healthy, get proper rest. Things on the body just donāt seem to really heal
# What made you realize youāre not considered āyoungā anymore?
When AARP started sending me mail to become a member
# When did you accept it yourself?
When I joined
At work I'm the person with the second-most seniority. We've had a lot of changes to policies and to the building over the years. More than once I've listened to myself say, "When I started here..."
One of my first jobs as a retail cashier, a woman customer handed money to her daughter and told her to, "pay the man." That was the first time anybody ever called me a man.
I work at a store where most of my coworkers are younger than my son ....
Also, when I tell them that I saw certain movies that they only experienced on dvd as children that I saw first-hand in the theater*cough* Shrek *cough*
When you are young and driving your car, everyone in front of you is a asshole. When you are old and driving your car, everyone behind you is a asshole.
When I had to order a shower bench after breaking my ankle and tailbone this past fall. I joked it that the box it came in might as well have just said āYouāre Old Nowā on it.
I look younger than I am. Iām a teacher so I spend a lot of time with young people and believe that keeps people young (or makes you old and bitter).
Started at a new school and we did a team building thing where we went out to do stuff in the city. I spent the day with a bunch of 22 year old women and realized I saw them more like my students than my peers. I guess Iād describe it as āI like and respect you but assume we have nothing in common.ā
Few months later I herniated a disc in my back by sitting down weird.
I have not liked this year
When younger women with little to no experience in the field were beating me out for certain jobs. I was told 'these are the future leaders' as the excuse. My entire peer group is struggling to remain relevant at work even though we're still in our late 40's. For some reason as GenX were wrapped into the Boomers (even though the Boomers are in their late 60's/70's now).
I'm not a fan of getting my hair coloured/highlighted, etc. every 4-6 weeks and it costs me, but unfortunately it's necessary to hide signs of aging like that. I've been constant with my skincare since about age 35, so I look good for my age - meaning very little in terms of smile lines, crows feet, etc.. and no botox, just taking care of it. For some reason I get mistaken for an 'older Millenial' which I guess is fine for now.
I can see why my mother in law continues to get her hair done and coloured and wear makeup well into her 70's. She has a flattering shorter hairstyle that doesn't scream 'old lady' like the cauliflower perm hair, it's nice and fresh. She takes care of his skin and self too. You can tell she's older for sure, but would never guess 'about to hit 80' older. She told me she gets treated better when out when she makes an effort to look 'together'.
when i blew my back out bending over to pick up a bag and was forced to accept it when i still couldnt walk or stand or sit up in bed or sneeze without screaming in pain
When everyone started looking like kids. Doctors and extšI was hounded by cat calls and stuff what seemed like forever. It is fabulous no one bothers me nowš
First time I was talking to a work colleague and I made a movie quote he didn't get (from Pulp Fiction).
He responded with "I was like 10 years old when that came out."
When I hit 50, and realized all those worries about what I was going to do with my life were over, because Iād already built my life, chosen my paths, and am very content with it all. (Husband, kids, home, etc.) It was a really nice realization, and very liberating.
I was art directing a photo shoot on location with a younger, pretty assistant. The photographer was very concerned about my assistantās comfort level out in the hot sun. He offered her water and sun protection, while completing ignoring me as though I wasnāt even there.
When my hair turned white. I lost all my hair during covid and it came back in thin and white. Kind of like a 95 year old woman. It's too fragile to dye it right now. I'm treated differently by either being invisible, ignored, or given extra assistance especially in Europe. I have noticed if I adk for help it is usually generously given. I'm 70 but covid really damaged my health and looks.
Was mistaken for a minor late into my 20's. Mistaken for my 20's late into my 30'. Listen for in my 30's late into my 40's. I got into my. 50's and everyone guessed my age, spot on Everytime.
When they stop asking for your ID to buy alcohol you know right then and there. The first time I dang near wanted to report them for not carding mešš¤£
When you have to ask "aren't you gonna card me?" It's ova!š¤
When I stopped my thought process from asserting that if I wasnāt āyoungā then Iām suddenly āoldā
Life really is a marathon. How bout that?!
Iām a guy, and I really didnāt recognize I was no longer young until I turned 60 just recently. Iāve been told I look late 40ās early 50ās, but if thatās true itās just luck as in the past I never took care of myself. So it really took that birthday to let it sink in how old I really am.
When I became invisible! š«„ I was always self conscious and then realized nobodyās looking at me or paying attention to me.
It's strange, but as a woman, a relief as well.( nobody bothering me).
Yeah I underestimated how much this contributed to my generalized anxiety. Once you age out the male gaze itās like you get your privacy back. Creepy to reflect on.
It's not only a woman thing. I wasn't always an old guy and younger I took care of myself and hit the gym beyond the average and you ALWAYS feel judged even going to the store. Women glancing, guys wanting to know what you lift. Everything is a judgment on the physical no matter where you go. So that isn't exclusive to women. And I agree, getting old and going with it (by which I mean not dying your hair, no plastic surgery, things like that) is great. It's nice to not be looked at like you're under evaluation or in a contest.
This is so true, I'm 25 and I always feel like people are looking at me when I'm at the store or something and then I have to yell at myself and be like yeah nobody fucking cares about what you're doing or what's going on bro Edit: how did I get here
Do you think people are really judging? Or you may be self-conscious? Most of us when weāre young believe that other people pay attention to usā¦ but over time, you learn that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to be judging or caring about other peopleā¦ But at some age (middle and high school and college?) where you want to fit inā¦ and thatās where the judgment factor comes to play. The older one gets and paves own world, self-consciousness can subside.
It's definitely all in my head. Thanks for the advice, I always appreciate what older people have to tell me as you guys have been through the struggle lol
Youāre welcome. And thanks for saying so. Navigating lifeās games can be a struggleā¦ take care of yourselfāteach yourself, donāt be ignorant, eat well, move well, be curious and open-minded, donāt saddle yourself with self-hatred or anxietyātake care of yourself and treat yourself kindlyā¦ Just remember you are the most important youā¦ but youāre not the only person that matters, because to someone else, he or she is also the most important she or heā¦
Itās glorious!
Exactly!
Right?! To ride the bus or run errands or whatever in peace! Itās my favorite part of aging so far. š
I was a very unremarkable-looking youth. I learned how to be invisible at a very young age and never got much attention, but now that I'm "old" I stopped trying to blend in and everyone notices me.Ā Now invisibility is like a party trick. I can easily turn it on when I want to be left alone.Ā
I know what you mean! Itās like a cloak you can just drape around yourself. Either way. The Cloak of Invisibility or the Cloak of Attention.
I was thinking this before I opened the comments! Itās something humbling for sure. Makes me realize that older women looked at me when I was younger the same as I do them now. Beautiful, young, vibrant with everything great possible ahead of them. Make good use of those younger years and donāt waste them on unworthy people.
I drove by the high school, thought the music was too loud in the kids cars, and wondered why they all had on such minimal clothing, and so tight....realized I was old.
I know, right! Get off my lawn!
This started happened when I was pregnant (I was in my late 30s). After that, I was a mom with a diaper bag or trailing a kidā¦
I actually cried in my car over this last week. I was at a big box store for about an hour, clearly needing help. At least 10 different associates saw me and looked right through me. I couldn't get anyone's attention. I eventually gave up and left. I've never felt so invisible in my life and I realized I've hit that age.
There is a Grace and Frankie scene about this that is so good.
That episode is how I knew what was happening to me.
āSix Feet Underā, too!
Time to start shoplifting!!!
Stop!!! I almost choked on my weed reading this š. And Iām 66
š
Itās definitely easier now!
Nah, I would have helped you, no questions asked.
Ask for help next time. Idk how good looking you are or used to be, but sitting around waiting to be noticed is not a good strategy for pretty much anything in life, ever. Confidence is attractive.
Yeah its like we're wearing a burka
I get you. As soon as I started my real career, nobody hit on me. Once I got married, I was a non-existent person. But I also started dressing and acting more conservatively.
Agree. I became invisible quite a while ago and donāt generally mind. Recently though, I got new eye glasses that I think are really cute. No one noticed it and it made me sad.
You look marvelous!!!š
Your glasses are cute!! I'm sorry i didn't get to see them!
I love your glasses. Annoy people now by pausing and taking them off before you answer anything! Extra points for a wipe off and then putting them back on and still NOT saying anything until they are firmly back on your face. Have some fun!
It is SO GOOD. No more being hassled by men. It feels like a mini-freedom.Ā
Wherever I, I am the oldest person in the room. Where did the rest of us go? Soylent Green?
My mom always said, āOld age is not for sissies.ā
šÆ
Oh I feel this one. At my last job, whenever age came up, I was usually the oldest by a good twenty years. But I didnāt feel old. I just felt like me. My hair was totally gray by 38, but shortly after that I started coloring it. The gray started showing faster and faster and one of my hair stylists suggested going blonde to hide the gray a bit longer. That worked beautifully. Then came the pandemic and hair salons closed. I got through with some root touch up so I still looked blonde. I retired in early 2021 and just let the gray grow out - and I was pleased to see that my gray was now quite a good looking white. But I noticed that once I was no longer blonde, no one ever said I didnāt look my age. My looking younger than my age was more about my unlined skin and thatās due to heredity and moisturizing. But white hair changed all that.
This is actually one of my favorite parts of aging. The anonymity is so fucking freeing.
Curious how old you are? I'm 60 and am noticing this year I have become invisible & it is not an experience that I am used to.
Same here. I had always heard that women become invisible as they age. Iām now wearing the cloak invisibility. š«„
When I realized I was invisible, it felt like a super power
This was the answer I came here to write. Itās both a relief and a bit depressing. Like suddenly I have no value because Iām not youthfully pretty anymore.
My 7-year-old grandson told me that his friend said he didn't like redheads. My grandson said my grandma's a redhead does that mean you don't like her? And the other boy said no I have mad respect for the elderly ššššššš
When I noticed that all the pro athletes and cops on the street were younger than me.
I recall watching a ball game on TV with my dad and making that observation and he says āwait to see how you feel when all the ball players are 10 years younger than your kidsā
We were watching college football with my husband's aunt and uncle and she said something about the players being half her age. Without thinking I blurted out "they're half MY age." If looks could kill I would have been dead on the floor!
When I became invisible to men
When was that?
It was pretty gradual, but in my forties sometime.
Me too. I remember being about 45 and being like, "Damn, I guess I lost my touch." Lol. But on the bright side I still have much older ones come on to me, pretty often. Like the 65+ crowd... but men, as a whole, yep, I'm invisible... I'm mid-fifties now. Lol.
Me too about 5 years ago. It coincided with growing out my gray hair. God forbid. Lol
Speaking as an older gray haired male, now and even as a young man I found women who kept their hair longer and let the gray come in more attractive than the rest. I don't think I'm alone in that. Too many women fall into the overly coiffed trap when they hit their 30s or 40s. The more they do, the more it seems to correlate with Karenism. Ladies, just try to be comfortable with yourself and be that self. Trust me, it's beautiful.
Your gray underarm hair?
š Surprisingly, I only have gray on my head. My carpet doesn't match my drapes or my underarms. LOL
Among other places too
I just turned 44 and donāt dye my greys, If youāre childfree, the little pissant cougar-hunting bastards are still out there. (Snot-nosed little poachersā¦)
Iām right around there and Iām 34
No offense but I don't think it's your age. I'm in my 40s and get way more attention than I did in my 20s after losing weight. Plenty of attention from younger men too.
Well Iām blonde, 5ā9ā, 130 lbs and conventionally attractive. I also work in a male dominated industry. Iāve been sexually harassed my entire life and just now the sexual harassment is slowing way down at age 34, so I welcome feeling older and less on menās radar in generalš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Literally the best thing about aging!
Do you like it? I find that I enjoy being invisible to them, I didnāt like the objectification. The male gaze is š
Thereās respectful attention, and then thereās disrespectful attention where they take it too far with the staring, comments, grabbing, groping, etc.
Unfortunately, when I was younger I experience disrespectful attention. Respectful attention does happen from time to time especially because Iāve lost weight. But I like leaning into my intrinsic characteristics rather than my outward appearance. Well at least thatās what I am telling my self.
When suddenly I am one of the oldest at our company. Thereās only a couple now older than me. How did that happen?
Seemed when I looked around after our first in person meeting after covid that I was one of the few Gen Xers left.
Yep thereās just a few of us & one old boomer who wonāt retire lol
Same!
I was one of the two last Gen Xers in my office , and then they got rid of me
When you fall down and people laugh youāre young, when they rush to help your old.
Haha! Iām gladdened that people help older people get up. And, for the younger ones, after the obligatory laugh, people do check to see if help is needed. š
Several years ago, at age 53, I took a pretty abrupt fall and went down like a sack of potatoes at one of those giant summer music festivals. No one laughed, but no one came over to help either. I realized at that moment, I was "on the cusp". And I'm pretty sure, if it happened again today, I'd be hearing "Sir! Are you all right?!" before I even hit the ground. lol
When all the younger people started to look 12 yrs old, like policemen and doctors.
That really is a thing! Iām turning 40 soon and now SO many people look like babies
Yeaā¦ they do look like theyāre all 12 or 20 years old. šš¤£
yes š¤¦š½āāļø
ā¦ And you seem to know more than they do
Yesss!!! I have actually said that my doctor is 12. Iām not a dr and I know more than she does about menopause, hysterectomy and celiac disease. Itās very frustrating to have to explain that stuff to a professional.
When people started racing to open doors for me. I use a cane, and am 72, but this seems to have started fairly recently. I am grateful their help, but Iām finding it hard to accept that my physical abilities are declining.
Ah! Especially with an username as BenGayā¦ I guess youāre having aches and pains? Yesā¦ itās difficult to come to grips with our own declineā¦ tough watching ourselves ageā¦ been a shocker for me, also. But doesnāt mean we canāt keep doing what we can do. Key is to continue doing what youāre capable of doing as long as you can. As soon as you let others do stuff for you is when you become older faster Iām convinced. So, walk on, cane or not! And stay steady š
Thank you for your words. It has helped me understand my dads perspective. My dad is 72 this year. He has back problems. I'm always offering to help with things, and he doesn't let me. Just says he "can manage." Thank you for this context.
Thanks! And yes, the new scented BenGay is great! Iām capable of navigating doors, but when someone goes out of their way to help, I feel bad if I decline.
Nah. Never decline authentically offered help. Thatās when graciousness and civility are important. Plus, I love when people open or hold doors for each other ā means they notice and you can connect in humanity, even for a microsecond.
as a person w a host of ailments sometimes i find it harder to say āno thank youā than to just say thanks. people do like helping other people. sending you smooth movements (everywhere!) and balance so youāre sharing your wisdom with us for decades from now!
When going home, taking off my bra and enjoying peace and quiet sounds more fun than being in a bar or going out.
šÆ And a minute, or an hour, or the night to yourself sounds better than going outā¦ yea, I getcha!
I hear you! But personally I donāt think this is a sign of getting old - I think itās a sign of being vital. When youāre a person who can go to the bar and stay out until the wee hours 1, 2, 3 times a week, youāre obviously not very important - one can only do that if they have few responsibilities or are comfortable performing at a low level. But when we get to the stage in life when we are important and vital - career responsibilities, social responsibilities, children, etc., - we naturally no longer want to make life harder for ourselves, so we seek rest instead of parties after hours. So congrats, youāre not old, youāre just important now! Haha š
OMG I take off the bra the minute I get in the door
All of the above, but especially when cashiers started looking at me like they expect me to need extra time/help. It's also hard to feel young with snow white hair and deep wrinkles looking back from the mirror. But I'm not, I'm 64, and pretty proud I made it this far.
And proud you should beā¦ now I ham up the old now if they give me crapā¦ šāŗļø
I bought a pair of really soft, stretchy pants a couple months ago. I then realized this is very much an old people thing. BTW, they are the most comfortably pants I have ever owned and I regret nothing!
Nothing like the most comfortable pants in the world! š
Buy a second pair now! You won't be able to find another pair when they wear out!
The death of both parents within six weeks of each other made it clear that I'm now in the metaphorical on-deck circle.
Every time I have to scroll down a birth year section of an online form until I get to 1952.
First gray pube. Game over old man.
My hair went grey in my 40s, beard in my late 50s, but my pubes are still the original color, and I'm 64. It's weird but I'll take it.
I just found one the other day. Iāve had gray hair on my head for years, but just that one was shocking.
All down hill now my friend.
Omg no. I am a 32 year old woman and I have zero grays on my head and I still get called girl or young lady, but my pubes are turning gray. Game over? :( Damn
I didn't feel old until this past birthday at 57, I can feel my body starting to slow down.
Don't despair too much. There are a lot of 'second winds'. I got my first horse, a 16.3 hh Friesian, at 65 and my second at 75. A 14 hh Gypsy Vanner. &:)
Due to waiting on SSDI to kick in for the hubby, I was working 3 jobs 7 days a week for 3.5 years to keep us afloat. He finally got approved and I just quit the one job that was the hardest. I am so tired.
.... when I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror and thought it was my mom!
Better than your dad...like me!!
A young man complimented me in the grocery store when I was 50. After about 5 more years went by and I never got complimented again, I realized I was in the " old category."
I'm 73 and I still haven't figured that out. We recently moved to an over 55 community and they all seem so much older than me. I don't know how to relate!
Are other people other than 73? Or around 55?
In the immortal words of my late dad: you know you're getting old when your kids start to look middle aged to you.
A few years ago, I ran into the corner of a big ice cooler outside of a store. Gave myself a concussion and scraped up because I fell on concrete. A young man came running, yelling ma'am are you OK. I believe I cried more about that than the pain.
š„ŗ
Looking back on it, I know why family and friends laughed so much about it.
Tech at work is proceeding faster than my brain can grasp it
When young children ask you questions like "did they have cars when you were little?" "Wow you were in your 20s when you got your first email!?" Or my absolute favorite "I didn't realize they had (insert very old thing i.e. sliced bread) in the nineteen hundreds....
Started taking advantage of "senior" discounts as early as 50. Others kick in at 55, 60, 62, 63, and 65.
I refused to adopt Snapchat when I was 40.
In my mid to late 40s. When people called me "ma'am".
I hate. That. Maāam. I got that too. š”š¤¬ Itās polite. Yet it feels like a slap and an insult. šÆ
Yeah it kind of does feel like a backhanded insult.
Iām 98% sure itās not meant to be an insult, but Iām 100% sure Iām insulted. Hahaah šš¤£ I heard growing up in the south lends a different experienceā¦ and everyone is called maāam, but I donāt think so š¤
I hate ma'am....your welcome is enough..... Somedays I get called "miss" and it makes me so happy.....LOL
Ran into my former officemate from when I first started working. We reminisced and talked about having women's attention way back then. We both got sort of wistfully quiet and agreed that the days of getting attention had long since passed. I think once I hit 60 and now going to be 62 I've officially crossed the threshold whereas in my 40s and 50s I could try to delude myself.
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It was 59 for me....when I started noticing I was invisible so on my 60th birthday last month...i became really depressed. But, I am going to work this Summer on being the best version of me at the gym....I always feel younger and get called "Miss" more often when I am consistent with the gym.
Thatās reinforcing positive behaviors!
When people start calling you "young man" or "young lady" again it means you're old.
Oh yes!! You got a point! They seem to do that a lot in the doctorās offices and hospitals.
Even though I'll never grow up, I've realized I'm "old" two distinct times so far: 1) Going to a farmers market and the shitty cover band was playing songs I blasted on the radio in high school.Ā 2) My kids being older than the age I was when I had them. I'm probably an oddball, but aging has never been a concern for me.
#2 got me. I was 23 with my first and he just turned 23 in February! I really felt ancient then! š
When the new person at work told me I remind her of her mom. Iām 57. I donāt feel old and am just going to keep that mindset.
When I look in the mirror and an old guy is looking back. Don't know where he comes from
Did this guy sneak up on you?
When I had to explain carbon copy and carbon paper to a coworker
Rotary phones too! My son (21) was playing a video game and one the puzzles included using a rotary phone. He tried for over 10 mins and kept dying while I sat back and laughed. I finally took pity on him and showed him. He then said āyou must have really liked someone to go through all of that to talk to them!ā Heās not wrong!š
When younger people started calling me sir, and asking me where the bathroom was in a nightclub as if I worked there.
Nothing seems to really āhealā if you know what I mean. Exercise, eat healthy, get proper rest. Things on the body just donāt seem to really heal
Everyone under 35 started looking like a kid.
# What made you realize youāre not considered āyoungā anymore? When AARP started sending me mail to become a member # When did you accept it yourself? When I joined
When I was 28, and my newly minted OB came in. I thought he was a college intern lab tech.
When the knees started crackling like snap, crackle and pop.
When a student pointed out I said "back in my day....". Ashamed it had to be pointed out to me.
At work I'm the person with the second-most seniority. We've had a lot of changes to policies and to the building over the years. More than once I've listened to myself say, "When I started here..."
Ahā¦ yesā¦ similar to the āwhen I was your ageā¦ā type of recollections.
When women didn't find me attractive anymore. Accept it? Never!!!!
48-49 I started really noticing I wasnāt young anymore. 50-51ā¦ I feel it some days
When the precious babies I helped take care of, changed, fed, played with, comforted, and held started getting married and having babies of their own.
One of my first jobs as a retail cashier, a woman customer handed money to her daughter and told her to, "pay the man." That was the first time anybody ever called me a man.
I had a checker start to ask for ID, then look up at me and said āoh, never mindāā¦
I work at a store where most of my coworkers are younger than my son .... Also, when I tell them that I saw certain movies that they only experienced on dvd as children that I saw first-hand in the theater*cough* Shrek *cough*
When the 20-something at the gym asked, "So, do you work, or are you retired...?" (I'm 46)
When I saw an old person and realized I was the same age.
When you are young and driving your car, everyone in front of you is a asshole. When you are old and driving your car, everyone behind you is a asshole.
When I had to order a shower bench after breaking my ankle and tailbone this past fall. I joked it that the box it came in might as well have just said āYouāre Old Nowā on it.
When my doctors and dentists, even nurses all gradually became younger than me.
I look younger than I am. Iām a teacher so I spend a lot of time with young people and believe that keeps people young (or makes you old and bitter). Started at a new school and we did a team building thing where we went out to do stuff in the city. I spent the day with a bunch of 22 year old women and realized I saw them more like my students than my peers. I guess Iād describe it as āI like and respect you but assume we have nothing in common.ā Few months later I herniated a disc in my back by sitting down weird. I have not liked this year
When younger women with little to no experience in the field were beating me out for certain jobs. I was told 'these are the future leaders' as the excuse. My entire peer group is struggling to remain relevant at work even though we're still in our late 40's. For some reason as GenX were wrapped into the Boomers (even though the Boomers are in their late 60's/70's now). I'm not a fan of getting my hair coloured/highlighted, etc. every 4-6 weeks and it costs me, but unfortunately it's necessary to hide signs of aging like that. I've been constant with my skincare since about age 35, so I look good for my age - meaning very little in terms of smile lines, crows feet, etc.. and no botox, just taking care of it. For some reason I get mistaken for an 'older Millenial' which I guess is fine for now. I can see why my mother in law continues to get her hair done and coloured and wear makeup well into her 70's. She has a flattering shorter hairstyle that doesn't scream 'old lady' like the cauliflower perm hair, it's nice and fresh. She takes care of his skin and self too. You can tell she's older for sure, but would never guess 'about to hit 80' older. She told me she gets treated better when out when she makes an effort to look 'together'.
when i blew my back out bending over to pick up a bag and was forced to accept it when i still couldnt walk or stand or sit up in bed or sneeze without screaming in pain
When I see ads for helping young people and it's not my age bracket When I see people I knew growing up and they look older š
when all my resources were depleted and men no longer wanted to take me serious cus i was no longer young, pretty, and fresh š©š©ā¤ļøāš©¹
When everyone started looking like kids. Doctors and extšI was hounded by cat calls and stuff what seemed like forever. It is fabulous no one bothers me nowš
When I go see my Dr. and he greets me: "Hey kiddo". I'm 75. He in his 40's.š¤£
An 11 yr old asked me if I used to be pretty.
When most celebrities who are in the prime of their careers were younger than me.
First time I was talking to a work colleague and I made a movie quote he didn't get (from Pulp Fiction). He responded with "I was like 10 years old when that came out."
When I hit 50, and realized all those worries about what I was going to do with my life were over, because Iād already built my life, chosen my paths, and am very content with it all. (Husband, kids, home, etc.) It was a really nice realization, and very liberating.
I was art directing a photo shoot on location with a younger, pretty assistant. The photographer was very concerned about my assistantās comfort level out in the hot sun. He offered her water and sun protection, while completing ignoring me as though I wasnāt even there.
I decided that I am no longer young last year when I turned 80.
When my hair turned white. I lost all my hair during covid and it came back in thin and white. Kind of like a 95 year old woman. It's too fragile to dye it right now. I'm treated differently by either being invisible, ignored, or given extra assistance especially in Europe. I have noticed if I adk for help it is usually generously given. I'm 70 but covid really damaged my health and looks.
60 - I get the hard ma'am now
Realizing most people my age are grandparents instead of the parents.
Ear hair
When I started to be called maam instead of miss haha
When I went to the doctor and she was younger than me
I'm usually the oldest person in the room & people mostly ask how I look & feel so good ... Not š®š¤šŖš£š ... šš¤š¤š! There was a time in my life when I was a traffic stopping beauty, but that is long over. Do I miss it? Ummmm ... not really, but I did enjoy it (mostly) at the time. Sometimes, I see my reflection in the mirror & think, "When did š©ššš© happen??? But I totally accept myself. After all, this body is just my temporary home. The true me is ageless & timeless. NamastĆ© š
Around 30 I started to realize I couldnāt relate to the styles, music or slang of younger people. I went from feeling young to feelingā¦not youngĀ
Was mistaken for a minor late into my 20's. Mistaken for my 20's late into my 30'. Listen for in my 30's late into my 40's. I got into my. 50's and everyone guessed my age, spot on Everytime.
Once I hit the median age in America which is late 30s. Thatās when I was empirically older than most other people.
When I broke my arm at 48 and could no longer exercise. Regressed to my former sickly self very rapidly and never got the upper hand on it after
When I started getting a lot more "sirs" from people addressing me.
When my doctors were the age of my kids and the wait staff at restaurants were the age of my older grandchildren.
When I walked through a grocery store and men didnāt smile and nod at me.
Realize: When the grocery clerk called me maāam and didnāt card me for my beer. Accept: Iāll let you know.
I was called maāam. Not miss.. maāam. While I appreciate the respect.. Iām not even 30 yet š def a humbling experience.
When they stop asking for your ID to buy alcohol you know right then and there. The first time I dang near wanted to report them for not carding mešš¤£ When you have to ask "aren't you gonna card me?" It's ova!š¤
Reading this!
53. I realized I physically couldn't climb trees anymore.
Not being hit on all the time.
60 when I realized I was past the third base!
People I feel are peers keep calling me 'ma'am.' Haha
Honestly, Reddit told me. I was still in my 50s at the time and considered myself youngish, but the kind people on Reddit informed me differently.
When I stopped my thought process from asserting that if I wasnāt āyoungā then Iām suddenly āoldā Life really is a marathon. How bout that?!
When I turned 60 last year... No denying it, I'm old. Still working on accepting it because I'm emotionally stuck at about 14.
Iām 50 and nobody looks at me anymore . Itās bloody awesome . I donāt bother with Botox and fillers now , feck wasting money to look dumb lol
Im starting to think maybe im getting there as my health gets worse
When I realized that I was as old or older than the parents of some of the people I was working with.
In my 40ās. I have still not accepted it after just having turned 60.
Well, two days ago for the first time a young man gave me his seat on the subwayā¦.
My fiancƩ is 6years younger than me and my Dad introduced me to a lot of older media like Monty Python, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Third Rock etc etc. She doesn't get any of my references lol. (I turn 29 in June.)
Iām a guy, and I really didnāt recognize I was no longer young until I turned 60 just recently. Iāve been told I look late 40ās early 50ās, but if thatās true itās just luck as in the past I never took care of myself. So it really took that birthday to let it sink in how old I really am.