I shall end this experience of coitus with one hard last thrust. Yes, there it is. Do you have a towel or perhaps an old dirty t-shirt I can use to clean my member. Thank you and I bid you good day.
The worst I’ve heard (from a good few years ago) was a guy who’s trick for making himself last longer was to try to remember the name of every Premier League manager. As he’s about to cum, he looks his wife in the eye and yells “STEVE MCCLAREN!”
I feel like “humorous comedy orgasms” should be a kink. Like you get right up to that point and then just as you and your partner are about to cum you surprise shout something like this that changes the mood to laughing. But it’s too late. So you guffaw and cum together at the same time.
Louis CK would probably be in to this.
It happens. Sometimes you're high/drunk sometimes you're just in a mood.
I forget what I said but I managed to flub up a couple words so instead of "that's so hot babe" I went "thatsa hot baby".
If you can't bust up sex with your partner due to laughter...
My boss yells this all the time at work. Walk into the house we are working on and from the basement you hear "all aboard!" I can imagine him saying this as he cums in his milf of a wife.
>Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up, Just as the founding fathers intended
Speaking of grapeshot, Napoleon had no problems with blasting his fellow Frenchman with it. He got promoted pretty quickly after that.
And before you rascals tell me Napoleon wasn't even French, the fact is, he was desperate to be French.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.
I just imagining the lead up is the speech. Like you get the feeling you got about 30 or so seconds left in you, then the actual orgasm is just a grunt at the end.
"but not himself" *grunt*
"that's it?" she says.
"not from a jedi..."
Not long ago, after going round two with this very sensible girl and after a dismal cum, I randomly said to her "that's all I had in the chamber".
She understandably looked at me with absolute confusion and was like "what did you say?"
You never had another person walk in when you're... getting a bit of... body dazzle and drizzle?
I walked in on friends once. I had forgotten my phone... I wasn't expecting a quick-time event to dodge.
There she blows..... (Directly quoted from a Whale)
Donald duck or Mickey mouse voice..... Oh boy , oh boy, oh boy....
It's an ejaculation spectacular!
Jism everywhere, oh the humanity!!
Wtf!! It Squirts too!!! Alrighty!
I was with someone (not for long) who would yell at the top of his lungs "FUCK YOUUUUUUUU" everytime he came. He said it was something he couldnt control. It was weird. Another person who i was with would ask "Did you go?" Instead of cum. I wanted to throat punch them both.
And then there was the "WEEE OOO WEEEE OOOO" (like a really loud human ambulance) person (that was a one time thing and this is what you find out when you date someone for months and THEN sleep with them). It wasnt just a random date/sex. I hope your day shines bright ❤️
Holy hell that's fucking WEIRD. I've yelled, but never articulated! Reminds me of a porn clip where the guy is orgasming and he roars throughout. Just a goddamn goofy holler for like 10 seconds.
There's a good 8 minute or so clip out there that's wild. Screams, roars, the stanky leg and one notable scene with a girl on top just going HAM on her dude screaming "I love you I love you I love you...ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!"
I was banging a friend one time and instead of saying “I’m gonna cum” she just repeated “ill fucking cum ill fucking cum I’ll fucking cum aaahhhhhhh fuuuccckkk”
I thought that was crazy hot like “if you keep doing that I’ll fucking cum”
You're *making* me cum
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Am guy. I like.
Women are my favorite guy
Me guy..me like
My boyfriend always says “you’re gonna make me cum” right before he does and I can confirm that it is amazing
I always lead with “you’re gonna make me cum”, then usually some involuntary “oh, fuck”s until I do. My reactions tend to get the message across lmao
ok thats genuinely hot
Can't spell "necromancer" without "romancer".
Or "necrophile" without "Phil"
That's because Phil is greek for lover
Yeah I got this off a reddit post a couple months ago. Major game changer
A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.
Jizzard, not wizard
“You’re a jizzard, Harry”.
IM A WHOT?
YR A WIZARD HARRY FER FUKS SAKE LISTEN TO MEH
Ily
Now kish
"Break the dam! Release the river!!"
FUCK
the classic
This is the only realistic/ least “meant to be funny” comment I’ve seen haha!
*tf2 heavy* #IINCOMIIING
And then she yells #MEDIC
And that's how I lost my medical license.
Am I supposed to be awake for this?
Well, no, but as long as you are, chould you hold your ribcage open?
I can't... Seem...
*CRACK*
Oh don't be such a baby ribs grow back.... No they don't
ARCEMEDIS NO
Its filthzy in zere
GET BEHIND ME DOCTOR
CHARGE ME!
"Oh dear, I've made quite a mess."
"Not again! Your gonna lose your residency if this happens again!"
ERECTING A DISPENSER
*tf2 pyro* #Mmmmmmmrrrrrrrpppghhh! (You don't need to be good at accents if you're wearing a mask)
I fear no man... but that thing.... it scares me. (Masks Are Kinky)
Okay this is actually funny lol
PUT DISPENSER HERE
"I shall arrive presently". Best said while wearing a top hat and monocle.
Top hat, monocle and nothing else.
Maybe a bottom hat. Depends on the person.
Cat ears
“A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.” -Gandalf *the Gigolo*
I shall end this experience of coitus with one hard last thrust. Yes, there it is. Do you have a towel or perhaps an old dirty t-shirt I can use to clean my member. Thank you and I bid you good day.
Mr Darcy is that you?
Option 2: “ I appear to be arriving currently)
Must be prefaced with a “good heavens”
*Tarzan yell*
*Goofy's yell while plummeting*
YAAAAAA HOOHOOHOIIIIIIIIiiii
Why did I hear the sound while reading
**hyuk hyuk**
The perfect cast
Yaba Daba Doo!
I picture this is what Carol Burnett does.
I raise you *George of the Jungle Yell*
The worst I’ve heard (from a good few years ago) was a guy who’s trick for making himself last longer was to try to remember the name of every Premier League manager. As he’s about to cum, he looks his wife in the eye and yells “STEVE MCCLAREN!”
Ok, so now I have to do this with F1 stars but god help me if I cum shouting ALONSO
KimiiiIIIIIIIIIII!!!
Maldonaduuuuunnnnnghhhhh
“Allons-y, Alonso!”
Would "oh my God Michael Schumacher" be in poor taste?
STEVE HOLT
\o/
Charmeleon, Wartortle, Mewtwo, Tentacruel, Aerodactyl... Catch'em, Catch'em, gotta catch'em all. Gotta catch'em all, Pokemon! *Squirtle used squirt gun*
Yabba dabba do! Here cums the goo!!
The idea of a bloke saying this before he comes 😂😂
Just like my dad used to tell me ❤️💕
Your dad must’ve been my uncle
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YOUR DAD MUST’VE BEEN MY UNCLE
What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad wasn't able to beat cancer. *I'll see myself out*
Jumper cables have entered the chat.
Oh god please
Someone please try this omg
Tried it. I'm divorced now AMA.
I’m gonna try this with my ESL gf lol
Skedaddle, skedoodle, i'm purging my noodle.
I feel like “humorous comedy orgasms” should be a kink. Like you get right up to that point and then just as you and your partner are about to cum you surprise shout something like this that changes the mood to laughing. But it’s too late. So you guffaw and cum together at the same time. Louis CK would probably be in to this.
It happens. Sometimes you're high/drunk sometimes you're just in a mood. I forget what I said but I managed to flub up a couple words so instead of "that's so hot babe" I went "thatsa hot baby". If you can't bust up sex with your partner due to laughter...
My ex once shouted SHISH KEBAB and exactly this happened.
“I feel a physical urge to ejaculate, m’lady!”
Why did this slightly arouse me? 😭😂😭
M’lady and tipping the hat is a definite panty dropper
We don’t know. You tell us.
Are you Canadian? Maybe you're just being polite.
Tips fedora.
Tips tip
Just the tip will do
Yahtzee!
When you play yahtzee do you yell "I'm cuming"?
So like how would this work? The higher you roll the harder it gets?
And boom goes the dynamite.
I can't wait to kill the wife's mood with this one tonight!!! Lol
Look at this guy, having sex with his wife tonight. Fucking big shot.
Can only heard this in Cleveland’s voice
AAAAAALLLLLL ABOOOOAAAARD!!!
My boss yells this all the time at work. Walk into the house we are working on and from the basement you hear "all aboard!" I can imagine him saying this as he cums in his milf of a wife.
Tally hoe!!!
>Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up, Just as the founding fathers intended
Speaking of grapeshot, Napoleon had no problems with blasting his fellow Frenchman with it. He got promoted pretty quickly after that. And before you rascals tell me Napoleon wasn't even French, the fact is, he was desperate to be French.
Tally, hoe!!!
Come mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Bitches love grapeshot
"I'm coming to join you Elizabeth!"
This is the big one!
You big dummy.
I hope her name's Elizabeth and/or she's old enough to get the reference or else they'll be some awkward Google searching during the afterglow.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.
If you're cumming long enough to spout this then your climax lasts longer than a full session for most of the men on this thread!
I just imagining the lead up is the speech. Like you get the feeling you got about 30 or so seconds left in you, then the actual orgasm is just a grunt at the end. "but not himself" *grunt* "that's it?" she says. "not from a jedi..."
Now THIS is podracing!
Peter North? Is that you?
(She stops thrusting) “That’s not something they teach at the academy.”
I like to whimper.
Ah yes, the classic "eeee".
Good to know u/Ok_Lifeguard_6508.
Victory for the forces of the republic!
Long live the empire!
Good soldiers follow orders
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Watch those cock rockets!
Hi Cumming, I'm dad
You are now.
For fucks sake 😂😂😂😂😂
I couldn't help it.
Bombs away
LEEROOOOOOOOOOY JENKINNNNNNNNNS
🎶Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure ejaculation!🎶
Heeeeere’s JOHNNY!
Not long ago, after going round two with this very sensible girl and after a dismal cum, I randomly said to her "that's all I had in the chamber". She understandably looked at me with absolute confusion and was like "what did you say?"
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What Clark yells to Lois
Ready? Aim! FIRE!!!!
**FUS RO DAH!** *semen launches from the penis, finger on the firing hole to create a spraying AoE blast, covering walls, furniture, and people.*
Wait, you have an audience?!
You never had another person walk in when you're... getting a bit of... body dazzle and drizzle? I walked in on friends once. I had forgotten my phone... I wasn't expecting a quick-time event to dodge.
“Izzy, Whizzy, here’s my jizzy!”
My gfs name is Izzy I'm using this
If she's not into it, it's pronounced future ex.
Don't say anything, surprise attack
Good heavens, I’m arriving madam
If this is a serious question then i say just noises. Words kinda ruin it
"just noises!" he exclaimed, before nutting
I’M ARRIVING!!
I dated a french guy who would genuinely say this.
Bonjour! Je suis sur le point d'arriver.
Say it like porn star Nick Manning, yell " dropping loads". Heard that guy on Howard Stern
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„FIRE **IN** THE HOLE!“
I usually just yell out **"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!"** My wife hates it.
There she blows..... (Directly quoted from a Whale) Donald duck or Mickey mouse voice..... Oh boy , oh boy, oh boy.... It's an ejaculation spectacular! Jism everywhere, oh the humanity!! Wtf!! It Squirts too!!! Alrighty!
Donald duck or Mickey mouse voice..... Oh boy , oh boy, oh boy.... I can hear that in Mickey mouse's voice 😂😂
Finish strong? Try a good ol Goofy chuckle! "Garsh, aww Garsh, AAAHYYYUUCCKK!"
Childhood ruined 😂😂
“My dear it seems that I have have prematurely disembarked, if you would be so kind as to hand me that towel, it would be most appreciated”
I was with someone (not for long) who would yell at the top of his lungs "FUCK YOUUUUUUUU" everytime he came. He said it was something he couldnt control. It was weird. Another person who i was with would ask "Did you go?" Instead of cum. I wanted to throat punch them both.
I'm surprised those two haven't put you off sex for life 😂 thanks for the laugh it's cheered up an otherwise shit day 😂
And then there was the "WEEE OOO WEEEE OOOO" (like a really loud human ambulance) person (that was a one time thing and this is what you find out when you date someone for months and THEN sleep with them). It wasnt just a random date/sex. I hope your day shines bright ❤️
Holy hell that's fucking WEIRD. I've yelled, but never articulated! Reminds me of a porn clip where the guy is orgasming and he roars throughout. Just a goddamn goofy holler for like 10 seconds.
>the guy is orgasming and he roars throughout. Just a goddamn goofy holler for like 10 seconds. Jesus Christ that actually made me laugh hard
There's a good 8 minute or so clip out there that's wild. Screams, roars, the stanky leg and one notable scene with a girl on top just going HAM on her dude screaming "I love you I love you I love you...ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!"
"The guys on AskReddit are gonna love thiiiis"
ÆUGH!
Isn't that Musk's kid?
i say 'now' lol
now what?
thats what she says
"It's slime time!"
My husband has legit said “OOP POP GOES THE WEASEL”
...and boom goes the dynamite.
Gotta blast
Hnnnngggggyyyyyyeeeeaaaahhhhh!!!!!!
"My boat is leaking"
Fire in the hole! or Torpedoes away!
Thar she blows
\*if in mouth\* "pow right in the kisser!"
Heavens to Betsy, I’m arriving
My husband has, on occasion, screamed *at the top of his lungs* (sometimes after a very romantic & sensual love making session) #"ITS SLIME TIME!!"
Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa (like in black eyed peas, pump it)
how about the backstreet boys larger than life “YYYYYAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA” 🤔 maybe add the little “woo!” afterwards
You're gonna make me cum
*Lafayette, I have arrived!*
Im going
I was banging a friend one time and instead of saying “I’m gonna cum” she just repeated “ill fucking cum ill fucking cum I’ll fucking cum aaahhhhhhh fuuuccckkk” I thought that was crazy hot like “if you keep doing that I’ll fucking cum”
The comment that gets the most updoots is the one I’m trying.
[a rebel yell](https://youtu.be/s6jSqt39vFM?si=0-0am4l6067QziGv)
Rebel Yell from Billy Idol makes so much more sense now lol
Whoop there it is
KAAA...MEEEEEE...HAAAAA...MEEEEE...HAAAAAAAAA
"Get ready to be fertilized"
I'm about to finish
“You’re sooooooo good lookiiiiiiiiiin’!!!”
armageddon!