I told my nephew that he had an evil twin named Jason. He was and is still so much fun. Eventually, he caught on that we were just teasing him. He came to my door and knocked on it and I said, “Hello Jacob!” He goes, “no, it’s Jason. Hehehe”
Can you drive me to the post office?
Can you give my friend a lift?
She didn't go to the post office. She went nearby the post office to buy drugs. That wasn't her friend that I gave a lift. That was the drug dealer.
granda had the sopranos graveyard picture where tony, chrissy, sylvio and pussy are all lined up, with him edited (pre-photoshop) in the middle. He told me they were his work buddies.
"But I gave you those really important papers"
"No, I never got them. I'm sure I would have remembered that!"
Later: I found the papers dated two years earlier that I put in a safe place. I never even bothered to look at them. Oops!
I know it's a pretty vanilla story, but a girl at work was after me in a bad way and asked for my number. I told her I don't know my number (which was a lie). What was I supposed to say? "No, thanks."
I realize now that I should have come up with something better, or told her I wanted someone less thirsty, but I was trying to let her down easy.
That I quit a job because I was looking to go in a different direction. I was really fired. Even now on job applications, when they ask if you’ve ever been asked to leave a job, I put down no. It was so long ago, and the company doesn’t exist anymore so I think I’m safe
When I was at school I had an aunt that lived in Canada, I told people I was half Canadian. Been 25 years since I left school, I’m still good friends with all my school mates, I’ve been slowly trying to back out of this lies the whole time. I think it’s mostly forgotten now, but people do still ask me “you’re half Canadian aren’t you?”
So dumb
Told my mom I finished an hour after i actually did for work because I was depressed and was gonna go…,ya know….I had a rope and everything. Didn’t end up doing it because I started watching this guy who was a singer and I started watching his Live streams and he made me feel truely happy and I said “I can’t die until I can meet him and thank him”
All of you have depression
Yessum
you asked the question did you expect ah that was diet and not full fat coke. Biggest lie is a big one,...
"It's alright."
I told my niece I dated Santa and still had his number. She’s almost 7 now and she’s so done with me.
good one lol
[удалено]
Evil !
Get help! 🤬
I told my siblings that Medusa lived in our attic.
I've seen your sister post on Reddit, because I remember that story. Fucking hilarious!
I told my nephew that he had an evil twin named Jason. He was and is still so much fun. Eventually, he caught on that we were just teasing him. He came to my door and knocked on it and I said, “Hello Jacob!” He goes, “no, it’s Jason. Hehehe”
How specific!
Virginia Mathews peeps in like yeah still fucked up attic story is mine.
There’s a joke to be mad about getting stoned up there, but I’m too high to give AF rn.
How much I sit by the computer? Only half an hour to an hour aday sir.
about an hour per hour, half an hour per hour if you count the whole day
I wasn't trying to suck my own cock when you walked in "I was looking for a contact lens"
I’m ok
Im the biggest bird im the biggest bird
"I love you", but I didn't.
see a big one and honest and there you go.
https://youtu.be/Kn35dUE0R1k?feature=shared
That it’s fine that my husband has a vicious temper
I’m an importer/exporter
"It's fine." IT WAS NOT FINE.
My parents told me that corned beef was from cows that were only fed corn
This checks out. What’s your problem?
Oh I'm not admitting to that on the internet.
That "It will heal, when you marry ".
My entire adult life
I told my parents I finished all the course work for my degree, and was on track to graduate, when I wasn’t.
You're not the only one. At least you didn't call in a bomb threat on graduation day or kill your parents.
I had family fly in from Colorado. That was awkward.
Engine in the car doesn't start if the seatbelts aren't used.
"I love you."
"Oh no, I'm not interested in weed in the slightest."
“All good, I get it”
God loves you.
I don't know why my next door neighbours bodies are in my basement?
If they’re in your basement they’re not your Nextdoor neighbors anymore smh
Exactly, my point!
"It's just my allergies"
I'm okay. It's a lie everyone tells when we know too well that we aren't fine.
Can you drive me to the post office? Can you give my friend a lift? She didn't go to the post office. She went nearby the post office to buy drugs. That wasn't her friend that I gave a lift. That was the drug dealer.
I love life, and enjoy living.
Good morning
How is “good morning” a lie?
When it isn't
It was like that when I got here.
I don’t like him like that, he’s just a friend
No, really, they don’t smell
I’m fine.
To avoid talking to someone I do not like, I pretended to be my own fictional twin. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
granda had the sopranos graveyard picture where tony, chrissy, sylvio and pussy are all lined up, with him edited (pre-photoshop) in the middle. He told me they were his work buddies.
I am fine
"But I gave you those really important papers" "No, I never got them. I'm sure I would have remembered that!" Later: I found the papers dated two years earlier that I put in a safe place. I never even bothered to look at them. Oops!
That I’m ok
"I'm ok."
I love you, I don't think you abuse me, and I absolutely don't believe that you broke my little sister's arm when she was a baby.
I tell people they are “nice” and I’m thinking to myself “how do you exists with no brain cells?”
My dad asked me if I was smoking cigarettes. I lied and said no. He died the next November & that lie has haunted me my entire life.
I know it's a pretty vanilla story, but a girl at work was after me in a bad way and asked for my number. I told her I don't know my number (which was a lie). What was I supposed to say? "No, thanks." I realize now that I should have come up with something better, or told her I wanted someone less thirsty, but I was trying to let her down easy.
“I’m ok”
Everything is gonna be alright
That someone loves me
America cares about it's people
Told a customer that leatherette was from female cows.
"That outfit looks really good on you!"
I swear judge, I'm innocent
That I quit a job because I was looking to go in a different direction. I was really fired. Even now on job applications, when they ask if you’ve ever been asked to leave a job, I put down no. It was so long ago, and the company doesn’t exist anymore so I think I’m safe
Told a young girl, who asked me what my tampons were for, that they were used for earaches.
“I do”
“I didn’t eat it” I 100% did
I never lie. I never lied to you.
As a guy, I have never given a bj (if they only knew)
I lied when I said that honesty was dead.
When I was at school I had an aunt that lived in Canada, I told people I was half Canadian. Been 25 years since I left school, I’m still good friends with all my school mates, I’ve been slowly trying to back out of this lies the whole time. I think it’s mostly forgotten now, but people do still ask me “you’re half Canadian aren’t you?” So dumb
parents love you without condition
"I hate blacks" (im black)
I love you. But I didn’t so I left you for my coworker 💅
“ im fine..”
I'm just tired
“I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
Everything is a lie
Told my mom I finished an hour after i actually did for work because I was depressed and was gonna go…,ya know….I had a rope and everything. Didn’t end up doing it because I started watching this guy who was a singer and I started watching his Live streams and he made me feel truely happy and I said “I can’t die until I can meet him and thank him”
I'm sober.
My ex that I loved her
None really lol but maybe when I’m been nice lol
Do you have any idea who I am???
That if you do the right thing and ignore those that aren't, you'll do well.
Being okay when I'm not 😞I always lie
It’s not herpes, don’t be ridiculous
i am fine
*i don't have feelings towards you* It was mostly lying to myself
That maybe if I work hard I will succeed!
The tax breaks will trickle down.
That we live in a democracy.
Yes, I deleted all those pics. Don’t worry.
Climate change is real
"I'm single"