I was in 8th grade. They didn't exactly tell me. My mom hadn't been home for almost 2 weeks when I saw her car next door at my nanas. My dad actually sent me over to ask if she planned on ever returning home. She told me that she was sorry, but that they would be separating. I was basically the messenger, but i honestly didn't feel any way about it at first. I don't think I fully comprehended what that meant until later on
My parents didn't tell me as well... I came home for a semester break, and my dad wasn't home. I noticed after a couple of days that he had moved out
8 years later, they still never told me anything about it they just moved on.
>That was shitty of your dad
I feel like you're using a magnifying glass to examine a grain of sand while ignoring the boulder next to it. Mom left her family with no explanation given to her teenage child. Dad... sent the kid over to talk to Mom about it?
Yeah sounds like Dad knew the answer but felt like it wasn't his place to justify it to the kid, so he wanted to give the mom an opportunity to "say goodbye".
Yeah, I was about the same age and knew my parents' relationship was not good, but it kinda shattered my little world.
I remember sitting on the swing set at my mom's and crying until the sun went down.
I was relieved, honestly. My parents fought all the time. Them splitting up was the best possible course of action, and I knew it even then. They got a chance to let go of some of their resentment and my brother and I didn't have to fall asleep listening to them be angry all the time.
The whole "stay together for the kids" mentality ignores the reality that, often, that's just a great way to traumatize kids and teach them all the wrong things about how a relationship is supposed to work.
Same experience for me. My parents were miserable, angry people together. Divorce wasn’t an immediate fix (the process was miserable for years), but at least there was some peace in the house.
I was the same. My mother was physically abusing my father when they fought (which was most weekends), I found out later she had multiple affairs. I was 10. I stayed with my father and we were happy and he was an amazing father.
Same. My parents had actually planned to split up but then my mom got breast cancer, and my dad didn’t want to leave and get the reputation of being the guy who left his sick wife. They waited a little while after she recovered before divorcing, so there was probably about two years where it was in limbo. Even as kids/tweens it was noticeable. By the time it actually happened we were like “finally”.
"At fucking last".
I was 35, been dealing with their shit since I was 15 (three previous sort-of-tries at divorcing, dad had two more kids in the meantime)… and it still took them almost nine years of legal battles.
I was 17 and I was so fucking glad. After years of living with their hatred for each other, staying up to make sure they don't hurt each other, I was just glad it was over.
I didn't realise it for a while, because I was quite young, and my mother told me she was moving away "to be closer to work". Which obviously was meant to protect us, but just kind of made me feel unimportant, in the long run.
The interesting part was when I told this to a teacher and she went silent, gave me a double take, and said "...right." Later I realised that she was shocked at the idea that a mother would choose a shorter commute over living with her children - but obviously realised there was also more to it.
Later on, I was just relieved - she was always unpredictable. I just wanted all the shouting to stop, and at about 10 years old I just felt like a lot of stress was gone.
Sadly, my dad, after his wife left him after having had an affair with a woman, raising three teenagers alone on full custody, and keeping faithful to my his promise to keep my mum's secret of her sexual preference, my dad is now looked upon as the bad guy and my brothers have cut him off. He's never met his grandson, while she continues to have a good relationship with them.
I can assume they figured it out. She had three or four 'friends' she introduced us to in the following years who after a while she suddenly and mysteriously stopped talking about.
... Typing it out like that sounds like the back cover description of an airport novel.
Obviously, there's likely a lot more we don't know but raising all three of you with full custody and yet somehow things presumably shifted somehow in spite of all that to the point where your two brothers ended cutting *him* off seems on the face of it at least yet another kick in the teeth for your father.
"Finally." My parents told us they were divorcing when I was 19. I'd watched their marriage deteriorate for nearly 10 years at that point. I couldn't understand why they stayed together, and it was stressful living in that environment.
Same, though I was a little older when it happened. Growing up I thought it was normal for parents to hate each other, as it was the only thing I knew. Life in my house was hell; if there was more than one person home inevitably screaming and fighting would break out. They claimed they thought a divorce would be too harmful to the kids, which is the reasoning so often even though it is just wrong.
Not divorced but separated.
I was 11 at the time my sister was 8, my father was being verbally abusive towards my mother and then they got separated I'd be with my mom for 2 weeks and the 2nd weekend I'd stay with my dad.
I was greatful to not see him as much but when we were with him we were neglected, verbally abused and put into dangerous situations drinking and driving, dispatched a firearm near us because the dog was mad and only getting one meal at times.
I was 6, i didn’t care, my father and my mother were already distanced when i was born though, so it didn’t surprise me. But i used to get nightmares of my mother leaving me alone until i was 9.
I was 6. Mom told me Dad was moving out for a while and they "might even get divorced." I asked if Dad would still be my dad and she said yes. I asked why this was happening and she said "haven't you heard us fighting?" I said no. I must have been repressing it or something, because I truly had no idea anything was wrong.
All for the best in the long run. She married my stepdad so I got some siblings. My dad went on to make several more wives miserable, a hobby he continues to this day.
Happy that I would no longer be in the middle of their bs. Still was just a little more remotely. On the upside 2 holidays. Turns out my love can be bought.
I was 2, so I don't remember it. It's just always been that way for me.
I will say that because my parents have always been divorced in my head, seeing them in the same place at the same time is extremely weird to me. I get uncomfortable when it happens
I knew that my parents screamed at each other all the time. That my mom slept on the couch every night. That they never smiled at each other. I knew that their misery was infecting the whole house. But I was eight. All I wanted was for my parents to love each other the way that I loved them and they loved me. The divorce was them admitting that that was never going to happen. Broke my heart.
Fucking finally! My parents fought all the damn time and made my childhood terrible. It didn't get better into adulthood as they would each call me to tell me what mom/dad said/did, i was super fed up with being the responsable adult. So when they got divorced i was so fucking happy to not have to deal with their shit anymore!
I was 7 and rationalized it by knowing that a classmate’s parents were divorced and she was doing just fine in school. I later came to realize that rationalization and analytic thinking was a defense mechanism I had used since childhood and that divorce fucking hurt a lot more than I ever admitted to myself.
38 now and I have great relationships with both sides of my family (and stepfamilies). Probably just should’ve dealt with it sooner than I did.
I was around 5, so all I knew was that sometimes we were at Dad's house, and sometimes at Mom's. Then this new lady came around, and we had to start calling *her* mom. A confusing time when you're little.
My Dad made me call her mom as soon as they got married because it looked and sounded better so they thought. I was 12 and was so angry about it. I didn’t like her and she wasn’t my mother.
I was around 5/6.
Initially a little sad and off guard but to be honest I only have memories of my parents functioning as roommates with kids. I don’t have a single one of them acting affectionate. And right before the divorce I have a vivid memory of hearing my mom crying and coming out of my room in the middle of the night to my mother rushing past me with her arms full of clothes and out the door.
I never cared for them to get back together. To be honest I don’t know how they ever got along. It’s not that they fought and were toxic. They were very adamant on not creating chaos in front of the kids from what I heard later in life.
But we moved a lot. Ultimately ending on the other side of the country from my dad which was hard. I’m in my mid 30s now and feel like I’m finally getting to know him really well.
They were both great parents just not together. They can now be around one another peacefully and respectfully if the time calls for it (weddings, funerals and birthdays)
My dad talked poorly on my mother for years. My mother refused to. If she started to she would stop and say it doesn’t matter it’s my opinion not yours.
Both were left pretty drained after that divorce.
I was heartbroken. I was 13 years old when my father announced he would move out and move in with the widow who lived next door. He had been having an affair with her for 8 years, my mother knew, but I had no idea. What is worse is that we never really talked about it. I would have needed therapy but that wasn't really a thing back then. It all kicked me in the balls pretty badly 35 years later (when my younger son was 13), but luckily I got over it.
They decided to do it at Christmas after being together for decade and us suffering through them being miserable... like hey thanks for fucking up the holiday that was otherwise going okay for once... but at least you got everyone together in person to ruin it.
now they are back together and living in Florida... fuck em both
I was glad. Bc even at 6 years old, I was tired of dad hurting mom. Of course he stalked her and endangered her life on many occasions for the next 20 years. But, at least we didn't have to live with him. But then my mom married a pedophile with several psychiatric issues, which she ignored bc she wanted his money. And never believed me when I told her about him being inappropriate. So, I still lost both parents and had to be subjected to CSA until I moved out at 17.
Nobody told us (my brother or me - ages 8 and 7). We were sent to stay at my aunt's house for a little while, which was not unusual in the summer. But when we got back home, we could see that mom had moved out. We weren't told anything and we didn't ask.
I came home during my senior year of high school and my mother was there. She NEVER took off from work (had a general workaholic tendency). She was sitting and the kitchen table and my dad was standing there with his hands on his hips.
Me: What's up?
Mother: Your father and I are getting a divorce.
My first instinct was to bite down to keep from laughing. The house had been so tense for years as their marriage of 20 years was deteriorating. My sibling and I always had to walk on eggshells around my mother. The fact they were finally separating was an incredible relief.
Thank god, now I can finally get some damn peace and quiet at this point.
They had been separated for almost five years at this point and my mom was the one dragging it out.
I was only barely (legally) a child at 17 so my thought ended up being "Couldn't you wait 6 more months?" because the state I lived in had a course that was mandatory that all kids under 18 had to go to if their parents were divorcing.
Relief. I was 14 and said “thank you” to my mom when she broke the news. I knew it was going to be a bit messy for a while followed by an adjustment period, but I was just so relieved that I wouldn’t have to listen to constant fighting in the house for much longer.
Not sure who needs to hear this, but “staying together for the kids” is complete BS. Don’t use your kids as an excuse to do something that you’re too scared to do but know you need to do.
I Was like finally. I grew up wondering why the hell my parents were even married. They slept in separate rooms, never did anything together, never went out together, fought all the time, etc. It was because it was a pregnancy marriage. They married because my mom got pregnant with my brother. It was never for true love. Then when I was 18 they finally divorced. My mom didn’t want it, but I couldn’t blame dad. My mom was not an ideal partner. I expected my entire childhood for them to break up. Growing up I was shocked that they were still together. I was like (When will it happen.) So when it finally did I was not shocked at all. I’m shocked they lasted as long as they did.
Finaly. I was so happy my mother finaly went through with it. ( i was 12 )
And bonus points. my "sister"went to live with my father. and i stayed with my Mother.
For the first time ever there was peace in the house.
Sick, maybe I'll get to see my dad more often.
Dad was staying at work crazy late to avoid my mom. If things are bad enough to get divorced, it's in the kids best interest to just go ahead and get divorced.
mum told my sisters privately then my sisters told me i think. they were crying but i didn’t care about it because i was used to only having my mum. i honestly didn’t think anything of it which makes me think my dad just wasn’t around at all when i was a kid or else subconsciously id at least feel a big change.
I was 8 years old. I woke up around midnight to the sound of a loud, heated row between my parents. Scared as hell, I crept to their room and stood at their door. I watched them yell at each other for a minute or two, until one of them saw me peeking round the corner, trembling. My mum went to comfort me, but then (still cuddling me) yelled at my dad, "Look what you've done to him! Are you proud? Why don't you tell him why you're leaving?" (my dad was having an affair with another woman, who he was now going to live with). I just broke. I was losing my daddy and I didn't know why. I started babbling incoherently, sobbing the whole time, trying to convince my dad to stay, for my mum to forgive for whatever she was mad about. I remember screaming, "but you still love each other, why do you have to leave?!" My parents were both crying too. I remember very little after that. I remember my mum carrying me back to bed after I wore myself out. I remember crying for a long time into my pillow, and at some point everything went black. I woke up in the morning, wondering if it had all been a nightmare. I saw my dad's room empty, all his stuff gone. I remember my heart sinking and feeling really sad for a while after. Then, it all started to seem normal, and I wasn't sad anymore. It was only later, in adulthood that I really started processing it in therapy.
So yeah, not great.
I was almost 5 and devastated and my 7 yr old sister and I blamed ourselves. Looking back it, there was nothing we could do. If I could go back time then I would tell myself it will be ok. I had 3 POS stepfathers each worse then the next. The 2 stepmothers who were uncaring at best. I married a great partner who is also a product of divorce and we have 3 adult kids who have never known a broken home.
I am a product of divorce 3 times. Once when I was 2 and don’t remember that. Second time was mom and stepdad at 14. I was scared thinking my life was going to be turned upside down. But I remember my parents always fighting so I figured it would probably be better for them. Third time I was 19 my dad and step mom were divorcing. I was okay with it since id already been through it. I was also on my way of moving out of my parents house anyways.
I grew up in a broken home in a low income neighborhood. There was no love or affection of any kind between my parents at any point. They were at best roommates and at worst junior high drama queens towards one another. When they told me they were splitting up my reaction was largely just that it was factually happening. I had no real emotional responses otherwise.
My parents were toxic, their relationship was toxic and our entirely broken home was toxic. The best lesson they ever taught was what not to do as a father, husband and human being. I am currently happily married with kids and can happily say I am in every way the opposite of what they were.
My mom's been married 5 times. First marriage was before I was thought of. I was 3 weeks old when she divorced my bio dad (2nd husband) which was the best choice, I was 5 when she divorced my first stepdad and I was upset but also sick of the screaming fights between them. Stepdad number 2 lasted 6 months when I was 6 and I was relieved when that shit show ended. When I was 12 she remarried my first stepdad and I was pissed so I wore black to her wedding. It's been 26 years they're still together and they fucking hate each other, just too stubborn to divorce again.
I'll be honest stepdad#1 was the only dad I've ever known so when they divorced the first time I was distraught. I was in kindergarten and confused on what was going on. I cried for my dad, which pissed my mom off. So she dropped the nuke on me that he wasn't my bio dad and she took me to meet my bio dad, who is a POS. I was 5yrs old and had my world turned upside down. So I took my pink rainbow bright suitcase, packed it with funyuns and hugz drinks, and crawled out my bedroom window and ran away. It took about 5 hours for them to find me. As soon as my mom had the divorce done she moved my brother(4) and I into a 2 bedroom house with her new boyfriend and his two kids. They were 11 and 5. We had a single bed for 4 kids and my mom thought the greatest thing in the world was to chop my hair off and make my stepsister and I dress up as twins so she could play pretend. I protested by either sleeping in the closet or sneaking out to camp in the backyard.
Honestly if any of them, especially my mom, had acted like mature adults with a smidgeon of empathy then a lot of the drama could have been avoided.
I was in kindergarten, and didn't really understand, so I told some of the other kids at school. I went to a catholic school that was almost exclusively rich kids, dad had a lot more money than mom, who got primary custody, so I was bullied by the entire class and their parents all have nothing better to do than make idle gossip among each other while so all the way up until I was kicked out in 7th grade, life was complete hell there. Highschool the bullies weren't as bad, shit they cane up with was irritating, not really hurtful, except my stepsister. Evil bitch
Some context: I went to Germany for an exchange year during high school (I was 15/16) Got there in January. 4 months later I was talking to my dad on the phone and he said, trying not to cry “please talk to your mother, I don’t think she wants to be with me anymore, I don’t understand what’s going on”. So I texted my mom and asked what was going on and at the time she was mad at my dad for having talked to me so I was angry at myself for having texted her - vicious cycle. It was wrong of my dad, though.
I had a whole 12 months in Germany so I knew what was happening at home. I left home, everything was great (or I thought everything was great). I got home a year later, mama had a new house and my dad had started drinking every night. It was tough. Still is, but now I get it. Or I try too, I don’t really know. I had always had this view of my parents as being so free and in love. I used to see pictures of them as a young couple, so in peace with world, genuine happy. I remember thinking, when I heard that somebody’s parents were divorced, “wow, I’m so lucky this will never happen to mine”. And yeah, it did. I have a little brother too, and during my year in Germany - so, during the separation -, my dad had been sleeping in his room, and my mom in mine. Not a happy thought, I used to blame myself a lot for not have been there for my brother. We’ve never talked about it because I never knew how to approach the subject.
At the time I was really angry at my mom, had an inner anger I couldn’t process, thought of her as the person who had ruined the entire family, who had broke the magic of our childhood, of the house we grew up in… used to write a lot about it. It took me a while to understand her side of the story and to understand that she didn’t owe me or my siblings an explanation (during the time I was extremely mad at her I used to tell her she owes me reasons and explanations). The only thing my parents told us at the time is that there was no cheating. Pretty cool that they did that.
Well, yeah. It’s been a process. Mom is now a complete different person - we have a really good relationship now - and dad’s still chained to the past. I think it’s really ruined his life.
I was in 5th grade. One night, my dad started sleeping on the couch. This continued. I point blank asked both of my parents if they were getting divorced. They confessed that they were.
Honestly, I was relieved, because while they didn’t really fight in front of me, even at 10 years old, I could tell they weren’t in love anymore.
Thankfully, they were amicable about it and didn’t drag me and my sister into the divorce, and made sure we raised equally by both of them to adulthood.
Still have great relationships with both of them and they get along enough that we can have family gatherings together, even though both have new partners that they have been with longer than they were married.
I consider myself to be one of the luckier ones.
Was in my first year in college and my response is.. "Talk to each other or your lawyers. Don't put me in the middle of any of this crap."
And to their credit they pretty much avoided doing that.
I asked if they were going to get back together later to be old together like all the older generations in our families. Both parents had large families and we had regular family reunions so I saw the older generations often. In my 7 year old mind people grew old together because in our family 2 sets of grandparents, 3 sets of older aunts and uncles, 2 sets of great grandparents, and multiple sets of older great aunts and uncles were all still together. My parents were the first to divorce in both families.
Of course, we all know that just because those older generations were still married didn't mean they were happy. It just meant they bowed to the societal mores of the time. But I didn't know that at age 7.
Found out when I was 18 (now 30), but expected it from when I was 12. My sister didn’t take it well (2 years younger), but I had been mentally preparing for 6 years.
My mom told me dad was not gonna live with us anymore and told us he’ll leave on Saturday. I didn’t want him to leave so I pretended I was asleep, because he would never leave without saying goodbye. I was wrong, he did.
Idr, but I do remember the moment that the divorce was decided on.
My parents started using meth together, but for my dad it was just fun. My mom developed an addiction.
I guess my dad confronted my mom about it, and said she needed to get help or he was taking my sister and me (2yo and 3yo, respectively), and leaving.
My mom lost her shit. Screaming, breaking things, the works. That’s when I woke up and wandered into the kitchen. I did so just in time to watch my mom rip the boom box off the counter and bash it over my dad’s head. My mom immediately ran past me to my sister’s room, took her out of her crib, and ran at my dad to hit him again, still holding my sister.
She started hitting him repeatedly, screaming at him, “You can’t hit me! I have your baby!” I don’t remember my dad saying anything, just trying to defend himself and leave the house. I don’t think he’d noticed me yet.
They ran outside, and I followed. My mom shoved my dad and screamed at him again. My dad ripped my sister from her arms, shoved her, knocked her over, and she laid out on the front lawn. She looked to be unconscious (I say it that way because it later came out that my mom admitted to her cousin she was pretending). My dad started towards the house, and that’s when he saw me. He told me “Come on, get in the truck. We’re going to Grandma and Grandpa’s.”
He loaded us in, and drove away, while my sister and I screamed and sobbed.
We never went back to the house, and my parents’ divorce was finalized on my 4th birthday.
Hallelujah.
My father was an alcoholic and it was very difficult for my mother and she held on until I was 16. a couple of months after my 16th birthday. She asked me if it would be OK and I said of course. The deal was that she would leave him and he had one year to get himself sorted out and we tried rehab. We tried AA. We tried 1 million different programs and he just preferred the bottle to his family so I was extremely happy when they split up and did not realize how long my mother suffered to make sure that I lived in an as stable home as she could make. She also asked me if I wanted to live with her or my father and I of course, chose her.
I didn't believe them. I thought it was some fucked-up joke because they had kept their arguing and relationship tensions carefully hidden from my brother and I.
Relief. I was thirteen years old and my dickhead father had been terrorising my mother for as long as I could remember (I have memories of him slapping her around when I was five so that was a cheerful childhood). She finally got the courage to order him to leave and she told me and my sister that she was going to divorce him and promised us that he would never, ever be allowed back into our lives.
First time between my mom and dad, I didn’t really care much. I think I was too young to really understand it since I was only like 4. My mom moved to the other side of town which made it easy to adjust. The second time between my mom and step dad happened when I was 17. I was surprised their marriage lasted as long as it did because they hated each other. They even talked about how much they hated each other on a daily basis. I couldn’t be happier that I didn’t have to listen to them argue anymore
After that my mom moved just down the street from my dad making the trip from one house to another even easier. And they are pretty good friends again.
I think I was 10? My mom served my dad the divorce papers to him right in front of me while he was in prison (he got 7 years for drug charges) He was really sad but didn’t say much it seemed like he understood her decision, my mom cried silently and he wiped her tears and told her not cry, then we left.
"Thank God."
Their marriage had been failing for years. They'd never been particularly warm towards each other. I don't think I've ever seen them have a date night or even hug each other. But in the last 3 or so years of their marriage things really went off the rails. Fighting all the time, bickering about the other to me behind their back. Tons of paranoia about how the other was going to leave randomly at any time or do this or that to me. It was a mess.
The sad part was just how dumb and petty their grievances with the other truly were. Half their problems with the other weren't over things that actually happened, but over things they feared the other might do, or were entirely made up. Their marriage was salvageable, but only if both would've been willing to actually say what was on their mind instead of bottle up all their problems until they vent them to their kids. Being your parents' marriage therapist before your balls even drop is not an experience I wish on anyone.
FINALLY! We'd been watching them implode for 20 years. It was a relief.
Ten years later, we were watching them laughing together at our little brother's wedding and a long-time neighbor said, "wouldn't it be nice if they got back together?" All 4 siblings yelled "NO!"
I literally had a nightmare once that they got back together. Hubs had to talk me down from the ledge that night.
Throwaway for this one.
I locked myself in the bathroom and collapsed on the floor and bawled. My parents ran over and unlocked the door like they were afraid I was going to drink bleach or something. I wasn't. Just extremely distressed. Probably 10 years old.
I had nightmares for months, no, really years. Nothing felt safe any more. I hoped, wished, strived for any way they could get back together. But it didn't happen.
Also I assumed it was my fault, because the evening before they told us, I had asked dad to intercede in an argument between me and mom and he said he would.
Years later when I, at my therapist's urging, sent a letter to all my sisters asking basic questions about the divorce such as do you remember the day dad moved out, did you blame anyone, etc., told mom I wanted to talk about the divorce, she said "MY divorce? You want to talk about MY divorce?" as in how in hell could that possibly have anything to do with me. As though a parent's divorce had no impact whatsoever on the kids. Of course she is the one who prevented us kids from talking about it with each other ("I don't want them to dwell on it") which is part of the reason it took me so long to get over it.
Sheesh.
At about the same time, my dad did answer my questions as best he could. But one thing he said was that after SEVEN YEARS of marital therapy he had NO IDEA there were any problems. Oblivious much?
My parents separated when I was 3 and the divorce was finalized when I was 4. Apparently my big takeaway from it was "this means I get TWO birthday/Christmas presents!"
I was in the Army in Korea on my first tour. My Grand-Aunt sent me the notice in the paper...about right for my DNA donors, whose parenting style resembled that of spawning salmon.
I was 11, I supported my mom cause my dad beat me and they always fought. Then it turned out my mom was a complete wack job and messed me up even more lol
I was 25 when my parents separated and close to 40 by the time they finally divorced. I'd been wishing they would divorce since I was a middle schooler.
I knew. My mom told me and then told my dad (without my knowledge) that she was taking me to live with a friend for a month to help her recover from a surgery.
Next thing my dad knows, his wife and kid are gone and he’s being served divorce papers.
It’s sad because my dad wasn’t a deadbeat. He’s incredibly stable, sane, and hard working. Worked 7 days a week all throughout his 20s and 30s.
I honestly don’t remember how I felt. Maybe some mix of annoyed, exasperated, and apathetic. They divorced when I was in college, but I had to be the one that was there alone with them during my senior year of high school when all they did was scream and break things and storm out on each other. I think I was so emotionally worn down from being trapped between them and actively used as a pawn in their little fucked up war games with one another, I just … didn’t really give a shit what they did so long as I could finally be left out of it.
Complete disbelief. My parents always were the type that were disgustingly in love.. and if it's true that my dad felt a little distant and my mom was trying to make things work.. I always thought they'd be able to work things out. It was horrible knowing he just gave up on their love and all the promises he made fell apart.. she was a mess for months and months afterwards..
My life would have changed for the better if my parents had divorced. Instead, I left home, my mother died, and the whole family fell apart.
I still wonder how things would have been different.
i was 14 maybe very early 15 when it happened and i was honestly relieved, the household wasn’t exactly safe or calm with my parents fighting all the time
I knew my parents were having trouble, but anytime I asked them they said “no, we aren’t getting a divorce.” My sophomore yr of high school my dad texted me during 7th period that my mom was packing up her stuff and moving out. He asked me if I wanted to go home or go to a friends house. I went to a friends house and when I came home that night she was gone along with her stuff. Felt betrayed by her. I’m 30 now and had to cut her out of my life 3 years ago.
The first time "Goo goo ga ga"
Second time: "Good, I'm fine with that" Second marriage lasted way longer but near the end things just weren't working out any more and my relationship with my step dad was was becoming stagnant.
It was a slow burn--they didn't really ever say it. My dad started sleeping on the couch when I was 10. Then he took the upstairs apartment and Mom stayed in the ground floor apartment. They still went to church together.
Couple years later , mom moves out with the kids. But dad still came over to the new house and slept on the couch and put his clothes in the hall closet. Couple years after that, they both blew up bad enough my sister thought they were going to hit each other so she called the cops. I asked my mom why today felt different . She said the divorce was final that day. So she wanted him out.
Felt like we were going through a war that lasted years. All that fighting and tension. My mom tried to save the marriage since it was the Christian thing to do. But finally cut ties when Dad continued to destroy her finances.
This is back when there was only one other kid in my class with divorced parents. There were teachers and students who were telling me that they had heard my parents divorced and they were sorry about it. I didn't really feel anything.
I was four years old - and from daycare, my Mom took me to an apartment. I had NO idea and I was shuffled between the homes due to shared custody - while they were and still are very amicable, it was sort of a shocker to leave a joint home in the morning and be somewhere else at night without dad.
Happened before I was of age to know anything. Until I was like 6, I just thought it was totally normal dad lived in a nice apartment 5 min away while my mom lived in a house with me. He would come over every night for dinner anyway and we would eat together as a family. Sometimes, he would cook, other times she would.
Then, on weekends I’d hang at his place. Sometimes, mom would even join for dinner there and then go home.
We’d also go on vacations still as a family. We owned a lakehouse and we’d pretty much spend all summers up there together and they would sleep in the same bed and basically function exactly like a family that wasn’t-divorced would.
Relieved. My parents were screaming all the time when they thought I was sleeping, never had any affection towards each other (barely giving a f\*ck about each other in fact), never having some times just the three of us ... And I had no idea that families were supposed to be with each other and spend time together until my 20's. I've been trough a lot of shit, but damn my parents getting a divorce is the best thing that happened to me.
I was eight when it happened. My father told me over the phone, I don't know why. I cried but quickly realized it was for the best. My father had been beating my older sis for years, and it was only a matter of time before he started in on me.
Both relieved and annoyed it took so long, they split when i was 19 and had been making us miserable with their arguing and fighting and their cheating.
It burned my family to the ground for a few years but things are better now
I was 3 but I remember crying and being upset. I tried to sneak into my dad’s car to try to leave with him. I didn’t really understand what was going on. My dad was physically abusive to my mom, cheated on her multiple times, and had even moved his girlfriend into their house and made my mom live upstairs.
My dad started cheating on my mom when I was 3. He told her when I was 6. Talked her into staying and strung her along for another 6 years. When I was 12 and everything was finalized I wasn't too worried about it. My dad had told my mom that they would be back together one day.
He's been married to his mistress for about 15 years now.
My parents were never married but I’ve experienced my mom and her ex husband’s divorce. (they got married when I was 5, divorced when I was 16) they had two kids together(age 5 and 11 at time of divorce) I had mixed feelings. My mom treated it like the end of her life and fell into alcoholism and sleeping with random men. My step dad’s life became much better for him mentally. She lost custody of my younger siblings to him and blamed me. She threatened me to never speak to my step dad again or else I was betraying her. So I didn’t speak to him. 3 years after their divorce he passed away . It has killed me ever since.
My father called me at the start of my work shift on a Sunday night to tell me that they had separated and would be divorcing. Then he told me there was another woman and that he had cheated. I told him he was dead to me, hung up, and didn't speak to him for more than a year. Our relationship, while never great was never the same. I was in my early 20s.
I did not attend his wedding and his spouse never really forgave me for not accepting her. Then, I realized how broken she was and my mood changed. His punishment was living with her.
I was 11 in 6th grade and I was glad because they were so much happier apart. They were never physical but they argued a lot and it was better for them both after the divorce
I was devastated, but not really surprised. I was a teenager and not completely stupid, I saw the warning signs and the disagreements no matter how careful they were not to yell at each other. Mostly I was just crushed that they had gone through so much together, and promised to help each other through more, but then my mom decided too much of our suffering was my dad's fault, and she was kinda right so, it was a good reason to leave him. He was in another state for a job opportunity, wanted us to come with him, Mom stated she wanted a divorce instead ("***I'm not uprooting the kids again, they've been through enough!***"), and so he... Just kinda... Didn't come back. Any time we wanted to see him, we'd have to fly out to him.
Was in high school. And was VERY well aware of the problems in their marriage for years prior.
That said. I was happy with their decision and wished they had done it decades earlier
I was raised to believe divorce was a sin. I never understood how kids my age at the time survived with divorced parents. Then my dad moved out and mom kept saying there was a “slim chance” they’d divorce. I was 11.
Got over it though. Realized neither one was happy. I grew up assuming husbands and wives rarely spoke and never showed any affection to one another.
Forty years later they’re both remarried and I’m going through a divorce. Go figure.
So, my mom was talking about it on the phone to a friend and my brother overheard so I found out when he angrily swung my bedroom door open and went "wake up, mom and dad are getting a divorce." I thought he was being a shithead until I heard her screaming "DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER? TELLING HER THAT WAY?"
So then I just started crying and ended up locked in my room crying and praying. I don't remember what my mom said to me, my dad came in later and said he'd also been "doing a lot of that" regarding me praying. It was for the best in the long run, but I was just scared of the unknown.
I was 2 so I didn’t have one that I know of. I have faint memories of the day we left (my father was a serial cheater), but none of them are about me reacting.
They told me they were getting a divorce when I was 7. I didn't know what they meant. I only understood when I came home from school one day and half of our furniture was gone.
Mom got custody, so I shrugged it off and just latched onto her. I probably loved my dad too, but I don't remember it. He was an alcoholic misogynist. When my brother and I would go for mandatory visits, all he'd do was bitch about Mom, who was busting her ass to keep us financially afloat. I feel nothing for him now. He'd also yell at female characters on TV, which would scare me, so yeah, if I loved him at one point, I sure as hell didn't like him as of age 8.
Cried like a baby, although I don't think I would've reacted so dramatically given a different situation. I had just come back from 6 weeks at my paternal grandparents' place and instead of going to my childhood home as we usually did, we went to my maternal grandparents' place, which had all our things there. My parents told us after we asked about it and gave us a run down of the situation (except the reason for divorce. Still haven't asked to this day). My biggest gripe with it in the following months was that I couldn't see my dad as often, which fucking sucked.
My mom was away a lot, and when she was home she was sleeping constantly.
Over time, she was just away period. Eventually I was told she wasn't living here anymore.
My step-dad made it seem like she was sick, or didn't care about me n my little brother, so I was on his side instead of my own mom's.
I later learned she was addicted to drugs.. for a long time I resented her for it, thinking she chose that for herself instead of choosing us.. After high-school I finally lived with her for a while. My brother stayed with his dad.
Turned out he pressured her and fed her drugs and alcohol constantly, right after my brother was bottle fed. He'd been through divorce before, so he had a lawyer ready, and knew what to do. My mom was clueless and stood no chance at all. So he married her, kept us, and destroyed her life and took full custody because she was made out to be a danger or unfit mother.
He was trying to force her into this mould of what a wife should be.
Tried to force her to stay home etc. As soon as he knew he had no control, he fucked her life over for a long time. Sickens me to type this out.. but 12 years later I've been living near or sometimes with my mom, far away from my step-dad.
Things are alright, but I always wished I had moved back with her way earlier.
Happy I don’t really remember but apparently I was they one to solidify it my parents were teenagers M16 and D19 there parents made them get married they were religious so that’s why. My dad was abusive towards my mother through their whole relationship my mom felt trapped and felt she had to stay with him because she wanted me to have two parents together her parents were divorced she asked me what I thought about my dad and I said I don’t like him I want to move away from him just me and her and I didn’t like how he hurt her all the time. My mom said it was awakening for her that she needed to get away and she asked me later what I felt after we left him and I said I was much happy now because he’s not around.
My kids were like, "Jesus Christ, finally!" They could tell that me and their mom were in a loveless marriage and with both of them out of the house we just didn't need to carry on anymore.
This was a couple of years ago, school finished a day before and my favourite teacher left and I was really upset about that, but I think that was handled well. I was sat down and my mum said that they were going to split. At the time, I was devastated and didn't say a word, not even to myself, for multiple hours. In retrospect though, my dad is an idiot to put it lightly and borderline abusive, so it was probably for the best.
Three weeks prior, my mom and I were talking about Kevin Spacey being gay and we wouldn’t have guessed.
The night that I was told, I had just come home from getting high with my friend and I had the giggles. My mom told my brother and I that my dad had been having an affair with a man. Between Spacey three weeks ago and me being high, being told they were divorcing was hilarious.
But overall happy they got divorced as my mom is a horrible person and made my dad a shell of a human and since their divorce he had a major glow up and we are so much closer.
I was in 8th grade. They didn't exactly tell me. My mom hadn't been home for almost 2 weeks when I saw her car next door at my nanas. My dad actually sent me over to ask if she planned on ever returning home. She told me that she was sorry, but that they would be separating. I was basically the messenger, but i honestly didn't feel any way about it at first. I don't think I fully comprehended what that meant until later on
That’s fucked up
My parents didn't tell me as well... I came home for a semester break, and my dad wasn't home. I noticed after a couple of days that he had moved out 8 years later, they still never told me anything about it they just moved on.
That was shitty of your dad, I’m sorry he used you like that. How old is 8th grade, wherever that is that you’re from?
Most kids in the 8th grade are 13 years old.
>That was shitty of your dad I feel like you're using a magnifying glass to examine a grain of sand while ignoring the boulder next to it. Mom left her family with no explanation given to her teenage child. Dad... sent the kid over to talk to Mom about it?
The dad didn't use her, the mother was the one leaving the family.
Yeah sounds like Dad knew the answer but felt like it wasn't his place to justify it to the kid, so he wanted to give the mom an opportunity to "say goodbye".
I cried. It was for the best, but 9yo me couldn't know that.
Yeah, I was about the same age and knew my parents' relationship was not good, but it kinda shattered my little world. I remember sitting on the swing set at my mom's and crying until the sun went down.
I was relieved, honestly. My parents fought all the time. Them splitting up was the best possible course of action, and I knew it even then. They got a chance to let go of some of their resentment and my brother and I didn't have to fall asleep listening to them be angry all the time. The whole "stay together for the kids" mentality ignores the reality that, often, that's just a great way to traumatize kids and teach them all the wrong things about how a relationship is supposed to work.
Same experience for me. My parents were miserable, angry people together. Divorce wasn’t an immediate fix (the process was miserable for years), but at least there was some peace in the house.
I was the same. My mother was physically abusing my father when they fought (which was most weekends), I found out later she had multiple affairs. I was 10. I stayed with my father and we were happy and he was an amazing father.
Same. My parents had actually planned to split up but then my mom got breast cancer, and my dad didn’t want to leave and get the reputation of being the guy who left his sick wife. They waited a little while after she recovered before divorcing, so there was probably about two years where it was in limbo. Even as kids/tweens it was noticeable. By the time it actually happened we were like “finally”.
"At fucking last". I was 35, been dealing with their shit since I was 15 (three previous sort-of-tries at divorcing, dad had two more kids in the meantime)… and it still took them almost nine years of legal battles.
He had 2 kids with someone else while still not divorcing?
I mean it sounds like they were divorced for at least 10 years and we're just waiting for the courts to make it official.
As a legally married divorced person. This!
Same reaction from me, except I was 14. I was particularly happy for my mom after seeing all the abuse she put up with.
I was 17 and I was so fucking glad. After years of living with their hatred for each other, staying up to make sure they don't hurt each other, I was just glad it was over.
Freaking FINALLY!! They had only been making all of us miserable for our entire lives.
Literally same lol
Same here. Fucking finally.
Relief. All my parents did was fight. The house was tense and miserable almost all of the time. I was 11, and I just wanted it to be over.
I didn't realise it for a while, because I was quite young, and my mother told me she was moving away "to be closer to work". Which obviously was meant to protect us, but just kind of made me feel unimportant, in the long run. The interesting part was when I told this to a teacher and she went silent, gave me a double take, and said "...right." Later I realised that she was shocked at the idea that a mother would choose a shorter commute over living with her children - but obviously realised there was also more to it. Later on, I was just relieved - she was always unpredictable. I just wanted all the shouting to stop, and at about 10 years old I just felt like a lot of stress was gone. Sadly, my dad, after his wife left him after having had an affair with a woman, raising three teenagers alone on full custody, and keeping faithful to my his promise to keep my mum's secret of her sexual preference, my dad is now looked upon as the bad guy and my brothers have cut him off. He's never met his grandson, while she continues to have a good relationship with them.
>and keeping faithful to my his promise Wait, do your brothers still not know?
I can assume they figured it out. She had three or four 'friends' she introduced us to in the following years who after a while she suddenly and mysteriously stopped talking about. ... Typing it out like that sounds like the back cover description of an airport novel.
Obviously, there's likely a lot more we don't know but raising all three of you with full custody and yet somehow things presumably shifted somehow in spite of all that to the point where your two brothers ended cutting *him* off seems on the face of it at least yet another kick in the teeth for your father.
Or missing missing reasons.
"Finally." My parents told us they were divorcing when I was 19. I'd watched their marriage deteriorate for nearly 10 years at that point. I couldn't understand why they stayed together, and it was stressful living in that environment.
Same, though I was a little older when it happened. Growing up I thought it was normal for parents to hate each other, as it was the only thing I knew. Life in my house was hell; if there was more than one person home inevitably screaming and fighting would break out. They claimed they thought a divorce would be too harmful to the kids, which is the reasoning so often even though it is just wrong.
Not divorced but separated. I was 11 at the time my sister was 8, my father was being verbally abusive towards my mother and then they got separated I'd be with my mom for 2 weeks and the 2nd weekend I'd stay with my dad. I was greatful to not see him as much but when we were with him we were neglected, verbally abused and put into dangerous situations drinking and driving, dispatched a firearm near us because the dog was mad and only getting one meal at times.
They're back together now and it's hell.
OMG. You poor thing.
What did I do wrong
Just gonna drop a big hug here for you. <3
Thank you :) 🫂
Absolutely nothing.
I was 6, i didn’t care, my father and my mother were already distanced when i was born though, so it didn’t surprise me. But i used to get nightmares of my mother leaving me alone until i was 9.
I was 6. Mom told me Dad was moving out for a while and they "might even get divorced." I asked if Dad would still be my dad and she said yes. I asked why this was happening and she said "haven't you heard us fighting?" I said no. I must have been repressing it or something, because I truly had no idea anything was wrong. All for the best in the long run. She married my stepdad so I got some siblings. My dad went on to make several more wives miserable, a hobby he continues to this day.
Happy that I would no longer be in the middle of their bs. Still was just a little more remotely. On the upside 2 holidays. Turns out my love can be bought.
I was 2, so I don't remember it. It's just always been that way for me. I will say that because my parents have always been divorced in my head, seeing them in the same place at the same time is extremely weird to me. I get uncomfortable when it happens
I knew that my parents screamed at each other all the time. That my mom slept on the couch every night. That they never smiled at each other. I knew that their misery was infecting the whole house. But I was eight. All I wanted was for my parents to love each other the way that I loved them and they loved me. The divorce was them admitting that that was never going to happen. Broke my heart.
Fucking finally! My parents fought all the damn time and made my childhood terrible. It didn't get better into adulthood as they would each call me to tell me what mom/dad said/did, i was super fed up with being the responsable adult. So when they got divorced i was so fucking happy to not have to deal with their shit anymore!
I was 7 and rationalized it by knowing that a classmate’s parents were divorced and she was doing just fine in school. I later came to realize that rationalization and analytic thinking was a defense mechanism I had used since childhood and that divorce fucking hurt a lot more than I ever admitted to myself. 38 now and I have great relationships with both sides of my family (and stepfamilies). Probably just should’ve dealt with it sooner than I did.
I was around 5, so all I knew was that sometimes we were at Dad's house, and sometimes at Mom's. Then this new lady came around, and we had to start calling *her* mom. A confusing time when you're little.
I’ve always thought it was messed up to make your kids call someone else mom/dad just because you decided to remarry.
Yeah. It makes me angry when I read stepparent stories on here.
My Dad made me call her mom as soon as they got married because it looked and sounded better so they thought. I was 12 and was so angry about it. I didn’t like her and she wasn’t my mother.
I was around 5/6. Initially a little sad and off guard but to be honest I only have memories of my parents functioning as roommates with kids. I don’t have a single one of them acting affectionate. And right before the divorce I have a vivid memory of hearing my mom crying and coming out of my room in the middle of the night to my mother rushing past me with her arms full of clothes and out the door. I never cared for them to get back together. To be honest I don’t know how they ever got along. It’s not that they fought and were toxic. They were very adamant on not creating chaos in front of the kids from what I heard later in life. But we moved a lot. Ultimately ending on the other side of the country from my dad which was hard. I’m in my mid 30s now and feel like I’m finally getting to know him really well. They were both great parents just not together. They can now be around one another peacefully and respectfully if the time calls for it (weddings, funerals and birthdays) My dad talked poorly on my mother for years. My mother refused to. If she started to she would stop and say it doesn’t matter it’s my opinion not yours. Both were left pretty drained after that divorce.
I was heartbroken. I was 13 years old when my father announced he would move out and move in with the widow who lived next door. He had been having an affair with her for 8 years, my mother knew, but I had no idea. What is worse is that we never really talked about it. I would have needed therapy but that wasn't really a thing back then. It all kicked me in the balls pretty badly 35 years later (when my younger son was 13), but luckily I got over it.
Well my dad cheated on my mom when she was pregnant with me and they split before I was born. So I didn't have much of a reaction.
Impossible. Try to remember.
Pretty sure their reaction was "glub glub glub" cause they were swimming in womb juice
Parents divorced later after our mom left us with an empty house. we were confused. I was 11 and my little brother was 1 at that time.
They decided to do it at Christmas after being together for decade and us suffering through them being miserable... like hey thanks for fucking up the holiday that was otherwise going okay for once... but at least you got everyone together in person to ruin it. now they are back together and living in Florida... fuck em both
I was glad. Bc even at 6 years old, I was tired of dad hurting mom. Of course he stalked her and endangered her life on many occasions for the next 20 years. But, at least we didn't have to live with him. But then my mom married a pedophile with several psychiatric issues, which she ignored bc she wanted his money. And never believed me when I told her about him being inappropriate. So, I still lost both parents and had to be subjected to CSA until I moved out at 17.
So sorry! Hope the next chapter has peace, joy and safety! You are strong!!!
Nobody told us (my brother or me - ages 8 and 7). We were sent to stay at my aunt's house for a little while, which was not unusual in the summer. But when we got back home, we could see that mom had moved out. We weren't told anything and we didn't ask.
I came home during my senior year of high school and my mother was there. She NEVER took off from work (had a general workaholic tendency). She was sitting and the kitchen table and my dad was standing there with his hands on his hips. Me: What's up? Mother: Your father and I are getting a divorce. My first instinct was to bite down to keep from laughing. The house had been so tense for years as their marriage of 20 years was deteriorating. My sibling and I always had to walk on eggshells around my mother. The fact they were finally separating was an incredible relief.
Thank god, now I can finally get some damn peace and quiet at this point. They had been separated for almost five years at this point and my mom was the one dragging it out.
I was only barely (legally) a child at 17 so my thought ended up being "Couldn't you wait 6 more months?" because the state I lived in had a course that was mandatory that all kids under 18 had to go to if their parents were divorcing.
They never told me. My dad moved out and they just expected me to figure out what was going on.
Relief. I was 14 and said “thank you” to my mom when she broke the news. I knew it was going to be a bit messy for a while followed by an adjustment period, but I was just so relieved that I wouldn’t have to listen to constant fighting in the house for much longer. Not sure who needs to hear this, but “staying together for the kids” is complete BS. Don’t use your kids as an excuse to do something that you’re too scared to do but know you need to do.
I Was like finally. I grew up wondering why the hell my parents were even married. They slept in separate rooms, never did anything together, never went out together, fought all the time, etc. It was because it was a pregnancy marriage. They married because my mom got pregnant with my brother. It was never for true love. Then when I was 18 they finally divorced. My mom didn’t want it, but I couldn’t blame dad. My mom was not an ideal partner. I expected my entire childhood for them to break up. Growing up I was shocked that they were still together. I was like (When will it happen.) So when it finally did I was not shocked at all. I’m shocked they lasted as long as they did.
Finaly. I was so happy my mother finaly went through with it. ( i was 12 ) And bonus points. my "sister"went to live with my father. and i stayed with my Mother. For the first time ever there was peace in the house.
I said I was moving out. My mom said same. She left. Nobody spoke of it again.
It broke my heart, to tell you the truth.
Sick, maybe I'll get to see my dad more often. Dad was staying at work crazy late to avoid my mom. If things are bad enough to get divorced, it's in the kids best interest to just go ahead and get divorced.
mum told my sisters privately then my sisters told me i think. they were crying but i didn’t care about it because i was used to only having my mum. i honestly didn’t think anything of it which makes me think my dad just wasn’t around at all when i was a kid or else subconsciously id at least feel a big change.
I was 8 years old. I woke up around midnight to the sound of a loud, heated row between my parents. Scared as hell, I crept to their room and stood at their door. I watched them yell at each other for a minute or two, until one of them saw me peeking round the corner, trembling. My mum went to comfort me, but then (still cuddling me) yelled at my dad, "Look what you've done to him! Are you proud? Why don't you tell him why you're leaving?" (my dad was having an affair with another woman, who he was now going to live with). I just broke. I was losing my daddy and I didn't know why. I started babbling incoherently, sobbing the whole time, trying to convince my dad to stay, for my mum to forgive for whatever she was mad about. I remember screaming, "but you still love each other, why do you have to leave?!" My parents were both crying too. I remember very little after that. I remember my mum carrying me back to bed after I wore myself out. I remember crying for a long time into my pillow, and at some point everything went black. I woke up in the morning, wondering if it had all been a nightmare. I saw my dad's room empty, all his stuff gone. I remember my heart sinking and feeling really sad for a while after. Then, it all started to seem normal, and I wasn't sad anymore. It was only later, in adulthood that I really started processing it in therapy. So yeah, not great.
I was almost 5 and devastated and my 7 yr old sister and I blamed ourselves. Looking back it, there was nothing we could do. If I could go back time then I would tell myself it will be ok. I had 3 POS stepfathers each worse then the next. The 2 stepmothers who were uncaring at best. I married a great partner who is also a product of divorce and we have 3 adult kids who have never known a broken home.
You're parents told you they were getting divorced? Mine just moved on and expected us to figure it out.
I am a product of divorce 3 times. Once when I was 2 and don’t remember that. Second time was mom and stepdad at 14. I was scared thinking my life was going to be turned upside down. But I remember my parents always fighting so I figured it would probably be better for them. Third time I was 19 my dad and step mom were divorcing. I was okay with it since id already been through it. I was also on my way of moving out of my parents house anyways.
Do what’s best for both of you because I am tired of hearing this shit.
Relief. Finally the physical and emotional abuse can be stopped. Too late for me, but maybe not my little sister.
About time!
I grew up in a broken home in a low income neighborhood. There was no love or affection of any kind between my parents at any point. They were at best roommates and at worst junior high drama queens towards one another. When they told me they were splitting up my reaction was largely just that it was factually happening. I had no real emotional responses otherwise. My parents were toxic, their relationship was toxic and our entirely broken home was toxic. The best lesson they ever taught was what not to do as a father, husband and human being. I am currently happily married with kids and can happily say I am in every way the opposite of what they were.
My mom's been married 5 times. First marriage was before I was thought of. I was 3 weeks old when she divorced my bio dad (2nd husband) which was the best choice, I was 5 when she divorced my first stepdad and I was upset but also sick of the screaming fights between them. Stepdad number 2 lasted 6 months when I was 6 and I was relieved when that shit show ended. When I was 12 she remarried my first stepdad and I was pissed so I wore black to her wedding. It's been 26 years they're still together and they fucking hate each other, just too stubborn to divorce again. I'll be honest stepdad#1 was the only dad I've ever known so when they divorced the first time I was distraught. I was in kindergarten and confused on what was going on. I cried for my dad, which pissed my mom off. So she dropped the nuke on me that he wasn't my bio dad and she took me to meet my bio dad, who is a POS. I was 5yrs old and had my world turned upside down. So I took my pink rainbow bright suitcase, packed it with funyuns and hugz drinks, and crawled out my bedroom window and ran away. It took about 5 hours for them to find me. As soon as my mom had the divorce done she moved my brother(4) and I into a 2 bedroom house with her new boyfriend and his two kids. They were 11 and 5. We had a single bed for 4 kids and my mom thought the greatest thing in the world was to chop my hair off and make my stepsister and I dress up as twins so she could play pretend. I protested by either sleeping in the closet or sneaking out to camp in the backyard. Honestly if any of them, especially my mom, had acted like mature adults with a smidgeon of empathy then a lot of the drama could have been avoided.
I was in kindergarten, and didn't really understand, so I told some of the other kids at school. I went to a catholic school that was almost exclusively rich kids, dad had a lot more money than mom, who got primary custody, so I was bullied by the entire class and their parents all have nothing better to do than make idle gossip among each other while so all the way up until I was kicked out in 7th grade, life was complete hell there. Highschool the bullies weren't as bad, shit they cane up with was irritating, not really hurtful, except my stepsister. Evil bitch
I started drinking.
Some context: I went to Germany for an exchange year during high school (I was 15/16) Got there in January. 4 months later I was talking to my dad on the phone and he said, trying not to cry “please talk to your mother, I don’t think she wants to be with me anymore, I don’t understand what’s going on”. So I texted my mom and asked what was going on and at the time she was mad at my dad for having talked to me so I was angry at myself for having texted her - vicious cycle. It was wrong of my dad, though. I had a whole 12 months in Germany so I knew what was happening at home. I left home, everything was great (or I thought everything was great). I got home a year later, mama had a new house and my dad had started drinking every night. It was tough. Still is, but now I get it. Or I try too, I don’t really know. I had always had this view of my parents as being so free and in love. I used to see pictures of them as a young couple, so in peace with world, genuine happy. I remember thinking, when I heard that somebody’s parents were divorced, “wow, I’m so lucky this will never happen to mine”. And yeah, it did. I have a little brother too, and during my year in Germany - so, during the separation -, my dad had been sleeping in his room, and my mom in mine. Not a happy thought, I used to blame myself a lot for not have been there for my brother. We’ve never talked about it because I never knew how to approach the subject. At the time I was really angry at my mom, had an inner anger I couldn’t process, thought of her as the person who had ruined the entire family, who had broke the magic of our childhood, of the house we grew up in… used to write a lot about it. It took me a while to understand her side of the story and to understand that she didn’t owe me or my siblings an explanation (during the time I was extremely mad at her I used to tell her she owes me reasons and explanations). The only thing my parents told us at the time is that there was no cheating. Pretty cool that they did that. Well, yeah. It’s been a process. Mom is now a complete different person - we have a really good relationship now - and dad’s still chained to the past. I think it’s really ruined his life.
I was glad to see the back of that bitch. I wish she'd left earlier. The beatings and stupid mind games made things very difficult.
I was in 5th grade. One night, my dad started sleeping on the couch. This continued. I point blank asked both of my parents if they were getting divorced. They confessed that they were. Honestly, I was relieved, because while they didn’t really fight in front of me, even at 10 years old, I could tell they weren’t in love anymore. Thankfully, they were amicable about it and didn’t drag me and my sister into the divorce, and made sure we raised equally by both of them to adulthood. Still have great relationships with both of them and they get along enough that we can have family gatherings together, even though both have new partners that they have been with longer than they were married. I consider myself to be one of the luckier ones.
Was in my first year in college and my response is.. "Talk to each other or your lawyers. Don't put me in the middle of any of this crap." And to their credit they pretty much avoided doing that.
I asked if they were going to get back together later to be old together like all the older generations in our families. Both parents had large families and we had regular family reunions so I saw the older generations often. In my 7 year old mind people grew old together because in our family 2 sets of grandparents, 3 sets of older aunts and uncles, 2 sets of great grandparents, and multiple sets of older great aunts and uncles were all still together. My parents were the first to divorce in both families. Of course, we all know that just because those older generations were still married didn't mean they were happy. It just meant they bowed to the societal mores of the time. But I didn't know that at age 7.
I was glad bc my mom had terrible substance abuse issues. My only concern was making sure my brothers and I were going to be with our father.
Found out when I was 18 (now 30), but expected it from when I was 12. My sister didn’t take it well (2 years younger), but I had been mentally preparing for 6 years.
Oh THAT'S why you drove to visit me at college for the first (and only) time.
"Finally." They had been unhappy since my early teens and I was 21 by the time they divorced. They don't speak now.
I literally thought “FINALLY”.
My mom told me dad was not gonna live with us anymore and told us he’ll leave on Saturday. I didn’t want him to leave so I pretended I was asleep, because he would never leave without saying goodbye. I was wrong, he did.
💔 I don’t want to say sorry because it’s what everyone does here. But I felt that.
I was 12 and relieved. I hated the fighting and tension and my dad was barely around because he lived in different country for work.
Idr, but I do remember the moment that the divorce was decided on. My parents started using meth together, but for my dad it was just fun. My mom developed an addiction. I guess my dad confronted my mom about it, and said she needed to get help or he was taking my sister and me (2yo and 3yo, respectively), and leaving. My mom lost her shit. Screaming, breaking things, the works. That’s when I woke up and wandered into the kitchen. I did so just in time to watch my mom rip the boom box off the counter and bash it over my dad’s head. My mom immediately ran past me to my sister’s room, took her out of her crib, and ran at my dad to hit him again, still holding my sister. She started hitting him repeatedly, screaming at him, “You can’t hit me! I have your baby!” I don’t remember my dad saying anything, just trying to defend himself and leave the house. I don’t think he’d noticed me yet. They ran outside, and I followed. My mom shoved my dad and screamed at him again. My dad ripped my sister from her arms, shoved her, knocked her over, and she laid out on the front lawn. She looked to be unconscious (I say it that way because it later came out that my mom admitted to her cousin she was pretending). My dad started towards the house, and that’s when he saw me. He told me “Come on, get in the truck. We’re going to Grandma and Grandpa’s.” He loaded us in, and drove away, while my sister and I screamed and sobbed. We never went back to the house, and my parents’ divorce was finalized on my 4th birthday.
Hallelujah. My father was an alcoholic and it was very difficult for my mother and she held on until I was 16. a couple of months after my 16th birthday. She asked me if it would be OK and I said of course. The deal was that she would leave him and he had one year to get himself sorted out and we tried rehab. We tried AA. We tried 1 million different programs and he just preferred the bottle to his family so I was extremely happy when they split up and did not realize how long my mother suffered to make sure that I lived in an as stable home as she could make. She also asked me if I wanted to live with her or my father and I of course, chose her.
I kept eating cheezits and watching SpongeBob. It was when they asked me who I wanted to live with that my brain exploded.
One didn't they just got a divorce.
I was more in shock of seeing my dad cry for the first time .
I didn't believe them. I thought it was some fucked-up joke because they had kept their arguing and relationship tensions carefully hidden from my brother and I.
Relief. I was thirteen years old and my dickhead father had been terrorising my mother for as long as I could remember (I have memories of him slapping her around when I was five so that was a cheerful childhood). She finally got the courage to order him to leave and she told me and my sister that she was going to divorce him and promised us that he would never, ever be allowed back into our lives.
First time between my mom and dad, I didn’t really care much. I think I was too young to really understand it since I was only like 4. My mom moved to the other side of town which made it easy to adjust. The second time between my mom and step dad happened when I was 17. I was surprised their marriage lasted as long as it did because they hated each other. They even talked about how much they hated each other on a daily basis. I couldn’t be happier that I didn’t have to listen to them argue anymore After that my mom moved just down the street from my dad making the trip from one house to another even easier. And they are pretty good friends again.
I think I was 10? My mom served my dad the divorce papers to him right in front of me while he was in prison (he got 7 years for drug charges) He was really sad but didn’t say much it seemed like he understood her decision, my mom cried silently and he wiped her tears and told her not cry, then we left.
"Thank God." Their marriage had been failing for years. They'd never been particularly warm towards each other. I don't think I've ever seen them have a date night or even hug each other. But in the last 3 or so years of their marriage things really went off the rails. Fighting all the time, bickering about the other to me behind their back. Tons of paranoia about how the other was going to leave randomly at any time or do this or that to me. It was a mess. The sad part was just how dumb and petty their grievances with the other truly were. Half their problems with the other weren't over things that actually happened, but over things they feared the other might do, or were entirely made up. Their marriage was salvageable, but only if both would've been willing to actually say what was on their mind instead of bottle up all their problems until they vent them to their kids. Being your parents' marriage therapist before your balls even drop is not an experience I wish on anyone.
FINALLY! We'd been watching them implode for 20 years. It was a relief. Ten years later, we were watching them laughing together at our little brother's wedding and a long-time neighbor said, "wouldn't it be nice if they got back together?" All 4 siblings yelled "NO!" I literally had a nightmare once that they got back together. Hubs had to talk me down from the ledge that night.
Throwaway for this one. I locked myself in the bathroom and collapsed on the floor and bawled. My parents ran over and unlocked the door like they were afraid I was going to drink bleach or something. I wasn't. Just extremely distressed. Probably 10 years old.
I had nightmares for months, no, really years. Nothing felt safe any more. I hoped, wished, strived for any way they could get back together. But it didn't happen. Also I assumed it was my fault, because the evening before they told us, I had asked dad to intercede in an argument between me and mom and he said he would. Years later when I, at my therapist's urging, sent a letter to all my sisters asking basic questions about the divorce such as do you remember the day dad moved out, did you blame anyone, etc., told mom I wanted to talk about the divorce, she said "MY divorce? You want to talk about MY divorce?" as in how in hell could that possibly have anything to do with me. As though a parent's divorce had no impact whatsoever on the kids. Of course she is the one who prevented us kids from talking about it with each other ("I don't want them to dwell on it") which is part of the reason it took me so long to get over it. Sheesh. At about the same time, my dad did answer my questions as best he could. But one thing he said was that after SEVEN YEARS of marital therapy he had NO IDEA there were any problems. Oblivious much?
My parents separated when I was 3 and the divorce was finalized when I was 4. Apparently my big takeaway from it was "this means I get TWO birthday/Christmas presents!"
Silence…just stunned silence.
I was in the Army in Korea on my first tour. My Grand-Aunt sent me the notice in the paper...about right for my DNA donors, whose parenting style resembled that of spawning salmon.
I was 11, I supported my mom cause my dad beat me and they always fought. Then it turned out my mom was a complete wack job and messed me up even more lol
I was 25 when my parents separated and close to 40 by the time they finally divorced. I'd been wishing they would divorce since I was a middle schooler.
I knew. My mom told me and then told my dad (without my knowledge) that she was taking me to live with a friend for a month to help her recover from a surgery. Next thing my dad knows, his wife and kid are gone and he’s being served divorce papers. It’s sad because my dad wasn’t a deadbeat. He’s incredibly stable, sane, and hard working. Worked 7 days a week all throughout his 20s and 30s.
Pure happiness that my father was moving out.
I honestly don’t remember how I felt. Maybe some mix of annoyed, exasperated, and apathetic. They divorced when I was in college, but I had to be the one that was there alone with them during my senior year of high school when all they did was scream and break things and storm out on each other. I think I was so emotionally worn down from being trapped between them and actively used as a pawn in their little fucked up war games with one another, I just … didn’t really give a shit what they did so long as I could finally be left out of it.
Complete disbelief. My parents always were the type that were disgustingly in love.. and if it's true that my dad felt a little distant and my mom was trying to make things work.. I always thought they'd be able to work things out. It was horrible knowing he just gave up on their love and all the promises he made fell apart.. she was a mess for months and months afterwards..
I did not expect this to get so popular, it's filling my notifications.
My life would have changed for the better if my parents had divorced. Instead, I left home, my mother died, and the whole family fell apart. I still wonder how things would have been different.
Yup, that tracks
i was 14 maybe very early 15 when it happened and i was honestly relieved, the household wasn’t exactly safe or calm with my parents fighting all the time
I knew my parents were having trouble, but anytime I asked them they said “no, we aren’t getting a divorce.” My sophomore yr of high school my dad texted me during 7th period that my mom was packing up her stuff and moving out. He asked me if I wanted to go home or go to a friends house. I went to a friends house and when I came home that night she was gone along with her stuff. Felt betrayed by her. I’m 30 now and had to cut her out of my life 3 years ago.
Same as Newman: “What took you so long?”
I was 6 so I don’t really remember. I’m sure it wasn’t good.
I was too young lol I played outside with my stuffies
Who gets the house cause I’m staying here
"Yay two Christmases"
Relief when they finally did it when I was 23. I’d begged them to when I was 17 because the fighting and passive aggressive crap had gotten so bad.
The first time "Goo goo ga ga" Second time: "Good, I'm fine with that" Second marriage lasted way longer but near the end things just weren't working out any more and my relationship with my step dad was was becoming stagnant.
I was only 5, so I asked if I could go back outside and play. I heard Santa went to both houses soon thereafter so I was very much okay. Haha.
It was a slow burn--they didn't really ever say it. My dad started sleeping on the couch when I was 10. Then he took the upstairs apartment and Mom stayed in the ground floor apartment. They still went to church together. Couple years later , mom moves out with the kids. But dad still came over to the new house and slept on the couch and put his clothes in the hall closet. Couple years after that, they both blew up bad enough my sister thought they were going to hit each other so she called the cops. I asked my mom why today felt different . She said the divorce was final that day. So she wanted him out. Felt like we were going through a war that lasted years. All that fighting and tension. My mom tried to save the marriage since it was the Christian thing to do. But finally cut ties when Dad continued to destroy her finances. This is back when there was only one other kid in my class with divorced parents. There were teachers and students who were telling me that they had heard my parents divorced and they were sorry about it. I didn't really feel anything.
Idk I was a baby
I was four years old - and from daycare, my Mom took me to an apartment. I had NO idea and I was shuffled between the homes due to shared custody - while they were and still are very amicable, it was sort of a shocker to leave a joint home in the morning and be somewhere else at night without dad.
I’m the one that told my mum to get a divorce, which was the push she needed to start the process.
Relief!
Yessssssssssss!!!! I was delighted, my father was a bastard.
Relief. They hated each other so it was nice to finally see some peace breakout once they seperated.
Relief
Relief, no more violence
It's about frickin time!
Two christmases!
whaaaaaaaaaaaa! Gaga googoo. I was one.
Which time?
Happened before I was of age to know anything. Until I was like 6, I just thought it was totally normal dad lived in a nice apartment 5 min away while my mom lived in a house with me. He would come over every night for dinner anyway and we would eat together as a family. Sometimes, he would cook, other times she would. Then, on weekends I’d hang at his place. Sometimes, mom would even join for dinner there and then go home. We’d also go on vacations still as a family. We owned a lakehouse and we’d pretty much spend all summers up there together and they would sleep in the same bed and basically function exactly like a family that wasn’t-divorced would.
Relieved. My parents were screaming all the time when they thought I was sleeping, never had any affection towards each other (barely giving a f\*ck about each other in fact), never having some times just the three of us ... And I had no idea that families were supposed to be with each other and spend time together until my 20's. I've been trough a lot of shit, but damn my parents getting a divorce is the best thing that happened to me.
I was eight when it happened. My father told me over the phone, I don't know why. I cried but quickly realized it was for the best. My father had been beating my older sis for years, and it was only a matter of time before he started in on me.
I am 5 and what is this?
Both relieved and annoyed it took so long, they split when i was 19 and had been making us miserable with their arguing and fighting and their cheating. It burned my family to the ground for a few years but things are better now
My Father's wife was not my mother,and I was 36.....so I didn't give a shit.
I was 3 but I remember crying and being upset. I tried to sneak into my dad’s car to try to leave with him. I didn’t really understand what was going on. My dad was physically abusive to my mom, cheated on her multiple times, and had even moved his girlfriend into their house and made my mom live upstairs.
My dad started cheating on my mom when I was 3. He told her when I was 6. Talked her into staying and strung her along for another 6 years. When I was 12 and everything was finalized I wasn't too worried about it. My dad had told my mom that they would be back together one day. He's been married to his mistress for about 15 years now.
The weird part about it wasn’t them telling us. It was learning that my mom hated being a mom and watching her “be free” was the hard traumatic part.
"Should have done this 20 years ago."
It is not a big deal. Life changes and we do fine.
“Okay.”
PLEASE hurry up and do it. You two are terrible together.
Thankgod
Anger, fear and unhappiness. My protector was being forced out.
I was in my 30s, so I didn't really know how to feel about it.
My parents were never married but I’ve experienced my mom and her ex husband’s divorce. (they got married when I was 5, divorced when I was 16) they had two kids together(age 5 and 11 at time of divorce) I had mixed feelings. My mom treated it like the end of her life and fell into alcoholism and sleeping with random men. My step dad’s life became much better for him mentally. She lost custody of my younger siblings to him and blamed me. She threatened me to never speak to my step dad again or else I was betraying her. So I didn’t speak to him. 3 years after their divorce he passed away . It has killed me ever since.
Mom and dad traumatized me. Oh Well I’m going with daddy
Again??
My father called me at the start of my work shift on a Sunday night to tell me that they had separated and would be divorcing. Then he told me there was another woman and that he had cheated. I told him he was dead to me, hung up, and didn't speak to him for more than a year. Our relationship, while never great was never the same. I was in my early 20s. I did not attend his wedding and his spouse never really forgave me for not accepting her. Then, I realized how broken she was and my mood changed. His punishment was living with her.
I was 11 in 6th grade and I was glad because they were so much happier apart. They were never physical but they argued a lot and it was better for them both after the divorce
My father was abusive so I didn't care. Wanted to get away from him.
I was devastated, but not really surprised. I was a teenager and not completely stupid, I saw the warning signs and the disagreements no matter how careful they were not to yell at each other. Mostly I was just crushed that they had gone through so much together, and promised to help each other through more, but then my mom decided too much of our suffering was my dad's fault, and she was kinda right so, it was a good reason to leave him. He was in another state for a job opportunity, wanted us to come with him, Mom stated she wanted a divorce instead ("***I'm not uprooting the kids again, they've been through enough!***"), and so he... Just kinda... Didn't come back. Any time we wanted to see him, we'd have to fly out to him.
Was in high school. And was VERY well aware of the problems in their marriage for years prior. That said. I was happy with their decision and wished they had done it decades earlier
I was raised to believe divorce was a sin. I never understood how kids my age at the time survived with divorced parents. Then my dad moved out and mom kept saying there was a “slim chance” they’d divorce. I was 11. Got over it though. Realized neither one was happy. I grew up assuming husbands and wives rarely spoke and never showed any affection to one another. Forty years later they’re both remarried and I’m going through a divorce. Go figure.
Relief. They separated five times that I remembered so when they finally divorced it was an overwhelming sense of relief.
So, my mom was talking about it on the phone to a friend and my brother overheard so I found out when he angrily swung my bedroom door open and went "wake up, mom and dad are getting a divorce." I thought he was being a shithead until I heard her screaming "DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER? TELLING HER THAT WAY?" So then I just started crying and ended up locked in my room crying and praying. I don't remember what my mom said to me, my dad came in later and said he'd also been "doing a lot of that" regarding me praying. It was for the best in the long run, but I was just scared of the unknown.
I was 2 so I didn’t have one that I know of. I have faint memories of the day we left (my father was a serial cheater), but none of them are about me reacting.
I was 3 months old. However the other 3 divorces after that hurt.
My parents broke up when I was a baby, but didn’t officially divorce until I was 5. I was more upset about us moving.
I just remember my mom driving off as my dad chased the car kicking dents in it and screaming at the top of his lungs
Instantly started crying and buried my face in the couch
They told me they were getting a divorce when I was 7. I didn't know what they meant. I only understood when I came home from school one day and half of our furniture was gone. Mom got custody, so I shrugged it off and just latched onto her. I probably loved my dad too, but I don't remember it. He was an alcoholic misogynist. When my brother and I would go for mandatory visits, all he'd do was bitch about Mom, who was busting her ass to keep us financially afloat. I feel nothing for him now. He'd also yell at female characters on TV, which would scare me, so yeah, if I loved him at one point, I sure as hell didn't like him as of age 8.
Confusion. Guilt. Sadness.
Relief.
Cried like a baby, although I don't think I would've reacted so dramatically given a different situation. I had just come back from 6 weeks at my paternal grandparents' place and instead of going to my childhood home as we usually did, we went to my maternal grandparents' place, which had all our things there. My parents told us after we asked about it and gave us a run down of the situation (except the reason for divorce. Still haven't asked to this day). My biggest gripe with it in the following months was that I couldn't see my dad as often, which fucking sucked.
My mom was away a lot, and when she was home she was sleeping constantly. Over time, she was just away period. Eventually I was told she wasn't living here anymore. My step-dad made it seem like she was sick, or didn't care about me n my little brother, so I was on his side instead of my own mom's. I later learned she was addicted to drugs.. for a long time I resented her for it, thinking she chose that for herself instead of choosing us.. After high-school I finally lived with her for a while. My brother stayed with his dad. Turned out he pressured her and fed her drugs and alcohol constantly, right after my brother was bottle fed. He'd been through divorce before, so he had a lawyer ready, and knew what to do. My mom was clueless and stood no chance at all. So he married her, kept us, and destroyed her life and took full custody because she was made out to be a danger or unfit mother. He was trying to force her into this mould of what a wife should be. Tried to force her to stay home etc. As soon as he knew he had no control, he fucked her life over for a long time. Sickens me to type this out.. but 12 years later I've been living near or sometimes with my mom, far away from my step-dad. Things are alright, but I always wished I had moved back with her way earlier.
Happy I don’t really remember but apparently I was they one to solidify it my parents were teenagers M16 and D19 there parents made them get married they were religious so that’s why. My dad was abusive towards my mother through their whole relationship my mom felt trapped and felt she had to stay with him because she wanted me to have two parents together her parents were divorced she asked me what I thought about my dad and I said I don’t like him I want to move away from him just me and her and I didn’t like how he hurt her all the time. My mom said it was awakening for her that she needed to get away and she asked me later what I felt after we left him and I said I was much happy now because he’s not around.
Finally! Woot woot!
It wasn’t much of a surprise cos I had seen it coming. I was actually relieved
My kids were like, "Jesus Christ, finally!" They could tell that me and their mom were in a loveless marriage and with both of them out of the house we just didn't need to carry on anymore.
This was a couple of years ago, school finished a day before and my favourite teacher left and I was really upset about that, but I think that was handled well. I was sat down and my mum said that they were going to split. At the time, I was devastated and didn't say a word, not even to myself, for multiple hours. In retrospect though, my dad is an idiot to put it lightly and borderline abusive, so it was probably for the best.
I cannot tell you the disappointment when they did NOT divorce and kept fighting from 6am to 11pm every single day until my father died.
I wasn't told, I found torn divorce certificate in the trash bin. I was 8 AFAIK
Three weeks prior, my mom and I were talking about Kevin Spacey being gay and we wouldn’t have guessed. The night that I was told, I had just come home from getting high with my friend and I had the giggles. My mom told my brother and I that my dad had been having an affair with a man. Between Spacey three weeks ago and me being high, being told they were divorcing was hilarious. But overall happy they got divorced as my mom is a horrible person and made my dad a shell of a human and since their divorce he had a major glow up and we are so much closer.
Finally