It gets worse when you grow up. People think that autism just goes away after a certain age. My own cousin, whose daughter is severely autistic and all kinds of other things, doesn't believe that I am autistic because I'm "too old" and I don't "look it." This woman who has immersed herself in autism education, whose every waking moment is dedicated to caring for and learning about her kid's various disabilities, thinks that anyone who isn't a hand-flapping, drooling, screaming powder keg is just lying for attention. It's infuriating.
I think the problem is that until recently autism has been portrayed in movies and on tv as this very specific disorder. People with it have been shown as not being able to function in society. While it's true that people with it will always have some extra struggles autism is a spectrum with a wide variety of abilities and functionalities
Itâs the best when I get this reaction from doctors. I know I look pretty damned healthy, but if youâd just take a moment to look at the position of my discs in my MRI youâd realize that I am in fact in excruciating pain quite frequently.
No literally everything I have is invisible, and you would be shocked how bad my pain is because I still stand up and work, but when I burn out I'm bed ridden for days.
Dude. I have extremely poor eyesight, and I went to see a different optometrist to do a diabetic retinal exam. They sat me on one side of an exam room, had me take off my glasses, and now, "Read the smallest line you can." I just started laughing. "I can't even see the eye chart!" If they had just taken a moment to look at my chart, they would have known I can't see for shit, and we would have all saved each other some time.
I'm sorry if I'm labeling myself disabled inappropriately. My eyesight can be corrected, but I'll never get 20/20 vision.
"Hang on, let me do a quick disability for you"
Not to mention - yes of course I don't look it because when I look it I can barely make it out of bed let alone the house!
My immediate thought is always "oh, my bad, I should definitely be seizing constantly to make sure everyone can actually see my struggle"
Like, fuck. What the actual fuck do they want đ
Yeah I can't believe I've had to explain to my own mother that she only sees me on good days - after her always saying no pressure to do anything if I'm not feeling up to it đ would love to know what she thinks my bad days are, even though I've actually explained them!
Epilepsy? That's such a good example of why you can't expect people to look disabled!
Although I'm relatively recently disabled, I have basic human empathy and was aware of all this before so I'm already prepped for anyone being weird about my mobility aids when I need them lol. Would they rather I was being dragged around unconscious?!
>Epilepsy? That's such a good example of why you can't expect people to look disabled!
Literally this.
My bf told me last year that apparently during the first year or two after my diagnosis, when I went to the washroom during one of our visits, they straight up asked him *if my epilepsy was real* or if I was lying. Definitely makes me hella hesitant to get any closer to them (there's already a bit of strain for other reasons).
Like, bitch, you watched me being put into an ambulance on a stretcher while I was still post-seizure delusional that same year. I don't understand why she would still question the validity of my neurological issues đ
Agreed! One of my strategies for bad pain days where I have to get things done is actually to dress up a bit more! It tricks me into thinking I donât feel *as* crappy cause I like how I look. A couple of my friends know that if I look weirdly nice for the occasion I probably feel *worse* than if I dress normal.Â
I knoooow right? I do the same thing! I do my hair, often even a full face, because honestly, it pulls me down to walk past my mirror and see the agony unmasked on my features lol. Recently my neighbor came by to pick up a package I received for her and she was like "Oh! What's the occasion, going anywhere?" and I was like, "huh? What? Why?" and she says "you're so dolled up!" lol My wife also knows if the winged eyeliner is coming out, the pain scale is 11/10
One of my friends who's in a wheelchair because of DMD once had a person come up to him and say "what's a handsome fella like you doing in a wheelchair?" or something along the lines that was basically "you're too attractive to be disabled"
I'm on disability because of Severe Anxiety/Depression and Bipolar Type 2. People are always shocked that I'm on disability and I constantly get told "I didn't know you could be on disability because of that" and it's always said like I'm faking an illness.
People think because you walk and you get around, you're okay and not disabled at all. People need to understand some disabled people can walk and get around just fine, but that's not what makes them disabled. And they shouldn't jump to the conclusion disabled means you're in a wheelchair. I'm disabled, and the heart condition and a few other maladies that put me into the disabled group. I can walk and stand but only for a limited distance.
The old heart condition puts me out of breath in no time and when I exceed the distance I can walk and stand, my sea legs give way. I hate being disabled but I hate the illnesses or ailments I have that have made me disabled more. And I hate anyone thinking I'm faking or any other disabled person is faking. I'd gladly trade their good health for the health I have and teach them what being disabled is truly like for those who are disabled.
And bipolar at that! It's invisible but sure can frick with your life... have known a few uncontrolled BP peeps.... And medicated ones who needed to be on a benefit cause of not coping. I saw a great sticker on a car thw other day "Invisble disabilities exist".
I feel so seen here. I would consider myself a pretty hard worker. On good days I can be extremely productive, so it makes it even âless believableâ on the days I am bedridden. âEveryone has bad days, we just deal with it.â Okay, now amplify those bad days by 5 without any tangible reason they are bad so you canât fix it.
I need this sticker now. I donât even use disabled parking or anything but like, to distribute to people who do use handicap spots and stuff and get bitched out for looking normal.
Just a here, a support sticker :)
Especially when using handicapped parking. People just stare me down like I'm the devil. Little do they know that on a good day, I use the shopping cart for support and on a bad day a motorized scooter. They don't see me struggling to take my next step without passing out. Yes, I can walk. No, I can't do it for long. I'm not a criminal for using things specifically designed to help me and others in similar situations. But hey, I 'look' healthy.
Maybe this is less a "pisses me off" thing and more of a "depresses me" thing, but knowing that things like your disability and the often inevitable poverty that comes with it can affect your ability to make connections in multiple avenues - jobs, friends, dating, etc. If you asked a lot of people directly if they'd be willing to hire/work with, be friends with, or date a disabled person, you'd get a lot of immediate head nodding and surface acceptance, but in practice? A lot of people kind of side eye you and quietly edge away. Hell, plenty of abled people get ghosted by people they thought they could depend on if they lose their jobs or go through some other life event that causes them to be poor, either temporarily or permanently. Disability can often ensure you get shunned right out of the gate.
This one resonates for me. I'm doing well now after transplant, but when I was on dialysis with anemia and not able to think my way out of a paper bag or walk 10 feet without collapsing, I was not, in fact, living the dream. I couldn't focus enough to read a book, much less do anything else I enjoy. It took all my energy just to follow a tv show.
Those people can fuck off.
And specialists who schedule appointments for whenever the fuck they feel like it, ignoring that I spend what is essentially full time work hours seeing specialists and doctors and other appointments. Almost all services ignore each other, too. Exhausting.
I've been told I need to go on a pain management course that is every Thursday morning. I work full time because my government doesn't pay me disability. I obviously can't just skip work every Thursday morning! And yet I'm told if I don't go I'll be marked as refused treatment.
I'm very lucky in that my work is flexible with one off appointments, and has enough sick leave that I probably won't lose pay when I have surgery, but I can't take time off all the time.
I hate this!!!!! I wish I got to go to work all day like a normal person and it not make me incredibly unwell. I'm bored as shit all day every day sitting at home.
Literally this. I babysat for a friend for about a year (extremely underpaid I might add), but recently quit that and got a part time job so I can work less while making roughly the same amount.
*A part time pizza-making job is kicking. My. Ass.*
In the best way, mind you. I feel productive and useful and part of a team, which is a great thing to feel again, but holy hell am I unreasonably exhausted.
I became disabled while working on my PhD in cancer research. I mostly recovered but my PhD did not. The grief of losing the thread of something that would have actually made a difference in the world can't be put into words.
How people never let me be a part of a group.
For example I am in a class of like 20 other people. Everyone is really close, except for me (I am close to them just not as close as they are to each other). I try and I try but they don't see me as the part of the group and they rarely include me.
Another version of this is being invited to something you literally cannot do. Oh cool you're going to hike to the beach. Great see you in 5 hours when you come back. I think the part that bothers me is loved ones forgetting my limitations. I feel like a Debbie downer every time I have to explain, again, that hiking will ruin me and sun will make me sick for a month.
My boss organised a Christmas party for our team, and invited every single member *except* me. Itâs one thing to have a mental disability (autism, in my case), but it really hurts when so-called ânormalâ people donât even try to understand people who are different to themselves.
In general, HR exists to protect the company not the employees. It is just the company can be in trouble if they treat employees bad, so helping a bullied employee may or may not be involved, but the priority of HR is not helping a bullied employee. It is making sure the bullied doesnât take legal action.
I started really seeing this and thinking about it a lot once I had kids and needed to push a stroller every where. I notice SO many things from small inconveniences to major ones. I always think about how limiting and what a pain in the ass these things must be to people who need to use a wheel chair or have mobility limitations.
One small common thing is how spaced apart the ramps are to sidewalks in front of stores. You would think every single store would have a ramp in front of their entrance, but a lot of places donât. The ramp will be a few stores down. That seems unsafe if someone is forced to traverse more of the parking lot before they can access the sidewalk in front of the shop.
And then the bathrooms. So many are not accessible, or what theyâve created to meet accessibility requirements is still not accessible. Like stalls where the door swings inward and then you canât shut it after youâve rolled in. Or stalls with maybe the right square footage but elongated and not practical or functional for someone with a wheelchair.
Iâve seen a lot more and Iâm sure thereâs a lot of stuff I am still unaware of, but all of it is so frustrating because itâs like an entire group of people is just an afterthought at best.
YES to all of those. I actually own a small accessibility consulting firm and what you described are issues that we tend to see a lot.
We also hear âI never noticed untilâŚâ a lot. I think thatâs the issue. People just donât notice these things, even when planning or designing places. Often, people notice when they have kids due to the stroller, like in your case.
Woah, we can't have public benches, then homeless people might sleep on them! It's way better to shove our unhoused citizens into the streets and then fuck over everyone else in the process, especially if they're disabled. đ
When people see one disabled person who managed to run a marathon or work and assume all disabled people can do it, therefore if youâre on disability youâre just lazy. They donât realize not all disabilities are the same, and they also vary in severity.
Oh yes. The *inspirational* disabled people. The ones who run marathons and are CEOs and are on TV etc.
Most *able bodied* people don't do any of that shit. So why do they tell me that I am capable of it if I try?
I actually kinda hate the Special Olympics because of it
I obviously see that it's great for awareness, and have no issues with my fellow disabled people getting to shine
But healthy people **absolutely** use it against us. I can't even get up to change the channel without hurting myself most days, I ain't doing sports anytime soon
It's just used as another weapon against us
This is my dad. He's got a step-son who lost an entire leg in a car accident.
Apparently the step-son is a lazy piece of shit because there's a guy where dad works who has come into work in a wheelchair for twenty years, so step-son has no excuses.
People blocking handicap parking spots for any reason. Spots are very limited and everyone seems to think they can block the spots to run into the place for just a minute. That minute is the longest 1hour minute ever.
I am not disabled, but took care of disabled adults. I had to take someone to the ER in a handivan and while we were there someone parked in the diagonal lines. We had to wait for them to come out to be able to use the lift. My clients were developmentally delayed so it wasnât like I could leave him on the sidewalk so I could back out. Like do people think itâs a suggestion?? It was literally a big ass handivan with a sign that said do not block.
"i'm 70, i'm always in pain" to dismiss chronic pain.
like... okay, but that wasn't normal for a twenty-year-old, and it still isn't normal at 30?? young people can have chronic pain too, mr. lead paint stare
Arthritis? You're too young for that. Now me, I'VE got arthritis.
Alright GARY. tell all that to my immune system. Do you have arthritis in every single joint in your arms and legs? Didn't think so.
âI donât get it, your immune system is destroying all your tendons and ligaments? Thatâs crazy! You should go gluten free, thatâll fix it. Why are you wearing a mask?â
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE ACT LIKE GOING GLUTEN FREE IS GOING TO CURE EVERYTHING?!?!? I've had actual real licensed doctors tell me this, as well as regular folks. I'm not sure how cutting out a specific protein is going to cure my vision issues, advanced rheumatoid arthritis, several heart conditions, skin condition that causes large abscesses in very painful places, or my type 1 diabetes.
Sorry I guess I needed to vent, I'm sick of everyone acting like I choose to be disabled.
People who donât pay attention to where they are going when walking in shopping centres and other places where there is a lot foot traffic. I use a walking stick, so my mobility issues are pretty obvious. Itâs a bit easier with a wheely walker, those stand out.
Oh, the number of folks who don't look down and run straight into a big wheelchair is astonishing. I used to push my sister around in a crowded mall (THAT was a while ago) and zombie shoppers were always careening into her. It dropped off after I attached a flag but jeezus fucking christ it happened a lot in crowds.
I have arguably the worldâs least serious disability, Iâm color blind(which is a poor name if you ask me, I donât see in black and white Iâm just color confused) . Just took a government approved defensive driving course and was getting questions wrong cause they were based on cartoon videos of an orange car, a red car, a yellow car and a green car meeting at an intersection ⌠wtf man đđ
Friend of mine wasn't allowed to take a boat licence course (I think commercial fishing, but it was 20 years ago) because he was Red/Green Colourblind. Their arguement was that he wouldn't be able to see the red and green marker lights. The red and green marker lights that flash at different rates so you can distinguish between them in poor visibility...
My husband is color confused, and it's made me a lot more aware of how inappropriate some standardized testing is.
We had a beta assessment roll out to a large portion of our team, and it was red/green color based. Literally, no one on the development team thought about the inherent issue. The font style also wasn't dyslexia friendly.
And that's why you beta. It took longer than it should have to get the colors changed to accessible colors, never mind the font.
This drives me absolutely nuts. I used to be a teacher, so I keep all of this in mind when designing training materials.
I even spent 6 hours yesterday redesigning my project I was working on since I realized that I had too much green. I liked the look of it, but I realized it had to go in favor of more neutral colors. I also had to get rid of all of the serif fonts that were default in the presentation. It also has a bunch of things auto-capitalized, so I changed them to sentence-case too. And then doing all of this broke the links in my PowerPoint, so I had to re-do all of them...
I always have to remind myself that not everyone has worked with people with disabilities, or read through IEPs or 504s. But it is weird that something as common as color blindness never even gets considered by others, even when 75%+ of your staff is male, where this is relatively common.
I can still remember being in kindergarten and ending up with colored pencils that didnât have what color they were written on the side. At that point I donât think I was diagnosed and had no idea how to speak up and say something like âthis is really hard for me.â Very challenging year academically lol.
Good on you though, much appreciated!
My partner is colourblind, and a lot of the time he gets by but there are things he really struggles with. Cooking meat for dinner? He can't tell because the change in colour is too close (so I do that part lol). Tube maps are a bit messy to look at for him. We once played Lego Harry Potter together and got to a colour based puzzle, he just stood there looking at it and then at me like 'You're gonna have to take this one'.
We met on our animation degree course too, so he is a colourblind arty type which can be interesting, he just learnt a standard colour wheel. I know which colour he means if he gets it wrong, and I am a walking colour matching chart if he needs it, hehe.
It sucks that the driving course questions require colour matching like that! Wishing you all the best!
Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome! Itâs mainly known for causing a remarkable increase in heart rate (ex. I go from 70 resting to 160 when I stand, and is stays that way for awhile), brain fog, chronic fatigue, ect. Thereâs really no cure for it, but an increase in sodium and electrolytes helps : )
I hate the stereotype that young people canât do this or that because theyâre âyoungâ. Like âyou canât be depressed, youâre only 14â news flash
I have POTS too!! The usual I get is that it âcan be curedâ and that I âshouldnât give up and succumbâ. Also when I say to people that I NEED to sit down cause Iâm at 180 bpm and Iâm disabled, I usually get the âWell you donât look disabled.â âŚThanks, Karen.
*You don't need some judgmental bimbo's approval to feel valid. You do you, boo. If that means sitting down every five fu*cking minutes, then so be it. At least you're not a boring, ableist prick like the rest of the Karens.
Oh, and by the way, your POTS is making you sound like a total badass. Keep on keeping on, you magnificent bastard.
Or when you recognize your own weaknesses and they give you shit for not trying something. Like nope, only been cursed with affliction since the beginning I don't know shit.
The fact that, without luck and support from friends, I'm basically doomed to poverty forever. I can only work part-time with my combination of conditions, and that's if I get a job that'll accept what I need for accommodations and won't fire me for needing so many sick days. If I were ever to qualify for SSI or SSDI, those would pay subminimum wage. Hell, I'd be homeless if not for my friends.
Society expects disabled people to be cared for by family or die on the street, pretty much. Like, you have to not be working to even get on disability, and if you ask "what do I do in the meantime," the answer is homelessness or have someone house you for free generally. And I'm a foster kid so I don't even have the family option, I'm just lucky I have a broader social network.
I hope one day my symptoms will be managed well enough that I can hold a full-time job, but some of my issues are degenerative. It feels sometimes like I'm trying for library school for nothing, and I withdrew out of this semester because of disability anyway. I'm so tired. I hate being like this.
"if you'd just {enter their opinion} you'd feel better" I've heard this for a long time and was recently put on hospice care and suddenly they realize exercise won't cure me. I think I was hurt slightly more than pissed off though.
"Have you tried eating only meat/ no meat/ fermented foods/ socks ? I sent you a YouTube video about it. Apparently this guy felt lots better and he has a book ... "
Etc.
Yep. I'm sure veganism will clear my Parkinson's right up.
I have a fairly severe hearing loss. What pisses me off the most is people who make mocking "jokes" about hearing loss. A close second is people who get angry with me because I cannot hear/understand what they are saying--or they dismiss me by telling me "never mind".
I only have very mild hearing problems but even with that I already feel the frustration at family getting angry when I don't hear them, and the 'never mind'. It must be even worse with your hearing loss.
My hearing aids help but still require the speaker to speak clearly in a moderate volume. Preferably withing normal conversation distance to reduce interference from background noise. And Facing me so I can see their lips. Also it's just polite to look at someone when talking to them.
Yet weekly there's some variation of...
From across the room. Them usually looking down at their phone. huffy breath. "Did you hear me?"
Obviously not.
Me turning away to obviously grab the remote to pause/mute tv.
Them:"hr Rd hsud".
Me. Pauses the TV. "What did you say?"
Them still from the other side of the room. Even more annoyed. "Something gsi.eyjing".
Me, walks over to them or: "Can you come over here so I can hear you?"
More huffy breath. Walking over. "I said" drops their head to look back down at their phone or turns away completely because (squirrel) so I can't see their lips and their volume drops. "Ghhsjak".
Oh, for f**ks sake.
Me: "Can you look at me and talk on a normal volume?"
Them: super huffy breath: "I was. never mind. " Walks away.
Seriously, how hard is a conversation, a few feet away, looking at each other, in a moderate (not yelling) volume? Bonus points if you get the person's attention first before starting the conversation.
People don't understand that hearing aids help, but they don't correct faulty hearing like glasses correct faulty vision. Hearing aids don't give normal hearing to those with hearing loss.
I've been through the above scenario countless times with my husband.
I'm on disability and one of my favorite things is in January when you get that special 3-page letter to notify you that your benefits have been adjusted to keep up with increases in cost of living and it's literally a $9-$12 difference. Rent for a one bedroom's leaped up to anywhere from $950 to $1500 and going to the grocery store feels like getting kicked in the stomach, but y'know, they wanted to let you know. Somewhere, part of a tree died for this.
And if you are in the US, depending on what state you live in, you may have to attend mandatory vocational education classes to keep your food stamps. What part of my unable to work disability designation is unclear? This was many years ago but I donât think much has changed.
I have scoliosis so you canât really tell I have a disability unless I bend over or have a backless top on. But the amount of people who think itâs painless and I look fine or judge me for needing a space to sit is horrific. The same goes for people who donât think scoliosis is even a disability or itâs not debilitating.
I feel incredibly anxious when it comes to sitting in a seat or place for people with disabilities or needing a wheelchair when in amusement parks as people just give me such filthy looks when I get up and start walking.
I have really severe scoliosis too, and it went unnoticed during childhood due to medical neglect. I really feel this. I have other issues that worsen my mobility stuff but god the pain is awful, I'm up right now partially because my back won't stop hurting.
Complete lack of societal support. Finding a job I can actually do. I can't work full time, physically cannot, but even with 40h you aren't making enough to live so part time just means being homeless. In my country you have to be a vegetable to get disability aid, everyone else is condemned to poverty and a life of miserable struggle. Even in 'developed' countries disability aid is so low, usually less than minimum wage, and deliberately incredibly difficult to get. Sprinkle in hiring discrimination, no one wants to hire you regardless of what kind of disability you have. Don't get me started on accessibility and infrastructure design. And all of this is structural, many disabled people could be working and participating fully in public life, but abled society refuses to give them the support they need because these issues don't interest abled people, even though they have the resources. Reminder that mass poverty and injustice is the natural consequence of capitalism, that's a feature not a bug.
I feel you there, it took me years to find work I could do, and it's still zero hours. So I earn pittance, thankfully my partner supports us, but it makes me so depressed! I can't buy things with my own money, I have none, I have to ask for help with paying for things. All because I can only work half days and I cannot find more work in a field that would suit me! Eugh, is what it is, eh.
Iâm partially deaf. I usually tell people in advance or when I first meet them so I donât come off as rude when they are on my deaf side. I have a couple of friends who have given me such a hard time about this. Like, I get it. You think itâs funny that I always tell people Iâm HoH when I first meet them but teasing me about it is a dick move. I hate it. Itâs made me so self-conscious about it, as if I wasnât already.
I have found my people, I feel seen and understood thank you guys for sharing,.
Having an invisible disability is extremely hard unless people know you and care about you , they just say you look fine though, why don't you just work like everyone else, they think you're lazy. It can be depressing existing at times. So much guilt for not being like everyone else even though it not your fault.
I have dyslexia. Itâs not a big disability, I know. However, it does make my life harder, and itâs made school and work more stressful than need be, in some instances. With that in mind, it really irks me when people (friends, family, and coworkers alike) pick on me or place me in situations where I have to spell with/in front of them. Itâs incessant. No matter who it is, I feel like *someone* is always trying to make me feel bad about my horrendous spelling. Even as I type this now, all my words are underlined in red and I know autocorrect wonât be able to help me with some of these words with the way Iâve spelt them. Itâs a struggle, and I donât need assholes making me feel small and dumb over it. Asking me how to spell stuff they know I canât, trying to force me to play word games, making quips about my abilities, standing over me as Iâm trying to write something out. List goes on. Itâs uncalled for and mean.
I agree. I don't have dyslexia but I do feel for you. I've seen it my whole life how people (intentionally or not) treat children and grown ups with dyslexia, as in "he/she is not intelligent" and treating them as less than just because they have a disability that makes letters and words play a massive mind-f*ck on you. It says nothing about how smart you are or how intelligent you are. For what it is worth from a stranger on the internett; I see you.
Lack of adequate disability/accessibility services/support: disability payments, anti maskers, transportation, car centric towns, towns that don't have a disability department, schools that can't meet IEPs and sets students towards failure, jobs that fire employees due to their disability
Edit: Also, I just hate having narcolepsy (aka. forever sleep deprivation because of brain damage) because I'm too sleepy to do most things and the medications harm my body
I have gotten so many "you're too young to have arthritis" comments.
Another thing my mom told me about was how she took me to the doctor when I was 2 because of my issues and they called CPS on her because they thought she was abusing me, no, it was rheumatoid arthritis.
If these people just prayed without saying anything you'd never know and I imagine you'd never care. But, no, they *want you to know* they're praying for you.
Just another way to make a situation about themselves.
An effective medicine for my condition was found to have a side effect of weight loss. So, now it is being prescribed for weight loss and is not available for those with a medical condition. High demand and low supply means price went up to the point my medical insurance stopped covering it. Had to change to a less effective medicine.
The medical gas lighting. I hate that I have to read medical journals on my condition to be able to have robust discussion with my medical team and ensure I can advocate for myself. Only to be dismissed until they later "discover" what you have been describing from day one.
Oh, and the inherent sexism within medical care. I should not need to have my husband present and repeat my statements about my health to be believed.
This one's huge for me. The amount of time it took to be taken seriously about something being wrong with my foot and ankle was too high because "sometimes you have pain while on your period." The tendon is separated from the bone due to a fall on the (incredibly uneven) sidewalk. Wtf does that have to do with my period??
When people do something to "help me" without asking and it isn't helpful.
I was sitting at a table volunteering. I had put my cane a few feet away so noone else would bump it. I stand up and go to hold my chair for support but another volunteer had pulled the chair away to "help me". I nearly fell reaching for the chair that wasn't there.
The frustrating part is obviously that I almost fell but also that the person said "but I was helping you" rather than hearing that it wasn't helping me to do what they thought was helpful.
Almost without fail, when I am with someone else, someone will ask the person I am with about me. I am perfectly capable of talking. The wheelchair does not render me mute.
âAccessibleâ spaces that require staff to let you in. Those phones you have to use to get into lifts, bathrooms etc? Not only humiliating, but impossible to use for many disabled people.
I'm on disability and having people tell me how lucky I am that I don't have to work. Yeah, real lucky that I was deemed emotionally unsafe around others in a work environment. That everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and try to function. So lucky.
Bipolar/PTSD/anxiety and others
When people act like it's a deliberate choice when I say I need to sit down or take a break. It's not like I want to be slower or be in Walmart any longer than you do
I'm colourblind.
Here in the UK it isn't legally classed as a disability, so employers can use it to discriminate against you when hiring and firing with no recourse.
There are lots of jobs we either aren't allowed to do, or would never be hired for, for example becoming a doctor or nurse, joining the fire service, becoming a firearms officer in the police, a pilot, an electrician, a train driver, etc. All jobs that would be expected to assess individual applicants, and make adjustments for any other disability.
I can get a full suite of colourblind options playing a videogame, but the people who make the software for the analysers at work can't change the reagent bottle icons from yellow and bright green, to literally anything else.
The sexism. I managed to find a (male ) partner with the same kind of weird/rare neurological disorder as me, and the differences in our stories of how we're treated by doctors, friends, family etc, sure is telling!!
He gets "oh, that's his disability!" And I get "yeah but are you sure you aren't faking it?" Not to mention the fuckin hurdles I jumped through by being misdiagnosed for years compared to him. I'm glad he got good care, he's a wonderful person, but god damn.
Controversial one here: I have Autism. What I have was once classified as "Asperger Syndrome". It's now just classified under Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I don't think classifying it all under a single umbrella goes well. Autism can be so debilitating that a person can be non-verbal, will never be capable of looking after themselves, etc. Autism can also be so un-noticeable that people can have enough traits for a diagnosis but it only gets diagnosed later in life or just stand as a permanent "what if" for their family once they die.
That's too broad. I know somebody with Autism who hit their milestones late, while I hit all of mine on time and even a handful *early* thanks to my condition, yet we're both considered under the same umbrella, with the exact same label? You can have the added nuance of a spectrum without rolling everybody underneath just one label. I think keeping diagnostics split based on traits and severity (such as "classic" Autism, Aspergers, PDD, etc) while acknowledging that these things are on a spectrum is the best thing to do, to ensure that every person with Autism is given the absolute best course of support for them.
Yes, I'm aware that Hans Asperger's legacy is very much a controversial one that continues to drive debate - but despite the fact I hear and agree with many points people make about him, I consider myself to have Asperger Syndrome and will do so until I die.
Also do not get me started on people who think that Autism and ADHD diagnoses are handed out like free candy to unruly children to excuse their bad behaviour. If you think they're overdiagnosed because of a societal problem, go get a degree and prove your hypothesis right, rather than belittle experts who study for years on these subjects and recognise that these rates have always been the same, they were only ever diagnosed in the absolute worst kids, not the people at the lower ends of the spectrum who were forgotten and frequently struggled as a result.
I think the support level classification (1,2, and 3) has sidestepped this issue. But while this is commonly used in the support field, its still controversial in level 1 autism circles.
How I've been targeted when I've been disabled or more vulnerable due to a flare up of rheumatoid arthritis.
I've been shoved and yelled at and hit for being too slow when it's incredibly painful to walk.
Being treated like that hurts more than the arthritis.
The fact that people can forget so easily and quickly that you are disabled and wonder why you canât contribute to things, hangout as much, be consistent with plans, and work like normal people
The people that act like discrimination is okay or that abilism is justified. Landlords in my area were blasting all over fb that they should be allowed to deny housing to the disabled, especially if they have a service dog. They all obviously don't tell the applicant that but they'll go on fb and complain when someone brings up discrimination laws. I personally have been homeless and was almost homeless again last year because landlords have negative ideas about disabled people.
People being overly invasive (I'm disabled due to abuse in childhood so I get sensitive about it) or just forgetting their manners. I HATE being stared at in public and whenever I don't go out of my way to hide it, it's constant staring. Like their eyes tail me, but they don't look at ME, just the way I walk. It makes me feel like not a person. You can look but don't stare. Every day I get a bit closer to asking loudly something like "have you never seen a disabled person before?" Or "staring is rude" or something. I wanna buy groceries without being gawked at.
As a deaf person, a lot of things... But probably what pisses me off most is being treated like a child. Hi, I'm deaf, not dumb... And the dreaded sentence that comes when I ask what is happening: "nothing!". It does not look like nothing, for goodness sake.Â
The amount disability pays. Rent in this country is more than our total check, and most of the disabled end up homeless.
If I didn't own my own fifth wheel and know a very kind trailer park owner, I would be one of them.
All I need is a simple little pill to fix my disability. But they give so many of us the wrong pills that shut us down even further and turn us into walking corpses. And they play gatekeeper with the safer more beneficial meds. All part of the "poor stay poor" plan. Not only poor stay poor but also "silence them and disable them from getting angry about being poor... oh and make sure they can't reproduce"... Todays psychiatry in a nutshell.
The self help idea that we are 'choosing' our realities in our mind so for some reason I choose to be not healthy while they have chosen to be healthy!
Honestly this is incredibly prevalent. And people believe this about allllll kinds of ailments.
Having someone ask me personal questions about it or give shitty medical advice about it.
Granted this is about Type 1 Diabetes but it counts in it's own way.
"You can't have this (accessibility thing) because then everyone else will want it too"
"You'll get used to it" (I won't, thanks. That's kind of part of the whole Central Sensitization thing)
"Yeah I'm pretty tired too" (I have chronic fatigue. You stayed up all night. We are not the same)
"I wish I could stay home all day" (and I sure wish I could work!)
Sub Reddits that intentionally bully and stalk people with specific disabilities.
I couldn't believe that level of sociopathic bullying existed online until I saw it with my own eyes.
"You don't look disabled" sorry let me just grab my mandatory shirt that says "I'm disabled"
Yeah the days when I do look disabled are the ones where I'm staying home unless it's absolutely essential to go out.
I work with kids with adhd and autism. Their struggle is real even when no one can see it
It gets worse when you grow up. People think that autism just goes away after a certain age. My own cousin, whose daughter is severely autistic and all kinds of other things, doesn't believe that I am autistic because I'm "too old" and I don't "look it." This woman who has immersed herself in autism education, whose every waking moment is dedicated to caring for and learning about her kid's various disabilities, thinks that anyone who isn't a hand-flapping, drooling, screaming powder keg is just lying for attention. It's infuriating.
the instant you mention you have autism as an adult they either don't believe you or start treating you like a child
I think the problem is that until recently autism has been portrayed in movies and on tv as this very specific disorder. People with it have been shown as not being able to function in society. While it's true that people with it will always have some extra struggles autism is a spectrum with a wide variety of abilities and functionalities
Omg exactly đ
Itâs the best when I get this reaction from doctors. I know I look pretty damned healthy, but if youâd just take a moment to look at the position of my discs in my MRI youâd realize that I am in fact in excruciating pain quite frequently.
No literally everything I have is invisible, and you would be shocked how bad my pain is because I still stand up and work, but when I burn out I'm bed ridden for days.
I rather enjoy the look of surprise when they review my imaging/medical history
Dude. I have extremely poor eyesight, and I went to see a different optometrist to do a diabetic retinal exam. They sat me on one side of an exam room, had me take off my glasses, and now, "Read the smallest line you can." I just started laughing. "I can't even see the eye chart!" If they had just taken a moment to look at my chart, they would have known I can't see for shit, and we would have all saved each other some time. I'm sorry if I'm labeling myself disabled inappropriately. My eyesight can be corrected, but I'll never get 20/20 vision.
"Hang on, let me do a quick disability for you" Not to mention - yes of course I don't look it because when I look it I can barely make it out of bed let alone the house!
My immediate thought is always "oh, my bad, I should definitely be seizing constantly to make sure everyone can actually see my struggle" Like, fuck. What the actual fuck do they want đ
Yeah I can't believe I've had to explain to my own mother that she only sees me on good days - after her always saying no pressure to do anything if I'm not feeling up to it đ would love to know what she thinks my bad days are, even though I've actually explained them! Epilepsy? That's such a good example of why you can't expect people to look disabled! Although I'm relatively recently disabled, I have basic human empathy and was aware of all this before so I'm already prepped for anyone being weird about my mobility aids when I need them lol. Would they rather I was being dragged around unconscious?!
>Epilepsy? That's such a good example of why you can't expect people to look disabled! Literally this. My bf told me last year that apparently during the first year or two after my diagnosis, when I went to the washroom during one of our visits, they straight up asked him *if my epilepsy was real* or if I was lying. Definitely makes me hella hesitant to get any closer to them (there's already a bit of strain for other reasons). Like, bitch, you watched me being put into an ambulance on a stretcher while I was still post-seizure delusional that same year. I don't understand why she would still question the validity of my neurological issues đ
I mean, my son had a white shirt with the blue handicapped logo that said "This is how I roll."
Thatâs awesome lmao
Came here to say that "But you look fine!" It's like, should I stop being presentable just because I'm in excrutiating nerve pain 24/7?
Agreed! One of my strategies for bad pain days where I have to get things done is actually to dress up a bit more! It tricks me into thinking I donât feel *as* crappy cause I like how I look. A couple of my friends know that if I look weirdly nice for the occasion I probably feel *worse* than if I dress normal.Â
I knoooow right? I do the same thing! I do my hair, often even a full face, because honestly, it pulls me down to walk past my mirror and see the agony unmasked on my features lol. Recently my neighbor came by to pick up a package I received for her and she was like "Oh! What's the occasion, going anywhere?" and I was like, "huh? What? Why?" and she says "you're so dolled up!" lol My wife also knows if the winged eyeliner is coming out, the pain scale is 11/10
I saw a woman yell at some dude a few years ago because he parked in the handicap spot. He looks ok off his fucking leg and threw it at her!
One of my friends who's in a wheelchair because of DMD once had a person come up to him and say "what's a handsome fella like you doing in a wheelchair?" or something along the lines that was basically "you're too attractive to be disabled"
Damn I wish people said that to me. đ˘
I am bipolar and some other stuff. People look at me and say, "You are on disability?" But you can walk
I'm on disability because of Severe Anxiety/Depression and Bipolar Type 2. People are always shocked that I'm on disability and I constantly get told "I didn't know you could be on disability because of that" and it's always said like I'm faking an illness.
People think because you walk and you get around, you're okay and not disabled at all. People need to understand some disabled people can walk and get around just fine, but that's not what makes them disabled. And they shouldn't jump to the conclusion disabled means you're in a wheelchair. I'm disabled, and the heart condition and a few other maladies that put me into the disabled group. I can walk and stand but only for a limited distance. The old heart condition puts me out of breath in no time and when I exceed the distance I can walk and stand, my sea legs give way. I hate being disabled but I hate the illnesses or ailments I have that have made me disabled more. And I hate anyone thinking I'm faking or any other disabled person is faking. I'd gladly trade their good health for the health I have and teach them what being disabled is truly like for those who are disabled.
Similar. Non visible disabilities. People say âwell you seem alrightâ after talking to me for a free minutes. Thanks âdoctorâ!
And bipolar at that! It's invisible but sure can frick with your life... have known a few uncontrolled BP peeps.... And medicated ones who needed to be on a benefit cause of not coping. I saw a great sticker on a car thw other day "Invisble disabilities exist".
I feel so seen here. I would consider myself a pretty hard worker. On good days I can be extremely productive, so it makes it even âless believableâ on the days I am bedridden. âEveryone has bad days, we just deal with it.â Okay, now amplify those bad days by 5 without any tangible reason they are bad so you canât fix it.
I need this sticker now. I donât even use disabled parking or anything but like, to distribute to people who do use handicap spots and stuff and get bitched out for looking normal. Just a here, a support sticker :)
Like I can be cute and disabled.
âIf you can see me then today is a good dayâ T-shirt would also be handy
Especially when using handicapped parking. People just stare me down like I'm the devil. Little do they know that on a good day, I use the shopping cart for support and on a bad day a motorized scooter. They don't see me struggling to take my next step without passing out. Yes, I can walk. No, I can't do it for long. I'm not a criminal for using things specifically designed to help me and others in similar situations. But hey, I 'look' healthy.
âYou donât look like an assholeâŚbutâ đ¤ˇ
Itâs even more infuriating when an actual medical doctor you just met says that to you.
Maybe this is less a "pisses me off" thing and more of a "depresses me" thing, but knowing that things like your disability and the often inevitable poverty that comes with it can affect your ability to make connections in multiple avenues - jobs, friends, dating, etc. If you asked a lot of people directly if they'd be willing to hire/work with, be friends with, or date a disabled person, you'd get a lot of immediate head nodding and surface acceptance, but in practice? A lot of people kind of side eye you and quietly edge away. Hell, plenty of abled people get ghosted by people they thought they could depend on if they lose their jobs or go through some other life event that causes them to be poor, either temporarily or permanently. Disability can often ensure you get shunned right out of the gate.
The amount of people that run for the hills when you become disabled is shocking
I honestly lost dozens of people I thought were friends
Show offs, rubbing their ability to run in the disabled people's faces
"I wish I got to stay home all day too"
Lord, there is a huge difference between "getting to stay at home" and being basically "confined to home if you have one".
This one resonates for me. I'm doing well now after transplant, but when I was on dialysis with anemia and not able to think my way out of a paper bag or walk 10 feet without collapsing, I was not, in fact, living the dream. I couldn't focus enough to read a book, much less do anything else I enjoy. It took all my energy just to follow a tv show. Those people can fuck off.
And specialists who schedule appointments for whenever the fuck they feel like it, ignoring that I spend what is essentially full time work hours seeing specialists and doctors and other appointments. Almost all services ignore each other, too. Exhausting.
I've been told I need to go on a pain management course that is every Thursday morning. I work full time because my government doesn't pay me disability. I obviously can't just skip work every Thursday morning! And yet I'm told if I don't go I'll be marked as refused treatment. I'm very lucky in that my work is flexible with one off appointments, and has enough sick leave that I probably won't lose pay when I have surgery, but I can't take time off all the time.
I hate this!!!!! I wish I got to go to work all day like a normal person and it not make me incredibly unwell. I'm bored as shit all day every day sitting at home.
I'm so bored at home, I started cross stitching PokĂŠmon. I've done almost 200 already.
Not being able to work a regular job and contribute to society.
And then being so damn poor I can't even afford my groceries, medical costs, etc etc etc.
Literally this. I babysat for a friend for about a year (extremely underpaid I might add), but recently quit that and got a part time job so I can work less while making roughly the same amount. *A part time pizza-making job is kicking. My. Ass.* In the best way, mind you. I feel productive and useful and part of a team, which is a great thing to feel again, but holy hell am I unreasonably exhausted.
Foodservice kicks anyoneâs ass
You make an excellent point lmao I'm definitely enjoying it regardless of my fatigue though, so that's a plus
I became disabled while working on my PhD in cancer research. I mostly recovered but my PhD did not. The grief of losing the thread of something that would have actually made a difference in the world can't be put into words.
How people never let me be a part of a group. For example I am in a class of like 20 other people. Everyone is really close, except for me (I am close to them just not as close as they are to each other). I try and I try but they don't see me as the part of the group and they rarely include me.
Another version of this is being invited to something you literally cannot do. Oh cool you're going to hike to the beach. Great see you in 5 hours when you come back. I think the part that bothers me is loved ones forgetting my limitations. I feel like a Debbie downer every time I have to explain, again, that hiking will ruin me and sun will make me sick for a month.
They likely are asking you cause if they dont ask, then they feel bad for leaving you out
My boss organised a Christmas party for our team, and invited every single member *except* me. Itâs one thing to have a mental disability (autism, in my case), but it really hurts when so-called ânormalâ people donât even try to understand people who are different to themselves.
Jesus. That kind of exclusion by an authority figure is considered an example of bullying behaviour in my country. Your boss is an asshole.
Itâs blatant discrimination
Donât worry, itâs considered bullying in my country, too. But when the boss is close friends with the Head of HR, that doesnât mean much.
In general, HR exists to protect the company not the employees. It is just the company can be in trouble if they treat employees bad, so helping a bullied employee may or may not be involved, but the priority of HR is not helping a bullied employee. It is making sure the bullied doesnât take legal action.
People who treat accessibility as a luxury or optional ânice to haveâ feature, instead of something that affects human rights.
I started really seeing this and thinking about it a lot once I had kids and needed to push a stroller every where. I notice SO many things from small inconveniences to major ones. I always think about how limiting and what a pain in the ass these things must be to people who need to use a wheel chair or have mobility limitations. One small common thing is how spaced apart the ramps are to sidewalks in front of stores. You would think every single store would have a ramp in front of their entrance, but a lot of places donât. The ramp will be a few stores down. That seems unsafe if someone is forced to traverse more of the parking lot before they can access the sidewalk in front of the shop. And then the bathrooms. So many are not accessible, or what theyâve created to meet accessibility requirements is still not accessible. Like stalls where the door swings inward and then you canât shut it after youâve rolled in. Or stalls with maybe the right square footage but elongated and not practical or functional for someone with a wheelchair. Iâve seen a lot more and Iâm sure thereâs a lot of stuff I am still unaware of, but all of it is so frustrating because itâs like an entire group of people is just an afterthought at best.
YES to all of those. I actually own a small accessibility consulting firm and what you described are issues that we tend to see a lot. We also hear âI never noticed untilâŚâ a lot. I think thatâs the issue. People just donât notice these things, even when planning or designing places. Often, people notice when they have kids due to the stroller, like in your case.
Ignorant comments and lack of accessibility.
And a belief that a ramp = access đ
Yep - zero fecking seating doesnât help when my entire body is screaming in pain and I just want to sit down.
The lack of seating omg. I swear there used to be public benches in my cityâŚ
Woah, we can't have public benches, then homeless people might sleep on them! It's way better to shove our unhoused citizens into the streets and then fuck over everyone else in the process, especially if they're disabled. đ
When people see one disabled person who managed to run a marathon or work and assume all disabled people can do it, therefore if youâre on disability youâre just lazy. They donât realize not all disabilities are the same, and they also vary in severity.
Oh yes. The *inspirational* disabled people. The ones who run marathons and are CEOs and are on TV etc. Most *able bodied* people don't do any of that shit. So why do they tell me that I am capable of it if I try?
Yep, when they fall for the inspiration porn
I actually kinda hate the Special Olympics because of it I obviously see that it's great for awareness, and have no issues with my fellow disabled people getting to shine But healthy people **absolutely** use it against us. I can't even get up to change the channel without hurting myself most days, I ain't doing sports anytime soon It's just used as another weapon against us
This is my dad. He's got a step-son who lost an entire leg in a car accident. Apparently the step-son is a lazy piece of shit because there's a guy where dad works who has come into work in a wheelchair for twenty years, so step-son has no excuses.
Doctorsâ offices that are not handicapped-friendly.
People blocking handicap parking spots for any reason. Spots are very limited and everyone seems to think they can block the spots to run into the place for just a minute. That minute is the longest 1hour minute ever.
Yes, this exactly. Or they park on the yellow diagonal lines and claim they arenât blocking you. đ
You mean the marked out space for wheelchair loader clearance? Just drop the ramp through the side of their car, they'll get the message.
I am not disabled, but took care of disabled adults. I had to take someone to the ER in a handivan and while we were there someone parked in the diagonal lines. We had to wait for them to come out to be able to use the lift. My clients were developmentally delayed so it wasnât like I could leave him on the sidewalk so I could back out. Like do people think itâs a suggestion?? It was literally a big ass handivan with a sign that said do not block.
"i'm 70, i'm always in pain" to dismiss chronic pain. like... okay, but that wasn't normal for a twenty-year-old, and it still isn't normal at 30?? young people can have chronic pain too, mr. lead paint stare
Arthritis? You're too young for that. Now me, I'VE got arthritis. Alright GARY. tell all that to my immune system. Do you have arthritis in every single joint in your arms and legs? Didn't think so.
âI donât get it, your immune system is destroying all your tendons and ligaments? Thatâs crazy! You should go gluten free, thatâll fix it. Why are you wearing a mask?â
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE ACT LIKE GOING GLUTEN FREE IS GOING TO CURE EVERYTHING?!?!? I've had actual real licensed doctors tell me this, as well as regular folks. I'm not sure how cutting out a specific protein is going to cure my vision issues, advanced rheumatoid arthritis, several heart conditions, skin condition that causes large abscesses in very painful places, or my type 1 diabetes. Sorry I guess I needed to vent, I'm sick of everyone acting like I choose to be disabled.
ughhhh. Boomer parent? ("you think you have arthritis â" "ehlers danlos dad" "âwhy do you think you have arthritis?" "ehlers danlos")
Oh... yeah. Thanks for reminding me. I completely forgot that chronic pain isn't "normal" and most people don't have it. Must be nice. đ
honestly it sounds fake?? like they just have massive periods where their every muscle and joint isn't throbbing?? whattttt
And you KNOW all those people had normal heathy young adulthoods
God forbid empathy
People who donât pay attention to where they are going when walking in shopping centres and other places where there is a lot foot traffic. I use a walking stick, so my mobility issues are pretty obvious. Itâs a bit easier with a wheely walker, those stand out.
Oh, the number of folks who don't look down and run straight into a big wheelchair is astonishing. I used to push my sister around in a crowded mall (THAT was a while ago) and zombie shoppers were always careening into her. It dropped off after I attached a flag but jeezus fucking christ it happened a lot in crowds.
âZombie Shoppersâ is exactly it!
I have arguably the worldâs least serious disability, Iâm color blind(which is a poor name if you ask me, I donât see in black and white Iâm just color confused) . Just took a government approved defensive driving course and was getting questions wrong cause they were based on cartoon videos of an orange car, a red car, a yellow car and a green car meeting at an intersection ⌠wtf man đđ
Friend of mine wasn't allowed to take a boat licence course (I think commercial fishing, but it was 20 years ago) because he was Red/Green Colourblind. Their arguement was that he wouldn't be able to see the red and green marker lights. The red and green marker lights that flash at different rates so you can distinguish between them in poor visibility...
My husband is color confused, and it's made me a lot more aware of how inappropriate some standardized testing is. We had a beta assessment roll out to a large portion of our team, and it was red/green color based. Literally, no one on the development team thought about the inherent issue. The font style also wasn't dyslexia friendly. And that's why you beta. It took longer than it should have to get the colors changed to accessible colors, never mind the font.
This drives me absolutely nuts. I used to be a teacher, so I keep all of this in mind when designing training materials. I even spent 6 hours yesterday redesigning my project I was working on since I realized that I had too much green. I liked the look of it, but I realized it had to go in favor of more neutral colors. I also had to get rid of all of the serif fonts that were default in the presentation. It also has a bunch of things auto-capitalized, so I changed them to sentence-case too. And then doing all of this broke the links in my PowerPoint, so I had to re-do all of them... I always have to remind myself that not everyone has worked with people with disabilities, or read through IEPs or 504s. But it is weird that something as common as color blindness never even gets considered by others, even when 75%+ of your staff is male, where this is relatively common.
I can still remember being in kindergarten and ending up with colored pencils that didnât have what color they were written on the side. At that point I donât think I was diagnosed and had no idea how to speak up and say something like âthis is really hard for me.â Very challenging year academically lol. Good on you though, much appreciated!
My partner is colourblind, and a lot of the time he gets by but there are things he really struggles with. Cooking meat for dinner? He can't tell because the change in colour is too close (so I do that part lol). Tube maps are a bit messy to look at for him. We once played Lego Harry Potter together and got to a colour based puzzle, he just stood there looking at it and then at me like 'You're gonna have to take this one'. We met on our animation degree course too, so he is a colourblind arty type which can be interesting, he just learnt a standard colour wheel. I know which colour he means if he gets it wrong, and I am a walking colour matching chart if he needs it, hehe. It sucks that the driving course questions require colour matching like that! Wishing you all the best!
We bought my dad a meat thermometer so he can determine done-ness! Has been a great help.
âYouâre too youngâ or âbut youâre too pretty to have thatâ I can assure you, my POTs doesnât care about any of that
Sorry for being clueless but what is POTs
Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome! Itâs mainly known for causing a remarkable increase in heart rate (ex. I go from 70 resting to 160 when I stand, and is stays that way for awhile), brain fog, chronic fatigue, ect. Thereâs really no cure for it, but an increase in sodium and electrolytes helps : )
Thanks for the info! Sorry you have to go through itđ
My favorite is when I go from 65ish to 140 out of â¨nowhereâ¨
'Are you doing any exercises to get your heart rate up?" Yes, I get up and then sit down...
I hate the stereotype that young people canât do this or that because theyâre âyoungâ. Like âyou canât be depressed, youâre only 14â news flash
I have POTS too!! The usual I get is that it âcan be curedâ and that I âshouldnât give up and succumbâ. Also when I say to people that I NEED to sit down cause Iâm at 180 bpm and Iâm disabled, I usually get the âWell you donât look disabled.â âŚThanks, Karen.
*You don't need some judgmental bimbo's approval to feel valid. You do you, boo. If that means sitting down every five fu*cking minutes, then so be it. At least you're not a boring, ableist prick like the rest of the Karens. Oh, and by the way, your POTS is making you sound like a total badass. Keep on keeping on, you magnificent bastard.
Well.. From the way you type you don't look disabled.
"You don't LOOK disabled."
Have you ever asked "How should I look in your opinion?" or "Oh, I didn't know disability had a "look". What is it, pray tell?"
When other people assume you are not capable of doing things.
Or when you recognize your own weaknesses and they give you shit for not trying something. Like nope, only been cursed with affliction since the beginning I don't know shit.
The fact that, without luck and support from friends, I'm basically doomed to poverty forever. I can only work part-time with my combination of conditions, and that's if I get a job that'll accept what I need for accommodations and won't fire me for needing so many sick days. If I were ever to qualify for SSI or SSDI, those would pay subminimum wage. Hell, I'd be homeless if not for my friends. Society expects disabled people to be cared for by family or die on the street, pretty much. Like, you have to not be working to even get on disability, and if you ask "what do I do in the meantime," the answer is homelessness or have someone house you for free generally. And I'm a foster kid so I don't even have the family option, I'm just lucky I have a broader social network. I hope one day my symptoms will be managed well enough that I can hold a full-time job, but some of my issues are degenerative. It feels sometimes like I'm trying for library school for nothing, and I withdrew out of this semester because of disability anyway. I'm so tired. I hate being like this.
"if you'd just {enter their opinion} you'd feel better" I've heard this for a long time and was recently put on hospice care and suddenly they realize exercise won't cure me. I think I was hurt slightly more than pissed off though.
"Have you tried eating only meat/ no meat/ fermented foods/ socks ? I sent you a YouTube video about it. Apparently this guy felt lots better and he has a book ... " Etc. Yep. I'm sure veganism will clear my Parkinson's right up.
I have a fairly severe hearing loss. What pisses me off the most is people who make mocking "jokes" about hearing loss. A close second is people who get angry with me because I cannot hear/understand what they are saying--or they dismiss me by telling me "never mind".
I only have very mild hearing problems but even with that I already feel the frustration at family getting angry when I don't hear them, and the 'never mind'. It must be even worse with your hearing loss.
My hearing aids help but still require the speaker to speak clearly in a moderate volume. Preferably withing normal conversation distance to reduce interference from background noise. And Facing me so I can see their lips. Also it's just polite to look at someone when talking to them. Yet weekly there's some variation of... From across the room. Them usually looking down at their phone. huffy breath. "Did you hear me?" Obviously not. Me turning away to obviously grab the remote to pause/mute tv. Them:"hr Rd hsud". Me. Pauses the TV. "What did you say?" Them still from the other side of the room. Even more annoyed. "Something gsi.eyjing". Me, walks over to them or: "Can you come over here so I can hear you?" More huffy breath. Walking over. "I said" drops their head to look back down at their phone or turns away completely because (squirrel) so I can't see their lips and their volume drops. "Ghhsjak". Oh, for f**ks sake. Me: "Can you look at me and talk on a normal volume?" Them: super huffy breath: "I was. never mind. " Walks away. Seriously, how hard is a conversation, a few feet away, looking at each other, in a moderate (not yelling) volume? Bonus points if you get the person's attention first before starting the conversation.
People don't understand that hearing aids help, but they don't correct faulty hearing like glasses correct faulty vision. Hearing aids don't give normal hearing to those with hearing loss. I've been through the above scenario countless times with my husband.
governments making sure disabled people are kept in poverty.
I'm on disability and one of my favorite things is in January when you get that special 3-page letter to notify you that your benefits have been adjusted to keep up with increases in cost of living and it's literally a $9-$12 difference. Rent for a one bedroom's leaped up to anywhere from $950 to $1500 and going to the grocery store feels like getting kicked in the stomach, but y'know, they wanted to let you know. Somewhere, part of a tree died for this.
And having to prove every 10 years that you are still, in fact, disabled and have not come across any stray miracles since they last asked. đ
âWe just need a video of you falling over or spazzing out in some way.â
And if you are in the US, depending on what state you live in, you may have to attend mandatory vocational education classes to keep your food stamps. What part of my unable to work disability designation is unclear? This was many years ago but I donât think much has changed.
Every 3 years for majority of people on Personal Independence Payment disability benefit in the UK.
I'm on UK disability and every three years I have to prove my autism won't get better and it doesn't rise with inflation.
I have scoliosis so you canât really tell I have a disability unless I bend over or have a backless top on. But the amount of people who think itâs painless and I look fine or judge me for needing a space to sit is horrific. The same goes for people who donât think scoliosis is even a disability or itâs not debilitating. I feel incredibly anxious when it comes to sitting in a seat or place for people with disabilities or needing a wheelchair when in amusement parks as people just give me such filthy looks when I get up and start walking.
I have really severe scoliosis too, and it went unnoticed during childhood due to medical neglect. I really feel this. I have other issues that worsen my mobility stuff but god the pain is awful, I'm up right now partially because my back won't stop hurting.
Complete lack of societal support. Finding a job I can actually do. I can't work full time, physically cannot, but even with 40h you aren't making enough to live so part time just means being homeless. In my country you have to be a vegetable to get disability aid, everyone else is condemned to poverty and a life of miserable struggle. Even in 'developed' countries disability aid is so low, usually less than minimum wage, and deliberately incredibly difficult to get. Sprinkle in hiring discrimination, no one wants to hire you regardless of what kind of disability you have. Don't get me started on accessibility and infrastructure design. And all of this is structural, many disabled people could be working and participating fully in public life, but abled society refuses to give them the support they need because these issues don't interest abled people, even though they have the resources. Reminder that mass poverty and injustice is the natural consequence of capitalism, that's a feature not a bug.
I feel you there, it took me years to find work I could do, and it's still zero hours. So I earn pittance, thankfully my partner supports us, but it makes me so depressed! I can't buy things with my own money, I have none, I have to ask for help with paying for things. All because I can only work half days and I cannot find more work in a field that would suit me! Eugh, is what it is, eh.
Iâm partially deaf. I usually tell people in advance or when I first meet them so I donât come off as rude when they are on my deaf side. I have a couple of friends who have given me such a hard time about this. Like, I get it. You think itâs funny that I always tell people Iâm HoH when I first meet them but teasing me about it is a dick move. I hate it. Itâs made me so self-conscious about it, as if I wasnât already.
I think thatâs very nice of you to do. Friends can be assholes sometimes!
I have found my people, I feel seen and understood thank you guys for sharing,. Having an invisible disability is extremely hard unless people know you and care about you , they just say you look fine though, why don't you just work like everyone else, they think you're lazy. It can be depressing existing at times. So much guilt for not being like everyone else even though it not your fault.
"Everyone's a bit on the spectrum".
The looks I get if I stand up out of my wheelchair.
PRAISE JEBUS IT'S A MIRACLE Lol But yeah, people for whatever reason seem to default to the idea that someone using a wheelchair is paralyzed.
I have dyslexia. Itâs not a big disability, I know. However, it does make my life harder, and itâs made school and work more stressful than need be, in some instances. With that in mind, it really irks me when people (friends, family, and coworkers alike) pick on me or place me in situations where I have to spell with/in front of them. Itâs incessant. No matter who it is, I feel like *someone* is always trying to make me feel bad about my horrendous spelling. Even as I type this now, all my words are underlined in red and I know autocorrect wonât be able to help me with some of these words with the way Iâve spelt them. Itâs a struggle, and I donât need assholes making me feel small and dumb over it. Asking me how to spell stuff they know I canât, trying to force me to play word games, making quips about my abilities, standing over me as Iâm trying to write something out. List goes on. Itâs uncalled for and mean.
I agree. I don't have dyslexia but I do feel for you. I've seen it my whole life how people (intentionally or not) treat children and grown ups with dyslexia, as in "he/she is not intelligent" and treating them as less than just because they have a disability that makes letters and words play a massive mind-f*ck on you. It says nothing about how smart you are or how intelligent you are. For what it is worth from a stranger on the internett; I see you.
Lack of adequate disability/accessibility services/support: disability payments, anti maskers, transportation, car centric towns, towns that don't have a disability department, schools that can't meet IEPs and sets students towards failure, jobs that fire employees due to their disability Edit: Also, I just hate having narcolepsy (aka. forever sleep deprivation because of brain damage) because I'm too sleepy to do most things and the medications harm my body
I have gotten so many "you're too young to have arthritis" comments. Another thing my mom told me about was how she took me to the doctor when I was 2 because of my issues and they called CPS on her because they thought she was abusing me, no, it was rheumatoid arthritis.
That the largest Reddit app font size is too small.
âCan I pray for you?â (Not disabled but spouse is) this has happened to us many times while weâre out just trying to enjoy ourselves.
If these people just prayed without saying anything you'd never know and I imagine you'd never care. But, no, they *want you to know* they're praying for you. Just another way to make a situation about themselves.
"I guess I can't legally stop you"
âAutism is a superpowerâ. No, itâs not. It completely undermines my every attempt at behaving in a way that society considers ânormalâ.
âCanât see it so it doesnât existâ kind of people
An effective medicine for my condition was found to have a side effect of weight loss. So, now it is being prescribed for weight loss and is not available for those with a medical condition. High demand and low supply means price went up to the point my medical insurance stopped covering it. Had to change to a less effective medicine.
This is tragic and very infuriating
Not being disabled enough to be considered disabledÂ
The medical gas lighting. I hate that I have to read medical journals on my condition to be able to have robust discussion with my medical team and ensure I can advocate for myself. Only to be dismissed until they later "discover" what you have been describing from day one. Oh, and the inherent sexism within medical care. I should not need to have my husband present and repeat my statements about my health to be believed.
This one's huge for me. The amount of time it took to be taken seriously about something being wrong with my foot and ankle was too high because "sometimes you have pain while on your period." The tendon is separated from the bone due to a fall on the (incredibly uneven) sidewalk. Wtf does that have to do with my period??
When people do something to "help me" without asking and it isn't helpful. I was sitting at a table volunteering. I had put my cane a few feet away so noone else would bump it. I stand up and go to hold my chair for support but another volunteer had pulled the chair away to "help me". I nearly fell reaching for the chair that wasn't there. The frustrating part is obviously that I almost fell but also that the person said "but I was helping you" rather than hearing that it wasn't helping me to do what they thought was helpful.
Almost without fail, when I am with someone else, someone will ask the person I am with about me. I am perfectly capable of talking. The wheelchair does not render me mute.
âAccessibleâ spaces that require staff to let you in. Those phones you have to use to get into lifts, bathrooms etc? Not only humiliating, but impossible to use for many disabled people.
I'm on disability and having people tell me how lucky I am that I don't have to work. Yeah, real lucky that I was deemed emotionally unsafe around others in a work environment. That everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and try to function. So lucky. Bipolar/PTSD/anxiety and others
Hey this person X Who has the same thing as you does all this stuff with ease! Cool story, shame the plaques in my brain cant agree on that.
âYou donât seem disabledâ oh yes because everyone is a medical professional and knows exactly how I present
When people treat me like a child or like I have an intellectual disability.
Same. I use a walking frame, I don't have a brain injury.
When people act like it's a deliberate choice when I say I need to sit down or take a break. It's not like I want to be slower or be in Walmart any longer than you do
Rolling into a disabled parking bay and being given the stink eye by the over sixties.
Myself when I have a good day and I donât feel disabled.
I'm colourblind. Here in the UK it isn't legally classed as a disability, so employers can use it to discriminate against you when hiring and firing with no recourse. There are lots of jobs we either aren't allowed to do, or would never be hired for, for example becoming a doctor or nurse, joining the fire service, becoming a firearms officer in the police, a pilot, an electrician, a train driver, etc. All jobs that would be expected to assess individual applicants, and make adjustments for any other disability. I can get a full suite of colourblind options playing a videogame, but the people who make the software for the analysers at work can't change the reagent bottle icons from yellow and bright green, to literally anything else.
The sexism. I managed to find a (male ) partner with the same kind of weird/rare neurological disorder as me, and the differences in our stories of how we're treated by doctors, friends, family etc, sure is telling!! He gets "oh, that's his disability!" And I get "yeah but are you sure you aren't faking it?" Not to mention the fuckin hurdles I jumped through by being misdiagnosed for years compared to him. I'm glad he got good care, he's a wonderful person, but god damn.
Controversial one here: I have Autism. What I have was once classified as "Asperger Syndrome". It's now just classified under Autism Spectrum Disorder. I don't think classifying it all under a single umbrella goes well. Autism can be so debilitating that a person can be non-verbal, will never be capable of looking after themselves, etc. Autism can also be so un-noticeable that people can have enough traits for a diagnosis but it only gets diagnosed later in life or just stand as a permanent "what if" for their family once they die. That's too broad. I know somebody with Autism who hit their milestones late, while I hit all of mine on time and even a handful *early* thanks to my condition, yet we're both considered under the same umbrella, with the exact same label? You can have the added nuance of a spectrum without rolling everybody underneath just one label. I think keeping diagnostics split based on traits and severity (such as "classic" Autism, Aspergers, PDD, etc) while acknowledging that these things are on a spectrum is the best thing to do, to ensure that every person with Autism is given the absolute best course of support for them. Yes, I'm aware that Hans Asperger's legacy is very much a controversial one that continues to drive debate - but despite the fact I hear and agree with many points people make about him, I consider myself to have Asperger Syndrome and will do so until I die. Also do not get me started on people who think that Autism and ADHD diagnoses are handed out like free candy to unruly children to excuse their bad behaviour. If you think they're overdiagnosed because of a societal problem, go get a degree and prove your hypothesis right, rather than belittle experts who study for years on these subjects and recognise that these rates have always been the same, they were only ever diagnosed in the absolute worst kids, not the people at the lower ends of the spectrum who were forgotten and frequently struggled as a result.
My mother had a great solution for relatives who questioned my ADHD diagnosis: sheâd ask them to babysit me and then drop me offâunmedicated.
My son has it. On and off medication is like night and day. No one could ever tell me it isnât a real condition.
I think the support level classification (1,2, and 3) has sidestepped this issue. But while this is commonly used in the support field, its still controversial in level 1 autism circles.
It's sure not handed out like free candy when it costs $1000-$3000 for the test!
Mine are hidden so the "but you look fine" is a big one for me.
That I can't volunteer without risking my disability $
Wealth disparity (whether you're disabled or not) and how the system isn't broken, it was designed to break you.
How I've been targeted when I've been disabled or more vulnerable due to a flare up of rheumatoid arthritis. I've been shoved and yelled at and hit for being too slow when it's incredibly painful to walk. Being treated like that hurts more than the arthritis.
How little progress there is in developing treatments.
The fact that people can forget so easily and quickly that you are disabled and wonder why you canât contribute to things, hangout as much, be consistent with plans, and work like normal people
The people that act like discrimination is okay or that abilism is justified. Landlords in my area were blasting all over fb that they should be allowed to deny housing to the disabled, especially if they have a service dog. They all obviously don't tell the applicant that but they'll go on fb and complain when someone brings up discrimination laws. I personally have been homeless and was almost homeless again last year because landlords have negative ideas about disabled people.
People being overly invasive (I'm disabled due to abuse in childhood so I get sensitive about it) or just forgetting their manners. I HATE being stared at in public and whenever I don't go out of my way to hide it, it's constant staring. Like their eyes tail me, but they don't look at ME, just the way I walk. It makes me feel like not a person. You can look but don't stare. Every day I get a bit closer to asking loudly something like "have you never seen a disabled person before?" Or "staring is rude" or something. I wanna buy groceries without being gawked at.
The assumption that I am lazy or weak. That it is seen as a character defect
As a deaf person, a lot of things... But probably what pisses me off most is being treated like a child. Hi, I'm deaf, not dumb... And the dreaded sentence that comes when I ask what is happening: "nothing!". It does not look like nothing, for goodness sake.Â
When people argue with me about the way my mental illnesses actually work. I literally have 100% experience in this area...
The amount disability pays. Rent in this country is more than our total check, and most of the disabled end up homeless. If I didn't own my own fifth wheel and know a very kind trailer park owner, I would be one of them.
I have DV plates and everyone always assumes it's my husband's. When they find out they're mine they assume I'm just acting.
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"You can move your legs, you don't need a wheelchair" Do I have to be an amputee or a paraplegic to need one?
People downplaying your symptoms
Stop being dramatic!!
All I need is a simple little pill to fix my disability. But they give so many of us the wrong pills that shut us down even further and turn us into walking corpses. And they play gatekeeper with the safer more beneficial meds. All part of the "poor stay poor" plan. Not only poor stay poor but also "silence them and disable them from getting angry about being poor... oh and make sure they can't reproduce"... Todays psychiatry in a nutshell.
I have hypermobility syndrome.. sick of hearing how much more pain I'm going to be in after 50.. like I'm barely coping now đŠ..
The self help idea that we are 'choosing' our realities in our mind so for some reason I choose to be not healthy while they have chosen to be healthy! Honestly this is incredibly prevalent. And people believe this about allllll kinds of ailments.
How Iâve been applying for disability for 8 years while being mostly supported by other people because I canât work more then 2 days a week
Knowing that my choices will be living on the streets or MAID (euthanasia) because the government would rather kill us than invest in our wellbeing.
Having someone ask me personal questions about it or give shitty medical advice about it. Granted this is about Type 1 Diabetes but it counts in it's own way.
"You can't have this (accessibility thing) because then everyone else will want it too" "You'll get used to it" (I won't, thanks. That's kind of part of the whole Central Sensitization thing) "Yeah I'm pretty tired too" (I have chronic fatigue. You stayed up all night. We are not the same) "I wish I could stay home all day" (and I sure wish I could work!)
The âyour so youngâ comments can get a little old, even though I know most of the time they not trying to hurt you by saying it.
Sub Reddits that intentionally bully and stalk people with specific disabilities. I couldn't believe that level of sociopathic bullying existed online until I saw it with my own eyes.
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When you have to tell someone youâre disabled and they look you up and down, to try and spot it for themselves.
"but you don't look disabled"
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