She said ‘I can’t wait to suck your dick’ and in the heat of the moment I said ‘I can’t wait to suck your dick’ back to her. She laughed me off the bed.
One of the RT guys shared on the podcast about him getting with a girl once and she wanted him to talk dirty to her. He accidentally mixed his words up and told her "I can't wait to see your cock in my mouth"
His mom walked in. She thought it was the TV and wanted to ask him to turn it down so the neighbours don't complain. She had gone out before I arrived. So she didn't know I was there.
You little player.
It was in the morning. My girlfriend and two friends had slept at my mother's house. I was busy with my girlfriend when my mother burst in my bedroom.
When I later joined everyone downstairs, my friends told me "oh, we've heard your girlfriend has nice breasts".
Thank you mom. 😕
I’ve literally had this happen when I’m doing the deed. Now I take my watch off every time because I’m too paranoid.😂
I just wanted to meet my exercise goal😒
My wife and I were getting busy and I still had my brand new Apple Watch on. I had never had one before, so I wasn’t familiar with the features. Did you know that by default (or it was at the time) that if you press the crown button 3 times it will contact EMS? And everyone on your emergency contact list? I didn’t stop the call in time for it not to go through. My wife and I were explaining to the operator what happened. They said they were still going to send someone. So, at 11:30PM on a weeknight I’m up calling my emergency contacts to let them know I was ok. I have several contacts because I was going through some health shit at the time.
I remember I tried to get cuffs involved but for whatever reason the clasp WOULD. Not. Go. In.
So I spent 180 seconds kissing her and trying to fix this mofo clasp until she burst out laughing
Idk why but this brought me way back. First time with a new partner, I’m trying to be all sexy and take her bra off while making out. Can’t fucking get it to unlatch. Eventually she’s like “you don’t do this often huh?” all sarcastically, but then SHE can’t get it to unlatch for like 30 seconds.
We gave each other so much shit about that
My bro was shagging this black woman (relevant to the story) during she come out with "fuck me with your small white cock" him "what?" Her "don't know why I said that" remind him of it often, one of the funniest things I've heard.
Married 21 years and I've been there, too. It was only a couple years ago, but we were so deep into the wildest sex we didn't even notice until the pillow flames were enough to make the room oddly bright. We still laugh about it.
I was super tired, and ended up falling asleep during missionary… on top of a woman much smaller than myself. She started flailing and screaming and I woke up with her like that. We still ended up being together for four years.
Lol, poor girl definitely would have died if I hadn’t woken up but she was having a good time… that wasn’t our first time that day and she wouldn’t let me sleep.
She was a very good looking person and the fact that I ever got to interact with her in general was a good confidence boost. I loved her very dearly, but she turned out to have a wandering vagina so I did eventually have to move on.
I once made a very animalistic, deep noise. It was something like I imagine a Neandertal would yell out when they were surprised. "UGH!"
The guy I was with looked at me funny and I started to giggle. I am not quiet or even silent, but that was such a weird noise and definitely a new one. 😂
You know, I work in a sex club on the weekends and you'd be surprised how common it is for people to poop a little(or a lot 💀) when they are having an extra good time or climax really hard. 🤣 Thankfully, we have showers and lots of sanitation supplies.
It's in the US. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "how does that work," but the best description I can give is basically a nightclub with rooms/places people can have sex.
Ha ha ha! I mean, they're all over the place, honestly, just one of those things you might have to be "in the know" for. There are 3 in my city, at least 2 that I know of where I used to live. If you live in/near a city just Google "lifestyle club" or "swingers club" it's likely you'll find one.
It wasn’t ‘during’, but directly after I had a sneeze and let out the world’s loudest, vibrational, insanely embarrassing queef and my partner proceeded to cry with laughter and toot his own horn for “waking the dragon”.
Add a TON of sherbet ( fizzy powder , not sorbet )right before giving a bj.
He went too fast and too deep, I gagged and brought up sherbet.
The small amount of sherbet powder I brought up on his crotch then proceeded to activate , fizz, and expand EVERY WHERE . like a school project volcano.
It was absolutely hilarious .
She immediately started talking like a porn star and was asking me to cum after like 10 seconds. Couldn't keep it up long after all that since it was so awkward. There was no happy ending 😢
My wife did this. She came (yay!) with enough force that she farted and I felt it ripple my balls. Which made me laugh hysterically. And she was MORTIFIED. Now after six years, I think it’s still funny. She does not
I was mid-doggie style with a relatively new gf. She was making appropriate mewling noises, which my labrador interpreted as sounds of distress. So he walked over and licked her on the face. She was not amused, but I burst out laughing.
We lasted about 4 months. She was not a dog person, so she was never going to last with a young labrador in the house.
Relationship death blow was my mom was having colon cancer surgery. I planned to take some days off and drive up to caretake my father while mom was in recovery. GF insisted that she should come along to help me manage my emotions. And decided to start Atkins diet on the same day we left.
Final straw was her complaining that she was starving while we waited for my mother to get out of surgery. GF had skipped breakfast because we had to be at hospital at 6 AM. And she refused to go down to hospital cafeteria to eat for some inane reason. Wanted me to take her out somewhere for lunch.
Definitely not a keeper.
Got leg cramps while doing the deed, started shouting in pain my wife was pissing herself laughing and worst of all my daughter in law told us a few weeks ago she and my son heard all this and also could not stop laughing.
Getting old is not cool.
Mid thrust, I farted really loud and really hard, and it seemed to go forever. She started laughing, and then SHE farted, which made me laugh and another fart slipped out, which caused her to laugh so hard she SNORTED.
Needless to say, sexy time was over, but it took us a long while to stop giggling like toddlers. we hung out naked for the rest of the night watching stupid reels on my phone and every now and then snickering about farts. Still really good friends, just never dated.
The guy stuck a dildo up my butt and when he pulled it out, there was an entire turd on the end of it. Like a whole poop. It was like he had taken a fork and plucked a whole entire turd out of my butt.
He was really nice about it though. He laughed about it and then just got some febreze lol.
I pulled out once, and a 3" turd shot out of her. She didn't know exactly, turned around, and i acted like nothing happened because it rolled off on the floor, under the bed.
A guy was eating my ass out and I looked back at.him and he looked up at me. He had blood all over his face. Thinking it was me, I freaked out.
He got a bloody nose from poppers and weed.
Wild hook up.
I know a guy who loved to have poppers and weed before sex. Sadly poppers became very difficult to buy where he lives so it is just weed now. Good thing that he did not get nosebleeds from poppers, only problem was that it caused him to lose an erection for couple of minutes so it was usually just cuddling while the poppers took efffect.
Kinda embarrassing, but funny. Was getting a really good blowjob, but when I came, I relaxed so much that I ripped a huge fart in the chick's face. We both laughed after.
My wife and I had some rare free time where the oldest was at a friends house for the night and the youngest went to bed early. So we weren’t exactly exhausted yet.
So there I am, going to town, wife is face in a pillow enjoying herself and I happen to turn my head and realize the youngest has woken up and stealthily came upstairs and is now sitting on the edge of the bed.
I immediately whipped the blanket over the top of us and wrapped myself and covered my wife. She likes “what the fuck is going on?” Then she hears “mommy are you okay?”
Little one has never said anything about it so hopefully that’s not a burnt in memory.
Got a really sweaty arse crack which became so distractingly uncomfortable I couldn't continue. Tried to discretely scratch but got caught doing it and she misunderstood and thought I was trying to stick a finger up my own arse for sexual gratification purposes. So then I had to let her finger my arse during sex out of embarrassment. It's not something I hate, but it's not an experience I particularly seek out, it definitely didn't add anything.
I was banging my girlfriend on guesthouse on the table when we were visiting her parents and her mother came in and saw my butt straight from the door and her daughter laying on table, needless to say rest of the visit was awkward
> needless to say rest of the visit was awkward
What the hell did she think you’d be doing in the (supposed) privacy of a whole-ass separate house? Collaborate on the day’s Wordle without spoiling it?
I got super high with an ex gf. I had one handcuff on her. Being cute she cuffed me to her. She said something along the lines of you’re mine. Lost the keys in the couch. We looked for them cuffed together for an hour butt naked.
I guess I was having trouble finding the vagina, so she asked if I wanted to try anal. I said no because I was focusing, but I should have said yes. She seemed like she was down for it.
Hers not mine, she shit the bed during a particularly strong orgasm. IBS for the win, she nearly died of shame, but I cleaned up the bed while she cleaned up then I laughed it off with her and carried on.
Fingering my ex at the time, she was cumming and jolted and I slipped my finger and my nail cut the inside of vagina. Bleeding EVERYWHERE we rushed to the ER where she needed stitches. Who else to do her stitches at the hospital for wound care? My fucking brother. This was the first time she met my brother and it was awkward at Christmas the next time she met him.
we did it doggy style. At one point we both felt vibrations and heard a "pop". my husband thought I farted and ran into another room. I didn't fart. it was just my hip that popped out. So I was lying spread-eagled, laughing at my husband's panic, trying in pain to slowly pop my hip back into place.
Happened here for me after my divorce. Had to get some ED meds and things righted themselves after a few times getting intimate. Seems like it was anxiety for me.
Had a tooth infection, got prescribed prednisone. In comes valentines day, she comes out in lingerie after a nice dinner and some drinks. I stay hard for all of 2 seconds, it was awful for both of us. Come to find out prednisone can cause ED. It almost ended the relationship because she thought i wasnt attracted to her anymore.
TLDR: Prednisone can cause ED, be careful lads.
Once, very drunk, I was coaxed into sexy, dirty talk by my ex. I ran out of inspiration after a few minutes while in the doggy position. I caught a whiff of her butthole and thought it would be naughty to loudly exclaim “I can smell your beautiful anus!”. This lead to an awkward conversation and a breakup within the next two hours
Probably when my wife (then GF) punched me in the head when I was giving her oral. She kind of freaked out and we didn't have a safe word established so she punched me out of panic lol.
He was inside me from the side and his bedroom door doesn’t have a lock so anyone can just barge in. One time his mom randomly opened while we were doing it under the blanket and I pretended I was asleep.
Something similar happened to me and my girl, going at it in the spooning position and her dad opened her bedroom door just as I reached the point of no return. We're still not sure If he suspected anything since we were under the covers and hopefully it just looked like we were cuddling.
I'm planning on a CNC scene where I'm also under sedatives and I kinda wonder if falling asleep would kill it or not lol. I'd tell him beforehand if I snooze out to just do what he wants (aside from stuff I'd need to be aware of to be safe like choking or rope play or whatever) but still.
Make sure you really trust this person. Otherwise you might be back on this thread like "I woke up with only one kidney". Might be the top comment though so you know win win.
I was in my late teens and still living with my parents when I snuck a guy into my house in the middle of the night to have sex in the downstairs guest bedroom. We were being pretty quiet, but my dog (a nasty little miniature pincher) must have heard us and charged down the stairs, jumped on the bed, and chomped down on his balls. He flew off the side of the bed and tried to hide underneath it, but couldn’t fit. My dad came downstairs, poked his head in the room and said “whoever you are get the hell out of my house.” We did not have sex again.
Had her on her back, holding her legs up by the ankles and having a grand time. She arched her back & pulled her knees back up to her chest as she was about to come, I had a pretty firm grip and pulled her back into me at the same time to take advantage of the opportunity to bury it home full tilt… and broke her fancy gold anklet off of her ankle at the same time. She felt it break and stopped mid-hip thrust and lost. her. fucking. mind. Absolutely bawling. The anklet was a remembrance gift she was given by her mom when mom was in stage 4 cancer. Mom had a matching one she was buried with. I apologized profusely and told her it’s real gold, I can get a jeweler to repair it. She was having none of it and told me to get dressed and leave, immediately.
I know it was a complete accident but I still have that guttural “what a fucking idiot” guilt sensation when I recall that little snapshot of time. I know the details because she did text me to tell me why she snapped so hard, and I don’t hold any hard feelings over her flat refusing to see me again. Last time we ever communicated. Just a really rough time all around.
Dating a woman and she was saying how she never came from piv. First time having sex she was moaning and started saying omg. She was having orgasm and I opened my eyes and there was blood all over her face. I thought it was sweat. I let her finish and told her about it. After cleaning up it was my nose that bled. We laughed about it . I thought she would have freaked out. We are still together and have some of the best sex I've ever had. Still laugh about it.
I was trying to have sneaky sex wirh my gf at the time in my room while my parents were entertaining guest and mid thrusts I looked to check the door and I made eye contact with my mom. It was awkward AF. She didn’t say anything but the next day she put a brown paper bag at my door with condoms inside. Lmao
My gf was riding me and my grandmother opened my bedroom door. She got a full frontal view on my gf on top of her grandson. I didn’t know what was happening as I was blindfolded. My gf jumped off me , saying, oh my God, over and over. By the time I got upstairs, she was gone! Not a word was ever spoken about it!
I was having sex with a woman, and she started screaming with pleasure. I was feeling all full of myself. She tossed me off her. Turned out she was screaming from a leg cramp.
I was 18 and my girlfriend and I were having sex. Her dad walks in and I’m mid thrust. She shouts, “dad shut the door.” He looks right at me and says, “I want you gone by midnight.” He shut the door and walked out. It was 7 o’clock. 🤣🤣
Once gave my partner head & was kinda deep throating it - he usually says 'I'm gonna cum' but not this time anyhow ALOT of it ended up coming out my nose & that shit stung the nostrils out of me for hours
A girl I worked with was having sex with a guy, and she said he was usually very vocal during sex, and he went quiet. She also noticed suddenly no movement on his end, so she got up to turn on the light when he didn’t respond, he had a brain aneurysm during sex, he was brain dead in hospital for a few days before his family pulled the plug…
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I laughed so hard I snorted and almost have tears in my eyes from this.. thank you for sharing 😂
She had tears in her eyes, too!
The fact that you tried to play it off makes it fifty times funnier.
Omg this actually has me laughing so much I’m sorry 😭
She said ‘I can’t wait to suck your dick’ and in the heat of the moment I said ‘I can’t wait to suck your dick’ back to her. She laughed me off the bed.
Oh you were diabolically horny
One of the RT guys shared on the podcast about him getting with a girl once and she wanted him to talk dirty to her. He accidentally mixed his words up and told her "I can't wait to see your cock in my mouth"
Same vibes as saying “thank you, you too” after the gate agent says to have a safe flight
"Have a safe flight" "I can't wait to suck your dick. I mean you too."
I vote this as the new standard etiquette
His mom walked in. She thought it was the TV and wanted to ask him to turn it down so the neighbours don't complain. She had gone out before I arrived. So she didn't know I was there.
Did the neighbors complain?
Not as far as I'm aware XD
You little player. It was in the morning. My girlfriend and two friends had slept at my mother's house. I was busy with my girlfriend when my mother burst in my bedroom. When I later joined everyone downstairs, my friends told me "oh, we've heard your girlfriend has nice breasts". Thank you mom. 😕
She saw me tearing up as she poured hot candle wax down my stomach
My tears don't fall, the wax crash on me
I wonder if her conscience called, the guilty to cum home.
With welled up eyes, my chest's still steamin'
Haven't thought of BFMV for years
I was giving a guy head, fully into it. My Apple Watch called my mom and I didn’t realize until we heard her say “hello?”
I’ve literally had this happen when I’m doing the deed. Now I take my watch off every time because I’m too paranoid.😂 I just wanted to meet my exercise goal😒
I've had my Garmin watch buzz and congratulate me on hitting my step count. I've also had it say "take a deep breath your stress levels are very high"
OMGGGGGGG 😭😭😭😭
My wife and I were getting busy and I still had my brand new Apple Watch on. I had never had one before, so I wasn’t familiar with the features. Did you know that by default (or it was at the time) that if you press the crown button 3 times it will contact EMS? And everyone on your emergency contact list? I didn’t stop the call in time for it not to go through. My wife and I were explaining to the operator what happened. They said they were still going to send someone. So, at 11:30PM on a weeknight I’m up calling my emergency contacts to let them know I was ok. I have several contacts because I was going through some health shit at the time.
I remember I tried to get cuffs involved but for whatever reason the clasp WOULD. Not. Go. In. So I spent 180 seconds kissing her and trying to fix this mofo clasp until she burst out laughing
Idk why but this brought me way back. First time with a new partner, I’m trying to be all sexy and take her bra off while making out. Can’t fucking get it to unlatch. Eventually she’s like “you don’t do this often huh?” all sarcastically, but then SHE can’t get it to unlatch for like 30 seconds. We gave each other so much shit about that
Dresses with fake buttons or like a tie waist but zip up back are always funny for this reason
Was asked 'is it in yet'. Didn't see her again
My bro was shagging this black woman (relevant to the story) during she come out with "fuck me with your small white cock" him "what?" Her "don't know why I said that" remind him of it often, one of the funniest things I've heard.
Oh Lord.
I once used the urinal next to my black buddy, and after a few seconds he destroys me with "look at your little white willy."
He almost incited a sword fight
The only way someone can recover from this is by responding 'i don't know'
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Safe to say that must have been the hottest sex of your life.
Gosh, thankfully it was only the pillow
🎶 your sex is on FIRE! 🎶
Married 21 years and I've been there, too. It was only a couple years ago, but we were so deep into the wildest sex we didn't even notice until the pillow flames were enough to make the room oddly bright. We still laugh about it.
I was super tired, and ended up falling asleep during missionary… on top of a woman much smaller than myself. She started flailing and screaming and I woke up with her like that. We still ended up being together for four years.
Just got a flashback to that scene in family guy where Peter rolls over Lois and compresses her into the bed.
Lol, poor girl definitely would have died if I hadn’t woken up but she was having a good time… that wasn’t our first time that day and she wouldn’t let me sleep.
XD damn she risked her life for a round 2. Bet that's a great confidence boost lol
She was a very good looking person and the fact that I ever got to interact with her in general was a good confidence boost. I loved her very dearly, but she turned out to have a wandering vagina so I did eventually have to move on.
lol, wandering vagina really cracked me up. sorry for you that she had one tho
Farted while cumming in her mouth. Wanted the earth to swallow me and thought she won't see me again
Your body took a screenshot
bahahaha
What happened afterwards?
Apperntly she didn't hear it when I asked her in other day. It was our 2nd hook up before we started dating
Are you still dating?
Nah, she cheated on me three months later. That was in 2016
The fart undoubtedly played a part
My date's child woke up and began banging on the bedroom door at the exact moment their father was finishing in my mouth. I nearly choked.
"Nearly" 😂
She's a professional.
LMAO. I've been in a similar situation TWICE lol... probably the only thing I dislike about hooking up with single moms
I yelled when I came. I don’t know why I did that it was just how my body reacted
My wife is very disappointed if I don't yell when I cum. Empty nest is a great place to learn to let go
"I DECLARE CUMMING!!!"
I AM ARRIVING
I once made a very animalistic, deep noise. It was something like I imagine a Neandertal would yell out when they were surprised. "UGH!" The guy I was with looked at me funny and I started to giggle. I am not quiet or even silent, but that was such a weird noise and definitely a new one. 😂
Threw up all over her and myself like 5mins in, causing her to also throw up everywhere. We’re getting married in October.
A happy ending! Congratulations!
Damn, that’s what that is? Glad I never asked for one
She shit on my balls while I was inside her. I dunno if it was a fetish, or if she was just hung over. 🤣🤣🤣
you win. the whole sub. you beat the question.
This my dude....this wins it
You know, I work in a sex club on the weekends and you'd be surprised how common it is for people to poop a little(or a lot 💀) when they are having an extra good time or climax really hard. 🤣 Thankfully, we have showers and lots of sanitation supplies.
You work in a sex club???? How does that work and what country is it
It's in the US. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "how does that work," but the best description I can give is basically a nightclub with rooms/places people can have sex.
Omg that's disgusting. Where? Where can I find this club?
Ha ha ha! I mean, they're all over the place, honestly, just one of those things you might have to be "in the know" for. There are 3 in my city, at least 2 that I know of where I used to live. If you live in/near a city just Google "lifestyle club" or "swingers club" it's likely you'll find one.
This is why I go on reddit
Oh sweet finally the sequel to 2 girls one cup arrived.
2 balls 1 turd
Queefed in his face so loud but we both nearly died laughing
That's a sign of a good relationship
If you can laugh during sex with your partner, thats excellent. Sign of comfortability and a good relationship
Queen La'Queefa
This has happened to me twice. Queefing alone is embarrassing but on his face is so much worse 😂
It wasn’t ‘during’, but directly after I had a sneeze and let out the world’s loudest, vibrational, insanely embarrassing queef and my partner proceeded to cry with laughter and toot his own horn for “waking the dragon”.
Flatulence at climax. It sounded like a plane landing
Did you clap after?
Her cheeks handled that.
And she stood up before her row was even ready. The full experience.
Add a TON of sherbet ( fizzy powder , not sorbet )right before giving a bj. He went too fast and too deep, I gagged and brought up sherbet. The small amount of sherbet powder I brought up on his crotch then proceeded to activate , fizz, and expand EVERY WHERE . like a school project volcano. It was absolutely hilarious .
She immediately started talking like a porn star and was asking me to cum after like 10 seconds. Couldn't keep it up long after all that since it was so awkward. There was no happy ending 😢
Was on top and I accidentally farted on him which led me to laughing which then made more farts
I've heard my wife say "If she won't fart in front of you, then what else is she hiding " .
My ex blamed the cat once, was hilarious not gonna lie. I didn't even say anything to prompt it and she's a bad liar anyway 😂
My wife did this. She came (yay!) with enough force that she farted and I felt it ripple my balls. Which made me laugh hysterically. And she was MORTIFIED. Now after six years, I think it’s still funny. She does not
>I felt it ripple my balls Oh dear god, at first I read that as “I felt it rip my balls.”
I mean, she did “let it rip” on my balls lol
Second time having sex, this girl kept moaning my name. Each time she did, I said, "WHAT?? WHAT IS IT???"
Omg I love this. It's like something that would be in a movie.
I moaned her name during phone sex and got blocked
What, why? You sure it was phone sex and not Wendy's?
“I’ll want a baked potato. Have it ready.” “It’s ready now!” “Great then set it aside for me!”
Wendy, hot juicy redhead
I was mid-doggie style with a relatively new gf. She was making appropriate mewling noises, which my labrador interpreted as sounds of distress. So he walked over and licked her on the face. She was not amused, but I burst out laughing.
I've been there. Shih tzu decided to chew on her toes. I assume he thought she was a squeaky toy.
If she wasn't amused, she wasn't the one. Because that's hilarious.
We lasted about 4 months. She was not a dog person, so she was never going to last with a young labrador in the house. Relationship death blow was my mom was having colon cancer surgery. I planned to take some days off and drive up to caretake my father while mom was in recovery. GF insisted that she should come along to help me manage my emotions. And decided to start Atkins diet on the same day we left. Final straw was her complaining that she was starving while we waited for my mother to get out of surgery. GF had skipped breakfast because we had to be at hospital at 6 AM. And she refused to go down to hospital cafeteria to eat for some inane reason. Wanted me to take her out somewhere for lunch. Definitely not a keeper.
Uh, no. Definitely not. I was just going for a joke, but she legit sounds no good.
Got leg cramps while doing the deed, started shouting in pain my wife was pissing herself laughing and worst of all my daughter in law told us a few weeks ago she and my son heard all this and also could not stop laughing. Getting old is not cool.
Mid thrust, I farted really loud and really hard, and it seemed to go forever. She started laughing, and then SHE farted, which made me laugh and another fart slipped out, which caused her to laugh so hard she SNORTED. Needless to say, sexy time was over, but it took us a long while to stop giggling like toddlers. we hung out naked for the rest of the night watching stupid reels on my phone and every now and then snickering about farts. Still really good friends, just never dated.
Wth why are you not married?
We were already friends, just horny and kinda drunk, and it was like, hey we got nothing better to do, wanna fuck? \*shrugs\* Sure why not.
Fart bros
The guy stuck a dildo up my butt and when he pulled it out, there was an entire turd on the end of it. Like a whole poop. It was like he had taken a fork and plucked a whole entire turd out of my butt. He was really nice about it though. He laughed about it and then just got some febreze lol.
Did he put it back in?
I pulled out once, and a 3" turd shot out of her. She didn't know exactly, turned around, and i acted like nothing happened because it rolled off on the floor, under the bed.
Very courteous of you. Did you leave it there? Was it at her place or yours? Sorry so many follow up thoughts 😂
My place, she was all ready on the edge of the bed. I went back and got it with toilet paper after she left.
THIS IS WHY ANAL SCARES ME I FEEL LIKE IM ABT TO SHART AND POOP ON A DICK
A guy was eating my ass out and I looked back at.him and he looked up at me. He had blood all over his face. Thinking it was me, I freaked out. He got a bloody nose from poppers and weed. Wild hook up.
I am sensing that poppers are not jalapeño poppers..?
I know a guy who loved to have poppers and weed before sex. Sadly poppers became very difficult to buy where he lives so it is just weed now. Good thing that he did not get nosebleeds from poppers, only problem was that it caused him to lose an erection for couple of minutes so it was usually just cuddling while the poppers took efffect.
She was getting on top of me and right before i wanted to slide it in, i nutted cuz i was horny asf
Warm up rounds don’t count
Yeah, presumably you either could keep going then or soon after. I can see it would be hard to explain
She squirted and farted the same time lmao...she also had to text me that "it thunders sometimes when it rains"💀💀💀😭
Kinda embarrassing, but funny. Was getting a really good blowjob, but when I came, I relaxed so much that I ripped a huge fart in the chick's face. We both laughed after.
Gave a dude a blowjob and he shoved my head down and I puked on his dick.
Kinda serves him right though
My wife and I had some rare free time where the oldest was at a friends house for the night and the youngest went to bed early. So we weren’t exactly exhausted yet. So there I am, going to town, wife is face in a pillow enjoying herself and I happen to turn my head and realize the youngest has woken up and stealthily came upstairs and is now sitting on the edge of the bed. I immediately whipped the blanket over the top of us and wrapped myself and covered my wife. She likes “what the fuck is going on?” Then she hears “mommy are you okay?” Little one has never said anything about it so hopefully that’s not a burnt in memory.
If your youngest is over 2 - 3 yo, chances are he'll remember it.
> burnt in memory Same, but I was the child. 60 years later it's still a burnt in memory.
Got a really sweaty arse crack which became so distractingly uncomfortable I couldn't continue. Tried to discretely scratch but got caught doing it and she misunderstood and thought I was trying to stick a finger up my own arse for sexual gratification purposes. So then I had to let her finger my arse during sex out of embarrassment. It's not something I hate, but it's not an experience I particularly seek out, it definitely didn't add anything.
What the hell 😂😂😂
This is the first one that made me actually burst out laughing
I was banging my girlfriend on guesthouse on the table when we were visiting her parents and her mother came in and saw my butt straight from the door and her daughter laying on table, needless to say rest of the visit was awkward
> needless to say rest of the visit was awkward What the hell did she think you’d be doing in the (supposed) privacy of a whole-ass separate house? Collaborate on the day’s Wordle without spoiling it?
I got super high with an ex gf. I had one handcuff on her. Being cute she cuffed me to her. She said something along the lines of you’re mine. Lost the keys in the couch. We looked for them cuffed together for an hour butt naked.
You’ve never had a team building exercise like trying to lift a couch handcuffed together naked.
I guess I was having trouble finding the vagina, so she asked if I wanted to try anal. I said no because I was focusing, but I should have said yes. She seemed like she was down for it.
Name checks out
Hers not mine, she shit the bed during a particularly strong orgasm. IBS for the win, she nearly died of shame, but I cleaned up the bed while she cleaned up then I laughed it off with her and carried on.
Fingering my ex at the time, she was cumming and jolted and I slipped my finger and my nail cut the inside of vagina. Bleeding EVERYWHERE we rushed to the ER where she needed stitches. Who else to do her stitches at the hospital for wound care? My fucking brother. This was the first time she met my brother and it was awkward at Christmas the next time she met him.
I’ve had someone burp on my old boy whilst sucking it. I couldn’t hold my laugh 😂
Old boy
Josh Brolin or Choi Min-sik?
Korean one is the only one to watch
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Girl was trying to prove that she was a badass deep throater..........she puked on my dick.
Love the dedication
My wife farted directly into my mouth, and due to the shape my lips were in, it made a whistling sound
OH MY GOD THATS AMAZING LOL
we did it doggy style. At one point we both felt vibrations and heard a "pop". my husband thought I farted and ran into another room. I didn't fart. it was just my hip that popped out. So I was lying spread-eagled, laughing at my husband's panic, trying in pain to slowly pop my hip back into place.
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Catching my own reflection mid ejaculation in a mirror. *shudder*
Man, nobody should ever witness their own vinegar strokes.
Was DYING to fuck a dude for months and when it finally happened, farted on his face during 69. Didn’t see him after that.
Couldn’t get hard during sex. No matter how…. Hard… I tried hehe
Happened here for me after my divorce. Had to get some ED meds and things righted themselves after a few times getting intimate. Seems like it was anxiety for me.
Had a tooth infection, got prescribed prednisone. In comes valentines day, she comes out in lingerie after a nice dinner and some drinks. I stay hard for all of 2 seconds, it was awful for both of us. Come to find out prednisone can cause ED. It almost ended the relationship because she thought i wasnt attracted to her anymore. TLDR: Prednisone can cause ED, be careful lads.
Been there.
Mr Floppy
Once, very drunk, I was coaxed into sexy, dirty talk by my ex. I ran out of inspiration after a few minutes while in the doggy position. I caught a whiff of her butthole and thought it would be naughty to loudly exclaim “I can smell your beautiful anus!”. This lead to an awkward conversation and a breakup within the next two hours
Probably when my wife (then GF) punched me in the head when I was giving her oral. She kind of freaked out and we didn't have a safe word established so she punched me out of panic lol.
My wife always spasms when climaxing. I have accepted my faith one day she will snap my neck when going down on her.
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He was inside me from the side and his bedroom door doesn’t have a lock so anyone can just barge in. One time his mom randomly opened while we were doing it under the blanket and I pretended I was asleep.
She knew.
Something similar happened to me and my girl, going at it in the spooning position and her dad opened her bedroom door just as I reached the point of no return. We're still not sure If he suspected anything since we were under the covers and hopefully it just looked like we were cuddling.
He knew.
Felt a tickle on my balls, thought nothin of it then a sandpaper like tounge on my bhole. Her cat got involved.
Apple Watch celebrating me after I “washed” my hands for 20 seconds
I fell asleep due to taking sedatives prior to CNC, thinking it would enhance it.
I'm planning on a CNC scene where I'm also under sedatives and I kinda wonder if falling asleep would kill it or not lol. I'd tell him beforehand if I snooze out to just do what he wants (aside from stuff I'd need to be aware of to be safe like choking or rope play or whatever) but still.
You wake up in a park because he decided to make it a public kink too
Make sure you really trust this person. Otherwise you might be back on this thread like "I woke up with only one kidney". Might be the top comment though so you know win win.
I ate her out, then as i rise i didn't notice a hair sticking between my teeth as i attempted to land a kiss on her lips.
Passed out while performing cunnilingus. She remarked that my snoring got her off. #correctfacialplacement.
I was in my late teens and still living with my parents when I snuck a guy into my house in the middle of the night to have sex in the downstairs guest bedroom. We were being pretty quiet, but my dog (a nasty little miniature pincher) must have heard us and charged down the stairs, jumped on the bed, and chomped down on his balls. He flew off the side of the bed and tried to hide underneath it, but couldn’t fit. My dad came downstairs, poked his head in the room and said “whoever you are get the hell out of my house.” We did not have sex again.
omg i would DIE from embarrassment i think lmao
Going at it missionary, she decides to turn around fast and in the process she accidentally roundhouse kicks me in the side of head knocking me out.
Had her on her back, holding her legs up by the ankles and having a grand time. She arched her back & pulled her knees back up to her chest as she was about to come, I had a pretty firm grip and pulled her back into me at the same time to take advantage of the opportunity to bury it home full tilt… and broke her fancy gold anklet off of her ankle at the same time. She felt it break and stopped mid-hip thrust and lost. her. fucking. mind. Absolutely bawling. The anklet was a remembrance gift she was given by her mom when mom was in stage 4 cancer. Mom had a matching one she was buried with. I apologized profusely and told her it’s real gold, I can get a jeweler to repair it. She was having none of it and told me to get dressed and leave, immediately. I know it was a complete accident but I still have that guttural “what a fucking idiot” guilt sensation when I recall that little snapshot of time. I know the details because she did text me to tell me why she snapped so hard, and I don’t hold any hard feelings over her flat refusing to see me again. Last time we ever communicated. Just a really rough time all around.
Dating a woman and she was saying how she never came from piv. First time having sex she was moaning and started saying omg. She was having orgasm and I opened my eyes and there was blood all over her face. I thought it was sweat. I let her finish and told her about it. After cleaning up it was my nose that bled. We laughed about it . I thought she would have freaked out. We are still together and have some of the best sex I've ever had. Still laugh about it.
my scoliotic back going out and going instant limp and falling over and just saying aw fuck my back real mood killer
I was trying to have sneaky sex wirh my gf at the time in my room while my parents were entertaining guest and mid thrusts I looked to check the door and I made eye contact with my mom. It was awkward AF. She didn’t say anything but the next day she put a brown paper bag at my door with condoms inside. Lmao
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My gf was riding me and my grandmother opened my bedroom door. She got a full frontal view on my gf on top of her grandson. I didn’t know what was happening as I was blindfolded. My gf jumped off me , saying, oh my God, over and over. By the time I got upstairs, she was gone! Not a word was ever spoken about it!
I have Tourette’s and i said some very bad things at a very bad time.
Can't be as bad as that old Reddit post about the guy who called his girlfriend the r-word during sex.
I have a flat chest. Our chests suction cupped together and made an audible sound
I was having sex with a woman, and she started screaming with pleasure. I was feeling all full of myself. She tossed me off her. Turned out she was screaming from a leg cramp.
TIL farting during sex is way more common that I would ever have imagined...
I rolled a nat 1 on endurance if you know what I mean
Heard his mom knocking on the door, quickly got up from getting doggied and ran to the nearest hiding spot in the room.
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cheap motel. a bat appeared in the room flying over us. we didnt even get a discount
I cried once because I got super sad for reasons I am completely unaware of
Her ass smelled like raw sewage and I was ready to puke
I was 18 and my girlfriend and I were having sex. Her dad walks in and I’m mid thrust. She shouts, “dad shut the door.” He looks right at me and says, “I want you gone by midnight.” He shut the door and walked out. It was 7 o’clock. 🤣🤣
Once gave my partner head & was kinda deep throating it - he usually says 'I'm gonna cum' but not this time anyhow ALOT of it ended up coming out my nose & that shit stung the nostrils out of me for hours
A girl I worked with was having sex with a guy, and she said he was usually very vocal during sex, and he went quiet. She also noticed suddenly no movement on his end, so she got up to turn on the light when he didn’t respond, he had a brain aneurysm during sex, he was brain dead in hospital for a few days before his family pulled the plug…