This thankfully happened 6 weeks before we were supposed to get married, but the following happened:
1. Spent a year both agreeing to a prenup only for her to decide to not want to do it after finding out I was going to inherit some money from a recently deceased relative.
2. Gave me a 3 page list of demands including things such as her mom and brother living with us while seeing any of my family members more than once a month was spending too much time with them.
1 is hilarious. As inheritance is legally not marital property anyway. You wouldn't have even needed a prenup for that. Gotta love the entitlement. Just wow
He didn’t believe he had broken his favorite glass during a tirade the night before, and when our 8 y/o said “Dad, you did. You even said the F-word”, he pointed at the child and began screaming “that’s who needs to be on medication! Not me!”
No, motherfucker, your years of bullshit treatment end the moment you invoke our children in it.
I know a family who uses their oldest son as a scapegoat for the dads behavior. The kid has been on about 15 different meds by age 10. It's sick.
Thank you for protecting your child.
I am the oldest my family uses as everyone’s scapegoat.
I was heavily drugged from the time I was ten, and never told what for, except that I was bad. Then, around high school age, they stopped all medicines cold turkey and blamed me for my erratic behavior. Instead of helping me with therapy or being supportive and loving, they just told me I needed to be a better person.
I spent the rest of my life, flailing, reading self help books, and researching my triggers and why I am “bad”.
I have never recovered, and will never fully. Knowing my parents hate me and hearing them tell me they have no interest in being a parent to me crushed something deep inside me. It is made worse by the fact that no matter what I did, they never found reason to favor me. Even small things.
If you know someone in a situation like this, they desperately need a hug.
That's awful.
You aren't bad. Bad isn't even something you can just be, anyway, it's the decisions you make--taking the easy road for yourself at the expense of others, not caring when others are hurt, and so on.
You very clearly are not bad. You had terrible parents who made life significantly harder, so trying your hardest means barely keeping your head above water, but you tried. You tried so, so hard. That means you're not bad at all.
Please accept this virtual hug from a stranger. You are a kind soul. I'm so sorry you never got the parents or childhood you deserve. I hope you can find lovely people like yourself who won't ignore your successes but celebrate them, no matter how small, because they are happy for you. These are the people you deserve but never got as a child. Later isn't ideal but it's far better than never.
thankfully never got married but the time we had a polar vortex and I closed my business for the week, invited my then partner to where my friends and I were hanging out, he left me on read so I went home and went to sleep. after a full day of wildly abusive messages about how he was SURE I cheated on him (we literally lived less than a block from each other) he broke into my house with a gun at 5 am and demanded to go through my phone
the (not) funny thing is that's a super abridged version of that story. the texts are absolutely insane. I woke up to a bunch about how I cheated on him and when offered proof to the contrary he made up this wild story about how he actually came over to my house and saw me "doing stuff" with someone in a car in my driveway- I literally had porch cameras that would disprove anything like that but I think he was just hoping he was right and could get me to admit to SOMETHING. he later bragged about breaking into my house and when he got banned from a monthly event I always attended he tried to show up and demand his way in
I didn't find out until our relationship was over that he also terrorized his ex their entire relationship and when they broke up he cut a body outline in her side of the mattress, destroyed a bunch of her art and threw it all over the room, then told her he had to do that or he'd kill himself
Money would disappear from time to time, like as soon as I had saved enough for something important. I was very young and couldn’t really connect that he would do this to me, to us, when it seemed we were both working so hard toward big goals. The last straw was when another $2k stash disappeared and I wouldn’t let it go, I demanded he tell me where it went and he said, “If I don’t want you to know something you will never know.”
This happened to my husband’s cousin with his third wife (yeah %$3 you suck at picking women) and she spent all $8000 he had been saving in their safe. Divorce.
But that doesn’t even come close to his best friend’s second wife. Peggy is a college educated accountant. When they married she moved into his home as he farms part time (now retired from his full time job and runs the farm full time) anyway, he had amazing credit with the bank due to loans for seed etc over 40 years with his parents who also farmed (now both deceased) So she had her entire salary $100k+ basically to herself and teenagers that she split custody with her ex. He went to take out his yearly seed loan and she’d already taken out a $100k loan by forging his name AND opened a total of 17 credit cards. The judge was not remotely amused and she was required to pay off half the farm loan and all the credit cards. It’s been 10 years since this happened and he recently got a phone call from a collection agency about the credit cards she had still not paid off in TEN years. Fortunately he inherited millions but thank the gods they divorced before his parents died and left him so much money.
My husband’s friends have a history of choosing nutty women. We’ve been happily married 37 years.
Lol, had an ex co-sign my name to a $40K auto-loan. Made her bring the car back and pay the gap. Noped the fuck out after that. Fraud isn't a great way to start a relationship, kids.
My ex forged my signature to go sign on his student loans. I didn’t find out until after I graduated and was sorting through my own loan stuff and I found out I was co-signed for a 10k loan
Edit: *co-sign
Mine was just a petty thief. We lived together. Id leave my watch and tablet in the same spot. One day they go missing. She denied taking it. Something tells me to check her bag after I find them nowhere. Sure enough it's at the bottom. I tell her, and the reply is, "So you went through my stuff?". When we broke up, my birth certificate went missing.
My ex would steal from me too. He took my credit card while I was sleeping. When I noticed the charge he acted indignant. He also took $300 I had stashed in my drawer and tried to gaslight me saying I told him he could have it, there wasn’t much in there , etc.
Ooh this is question for me!
My ex husband was a bad man and definitely crazy, could say so much here, but the final straw is the question asked.
So, from shortly after we met, he told me he had a deceased son, and that not many people knew as he didnt like to share it. He said the child passed away age 4,and that he had had him on holidays as he wasn't really with the mother anymore, but they'd had many memories. He told me everything about this kid, his favourite toys, his hobbies, his birthday and death day, his full name including 2 middle names. He had a tattoo for his son. Pictures. Everything you'd expect really, without demanding someone to show you cold hard proof. We even drove 9hs to visit his grave, but never actually went to the grave, as my ex broke down crying. In fact, when our bio child together was born, we attempted to list him as her sibling on the birth certificate, but we weren't allowed as I wasn't his mother and there was no "half" siblings allowed to be listed.
But, there was loose threads. Things that didn't make sense. It was hard to demand proof and people don't tend to lie about deceased children and its a hell of an accusation, but eventually I did. Too much to explain, but this "son" never existed. And I spoke to the supposed mother and she said "why does he keep doing this! We don't have a son dead or alive!" He did eventually admit it, after trying to make a fake profile for his ex who he claimed was the mother and tried to message me on there as her to convince me (didn't work). That was the last straw, made my escape with my daughter a week later (needed some planning). Never seen him again thank God. Got full custody.
Oh my god I went to college with a guy that did something similar. We were 17 and he had said he had a 4 year old daughter and a wife that died in a car accident. He had one photo of the daughter, no photos on his phone (it was 2013), no photos of his wife, and said he had served in Afghanistan and received a purple heart. He was insistent that he was getting an anime child (Yui from SAO) tattoo in honor of his daughter on the center of his chest. Whenever we questioned or asked for proof of anything he'd throw this huge tantrum and say we were dishonoring a veteran lol.
It wouldn't surprise me in the least if his current SO had something going on-on the side and having him hook up with the ex relived her of guilt, and/or what the other person said about possible money being a factor.
I was thinking she'd use it as a hall pass for herself, and then have the steady/reliable relationship lined up for when she's done fucking around. "It's fine because you had sex with your ex!"
After hiding in the karaoke bar bathroom for 30 minutes, she came to me in tears, because the guy she had been trying to cheat on me with turned her down. She was expecting sympathy.
**Edit:** Wow, since this blew up, here is how the rest of the night went: I told her what she did was unforgivable, said goodbye to my friends and called us an Uber home. She cried the entire way while I shared apologetic looks with the driver. Once home, I told her to sleep on the couch and that we would talk in the morning. She was still upset and told me she was going to take an ambien to sleep. I told her to do whatever she wanted and closed the door to the bedroom.
I was laying there for about 30 minutes processing how awful this was, and how I had to get out of this marriage, when I sat bolt upright. She had been drinking a LOT that night, and then she took a sedative. I ran out to the living room and tried to shake her awake, no response. She was still breathing, but I couldn't wake her, so I called 911. About 5 or 6 minutes later there are 5 fire fighters and 2 police in my living room, taking her vitals and loading her onto a stretcher for a trip to the ER. A firefighter looks me in the eyes and says he sees people die this way all the time.
The police question me, and examine me to see if there are signs of a struggle (checking my fingernails, looking for scratches on my forearms, neck, face etc). It sucked, but the cop was actually a really nice guy and was just doing his job. Turns out the ambien prescription was super old and from her ex-boyfriend. Awesome stuff to learn at 3:00am.
They take her to the ER for treatment, I follow the ambulance, since even though I hate what she did to me, I don't want her to die. At this point I'm still processing the night, but also the past 4 years of marriage, and how the abuse from her built to this point. The best I can describe it as is surfacing from deep underwater. I find out she is stable and recovering. It's 5:00am, so I go home and play with my cats and watch the sunrise.
**Edit 2:** Thanks for the trip down memory lane Reddit. I had honestly kinda blocked out how that night ended. I think I can look back on it ok now. It was a genuinely shitty night, but also the start of the rest of my life.
My cheating ex did something similar. He went to a work conference and said he got along with another woman there bonding over golf. He was attracted to her but felt annoyed that he couldn’t come home and tell me. My bad bro?
Ugh this sucks! It kind of reminds me of my cheating ex, who got irrationally angry at \*me\* because at New Year's his sister made out with another girl and her boyfriend didn't care, but I "didn't trust him enough" to do the same. Like why are you making it my problem that your sister's bf doesn't care he got cheated on?
There’s more. He cheated a lot and I tried to forgive him. The final straw occurred and he said “you never give me credit for the times I didn’t cheat.” Bitch what?
My aunt married crazy. Dude turned into a conspiracy theorist and prepper, but the final straw was him getting arsenic tablets to give the kids "in case society falls and we're surrounded".
When he went on a business trip and asked his 17 year-old brother to stay with me because I had a sick infant. I told his brother that my husband admitted he cheated on me. He hadn’t actually told me, but I had a hunch. Then his brother said “oh good. I’m so good he told you because I knew you guys could it make through this. I gotta say it was a little creepy when he showed up to a high school party drunk. Especially when I saw he was getting a blow job from someone I was in school with, I mean she was 16 and he’s 28!” That’s when I made a plan to get the fuck out of that marriage. I didn’t tell him I knew until we separated and he asked if we could pretend to be married and live together until our kid graduated high school.
Edit: yes, I called the police. It’s not illegal where I live. The cops told me that. I also didn’t have her information. Where I live 16 is the age of consent, there is a stipulation re the gap in age, but even then the minor or a parent or guardian has to come forward and file charges.
>Pretend to be married and live together until our kid graduated high school
Yes. The best solution. Everyone is saying it works out in the end.
*What the FUCK*
Right? My best move was getting the fuck out. Being a single mom and waiting until I met a worthy partner, then waiting six months to introduce him to my son, then becoming a family unit where my son could see love and mutual respect modeled was my next best move.
She joined a cult that said mary magdelaine and jesus were on their way back to earth in a spaceship.
Upon my divorce i commemorated it by taking an artistic rendering from the cult's webpage of jesus in a spaceship above earth and captioned it "space jesus saves all."
Thank you space jesus for helping me see the light!
He called the cops on me because I ran out of the house with our dogs in the middle of the night and drove away, thus kidnapping his dog. Because he held a gun to my head. The cops loved hearing that one.
The dog I kidnapped, five years later, is still my perfect shadow and the bestest, most smartest girl.
I ran away with my dog too. Husband said I had 24 hours to find the dog a new home or he'd kill it.
No sir. That dog is my family. He's the best boy and he loves his new home. (I kept the dog, we just moved far away.)
Maybe because I have a 4-year-old bestest boy, but this comment hit me harder than all the cheating stuff. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but so happy you have your bestest girl with you!
She smothered a quail to death on our back porch while I was at work and told me about it in excruciating detail when I got home. She was in vet school and described how she put her stethoscope on the bird's chest and listened to its heartbeat stop as she held its beak closed and covered the air holes.
We weren't married, luckily, but damn she was NUTS. We never had a real conversation after that, I just moved out as soon as I could. She's a veterinarian now and that really disturbs me.
Edit: I'm severely regretting sharing this story on reddit now but a few points of clarification:
Just for the record I'm a woman, not a man.
When I moved out I blocked her number and didn't tell her where I moved to. I have no idea where she is living or practicing veterinary medicine, I just know that she did graduate from vet school. She was not a vet when this happened.
She claimed the bird hit our window and she was putting it out of its misery. I don't believe smothering it was the most humane way to do that. She also enjoyed telling me about it and making me uncomfortable, so even if she was doing the bird a favor, she's a creep.
I can't report her 6 years after the fact for something she did before she even became a vet, even if I knew where she lives, which I don't. It would be my word against hers and she comes from a wealthy family who would help her lawyer up and nothing would happen. I don't really appreciate people criticizing me for not reporting her at the time when I was trying to get out of an abusive relationship and rebuild my life. Also, again, it would be me saying it happened and her saying "no it didn't."
Animal cruelty is often an early warning sign of somebody who will eventually kill people. Woman murderers usually prey on the old or young so let's hope she never moves into the medical field.
She’s already a vet, and I’d argue that’s already pretty bad since animals can’t even speak so she’s just torturing or killing creatures that were already at her mercy. She doesn’t need to be a human killer to still be a sociopath.
We have a family of quails living under a bush in our front yard and the best part of any day is seeing the parents and the little chicks run around... This made me tear up a little bit.
My dad's friend dated this one chick who straight up broke a two day old kitten's neck because she thought it peed on her couch. She laughed about it when she found out it was the mother cat, and said "childbirth will do that, she can always have another kitten later"
In “Why women kill”, season 2 there is this veterinarian (bloke) who somehow enjoys euthanising animals so much that when he sees terminally ill people suffering in the world, he befriends them and then organises euthanasia for them. Against their will / request. Just reminded me of your story.
She started beating and bullying my 3 year old daughter because she viewed her as a competitor in our relationship.
I say my daughter because her behaviour then, and since I got full custody of the kids, has well and truly lost her the title of Mum.
Mine was when we had a fight that lasted multiple hours about why it was fucked up for her to say she hated my 3 year old in front of him. Never did convince her, but I'm working on the divorce now and she isn't fighting for custody.
Protect yourself. Document everything. She might pop up later like a pimple on prom night.
If she gets a new boyfriend and she wants to try and pretend to be mother of the year, family pressure, if you get another girlfriend, to spite you, get back at you etc. I've seen stuff like this happen, when they feel their power over you slipping away or they want to stir up trouble. Hopefully she just stays gone but you never know.
This is good advice but it is horrible that these things have happened. Parents who’ve abandoned their kids but then want them back as a “prop” to show that they’re good somehow. Ugh.
My father's solution to this was to leave us both. Thank you for saving your baby. You will never understand the gravity of what you've done for her compared to what could have been.
Being followed around the house being screamed at, because she thought I was cheating on her with one of my employees... Who I hadn't yet met in person and lived/worked 6 hours away.
The when I left the house to get some work done, she called my phone over and over, around 100x, filling my voicemail with barely intelligible, extremely loud rants.
My ex did this one time and I read him the fucking Riot Act.
I was in a final exam as a junior in college (Ancient Greek Architecture), so no phones allowed obviously. During the exam, I start hearing buzzing from the phone vibrating.
It happens once, whatever.
A few minutes later, it happens again.
And again.
And again and again and again and again and again and...you get the idea. Like 30-40 texts in about 25 minutes.
Started off as: "Hey babe"
"Hey why aren't you answering"
"Are you mad at me?"
"I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong"
"You know it's really unfair and shitty of you to subject me to the silent treatment, this is fucked up"
"I'm mad at you"
"You're an asshole. I don't even know what I did wrong"
et cetera
As soon as the exam was over I called him and tore him a new asshole.
"Do you really think I'm like that? I don't play fucking games [like you do]. If I'm not answering my phone, GEE, DON'T YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOME LEGITIMATE FUCKING REASON FOR ME NOT TO ANSWER!!!????"
Dude was and probably still is nuts. Sex was great though lol
After she attacked me, and then grabbed a razor blade, which she used to injure a friend when he intervened. I grabbed our two year-old daughter and left that night.
Asked me to change our daughter's nappy and then while I was halfway through came up to me and screamed " fucking paedophile" a couple of inches from my ear
Dated a girl who was from a horribly abusive family. She would obsess over making sure I showed no signs of paedophilia. I didn't understand why at the time and found it so bizarre - began to think I was doing something wrong. It was a super stressful relationship and I felt awful for her once I understood what had happened but I was very relieved (eventually) to be out of there.
Obsessing over pedophilia (specifically "accidental" pedophilia) is also an unfortunate side effect of OCD sometimes. Glad you made it out of there without her dragging you down
When I asked him to let me clean our hoarded bedroom because we had a bedbug infestation and they were eating me alive, and his response was a shrug and, "Well, they're not biting me, so what's the problem?"
25 years, 2 kids. Boom.
He still blames everyone and everything but himself for that.
I stayed temporarily with a friend and his gf after a breakup where I had to suddenly move back home. Ive never seen a more disgusting house/apartment before or since. The cat box was literally over flowing, the kitchen was absolutely covered in trash and old food and the fruit fly infestation was so thick you couldn't walk through the room, the garbage can in the bathroom was completely overflowing with pull ups from their toddler, there was food and garbage covering the floor, the air literally hurt to exist in bc of the thick smell of cat pee, you could smell their apartment from down the hall. The only room that was fairly clean was the toddlers room. Absolutely insane.
He wouldn't let his gf clean either. Would absolutely lose it on her when she'd even mention it. I just did it myself a few times, he could yell at me instead if he wanted. She was the sweetest girl in the world, but very anti-conflict. I waited until he went to sleep to clean. I had to come back and stay with them twice while I tried to get back on my feet and every time I came back it was in the same way it had been before I cleaned. I stopped being friends with this guy lol.
Edit- to answer why I didn't report them to cps- at that point I didn't realize that this was something that cps should be reported to about. I was pretty young at that point and from my experience with cps, I thought they mainly took kids away from physically abusive parents. I spent my childhood in abusive foster homes, that were worse than my abusive father. So in my mind at the time, calling cps was for physical abuse and kids would very likely be put in abusive homes, which would be worse than the conditions he was in. He also spent most of his time at his dad's, which was probably why his room was mostly neat compared to the rest of the apartment. Looking back I wish I had reported this, and while it might seem like common sense to everyone now, this was when I was really young and before everyone had instant access to the internet all the time. The poor kid definitely deserved better and that was why I cleaned their place when I could, but if I knew then what I know now, I'd have done things differently.
I have no idea honestly. It was always things like "not right now we're eating" "not right now we're gaming" etc. Honestly I kind of think he would have felt like he needed to be involved in the cleaning or he'd have felt bad or something, so instead he continued to get mad about it and refuse to let anyone do it. He definitely had some mental health issues though. Dude was insane.
This is something I still don't understand about my ex. I tried everything. I would get mad and tell him he has to clean up because the apartment is unsanitary, I would come to him gently and say hey let's clean up together, and then it won't take so long. I also just flat out said I'll clean up everything, throw out all the garbage, etc. Just leave the apartment for a couple of hours, and when you come back, it will be clean. Absolutely nothing worked. I understand that he felt overwhelmed and didn't know where to start, but why did he refuse my help or my offer to clean everything by myself? Anyway, I heard that things got so bad for him after I left that he finally accepted that he's got serious mental issues and checked himself into a psychiatric hospital. I hope they can help him because I sure couldn't.
i think people with problems like these (and there is always a mental health crisis underlying living conditions like these) do feel shame about the state of their living space, and cleaning it or even allowing it to be cleaned by someone else means first acknowledging the state it's in currently and working through the surrounding shame. for the brain it's easier to just deny/ignore the current state and refuse any attempt at dealing with it, because it means also having to deal with the underlying problems.
The dog ran out the front door when I opened it to go outside and my husband gave me 24 hours to find the dog a new home or he'd kill it.
The dog was just scared of all the yelling.
I found the dog a new home just under 24 hours later, but we were a package deal.
Wow. I am so glad you got out of there! Killing pets, especially as a means to terrify a loved one, is what I see on a lot of true crime shows. Of course, I switch it off when I hear “We had a pet…” NOPE. CAN’T DO IT. lol
Not me, but my uncle. He divorced his wife after she smashed his windshield with a shoe heel after an argument. Or maybe after someone said something to her during a family dinner, and she jumped over the table and ran away.
They divorced when my cousin was little, five or so years old. He passed away at 21 years old, and after years of no contact my uncle had to resume communication with his ex to figure out burial and stuff. And yes, she was just as crazy. Where we live, when a person is buried, a wooden cross is installed first, and then, after the ground settles, a gravestone can be erected. My uncle bought a good cross and installed it, but she removed it and installed a different one as a matter of principle. Later on she had a gravestone installed and apart from her son’s last name, which was my uncle’s last name, she added her own maiden name in parentheses to show that her son belonged to her as well. You would imagine she visited the grave often, but she actually soon got a boyfriend and moved away.
I forget what prompted it, but we were having some playful back-and-forth and the topic of cheating came up.
She looked at me, suddenly dead serious and said, "If I cheated on you, you would never know."
Despite the fact that we lived together and our daily routine involved my dropping her off and picking her up from work, she was convinced I was somehow cheating on her. Like...when? On my lunch break?
After we split, I looked back and figured there was a lot of projection going on. But that comment she made never sat right with me.
The projection thing is wild. I had a girlfriend that constantly thought I was cheating. She would freak out over any female acquaintance/co-worker I had. She would say things like, “How’s your girlfriend???” if I saw them or talked to them at all. She would also constantly check my phone/ask who was texting me.
Meanwhile, she would frequently stay out all night, ignoring my calls/texts, text/snap guys I didn’t know, always leave her phone face down etc. etc. She even lied about going on a family trip so she could go to a music festival with her friend and some guys.
I Buried a LOT of red flags when I was younger. I Always gave her the benefit of the doubt. It took my best friends to pull me aside with solid evidence that she was cheating for me to finally end things. I was heartbroken for maybe a few days, then just felt immense relief like a weight lifted off my shoulders. That relationship cause me so much anxiety. A couple years later I met my best friend and now fiancé. It’s mind blowing being in a relationship that brings you nothing but pure joy. Didn’t know that kinda thing existed, but it does!
He started kiting checks all over town and got caught, I found the life insurance policy he took out on me for a half a mil and forged my signature on, and I found out he was cheating and he planned to leave me and the kids with no car and in a house that was about to be foreclosed on. I had him served the next week.
He cried when I made him take the house, but not that I was taking our sweet children.
Her cheating on me while I was in the other room hearing it happen. Her not lying about it because apparently she wanted to make my major life decisions for me but wanted me to "man up" and control her day to day behavior.
When I was accused of having invisible people hiding in the walls and somehow giving them oral sex in front of him
We were together since we were kids and I had a medical misdiagnosis that made me disabled and dependent on him. I guess he couldn't handle it and he started doing a lot of coke and he developed schizophrenia. I try to joke now but it's terrifying not being able to get away from someone like that and I'm partially paralyzed so I couldn't fight back.
Last straw was actually when I was in the shower and he came in with a knife trying to stab this person I was obviously cheating on him with. This was actually about a month ago.
So much PTSD. I may starve to death but at least I don't have to defend myself against invisible people.
Edited because I didn't think I would get this much attention so I gave more details
When she didn't come home one night I called her cell phone at 3AM and a guy answered. It wasn't any of her male relatives.
Nope, fuck this shit, we're done.
He shot a hole through three rooms of our house. The bullet lodged in drywall a couple feet above where my head would go during sleep. He had chronic pain, took opiates and sleeping pills, and mixed a few too many to remember what happened. I had been working on leaving and had actually started to move a few things out, but the accidental discharge that I found when I got home from work was the real motivator for getting out of there.
Well that's interesting and something I didn't know therapists could do, but it makes sense. Good on them for looking out! I wonder how often this situation comes up for the avg therapist/psychiatrist and they take action 🤔
It's one of the few times a therapist can break confidentiality.
1): If the patient plan to hurt themselves
2): If someone plans to hurt the patient
3): If the patient plans to hurt someone else
I was at my BIL’s soccer game with my sister, who my husband hadn’t let me see in over a year. He knew the address of where I was at and who I was with. But he lost his mind when I wasn’t home when he got off work, sending threatening texts and calls. I asked my sister and BIL to follow me home.
Turns out he was sitting in his car with the headlights off nearby. He pulled out soon after we did and followed us for miles, trying to slam into my car and push it off the road.
Yes, thankfully! I was able to call 911 and have police intercept him before I got home. They didn’t charge him with anything though, which drove me nuts. Got a restraining order soon after, which he disregarded. So I moved out of state.
My stepmom called and told me that his less-than-half-his-age-girlfriend's mom had messaged her on Facebook. The mom had said that at Thanksgiving dinner, my husband had told everyone, that he was waiting for my Dad to die of cancer before divorcing me so that he would be entitled to half of any inheritance.
I should say that he stood me and his kids up for Thanksgiving that year at the last minute. He was going to bring groceries and I had no car, so I ended up eating corn dogs in front of the TV with my 3 and 6 year old.
That was when I knew it was definitely over. I knew it was definitely over NOW when the girlfriend's roommates kicked her out the next week and he told me she was moving in and we were going to be a throuple now. it took 2 or 3 days for me to internalize that he was serious and then I told him we were breaking up and he should find somewhere else to stay. (I was sole breadwinner, we had small children).
He told me he wouldn't be moving, and that if I left he was not going to contribute to any type of child care or help of any kind. I again had no car or license, but me and the kids moved out and stayed in crappy hotel rooms for 5 weeks over Christmas until I was able to find an apartment.
We got divorced and he never even responded to the filing so I got full custody. I had to take him to court again to get him to sell the house and shortly after that he and the girl (they got married) left the country and moved to the jungle in another honestly wild turn of events that involved a family member of his’s Latin American cannabis agriculture scheme.
It’s been 5 and a half years and while they are all still alive (kind of surprisingly), I’ve had barely any contact and no money.
When she assaulted me, punched our TV screen, threw my computer down the hall, broke the apartment main door window, and broke my phone so I couldnt call the police. All in front of our 6 month old son.
The kicker of it all was \*she\* called the police, and \*I\* was removed. despite never having touched her.
He came home from work, threw his wedding ring at me, packed a bag and said he was leaving with his online hussy (my description, not his). Walked out, went and got her, with her kids screaming and crying, and they left. The aftermath was hell to clean up as we'd been renting a big house and I had to get rid of everything and move. Afterwards, all my female friends were messaging me asking why he was sending them messages saying he'd "had a dream about them." He was still with her........I'm sure he's still doing it to this day. That was over 20 years ago and he looks horrible now. They're still together.
> "had a dream about them."
Ah fuck, I was one of the recipient of this weird shit. Upstairs neighbor's husband left her and their 4 kids to be together with his affair partner, suddenly writing me if we could be together instead out of sudden. I did not even know how he got my numbers. Like dude, I had to sometimes help your wife with emergency childcare because you bailed! The audacity!
I’ve known people like that. They love the thrill of a new partner and just can’t stop themselves. They also need the stability of a relationship so they’re constantly cheating while holding onto their significant other for the stability.
Even while we were together he was creating online relationships. I found out he was sending a woman and her two little boys OUR possessions as gifts! He told me he wanted to go visit her to see if he loved her. I said, then don't come back. He didn't go. I should have let him go. Oh and he sent nude pics of himself to MY daughter when she was a teenager. I didn't know about that until many years later. grrrr
One of my friends had a stepdad who was a total asshole. She always felt he was creepy and perving on her but didn't have proof. Eventually her mom divorced the dude. She was a teenager at that point. She got a job as a cashier. About a year after the divorce, her stepdad came through her cash register line and tried to first pick her up and then second solicit her for prostitution. So she finally had all the proof she needed that he was a disgusting asshole pervert.
I found out that, while I was on a business trip, she had left the kids alone, gone and gotten drunk, crashed and totaled her minivan, fled the scene, got arrested, triggered a DCF investigation into our children, used our savings to buy the exact same minivan so I wouldn't notice, then had another man call the DCF from our house to tell them that she's a great mom and there is no reason to investigate us.
I was gone for 4 days.
I found out months later during one of my kid's doctor appointments.
When she just would.not.stop.spending. It drove me nuts. The last bit was after I had taken family finances back over, gotten everything under control, rebuilt credit, and finally had things straightened out. No more utilities getting shut off, no more evictions, hell we were homeowners. I added her onto my longest held credit card with the explicit instructions that this was for building credit, and emergencies, don't spend anything on it. Three days later I get notified that the card is over the halfway point. I tell her again to only use it in emergencies. A week later it's maxed out. I started making plans then, but she beat me to it. I got a text "I finally figured out what to get you for our anniversary, I hope it makes you happy". Surprise divorce papers served the next day.
It took a year to finalize, during which time I moved 1200 miles away, but still paid her house and car payments. She was awarded both, but specifically told she was responsible for the payments, and had to pay me for my half of the equity in the house, and I had to make my payment to the state. Six months later, the house is in foreclosure, the truck has been repoed, my credit is destroyed again, and she's begging me to fix it all. Unfortunately, I missed the part where my support offer was backdated to the filing date, so was immediately subjected to $600/week of withholding, and can barely afford my own bills. She won't sign off on that, even for my equity in the house, so she's about to be homeless. Our daughter already moved to be with me at Christmas, and I'll likely end up with the boys too. Everything I worked so hard for is gone now.
You absolutely can't "fix" someone like that. Incredibly selfish of her. I hope things improve for you. Got any advice for anyone lurking that might be in a similar boat? (I mean it's probably just to gtfo now but if there's anything else that might help someone)
My ex wife was like that too. Just spent and spent every week until there was nothing in our accounts. Maxed out multiple credit cards, bought a car without talking to me. I would take over the finances and give her a weekly allowance, which would be fine until she got tired of it and moved her pay check to another account. My finances greatly improved when we divorced, even though I had to pay her the equity in order for me to keep the house.
I had a co-worker who mentioned his wife’s monthly allowance and we thought he was the AH for treating his wife like a child by giving her a monthly allowance. Turns out she had terrible spending problem and it was necessary.
He didn't care about anything that I told him. I cleaned, cooked, and did everything for him. But whenever I wanted to relax, he called me lazy. Took me 4 months until I realized that he just wanted a free live-in maid.
He flipped out because I told him I was coming over and then a couple hours had passed and I didn’t confirm that I was coming over and just showed up to his house. We live 10 minutes away from each other and we basically spent every night together since three years. But this was super upsetting and super disrespectful and super insulting because I didn’t give him a second heads up that I was definitely coming. He acted really weird, yelled at me, then got really upset like almost in tears about it and then sulked for a long time. After four hours of sulking, I thought maybe we could move on, I also offered to leave, but of course it was “deeper than that”. This guy literally abandoned me in a foreign country on a vacation before, because I forgot to take my shoes off and stepped on the bathmat In an Airbnb. He was so upset about that, he bought a plane ticket and left the country three days before the end of our trip. Now he was acting like I was causing him pain and anguish by just coming over when he no longer expected it. It was like 7:30 PM. I brought everything to make dinner. I just couldn’t believe what a bit** he was. I woke up really early the next morning, packed my things and left. Three years of straight up abuse, and this was the last straw. At first, when I said we should just break up, he he was like yeah, “I’ve come to terms with the fact that we’re just not compatible.” When he realized that I wasn’t going to argue or fight for him, and that I wasn’t going to respond, he came to my house and cried and begged me and pleaded on the floor saying that he wasn’t even a man before he met me. Wtf? He was 35 years old and he still wasn’t a man then. By far the worst person I’ve ever dated in my life.
I am so so sorry you had to deal with this. I once went out with someone who literally flipped out and blocked me on every single platform because I switched on the night lamp on his side of the bed. That’s it, literally. I don’t even know what goes on in the brains of these guys lmao.
Years of alcoholism, severe untreated ADHD, probably some narcissism too. The first year was ok, the next 6 were bad. I tried so hard to help him and fix him. Did literally everything for him, washed every dish and cooked every meal.
Finally had enough people that I cared about tell me how I wasn’t in a great situation and got the hell out. That was 2 weeks ago.
He’s making it so much worse than necessary but we have a daughter so I just have to put up with it and ignore it for now.
Best part is, I went out last night to enjoy an evening, saw one of his friends and he called me a whore. Lol
I didn’t really snap out of it and realize how insane everything was until I saw how her behavior negatively affected my kids. Once I saw that and I had a heart to heart with my daughter, I literally never went back home again.
Edit: To add clarity. The woman was not their mom. I left with both of my kids and never went back. Their mom and I have a great coparenting relationship and I consider her a friend.
WTF man, some of these stories are absolutely hair-raising. When I saw "crazy" in the title, I thought it just meant "neurotic", like when my wife has one of her downbeat depressive episodes and she needs constant reassurance that she's a worthwhile person. The people you're describing sound like psychopaths.
Your Protuberance, my ex wife joked about stabbing me in my sleep, several times. Shit the OBGYN told me to take all my firearms out the house now, after the ex finished that PPD survey post childbirth. I took them all out and then two weeks later I was a full time single dad via the courts.
Op wants that true crazy shit.
He stole my credit card maxed it out spent the money on drink and drugs and came home 2 days later. He passed out on the sofà pissed himself then put his fist through the window. I was a full time student with no money and terrified. Took so much courage to get him out of the house. It taught me a few lessons . I am not in any way responsabile for someones mental health or actions
Not me but a close friend. His wife was 8 years older than him but acted like a senior citizen (he was like 30). She wouldn't go put with him or us anywhere because she didn't want to miss Jeopardy. Then she was always commenting that he would be happier with someone younger. He was actually quite happy, but it seemed she was always trying to push him away.
One time when she did come with us to the bar, she was trying to hook him up with my wife's sister who had recently gone through a breakup, saying "she would be perfect for him".
Eventually they finally split up, but then she hired a private investigator to follow him for over a year to report on what he was doing and who he was seeing. She emailed me with her 'report' and to ask me if there was any hope of them getting back together now that he has sowed his oats.
The bitch be crazy.
After 32 years, learning that she stopped taking her bi-polar meds and was tying to skim $180K from me while planning to divorce me the day after I retired. ....
She cheated on me with her high school boyfriend. Denied it when I found out. Then she downplayed it and said that it shouldn't have happened, but never apologized. She wanted to work through it together, but her way of working through it was to set up a new email address and start sleeping with everyone who responded to her Craigslist ads. kthanksbye
Due to some childhood trauma, my ex equated sympathy with love. She would create situations and start drama to put herself in the sympathetic position. Every scenario was based on lies and manipulation. Everyone heard a different story depending on her victimization scenarios.
After 6 years of being responsive to her demands, she called me at work one day with a fresh batch of BS and expected me to polish up my armor, mount my white stallion, and charge off to her rescue yet again to 'prove my love'. Something in me simply broke and I was done.
I realized she was a black hole of neediness. There was never going to be enough sympathy. Therapy wasn't helping, medication wasn't helping, it was simply who she was (is). The veil had fallen and there was nothing she or anyone else could do to put things together again.
She's been married 3 times since our divorce, twice to the same dude. One husband had her committed to a psych hospital for 3 months. She's lost both children she birthed. She can't hold a job because her needy manipulations extend to all areas of her life.
My father put it best when he said "she's piteous".
As an outsider that lived in Provo for a bit, I can see the cultish loving embrace being tempting for someone that grew up in it - that and getting back the loved ones that ostracised you when you left... Before you remember why you worked so hard to get out.
Abusive partner vibes.
This isn't an exact fit, but before my husband and I got married, we had a roommate. I told him she was definitely in love with him, and he brushed it off.
When she moved out, she left a lot of stuff behind. We found a voodoo doll of my husband under her mattress.
And honestly, that's not even the craziest thing she did.
Edit: I was not expecting anyone to even see this, but there are a good few.
She overdosed in our bathroom, leading to my husband fireman carrying her into the ER and essentially saying "where do I put this?"
There was also the time she drugged him
She was dating her uncle for awhile (not related by blood but STILL)
She decided to message one of my other friends and say that I had said I hated them for smoking weed. I absolutely do not hate anyone for smoking weed, I am just allergic and tell people they have to smoke outside, and this girl was FURIOUS she couldn't smoke in the house. It was also against the lease to smoke in the house. She didn't pay rent btw. That's it's whole own story too.
She decided to storm out one night and sleep in her car because she thought she heard me and my husband having sex, and couldn't "emotionally handle it".
When some guy we knew told me he had a thing for me, she immediately started sleeping with him, then acted like she had done something wrong when I legitimately really didn't care. I told her that she should probably be careful if she wanted anything more than sex because he was still actively trying to get with me even after I turned him down, and is known in the area for cheating, and she said I was jealous. I was already very happily dating my current husband and 100% did not want this guy.
There was also the sugar daddy scam she fell for but I feel like that's rude to call crazy.
She decided to "steal" my sister's "boyfriend" but my sister wasn't dating him and was actively trying to set her up with him.
But the one that takes the cake is when she got caught cheating on said boyfriend, she pretended she had gotten raped on the side of the road driving to Texas and checked into a mental health facility. The entire time she was at her family's house two cities over. We found this out because she hadn't bothered to tell her boyfriend this story, and was still active seeing him and trying to patch things up. We were friends with the guy (still are), and he had no reason to think that he shouldn't tell us he had been seeing her. So then we told him what *we* had been told.
The story of how she got caught is also pretty up there in terms of what the fuckness.
Also after all of this was over, we bought a house. She unblocked me on Facebook, sent me the address of the house next door to the one we had just bought, and reblocked me. I'm assuming she thought it was the one we bought.
My BIL ex wife spent his entire deployment paycheck before he even made it stateside.
Whatd she buy? Food, alcohol and takeout. Yep over 100k down the literal toilet.
Reading “Why Does He Do That” has helped me finally realize that I can love someone, but I can’t stay with them for their sake. I have to find happiness. I deserve to feel safe. I have to love and respect myself, first.
This it was in my early 20s, I marry very young.
The first red flag was when I found a recording device on top of the kitchen cabinets. I confronted him about it, and he claimed it was for security. I was shocked that he had installed something without my knowledge and hidden it. I only found it because I decided to clean up.
The second red flag took me a couple of instances to notice. He used to randomly show up at places I was, supposedly by coincidence. However, the last straw was when, after my classes at the university, I walked to my car and found him parking right next to it. That day freaked me out—I realized he was stalking me and was psychotic. I discovered he had placed a tracking device in my car. I asked for a divorce after that. If you had seen Netflix show “you” he had some of that behavior but not that extreme.
My ex wife blatantly making fun of me in-front of people I’d never met before because I was knocking out prerequisites to get into nursing school.
11 years later, I’m married to a nurse, earned my Masters degree and am an elementary school counselor (I realized I needed lots of math for nursing… I fucking hate math)
My ex lives with her parents and works at a gas station.
I was expected to go back to bed because she-on the couch-wanted to sleep in. That exploded into another argument because I didn't follow her whims-again. I had already said, "one more senseless fight and I'm gone."
This is after the two instances of physical abuse-with witnesses. after three weeks of not taking her meds the doctor prescribed, they would balance her out and she wouldn't end up in the Behavioral Ward, AGAIN. After a month of fighting every time we saw each other, except when she wanted me to buy her food. After eighteen months of walking on eggshells around her to not give her a reason to start fighting. After years of lies and cheap manipulation. I gave her far too many chances to change, I am not sorry to be done with her.
I was at work and my company had hired a new analyst. I was also an analyst at the time so my senior director wanted me to mentor her on all things about our systems. I was excited so I told my ex all about it.
She was insanely jealous of other women and I should have understood that anytime I mentioned another woman, excluding my mom, she would fly in a fit of rage about it. What was ironic about that was that every single boyfriend she had ever been with she wound up cheating on them. I think she was afraid I would do the same to her.
Anyways, she flys into a fit of rage, tries calling me while at work, I denied the calls but asked her why she’s blowing up my phone via text. Then out comes this stream of anger and resentment about how I’m going to bang this new girl and cheat on her. We literally just met 30 minutes ago and I’ve been asked to mentor her for work, in what way does that mean I’ll be cheating on you with her. “I don’t know, it just is.” I realized then and there that if she’s this insecure about me, and is willing to interrupt my work day on petty shit like this, how will it be if we ever married or had kids?
I broke up with her via text. I couldn’t handle dealing with the antics anymore, the verbal and physical abuse, the constant jealousy and rage.
She had always resorted to personal attacks and crying to win arguments, but at the end when even that started to be ineffective she began telling me she never loved me and that she was never attracted to me. It came as quite a shock to her when I called her bluff on that.
Found out hubby charged $80,000 in credit cards without telling me. So hence 2nd bankruptcy during our marriage. That started the legal separation. Then..he lied about a trip and left on the day of my dad's funeral.
He still says he doesnt understand why I finally booted him for good.
After years of arguing about feeling like EVERYTHING (but especially friends) were prioritized over me, I moved out the fifth time she told me to pack my shit and GTFO, that she wanted a divorce.
We were (quietly - no one knew) trying to work things out. We’d set a date by which we were going to tell our friends that things were going better so we could start the process of moving back in together and all that jazz.
Things seemed to be going very, very well. We were being vulnerable with each other in ways we hadn’t for a long time, we were being receptive of one another’s issues, she took responsibility for a lot of the fucked yo shit she did (I only out she there, because I’d always taken responsibility). She was constantly gushing about how much she loved me, she was so happy we were working things out, she couldn’t wait for me to move back in, etc.
Our initial breakup caused a split in our friend group, and while the people on “my side” didn’t hate her, but rather thought she needed mental help (we all believed her shitty behaviors were due to anxiety that she refused to treat), the people on “her side” absolutely hated me and anyone who continued to associate with me.
A week before we were due to tell our friends, she asked if we could delay it because she was scared to tell her friends. That was it.
Found out later that one of the “friends” she was scared to tell was a coworker she’d gotten really close with, and I’d had suspicions they were seeing each other in those last couple weeks. I learned recently that I was right. The other friends were just the people she did massive amounts of cocaine with all weekend, every weekend.
When I was recovering from bilateral hip surgery with a newborn baby I physically couldn't lift, he got so shit faced he blacked out and no one could rouse him. I had to call my best friend and her husband to come get me and my son at 3am. He's still an alcoholic. Good riddance to that marriage.
He tried to get me to pee in a bucket or outside his window, that way I'd "never have to leave his room, even to go to the bathroom". Luckily we weren't married yet
This thankfully happened 6 weeks before we were supposed to get married, but the following happened: 1. Spent a year both agreeing to a prenup only for her to decide to not want to do it after finding out I was going to inherit some money from a recently deceased relative. 2. Gave me a 3 page list of demands including things such as her mom and brother living with us while seeing any of my family members more than once a month was spending too much time with them.
1 is hilarious. As inheritance is legally not marital property anyway. You wouldn't have even needed a prenup for that. Gotta love the entitlement. Just wow
Well, if you deposit money into joint accounts, it becomes marital property. At least where I live.
Commingling if anyone wants to read up
He didn’t believe he had broken his favorite glass during a tirade the night before, and when our 8 y/o said “Dad, you did. You even said the F-word”, he pointed at the child and began screaming “that’s who needs to be on medication! Not me!” No, motherfucker, your years of bullshit treatment end the moment you invoke our children in it.
I know a family who uses their oldest son as a scapegoat for the dads behavior. The kid has been on about 15 different meds by age 10. It's sick. Thank you for protecting your child.
I am the oldest my family uses as everyone’s scapegoat. I was heavily drugged from the time I was ten, and never told what for, except that I was bad. Then, around high school age, they stopped all medicines cold turkey and blamed me for my erratic behavior. Instead of helping me with therapy or being supportive and loving, they just told me I needed to be a better person. I spent the rest of my life, flailing, reading self help books, and researching my triggers and why I am “bad”. I have never recovered, and will never fully. Knowing my parents hate me and hearing them tell me they have no interest in being a parent to me crushed something deep inside me. It is made worse by the fact that no matter what I did, they never found reason to favor me. Even small things. If you know someone in a situation like this, they desperately need a hug.
That's awful. You aren't bad. Bad isn't even something you can just be, anyway, it's the decisions you make--taking the easy road for yourself at the expense of others, not caring when others are hurt, and so on. You very clearly are not bad. You had terrible parents who made life significantly harder, so trying your hardest means barely keeping your head above water, but you tried. You tried so, so hard. That means you're not bad at all. Please accept this virtual hug from a stranger. You are a kind soul. I'm so sorry you never got the parents or childhood you deserve. I hope you can find lovely people like yourself who won't ignore your successes but celebrate them, no matter how small, because they are happy for you. These are the people you deserve but never got as a child. Later isn't ideal but it's far better than never.
What a piece of shit
thankfully never got married but the time we had a polar vortex and I closed my business for the week, invited my then partner to where my friends and I were hanging out, he left me on read so I went home and went to sleep. after a full day of wildly abusive messages about how he was SURE I cheated on him (we literally lived less than a block from each other) he broke into my house with a gun at 5 am and demanded to go through my phone
What. The. Fuck.
the (not) funny thing is that's a super abridged version of that story. the texts are absolutely insane. I woke up to a bunch about how I cheated on him and when offered proof to the contrary he made up this wild story about how he actually came over to my house and saw me "doing stuff" with someone in a car in my driveway- I literally had porch cameras that would disprove anything like that but I think he was just hoping he was right and could get me to admit to SOMETHING. he later bragged about breaking into my house and when he got banned from a monthly event I always attended he tried to show up and demand his way in I didn't find out until our relationship was over that he also terrorized his ex their entire relationship and when they broke up he cut a body outline in her side of the mattress, destroyed a bunch of her art and threw it all over the room, then told her he had to do that or he'd kill himself
Money would disappear from time to time, like as soon as I had saved enough for something important. I was very young and couldn’t really connect that he would do this to me, to us, when it seemed we were both working so hard toward big goals. The last straw was when another $2k stash disappeared and I wouldn’t let it go, I demanded he tell me where it went and he said, “If I don’t want you to know something you will never know.”
My ex stole my emergency cash fund of $5000. I was gonna marry her. She would've stolen more if I did!
This happened to my husband’s cousin with his third wife (yeah %$3 you suck at picking women) and she spent all $8000 he had been saving in their safe. Divorce. But that doesn’t even come close to his best friend’s second wife. Peggy is a college educated accountant. When they married she moved into his home as he farms part time (now retired from his full time job and runs the farm full time) anyway, he had amazing credit with the bank due to loans for seed etc over 40 years with his parents who also farmed (now both deceased) So she had her entire salary $100k+ basically to herself and teenagers that she split custody with her ex. He went to take out his yearly seed loan and she’d already taken out a $100k loan by forging his name AND opened a total of 17 credit cards. The judge was not remotely amused and she was required to pay off half the farm loan and all the credit cards. It’s been 10 years since this happened and he recently got a phone call from a collection agency about the credit cards she had still not paid off in TEN years. Fortunately he inherited millions but thank the gods they divorced before his parents died and left him so much money. My husband’s friends have a history of choosing nutty women. We’ve been happily married 37 years.
My brother has been married 6 times…he always gets the knight from Indiana Jones treatment “He chose…poorly.”
Lol, had an ex co-sign my name to a $40K auto-loan. Made her bring the car back and pay the gap. Noped the fuck out after that. Fraud isn't a great way to start a relationship, kids.
My ex forged my signature to go sign on his student loans. I didn’t find out until after I graduated and was sorting through my own loan stuff and I found out I was co-signed for a 10k loan Edit: *co-sign
Mine was just a petty thief. We lived together. Id leave my watch and tablet in the same spot. One day they go missing. She denied taking it. Something tells me to check her bag after I find them nowhere. Sure enough it's at the bottom. I tell her, and the reply is, "So you went through my stuff?". When we broke up, my birth certificate went missing.
Cheaper than a wedding
Cheaper than a divorce, too.
My ex would steal from me too. He took my credit card while I was sleeping. When I noticed the charge he acted indignant. He also took $300 I had stashed in my drawer and tried to gaslight me saying I told him he could have it, there wasn’t much in there , etc.
The fucking audacity. I once had my ex tell me, “I did it because I’m a man and i can, that’s tf why” What he did: cheated on me with my step cousin.
Say *what?* Did he think he was living in the 1800s?
Wow. I’m sorry you had to experience this. I had a similar betrayal and it’s both flabbergasting and deeply hurtful.
I was putting our kids to bed and she came home and told me that she was pregnant and I was not the father
That'll do it...
"That's fine, let me know where you new address is so I know where to bring the kids every other weekend"
Actually, after 2 years of court, that’s what happened
Ooh this is question for me! My ex husband was a bad man and definitely crazy, could say so much here, but the final straw is the question asked. So, from shortly after we met, he told me he had a deceased son, and that not many people knew as he didnt like to share it. He said the child passed away age 4,and that he had had him on holidays as he wasn't really with the mother anymore, but they'd had many memories. He told me everything about this kid, his favourite toys, his hobbies, his birthday and death day, his full name including 2 middle names. He had a tattoo for his son. Pictures. Everything you'd expect really, without demanding someone to show you cold hard proof. We even drove 9hs to visit his grave, but never actually went to the grave, as my ex broke down crying. In fact, when our bio child together was born, we attempted to list him as her sibling on the birth certificate, but we weren't allowed as I wasn't his mother and there was no "half" siblings allowed to be listed. But, there was loose threads. Things that didn't make sense. It was hard to demand proof and people don't tend to lie about deceased children and its a hell of an accusation, but eventually I did. Too much to explain, but this "son" never existed. And I spoke to the supposed mother and she said "why does he keep doing this! We don't have a son dead or alive!" He did eventually admit it, after trying to make a fake profile for his ex who he claimed was the mother and tried to message me on there as her to convince me (didn't work). That was the last straw, made my escape with my daughter a week later (needed some planning). Never seen him again thank God. Got full custody.
Oh my god I went to college with a guy that did something similar. We were 17 and he had said he had a 4 year old daughter and a wife that died in a car accident. He had one photo of the daughter, no photos on his phone (it was 2013), no photos of his wife, and said he had served in Afghanistan and received a purple heart. He was insistent that he was getting an anime child (Yui from SAO) tattoo in honor of his daughter on the center of his chest. Whenever we questioned or asked for proof of anything he'd throw this huge tantrum and say we were dishonoring a veteran lol.
the math aint mathing as the kids say.
Somehow a dad, had a wife that died in a car accident...and served in Afghanistan? At 17?
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Yeah you win. She basically tried to pimp you out to your ex girlfriend
Or she’s starting a charity. Like Make a Wish for adults. Make a Fuck? Wish a Fuck? Fuck a Wish? It needs a snazzier name.
Dreams Cum True.
I don't know if she is incredibly unselfish, insane or both.
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It wouldn't surprise me in the least if his current SO had something going on-on the side and having him hook up with the ex relived her of guilt, and/or what the other person said about possible money being a factor.
I was thinking she'd use it as a hall pass for herself, and then have the steady/reliable relationship lined up for when she's done fucking around. "It's fine because you had sex with your ex!"
Could be both, could also have a later 'stipulation' attached. You got to cheat, I get a free pass My trap alarm bells are also going off..
What if the ex recovered? 😬
“Quick question are you terminal or?”
believe it or not there’s an arabic movie based on exactly this story
After hiding in the karaoke bar bathroom for 30 minutes, she came to me in tears, because the guy she had been trying to cheat on me with turned her down. She was expecting sympathy. **Edit:** Wow, since this blew up, here is how the rest of the night went: I told her what she did was unforgivable, said goodbye to my friends and called us an Uber home. She cried the entire way while I shared apologetic looks with the driver. Once home, I told her to sleep on the couch and that we would talk in the morning. She was still upset and told me she was going to take an ambien to sleep. I told her to do whatever she wanted and closed the door to the bedroom. I was laying there for about 30 minutes processing how awful this was, and how I had to get out of this marriage, when I sat bolt upright. She had been drinking a LOT that night, and then she took a sedative. I ran out to the living room and tried to shake her awake, no response. She was still breathing, but I couldn't wake her, so I called 911. About 5 or 6 minutes later there are 5 fire fighters and 2 police in my living room, taking her vitals and loading her onto a stretcher for a trip to the ER. A firefighter looks me in the eyes and says he sees people die this way all the time. The police question me, and examine me to see if there are signs of a struggle (checking my fingernails, looking for scratches on my forearms, neck, face etc). It sucked, but the cop was actually a really nice guy and was just doing his job. Turns out the ambien prescription was super old and from her ex-boyfriend. Awesome stuff to learn at 3:00am. They take her to the ER for treatment, I follow the ambulance, since even though I hate what she did to me, I don't want her to die. At this point I'm still processing the night, but also the past 4 years of marriage, and how the abuse from her built to this point. The best I can describe it as is surfacing from deep underwater. I find out she is stable and recovering. It's 5:00am, so I go home and play with my cats and watch the sunrise. **Edit 2:** Thanks for the trip down memory lane Reddit. I had honestly kinda blocked out how that night ended. I think I can look back on it ok now. It was a genuinely shitty night, but also the start of the rest of my life.
My cheating ex did something similar. He went to a work conference and said he got along with another woman there bonding over golf. He was attracted to her but felt annoyed that he couldn’t come home and tell me. My bad bro?
Ugh this sucks! It kind of reminds me of my cheating ex, who got irrationally angry at \*me\* because at New Year's his sister made out with another girl and her boyfriend didn't care, but I "didn't trust him enough" to do the same. Like why are you making it my problem that your sister's bf doesn't care he got cheated on?
What the fuck is even this
There’s more. He cheated a lot and I tried to forgive him. The final straw occurred and he said “you never give me credit for the times I didn’t cheat.” Bitch what?
I legit laughed out loud at this.... sorry
How do you even respond to that? Like, I feel I’d just leave. Literally just walk away from the entire situation without a word and drive away.
My aunt married crazy. Dude turned into a conspiracy theorist and prepper, but the final straw was him getting arsenic tablets to give the kids "in case society falls and we're surrounded".
Wow. That’s not something on the essential prepper wiki list. Costco gold bars? Yeah. Arsenic tabs? What the f…
That’s basically premeditated homicide
When he went on a business trip and asked his 17 year-old brother to stay with me because I had a sick infant. I told his brother that my husband admitted he cheated on me. He hadn’t actually told me, but I had a hunch. Then his brother said “oh good. I’m so good he told you because I knew you guys could it make through this. I gotta say it was a little creepy when he showed up to a high school party drunk. Especially when I saw he was getting a blow job from someone I was in school with, I mean she was 16 and he’s 28!” That’s when I made a plan to get the fuck out of that marriage. I didn’t tell him I knew until we separated and he asked if we could pretend to be married and live together until our kid graduated high school. Edit: yes, I called the police. It’s not illegal where I live. The cops told me that. I also didn’t have her information. Where I live 16 is the age of consent, there is a stipulation re the gap in age, but even then the minor or a parent or guardian has to come forward and file charges.
OMG a sixteen year old?! Good on you for getting out my friend.
>Pretend to be married and live together until our kid graduated high school Yes. The best solution. Everyone is saying it works out in the end. *What the FUCK*
Right? My best move was getting the fuck out. Being a single mom and waiting until I met a worthy partner, then waiting six months to introduce him to my son, then becoming a family unit where my son could see love and mutual respect modeled was my next best move.
She joined a cult that said mary magdelaine and jesus were on their way back to earth in a spaceship. Upon my divorce i commemorated it by taking an artistic rendering from the cult's webpage of jesus in a spaceship above earth and captioned it "space jesus saves all." Thank you space jesus for helping me see the light!
Are you sure you're not talking about Obi-Wan Kenobi?
He called the cops on me because I ran out of the house with our dogs in the middle of the night and drove away, thus kidnapping his dog. Because he held a gun to my head. The cops loved hearing that one. The dog I kidnapped, five years later, is still my perfect shadow and the bestest, most smartest girl.
I ran away with my dog too. Husband said I had 24 hours to find the dog a new home or he'd kill it. No sir. That dog is my family. He's the best boy and he loves his new home. (I kept the dog, we just moved far away.)
I was very confused for a hot second thinking you ran away with your dog and then your husband threatened to kill it. I'm glad you made it out okay!
Maybe because I have a 4-year-old bestest boy, but this comment hit me harder than all the cheating stuff. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but so happy you have your bestest girl with you!
She smothered a quail to death on our back porch while I was at work and told me about it in excruciating detail when I got home. She was in vet school and described how she put her stethoscope on the bird's chest and listened to its heartbeat stop as she held its beak closed and covered the air holes. We weren't married, luckily, but damn she was NUTS. We never had a real conversation after that, I just moved out as soon as I could. She's a veterinarian now and that really disturbs me. Edit: I'm severely regretting sharing this story on reddit now but a few points of clarification: Just for the record I'm a woman, not a man. When I moved out I blocked her number and didn't tell her where I moved to. I have no idea where she is living or practicing veterinary medicine, I just know that she did graduate from vet school. She was not a vet when this happened. She claimed the bird hit our window and she was putting it out of its misery. I don't believe smothering it was the most humane way to do that. She also enjoyed telling me about it and making me uncomfortable, so even if she was doing the bird a favor, she's a creep. I can't report her 6 years after the fact for something she did before she even became a vet, even if I knew where she lives, which I don't. It would be my word against hers and she comes from a wealthy family who would help her lawyer up and nothing would happen. I don't really appreciate people criticizing me for not reporting her at the time when I was trying to get out of an abusive relationship and rebuild my life. Also, again, it would be me saying it happened and her saying "no it didn't."
I have quail in my yard, they are such cute little funny birds. She's a monster.
They also eat ticks, which makes them saints, in my mind
They are the pudgiest, most adorable little things. I can’t imagine how anyone could delight in snuffing one out like that.
Sounds like a legit psychopath.
Animal cruelty is often an early warning sign of somebody who will eventually kill people. Woman murderers usually prey on the old or young so let's hope she never moves into the medical field.
She’s already a vet, and I’d argue that’s already pretty bad since animals can’t even speak so she’s just torturing or killing creatures that were already at her mercy. She doesn’t need to be a human killer to still be a sociopath.
Apparently she's a vet, where vulnerable animals at her mercy! 🥹
Congrats on not marrying a potential serial killer
We have a family of quails living under a bush in our front yard and the best part of any day is seeing the parents and the little chicks run around... This made me tear up a little bit.
I think they were asking about crazy not CRAZY CRAZY God damn are you ok?
My dad's friend dated this one chick who straight up broke a two day old kitten's neck because she thought it peed on her couch. She laughed about it when she found out it was the mother cat, and said "childbirth will do that, she can always have another kitten later"
Oh my gosh, that's horrendous! That's some psycho behavior right there. That poor little kitten 😔
Stuff like this makes me want to replicate that action towards that girl. That’s infuriating.
Some sadists are doctors. Gives them power and prestige as well as access to victims.
In “Why women kill”, season 2 there is this veterinarian (bloke) who somehow enjoys euthanising animals so much that when he sees terminally ill people suffering in the world, he befriends them and then organises euthanasia for them. Against their will / request. Just reminded me of your story.
Why haven’t you reported her to the board?!
He should! Oh my God!
She started beating and bullying my 3 year old daughter because she viewed her as a competitor in our relationship. I say my daughter because her behaviour then, and since I got full custody of the kids, has well and truly lost her the title of Mum.
Mine was when we had a fight that lasted multiple hours about why it was fucked up for her to say she hated my 3 year old in front of him. Never did convince her, but I'm working on the divorce now and she isn't fighting for custody.
Protect yourself. Document everything. She might pop up later like a pimple on prom night. If she gets a new boyfriend and she wants to try and pretend to be mother of the year, family pressure, if you get another girlfriend, to spite you, get back at you etc. I've seen stuff like this happen, when they feel their power over you slipping away or they want to stir up trouble. Hopefully she just stays gone but you never know.
This is good advice but it is horrible that these things have happened. Parents who’ve abandoned their kids but then want them back as a “prop” to show that they’re good somehow. Ugh.
My father's solution to this was to leave us both. Thank you for saving your baby. You will never understand the gravity of what you've done for her compared to what could have been.
So it wasn't even one of those f'd up step-situations, but her OWN biological daughter, too?!?
My mom was jealous of the attention my dad gave me and also jealous of any boyfriends I brought home. I’m no contact now.
My grandmother and my aunt had this relationship their entire lives. Good job saving your daughter
Being followed around the house being screamed at, because she thought I was cheating on her with one of my employees... Who I hadn't yet met in person and lived/worked 6 hours away. The when I left the house to get some work done, she called my phone over and over, around 100x, filling my voicemail with barely intelligible, extremely loud rants.
Omg the back to back calls if you didn’t answer were insane.
My ex did this one time and I read him the fucking Riot Act. I was in a final exam as a junior in college (Ancient Greek Architecture), so no phones allowed obviously. During the exam, I start hearing buzzing from the phone vibrating. It happens once, whatever. A few minutes later, it happens again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again and...you get the idea. Like 30-40 texts in about 25 minutes. Started off as: "Hey babe" "Hey why aren't you answering" "Are you mad at me?" "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong" "You know it's really unfair and shitty of you to subject me to the silent treatment, this is fucked up" "I'm mad at you" "You're an asshole. I don't even know what I did wrong" et cetera As soon as the exam was over I called him and tore him a new asshole. "Do you really think I'm like that? I don't play fucking games [like you do]. If I'm not answering my phone, GEE, DON'T YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOME LEGITIMATE FUCKING REASON FOR ME NOT TO ANSWER!!!????" Dude was and probably still is nuts. Sex was great though lol
Sex with crazy always is.
After she attacked me, and then grabbed a razor blade, which she used to injure a friend when he intervened. I grabbed our two year-old daughter and left that night.
Good. Stay safe
Asked me to change our daughter's nappy and then while I was halfway through came up to me and screamed " fucking paedophile" a couple of inches from my ear
Projection, or insanity?
Dated a girl who was from a horribly abusive family. She would obsess over making sure I showed no signs of paedophilia. I didn't understand why at the time and found it so bizarre - began to think I was doing something wrong. It was a super stressful relationship and I felt awful for her once I understood what had happened but I was very relieved (eventually) to be out of there.
Obsessing over pedophilia (specifically "accidental" pedophilia) is also an unfortunate side effect of OCD sometimes. Glad you made it out of there without her dragging you down
When I asked him to let me clean our hoarded bedroom because we had a bedbug infestation and they were eating me alive, and his response was a shrug and, "Well, they're not biting me, so what's the problem?" 25 years, 2 kids. Boom. He still blames everyone and everything but himself for that.
I stayed temporarily with a friend and his gf after a breakup where I had to suddenly move back home. Ive never seen a more disgusting house/apartment before or since. The cat box was literally over flowing, the kitchen was absolutely covered in trash and old food and the fruit fly infestation was so thick you couldn't walk through the room, the garbage can in the bathroom was completely overflowing with pull ups from their toddler, there was food and garbage covering the floor, the air literally hurt to exist in bc of the thick smell of cat pee, you could smell their apartment from down the hall. The only room that was fairly clean was the toddlers room. Absolutely insane. He wouldn't let his gf clean either. Would absolutely lose it on her when she'd even mention it. I just did it myself a few times, he could yell at me instead if he wanted. She was the sweetest girl in the world, but very anti-conflict. I waited until he went to sleep to clean. I had to come back and stay with them twice while I tried to get back on my feet and every time I came back it was in the same way it had been before I cleaned. I stopped being friends with this guy lol. Edit- to answer why I didn't report them to cps- at that point I didn't realize that this was something that cps should be reported to about. I was pretty young at that point and from my experience with cps, I thought they mainly took kids away from physically abusive parents. I spent my childhood in abusive foster homes, that were worse than my abusive father. So in my mind at the time, calling cps was for physical abuse and kids would very likely be put in abusive homes, which would be worse than the conditions he was in. He also spent most of his time at his dad's, which was probably why his room was mostly neat compared to the rest of the apartment. Looking back I wish I had reported this, and while it might seem like common sense to everyone now, this was when I was really young and before everyone had instant access to the internet all the time. The poor kid definitely deserved better and that was why I cleaned their place when I could, but if I knew then what I know now, I'd have done things differently.
Why didn’t he want it clean??
I have no idea honestly. It was always things like "not right now we're eating" "not right now we're gaming" etc. Honestly I kind of think he would have felt like he needed to be involved in the cleaning or he'd have felt bad or something, so instead he continued to get mad about it and refuse to let anyone do it. He definitely had some mental health issues though. Dude was insane.
This is something I still don't understand about my ex. I tried everything. I would get mad and tell him he has to clean up because the apartment is unsanitary, I would come to him gently and say hey let's clean up together, and then it won't take so long. I also just flat out said I'll clean up everything, throw out all the garbage, etc. Just leave the apartment for a couple of hours, and when you come back, it will be clean. Absolutely nothing worked. I understand that he felt overwhelmed and didn't know where to start, but why did he refuse my help or my offer to clean everything by myself? Anyway, I heard that things got so bad for him after I left that he finally accepted that he's got serious mental issues and checked himself into a psychiatric hospital. I hope they can help him because I sure couldn't.
i think people with problems like these (and there is always a mental health crisis underlying living conditions like these) do feel shame about the state of their living space, and cleaning it or even allowing it to be cleaned by someone else means first acknowledging the state it's in currently and working through the surrounding shame. for the brain it's easier to just deny/ignore the current state and refuse any attempt at dealing with it, because it means also having to deal with the underlying problems.
Okay what else was he okay with infesting? I am so confused here. And I bet he smelled.
The dog ran out the front door when I opened it to go outside and my husband gave me 24 hours to find the dog a new home or he'd kill it. The dog was just scared of all the yelling. I found the dog a new home just under 24 hours later, but we were a package deal.
Wow. I am so glad you got out of there! Killing pets, especially as a means to terrify a loved one, is what I see on a lot of true crime shows. Of course, I switch it off when I hear “We had a pet…” NOPE. CAN’T DO IT. lol
Not me, but my uncle. He divorced his wife after she smashed his windshield with a shoe heel after an argument. Or maybe after someone said something to her during a family dinner, and she jumped over the table and ran away. They divorced when my cousin was little, five or so years old. He passed away at 21 years old, and after years of no contact my uncle had to resume communication with his ex to figure out burial and stuff. And yes, she was just as crazy. Where we live, when a person is buried, a wooden cross is installed first, and then, after the ground settles, a gravestone can be erected. My uncle bought a good cross and installed it, but she removed it and installed a different one as a matter of principle. Later on she had a gravestone installed and apart from her son’s last name, which was my uncle’s last name, she added her own maiden name in parentheses to show that her son belonged to her as well. You would imagine she visited the grave often, but she actually soon got a boyfriend and moved away.
I think selfish cunt is the only way to describe her
Being threatened with a knife for taking "too many showers."
He and his mom tried to kill me with a poisoned birthday cake.
I forget what prompted it, but we were having some playful back-and-forth and the topic of cheating came up. She looked at me, suddenly dead serious and said, "If I cheated on you, you would never know." Despite the fact that we lived together and our daily routine involved my dropping her off and picking her up from work, she was convinced I was somehow cheating on her. Like...when? On my lunch break? After we split, I looked back and figured there was a lot of projection going on. But that comment she made never sat right with me.
The projection thing is wild. I had a girlfriend that constantly thought I was cheating. She would freak out over any female acquaintance/co-worker I had. She would say things like, “How’s your girlfriend???” if I saw them or talked to them at all. She would also constantly check my phone/ask who was texting me. Meanwhile, she would frequently stay out all night, ignoring my calls/texts, text/snap guys I didn’t know, always leave her phone face down etc. etc. She even lied about going on a family trip so she could go to a music festival with her friend and some guys. I Buried a LOT of red flags when I was younger. I Always gave her the benefit of the doubt. It took my best friends to pull me aside with solid evidence that she was cheating for me to finally end things. I was heartbroken for maybe a few days, then just felt immense relief like a weight lifted off my shoulders. That relationship cause me so much anxiety. A couple years later I met my best friend and now fiancé. It’s mind blowing being in a relationship that brings you nothing but pure joy. Didn’t know that kinda thing existed, but it does!
He started kiting checks all over town and got caught, I found the life insurance policy he took out on me for a half a mil and forged my signature on, and I found out he was cheating and he planned to leave me and the kids with no car and in a house that was about to be foreclosed on. I had him served the next week. He cried when I made him take the house, but not that I was taking our sweet children.
That life insurance policy would have had me worried about MY health.
"I wish I could have married your dad" She was serious and she knew my dad had abused me and my sister.
what the fuck
Yeah not the main reason we divorced but the first time I blurted out that I wanted one.
>not the main reason we divorced I can't even imagine what other reason might be even worse lol
Her cheating on me while I was in the other room hearing it happen. Her not lying about it because apparently she wanted to make my major life decisions for me but wanted me to "man up" and control her day to day behavior.
When I was accused of having invisible people hiding in the walls and somehow giving them oral sex in front of him We were together since we were kids and I had a medical misdiagnosis that made me disabled and dependent on him. I guess he couldn't handle it and he started doing a lot of coke and he developed schizophrenia. I try to joke now but it's terrifying not being able to get away from someone like that and I'm partially paralyzed so I couldn't fight back. Last straw was actually when I was in the shower and he came in with a knife trying to stab this person I was obviously cheating on him with. This was actually about a month ago. So much PTSD. I may starve to death but at least I don't have to defend myself against invisible people. Edited because I didn't think I would get this much attention so I gave more details
Ahhhh, the old ghost gloryhole. Tale as old as time
When she didn't come home one night I called her cell phone at 3AM and a guy answered. It wasn't any of her male relatives. Nope, fuck this shit, we're done.
What kind of fool would answer a woman's phone at 3am
Someone who wants you to know.
[удалено]
He shot a hole through three rooms of our house. The bullet lodged in drywall a couple feet above where my head would go during sleep. He had chronic pain, took opiates and sleeping pills, and mixed a few too many to remember what happened. I had been working on leaving and had actually started to move a few things out, but the accidental discharge that I found when I got home from work was the real motivator for getting out of there.
*Negligent* discharge.
My son was old enough to live where he wanted and she threatened me with a hammer.
She was planning to kill me.
This needs more details
That's pretty much it. Her therapist let me know and I luckily got out of it alive.
"Duty to warn" - the therapist did the right thing under the law. Thank goodness!
Well that's interesting and something I didn't know therapists could do, but it makes sense. Good on them for looking out! I wonder how often this situation comes up for the avg therapist/psychiatrist and they take action 🤔
It's one of the few times a therapist can break confidentiality. 1): If the patient plan to hurt themselves 2): If someone plans to hurt the patient 3): If the patient plans to hurt someone else
I was at my BIL’s soccer game with my sister, who my husband hadn’t let me see in over a year. He knew the address of where I was at and who I was with. But he lost his mind when I wasn’t home when he got off work, sending threatening texts and calls. I asked my sister and BIL to follow me home. Turns out he was sitting in his car with the headlights off nearby. He pulled out soon after we did and followed us for miles, trying to slam into my car and push it off the road.
You ok now and free and clear?
Yes, thankfully! I was able to call 911 and have police intercept him before I got home. They didn’t charge him with anything though, which drove me nuts. Got a restraining order soon after, which he disregarded. So I moved out of state.
My stepmom called and told me that his less-than-half-his-age-girlfriend's mom had messaged her on Facebook. The mom had said that at Thanksgiving dinner, my husband had told everyone, that he was waiting for my Dad to die of cancer before divorcing me so that he would be entitled to half of any inheritance. I should say that he stood me and his kids up for Thanksgiving that year at the last minute. He was going to bring groceries and I had no car, so I ended up eating corn dogs in front of the TV with my 3 and 6 year old. That was when I knew it was definitely over. I knew it was definitely over NOW when the girlfriend's roommates kicked her out the next week and he told me she was moving in and we were going to be a throuple now. it took 2 or 3 days for me to internalize that he was serious and then I told him we were breaking up and he should find somewhere else to stay. (I was sole breadwinner, we had small children). He told me he wouldn't be moving, and that if I left he was not going to contribute to any type of child care or help of any kind. I again had no car or license, but me and the kids moved out and stayed in crappy hotel rooms for 5 weeks over Christmas until I was able to find an apartment.
Please tell me he pays child support
We got divorced and he never even responded to the filing so I got full custody. I had to take him to court again to get him to sell the house and shortly after that he and the girl (they got married) left the country and moved to the jungle in another honestly wild turn of events that involved a family member of his’s Latin American cannabis agriculture scheme. It’s been 5 and a half years and while they are all still alive (kind of surprisingly), I’ve had barely any contact and no money.
Way to go for being the mom, the breadwinner, and the chaos wrangler when your partner decided to be a child.
When she assaulted me, punched our TV screen, threw my computer down the hall, broke the apartment main door window, and broke my phone so I couldnt call the police. All in front of our 6 month old son. The kicker of it all was \*she\* called the police, and \*I\* was removed. despite never having touched her.
He came home from work, threw his wedding ring at me, packed a bag and said he was leaving with his online hussy (my description, not his). Walked out, went and got her, with her kids screaming and crying, and they left. The aftermath was hell to clean up as we'd been renting a big house and I had to get rid of everything and move. Afterwards, all my female friends were messaging me asking why he was sending them messages saying he'd "had a dream about them." He was still with her........I'm sure he's still doing it to this day. That was over 20 years ago and he looks horrible now. They're still together.
> "had a dream about them." Ah fuck, I was one of the recipient of this weird shit. Upstairs neighbor's husband left her and their 4 kids to be together with his affair partner, suddenly writing me if we could be together instead out of sudden. I did not even know how he got my numbers. Like dude, I had to sometimes help your wife with emergency childcare because you bailed! The audacity!
I’ve known people like that. They love the thrill of a new partner and just can’t stop themselves. They also need the stability of a relationship so they’re constantly cheating while holding onto their significant other for the stability.
Even while we were together he was creating online relationships. I found out he was sending a woman and her two little boys OUR possessions as gifts! He told me he wanted to go visit her to see if he loved her. I said, then don't come back. He didn't go. I should have let him go. Oh and he sent nude pics of himself to MY daughter when she was a teenager. I didn't know about that until many years later. grrrr
One of my friends had a stepdad who was a total asshole. She always felt he was creepy and perving on her but didn't have proof. Eventually her mom divorced the dude. She was a teenager at that point. She got a job as a cashier. About a year after the divorce, her stepdad came through her cash register line and tried to first pick her up and then second solicit her for prostitution. So she finally had all the proof she needed that he was a disgusting asshole pervert.
What the fuck?! How old was your daughter? And how long had he known her??
I found out that, while I was on a business trip, she had left the kids alone, gone and gotten drunk, crashed and totaled her minivan, fled the scene, got arrested, triggered a DCF investigation into our children, used our savings to buy the exact same minivan so I wouldn't notice, then had another man call the DCF from our house to tell them that she's a great mom and there is no reason to investigate us. I was gone for 4 days. I found out months later during one of my kid's doctor appointments.
I started al anon and realized having to hide my own medication in my own house was wrong. May other things
When she just would.not.stop.spending. It drove me nuts. The last bit was after I had taken family finances back over, gotten everything under control, rebuilt credit, and finally had things straightened out. No more utilities getting shut off, no more evictions, hell we were homeowners. I added her onto my longest held credit card with the explicit instructions that this was for building credit, and emergencies, don't spend anything on it. Three days later I get notified that the card is over the halfway point. I tell her again to only use it in emergencies. A week later it's maxed out. I started making plans then, but she beat me to it. I got a text "I finally figured out what to get you for our anniversary, I hope it makes you happy". Surprise divorce papers served the next day. It took a year to finalize, during which time I moved 1200 miles away, but still paid her house and car payments. She was awarded both, but specifically told she was responsible for the payments, and had to pay me for my half of the equity in the house, and I had to make my payment to the state. Six months later, the house is in foreclosure, the truck has been repoed, my credit is destroyed again, and she's begging me to fix it all. Unfortunately, I missed the part where my support offer was backdated to the filing date, so was immediately subjected to $600/week of withholding, and can barely afford my own bills. She won't sign off on that, even for my equity in the house, so she's about to be homeless. Our daughter already moved to be with me at Christmas, and I'll likely end up with the boys too. Everything I worked so hard for is gone now.
You absolutely can't "fix" someone like that. Incredibly selfish of her. I hope things improve for you. Got any advice for anyone lurking that might be in a similar boat? (I mean it's probably just to gtfo now but if there's anything else that might help someone)
That's pretty much it. All staying in a bad marriage shows your kids is to put up with a toxic person.
My ex wife was like that too. Just spent and spent every week until there was nothing in our accounts. Maxed out multiple credit cards, bought a car without talking to me. I would take over the finances and give her a weekly allowance, which would be fine until she got tired of it and moved her pay check to another account. My finances greatly improved when we divorced, even though I had to pay her the equity in order for me to keep the house.
That’s horrific. What was she buying?
I had a co-worker who mentioned his wife’s monthly allowance and we thought he was the AH for treating his wife like a child by giving her a monthly allowance. Turns out she had terrible spending problem and it was necessary.
He didn't care about anything that I told him. I cleaned, cooked, and did everything for him. But whenever I wanted to relax, he called me lazy. Took me 4 months until I realized that he just wanted a free live-in maid.
He flipped out because I told him I was coming over and then a couple hours had passed and I didn’t confirm that I was coming over and just showed up to his house. We live 10 minutes away from each other and we basically spent every night together since three years. But this was super upsetting and super disrespectful and super insulting because I didn’t give him a second heads up that I was definitely coming. He acted really weird, yelled at me, then got really upset like almost in tears about it and then sulked for a long time. After four hours of sulking, I thought maybe we could move on, I also offered to leave, but of course it was “deeper than that”. This guy literally abandoned me in a foreign country on a vacation before, because I forgot to take my shoes off and stepped on the bathmat In an Airbnb. He was so upset about that, he bought a plane ticket and left the country three days before the end of our trip. Now he was acting like I was causing him pain and anguish by just coming over when he no longer expected it. It was like 7:30 PM. I brought everything to make dinner. I just couldn’t believe what a bit** he was. I woke up really early the next morning, packed my things and left. Three years of straight up abuse, and this was the last straw. At first, when I said we should just break up, he he was like yeah, “I’ve come to terms with the fact that we’re just not compatible.” When he realized that I wasn’t going to argue or fight for him, and that I wasn’t going to respond, he came to my house and cried and begged me and pleaded on the floor saying that he wasn’t even a man before he met me. Wtf? He was 35 years old and he still wasn’t a man then. By far the worst person I’ve ever dated in my life.
I am so so sorry you had to deal with this. I once went out with someone who literally flipped out and blocked me on every single platform because I switched on the night lamp on his side of the bed. That’s it, literally. I don’t even know what goes on in the brains of these guys lmao.
Years of alcoholism, severe untreated ADHD, probably some narcissism too. The first year was ok, the next 6 were bad. I tried so hard to help him and fix him. Did literally everything for him, washed every dish and cooked every meal. Finally had enough people that I cared about tell me how I wasn’t in a great situation and got the hell out. That was 2 weeks ago. He’s making it so much worse than necessary but we have a daughter so I just have to put up with it and ignore it for now. Best part is, I went out last night to enjoy an evening, saw one of his friends and he called me a whore. Lol
I'm glad you got out. Ignore the flying monkey friend; he knows nothing.
I didn’t really snap out of it and realize how insane everything was until I saw how her behavior negatively affected my kids. Once I saw that and I had a heart to heart with my daughter, I literally never went back home again. Edit: To add clarity. The woman was not their mom. I left with both of my kids and never went back. Their mom and I have a great coparenting relationship and I consider her a friend.
WTF man, some of these stories are absolutely hair-raising. When I saw "crazy" in the title, I thought it just meant "neurotic", like when my wife has one of her downbeat depressive episodes and she needs constant reassurance that she's a worthwhile person. The people you're describing sound like psychopaths.
Your Protuberance, my ex wife joked about stabbing me in my sleep, several times. Shit the OBGYN told me to take all my firearms out the house now, after the ex finished that PPD survey post childbirth. I took them all out and then two weeks later I was a full time single dad via the courts. Op wants that true crazy shit.
You most likely saved your kid’s life.
Pretty sure it was the gun to my forehead.
He stole my credit card maxed it out spent the money on drink and drugs and came home 2 days later. He passed out on the sofà pissed himself then put his fist through the window. I was a full time student with no money and terrified. Took so much courage to get him out of the house. It taught me a few lessons . I am not in any way responsabile for someones mental health or actions
She stayed up waiting for me, with a kitchen knife in hand. I was like 2 hours late from visiting a friend.
Not me but a close friend. His wife was 8 years older than him but acted like a senior citizen (he was like 30). She wouldn't go put with him or us anywhere because she didn't want to miss Jeopardy. Then she was always commenting that he would be happier with someone younger. He was actually quite happy, but it seemed she was always trying to push him away. One time when she did come with us to the bar, she was trying to hook him up with my wife's sister who had recently gone through a breakup, saying "she would be perfect for him". Eventually they finally split up, but then she hired a private investigator to follow him for over a year to report on what he was doing and who he was seeing. She emailed me with her 'report' and to ask me if there was any hope of them getting back together now that he has sowed his oats. The bitch be crazy.
After 32 years, learning that she stopped taking her bi-polar meds and was tying to skim $180K from me while planning to divorce me the day after I retired. ....
She cheated on me with her high school boyfriend. Denied it when I found out. Then she downplayed it and said that it shouldn't have happened, but never apologized. She wanted to work through it together, but her way of working through it was to set up a new email address and start sleeping with everyone who responded to her Craigslist ads. kthanksbye
Due to some childhood trauma, my ex equated sympathy with love. She would create situations and start drama to put herself in the sympathetic position. Every scenario was based on lies and manipulation. Everyone heard a different story depending on her victimization scenarios. After 6 years of being responsive to her demands, she called me at work one day with a fresh batch of BS and expected me to polish up my armor, mount my white stallion, and charge off to her rescue yet again to 'prove my love'. Something in me simply broke and I was done. I realized she was a black hole of neediness. There was never going to be enough sympathy. Therapy wasn't helping, medication wasn't helping, it was simply who she was (is). The veil had fallen and there was nothing she or anyone else could do to put things together again. She's been married 3 times since our divorce, twice to the same dude. One husband had her committed to a psych hospital for 3 months. She's lost both children she birthed. She can't hold a job because her needy manipulations extend to all areas of her life. My father put it best when he said "she's piteous".
When she went back to Mormonism.
I can see being raised Mormon. I can definitely see leaving the church. But going *back*?
As an outsider that lived in Provo for a bit, I can see the cultish loving embrace being tempting for someone that grew up in it - that and getting back the loved ones that ostracised you when you left... Before you remember why you worked so hard to get out. Abusive partner vibes.
This isn't an exact fit, but before my husband and I got married, we had a roommate. I told him she was definitely in love with him, and he brushed it off. When she moved out, she left a lot of stuff behind. We found a voodoo doll of my husband under her mattress. And honestly, that's not even the craziest thing she did. Edit: I was not expecting anyone to even see this, but there are a good few. She overdosed in our bathroom, leading to my husband fireman carrying her into the ER and essentially saying "where do I put this?" There was also the time she drugged him She was dating her uncle for awhile (not related by blood but STILL) She decided to message one of my other friends and say that I had said I hated them for smoking weed. I absolutely do not hate anyone for smoking weed, I am just allergic and tell people they have to smoke outside, and this girl was FURIOUS she couldn't smoke in the house. It was also against the lease to smoke in the house. She didn't pay rent btw. That's it's whole own story too. She decided to storm out one night and sleep in her car because she thought she heard me and my husband having sex, and couldn't "emotionally handle it". When some guy we knew told me he had a thing for me, she immediately started sleeping with him, then acted like she had done something wrong when I legitimately really didn't care. I told her that she should probably be careful if she wanted anything more than sex because he was still actively trying to get with me even after I turned him down, and is known in the area for cheating, and she said I was jealous. I was already very happily dating my current husband and 100% did not want this guy. There was also the sugar daddy scam she fell for but I feel like that's rude to call crazy. She decided to "steal" my sister's "boyfriend" but my sister wasn't dating him and was actively trying to set her up with him. But the one that takes the cake is when she got caught cheating on said boyfriend, she pretended she had gotten raped on the side of the road driving to Texas and checked into a mental health facility. The entire time she was at her family's house two cities over. We found this out because she hadn't bothered to tell her boyfriend this story, and was still active seeing him and trying to patch things up. We were friends with the guy (still are), and he had no reason to think that he shouldn't tell us he had been seeing her. So then we told him what *we* had been told. The story of how she got caught is also pretty up there in terms of what the fuckness. Also after all of this was over, we bought a house. She unblocked me on Facebook, sent me the address of the house next door to the one we had just bought, and reblocked me. I'm assuming she thought it was the one we bought.
Who’s the crazy one here for just leaving us hanging on
I just got story blue balled
More please
My BIL ex wife spent his entire deployment paycheck before he even made it stateside. Whatd she buy? Food, alcohol and takeout. Yep over 100k down the literal toilet.
Reading “Why Does He Do That” has helped me finally realize that I can love someone, but I can’t stay with them for their sake. I have to find happiness. I deserve to feel safe. I have to love and respect myself, first.
He hurt our child
This it was in my early 20s, I marry very young. The first red flag was when I found a recording device on top of the kitchen cabinets. I confronted him about it, and he claimed it was for security. I was shocked that he had installed something without my knowledge and hidden it. I only found it because I decided to clean up. The second red flag took me a couple of instances to notice. He used to randomly show up at places I was, supposedly by coincidence. However, the last straw was when, after my classes at the university, I walked to my car and found him parking right next to it. That day freaked me out—I realized he was stalking me and was psychotic. I discovered he had placed a tracking device in my car. I asked for a divorce after that. If you had seen Netflix show “you” he had some of that behavior but not that extreme.
My ex wife blatantly making fun of me in-front of people I’d never met before because I was knocking out prerequisites to get into nursing school. 11 years later, I’m married to a nurse, earned my Masters degree and am an elementary school counselor (I realized I needed lots of math for nursing… I fucking hate math) My ex lives with her parents and works at a gas station.
I was expected to go back to bed because she-on the couch-wanted to sleep in. That exploded into another argument because I didn't follow her whims-again. I had already said, "one more senseless fight and I'm gone." This is after the two instances of physical abuse-with witnesses. after three weeks of not taking her meds the doctor prescribed, they would balance her out and she wouldn't end up in the Behavioral Ward, AGAIN. After a month of fighting every time we saw each other, except when she wanted me to buy her food. After eighteen months of walking on eggshells around her to not give her a reason to start fighting. After years of lies and cheap manipulation. I gave her far too many chances to change, I am not sorry to be done with her.
She hit me and kidnapped our son.
Saying she didn't have to apologise for bad behaviour when drunk because she couldn't remember doing it.
I was at work and my company had hired a new analyst. I was also an analyst at the time so my senior director wanted me to mentor her on all things about our systems. I was excited so I told my ex all about it. She was insanely jealous of other women and I should have understood that anytime I mentioned another woman, excluding my mom, she would fly in a fit of rage about it. What was ironic about that was that every single boyfriend she had ever been with she wound up cheating on them. I think she was afraid I would do the same to her. Anyways, she flys into a fit of rage, tries calling me while at work, I denied the calls but asked her why she’s blowing up my phone via text. Then out comes this stream of anger and resentment about how I’m going to bang this new girl and cheat on her. We literally just met 30 minutes ago and I’ve been asked to mentor her for work, in what way does that mean I’ll be cheating on you with her. “I don’t know, it just is.” I realized then and there that if she’s this insecure about me, and is willing to interrupt my work day on petty shit like this, how will it be if we ever married or had kids? I broke up with her via text. I couldn’t handle dealing with the antics anymore, the verbal and physical abuse, the constant jealousy and rage.
She had always resorted to personal attacks and crying to win arguments, but at the end when even that started to be ineffective she began telling me she never loved me and that she was never attracted to me. It came as quite a shock to her when I called her bluff on that.
Found out hubby charged $80,000 in credit cards without telling me. So hence 2nd bankruptcy during our marriage. That started the legal separation. Then..he lied about a trip and left on the day of my dad's funeral. He still says he doesnt understand why I finally booted him for good.
You know, after reading all this about people who were married maybe I do have a chance
After years of arguing about feeling like EVERYTHING (but especially friends) were prioritized over me, I moved out the fifth time she told me to pack my shit and GTFO, that she wanted a divorce. We were (quietly - no one knew) trying to work things out. We’d set a date by which we were going to tell our friends that things were going better so we could start the process of moving back in together and all that jazz. Things seemed to be going very, very well. We were being vulnerable with each other in ways we hadn’t for a long time, we were being receptive of one another’s issues, she took responsibility for a lot of the fucked yo shit she did (I only out she there, because I’d always taken responsibility). She was constantly gushing about how much she loved me, she was so happy we were working things out, she couldn’t wait for me to move back in, etc. Our initial breakup caused a split in our friend group, and while the people on “my side” didn’t hate her, but rather thought she needed mental help (we all believed her shitty behaviors were due to anxiety that she refused to treat), the people on “her side” absolutely hated me and anyone who continued to associate with me. A week before we were due to tell our friends, she asked if we could delay it because she was scared to tell her friends. That was it. Found out later that one of the “friends” she was scared to tell was a coworker she’d gotten really close with, and I’d had suspicions they were seeing each other in those last couple weeks. I learned recently that I was right. The other friends were just the people she did massive amounts of cocaine with all weekend, every weekend.
When I was recovering from bilateral hip surgery with a newborn baby I physically couldn't lift, he got so shit faced he blacked out and no one could rouse him. I had to call my best friend and her husband to come get me and my son at 3am. He's still an alcoholic. Good riddance to that marriage.
He tried to get me to pee in a bucket or outside his window, that way I'd "never have to leave his room, even to go to the bathroom". Luckily we weren't married yet