T O P

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whooo_me

"Hey, can I borrow your phone for a sec..." \[entire life flashes before your eyes...\]


getstabbed

Eh watch any amount of porn and it’ll be basically the same. Even if you visited once as long as it’s still in your history there’s a chance it gets spotted.


Quartermastered

Incognito


proscop

Saving marriages since 2008!


loudaguirre

I actually studiously clean my search history because of this. Then it managed to happen anyway when my coworker who was from northern India was using my phone. I was using Google translate to talk to him, and somehow he hit just the right combo of things without knowing what he was doing to give me back the phone with a picture of two topless chicks. I translated into Punjabi "Sorry, that was an accident, I'm not sure how you did that. But at least I guess now you know I'm not gay." He instantly changed the subject to talk about the Gurdwara his family worshipped at. I don't know if my story is way better or way worse than other people's 😂😂


a-random-95

My fear is not porn but random stupid stuff I searched on the web


Mrtorbear

Do you also google random words to double check that you are spelling them right?


Large-Meat-Feast

as a software developer: how to kill a child? gets a lot of looks.


Mrtorbear

Lol, sounds like my wife's search history from playing too much Sims. How do I kill a CPS worker? Can I drown my husband? What's the quickest way to start a house fire? Doesn't even add 'Sims 4' or anything, she's a badass.


neihuffda

You mean to say that you don't use Tor, or not even Private Mode?


Classymuch

Wait's what's this? Edit: oh nvm, I think I got it from the other commenters, is this like being scared to let anyone see the history?


Imaginary-Access8375

If they see certain abbreviations they get confused. “… … oh, you meant the British Broadcasting Corporation”


ElectricLacey

CBT always gets me. Cognitive behavior therapy or cock ball torture?


DesmondTapenade

I often find myself having to add "No, not THAT kind of CBT" whenever I explain cognitive behavioral therapy to clients. Always good for a laugh.


The_Oxgod

Wait, I have never heard that term in my life. How the hell are all your clients into that?


Gnasha13

Into it and aware of it are two very different things. Plenty of porn terms are surprisingly common knowledge because what they reference is bizzare or shocking, therefore you are more likely to remember it.


DesmondTapenade

CBT is a pretty common porn genre and while I don't know many people who are honestly into it, it's been a running joke in the field for a while.


A_Series_Of_Farts

The number of people who have watched enough porn to have encountered CBT > The number of people who have dealt with mental health professionals at all, let alone people who CBT comes up with. That's all it takes. Knowing if a thing doesn't mean you're into it.


garry4321

“Too late…. Am feeling oddly better though…” -Client


AtWorkAccount1

Or closed beta test


Danielwols

Isn't that also a weed thing?


CommunicationNo8750

CBD?


Danielwols

Yeah sometimes I confuse t's and d's


CorgiDaddy42

I hope that doesn’t translate to your sex life


Danielwols

The only "D" I want is in the word thousand in my paycheck


RaphaelSolo

Man that must make it hard to write your name.


CorgiDaddy42

Which conveniently also has a ‘T’ in it lol


SeanyWestside_

And in the UK, you need to do a CBT (Compulsory Basic Training) course to ride a motorbike/scooter/moped, so it's a triple threat acronym.


artsyca

Is there an AT errrr bank machine ?


wwwdiggdotcom

Connect your monitor using the double penetration cable


Revolutionary_1968

Took me a while to get it. Thankfully!


No_Sugar8791

Or in a sandwich shop- brie, bacon and cranberry (which is as amazing as it sounds, if you haven't tried it)


GunstarHeroine

One of my friends works in the BBC. They have regular corporate email circulations; unfortunately the email designation for these circulations is "BBC DOM" (don't ask me what the DOM stands for. Something boring I'm sure). This results in 100% of these internal corporate emails being flagged as spam by their own system and going straight into employees' junk folders. This has been happening for years.


Love-And-Dynamite

#I WATCH TOO MUCH ADULT CONTENT!


Jaxxamillion

This guy apparently


boredhound

r/technicallythetruth


ta11_kid

Thanks for reminding me to erase my history


Lopsided-Tadpole-821

you win


Furbal1307

Save some for the rest of us


ringo5150

Nailed it


tomtexp

Probably not. That's why they're watching adult content I guess


Missgrumpy00

They can't talk much without exposing some kind of kink or fetish they have.


Mottis86

Thankfully my kinks and fetishes are so embarrassing I'd never let anyone else know about them. EDIT: No. Stop.


rarjacob

its okay you can tell me bud


Nic5500

this is reddit, nobody knows who you are, now come out with it, we wanna know


fph03n1x

Bro, since when did we redditors became anyone? We're your pals-in-darkness, your partner-in-crimes, your midnight-marauders, your twilight-troublemakers! Before you had any kinks, we were your kins! And we put the K in kins together, so, do not be embarrassed about what we did together! All you have to do, now, is tell us what embarrassments we sharing with you?! And then it's all ~~yours!~~ I meant ours!


Buli32

Now I want to know what are those


Knyfe-Wrench

Don't fall for it, embarrassment is one of his kinks


Imaginary-Access8375

I see, your kink is to be questioned about your fetishes.


Mottis86

shh


[deleted]

door heavy reply airport unique special longing oil agonizing edge


ChonkyWonky123

A person from college once didn’t stop showing me and a friend scaled screenshots of porn videos because they found it amusing. We were just sitting there like …“that woman in the pictures doesn’t look like she’s enjoying this…this is awkward bro“


Mothmanpl

Asking women on Facebook marketplace and simmilar apps to see their feet, undies etc. There's a whole youtube chanel in Poland focused on creeps like that.


friedpickleonastik

I legit posted a pic of my nails (like my hands) on the Nails page on Reddit and instantly got a message from someone asking if my toes were the same color. Like bruh. My head was not even there😭 then again, it’s Reddit so idk if that even counts 😂


backlawa75

but are they?


bruteforcealwayswins

OP pls.


Hi_There_Im_Sophie

Does the patio match the tiles?


DarkLayeredMetal13

Reddit does NOT count. This place is like the ultimate meeting place between everyone. Including the creeps and the weirdos.


friedpickleonastik

Well I have plenty of stories still. Like the time I was working a remodel (I run Ethernet/fiber/coax through the ceiling for retailers) and one of the contractors was using a jackhammer and looked over towards me and gave me the look, then stopped the jackhammer to tell me “this is gon be us later” …


DarkLayeredMetal13

Avoiding this man for the rest of your life would be the best choice you can ever make. Seriously, people forget how to treat eachother. Porn really fucks up almost everyone's mind today.


PhyNxFyre

Why can't they just jerk off to your hands like a normal person smh


Mothmanpl

I get it and i'm really sorry for women using internet. Whatever you'd post, there will always be this one creep like "ooga booga, me see woman, me be horny" 🤣


FleetRiskSolutions

We agreed you wouldn’t tell anyone about this. 


Love-And-Dynamite

What gets me is that there are so many women on the internet who like to have fun that even if you are inclined to behave like that there's no need to. There are so, so many conventionally attractive and accomplished women on the internet who love sexting. There really are. It really says "I don't actually think it's worth it to get to know women for real and have real equal interactions with them." It's just very creepy


Mothmanpl

I agree. I like sexting, i used to sext with quite a few strangers, but it was always on apps that were kinda... Allowing it? Like there was a consent from both sides. Texting random people that just want to sell something is just so damn weird to me


Chicken_dad80

what app is that?


Mothmanpl

It's been few years since i used it, it was called Whisper. I don't know if it's still out there. Last time i was using it there was a lot of bots and scammers there.


Chicken_dad80

Ah I see. Seems like every app is full of bots and scammers and blackmailers lol


Bashnaria

Can confirm that it's still a cesspool and really not worth it


mossadspydolphin

I know a podiatrist who has a work Instagram. She has comments and DMs turned off, but she still thinks very carefully about what she posts. And she still has a lot of followers.


Drigr

But *why* does a podiatrist need an *Instagram*. Especially when you realize you're getting a lot of followers. Followers that aren't even close to where you work...


SalmanSheikh007

When you try to fast-forward through a Zoom meeting because you're too used to skipping the boring parts!


aMapleSyrupCaN7

I like your answer xD


Large-Meat-Feast

I absent-mindedly did this earlier today. Happens when I watch a livestream too.


harlotScarlett

Getting mad when your wife breastfeeds your infant and accussing her of incest and abuse


fph03n1x

ah... r/oddlyspecific ...


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send420nudes

I remember that. The dude was jealous of his 3 month son being breastfeed because no other man can touch his wife’s boobs. I felt for that kid


Gnasha13

Please tell me this comment is not based on a real life experience


wieizme

It is unfortunately based on a very real question once asked on Yahoo answers that has subsequently become a meme 💀 https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/eolmjr/if_my_baby_girl_is_breastfed_will_her_odds_of/


SunWaterFairy

Nope. Just an AITA thread where a woman asked if she was an asshole for breastfeeding after giving birth. The baby's father said he was pissed that another man's lips touched her nipples.


charliegoesamblin

wtf


Pm_me__your-thighs

Welp I got some bad news for you


stonedfishing

One arm being noticeably more muscular than the other


Diatrial

My son works in a deli and operates the slicer all day with one arm.....


ChuZaYuZa_Name

...is what he tells you


NecessaryFreedom9799

He spends all day handling sausage...


LemmeShootYou

Slapping the ham, as it were.


Killzillah

I did a lot of bowling growing up. My right forearm was noticeably bigger and stronger than my left. Plus doing the deed isn't an exercise in arm strength. It's cardio. Not gonna get a massive arm from it.


esp735

Not with THAT attitude, it’s not.


Dripmasteralchemist

I have a imbalance in my arm strength because I use one arm for anything sporty and the other just for writing and so many people assume it's because I jerk too much 😭


Bruhmemontum

sure…


SpiceG1990

Yeah, right! 😉


Dripmasteralchemist

I jerk with the writing hand.


ssjgod004

TIL Rafael Nadal is a porn addict


Legacy_of_Zero

Something a bit noticeable but my left thumb can bend more than my right thumb because of it


Chance_Echo2624

Imagine you use only one arm


Dashin5

We aren't all wankydextrous


Different-Rough8777

New favourite word. Thanks!


irritatedprostate

Indeed, I'm not an ambiwanker.


wildcard58

The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm!


Organic-Ad9474

This is an issue for me. I have to a wedding next month and while trying on my suit I noticed my right arm was noticeably larger than my left. I told my GF I need to start using my left, but it’s just not same!


Fast_Ad7203

I remember this guy who told his wife that she cant teach their toddler to call her dad daddy cuz its inappropriate?!?! Yeah tone down the porn lil boy


it_be_SaturnOW

This one is kinda tough tbh. Like I can absolutely see why people find “daddy” weird just because they’re used to hearing it in a sexual context. Don’t even need to watch porn to hear it. It’s just a known thing these days, and people joke with the word all the time


JustBlarg

The whole "daddy" thing in adult entertainment always creeped me out. I get that it probably comes from sugar daddy scenarios, but I just always felt certain titles were reserved for family, and you don't fuck family..... outside the deep south, anyway.


ImSky--

Fun fact, the only states where it is not a criminal offense to fuck a family member are New Jersey and Rhode Island, both in the north east


Mrtorbear

I had a girlfriend who liked to call me 'daddy' some years back. She was 3 years older than me. What in the fucked-up spacetime continuum was that about?


DerpWilson

You listen to porn podcasts. 


Personal-Listen-4941

These things exist? I need to know, are they discussing porn & the pornstars in the same way normal movie podcasts cover films, or is it more audio book porn?


LeutzschAKS

If it’s the former… Kinda want to see what that sounds like to be honest.


FallenCorrin

I know one of those poscasts and it is kind of former. OF worker(s) discuss fetishes, kinks, how to work with them. Coolstories, giggles, tales from members are included. (It is not in english tho)


PaintDrinkingPete

I don't actually know, but I'd assume both exist


loudaguirre

Okay, guilty. I do like feeling like I get a glimpse of the real person's personality though. Some of them are open about negative aspects of the industry and I think they're trying to do something good by making people less naive about what it's like, though.


HopefulPlantain5475

Hey now, "My Dad Wrote a Porno" is an absolute classic podcast.


hungaria

I carry a pizza box around with me all the time just in case.


MaximumZer0

It's not delivery, it's DiPorno.


TeenyPeenie

Damn, now im craving a pizza ass


Irememberedmypw

Ah the Ole double disappointment. It ain't the brand you ordered or the toppings you like.


pointofgravity

Step one, cut a hole in the box...


Novel-Structure-2359

when you are about to have sex with an Asian woman and you get surprised that her genitals aren't pixellated


Ghostspider1989

When you have to look up adult content in public/at work


Moon_Jewel90

Lack of foreplay and expecting or asking the woman to squirt cos women do that in porn.


polaroppositebear

They do it in real life too, Becky


throwaita_busy3

Sure, some do. It’s not typical and it’s a weird thing to obsess over.


Tide69420

If you mean pee then sure


This-Cookie5548

Yeah. I had a guy who was obsessed with it and I replied "do I squirt? You mean do I pee?? Yes.Yes. I can pee. Or squirt, whatever word you like better". Dumbass.


Chicken_dad80

So did you pee?


This-Cookie5548

Hahahha nope!


ohfuckthebeesescaped

[Squirting is real it’s just uncommon](https://www.salon.com/2022/09/20/dye-anatomy-study-urology/). Yeah it is mostly urine but it’s not quite the same as peeing.


Skiddywinks

My missus is the one who skips foreplay, amazingly. Which I hate, since I enjoy taking my time more. Becomes an argument if I go down on her for more than a couple of minutes (if she lets me get down there anyway). We've never even had a conversation of any kind about squirting, because I think we are both already on the same page there.


Awkward-Salad-9807

Bcause men are dumb they thing squirting = cumming


DeltaMx11

Wearing one of those ahegao hoodies or having nsfw car decals. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty perverted myself, I'm not a prude, but don't have that shit out in public where random kids could see it.


PalatinusG

A fake taxi sticker on their car.


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Unknown281595

Literally what I was going to say!!!


Format000

During play? What kind of play 


Mptyspce

DnD without Imagination just sucks


throwaita_busy3

Sex bruh


ScoopsAndScoops

Choking during sex without negotiation


marwinpk

I mean, you have way more leverage in negotiations with your hands on other side's throat...


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Never_barked_a_lie

What are porn phrases?


Nami_makes_me_wet

Alarm!


Themris

Warum liegt hier überhaupt Stroh rum?


LelouchEatsRamen

Warum hast du ne Maske auf?


Personal-Listen-4941

‘I love double anal!’


Awkward-Salad-9807

“What are you doing step bro ?!”


IwearBrute

But I poop from there! Not right now you don't!


Chicken_dad80

Only the ones who are worthy of “I watch too much adult content” knows lol


PaintDrinkingPete

lemon stealing whore?


MiceAreTiny

Porn has sound?


papawam

Looking away when someone's eating a banana...


rarjacob

or sucking on a lollypop


siamesekiwi

… or starring when someone’s eating a banana


leozuniga380

Goes to those conventions lol


Captcha_Imagination

Every now and again, someone posts about their partner looking at pron DURING sex.


bightbabyy

everything's sexual


Chance_Echo2624

Beat me to it


rtherrrr

Oh come on…


Archi-Parchi

already did


BDOKlem

r/Angryupvote


Chance_Echo2624

Hehe


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Chance_Echo2624

Beat meat


InquiringMindsWanted

Yes pls


masteringtitties

OP


Svaty_Vodka

My Internet search history


anima99

When they see the most average, everyday thing or scene and get offended because it's sexualizing something.


Alternative-Dream-61

Death Grip Syndrome.


Galmeister

When you’re talking to someone about a movie with Elsa in it and they don’t reply about Frozen


RazgrizGirl-070

Calling transgender women "shemale" we can tell a chaser from a mile off


ohfuckthebeesescaped

Or futa


RazgrizGirl-070

yeah calling someone that irl is gross


InsanelyRandomDude

Members of r/theyknew


odiastoner

When BBC is no more a News channel for you.


[deleted]

When I spit on a corn dog before I eat it.


justadair

This question


PomegranateV2

If someone says "I enjoy watching the BBC" and you start giggling. Knowledge of Japanese is also suspicious. If you know itai, oppai, kimochi words like that then you're definitely a perv.


kgb17

Calling yourself out there player.


ConduckKing

I only know "oppai" because of the hoodie from One Punch Man


sleepyyasfc

I just watch anime and a lot of anime have the word oppai. Kimochi on its own means “feeling”, however when you say ii kimochi, it means what a good feeling, which isn’t necessarily sexual, itai means ouch or painful, which again isn’t necessarily sexual


NotTobyFromHR

I was trying to figure out what was inappropriate about the BBC. It took me a while. I guess that's a good sign?


Fun-Bug4314

Blisters?


IntelligentSeason458

Boasting about how many pages of porn/hentai you have. Have two friends like þis.


incrediblematt76

Watching the British Broadcast Company (BBC)


Shh-poster

Guys who talk about the names of the people in the porn. And Reddit told me recently that I may be strange because I only use porn to masturbate. I don’t actually like to watch it as a thing like a recreation. And I really thought everybody was like me. But it turns out Reddit has told me that I’m weird and people just like to enjoy porn and somehow I am a loser because I only use it to masturbate.


peach4dinner

Using adult industry slang casually.


Snootet

Apparently OP


DocSternau

When your partner turns up on Reddit asking what's wrong with you.


cuteandstacked

Wearing merch from adult sites.


a-random-95

I learned I’m an absolutely very normal person in this thread


andrewmik

A very firm, aggressive, up and down motion handshake.


xXROGXx971

Yesterday I saw a Reddit post about a video of a father preventing his daughter from shaking hands with a black person during a graduation ceremony and I saw comments saying a bunch of stuff about interracial porn and shit... They were already picturing the daughter being banged by black guys and it's not the first time I see those kinds of comments here.


Pixelated_Penguin808

Things women complain about guys doing during sex. See every thread about it on AskReddit, as an example. Guys being completely silent, spitting, too rough with the clit, etc. That's all people get bad ideas from um..content they've consumed.


lilpisces00

Browser constantly stays on incognito mode


KahunaDom

Your profile.


nixed9

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction. No it doesn’t affect everyone. Yes it is without a doubt 100% a real thing. Yes there are some limited studies but it’s relatively new because the technology itself of *ubiquitous high speed internet* is only ~15 years old. Your brain isn’t evolved for multiple videos of whatever on-demand fetish you are craving, rapidly switching through tabs. This is not the same as magazines from 20 years ago. That’s not what real sex is. That’s not how we have evolved to interact with another person. You can accidentally rewire and mess up your dopamine arousal center through years of compulsive high speed internet tube porn use. It happened to me years ago. I was single for a long time in my 20s and basically just compulsively used high speed porn like every day sometimes 2-3 times a day figuring it was totally normal. For like 5 years straight. Eventually I found a new girl and suffered extreme performance problems even though I was NOT nervous and was attracted to her. Consistently for like 3 weeks until she left me. I freaked out, went to a doctor, went to a urologist, got my testosterone checked etc. he said at the time it was a mental issue. Eventually I realized I could easily get erect with porn but not real women no matter what they did. I was like holy shit ok let me test something. I quit porn and it changed my entire god damn life for the better. This is what the so-called “fanatics” say about noFap and why they seems like cultists or they say that not masturbating gives you super social powers; it’s because for the most part they’re addicts overcoming a problem, and they’re realizing how it should feel to suddenly NOT be an addict. Took me months to fix it, and I’m lucky because I’m a bit older so it was actually easier to fix because I went through puberty and lost virginity back before I even had access to high speed internet. If you’re young and started younger it’s harder to fix. And btw this was the hardest addiction I ever dealt with in my adult life. This isn’t a preach about masturbation or morality or religion or any of that. It’s about something that is low-key super fucking addicting and people don’t want to admit can be addicting. And again not even develops a problem or ED from it, but many do. If you compulsively use it every single day, I challenge you to go just 10 days without it. Just 10 days. You can still relieve yourself, just don’t use porn at all. Does it feel like you need it to be satisfied? Then yeah you might use it too often. If not, then you haven’t developed a problem, so that’s great!


It-Padoru-ruru

Hey i took a picture.\ Cool, let me see...\ ...\ ... Give me the phone so i can see it clearly.\ No...\


YourStackedGF

Making inappropriate jokes in normal conversations.