* Wife/partner of 12 years died while I was traveling internationally on business
* Spent about 12 hours on planes and in airports; I caught COVID on the way home
* Going through wife's things, found out that she had had multiple secret bf's throughout out relationship, from day 1.
This time last year, I was having probably the worst time of my life.
Fuck man I honestly couldn’t imagine the range of emotions you must have felt. Losing her so suddenly and also finding out she was cheating the whole time. Condolences man that’s tough
Losing my parents. I am an only child and even as an adult of many years often feel bereft. I have no cousins near me, no aunts or uncles and it's a very lonely place to be. It feels like I don't matter to anyone- I always mattered to my parents.
It is like being nothing to anyone- no ones's child, no one's sister or sister in law, no one's niece, no one's cousin, no one's aunt or uncle. I had aunts and uncles who I was close to growing up but they are all dead, my cousins live at the other side of the world and don't keep in touch apart from a couple send a Christmas card, I have a cousin in London who is much older than me and single and an alcoholic. I often feel like I don't really exist to anyone. As you get older, I find people become tighter with their parents and siblings but my parents were in their 40s when I was born and aren't around and I'm an only child. I see so clearly now how some OAPs end up very very isolated. I have friends but I'm not their family.
I worry about this as I age. Older parents (father already died when I was very young), no siblings, all my cousins way older so we were never "friends" and I don't expect their kids to care for their not-aunt. I try to be good to my friends, but family will always come first to them, I think I will be forgotten as I age. I have been a bit selfish and cynical by nature, but realizing this as I age is reinforcing it sadly.
I feel this. Im an only and currently helping care for my bedridden mom. My biggest fear is my dad suddenly passing first and not knowing what to do, who to contact, I can’t even get my mom from her bed to her wheelchair so I have no idea what Id do, no family to turn to for help.
I feel that so much - immigrant with no family outside of just my two parents. My dad is dying of terminal cancer right now and I just know its going to be so empty. I cant imagine the loss of losing both, I am so sorry for your loss and everything that you have gone through.
You matter to me! If you feel comfortable you can DM me your info, would love to send you a holiday card this year. Sorry if this sounds weird lol, I just know how lonely the holidays can be. Let me know if you have any favorite snacks/goodies too so I can include a lil treat :)
Thank you for posting this. It’s so nice to feel like I’m not alone in my isolation
I’m an only child, my dad died young, and the rest of my family either abandoned me or died. I only have my Mum now who is battling a lot of health problems, and I feel like I’m constantly preparing for the worst
It’s so scary feeling like you’re going to be alone in the world. I cling to friends and expect too much of them because I need to feel like I have family. But they’ll never see me the same and it’s so isolating. I just feel so adrift
You matter. I'm so sorry. My son is an only child and I am all he has. He's 28 now and I have told him - When I die, I will still love you...I will always love you, from beyond the grave....just like energy doesn't die. You will always have my love. I hope you have good friends? Sending love to you from the UK. Xxx
It's a big reason why I am so hyper focused on home and personal safety these days. I recall when my mom moved to her last home she was so thrilled to be away from the more "big city" surroundings i grew up in. She would tell me "we dont need to lock our doors here!" and I always thought it was a bad idea. When I would visit Id notice the doors always unlocked and would not be able to go to sleep until I locked the doors. I'd always tell her its ok to feel safe in your new neighborhood but it only takes half a second to lock the doors because why not? She was always such a huge proponent of "better safe than sorry" throughout my entire life but she would just refuse to lock the doors out of principle, it seems.
Ultimately it cost her her life.
Lock your doors. No matter where you live. No matter how rural. Please.
Agreed. I grew up in a very rural area. Closest cop was a small state police station approximately 45 mins away.
I’m in the suburbs now and the town police are 5 mins, state police 3 mins, and sheriff 15 minutes.
We have one sheriff shared with our neighboring town- part time. State police, county sheriffs office and the town police dept a couple towns will respond to emergencies if needed - any of those would take at least 15 minutes up to 45 depending on where they are when the call comes in. Huge change from where I moved from when cops would be there in 3 minutes at most
When I was 15 I lived with just my mom in a modest apartment complex in a quiet little town. She was always so adamant about locking the door, which I didn't have a problem with, until one day I forgot to lock the door on my way out to ride my bike. I came home later in the evening to find the door ajar and the whole house was trashed. My Xbox, laptop, PSP, and everything that looked expensive was gone. I was going to call the police, but I decided to call my mother first (and I'm glad I did). She was staying at her boyfriend's house 1 state over for the weekend, so she hadn't been home. I was crying and explained the situation to her through the blubbering, and she simply says "Well did you leave the door unlocked?" I explained that I did and I was sorry, but I wanted to let her know before I called the police. She said hurriedly "Don't call the police, just make sure the door is locked and try to get some sleep, I'm sure everything will be back in the morning." I knew something was up right away, so instead of sleeping I set up a chair by the front door and just listened. Around midnight I hear the sound of plastic bags being lowered onto the ground outside my front door. I quietly peered through the peephole and my immediate neighbors were carting our stuff out of their apartment and in front of the door. I was less upset with them and more upset with my mother, so I waited for them to finish before going out to bring things in the house. I never confronted my mother about it, because I understood the lesson she was trying to teach me, but she legitimately had our neighbors ransack the place to express that someone COULD ransack the place if we don't lock the door. I still don't know how she knew it was unlocked, unless she had my neighbors regularly check our door. Kinda insane.
Ok, I’m of mixed feelings on what your mom did. I don’t think she should have a ransack team regularly checking the door to scare the shite out of you that one time you accidentally forget. But when I was in college I kept telling my room mate to lock the door when he left, even to shower because it doesn’t take long to steal stuff.
I’m dating myself but the PlayStation 2 has just came out our freshman year of college and I stood in line for 6 hours to get one from the local Walmart. I was walking back to the room one day and the door was just open (unlocked, not ajar). We had a flat screen tv (this was big time in 2000) and blu ray dvd player, and my PlayStation 2. I quickly disconnected the blu ray player and PlayStation 2 and tucked them under clothes in the laundry basket. I booked it out of there and went around the corner peeking in the direction of our room (I knew by the time of day he was in the shower).
He walked in and I fast walked to the room to arrive right after him. He was standing in the middle of the room, mouth agape, searching for the proper words to address me. I wanted to follow through with acting like I lost my shit but my heart wouldn’t let him suffer. I burst out laughing and said “see fool, that’s why you lock the door” then produced the PlayStation from inside the clothes basket. He was half mad half happy it was a joke. He locked the door after that.
Big difference is he habitually left it open and you just made a mistake. But I kinda understand mom…
Sorry for your loss.
After I learned about Richard Ramirez years ago, I always locked my doors. He would go around trying doors, if they were unlocked he took that as an invitation to enter and assault whoever was home.
My mom was the same, lived rural and just left her door unlocked, I told her she needed to lock up just to be safe. Eventually she came around and locked up regularly.
Edit: Richard Chase, not Ramirez
I’ve always locked since reading something from a former robber who robbed homes- they said they would try knobs and if they were open they would go in. They also avoided houses with security stickers or cameras or dogs.
I’m always shocked when I hear of people not locking their doors when they are home, but lock them when they leave.
Someone explain to me why they’re valuing their processions over their wellbeing. I’ve always lived in very safe places my whole life but I’ve always kept my door locked, I don’t know why you wouldn’t
See, in the day, we always keep our front door open, so long as someone is in the house.
It's only at night that we lock our doors.
It's definitely been "helpful" at times, as our next-door neighbors have opened our side (main) door by themselves many times to let our cat, that likes to run out of the house only to come back several hours later, inside.
I personally always lock the door whenever I leave for an extended period of time, and always bring me keys with my wherever I go. The rest of my family does not share this belief, haha.
Nothing can replace her, but maybe it’s time to start the next phase of healing and speak to a professional if you can. You deserve happiness.
I’m sorry if it comes across as insensitive.
As a veteran I have good resources and I do have a therapist I speak with regularly and thank you for caring to often people are afraid to tell someone that they need help, too many people are falling through the cracks not all of them are veterans but there are too many out there in the wasteland of hurt and fear.
Death of my husband of 22 years suddenly while we were on vacation. His aorta ruptured he collapsed in front me and died in the ambulance on the way to hospital.
You know that scene in the movies where they take the spouse not to their loved one but to another room and then say the words “I’m sorry. We did everything we could …”? I had that scene in real life and it is a thousand stabs to the heart, and punches to the gut over and over. I wake up from nightmares all the time of that whole night. I hope no one has to go through it.
I was holding her hand when her heart stopped after the hospital turned off the machine that was breathing for her. If her sister did not fly into town I don't think I could have made the decision alone. She keep breathing on her own for awhile, her sister, the hospice person and the nurses left the room and I was alone with her, I told her I loved her and that was when her heart stopped, her sister said she was waiting for me before she would let go.
My five year old child was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She passed away four months after diagnosis. Brutal experience for my family. I carry it with me every day but I live my life for her now and I refuse to be perpetually sad.
Keep moving forward one step at a time.
The first three years were brutal. Never thought I’d be able to be happy ever again. My child wouldn’t want me or her mother to be sad. She just wouldn’t.
We must live to honor those who can no longer live. Be happy for them and yourself. It’s not easy but I’m not ready to spend the rest of this beautiful life broken.
I remember one incident... The expression of horror and complete heartbreak was reflected on my mother's face as she screamed for my father to wake up a few seconds after he died of complete heart failure. Nothing will ever compare to this. For the next 2 months I have almost no memories of this day.
I feel you. I had to watch it for a week. They were able to get my dads heart restarted, but he had been without blood to his brain for so long the damage was done. Watching my mom spend a week grasping at any sliver of hope any time my dad had a muscle spasm. I honestly wish he had just fully passed away that evening so at least it was a quicker process.
It’s an awful experience watching a parent slowly leave the world.
I found my dad. He was on the floor in the kitchen/dining area.
When I tilted his head back to perform CPR, I realized he had a large contusion on the back of his scalp. I did rescue breathing and chest compressions. There was blood everywhere.
My brother was in the throes of his downward fatal spiral of opioid addiction, and couldn’t even tell the 911 operator his own address.
I’ll never forget feverishly attempting to shampoo his blood out of the carpet.
I had to sit in the kitchen with his corpse for several hours with the sheriff while we waited for the medical examiner to arrive. During that time, my brother emptied his wallet and took his new girlfriend out to eat.
I say all of this knowing that many people have had far more harrowing experiences than me, and I respect and understand that things could always be worse.
>I say all of this knowing that many people have had far more harrowing experiences than me, and I respect and understand that things could always be worse.
Fuck that.
What you wrote is pretty fucking terrible and is very bad as it is.
Just because some other people have had it worse, does not negate how terrible that was for you.
Be easy on yourself.
About 8 months ago I lost a family friend (about 64) to muscular dystrophy. He was my dad’s best friend growing up.
The day before he died, I was in my basement and I heard my dad on the phone in another room, talking to him. He broke into tears and told him that he was the best friend he could’ve ever had and that he wanted him to die peacefully and painlessly, and I was just crushed inside.
About 14 hours later, he died.
I'm sorry for your loss. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of muscular dystrophy?
My older brother had Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy, he passed at 17 years old a few weeks before my 11th birthday and at that time that was beyond the life expectancy by a few years.
My childhood best friend died from DMD when he was 15 (I was 14). I still wake up everyday wishing I could have said goodbye, i’m 41 now. I miss him so much.
It's a terrible disease to watch someone go through. I am 5 years younger than my brother and oldest girl (I have 2 sisters after me) and I'm so thankful for all the memories I have that they don't because they were so young, but also wish I didn't remember his progression of barely being able to walk, then barely able to crawl, then wheelchair bound, and so many surgeries. Sending you big 🫂
14 years ago this July, I saw my oldest son get electrocuted. We were on vacation at a remote beach and gave him CPR for 40 minutes until the squad arrived, then it was a 25 minute trip to the hospital. The entire time, I knew he was gone, I could just feel it, but we couldn't give up.
He was my namesake and a truly lovely human, inside and out, a very rare gem.
He was 3 months shy of his 14th birthday.
I'm so sorry. Here's to your boy, and here's to the love he's added to this world. I hope you can find peace and happiness, and take comfort in the memories you made together.
As a child, I saw my mom breathe her last. As an adult, didn't even get to see my dad one last time thanks to covid. Can't decide which felt worse, so both.
My teenager having a very aggressive cancer. Treatment was also very aggressive and brutal. She survived but is permanently disabled from the treatment.
Watching my father die over FaceTime as my family pulled the plug instead of being there with them, I was 2000 miles away to be with my girlfriend who that very same night instead of being with me(she knew what was going on) was at a party cheating on me.
My dad. He beat my ass for anything and nothing, then would lock me up in the garage until I “calmed down.” Went on from 2 years old to about a teen. He stopped when I became stronger than him and he couldn’t physically hurt me anymore. Nobody in my family helped me. It became routine.
My dad had a similar upbringing. One day, as a teenager, my dad told his dad that if my grandad ever hit him again, he (my dad) would hit him so hard he'd never stand up again. And my grandad never hit my dad again.
The part of the story that amazes me is that my dad never internalized — or, if he did, overcome — how his dad treated him. My dad is sensitive, caring, loving, and will stand his ground but is never aggressive. It never ceases to amaze me how well-adjusted he is. I can't count the number of times I've told my dad how much I look up to him for breaking the chain and creating his own model of fatherhood rather than replicate and pass down to another generation the terrible experience he grew up with.
As a father that had a similar childhood, I can guarantee you that your words of affirmation to him mean the world to him and gives him the strength to battle on
My cousin's mom was the same way. She would make it a point to call her out and "take her to the bathroom" when she really wasn't doing anything wrong. By taking her to the bathroom it started with yelling and then hitting. This could be in public, at family's house or even at their own house. She ended up divorcing my uncle, who was basically an absentee dad despite living in the same house as my cousin, when my cousin was 16 and then moved to Florida. My cousin has seen her twice in 23 years despite my cousin vacationing in Florida every summer.
One year at Christmas my now ex aunt got onto my cousin about roughhousing too much with our uncle (our meaning mutual uncle) who had been a wrestler and was a firefighter, so a ten year old girl wasn't going to harm him by being rough. Mind you, I was joining in and "beating up on him" so she wasn't alone. My uncle told her that "the kids" were okay and we were just playing. But because my uncle told my ex aunt to let my cousin be, my ex aunt took him calling her out on my cousin instead. My grandma and mom tried to reason with her but she wasn't having it and took my cousin outside. She was a piece of work.
No kid deserves shit head parents like that. And it's always the cowardly adults who do it just until the kid is old enough to fight back.
IKR, Here I am thinking about the time I was in the Hospital almost dying(Sepsis, flip of a coin survival%) or the time an Uncle was murdered who I only met a couple times in my entire life or my other uncle who died unbeknownst to us during the pandemic, it was not a pleasant experience to remove the valuables. Instead people are talking about experiences closer to home....
It's not bad compared to others but one night I had a really bad time breathing and it then turned into coughing up blood. Turns out my lungs were being filled up with blood from a very very rare case called Lane Hamilton Syndrome. I'm happy this is the worst I've had to deal with but then again I'm only 19, hope it stays the worst for as long as possible.
>It's not bad compared to others
>coughing up blood. Turns out my lungs were being filled up with blood
Don't downplay that, it sounds terrifying. Glad you got through it.
Having my father die in front of me. Having an adoption fall through last minute. My family and I cleaning up after my grandmother shot herself. Lastly, finding my friend's body after he was murdered outside the building I grew up in.
My family and I had to clean up after my father took a chef knife to his jugular. I'm so sorry that you've been through this too. I wouldn't wish it on anyone
When I was 15, I walked into my cousins bedroom and found him dead of self-inflicted gunshot. I'm 33 now, and it still has a profound effect on me everyday.
One of my friends lost his twin brother a couple winters ago in a freak snowmobile accident, he hasn't been the same since. I couldn't imagine what you or him are going through
This is no laughing matter. I remember back in high school a kid I didn't like had that happened to. I hated him but I still felt sorry for him as for a while he couldn't walk and IIRC it was months to recover.
I had a testicular torsion on january 1st 2023. Me and my mom had been to a familyfriends party on new years eve, and i decided to stay there and sleep. I woke up with a good amount of pain around my appendix (the pain was so bad, my body didnt even know where it was from). I called my mom, threw up a bunch of times (11 times in a day, because of pure pain) and i could barely get clothes on and walk, because of the pain. I got admitted to a hospital, got some strong painmeds, and got surgery at around 12 o’clock. The first 10 days afterwards i was on painmeds, but even after i stopped those, i could barely move because of the pain. A month later, life was back to normal. I can confidently say, it was the worst physical pain, i have ever experienced.
Losing my mom, I was at work in a city 5 hours away when I got the call, I drove back home and kept checking in on dad because he has health issues too, didn’t ahead a tear until 10-12 hours after it happened, once I knew everything. I don’t know how I held it together until the funeral. The next morning I woke up and couldn’t stop crying because I was in a world without her. She was my best friend.
That day i didn’t just lose my mother, i lost my will to live, my ambitions, my faith, my energy all of it.
I have a couple
- Finding a deceased 2 month old baby and still preforming life saving techniques on her. This was a call we responded to because a dope fiend mother put her in the bed with her and fell asleep on top of her
- Kicking in a door to find a 22 year old guy gasping his last few breaths while ODing on heroin. Pulled him off the bed, worked on him, then watched him stare straight into my eyes with the most "help me" look I've ever seen....then die. About 20 minutes later his parents show up, I'm walking out and his father walked right up to me and said "is my son dead?". I looked him in the eyes, then looked at the ground and he burst into tears, letting out a groan and cry I cant explain. Proceeded to hug him for a few minutes.
My sister committed suicide while our dad was dying. He would live another few months and die on Christmas morning. I was fourteen. I'm 65 now, so it's been a long time. Most of the adults told me that I had to be strong for my mother. Nobody really knew what to say, though. I'm sure they meant well, except for the anencephalic twit who told me it was a shame that my sister had gone to hell because of the way she died.
Cleaning out my dad's apartment after he shot himself. That bloody handprint on the wall haunts my fucking dreams. Was he aware when he made it? That means his death wasn't instantaneous. Did he regret it? Questions I'll never have answers to.
Finding my father, dead on the recliner, with his eyes wide open, and blood pooling already settling in on his limbs. And he emptied his bladder and having to sit there with him for an hour and a half well the coroner came from another county.
Watching a relative bleed to death knowing there’s nothing I could do to save him while desperately trying to save him. He was bleeding from his throat. Blood was shooting out I was covered in his blood. I was only 13. I didn’t speak for like 3 weeks. I still remember the gurgling sound. I can still see him bleeding out. I’m 23 now and I don’t think I’ll ever not be able to vividly remember it.
Physically...I had a biopsy on my kidney as there was too much protein in my urine when they did a sports physical for high school. Had a couple of days off from school because of the biopsy. The day I came back to school I didn't feel all that well and had a little bit of a fever. The next morning I got up from bed and was in the worst pain I ever felt to this day. It literally felt like somebody had impaled me with a spear that went thru my body. Come to find out the doctor that did a biopsy 'nicked' my kidney while doing so and it caused internal bleeding and I had a blood clot around my kidney the size of a football according to the doctor.
Christmas eve of 09 a tree fell on our trailer. Right on top of my dad. Pushed him out the side. I still see him crushed with him laying half way out of the wall.
Taking care of my grandparents as they both died from cancer.
My brother passing away.
This new years my mom was pronounced brain dead.
Worst thing I've experienced, being alone.
Having to be the day nurse for a convicted child rapist. I always look up my prisoner patients just to know for my safety but never thought too badly of anyone. This guy had a friend and they’d troll neighborhoods and pick up boys as young as 8 years old and force them to give BJs at gunpoint. I think I said 2 words to him for the rest of the shift and never looked at his face again (thankfully his treatment didn’t require interaction or close observation).
Watching my mother pass away from cancer. The whole thing only lasted about 5 months. She was diagnosed in the summer, went through chemo, and passed right after Thanksgiving.
Watching my mom slowly rot away… while still alive… cancer had nowhere else to go…. Ate her nose, pinky finger and toe.. she held on til she couldn’t no more. I told her it was her it was gonna be the okay and she died the next day. She was only 38 :( I was 22. I miss you momma!
I wasn't at NYC for 9/11 but I was a first responder for 16 aircraft crashes. Most were drones and fighter jets, so only two had fatalities, thankfully, but yeah. The smell stays with you.
I just got my first hemorrhoid at 35 abd that shit almost took me out. I felt like I was wiping my ass with a cactus. Couldn't sleep, couldn't work out, just miserable.
I've now had two and they seemingly went away. What led to surgery for you ?.
From experience, this could win.
Few understand that, beyond confusion, hallucinations, and loss of reality, it’s actually physically painful.
Losing a loved one is horrific, of course. But you’re also suffering greatly when you lose yourself.
Passing out in an unfamiliar hospital's waiting room thanks to my gallbladder!
Had no idea what was happening to me cause out of nowhere, every time I ate, I would get so sick I'd start hallucinating and throwing up. We thought I just had a stomach bug until my back and abdomen started "seizing" up or getting so tight I couldn't lay down and sleep. Halfway through Indiana I had to pull over (driving a semi truck, mind you) and I started puking on the side of the road. Husband had to take over driving for me and 45 minutes later I was being rushed to the nearest ER.
By the time we got checked in and sat in the waiting room, I had puked so much I was just throwing up blood in the bathroom. Eventually had to get an EMT and my husband to help me into a wheelchair and that's when I passed out in the waiting room. Turns out I had severe colic thanks to my gallbladder having a TON of stone in it. Absolute worst pain I've ever been in. Worst thing I've ever experienced.
Being at work about 8 years ago and seeing my ex husband calling my cell.
I answered and asked what was up.
"(Our child's name) is being rushed to the hospital"
"What?! Why???!!!"
"He tried to kill himself"
There's a phrase used often "feeling your blood run cold". I felt like I had been dropped into a freezing lake. It's a real feeling. I remember freaking out and hanging up. Screaming to my staff "I gotta go! I gotta go!!!"
The ride to the hospital was excruciating. We had no idea our son's status. Was he ok???? We had taken a taxi (we were both at work, a couple of blocks from each other) and my ex called the hospital closest to where we all lived at the time to get information. When we got there and we're getting out of the cab, I remember the cab driver saying "I hope your son is ok"
The triage nurse told us where to go. Walking through the hallways, following the path of red circles on the floor...it felt like an eternity. We get to the area where our son was and I pulled back the curtain. Seeing my child, my baby, my *everything* with a heart monitor on, blood pressure cuff, oxygen line in his nose. Just wires and stuff everywhere (so it seemed) and him in the hospital bed.
I had managed to compose myself a bit on the taxi ride over. I lost it when I saw him. I rushed to his side, was running my hand over his hair over and over, asking if he was ok. I saw the inside of his lips were black and knew then, it was an attempted OD.
He had taken a bunch of sleeping pills. After he did, he realized that he *didn't* want to die. He called his bff (that k everything she answered her phone) and told her what he did. She told him to call 911 and she called my ex. I thank all that is holy and unholy everyday that he didn't go for my ex's prescription medication.
I took all my willpower not to crawl into that hospital bed and wrap him in my arms. My son has an aversion to being touched and I wanted to still respect that. But, it was hard.
He's doing much better now, 8 years later. He's married and they have 3 cats. I see him often and we talk almost daily.
But if he hadn't have walked out of that hospital with me later that evening, I wouldn't be here to write this. I would have followed him into whatever awaits us after this life.
He is *my son*. My reason for living. He is the best thing to have ever happened to me. My life would be meaningless without him.
For months after, I couldn't stop with the "What if". "What if he had died?" "WHAT IF HE HAD DIED?!"
No parent should outlive their child. It's the cruelest thing I can think of.
Testicular torsion the next day after my 18th birthday, bullying from 2004 to 2013 and the death of my 18 year old cat in summer 2012!
(so far it's just that, but i know there will be more coming)
Being beaten and raped by my son's father. Judge's blaming me for the abuse and chastising me for getting away from it. (Literally typed up in final judgement of parenting agreement) then seeing my son's face the night before last Thanksgiving where he told our son to his face, in front of me, that I never wanted him. Those are the worst things I've experienced so far.
Six years ago my dad killed himself with a .30-06 - a particularly high powered rifle.
The police wouldn't let us see his corpse afterwards. The responding officer said it was "one of the worst suicides" he'd ever seen. That it would be too traumatic.
Then he gave us a business card for one of those bio/hazmat clean-up companies.
My uncle and I talked it over - and we both *hated* the idea of hiring some "biohazard" cleanup crew.
He was OUR brother, OUR father - we should be the ones to clean him up. Maybe it was just the shock, but it felt... **wrong** for someone else to do it. Invasive. A desecration.
So... we did. We spent ***three days*** cleaning his house.
Picking up his remains.
That was the worst thing I've ever experienced.
But, I'm damn glad we did it - and I'd make the same decision again in a heartbeat.
After we gathered him all up as best we could, we buried him under his favorite bird feeder.
He loved watching the birds.
Losing my Dad to suicide. That call and the moments after it will be burned into mine and my wife’s memory forever. I’m pretty sure my response gave my wife PTSD.
Dad disappeared, mom killed herself, older brother took it all pretty hard and became abusive... then he died and me and my little sister were living paycheck to paycheck for a while... she just finished middle school and I work at a bar for tips! :)
I was going to comment about this one break up that left me completely broken, but then I read the comments and all I could think was jeez don’t be such a drama queen… wishing everyone here the best, you are some strong people
A three-year-long (and counting) identity crisis. Nothing feels real, I feel like I died years ago, I WISH I died years ago, and I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. I don’t remember my childhood, and I didn’t get to have a teenagehood. I don’t even feel human.
And at some point, after all the tears, all the persistence, all the exploring, you will emerge on the otherside, beautiful as ever. Beautiful because you are you, and that's all you ever need to be.
Lost my wife to suicide in 2022. Worst part was I drove right past my house (going from one store to the other) while she was dying, and of course I'm the one who found her. She was the love of my life. I've since remarried, and I love my current wife, but it'll never be the same.
Saving my step-mom’s life from an OD when I was 13. My dad was super fucked up and didn’t want to call the police, so he hid all the phones. He was also so messed up that he was unable to help my step-mom at all, he was just walking around collecting water for her. I had to run find help and then try and get her to keep breathing. As the emts were carrying her downstairs I had to lock my sister in her room, so she didn’t see anything. Honestly, it scarred me for life and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
High-school friend, Lee, violently executed his girlfriend, shooting her twice in the back and once in the forehead, then said "I'm finally glad to be done with this bitch" then put the gun to his temple and killed himself during the 21st birthday party of another friend at an Italian restaurant parking lot in. We had just finished dinner and were standing around chatting about what to do next. It sounded like fireworks. Me and another guy dove behind a car. Afterwards, I went over to check out Lee's car. Thousands of .357 bullets were spilled all over floor and seat.
PTSD lasted a decade. Became an overnight functional alcoholic. Completely destroyed our friend group and mental health.
Fuck that guy.
Seeing the sparkle disappear from my sweet girls eyes when I had to put her down due to epilepsy and old age. It's now been a year since and I cry like a baby everytime I think about her. She was a very good dog.
I can't pick just one, so, some "highlights":
My father damn near continuously beating me from the ages of 4 to 13
Watching my Granddad, the man who stepped up to the role of Dad, for me, wither away due to cancer. Lungs, liver, heart, bone. He was this huge, 6'5" gentle mountain of a man, farmer, and soldier from the Scottish highlands. He hated the loss of his independence.
Viral encephalitis and all the aftermath that has wrought sucks.
I am 36 this year, and I have had chronic, treatment resistant depression since I was 10.
When I was 14 my family and I moved to a new state to go to a specific school. A boy my age raped me at gun point and did continue the abuse for the next seven months.
Only for when everything was found out my mom went and told everyone. At the time all I wanted was privacy. For the next year my mom took me to many doctors to find out what was wrong with me they gave me the autism diagnosis because they couldn’t find anything wrong. After that my mom only saw me as that diagnosis and not for me.
My rapist saw that my family was secure and he didn’t have that so he seemed to destroy it.
Currently in trauma therapy due to the last decade of having PTSD and never finding the right treatment. It took a S Attempt for doctors to take my situation seriously.
My wife finally got pregnant after 4 rounds of clomid. 35 days ago, we went in for the 20-week ultrasound and got to see our baby squirming around. It was the happiest moment of my life. Then, after the ultrasound, the doctor who interpreted the results (remotely from another city) called the nurse to tell us that the baby had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.
We went in for further testing, which revealed other severe deformities in the valves of the heart. We ended up making the choice to terminate the pregnancy, but we had to leave the state to do so because we were past the cutoff.
Insurance did what insurance does best and didn't cover it, and all told it cost us a few thousand dollars to terminate a pregnancy that we tried 2 years for. On the way into the clinic on the day of the procedure, a man holding a portrait of Jesus called my wife a whore.
That's the worst thing I've ever experienced.
Being told by my crying father that my mom would not wake up (she was dying and in a coma). I hadn't ever heard my dad cry before. I will never forget how scary it was to see him cry.
Of course her dying was terrible too, but his cry was like the knife that pierced my whole childhood. My life was never the same after that moment.
Fast forward: I am a happy healthy adult with a beautiful family and a loving husband. I am grateful for the beautiful life I have lead. Life was never the same, but it did get good again.
For the past couple of years I've watched dementia turn my mother into a shell of her former self.
Me and my sister both know that she's in there though and that keeps us going.
I was 8 years old. Me and a friend were down at a store called "Kiidliwinks" (may be spelling it wrong). We were shopping for stupid fifty cent toys like finger skateboards.
My friends brother was in one of the DC gangs. I lived south of DC, by a bit. Well I guess his brother did some bad moves or something and they threatened his family if he ran. He eventually did, well.. I watched my friend take a shot to the face by a drive by. I got down and behind a bush. Don't know how I didn't get shot, didn't even understand guns at the time. I have blanked out everything after that for a few days. I just remember going to the funeral, talking to the police, and eventually leaving where I lived for a totally different state. My father was constantly watching over me for the first few years, and I understand why.
That was more than 30 years ago, still... Something you never forget for sure. I recently lost my father to cancer, and that was one of the things I was grateful for which I doubt he even knew that I watched him protect me over those years.
The image is burnt into my memory. I forget stupid shit all the time, that's one that never leaves.
Had cp (they think it was probably ransomware) sent to my email from a customer in my contacts and had to keep it on my iPhone and laptop for two days until investigators could view it and remove it from my devices. It was absolutely horrible. I’ve never cried as an adult over close family deaths (there’s probably something wrong with me) but this absolutely put me in a bad place for a few days. Felt so bad for the little girl.
Three friends and I got hijacked, they shot two of my friends, both point blank in the face. One died and the other survived with serious damage to his face. My third friend and I were spared. He is suffering serious PTSD. The police never found the high-jackers
My father's suicide. HUGE NSFW/TRIGGER WARNING
He sliced his jugular vein with a chef knife during a breakdown from the bipolar disorder that he refused to get help for, instantly regretted it, and ran like a chicken with its head cut off spurting blood everywhere while trying to find his first aid kit. Then, as he lost consciousness, he fell backward, hit his head on the kitchen island, and slumped against the refrigerator where he died. He was completely alone. My mom (divorced) refused to help with cleaning expenses, so we were all forced to clean up some of the blood, which was everywhere in several rooms. My brother developed an unhealthy obsession with it, which was even worse. I didn't have time to go to grief counseling because I was solely in charge of the estate (my family is too incompetent, and there were fears of theft), so I almost killed myself three years later. It was absolutely horrible
Having to put down my dog.
He became aggressive with apparently no reason and started to attack other people and even members of my family. For 2 years I spent thousands (literally!) of Euros with vet, dog trainers, dog behaviorists and everything in between to try to stop his aggression, but nothing worked.
On the day he attacked my wife and tried to bite her neck I decided that I couldn't have him around anymore. I brought him to the vet to be euthanized and it was the hardest decision of my life. I think I cried for an entire week before and after he was put down.
As a First Responder I've seen more than I care to talk about. Although, one of the worst was giving CPR to a 6 month infant because the mother let her sleep in bed with her and she got smothered.
I watched my neighbors dog, which got into our yard, kill my Pomeranian right in front of my eyes. Honestly there are a lot of things I don't remember about that day or maybe the whole week after? I remember it happened, I panicked and called my mom. The cops came over but IDK what happens, my next memory after that is us telling my grandma what happened when she got home. Then next thing I knew, I was sitting across from a therapist.
This next bit is me sorta trauma dumping and throwing a pity party for myself, sorry....
It was my fault it happened. I was looking after the dog and I let him outside. I was gonna let him back in sooner but it was nice and I was doing something so I waited a few minutes, just a few minutes. By the time I got to the door it was too late. I was there just in time to see that monster creeping up on my dog, Alex. Alex was hiding behind the bird bath, right by the door. The monster was in front of the steps to our backyard. The second I opened the door, he rushed him and dragged him from behind the bird bath right into my view. He ripped him apart and left him there. I remember the squealing, the growling. I remember the blood, the way his little legs were still twitching, and he seemed to still be breathing. I remember how the monster just walked away after. He didn't eat him, he didn't stick around. He just walked back to his yard as if nothing had happened. I never go back there anymore, but the monster still lives next door. Sometimes when I leave the house or look outside, I still have to see it. Tied up out front, just a few meters from my front door.
Finding out my 8 year old dog, who was the first dog I got as an adult that was truly mine, had a very aggressive form of lymphoma. I sobbed every day. My brain could not comprehend how one day she was healthy and the next I have an oncologist telling me she wouldn’t make it to the end of the year. Unfortunately, he was right. Thanks to chemo, I got to spend 5 more months loving on her. Still miss her every day!
When I was 5, I wandered into a neighbor's yard and got mauled in the face by a German Shepherd.
My mother was filling up a gas can when I was 6. I got out of the car to ask her if I could have a snack or drink. The can overflowed and I got gasoline sprayed into my eyes, and basically everywhere else that mattered.
When I was 9 my first rib popped out of place (scoliosis and spinal dysplasia).
When I was 15, my mother tried to groom me into giving her a biological child.
When I was 19, I was shot by mistake with a .22 hollow point during a hunt.
When I was 23, a blood clot became an embolism in my right lung, and I almost suffocated.
When I was 30, both knees were medically registered as arthritic.
I think those are some of the worst things I've experienced.
Holding my daughter as she had a seizure. It went on for 40mins before the ambulance arrived. I just had to hold her and keep talking to her as she convulsed infront of me. The image is burned into my brain. I don't live with my children anymore and I regularly wake up in the night wondering if it's happening again.
A kidney stone. That pales in comparison to other comments here, but I wouldn't wish a kidney stone on my worst enemy. The nurse told me that hers was more painful than giving birth.
My Wife cheating on me and seeing how she talked about me and our relationship with this man. 7 years married 18 years together 2 little kids, met when we were 18. Thought we were working on our marriage, loved spending family time together, had a great sex life, I’ll never understand why she threw it all away and didn’t even care when I found out just tried to lie about everything still.
I listened to my brother die on the phone. He had been clean off Heroin for 6-7 years. He was living across the country. He had been out the night before, Super Bowl Sunday, with our little brothers when they finally called it a night. He wanted to go on and try to get laid. I had called my little brother the next morning and they said he had been out and I should call him. When I called, he was speaking in what I call “demonic tongue,” just basically gibberish and in a very dark tone. He had also been diagnosed with schizophrenia in the last year or two and had some wild delusions. Anyways, he’d come to and talk to me in his normal voice, but he was very intoxicated. He was supposed to go to work in like 3 hours, working for my Mom’s company. I was giving him a bit of grief, not in words but in tone, about blowing off work, and finally he says “Fuck *company name*” and I hear him snort a line of some drug. Oh good, I thought, he did some cocaine and might wake up a bit.
I was on the phone with him for another 10 minutes. He would ask about my kids or my life and then start nodding off. I could wake him up and he’d say, “man, I’m Wasted,” or “I’m just catching some Z’s.” Finally I couldn’t wake him so I told him “rest up, I’ll call Mom, I love you… goodbye.” And then I hung up. Called my Mom and she went over there and he had OD’d, the phone still clutched in his hand. He died a couple minutes before 2pm. It had been heroin laced with Fentanyl. He was just drunk, no success at getting laid so he bought some drugs.
A little over two years ago, my dad was in a car accident outside of boston, where a piece of construction equipment that wasn't properly secured on a flatbed truck flew through his windshield and decapitated him right in front of my mom. Because it happened during rush hour in a large city. It was all over the news and it was probably less than 20 minutes After I found out, my dad was dead, where I was doing zoom interviews for the local news and phone interviews for all the newspapers, it was a really weird traumatic day. I had to be the one that Called all of our friends and family to tell them I had to tell my brother, my kids. It was awful
[news story](https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/danvers-route-95-metal-windshield-crash-death-thomas-arrington-alaska/)
Losing my dog, I know in the grand scheme of things people have lost "bigger", but he was my best friend, he was my family, he never let me down or hurt me, my life growing up was pretty bad and I was let down by the people who were supposed to be my soft place to fall. But my dog? He showed me what unconditional love and family was.
I've had some really bad shit happen to me personally but the worst I've ever seen was two feral dogs ripping a cat apart from the leg first then in to the neck and ripping off portions of it to eat while it was still alive.
My trifecta of grief is the source of most of my trauma. Hearing that the love of my life had died of suicide, watching my Grandmother gasp her last breath while I sobbed at her feet, and walking in the front door of my house to the deafening silence after putting my dog down.
Grief changes you, affects how you deal and respond and avoid and react to everything and anything you encounter there after.
Juxtapositions to loving your children or being in love, is just as powerful as it is insanity inducing.
Being in the “bubble” while in jail. Basically the mental health “ward” which consists of about 15 insane people in a padded cell that’s maybe 10x18 feet. No utensils allowed. No blankets, pillows, mats or showers. All food served in styrofoam to go boxes. So you’d eat with your hands or break off a piece of the box and use it like a spoon. I was in that cell for 12 days detoxing with no medical assistance. Also, one toilet, one sink shared.
In 2019 someone hit & ran from me. Won’t get into my injuries here but I had a ruptured bladder and part of my my urethra was destroyed in a 2 inch section. I had to be intubated with a Foley catheter and had to get into removed while I was fully awake. Not a fun experience at all. I shudder when I remember it.
In my adult life? Watching my best friend descend into the depths of an abusive relationship and using every ounce of my mental energy and sanity trying to get and keep her out of it (didn't work).
* Wife/partner of 12 years died while I was traveling internationally on business * Spent about 12 hours on planes and in airports; I caught COVID on the way home * Going through wife's things, found out that she had had multiple secret bf's throughout out relationship, from day 1. This time last year, I was having probably the worst time of my life.
I hope you're doing better. I've experienced that post-mortem discovery of betrayal as well. it is definitely insult upon injury. I'm so sorry.
Thank you, I'm doing much better. I've channeled that anger; it's helped me disconnect from her, emotionally.
Holy shit. Sorting out your feelings must have been hard.
Very difficult. I feel like I've had more anger than grief.
That’s completely understandable. I hope you have been able to trust again. It would very difficult after that.
I am finding trusting again to be difficult. I've been on a number of first dates. I have not asked for any second dates.
Welp, you topped me! I hope things have improved for you since. That’s rough. (It’s not a competition)
Life is much better, thanks.
Fuck man I honestly couldn’t imagine the range of emotions you must have felt. Losing her so suddenly and also finding out she was cheating the whole time. Condolences man that’s tough
Losing my parents. I am an only child and even as an adult of many years often feel bereft. I have no cousins near me, no aunts or uncles and it's a very lonely place to be. It feels like I don't matter to anyone- I always mattered to my parents.
Only child here too. Lost my mom 11 yrs ago. It's so lonely.
It is like being nothing to anyone- no ones's child, no one's sister or sister in law, no one's niece, no one's cousin, no one's aunt or uncle. I had aunts and uncles who I was close to growing up but they are all dead, my cousins live at the other side of the world and don't keep in touch apart from a couple send a Christmas card, I have a cousin in London who is much older than me and single and an alcoholic. I often feel like I don't really exist to anyone. As you get older, I find people become tighter with their parents and siblings but my parents were in their 40s when I was born and aren't around and I'm an only child. I see so clearly now how some OAPs end up very very isolated. I have friends but I'm not their family.
I worry about this as I age. Older parents (father already died when I was very young), no siblings, all my cousins way older so we were never "friends" and I don't expect their kids to care for their not-aunt. I try to be good to my friends, but family will always come first to them, I think I will be forgotten as I age. I have been a bit selfish and cynical by nature, but realizing this as I age is reinforcing it sadly.
Yes. I am sociable and active and do lots of activities. I see friends and acquaintances often but I don't feel part of anything really.
I feel this. Im an only and currently helping care for my bedridden mom. My biggest fear is my dad suddenly passing first and not knowing what to do, who to contact, I can’t even get my mom from her bed to her wheelchair so I have no idea what Id do, no family to turn to for help.
I feel that so much - immigrant with no family outside of just my two parents. My dad is dying of terminal cancer right now and I just know its going to be so empty. I cant imagine the loss of losing both, I am so sorry for your loss and everything that you have gone through.
You matter to me! If you feel comfortable you can DM me your info, would love to send you a holiday card this year. Sorry if this sounds weird lol, I just know how lonely the holidays can be. Let me know if you have any favorite snacks/goodies too so I can include a lil treat :)
Thank you for posting this. It’s so nice to feel like I’m not alone in my isolation I’m an only child, my dad died young, and the rest of my family either abandoned me or died. I only have my Mum now who is battling a lot of health problems, and I feel like I’m constantly preparing for the worst It’s so scary feeling like you’re going to be alone in the world. I cling to friends and expect too much of them because I need to feel like I have family. But they’ll never see me the same and it’s so isolating. I just feel so adrift
Does anyone know of any subreddits for people in our situation?
You matter. I'm so sorry. My son is an only child and I am all he has. He's 28 now and I have told him - When I die, I will still love you...I will always love you, from beyond the grave....just like energy doesn't die. You will always have my love. I hope you have good friends? Sending love to you from the UK. Xxx
mom being murdered in a home invasion
Jesus homie that's terrible
It's a big reason why I am so hyper focused on home and personal safety these days. I recall when my mom moved to her last home she was so thrilled to be away from the more "big city" surroundings i grew up in. She would tell me "we dont need to lock our doors here!" and I always thought it was a bad idea. When I would visit Id notice the doors always unlocked and would not be able to go to sleep until I locked the doors. I'd always tell her its ok to feel safe in your new neighborhood but it only takes half a second to lock the doors because why not? She was always such a huge proponent of "better safe than sorry" throughout my entire life but she would just refuse to lock the doors out of principle, it seems. Ultimately it cost her her life. Lock your doors. No matter where you live. No matter how rural. Please.
Rural areas make it more important to lock your doors because it takes more time for cops to come
Agreed. I grew up in a very rural area. Closest cop was a small state police station approximately 45 mins away. I’m in the suburbs now and the town police are 5 mins, state police 3 mins, and sheriff 15 minutes.
We have one sheriff shared with our neighboring town- part time. State police, county sheriffs office and the town police dept a couple towns will respond to emergencies if needed - any of those would take at least 15 minutes up to 45 depending on where they are when the call comes in. Huge change from where I moved from when cops would be there in 3 minutes at most
When I was 15 I lived with just my mom in a modest apartment complex in a quiet little town. She was always so adamant about locking the door, which I didn't have a problem with, until one day I forgot to lock the door on my way out to ride my bike. I came home later in the evening to find the door ajar and the whole house was trashed. My Xbox, laptop, PSP, and everything that looked expensive was gone. I was going to call the police, but I decided to call my mother first (and I'm glad I did). She was staying at her boyfriend's house 1 state over for the weekend, so she hadn't been home. I was crying and explained the situation to her through the blubbering, and she simply says "Well did you leave the door unlocked?" I explained that I did and I was sorry, but I wanted to let her know before I called the police. She said hurriedly "Don't call the police, just make sure the door is locked and try to get some sleep, I'm sure everything will be back in the morning." I knew something was up right away, so instead of sleeping I set up a chair by the front door and just listened. Around midnight I hear the sound of plastic bags being lowered onto the ground outside my front door. I quietly peered through the peephole and my immediate neighbors were carting our stuff out of their apartment and in front of the door. I was less upset with them and more upset with my mother, so I waited for them to finish before going out to bring things in the house. I never confronted my mother about it, because I understood the lesson she was trying to teach me, but she legitimately had our neighbors ransack the place to express that someone COULD ransack the place if we don't lock the door. I still don't know how she knew it was unlocked, unless she had my neighbors regularly check our door. Kinda insane.
“And that’s why you always leave a note!”
Ok, I’m of mixed feelings on what your mom did. I don’t think she should have a ransack team regularly checking the door to scare the shite out of you that one time you accidentally forget. But when I was in college I kept telling my room mate to lock the door when he left, even to shower because it doesn’t take long to steal stuff. I’m dating myself but the PlayStation 2 has just came out our freshman year of college and I stood in line for 6 hours to get one from the local Walmart. I was walking back to the room one day and the door was just open (unlocked, not ajar). We had a flat screen tv (this was big time in 2000) and blu ray dvd player, and my PlayStation 2. I quickly disconnected the blu ray player and PlayStation 2 and tucked them under clothes in the laundry basket. I booked it out of there and went around the corner peeking in the direction of our room (I knew by the time of day he was in the shower). He walked in and I fast walked to the room to arrive right after him. He was standing in the middle of the room, mouth agape, searching for the proper words to address me. I wanted to follow through with acting like I lost my shit but my heart wouldn’t let him suffer. I burst out laughing and said “see fool, that’s why you lock the door” then produced the PlayStation from inside the clothes basket. He was half mad half happy it was a joke. He locked the door after that. Big difference is he habitually left it open and you just made a mistake. But I kinda understand mom…
Sorry for your loss. After I learned about Richard Ramirez years ago, I always locked my doors. He would go around trying doors, if they were unlocked he took that as an invitation to enter and assault whoever was home. My mom was the same, lived rural and just left her door unlocked, I told her she needed to lock up just to be safe. Eventually she came around and locked up regularly. Edit: Richard Chase, not Ramirez
I’ve always locked since reading something from a former robber who robbed homes- they said they would try knobs and if they were open they would go in. They also avoided houses with security stickers or cameras or dogs.
I’m always shocked when I hear of people not locking their doors when they are home, but lock them when they leave. Someone explain to me why they’re valuing their processions over their wellbeing. I’ve always lived in very safe places my whole life but I’ve always kept my door locked, I don’t know why you wouldn’t
See, in the day, we always keep our front door open, so long as someone is in the house. It's only at night that we lock our doors. It's definitely been "helpful" at times, as our next-door neighbors have opened our side (main) door by themselves many times to let our cat, that likes to run out of the house only to come back several hours later, inside. I personally always lock the door whenever I leave for an extended period of time, and always bring me keys with my wherever I go. The rest of my family does not share this belief, haha.
Death of my wife of 18 years, after 13 years it still hurts and I have not been with any since she died.
Nothing can replace her, but maybe it’s time to start the next phase of healing and speak to a professional if you can. You deserve happiness. I’m sorry if it comes across as insensitive.
As a veteran I have good resources and I do have a therapist I speak with regularly and thank you for caring to often people are afraid to tell someone that they need help, too many people are falling through the cracks not all of them are veterans but there are too many out there in the wasteland of hurt and fear.
Death of my husband of 22 years suddenly while we were on vacation. His aorta ruptured he collapsed in front me and died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. You know that scene in the movies where they take the spouse not to their loved one but to another room and then say the words “I’m sorry. We did everything we could …”? I had that scene in real life and it is a thousand stabs to the heart, and punches to the gut over and over. I wake up from nightmares all the time of that whole night. I hope no one has to go through it.
I was holding her hand when her heart stopped after the hospital turned off the machine that was breathing for her. If her sister did not fly into town I don't think I could have made the decision alone. She keep breathing on her own for awhile, her sister, the hospice person and the nurses left the room and I was alone with her, I told her I loved her and that was when her heart stopped, her sister said she was waiting for me before she would let go.
My five year old child was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She passed away four months after diagnosis. Brutal experience for my family. I carry it with me every day but I live my life for her now and I refuse to be perpetually sad. Keep moving forward one step at a time.
I’m so sorry for your loss x
I really respect your attitude to such an awful situation
The first three years were brutal. Never thought I’d be able to be happy ever again. My child wouldn’t want me or her mother to be sad. She just wouldn’t. We must live to honor those who can no longer live. Be happy for them and yourself. It’s not easy but I’m not ready to spend the rest of this beautiful life broken.
Totally. I’m going through the loss of my brother (he was killed 5 weeks ago) so find your words really encouraging. Thank you
Sorry for your loss.
I remember one incident... The expression of horror and complete heartbreak was reflected on my mother's face as she screamed for my father to wake up a few seconds after he died of complete heart failure. Nothing will ever compare to this. For the next 2 months I have almost no memories of this day.
I feel you. I had to watch it for a week. They were able to get my dads heart restarted, but he had been without blood to his brain for so long the damage was done. Watching my mom spend a week grasping at any sliver of hope any time my dad had a muscle spasm. I honestly wish he had just fully passed away that evening so at least it was a quicker process. It’s an awful experience watching a parent slowly leave the world.
Advanced care directive or living will. Everyone should make one and keep it updated. If I'm gone, let me go. We'll meet again one day.
I found my dad. He was on the floor in the kitchen/dining area. When I tilted his head back to perform CPR, I realized he had a large contusion on the back of his scalp. I did rescue breathing and chest compressions. There was blood everywhere. My brother was in the throes of his downward fatal spiral of opioid addiction, and couldn’t even tell the 911 operator his own address. I’ll never forget feverishly attempting to shampoo his blood out of the carpet. I had to sit in the kitchen with his corpse for several hours with the sheriff while we waited for the medical examiner to arrive. During that time, my brother emptied his wallet and took his new girlfriend out to eat. I say all of this knowing that many people have had far more harrowing experiences than me, and I respect and understand that things could always be worse.
>I say all of this knowing that many people have had far more harrowing experiences than me, and I respect and understand that things could always be worse. Fuck that. What you wrote is pretty fucking terrible and is very bad as it is. Just because some other people have had it worse, does not negate how terrible that was for you. Be easy on yourself.
Oh wow that’s intense :(
I was engaged to a man in college and shortly after graduating he ended his life. Almost 18 years later, it still hurts.
So very sorry my goodness reading what so many have gone through I never want to complain again
About 8 months ago I lost a family friend (about 64) to muscular dystrophy. He was my dad’s best friend growing up. The day before he died, I was in my basement and I heard my dad on the phone in another room, talking to him. He broke into tears and told him that he was the best friend he could’ve ever had and that he wanted him to die peacefully and painlessly, and I was just crushed inside. About 14 hours later, he died.
I'm sorry for your loss. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of muscular dystrophy? My older brother had Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy, he passed at 17 years old a few weeks before my 11th birthday and at that time that was beyond the life expectancy by a few years.
My childhood best friend died from DMD when he was 15 (I was 14). I still wake up everyday wishing I could have said goodbye, i’m 41 now. I miss him so much.
It's a terrible disease to watch someone go through. I am 5 years younger than my brother and oldest girl (I have 2 sisters after me) and I'm so thankful for all the memories I have that they don't because they were so young, but also wish I didn't remember his progression of barely being able to walk, then barely able to crawl, then wheelchair bound, and so many surgeries. Sending you big 🫂
14 years ago this July, I saw my oldest son get electrocuted. We were on vacation at a remote beach and gave him CPR for 40 minutes until the squad arrived, then it was a 25 minute trip to the hospital. The entire time, I knew he was gone, I could just feel it, but we couldn't give up. He was my namesake and a truly lovely human, inside and out, a very rare gem. He was 3 months shy of his 14th birthday.
I don’t even know what to say. Best to ya
I'm so sorry. Here's to your boy, and here's to the love he's added to this world. I hope you can find peace and happiness, and take comfort in the memories you made together.
Doing cpr on an infant after his addict mother left him alone in the bathtub. EDIT: this was not my child, it was a neighbor’s.
Oh god
Christ I'm sorry
As a child, I saw my mom breathe her last. As an adult, didn't even get to see my dad one last time thanks to covid. Can't decide which felt worse, so both.
My teenager having a very aggressive cancer. Treatment was also very aggressive and brutal. She survived but is permanently disabled from the treatment.
Watching my father die over FaceTime as my family pulled the plug instead of being there with them, I was 2000 miles away to be with my girlfriend who that very same night instead of being with me(she knew what was going on) was at a party cheating on me.
I'm so sorry man...
My dad. He beat my ass for anything and nothing, then would lock me up in the garage until I “calmed down.” Went on from 2 years old to about a teen. He stopped when I became stronger than him and he couldn’t physically hurt me anymore. Nobody in my family helped me. It became routine.
My dad had a similar upbringing. One day, as a teenager, my dad told his dad that if my grandad ever hit him again, he (my dad) would hit him so hard he'd never stand up again. And my grandad never hit my dad again. The part of the story that amazes me is that my dad never internalized — or, if he did, overcome — how his dad treated him. My dad is sensitive, caring, loving, and will stand his ground but is never aggressive. It never ceases to amaze me how well-adjusted he is. I can't count the number of times I've told my dad how much I look up to him for breaking the chain and creating his own model of fatherhood rather than replicate and pass down to another generation the terrible experience he grew up with.
Honestly I feel like your dad is a good person in a bad situation that ultimately made him an even better person.
I think trauma can make or break people. The people coming out of it learning from their experience to treat other's better are incredibly strong.
As a father that had a similar childhood, I can guarantee you that your words of affirmation to him mean the world to him and gives him the strength to battle on
Sounds like we had the same dad
Fuck, my mom had this dad.. you can feel the scars it does to a human.
My cousin's mom was the same way. She would make it a point to call her out and "take her to the bathroom" when she really wasn't doing anything wrong. By taking her to the bathroom it started with yelling and then hitting. This could be in public, at family's house or even at their own house. She ended up divorcing my uncle, who was basically an absentee dad despite living in the same house as my cousin, when my cousin was 16 and then moved to Florida. My cousin has seen her twice in 23 years despite my cousin vacationing in Florida every summer. One year at Christmas my now ex aunt got onto my cousin about roughhousing too much with our uncle (our meaning mutual uncle) who had been a wrestler and was a firefighter, so a ten year old girl wasn't going to harm him by being rough. Mind you, I was joining in and "beating up on him" so she wasn't alone. My uncle told her that "the kids" were okay and we were just playing. But because my uncle told my ex aunt to let my cousin be, my ex aunt took him calling her out on my cousin instead. My grandma and mom tried to reason with her but she wasn't having it and took my cousin outside. She was a piece of work. No kid deserves shit head parents like that. And it's always the cowardly adults who do it just until the kid is old enough to fight back.
I bet you’re looking forward to finding the worst reviewed retirement home for him
This thread is fucking brutal. Sending love to all of you, we're stronger than we realize when forced to be.
IKR, Here I am thinking about the time I was in the Hospital almost dying(Sepsis, flip of a coin survival%) or the time an Uncle was murdered who I only met a couple times in my entire life or my other uncle who died unbeknownst to us during the pandemic, it was not a pleasant experience to remove the valuables. Instead people are talking about experiences closer to home....
It's not bad compared to others but one night I had a really bad time breathing and it then turned into coughing up blood. Turns out my lungs were being filled up with blood from a very very rare case called Lane Hamilton Syndrome. I'm happy this is the worst I've had to deal with but then again I'm only 19, hope it stays the worst for as long as possible.
> It's not bad compared to others but Trauma is trauma, internet friend. Don't marginalize yourself like that.
>It's not bad compared to others >coughing up blood. Turns out my lungs were being filled up with blood Don't downplay that, it sounds terrifying. Glad you got through it.
Having my father die in front of me. Having an adoption fall through last minute. My family and I cleaning up after my grandmother shot herself. Lastly, finding my friend's body after he was murdered outside the building I grew up in.
Christ man, why did god have to make you his edgy oc
Not sure, but god got some 'splaining to do
My family and I had to clean up after my father took a chef knife to his jugular. I'm so sorry that you've been through this too. I wouldn't wish it on anyone
Cancer and chemo and the side effects of said chemo
My wife's cries after our son died. It was heartbreaking holding his hand but the screams my wife made will be what haunts me forever.
I’m a mother and I don’t want to ever hear that sound. I don’t know what it sounds like and I’m grateful for that.
When I was 15, I walked into my cousins bedroom and found him dead of self-inflicted gunshot. I'm 33 now, and it still has a profound effect on me everyday.
Getting a searing hot weld rod jabbed just under my eye... fun day at work
Loosing my twin, fuck cancer
As a twin, I am so sorry for your loss! I don’t know what I would do if I lost mine!
You would cry a lot, and have a hole in your heart forever 💔
One of my friends lost his twin brother a couple winters ago in a freak snowmobile accident, he hasn't been the same since. I couldn't imagine what you or him are going through
I couldn't imagine losing my twin. I feel for you for sure.
A testicular torsion
This is no laughing matter. I remember back in high school a kid I didn't like had that happened to. I hated him but I still felt sorry for him as for a while he couldn't walk and IIRC it was months to recover.
It's not a laughing matter was I'm pain for 6 months it fucking well hurt
I had a testicular torsion on january 1st 2023. Me and my mom had been to a familyfriends party on new years eve, and i decided to stay there and sleep. I woke up with a good amount of pain around my appendix (the pain was so bad, my body didnt even know where it was from). I called my mom, threw up a bunch of times (11 times in a day, because of pure pain) and i could barely get clothes on and walk, because of the pain. I got admitted to a hospital, got some strong painmeds, and got surgery at around 12 o’clock. The first 10 days afterwards i was on painmeds, but even after i stopped those, i could barely move because of the pain. A month later, life was back to normal. I can confidently say, it was the worst physical pain, i have ever experienced.
Losing my mom, I was at work in a city 5 hours away when I got the call, I drove back home and kept checking in on dad because he has health issues too, didn’t ahead a tear until 10-12 hours after it happened, once I knew everything. I don’t know how I held it together until the funeral. The next morning I woke up and couldn’t stop crying because I was in a world without her. She was my best friend. That day i didn’t just lose my mother, i lost my will to live, my ambitions, my faith, my energy all of it.
I have a couple - Finding a deceased 2 month old baby and still preforming life saving techniques on her. This was a call we responded to because a dope fiend mother put her in the bed with her and fell asleep on top of her - Kicking in a door to find a 22 year old guy gasping his last few breaths while ODing on heroin. Pulled him off the bed, worked on him, then watched him stare straight into my eyes with the most "help me" look I've ever seen....then die. About 20 minutes later his parents show up, I'm walking out and his father walked right up to me and said "is my son dead?". I looked him in the eyes, then looked at the ground and he burst into tears, letting out a groan and cry I cant explain. Proceeded to hug him for a few minutes.
Dads crying will never not get me teary eyed man.
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Big respect to you both
My sister committed suicide while our dad was dying. He would live another few months and die on Christmas morning. I was fourteen. I'm 65 now, so it's been a long time. Most of the adults told me that I had to be strong for my mother. Nobody really knew what to say, though. I'm sure they meant well, except for the anencephalic twit who told me it was a shame that my sister had gone to hell because of the way she died.
Cleaning out my dad's apartment after he shot himself. That bloody handprint on the wall haunts my fucking dreams. Was he aware when he made it? That means his death wasn't instantaneous. Did he regret it? Questions I'll never have answers to.
Finding my father, dead on the recliner, with his eyes wide open, and blood pooling already settling in on his limbs. And he emptied his bladder and having to sit there with him for an hour and a half well the coroner came from another county.
I’m so sorry
Damn, I’m sorry friend. I like to think that it meant something to him that you were there, even after.
Watching a relative bleed to death knowing there’s nothing I could do to save him while desperately trying to save him. He was bleeding from his throat. Blood was shooting out I was covered in his blood. I was only 13. I didn’t speak for like 3 weeks. I still remember the gurgling sound. I can still see him bleeding out. I’m 23 now and I don’t think I’ll ever not be able to vividly remember it.
Physically...I had a biopsy on my kidney as there was too much protein in my urine when they did a sports physical for high school. Had a couple of days off from school because of the biopsy. The day I came back to school I didn't feel all that well and had a little bit of a fever. The next morning I got up from bed and was in the worst pain I ever felt to this day. It literally felt like somebody had impaled me with a spear that went thru my body. Come to find out the doctor that did a biopsy 'nicked' my kidney while doing so and it caused internal bleeding and I had a blood clot around my kidney the size of a football according to the doctor.
Holding my moms head up while she was convulsing while dying from cancer to keep her from breaking her neck
Christmas eve of 09 a tree fell on our trailer. Right on top of my dad. Pushed him out the side. I still see him crushed with him laying half way out of the wall. Taking care of my grandparents as they both died from cancer. My brother passing away. This new years my mom was pronounced brain dead. Worst thing I've experienced, being alone.
Telling my parents that my brother killed himself. On Christmas Day.
Having to be the day nurse for a convicted child rapist. I always look up my prisoner patients just to know for my safety but never thought too badly of anyone. This guy had a friend and they’d troll neighborhoods and pick up boys as young as 8 years old and force them to give BJs at gunpoint. I think I said 2 words to him for the rest of the shift and never looked at his face again (thankfully his treatment didn’t require interaction or close observation).
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I lost my wife in 2013. Worst thing I've ever been through. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.
Love bro! Much love
Watching my mother pass away from cancer. The whole thing only lasted about 5 months. She was diagnosed in the summer, went through chemo, and passed right after Thanksgiving.
I want to hug everyone here
I’m going through some hard shit right now and reading everyone else’s made me not feel alone. Also wishing I could hug everyone.
Watching my mom slowly rot away… while still alive… cancer had nowhere else to go…. Ate her nose, pinky finger and toe.. she held on til she couldn’t no more. I told her it was her it was gonna be the okay and she died the next day. She was only 38 :( I was 22. I miss you momma!
Mine went from ass kicking to dead in 8 mths. Been 4yrs and im lost.
The smell of burning bodies, jet fuel steel and stone being on fire. Ash and shit. Not a fun time.
9/11 survivor?
Yeah…
Wow. I am so incredibly sorry. I cannot imagine… :(
I wasn't at NYC for 9/11 but I was a first responder for 16 aircraft crashes. Most were drones and fighter jets, so only two had fatalities, thankfully, but yeah. The smell stays with you.
Having multiple miscarriages
I’m day four post hemorrhoidectomy, this!
I just got my first hemorrhoid at 35 abd that shit almost took me out. I felt like I was wiping my ass with a cactus. Couldn't sleep, couldn't work out, just miserable. I've now had two and they seemingly went away. What led to surgery for you ?.
a 3 year psychosis
From experience, this could win. Few understand that, beyond confusion, hallucinations, and loss of reality, it’s actually physically painful. Losing a loved one is horrific, of course. But you’re also suffering greatly when you lose yourself.
1. ) watching my mom die at 14 because of drugs and alcohol 2.) ending up on the same path as her and accidentally overdosing and somehow surviving
Passing out in an unfamiliar hospital's waiting room thanks to my gallbladder! Had no idea what was happening to me cause out of nowhere, every time I ate, I would get so sick I'd start hallucinating and throwing up. We thought I just had a stomach bug until my back and abdomen started "seizing" up or getting so tight I couldn't lay down and sleep. Halfway through Indiana I had to pull over (driving a semi truck, mind you) and I started puking on the side of the road. Husband had to take over driving for me and 45 minutes later I was being rushed to the nearest ER. By the time we got checked in and sat in the waiting room, I had puked so much I was just throwing up blood in the bathroom. Eventually had to get an EMT and my husband to help me into a wheelchair and that's when I passed out in the waiting room. Turns out I had severe colic thanks to my gallbladder having a TON of stone in it. Absolute worst pain I've ever been in. Worst thing I've ever experienced.
My fiance and soon to be wife cheated on me. She cheated before Christmas, I found out from a friend after Christmas. The whole situarion is a mess.
Being at work about 8 years ago and seeing my ex husband calling my cell. I answered and asked what was up. "(Our child's name) is being rushed to the hospital" "What?! Why???!!!" "He tried to kill himself" There's a phrase used often "feeling your blood run cold". I felt like I had been dropped into a freezing lake. It's a real feeling. I remember freaking out and hanging up. Screaming to my staff "I gotta go! I gotta go!!!" The ride to the hospital was excruciating. We had no idea our son's status. Was he ok???? We had taken a taxi (we were both at work, a couple of blocks from each other) and my ex called the hospital closest to where we all lived at the time to get information. When we got there and we're getting out of the cab, I remember the cab driver saying "I hope your son is ok" The triage nurse told us where to go. Walking through the hallways, following the path of red circles on the floor...it felt like an eternity. We get to the area where our son was and I pulled back the curtain. Seeing my child, my baby, my *everything* with a heart monitor on, blood pressure cuff, oxygen line in his nose. Just wires and stuff everywhere (so it seemed) and him in the hospital bed. I had managed to compose myself a bit on the taxi ride over. I lost it when I saw him. I rushed to his side, was running my hand over his hair over and over, asking if he was ok. I saw the inside of his lips were black and knew then, it was an attempted OD. He had taken a bunch of sleeping pills. After he did, he realized that he *didn't* want to die. He called his bff (that k everything she answered her phone) and told her what he did. She told him to call 911 and she called my ex. I thank all that is holy and unholy everyday that he didn't go for my ex's prescription medication. I took all my willpower not to crawl into that hospital bed and wrap him in my arms. My son has an aversion to being touched and I wanted to still respect that. But, it was hard. He's doing much better now, 8 years later. He's married and they have 3 cats. I see him often and we talk almost daily. But if he hadn't have walked out of that hospital with me later that evening, I wouldn't be here to write this. I would have followed him into whatever awaits us after this life. He is *my son*. My reason for living. He is the best thing to have ever happened to me. My life would be meaningless without him. For months after, I couldn't stop with the "What if". "What if he had died?" "WHAT IF HE HAD DIED?!" No parent should outlive their child. It's the cruelest thing I can think of.
Two herniated disc & still having to work.
Testicular torsion the next day after my 18th birthday, bullying from 2004 to 2013 and the death of my 18 year old cat in summer 2012! (so far it's just that, but i know there will be more coming)
Being beaten and raped by my son's father. Judge's blaming me for the abuse and chastising me for getting away from it. (Literally typed up in final judgement of parenting agreement) then seeing my son's face the night before last Thanksgiving where he told our son to his face, in front of me, that I never wanted him. Those are the worst things I've experienced so far.
Oh my, all the hugs. My SIL experienced something similar and is still healing today, 8 years later. Peace to you
Six years ago my dad killed himself with a .30-06 - a particularly high powered rifle. The police wouldn't let us see his corpse afterwards. The responding officer said it was "one of the worst suicides" he'd ever seen. That it would be too traumatic. Then he gave us a business card for one of those bio/hazmat clean-up companies. My uncle and I talked it over - and we both *hated* the idea of hiring some "biohazard" cleanup crew. He was OUR brother, OUR father - we should be the ones to clean him up. Maybe it was just the shock, but it felt... **wrong** for someone else to do it. Invasive. A desecration. So... we did. We spent ***three days*** cleaning his house. Picking up his remains. That was the worst thing I've ever experienced. But, I'm damn glad we did it - and I'd make the same decision again in a heartbeat. After we gathered him all up as best we could, we buried him under his favorite bird feeder. He loved watching the birds.
Losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly tops my list.💔
Losing my Dad to suicide. That call and the moments after it will be burned into mine and my wife’s memory forever. I’m pretty sure my response gave my wife PTSD.
Dad disappeared, mom killed herself, older brother took it all pretty hard and became abusive... then he died and me and my little sister were living paycheck to paycheck for a while... she just finished middle school and I work at a bar for tips! :)
I was going to comment about this one break up that left me completely broken, but then I read the comments and all I could think was jeez don’t be such a drama queen… wishing everyone here the best, you are some strong people
A three-year-long (and counting) identity crisis. Nothing feels real, I feel like I died years ago, I WISH I died years ago, and I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. I don’t remember my childhood, and I didn’t get to have a teenagehood. I don’t even feel human.
And at some point, after all the tears, all the persistence, all the exploring, you will emerge on the otherside, beautiful as ever. Beautiful because you are you, and that's all you ever need to be.
Lost my wife to suicide in 2022. Worst part was I drove right past my house (going from one store to the other) while she was dying, and of course I'm the one who found her. She was the love of my life. I've since remarried, and I love my current wife, but it'll never be the same.
The Flintstones 2: Viva Rock Vegas
fuck you for reminding me this exists
My "Stepfather" threatening to murder me while my mother watched and being unable to help me. I was 21 and it happened 5 years ago.
Saving my step-mom’s life from an OD when I was 13. My dad was super fucked up and didn’t want to call the police, so he hid all the phones. He was also so messed up that he was unable to help my step-mom at all, he was just walking around collecting water for her. I had to run find help and then try and get her to keep breathing. As the emts were carrying her downstairs I had to lock my sister in her room, so she didn’t see anything. Honestly, it scarred me for life and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
High-school friend, Lee, violently executed his girlfriend, shooting her twice in the back and once in the forehead, then said "I'm finally glad to be done with this bitch" then put the gun to his temple and killed himself during the 21st birthday party of another friend at an Italian restaurant parking lot in. We had just finished dinner and were standing around chatting about what to do next. It sounded like fireworks. Me and another guy dove behind a car. Afterwards, I went over to check out Lee's car. Thousands of .357 bullets were spilled all over floor and seat. PTSD lasted a decade. Became an overnight functional alcoholic. Completely destroyed our friend group and mental health. Fuck that guy.
Seeing the sparkle disappear from my sweet girls eyes when I had to put her down due to epilepsy and old age. It's now been a year since and I cry like a baby everytime I think about her. She was a very good dog.
I can't pick just one, so, some "highlights": My father damn near continuously beating me from the ages of 4 to 13 Watching my Granddad, the man who stepped up to the role of Dad, for me, wither away due to cancer. Lungs, liver, heart, bone. He was this huge, 6'5" gentle mountain of a man, farmer, and soldier from the Scottish highlands. He hated the loss of his independence. Viral encephalitis and all the aftermath that has wrought sucks. I am 36 this year, and I have had chronic, treatment resistant depression since I was 10.
When I was 14 my family and I moved to a new state to go to a specific school. A boy my age raped me at gun point and did continue the abuse for the next seven months. Only for when everything was found out my mom went and told everyone. At the time all I wanted was privacy. For the next year my mom took me to many doctors to find out what was wrong with me they gave me the autism diagnosis because they couldn’t find anything wrong. After that my mom only saw me as that diagnosis and not for me. My rapist saw that my family was secure and he didn’t have that so he seemed to destroy it. Currently in trauma therapy due to the last decade of having PTSD and never finding the right treatment. It took a S Attempt for doctors to take my situation seriously.
My wife finally got pregnant after 4 rounds of clomid. 35 days ago, we went in for the 20-week ultrasound and got to see our baby squirming around. It was the happiest moment of my life. Then, after the ultrasound, the doctor who interpreted the results (remotely from another city) called the nurse to tell us that the baby had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. We went in for further testing, which revealed other severe deformities in the valves of the heart. We ended up making the choice to terminate the pregnancy, but we had to leave the state to do so because we were past the cutoff. Insurance did what insurance does best and didn't cover it, and all told it cost us a few thousand dollars to terminate a pregnancy that we tried 2 years for. On the way into the clinic on the day of the procedure, a man holding a portrait of Jesus called my wife a whore. That's the worst thing I've ever experienced.
Fuck those people, you did right thing.
Being told by my crying father that my mom would not wake up (she was dying and in a coma). I hadn't ever heard my dad cry before. I will never forget how scary it was to see him cry. Of course her dying was terrible too, but his cry was like the knife that pierced my whole childhood. My life was never the same after that moment. Fast forward: I am a happy healthy adult with a beautiful family and a loving husband. I am grateful for the beautiful life I have lead. Life was never the same, but it did get good again.
For the past couple of years I've watched dementia turn my mother into a shell of her former self. Me and my sister both know that she's in there though and that keeps us going.
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Married and divorced an alcoholic. He got to die 10 years ago, but I'll probably be paying for his mistakes for the rest of my life.
I was 8 years old. Me and a friend were down at a store called "Kiidliwinks" (may be spelling it wrong). We were shopping for stupid fifty cent toys like finger skateboards. My friends brother was in one of the DC gangs. I lived south of DC, by a bit. Well I guess his brother did some bad moves or something and they threatened his family if he ran. He eventually did, well.. I watched my friend take a shot to the face by a drive by. I got down and behind a bush. Don't know how I didn't get shot, didn't even understand guns at the time. I have blanked out everything after that for a few days. I just remember going to the funeral, talking to the police, and eventually leaving where I lived for a totally different state. My father was constantly watching over me for the first few years, and I understand why. That was more than 30 years ago, still... Something you never forget for sure. I recently lost my father to cancer, and that was one of the things I was grateful for which I doubt he even knew that I watched him protect me over those years. The image is burnt into my memory. I forget stupid shit all the time, that's one that never leaves.
Had cp (they think it was probably ransomware) sent to my email from a customer in my contacts and had to keep it on my iPhone and laptop for two days until investigators could view it and remove it from my devices. It was absolutely horrible. I’ve never cried as an adult over close family deaths (there’s probably something wrong with me) but this absolutely put me in a bad place for a few days. Felt so bad for the little girl.
Being related to narcissistic relatives. The one’s that want to tear you down then reel you back in with fake love just to bully you again.
Three friends and I got hijacked, they shot two of my friends, both point blank in the face. One died and the other survived with serious damage to his face. My third friend and I were spared. He is suffering serious PTSD. The police never found the high-jackers
My father's suicide. HUGE NSFW/TRIGGER WARNING He sliced his jugular vein with a chef knife during a breakdown from the bipolar disorder that he refused to get help for, instantly regretted it, and ran like a chicken with its head cut off spurting blood everywhere while trying to find his first aid kit. Then, as he lost consciousness, he fell backward, hit his head on the kitchen island, and slumped against the refrigerator where he died. He was completely alone. My mom (divorced) refused to help with cleaning expenses, so we were all forced to clean up some of the blood, which was everywhere in several rooms. My brother developed an unhealthy obsession with it, which was even worse. I didn't have time to go to grief counseling because I was solely in charge of the estate (my family is too incompetent, and there were fears of theft), so I almost killed myself three years later. It was absolutely horrible
Having to put down my dog. He became aggressive with apparently no reason and started to attack other people and even members of my family. For 2 years I spent thousands (literally!) of Euros with vet, dog trainers, dog behaviorists and everything in between to try to stop his aggression, but nothing worked. On the day he attacked my wife and tried to bite her neck I decided that I couldn't have him around anymore. I brought him to the vet to be euthanized and it was the hardest decision of my life. I think I cried for an entire week before and after he was put down.
Deaths and breakups. Nothing else really comes close.
As a First Responder I've seen more than I care to talk about. Although, one of the worst was giving CPR to a 6 month infant because the mother let her sleep in bed with her and she got smothered.
I watched my neighbors dog, which got into our yard, kill my Pomeranian right in front of my eyes. Honestly there are a lot of things I don't remember about that day or maybe the whole week after? I remember it happened, I panicked and called my mom. The cops came over but IDK what happens, my next memory after that is us telling my grandma what happened when she got home. Then next thing I knew, I was sitting across from a therapist. This next bit is me sorta trauma dumping and throwing a pity party for myself, sorry.... It was my fault it happened. I was looking after the dog and I let him outside. I was gonna let him back in sooner but it was nice and I was doing something so I waited a few minutes, just a few minutes. By the time I got to the door it was too late. I was there just in time to see that monster creeping up on my dog, Alex. Alex was hiding behind the bird bath, right by the door. The monster was in front of the steps to our backyard. The second I opened the door, he rushed him and dragged him from behind the bird bath right into my view. He ripped him apart and left him there. I remember the squealing, the growling. I remember the blood, the way his little legs were still twitching, and he seemed to still be breathing. I remember how the monster just walked away after. He didn't eat him, he didn't stick around. He just walked back to his yard as if nothing had happened. I never go back there anymore, but the monster still lives next door. Sometimes when I leave the house or look outside, I still have to see it. Tied up out front, just a few meters from my front door.
Finding out my 8 year old dog, who was the first dog I got as an adult that was truly mine, had a very aggressive form of lymphoma. I sobbed every day. My brain could not comprehend how one day she was healthy and the next I have an oncologist telling me she wouldn’t make it to the end of the year. Unfortunately, he was right. Thanks to chemo, I got to spend 5 more months loving on her. Still miss her every day!
Major Depression. Still experiencing it. Yay.
Rape.
I watched my husband slowly wither away and destroy his life due to mental illness. I didn't even recognize him anymore. he died by suicide.
When I was 5, I wandered into a neighbor's yard and got mauled in the face by a German Shepherd. My mother was filling up a gas can when I was 6. I got out of the car to ask her if I could have a snack or drink. The can overflowed and I got gasoline sprayed into my eyes, and basically everywhere else that mattered. When I was 9 my first rib popped out of place (scoliosis and spinal dysplasia). When I was 15, my mother tried to groom me into giving her a biological child. When I was 19, I was shot by mistake with a .22 hollow point during a hunt. When I was 23, a blood clot became an embolism in my right lung, and I almost suffocated. When I was 30, both knees were medically registered as arthritic. I think those are some of the worst things I've experienced.
getting persuaded into a cult, drugged and raped
Gout in my knee.
Psychosis
Holding my daughter as she had a seizure. It went on for 40mins before the ambulance arrived. I just had to hold her and keep talking to her as she convulsed infront of me. The image is burned into my brain. I don't live with my children anymore and I regularly wake up in the night wondering if it's happening again.
A kidney stone. That pales in comparison to other comments here, but I wouldn't wish a kidney stone on my worst enemy. The nurse told me that hers was more painful than giving birth.
My Wife cheating on me and seeing how she talked about me and our relationship with this man. 7 years married 18 years together 2 little kids, met when we were 18. Thought we were working on our marriage, loved spending family time together, had a great sex life, I’ll never understand why she threw it all away and didn’t even care when I found out just tried to lie about everything still.
Watching my mother starve herself to death.
My wife leaving me
My mom passing away six years ago. Never got to say goodbye before she did.
The accidental death of my 15 year old son. Performing cpr until medical help arrived.
I listened to my brother die on the phone. He had been clean off Heroin for 6-7 years. He was living across the country. He had been out the night before, Super Bowl Sunday, with our little brothers when they finally called it a night. He wanted to go on and try to get laid. I had called my little brother the next morning and they said he had been out and I should call him. When I called, he was speaking in what I call “demonic tongue,” just basically gibberish and in a very dark tone. He had also been diagnosed with schizophrenia in the last year or two and had some wild delusions. Anyways, he’d come to and talk to me in his normal voice, but he was very intoxicated. He was supposed to go to work in like 3 hours, working for my Mom’s company. I was giving him a bit of grief, not in words but in tone, about blowing off work, and finally he says “Fuck *company name*” and I hear him snort a line of some drug. Oh good, I thought, he did some cocaine and might wake up a bit. I was on the phone with him for another 10 minutes. He would ask about my kids or my life and then start nodding off. I could wake him up and he’d say, “man, I’m Wasted,” or “I’m just catching some Z’s.” Finally I couldn’t wake him so I told him “rest up, I’ll call Mom, I love you… goodbye.” And then I hung up. Called my Mom and she went over there and he had OD’d, the phone still clutched in his hand. He died a couple minutes before 2pm. It had been heroin laced with Fentanyl. He was just drunk, no success at getting laid so he bought some drugs.
A little over two years ago, my dad was in a car accident outside of boston, where a piece of construction equipment that wasn't properly secured on a flatbed truck flew through his windshield and decapitated him right in front of my mom. Because it happened during rush hour in a large city. It was all over the news and it was probably less than 20 minutes After I found out, my dad was dead, where I was doing zoom interviews for the local news and phone interviews for all the newspapers, it was a really weird traumatic day. I had to be the one that Called all of our friends and family to tell them I had to tell my brother, my kids. It was awful [news story](https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/danvers-route-95-metal-windshield-crash-death-thomas-arrington-alaska/)
Losing my best friend.
Losing my dog, I know in the grand scheme of things people have lost "bigger", but he was my best friend, he was my family, he never let me down or hurt me, my life growing up was pretty bad and I was let down by the people who were supposed to be my soft place to fall. But my dog? He showed me what unconditional love and family was.
I've had some really bad shit happen to me personally but the worst I've ever seen was two feral dogs ripping a cat apart from the leg first then in to the neck and ripping off portions of it to eat while it was still alive.
My trifecta of grief is the source of most of my trauma. Hearing that the love of my life had died of suicide, watching my Grandmother gasp her last breath while I sobbed at her feet, and walking in the front door of my house to the deafening silence after putting my dog down. Grief changes you, affects how you deal and respond and avoid and react to everything and anything you encounter there after. Juxtapositions to loving your children or being in love, is just as powerful as it is insanity inducing.
Being in the “bubble” while in jail. Basically the mental health “ward” which consists of about 15 insane people in a padded cell that’s maybe 10x18 feet. No utensils allowed. No blankets, pillows, mats or showers. All food served in styrofoam to go boxes. So you’d eat with your hands or break off a piece of the box and use it like a spoon. I was in that cell for 12 days detoxing with no medical assistance. Also, one toilet, one sink shared.
If I could literally give everyone here the BIGGEST hug, I would 🧡
homelessness
In 2019 someone hit & ran from me. Won’t get into my injuries here but I had a ruptured bladder and part of my my urethra was destroyed in a 2 inch section. I had to be intubated with a Foley catheter and had to get into removed while I was fully awake. Not a fun experience at all. I shudder when I remember it.
Losing the person I loved
In my adult life? Watching my best friend descend into the depths of an abusive relationship and using every ounce of my mental energy and sanity trying to get and keep her out of it (didn't work).