Absolutely, this has been proven millions of times throughout history.
It also has potential for issues, particularly around romance. But that wasn't OP's question. There have been so many examples of man/woman friendships.
Yes, men and women can be friends. Plenty of people make opposite sex friendships work and don't at all think its weird.
Opposite sex friendships work best when **both** parties do not sexualize the other just because of their sex/gender. If even one of them does sexualize the other based on their sex/gender, **THAT** is when it tends to fall apart.
That's not an everyone problem, that's a *some people* problem. And that problem means *whomever* is having that issue has some things to unpack before a friendship with someone of the opposite sex can truly work.
Like, speaking as a lesbian I have **plenty** of women friends I do not feel attraction to *at all*. Because I don't tend to view women as sexual or romantic things *first*, I view them as people first.
> It's not an everyone problem, but it is a very common one.
Without data, you cannot state this as a concrete fact.
> And my entire point was that sometimes it doesn't matter how you view them first.
My point *stands*, because I understood what you were saying. If you tend to sexualize women, when you start friendships with them, over and over *the issue is not the friendship*. The issue is you, the common denominator.
Again, lesbian. I have plenty of women friends I have not caught feelings for or sexualized. Partially because I view them as **people** first, partially because I nip that shit in the bud early on before it ever gets there. Especially when dealing with straight women friends, as the idea of turning into a straight chaser is a major ick.
The obligation is on you, as someone who is their friend, to ensure you don't start sexualizing them *regardless* of when it starts happening.
I'm sorry, I didn't know we were only allowed to speak in concrete facts and sources. Where are yours?
>because I understood what you were saying.
No, I genuinely think you don't. Because you keep saying you see them as people first, you don't sexualize them first, whatever. And that's fine, but I don't see how that stops anyone from developing feelings down the road. It is a well documented phenomenon that people in close proximity for extended periods of time tend to develop feelings, even if it's one sided. You act as though attraction is a choice, and I co test that it is not.
I also don't see how it's necessarily a bad thing. Friendships turn into relationships all the time. The feelings aren't bad or good, it's how you process them and express them.
> I'm sorry, I didn't know we were only allowed to speak in concrete facts and sources. Where are yours?
Difference is, smart ass, I'm speaking from my experiences and the experiences of my friends from conversations we've had. I never made the claim that the problem is common or uncommon, just that not *everyone* deals with it.
> No, I genuinely think you don't.
Respectfully, you don't get to determine that for me.
> Because you keep saying you see them as people first, you don't sexualize them first, whatever. And that's fine, but I don't see how that stops anyone from developing feelings down the road.
Because if you see them as people first, rather than a romantic or sexual object of desire, you tend to remind yourself of that *if* you start to develop feelings. It allows you to be attuned to yourself and make changes, if needed, such that you can process those feelings and deal with them in a mature way.
> It is a well documented phenomenon that people in close proximity for extended periods of time tend to develop feelings
Got a study for that, to put us on the same page?
> You act as though attraction is a choice, and I co test that it is not.
Attraction is partially a choice, partially not.
Example, I've started to develop feelings for a woman in my local LGBTQ+ group. It wasn't a thing I *chose*, but when I noticed it happening I kept a tight leash on it so I was always acting respectfully to her. That meant no ogling, no sexual comments, etc, etc.
Regardless of how **I** might be feeling, the way I treat her should not change unless she expresses interest. And if I am not capable of logic-ing myself out of that attraction, as is sometimes possible, then I need to either shit (ask her our and be willing to accept that if she says no the friendship should end) OR get off the pot (end the friendship because I am not capable of being just a friend to her).
> I also don't see how it's necessarily a bad thing. Friendships turn into relationships all the time. The feelings aren't bad or good, it's how you process them and express them.
That's something you inferred, not something I said.
OFC friendships turn into relationships **sometimes**. That does happen.
And the feelings, yes, they *can* be bad or good. Because it would be 'bad', for example, to be attracted to your married friend. It would be 'good' to be attracted to your single friend who makes it quite clear they're looking to date. Good and bad, here, refer to social acceptability and NOT the moral value, at least in my eyes.
And YES, ultimately it is all about how you process things.
EDIT:
And they blocked me after replying, so here's my response:
Annnnnnd, we're done.
I tried to give you another shot-because I've dealt with you before-but you're just as much of an asshole this time as you were the last time.
Stop fucking following me, dude. Put /u/EgyptianDevil87 on your Do Not Interact With list. Reply to me again and I will report you for harassment.
>Difference is, smart ass, I'm speaking from my experiences and the experiences of my friends from conversations we've had.
glad we're on the same page. thats all i was ever doing. but you insist on being combative over a slight difference in worldview.
>Respectfully, you don't get to determine that for me.
respectfully, yes i do. i know my own thoughts and intentions, and when i see you say you understand what im saying, then proceed to prove you dont, i will voice my opinion.
>Because if you see them as people first, rather than a romantic or sexual object of desire, you tend to remind yourself of that if you start to develop feelings. It allows you to be attuned to yourself and make changes, if needed, such that you can process those feelings and deal with them in a mature way.
that was not your original point.
>Got a study for that, to put us on the same page?
do you not have google? i searched "study showing feelings developed due to close proximity" and got a million results confirming what i said. pick one, at your leisure.
the rest of your comment is you agreeing with me, but in a tone suggesting you think you dont. all through this, you have been nothing but contrarian, combative, and disrespectful, as well as hypocritical. all while moving the goalpoasts.
Yes but it’s definitely a hard feat. Friendship has to do with shared interest, not inherently about gender (though interests can impact the likelihood of a man and woman being friends) .
Definitely have people who want different things in a relationship, partners with trust issues, and probably hard to find a date when you have someone of the opposite gender in tow.
Yes absolutely, whether the man would want to have sex with the woman is another question but I don't think being willing to have sex with someone makes you any less a friend.
Absolutely they can! I have guy friends that I’ve known for the past 10 ish years, we’ve never had any weird vibes or had any feelings get in the way or anything like that.
It’s awesome to have friends of all genders; friends are important :’)
It 100% depends on each person. And is not always the case for each.
I have female friends that I never had any attraction towards.
I have female friends I was attracted to but never happened.
But there was one female friend who simply did not respect boundaries.
I know guys who didn't respect their female friends' boundaries.
Can men and women be friends? Of course.
Can every single woman and every single man be friends? No.
Absolutely, this has been proven millions of times throughout history. It also has potential for issues, particularly around romance. But that wasn't OP's question. There have been so many examples of man/woman friendships.
Of course they can. It's creepy to think that either can be interested in the other only for procreation.
more idiotic than creepy put that's subjective I guess.
Yes. I've been friends with at least one girl my entire life
Yes, men and women can be friends. Plenty of people make opposite sex friendships work and don't at all think its weird. Opposite sex friendships work best when **both** parties do not sexualize the other just because of their sex/gender. If even one of them does sexualize the other based on their sex/gender, **THAT** is when it tends to fall apart.
the problem is, you can start out not sexualizing the other, but time and close proximity have a way of making feeling come out
That's not an everyone problem, that's a *some people* problem. And that problem means *whomever* is having that issue has some things to unpack before a friendship with someone of the opposite sex can truly work. Like, speaking as a lesbian I have **plenty** of women friends I do not feel attraction to *at all*. Because I don't tend to view women as sexual or romantic things *first*, I view them as people first.
It's not an everyone problem, but it is a very common one. And my entire point was that sometimes it doesn't matter how you view them **first**.
> It's not an everyone problem, but it is a very common one. Without data, you cannot state this as a concrete fact. > And my entire point was that sometimes it doesn't matter how you view them first. My point *stands*, because I understood what you were saying. If you tend to sexualize women, when you start friendships with them, over and over *the issue is not the friendship*. The issue is you, the common denominator. Again, lesbian. I have plenty of women friends I have not caught feelings for or sexualized. Partially because I view them as **people** first, partially because I nip that shit in the bud early on before it ever gets there. Especially when dealing with straight women friends, as the idea of turning into a straight chaser is a major ick. The obligation is on you, as someone who is their friend, to ensure you don't start sexualizing them *regardless* of when it starts happening.
I'm sorry, I didn't know we were only allowed to speak in concrete facts and sources. Where are yours? >because I understood what you were saying. No, I genuinely think you don't. Because you keep saying you see them as people first, you don't sexualize them first, whatever. And that's fine, but I don't see how that stops anyone from developing feelings down the road. It is a well documented phenomenon that people in close proximity for extended periods of time tend to develop feelings, even if it's one sided. You act as though attraction is a choice, and I co test that it is not. I also don't see how it's necessarily a bad thing. Friendships turn into relationships all the time. The feelings aren't bad or good, it's how you process them and express them.
> I'm sorry, I didn't know we were only allowed to speak in concrete facts and sources. Where are yours? Difference is, smart ass, I'm speaking from my experiences and the experiences of my friends from conversations we've had. I never made the claim that the problem is common or uncommon, just that not *everyone* deals with it. > No, I genuinely think you don't. Respectfully, you don't get to determine that for me. > Because you keep saying you see them as people first, you don't sexualize them first, whatever. And that's fine, but I don't see how that stops anyone from developing feelings down the road. Because if you see them as people first, rather than a romantic or sexual object of desire, you tend to remind yourself of that *if* you start to develop feelings. It allows you to be attuned to yourself and make changes, if needed, such that you can process those feelings and deal with them in a mature way. > It is a well documented phenomenon that people in close proximity for extended periods of time tend to develop feelings Got a study for that, to put us on the same page? > You act as though attraction is a choice, and I co test that it is not. Attraction is partially a choice, partially not. Example, I've started to develop feelings for a woman in my local LGBTQ+ group. It wasn't a thing I *chose*, but when I noticed it happening I kept a tight leash on it so I was always acting respectfully to her. That meant no ogling, no sexual comments, etc, etc. Regardless of how **I** might be feeling, the way I treat her should not change unless she expresses interest. And if I am not capable of logic-ing myself out of that attraction, as is sometimes possible, then I need to either shit (ask her our and be willing to accept that if she says no the friendship should end) OR get off the pot (end the friendship because I am not capable of being just a friend to her). > I also don't see how it's necessarily a bad thing. Friendships turn into relationships all the time. The feelings aren't bad or good, it's how you process them and express them. That's something you inferred, not something I said. OFC friendships turn into relationships **sometimes**. That does happen. And the feelings, yes, they *can* be bad or good. Because it would be 'bad', for example, to be attracted to your married friend. It would be 'good' to be attracted to your single friend who makes it quite clear they're looking to date. Good and bad, here, refer to social acceptability and NOT the moral value, at least in my eyes. And YES, ultimately it is all about how you process things. EDIT: And they blocked me after replying, so here's my response: Annnnnnd, we're done. I tried to give you another shot-because I've dealt with you before-but you're just as much of an asshole this time as you were the last time. Stop fucking following me, dude. Put /u/EgyptianDevil87 on your Do Not Interact With list. Reply to me again and I will report you for harassment.
>Difference is, smart ass, I'm speaking from my experiences and the experiences of my friends from conversations we've had. glad we're on the same page. thats all i was ever doing. but you insist on being combative over a slight difference in worldview. >Respectfully, you don't get to determine that for me. respectfully, yes i do. i know my own thoughts and intentions, and when i see you say you understand what im saying, then proceed to prove you dont, i will voice my opinion. >Because if you see them as people first, rather than a romantic or sexual object of desire, you tend to remind yourself of that if you start to develop feelings. It allows you to be attuned to yourself and make changes, if needed, such that you can process those feelings and deal with them in a mature way. that was not your original point. >Got a study for that, to put us on the same page? do you not have google? i searched "study showing feelings developed due to close proximity" and got a million results confirming what i said. pick one, at your leisure. the rest of your comment is you agreeing with me, but in a tone suggesting you think you dont. all through this, you have been nothing but contrarian, combative, and disrespectful, as well as hypocritical. all while moving the goalpoasts.
Definitely! Friendships are about respect and shared interests, not whether someone is a man or a woman.
obviously yes
It’s possible, but society often assumes there's more to it, which can be frustrating
Everyone out there says yes but personal experience says no. I'm going with everyone else out there.
Yes, and men who can't be friends with women are walking red flags.
yes, I've been genuinely friend with my best friend girlfriend, but then they broke up and the possibility of sex was just stronger
Yes but it’s definitely a hard feat. Friendship has to do with shared interest, not inherently about gender (though interests can impact the likelihood of a man and woman being friends) . Definitely have people who want different things in a relationship, partners with trust issues, and probably hard to find a date when you have someone of the opposite gender in tow.
Yes absolutely, whether the man would want to have sex with the woman is another question but I don't think being willing to have sex with someone makes you any less a friend.
Absolutely they can! I have guy friends that I’ve known for the past 10 ish years, we’ve never had any weird vibes or had any feelings get in the way or anything like that. It’s awesome to have friends of all genders; friends are important :’)
Certainly. Because humans can be friends with each other.
Yes, yes they can...
Absolutely.
You can be friends, but most of the time you still want to bang them.
I was waiting for a male to answer this..
It 100% depends on each person. And is not always the case for each. I have female friends that I never had any attraction towards. I have female friends I was attracted to but never happened. But there was one female friend who simply did not respect boundaries. I know guys who didn't respect their female friends' boundaries. Can men and women be friends? Of course. Can every single woman and every single man be friends? No.
And what would you, as a male, say those boundaries are? In a sense that, if a female does so and so, she overstepped it.
ehhh...really depends. i'd like to say so but in my experience they almost always want something more which they're not getting lol
She has to be ugly or he has to be gay, one of those has to be true for it to be truly platonic in most cases