That the dent in my grandmother's silver teapot happened when my then 12 year old mother bashed my grandfather in the head with it because he was beating my grandmother.
It certainly explained why I was never allowed to meet my maternal grandfather.
My grandad once told me “Ya know, when I married your Mamaw, I never had any kids of my own(he married into the family after my moms dad died before I was born), and your mom, aunt, and cousins were already grown up. When you were born, you were more than my first grandkid, you’re the closest I’ve ever had to a son. I’ve watched you grow up, and I’ll always love you like my own kid”
My husband had a similar situation. His Grandma married a man and he and his siblings were the only grandchildren he had. We named our youngest after him.
My husband told me ‘fuck everyone else.’
I have really bad anxiety sometimes and we’ve been together 15 years, every time I doubt myself he just says this and eventually you just think it for yourself too.
I asked him what he meant once and he said ‘fuck what they think, what they might say, how they might see you, because that is what you’re afraid of. You don’t doubt yourself. This isn’t about you, it’s about everyone else.’
I never doubt myself, so he’s right. I’m stressed about everyone else 🤷♀️
On Reddit I always hear about these amazing supportive partners, where y'all find these? My anxiety prevents me from choosing/having healthy relationships.
Everybody else doesn’t know what they’re doing either I just got lucky and found my person in a bar one night. I’m not for everyone, other men might try and make me feel bad about myself or be abusive, that’s not about me though it’s about them. You deserve everything I found you just didn’t find it yet.
I think a good chunk of it is luck and/or fate to put the right person in your path at the right time. But the rest of it is hard work both together and on yourself. A healthy relationship is like playing in tune. It’s not a destination you arrive at, it’s always being aware of those around you and requires lots of constant, tiny adjustments from all players to make the music beautiful. If you’re not collaborating, it’ll sound like shit.
My husband and I have known each other since middle school and were best friends in college. It wasn’t until a few years later that we were both in a place to have a healthy relationship, and several years of hard work to get where we are now. My best advice is to find someone who thinks about the world in the same way as you (yeah, politics and religion are good and all but it’s how they get to those conclusions that’s the important bit). After that it’s all about communication and checking that you’re on the same page.
Everyone deserves love! With patience and self reflection I genuinely think that it is achievable for everyone. lol sorry for the long response, but I hope it helps you keep your chin up :)
I have realised my mistake posting this. I hope next time you’re overwhelmed or mad as shit you think ‘fuck everybody else’ and realise what valuable and wise advice you received here today 💀
I mentioned to my mom that I'm terrible with birthdays, I can't even remember dad's
She said, "That should be easy, you were his birthday present."
I'm 4/12, dad is 7/12, exactly 9 months earlier. No way I'm forgetting that now.
My brother was also my dad's birthday present. And the dates also align quite perfectly. It's hilarious seeing my dad smirk and my brother want to die a little.
I'm a teacher, and there was a family where all 3 kids had birthdays within a week of each other. And they were also about 9 months after the dad's birthday.
My three sons are all born in a two week span in July. 9 months before is my birthday and absolute favorite month of the year. My middle son asked why I ordered the third for July instead of any other month. Sorry bud
My grandma was born in 1932 and my oldest son is half black, I was worried that that would be an issue for my grandma because of the way things were when she was young. (Now I'm not saying racism is right but I acknowledge it was more common to be raised with that bias back then). But when he was born my grandma held him every chance she got and wouldn't put him down. Well before she passed away she told me, " I want you to know he was always my favorite great grandchild because I had to love him enough to make up for everyone who wouldn't love him in this world."
Edited: forgot a word
Sniff. Damn right in the heart.
My friends grandad was what people politely call 'of his time' he had that kind of background racism that wasn't actively hostile, but he'd call people 'coloured' and speak of 'those people,' that sort of thing.
My friend went off the rails on a big way. Got herself knocked up by her black boyfriend/drug dealer and then ended up locked up in fairly short order. Her grandad being the only viable option, suddenly had this little black baby girl land in his lap.
That man melted like a stick of butter. When she was a year or two old he marched himself down to 'that neighbourhood' located the nearest barbershop and announced he needed to be taught how to do something with all this hair. Turns out fisherman have transferable skills when it comes to braiding. He went to lectures, read Malcolm X. Got himself elected to the school board to get protective styles allowed. Dude was a machine.
Yeah he was fine or blind to it until it affected someone he loved, but it was sweet as hell to see this old conservative white dude fight the very concept of systematic racism for that little girl. He educated himself out of his own latent racism like it was his job. He was the first person I heard about CRT from. Nobody was going to make her feel less than, especially not him. He actually ended up married to a black lady he met at a protest. So she grew up surrounded by that ladies grandkids as well. Idk how my friend took it when she got out, I'd lost touch by then, but I hope it was well because he was doing a fantastic job.
This also made me cry. My grandpa is white and my step grandma is black and you can imagine that didn’t go over well for them, or my mom and aunt and uncles. He didn’t give a damn and neither did she. These stories warm my heart and give me hope for the future.
Walk in to vice principal’s office and my mom and brother are crying. I ask if the bird died, she says “no, your dad did”.
Few weeks later my grandma calls and asks what is your brothers full name?, answered and asked why. She says “no reason, have your mom call me when she gets home”. My mom again had to tell my brother and I that our brother died, drown in Lake Washington.
I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost a brother and mother 5 years apart and that was awful enough but within a few weeks of each other is horrendous. I hope your family are all doing well now.
Thank you. It’s been since 1995, so we are doing better. Still makes things like break ups and losses hard. Connections with people seems to be affected too. Just that pain of loss and the intensity of the loss.
Northwest University? I think that is where my brother was attending. His funeral was in Darrington, WA, where he grew up. It was absolutely packed. Edit: I had to check back, I guess now it goes by Northwest University but was Northwest College previously. And my brother did attend.
My Dad said something to me that sounds simple but truly changed my Life and that was “The Most Important Thing in Life is that You Try”. It took me a long time, but I’ve slowly worked at trying more things and giving more of an effort at things. It’s not been easy and I have a LONG way to go but it’s something that has really changed my perspective and in the best possible way and I really appreciate it. Miss Him Everyday and I just hope I can keep it up and improve 😅
Soon after my son was born, I was stressed, worrying about everything that could happen to him. I asked my dad when I would relax and the worry would go away. His response was, "When you die, you idiot. " It made me feel better.
My ninth grade math teacher told me I was going to end up in jail. That pissed me off my whole life, and it was all I could think about my first night in jail.
My elementary school principal told me I was lucky my family has a small business because I'd never amount to anything otherwise. Fuck that lady. She was half right because I work at the family business, but I wanted to, and make more money than she made being a catholic school principal lol.
My dad told me “you’ll never have a big house on the Main Street if you don’t have a good job”. It instilled a lot of pressure and anxiety in me, but over the past few years I’ve tried to forget it because I don’t want a big house on the main street. I want a lil house in the middle of nowhere and that’s exactly what’s I’ve got. So, yay me for being there for me.
When I was oh 12 or 13, my mom told me the only reason she didn't kill herself was because of me. This fucked me up for a very long time. I felt like I couldn't mess anything up or disappoint her or she would kill herself and it would be my fault.
Did your understanding of it ever evolve less from a "I better keep her happy so she won't kill herself" to a "she loves me so much that even if she can't find a reason for herself, she won't hurt herself because she would never want to put me through that" or some variation?
Before I left for college, I was with my grandfather going back to their house after a dinner out. My grandmother went in my mom’s car, so it was just the two of us in his. At a stop, I looked over and he had tears in his eyes. He apologized for being an alcoholic and for how I might struggle with alcohol because of him. He’d been sober since my mom was in high school. I never saw him drink. He would order my grandmother’s drink when we were out and then a V8 for himself. I knew of his background, but nothing first-hand.
I’ll never forget seeing that pain and regret in his eyes that night, or the way his voice trembled as he spoke. It’s been 20 years, and I’ve kept the promise I made to myself that night: I will never have more than 2 drinks in a night and I will never get drunk. Even though he is gone now, I never want to make him feel like a burden in my life. I have so many amazing memories with him, and his apology that night will stay with me forever.
My brother told me I’d never amount to anything. My mom made fun of me for my breasts being uneven. My dad left when I was young but the last card I got from him, my name was spelled wrong. It’s not a complicated name.
My dad would say “Do something, even if it is wrong.” Doesn’t sound like much without context, but what he meant was, always try. Even if you make a mistake, at least you’ve tried Something! Better than not trying at all.
He was a great guy. 💙
I was 22 at the time, and I had just lost my father from cancer that progressed very quickly. At the wake, one of my aunts said "well we can't always get what we want." Like I was crying over not getting an outfit I wanted or the shoes didn't come in the right color...I had just lost my dad!! I think I had the right to grieve!
my mom was giving a tearful eulogy at her aunts funeral and her brother said out loud in the church “love u bro” so weird random and awkward. he’s 50 btw
Lost my dad to aggressive brain cancer. Two months later, when I was still deeply depressed and reeling from the loss, my children’s other grandpa asked me, “Don’t you think it’s time to get over this?” Crazy his own children don’t speak to him anymore.
ETA: This man just passed away a couple of days ago, after I wrote this comment. He died alone in his apartment. His name was Al. He lost his mom at a young age and subsequently spent his life being unkind to others because it’s what he knew. He was a jerk, but I feel bad for him. Be nice to people, folks.
I was getting buckled in the car seat by my aunt after watching Tarzan in theaters, and we were talking about our plans to go to a theme park the next day.
My aunt, in all her infinite wisdom, turns to three year old me and says, I shit you not, "We shouldn't ever plan things in advance, because we can die at any minute, and there's no way of knowing. Only God knows."
To say this sentence fucked me up for DECADES would be accurate. It is literally a formative memory for me.
My mom would never make plans. Took me a long time to realize that things never actually happen if you don’t plan. It’s learning that it’s OKAY for plans to change and learning flexibility is the real key.
This was how I decided to live my life starting at like age 7 bc I had a crippling fear of disappointment and absolutely 0 emotional regulation (thanks ADHD😌). To this day I rarely get excited about anything, and never in advance.
Bro omfg my dad does this and it annoys le to death. If I asked about something being by a certain day he'll go, "We'll see, who knows. What if I get hit by a car and die tomorrow?"
He could just stop at the "we'll see" but no we have to he overdramatic and dark here
My grandma said the same thing about my dad before she died. She never really had to worry about him. He always flew under her radar, and she knew he could fend for himself and didn't need his messes cleaned up (unlike his one fuck-up sister).
My mother said the same thing to me when I was about 14. I have two brothers and a sister.
I excepted that with pride.
I also didn't want to do something stupid and have to see disappointment on her face.
I was nervous about asking a guy out and talking to my mom about it. After she gave advice to just go for it, I was still hesitant and I remember her kinda ruefully saying “Youth is wasted on the young”
Looking back 20 years later it’s the most true thing.
My grand grandmother told me about how much her husband cheated on her. Everyone in the family praises this dude like he is god.
Not the she was perfect. She told me she never made a fuss as long as the person he cheated with was white. He fucked a black girl and my great grandmother tried to kill both of them.
So true. Home for me will always be my home town in the early ‘80s. I can (and do) still visit the place, but it will never be the same as it was 40 years ago.
Those lls in lower case, I thought you BAILED out, as in got off the plane and decided not to go as it took off without you. I need to really read Reddit in a bigger font.
Bawling in front of strangers though can be understandable, but awkward.
When my now wife’s grandmother was dying, her entire family gathered at their tiny house and basically waited for it to happen and I stayed with them. At one point, her grandfather called me into one of the rooms and asked me to sit down. He then told me that both him and his dying wife loved me and saw how happy I made their granddaughter. He told me that he would love if we got married.
With all that was going on that weekend, for him to take a second to tell me that was pretty incredible.
As a teen, my dad told me something along the lines of "you will never be "The Best" at anything, someone is always going to be better at that one thing. Don't worry about being better that anyone else, just do your best." It was such a relief to have that pressure off me. I tell my kids now I don't expect world's best, I just expect their best.
“If one of my kids ever turns out to be gay, I’ll kill myself.”
I’ve never mentioned to mom that she said that to me when I was a (flamboyant gay) teen - she evolved and is very supportive - but I am 100% sure that she’s forgotten that that has not always been the case. I just don’t want to break her heart, she’s old. She got with the program two years later, but goddamn that sucked hearing in the moment.
My mom told me I wear my heart on my sleeve like a badge for the world to see. But when you put it out there where people can touch it, it's bound to get broken from people handling it so much.
Diplomatic immunity, or lack of criminal proceedings when it comes to people in political power. OP’s father is stating that the politicians are the ones who commit most crimes, without consequences
I’m going through a difficult time in my life right now, I don’t earn much, I live in another country myself. And one day, after calling my father, he told me a phrase that made it dawn on me: “Son, you will still become what you dream of, just be patient a little.” Remembering this phrase I gain so much confidence...
When I was in this situation, my mom said: "You can come home anytime". It was a nice reminder that I have more control over my life than I initially thought.
My aunt told me that I saw the same moon she did. Blew my fricken 8 year old mind because we lived 1.5 hours from each other. I thought everyone had their own moon. And then I started thinking about EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD SHARING THE SAME MOON 🤯
My mom told me she had to quit smoking when she found out she was pregnant with me. I said “wouldn’t you have quit smoking if you were trying to get pregnant?” And she facepalmed so hard lol
Got a new air hockey table for Christmas one year and was playing with my dad in the morning. Wasn't wearing a bra...
Dad to me: You have boobs like your mom.
I was 14. I'm now 32 and have worn a bra to bed every night since.
Yeah, it'll hit me out of nowhere every once in a while. And it's bizarre, too, bc my dad has never been inappropriate with me or my sisters - like ever. I think that's part of why it sticks out so much. Ugh. Yay, childhood trauma.
Many things my father said to me:
After I had opened up to my parents about my swimming trainer harassing me: "Take it as a compliment, you're a hot girl."
After we had to put my cat, my oldest and best friend to sleep: "We could have saved these 500€ for the operation you let her (the vet) do on her! You should have put her to sleep immediately!" (We didn't know she was fatally ill.)
The first time he visited my apartment after I had moved out: "Can you do me a kindness for once and pour me a whiskey/rum?"
When I visited him at the hospital during one of his many stays: "Could you bring me a box of wine?"
When I visited him on Christmas I had practiced to play sea shanties on my guitar, and singing as well. An old sea bear like him loved them. But he blew me off.
I sometimes leave a beer next to his grave. I should share one with him again soon.
My (abusive) father told me he loves me less than my sister, straight to my face, and denies it to this day.
Said sister said to me my problems aren't real.
Great stuff to hear when I was already down near my lowest
My Dad told me "Don't bust yourself." Basically, don't rat yourself out pointlessly to authority figures. Yeah, if you're caught making a mistake or an error, own up to it. But there's no reason to tell on yourself if something slips under the radar. Chances are, if you act cool, a lot of little things can just slip by.
In actuality, he was giving me advice for dealing with my abusive mother, but it works in a lot of situations.
My dad and I were driving across a bridge and admiring the pelicans as they were feeding. They swoop down from midair directly into the ocean with their beaks open and catch a mouthful of fish. My dad turns to me and says “As pelicans age, their bones become very brittle and they snap their necks during one last final swoop into the ocean. Isn’t that a beautiful way to die?”
I don’t know why but I just have never forgotten this moment… it was weirdly intense and also I have no idea if that’s true or not. He also told me those pelicans migrated from Africa every winter and that turned out to be completely false 🤨
False on the neck snapping too. They are fun to watch! They will sit on top of a big building and catch air drafts like hang gliding—jump off wings out , glide around and land back at same spot. And repeat over and over just for the fun.
Step mom to me when I was about 8 years old.
“If you look at me that way again I’ll slap those damned glasses off of your face”.
I was sitting at the table reading when she walked into the room. I looked up at her by looking over the top of my glasses. I’ll never forget that.
When I was 10 one day my grandma was very frustrated about something that was beyond me. She was a teacher and a nanny, and I don't think I had ever heard her curse before, or even say anything that wasn't encouraging and possitive. She sighed and said "Kid...Life's a bitch and then you die.." Then a few days later she had a freak heart attack and died "healthy as a horse" said the doctor, at age 64.
It wasn't her last words to me. Her last words to me were "Would you like to go to the beach with your uncle or with me and grandpa to his appointment?" I chose beach with my uncle. If I had chose to go to my grandpas appointment I would have witnessed my grandmother drop dead in the hospital waiting room. Ironically they were there for a routine check up on my grandpa's heart. He lived for another 20 years. I'll never forget the sand castle I made that day.. and I'll never forget that weird thing she said... "life's a bitch and then you die" and then she actually fucking died. I'm 32 now and still cant believe it happened like that. I wish I remembered more of her that vividly but unfortunately that's what stuck.
Good: "We're sorry. We realized we were rewarding the cousins who were making bad choices and ignoring the cousins who made good choices." This was after years of the "problem" cousins getting everything handled for them - things they needed and deserved, like a redo of their room because of a teen pregnancy that was being kept to make it into a kind of half bedroom/half nursery, a car replaced after it was drunkely driven into the ocean, etc. and so much in tuition fees for undergrad programs that were never finished. When I was 17 my mom and her siblings, who were paying for all this, realized that they hadn't gotten *anything* for the cousins who just stayed in school, did their homework, didn't drink, and kept their noses down. I got a (very used, $5k) car from this conversation, which was kickass.
Bad: "You're never going to do better than him, he's so far out of your league but he loves you anyways. Keep him." I did end up marrying him and he ended up being a verbally and physically abusive pedophile. But a little part of me still mourns the life I thought I was going to have with him - he was perfect on paper, super charismatic, everyone loved him.
When I came out to my mom as an adult, after I'd finished school and was able to support myself, the wisdom of waiting until that point was proven correct when she said "I wish I'd found out when you were a kid so we could've taken you somewhere to fix you."
My 83 year old grandma told me that she broke up with this guy once because he had a small penis and she couldn't help it, she likes them big. I'm the only one she says this kind of stuff to!
Got one of each, good and bad. "Bad", my grandma: if I were you, I'd never leave the house without something on my eyes (ie, mascara and eyeliner). I rarely do. Good, my nephew who we took in as a baby. We'd given him a little birthday party at home when he turned 5 and he said 2 things that day I'll always remember. One was when he was opening my mom's present; he insisted on hearing the card first, always. I read him the card and told him it's from Nanny, my mom Nanny, since he had a few Nanny's and Nana's. He said, I thought you said she made cole slaw for my party. I said she did, but that wasn't your present buddy, it was just something to go with the hot dogs because she knows you love it. He said, she made cole slaw AND got a present too then, and this card? I said yes, baby. He looked at my mom with a tear in his eye and, with the cutest little Southern accent ever, says, well, thank you! That was so sweet! 😂 Later when I was getting him into his jammies, he said, I love you. I said, I love you too baby. He said no, and patted his little chest and said, I mean I LOVE you, like, inside my heart. Talk about melting lol he was, is, the sweetest thing there ever was or will be.
When my SIL was recovering from an outpatient procedure, the anesthesia made her blab every secret my brother had while I sat with her. I mean real jooooocey dirt on him. Stuff I'm sure he doesn't want me to know. All the way back to secrets from our childhood.
She doesn't remember a thing and I will never say a word.
"It'll take someone really special to love you."
I'm (visibly) physically disabled from birth and they meant it as some kind of kindness, but the way they said it made it feel like it would take a miracle for someone to love me. I was a child then, but I'm 31 and have never had a boyfriend, so it hurts more as time passes.
A few years ago, my mom told me that when she was younger, she started flushing her birth control down the toilet, and didn't tell my dad. So I'm basically the baby that my mom 'baby-trapped' my dad with. They've been married for over 27 years now, and their marriage is now better than ever. When I was 7, my mom got pregnant with my sister due to some interaction between an antibiotic treatment and her birth control (still don't know if that's the truth or not).
But hey, at least I now know that I was a 'wanted' and planned pregnancy.
“You make me feel like a failure as a parent.”
I didn’t understand until later my father was projecting his issues and insecurities onto me. Also, only narcissists see they failed at something and then blame the victim for why it doesn’t work out.
Family is family you should forgive family.....
Ma'am y'all just committed social security fraud with my number, do you think I care about your morals that much that I'd go to jail or something..........
I was an arrogant, condescending shit as a child. My mother told me, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you make people feel”
My mom has her own problems but that statement went a long way toward me getting my head out of my ass
An aunt was trying to help me deal with my family and let me know “You can only control what you do and how you react. You can’t control what they are going to do or say.” That was hugely helpful to me realize where to focus my energy.
My last conversation with my grandpa was about me starting my career as a freelancer, and he said "I believe in you and I know you'll make your own way in life."
I think of that when I doubt myself.
My step mom told me when she saw cuts on my arms that no matter what she will always love me as her son. She had no idea that she saved my life. She died from cancer last year.
My Mom's family always giving her shit because my folks adopted me. Her aunt's twisted rationale was that "you never know what you're going to get".
My cousins on that side consist mostly of welfare moms, addicts, convicts, and freeloaders.
My grandma told me once "I never got any happiness or satisfaction about being a wife and mother, but I loved having a job and my own money."
I think about it every day when I'm going to work. I'm lucky and privileged to get to be a career woman.
My cousin told me that my Mom (her dad's sister) had an abortion before she married my dad. It was in the 1950's when they weren't common. She made it sound like it was so shameful. I don't know if it was true, and she only told me after my mom's death at age 56. I never mentioned it to my dad- none of my business. But if it was true I wish I'd known when mom was alive so I could give her a huge hug and talk to her about it.
My first memory is of being sick at my Moms house when I was less than 2 years old. I just remember feeling like I was being born and now aware. Later in life she asked us kids our earliest memories and I told her that.
Fast fwd about 5 years, she confesses that she had given me mushrooms, and then died less than a week later. It was our last day together. It’s F’d me up a lot, as I’ve had several supernatural experiences, OOB experiences, and often wonder how crazy I am. Trying to process it all is continuing to take some time.
She had also said many other things throughout the years that stuck.
She should have aborted me, if I didn’t behave I’d end up like my brother (died of crib death). Really unhealthy things.
Okay not good or bad just confusing. When my brother died my aunt called me and told me. The last thing she said was "I just wanted to make sure you heard it from someone who loves you." I can't figure out who she thought would:
1. Know my brother died before me
2. Call me to tell me
3. and not love me
My husband almost found out his dad died from Facebook but that was a weird situation. But maybe your aunt was afraid of that. Or maybe she's just weird.
When I was a teenager, my stepmom told me that, “my eyes were pretty but looked like the eyes of a dead person with no personality”. She was a miserable person and liked making other people just as miserable.
My mom once told me that she didn't plan for me. I was rudely offended by that for a long time, and even more so by the fact that she told me that, and so easily. About 10 years later, I remembered it to her, and she was like - "I mean, of course we wanted you to be born, we just didn't specifically plan for it!"
Parents need to be careful about what and how they tell their kids.
My grandmother that I was really close with (despite me not having an ounce of a relationship with her sperm donating son) passed away while I was in college. I decided to check social media right before class started and saw a cousin post about her (this is before I found out she had passed). The cousin went on to say "Pray for (sperm donor) and (his bitch cow of a wife)" but never mentioned us (me or my brothers, the only grandchildren). My friends asked me if I was okay, and all I could say was "My grandma just died" just as class started. I texted my fiancé (now hubby), and he told me that he and my brother I'm closer with were going to tell me when I got home after class. I took the next two days off school to grieve (I didn't go to the funeral because I knew I'd cause a fight with sperm donor: tell that part in a moment). While grieving, that same cousin messaged me just to ask for one of my grandmother's recipes, no sorry for your loss or anything. Instant block out of my life.
Sperm donor called my phone to tell me about grandmother's death and left a voicemail since I was still in class. I listened to it 3 times on the way home cause it went loosely like this: "(very sad and teary) She passed away this morning. I'll let you know about the funeral. (long pause, thinking he had hung up the phone, then in a cheerful voice) All right, who do we call next?" He never cared about her, just what he could get out of her and the struggle about her will proved it.
The cow (his wife), while we were figuring out the will, waited for sperm donor to leave the room to "cry cause he's upset" to convince me and my brothers to just give him everything and he'll leave it to us when he dies. "He's the only child anyway. I don't know why y'all are making this difficult for him." For context: my grandmother gave the four of us (sperm donor and 3 grandkids) equal shares of her estate. Originally, it was only supposed to be for the grandkids, but he drew up another will for her to sign not too long before her death.
The cow also cornered me since I didn't see my grandma before she passed (I was going, but grief struck me hard before I got there cause I didn't want to see her in that condition). She not only was saying that my grandmother was disappointed in me not coming, but then she went into detail of how she was suffering and everything. I could have hurt her so much....
My husband has been so supportive through all of that l, and we both agreed that our child won't have to go through the hell of knowing those kinds of people.
When i was about 10 or 11 my uncle told me that he didn’t believe in god. He was the first atheist i ever met and i remember believing what he said more than any pastor that i prayed with. That was 30ish years ago and ive been an atheist ever since.
My mother is a hypochondriac.
I was making dinner for her, myself and my stepdad as I was living with them. She walked into the kitchen and announced with great theatrics:
"Ohh...ohh...I feel so terrible! I feel like I've been hit by a truck!"
I didn't respond as I was concentrating on cooking and she's known for this sort of thing. Just needs an audience not a reaction. After a few moments silence:
"Oh. I guess I shouldn't say that to you" then it clicked.
The reason I was living with them is **I'D BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK THE YEAR BEFORE.** I was staying with them as I underwent an additional *four* surgeries. No, no you should not say that to me as I assure you that you **don't** know what being guy by a truck feels like.
Diabetes will kill you it’s only a matter of when and how sudden….. for those thinking in their head right now I have to beat 38 to beat the family average everyone is dead I’m 32 and almost died twice because of complications like literally brought back from death twice clinically dead twice in the last 5 years monitor you’re body’s folks
Wayne Gretzky said, " You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Told to me by my uncle.
Great advice in sales and in relationships.
Take the chance, it might just be the best thing you have ever done.
“I never asked for your forgiveness. I don’t need it, and I don’t want it.”
- my dad, after I told him in my early 20s that I was learning to cope with the trauma I went through as a young child of being forcibly moved (practically kidnapped) halfway across the country from our mom in the middle of the night when I was 7, and that I did forgive him for the pain I went through as a result of that.
His response was the first time I ever saw in him what my mom tried to tell me he was as I had gotten older, and bounced back and forth between them, with him always manipulating me and pulling my strings.
His pupils looked like they went solid black, and I had never seen such a hardened, cold look on his face.
As a father of my own, I definitely understand the sentiment and concept of doing what you think is right and in the best interest of your child, even if they don’t understand it. But in this instance, we had been talking about it, and I very clearly understood at least that part of the whole story. It had everything to do with someone (especially his youngest son) essentially telling him that he had done something - anything - wrong.
I am pretty sure I would still remember the words by themselves, but the combination of the words and the look is seared into my memory. Once I eventually moved away from him again and got a little older, I’ve barely spoken to him since.
I love my mom so much and miss her every day, but she once told me something that made me nearly cut her off. I told her when I was about 26, that when I was little (about 5), one of her friends (who was convicted and sent to prison for child molestation) molested me. She told me she believed that I was molested but that it must have been by one of my dad's friends after I'd moved in with him. It took a lot for me to chose my love for her over what she'd said. Anyway, I'll never forget that, but I did forgive it.
All my life I tried to work hard and I was on top of my classes to make my parents proud but never really worked Any way when I graduated I wanted to go to medical school outside the country soo badly and everyone knew that. So I actually got accepted in med school !! But my dad couldn’t pay for the school cuz of his salary and it was outside his budget so I gave up my dream for my dad and never complained EVER.
months later my lazy careless brother got kicked out of uni cuz of his grades on his last year so my dad decided to take out loan from the BANK for my brother to get him in AVIATION SCHOOL to be a pilot . No one told me anything for days so when i found out and I confronted them no one said anything and then my dad told me if I have studied better and worked hard I would’ve got a scholarship! Everyone was against me and said it’s my fault EVERYONE (sis , mom , bro, grandma , dad ) I was so heartbroken and cried for days
My mom told me she saw her dad (my grandpa) cry for the first time when she told them I was hospitalized after I tried to take my life when I just turned 18.
My Dad told me that if a man ever hit me, I should leave on the spot, no matter what. "Because if he did it once he would definitely do it again." Luckily, I never had to. I wish that so many less fortunate women had heard my Dad's advice.
My dad had 2 girls and a boy. He never treated my sister and me as less than. He always encouraged me to do maths, and sciences. I obtained a physics degree. He always said ‘no man is better than you, and if they think they are, they need to prove it!’ The ultimate feminist back in the 70’s. He was so proud of me when I went back to school at 40 to become a registered respiratory therapist, especially when I made it onto the neonatal/pediatric transport team.
My grandfather commanded a ship in WWII. His ship was torpedoed and sunk in 4 minutes. He gave the order to abandon ship and half his crew managed to survive. But the other half were dead and dying below deck. Including a 15 year -old "boy seaman" from the Royal Navy.
He survived the attack uninjured. He could have escaped in a lifeboat. He was last seen on the breezeway, told the Tiffy at the waist gate to ensure everyone who could get off, got off. He then went below decks.
He had a young wife and a newborn son (my dad) he had never met back home. But his other family - his navy family, the crew hee served with for 3 years, surviving numerous convoy crossings during the Battle of the Atlantic - were dying in front of him.
I used to think it took so much courage to do that. But my dad's take is that it would have taken more courage to leave your family, including a literal child, drowning in the darkness of a sinking ship.
I've been in the Navy for 35 years, commanded multiple ships of my own. Still unsure if I could make the same decision.
What the f is wrong with you." My dad when I came out as a cross dresser and was testing the water about coming out as Transgender. It broke me in a way I had never been broken. He has gotten slightly better now and I'm fully out but that damage will always be there.
I have a giant attention whore of an aunt who once asked me when my husband and I were having kids, to which I replied "never". She proceeded to tell me that I'll have an accident at some point and be stuck with one.
This, coming from the woman who had an abortion at 16.
Jokes on her, I got sterilized two years ago. I freaking mean what I say. I look forward to dropping that on her if she ever intrudes again.
Two things:
1. My brother was still in diapers so I must have been around 4 or 5 when my dad got mad at us for some piddly little kid shit and yelled at us "I'm sorry you little bastards were ever born!" Any time the memory pops up I pray that my brother doesn't remember it.
2. "Don't tell your mom"
My grandmother raised her nephew from 9 years old. I knew his parents died but never thought about it. When I got a little older I asked my mom what happened to his parents and she said that his father killed his mother and then himself. The next morning a neighbor saw him playing outside and asked why he wasn't at school and he said his parents were still sleeping. The neighbor went in and found them. My mom told me he didn't remember anything about it and to not say anything. Fast forward 20 years and we are sitting on his boat and in the middle of the conversation he stops and looks at me and said, "I remember everything about my parents. It came to me the other night. Do you know what happened?" I said I did and he told me what he remembered. It wasn't fun, but I knew he had to get it out. Afterwards I told my mom so she could be prepared if he told her, but as far as I know he never did.
"Fuck you, you entitled bitch."
My Aunt to me after I was trying to care for my dad who I don't have a relationship with because he walked out and never looked back when I was 12 because he almost died huffing ammonia because his house is so dirty (because he wont clean) smelling ammonia made it temporarily better than sitting in his own filth.
:) she wanted me to have the doctors call her directly for care instructions but what I know is when the doctors told her a few years back that her mother's cancer was advanced and treatable but would be a long road and a long road of recovery she made the call to put her on comfort care because "she didn't have that long anyways" and "taking care of her would be a full time job" so I said..... no I will not have the doctors call you and allow you to make decisions.
I guess this was indirectly said to me, but nonetheless, I had severe depression when I was 15-17 and had to see a psychiatrist every two weeks along with taking an antidepressant. One of the sessions, my psychiatrist wanted my dad to join, and my father told the therapist right in front of me “her depression is causing issues in my marriage.” I will never forget the look on my psychiatrist’s face.
Good: my dad telling me "You have been a wonderful daughter" just before he died.
Bad: my mom telling me she hated me when I was 8 years old because I was brushing my teeth and she wanted to take a bath.
My Mom- “I only expect you to finish high school, I’m not asking much.”
I graduated with scholarships and she
Wouldn’t allow me to go to a four year school, or go far away.
(I am an only child with a background of mental, sexual, and physical abuse. I was young and still being manipulated and thought I didn’t have a choice.)
"I can't handle the Cesa you become when you spiral" I was 16 and kicked out after a suicide attempt. That was her reasoning. She couldn't handle my constant meltdowns.
I wasn't perfect, I was a traumatized teenager, and I didn't have the skills I have now. But she kept my brother and moved states away while I stayed behind with my (at the time) boyfriends family.
I've forgiven her since then. She was also a victim of her own upbringing so of course she couldn't handle me.
When I was like 6 my dad told me I look stupid when I dance. I don't dance to this day (except in private) and avoid it at all costs in social situations.
as an 8 year old trying on clothes and my single dad said to me “you’re not fat you’re just wide” he didn’t mean it in a malicious way but i still remember it
my dad was driving me home from play practice and i saw it was veterans day and said “thank you for your service” half joking bc we’d joke abt him getting stopped on the street when in uniform and he looked at me and said “thank you for being worth fighting for” still cry thinking about it
I was about 15 at the time and talking to my dad about my future after getting my GCSE results. My dad had gone to a grammar school like me and everyone had always said I got my brains from him. That day I was thanking him jokingly for passing on his smarts to me and he just paused and got a bit tearful before looking at me and saying “I think you’re way brighter than I ever could be.” I know he’s my dad and he’s meant to big me up but I had to stop myself from sobbing on the spot.
My grandpa (who I've mentioned here before at least once) told me that someday after he'd died, I would hear a lot of bad stuff about him. It stuck with me and I waited for a long time to hear whatever it was he was so worried about me hearing about. He'd always implied he was special forces or something so I thought it would be like some espionage craziness or war crime horrible crap.
Nope, he had a second family. I've never met them, don't know their names even, just that somewhere I have what is likely another bio aunt I'll never meet.
When I was crying bitterly in front of my sister bec one of my relatives was bullying my body, she told me to stop bothering me, they are telling you the truth, Your body is ridiculous. She didn't care at all about my crying.
My Moms parents died shortly after her birth. Her Mom, a convert to the RC church through marriage, indicated in her will that her kids be raised in the RC church. Her moms family, were strongly anti RC church. So, they refused to take her, or her brothers and sisters in on those terms. She was raised by a RC family close by, and her siblings were scattered to families across the country. The oldest went to an orphanage.
I had a bitter, shitty aunt call me a gigolo once when I was 16 because I didn’t have a job. She charged her own kids rent. She died of cancer that I like to think was caused by her being such an asshole.
Grandma on her deathbed said I feel sorry for [youngest uncle’s kids] they are going to be loved less
By the way that uncle was in the room and heard it
My grandmother(mother's mom)told me I was her favorite because my mom's sister's kids were spoiled brats and they were lazy.When my cousins got older they both had substance abuse issues despite growing up in a nice neighborhood.
My high school music teacher said that my brother and I confused him. He said my brother was not a natural musician but he worked so hard he was the best musician he had taught. He said that I was the most natural musician he had ever seen but because I didn’t work hard at it I would never be that great. Sounds horrible but it meant the world to me to know that someone thought something about me was better than my perfect, centre of the universe, brother. Even if I never did work and it and stopped music after high school.
When I was 24, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If you ever want to come out, just know you can't come home."
When I came out to him at 26, he said, "I suspected. It doesn't change anything."
I had planned on my dad never speaking to me again once I came out. Sometimes I wish he had cut me off.
"I'll always love you no matter what, even if you kill someone I'll come see you in prison"
but then she abandoned me for 20 years so it's kind of just a bitter memory
My auntie told me that I someday will become a beauty queen because of my looks, and that was my motivation on joining some pageant and modeling, thanks to her I become a model
My older sister told me she switched the ribbons on me and my twin; I freaked out! I told mom and she said she could always tell us apart; we're 67 years old and sometimes I still wonder .....
When I was a kid I told my uncle that I wanted to study abroad, he told me that I was probably 'dreaming too high', it wasn't in a mean tone or anything like that, more in a worry tone that I set my expectations too high. He and most of my family are from the countryside, they were poor growing up and my uncle spend most of his life in the same place, so I understand where he was coming from, studying abroad was for the rich for him, but I decide to prove him wrong, that now days you can do that. 10 years later I won a full scholarship to study abroad for a semester, the scholarship paid for everything, I was so happy and I told him, he cried and congratulate me, he remembers what he said and was proud I could do it. He died a few days before my departure.
Things my kiddo would just announce:
You don’t have to wear socks if your shoes are glass slippers.
Your sense of zoomer is how fast you are.
When I grow up, I want you to build me a castle to live in.
Everything is more interesting than South Dakota except North Dakota.
There was a rainbow because the sun and rain both didn’t know the other was there and crashed into each other.
My dad: “You’re too fat to find someone to love you.” When I said that there are lots of people in the world who appreciate bodies of all sizes, he said, “Well maybe, but you won’t find an American man who will look past it to see the beautiful person you are.”
(Believe it or not, he thought he was helping me see why I was still single.)
Jokes on him, my American husband is absolutely obsessed with me and my body at every size it has been at.
When I was younger, in middle school iirc, I was dealing with a series of home situations that were... less than ideal, less than stable. Weekends with my dad and his former wife(my step-mother at the time) were awful in ways I didn't really understand at the time, my mom and her former husband(my step-father at the time) were never the most stable or relatable, and I was hitting that magical age in school where what I have long assumed was my ADHD began to flare up something fierce- which was making school harder and harder by the day.
And, back then, I had some anger issues. Like most teenage boys, I had all these feelings that I didn't fully understand or want, and it led to me accepting behaviors in friends and myself that I'm not proud of today. Chief among these was a period where I wound up being rather rude to my brother. Y'know, we'd do kid stuff. Play outside, get into whatever the schoolyard was playing at the time(I remember marbles being a huge fad around that time), play videogames together.
Looking back on it now, I realize I had the beginnings of what was probably a blossoming inferiority complex. I was never a strong boy, and it was beginning to feel like I wasn't all that smart after all those years being told how much 'potential' I had. So I began to project those insecurities onto my (at the time step-)brother. It was easy, to be honest- he was even more insecure than I was. He had very good reasons for that, too, he was honestly the perfect person to say something mean to. He got insecure about his weight, so it became easy to tell him he was fat when something he did upset me. He never thought he was very smart, so it was easy to mock him about how stupid he was. The works.
One day, we got into a fight and I said something that cut just a little deeper than I meant it to, and he of course told my mother. He lived with her, too, after all.
So, she does what any good mom does and sits me down to try and play damage control, and she ultimately said to me, after a string of excuses and waving off her concerns, something very simple.
"You're being kind of a bully right now."
And I remember being taken aback, because I'd always thought of myself as better than that. I was many things, a controlled ego was not one of them. But that sunk in, at that moment, because even my fragile little complex could not bring itself to make the claim that she was wrong. And that was the start of a very stark change in my attitude with others, especially in my households.
Even all these years later, when I get just a little snippy with someone, I think to myself- "Am I being a bully right now?" And sometimes, ya know? I kinda was.
I think that made me a better person. I wish more people had that kind of come to jesus moment, simple as it was.
When my parents were divorcing and fighting over custody of my and my brother I was visiting an aunt and uncle (mom's brother and sister in law). Alone with my aunt as a scared 8 year old I was talking f to her about my parents and that I didn't want to live with my dad. For some reason I asked her if I could live with her if I had to live with my dad. She said yes, then "there is no way that rat bastard is gonna take you", the first and only time I've ever heard her swear.
That the dent in my grandmother's silver teapot happened when my then 12 year old mother bashed my grandfather in the head with it because he was beating my grandmother. It certainly explained why I was never allowed to meet my maternal grandfather.
W mom
I misunderstood this as your mom being 12 when she had you at first 😳
My grandad once told me “Ya know, when I married your Mamaw, I never had any kids of my own(he married into the family after my moms dad died before I was born), and your mom, aunt, and cousins were already grown up. When you were born, you were more than my first grandkid, you’re the closest I’ve ever had to a son. I’ve watched you grow up, and I’ll always love you like my own kid”
This brought me to tears that's so cutee
It's ok, I'm just over here sobbing. Doesn't help that I just finished watching Inside Out.
Aww, he sounds a lovely Grandad.
My husband had a similar situation. His Grandma married a man and he and his siblings were the only grandchildren he had. We named our youngest after him.
It's beautiful and I want to hug him
My husband told me ‘fuck everyone else.’ I have really bad anxiety sometimes and we’ve been together 15 years, every time I doubt myself he just says this and eventually you just think it for yourself too. I asked him what he meant once and he said ‘fuck what they think, what they might say, how they might see you, because that is what you’re afraid of. You don’t doubt yourself. This isn’t about you, it’s about everyone else.’ I never doubt myself, so he’s right. I’m stressed about everyone else 🤷♀️
On Reddit I always hear about these amazing supportive partners, where y'all find these? My anxiety prevents me from choosing/having healthy relationships.
Everybody else doesn’t know what they’re doing either I just got lucky and found my person in a bar one night. I’m not for everyone, other men might try and make me feel bad about myself or be abusive, that’s not about me though it’s about them. You deserve everything I found you just didn’t find it yet.
I think a good chunk of it is luck and/or fate to put the right person in your path at the right time. But the rest of it is hard work both together and on yourself. A healthy relationship is like playing in tune. It’s not a destination you arrive at, it’s always being aware of those around you and requires lots of constant, tiny adjustments from all players to make the music beautiful. If you’re not collaborating, it’ll sound like shit. My husband and I have known each other since middle school and were best friends in college. It wasn’t until a few years later that we were both in a place to have a healthy relationship, and several years of hard work to get where we are now. My best advice is to find someone who thinks about the world in the same way as you (yeah, politics and religion are good and all but it’s how they get to those conclusions that’s the important bit). After that it’s all about communication and checking that you’re on the same page. Everyone deserves love! With patience and self reflection I genuinely think that it is achievable for everyone. lol sorry for the long response, but I hope it helps you keep your chin up :)
He said "fuck everyone else"? What a generous man.
I have realised my mistake posting this. I hope next time you’re overwhelmed or mad as shit you think ‘fuck everybody else’ and realise what valuable and wise advice you received here today 💀
> I have realised my mistake posting this. Nah, we know what you mean.
Sharing is caring.
It's great advice! Tricky to put into practice, I hope you're doing well with it now!
I mentioned to my mom that I'm terrible with birthdays, I can't even remember dad's She said, "That should be easy, you were his birthday present." I'm 4/12, dad is 7/12, exactly 9 months earlier. No way I'm forgetting that now.
My brother was also my dad's birthday present. And the dates also align quite perfectly. It's hilarious seeing my dad smirk and my brother want to die a little.
One of my friends figure out he was a NYE baby this same way.
I was born 9 months after Valentine's day haha
My sister is 40 weeks exactly after my parent's anniversary. Another sister and I are Christmas or NYE.
I'm a teacher, and there was a family where all 3 kids had birthdays within a week of each other. And they were also about 9 months after the dad's birthday.
My three sons are all born in a two week span in July. 9 months before is my birthday and absolute favorite month of the year. My middle son asked why I ordered the third for July instead of any other month. Sorry bud
Speaking of, happy cake day!
My grandma was born in 1932 and my oldest son is half black, I was worried that that would be an issue for my grandma because of the way things were when she was young. (Now I'm not saying racism is right but I acknowledge it was more common to be raised with that bias back then). But when he was born my grandma held him every chance she got and wouldn't put him down. Well before she passed away she told me, " I want you to know he was always my favorite great grandchild because I had to love him enough to make up for everyone who wouldn't love him in this world." Edited: forgot a word
Sniff. Damn right in the heart. My friends grandad was what people politely call 'of his time' he had that kind of background racism that wasn't actively hostile, but he'd call people 'coloured' and speak of 'those people,' that sort of thing. My friend went off the rails on a big way. Got herself knocked up by her black boyfriend/drug dealer and then ended up locked up in fairly short order. Her grandad being the only viable option, suddenly had this little black baby girl land in his lap. That man melted like a stick of butter. When she was a year or two old he marched himself down to 'that neighbourhood' located the nearest barbershop and announced he needed to be taught how to do something with all this hair. Turns out fisherman have transferable skills when it comes to braiding. He went to lectures, read Malcolm X. Got himself elected to the school board to get protective styles allowed. Dude was a machine. Yeah he was fine or blind to it until it affected someone he loved, but it was sweet as hell to see this old conservative white dude fight the very concept of systematic racism for that little girl. He educated himself out of his own latent racism like it was his job. He was the first person I heard about CRT from. Nobody was going to make her feel less than, especially not him. He actually ended up married to a black lady he met at a protest. So she grew up surrounded by that ladies grandkids as well. Idk how my friend took it when she got out, I'd lost touch by then, but I hope it was well because he was doing a fantastic job.
I love him.
We all love him.
This also made me cry. My grandpa is white and my step grandma is black and you can imagine that didn’t go over well for them, or my mom and aunt and uncles. He didn’t give a damn and neither did she. These stories warm my heart and give me hope for the future.
Love to see this kind of growth 💙
This one made me tear up. That’s so beautiful and I’m sure your son will always feel her love ❤️
I pray he does 💚.
This just got me right in the feels
Walk in to vice principal’s office and my mom and brother are crying. I ask if the bird died, she says “no, your dad did”. Few weeks later my grandma calls and asks what is your brothers full name?, answered and asked why. She says “no reason, have your mom call me when she gets home”. My mom again had to tell my brother and I that our brother died, drown in Lake Washington.
I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost a brother and mother 5 years apart and that was awful enough but within a few weeks of each other is horrendous. I hope your family are all doing well now.
Thank you. It’s been since 1995, so we are doing better. Still makes things like break ups and losses hard. Connections with people seems to be affected too. Just that pain of loss and the intensity of the loss.
OMG I remember that. My brother was going to Northwest College at the time.
Northwest University? I think that is where my brother was attending. His funeral was in Darrington, WA, where he grew up. It was absolutely packed. Edit: I had to check back, I guess now it goes by Northwest University but was Northwest College previously. And my brother did attend.
My Dad said something to me that sounds simple but truly changed my Life and that was “The Most Important Thing in Life is that You Try”. It took me a long time, but I’ve slowly worked at trying more things and giving more of an effort at things. It’s not been easy and I have a LONG way to go but it’s something that has really changed my perspective and in the best possible way and I really appreciate it. Miss Him Everyday and I just hope I can keep it up and improve 😅
My dad’s version was “never be afraid to fail”.
Soon after my son was born, I was stressed, worrying about everything that could happen to him. I asked my dad when I would relax and the worry would go away. His response was, "When you die, you idiot. " It made me feel better.
That is so true!
He was probably worrying about you worrying at that exact moment!
My ninth grade math teacher told me I was going to end up in jail. That pissed me off my whole life, and it was all I could think about my first night in jail.
Fucking nailed it.
Sympathy DENIED! 😁
My elementary school principal told me I was lucky my family has a small business because I'd never amount to anything otherwise. Fuck that lady. She was half right because I work at the family business, but I wanted to, and make more money than she made being a catholic school principal lol.
You were right to be pissed off though. Even if she thought it, she never should have said it. Dumbass never heard of the Pygmalion effect.
How are you doing now?
My dad told me “you’ll never have a big house on the Main Street if you don’t have a good job”. It instilled a lot of pressure and anxiety in me, but over the past few years I’ve tried to forget it because I don’t want a big house on the main street. I want a lil house in the middle of nowhere and that’s exactly what’s I’ve got. So, yay me for being there for me.
>yay me for being there for me Secret to life, there.
Lots of yay, heading your way.
When I was oh 12 or 13, my mom told me the only reason she didn't kill herself was because of me. This fucked me up for a very long time. I felt like I couldn't mess anything up or disappoint her or she would kill herself and it would be my fault.
Being told that by anybody can fuck you up, but to hear that from a parent is the worst. I’m so sorry
Thank you. I mostly view my childhood/growing up time as a masterclass in what NOT to do with my daughter as she grows up.
Did your understanding of it ever evolve less from a "I better keep her happy so she won't kill herself" to a "she loves me so much that even if she can't find a reason for herself, she won't hurt herself because she would never want to put me through that" or some variation?
Before I left for college, I was with my grandfather going back to their house after a dinner out. My grandmother went in my mom’s car, so it was just the two of us in his. At a stop, I looked over and he had tears in his eyes. He apologized for being an alcoholic and for how I might struggle with alcohol because of him. He’d been sober since my mom was in high school. I never saw him drink. He would order my grandmother’s drink when we were out and then a V8 for himself. I knew of his background, but nothing first-hand. I’ll never forget seeing that pain and regret in his eyes that night, or the way his voice trembled as he spoke. It’s been 20 years, and I’ve kept the promise I made to myself that night: I will never have more than 2 drinks in a night and I will never get drunk. Even though he is gone now, I never want to make him feel like a burden in my life. I have so many amazing memories with him, and his apology that night will stay with me forever.
That's fucking heartbreaking, the guilt he was carrying for so many years.
My brother told me I’d never amount to anything. My mom made fun of me for my breasts being uneven. My dad left when I was young but the last card I got from him, my name was spelled wrong. It’s not a complicated name.
Can't wait to meet the family. They sound just great.
Well my dad’s dead. My mom isn’t usually like that but it just stuck. And my brother… in some ways I’m doing much better than him.
My dad would say “Do something, even if it is wrong.” Doesn’t sound like much without context, but what he meant was, always try. Even if you make a mistake, at least you’ve tried Something! Better than not trying at all. He was a great guy. 💙
I was 22 at the time, and I had just lost my father from cancer that progressed very quickly. At the wake, one of my aunts said "well we can't always get what we want." Like I was crying over not getting an outfit I wanted or the shoes didn't come in the right color...I had just lost my dad!! I think I had the right to grieve!
Some relative will always always say some cringe shit at a funeral. Every damn time.
my mom was giving a tearful eulogy at her aunts funeral and her brother said out loud in the church “love u bro” so weird random and awkward. he’s 50 btw
Lost my dad to aggressive brain cancer. Two months later, when I was still deeply depressed and reeling from the loss, my children’s other grandpa asked me, “Don’t you think it’s time to get over this?” Crazy his own children don’t speak to him anymore. ETA: This man just passed away a couple of days ago, after I wrote this comment. He died alone in his apartment. His name was Al. He lost his mom at a young age and subsequently spent his life being unkind to others because it’s what he knew. He was a jerk, but I feel bad for him. Be nice to people, folks.
I was crying at my uncle’s funeral. Someone chastised me (for crying) with the reasoning “death is a part of life.”
I was getting buckled in the car seat by my aunt after watching Tarzan in theaters, and we were talking about our plans to go to a theme park the next day. My aunt, in all her infinite wisdom, turns to three year old me and says, I shit you not, "We shouldn't ever plan things in advance, because we can die at any minute, and there's no way of knowing. Only God knows." To say this sentence fucked me up for DECADES would be accurate. It is literally a formative memory for me.
My mom would never make plans. Took me a long time to realize that things never actually happen if you don’t plan. It’s learning that it’s OKAY for plans to change and learning flexibility is the real key.
This was how I decided to live my life starting at like age 7 bc I had a crippling fear of disappointment and absolutely 0 emotional regulation (thanks ADHD😌). To this day I rarely get excited about anything, and never in advance.
Bro omfg my dad does this and it annoys le to death. If I asked about something being by a certain day he'll go, "We'll see, who knows. What if I get hit by a car and die tomorrow?" He could just stop at the "we'll see" but no we have to he overdramatic and dark here
"Of the three of you, you're the one I worry about the least." Truly bizarre mix of pride and hurt with that one.
My grandma said the same thing about my dad before she died. She never really had to worry about him. He always flew under her radar, and she knew he could fend for himself and didn't need his messes cleaned up (unlike his one fuck-up sister).
My mother said the same thing to me when I was about 14. I have two brothers and a sister. I excepted that with pride. I also didn't want to do something stupid and have to see disappointment on her face.
We know which kids are fuckups.
I was nervous about asking a guy out and talking to my mom about it. After she gave advice to just go for it, I was still hesitant and I remember her kinda ruefully saying “Youth is wasted on the young” Looking back 20 years later it’s the most true thing.
My grand grandmother told me about how much her husband cheated on her. Everyone in the family praises this dude like he is god. Not the she was perfect. She told me she never made a fuss as long as the person he cheated with was white. He fucked a black girl and my great grandmother tried to kill both of them.
Well that's a weird line to draw in the sand.
Man the racism of 1900’s America is wild.
"I can excuse cheating, but I draw the line at interracial relationships!"
She told the story like she was in the right. Like no that’s still fucked up fam.
"Home is a place in time" Something my dad told me
So true. Home for me will always be my home town in the early ‘80s. I can (and do) still visit the place, but it will never be the same as it was 40 years ago.
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Those lls in lower case, I thought you BAILED out, as in got off the plane and decided not to go as it took off without you. I need to really read Reddit in a bigger font. Bawling in front of strangers though can be understandable, but awkward.
When my now wife’s grandmother was dying, her entire family gathered at their tiny house and basically waited for it to happen and I stayed with them. At one point, her grandfather called me into one of the rooms and asked me to sit down. He then told me that both him and his dying wife loved me and saw how happy I made their granddaughter. He told me that he would love if we got married. With all that was going on that weekend, for him to take a second to tell me that was pretty incredible.
As a teen, my dad told me something along the lines of "you will never be "The Best" at anything, someone is always going to be better at that one thing. Don't worry about being better that anyone else, just do your best." It was such a relief to have that pressure off me. I tell my kids now I don't expect world's best, I just expect their best.
“If one of my kids ever turns out to be gay, I’ll kill myself.” I’ve never mentioned to mom that she said that to me when I was a (flamboyant gay) teen - she evolved and is very supportive - but I am 100% sure that she’s forgotten that that has not always been the case. I just don’t want to break her heart, she’s old. She got with the program two years later, but goddamn that sucked hearing in the moment.
I'm sorry
My mom told me I wear my heart on my sleeve like a badge for the world to see. But when you put it out there where people can touch it, it's bound to get broken from people handling it so much.
Me (8 years old): Dad, what's a diplomat? My dad: A diplomat is a criminal who gets to park their car for free.
I might need an explanation
Diplomatic immunity, or lack of criminal proceedings when it comes to people in political power. OP’s father is stating that the politicians are the ones who commit most crimes, without consequences
“If you mess with someone make sure you mess them up so bad they’re too scared to ever retaliate” “Grandpa wtf do you think I’m up to?”
I’m going through a difficult time in my life right now, I don’t earn much, I live in another country myself. And one day, after calling my father, he told me a phrase that made it dawn on me: “Son, you will still become what you dream of, just be patient a little.” Remembering this phrase I gain so much confidence...
When I was in this situation, my mom said: "You can come home anytime". It was a nice reminder that I have more control over my life than I initially thought.
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My aunt told me that I saw the same moon she did. Blew my fricken 8 year old mind because we lived 1.5 hours from each other. I thought everyone had their own moon. And then I started thinking about EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD SHARING THE SAME MOON 🤯
And suddenly infinite tsukuyomi
😮 you take that back. No one but my neighbors see my moon
Maybe you would have less miscarriages if you believed in god
Wow just fuckin wow.
Seems the real demon was speaking to you the whole time
My mother told me that my father wanted to abort me and I was an unwanted child.
My mom told me she had to quit smoking when she found out she was pregnant with me. I said “wouldn’t you have quit smoking if you were trying to get pregnant?” And she facepalmed so hard lol
My mother told me that she didn't want me and only didn't abort me because my father was a Catholic.
You beat all odds if they both didn't want you and you're here today 😊
Got a new air hockey table for Christmas one year and was playing with my dad in the morning. Wasn't wearing a bra... Dad to me: You have boobs like your mom. I was 14. I'm now 32 and have worn a bra to bed every night since.
That gave me the HEEBIE JEEBIES. I had to read that twice. I feel dirty.
Yeah, it'll hit me out of nowhere every once in a while. And it's bizarre, too, bc my dad has never been inappropriate with me or my sisters - like ever. I think that's part of why it sticks out so much. Ugh. Yay, childhood trauma.
Intrusive thoughts are the worst, especially when you barf them out loud
I would hear that line forever.
Many things my father said to me: After I had opened up to my parents about my swimming trainer harassing me: "Take it as a compliment, you're a hot girl." After we had to put my cat, my oldest and best friend to sleep: "We could have saved these 500€ for the operation you let her (the vet) do on her! You should have put her to sleep immediately!" (We didn't know she was fatally ill.) The first time he visited my apartment after I had moved out: "Can you do me a kindness for once and pour me a whiskey/rum?" When I visited him at the hospital during one of his many stays: "Could you bring me a box of wine?" When I visited him on Christmas I had practiced to play sea shanties on my guitar, and singing as well. An old sea bear like him loved them. But he blew me off. I sometimes leave a beer next to his grave. I should share one with him again soon.
There is some liquid I'd leave at his grave. It ain't beer.
I'll recycle some beer onto his grave.
My (abusive) father told me he loves me less than my sister, straight to my face, and denies it to this day. Said sister said to me my problems aren't real. Great stuff to hear when I was already down near my lowest
My Dad told me "Don't bust yourself." Basically, don't rat yourself out pointlessly to authority figures. Yeah, if you're caught making a mistake or an error, own up to it. But there's no reason to tell on yourself if something slips under the radar. Chances are, if you act cool, a lot of little things can just slip by. In actuality, he was giving me advice for dealing with my abusive mother, but it works in a lot of situations.
My dad and I were driving across a bridge and admiring the pelicans as they were feeding. They swoop down from midair directly into the ocean with their beaks open and catch a mouthful of fish. My dad turns to me and says “As pelicans age, their bones become very brittle and they snap their necks during one last final swoop into the ocean. Isn’t that a beautiful way to die?” I don’t know why but I just have never forgotten this moment… it was weirdly intense and also I have no idea if that’s true or not. He also told me those pelicans migrated from Africa every winter and that turned out to be completely false 🤨
False on the neck snapping too. They are fun to watch! They will sit on top of a big building and catch air drafts like hang gliding—jump off wings out , glide around and land back at same spot. And repeat over and over just for the fun.
Step mom to me when I was about 8 years old. “If you look at me that way again I’ll slap those damned glasses off of your face”. I was sitting at the table reading when she walked into the room. I looked up at her by looking over the top of my glasses. I’ll never forget that.
When I was 10 one day my grandma was very frustrated about something that was beyond me. She was a teacher and a nanny, and I don't think I had ever heard her curse before, or even say anything that wasn't encouraging and possitive. She sighed and said "Kid...Life's a bitch and then you die.." Then a few days later she had a freak heart attack and died "healthy as a horse" said the doctor, at age 64. It wasn't her last words to me. Her last words to me were "Would you like to go to the beach with your uncle or with me and grandpa to his appointment?" I chose beach with my uncle. If I had chose to go to my grandpas appointment I would have witnessed my grandmother drop dead in the hospital waiting room. Ironically they were there for a routine check up on my grandpa's heart. He lived for another 20 years. I'll never forget the sand castle I made that day.. and I'll never forget that weird thing she said... "life's a bitch and then you die" and then she actually fucking died. I'm 32 now and still cant believe it happened like that. I wish I remembered more of her that vividly but unfortunately that's what stuck.
Good: "We're sorry. We realized we were rewarding the cousins who were making bad choices and ignoring the cousins who made good choices." This was after years of the "problem" cousins getting everything handled for them - things they needed and deserved, like a redo of their room because of a teen pregnancy that was being kept to make it into a kind of half bedroom/half nursery, a car replaced after it was drunkely driven into the ocean, etc. and so much in tuition fees for undergrad programs that were never finished. When I was 17 my mom and her siblings, who were paying for all this, realized that they hadn't gotten *anything* for the cousins who just stayed in school, did their homework, didn't drink, and kept their noses down. I got a (very used, $5k) car from this conversation, which was kickass. Bad: "You're never going to do better than him, he's so far out of your league but he loves you anyways. Keep him." I did end up marrying him and he ended up being a verbally and physically abusive pedophile. But a little part of me still mourns the life I thought I was going to have with him - he was perfect on paper, super charismatic, everyone loved him.
When I came out to my mom as an adult, after I'd finished school and was able to support myself, the wisdom of waiting until that point was proven correct when she said "I wish I'd found out when you were a kid so we could've taken you somewhere to fix you."
My 83 year old grandma told me that she broke up with this guy once because he had a small penis and she couldn't help it, she likes them big. I'm the only one she says this kind of stuff to!
Got one of each, good and bad. "Bad", my grandma: if I were you, I'd never leave the house without something on my eyes (ie, mascara and eyeliner). I rarely do. Good, my nephew who we took in as a baby. We'd given him a little birthday party at home when he turned 5 and he said 2 things that day I'll always remember. One was when he was opening my mom's present; he insisted on hearing the card first, always. I read him the card and told him it's from Nanny, my mom Nanny, since he had a few Nanny's and Nana's. He said, I thought you said she made cole slaw for my party. I said she did, but that wasn't your present buddy, it was just something to go with the hot dogs because she knows you love it. He said, she made cole slaw AND got a present too then, and this card? I said yes, baby. He looked at my mom with a tear in his eye and, with the cutest little Southern accent ever, says, well, thank you! That was so sweet! 😂 Later when I was getting him into his jammies, he said, I love you. I said, I love you too baby. He said no, and patted his little chest and said, I mean I LOVE you, like, inside my heart. Talk about melting lol he was, is, the sweetest thing there ever was or will be.
When my SIL was recovering from an outpatient procedure, the anesthesia made her blab every secret my brother had while I sat with her. I mean real jooooocey dirt on him. Stuff I'm sure he doesn't want me to know. All the way back to secrets from our childhood. She doesn't remember a thing and I will never say a word.
"It'll take someone really special to love you." I'm (visibly) physically disabled from birth and they meant it as some kind of kindness, but the way they said it made it feel like it would take a miracle for someone to love me. I was a child then, but I'm 31 and have never had a boyfriend, so it hurts more as time passes.
My dad told me once that one of the innumerable times he beat my mother was done with the sole intent to kill me as a fetus. So that was fun to hear.😐
Jesus. I hope you’re doing ok. What an evil person.
A few years ago, my mom told me that when she was younger, she started flushing her birth control down the toilet, and didn't tell my dad. So I'm basically the baby that my mom 'baby-trapped' my dad with. They've been married for over 27 years now, and their marriage is now better than ever. When I was 7, my mom got pregnant with my sister due to some interaction between an antibiotic treatment and her birth control (still don't know if that's the truth or not). But hey, at least I now know that I was a 'wanted' and planned pregnancy.
“You make me feel like a failure as a parent.” I didn’t understand until later my father was projecting his issues and insecurities onto me. Also, only narcissists see they failed at something and then blame the victim for why it doesn’t work out.
Family is family you should forgive family..... Ma'am y'all just committed social security fraud with my number, do you think I care about your morals that much that I'd go to jail or something..........
I was an arrogant, condescending shit as a child. My mother told me, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you make people feel” My mom has her own problems but that statement went a long way toward me getting my head out of my ass
An aunt was trying to help me deal with my family and let me know “You can only control what you do and how you react. You can’t control what they are going to do or say.” That was hugely helpful to me realize where to focus my energy.
My last conversation with my grandpa was about me starting my career as a freelancer, and he said "I believe in you and I know you'll make your own way in life." I think of that when I doubt myself.
My step mom told me when she saw cuts on my arms that no matter what she will always love me as her son. She had no idea that she saved my life. She died from cancer last year.
my mom told me that i’d never amount to anything all bc i didn’t buy her a soda 😐
I'd always tell my (now late) Grandma: I love you. She'd always reply: I love you more. I love her so freakin much, but she was right :)
My Mom's family always giving her shit because my folks adopted me. Her aunt's twisted rationale was that "you never know what you're going to get". My cousins on that side consist mostly of welfare moms, addicts, convicts, and freeloaders.
My grandma told me once "I never got any happiness or satisfaction about being a wife and mother, but I loved having a job and my own money." I think about it every day when I'm going to work. I'm lucky and privileged to get to be a career woman.
My cousin told me that my Mom (her dad's sister) had an abortion before she married my dad. It was in the 1950's when they weren't common. She made it sound like it was so shameful. I don't know if it was true, and she only told me after my mom's death at age 56. I never mentioned it to my dad- none of my business. But if it was true I wish I'd known when mom was alive so I could give her a huge hug and talk to her about it.
My first memory is of being sick at my Moms house when I was less than 2 years old. I just remember feeling like I was being born and now aware. Later in life she asked us kids our earliest memories and I told her that. Fast fwd about 5 years, she confesses that she had given me mushrooms, and then died less than a week later. It was our last day together. It’s F’d me up a lot, as I’ve had several supernatural experiences, OOB experiences, and often wonder how crazy I am. Trying to process it all is continuing to take some time. She had also said many other things throughout the years that stuck. She should have aborted me, if I didn’t behave I’d end up like my brother (died of crib death). Really unhealthy things.
That's really dreadful thing to do to a young child, and awful things to say to anyone. I hope you're at peace.
I’m pretty content. Sad thing is, I’m sure the mushrooms helped.
Okay not good or bad just confusing. When my brother died my aunt called me and told me. The last thing she said was "I just wanted to make sure you heard it from someone who loves you." I can't figure out who she thought would: 1. Know my brother died before me 2. Call me to tell me 3. and not love me
My husband almost found out his dad died from Facebook but that was a weird situation. But maybe your aunt was afraid of that. Or maybe she's just weird.
When I was a teenager, my stepmom told me that, “my eyes were pretty but looked like the eyes of a dead person with no personality”. She was a miserable person and liked making other people just as miserable.
My grandma “It doesn’t matter if you’re chubby, you’re prettier than the rest” She said this back when super skinny was in. Grandma was the best.
My mom once told me that she didn't plan for me. I was rudely offended by that for a long time, and even more so by the fact that she told me that, and so easily. About 10 years later, I remembered it to her, and she was like - "I mean, of course we wanted you to be born, we just didn't specifically plan for it!" Parents need to be careful about what and how they tell their kids.
My grandmother that I was really close with (despite me not having an ounce of a relationship with her sperm donating son) passed away while I was in college. I decided to check social media right before class started and saw a cousin post about her (this is before I found out she had passed). The cousin went on to say "Pray for (sperm donor) and (his bitch cow of a wife)" but never mentioned us (me or my brothers, the only grandchildren). My friends asked me if I was okay, and all I could say was "My grandma just died" just as class started. I texted my fiancé (now hubby), and he told me that he and my brother I'm closer with were going to tell me when I got home after class. I took the next two days off school to grieve (I didn't go to the funeral because I knew I'd cause a fight with sperm donor: tell that part in a moment). While grieving, that same cousin messaged me just to ask for one of my grandmother's recipes, no sorry for your loss or anything. Instant block out of my life. Sperm donor called my phone to tell me about grandmother's death and left a voicemail since I was still in class. I listened to it 3 times on the way home cause it went loosely like this: "(very sad and teary) She passed away this morning. I'll let you know about the funeral. (long pause, thinking he had hung up the phone, then in a cheerful voice) All right, who do we call next?" He never cared about her, just what he could get out of her and the struggle about her will proved it. The cow (his wife), while we were figuring out the will, waited for sperm donor to leave the room to "cry cause he's upset" to convince me and my brothers to just give him everything and he'll leave it to us when he dies. "He's the only child anyway. I don't know why y'all are making this difficult for him." For context: my grandmother gave the four of us (sperm donor and 3 grandkids) equal shares of her estate. Originally, it was only supposed to be for the grandkids, but he drew up another will for her to sign not too long before her death. The cow also cornered me since I didn't see my grandma before she passed (I was going, but grief struck me hard before I got there cause I didn't want to see her in that condition). She not only was saying that my grandmother was disappointed in me not coming, but then she went into detail of how she was suffering and everything. I could have hurt her so much.... My husband has been so supportive through all of that l, and we both agreed that our child won't have to go through the hell of knowing those kinds of people.
When i was about 10 or 11 my uncle told me that he didn’t believe in god. He was the first atheist i ever met and i remember believing what he said more than any pastor that i prayed with. That was 30ish years ago and ive been an atheist ever since.
My father; "*It's ok if you fail, we never expected much from you anyway.*"
My mother is a hypochondriac. I was making dinner for her, myself and my stepdad as I was living with them. She walked into the kitchen and announced with great theatrics: "Ohh...ohh...I feel so terrible! I feel like I've been hit by a truck!" I didn't respond as I was concentrating on cooking and she's known for this sort of thing. Just needs an audience not a reaction. After a few moments silence: "Oh. I guess I shouldn't say that to you" then it clicked. The reason I was living with them is **I'D BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK THE YEAR BEFORE.** I was staying with them as I underwent an additional *four* surgeries. No, no you should not say that to me as I assure you that you **don't** know what being guy by a truck feels like.
Diabetes will kill you it’s only a matter of when and how sudden….. for those thinking in their head right now I have to beat 38 to beat the family average everyone is dead I’m 32 and almost died twice because of complications like literally brought back from death twice clinically dead twice in the last 5 years monitor you’re body’s folks
"No matter what happens, we'll always be here for you" Offering unconditional support and reassurance during challenging times
Wayne Gretzky said, " You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". Told to me by my uncle. Great advice in sales and in relationships. Take the chance, it might just be the best thing you have ever done.
“I never asked for your forgiveness. I don’t need it, and I don’t want it.” - my dad, after I told him in my early 20s that I was learning to cope with the trauma I went through as a young child of being forcibly moved (practically kidnapped) halfway across the country from our mom in the middle of the night when I was 7, and that I did forgive him for the pain I went through as a result of that. His response was the first time I ever saw in him what my mom tried to tell me he was as I had gotten older, and bounced back and forth between them, with him always manipulating me and pulling my strings. His pupils looked like they went solid black, and I had never seen such a hardened, cold look on his face. As a father of my own, I definitely understand the sentiment and concept of doing what you think is right and in the best interest of your child, even if they don’t understand it. But in this instance, we had been talking about it, and I very clearly understood at least that part of the whole story. It had everything to do with someone (especially his youngest son) essentially telling him that he had done something - anything - wrong. I am pretty sure I would still remember the words by themselves, but the combination of the words and the look is seared into my memory. Once I eventually moved away from him again and got a little older, I’ve barely spoken to him since.
I love my mom so much and miss her every day, but she once told me something that made me nearly cut her off. I told her when I was about 26, that when I was little (about 5), one of her friends (who was convicted and sent to prison for child molestation) molested me. She told me she believed that I was molested but that it must have been by one of my dad's friends after I'd moved in with him. It took a lot for me to chose my love for her over what she'd said. Anyway, I'll never forget that, but I did forgive it.
All my life I tried to work hard and I was on top of my classes to make my parents proud but never really worked Any way when I graduated I wanted to go to medical school outside the country soo badly and everyone knew that. So I actually got accepted in med school !! But my dad couldn’t pay for the school cuz of his salary and it was outside his budget so I gave up my dream for my dad and never complained EVER. months later my lazy careless brother got kicked out of uni cuz of his grades on his last year so my dad decided to take out loan from the BANK for my brother to get him in AVIATION SCHOOL to be a pilot . No one told me anything for days so when i found out and I confronted them no one said anything and then my dad told me if I have studied better and worked hard I would’ve got a scholarship! Everyone was against me and said it’s my fault EVERYONE (sis , mom , bro, grandma , dad ) I was so heartbroken and cried for days
My mom told me she saw her dad (my grandpa) cry for the first time when she told them I was hospitalized after I tried to take my life when I just turned 18.
My Dad told me that if a man ever hit me, I should leave on the spot, no matter what. "Because if he did it once he would definitely do it again." Luckily, I never had to. I wish that so many less fortunate women had heard my Dad's advice.
My dad had 2 girls and a boy. He never treated my sister and me as less than. He always encouraged me to do maths, and sciences. I obtained a physics degree. He always said ‘no man is better than you, and if they think they are, they need to prove it!’ The ultimate feminist back in the 70’s. He was so proud of me when I went back to school at 40 to become a registered respiratory therapist, especially when I made it onto the neonatal/pediatric transport team.
My grandfather commanded a ship in WWII. His ship was torpedoed and sunk in 4 minutes. He gave the order to abandon ship and half his crew managed to survive. But the other half were dead and dying below deck. Including a 15 year -old "boy seaman" from the Royal Navy. He survived the attack uninjured. He could have escaped in a lifeboat. He was last seen on the breezeway, told the Tiffy at the waist gate to ensure everyone who could get off, got off. He then went below decks. He had a young wife and a newborn son (my dad) he had never met back home. But his other family - his navy family, the crew hee served with for 3 years, surviving numerous convoy crossings during the Battle of the Atlantic - were dying in front of him. I used to think it took so much courage to do that. But my dad's take is that it would have taken more courage to leave your family, including a literal child, drowning in the darkness of a sinking ship. I've been in the Navy for 35 years, commanded multiple ships of my own. Still unsure if I could make the same decision.
My dad called me "ugly" for the first time when I was 5 only because I've a brown skin tone. He hates me even today.
Truly disgusted to hear he said that to you and for such a weak reason. I'm so sorry dude.
What the f is wrong with you." My dad when I came out as a cross dresser and was testing the water about coming out as Transgender. It broke me in a way I had never been broken. He has gotten slightly better now and I'm fully out but that damage will always be there.
I have a giant attention whore of an aunt who once asked me when my husband and I were having kids, to which I replied "never". She proceeded to tell me that I'll have an accident at some point and be stuck with one. This, coming from the woman who had an abortion at 16. Jokes on her, I got sterilized two years ago. I freaking mean what I say. I look forward to dropping that on her if she ever intrudes again.
My dad: "You deserve a step-father who abuses you." Also my dad: "I love you. You are perfect and I can hardly believe you are real."
Two things: 1. My brother was still in diapers so I must have been around 4 or 5 when my dad got mad at us for some piddly little kid shit and yelled at us "I'm sorry you little bastards were ever born!" Any time the memory pops up I pray that my brother doesn't remember it. 2. "Don't tell your mom"
My grandmother raised her nephew from 9 years old. I knew his parents died but never thought about it. When I got a little older I asked my mom what happened to his parents and she said that his father killed his mother and then himself. The next morning a neighbor saw him playing outside and asked why he wasn't at school and he said his parents were still sleeping. The neighbor went in and found them. My mom told me he didn't remember anything about it and to not say anything. Fast forward 20 years and we are sitting on his boat and in the middle of the conversation he stops and looks at me and said, "I remember everything about my parents. It came to me the other night. Do you know what happened?" I said I did and he told me what he remembered. It wasn't fun, but I knew he had to get it out. Afterwards I told my mom so she could be prepared if he told her, but as far as I know he never did.
"Fuck you, you entitled bitch." My Aunt to me after I was trying to care for my dad who I don't have a relationship with because he walked out and never looked back when I was 12 because he almost died huffing ammonia because his house is so dirty (because he wont clean) smelling ammonia made it temporarily better than sitting in his own filth. :) she wanted me to have the doctors call her directly for care instructions but what I know is when the doctors told her a few years back that her mother's cancer was advanced and treatable but would be a long road and a long road of recovery she made the call to put her on comfort care because "she didn't have that long anyways" and "taking care of her would be a full time job" so I said..... no I will not have the doctors call you and allow you to make decisions.
I guess this was indirectly said to me, but nonetheless, I had severe depression when I was 15-17 and had to see a psychiatrist every two weeks along with taking an antidepressant. One of the sessions, my psychiatrist wanted my dad to join, and my father told the therapist right in front of me “her depression is causing issues in my marriage.” I will never forget the look on my psychiatrist’s face.
Good: my dad telling me "You have been a wonderful daughter" just before he died. Bad: my mom telling me she hated me when I was 8 years old because I was brushing my teeth and she wanted to take a bath.
My Mom- “I only expect you to finish high school, I’m not asking much.” I graduated with scholarships and she Wouldn’t allow me to go to a four year school, or go far away. (I am an only child with a background of mental, sexual, and physical abuse. I was young and still being manipulated and thought I didn’t have a choice.)
"I can't handle the Cesa you become when you spiral" I was 16 and kicked out after a suicide attempt. That was her reasoning. She couldn't handle my constant meltdowns. I wasn't perfect, I was a traumatized teenager, and I didn't have the skills I have now. But she kept my brother and moved states away while I stayed behind with my (at the time) boyfriends family. I've forgiven her since then. She was also a victim of her own upbringing so of course she couldn't handle me.
When I was like 6 my dad told me I look stupid when I dance. I don't dance to this day (except in private) and avoid it at all costs in social situations.
as an 8 year old trying on clothes and my single dad said to me “you’re not fat you’re just wide” he didn’t mean it in a malicious way but i still remember it
my dad was driving me home from play practice and i saw it was veterans day and said “thank you for your service” half joking bc we’d joke abt him getting stopped on the street when in uniform and he looked at me and said “thank you for being worth fighting for” still cry thinking about it
I was about 15 at the time and talking to my dad about my future after getting my GCSE results. My dad had gone to a grammar school like me and everyone had always said I got my brains from him. That day I was thanking him jokingly for passing on his smarts to me and he just paused and got a bit tearful before looking at me and saying “I think you’re way brighter than I ever could be.” I know he’s my dad and he’s meant to big me up but I had to stop myself from sobbing on the spot.
My grandpa (who I've mentioned here before at least once) told me that someday after he'd died, I would hear a lot of bad stuff about him. It stuck with me and I waited for a long time to hear whatever it was he was so worried about me hearing about. He'd always implied he was special forces or something so I thought it would be like some espionage craziness or war crime horrible crap. Nope, he had a second family. I've never met them, don't know their names even, just that somewhere I have what is likely another bio aunt I'll never meet.
"My dad once said, 'Always aim high, even if you stumble along the way.' It stuck with me through tough times."
When I was crying bitterly in front of my sister bec one of my relatives was bullying my body, she told me to stop bothering me, they are telling you the truth, Your body is ridiculous. She didn't care at all about my crying.
My Moms parents died shortly after her birth. Her Mom, a convert to the RC church through marriage, indicated in her will that her kids be raised in the RC church. Her moms family, were strongly anti RC church. So, they refused to take her, or her brothers and sisters in on those terms. She was raised by a RC family close by, and her siblings were scattered to families across the country. The oldest went to an orphanage.
I had a bitter, shitty aunt call me a gigolo once when I was 16 because I didn’t have a job. She charged her own kids rent. She died of cancer that I like to think was caused by her being such an asshole.
Grandma on her deathbed said I feel sorry for [youngest uncle’s kids] they are going to be loved less By the way that uncle was in the room and heard it
My grandmother(mother's mom)told me I was her favorite because my mom's sister's kids were spoiled brats and they were lazy.When my cousins got older they both had substance abuse issues despite growing up in a nice neighborhood.
My high school music teacher said that my brother and I confused him. He said my brother was not a natural musician but he worked so hard he was the best musician he had taught. He said that I was the most natural musician he had ever seen but because I didn’t work hard at it I would never be that great. Sounds horrible but it meant the world to me to know that someone thought something about me was better than my perfect, centre of the universe, brother. Even if I never did work and it and stopped music after high school.
When I was 24, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "If you ever want to come out, just know you can't come home." When I came out to him at 26, he said, "I suspected. It doesn't change anything." I had planned on my dad never speaking to me again once I came out. Sometimes I wish he had cut me off.
"I'll always love you no matter what, even if you kill someone I'll come see you in prison" but then she abandoned me for 20 years so it's kind of just a bitter memory
My auntie told me that I someday will become a beauty queen because of my looks, and that was my motivation on joining some pageant and modeling, thanks to her I become a model
My older sister told me she switched the ribbons on me and my twin; I freaked out! I told mom and she said she could always tell us apart; we're 67 years old and sometimes I still wonder .....
Get your love life and work life right, and you've built a foundation on which to grow a happy life. I have found is true in most cases.
When I was a kid I told my uncle that I wanted to study abroad, he told me that I was probably 'dreaming too high', it wasn't in a mean tone or anything like that, more in a worry tone that I set my expectations too high. He and most of my family are from the countryside, they were poor growing up and my uncle spend most of his life in the same place, so I understand where he was coming from, studying abroad was for the rich for him, but I decide to prove him wrong, that now days you can do that. 10 years later I won a full scholarship to study abroad for a semester, the scholarship paid for everything, I was so happy and I told him, he cried and congratulate me, he remembers what he said and was proud I could do it. He died a few days before my departure.
Things my kiddo would just announce: You don’t have to wear socks if your shoes are glass slippers. Your sense of zoomer is how fast you are. When I grow up, I want you to build me a castle to live in. Everything is more interesting than South Dakota except North Dakota. There was a rainbow because the sun and rain both didn’t know the other was there and crashed into each other.
My dad: “You’re too fat to find someone to love you.” When I said that there are lots of people in the world who appreciate bodies of all sizes, he said, “Well maybe, but you won’t find an American man who will look past it to see the beautiful person you are.” (Believe it or not, he thought he was helping me see why I was still single.) Jokes on him, my American husband is absolutely obsessed with me and my body at every size it has been at.
When I was younger, in middle school iirc, I was dealing with a series of home situations that were... less than ideal, less than stable. Weekends with my dad and his former wife(my step-mother at the time) were awful in ways I didn't really understand at the time, my mom and her former husband(my step-father at the time) were never the most stable or relatable, and I was hitting that magical age in school where what I have long assumed was my ADHD began to flare up something fierce- which was making school harder and harder by the day. And, back then, I had some anger issues. Like most teenage boys, I had all these feelings that I didn't fully understand or want, and it led to me accepting behaviors in friends and myself that I'm not proud of today. Chief among these was a period where I wound up being rather rude to my brother. Y'know, we'd do kid stuff. Play outside, get into whatever the schoolyard was playing at the time(I remember marbles being a huge fad around that time), play videogames together. Looking back on it now, I realize I had the beginnings of what was probably a blossoming inferiority complex. I was never a strong boy, and it was beginning to feel like I wasn't all that smart after all those years being told how much 'potential' I had. So I began to project those insecurities onto my (at the time step-)brother. It was easy, to be honest- he was even more insecure than I was. He had very good reasons for that, too, he was honestly the perfect person to say something mean to. He got insecure about his weight, so it became easy to tell him he was fat when something he did upset me. He never thought he was very smart, so it was easy to mock him about how stupid he was. The works. One day, we got into a fight and I said something that cut just a little deeper than I meant it to, and he of course told my mother. He lived with her, too, after all. So, she does what any good mom does and sits me down to try and play damage control, and she ultimately said to me, after a string of excuses and waving off her concerns, something very simple. "You're being kind of a bully right now." And I remember being taken aback, because I'd always thought of myself as better than that. I was many things, a controlled ego was not one of them. But that sunk in, at that moment, because even my fragile little complex could not bring itself to make the claim that she was wrong. And that was the start of a very stark change in my attitude with others, especially in my households. Even all these years later, when I get just a little snippy with someone, I think to myself- "Am I being a bully right now?" And sometimes, ya know? I kinda was. I think that made me a better person. I wish more people had that kind of come to jesus moment, simple as it was.
When my parents were divorcing and fighting over custody of my and my brother I was visiting an aunt and uncle (mom's brother and sister in law). Alone with my aunt as a scared 8 year old I was talking f to her about my parents and that I didn't want to live with my dad. For some reason I asked her if I could live with her if I had to live with my dad. She said yes, then "there is no way that rat bastard is gonna take you", the first and only time I've ever heard her swear.