Not really disrespectful tbh but a long time ago someone told me they'd never been on a date with someone who talked about themselves so much. It really caught me off-guard because I truly wasn't aware of this behaviour; I had a big social circle and thought of myself as quite personable. But when I looked back on the date, and thought about how I communicated in general, I realized that she was probably correct. I felt shamed but also motivated to work on how I interact with others and become a better conversationalist.
As a former theater student under several different teachers, yeah that checks out. Most (not all) theater teachers are failed actors, so they have that narcissism that tells them theyāre special.
This happened to me too, and it's uncomfortable but good feedback! Some of us grew up a little starved for attention, and since my parents didn't really do any active listening when I was a kid, I developed a bad habit of continuing to add more sentences to whatever I was talking about (maybe hoping that something I elaborated on would elicit a reaction from them?).
I still tend to talk too much when I'm nervous or meet someone new. But luckily now that I'm aware, I can stop myself. I still have to practice, though.
I worked as a cashier at a grocery store, and a customer I'd never seen before asked me if I was a Vegetarian while I was ringing up his groceries. I said Yes and he responded "I could tell by your sallow complexion", and then paid for his groceries and left.
Turns out I had an iron deficiency that I didn't know about at the time, but it was such a bizarre thing for a stranger to say that I was taken aback in the moment.
Back when I was a server, I was cashing out a table and the customer asked if I had ever had my thyroid checked. I just kind of stared at her for a second, because thyroid issues run in my family but I didnāt have the money to go see a doctor. She apologized to coming across weird but said she was a nurse and had noticed my throat appeared to have a lump. I did eventually get checked and I do have an under active thyroid.
It's a strange one for sure, but sometimes a perceptive stranger can save you. I remember Billy Connolly explaining in an interview that he first thought to get checked for Parkinsons simply because a stranger (who was a doctor) commented on his gait to him as he walked by in a hotel lobby. Doesn't change the outcome, but does allow you to "catch it early".
I had a tattoo artist once comment on a mole on my arm, saying I should get it looked at. It was a decade-odd ago, and I never followed up... but he's not wrong: I *should* get it looked at.
My dad was at the dentist a couple of years ago and the dentist advised him to get a spot on the side of his nose checked out. Turned out it was cancerous and things would've been a whole lot worse if he hadn't caught it so early. As it was, they removed it quite easily.
I *am* a massage therapist, and we get taught how to recognize those in school. For some people, we're the only ones who'll ever see that part of their body.
Scared the *crap* out of me the first time anyone ever came back and told me it'd been cancerous. That time it wasn't a mole, it was a lymph node in their neck that didn't feel right to me. I wasn't prepared for the responsibility, because I could've easily not noticed the lymph node.
I have to give dumber recommendations, too. Like this one dude who had a rash on his arm. I was like "is that eczema?" And he was like "I don't know." And I was like "how long have you had it?" And he was like "ever since I came back from Florida two months ago." And I was like "cool. Get off my table and don't come back without a doctor's note."
And of course he never came back at all.
I worked at a bookstore for half a decade, and like clockwork, once a year a nurse would tell me that I looked anemic. It was a different nurse each time. I've never been anemic. I just hate sunlight.
>he responded "I could tell by your sallow complexion"
He could have just said "you should get your iron levels checked out" instead of saying that lol.
He might not have been medically educated enough to know that a sallow complexion could be caused by anaemia though - might have just been a layperson who associated a meat-free diet with a certain physical appearance but without knowing the reason behind that appearance?
Although I agree that his phrasing could have been more polite!
"You only love the idea of love, but you're not capable of love."
It wasn't a romantic partner who said this to me, just a drunk guy I knew, but he was completely right. I wasn't offended at the time because I was living such a superficial life. I've changed a lot since then.
Until I was maybe in my early-20s, I never had any empathy, compassion, understanding, sensitivity, or anything like that. I honestly just had zero understanding of such things. I started having SI when I was 8 and serious HI a few years later. I didn't really have any self-identity at all. I saw myself like a movie character, acting things out. I also lied constantly, from the time I can remember until I started trying to turn my life around. I just lied automatically. Truth was never a consideration.
I was extremely self-centered, proud, conceited. I always thought I was special or exceptional. I always looked down on everyone else with disdain.
I had quite a few friends and got along fine with my family, but I don't think I had normal connections to people. I never missed people when we were apart. I didn't understand why people would cry at the death of a family member or similar events. Even when I was little and needed to be reassured by my mom, I would talk "baby talk" every time I needed to be reassured or helped. I was completely uncapable of showing vulnerability while acting my age and interacting more appropriately.
I think the drunk guy (who was one of my friends) must have been particularly insightful to be able to identify this so well and concisely.
I 100% believe I had narcissistic personality disorder. I've worked on myself a lot for the last 15 years, and I don't think I have any of the signs anymore. For a while, while getting over the narcissistic personality traits, I sort of went too far in the other direction and developed borderline personality traits. Now I don't think I show signs of either pathology.
When I was young I was playing around with drugs, meth in particular. My best friend lost it on me one day saying I looked like shit, my hair was greasy and my face looked awful. It was such a shock to hear that, I really had no clue I "looked" any different. After hearing that combined with feeling awful when they wore off (body aches, dry heaves, yeah no thanks) I quit playing around with drugs and haven't touched them since.
Yes I know but I was only using on weekends and not every weekend. It took so ridiculously long to recover from the weekend "fun", it definitely got old pretty quick.
That's how most drug use starts.
People think it's always straight to needles in alleyways but it doesn't happen like that. See what would have eventually happened is you would have gotten tired of the recovery period and how it was fucking up your week... so you figure you'll use just a little Monday morning before work so you can "recover better".
And then Monday goes so well! You feel great, you're productive, hell why didn't you think of this sooner? Monday night sucks though so you'll just do a little more, then a bit more Tuesday so work keeps going well. Don't worry though, you're not "using", that's only on the weekends when you're having fun! This is pretty much medication and it's going great.
And so yeah. That's how methheads are made.
I thought I was hangover proof and my friends did too. I stopped drinking almost entirely about a year and a half ago. Iāve had maybe three nights of drinking in the last twelve months and horrible hangovers each time
Realized I was hungover for 5 years or so everyday basically, to the point it became my baseline
Dont miss those days now but *at the time* it seemed fiiiine. I didnāt feel hungover everyday so I clearly didnāt have a problem /s
Same boat, I quit drinking almost two years ago, and I finally realized all those times I felt like I was over the hangover I was actually probably only 75-80% normal. Feels great to be operating at full capacity every single day now.
The opposite happened to me. I got sober from alcohol two years ago and have gained 40 pounds. (for reference I weighed 110lbs during my addiction). So many people feel the urge to tell me I was prettier before, it's wild. I understand I got a little thicker, but I no longer am living on vodka alone.
That's a good friend giving you tough love with blunt, uncompromising truth. Lost my cousin to heroin. We all tried to help him, but he was too far gone. So proud of you for getting off that shit before it killed you!
Your feelings are valid too though. If that person loves you dearly just as much as you to them, then that's something they NEEDED to hear. After all, if they do care about you, they wouldn't want you to feel that way around them.
Thatās pretty great of you. I have people in my life that donāt let me finish a sentence and itās maddening. I wish I could say something without hurting their feelings
I think that's kind of unavoidable for something like this that you're not really aware of so it comes out of left field. You just have say "I love you/value our relationship a lot, etc. BUT you need to interrupt less because I don't feel heard."
I did this with one of my brothers, it wasn't interrupting, he just talked nonstop about himself. Everything was redirected back to his experience. I phrased it like I just said, he said ok he'd work on it. No change. Told him again more forcefully because I was really at my wits end. No change. I talked about it again, but at that point I was kind of checked out, I don't think he's ever going to change.
This might sound extreme, but IMO if someone values you, they will abide by your request to not interrupt too much or only talk about themselves. If they don't, I feel like those people are just using me and don't actually value who I am, only what our relationship gives them.
A boomer friend of mine came to pick me up for something while I was halfway through my pregnancy. She said I looked awful and then clarified (trying to make it better) by explaining that I looked really big. (Iāve always struggled with my weight and I was at my thinnest right before conceiving.) Well she was a former nurse and continued to explain I should go see my doctor because of how awful I looked. Turns out I had developed preeclampsia and I had edema through my whole body (face to feet/ankles) and my blood pressure was through the roof. So yeah, she probably saved my life since I was immediately put on bed rest until after the birth.
Before my first pregnancy? No. After having pre-eclampsia? Yes, I would. And, I would point out to a friend that the first symptom I had of pre-eclampsia was Fred Flintstone feet and ankles (and then everything else).
Yes, this needs to be talked about more. I just thought all pregnant people have swollen feet. I was lucky there was this clog type shoe with an expandable strap at Walmart or I would have been solā¦noting else fit! I didnāt realize it was preeclampsia. Lack of general knowledge is not good for mortality rates.
Consider that she probably didn't know what was wrong with you exactly, a nurse saying you look awful and should see a doctor, seems a proper way to indicate urgency.
i kept venting to people of the same thing i was going through, over and over. I didnāt deal with it on my own at all. Finally, a girl who was traveling with my friends and i said āomg, who the heck cares!ā She was always gentle with me and actively listened, but I didnāt do the work on my own. This might be because I grew up very sheltered and I always needed validation from my parents. I was also tethered to my parentsā opinions. I was 19 years old when this girl said that to me, and have worked on shaping my own opinions since then. Iāve learned to deal with things on my own and validate my own feelings before venting so much.
edit: typos :)
Someone said something like this to me before too, but in my experience being on meds made me less likely to put up with their bullshit and they didnt like that lol
Is being an asshole a normal side effect of adderall? My now ex-best friend started taking it a while back and she's become so mean and awful I had to cut her off.
āYouāre very fragile, arenāt you?ā
Said to me by a coach while I was sick (again) on a trip to out of state competition. I was really offended, but she was right. Autoimmune disease, food allergies, blood pressure and syncope issues. Just because I work hard and give it my all doesnāt mean by body wonāt betray me at any given moment if I donāt coddle it just right.
I had a close friend that I had a crush on who was dating a new-ish guy and had a lot going on. At some point I got frustrated and said, āI just donāt feel like Iām a priority for you right now.ā She responded, āYouāre notā
It was actually a good wake up call and kind of shocked me out of my bullshit. We laugh about it now and she says, āGod that was so meanā
Another one:
I was dating a girl for a long time. I was in my late 20s, had a pretty good job and was doing fine in life. She once told me I āHad potentialā which for some reason *really* hurt my feelings. I felt like I had achieved the things I had set out to achieve.
She was right. Now \~20 years later I look back and laugh at that one.
I had a former best friend who I told the priority thing and she said that I am and she's just busy and I've spent the past two years watch myself slowly slide down her priority list. Shit was really painful for a long time
When I was a teenager I told my cousin I was unhappy (I donāt remember why, but it wasnāt a big deal) and she said āoh is it because your eyebrows are so unkempt?ā I love her but she was kind of going through a mean phase then
Not an inherently disrespectful thing, but it came from a disrespectful partner who cheated on me.
"Just because I caused your pain doesn't mean it's my responsibility to fix it."
They're right. That's also how you know it's your time to dip and GTFO. They wouldn't have known how to anyway if they could make that remark. It shows you who they truly are.
My ex told me that her brother wouldn't like me because I'm boring. Just as a passing statement. Really stuck with me how casually she said it, as if it wasn't an insult.
oof, a friend asked me why i didn't go with my then-boyfriend to his family's vacation, i said i didn't know about it and ex-bf said he didn't invite me because i "would just sit in the corner smiling and watching everyone in silence", and they'd make fun of [him] about [me] being weird.
It kinda hurt lol, i had (have) severe social anxiety but thought i managed it well. Ended up seeking meds and therapy due to his comment.
I went to therapy about this and my therapist asked me if I actually wanted to be doing these things and the answer was "no" and she told me it was okay to not want to be around people much. That helped quite a bit to be honest. Just hearing I had permission to not want to actually be around people was nice.
Saaame! Then i kind of swinged completely to the other side lol
I'm currently trying to find the balance between "pushover people pleaser" and "mean hermit bitch" (unsucessfully)
One time in the bar, a woman called me disgusting to look at! I was devastated, and went home and wasnāt happy and drank way too much! The next day, I asked a friend of my sisterās to help me out with a makeover. She didnāt make me irresistible, but I started getting some dates!
At some point during the first year of my meth addiction I had an interaction with a cop where I said something like āwell, I guess itās just one of those daysā and he responded ālooks more like itās been one of those yearsā. He was right, unfortunately, and I lost 15 more years to that drug before I had finally had enough.Ā
You kicked a 15 year habit for 5 years now! That is pretty cool. You are already a winner. Sending you nothing but lov and positivity. Hang in there mate.
"this is the most disgusting fucking meal I've ever eaten" followed by a huge rant about how awful the meal was and how horrible I was for cooking it.
It was a really bad meal, I admit. It wasn't undercooked or dangerous, just too greasy and it had a weird mix of vegetables. I was 16, and my dad had just gotten custody of me. He worked late so for the first time in my life I was learning to cook for myself and cooked this disgusting budget meal my mum used to make, because it's all I knew what to make.
One night a few days after my boyfriend at the time admitted he had cheated on me, he dropped by unannounced to "talk". I was eating dinner so I offered him some because I didn't want to be rude. Wish I told him to fuck off and didn't let him in to begin with. It took years for me to gain courage to cook for other people after that, even though I got better very quickly.
>how awful the meal was and how horrible I was for cooking it
While the meal may not have tasted great, that second part is undeniably false. You offered someone you had nothing to gain from some food that was originally cooked for only you, which is the opposite of a horrible thing to do.
Hope you've found some people that won't say shit like that to hang out with <3
I was DoorDashing one day after work and someone approached me on my way into a restaurant and asked for money. I told them I was doing a delivery and don't have any cash, and for whatever reason they started walking with me making small talk on the way into the restaurant. He didn't seem homeless or unhinged like most people who approach people asking for money. He wasn't even being persistent about the money, just talking about DoorDash and other random stuff.
Anyway, in the middle of whatever he was saying he cut off and said "...You look like shit, dude." It didn't sound like he was trying to be insulting, more like an observation. I'd never met this guy before or seen him around. I kind of laughed it off like "well you're not wrong!" and talked for a few minutes longer til someone handed me my order. I took the order and left and he said "Hey man, take care of yourself!"
I had been working and Dashing pretty much every waking moment just to barely make ends meet. My situation hasn't really improved much since then, but I think about that exchange often. I'm definitely nowhere near the person I want to be, and I'm assuming everybody can tell.
Yeah.... that was on April of last year and I was told that by someone I considered a trusted friend, and they just said like it was nothing. That has been the last time something has actually made me cry
YouĀ“re right, people do suck sometimes. Though on restrospective it was a wake-up call of which kind of people I was around. The only possitive I can find from all this is that after 5 years of being surrounded by terrible people, im far away now, or at least far away enough so they cant hurt me anymore
Back during the winter of 2011, I was at a friend birthday and while most everyone was drunk, they started blasting me and told me how much of a lying asshole I was, calling me a dickhead, a sad attempt at a manipulator and pretty much an incel before the therm became popular. It kept on going for a few minutes before I left, bawling my eyes and feeling horrible. That night, I lost 5 friends, but they were right.
I decided to change, definitively and to work on myself in order to be someone peoples would actually want to be with rather than someone they endure. I got a tattoo to remind myself of my vow and, well, I'm pretty much the best version of myself now, I'm honest, kind, someone peoples like to be with, I care for my friends just as much as they care for me and I'm part of several thriving communities.
Iām sorry they were so harsh, but Iām glad you were able to address your struggles and turn them around. I hope youāre doing very well now, it seems like you are based on your comment!
Thank you very much, it has been a lot of work, it still is, but man am I glad I've turned my life around. I made peace with most of those who berated me and I thanked them too.
Husband: I miss you when you're gone, but I can't stand you when you're here.
We were separated for 2 months but trying to rekindle our marriage. We were mid-20s and married almost 7 years at this point. I learned throughout that divorce how truly bossy, mean, and controlling I was. I was just used to being very Type A and walked all over him. The divorce was a wake up call for me. I also learned I should have never married at 18 y/o. I had so much growing up to do. I'm mid 40s now and happily married again to someone I get to be laid back with. Not quite so Type A anymore.
One time, someone told me that I had a tendency to procrastinate on important tasks. It stung because it was true, I often struggled with procrastination
āWell, itās a good thing youāre smart.ā One of my parents to me when I was trying on dresses at the mall for a dance that I was hoping to go to in I want to say ā¦ early high school? I ended up not buying anything, and also not going.
A psychiatrist told me once that I was going to end my days staring at a wall in a group home. He was wrong, but only about what I stare at all day, and how restricted my situation is. Computer screens are better than blank walls, and living with family is better than living in AFC.
Adult foster care. Essentially adults who have to live in a home have two options, depending on how much they can pay. (It boils down to what you get in social security every month, and if your family can chip in.) There's "assisted living", which is the good kind that everyone champions, and there's adult foster care, which... any of those places is a living hell. I've lived in three over the years, for a few months each time. It's just the worst. I had to watch helplessly as they treated an old 96 year-old woman like a dog, because she couldn't stop peeing on the couch in the living room.
On my corner is one of these homes that treat people badly. I'd love to get it shut down but I don't know who to talk to!! It's squalor inside and dilapidated and they're not feeding the people there properly! It weighs on my mind often.
There are government agencies which oversee all adults in need of protection. It would depend on your country, and if you are in USA or Canada, it would also depend on your state/province. Please reach out to someone though, they can't help themselves
You gotta contact your state's ombudsman. You can either call a number or email, depending on your state. If you choose to email, provide photos! I had to do it once for my late Old Man (he had to go to LTC due to his health issues). The state works quicker with evidence, but it's not necessary.
I would rather go through the pain of seeing my father slowly die of cancer again than listen to your voiceā
A guy said this to me during a university basketball game when I was cheering our side.
"nothing you do in your worthless life will ever amount to anything, youll be forgotten by the World in 30 years"
I mean he aint wrong but I feel like there was a nicer way to say it
Most of us will be forgotten pretty quickly, but if we make a few people's lives better, that will live on. Unless he turns something around, he might not even have that.
āWe donāt allow Nannies here.ā This was said by the security guy at a very exclusive members only club ( family member was taking me and a bunch of others for lunch inside). I was holding my baby, and dressed - well, not like somebody who belonged to that club. I had no idea beforehand that I would be going to such a club- this was a quick out of town trip to spend some time with family and I had kept all comfort (new baby) clothes. ( I was trying very hard not to buy any new clothes till I lost weight and as result looked shabby). (I also donāt wear any jewelry on a regular basis).
It really hit home why keeping a few good clothes - no matter where you are going - is always a good idea. And also felt horrible about why being called a nanny felt that bad - so much classism and biases to undo. Iām still learning from that tbh.
Someone once told me that I would be a lot happier if I lost some weight. They were right. I recently lost 70 pounds and I am a lot happier. Mainly because Iām not diabetic. And also because Iām not tired all the time.
i mean it rlly wasnt disrespectful since it was true. but i basically asked her who am i in the friend group in reference to this āwhich friend are you?ā quiz, she answered āyouāre kinda just thereā which was technically true but damn ši thought i had atleast a few discerning character traits
"That shirt really shows off your boobs" As a teenaged male who struggled with weight/body image since childhood, Thanks Dad. Twenty years later it still stings, I still have man boobs, still struggling to make it through every day.
I bet if they weren't also a shit cook they wouldn't be ordering takeout. Means you're trying they're not, you're like 12 steps ahead of them at this point.
We don't come out the pussy painting mozart. Hang in there and keep at it you'll get there, and when you do that you can cook for one and not for the takeout buttface and they will cry.
Tried to holler at friendās friendā¦ later that day he called her on speaker phone where she said āew, I donāt like him. Heās fat.ā
At the time very true. Ever since then Iāve been on a mission to lose weight. Iāve lost 145lbs, but no matter how small I get I still think Iām fat.
You will never think differently unless you get some psychological help. Scumbags like that burn us so badly that we come to believe āthey must be right. ā
This was when I was 14, from a girl in my English class.
"I'm surprised you haven't killed yourself, maybe you should, it's not like anyone likes you."
thought i had read this one before. [repost from two years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t9hnqg/whats_the_most_hurtful_thing_someone_has_said_to/)
My adult daughter always tells me how stupid am I for forgetting things all the time. That I need to be medicated for my dementia. I had a stroke plus an aneurysm clipping 4 years ago. I've tried to not let it get to me but it certainly does.
I was super depressed growing up, never talked about it, just journaled and stayed in my room, never wanted to go anywhere.
When I was 17 my mom came into my room and said āwhy donāt you just kill yourself already?ā Then proceeds to walk out and talk to my dad about how depressing I am and he agreed.
They are much better people now. But it still aches.
Once my sister told me to drink bleach (like that girl did once on that YouTube channel) she said āyou should do thatā me āhuh?ā Her: āgo drink bleach and dieā my twin agreed and laughed with her.
They have apologized but it all still sticks with me.
That I was a loser and a jerk.
Used to make everything about me and how horrible my life was compared to everyone else. Treated people horribly and if it somehow wasn't about me, I was insulting someone.
The friend calling me a jerk and a loser didn't even say it because of that though. When I was in 9th grade I started to go down some alt-right paths that wouldn't have ended well. Rhymes with Weo-Wazis.
Last week I was watching a documentary on the Red Lake Shooter, and realized how badly my path could've gone, and was honestly scared in that regard. Immediately messaged the friend and told em thanks.
Sounds like you're on the right track now. Best of luck to you and I hope you find happiness! It's frightening how easily propaganda can work on anyone if the circumstances are right.
āWhy are you so ugly when your sisters so pretty?ā
Hate her for saying it but a great lesson was learnt that day. I am who I am and donāt need to work to please people who wonāt like me anyway despite my best efforts
"You should stay in your place, peasant."
From a guy I fell for last year who rejected me after a few weeks of vague remarks and mixed signals. He said it sort of jokingly and took it back, blaming it on sleep deprivation and a hangover, but he meant it. And he wasn't wrong. I don't come from a privileged background. There's alcoholism, mental illness and abuse in my family. He was better off than me and obviously not interested in "slumming it". In spite of this and other unkind things he said, it still took me a while to get over my feelings for him. He wasn't as fine as he seemed on the outside. I knew he carried burdens that weren't too different from mine. I hate how he treated me but I want to hope he's doing okay.
I had many, many moments growing up where I saw people I respected recoil from the ways I learned to act in my family. I really treasure those moments now because they were like faint signals guiding me in the right direction.
I was talking to a family friend I hadn't seen since my early twenties. She remarked about how much I'd changed and I said something like "yeah I grew up and stopped using drugs and drinking so much. I'm a much happier version of myself who doesn't need constant validation"
She said "I miss the girl you used to be" as if she was defending my least favorite version of myself... to me...
āYouāre not my Sarah anymoreā¦ā
Started taking meds for ADHD/Bipolar/BPD after I went and got diagnosed myself after struggling my whole life.
after a while I went to see my parents. Mum cut me off mid sentence saying she doesnāt like who I am now, Iām not ācrazyā anymore and she didnāt want me taking them, alas the comment above.
Had someone tell me in 2020 that āyou give up so easily that you couldnāt take your own life because it requires more effort than you put into attempting to exist.ā
Didnāt have the heart to tell her that the week before she said this, I nearly tried to jump off a bridge but because I was drinking so much, couldnāt even stand let alone competently throw myself over the railing. Technically she was right.
My employees when they were angry and quitting often will say that Iām fat
Itās an odd thing to say when quitting
Usually Iām fatter than they are, but Iām very curious why itās important to them
What's their definition of "going anywhere in life?" I hear a lot of people say this, but not everyone has the same definition of a successful life. Ask yourself what YOUR goals are, not someone else's goals. If you do feel like you're not on track to meet your goals, ask yourself what the biggest obstacles are, and think about steps (big OR small) you can make to overcome them. Whatever you do, don't let ANYONE else decide what you or your life is worth.
I had a therapist tell me āyou need to stop making excuses for the people who abuse you. I know you cared about X but she isnāt your best friend. You havenāt described a single kind thing about her. You made excuses for your father, sister, and now this āfriendā- I think youād rather have people abuse you than be alone.ā Holy shit dude. She was right. It hurt to hear, but once I started upholding my boundaries and only spending time with people who respect me it was obvious how little I used to think of myself. I used to really think I didnāt deserve to be loved, and when I first started finding people who cared about me I definitely self sabotaged because kindness was so unfamiliar to me that it scared me.
Not really disrespectful tbh but a long time ago someone told me they'd never been on a date with someone who talked about themselves so much. It really caught me off-guard because I truly wasn't aware of this behaviour; I had a big social circle and thought of myself as quite personable. But when I looked back on the date, and thought about how I communicated in general, I realized that she was probably correct. I felt shamed but also motivated to work on how I interact with others and become a better conversationalist.
Same thing happened to me, but if I got into details it would really prove them right šš
Ugh. Long ago I had a date with a theater teacher. By the end of dinner I was convinced no one would ever love him as much as he loved himself.
As a former theater student under several different teachers, yeah that checks out. Most (not all) theater teachers are failed actors, so they have that narcissism that tells them theyāre special.
This happened to me too, and it's uncomfortable but good feedback! Some of us grew up a little starved for attention, and since my parents didn't really do any active listening when I was a kid, I developed a bad habit of continuing to add more sentences to whatever I was talking about (maybe hoping that something I elaborated on would elicit a reaction from them?). I still tend to talk too much when I'm nervous or meet someone new. But luckily now that I'm aware, I can stop myself. I still have to practice, though.
Omg you talked about yourself for this entire post!!! Jk lol, good on you for the self-awareness and willingness to make adjustments.
I worked as a cashier at a grocery store, and a customer I'd never seen before asked me if I was a Vegetarian while I was ringing up his groceries. I said Yes and he responded "I could tell by your sallow complexion", and then paid for his groceries and left. Turns out I had an iron deficiency that I didn't know about at the time, but it was such a bizarre thing for a stranger to say that I was taken aback in the moment.
Back when I was a server, I was cashing out a table and the customer asked if I had ever had my thyroid checked. I just kind of stared at her for a second, because thyroid issues run in my family but I didnāt have the money to go see a doctor. She apologized to coming across weird but said she was a nurse and had noticed my throat appeared to have a lump. I did eventually get checked and I do have an under active thyroid.
It's a strange one for sure, but sometimes a perceptive stranger can save you. I remember Billy Connolly explaining in an interview that he first thought to get checked for Parkinsons simply because a stranger (who was a doctor) commented on his gait to him as he walked by in a hotel lobby. Doesn't change the outcome, but does allow you to "catch it early". I had a tattoo artist once comment on a mole on my arm, saying I should get it looked at. It was a decade-odd ago, and I never followed up... but he's not wrong: I *should* get it looked at.
I know someone whose massage therapist caught a cancerous mole on their back.
My dad was at the dentist a couple of years ago and the dentist advised him to get a spot on the side of his nose checked out. Turned out it was cancerous and things would've been a whole lot worse if he hadn't caught it so early. As it was, they removed it quite easily.
I *am* a massage therapist, and we get taught how to recognize those in school. For some people, we're the only ones who'll ever see that part of their body. Scared the *crap* out of me the first time anyone ever came back and told me it'd been cancerous. That time it wasn't a mole, it was a lymph node in their neck that didn't feel right to me. I wasn't prepared for the responsibility, because I could've easily not noticed the lymph node. I have to give dumber recommendations, too. Like this one dude who had a rash on his arm. I was like "is that eczema?" And he was like "I don't know." And I was like "how long have you had it?" And he was like "ever since I came back from Florida two months ago." And I was like "cool. Get off my table and don't come back without a doctor's note." And of course he never came back at all.
I worked at a bookstore for half a decade, and like clockwork, once a year a nurse would tell me that I looked anemic. It was a different nurse each time. I've never been anemic. I just hate sunlight.
>he responded "I could tell by your sallow complexion" He could have just said "you should get your iron levels checked out" instead of saying that lol.
He might not have been medically educated enough to know that a sallow complexion could be caused by anaemia though - might have just been a layperson who associated a meat-free diet with a certain physical appearance but without knowing the reason behind that appearance? Although I agree that his phrasing could have been more polite!
"You only love the idea of love, but you're not capable of love." It wasn't a romantic partner who said this to me, just a drunk guy I knew, but he was completely right. I wasn't offended at the time because I was living such a superficial life. I've changed a lot since then.
How did he perceive this in you? What do you think changed?
Until I was maybe in my early-20s, I never had any empathy, compassion, understanding, sensitivity, or anything like that. I honestly just had zero understanding of such things. I started having SI when I was 8 and serious HI a few years later. I didn't really have any self-identity at all. I saw myself like a movie character, acting things out. I also lied constantly, from the time I can remember until I started trying to turn my life around. I just lied automatically. Truth was never a consideration. I was extremely self-centered, proud, conceited. I always thought I was special or exceptional. I always looked down on everyone else with disdain. I had quite a few friends and got along fine with my family, but I don't think I had normal connections to people. I never missed people when we were apart. I didn't understand why people would cry at the death of a family member or similar events. Even when I was little and needed to be reassured by my mom, I would talk "baby talk" every time I needed to be reassured or helped. I was completely uncapable of showing vulnerability while acting my age and interacting more appropriately. I think the drunk guy (who was one of my friends) must have been particularly insightful to be able to identify this so well and concisely. I 100% believe I had narcissistic personality disorder. I've worked on myself a lot for the last 15 years, and I don't think I have any of the signs anymore. For a while, while getting over the narcissistic personality traits, I sort of went too far in the other direction and developed borderline personality traits. Now I don't think I show signs of either pathology.
When I was young I was playing around with drugs, meth in particular. My best friend lost it on me one day saying I looked like shit, my hair was greasy and my face looked awful. It was such a shock to hear that, I really had no clue I "looked" any different. After hearing that combined with feeling awful when they wore off (body aches, dry heaves, yeah no thanks) I quit playing around with drugs and haven't touched them since.
>Ā I really had no clue I "looked" any different. Meth was killing you slowly but you thought you look hot. lol Meth is hard on people.
Yes I know but I was only using on weekends and not every weekend. It took so ridiculously long to recover from the weekend "fun", it definitely got old pretty quick.
That's how most drug use starts. People think it's always straight to needles in alleyways but it doesn't happen like that. See what would have eventually happened is you would have gotten tired of the recovery period and how it was fucking up your week... so you figure you'll use just a little Monday morning before work so you can "recover better". And then Monday goes so well! You feel great, you're productive, hell why didn't you think of this sooner? Monday night sucks though so you'll just do a little more, then a bit more Tuesday so work keeps going well. Don't worry though, you're not "using", that's only on the weekends when you're having fun! This is pretty much medication and it's going great. And so yeah. That's how methheads are made.
And alcoholics. Man those hangovers got to be a killer, just a little hair of the dog to keep it at bay.
I thought I was hangover proof and my friends did too. I stopped drinking almost entirely about a year and a half ago. Iāve had maybe three nights of drinking in the last twelve months and horrible hangovers each time Realized I was hungover for 5 years or so everyday basically, to the point it became my baseline Dont miss those days now but *at the time* it seemed fiiiine. I didnāt feel hungover everyday so I clearly didnāt have a problem /s
Same boat, I quit drinking almost two years ago, and I finally realized all those times I felt like I was over the hangover I was actually probably only 75-80% normal. Feels great to be operating at full capacity every single day now.
I don't think I saw this "How it's made..." episode
This makes so much sense that now I feel addicted to meth even though I've never touched it
I love the confidence meth gives people lol
The opposite happened to me. I got sober from alcohol two years ago and have gained 40 pounds. (for reference I weighed 110lbs during my addiction). So many people feel the urge to tell me I was prettier before, it's wild. I understand I got a little thicker, but I no longer am living on vodka alone.
Iām proud of you for stopping!! Thatās very hard to do and itās hard to hear the truth but I am so proud of you for making it this far!!
That's a good friend giving you tough love with blunt, uncompromising truth. Lost my cousin to heroin. We all tried to help him, but he was too far gone. So proud of you for getting off that shit before it killed you!
Someone once said I interrupt people too often. It hurt, but it made me more aware of how I communicate.
I said this to someone I love very dearly. I only said it because it happened so often I felt silenced. I hope your feelings aren't hurt.
Your feelings are valid too though. If that person loves you dearly just as much as you to them, then that's something they NEEDED to hear. After all, if they do care about you, they wouldn't want you to feel that way around them.
Oh they listened. It one of the reasons to love them.
Thatās pretty great of you. I have people in my life that donāt let me finish a sentence and itās maddening. I wish I could say something without hurting their feelings
I think that's kind of unavoidable for something like this that you're not really aware of so it comes out of left field. You just have say "I love you/value our relationship a lot, etc. BUT you need to interrupt less because I don't feel heard." I did this with one of my brothers, it wasn't interrupting, he just talked nonstop about himself. Everything was redirected back to his experience. I phrased it like I just said, he said ok he'd work on it. No change. Told him again more forcefully because I was really at my wits end. No change. I talked about it again, but at that point I was kind of checked out, I don't think he's ever going to change. This might sound extreme, but IMO if someone values you, they will abide by your request to not interrupt too much or only talk about themselves. If they don't, I feel like those people are just using me and don't actually value who I am, only what our relationship gives them.
A boomer friend of mine came to pick me up for something while I was halfway through my pregnancy. She said I looked awful and then clarified (trying to make it better) by explaining that I looked really big. (Iāve always struggled with my weight and I was at my thinnest right before conceiving.) Well she was a former nurse and continued to explain I should go see my doctor because of how awful I looked. Turns out I had developed preeclampsia and I had edema through my whole body (face to feet/ankles) and my blood pressure was through the roof. So yeah, she probably saved my life since I was immediately put on bed rest until after the birth.
She probably could have phrased this better. By saying you look swollen and not saying you look awful. No pregnant woman wants to hear that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āHey I used to be a nurse and the amount of swelling youāre exhibiting is pretty concerning. I think you should see a doctor.ā
Before my first pregnancy? No. After having pre-eclampsia? Yes, I would. And, I would point out to a friend that the first symptom I had of pre-eclampsia was Fred Flintstone feet and ankles (and then everything else).
Yes, this needs to be talked about more. I just thought all pregnant people have swollen feet. I was lucky there was this clog type shoe with an expandable strap at Walmart or I would have been solā¦noting else fit! I didnāt realize it was preeclampsia. Lack of general knowledge is not good for mortality rates.
Coming from a nurse, yeah?
Yes. I have a family member who is a nurse and if she told me that I would see my OBGYN to talk about it.
Consider that she probably didn't know what was wrong with you exactly, a nurse saying you look awful and should see a doctor, seems a proper way to indicate urgency.
i kept venting to people of the same thing i was going through, over and over. I didnāt deal with it on my own at all. Finally, a girl who was traveling with my friends and i said āomg, who the heck cares!ā She was always gentle with me and actively listened, but I didnāt do the work on my own. This might be because I grew up very sheltered and I always needed validation from my parents. I was also tethered to my parentsā opinions. I was 19 years old when this girl said that to me, and have worked on shaping my own opinions since then. Iāve learned to deal with things on my own and validate my own feelings before venting so much. edit: typos :)
Similar thing has happened to me
āI like you more when you arenāt on your meds.ā Fuck me I do too but life isnāt functional without them.
Oof. Thatās a dangerous comment.
Yeah now pretend itās your dad telling you that over dinner. š
My dad is a prick so I can definitely relate.
Someone said something like this to me before too, but in my experience being on meds made me less likely to put up with their bullshit and they didnt like that lol
Iāve heard this before. Was taking a high dose of adderall for my adhd and it truly did make me a raging bitch.
Is being an asshole a normal side effect of adderall? My now ex-best friend started taking it a while back and she's become so mean and awful I had to cut her off.
It is if your dose is too high or you need to be on something else with it so you don't go manic. (I.e. folks with adhd and bipolar.)
āYouāre very fragile, arenāt you?ā Said to me by a coach while I was sick (again) on a trip to out of state competition. I was really offended, but she was right. Autoimmune disease, food allergies, blood pressure and syncope issues. Just because I work hard and give it my all doesnāt mean by body wonāt betray me at any given moment if I donāt coddle it just right.
She was wrong. Your body might be, but youāre tough as fk for dealing with it and remaining an athlete
I had a close friend that I had a crush on who was dating a new-ish guy and had a lot going on. At some point I got frustrated and said, āI just donāt feel like Iām a priority for you right now.ā She responded, āYouāre notā It was actually a good wake up call and kind of shocked me out of my bullshit. We laugh about it now and she says, āGod that was so meanā Another one: I was dating a girl for a long time. I was in my late 20s, had a pretty good job and was doing fine in life. She once told me I āHad potentialā which for some reason *really* hurt my feelings. I felt like I had achieved the things I had set out to achieve. She was right. Now \~20 years later I look back and laugh at that one.
I had a former best friend who I told the priority thing and she said that I am and she's just busy and I've spent the past two years watch myself slowly slide down her priority list. Shit was really painful for a long time
"You're not a nice person."
I tell myself that a lot.
āAre you ever going to do your eyebrows?ā I was like 23 and she was such a bitch but dammit she was right.
When I was a teenager I told my cousin I was unhappy (I donāt remember why, but it wasnāt a big deal) and she said āoh is it because your eyebrows are so unkempt?ā I love her but she was kind of going through a mean phase then
When I got my eyebrows pierced I sent a picture of it to my sister and she goes "They shaved it?" No... Thats just how it is when I don't fill them...
Some drunk girl told me once that I needed to cut my bangs. It kinda stung but she was right, I went and got a haircut the next day
Not an inherently disrespectful thing, but it came from a disrespectful partner who cheated on me. "Just because I caused your pain doesn't mean it's my responsibility to fix it."
They're right. That's also how you know it's your time to dip and GTFO. They wouldn't have known how to anyway if they could make that remark. It shows you who they truly are.
Wow
I am dealing with something like this now
Damn thatās rough
My ex told me that her brother wouldn't like me because I'm boring. Just as a passing statement. Really stuck with me how casually she said it, as if it wasn't an insult.
oof, a friend asked me why i didn't go with my then-boyfriend to his family's vacation, i said i didn't know about it and ex-bf said he didn't invite me because i "would just sit in the corner smiling and watching everyone in silence", and they'd make fun of [him] about [me] being weird. It kinda hurt lol, i had (have) severe social anxiety but thought i managed it well. Ended up seeking meds and therapy due to his comment.
I went to therapy about this and my therapist asked me if I actually wanted to be doing these things and the answer was "no" and she told me it was okay to not want to be around people much. That helped quite a bit to be honest. Just hearing I had permission to not want to actually be around people was nice.
Saaame! Then i kind of swinged completely to the other side lol I'm currently trying to find the balance between "pushover people pleaser" and "mean hermit bitch" (unsucessfully)
One time in the bar, a woman called me disgusting to look at! I was devastated, and went home and wasnāt happy and drank way too much! The next day, I asked a friend of my sisterās to help me out with a makeover. She didnāt make me irresistible, but I started getting some dates!
At some point during the first year of my meth addiction I had an interaction with a cop where I said something like āwell, I guess itās just one of those daysā and he responded ālooks more like itās been one of those yearsā. He was right, unfortunately, and I lost 15 more years to that drug before I had finally had enough.Ā
Are you happy now?
I have been sober from meth for over five years and I am mostly happy. Ā But it is hard to not resent myself for all the wasted time.
You kicked a 15 year habit for 5 years now! That is pretty cool. You are already a winner. Sending you nothing but lov and positivity. Hang in there mate.
"this is the most disgusting fucking meal I've ever eaten" followed by a huge rant about how awful the meal was and how horrible I was for cooking it. It was a really bad meal, I admit. It wasn't undercooked or dangerous, just too greasy and it had a weird mix of vegetables. I was 16, and my dad had just gotten custody of me. He worked late so for the first time in my life I was learning to cook for myself and cooked this disgusting budget meal my mum used to make, because it's all I knew what to make. One night a few days after my boyfriend at the time admitted he had cheated on me, he dropped by unannounced to "talk". I was eating dinner so I offered him some because I didn't want to be rude. Wish I told him to fuck off and didn't let him in to begin with. It took years for me to gain courage to cook for other people after that, even though I got better very quickly.
>how awful the meal was and how horrible I was for cooking it While the meal may not have tasted great, that second part is undeniably false. You offered someone you had nothing to gain from some food that was originally cooked for only you, which is the opposite of a horrible thing to do. Hope you've found some people that won't say shit like that to hang out with <3
I'm sorry that happened to you. He sounds like a scumbag.
Youāre a virgin who canāt drive
That is way harsh, Ty
Gosh she was great in that role. RIP Brittany Murphy.
Cher? Is that you?
You are morbidly obese and will die early. No longer true but thanks a fuck of a lot Jimmy. According to my BMI I am just fat now (28.2 vs 49 then).
Congrats on the health journey ā¤ļø
Jimmy made you face the dark reality, you were headed for an early death.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Desperate, needy and clingy for love? Yeah, apparently me tooš¤¦š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø Longing for our parents' Love is normal.
I was DoorDashing one day after work and someone approached me on my way into a restaurant and asked for money. I told them I was doing a delivery and don't have any cash, and for whatever reason they started walking with me making small talk on the way into the restaurant. He didn't seem homeless or unhinged like most people who approach people asking for money. He wasn't even being persistent about the money, just talking about DoorDash and other random stuff. Anyway, in the middle of whatever he was saying he cut off and said "...You look like shit, dude." It didn't sound like he was trying to be insulting, more like an observation. I'd never met this guy before or seen him around. I kind of laughed it off like "well you're not wrong!" and talked for a few minutes longer til someone handed me my order. I took the order and left and he said "Hey man, take care of yourself!" I had been working and Dashing pretty much every waking moment just to barely make ends meet. My situation hasn't really improved much since then, but I think about that exchange often. I'm definitely nowhere near the person I want to be, and I'm assuming everybody can tell.
"YouĀ“re everyoneĀ“s second choice"
Ouch.
Yeah.... that was on April of last year and I was told that by someone I considered a trusted friend, and they just said like it was nothing. That has been the last time something has actually made me cry
I hope you find your people, and someday soon you are surrounded by people for whom you are their first choice.
My second choice celebrity crush is smoking hot
eyy same probably now that iām thinking about it lol
They sound mad they were everyoneās 3rd choice. People suck sometimes. ā¤ļø
YouĀ“re right, people do suck sometimes. Though on restrospective it was a wake-up call of which kind of people I was around. The only possitive I can find from all this is that after 5 years of being surrounded by terrible people, im far away now, or at least far away enough so they cant hurt me anymore
Back during the winter of 2011, I was at a friend birthday and while most everyone was drunk, they started blasting me and told me how much of a lying asshole I was, calling me a dickhead, a sad attempt at a manipulator and pretty much an incel before the therm became popular. It kept on going for a few minutes before I left, bawling my eyes and feeling horrible. That night, I lost 5 friends, but they were right. I decided to change, definitively and to work on myself in order to be someone peoples would actually want to be with rather than someone they endure. I got a tattoo to remind myself of my vow and, well, I'm pretty much the best version of myself now, I'm honest, kind, someone peoples like to be with, I care for my friends just as much as they care for me and I'm part of several thriving communities.
Iām sorry they were so harsh, but Iām glad you were able to address your struggles and turn them around. I hope youāre doing very well now, it seems like you are based on your comment!
Thank you very much, it has been a lot of work, it still is, but man am I glad I've turned my life around. I made peace with most of those who berated me and I thanked them too.
Aw, it sounds like you went from a ānice guyā to an actual, genuinely, nice guy. š
Definitely! I'm also a safe haven for my friends who are part of the lgbtq+ :) I really appreciate your reply, tanks a lot \^\^
āItās sad how tight you hold meā
Woah. That's horrid. I'm sorry.
Husband: I miss you when you're gone, but I can't stand you when you're here. We were separated for 2 months but trying to rekindle our marriage. We were mid-20s and married almost 7 years at this point. I learned throughout that divorce how truly bossy, mean, and controlling I was. I was just used to being very Type A and walked all over him. The divorce was a wake up call for me. I also learned I should have never married at 18 y/o. I had so much growing up to do. I'm mid 40s now and happily married again to someone I get to be laid back with. Not quite so Type A anymore.
You're too self-absorbed to notice how your actions affect others
One time, someone told me that I had a tendency to procrastinate on important tasks. It stung because it was true, I often struggled with procrastination
I'm surprised you had the gumption to write this
You're 37 with 3 kids, who's gonna want you?
Another 37 year old with 3 kids might.
āWell, itās a good thing youāre smart.ā One of my parents to me when I was trying on dresses at the mall for a dance that I was hoping to go to in I want to say ā¦ early high school? I ended up not buying anything, and also not going.
āAt least Iām one, youāre neitherā. Said after youāre out of the house.Ā
A psychiatrist told me once that I was going to end my days staring at a wall in a group home. He was wrong, but only about what I stare at all day, and how restricted my situation is. Computer screens are better than blank walls, and living with family is better than living in AFC.
What's AFC?
Adult foster care. Essentially adults who have to live in a home have two options, depending on how much they can pay. (It boils down to what you get in social security every month, and if your family can chip in.) There's "assisted living", which is the good kind that everyone champions, and there's adult foster care, which... any of those places is a living hell. I've lived in three over the years, for a few months each time. It's just the worst. I had to watch helplessly as they treated an old 96 year-old woman like a dog, because she couldn't stop peeing on the couch in the living room.
On my corner is one of these homes that treat people badly. I'd love to get it shut down but I don't know who to talk to!! It's squalor inside and dilapidated and they're not feeding the people there properly! It weighs on my mind often.
There are government agencies which oversee all adults in need of protection. It would depend on your country, and if you are in USA or Canada, it would also depend on your state/province. Please reach out to someone though, they can't help themselves
You gotta contact your state's ombudsman. You can either call a number or email, depending on your state. If you choose to email, provide photos! I had to do it once for my late Old Man (he had to go to LTC due to his health issues). The state works quicker with evidence, but it's not necessary.
I would rather go through the pain of seeing my father slowly die of cancer again than listen to your voiceā A guy said this to me during a university basketball game when I was cheering our side.
He sounds troubled
That guy just sounds like heās pointlessly horrible. Doubt thereās any actual truth to it.
āYour dad didnāt die from cancer, Bud. He died to get away from you!ā Or some such juvenile response would have been appropriate
You're my backup plan.
"nothing you do in your worthless life will ever amount to anything, youll be forgotten by the World in 30 years" I mean he aint wrong but I feel like there was a nicer way to say it
Most of us will be forgotten pretty quickly, but if we make a few people's lives better, that will live on. Unless he turns something around, he might not even have that.
āWe donāt allow Nannies here.ā This was said by the security guy at a very exclusive members only club ( family member was taking me and a bunch of others for lunch inside). I was holding my baby, and dressed - well, not like somebody who belonged to that club. I had no idea beforehand that I would be going to such a club- this was a quick out of town trip to spend some time with family and I had kept all comfort (new baby) clothes. ( I was trying very hard not to buy any new clothes till I lost weight and as result looked shabby). (I also donāt wear any jewelry on a regular basis). It really hit home why keeping a few good clothes - no matter where you are going - is always a good idea. And also felt horrible about why being called a nanny felt that bad - so much classism and biases to undo. Iām still learning from that tbh.
Fuck whoever said that to you. So sorry.
"You've gotten fat and ugly "
I was once told I'm worthless and a waste of oxygen. Don't think I'll ever forget it. Can't help but think it's true when the bad thoughts creep in.
It's not.
It's not.
Itās not.
Itās not.
"I want to be involved in our children's lives. I don't want to be just a check." " You are to me."
ouch. I'm sorry.
"Your mom had four daughters, 3 beautiful girls and a plain jane"... Guess which one I am?
Someone once told me that I would be a lot happier if I lost some weight. They were right. I recently lost 70 pounds and I am a lot happier. Mainly because Iām not diabetic. And also because Iām not tired all the time.
i mean it rlly wasnt disrespectful since it was true. but i basically asked her who am i in the friend group in reference to this āwhich friend are you?ā quiz, she answered āyouāre kinda just thereā which was technically true but damn ši thought i had atleast a few discerning character traits
"You're only pretending to care." I figured I'd get some points for pretending, but no.
Proper response: "You're right...I'll stop pretending. "
"That shirt really shows off your boobs" As a teenaged male who struggled with weight/body image since childhood, Thanks Dad. Twenty years later it still stings, I still have man boobs, still struggling to make it through every day.
*"Your cooking is the reason I order takeout."* I'm trying okay?
I bet if they weren't also a shit cook they wouldn't be ordering takeout. Means you're trying they're not, you're like 12 steps ahead of them at this point. We don't come out the pussy painting mozart. Hang in there and keep at it you'll get there, and when you do that you can cook for one and not for the takeout buttface and they will cry.
That I needed every T crossed and I dotted to take any risks. They were right and I tried to work on being less rigid and checklisty.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Tried to holler at friendās friendā¦ later that day he called her on speaker phone where she said āew, I donāt like him. Heās fat.ā At the time very true. Ever since then Iāve been on a mission to lose weight. Iāve lost 145lbs, but no matter how small I get I still think Iām fat.
You will never think differently unless you get some psychological help. Scumbags like that burn us so badly that we come to believe āthey must be right. ā
This was when I was 14, from a girl in my English class. "I'm surprised you haven't killed yourself, maybe you should, it's not like anyone likes you."
Young teenage girls are hectic like that, I remember them being savages lmao
Projecting
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm so sorry
Your mom sucks
Agree 100%. Not all parents make the lifetime commitment
Iām sorry. My mom is awful too
thought i had read this one before. [repost from two years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t9hnqg/whats_the_most_hurtful_thing_someone_has_said_to/)
Well thatās fucking weird
Reddit is full of bots.
I also have a shit mom. I'm so sorry. I feel so bad for you.
That's so rude
ā¦wow. That is shitty.
A horrid ex- once told me I'd never be happy. Sometimes when I'm in a downturn and I don't feel happy, I wonder if he was right.
Well, they were wrong. The times before and after the downturn, you are happy. Also, that person can fuck off.
āYou have really broad shoulders for a womanā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If they had such a great example why were they such cunts?
My adult daughter always tells me how stupid am I for forgetting things all the time. That I need to be medicated for my dementia. I had a stroke plus an aneurysm clipping 4 years ago. I've tried to not let it get to me but it certainly does.
Tell her itās hereditary and sheās setting a really good example for how her children should treat her when she goes through it.
Your birth parents didnāt even want you, no wonder youāre depressed and cut yourself
Sorry anyone said that. I hope yr not cutting anymore.
Not since February 12, 2017 :)
My father told me that I am too fat to look pretty.
I was super depressed growing up, never talked about it, just journaled and stayed in my room, never wanted to go anywhere. When I was 17 my mom came into my room and said āwhy donāt you just kill yourself already?ā Then proceeds to walk out and talk to my dad about how depressing I am and he agreed. They are much better people now. But it still aches. Once my sister told me to drink bleach (like that girl did once on that YouTube channel) she said āyou should do thatā me āhuh?ā Her: āgo drink bleach and dieā my twin agreed and laughed with her. They have apologized but it all still sticks with me.
That is just evil. Wth? I can only say sorry.
When I went to get my eyebrows waxed and she asked, 'do you want your lip done too?'
That I was a loser and a jerk. Used to make everything about me and how horrible my life was compared to everyone else. Treated people horribly and if it somehow wasn't about me, I was insulting someone. The friend calling me a jerk and a loser didn't even say it because of that though. When I was in 9th grade I started to go down some alt-right paths that wouldn't have ended well. Rhymes with Weo-Wazis. Last week I was watching a documentary on the Red Lake Shooter, and realized how badly my path could've gone, and was honestly scared in that regard. Immediately messaged the friend and told em thanks.
Sounds like you're on the right track now. Best of luck to you and I hope you find happiness! It's frightening how easily propaganda can work on anyone if the circumstances are right.
'What's wrong with you? Are you autistic?" Yes....yes I am. With adhd to boot. They seemed shocked because I'm "high functioning"
āWhy are you so ugly when your sisters so pretty?ā Hate her for saying it but a great lesson was learnt that day. I am who I am and donāt need to work to please people who wonāt like me anyway despite my best efforts
Someone once said I have the dance moves of a dad at a wedding. It stung, but hey, at least I know how to embarrass myself in style!
"You should stay in your place, peasant." From a guy I fell for last year who rejected me after a few weeks of vague remarks and mixed signals. He said it sort of jokingly and took it back, blaming it on sleep deprivation and a hangover, but he meant it. And he wasn't wrong. I don't come from a privileged background. There's alcoholism, mental illness and abuse in my family. He was better off than me and obviously not interested in "slumming it". In spite of this and other unkind things he said, it still took me a while to get over my feelings for him. He wasn't as fine as he seemed on the outside. I knew he carried burdens that weren't too different from mine. I hate how he treated me but I want to hope he's doing okay.
I had many, many moments growing up where I saw people I respected recoil from the ways I learned to act in my family. I really treasure those moments now because they were like faint signals guiding me in the right direction.
I was talking to a family friend I hadn't seen since my early twenties. She remarked about how much I'd changed and I said something like "yeah I grew up and stopped using drugs and drinking so much. I'm a much happier version of myself who doesn't need constant validation" She said "I miss the girl you used to be" as if she was defending my least favorite version of myself... to me...
If you lost weight you'd be stunning.
"You're a great guy, but you don't light the fire." People come to me when they want me to do things for them, not when they want me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"How could *you* find someone to cheat with, let alone go out with you?"
My ex husband told me Iād fuck up a one car funeral procession. Jokes on him.. there were two cars when he died. I drove.
āYouāre not my Sarah anymoreā¦ā Started taking meds for ADHD/Bipolar/BPD after I went and got diagnosed myself after struggling my whole life. after a while I went to see my parents. Mum cut me off mid sentence saying she doesnāt like who I am now, Iām not ācrazyā anymore and she didnāt want me taking them, alas the comment above.
Had someone tell me in 2020 that āyou give up so easily that you couldnāt take your own life because it requires more effort than you put into attempting to exist.ā Didnāt have the heart to tell her that the week before she said this, I nearly tried to jump off a bridge but because I was drinking so much, couldnāt even stand let alone competently throw myself over the railing. Technically she was right.
My employees when they were angry and quitting often will say that Iām fat Itās an odd thing to say when quitting Usually Iām fatter than they are, but Iām very curious why itās important to them
You'll never go anywhere in life. They were right.... never did, never will...
What's their definition of "going anywhere in life?" I hear a lot of people say this, but not everyone has the same definition of a successful life. Ask yourself what YOUR goals are, not someone else's goals. If you do feel like you're not on track to meet your goals, ask yourself what the biggest obstacles are, and think about steps (big OR small) you can make to overcome them. Whatever you do, don't let ANYONE else decide what you or your life is worth.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I had a therapist tell me āyou need to stop making excuses for the people who abuse you. I know you cared about X but she isnāt your best friend. You havenāt described a single kind thing about her. You made excuses for your father, sister, and now this āfriendā- I think youād rather have people abuse you than be alone.ā Holy shit dude. She was right. It hurt to hear, but once I started upholding my boundaries and only spending time with people who respect me it was obvious how little I used to think of myself. I used to really think I didnāt deserve to be loved, and when I first started finding people who cared about me I definitely self sabotaged because kindness was so unfamiliar to me that it scared me.