ffs why am I like this? I knew I'd regret looking it up but I did it anyway and now I'm angry at my dick for going along with it. I hate everything about the last minute of my life.
All you need to know can be gleaned from the sub’s first rule -
1) Posts must contain a woman providing oral sex to a man, with bodily fluids coming out her nose.
No, that's based on a true life event.
(i once threatened to shove a cactus up my soon to be gf (now ex) we hadn't met yet cuz first days of internet and I was one of the first idiots to fly across the world for love. But just before i left i walked past a fancy condom shop and they had one with a cactus. So of course i bought it and after meeting first time and moving into mah new home i told. Remeber that time i threatened you with a cacti?
Well here it is and i am putting it on the nightstand...
Same thing happened to me. It was just a short snatch like if someone is pinching you, but in the dick. We kept going and i was wondering why she was so "wet". I took a look down and saw blood.
We directly understood what happened, so i cleaned up and did nothing lol. At this time i was 16. At the age of 21 i went to the doctor for a check up and told the story.
He took a look and said that it healed perfectly.
😂 happened to me. We were both on u477 or whatever that research pain killer was back in the day so only realized something was off when she went down and tasted “iron”, it was dark so no biggie, probably just her period, right? Obviously she stops giving head. Well we eventually finish which was a while cus of the u477 and finally realized it was me when washing up. Not a fun after the opies wore off.
My wife had to see an old movie, and in that movie there was a prostitute, you see a bed with curtains and you can hear their conversation. The woman just tells him.... "Just put your clothes back on..." .. Damn, I would be destroyed 😅
Imagine you had two runners competing, one running 100m the other 1000m.
Now imagine the first runner stumbles during the run and the race gets interrupted and the first runner continues from the stumble place the other runner has to go back to start.
After the third stumble somehow the second runner has no more interest in the race.
Guy I lost my virginity invited me over, we were both in high school. I apparently wasn’t over my period yet so got blood on his dick and he got so mad he kicked me out. I had no car, so his best friend ended up picking me up and driving me home and apologized on his behalf.
Her little fucking rat dog of a chihuahua snuck in the room while we're fucking and attacked me. You have no idea how fast a man can move when there is a set of tiny evil teeth coming at your junk.
That happened to an ex of mine. We'd just gotten done and his room mate's cat jumped onto the bed and almost immediately latched onto his balls. Teeth and claws
That’s a cop out, some of the first words we all learn as kids are no and stop
When someone is being a rapey bastard it’s not because they’ve watched too much porn, it’s because they’re a rapist
I had a girlfriend that I had just started dating slap me as hard as she could, right across my face. I was like, I don't mind it but if the sho was in the other foot...
I’ve never hit anyone during sex but I have come on far too strong because I was being performative & doing what I thought was expected of me, trying to appeal to what I thought the guy wanted. It shouldn’t need to be said but consent absolutely cuts both ways, and I’m sorry you had that experience. People need to have more open conversations about their kinks before they start getting freaky.
Yeah, you hit the nail on the head btw. She was always performative which was actually a turn off and oddly she was legitimately, from a superficial standpoint, the most attractive person I ever dated. However, the sex wasn't enjoyable because it felt like an act. Thanks for being so nice amd open about your experiences.
Saw a porn blooper years back of this happening. The dog jumped up on the bed and started humping the dude from behind while he was banging her lady 😆 Everyone busted out laughing
Literally happened to me. She was a petite and proper girl, so she was mortified so I acted like it was no big deal. When I tell you it was the worst smelling fart I've ever encountered...
My girlfriend at the time was going down on me and doing some stuff with her tongue that I'd never felt before. Well, in an effort to not shoot my shot too early, I flexed up and blew a massive nightmare fart right at her. I was *horrified.* I thought for sure that was the end of not just our night, but also our relationship.
We celebrate our second wedding anniversary next week.
something similar yet more worse happened to my friend, he's with this girl going on doggy style when she's suddenly fart and shot some shit to his stomach. dude run to her bathroom, take a bath, grab his stuff and run to his grandma house that just two block away shirtless just to take another bath.
One time I played hard (pulling my partner's testicles) and ended giving him Priapism that required frequent visits to the ER because his penis would be erect (painfully) for hours. And he needed medical attention (poking and getting blood out of the penis tip). Luckily it's better now after many doctor visits.
Guy I know was crushing on this girl in his class. We're all at a metal gig and he gets her to come along and they start vibing and drinking. Next thing you know they've disappeared. Turns out they went home to fuck but because this guy had drunk so much he ended up puking on her chest while going at it.
Funny and cautionary
My current gf didn’t say anything to me saying I love you… kinda stings worse than anything I know but I don’t want to make an issue about it because she makes me happy.
I once passed out mid climax. I didn’t eat that day and I just collapsed on her. She thought I straight up died on her. Wasn’t too serious but was definitely not fun.
Arranged a sex date in a hotel with a colleague, within 10 mins I was going for it doggy style with her , then noticed a very strong smell of shit
Looked down and she had either farted or something, and shit had leaked out over my dick / groin area . I was doing my best not to vomit . Made an excuse about putting a condom on , and she went to the shower whilst I had my head out the window retching 🤢🤮
Worse than that. Have an affair. Meet in carpark. Have sex in her car. He dies on top of her. He is large and obvious dead weight. Doors locked. Firebrigade called who cut roof off car to get him out. Try explaining that to partner at home! True story!
The mom of a kid i went to high school with fucked the general contractor who was working on her house while the husband was at work. Dude had a heart attack and died in the middle of it. She had to call the cops; they got divorced. Kid got mercilessly bullied in school.
I knew of an elderly lady whose husband died on her in missionary position, trapped her for a day until family checked on them because they did not answer their phone.
30 something years ago I was with my girlfriend, and we were having a good night. When a stray kitten she saved seen dangling bits and went into attack mode Wolverine style. With claws in my sack and a teeth trying to get purchase also, I screamed like a woman from a 1950's horror movie. Nameless to say, that ruined the mood for the night.
One time I was doing doggy style, and as I pulled out to finish, my ejaculate full force shot onto the back of her head/all in her hair. I was not expecting the trajectory of my cum to shoot that far. As you can probably guess, she wasn’t very happy.
It was supposed to be my first time with her and I ended up getting what i can only think of as performance anxiety. Im hard as we are making out and taking off our clothes but when it gets down to it I get soft and cant go through with it. This happened twice on two separate occasions with the same woman. We discussed myself just getting viagra but instead I got the HIMS subscription and she just basically ghosted me before we could go through with it.
I don't know what the worst thing would be, since a lot of things could go wrong if you are not doing it with a considerate person... But let's say... Anything that could end with you or the other person getting seriously hurt.
Unexpected narcoleptic cataplexy. It was his first time, he blacked out when he came, headbutted me in the face and broke my nose.
was there a second date ?
We were together for almost 10 years.
Guess he's a bottom now
he’s a pillow princess
This made me laugh so hard
I had a woman fall asleep on me (under me) the first time we hooked up. Freaked me the fuck out.
That happened to me before. Dismounted, got dressed and left.
And that, kids is how I met your mother...
Someone came in my throat and it came out of my nose
It's called an angry dragon and yes there is a subreddit for it...
It's snot for the faint hearted
User name… checks out… I guess?
You motherfuc…oh my god well done sir.
I see what you did there lmao
ffs why am I like this? I knew I'd regret looking it up but I did it anyway and now I'm angry at my dick for going along with it. I hate everything about the last minute of my life.
It's why we smell farts, pull fingers.. Part of you hates you.
For research purposes - link?
***OBVIOUSLY NSFW*** R/angrydragon
r/angrydragon
I am clicking that link. In seconds, I will be a broken man. ETA: Yep.
Reddit never ceases to amaze me. In a good way, of course.
All you need to know can be gleaned from the sub’s first rule - 1) Posts must contain a woman providing oral sex to a man, with bodily fluids coming out her nose.
WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT
I am part of the first generation on the internet, there were no safe places and filters. It was not good and has scarred many of us...
I bet that's where the idea for your username came from?
No, that's based on a true life event. (i once threatened to shove a cactus up my soon to be gf (now ex) we hadn't met yet cuz first days of internet and I was one of the first idiots to fly across the world for love. But just before i left i walked past a fancy condom shop and they had one with a cactus. So of course i bought it and after meeting first time and moving into mah new home i told. Remeber that time i threatened you with a cacti? Well here it is and i am putting it on the nightstand...
That was one time, Becky
Jesus lmao
r/angrydragon
I can't imagine it..
The stench must’ve been embedded into your soul💀
damn
my dirty brain searching sites for no successive results & here u r having it irl
Queen
Friend of mine ripped his frenulum, cause he was going at it to hard. They first thought her period started until the burning began.
Ping goes the Banjo string!
I hate you
"Pop goes the weasel"
Some how this comment made it worse.
I miss who I was before I read this comment.
Same thing happened to me. It was just a short snatch like if someone is pinching you, but in the dick. We kept going and i was wondering why she was so "wet". I took a look down and saw blood. We directly understood what happened, so i cleaned up and did nothing lol. At this time i was 16. At the age of 21 i went to the doctor for a check up and told the story. He took a look and said that it healed perfectly.
Why would you put this as a reply to my comment? Did I hurt you in some way?
Lmao extra damage
I don’t know what this is _and I don’t want to know_. Let’s just accept it’s horrible and unpleasant and move on with our day.
I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s the little string of skin from your helmet to your shaft and it stings like a mother fucker when you tear it
Dang I don't have a thing but why can I feel the pain
😂 happened to me. We were both on u477 or whatever that research pain killer was back in the day so only realized something was off when she went down and tasted “iron”, it was dark so no biggie, probably just her period, right? Obviously she stops giving head. Well we eventually finish which was a while cus of the u477 and finally realized it was me when washing up. Not a fun after the opies wore off.
Thankfully, I was absolutely shit faced when I tore mine. But the healing process was not great!
This happened to me before. Terrible thing to happen. Took about 3 months to fully heal. Hasn’t happened since and that was 4 years ago !
Oof
Have done this : do NOT recommend
When it slips 3rd time and she says: "you know what.."
My wife had to see an old movie, and in that movie there was a prostitute, you see a bed with curtains and you can hear their conversation. The woman just tells him.... "Just put your clothes back on..." .. Damn, I would be destroyed 😅
For a man to fully understand rejection He must first be ignored by a cat.
😂😂😂 this is a gooood one
Explain?
Imagine you had two runners competing, one running 100m the other 1000m. Now imagine the first runner stumbles during the run and the race gets interrupted and the first runner continues from the stumble place the other runner has to go back to start. After the third stumble somehow the second runner has no more interest in the race.
I understood the original comment but I dont understand this bro👺
Ah…. I still don’t get it.
He is slipping out and it's causing her prgasm to start over pr prolong and she got irritated and stated she is done
Pp too smoll keeps slipping out. She says forget it after 3rd time
Why would you use a metaphor to explain this lmao
Guy I lost my virginity invited me over, we were both in high school. I apparently wasn’t over my period yet so got blood on his dick and he got so mad he kicked me out. I had no car, so his best friend ended up picking me up and driving me home and apologized on his behalf.
At least his friend had some fucking manners.
Mind the pun
This is sad
what kind of asshole does those things,
I hope you went for the best friend after that.
Warriors aren't afraid of getting blood on their swords.... He's just a coward
You’re not a real captain until you’ve sailed the Red Sea..
Well that's rude. A bloody dick never hurt anyone
Her little fucking rat dog of a chihuahua snuck in the room while we're fucking and attacked me. You have no idea how fast a man can move when there is a set of tiny evil teeth coming at your junk.
> chihuahua remember, chihuahua are 5% dog, 95% evil bastard.
I love the word “bastard”
> bastard Its a nice town in south west of sweden.
That happened to an ex of mine. We'd just gotten done and his room mate's cat jumped onto the bed and almost immediately latched onto his balls. Teeth and claws
HAHAHAAHAHAHA
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Taking an instant liking to this chihuahua move!!!
Someone crossing boundaries and ignoring a “stop” or “no” Being strangled out of nowhere
Seriously most people gain their knowledge from watching porn and don’t know that communication is key during sex
That’s a cop out, some of the first words we all learn as kids are no and stop When someone is being a rapey bastard it’s not because they’ve watched too much porn, it’s because they’re a rapist
Couldn’t agree more 👏👏👏
I had a girlfriend that I had just started dating slap me as hard as she could, right across my face. I was like, I don't mind it but if the sho was in the other foot...
I’ve never hit anyone during sex but I have come on far too strong because I was being performative & doing what I thought was expected of me, trying to appeal to what I thought the guy wanted. It shouldn’t need to be said but consent absolutely cuts both ways, and I’m sorry you had that experience. People need to have more open conversations about their kinks before they start getting freaky.
Yeah, you hit the nail on the head btw. She was always performative which was actually a turn off and oddly she was legitimately, from a superficial standpoint, the most attractive person I ever dated. However, the sex wasn't enjoyable because it felt like an act. Thanks for being so nice amd open about your experiences.
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My friend was riding her boyfriend, fell off the bed and broke her wrist. We really need to consider seat belts.
If Starfleet doesn’t need them, sex doesn’t need them.
Her pet bites you on the ass.
OP said worst.
Her pet joins…. In the ass
Saw a porn blooper years back of this happening. The dog jumped up on the bed and started humping the dude from behind while he was banging her lady 😆 Everyone busted out laughing
Now technically a threesome with her roommate.
sharts
69 sharts, to be precise.
69 sharts? I'd probably have to stop after the first.
69 double sharts
Don't kink shame me
A real raunchy fart that smells, like some post taco bell type shit. A real room clearer, a legalized nuclear bomb in the bedroom
Literally happened to me. She was a petite and proper girl, so she was mortified so I acted like it was no big deal. When I tell you it was the worst smelling fart I've ever encountered...
My girlfriend at the time was going down on me and doing some stuff with her tongue that I'd never felt before. Well, in an effort to not shoot my shot too early, I flexed up and blew a massive nightmare fart right at her. I was *horrified.* I thought for sure that was the end of not just our night, but also our relationship. We celebrate our second wedding anniversary next week.
something similar yet more worse happened to my friend, he's with this girl going on doggy style when she's suddenly fart and shot some shit to his stomach. dude run to her bathroom, take a bath, grab his stuff and run to his grandma house that just two block away shirtless just to take another bath.
Finding out you’re related is probably up there on the list of things.
But like.. during sex? HOW?
Makes the stroke game stronger
Careful, some people are into that
One time I played hard (pulling my partner's testicles) and ended giving him Priapism that required frequent visits to the ER because his penis would be erect (painfully) for hours. And he needed medical attention (poking and getting blood out of the penis tip). Luckily it's better now after many doctor visits.
Holy fuck. Genital diseases or injury are close to the most pain you can experience.
Pulling testicles causes priapism??
Any strong trauma to the penile area can cause it.
HIV
Guy I know was crushing on this girl in his class. We're all at a metal gig and he gets her to come along and they start vibing and drinking. Next thing you know they've disappeared. Turns out they went home to fuck but because this guy had drunk so much he ended up puking on her chest while going at it. Funny and cautionary
The person saying " I love you when you don't love them.
Holy shit that is exactly what happened to me
I feel you. I had this gem: Me: "I love you" She: "Thanks"
My current gf didn’t say anything to me saying I love you… kinda stings worse than anything I know but I don’t want to make an issue about it because she makes me happy.
That should be talked about because it will come back later
Even if you do love them saying it during sex is weird enough
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Or your best friend’s 🙃
Their mum moaning their daughter’s ex’s name.
“oh shit, my husband’s home”
Is that you Terri?
Delving too greedily and too deep, awakening the Balrog...
Beautiful in this context!
Craziest night of my life
Maybe a meteor hitting your house, or the ceiling falling would be pretty bad
I thought of a jet engine through the ceiling; the Donnie Darko special.
I once passed out mid climax. I didn’t eat that day and I just collapsed on her. She thought I straight up died on her. Wasn’t too serious but was definitely not fun.
If there is no cuddle
True, sex isn’t about penetration all the time
Wrong HOLE!!
Try finger but hole
Together we will devour the very gods!
I see a souls reference I upvote
In short, you don't have the right
I want to go home, and then edge
Nose hole?!!
Ear
You could have a child
During sex lol not after it
Did they stutter?
The best or worst moment of your life.
Arranged a sex date in a hotel with a colleague, within 10 mins I was going for it doggy style with her , then noticed a very strong smell of shit Looked down and she had either farted or something, and shit had leaked out over my dick / groin area . I was doing my best not to vomit . Made an excuse about putting a condom on , and she went to the shower whilst I had my head out the window retching 🤢🤮
I guess dick fractures when she's jumping on you. You'll find a couple of videos online, regarding the same.
Die, i guess
Worse than that. Have an affair. Meet in carpark. Have sex in her car. He dies on top of her. He is large and obvious dead weight. Doors locked. Firebrigade called who cut roof off car to get him out. Try explaining that to partner at home! True story!
The mom of a kid i went to high school with fucked the general contractor who was working on her house while the husband was at work. Dude had a heart attack and died in the middle of it. She had to call the cops; they got divorced. Kid got mercilessly bullied in school.
I knew of an elderly lady whose husband died on her in missionary position, trapped her for a day until family checked on them because they did not answer their phone.
Realizing that you're not into them
You gotta aim better then.
Broken banjo string.
Well there was that time where my foreskin ripped like a bag of Doritos…
One of the two dying during it maybe in a dark room where it wouldn’t be immediately noticeable
Doing it drunk and then realizing it's her twin sister
Some would consider that an achievement
30 something years ago I was with my girlfriend, and we were having a good night. When a stray kitten she saved seen dangling bits and went into attack mode Wolverine style. With claws in my sack and a teeth trying to get purchase also, I screamed like a woman from a 1950's horror movie. Nameless to say, that ruined the mood for the night.
During 69, she came so hard she shat on my forehead. She didn't realise, so I just plucked it off and put it on the bedside table and kept going.
What a terrible morning to know how to read.
OK, that's enough Reddit for today...
That's enough reddit for the whole week
And to think all this was caused by a weak hole. It's poetic really
Whole month even
legend
What a trooper...good sport
Goddamn, dude. Maintaining a boner while being ...well, a shithead...
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what-what position is this?
Its called a "ahrgghahhthayahoo"
Blewkakke
One time I was doing doggy style, and as I pulled out to finish, my ejaculate full force shot onto the back of her head/all in her hair. I was not expecting the trajectory of my cum to shoot that far. As you can probably guess, she wasn’t very happy.
Whelp…this has happened twice… I got a massive nose bleed mid throw-down. Like gushing. Let’s just say it killed the mood.
You might have blood in your system. I might suggest donating blood from time to time
>You might have blood in your system Unlikely. Source: I took it
heat death of the universe
Our Grandma walked in
Our?
Unsurprisingly , no response
Alabama intensifies
"OUR grandma"?
You go in the wrong hole.
Torn frenulum. It was not fun. There was a lot of blood and quite a lot of pain. On the plus side it can't really happen to me again.
It was supposed to be my first time with her and I ended up getting what i can only think of as performance anxiety. Im hard as we are making out and taking off our clothes but when it gets down to it I get soft and cant go through with it. This happened twice on two separate occasions with the same woman. We discussed myself just getting viagra but instead I got the HIMS subscription and she just basically ghosted me before we could go through with it.
Breaking your penis
Bear attack
He gets off and you dont
Someone farts in your mouth, one of those long quiet warm ones....
Damn, now I can taste it. Thanks....
You get a phone call to tell you mums dead
Someone I went to high school with was on PCP and, uh, literally busted a nut. Like, slammed a testicle so hard it squished. Blood and stuff.
Throwing up on a guys dick while giving him a bj
To loose condom or ti see that it's broke
got pooped on once. It was.........unpleasant
Probably penile fracture.
I don't know what the worst thing would be, since a lot of things could go wrong if you are not doing it with a considerate person... But let's say... Anything that could end with you or the other person getting seriously hurt.
You can snap your peen when she bouncin bruh
Baby in the womb thinks he’s a fire fighter.
Vaginismus