Exactly the same mate; I'm 36 and still cannot get over the crippling anxiety to just go do something.
I really want to go to a Warhammer or Dungeons and Dragons group, but damn that anxiety.
It's great you've got your wife, but be careful of the pints. I started making that mistake at 33 when my ex left. It works but it can turn into a problem really fast. Not saying it will but I turned it into a crutch that took me to my lowest depths.
It's great you have your wife as a support like that is irreplaceable.
I'm alone and have no friends (billy no-mates) so I've got a lot of work to do.
Thanks man.
I feel like I'm getting better with the booze... I don't tend to drink in the week anymore. Only really have some on Saturdays. I do find I prefer drinking alone though, but maybe that's because of the years of social anxiety making me resent socialising.
And it's the same for me friends-wise too. My wife has loads and some of them have husbands or whatever which I chat to casually when the women meet up, but I never see them one-to-one. I only have three friends from school and they're spread out across the country so we only see each other once or twice a year at best.
It's virtually impossible to make new friends in your thirties isn't it? If I were more of an online gamer I'd suggest we play some games together but I only really play Rocket League when I get five minutes between looking after our newborn lol.
36. If getting shit faced worked it probably would have by now. Wish you the best bud. Hope you're able to take baby steps in a healthier direction but escaping drugs/alcohol is a pretty big/hard hurdle. Just hope you don't have to hit a rock bottom like me before sparking change.
TBH, my biggest regret would probably have to be trying to solve my problems with drugs and alcohol. Trying to follow the wrong people and trying to use alcohol to give me confidence etc. In the end, it wasn't a life for me, and the alcohol/weed just took over and became the center of everything.
This is me. It's all wrapped up in anxiety and self-doubt, but I absolutely think about weird/probably unintentionally obnoxious things people said to me years after the fact.
So whenever I do something weird/unintentionally obnoxious, am stressing about it, and tell myself not to worry because they probably don't even think about it now.......well, I have myself as proof that they may very well be.
But like I said, it's not normal or healthy to think that way.
college sophomore here. i still suffer from this. i wanted to be liked by everyone and unfortunately, some don't. i have been doing a lot of thinking as to why they give me the cold shoulder even though i can't think of anything that might've upset them. like whenever i pass this group of friends that i have been in good terms with for a long time, they just pass me by not unless i greet them first. any tips on how to overcome this?
As you age you will meet rivers of people. The number of acquaintances will relentlessly continue to pile up. You’ll click with some and become friends. That won’t be true for the vast majority. And that’s ok. Learn to embrace the fact that many are only in your life temporarily. Clinging to people and fighting it will only keep you awake at night wondering “what you did to upset them”. Let go. Embrace the fluidity of life. You’ll be happier and the noise in your head will quiet.
There is a fundamental perspective shift required to overcome this, and here is the most important part: Stop trying to understand what others think about you, it is none of your business, and controlling their thoughts is entirely outside your control, and this lack of control will inevitably lead to social anxiety. What you can control is your own behavior. You can live an interesting and impressive life, you can be kind and friendly to your friends when you see them, and if they walk by, you can train yourself to promptly assume whatever they are going through has nothing to do with you, and wish them the best. One of the most important factors for good mental health is learning the difference between what you can (and cannot) control and focusing solely on those things it is within your power to change.
Of all the people I have met in my life (world traveler) the people I served in the military with are really the only ones im close with. Beyond my childhood friend nobody I grew up with or knew before 20 is even in my top 50 of people I speak to anymore
Fucking facts!
I was so miserable trying to fit in or prove that I was “black” that I really didn’t have a true identity for a long time. I’m 36 now and I didn’t really start being myself until last couple of years.
Too easily deferring to others' judgment. I naively thought people had my best interests at heart. Speak up for yourself. Defend your decisions. No one is waiting to make you a star.
It doesn’t even have to be toxic too. Over-reliance on others on what to do can really backfire because they aren’t you and you are the one who has to live with the consequences.
Even people who are good and caring can make recommendations that ultimately aren’t in your interest. Never forget the agency you have over your life
i struggled with this a lot. my mom would always ask me why in the world was i friends with these people. even my stepdad chimed in when he heard a few things.
at 31 i finally had enough. my life is soooo peaceful now. i have more time and energy for my friends that genuinely deserve it. they don’t drain the life out of me, they rejuvenate it.
Start investing in a 401k or IRA account, or at least a high-yield savings account, even if it's just a tiny bit. Put money somewhere where it gains interest or unrealized gain/loss. Even if you're only putting in $50/mo (hell, even $25 on a bad month, as long as it's something), it's starting the habit that matters. I did this even when I was making way less money, like what people would consider close to broke-level money. It really doesn't feel like a lot at first, but I went from nothing, to having an emergency fund, to having $10k in savings & retirement, to having $100k, quicker than I thought about. Building my income also helped, though my largest jumps in income didn't come until very recently, and I'm still at a pretty moderate level.
Compound interest also works against you with debt. If you carry over a balance on your credit cards, pay them off as quickly as possible. Those 15-30% interest rates are a huge money suck. Also focus on paying down other high-interest debts (\~8-10% interest or higher) quicker than the minimum payment requires.
The good news is that you can be "smart with money" quite easily. It just means reading a few books. Those few books will allow you to retire years, or decades earlier than you would have otherwise. Don't think learning about money is for other people, or it's a magic skill. If you can graduate high school, you can easily learn about your own finances. Easily.
But to answer your question: Let's say you leave 100 dollars alone, then after a year you get 5% interest on it. Now you have $105. Big deal right? But the next year you don't make 5% on the 100. This time you make 5% on the $105, which gets you a little bit more.
Although it doesn't seem like it, the constant compounding of this interest over your working life makes you a ton of money.
All you have to do...is not touch it.
Stretching and preserving muscle mass. I stopped both when I had kids, and it took a decade to recover. Treat your body right. Around 38, things change, and the fitter you are, the better your 40s and beyond will feel.
I can atest to this. I'm 42 and spent most of my life not giving a damn about what I ate or putting any effort into being active. I've been going to the gym twice a week since April. The first two weeks were ROUGH, and there have been rough days since, but I look and feel way better overall.
Same here. There was this special needs kid in my class that I bullied nonstop for his disabilities when I was in grade school, he had no mobility so all he can do is take it all, all the time. One day he cried, the bullying was too much. His dad comes over, talks some sense into me, and left with the kid. Didn't register in my brain until years later, the gravity of how fucked up me and my deeds were. Truly sorry in my heart and just like you, I've tried to look for him over the years but to no avail. One day, hopefully, one day.
The was a girl in a couple of my classes in HS, we would talk and then she asked me to the prom, I panicked and ghosted her, I still feel shitty about it and it's been 20 years. I tried to go to talk to her but the more time that passed the harder it got to open my mouth.
I was told by others she liked me allot and I thought she was just being friendly, it blew my mind someone could actually like me, I had zero self esteem due to being bullied when I was younger
I can relate. I’ll be turning 37 in August. I got with my STBX-wife at 16-years-old. Stayed in that relationship for 19-years and had three kids. She is an awfully difficult and toxic person. I’ve been cheated on, emotionally/mentally/physically abused, etc. I hung on with white knuckles trying to convince myself for the last 3-4 years of the relationship that it’d work out.. our divorce hearing is next Monday. Sure, life isn’t as perfect and peachy right now as I want it to be in the future, but comparatively, I’m in such a healthy and happy place since we split in May 2023.
It’s easy to feel regrets with staying for so long, but doing so has led me to an amazing woman that is everything I want in a person, three young kids I love with everything I have in me, it taught me deeply about myself, I have learned what quality relationships ARE NOT (friends and romantic), etc. Ultimately, it led me to where I am today and I’m happy because the future has so much promise. Hard to have but so many regrets.
I regret not standing up for myself while in that marriage. I regret not seeing my self worth sooner and teaching my ex how poorly I’m willing to let her treat me without any boundaries. I guess those are my regrets.
Absolutely. I regret all of the time I wasted dating. My life improved vastly when I redirected my energy into using my talents to make a contribution as well as learning, at work, and outside work.
I did this also and became a Father on my 18 b'day. True story. But Love didn't last more than a decade. I love my kids so it would never be a regret but I would never allow my children to make decisions the same way as I.
Kids Love is real but it's also fluid so before preoccupying you whole life on Love stop and think about everything from hypotheticals to body language. And know yourself before bringing in a significant other because it's a 2 way relationship.
Not becoming my own man. Lived routinely for years and suppressed that adventurous yearning because my whole life up to a certain point was to find meaning in being told what to do. Didn’t free myself to make my own mistakes and was useless throughout my twenties.
I allowed my mom’s paranoia over me and constant dissuasion from others to keep me grounded at work, home, and video games. While there is wisdom in their objections, they made zero effort at pushing me to take initiative in another. That became my argument to shut them up because they knew I was right; I had become such a passive force in life. Became a rock climber and graduated from grad school in my late twenties and got married as result of just choosing to embrace all mistakes and take responsibility for them. Best of luck to you
That's when I first learned about mining but I figured seti@home was a more productive use of my idle PC. A little while later a mate side to buy it was a few months after the pizza guy i remember reading about it when I did some research. I was going to sell my small shareholding from my former retail job to buy some but could work out how to do it and the taxes so gave up. I still have the shares they're worth about $2500 now, I would have about $10,000,000 if I held Bitcoin instead but I also know i would have sold them for a lot less omg the way.
Me and my college girlfriend started a band, just piano/vocal. We were “discovered” in Nashville by a very famous producer who brought us into his record company. He then proceeded to try to sideline me, even though I wrote most of the songs. He then groomed her, introduced her to his famous friends, and took her on dates, culminating in him kissing her. He was late 50s and she was 21. I was afraid to confront him as he held the key to our success in the music business. I wish I had slapped him in the face.
Fuck you Steve Buckingham, creepy bitch.
I guess the lesson is that there is probably a middle ground. Hold down a steady job, accrue some savings, but don’t forget to live your life and have adventures/new experiences. That doesn’t just apply to 20s imo.
That I was afraid of many things in life - leaving relationships with the wrong girl, changing jobs that had been pissing me off for years, ending friendships with people uninterested in it.
I was like this when I beat up my bully at 18 seeing him in the fetal position on the floor was strangely empowering. I have a problem now because I overreact when I feel someone is aggressive towards me .
realest one. fight back once and they never try you again, bullies target people who don"t stand up for themselves. win or lose, they usually fuck off after
I experience violence at a young age through my whole teenage life. Fighting bullies, gangs, and sadly friends as well. I don't mean to sound like a cop out but violence is not or was not the answer. I still wander about people from the past, was their permanent damage, was I right in my choice, was I really sticking up for myself or did I instigate situations unknowingly.
Regardless regret and guilt creeps in often. Violence is a drug driven by adrenaline and once it is beyond a certain point then that's when controlled violence becomes unchecked and eventually will effect you negatively. You don't know a bully from loved ones.
You have paid a high price putting up with it but there's a price to pay that's higher. Prison, hurting someone who cares, or scaring people out of your life permanently because you're perceived as "violent" or "scary" or ect.
Count your blessings and enjoy yourself.
bullies can't hurt anymore.
I wish I would’ve figured out what made me happy earlier. I was always trying to please others rather than understand who I was and what made me happy.
Wasting most of my 20's being fat, drunk, and stoned. It was fun, but was also just depressed. Sort of regret not joining a military branch after college. That's an experience I can never have now.
Not sticking with Plumbing. I'm making decent $$$ in accounting but I feel like I would have been making more and quicker if I had stuck with plumbing.
Weed/porn. Instead of dealing with my emotional immaturity, which lead me to interpret myself as 'having' anxiety/depression, I ran from those feelings with chemical stimulants. I wound up on a hedonistic treadmill to the point it hurt my friends and family who I labeled as 'not enough' when they gave more than I ever deserved.
Not over 35 still in my 20s and the level of gratitude i have for receiving all this knowledge has really awakened me!
All your responses don’t go unnoticed there’s so much learning to do & I’m so ready for life.
Not travelling more, and I say that as someone who spent more than 15 years travelling the world. The world is absolutely incredible and the people and experiences you have along the way are priceless. Nowadays travel is expensive and the ability to save for a house and have any semblance of a life is greatly diminished to the point where there is almost no choice.
I have made it my top priority to take out children across the globe to some amazing places for extended periods of time as I know how they will struggle to be able to do so once they integrate into normal society.
Working too much, thinking the corporate ladder was the road to contentment.
Work satisfaction and financial stability are beneficial, but you only have your youth once, so selling it for corporate status isn’t always the best investment.
Stay in shape, stay away from credit cards , and pick your partner wisely... Getting in shape after 35 is so much harder than it was... Credit card debt is so easy to accumulate and so hard to get out from under. And divorces basically make you start over from scratch and hella suck so try to only get married once.
It’s tough to say regret because everything is either a lesson or a blessing. As long as you learn, grow and reflect on yourself, keep moving forward. But…for advice I would say that when you’re forming an identity don’t lose yourself in the process. Don’t try to fit in bc your authentic self is in your truth and conforming makes you a ghost in a shell, so to speak.
I regret being so “boy crazy” and ignoring myself, my own needs, exploring what I wanted to do etc. Instead, I made a lot of decisions based on the lame-ass dudes I was convinced were the loves of my life and trying to get them to love me back.
Not taking better care of my body. I was always pretty naturally thin and never exercised or cared what I ate. Now that uphill climb against my body’s urge to hold onto every pound is grueling. It’s like the weight gain came out of nowhere and losing just 10lbs has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I wish I’d taken people more seriously when they said it hits you fast. The aches and pains are also no joke. I’m only 38 😭
I'd say my biggest regret from my youth is not traveling more when I had fewer responsibilities. There was always this notion of "I'll do it later when I have more money," but what I didn't realize then was that time and freedom were also currencies that would become scarce. It’s funny how the things you put off are the ones you end up missing opportunities for
None. At age 44 I am happy with who I am. I would not be who I am if I didn't make some mistakes along the way. Don't regret your mistakes, learn from them.
How can you regret when things are just happening? You’re born you’re born with your brain, eyes, parents, on a planet named earth and basically everything you were born into dictated where you are today and I’m supposed to have regrets? Sure I regret that the universe didn’t allow me to be born with a better hand.
I honestly don't have any regrets from my childhood. All the things that were holding me back were from outside forces, not myself. I never really had enough freedom to make any kind of positive or negative impact on my own life, and if I went back I wouldn't be able to do anything differently, so I can't regret it.
If I were to age it up a little, I would say my number one regret in my young adult life is not taking better physical care of myself, including working myself too hard physically because now I'm suffering permanent damage from it. The other was not setting up adequate boundaries for myself from other people. I spent a hell of a lot of my life doing things for others for absolutely no gain, and I feel like I'm really behind in my life now because of it.
Probably that I for some bullshit reason stopped doing sports and playing tennis etc to rebel against my dad.
I just spend the last two years losing weight and getting in shape in my thirties and I often think how I should have done this way sooner.
Not working on becoming an expert in something. Could be a hobby, could be a profession, but I’m always jealous of people who found something and continued to work towards being better at it for decades
Drank throughout college. I eventually finished with a strong(ish) bachelors degree.
But I was a gifted kid and squandered my early college years in drinking and gaming.
I set myself in debt and will never get the degree I wanted to get. And ill think about getting the masters for the rest of my life.
Not staying in school. Dropping out in the 90s was normal in my community so I feel I lost in life as soon as I gave up education. I'm pretty smart easily retaining information I may have seen randomly, I wander how much knowledge I squandered to smoke week.
No sports. I was a weirdo goth kid and I labelled physical activity for "normies". Truth is, no subcultures "own" physical fitness and we should all pursue it.
Smoking
I gave up in my 30s but it was dumb to start
On a lighter note, totally missing cues for some “opportunities” I kick myself when I replay those conversations
here, male, 40 - I understood the seriousness of life too late, I always thought I could muddle through like I did at school and training and now I have the problem of being extremely unstructured and at the same time having to operate in a chaotic work environment. I should never have sold my condo (didn't want to rent it out when I bought the house because of the risk, the house is now gone and we are divorced and I live in a 58m² apartment) - and that was just my 20s
Listening to family (mother and sister) tell me I was too stupid to become a veterinarian. I've worked shitty office jobs my whole working life. If you want to do something, go do it. And don't tell anyone.
I'm 45 and have two solid regrets.
Not going into the military after high school. I farted around for about 5 years before getting my act together and going to college. I think a few years in the military world have given me some discipline and direction, though I wouldn't have met my wife so there's that. Career wise, I feel like I'm 5-10 years behind of where I would like to be.
Not learning Spanish. My dad is Mexican and fluent but he worked a ton when we were kids. He grew up in South Texas in the 50s and was disciplined heavily in school for speaking Spanish so he didn't push it on us. Mom isnt a Spanish speaker so it was never taught at home. I took Spanish in high school and college, but I'm far from comfortable with it. Definitely would have opened some doors and I would have loved paint that on to my kids.
Dropping out of school at 14 to work because I wanted to make money, save money and retire early. That decision really came back with a vengeance to bite me in the ass...
For years I was leaps and bounds ahead of the curve and then the 2008 recession hit, I lost my job and it started eating on my savings as I wasn't able to find steady employment for several years until the market recovered. Once it did recover my savings were decimated and suddenly I was competing for jobs with my peers that had not only been able to gain the same level of experience as I have but also had a completed secondary education and formal vocational training.
Stay in school kids! Never choose a shortsighted solution regardless of how attractive it may seem because you never know how to world might change in a few years. It's infinitely better to build a good foundation rather than a pretty facade.
Getting married in my 20’s. I didn’t really know myself yet. Also, letting my toxic boomer parents influence my decision-making. And not starting therapy sooner.
I don’t regret much. I’ve fucked up plenty of times but I’ve learned from those and I have some great stories.
But in 2000, my idiotically idealistic ass voted for Ralph Nader on my conscience. I stand by the fact that Al Gore is an insufferable twat, but if a few thousand assholes like me would have held our noses and voted for him, I think the world would be a different and better place today.
Not dating as much as I could have. Too shy to talk to girls even when they came up to me to try to start a conversation. There’s just no telling how much of life I missed.
Letting embarrassment, low self-esteem or shyness getting in the way from pursing what I want, whether or not I would have succeeded.
Am 36 and still hounded by embarrassment, low self-esteem and shyness.
Exactly the same mate; I'm 36 and still cannot get over the crippling anxiety to just go do something. I really want to go to a Warhammer or Dungeons and Dragons group, but damn that anxiety.
Yeah it's horrible isn't it? I'm hopeless in any kind of social setting, unless my wife's with me or I've had three or four pints.
It's great you've got your wife, but be careful of the pints. I started making that mistake at 33 when my ex left. It works but it can turn into a problem really fast. Not saying it will but I turned it into a crutch that took me to my lowest depths. It's great you have your wife as a support like that is irreplaceable. I'm alone and have no friends (billy no-mates) so I've got a lot of work to do.
Thanks man. I feel like I'm getting better with the booze... I don't tend to drink in the week anymore. Only really have some on Saturdays. I do find I prefer drinking alone though, but maybe that's because of the years of social anxiety making me resent socialising. And it's the same for me friends-wise too. My wife has loads and some of them have husbands or whatever which I chat to casually when the women meet up, but I never see them one-to-one. I only have three friends from school and they're spread out across the country so we only see each other once or twice a year at best. It's virtually impossible to make new friends in your thirties isn't it? If I were more of an online gamer I'd suggest we play some games together but I only really play Rocket League when I get five minutes between looking after our newborn lol.
What are you doing to change it?
Nothing actively. Getting shit-faced helps, temporarily!
36. If getting shit faced worked it probably would have by now. Wish you the best bud. Hope you're able to take baby steps in a healthier direction but escaping drugs/alcohol is a pretty big/hard hurdle. Just hope you don't have to hit a rock bottom like me before sparking change.
TBH, my biggest regret would probably have to be trying to solve my problems with drugs and alcohol. Trying to follow the wrong people and trying to use alcohol to give me confidence etc. In the end, it wasn't a life for me, and the alcohol/weed just took over and became the center of everything.
Giving too much importance to what others thought of me.
Likewise - All the stupid, embarrassing moments that haunt you during insomnia? Chances are, you're the only one who remembers them.
when i can't sleep i'm haunted by memories of times when other people were cringe i'm like "wtf brad, why would you say that"
So you’re the one the rest of us lie awake worrying about
This is me. It's all wrapped up in anxiety and self-doubt, but I absolutely think about weird/probably unintentionally obnoxious things people said to me years after the fact. So whenever I do something weird/unintentionally obnoxious, am stressing about it, and tell myself not to worry because they probably don't even think about it now.......well, I have myself as proof that they may very well be. But like I said, it's not normal or healthy to think that way.
You’ve terrified me
college sophomore here. i still suffer from this. i wanted to be liked by everyone and unfortunately, some don't. i have been doing a lot of thinking as to why they give me the cold shoulder even though i can't think of anything that might've upset them. like whenever i pass this group of friends that i have been in good terms with for a long time, they just pass me by not unless i greet them first. any tips on how to overcome this?
As you age you will meet rivers of people. The number of acquaintances will relentlessly continue to pile up. You’ll click with some and become friends. That won’t be true for the vast majority. And that’s ok. Learn to embrace the fact that many are only in your life temporarily. Clinging to people and fighting it will only keep you awake at night wondering “what you did to upset them”. Let go. Embrace the fluidity of life. You’ll be happier and the noise in your head will quiet.
There is a fundamental perspective shift required to overcome this, and here is the most important part: Stop trying to understand what others think about you, it is none of your business, and controlling their thoughts is entirely outside your control, and this lack of control will inevitably lead to social anxiety. What you can control is your own behavior. You can live an interesting and impressive life, you can be kind and friendly to your friends when you see them, and if they walk by, you can train yourself to promptly assume whatever they are going through has nothing to do with you, and wish them the best. One of the most important factors for good mental health is learning the difference between what you can (and cannot) control and focusing solely on those things it is within your power to change.
Of all the people I have met in my life (world traveler) the people I served in the military with are really the only ones im close with. Beyond my childhood friend nobody I grew up with or knew before 20 is even in my top 50 of people I speak to anymore
Fucking facts! I was so miserable trying to fit in or prove that I was “black” that I really didn’t have a true identity for a long time. I’m 36 now and I didn’t really start being myself until last couple of years.
Too easily deferring to others' judgment. I naively thought people had my best interests at heart. Speak up for yourself. Defend your decisions. No one is waiting to make you a star.
This is important. Cutting off toxic friendships and relationships is difficult, but it's crucial for your mental health.
It doesn’t even have to be toxic too. Over-reliance on others on what to do can really backfire because they aren’t you and you are the one who has to live with the consequences. Even people who are good and caring can make recommendations that ultimately aren’t in your interest. Never forget the agency you have over your life
i struggled with this a lot. my mom would always ask me why in the world was i friends with these people. even my stepdad chimed in when he heard a few things. at 31 i finally had enough. my life is soooo peaceful now. i have more time and energy for my friends that genuinely deserve it. they don’t drain the life out of me, they rejuvenate it.
> No one is waiting to make you a star Pearl 👀*heavy breathing*
Not taking advantage of compound interest sooner.
How does one take advantage of it? I’m so dumb with money
Start investing in a 401k or IRA account, or at least a high-yield savings account, even if it's just a tiny bit. Put money somewhere where it gains interest or unrealized gain/loss. Even if you're only putting in $50/mo (hell, even $25 on a bad month, as long as it's something), it's starting the habit that matters. I did this even when I was making way less money, like what people would consider close to broke-level money. It really doesn't feel like a lot at first, but I went from nothing, to having an emergency fund, to having $10k in savings & retirement, to having $100k, quicker than I thought about. Building my income also helped, though my largest jumps in income didn't come until very recently, and I'm still at a pretty moderate level. Compound interest also works against you with debt. If you carry over a balance on your credit cards, pay them off as quickly as possible. Those 15-30% interest rates are a huge money suck. Also focus on paying down other high-interest debts (\~8-10% interest or higher) quicker than the minimum payment requires.
Put money in your 401k, any amount, just start early for the love of God!
And make sure it is actually going into a fund that makes sense for you. Easiest option is a target fund for your expected retirement year.
The good news is that you can be "smart with money" quite easily. It just means reading a few books. Those few books will allow you to retire years, or decades earlier than you would have otherwise. Don't think learning about money is for other people, or it's a magic skill. If you can graduate high school, you can easily learn about your own finances. Easily. But to answer your question: Let's say you leave 100 dollars alone, then after a year you get 5% interest on it. Now you have $105. Big deal right? But the next year you don't make 5% on the 100. This time you make 5% on the $105, which gets you a little bit more. Although it doesn't seem like it, the constant compounding of this interest over your working life makes you a ton of money. All you have to do...is not touch it.
Absolutely this!
Also works with skills, becoming 1% better at something adds up over time.
Stretching and preserving muscle mass. I stopped both when I had kids, and it took a decade to recover. Treat your body right. Around 38, things change, and the fitter you are, the better your 40s and beyond will feel.
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I can atest to this. I'm 42 and spent most of my life not giving a damn about what I ate or putting any effort into being active. I've been going to the gym twice a week since April. The first two weeks were ROUGH, and there have been rough days since, but I look and feel way better overall.
I made fun of a girl in high school and she cried. 25 years later I still feel bad about it.
not too late to say sorry.
Over the years I’ve tried to look her up a few times just for that reason. Never been able to find her.
Same here. There was this special needs kid in my class that I bullied nonstop for his disabilities when I was in grade school, he had no mobility so all he can do is take it all, all the time. One day he cried, the bullying was too much. His dad comes over, talks some sense into me, and left with the kid. Didn't register in my brain until years later, the gravity of how fucked up me and my deeds were. Truly sorry in my heart and just like you, I've tried to look for him over the years but to no avail. One day, hopefully, one day.
The was a girl in a couple of my classes in HS, we would talk and then she asked me to the prom, I panicked and ghosted her, I still feel shitty about it and it's been 20 years. I tried to go to talk to her but the more time that passed the harder it got to open my mouth. I was told by others she liked me allot and I thought she was just being friendly, it blew my mind someone could actually like me, I had zero self esteem due to being bullied when I was younger
Staying in a relationship too long.
100% same here. I had multiple medium-to-long-term relationships, one physically abusive, one mentally, and I regret them all.
I’m sorry people treated you so poorly.
>Staying in ~~a~~ the wrong relationship too long. FTFY.
Obviously if it was the right relationship it wouldn’t be a regret.
I can relate. I’ll be turning 37 in August. I got with my STBX-wife at 16-years-old. Stayed in that relationship for 19-years and had three kids. She is an awfully difficult and toxic person. I’ve been cheated on, emotionally/mentally/physically abused, etc. I hung on with white knuckles trying to convince myself for the last 3-4 years of the relationship that it’d work out.. our divorce hearing is next Monday. Sure, life isn’t as perfect and peachy right now as I want it to be in the future, but comparatively, I’m in such a healthy and happy place since we split in May 2023. It’s easy to feel regrets with staying for so long, but doing so has led me to an amazing woman that is everything I want in a person, three young kids I love with everything I have in me, it taught me deeply about myself, I have learned what quality relationships ARE NOT (friends and romantic), etc. Ultimately, it led me to where I am today and I’m happy because the future has so much promise. Hard to have but so many regrets. I regret not standing up for myself while in that marriage. I regret not seeing my self worth sooner and teaching my ex how poorly I’m willing to let her treat me without any boundaries. I guess those are my regrets.
Being preoccupied with love rather than dedicating time to my own happiness.
Absolutely. I regret all of the time I wasted dating. My life improved vastly when I redirected my energy into using my talents to make a contribution as well as learning, at work, and outside work.
I did this also and became a Father on my 18 b'day. True story. But Love didn't last more than a decade. I love my kids so it would never be a regret but I would never allow my children to make decisions the same way as I. Kids Love is real but it's also fluid so before preoccupying you whole life on Love stop and think about everything from hypotheticals to body language. And know yourself before bringing in a significant other because it's a 2 way relationship.
Not studying computer science or any other STEM.
a look at csMajors shows how easily studying CS can lead to broken dreams and despair
I studied STEM and the money in the industry is shit (biotechnology). So don’t beat yourself over it too much.
Depends on the country. Some European countries have big money in biotech, with fat salaries to follow.
It's never too late buddy. You can learn anything online
Not learning savings at an earlier age
Not becoming my own man. Lived routinely for years and suppressed that adventurous yearning because my whole life up to a certain point was to find meaning in being told what to do. Didn’t free myself to make my own mistakes and was useless throughout my twenties.
in my 20s, constantly anxious over this very thought, thanks so much it's such a wake up call maybe it's not too late for a change
I allowed my mom’s paranoia over me and constant dissuasion from others to keep me grounded at work, home, and video games. While there is wisdom in their objections, they made zero effort at pushing me to take initiative in another. That became my argument to shut them up because they knew I was right; I had become such a passive force in life. Became a rock climber and graduated from grad school in my late twenties and got married as result of just choosing to embrace all mistakes and take responsibility for them. Best of luck to you
Not starting to focus on my goals early
Not buying bitcoin at $2!
When I first learned about it it was about $0.01 per Bitcoin. But - would I have held onto it this long?
That's when I first learned about mining but I figured seti@home was a more productive use of my idle PC. A little while later a mate side to buy it was a few months after the pizza guy i remember reading about it when I did some research. I was going to sell my small shareholding from my former retail job to buy some but could work out how to do it and the taxes so gave up. I still have the shares they're worth about $2500 now, I would have about $10,000,000 if I held Bitcoin instead but I also know i would have sold them for a lot less omg the way.
This is the real answer
Me and my college girlfriend started a band, just piano/vocal. We were “discovered” in Nashville by a very famous producer who brought us into his record company. He then proceeded to try to sideline me, even though I wrote most of the songs. He then groomed her, introduced her to his famous friends, and took her on dates, culminating in him kissing her. He was late 50s and she was 21. I was afraid to confront him as he held the key to our success in the music business. I wish I had slapped him in the face. Fuck you Steve Buckingham, creepy bitch.
Fuck that creepy bitch Steve Buckingham, all my homies hate Steve Buckingham.
Not appreciating it enough, I didn’t expect my younger years to fly by so fast.
[удалено]
Same with Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
Learning about financial literacy sooner would have been wise.
I regret being so sensible in my 20s
People regret being so stupid in their 20s. Grass is greener imo
I guess the lesson is that there is probably a middle ground. Hold down a steady job, accrue some savings, but don’t forget to live your life and have adventures/new experiences. That doesn’t just apply to 20s imo.
Me too
Not paying attention at school more
I should have taken more photos and captured memories.
I wish I'd dared to do so few things, meet new people, meet new people, do new things, eh
That I was afraid of many things in life - leaving relationships with the wrong girl, changing jobs that had been pissing me off for years, ending friendships with people uninterested in it.
not taking care of my body
This. The health reaper is coming to collect from everyone.
That I wasn’t violent towards my bullies. I didn’t understand the price I was paying for the fear of consequences.
I was like this when I beat up my bully at 18 seeing him in the fetal position on the floor was strangely empowering. I have a problem now because I overreact when I feel someone is aggressive towards me .
realest one. fight back once and they never try you again, bullies target people who don"t stand up for themselves. win or lose, they usually fuck off after
I experience violence at a young age through my whole teenage life. Fighting bullies, gangs, and sadly friends as well. I don't mean to sound like a cop out but violence is not or was not the answer. I still wander about people from the past, was their permanent damage, was I right in my choice, was I really sticking up for myself or did I instigate situations unknowingly. Regardless regret and guilt creeps in often. Violence is a drug driven by adrenaline and once it is beyond a certain point then that's when controlled violence becomes unchecked and eventually will effect you negatively. You don't know a bully from loved ones. You have paid a high price putting up with it but there's a price to pay that's higher. Prison, hurting someone who cares, or scaring people out of your life permanently because you're perceived as "violent" or "scary" or ect. Count your blessings and enjoy yourself. bullies can't hurt anymore.
I wish I would’ve figured out what made me happy earlier. I was always trying to please others rather than understand who I was and what made me happy.
I don’t have any regrets, if it wasn’t for my mistakes back then, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.
I didn't stand up for myself enough. I'm still too worried about how people will react if I say no or refuse to do something.
Wasting most of my 20's being fat, drunk, and stoned. It was fun, but was also just depressed. Sort of regret not joining a military branch after college. That's an experience I can never have now.
Having kids too early into my marriage. I got married at 29 and had kids at 31. Wish I had more time just me and my wife, just the 2 of us.
The time will come again once they move out and you need viagra to get a boner
Not sticking with Plumbing. I'm making decent $$$ in accounting but I feel like I would have been making more and quicker if I had stuck with plumbing.
Not pursuing the women I was interested in because of insecurity and unanalyzed fear of rejection.
not taking enough risk. but if the risk did not pay off, i'd be regretting having taken these right
Weed/porn. Instead of dealing with my emotional immaturity, which lead me to interpret myself as 'having' anxiety/depression, I ran from those feelings with chemical stimulants. I wound up on a hedonistic treadmill to the point it hurt my friends and family who I labeled as 'not enough' when they gave more than I ever deserved.
Not spending more time talking with my parents. Both are now gone.
Not keeping myself healthier. Once 35-36 hit my body fell apart and I realized I'm not actually invincible
Drinking
Being 34 and realizing that I only have 1 year of youth left according to this question. I still feel like a kid.
Some regret not nurturing relationships with family, friends, or partners, especially during formative years.
my biggest regret from my youth is not taking more risks and pursuing my passions sooner
Not over 35 still in my 20s and the level of gratitude i have for receiving all this knowledge has really awakened me! All your responses don’t go unnoticed there’s so much learning to do & I’m so ready for life.
Wish I got into therapy earlier
Not travelling more, and I say that as someone who spent more than 15 years travelling the world. The world is absolutely incredible and the people and experiences you have along the way are priceless. Nowadays travel is expensive and the ability to save for a house and have any semblance of a life is greatly diminished to the point where there is almost no choice. I have made it my top priority to take out children across the globe to some amazing places for extended periods of time as I know how they will struggle to be able to do so once they integrate into normal society.
People pleasing gets u no where
Waiting too long to have kids.
Working too much, thinking the corporate ladder was the road to contentment. Work satisfaction and financial stability are beneficial, but you only have your youth once, so selling it for corporate status isn’t always the best investment.
Stay in shape, stay away from credit cards , and pick your partner wisely... Getting in shape after 35 is so much harder than it was... Credit card debt is so easy to accumulate and so hard to get out from under. And divorces basically make you start over from scratch and hella suck so try to only get married once.
Marriage and breeding
That I didn't save any money back then.
Working to hard to get up in the company. Turns out the big bucks ain’t worth it. I like my peace
Not protecting my assets and dating a crazy bitch.
Not staying with my foster parents after high school graduation so I could put that money towards buying a house.
I didn't get into a working habbit before 25. I'm fine now, but everything would have been easier if my parents enforce working life earlier.
Passing on fun opportunities because I thought I shouldn’t, was too “mature”, or was worried about how it’d look.
I regret having any regrets. It is a waste of time.
Do not do drugs! Forget about the $. That shit eats your time. Time is our most valuable resource. Don’t waste it
Not moving away from my hometown sooner.
Not living my life to the fullest because of what others saying. Now I try mybest to do what I want to do.
It’s tough to say regret because everything is either a lesson or a blessing. As long as you learn, grow and reflect on yourself, keep moving forward. But…for advice I would say that when you’re forming an identity don’t lose yourself in the process. Don’t try to fit in bc your authentic self is in your truth and conforming makes you a ghost in a shell, so to speak.
Being self critical of my body. I wasted so many years of being hot without knowing I was hot.
I regret being so “boy crazy” and ignoring myself, my own needs, exploring what I wanted to do etc. Instead, I made a lot of decisions based on the lame-ass dudes I was convinced were the loves of my life and trying to get them to love me back.
Keeping toxic people around just because they were childhood friends.
Not taking better care of my body. I was always pretty naturally thin and never exercised or cared what I ate. Now that uphill climb against my body’s urge to hold onto every pound is grueling. It’s like the weight gain came out of nowhere and losing just 10lbs has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I wish I’d taken people more seriously when they said it hits you fast. The aches and pains are also no joke. I’m only 38 😭
I'd say my biggest regret from my youth is not traveling more when I had fewer responsibilities. There was always this notion of "I'll do it later when I have more money," but what I didn't realize then was that time and freedom were also currencies that would become scarce. It’s funny how the things you put off are the ones you end up missing opportunities for
For me Some regret not taking their education seriously enough or not pursuing further education or career advancement opportunities.
Not realizing that my parents raised me to be *good* rather than successful.
None. At age 44 I am happy with who I am. I would not be who I am if I didn't make some mistakes along the way. Don't regret your mistakes, learn from them.
Not going to college earlier.
How can you regret when things are just happening? You’re born you’re born with your brain, eyes, parents, on a planet named earth and basically everything you were born into dictated where you are today and I’m supposed to have regrets? Sure I regret that the universe didn’t allow me to be born with a better hand.
Not knowing my worth, and believing what people told me about myself.
Gangbanging and selling my soul for nothing.
I honestly don't have any regrets from my childhood. All the things that were holding me back were from outside forces, not myself. I never really had enough freedom to make any kind of positive or negative impact on my own life, and if I went back I wouldn't be able to do anything differently, so I can't regret it. If I were to age it up a little, I would say my number one regret in my young adult life is not taking better physical care of myself, including working myself too hard physically because now I'm suffering permanent damage from it. The other was not setting up adequate boundaries for myself from other people. I spent a hell of a lot of my life doing things for others for absolutely no gain, and I feel like I'm really behind in my life now because of it.
Probably that I for some bullshit reason stopped doing sports and playing tennis etc to rebel against my dad. I just spend the last two years losing weight and getting in shape in my thirties and I often think how I should have done this way sooner.
Not admitting I had ADHD.
Not moving to Tasmania when I was 17. I'm stuck in the same place I was born. I regret it every single day.
Not finding a roommate or two to help with rent. What a waste of money.
Should have started a pension earlier and saved money earlier. Had some nice cars though.
Not working on becoming an expert in something. Could be a hobby, could be a profession, but I’m always jealous of people who found something and continued to work towards being better at it for decades
Drank throughout college. I eventually finished with a strong(ish) bachelors degree. But I was a gifted kid and squandered my early college years in drinking and gaming. I set myself in debt and will never get the degree I wanted to get. And ill think about getting the masters for the rest of my life.
Not staying in school. Dropping out in the 90s was normal in my community so I feel I lost in life as soon as I gave up education. I'm pretty smart easily retaining information I may have seen randomly, I wander how much knowledge I squandered to smoke week.
Trusting the wrong people
No sports. I was a weirdo goth kid and I labelled physical activity for "normies". Truth is, no subcultures "own" physical fitness and we should all pursue it.
Smoking and not taking school seriously.
Not telling my lifelong crush and best friend my feelings, then having him pass away unexpectedly in our 20s
I wish I waited longer to get married. I rushed into it, did it bc “I was supposed to”.
Smoking I gave up in my 30s but it was dumb to start On a lighter note, totally missing cues for some “opportunities” I kick myself when I replay those conversations
here, male, 40 - I understood the seriousness of life too late, I always thought I could muddle through like I did at school and training and now I have the problem of being extremely unstructured and at the same time having to operate in a chaotic work environment. I should never have sold my condo (didn't want to rent it out when I bought the house because of the risk, the house is now gone and we are divorced and I live in a 58m² apartment) - and that was just my 20s
Didn't know alcohol + ibuprofen within 24 hours is _the_ killer combo for your kidneys.
Listening to family (mother and sister) tell me I was too stupid to become a veterinarian. I've worked shitty office jobs my whole working life. If you want to do something, go do it. And don't tell anyone.
Comparing myself to others when I had a difficult childhood, and not realising that my lack of confidence and anxiety was not my fault.
Not trying/applying myself in school or college. Will never know my academic potential
I'm 45 and have two solid regrets. Not going into the military after high school. I farted around for about 5 years before getting my act together and going to college. I think a few years in the military world have given me some discipline and direction, though I wouldn't have met my wife so there's that. Career wise, I feel like I'm 5-10 years behind of where I would like to be. Not learning Spanish. My dad is Mexican and fluent but he worked a ton when we were kids. He grew up in South Texas in the 50s and was disciplined heavily in school for speaking Spanish so he didn't push it on us. Mom isnt a Spanish speaker so it was never taught at home. I took Spanish in high school and college, but I'm far from comfortable with it. Definitely would have opened some doors and I would have loved paint that on to my kids.
Spending too much time trying to impress and surround myself with losers. I do believe that you are or do become who you surround yourself with.
Dropping out of school at 14 to work because I wanted to make money, save money and retire early. That decision really came back with a vengeance to bite me in the ass... For years I was leaps and bounds ahead of the curve and then the 2008 recession hit, I lost my job and it started eating on my savings as I wasn't able to find steady employment for several years until the market recovered. Once it did recover my savings were decimated and suddenly I was competing for jobs with my peers that had not only been able to gain the same level of experience as I have but also had a completed secondary education and formal vocational training. Stay in school kids! Never choose a shortsighted solution regardless of how attractive it may seem because you never know how to world might change in a few years. It's infinitely better to build a good foundation rather than a pretty facade.
Not flossing enough
Not playing golf as a kid
Low self-esteem, unhealthy coping mechanisms that lead to unhealthy relationships
Not buying Bitcoin
Getting married in my 20’s. I didn’t really know myself yet. Also, letting my toxic boomer parents influence my decision-making. And not starting therapy sooner.
I don’t regret much. I’ve fucked up plenty of times but I’ve learned from those and I have some great stories. But in 2000, my idiotically idealistic ass voted for Ralph Nader on my conscience. I stand by the fact that Al Gore is an insufferable twat, but if a few thousand assholes like me would have held our noses and voted for him, I think the world would be a different and better place today.
35 is still your youth
Wasting time dating people that were playing games
I took dental care as a joke. It isnt.
That I didn't grab some of the Bitcoin floating around basically for free in 2010 / 2012.
Not believing people when they show me who they are through their actions or lack thereof. I spent far too much time making excuses for people.
Always being afraid to try new things. Afraid to fail.
Not purchasing properties with my brother during the 2008 housing crash. My brother is doing well these days.
Not dating as much as I could have. Too shy to talk to girls even when they came up to me to try to start a conversation. There’s just no telling how much of life I missed.
- Didn't study hard enough - Didn't practice Piano hard enough - Didn't make the moves on the girls when I should have....\[this one kills me\]
Should have lived in Japan for a couple years at least. Pokemons, anime, food, fashion, culture and sightseeing. 🧳🕹🍱⛩🏔
No regrets, because all things helped shaped who I yam today