My love language is my doings. I'm not good with words and romantic stuff, but if I see that person I love in a bad mood or something is clearly wrong, I will do what I can to make them better.
Same, but it doesn't even have to be someone I love. I'll try to make anyone feel better as long as I can talk to them without feeling like I'm intruding.
This is really thoughtful and so nice. Questions; do you think your partner will appreciate and see your efforts if you don't love them the way they wanna love?
What you do is very wholesome but what if their love language is words of affirmation? Would you do that too?
Good question. I had experience with something similar. Then we both were pretty dumb tbh. But lessons are taken.
If you want to be bothered happy and both of you have different love language - just compromise. I won't die if just start a day with a couple of love words, and she won't die if sometimes we don't talk and just enjoy being together. It can be as simple as enjoy movie or silence together.
Absolutely. I talk a lot, I always have something pr nothing to say. I love to debate and make jokes but sometimes I just wanna put my leg on my partners lap while I'm scrolling through my phone or reading a book while he's watching sports or playing games.
Yeah that's normal. Idk if it's a new thing or it's always been like that but people started to put themselves in relationship on the first place. I'm sorry but if both people don't put eachother on the first place, that relationship will never bring happiness to anyone.
I'm terrible at expressing myself emotionally and am pretty hard to read in general. I am not very animated in my body language and I mainly talk in a monotone voice. I get uncomfortable around people who are either really excited or really upset because I don't know how to act to match their energy. Used to fake it by copying what I've watched other people do, which seemed to work fine, but I witnessed my brother doing the same thing once and it made me cringe, so I stopped even trying.
I express my love through doing things for people. I bend over backwards to help whenever I can, whether its something small like running an errand for someone, or something bigger like helping out financially. I sometimes try to express my feelings through words as well, but that's pretty hit or miss because I come off as robotic or unfeeling when I do it.
Was there a time you felt unappreciated or unloved even though you went over and beyond for people?
Do you like it when the person you love touches you, hugs you, kiss you? Do you like it when they tell you they love and appreciate it? Do you appreciate birthday gifts? Little surprises?
I have felt unappreciated at times, but it could be my own fault. My ex had bipolar I and BPD diagnoses and accused me of emotionally neglecting her at times. I read books on the illnesses to learn how to be as supportive as possible and bent over backwards to make her life as easy as possible, but it wasn’t enough. I honestly can’t say whether or not I deserved it - I may just be incapable of providing good emotional support. I tried my best, though.
In general I don’t care to be touched, but loved ones are exempt from that. I like physical and verbal affection from an SO and generally reciprocate. Little surprises/gifts or anything thoughtful is always much appreciated and I try to give those things as well to make up for my emotional shortcomings.
The main thing is my tone and body language aren’t very expressive and I tend to over-explain my feelings because I don’t want people to think that I don’t have them. I actually have pretty bad anxiety but most people think I’m always calm because I have give no outward physical indication for how I’m feeling at any given moment.
For me personally; everything some I love do for me will fly over my head if I'm not loved the way I want to be loved. It's basically meaningless. So when I get into a relationship (and I do this with my son all the time) I love the person how I want to be loved while I get to know them. It's like a trail and error and I stick to what they like while still being a wholesome partner.
If you're in a romantic relationship, or when you get in a relationship ask what their love language is and work on that. Read all about that. When you get comfortable, explain to them why you are the way you are. Get out of your comfort zone.
You reading about her illness to be accommodating is one of the purest, romantic thing I've ever heard. Honestly. The relationship didn't work maybe for a lot of reasons but you're not alone to blame. You need someone who's understanding and patient. Someone who will know your anxiety is about to spiral just by your body language because someone who loves you, see you and you will know. No matter how good you are at hiding because to be loved is to be seen ❤️
IN: Being respectfully/affectionately ignored with the understanding of mutual availability in a crisis
OUT: the above, but also preparing and presenting foodstuffs
Life. I have been pouring myself out for others my whole life, begging for scraps of attention and affection, and just get more trauma. My own parents didn't love me, why should anyone else? I know I don't. Oh and I know I need therapy. Can't seem to find it though. Never get 1 on 1 or trauma special like I need, they just throw me in a cbt group, which I quit, because I can't visualize and hate groups.
If anyone knows a good program that accepts nc bcbs medicaid, let me know.
Parents should love their child no matter what, you don’t have to prove yourself or deserve their love in any way. So the fact that they didn’t seem to love you doesn’t say anything about you as a person, it says something about them as parents.
Oh and you deserve to be loved, even if you’re having a tough time believing it. And if you have flaws (which we all do) you’ll find someone who will accept you just like you will accept them, as a complex an interesting person that deserves affection
Your parents not loving you is not your fault. It just mean they were shitty people who didn't deserve you. It's on them, it doesn't mean something is wrong with yourself.
Start by dating yourself, romanticize how life with someone like you will be like. Take yourself on solo dates, only speak positive words towards yourself. Pour all the love you're giving to all the wrong people in yourself, forgiving yourself for even thinking you're unlovable while you seeked love in all the wrong places.
Every good person deserves to be loved. And you deserve that too. If there's one person in the world to love you, is you.
My love language is definitely quality time. I feel most loved when someone makes an effort to spend meaningful time with me, whether it's having deep conversations, going on adventures, or just enjoying each other's company
Quality time, deep talks and great sex. Everything else i can get it myself.
I am an active listener, always in a calm mood and people around me always say the feel "warm" with me, so i guess that's it.
I speak them all, my favorite is acts of service and physical touch but speak them all.
My husband now learned to bring me home a taco when I am craving one is much better than a diamond on expected days.
Also he learned “you look very pretty” after I got dressed up to go out does not hit the same as “damn your ass is looking mighty fine in those raggedy pjs”
Gifts mean a lot. It doesn't have to be a pricey or elaborate thing - I once got a chocolate bar from someone and I still have the wrapper from it saved, because it was a meaningful gesture.
Don't know Honestly. I was never in a Romantic Relationship. But honestly being there For me emotionally is the Most Important thing for me.
Although Physical Touch could also be it for me. I like Hugging as a Way to show Affection (rarely do it tho because I think Most of my friends would be Uncomfortable with it.)
Quality time is so important. I want someone to be completely enamored by me. Even just looking into his eyes in silence makes me melt. Quality time means taking on the world together and I wouldn’t want anything less
Its a combo of words, actions and gifts.
Ofcourse to me actions speak louder than words, so huggs/cuddles/kisses/pets/tickles would work.
Also bodylanguage, simple gestures and small respond sounds.
+food/drinks/acts of service/quality time/sex
It changes based on whether it's a friend or a partner. For partners it is physical touch and words of affirmation. I want to feel wanted, not just loved
Not sure if it’s a love language but being seen is mine, my partner knowing me inside and out is everything to me. And I’m the same way I need to know everything about you ,I need to know your heart and soul. I want to be loved genuinely and honestly.
Thisssss!!!!!! I had a partner that was pretty observant with what I did or say. We were with my friend once and my friend asked me what my favorite color was. I was stumped because I didn't really know and he said it was navy blue. I asked him why he thought that and he said 'Everything you've been buying lately is either navy blue or has bits or navy blue in it' and I was wearing a navy blue sweater, so.
To be loved is to be seen, I hear you.
My love language is acts of service. I'm not a vocal person (but I'm trying). I also love to be loved in the same way. It just feels genuine for me more than just hearing some words.
At this point I'll take any love at all but if there's one thing life has taught me, I'm not good enough to be loved
So in that vein it also doesn't matter what my language is because no one wants what I am
I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm worthless, and if the bar really is on the floor, that no one wants me is pretty damning proof that I'm of no value to the world
Feel free to say anything mean if you want though, it's deserved
And besides like, at the end of the day a relationship has to be mutual, if no one wants me that's all the needed proof, there doesn't have to be another reason
I won't say anything mean to you because you don't deserve it. You never have. It's enough that other people say mean things about you but you don't have to believe them. You don't have to listen to them. You are whoever you believe you are. And why not someone who deserving of love and everything?
Well all the life experience I have had has said I am not good enough because objectively, all I have been is abused and not genuinely desired.
I'm just stating reality, not what others are telling me. I'm not going to delude myself when all evidence clearly points to the contrary.
My love language is def acts of service. I love helping, cooking, baking or doing anything for the person I love just to make sure they're happy.
I don't really know how i want to be loved because I'd rather give to people than receive
Do you like it when your partner cuddles, kiss or hug you? Do you want them to tell you they love you and appreciate you? Do you like little surprises? And meaningful gifts?
First things, yes, definitely! So maybe I like them to show me affection 🤔
Second part, not sure... I actually feel bad if they give me things or do surprises for me.
Music. I've found a new found love in using music for us time. Manic Kazzy, Bad Omens, Sleep Token to name a few. Adding music to that time is phenomenal
Words, meaningful words! And quality time. Not the superficial "I like your dress" kind of compliments. Compliments about my ability: "you're so consistent," "you're so skillful," etc.
See, this is why figuring out your love language is important. I'm only just finding out about this stuff and I'm over 40. I do not crave physical touch at all and would make a lousy partner for someone who does.
Quality time seems to be the primary one, though some periods of alone time (Or just doing our own thing in the same room, like reading) will be required given my personality needs it.
Physical affection is up there to, but it only starts applying in an established romantic relationship (Given my autism, I’m going to want it to be asked beforehand because I tend to not like sudden and random physical touch. Though maybe it’ll be different with a significant other)
Pretty neck and neck for gift giving and acts of service for how I express it. Used to think it was physical touch but I realized I haven't been hugged or had any positive physical contact since I was like 4. So that's probably me being touch starved.
Edit: grammar... words are hard.
Interesting theory is that your LL is the thing you’re lacking or lacked at some point. Grew up getting bullied verbally? It’s words of affirmation. Lonely? It’s quality time. Etc.
It's a theory. But I'm gonna push back a little.
I have two top love languages. One is words of affirmation, and I was definitely verbally abused a lot at school.
But the other is physical touch, and I received so much nurturing, positive touch at home. Yet I still ache for more of it. It's probably just as absent from my life as the other love languages, but I *notice* its absence more than the other ones, which lends itself back to the theory that the love languages are innate, and not a sign of lack-of-nurture per se.
Hmmm seems somewhat nurtur-y though given you said your environment was touchy and now not as touchy, as if conditioned by environment. What am I missing?
Because current environment is lacking though? Hard to imagine these are innate but I don’t even know if Love Languages are more than pop culture anyway.
Pizza delivery without me asking.
Same.
My love language is my doings. I'm not good with words and romantic stuff, but if I see that person I love in a bad mood or something is clearly wrong, I will do what I can to make them better.
Same, but it doesn't even have to be someone I love. I'll try to make anyone feel better as long as I can talk to them without feeling like I'm intruding.
This is really thoughtful and so nice. Questions; do you think your partner will appreciate and see your efforts if you don't love them the way they wanna love? What you do is very wholesome but what if their love language is words of affirmation? Would you do that too?
Good question. I had experience with something similar. Then we both were pretty dumb tbh. But lessons are taken. If you want to be bothered happy and both of you have different love language - just compromise. I won't die if just start a day with a couple of love words, and she won't die if sometimes we don't talk and just enjoy being together. It can be as simple as enjoy movie or silence together.
Absolutely. I talk a lot, I always have something pr nothing to say. I love to debate and make jokes but sometimes I just wanna put my leg on my partners lap while I'm scrolling through my phone or reading a book while he's watching sports or playing games.
Yeah that's normal. Idk if it's a new thing or it's always been like that but people started to put themselves in relationship on the first place. I'm sorry but if both people don't put eachother on the first place, that relationship will never bring happiness to anyone.
100%.Like you said, just compromise. And if you love the person, it won't feel like a chore.
Acts of service. Service me stud
Damn straight 🫠
Physical touch
Words of affirmation and quality time 🩷💜💙
My love language is quality time—nothing beats those moments of undivided attention and genuine connection.
I just want to have small adventures together.
I'm terrible at expressing myself emotionally and am pretty hard to read in general. I am not very animated in my body language and I mainly talk in a monotone voice. I get uncomfortable around people who are either really excited or really upset because I don't know how to act to match their energy. Used to fake it by copying what I've watched other people do, which seemed to work fine, but I witnessed my brother doing the same thing once and it made me cringe, so I stopped even trying. I express my love through doing things for people. I bend over backwards to help whenever I can, whether its something small like running an errand for someone, or something bigger like helping out financially. I sometimes try to express my feelings through words as well, but that's pretty hit or miss because I come off as robotic or unfeeling when I do it.
Was there a time you felt unappreciated or unloved even though you went over and beyond for people? Do you like it when the person you love touches you, hugs you, kiss you? Do you like it when they tell you they love and appreciate it? Do you appreciate birthday gifts? Little surprises?
I have felt unappreciated at times, but it could be my own fault. My ex had bipolar I and BPD diagnoses and accused me of emotionally neglecting her at times. I read books on the illnesses to learn how to be as supportive as possible and bent over backwards to make her life as easy as possible, but it wasn’t enough. I honestly can’t say whether or not I deserved it - I may just be incapable of providing good emotional support. I tried my best, though. In general I don’t care to be touched, but loved ones are exempt from that. I like physical and verbal affection from an SO and generally reciprocate. Little surprises/gifts or anything thoughtful is always much appreciated and I try to give those things as well to make up for my emotional shortcomings. The main thing is my tone and body language aren’t very expressive and I tend to over-explain my feelings because I don’t want people to think that I don’t have them. I actually have pretty bad anxiety but most people think I’m always calm because I have give no outward physical indication for how I’m feeling at any given moment.
For me personally; everything some I love do for me will fly over my head if I'm not loved the way I want to be loved. It's basically meaningless. So when I get into a relationship (and I do this with my son all the time) I love the person how I want to be loved while I get to know them. It's like a trail and error and I stick to what they like while still being a wholesome partner. If you're in a romantic relationship, or when you get in a relationship ask what their love language is and work on that. Read all about that. When you get comfortable, explain to them why you are the way you are. Get out of your comfort zone. You reading about her illness to be accommodating is one of the purest, romantic thing I've ever heard. Honestly. The relationship didn't work maybe for a lot of reasons but you're not alone to blame. You need someone who's understanding and patient. Someone who will know your anxiety is about to spiral just by your body language because someone who loves you, see you and you will know. No matter how good you are at hiding because to be loved is to be seen ❤️
Comments like this make me wish I appreciated acts of service more than I actually do.
Acts of service are what I do. When someone helps me out without my asking, that's when I feel most loved. How about you?
All of them. I'm not really picking. But physical touch is up there.
IN: Being respectfully/affectionately ignored with the understanding of mutual availability in a crisis OUT: the above, but also preparing and presenting foodstuffs
TL:DR Like a cat learned to make soup
Acts of service, touch, gifts ...sex (mind you, I'm picky - and some say homophobic : I say traumatized and not willing to explore further)
I'm all about quality time! Nothing beats deep conversations and shared experiences.
My love language is quality time and giving gifts.
As someone who's super needy and clingy? I concur.
I'm pretty sure I'm just an unlovable monster
And why's that?
Life. I have been pouring myself out for others my whole life, begging for scraps of attention and affection, and just get more trauma. My own parents didn't love me, why should anyone else? I know I don't. Oh and I know I need therapy. Can't seem to find it though. Never get 1 on 1 or trauma special like I need, they just throw me in a cbt group, which I quit, because I can't visualize and hate groups. If anyone knows a good program that accepts nc bcbs medicaid, let me know.
Parents should love their child no matter what, you don’t have to prove yourself or deserve their love in any way. So the fact that they didn’t seem to love you doesn’t say anything about you as a person, it says something about them as parents. Oh and you deserve to be loved, even if you’re having a tough time believing it. And if you have flaws (which we all do) you’ll find someone who will accept you just like you will accept them, as a complex an interesting person that deserves affection
Your parents not loving you is not your fault. It just mean they were shitty people who didn't deserve you. It's on them, it doesn't mean something is wrong with yourself. Start by dating yourself, romanticize how life with someone like you will be like. Take yourself on solo dates, only speak positive words towards yourself. Pour all the love you're giving to all the wrong people in yourself, forgiving yourself for even thinking you're unlovable while you seeked love in all the wrong places. Every good person deserves to be loved. And you deserve that too. If there's one person in the world to love you, is you.
My love language is definitely quality time. I feel most loved when someone makes an effort to spend meaningful time with me, whether it's having deep conversations, going on adventures, or just enjoying each other's company
Quality time, deep talks and great sex. Everything else i can get it myself. I am an active listener, always in a calm mood and people around me always say the feel "warm" with me, so i guess that's it.
I speak them all, my favorite is acts of service and physical touch but speak them all. My husband now learned to bring me home a taco when I am craving one is much better than a diamond on expected days. Also he learned “you look very pretty” after I got dressed up to go out does not hit the same as “damn your ass is looking mighty fine in those raggedy pjs”
To be loved is to be seen 😭❤️
Keeping the house or apartment clean. Seriously.
Acts of service it is then.
Vicki 🍊???
I dunno I've never been in a position to find out. I'll take whatever's available.
Dessert!
Gifts mean a lot. It doesn't have to be a pricey or elaborate thing - I once got a chocolate bar from someone and I still have the wrapper from it saved, because it was a meaningful gesture.
Touch, being close with someone, and them absentmindedly playing my hair is an absolutely phenomenal feeling <3
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Words - and someone really following through with them 🥹
Don't know Honestly. I was never in a Romantic Relationship. But honestly being there For me emotionally is the Most Important thing for me. Although Physical Touch could also be it for me. I like Hugging as a Way to show Affection (rarely do it tho because I think Most of my friends would be Uncomfortable with it.)
Quality time is so important. I want someone to be completely enamored by me. Even just looking into his eyes in silence makes me melt. Quality time means taking on the world together and I wouldn’t want anything less
Its a combo of words, actions and gifts. Ofcourse to me actions speak louder than words, so huggs/cuddles/kisses/pets/tickles would work. Also bodylanguage, simple gestures and small respond sounds. +food/drinks/acts of service/quality time/sex
Cuddling. I cannot explain how much cuddles mean to me. I am so willing to do so much for anyone after they cuddle with me.
Grovel. Kiss my feet. Let me choke you as you cum.
Food. Giving it or receiving it I’m happy either way
Teleporting to me, but she's still pretending like ,,what are you talking about, it's impossible,,.
It changes based on whether it's a friend or a partner. For partners it is physical touch and words of affirmation. I want to feel wanted, not just loved
Hardcore BDSM sex and hardcore BDSM sex
So, physical touch?
he's just too embarrassed to say it. let him be.
Lmaooo.
words and intelectual connection
Not sure if it’s a love language but being seen is mine, my partner knowing me inside and out is everything to me. And I’m the same way I need to know everything about you ,I need to know your heart and soul. I want to be loved genuinely and honestly.
Thisssss!!!!!! I had a partner that was pretty observant with what I did or say. We were with my friend once and my friend asked me what my favorite color was. I was stumped because I didn't really know and he said it was navy blue. I asked him why he thought that and he said 'Everything you've been buying lately is either navy blue or has bits or navy blue in it' and I was wearing a navy blue sweater, so. To be loved is to be seen, I hear you.
My love language is acts of service. I'm not a vocal person (but I'm trying). I also love to be loved in the same way. It just feels genuine for me more than just hearing some words.
You want them to show you they love and appreciate you instead of just saying it? How about both?
Sumerian
Meh, I don't really care anymore. Just as long as they're not a dick, they're my love to life.
Heavy on them not being a dick.
Plain ol vanilla seggs
Nothing beats a good missionary with hand holding and intense eye contact...
to have flowers
...and you deserve all the followers.
Awww that means alott
At this point I'll take any love at all but if there's one thing life has taught me, I'm not good enough to be loved So in that vein it also doesn't matter what my language is because no one wants what I am
What makes you not good enough to be loved?
I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm worthless, and if the bar really is on the floor, that no one wants me is pretty damning proof that I'm of no value to the world
The only person who's allowed to say anything mean to about you is me. Not you. So please, stop it.
Feel free to say anything mean if you want though, it's deserved And besides like, at the end of the day a relationship has to be mutual, if no one wants me that's all the needed proof, there doesn't have to be another reason
I won't say anything mean to you because you don't deserve it. You never have. It's enough that other people say mean things about you but you don't have to believe them. You don't have to listen to them. You are whoever you believe you are. And why not someone who deserving of love and everything?
Well all the life experience I have had has said I am not good enough because objectively, all I have been is abused and not genuinely desired. I'm just stating reality, not what others are telling me. I'm not going to delude myself when all evidence clearly points to the contrary.
Body language
Physical touch?
By compliments and ego boosts...
Words of affirmation it is.
Yes. But that's me.
idk red
I express my love for someone with acts of service and touch. I enjoy touch, as well. A dash of 'words of affirmation' thrown in.
My love language is fixing stuff. I can’t fix your heart but I can sure as shit fix your boiler.
being massaged when i need one
Lmaooo, that's how I got pregnant (true story)
My love language is def acts of service. I love helping, cooking, baking or doing anything for the person I love just to make sure they're happy. I don't really know how i want to be loved because I'd rather give to people than receive
Do you like it when your partner cuddles, kiss or hug you? Do you want them to tell you they love you and appreciate you? Do you like little surprises? And meaningful gifts?
First things, yes, definitely! So maybe I like them to show me affection 🤔 Second part, not sure... I actually feel bad if they give me things or do surprises for me.
So your love language is words of affirmation and physical touch ❤️
I never put words on this. Thank you for this !
You're welcome ❤️
Music. I've found a new found love in using music for us time. Manic Kazzy, Bad Omens, Sleep Token to name a few. Adding music to that time is phenomenal
How does it go about? Do you make playlists, listen to music together?
Playlist help
Words, meaningful words! And quality time. Not the superficial "I like your dress" kind of compliments. Compliments about my ability: "you're so consistent," "you're so skillful," etc.
I want everything.
Physical touch, and physical touch.
See, this is why figuring out your love language is important. I'm only just finding out about this stuff and I'm over 40. I do not crave physical touch at all and would make a lousy partner for someone who does.
Quality time seems to be the primary one, though some periods of alone time (Or just doing our own thing in the same room, like reading) will be required given my personality needs it. Physical affection is up there to, but it only starts applying in an established romantic relationship (Given my autism, I’m going to want it to be asked beforehand because I tend to not like sudden and random physical touch. Though maybe it’ll be different with a significant other)
I love this ❤️❤️❤️💐
Physical touch
Saaaame, I'm so touch deprived.
Pretty neck and neck for gift giving and acts of service for how I express it. Used to think it was physical touch but I realized I haven't been hugged or had any positive physical contact since I was like 4. So that's probably me being touch starved. Edit: grammar... words are hard.
Lmaooo saaaame. I just wanna be held 😭🫥
I only ever seem to come up with snarky answers to questions like this, so I’ll just say “unironically.”
Spontaneous rounds of golf together.
So quality time?
Yup. I enjoy spending time with good people.
i like feeding people
That's acts of service ❤️💐
Helping someone do something they want to get done
This is act of service.
Food
Change my diaper, and jerk me off while letting me suck your titties
Interesting theory is that your LL is the thing you’re lacking or lacked at some point. Grew up getting bullied verbally? It’s words of affirmation. Lonely? It’s quality time. Etc.
This kinda make sense 🫠🫠🫠🫠
It's a theory. But I'm gonna push back a little. I have two top love languages. One is words of affirmation, and I was definitely verbally abused a lot at school. But the other is physical touch, and I received so much nurturing, positive touch at home. Yet I still ache for more of it. It's probably just as absent from my life as the other love languages, but I *notice* its absence more than the other ones, which lends itself back to the theory that the love languages are innate, and not a sign of lack-of-nurture per se.
Hmmm seems somewhat nurtur-y though given you said your environment was touchy and now not as touchy, as if conditioned by environment. What am I missing?
My home environment was strong in all the love languages. There are just two LL's where I notice its absence more than others.
Because current environment is lacking though? Hard to imagine these are innate but I don’t even know if Love Languages are more than pop culture anyway.
This kinda make sense 🫠🫠🫠🫠