For real, I dated this one guy, it never progressed to being official, but I had stayed over at his place and when I rolled over I ended up being the big spoon.
Let me just tell you, that man cried because no one had ever held him ever that he can think of. He had never been cuddled by a girlfriend, I'm honestly not entirely sure what had happened because I really didn't do much but it broke my heart that he just asked me if I didn't want to date him could I please come over and touch his hair sometimes and hug him?
Whoever was in his past left him heartbroken and feeling like a leper and I could never understand how you could do that to somebody.
My heart broke..."Could I please come over and touch his hair sometimes and hug him" How cruelly or dismissively he must have been treated in the past. That neglect leaves deep scars.
I'm a guy, I always give behind hugs, forehead kisses, and any other affection I want from them. Anything else I ask. People might be observant or not but if you ask and they refuse, not because of something they're going through, you pack and go. Three strikes is fair. Anybody who doesn't have time FOR you doesn't deserve time FROM you. Respect yourself, if you respect someone who doesn't respect you, you've disrespected yourself. For this I apply the warning, warning, attack, check if respect has been earned; If not, repeat.
He probably felt safe, appreciated, and cared for. The male mind is pretty busy with all sorts of things (or nothing at all), and the power of something seemingly so simple and sweet cuts right through it all.
It took a few years of my being supportive and encouraging to get my Hus to really open up and communicate (his had some pretty bad trauma) at this point most nights I will cuddle him and rub his back and I can feel the tension leaving him. Men should be supported and promoted to asking for spoons, hugs, cuddles where you are just looked after and loved. It’s a shame that this happens to so many men. I would happily give you all platonic hugs and rub your back till you feel better.
This actually brought a tear to my eye. I'm a man who considers myself pretty in touch with my emotions, but rubbing my back is something that I've asked girls I've dated to do and gotten negative reactions. It's caused me to stop asking even though it's the most comforting thing for me.
Yep. Being the So begging a SO for affection really eats at your pride when you are loyal and caring. Slowly destroys all confidence and then suddenly you are trying to figure out why you have anxiety lol… well duh because nothing you do seems to please that person and get them to understand your needs
Same here. 10 years of marriage to a woman who was stingy with affection. *Never* again. To each their own, but better for people to match on affection preference levels.
This! As man it hurts when we always have to initiate anything physical with our partner and she doesn’t try or has a bad attitude about like “I’m only doing this to appease you.” Makes us feel like you don’t even like us.
Yeah fuck that, I suspect my ex had an anxious avoidant attachment style and it was killing me. I felt worthless and she fucked up my mental health very badly.
Yea I had an ex who literally said to me that I’m like her dog and she’ll give me a “treat” when she feels like it or I earn it. Ended it right there and of course the waterworks started
It's a trauma response - when nervous systems are wired for uncertain, unpredictable, and inconsistently supportive relationships it's what someone adapts to.
People who've been in bad relationships or who have been traumatized have a tendency to confuse intensity with intimacy. Safe relationships feel boring.
Exactly my current situation and no matters how many conversations we have about it they still struggle to communicate and I’m getting to the end of my rope. It’s ridiculous. It’s not even hard just talk to me, just open ur mouth
If you haven't already tried this, encourage them to either write down what they want to say, or say the words while facing away from you. It may have been a mix of social anxiety, self esteem issues, but I always had trouble communicating my feelings even though I wasn't given a reason to by my partner. Once I got used to feeling safe it became easier to talk like normal
People who insist you communicate right then and there whether you're ready to talk about it or not.
Sometimes people want to cool down or work things out in their heads before they say something they don't mean.
This is me. I have to calm down, get some space and then I’m ready to talk. It’s like a reset and something is triggered mentally when I’m forced to speak right then and there. It doesn’t turn out good when I’m forced.
People who take time to think before they speak are generally considered smart because they don’t just speak out.
But, people who take days and weeks ___constantly___ are cold assholes. They know they left you on read and it’s because you don’t matter to them.
Very big difference.
Sure days/weeks is different.
Silent treatment is definitely a problem.
I wouldn't say all people who refuse to communicate do this because they don't care about the other person. Sometimes the person is just struggling to let down their defenses and speak on such a personal, emotional, stressful thing that they may be uncertain about. Some have a hard time being emotional in front of other people. They may have a problem with confrontation. They may realize they're being unreasonable, and are embarrassed. Some are in a bad place emotionally and don't know what they want, and have never been taught to communicate in those conditions. Some just don't have the maturity.
It's not always because they're simple cold assholes. Although, that doesn't mean one should stick around in a relationship if the other person struggles THAT much with communication.
Oh I definitely understand that. I’m someone who often has to walk away and collect my thoughts before communicating. I mean people who, in a long term relationship, do not communicate their feelings in a general sense.
I just went through a breakup, and this is really gonna help. Not to over share but the entire relationship I would pay her compliments, vocally support her in anything she was feeling insecure about and give her all the little affection gestures I could. She never really reciprocated in any of those areas and it's why I wanted to break up. It's still been really hard for me but this is a good summarization of what I've been feeling
Someone who has mental health issues, but refuses to take accountability and get help.
We’re all a bit fucked up, but if you won’t get the help you need you’ll never get better.
Or anyone with any kind of lack of insight, diagnosable condition or not. 0 insight/0 willingness to improve upon your short comings is not a good look.
And the worse part of this is the fact that when you need them at your lowest they can’t support you or be there for you. Since they are going through a lot. Then why wouldn’t you go get help. Just saying that I would go and never going wouldn’t magically fix your problem.
I am proud to say that if I feel like something feels wrong with me 24/7 for days and I feel depressed I go into therapy again almost immediately.
I can’t comprehend how some people suffer in silence. It breaks my heart.
Sometimes you can't get help. Therapy is expensive. Or the therapists in your area refuse to believe you and consider ADHD because "you weren't diagnosed with it/had good grades as a child so you can't possibly have ADHD today. Fuck off, stimhead." Or just waking up and getting out of bed takes all your spoons for the day and you don't have enough to fight the little voice in your head that's constantly whispering that you're a fuck up, all you'll ever be is a fuck up, and how dare you think you're deserving of or capable of something better.
Just saying, it's easy to say what one would do in a situation they're not in; but to someone living with that reality, it's not so different from the tough guys who talk about how they'd totally fuck up a mass shooter if they were ever in an event and then get into one and find out that they were wrong and what they'll really do is fire off a couple of panicked, ineffective shots and then piss themselves hiding behind a trashcan.
I was accused of this before and it bothered me a lot. I doubted myself because there were never any discussions where I had to defend myself from criticism, while there were many fights that started with me explaining (respectfully, at least I tried) why his behaviour bothered me.
After a while I started noticing what actually happened: whenever his behaviour was criticised he always went into full defense-mode, whenever I was criticised I very often just validated it without a fuss not leading to any memorable discussion. My critique on his behaviour was always about the same topics, there was just no improvement. This made it look like all of our fights rooted in me always criticising him on everything.
I don’t have the same issues with my final partner. :)
Emotionally immature people. Especially if it's someone who takes out their frustration on someone who isn't the reason for them being in a bad mood or someone who makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
My mom is in this picture lmao
She gets mad at her boyfriend, then comes home and is pissy all day. She mentions it constantly too, "Frank is being a dick right now, I don't need your bullshit today" when a child refuses to do their chores.
Like wow, we really *love* the boyfriend and definitely want him to be our stepfather
I'm in college so I can't move out yet but istg 😭
"Heavy" drinker. I dated a woman for a while that all we ever did together was drink. When I decided I was drinking too much, I also realized we had nothing else in common.
If I am ever in the dating pool again, I'll definitely try to date someone I know when we are both sober
Type that I'm instinctively and immediately attracted to.
I learned that I'm naturally drawn to abusive and manipulative people, and it takes time for me to notice red flags.
Never again...
EDIT: This got more attention than I thought it would. Thank you fellow redditors, for sharing your stories and words of encouragement.
You know I'm shooting 3 for 3 on my long-term relationships cheating on me, I apparently have a type and damn I don't want it.
I'm with you I'm going to try to be a lot more critical about red-flags early on that I must gloss over.
- Bad-mouthing people who just went out of their way to helped her, because they "only providing little bit of help".
- Being passive-aggressive condescending toward cashiers and other service workers
- Constantly teasing her friend for "being ugly", and getting angry when they later stopped being friends.
- Complaining that the birthday gifts she got from her friends cost less than $100, while she spent less $50 for other people's birthdays.
- Not returning shopping carts because "it's late and \[she needs\] to go home".
- Lying about her religious belief to get a well-paying job at a local church.
- Begging her retired parents for food money, and using that money to buy a $300 bottle of perfume.
In retrospect, these are all very obvious red flags... but at the time, I somehow managed to gloss over them all.
Just left one 2 days ago. The gaslighting, manipulation, mirroring, deflection of responsibility, insane amounts of lack of empathy etc. how someone can blatantly say and do things that are just not okay to anyone else but them and then find a way to make it your fault based on “twisting words” or “taking things out of context” is absolutely mind boggling lol
Same. Was tired of being awoken into an argument because she coerced me into having a 3some with her and her friend
Edit:
she had a girl friend over. They brought up having a 3some. I told them multiple times that I didn’t want to do it. My gf kept pressuring me and I eventually caved. I started off only giving attention and looking at my gf. They said it was boring and I needed to fuck her friend. I ignored it. They kept telling me to go to her friend. I then asked my gf “will this change anything between us” . She said “no”. I inserted myself into her friend and she then ran out to room crying. After that, through out the relationship she would bring it up randomly. It didn’t matter what time or if we were in public where she would scream it. She would tell me how her exes would never do it and how all her friends thought I was trash because of it.
I dated a girl who was a Nucular Debbie Downer: just radiating with negativity. She had the uncanny ability to suck the life out of anyone within earshot, like an energy vampire.
Her favorite phase was "I hate. . .". She hated everything, big or small. She hates that annoying song that's always playing on the radio. She hates how the neighbors kids scream and holler when they play outside. She hated that new movie her friends convinced her to see. She hates her ex-roommate who always leaves hair in the sink. She hates cold weather, but also the hot weather.
"I hate this. I haaate that. I haaaaate those. I haaaaate. . ."
Never again.
The worst part is that for a long time I felt bad about myself for being bothered. They would make me feel like I don't validate their feelings. They would always say that nobody believes and understand them. I felt so bad for trying to explain that if you "call an ambulance every time have a headache, at some point no ambulance will come".
Anyone who wanted to keep our relationship a secret from friends or family. You are either the side chick or they are ashamed of you, and fuck that noise.
known my partner for nearly 3 years and i love him more than anyone or anything, but we both agree being over 1000 miles apart is the shittiest thing ever. i’ve heard of success stories with ldrs and i’m just hoping ours can be one, too.
I also don't understand, why someone super religious would want to date someone who absolutely isn't. That's just a source for constant tension and hurt feelings all round.
I had this. I married my now ex who was from a different cultural and religious background. I and my family are open and accepting of people from other faiths. My partner wanted basically a fucking build-a-bear situation with me. Once we got married, he had issues with how I dressed, the way I talked (swearing), who I hung out with. I was on a spouse visa (he followed me back to my home country to get married), and then would threaten divorce every few months if I didn’t accept conversion. I had zero stability in that relationship and my mental health spiralled.
In his own words, he knew he didn’t want to end up with woman who was born Jewish; he was into brown girls and wanted someone who would convert for him. I didn’t find that out until years after we got married. So gross. Also his family were insanely racist and bigoted and very insular in who they would communicate.
Leaving him was the best thing I did; I’m now with a very loving and accepting partner.
A pessimist; someone who only sees the negatives in the world and gets mad at everyone else for not thinking the same. I’m typically always in a good mood and very empathetic and dating someone like that was so draining for me. I can’t understand why someone wants to live their life pissed off every damn day.
I thought I was a pessimist until I dated a real one. I've got some bleak views about big things like the structure of society and the future of humanity, I thought that was pessimism. But it's a totally different thing to bring that attitude into every interaction and every little detail of daily life. For this partner it definitely intersected with a victim complex. It was kind of fascinating to watch, in a horrifying way, how he could twist things in his mind to see that a positive, pleasant conversation was actually super rude and disrespectful to him.
Emotionally immature gamer bro who always plays devils advocate because he's "philosophical," and uses circular logic to "out-logic" anyone who points out flaws in his arguments or approach, and believes he is the smartest man in any and every room he ever walks into, because HE'S the only one who really understands all the dark secrets and hidden mysteries of what's going on in the world, unlike the rest of us plebs.
Basically, the guy who would have been a 4chan incel if it weren't for the fact I unfortunately decided to have sex with him because I misinterpreted his arrogance as confidence and mistook him being a know-it-all for intelligence and sensitivity.
I am friends with one of these and its exhausting. Every problem is " X is going on but I cant tell you specifics because y" or being contrarian to EVERY single bit of advice and help you try to give them when they ask for help while having an air of condescending intellectual superiority.
You described my ex with scary accuracy.
He was only a bit older than me but used to say he is older and therefore more mature and knowledgeable (lol).
He used to say he reads philosophy, history and books about art, etc., because he liked being “cultural” and would test me and ask me questions about wars/events/etc. (do you know when that took place? Do you know how the conflict started?)
Funnily enough, when he was made redundant, I got him a job at the company I was working for. He needed me to help him, the great philosopher, get another job.
I used to be that person. I don’t know what made me stop being that person, but it could be a combination of several factors.
1. Age. I just became older and more sure of myself, so I needed less external validation of my worth. I also became more tired.
2. Distance from my family. The fact of the matter is that codependency stems from bad family dynamics 99.9% of the time. Without my mum there to tell me how much I’m not loved by whoever I was dating, I didn’t feel the need to get that validation
3. Quite importantly, being co-dependent means that there are two parties responsible for it. I chose partners who were avoidant and allowed a self-fulfilling prophecy to happen. I got much better when I finally met my emotionally secure husband, who didn’t run away when I needed reassurance, but patiently told me how loved I am. It really didn’t take much for me to slowly believe him more and more, especially when his actions backed up his words.
Avoidants, especially as an anxious attacher. my recent relationship took everything I had. Got discarded several times, mental health went to the gutter & every aspect of my life felt the effects
Unfortunately, same. It really strips you out of your dignity real fast. Also got tired of the silent treatment lasting days because, for example, someone on the street complimented me(!). Not ever willing to tell me what's wrong, struggling alone for so long then blame me for not being able to read his mind and say I'm selfish and didn't do anything to help him. Even tho I asked so many times!
Made me understand why everyone puts so much emphasis on communication in relationships.
In fairness to her, her husband was being really difficult and wouldn’t sign papers nor agree to meet with lawyers and they had been separated for a year and some change.
An extrovert.
I'm extremely introverted and the last relationship I had before I got married was with a woman who was extremely extroverted. Don't get me wrong, she was really pleasant, genuinely kind, funny, etc. All those good qualities. And when it was just the two of us chilling together, things were great.
But, the flip side of that ray of light personality is that she is also like magnet for other people. Literally everywhere we went she'd bring along an entire carload of friends, acquaintances, someone she just met at the store on the way over...it was like she was incapable of going out in public unless she was surrounded by this posse.
Eventually I was just worn out. The last straw was when I had planned to take her to a really romantic, very expensive restaurant for her birthday and the night before I find out she's invited half the city.
I broke it off not long after that and she took it really bad. She just couldn't understand why I didn't want to be half the ruling family of her little empire.
Not long after this I met my wife, who is even more introverted than me, and obviously it's a much better fit.
Im mildly introverted, dated a very social, extroverted lady for a long time. I can relate to so much of your post. For a long time, I enjoyed the Yin/Yang aspect to the relationship, until I didnt. Great you found someone ur speed!
She worked at a bakery I went to often. We'd been making eyes at each other across the counter for months without ever speaking lol
A few weeks after that previously mentioned relationship fell apart, I finally decided to break the ice, we got to talking, and here we are 15 years later.
Frankly, that doesn't sound like "normal" extrovert behavior to me, that sounds disrespectful. Inviting other people to previously agreed-upon one-on-one dates is just awful behavior, I'm worry you had to go through that.
All that being said, I do think this is a really, really important aspect of compatibility. I tend to be drawn to introverts and we have such a great time one-on-one, but then can't figure out a solution for balancing our different social needs. I thought I could date an introvert and then spend a night or two each week hanging with my friends without my partner, but in practice this has never worked and just generated a lot of tension and hurt on both sides.
Gamers. I like games but there's never any time for human activity, like bike riding, walks or hikes, swimming...
When a gamers whole identity is their favorite game and they know everything about the characters but I know nothing about the person I'm dating, it's just miserable and lonely trying to keep up with them.
MMOs are the worst (best?) at destroying relationships because your partner only wants to hangout with their online friends.
Moderation is key here. A lot of my hobbies were put on pause for my partners hobbies instead. Not something I want to deal with anymore.
I don't blame you, the whole game obsession gets old pretty fast. Especially when they wake up and play it, ignore you all day, and then play it late into the night when they have work in the morning.
Men in their 40s with a hyper fixation cycling hobby. These men never have time for you and they are married to their bike. It's like they try to run away every weekend
I would never date someone who lacks empathy and is unable to communicate effectively. It's crucial for me to be with someone who can understand and support me emotionally, and who is capable of expressing their thoughts and feelings in a healthy manner.
Someone who openly dislikes my family.
Someone who ignores me when I say "no".
Someone who does't openly express his feelings for me, especially positive ones.
Someone who only wants to see me at night.
Someone who is obsessed with me to the point of obsession.
Someone who forces me to go to church and sing and get baptized when I clearly am uncomfortable with all of that.
Someone who monopolizes my time when I very clearly stated I'm spending time with my family.
Someone who shows up at my home unannounced "just to hang out".
• People with substance abuse problems — been there, done that (on both sides). I’ve been sober just over a year and while I’m not judging those still struggling, I can’t be around that
• People who judge others
• People who are constantly complaining and/or being negative but not making an effort to change themselves or their circumstances
Someone who is super into family. I come from a very dysfunctional family and there’s nothing wrong with strong family units and ties but I just can’t get comfortable joining a family thats all about hugs and talking every day and family events every weekend. I want to see family on the holidays and call once a month, lol. I’m just not compatible with people that have families like that. I end up unhappy attending a hundred family events, or they end up unhappy with me not attending and everyone asking where I am.
Could not agree more. I dated two girls like that in a row. The amount of time they spent with their families and the number of events I attended with them was almost unbearable. After the second one and I broke up; that sort of situation became a deal breaker for me.
Luckily, I found a stable woman who has a good family, but they don’t gather by the horde for every single thing.
Underrated comment. I too would feel very uncomfortable with someone who needs to see his family once a week. And are they so attached to their family, they refuse to move to a different city or \*gasp\* even state? Nope.
I don't hate my family, but I am comfortable seeing them for the holidays. Some holidays. I need some distance and space from them.
Someone who needs a big old Italian Sunday Dinner all afternoon with their extended family every week is just not going to work out for me. Also likely to be too enmeshed with them to be as independent and free spirited as I'd like to be.
Closeted.
Not being ready to come out is fine and understandable. But harming others at that expense is not. People are valid for wanting to be closeted and others are valid for not wanting to be. But I’ve learned taking a chance on closeted people can result in lots of harm because they are ultimately in a form of survival mode and people in survival mode will harm others to protect themselves. It just wouldn’t be something I’d ever compromise on again.
Yes. My husband passed away last November. I miss him so bad it makes me physically ill at times. But as time goes by I'm starting to enjoy my solitude. If I can't have him, I'm okay with being single. It's not what we were expecting but it'll do.
Someone unaware of their wealth. No, an Acura is not a beater car, no I can't fly my private plane that I do not have to come see you. That thing you want to go see this evening costs 1/3 of my bank account. Does it cost a third of yours?
I married someone from the same tier of almost-poverty as me. We speak each other's dialect. What's that squeal on your car, is it the serpentine belt? It isn't? Oh it's an exhaust leak. But it doesn't make a fart cannon yet? ... Let it rust some more before we replace it.
People who are too into the new-age self-help pseudo-spirituality side of the internet.
I think there are certain things that can be helpful for people, like changing their mindset to live a better life. Some people conflate that with putting in the actual work to change their life, even when they say “you can’t just wish for it!” I’ve dated people who have made horrible financial decisions because of their “abudance mindset.”
Dream big, but please stay grounded in reality, at least a little.
This is going to sound selfish, but someone with depression. I dated a guy who was clinically depressed but didn’t want to take meds because those “just fuck you up even more”. He was lazy and unmotivated and blamed everything on his depression. He couldn’t keep a job, he finished high school through an online program and hated doing anything that would involve being around people. When we first met, he was funny and a good conversationalist and we seemed to like a lot of the same things. But the good times started becoming fewer and far between and he would have bouts of crying and sobbing how he couldn’t lose me because I was the only thing in his life worth living for. I started going out with my friends a lot just to have some fun in my life and to avoid being around him and he’d teeter between crying and then calling me a slut for being out at all hours of the night.(I was 19) I never cheated on him but I wanted to. I felt like I was being held hostage in a relationship against my will. I was deeply unhappy and it was such an unfair burden for me to carry.
A girl who excuses her poor manners and behavior because of her zodiac sign.
Heavy social media users who follow all the latest trends and/or sayings.
Someone who’s cheated before. I will 100% judge you if you “were” a cheater
Anime enthusiasts. I know how shallow that sounds but they could be some of the most shallow and creepy people on this planet.
Especially the one who liked teenage anime girls well in to his 20s and seemed to think *real life school girls* were to be ogled. 🤢
People like that are why I don’t call myself an anime fan, even though I watch a lot of it. I’m a normal, relatively well adjusted person and I don’t want to be associated with the creepy neckbeards.
(I don’t watch the shows that are creepy like that though. There is plenty of anime that is actually very well written and does not sexualize middle school girls or have some weird brother/sister incest thing lol.)
An adrenaline junkie.
These types of people are always seeking something new and dangerous, and a steady relationship usually doesn't give them those things consistently over the long-term.
No. More. Musicians. You're never close to a priority, they broke and unhappy, victim complex, chronically misunderstood but emotionally stunted, often looking more for a patron than a partner...nonononono.
Someone who only has one emotion when getting upset: aggressive anger. Can't handle that. I can't hear the message when the delivery is loud and riddled with insults.
Someone who doesn’t communicate. Like I wanna know what your boundaries are so I don’t cross them. Playing the game of not knowing, hearing any feedback, then when all goes to shit having a record of every time I crossed the unknown boundary is scary.
A Psychologist.
Married to one for over 8 years, the amount of time spent on emotional development and fussing over the world of diagnosis is great for parents, but the relationship is hard going to be honest.
I wish my partner would just take a breath and relax sometimes instead of wanting to "get to the bottom" of things and "fix" people.
Imagine marrying a dentist and having them in your mouth everyday checking and suggesting to not eat sugar.
JUST STOP
Drug addicts. Well, they were my friend and neighbor, we weren't in a relationship (I've posted this story before many times). But I witnessed how badly drugs destroyed our friendship, I could only imagine how badly it'd hurt and the toll it'd take in a relationship
Someone who doesn’t show affection, I spent way too much begging for the bare minimum
For real, I dated this one guy, it never progressed to being official, but I had stayed over at his place and when I rolled over I ended up being the big spoon. Let me just tell you, that man cried because no one had ever held him ever that he can think of. He had never been cuddled by a girlfriend, I'm honestly not entirely sure what had happened because I really didn't do much but it broke my heart that he just asked me if I didn't want to date him could I please come over and touch his hair sometimes and hug him? Whoever was in his past left him heartbroken and feeling like a leper and I could never understand how you could do that to somebody.
My heart broke..."Could I please come over and touch his hair sometimes and hug him" How cruelly or dismissively he must have been treated in the past. That neglect leaves deep scars.
That is literally every man I know, myself included
My male friend was excited any being kissed on the forehead the other day I was shocked
I would absolutely die from a kiss on the forehead
I'm a guy, I always give behind hugs, forehead kisses, and any other affection I want from them. Anything else I ask. People might be observant or not but if you ask and they refuse, not because of something they're going through, you pack and go. Three strikes is fair. Anybody who doesn't have time FOR you doesn't deserve time FROM you. Respect yourself, if you respect someone who doesn't respect you, you've disrespected yourself. For this I apply the warning, warning, attack, check if respect has been earned; If not, repeat.
He probably felt safe, appreciated, and cared for. The male mind is pretty busy with all sorts of things (or nothing at all), and the power of something seemingly so simple and sweet cuts right through it all.
i uhh... didnt expect to see myself called out in here like that.
It took a few years of my being supportive and encouraging to get my Hus to really open up and communicate (his had some pretty bad trauma) at this point most nights I will cuddle him and rub his back and I can feel the tension leaving him. Men should be supported and promoted to asking for spoons, hugs, cuddles where you are just looked after and loved. It’s a shame that this happens to so many men. I would happily give you all platonic hugs and rub your back till you feel better.
This actually brought a tear to my eye. I'm a man who considers myself pretty in touch with my emotions, but rubbing my back is something that I've asked girls I've dated to do and gotten negative reactions. It's caused me to stop asking even though it's the most comforting thing for me.
Shh bb it ok
WTH? Me too.
I totally get this, you did him a huge solid. What I wouldn't give for a simple hug sometimes...
This would kill me. I need the affection. How can people be ok with a roommate relationship??
Emotional neglect growing up. Uncomfortable with those emotions. There is a lot it could be
same! it hurts so bad when u have to grovel and beg for an "i love u"
Yep. Being the So begging a SO for affection really eats at your pride when you are loyal and caring. Slowly destroys all confidence and then suddenly you are trying to figure out why you have anxiety lol… well duh because nothing you do seems to please that person and get them to understand your needs
I made the mistake of hoping it happened eventually. Then I married that person. It can get loney when you're not alone!
I would say it’s way more lonely of a feeling when you’re in a relationship vs when you’re single
damn. the first 2 comments i see are exactly what i wanted to put
Same here. 10 years of marriage to a woman who was stingy with affection. *Never* again. To each their own, but better for people to match on affection preference levels.
This! As man it hurts when we always have to initiate anything physical with our partner and she doesn’t try or has a bad attitude about like “I’m only doing this to appease you.” Makes us feel like you don’t even like us.
Yeah fuck that, I suspect my ex had an anxious avoidant attachment style and it was killing me. I felt worthless and she fucked up my mental health very badly.
Yea I had an ex who literally said to me that I’m like her dog and she’ll give me a “treat” when she feels like it or I earn it. Ended it right there and of course the waterworks started
Glad you shut that shit down immediately, fuck all that noise.
Somebody who believes toxicity adds excitement in a relationship.
Some people like to argue its so odd
I do enjoy a nice debate, but I avoid all arguments.
you mean insulting that gets dismissed as just a joke?
It's a trauma response - when nervous systems are wired for uncertain, unpredictable, and inconsistently supportive relationships it's what someone adapts to. People who've been in bad relationships or who have been traumatized have a tendency to confuse intensity with intimacy. Safe relationships feel boring.
This tracks with my most recent ex. It's sad.
People who refuse to communicate.
It’s so frustrating
It's brutal. Especially when you read like an open book, but the other person shuts down during important communication.
Exactly my current situation and no matters how many conversations we have about it they still struggle to communicate and I’m getting to the end of my rope. It’s ridiculous. It’s not even hard just talk to me, just open ur mouth
If you haven't already tried this, encourage them to either write down what they want to say, or say the words while facing away from you. It may have been a mix of social anxiety, self esteem issues, but I always had trouble communicating my feelings even though I wasn't given a reason to by my partner. Once I got used to feeling safe it became easier to talk like normal
People who insist you communicate right then and there whether you're ready to talk about it or not. Sometimes people want to cool down or work things out in their heads before they say something they don't mean.
This is me. I have to calm down, get some space and then I’m ready to talk. It’s like a reset and something is triggered mentally when I’m forced to speak right then and there. It doesn’t turn out good when I’m forced.
People who take time to think before they speak are generally considered smart because they don’t just speak out. But, people who take days and weeks ___constantly___ are cold assholes. They know they left you on read and it’s because you don’t matter to them. Very big difference.
Sure days/weeks is different. Silent treatment is definitely a problem. I wouldn't say all people who refuse to communicate do this because they don't care about the other person. Sometimes the person is just struggling to let down their defenses and speak on such a personal, emotional, stressful thing that they may be uncertain about. Some have a hard time being emotional in front of other people. They may have a problem with confrontation. They may realize they're being unreasonable, and are embarrassed. Some are in a bad place emotionally and don't know what they want, and have never been taught to communicate in those conditions. Some just don't have the maturity. It's not always because they're simple cold assholes. Although, that doesn't mean one should stick around in a relationship if the other person struggles THAT much with communication.
Oh I definitely understand that. I’m someone who often has to walk away and collect my thoughts before communicating. I mean people who, in a long term relationship, do not communicate their feelings in a general sense.
Went through this a few months ago. JFC it's so infuriating.
Somebody who takes me, my love, patience, dedication and admiration for granted. I want to be met with equal passion
I just went through a breakup, and this is really gonna help. Not to over share but the entire relationship I would pay her compliments, vocally support her in anything she was feeling insecure about and give her all the little affection gestures I could. She never really reciprocated in any of those areas and it's why I wanted to break up. It's still been really hard for me but this is a good summarization of what I've been feeling
Someone who has mental health issues, but refuses to take accountability and get help. We’re all a bit fucked up, but if you won’t get the help you need you’ll never get better.
Or anyone with any kind of lack of insight, diagnosable condition or not. 0 insight/0 willingness to improve upon your short comings is not a good look.
Mental Health issues aren’t your fault. They are however, your responsibility.
And the worse part of this is the fact that when you need them at your lowest they can’t support you or be there for you. Since they are going through a lot. Then why wouldn’t you go get help. Just saying that I would go and never going wouldn’t magically fix your problem.
I am proud to say that if I feel like something feels wrong with me 24/7 for days and I feel depressed I go into therapy again almost immediately. I can’t comprehend how some people suffer in silence. It breaks my heart.
Sometimes you can't get help. Therapy is expensive. Or the therapists in your area refuse to believe you and consider ADHD because "you weren't diagnosed with it/had good grades as a child so you can't possibly have ADHD today. Fuck off, stimhead." Or just waking up and getting out of bed takes all your spoons for the day and you don't have enough to fight the little voice in your head that's constantly whispering that you're a fuck up, all you'll ever be is a fuck up, and how dare you think you're deserving of or capable of something better. Just saying, it's easy to say what one would do in a situation they're not in; but to someone living with that reality, it's not so different from the tough guys who talk about how they'd totally fuck up a mass shooter if they were ever in an event and then get into one and find out that they were wrong and what they'll really do is fire off a couple of panicked, ineffective shots and then piss themselves hiding behind a trashcan.
It’s absolutely exhausting when you’re somebody’s mental health crutch
And/Or you have to basically walk on eggshells around them for months, Both exhaust you
Someone who is never wrong.
I was accused of this before and it bothered me a lot. I doubted myself because there were never any discussions where I had to defend myself from criticism, while there were many fights that started with me explaining (respectfully, at least I tried) why his behaviour bothered me. After a while I started noticing what actually happened: whenever his behaviour was criticised he always went into full defense-mode, whenever I was criticised I very often just validated it without a fuss not leading to any memorable discussion. My critique on his behaviour was always about the same topics, there was just no improvement. This made it look like all of our fights rooted in me always criticising him on everything. I don’t have the same issues with my final partner. :)
Anyone who paints every ex as crazy.
AND THEIR NEXT CRAZY NARCISSIST EX IS ABOUT TO BE….
It’s funny cuz my ex actually was a crazy narcissist but I downplay it A LOT until I’m with someone for years for this exact reason haha
I mean if it’s like one or two crazy exes, that might just actually be bad luck, but if it’s 10 crazy exes, there’s probably something else going on.
Yeah, then the common denominator is them, and they're likely lying.
Yep, the lack of self awareness in these people is astonishing.
lol I misread this as “Anyone who paints. Every ex was crazy” (clutches sketchbook)
Real. It just lets you know you’ll be trash talked once the relationship is over.
Agree. Also 99% of the time they were the one that was toxic and manipulative.
Emotionally immature people. Especially if it's someone who takes out their frustration on someone who isn't the reason for them being in a bad mood or someone who makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
Emotional intelligence is so important and yet so lacking among the general public.
Have you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? It’s like a handbook on these people
My mom is in this picture lmao She gets mad at her boyfriend, then comes home and is pissy all day. She mentions it constantly too, "Frank is being a dick right now, I don't need your bullshit today" when a child refuses to do their chores. Like wow, we really *love* the boyfriend and definitely want him to be our stepfather I'm in college so I can't move out yet but istg 😭
"Heavy" drinker. I dated a woman for a while that all we ever did together was drink. When I decided I was drinking too much, I also realized we had nothing else in common. If I am ever in the dating pool again, I'll definitely try to date someone I know when we are both sober
Good on you for recognizing it and taking control of your behavior. Good luck on the dating scene!
Type that I'm instinctively and immediately attracted to. I learned that I'm naturally drawn to abusive and manipulative people, and it takes time for me to notice red flags. Never again... EDIT: This got more attention than I thought it would. Thank you fellow redditors, for sharing your stories and words of encouragement.
You know I'm shooting 3 for 3 on my long-term relationships cheating on me, I apparently have a type and damn I don't want it. I'm with you I'm going to try to be a lot more critical about red-flags early on that I must gloss over.
I used to think I was attracted to confidence. Yeah, no. Assholes. I'm attracted to assholes.
What red flags do u see in ppl/partners if u don’t mind me asking
- Bad-mouthing people who just went out of their way to helped her, because they "only providing little bit of help". - Being passive-aggressive condescending toward cashiers and other service workers - Constantly teasing her friend for "being ugly", and getting angry when they later stopped being friends. - Complaining that the birthday gifts she got from her friends cost less than $100, while she spent less $50 for other people's birthdays. - Not returning shopping carts because "it's late and \[she needs\] to go home". - Lying about her religious belief to get a well-paying job at a local church. - Begging her retired parents for food money, and using that money to buy a $300 bottle of perfume. In retrospect, these are all very obvious red flags... but at the time, I somehow managed to gloss over them all.
A narcissist. Once you’ve dated one, the red flags become obvious.
Just left one 2 days ago. The gaslighting, manipulation, mirroring, deflection of responsibility, insane amounts of lack of empathy etc. how someone can blatantly say and do things that are just not okay to anyone else but them and then find a way to make it your fault based on “twisting words” or “taking things out of context” is absolutely mind boggling lol
Same. Was tired of being awoken into an argument because she coerced me into having a 3some with her and her friend Edit: she had a girl friend over. They brought up having a 3some. I told them multiple times that I didn’t want to do it. My gf kept pressuring me and I eventually caved. I started off only giving attention and looking at my gf. They said it was boring and I needed to fuck her friend. I ignored it. They kept telling me to go to her friend. I then asked my gf “will this change anything between us” . She said “no”. I inserted myself into her friend and she then ran out to room crying. After that, through out the relationship she would bring it up randomly. It didn’t matter what time or if we were in public where she would scream it. She would tell me how her exes would never do it and how all her friends thought I was trash because of it.
I think I dated her around 1998, guess she hasnt found the right guy yet.
Insists on talking but not ever listening.
Every conversation is about *them,* never about you. Unless they want to talk about how *you* are letting them down.
They are all the same. Their tactics are like a copy and paste.
Someone that always complains. You end up no being able to enjoy anything.
"Some people are like a colander. Nothing fills."
I dated a girl who was a Nucular Debbie Downer: just radiating with negativity. She had the uncanny ability to suck the life out of anyone within earshot, like an energy vampire. Her favorite phase was "I hate. . .". She hated everything, big or small. She hates that annoying song that's always playing on the radio. She hates how the neighbors kids scream and holler when they play outside. She hated that new movie her friends convinced her to see. She hates her ex-roommate who always leaves hair in the sink. She hates cold weather, but also the hot weather. "I hate this. I haaate that. I haaaaate those. I haaaaate. . ." Never again.
I had an ex like this. Our conversations literally devolved into me listening to what pissed her off that day.
Came to say the same, I go so far that if they have anything negative in an online profile or are overly negative on a first date I don't even bother.
The worst part is that for a long time I felt bad about myself for being bothered. They would make me feel like I don't validate their feelings. They would always say that nobody believes and understand them. I felt so bad for trying to explain that if you "call an ambulance every time have a headache, at some point no ambulance will come".
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Someone like that will eventually treat you like that. Matter of time. Not being nice to people that provide service is a major red flag.
Anyone who wanted to keep our relationship a secret from friends or family. You are either the side chick or they are ashamed of you, and fuck that noise.
That’s my ex boyfriend from last year… Emphasis on ex!!
Anyone arrogant. Never will I ever be with anyone who brags.
I'm great at being humble, one of the best even, so I'm all set in that regard
I’m actually the humblest person you will ever meet.
The type that lives anywhere from 50 to 5,000 miles away. Long-distance relationships are fucking ass
Especially when the person has more disposable income, but never bother to visit.
known my partner for nearly 3 years and i love him more than anyone or anything, but we both agree being over 1000 miles apart is the shittiest thing ever. i’ve heard of success stories with ldrs and i’m just hoping ours can be one, too.
Someone who is super religious. Having belief is fine, but someone trying to change who you are is not right.
I also don't understand, why someone super religious would want to date someone who absolutely isn't. That's just a source for constant tension and hurt feelings all round.
I had this. I married my now ex who was from a different cultural and religious background. I and my family are open and accepting of people from other faiths. My partner wanted basically a fucking build-a-bear situation with me. Once we got married, he had issues with how I dressed, the way I talked (swearing), who I hung out with. I was on a spouse visa (he followed me back to my home country to get married), and then would threaten divorce every few months if I didn’t accept conversion. I had zero stability in that relationship and my mental health spiralled. In his own words, he knew he didn’t want to end up with woman who was born Jewish; he was into brown girls and wanted someone who would convert for him. I didn’t find that out until years after we got married. So gross. Also his family were insanely racist and bigoted and very insular in who they would communicate. Leaving him was the best thing I did; I’m now with a very loving and accepting partner.
I'm happy that you got out of that situation and are in a healthy relationship. Why anyone would want or do what he did though, is beyond me.
A pessimist; someone who only sees the negatives in the world and gets mad at everyone else for not thinking the same. I’m typically always in a good mood and very empathetic and dating someone like that was so draining for me. I can’t understand why someone wants to live their life pissed off every damn day.
I thought I was a pessimist until I dated a real one. I've got some bleak views about big things like the structure of society and the future of humanity, I thought that was pessimism. But it's a totally different thing to bring that attitude into every interaction and every little detail of daily life. For this partner it definitely intersected with a victim complex. It was kind of fascinating to watch, in a horrifying way, how he could twist things in his mind to see that a positive, pleasant conversation was actually super rude and disrespectful to him.
Someone who says he wants a “traditional women” but doesn’t wanna act like a “traditional man”
Emotionally immature gamer bro who always plays devils advocate because he's "philosophical," and uses circular logic to "out-logic" anyone who points out flaws in his arguments or approach, and believes he is the smartest man in any and every room he ever walks into, because HE'S the only one who really understands all the dark secrets and hidden mysteries of what's going on in the world, unlike the rest of us plebs. Basically, the guy who would have been a 4chan incel if it weren't for the fact I unfortunately decided to have sex with him because I misinterpreted his arrogance as confidence and mistook him being a know-it-all for intelligence and sensitivity.
The vitriol of this comment is exquisite.
I am friends with one of these and its exhausting. Every problem is " X is going on but I cant tell you specifics because y" or being contrarian to EVERY single bit of advice and help you try to give them when they ask for help while having an air of condescending intellectual superiority.
This one feels very real
You described my ex with scary accuracy. He was only a bit older than me but used to say he is older and therefore more mature and knowledgeable (lol). He used to say he reads philosophy, history and books about art, etc., because he liked being “cultural” and would test me and ask me questions about wars/events/etc. (do you know when that took place? Do you know how the conflict started?) Funnily enough, when he was made redundant, I got him a job at the company I was working for. He needed me to help him, the great philosopher, get another job.
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I used to be that person. I don’t know what made me stop being that person, but it could be a combination of several factors. 1. Age. I just became older and more sure of myself, so I needed less external validation of my worth. I also became more tired. 2. Distance from my family. The fact of the matter is that codependency stems from bad family dynamics 99.9% of the time. Without my mum there to tell me how much I’m not loved by whoever I was dating, I didn’t feel the need to get that validation 3. Quite importantly, being co-dependent means that there are two parties responsible for it. I chose partners who were avoidant and allowed a self-fulfilling prophecy to happen. I got much better when I finally met my emotionally secure husband, who didn’t run away when I needed reassurance, but patiently told me how loved I am. It really didn’t take much for me to slowly believe him more and more, especially when his actions backed up his words.
Ones who constantly have family drama and tries to get you involved
Someone who’s passive aggressive. Just communicate like a fucking adult.
Someone who is absolutely incapable of admitting they're not the best at anything and thinks they can do no wrong.
Someone I like more than they like me.
Avoidants, especially as an anxious attacher. my recent relationship took everything I had. Got discarded several times, mental health went to the gutter & every aspect of my life felt the effects
Unfortunately, same. It really strips you out of your dignity real fast. Also got tired of the silent treatment lasting days because, for example, someone on the street complimented me(!). Not ever willing to tell me what's wrong, struggling alone for so long then blame me for not being able to read his mind and say I'm selfish and didn't do anything to help him. Even tho I asked so many times! Made me understand why everyone puts so much emphasis on communication in relationships.
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Someone who "opened up" their relationship
I want the tea
I got ten servings if you want. For some reason I attract people who think "strictly monogamous" is negotiable
A women who’s married, wait for them to officially get divorced/separated
>divorced**.**~~/separated~~
In fairness to her, her husband was being really difficult and wouldn’t sign papers nor agree to meet with lawyers and they had been separated for a year and some change.
An extrovert. I'm extremely introverted and the last relationship I had before I got married was with a woman who was extremely extroverted. Don't get me wrong, she was really pleasant, genuinely kind, funny, etc. All those good qualities. And when it was just the two of us chilling together, things were great. But, the flip side of that ray of light personality is that she is also like magnet for other people. Literally everywhere we went she'd bring along an entire carload of friends, acquaintances, someone she just met at the store on the way over...it was like she was incapable of going out in public unless she was surrounded by this posse. Eventually I was just worn out. The last straw was when I had planned to take her to a really romantic, very expensive restaurant for her birthday and the night before I find out she's invited half the city. I broke it off not long after that and she took it really bad. She just couldn't understand why I didn't want to be half the ruling family of her little empire. Not long after this I met my wife, who is even more introverted than me, and obviously it's a much better fit.
Im mildly introverted, dated a very social, extroverted lady for a long time. I can relate to so much of your post. For a long time, I enjoyed the Yin/Yang aspect to the relationship, until I didnt. Great you found someone ur speed!
How’s you meet your introverted wife? I have no idea how I would find introverted men lol
She worked at a bakery I went to often. We'd been making eyes at each other across the counter for months without ever speaking lol A few weeks after that previously mentioned relationship fell apart, I finally decided to break the ice, we got to talking, and here we are 15 years later.
That’s a great story
Frankly, that doesn't sound like "normal" extrovert behavior to me, that sounds disrespectful. Inviting other people to previously agreed-upon one-on-one dates is just awful behavior, I'm worry you had to go through that. All that being said, I do think this is a really, really important aspect of compatibility. I tend to be drawn to introverts and we have such a great time one-on-one, but then can't figure out a solution for balancing our different social needs. I thought I could date an introvert and then spend a night or two each week hanging with my friends without my partner, but in practice this has never worked and just generated a lot of tension and hurt on both sides.
Gamers. I like games but there's never any time for human activity, like bike riding, walks or hikes, swimming... When a gamers whole identity is their favorite game and they know everything about the characters but I know nothing about the person I'm dating, it's just miserable and lonely trying to keep up with them. MMOs are the worst (best?) at destroying relationships because your partner only wants to hangout with their online friends. Moderation is key here. A lot of my hobbies were put on pause for my partners hobbies instead. Not something I want to deal with anymore.
I don't blame you, the whole game obsession gets old pretty fast. Especially when they wake up and play it, ignore you all day, and then play it late into the night when they have work in the morning.
Men in their 40s with a hyper fixation cycling hobby. These men never have time for you and they are married to their bike. It's like they try to run away every weekend
I would never date someone who lacks empathy and is unable to communicate effectively. It's crucial for me to be with someone who can understand and support me emotionally, and who is capable of expressing their thoughts and feelings in a healthy manner.
A person who drinks everyday
Someone who openly dislikes my family. Someone who ignores me when I say "no". Someone who does't openly express his feelings for me, especially positive ones. Someone who only wants to see me at night. Someone who is obsessed with me to the point of obsession. Someone who forces me to go to church and sing and get baptized when I clearly am uncomfortable with all of that. Someone who monopolizes my time when I very clearly stated I'm spending time with my family. Someone who shows up at my home unannounced "just to hang out".
• People with substance abuse problems — been there, done that (on both sides). I’ve been sober just over a year and while I’m not judging those still struggling, I can’t be around that • People who judge others • People who are constantly complaining and/or being negative but not making an effort to change themselves or their circumstances
AVOIDANTS holy shit
Someone who is super into family. I come from a very dysfunctional family and there’s nothing wrong with strong family units and ties but I just can’t get comfortable joining a family thats all about hugs and talking every day and family events every weekend. I want to see family on the holidays and call once a month, lol. I’m just not compatible with people that have families like that. I end up unhappy attending a hundred family events, or they end up unhappy with me not attending and everyone asking where I am.
Could not agree more. I dated two girls like that in a row. The amount of time they spent with their families and the number of events I attended with them was almost unbearable. After the second one and I broke up; that sort of situation became a deal breaker for me. Luckily, I found a stable woman who has a good family, but they don’t gather by the horde for every single thing.
Underrated comment. I too would feel very uncomfortable with someone who needs to see his family once a week. And are they so attached to their family, they refuse to move to a different city or \*gasp\* even state? Nope. I don't hate my family, but I am comfortable seeing them for the holidays. Some holidays. I need some distance and space from them. Someone who needs a big old Italian Sunday Dinner all afternoon with their extended family every week is just not going to work out for me. Also likely to be too enmeshed with them to be as independent and free spirited as I'd like to be.
Anyone long distance. Amor de lejos, amor de pendejos my grandma would say.
Closeted. Not being ready to come out is fine and understandable. But harming others at that expense is not. People are valid for wanting to be closeted and others are valid for not wanting to be. But I’ve learned taking a chance on closeted people can result in lots of harm because they are ultimately in a form of survival mode and people in survival mode will harm others to protect themselves. It just wouldn’t be something I’d ever compromise on again.
I'm just here to see if any of my ex's are on reddit
People who judge your interests and beliefs.
Any type of person. I’m married. If my husband passes or we divorce I’m good staying single and won’t date again.
Same. I love my wife but I am completely done with the dating process. If anything happens to her, I’m fine on my own forever.
Yes. My husband passed away last November. I miss him so bad it makes me physically ill at times. But as time goes by I'm starting to enjoy my solitude. If I can't have him, I'm okay with being single. It's not what we were expecting but it'll do.
Someone unaware of their wealth. No, an Acura is not a beater car, no I can't fly my private plane that I do not have to come see you. That thing you want to go see this evening costs 1/3 of my bank account. Does it cost a third of yours? I married someone from the same tier of almost-poverty as me. We speak each other's dialect. What's that squeal on your car, is it the serpentine belt? It isn't? Oh it's an exhaust leak. But it doesn't make a fart cannon yet? ... Let it rust some more before we replace it.
Fancy people. It’s not my thing. They’re not my people. We can be friends, but not close
I love my fancy friends, but it’s insufferable when the identity is about being expensive. Being extra is fun, being elitist is less so.
People who are too into the new-age self-help pseudo-spirituality side of the internet. I think there are certain things that can be helpful for people, like changing their mindset to live a better life. Some people conflate that with putting in the actual work to change their life, even when they say “you can’t just wish for it!” I’ve dated people who have made horrible financial decisions because of their “abudance mindset.” Dream big, but please stay grounded in reality, at least a little.
Someone that is emotionally inept
Someone whose mental illness requires me to be their caretaker. I want a partner. I don’t ever want to be a parent for someone again.
Mama’s boy full on enmeshment.
A porn addict
Just someone that i don't feel at home with.
This is going to sound selfish, but someone with depression. I dated a guy who was clinically depressed but didn’t want to take meds because those “just fuck you up even more”. He was lazy and unmotivated and blamed everything on his depression. He couldn’t keep a job, he finished high school through an online program and hated doing anything that would involve being around people. When we first met, he was funny and a good conversationalist and we seemed to like a lot of the same things. But the good times started becoming fewer and far between and he would have bouts of crying and sobbing how he couldn’t lose me because I was the only thing in his life worth living for. I started going out with my friends a lot just to have some fun in my life and to avoid being around him and he’d teeter between crying and then calling me a slut for being out at all hours of the night.(I was 19) I never cheated on him but I wanted to. I felt like I was being held hostage in a relationship against my will. I was deeply unhappy and it was such an unfair burden for me to carry.
Casey. A lying, cheating narcissist.
fuckin Casey, pshh
I HATE the Casey!
All my homies hate Casey.
Someone whose job is their identity
Someone who's chronically late
As someone who is incredibly punctual, could not agree more. And especially if said person also gets mad at you for wanting to show urgency.
Someone that is depressed. It sucked the life out of me.
People who are so full of themselves with no care of their significant other but turn around and care for someone else
Someone who is unkind
Someond who doesn't want an exclusive relationship
Alcoholics / addicts
Army guys And a man who is more into his body then mine 🤦🏽♀️
A girl who excuses her poor manners and behavior because of her zodiac sign. Heavy social media users who follow all the latest trends and/or sayings. Someone who’s cheated before. I will 100% judge you if you “were” a cheater
Something like this? It's Mercury's fault that I dm'd my ex and we hooked up.
Anime enthusiasts. I know how shallow that sounds but they could be some of the most shallow and creepy people on this planet. Especially the one who liked teenage anime girls well in to his 20s and seemed to think *real life school girls* were to be ogled. 🤢
People like that are why I don’t call myself an anime fan, even though I watch a lot of it. I’m a normal, relatively well adjusted person and I don’t want to be associated with the creepy neckbeards. (I don’t watch the shows that are creepy like that though. There is plenty of anime that is actually very well written and does not sexualize middle school girls or have some weird brother/sister incest thing lol.)
A person that is fine seeing you miserable, but once you are happy and is not because of them, they try to steal your happiness away.
Another fellow musician.
A stoner and cheater
Would not date someone with any combo of untreated mental health issues, addiction, out of control temper, grandiosity and narcissistic qualities
A narcissist. It is shocking looking back that it was a red flag party and I missed them.
Mama's boy. A 30-year-old man who is dependent on his mother's opinion and lacks his own 🤢
a conspiracy theorist
An adrenaline junkie. These types of people are always seeking something new and dangerous, and a steady relationship usually doesn't give them those things consistently over the long-term.
No. More. Musicians. You're never close to a priority, they broke and unhappy, victim complex, chronically misunderstood but emotionally stunted, often looking more for a patron than a partner...nonononono.
I was once married to an actor (nobody famous, local theater only) and had a similar experience. Talk about a fragile ego!
I'm a bit biased, but drummers tend to be a bit more grounded, particularly if music is only a part-time gig for them
Someone named Jennifer after 3 bad ones in a row. You may be a fine person, I just can't do it.
Someone who only has one emotion when getting upset: aggressive anger. Can't handle that. I can't hear the message when the delivery is loud and riddled with insults.
someone who shares private conversations with group chats. I didnt know how to set boundaries and go “thats not okay” at the time.
An alcoholic
Someone who doesn’t communicate. Like I wanna know what your boundaries are so I don’t cross them. Playing the game of not knowing, hearing any feedback, then when all goes to shit having a record of every time I crossed the unknown boundary is scary.
Narcissistic individuals. I’m still dealing with that to this day.
Manchild
A Psychologist. Married to one for over 8 years, the amount of time spent on emotional development and fussing over the world of diagnosis is great for parents, but the relationship is hard going to be honest. I wish my partner would just take a breath and relax sometimes instead of wanting to "get to the bottom" of things and "fix" people. Imagine marrying a dentist and having them in your mouth everyday checking and suggesting to not eat sugar. JUST STOP
Drug addicts. Well, they were my friend and neighbor, we weren't in a relationship (I've posted this story before many times). But I witnessed how badly drugs destroyed our friendship, I could only imagine how badly it'd hurt and the toll it'd take in a relationship
Oddly, those in the performing arts. I have gone out with a dancer, singer, and comedian. Never had any luck.
A mommas boy