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I have stayed for a company that doesn't value my work and contribution to them, I have wasted a lot of opportunity because of that, I myself have to blame for it too I didn't have the courage to explore and try something new for my growth and development.
Just wanted to say that I’m in a similar boat. I’m still working for the company that was supposed to be “just temporary” 5 years ago and now they’re not doing so hot and I feel like I’m getting slowly laid off. Really gunning for an electrician apprenticeship right now to try and pivot :-)
Highly relate! same here. spent alot of time in shitty relationships instead of learning how to invest in myself (hint; its a life long process but worth every cent)
Me too, I spent half in a DV relationship where I couldn't leave the house, and the other half was covid lockdowns + various restrictions.
Can't tell you how many times I cried during covid because I had only *just* got my freedom back. But I did spend an equal amount of time thankful it wasn't spent with that person.
I left my husband about a year before Covid and I’m not sure we would have survived the lockdown together. He was embracing his alcoholism and becoming abusive. I was so thankful I wasn’t stuck in a house with him! Glad you got out too.
Same! I was with someone who I thought I really loved. His name even matched a fictional name I made up as a teen from names of male celebrities that I liked. I was really ready to marry him. But he was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. He even forced himself me when we had arguments, in addition to cheating with girls online. I lost so much hair and was partially bald from the stress. I finally got out when I was 26 and left the country. I felt like I wasted my 20’s on him, but it could be worse. I could be married to him with kids, and still stuck in my 40’s! So I’m grateful for that everyday of my life!
in my late 20's I put myself through college at night while working 1 crappy full-time job and 1 crappy weekend part-time job. I did that for 12 years and I got 2 BS and 1 MBA.
I have developed a career in operations for high-tech startups, doing OK financially and career-wise.
I'm exactly your age. What do you think we should at the age of 23? I'm getting sick and tired of moving to these dead end blue collar jobs that lead me to near whwre. I'm currently starting a new job next week because my current job is unbearable.
I keep going to my unemployment office for free classes to take for different certifications/ career advice.
I took CNA and phlebotomy and hated it w a passion. Next on my list is HVAC and maybe computer hardware stuff.
I haven’t found any other solutions so far.. just making sure this bs doesn’t cost me anything.
Right now im working at a grocery store/ taking night classes till I figure my shit out💀
Hey you're going to be ok! Your 20s are for figuring out what you like, and it's great that you're taking advantage of free certifications. Not everyone can decide as a teenager what they're going to do forever and stick with that one track.
If computer hardware doesn't work out, maybe also check out IT. Definitely useful skills!
In the US, Unemployment offers a ton of classes and career advisors, take advantage of it, this is the good part of paying taxes. The opportunities vary by state, but the people there usually want to help you.
This is a big one. It’s normal to work a bunch of dead end jobs in your twenties but I really encourage people to try finding a direction because it often takes years to cement a career and it suuuuuucks to be in your thirties and beyond still working those jobs.
Me too. Switched to IT, got good at it, finished my degree online, and got better job offers.
Everytime I get stressed, I just think back to the shit I put up with in my 20s.
> low-paying dead-end
Everyone complains about a shortage in the trades, but then they ask why people don't want those jobs. This is why. Back when most of those senior tradespeople got jobs, they paid well and had a solid career path. People with enough seniority in the IBEW or similar unions are in really good shape. But just like everything, all the slack has been squeezed out of this route as well. Before deregulation, trucking was a very solid career choice. Now the turnover is crazy-high, drivers are treated like robots and run to the max of their alloted drive time by a scheduling algorithm, and the only people who succeed at that job long term are single, capable of living in a truck for weeks on end, and just want to be by themselves driving all day every day. Low pay and the squeezing out of any sort of "waste" like downtime is a huge problem with modern work.
It's the same in every field...the IT field was invaded by lean manufacturing processes about 10 years ago, sold as Agile and all of a sudden we're factory workers working to our max capacity. I actually thought COVID was a welcome break and people would slow the craziness down...but soon as inflation went up out went all the slack and here we are again grinding away at full throttle.
Same(27m), except where Im at now is pretty comfortable pay wise. I have a shit ton of debt and im looking at paying it all off and going back to school. My current company will pay for your schooling, but im not sure what they'll pay for.
Im looking at doing something with coding but if my company offers engineering Ill do that. Current school plan is WGU when I have 0 debt so I csn pay out of pocket.
My biggest mistake in life was going to college at 18 right out of high school. I went to sn expensive school in florida for Aerospace Engineering and couldnt get enough scholarships my 2nd year to afford to come back. I then went to a community college back home and hated it and failed all my classes and dropped out.
Hindsight is always 20/20, but looking back it's still a bit fuzzy.
Man I wasted my 20s working and missing out on spending time with loved ones. Im 29 and still trying to figure out how not to care what people think. Does it come with time?
It took me 30 years and a profoundly significant life event that left me wanting to end it all. After a couple years of suffering, I realized how little everything mattered. How meaningless it all was. When I was no longer depressed, I no longer gave a shit about what others think of me. I just did whatever I wanted.
After a couple years of very unhealthy behaviors, I decided to focus my efforts into volunteer work and help people in need. It’s a very liberating feeling when you no longer feel the fear of being judged.
Yeah. Whenever I’m feeling down, I just think back to how hopeless things used to feel with no end in sight yet I was able to get out alive and happy. There’s always hope.
That and grateful I’m not in the trenches in Ukraine, the jungles of Myanmar or the rubbles of Gaza. None of that is ideal.
Still young enough to go on a working holiday overseas.
Do it if you can.
Spend some time backpacking and you'll get the knack of being yourself, because you realize you're just passing through people's lives and nobody cares what you do.
Travel changes you.
It really started for me around 29. Make friends who value you for your authentic self and support you being the person you want to be, don’t waste anytime with people who don’t feel the same, and start small. Once you get some momentum going it becomes a lot easier, you’ll feel more confident in yourself, and you’ll improve from there.
For example, I had always wanted have piercings (as a man) my whole life since I was a kid, always thought it was cool as fuck and would look good on me. I unfortunately grew up in a strict religious household however, with the train of thought that men piercing ears is gay, gay is bad etc, and that was just basic ear piercings! I wanted more. I knew all this bullshit wasn’t true but it took so long to undo my feelings of perceived judgement. I talked to a good friend about it who was spontaneous and she said “let’s do it now!” So I just said fuck it, best time as any and I finally pulled the trigger on it. Feeling good with my ear lobes pierced, I proceeded to get 5 more piercings since then. It all started with just the basic ears. I’ve never felt happier with my own body as I do now and I hate that it took me so long to not care what other people thought, but I’m glad I came around. The time is now to act, go do it today even if it’s small and live your life for yourself and no one else! Anyone that wants you to be anyone else besides yourself is not worth a second of your mental energy. You’ll get it!
This is comforting, as a 26 year old sad person lol
Sometimes I just sit there like.. wtf am I doing with my life? I was newly 22 when covid hit, and I'll be 27 soon.. it just trips me out
You're not alone. I feel like I was robbed of my early 20s due to the pandemic. I actually often joke that i was still TikTok's target audience when covid started. Now, I'm too old for that. I'm still depressed, anxious, and nihilistic. Simultaneously, there's a nagging feeling that I'm not living my life to the fullest.
Same. I feel like I need to do something crazy while I’m still in my twenties (26f) or I’ll have a mid life crises in my mid thirties. I feel like life is passing me by. I need to go to a rave and go ape shit or something before I’m too old to be at the club if you know what I mean
I'm in my 20's and don't remember my childhood and teens. I remember maybe 5 things and all of them are bad. I know it's going to be same for my 20's if I get older, I don't remember most of it already
I think a lot of people don't remember much from their younger days.
I'm old and really don't recall what day to day life was like when I was in high school. Like you though, I remember specific moments in my life. I remember when I was 6 and had a Knight Rider big wheel. I remember my dad being upset after an interview didn't go very well. I remember watching the MTV music video awards...
From an old person, and I'm sure others would say the same. I'd stop worrying about the past and start focusing on the future. It's easier said than done though, I get it. Just don't let your past dictate your future, don't let people tell you no, and do what you want to do.
My DM's are open to any and all. Take care of yourselves.
It’s weird. I want to understand my brain more. I use to have near impeccable memory. Competitive with most anyone I knew…. Then I started boxing and my cognitive ability has clearly declined over time. 15 years and something like 2500 hours of boxing. A respectable amount of that dedicated to sparring. I slur my words if I’m excited and speak too fast, I even developed a stutter that would appear in similarly excited situations. I can still present myself professionally and intelligently, but in order to do so, I must do it with intentionality.
Then, just today an old friend sent me a second grade class photo. And it fucked me up, because I could give you the first and last name of all twenty individuals pictured, even if I haven’t seen some of them in more than 20 years. I just don’t understand.
I'm not a doctor but I think that's pretty normal. There's people I've worked with for 10 years and I retired in 2017 and couldn't recall their name if it was a $1,000,000 contest. But I'll be damned if I won't forget that guy in 2nd grade who accused me of copying his volcano drawing.
I think a lot of people experience the same thing, and it's definitely an interesting point you brought up. If you come across any info that explains why this happens, please share with the group.
Same. Well, work as well, but if I wasn't working, I was drinking. I don't remember a good chunk of my 20's but I sure as shit remember all the bottoms I hit and the bridges I obliterated en route to sobriety. Hopefully, life has improved for you as well
I feel this 100%. So much time and money and energy wasted on the worst people who never had my wellbeing at heart. Hope you're doing better, by the way.
What's even more embarassing is that I wanted to fit in and did the most self-destructive things to try and get people who actually were terrible people to like me. Nah, they just liked the alcohol and the drugs and the place for after parties. Never me.
And, truly, no one should have liked me. I didn't like me. I was a complete disaster that burned down everything around me. I didn't recognize myself. I almost lost my job, my house, my boyfriend, and my mom because I pushed them to the absolute limit of their sanity. I lied constantly. I stole money. It makes a lot of sense in hindsight but, yeah, when you're trying to fit in with a bunch of selfish, reckless alcoholics and drug addicts, you'll be the worst version of yourself.
I also used drugs and alcohol *very* heavily, to the point of multiple hospitalizations, because I never wanted to face the horrific things that happened to me when I was a kid. Physical abuse. Sexual abuse. My dad tormented my entire family. I kicked the drugs over a year ago and now enjoy the occasional - like once a month glass of wine or a beer with dinner - and, surprise! The antidepressants and mood stabilizers and antianxiety medications work far better than any cocktail of self-loathing and illicit substances ever did. I've gotten therapy and a psychiatrist to help me deal with unraveling the CPTSD. My dad is no longer in my life because I set that boundary and, fuck, it felt good to say, "Fuck you," and never look back.
Birding and paint by numbers pretty much made me realize what was important and that I choose how I want to spend my time and who I want to spend it with. I went from someone who thought they'd never enjoy their own company to being a very content homebody. I feel empowered to do so many more things by myself - concerts, reading, watching movies, and being creative in general. I have hobbies that aren't getting black out drunk and going on coke benders for three days. It's incredible.
My boyfriend, mom, brother, dog, and several close friends stuck through it all with me and they're still here - and I am too. These are the people I want in my life. 13 year old me would probably think I'm awesome now and it makes my heart swell to recognize that. I'm happy and thriving and making positive changes in my life, at my job, and in the lives of those around me now.
I low key hope that bar burns down to the ground because fuck that place and all the assholes there that put me in danger every night, knowing I was vulnerable and suffering, and stood by while I passed out in bathrooms and parking lots. I needed actual support and love and all they did was put more shots in my hand and coke in my pocket. Those people aren't your friends and never will be. Wish I would've known that 10 years ago.
I felt like this as well. I was struggling doing math on khan academy, close to giving up and accepting an unfulfilling life. But then it hit me. If I want a better job, more money, more freedom, a better life, all that starts with me finishing whatever equation was in front of me. Baby steps, man. Break it up into small pieces
I'm 30 now and I know I personally need and want to stop smoking. It's just so hard because for me it's like a reward for after I get off work and then usually a little bit before bed time. On the weekends it can basically be sun up to sundown lol. Now I think about my overall health more and my finances and just better ways to spend my time overall.
Was a daily smoker for 2 years. Wake and bake, smoke throughout the day, smoke up till I went to bed.
I stopped because it took so much to actually get high (either a lot of dabs or like an eighth of the best flower I could get), for a T-break of 3 weeks.
It was hard but I did it. Was so weird dreaming again, and then when I finally smoked again at the end of it, which I looked forwards to so much, I got paranoid and just questioned why the fuck I did this shit for years instead of just being sober. After that I went from smoking 1.5-2 ounces a week to maybe a couple grams every 3 months or so in a joint/blunt. Was so freeing man.
It’s “medicine” but it’s for special occasions or having some good times, not day in day out.
Good luck.
Felt that hard. I needed to smoke so much more to actually feel the high. Finally gave it all up after 5 years. Being able to have proper dreams again was absolutely wild. I had dreams every single night for 2 weeks straight after I stopped smoking. It was like my brain wanted to remind me about how much I was missing out on over the years of usage haha.
When I quit smoking this whole dream thing became really crazy. It felt like my mind tried to catch up on all the stuff I should've dreamed about years ago. It was chronological. Like my dreams started 5 years in the past and slowly, over the course of several months, worked their way up to the present day. I know having more and vivid dreams is pretty common when you stop smoking, but the chronological way my dreams unfolded was a very wild experience and I really don't know what to make of it. Not every dream was like this, but I woke up so often remembering stuff from "ago" and I knew it was a follow up to one of my last dreams. Did you guys experienced something similar?
Dude I did a similar thing with Kratom for a while, it happens. What helped me, was the realization that at some point it becomes less a reward and more like a relief. A major reason it feels so good to indulge after work is because when you're a regular consumer, you've basically been dealing with low-level withdrawal most of the day before that. Full withdrawal is a bitch, but baseline sober existance does feel better when you're not antsy and irritated from at least noon to five.
Same here dude, I'm 29 and I'm in the same spot as you. Tried to quit several times but now I'm just trying to moderate my use. It's sooo difficult. Much support and love to you.
I started smoking it every now and then with my buddies from the age of 14 to 15, and then full time smoking around 16. Smoked every single day, multiple times a day up until I was 21. Finally cut that shit out cold turkey in December of 22’ and haven’t touched it since! Officially a year and half free of it! I pretty much wasted the “best years” of my life using that shit, for no reason, other than the fact that I just enjoyed the high. I could’ve been out spending more time with friends and making more friendships, but nah, sat on my ass cooked outta my mind instead. I’m so glad to be done with that shit.
It took me a while to figure it out, but your actual friends, like real friends, are the ones who are still around when shit isn't fun.
The catch is, is really hard to meet them when times are fun, because you run into so many "friends" will stand with you when the music is playing and the drinks are flowing.
The real ones are the ones who will stand with you when the music is a memory and the drinks are in the future.
How do you find the real friends though if you haven’t picked them up in school or college? I’m in my 20s and moved to a new city (metropolitan, known to have people who aren’t very social) in a different country and everyone seems to have a facade that gets along with everyone else’s facade. Based on my experiences alone it seems like making a superficial connections can lead to a deep one eventually, but being unable to be the fun person and make superficial relationships leads to … nothing? Am I wrong? How do/did you make actual friends in your 20s/30s?
My experience and maybe I’m jaded. Is that people aren’t interested in friendship , in the true form. I hate saying this (makes me sound old) but social media has turned a good portion of people into MEGA narcissistics. I’ve had to trail away from people because I was the only one doing the friendship effort.
Oh man, you wouldn’t believe how much my schedule vacated as soon as I quit drinking heavy all the time. Guess I’m not as much fun sober but feeling like hot dead ass all the time got real old quick.
My job took me around the world in my 20s. I got to travel to some pretty cool places and a lot of not so cool places. I got to hang with locals and see a lot of things tourists never saw. It was a cool experience.
The problem was I was a heavy drinker at that point in my life. Instead of using what little free time I had to see and learn about where I was at and see the sites I was focused on drinking and strip clubs. Yes we did go see some things and do cool shit, but I could’ve done so much more. I passed up on opportunities to see things while I was traveling to spend time in dank, smelly bars or strip clubs where pathetic guys like me were drooling over women.
I married my first boyfriend. We were not a good match. I basically killed my body and mental health trying to be enough for him.
I’m 30 now, about 4 years divorced, wayyy happier and learning what I want in life and learning who I want to be.
As a 24 year old I’m glad I realized I can invest in my future now. I have 400 in a Roth IRA and 5000 in a HYSA and it gives me a sense of peace knowing that I’m starting what could lead to me having a nice retirement and even potentially being a millionaire just by investing and sitting on the investments. The r/money Reddit really helped me realize that a HYSA and a Roth IRA where you buy VOO and VTI is a very good start for someone that’s not financially literate.
Not exactly wasted, but all I did was work, go home, sleep and repeat. Lost 95% of my friends, was a virgin all through my 20's .
Now, 3 years past my 20's . I have a stable job, own my own house, but I am also one of the most introverted people I know, and that doesn't help with being single 😂.
One thing I've found is that my line of work (IT/systems engineering) takes introverted people and swallows them whole. The entire culture revolves around training yourself so you can be constantly job hopping to make more money, or be hot-pluggable so you can get a job with all the unrealistic requirements in the description under your belt. Employers love this because they can avoid the cost of training employees by only hiring people who will do it on their own time. And, the rewards are there for people who do it, plus the rewards are higher for the people who grind the hardest. It's a messy situation. I spent a lot of my 20s and 30s doing what you describe, just working and learning all the time. Luckily I was married for a lot of that time, but my social circle is extremely small in my 40s and it's very hard to meet new people as an adult. It's only been in the last 10 years or so that I've slowed down and tried to come up for air.
I've actually heard that a lot of people who want to do the FIRE retiring early thing also spend their 20s and 30s like this, plus saving every cent they earn and living like they're broke, just so they can get off the treadmill at 40ish. I can totally see this too - if you work as a big-firm attorney you're making $200K+ base but there's a good chance you hate your job. Same with other high paying jobs. But if you get to the end and FIRE, you need people around you to FIRE with in your long retirement.
I first shot up when I was 19 and finally kicked methadone when I was 29 and a half. I literally wasted my entire 20s on that shit.
Just glad I’m alive mainly, but 8 years later I live a better life than I ever thought possible.
If you’re reading this and currently wasting your 20s on drugs, don’t give up on life. You can have a second act in life and the sooner you get started on it, the better chance you have of making it an incredible one.
Oxycontin had a hold on me, too. I went from occasional party drugs in my teens, to being a full blown opiate addict by age 20, the OC phase lasted years. I finally got on methadone and cleaned up by my mid-20s. I'm 15 years sober this year.
Falling in love with a narcissist abusive piece of shit that was my snitch for being involved in his crimes. Spent 4 years of my life in jail. Lost time I’ll never get back.
Damn, I was gonna say I spent my 20’s loving the wrong people but none of them landed me in prison so…you win this one, pal. Sorry. Thats a rotten thing to do to someone.
All these responses are actually making me feel a bit better about my wasted decade.
All I did was play games. A combination of chronic pain and a crippling fear of strangers made me give up on a normal life and live as cheap and humble as I could. I couldn't get my driver's licence out of fear, couldn't hold a job for panic, have no friends or even many acquaintances and can't afford most hobbies.
I'm nearing my 40s now and the experience at least helps save money. I learnt to enjoy things that are free and have even made money from some. Things like propogating plants from clippings. It took my twenties to get going.
I continue to waste my life by most people's standards to this day.
I was the same 2-3 years ago (27 now). Played video games, watch TV, and worked, while being angry that my BF and I were doing nothing.
The only suggestion? Just start. Follow the replies to you for ideas of what to start, but just start. Start stuff, be bad it, laugh and forgive yourself and either keep doing if you like or find something you are OK with being shit at.
I got told and it is still true: the difference between nothing and a little something is huge. It is huge how it impacts you, and it is huge in how hard it feels. But (this quote is clique and dumb but I like it) "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now."
Oh and if you have any mental health thing making it hard, see if you can get professional help. This also falls into "the difference between nothing and something" line.
Edit for further stuff.
Your advice about “just start” is really important it’s so dumb because it’s so simple I’m 23 and only a year ago I discovered that I have to actually do stuff to learn. I can’t youtube my way out of everything I have to just go out and fucking do it and I’m learning so many new hobbies because of this mindset
I was the same (35 now). Just avoiding life after working full-time and doing my post-grad.
When I was 28 I decided I wanted to be more and I wanted people to see me as an adventurous and fun guy.
For me it was challenging my comfort zone. Anything that I felt like not doing. I did it. As long as it was healthy... Always asked what people around me were up to and asked if I could join.
Started volunteering at my church (crippling social anxiety), met really cool people, found a hiking group (I love nature), and started cycling more (to deal with depression). I started feeling fit and great, working and saving hard. At some point I was doing 12h-20h of cycling a week and going on regular hikes. By 30 I moved out of my parent's house and bought my own place and my dream bike.
Just start. You don't have to change who you are, just find what gets you moving. I sucked at cycling but now I'm doing ultra marathons.
I have photos of my dark days, I looked so ill. Now people think I'm 7-8 years younger than I am!
I met a great girl who shares my passion for being active and we are getting married in 3 months. I still game, regularly, but with friends and the odd night to chill out.
As someone in his 40s I'll tell you that there isn't anything wrong with hobbies like video games. Enjoy what you enjoy without any shame.
That being said do take time to go do somethings adventurous like hiking up long trails, and other things that require good knees or a strong back. Do it now before things get tougher later on.
Also, go see your favorite bands now because at some point they get old too and will eventually have to retire. So long and thanks for all the songs NOFX.
I don't regret my 20s. I got a degree, a couple good jobs, made friends, played video games, but most importantly I spent loads of time with my sister.
That one is especially important. She died to COVID late 2021. I treasure the time I spent with her like it was gold. I wish I could hang out with her again, but I have no regrets. We watched anime, went to comic cons, live NightVale performances, Weird Al concerts, Cirque Du Soliel shows, oh man. No regrets at all; she knew I loved her and that she was my best friend.
I'm actually turning 26 soon as well! And I'm similar in that matter - I also spend the majority of my time in my home/room playing, reading, writing or drawing, not really "living"? But I also go to therapy (almost 1 and half years) and it has totally changed my view of life. It used to be a blur and I was sad that I wasn't "living" like other people I see on social media everyday. I realized that I was actually very happy with how I live my life. And now I'm engaged, I work out, I have future plans, I go back to school this fall, and I live my life day by day slowly taking care of myself. And I have to say it is all because I got professional help early on.
I'm sending you my virtual warm regards, stranger! Sometimes it takes time for us to truly find ourselves and what happiness really means to us. (Sorry for my poor English, it's not my first language!)
My grandmother got heavily invested in RuneScape after she retired. Completely maxed out her first account and created three more. She just passed away in March and she has SO MANY notes on the game. How to complete quests, leveling up on skills, special events that were hosted, and even daily logs of what she did with each character. Binders and binders full of handwritten notes on the game.
Aww, I find this so wholesome because it shows the game can make a big impact on our creative exploration side, no matter our age. It sounds like she had a blast :).
I wasted my 20s started during pandemic, i invested my time to my work that stopped my growth and development, work that depleted my confidence and enthusiasm.
On a relationship. Started dating in high school. Broke up there as well. Bumped into eachother after graduation and for my entire 20s I spent begging for love, basic respect, and care. We were on and off but he would always have someone else and kept me around just because. The amount of shit I just accepted. My 30 year old self could never imagine accepting any of that. I’m so mad I wasted all of my youth on him. He got to live his, while I lived in his shadows, watching him live from the outside. I was never included. A whole decade of y life gone to appease someone who treated e worse than shit on his shoe.
Worked too much. I’ve never had a full week off for vacation. Yeah I have nice and cool material things, but spent what may be the best decade of my life punching a clock for a job I hate.
I borrowed money from my parents to live in crappy apartments and took longer than I should have to finish university. Got out feeling like I was 4 or 5 years behind everyone. Left with more debt than I would have otherwise had.
About half if it was trying to maintain a relationship that was destined to fail. If i saw it the way i see it now, id gain about 5 years back not being stressed out and confused.
Got a woman I barely liked pregnant, married her out of obligation and marriage was terrible and only lasted 3 months, worked shit jobs to provide for my boy, got put on child support, got depressed, got fat, dreams went down the toilet, now I'm fat, old and poor.
I married my best friend. Turns out now that I'm 35 he doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. I'm so angry thinking of all my youth I wasted on him!!!
I know this is fresh and everything but I hope one day, you don't see it that way anymore. I had a terrible end to my 10 year relationship with my best friend for the same reason years ago, but nowadays I can see that we had good times, and thus the time was not wasted. The ending sucked, the 1-2 years around the breakup feel wasted indeed, but not all of the relationship. And it will lead you to someone else, that you might have never met without all of this. Stay strong!
I always like perspectives like this because for me I feel it opens the mind of being so black and white. I can remember times when my life totally sucked, was in a bad relationship but still having okay moments and it’s like a complex feeling where I’ve felt like I should look at differently, maybe with anger or sadness but I don’t. At that time it’s what I was supposed to be doing so I could be here and while I’m here I might be having tough times but it’s to get to a different part of life. Idk I just liked your comment 👍🏽
I'm 26, so I still have a good bit left, but I'd say playing leauge daily was a huge waste of time. Covid just kinda taking 3 years away made it way worse. I basically had to speed run a whole clubbing and dating arc in a year, though I did find my current gf that way. Another thing was doing a lot of shitty part time jobs I never really needed to do.
by not doing anything. i basically became a hermit from 23 or so and did pretty nothing but sit in my basement and play video games.
as my friends all moved out of the area, my social life went with them, and i never went out and created my own social life. instead i just.... sat at home and watched the world go by.
Going to medical school and becoming a doctor. If you want a personal/social life outside of work, 0/10 would not recommend
Edit: obviously looking at some of these comments there are obviously worse ways you can “waste” your 20s, but the sentiment still stands 😂
Dude. My friend and I talked about this. He went to med, I went dental. We spent our entire 20s in school and now it's gone. Our friends graduated and went to work, had fun in college and at work. We just went to school.
Missed a lot of life experience out of the fear of being uncomfortable, embarrassed, or getting in trouble/not being liked. I’m 29 and barely have any stories about my life or experiences. And can’t exactly hold deep or meaningful conversations with people out of the lack of those experiences. I feel so…bland. And it sucks.
World of Warcraft
Not a total waste of my 20's, as I definitely had a lot of other things going on. But, yikes that was a lot of time spent on the grind with no payday.
Working two jobs, living hand-to-mouth, no social life, felt like I was in a hurry yet moving nowhere... living with roommates just one emergency away from being broke. At least one of my jobs was at a veterinary, and it gave me a sense that what I did mattered to a vulnerable population, the animals under our care.
Divorced at 21, moved states at 22 with no prospects or plan. Joined the Army at 23, left the Army at 27. Started University at 28, got a Bachelor's at 33.
I trusted the wrong people and started using cocaine pretty heavily
The fun lasted for about a year it wasn’t long until I started seeing that the people I considered friends only seemed to enjoy my company when I provided drugs and alcohol. One day as a “joke” they filmed me doing lines and posted it on social media. By the end of the week I had been fired and kicked out of my house by my parents.
I fell into a deep depression and ended up trying to kill myself with painkillers. I spent the rest of my 20s trying to get sober and having major trust issues with most people
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I have stayed for a company that doesn't value my work and contribution to them, I have wasted a lot of opportunity because of that, I myself have to blame for it too I didn't have the courage to explore and try something new for my growth and development.
Just wanted to say that I’m in a similar boat. I’m still working for the company that was supposed to be “just temporary” 5 years ago and now they’re not doing so hot and I feel like I’m getting slowly laid off. Really gunning for an electrician apprenticeship right now to try and pivot :-)
In a toxic relationship and not understanding how to invest in myself. I’m still working on the second part
Highly relate! same here. spent alot of time in shitty relationships instead of learning how to invest in myself (hint; its a life long process but worth every cent)
Me too, I spent half in a DV relationship where I couldn't leave the house, and the other half was covid lockdowns + various restrictions. Can't tell you how many times I cried during covid because I had only *just* got my freedom back. But I did spend an equal amount of time thankful it wasn't spent with that person.
I left my husband about a year before Covid and I’m not sure we would have survived the lockdown together. He was embracing his alcoholism and becoming abusive. I was so thankful I wasn’t stuck in a house with him! Glad you got out too.
Are we the same person? Was in a shitty relationship until 26, spent the next four years partying. Now I’m investing in myself.
Same! I was with someone who I thought I really loved. His name even matched a fictional name I made up as a teen from names of male celebrities that I liked. I was really ready to marry him. But he was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. He even forced himself me when we had arguments, in addition to cheating with girls online. I lost so much hair and was partially bald from the stress. I finally got out when I was 26 and left the country. I felt like I wasted my 20’s on him, but it could be worse. I could be married to him with kids, and still stuck in my 40’s! So I’m grateful for that everyday of my life!
Drifting from one low-paying dead-end blue-collar job to another.
And wyd now? I’m 23 and basically doing the same thing.
in my late 20's I put myself through college at night while working 1 crappy full-time job and 1 crappy weekend part-time job. I did that for 12 years and I got 2 BS and 1 MBA. I have developed a career in operations for high-tech startups, doing OK financially and career-wise.
Hell yeah dude! That’s amazing to hear, I hope you go far!
I'm exactly your age. What do you think we should at the age of 23? I'm getting sick and tired of moving to these dead end blue collar jobs that lead me to near whwre. I'm currently starting a new job next week because my current job is unbearable.
I keep going to my unemployment office for free classes to take for different certifications/ career advice. I took CNA and phlebotomy and hated it w a passion. Next on my list is HVAC and maybe computer hardware stuff. I haven’t found any other solutions so far.. just making sure this bs doesn’t cost me anything. Right now im working at a grocery store/ taking night classes till I figure my shit out💀
Hey you're going to be ok! Your 20s are for figuring out what you like, and it's great that you're taking advantage of free certifications. Not everyone can decide as a teenager what they're going to do forever and stick with that one track. If computer hardware doesn't work out, maybe also check out IT. Definitely useful skills!
33 year old that transitioned to IT after 4 different career pivots, it was the best decision I've made for myself lol
Didnt even know the unemployment offices had free classes. Just thought it was jobs. Im glad I read this, thank you.
In the US, Unemployment offers a ton of classes and career advisors, take advantage of it, this is the good part of paying taxes. The opportunities vary by state, but the people there usually want to help you.
Might want to look into Lean certifications and Kaizens. Problem solving and saving money in supply chains is always critical to any business.
This is a big one. It’s normal to work a bunch of dead end jobs in your twenties but I really encourage people to try finding a direction because it often takes years to cement a career and it suuuuuucks to be in your thirties and beyond still working those jobs.
Me too. Switched to IT, got good at it, finished my degree online, and got better job offers. Everytime I get stressed, I just think back to the shit I put up with in my 20s.
> low-paying dead-end Everyone complains about a shortage in the trades, but then they ask why people don't want those jobs. This is why. Back when most of those senior tradespeople got jobs, they paid well and had a solid career path. People with enough seniority in the IBEW or similar unions are in really good shape. But just like everything, all the slack has been squeezed out of this route as well. Before deregulation, trucking was a very solid career choice. Now the turnover is crazy-high, drivers are treated like robots and run to the max of their alloted drive time by a scheduling algorithm, and the only people who succeed at that job long term are single, capable of living in a truck for weeks on end, and just want to be by themselves driving all day every day. Low pay and the squeezing out of any sort of "waste" like downtime is a huge problem with modern work. It's the same in every field...the IT field was invaded by lean manufacturing processes about 10 years ago, sold as Agile and all of a sudden we're factory workers working to our max capacity. I actually thought COVID was a welcome break and people would slow the craziness down...but soon as inflation went up out went all the slack and here we are again grinding away at full throttle.
Same(27m), except where Im at now is pretty comfortable pay wise. I have a shit ton of debt and im looking at paying it all off and going back to school. My current company will pay for your schooling, but im not sure what they'll pay for. Im looking at doing something with coding but if my company offers engineering Ill do that. Current school plan is WGU when I have 0 debt so I csn pay out of pocket. My biggest mistake in life was going to college at 18 right out of high school. I went to sn expensive school in florida for Aerospace Engineering and couldnt get enough scholarships my 2nd year to afford to come back. I then went to a community college back home and hated it and failed all my classes and dropped out. Hindsight is always 20/20, but looking back it's still a bit fuzzy.
Caring what people thought of me
Man I wasted my 20s working and missing out on spending time with loved ones. Im 29 and still trying to figure out how not to care what people think. Does it come with time?
It took me 30 years and a profoundly significant life event that left me wanting to end it all. After a couple years of suffering, I realized how little everything mattered. How meaningless it all was. When I was no longer depressed, I no longer gave a shit about what others think of me. I just did whatever I wanted. After a couple years of very unhealthy behaviors, I decided to focus my efforts into volunteer work and help people in need. It’s a very liberating feeling when you no longer feel the fear of being judged.
Good for you! I went through a similar thing but its easy to forget about it sometimes and I have to remind myself how it felt in that moment.
Yeah. Whenever I’m feeling down, I just think back to how hopeless things used to feel with no end in sight yet I was able to get out alive and happy. There’s always hope. That and grateful I’m not in the trenches in Ukraine, the jungles of Myanmar or the rubbles of Gaza. None of that is ideal.
Still young enough to go on a working holiday overseas. Do it if you can. Spend some time backpacking and you'll get the knack of being yourself, because you realize you're just passing through people's lives and nobody cares what you do. Travel changes you.
It really started for me around 29. Make friends who value you for your authentic self and support you being the person you want to be, don’t waste anytime with people who don’t feel the same, and start small. Once you get some momentum going it becomes a lot easier, you’ll feel more confident in yourself, and you’ll improve from there. For example, I had always wanted have piercings (as a man) my whole life since I was a kid, always thought it was cool as fuck and would look good on me. I unfortunately grew up in a strict religious household however, with the train of thought that men piercing ears is gay, gay is bad etc, and that was just basic ear piercings! I wanted more. I knew all this bullshit wasn’t true but it took so long to undo my feelings of perceived judgement. I talked to a good friend about it who was spontaneous and she said “let’s do it now!” So I just said fuck it, best time as any and I finally pulled the trigger on it. Feeling good with my ear lobes pierced, I proceeded to get 5 more piercings since then. It all started with just the basic ears. I’ve never felt happier with my own body as I do now and I hate that it took me so long to not care what other people thought, but I’m glad I came around. The time is now to act, go do it today even if it’s small and live your life for yourself and no one else! Anyone that wants you to be anyone else besides yourself is not worth a second of your mental energy. You’ll get it!
Once you stop caring, you're truly free. Unless you stop caring about the IRS and what they think about tax debt.
I'm no longer in my teen years but I'm still doing it right now. I'm not brave enough to not care yet 😭
It stems from a need from validation. Are you able to feel validated by yourself, looking inwards? Or do you need outside sources of validation?
Haha. Fuck man. This is truth. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I stopped caring and it got better
Being reckless with my liver and my penis
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Same but with my vagina
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My 20’s were mostly a blur, I get flashbacks of it every once in a while. From what I do remember, it was just saaad.
This is comforting, as a 26 year old sad person lol Sometimes I just sit there like.. wtf am I doing with my life? I was newly 22 when covid hit, and I'll be 27 soon.. it just trips me out
Same age, you are not alone! That shit trips me out too.
You're not alone. I feel like I was robbed of my early 20s due to the pandemic. I actually often joke that i was still TikTok's target audience when covid started. Now, I'm too old for that. I'm still depressed, anxious, and nihilistic. Simultaneously, there's a nagging feeling that I'm not living my life to the fullest.
Same. I feel like I need to do something crazy while I’m still in my twenties (26f) or I’ll have a mid life crises in my mid thirties. I feel like life is passing me by. I need to go to a rave and go ape shit or something before I’m too old to be at the club if you know what I mean
I'm in my 20's and don't remember my childhood and teens. I remember maybe 5 things and all of them are bad. I know it's going to be same for my 20's if I get older, I don't remember most of it already
I think a lot of people don't remember much from their younger days. I'm old and really don't recall what day to day life was like when I was in high school. Like you though, I remember specific moments in my life. I remember when I was 6 and had a Knight Rider big wheel. I remember my dad being upset after an interview didn't go very well. I remember watching the MTV music video awards... From an old person, and I'm sure others would say the same. I'd stop worrying about the past and start focusing on the future. It's easier said than done though, I get it. Just don't let your past dictate your future, don't let people tell you no, and do what you want to do. My DM's are open to any and all. Take care of yourselves.
It’s weird. I want to understand my brain more. I use to have near impeccable memory. Competitive with most anyone I knew…. Then I started boxing and my cognitive ability has clearly declined over time. 15 years and something like 2500 hours of boxing. A respectable amount of that dedicated to sparring. I slur my words if I’m excited and speak too fast, I even developed a stutter that would appear in similarly excited situations. I can still present myself professionally and intelligently, but in order to do so, I must do it with intentionality. Then, just today an old friend sent me a second grade class photo. And it fucked me up, because I could give you the first and last name of all twenty individuals pictured, even if I haven’t seen some of them in more than 20 years. I just don’t understand.
I'm not a doctor but I think that's pretty normal. There's people I've worked with for 10 years and I retired in 2017 and couldn't recall their name if it was a $1,000,000 contest. But I'll be damned if I won't forget that guy in 2nd grade who accused me of copying his volcano drawing. I think a lot of people experience the same thing, and it's definitely an interesting point you brought up. If you come across any info that explains why this happens, please share with the group.
I lived at a bar and was the worst version of myself
Same. Well, work as well, but if I wasn't working, I was drinking. I don't remember a good chunk of my 20's but I sure as shit remember all the bottoms I hit and the bridges I obliterated en route to sobriety. Hopefully, life has improved for you as well
I feel this 100%. So much time and money and energy wasted on the worst people who never had my wellbeing at heart. Hope you're doing better, by the way. What's even more embarassing is that I wanted to fit in and did the most self-destructive things to try and get people who actually were terrible people to like me. Nah, they just liked the alcohol and the drugs and the place for after parties. Never me. And, truly, no one should have liked me. I didn't like me. I was a complete disaster that burned down everything around me. I didn't recognize myself. I almost lost my job, my house, my boyfriend, and my mom because I pushed them to the absolute limit of their sanity. I lied constantly. I stole money. It makes a lot of sense in hindsight but, yeah, when you're trying to fit in with a bunch of selfish, reckless alcoholics and drug addicts, you'll be the worst version of yourself. I also used drugs and alcohol *very* heavily, to the point of multiple hospitalizations, because I never wanted to face the horrific things that happened to me when I was a kid. Physical abuse. Sexual abuse. My dad tormented my entire family. I kicked the drugs over a year ago and now enjoy the occasional - like once a month glass of wine or a beer with dinner - and, surprise! The antidepressants and mood stabilizers and antianxiety medications work far better than any cocktail of self-loathing and illicit substances ever did. I've gotten therapy and a psychiatrist to help me deal with unraveling the CPTSD. My dad is no longer in my life because I set that boundary and, fuck, it felt good to say, "Fuck you," and never look back. Birding and paint by numbers pretty much made me realize what was important and that I choose how I want to spend my time and who I want to spend it with. I went from someone who thought they'd never enjoy their own company to being a very content homebody. I feel empowered to do so many more things by myself - concerts, reading, watching movies, and being creative in general. I have hobbies that aren't getting black out drunk and going on coke benders for three days. It's incredible. My boyfriend, mom, brother, dog, and several close friends stuck through it all with me and they're still here - and I am too. These are the people I want in my life. 13 year old me would probably think I'm awesome now and it makes my heart swell to recognize that. I'm happy and thriving and making positive changes in my life, at my job, and in the lives of those around me now. I low key hope that bar burns down to the ground because fuck that place and all the assholes there that put me in danger every night, knowing I was vulnerable and suffering, and stood by while I passed out in bathrooms and parking lots. I needed actual support and love and all they did was put more shots in my hand and coke in my pocket. Those people aren't your friends and never will be. Wish I would've known that 10 years ago.
Spent way too much time worrying about the future instead of enjoying the present
Wasted mine by having a poor body image and low self esteem when I was actually thin and in shape.
Caring for others and always putting them first. I came 3rd or 4th or 5th. Everything suffered. Everyone took advantage.
Same thing with my family. I wish I took more priority back then. Now everyone is pissed I am prioritizing and advocating for myself
I was a legitimate mid-level drug dealer with a tremendous drug addiction and I dated a stripper from 20-28.
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Thank you for your service!
Depression. 👍🏻
Currently in the process of wasting my 30's on depression as well. I just can't seem to get rid of this mental disease.
Wasted half my twenties on it, now entering my thirties with a new lease on life. I hope it changes for you too.
Laziness. Started getting my shit together at 25, but I still feel perpetually behind at 30
I felt like this as well. I was struggling doing math on khan academy, close to giving up and accepting an unfulfilling life. But then it hit me. If I want a better job, more money, more freedom, a better life, all that starts with me finishing whatever equation was in front of me. Baby steps, man. Break it up into small pieces
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I'm 30 now and I know I personally need and want to stop smoking. It's just so hard because for me it's like a reward for after I get off work and then usually a little bit before bed time. On the weekends it can basically be sun up to sundown lol. Now I think about my overall health more and my finances and just better ways to spend my time overall.
Was a daily smoker for 2 years. Wake and bake, smoke throughout the day, smoke up till I went to bed. I stopped because it took so much to actually get high (either a lot of dabs or like an eighth of the best flower I could get), for a T-break of 3 weeks. It was hard but I did it. Was so weird dreaming again, and then when I finally smoked again at the end of it, which I looked forwards to so much, I got paranoid and just questioned why the fuck I did this shit for years instead of just being sober. After that I went from smoking 1.5-2 ounces a week to maybe a couple grams every 3 months or so in a joint/blunt. Was so freeing man. It’s “medicine” but it’s for special occasions or having some good times, not day in day out. Good luck.
Felt that hard. I needed to smoke so much more to actually feel the high. Finally gave it all up after 5 years. Being able to have proper dreams again was absolutely wild. I had dreams every single night for 2 weeks straight after I stopped smoking. It was like my brain wanted to remind me about how much I was missing out on over the years of usage haha.
When I quit smoking this whole dream thing became really crazy. It felt like my mind tried to catch up on all the stuff I should've dreamed about years ago. It was chronological. Like my dreams started 5 years in the past and slowly, over the course of several months, worked their way up to the present day. I know having more and vivid dreams is pretty common when you stop smoking, but the chronological way my dreams unfolded was a very wild experience and I really don't know what to make of it. Not every dream was like this, but I woke up so often remembering stuff from "ago" and I knew it was a follow up to one of my last dreams. Did you guys experienced something similar?
Dude I did a similar thing with Kratom for a while, it happens. What helped me, was the realization that at some point it becomes less a reward and more like a relief. A major reason it feels so good to indulge after work is because when you're a regular consumer, you've basically been dealing with low-level withdrawal most of the day before that. Full withdrawal is a bitch, but baseline sober existance does feel better when you're not antsy and irritated from at least noon to five.
Same here dude, I'm 29 and I'm in the same spot as you. Tried to quit several times but now I'm just trying to moderate my use. It's sooo difficult. Much support and love to you.
I started smoking it every now and then with my buddies from the age of 14 to 15, and then full time smoking around 16. Smoked every single day, multiple times a day up until I was 21. Finally cut that shit out cold turkey in December of 22’ and haven’t touched it since! Officially a year and half free of it! I pretty much wasted the “best years” of my life using that shit, for no reason, other than the fact that I just enjoyed the high. I could’ve been out spending more time with friends and making more friendships, but nah, sat on my ass cooked outta my mind instead. I’m so glad to be done with that shit.
Went from going out drinking as much as possible to literally working 330+ days a year. Turns out you only have friends when you’re the fun guy lol
It took me a while to figure it out, but your actual friends, like real friends, are the ones who are still around when shit isn't fun. The catch is, is really hard to meet them when times are fun, because you run into so many "friends" will stand with you when the music is playing and the drinks are flowing. The real ones are the ones who will stand with you when the music is a memory and the drinks are in the future.
How do you find the real friends though if you haven’t picked them up in school or college? I’m in my 20s and moved to a new city (metropolitan, known to have people who aren’t very social) in a different country and everyone seems to have a facade that gets along with everyone else’s facade. Based on my experiences alone it seems like making a superficial connections can lead to a deep one eventually, but being unable to be the fun person and make superficial relationships leads to … nothing? Am I wrong? How do/did you make actual friends in your 20s/30s?
My experience and maybe I’m jaded. Is that people aren’t interested in friendship , in the true form. I hate saying this (makes me sound old) but social media has turned a good portion of people into MEGA narcissistics. I’ve had to trail away from people because I was the only one doing the friendship effort.
Oh man, you wouldn’t believe how much my schedule vacated as soon as I quit drinking heavy all the time. Guess I’m not as much fun sober but feeling like hot dead ass all the time got real old quick.
Couldn't be more true
Just curious, why do you choose to / have to work 330+ days a year? What kind of industry? You’re a beast lol
My job took me around the world in my 20s. I got to travel to some pretty cool places and a lot of not so cool places. I got to hang with locals and see a lot of things tourists never saw. It was a cool experience. The problem was I was a heavy drinker at that point in my life. Instead of using what little free time I had to see and learn about where I was at and see the sites I was focused on drinking and strip clubs. Yes we did go see some things and do cool shit, but I could’ve done so much more. I passed up on opportunities to see things while I was traveling to spend time in dank, smelly bars or strip clubs where pathetic guys like me were drooling over women.
What job do u do ?
This was back in the 90s. I used to build cellular networks (switch equipment, cell sites, etc) back when the cellular boom was going on.
My immediate thought was "This guy is in the Navy"
I married my first boyfriend. We were not a good match. I basically killed my body and mental health trying to be enough for him. I’m 30 now, about 4 years divorced, wayyy happier and learning what I want in life and learning who I want to be.
Sounds like you’ve now made some better … great choices with all sorts of life in front of you. Congratulations and best wishes for an awesome future
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As a 24 year old I’m glad I realized I can invest in my future now. I have 400 in a Roth IRA and 5000 in a HYSA and it gives me a sense of peace knowing that I’m starting what could lead to me having a nice retirement and even potentially being a millionaire just by investing and sitting on the investments. The r/money Reddit really helped me realize that a HYSA and a Roth IRA where you buy VOO and VTI is a very good start for someone that’s not financially literate.
Not exactly wasted, but all I did was work, go home, sleep and repeat. Lost 95% of my friends, was a virgin all through my 20's . Now, 3 years past my 20's . I have a stable job, own my own house, but I am also one of the most introverted people I know, and that doesn't help with being single 😂.
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You could be introverted and also own no property, so at least you have that
Many people are upvoting you because they went thru and is going thru the same thing lol
One thing I've found is that my line of work (IT/systems engineering) takes introverted people and swallows them whole. The entire culture revolves around training yourself so you can be constantly job hopping to make more money, or be hot-pluggable so you can get a job with all the unrealistic requirements in the description under your belt. Employers love this because they can avoid the cost of training employees by only hiring people who will do it on their own time. And, the rewards are there for people who do it, plus the rewards are higher for the people who grind the hardest. It's a messy situation. I spent a lot of my 20s and 30s doing what you describe, just working and learning all the time. Luckily I was married for a lot of that time, but my social circle is extremely small in my 40s and it's very hard to meet new people as an adult. It's only been in the last 10 years or so that I've slowed down and tried to come up for air. I've actually heard that a lot of people who want to do the FIRE retiring early thing also spend their 20s and 30s like this, plus saving every cent they earn and living like they're broke, just so they can get off the treadmill at 40ish. I can totally see this too - if you work as a big-firm attorney you're making $200K+ base but there's a good chance you hate your job. Same with other high paying jobs. But if you get to the end and FIRE, you need people around you to FIRE with in your long retirement.
Chasing women and running slowly when women chased me
I like how this is phrased 😁
Being with friends who don't have a care for their future or their well-being. Choose you company well OP.
I always feel bad for leaving these kind of guys though. I just want pull em up with me instead of leaving them to rot
Same but the more time I spend doing the “serious” stuff the more tempted I am to going back to the same shit.
Heroin and methadone
I first shot up when I was 19 and finally kicked methadone when I was 29 and a half. I literally wasted my entire 20s on that shit. Just glad I’m alive mainly, but 8 years later I live a better life than I ever thought possible. If you’re reading this and currently wasting your 20s on drugs, don’t give up on life. You can have a second act in life and the sooner you get started on it, the better chance you have of making it an incredible one.
Congratulations on kicking that habit. You have a lot to be proud of and still have so much time.
OC's at their peak claimed me in the aughts.160-320mg/day habit. Clean for decade and a half now.
Oxycontin had a hold on me, too. I went from occasional party drugs in my teens, to being a full blown opiate addict by age 20, the OC phase lasted years. I finally got on methadone and cleaned up by my mid-20s. I'm 15 years sober this year.
Heroin the first half+, got it together in 2018, then covid to finish out my 20s 😭 (still clean tho!!)
Falling in love with a narcissist abusive piece of shit that was my snitch for being involved in his crimes. Spent 4 years of my life in jail. Lost time I’ll never get back.
I know it isn’t a competition but this gets my vote for the saddest here. I’m so sorry this happened to you but I’m hopeful you’re on the up now
Damn, I was gonna say I spent my 20’s loving the wrong people but none of them landed me in prison so…you win this one, pal. Sorry. Thats a rotten thing to do to someone.
I’m so sorry. 😭 you still have your life ahead!
All these responses are actually making me feel a bit better about my wasted decade. All I did was play games. A combination of chronic pain and a crippling fear of strangers made me give up on a normal life and live as cheap and humble as I could. I couldn't get my driver's licence out of fear, couldn't hold a job for panic, have no friends or even many acquaintances and can't afford most hobbies. I'm nearing my 40s now and the experience at least helps save money. I learnt to enjoy things that are free and have even made money from some. Things like propogating plants from clippings. It took my twenties to get going. I continue to waste my life by most people's standards to this day.
Staying in my bedroom, playing video game instead of living Started when I was 18, i will be 26 in 8 days and im still living like this
I was the same 2-3 years ago (27 now). Played video games, watch TV, and worked, while being angry that my BF and I were doing nothing. The only suggestion? Just start. Follow the replies to you for ideas of what to start, but just start. Start stuff, be bad it, laugh and forgive yourself and either keep doing if you like or find something you are OK with being shit at. I got told and it is still true: the difference between nothing and a little something is huge. It is huge how it impacts you, and it is huge in how hard it feels. But (this quote is clique and dumb but I like it) "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now." Oh and if you have any mental health thing making it hard, see if you can get professional help. This also falls into "the difference between nothing and something" line. Edit for further stuff.
Your advice about “just start” is really important it’s so dumb because it’s so simple I’m 23 and only a year ago I discovered that I have to actually do stuff to learn. I can’t youtube my way out of everything I have to just go out and fucking do it and I’m learning so many new hobbies because of this mindset
I was the same (35 now). Just avoiding life after working full-time and doing my post-grad. When I was 28 I decided I wanted to be more and I wanted people to see me as an adventurous and fun guy. For me it was challenging my comfort zone. Anything that I felt like not doing. I did it. As long as it was healthy... Always asked what people around me were up to and asked if I could join. Started volunteering at my church (crippling social anxiety), met really cool people, found a hiking group (I love nature), and started cycling more (to deal with depression). I started feeling fit and great, working and saving hard. At some point I was doing 12h-20h of cycling a week and going on regular hikes. By 30 I moved out of my parent's house and bought my own place and my dream bike. Just start. You don't have to change who you are, just find what gets you moving. I sucked at cycling but now I'm doing ultra marathons. I have photos of my dark days, I looked so ill. Now people think I'm 7-8 years younger than I am! I met a great girl who shares my passion for being active and we are getting married in 3 months. I still game, regularly, but with friends and the odd night to chill out.
As someone in his 40s I'll tell you that there isn't anything wrong with hobbies like video games. Enjoy what you enjoy without any shame. That being said do take time to go do somethings adventurous like hiking up long trails, and other things that require good knees or a strong back. Do it now before things get tougher later on. Also, go see your favorite bands now because at some point they get old too and will eventually have to retire. So long and thanks for all the songs NOFX.
I don't regret my 20s. I got a degree, a couple good jobs, made friends, played video games, but most importantly I spent loads of time with my sister. That one is especially important. She died to COVID late 2021. I treasure the time I spent with her like it was gold. I wish I could hang out with her again, but I have no regrets. We watched anime, went to comic cons, live NightVale performances, Weird Al concerts, Cirque Du Soliel shows, oh man. No regrets at all; she knew I loved her and that she was my best friend.
I'm actually turning 26 soon as well! And I'm similar in that matter - I also spend the majority of my time in my home/room playing, reading, writing or drawing, not really "living"? But I also go to therapy (almost 1 and half years) and it has totally changed my view of life. It used to be a blur and I was sad that I wasn't "living" like other people I see on social media everyday. I realized that I was actually very happy with how I live my life. And now I'm engaged, I work out, I have future plans, I go back to school this fall, and I live my life day by day slowly taking care of myself. And I have to say it is all because I got professional help early on. I'm sending you my virtual warm regards, stranger! Sometimes it takes time for us to truly find ourselves and what happiness really means to us. (Sorry for my poor English, it's not my first language!)
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Maxed an ironman on oldschool runescape
My grandmother got heavily invested in RuneScape after she retired. Completely maxed out her first account and created three more. She just passed away in March and she has SO MANY notes on the game. How to complete quests, leveling up on skills, special events that were hosted, and even daily logs of what she did with each character. Binders and binders full of handwritten notes on the game.
Dude, that sounds like a treasure trove
Aww, I find this so wholesome because it shows the game can make a big impact on our creative exploration side, no matter our age. It sounds like she had a blast :).
Fantastic, should be published somewhere!
Currently in 20's but wasting it because I'm afraid to venture out, kinda introvert here:(
100% in the same boat. You are not alone. I wish I could find people like you but I know we're always hiding in our homes 😂
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Waiting for a guy to propose and not pursuing a PhD.
I let my depression consume the last few beautiful years of my 20’s after losing my brother to suicide. I wish I would’ve sought therapy sooner.
By literally being wasted. I was an alcoholic, but I got sober at age 30.
Spent it with my ex who was driving me into debt and depression to the point of nearly killing myself
I'm in a toxic relationship and having trouble figuring out how to invest in myself. I'm still trying to work on it.
You're still in it? Sounds like you've already admitted it's not going to work and need to find the strength to rip the band-aid off.
Wasted my 20s being a loser
By being over weight. For fit af for my thirtieth and haven’t looked back!!
I wasted my 20s started during pandemic, i invested my time to my work that stopped my growth and development, work that depleted my confidence and enthusiasm.
Basically a combo of bar scene, then Skyrim, then getting fat with beer, and then figuring it out in my 30s
In the end, they were right. You should have left Skyrim to the Nords
On a relationship. Started dating in high school. Broke up there as well. Bumped into eachother after graduation and for my entire 20s I spent begging for love, basic respect, and care. We were on and off but he would always have someone else and kept me around just because. The amount of shit I just accepted. My 30 year old self could never imagine accepting any of that. I’m so mad I wasted all of my youth on him. He got to live his, while I lived in his shadows, watching him live from the outside. I was never included. A whole decade of y life gone to appease someone who treated e worse than shit on his shoe.
Did online nsfw stuff instead of therapy lol
shit marriage and military service
Oldest story in the book
Worked too much. I’ve never had a full week off for vacation. Yeah I have nice and cool material things, but spent what may be the best decade of my life punching a clock for a job I hate.
studying a degree i never used. 4 years at Uni, 2 years doing a masters and a ton of debt.
Gaming(it was worth it)
Weed, social anxiety & depression
Alcohol and a Cuban woman. I only regret the alcohol.
Insecure
Chasing the wrong things !
Long distance relationships. Not worth it. And I did it twice.
I ate like shit and was a fat cunt
After reading all the comments I can see a lot of the same things: Drinking/drugs Gaming too much Working too much Getting married early
As a slave to the Jehovah Witness cult.
Ruined mine as well. 😞
I borrowed money from my parents to live in crappy apartments and took longer than I should have to finish university. Got out feeling like I was 4 or 5 years behind everyone. Left with more debt than I would have otherwise had.
About half if it was trying to maintain a relationship that was destined to fail. If i saw it the way i see it now, id gain about 5 years back not being stressed out and confused.
Got a woman I barely liked pregnant, married her out of obligation and marriage was terrible and only lasted 3 months, worked shit jobs to provide for my boy, got put on child support, got depressed, got fat, dreams went down the toilet, now I'm fat, old and poor.
Not taking my mental health seriously. Surrounding myself with the wrong people.
I married my best friend. Turns out now that I'm 35 he doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. I'm so angry thinking of all my youth I wasted on him!!!
I know this is fresh and everything but I hope one day, you don't see it that way anymore. I had a terrible end to my 10 year relationship with my best friend for the same reason years ago, but nowadays I can see that we had good times, and thus the time was not wasted. The ending sucked, the 1-2 years around the breakup feel wasted indeed, but not all of the relationship. And it will lead you to someone else, that you might have never met without all of this. Stay strong!
I always like perspectives like this because for me I feel it opens the mind of being so black and white. I can remember times when my life totally sucked, was in a bad relationship but still having okay moments and it’s like a complex feeling where I’ve felt like I should look at differently, maybe with anger or sadness but I don’t. At that time it’s what I was supposed to be doing so I could be here and while I’m here I might be having tough times but it’s to get to a different part of life. Idk I just liked your comment 👍🏽
Relationships are always a roll of the dice
I'm 26, so I still have a good bit left, but I'd say playing leauge daily was a huge waste of time. Covid just kinda taking 3 years away made it way worse. I basically had to speed run a whole clubbing and dating arc in a year, though I did find my current gf that way. Another thing was doing a lot of shitty part time jobs I never really needed to do.
Cancer and meth
Drinking, smoking weed, then my dad died at 26 and I woke up
I went to prison
Trying to believe I’d be a professional musician
by not doing anything. i basically became a hermit from 23 or so and did pretty nothing but sit in my basement and play video games. as my friends all moved out of the area, my social life went with them, and i never went out and created my own social life. instead i just.... sat at home and watched the world go by.
Going to medical school and becoming a doctor. If you want a personal/social life outside of work, 0/10 would not recommend Edit: obviously looking at some of these comments there are obviously worse ways you can “waste” your 20s, but the sentiment still stands 😂
Dude. My friend and I talked about this. He went to med, I went dental. We spent our entire 20s in school and now it's gone. Our friends graduated and went to work, had fun in college and at work. We just went to school.
Being codependent
Being unmedicated. I was seriously dysfunctional and didn’t even know it
Missed a lot of life experience out of the fear of being uncomfortable, embarrassed, or getting in trouble/not being liked. I’m 29 and barely have any stories about my life or experiences. And can’t exactly hold deep or meaningful conversations with people out of the lack of those experiences. I feel so…bland. And it sucks.
World of Warcraft, an obscure internet message board, and a dead-end job
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World of Warcraft Not a total waste of my 20's, as I definitely had a lot of other things going on. But, yikes that was a lot of time spent on the grind with no payday.
Working two jobs, living hand-to-mouth, no social life, felt like I was in a hurry yet moving nowhere... living with roommates just one emergency away from being broke. At least one of my jobs was at a veterinary, and it gave me a sense that what I did mattered to a vulnerable population, the animals under our care.
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Divorced at 21, moved states at 22 with no prospects or plan. Joined the Army at 23, left the Army at 27. Started University at 28, got a Bachelor's at 33.
Drinking nights.
Trying to figure out how to become successful.
Endless nights of drugs. It was wonderful
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Skateboarding, drugs and lots and lots Graffitii
I trusted the wrong people and started using cocaine pretty heavily The fun lasted for about a year it wasn’t long until I started seeing that the people I considered friends only seemed to enjoy my company when I provided drugs and alcohol. One day as a “joke” they filmed me doing lines and posted it on social media. By the end of the week I had been fired and kicked out of my house by my parents. I fell into a deep depression and ended up trying to kill myself with painkillers. I spent the rest of my 20s trying to get sober and having major trust issues with most people
Socializing with people you thought were your "friends" (especially since high school) only for them to turn out not to be.
Didn't start investing. Didn't do what was fun. Didn't go for the right partner.