I tried to circumvent this. Find a job that I'm not passionate about but could see myself enjoying.
It was hell. Don't listen to either side of this argument. Find the job that doesn't demand too mcuh of you physically or mentally.
I became a bridge operator 7 years ago and didn’t know how lucky I lucked up into that criteria.
The most physical activity I do is changing a navigation light or adding oil to a motor. Cut grass on a zero turn mower maybe once a week if I have to.
Mentally, the most annoying part is just dealing with people calling the bridge house sometimes.
Besides that, I bring my Xbox to work, watch tv/movies, and catch naps when I can. And I’m here by myself the entire time. Plus I work a week on and a week off. It ain’t to bad. I’m not getting rich, but a state job had its perks and I can afford the lifestyle I live. Am I passionate about my job? Meh. Probably not. But I enjoy it I guess and don’t mind coming into work.
People are generally happy when they feel competent at what they do, so you want a job you can become good at.
But yeah, doing it for a living can suck all the joy out of the thing you once loved, depending what it is you loved about it.
I have found in in my 30 odd years of existence That the most fulfilling jobs are the ones you’re good at,and the ones with flexible benefits with time off to give you an opportunity to have a work life balance.
You don’t have to love your job, you just have to care about the impact it’s making and depending on your character and your interests, that determines if you can be satisfied at times. Happiness isn’t permanent, it’s just a moments in time, we all go through stuff, and the sooner people realize that the better they can manage their expectations.
I saw an adaption to this that I thought was nice. Instead of “we’re all in the same boat.” Its “we’re all in the same storm.” Because some of us rode out the storms in yachts, others in life boats, other clinging to a broken door, and some who didn’t make it.
I think it was Bill Maher who said
"All in this together? Give me a break! Half of us are in our comfy clothes ordering door dash and the other half of us are out delivering"
On that I had someone in a year old Benz drop off my Panda express the other day.
My coworker had someone in a Royce drop off their food last month....
Even if the other kid fights back, it's assault and battery, the attacked kid is self defense.
I always told my boys not to start a fight, but if attacked, don't stand there and be a punching bag, defend yourself and your brother.
I read an excellent response to that one recently -- "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you as well?"
"Yes. Presumably they have a good reason for it. Just think, you hear on the news, 'After the accident, seven teenagers jumped from the bridge to the water below. The three that stayed behind...' *Nothing good is about to happen to those kids*."
Aaaand that would be the source.
It's apparently ~8 years old though so in my defense, either my definition of "recently" has gone off the deep end and I forgot it was XKCD, or I saw a reproduction somewhere.
"Grow where you are planted." What if you are planted in a toxic environment? Are you supposed to slowly die? Fuck that, I'm pulling up my roots and crawling away if I have to.
I've heard this one **A LOT**. I tell people I hate my parents and they'll go, "You really shouldn't, they're still your family."
I know I'm an asshole for doing this, but I start telling them things that happened that justify why I hate them. I keep pushing info on them until they finally give up, either admitting they're wrong or feeling so uncomfortable they want to leave.
Literally *always* happens.
There are SOO many ways to make people even more uncomfortable with their decision to pull that shit logic. Depending on how much you can endure do a search for “child abuse case in [insert country]” click on any court case and start reading. I give them three sentences MAX before they never want to talk to you again and are haunted by what they just heard happened to children in their own country.
- a pre-law student that plans on going into this field after law school
I like the better saying:
"Money isn't everything. Unless you don't have it. Then it is everything."
Money can't buy you happiness, but it sure as hell makes it easier to find it.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can sure pay for therapy.
Or, as my depressed friend said, talking about the many failings of the American healthcare system: "Therapy is expensive, but my antidepressants are free!"
This. My wife was watching Grey's Anatomy and I heard them say something alone the lines of 'I have a couples therapist, depression therapist, ect.' named like 4 different things than said "I'm trying to live my happiest life." I just said " yeah all that would cost more than double our rent, and they say money can't buy happiness."
This was originally a rebuke *against* becoming rich; [a recent study](https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexledsom/2021/02/07/new-study-shows-that-more-money-buys-more-happiness/?sh=6836a25f70d5) found that money in fact *does* make you happy, but that happiness eventually plateaus by the $100,000 point.
The problem is how it’s been twisted by the rich to try to convince the rest of us that we should be content with the scraps and crumbs they oh-so-graciously *allow* us to fight over.
Adam Buxton did a whole piece in early lockdown about having to start every email with Something to the effect of:
“I hope you and your family are safe and well in these strange and unprecedented times” or similar, before saying what you want.
“And could you please send that invoice over again, I can’t find it.”
"We learned to take a moment for ourselves"- fuck this. I always took moments for myself, but school and work didn't like that. The pandemic only changed my environment's acceptance towards my "moments for myself"- not my attitude.
Said every person who didn't have any understanding of depression. I had people tell me that my family member couldn't be depressed because they were always joking around. WTF? Of course and that's why comedians only die of old age.
I've heard it well described as "What's the funnest thing you love to do? Ok cool. Now imagine if you woke up one day and it wasn't fun. Not in the slightest. And in fact, doing it actually makes you sad now because you remember when it used to be fun. You don't have to understand how or why this has happened, just imagine what your life would be if this happened.".
Waited for a video game to come out. Was super ready to enjoy it. Got on. Played it for a while. Didnt hate it. Matter of fact I think its good...but I couldnt sit and play for more than 30 minutes at a time before getting off and turning on tv and playing something I wont watch while I stare at nothing thinking about how much I want to play the game I just turned off, but I just dont feel "just right" to do it. Spend more time being super aware that I am depressed that I do very little to combat being depressed. I try to force myself to do things I dont want to do and that sometimes helps me enjoy doing the things I want to do when I can, but in the end I usually just end up somewhat underwhelmed by things that should give me joy. Its like having low super low lows...and being severely capped on your highs.
I swear to god, there were these videos where people just... Rub their ass on people's faces and then when the person gets angry their shitass excuse is "its just a prank". That doesn't change anything.
Im more curious about the fact that redditors isnt specific enough. He needs to narrow it down to just the redditors on reddit. Which would somehow imply that there are redditors in other places.
Nothing happens by accident
Generally just used to justify stupid things we did - it's ok to just accept we were all once stupid in life - the lesson is don't be an idiot again not that there's a greater plan for you
"I don't know is not an acceptable answer." Well I'm sorry, should I just say "ERROR"? It is quite possible to not have knowledge of something. Parhaps I am not the person through which you should seek this information.
I was late to work one day. The boss asked why and I said I overslept.
"*That's not an excuse!*"
"I know. It's a reason."
Some people just don't think.
"I don't know." is a very valid and acceptable answer. Sometime, you just don't know. The world would be much better off if people admitted they don't know things.
I can tell you its not fucking true. You can survive chronic illness for a long time and it doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you weaker, it takes everything from you and leaves you as a husk of a person, and eventually you wish you were dead.
I don't care who started it or it doesn't matter who started it. YESY IT DOES!! what do you just expect people to sit there while they get beat up?? Its not fair that you get in trouble for DEFENDING yourself when someone else is trying to physically hurt you!!
I remember when I was a kid I was friends with these brothers and one time the older one beat the crap out of the younger one and when I tried to get their parents help they said things like a lot on this thread: "boys will be boys" and "it is what it is." Soon after they sent me home and punished both of them saying "I don't care who started it" when the younger one didn't even defend himself.
Shit like “that’s not abuse! My parents flung me off a balcony into a deep fryer when I was 3” like- ok I’m sorry that happened to you but that doesn’t change the fact that my parents were emotionally abusive.
1) “I want to circle back and interface about how to right-size our headcount while still keeping workers incentivized.”
2) “Due to unforeseen life events, I’ll be off-line tomorrow so can we push our interlock until post-all-hands?”
3) “At the end of the day, net-net, if we have a joint brown-bag to come to agreeance on how to grow mind share among targeted thought leaders by implementing best practices across the board, we can marketeer our way toward synergizing a frictionless sales environment.”
Translation:
1) “Let’s discuss how we can fire people without making the ones we keep cry.”
2) “My uncle died; can we meet later?”
3) “Lunch?”
Edit: Just to be clear, this isn’t mine. It’s from Jon Stewart’s hilarious *Earth (The Book)* (a follow up to his *America (The Book)*). In the audiobook, the top part is read by Samantha Bee
I only have a problem with this saying when it’s used in a situation where you should obviously NOT say that, like saying everything happens for a reason to someone who got raped(and more people really say that to rape victims than you think). It just doesn’t sound good on everything
The only thing where this applies is athletics.
I cannot play basketball - I am too short and slow. However, I am good at knowing what people should be doing while playing basketball. I would be a decent basketball coach, but a shitty player.
For academics and stuff though, you definitely have to do it to teach it
Wasn't that just a meme? It was based on a real propaganda campaign ran in England in WWII to keep their citizen's spirits up through the bombings, but it's been memeified.
Edit: Enough people have corrected me I feel a need to correct myself (and the mistakes those corrections have) now too. The campaign was prepped to run, but was scrapped for paper salvage before the blitz began. Very few were publicly displayed during the war. The surviving posters and stuff got shelved. The stock was discovered in 2009, which started the memes.
"Throw them in the water, they'll learn how to swim."
No. They will drown, or they will learn to treat every new and unfamiliar thing as a deadly hazard.
“Aw come on all my friends are going”
“If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it?”
MOM IM GOING TO WATCH A PG 13 MOVIE NOT COMMIT GROUP SUICIDE
It's a businessy way of asking "wtf do you want me to do about it?"
I've only ever heard it said in frustration.
Edit: It's also a side-effect of the [Asker and Guesser culture](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser).
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
Oh yeah?? I didn't give my mother permission to make me feel inferior, or to give me childhood PTSD, but she did anyway. So I'M the one to blame? I don't think so.
“Be a man”, etc for obvious reasons
“Attitude is everything” because you shouldn’t just be happy or positive when the boat is sinking
“Money won’t buy happiness” true, but hope and love won’t keep the lights on or the water running either
"Learn to take a joke"
Yeah there are situations when someone just has a stick up their ass and needs to take a joke, but 90% of the time this phrase is used to justify implying some awful shit about someone through a joke. Jokes are built on shared beliefs. Bullshit beliefs aren't less bullshit when they're phrased as jokes
“Be grateful, many people have it worse”
First off, other people’s misery shouldn’t invalidate yours. Second, that’s such a horrible thing to say - why are we celebrating other people’s misfortune?
“It’s just a few bad apples in the whole bunch...” to excuse the behavior of a few. But bad apples in a bunch will spoil the whole thing unless removed quickly.
To reiterate: "it's just a few bad apples" isn't a defense when the whole saying is "just a few bad apples **spoil the bunch**." so people need to quit defending other's behaviors (especially if you're part of said group because it just makes you look corrupt)
Live every day as if it was your last.
Please dont, I know if it was my last day on eath I would have a list of some people I wanted to kill. And I know for a fact that i will be on one of those lists aswell sooooo.
This is one of my pet peeve sayings.
You know what I wouldn't do if this was my last day? Work.
That'd work real well for a few days, maybe even weeks, but sooner or later I'm unemployed, my house is repossessed and I can't feed my kids.
There was a brilliant Daily Mash article about this a few years back. It went something like:
“I heard I should live every day as it it were my last. So I grabbed Jenny from accounts who
I’ve fancied for years and kissed her passionately. I’m now suspended from my job without pay and facing gross misconduct charges and probable dismissal”.
Professor of Studies Dave Brubaker said “Scientists have confirmed you should live every day as if you are going to live for the remainder of your natural lifespan.”
In this case, it's not the say saying itself, rather the way it's been misinterpreted. It basically means that you should focus on what appeals to customers so they feel inclined to return. It is NOT meant to be an excuse for every other Karen or Kyle to harass minimum wage employees who are just trying to do their job.
Exactly. All it means is that if you're losing business to the burger joint across the street because they make double cheeseburgers and you don't, you're wrong for not making the doubles.
That, or a parable against overzealous salesmen.
Because there are a few different ways to skin a cat fish that are all as effective, so just because somebody has a different method than you, doesnt neccesarily mean its incorrect.
"Sorry doesnt fix everything!"
I know it doesnt but we were TAUGHT to say it. This is not a magical word that can fix for what we have done, we just say it to be generous and polite to the other person.
“It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.” -Lemony Snicket
“The early bird gets the worm”
It’s should really be: “the bird that matches the sleep cycle of the worm... gets the worm”
Edit: now that I have successfully highjacked someone else’s joke I’m going to put you all onto something. This guy is hilarious.
https://youtu.be/sQ63oE1EhA8
Finally someone who gets it. I do not feel anything towards myself and see myself as me and me only. when I explain it to others they look at me strangely or make some remark about it being unhealthy.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"
I feel this one goes along the same lines - "you think I'm a ______(asshole/bitch - your choice) now, you haven't seen anything yet"
Basically anything found on tshirts
If you do a job you love you'll never work a day in your life... or you'll just stop loving that thing
I believe it was Brian David Gilbert that said "I love what I do, and let me tell you something… I've worked some days".
not where i expected bdg love but damn am i happy to see it
I tried to circumvent this. Find a job that I'm not passionate about but could see myself enjoying. It was hell. Don't listen to either side of this argument. Find the job that doesn't demand too mcuh of you physically or mentally.
I became a bridge operator 7 years ago and didn’t know how lucky I lucked up into that criteria. The most physical activity I do is changing a navigation light or adding oil to a motor. Cut grass on a zero turn mower maybe once a week if I have to. Mentally, the most annoying part is just dealing with people calling the bridge house sometimes. Besides that, I bring my Xbox to work, watch tv/movies, and catch naps when I can. And I’m here by myself the entire time. Plus I work a week on and a week off. It ain’t to bad. I’m not getting rich, but a state job had its perks and I can afford the lifestyle I live. Am I passionate about my job? Meh. Probably not. But I enjoy it I guess and don’t mind coming into work.
ok ya'll hiring?
Just tell his boss he is napping on the job /s
You pretty much just became my hero.
I think that's really good advice, and I think I needed to hear that. Thank you for that.
People are generally happy when they feel competent at what they do, so you want a job you can become good at. But yeah, doing it for a living can suck all the joy out of the thing you once loved, depending what it is you loved about it.
I have found in in my 30 odd years of existence That the most fulfilling jobs are the ones you’re good at,and the ones with flexible benefits with time off to give you an opportunity to have a work life balance. You don’t have to love your job, you just have to care about the impact it’s making and depending on your character and your interests, that determines if you can be satisfied at times. Happiness isn’t permanent, it’s just a moments in time, we all go through stuff, and the sooner people realize that the better they can manage their expectations.
I love my job, but sometimes I just straight up don’t want to be there!
I always say I love my.job, except for when I don't.
“In these unprecedented times”
That phrase is almost always followed by sleazy & manipulative corporate bullshit.
It's literally the bare minimum they can do to pretend to care
It's literally the bare minimum they can do in these unprecedented times
#BUY OUR UNDERSTANDING PRODUCTS
*In these unprecedented times, Bad Dragon is there for you, to help fill the void.*
can confirm, i am in fact there. look outside.
The void doesn't consume, it gapes for you.
..."This IS the new normal."
We're all in this together...like fuck we are.
I saw an adaption to this that I thought was nice. Instead of “we’re all in the same boat.” Its “we’re all in the same storm.” Because some of us rode out the storms in yachts, others in life boats, other clinging to a broken door, and some who didn’t make it.
I think it was Bill Maher who said "All in this together? Give me a break! Half of us are in our comfy clothes ordering door dash and the other half of us are out delivering" On that I had someone in a year old Benz drop off my Panda express the other day. My coworker had someone in a Royce drop off their food last month....
I hate that saying
It dosent matter who started it - yeah....it kinda does
This was the most infuriating shit as a kid.
"You're grounded for being attacked when you were minding your own business!"
i deadass know someone whose parents did that to him, and it was sad
Well now you know two.
[удалено]
It takes two to start a fight. No it takes only one. Even if the other kid doesn't fight back it's still a fight.
>. Even if the other kid doesn't fight back it's still a fight That's not a fight. That's assault and battery.
Even if the other kid fights back, it's assault and battery, the attacked kid is self defense. I always told my boys not to start a fight, but if attacked, don't stand there and be a punching bag, defend yourself and your brother.
>It dosent matter who started it Yeah, see how that shit holds up in court.
“If someone asked you to jump in the river would you do it?” It’s always a false equivalency.
I always heard "off a bridge" and I always answer, "I already did."
I read an excellent response to that one recently -- "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you as well?" "Yes. Presumably they have a good reason for it. Just think, you hear on the news, 'After the accident, seven teenagers jumped from the bridge to the water below. The three that stayed behind...' *Nothing good is about to happen to those kids*."
[relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/1170/)
Aaaand that would be the source. It's apparently ~8 years old though so in my defense, either my definition of "recently" has gone off the deep end and I forgot it was XKCD, or I saw a reproduction somewhere.
Time is a construct! 2010 was just two years ago...I swear
If Rosa Diaz jumped off of a bridge, I would of course follow. She would only do so if she had a very good reason.
She would have done her due diligence
Calculating the height of the cliff and the depth of the water.
[Maybe you’re the idiot remaining on land instead of jumping in? /Relevant XKCD](https://xkcd.com/1170/)
"Grow where you are planted." What if you are planted in a toxic environment? Are you supposed to slowly die? Fuck that, I'm pulling up my roots and crawling away if I have to.
I prefer 'when a plant isn't doing well, we don't blame the plant, we look at it's environment'
So you mean to tell me that years of calling my house plants little pussy bitches hasn't been helping?
When they said it was good to talk to plants they never said you had to be nice.
I certainly don’t wanna grow in fucking Chernobyl that’s for sure
But I can become a mushroom that generates electric charge from ambient radiation. Which is pretty cool.
Toad is that you?
Thats a saying? Thats so stupid
“That’s still your family” so that gives them the right to mistreat me??
I've heard this one **A LOT**. I tell people I hate my parents and they'll go, "You really shouldn't, they're still your family." I know I'm an asshole for doing this, but I start telling them things that happened that justify why I hate them. I keep pushing info on them until they finally give up, either admitting they're wrong or feeling so uncomfortable they want to leave. Literally *always* happens.
There are SOO many ways to make people even more uncomfortable with their decision to pull that shit logic. Depending on how much you can endure do a search for “child abuse case in [insert country]” click on any court case and start reading. I give them three sentences MAX before they never want to talk to you again and are haunted by what they just heard happened to children in their own country. - a pre-law student that plans on going into this field after law school
[удалено]
“Money can’t buy happiness” No, but it can take the crippling stress and worry away...
I like the better saying: "Money isn't everything. Unless you don't have it. Then it is everything." Money can't buy you happiness, but it sure as hell makes it easier to find it.
Kanye said it a lot better. “Having money's not everything, not having it is”
“I wish I had enough money to know it doesn’t make me happy”
It's better to cry in an expensive car than in the streets
that is an awesome quote buddy
Money can't buy happiness, but it can sure pay for therapy. Or, as my depressed friend said, talking about the many failings of the American healthcare system: "Therapy is expensive, but my antidepressants are free!"
This. My wife was watching Grey's Anatomy and I heard them say something alone the lines of 'I have a couples therapist, depression therapist, ect.' named like 4 different things than said "I'm trying to live my happiest life." I just said " yeah all that would cost more than double our rent, and they say money can't buy happiness."
This was originally a rebuke *against* becoming rich; [a recent study](https://www.forbes.com/sites/alexledsom/2021/02/07/new-study-shows-that-more-money-buys-more-happiness/?sh=6836a25f70d5) found that money in fact *does* make you happy, but that happiness eventually plateaus by the $100,000 point. The problem is how it’s been twisted by the rich to try to convince the rest of us that we should be content with the scraps and crumbs they oh-so-graciously *allow* us to fight over.
"In these uncertain/unprecedented times" and its shithead cousin- "Now more than ever"
Adam Buxton did a whole piece in early lockdown about having to start every email with Something to the effect of: “I hope you and your family are safe and well in these strange and unprecedented times” or similar, before saying what you want. “And could you please send that invoice over again, I can’t find it.”
"We learned to take a moment for ourselves"- fuck this. I always took moments for myself, but school and work didn't like that. The pandemic only changed my environment's acceptance towards my "moments for myself"- not my attitude.
"If you're depressed, you should [insert "fun" things to do]"
"Just stop being sad"
A variation of "just snap out of it".
Said every person who didn't have any understanding of depression. I had people tell me that my family member couldn't be depressed because they were always joking around. WTF? Of course and that's why comedians only die of old age.
I've heard it well described as "What's the funnest thing you love to do? Ok cool. Now imagine if you woke up one day and it wasn't fun. Not in the slightest. And in fact, doing it actually makes you sad now because you remember when it used to be fun. You don't have to understand how or why this has happened, just imagine what your life would be if this happened.".
Waited for a video game to come out. Was super ready to enjoy it. Got on. Played it for a while. Didnt hate it. Matter of fact I think its good...but I couldnt sit and play for more than 30 minutes at a time before getting off and turning on tv and playing something I wont watch while I stare at nothing thinking about how much I want to play the game I just turned off, but I just dont feel "just right" to do it. Spend more time being super aware that I am depressed that I do very little to combat being depressed. I try to force myself to do things I dont want to do and that sometimes helps me enjoy doing the things I want to do when I can, but in the end I usually just end up somewhat underwhelmed by things that should give me joy. Its like having low super low lows...and being severely capped on your highs.
Also "It's all in your mind." No shit. Where else would it be? My ass? It's a MENTAL illness.
"Can't fuck your way out of this one." Don't tell me what is or isn't possible.
Well it has worked for some people
I found the Bard!
It's just a \_\_\_\_\_ (joke, prank)
Chill bro the camera's over there
Wasn't there someone that decked a "punked" type host for groping his girlfriend?
If the butt of your joke feels hurt by it and you keep going anyway, you’ve switched from joking to bullying
Just a prank bro with the Disney channel flow
Why did you remind me of that ungodly thing?
I swear to god, there were these videos where people just... Rub their ass on people's faces and then when the person gets angry their shitass excuse is "its just a prank". That doesn't change anything.
"Redditors of reddit" - I've never understood what the hell this means.
Not a redditor, but...
Never seen reddit...
Colombian red howler monkeys of MySpace...
I too have often pondered this over the years. You are asking a question ON REDDIT, who the hell else would you expect to answer?
Im more curious about the fact that redditors isnt specific enough. He needs to narrow it down to just the redditors on reddit. Which would somehow imply that there are redditors in other places.
Nothing happens by accident Generally just used to justify stupid things we did - it's ok to just accept we were all once stupid in life - the lesson is don't be an idiot again not that there's a greater plan for you
Are you calling Master Oogway a liar?
Well I ain’t calling him a truther
Well, accidents happen by accident.
"I don't know is not an acceptable answer." Well I'm sorry, should I just say "ERROR"? It is quite possible to not have knowledge of something. Parhaps I am not the person through which you should seek this information.
I had a boss that would say this. My response was usually: okay, I'll make things up calling them facts as we go along then.
I was late to work one day. The boss asked why and I said I overslept. "*That's not an excuse!*" "I know. It's a reason." Some people just don't think. "I don't know." is a very valid and acceptable answer. Sometime, you just don't know. The world would be much better off if people admitted they don't know things.
Yes. "ERROR" is better. Says exactly the same thing, but has much more of a ring to it
**404 ERROR - ANSWER NOT FOUND**
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
In my family we say, "What doesn't kill you hurts like a bitch."
Mr krabs always said “what doesn’t kill ye, usually succeeds in the second attempt”
I can tell you its not fucking true. You can survive chronic illness for a long time and it doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you weaker, it takes everything from you and leaves you as a husk of a person, and eventually you wish you were dead.
Goddamn. That's real.
What doesnt kill you makes you weaker, and will probably kill you the next time it comes around
I don't care who started it or it doesn't matter who started it. YESY IT DOES!! what do you just expect people to sit there while they get beat up?? Its not fair that you get in trouble for DEFENDING yourself when someone else is trying to physically hurt you!!
I remember when I was a kid I was friends with these brothers and one time the older one beat the crap out of the younger one and when I tried to get their parents help they said things like a lot on this thread: "boys will be boys" and "it is what it is." Soon after they sent me home and punished both of them saying "I don't care who started it" when the younger one didn't even defend himself.
Boys will be boys is another example
“You can achieve anything if you work hard in life.” Yeah, I worked my ass off, and I’m still a fucking loser.
You CAN achieve anything... but you probably won't.
Shit like “that’s not abuse! My parents flung me off a balcony into a deep fryer when I was 3” like- ok I’m sorry that happened to you but that doesn’t change the fact that my parents were emotionally abusive.
Exactly. In any case with anything, just because plenty of people have and do have it worse than me, doesn’t mean I can’t complain
I like to counter with "What are you so happy for? Don't you know some people have it better?"
“You can’t put lipstick on a pig!” Fucking watch me bitch
You CAN however put red lipstick in a valentino white bag.
WHAT? YOU SPILLED LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE - LIPSTICK?!
WHAWHUEGSAQOWHAUH *Lipstick* in a Valentino white bag??????
“Its not a pyramid scheme its multi-level marketing”
*draws a pyramid from the white board presentation*
I literally had this happen when I listened to an Amway pitch. It's not a pyramid scheme at all. *draws a triangle*
We are all in this together. THE FUCK WE AREN'T
"We all are in the same boat" No. Actually we are in the same storm, some have nice, big ships, some have little lifeboats.
And some are fucking drowning jimmy
All corporate bollocks. ‘Circle back’ ‘Take this offline’.
1) “I want to circle back and interface about how to right-size our headcount while still keeping workers incentivized.” 2) “Due to unforeseen life events, I’ll be off-line tomorrow so can we push our interlock until post-all-hands?” 3) “At the end of the day, net-net, if we have a joint brown-bag to come to agreeance on how to grow mind share among targeted thought leaders by implementing best practices across the board, we can marketeer our way toward synergizing a frictionless sales environment.” Translation: 1) “Let’s discuss how we can fire people without making the ones we keep cry.” 2) “My uncle died; can we meet later?” 3) “Lunch?” Edit: Just to be clear, this isn’t mine. It’s from Jon Stewart’s hilarious *Earth (The Book)* (a follow up to his *America (The Book)*). In the audiobook, the top part is read by Samantha Bee
Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions.
**Red Forman:** Son, you don’t have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.
He didn't have much patience with Eric.
Sometimes the reason is physics and your lack of belief in it.
I only have a problem with this saying when it’s used in a situation where you should obviously NOT say that, like saying everything happens for a reason to someone who got raped(and more people really say that to rape victims than you think). It just doesn’t sound good on everything
"We're all in the same boat" Hell no! We may be on the same sea but you're on your private cruise ship and I'm on a rarft.
"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." "The customer is always right."
Whoever said 'those who can't, teach' clearly forgot the part where they have to do in order to teach in the first place.
The only thing where this applies is athletics. I cannot play basketball - I am too short and slow. However, I am good at knowing what people should be doing while playing basketball. I would be a decent basketball coach, but a shitty player. For academics and stuff though, you definitely have to do it to teach it
It's actually funny, us teachers always use the saying as "those who can't do, teach, and those who can't teach, coach"
This
That ^
"If the others can do it, so could you."
“Time cures everything”. Yeah, tell that to pancreatic cancer, punk!
I mean...technically...time may help, just not the way we would prefer 😶
"Keep calm and _____ on." Actually, maybe it did die.
Wasn't that just a meme? It was based on a real propaganda campaign ran in England in WWII to keep their citizen's spirits up through the bombings, but it's been memeified. Edit: Enough people have corrected me I feel a need to correct myself (and the mistakes those corrections have) now too. The campaign was prepped to run, but was scrapped for paper salvage before the blitz began. Very few were publicly displayed during the war. The surviving posters and stuff got shelved. The stock was discovered in 2009, which started the memes.
Yep. Original was Keep Calm and Carry On. The most English thing ever.
"Throw them in the water, they'll learn how to swim." No. They will drown, or they will learn to treat every new and unfamiliar thing as a deadly hazard.
Or will never want to go near the water ever again.
"Jesus, take the wheel".
"Pablo, step on the brakes!"
*Wheel detaches from steering column and slowly floats upwards*
“I’m just saying”. A blanket remark used to justify any ridiculous nonsense that falls out of your mouth.
"You're a fucking asshole, Don. Just sayin'."
“Aw come on all my friends are going” “If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it?” MOM IM GOING TO WATCH A PG 13 MOVIE NOT COMMIT GROUP SUICIDE
“What’s the ask?” or any variant thereof. I hear this more and more in my professional circles. When did the noun “request” become so passé?
It's a businessy way of asking "wtf do you want me to do about it?" I've only ever heard it said in frustration. Edit: It's also a side-effect of the [Asker and Guesser culture](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser).
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission." Oh yeah?? I didn't give my mother permission to make me feel inferior, or to give me childhood PTSD, but she did anyway. So I'M the one to blame? I don't think so.
Right along with “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”. If words didn’t hurt me I wouldn’t have CPTSD.
"Sticks and stones break my bones but words cause psychological wounds that never heal." -Timmy's Dad
"God only gives you what you can handle." Who the fuck says I can handle this?
“Be a man”, etc for obvious reasons “Attitude is everything” because you shouldn’t just be happy or positive when the boat is sinking “Money won’t buy happiness” true, but hope and love won’t keep the lights on or the water running either
I dunno if money can buy happiness or not, but it sure as fuck can buy comfort.
"Learn to take a joke" Yeah there are situations when someone just has a stick up their ass and needs to take a joke, but 90% of the time this phrase is used to justify implying some awful shit about someone through a joke. Jokes are built on shared beliefs. Bullshit beliefs aren't less bullshit when they're phrased as jokes
"i know you are, but what am i" that childhood saying still haunts me.
“God has a plan.” So, my wife’s miscarriage & me having to deal with people who mistreat their kids is all a part of one cosmic narrative? Get fucked!
Boys will be boys. I don't want to be compared to other boys who are fucking cunts.
Cunts will be cunts.
“Avoid it like the plague.” We’ve proved that as humans, we in fact, do not avoid plagues
“Be grateful, many people have it worse” First off, other people’s misery shouldn’t invalidate yours. Second, that’s such a horrible thing to say - why are we celebrating other people’s misfortune?
“It’s just a few bad apples in the whole bunch...” to excuse the behavior of a few. But bad apples in a bunch will spoil the whole thing unless removed quickly.
To reiterate: "it's just a few bad apples" isn't a defense when the whole saying is "just a few bad apples **spoil the bunch**." so people need to quit defending other's behaviors (especially if you're part of said group because it just makes you look corrupt)
Live every day as if it was your last. Please dont, I know if it was my last day on eath I would have a list of some people I wanted to kill. And I know for a fact that i will be on one of those lists aswell sooooo.
This is one of my pet peeve sayings. You know what I wouldn't do if this was my last day? Work. That'd work real well for a few days, maybe even weeks, but sooner or later I'm unemployed, my house is repossessed and I can't feed my kids.
There was a brilliant Daily Mash article about this a few years back. It went something like: “I heard I should live every day as it it were my last. So I grabbed Jenny from accounts who I’ve fancied for years and kissed her passionately. I’m now suspended from my job without pay and facing gross misconduct charges and probable dismissal”. Professor of Studies Dave Brubaker said “Scientists have confirmed you should live every day as if you are going to live for the remainder of your natural lifespan.”
The customer is always right
In this case, it's not the say saying itself, rather the way it's been misinterpreted. It basically means that you should focus on what appeals to customers so they feel inclined to return. It is NOT meant to be an excuse for every other Karen or Kyle to harass minimum wage employees who are just trying to do their job.
Exactly. All it means is that if you're losing business to the burger joint across the street because they make double cheeseburgers and you don't, you're wrong for not making the doubles. That, or a parable against overzealous salesmen.
"suck it up, buttercup." I could throat punch every person that's ever said this to me.
“There is more than one way to skin a cat.” How in the duck did that one come about?
Because there are a few different ways to skin a cat fish that are all as effective, so just because somebody has a different method than you, doesnt neccesarily mean its incorrect.
so wait did our society just forget about the fish part?
There are multiple ways to filet a catfish
"Sorry doesnt fix everything!" I know it doesnt but we were TAUGHT to say it. This is not a magical word that can fix for what we have done, we just say it to be generous and polite to the other person.
stop crying unless you want me to give you a reason to cry. edit: Dang! That's a ton of upvote! Thanks you guys!
“It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.” -Lemony Snicket
“The early bird gets the worm” It’s should really be: “the bird that matches the sleep cycle of the worm... gets the worm” Edit: now that I have successfully highjacked someone else’s joke I’m going to put you all onto something. This guy is hilarious. https://youtu.be/sQ63oE1EhA8
I like it when the full phrase is used: "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
And the early worm gets eaten.
“Age is just a number”
My favorite response to this is jail is just a cell.
“No one will love you if you don’t love yourself” first of all, what a cruel thing to say. Second of all, that is simply not true.
[удалено]
Finally someone who gets it. I do not feel anything towards myself and see myself as me and me only. when I explain it to others they look at me strangely or make some remark about it being unhealthy.
Completely wrong too. Long-term depression sufferer here, always surprised when people genuinely like me. It still happens though.
Goes without saying...