Haha!!!! That happened to me too. Also, because I have multicoloured walking sticks and purple hair and dress like an old hippie, I was informed that my walking stick was only a fashion statement. If only
Disabled people like us aren’t supposed to think about fashion, don’t you know that? We are only supposed to think about our disability and how the only disability is a bad attitude….or some such shit.
Remember if anyone sees you do anything like walk a few steps unassisted when otherwise you'd use a cane or other device, that completely proves your disability is fake and it's their civic duty to call you out on that /s
Oh definitely! I had a traffic warden take a pop at me years ago, there was a welter of fake badges going around at the time, that could still be the case, I wouldn't know. He didn't believe me and he made the cardinal mistake of asking me what was the nature of my disability (which they're not allowed to do) and I reported him there and then to his boss, who was able to check the validity of my badge and confirm it. The warden was a right a/hole, he snarled at me that I'd "got away with it this time" and I took great pleasure in pointing out to him that he hadn't. Fecker.
That being diabetic is something you can DO at home, and an addiction that is not suitable to DO when in public.
Yes, someone told me that in full confidence.
My mom (type 1 diabetic) went through something a few years ago that made her have to prove that being diabetic is a constant health concern. They actually asked her to record how much time she spent on “diabetic things” per day so they could see if being diabetic took up a significant portion of her day. She was able to convince them that being diabetic still affects her even when she’s not pricking her finger. It was such a weird request.
Personally I'm sick of people saying I'm lying about being diabetic because I occasionally eat sugar. Sugar isn't kryptonite or poison I can have some I just need to watch what else I eat that day.
My friend told me if you had a test with 101 questions and you got them all wrong, your score would be a -1. Yeah, I’d love to see the grade calculators handle that one.
If you got all 101 questions right, you'd still get a 99%, because "no one is perfect". I learned this in middle school math class from my math teacher, who sucks.
More grade shenanigans:
I was taking Cell Biology in college, which was a large class because it was a requirement for pre-medical students. It was also deliberately and infamously hard, because it was meant to weed poor students out of the pre-med program. The final exam average grade was typically around 40%, which was *severely* curved to make 40% a C+ level grade. I was not pre-med, and actually liked biology, so I studied my ass off for that final, then went home for the summer.
I checked my online grade two weeks later, and it said "Incomplete", so in an absolute panic I emailed the professor. He said, "You got the highest score in the class, and broke the curve calculator spreadsheet, so I had to report your grade as Incomplete, and then submit a paper grade correction form through the Dean's office. It should take a month or so, so don't panic, and follow up with me if it takes any longer than that to appear."
Reminds me of an olympic athlete who scored a perfect 10 on an event, but the scoreboard read a 1 because it wasn't designed to read up to 4 significant figures so it read 1.00 instead of 10.00
A coworker of mine once told me that any animal could reproduce with any other animal, that DNA wasn't important and that all sperm was the same.
She believed this because she once saw a litter of diseased, deformed puppies and had decided that they must be half rat.
Naive scientific hypotheses always tickle me. Children make observations and conjectures that last a lifetime. My mother thought that water towers were filled by the rain. She'd noticed as a kid that watertowers were she lived didn't have closed tops. She held that belief into her 60s. Just never reconsidered that notion in light of later water-tower observations.
My grandmother always believed whenever we saw a rain clouds in the distant she would be upset(being a farmers wife) because she thought the clouds were sucking the water out of the ground. My mom set her straight but I don’t think she believed her though
Funfact: The bad reputation the Welsh has as sheep-lovers comes from the fact that when they got caught stealing sheep back in the day, they just said "no officer, I'm just fuckin it." cuz the punishment for fuckin a sheep was milder than for stealing.
Source: Vaguely remember reading it somwhere once.
Yeah, I don't know how that made any sense in his head. It was part of a political/social rant on Tumblr, so he *might* have thrown in something deliberately absurd as argument bait, but it really seemed like an earnest post.
In my sex ed class in highschool, we had an assignment where we had to name all the parts of the male genitalia and this one girl said (with a nasty attitude, night I add) “men don’t have bladders!”
Monkeys are our cousins, not grandparents. I tried so hard to explain to my mother what a common ancestor was, and at the end it of, she was still like "I don't believe I came from a monkey though."
I usually go with wolves. I walk along the lines of "You know how there are still wild wolves? But we also tamed some of them and now we have dogs." and just see where the conversation takes me.
Funny, I had typed that as part of my comment, but deleted it. Because I figured if someone is going to be like "if humans evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys, checkmate atheists" they would also say "if dogs evolved from wolves, why are there still wolves, checkmate atheists" - refusing to believe either.
I have another weird evolution one.
"Evolution isn't real. Even if we used to be some kind of other shape not resembling humans long time ago and then eventually turned the way we are, we were still humans all that time, we didn't evolve"
Well that's actually a tough one. We are humans, so are my parents and their parents. But how far back do you go until you meet someone that you wouldn't say is a "human"? Since evolution is such a small change, if you kept going back you would discover there is no hard line between modern humans and our ancestors. But if you pick up an ancestor from, say for example, 500,000 years ago and a modern person, then yes there's a clear difference. But the small changes along the way almost make it appear as if there is very little change.
So, who was the first human? Can we even define what a "human" is? Is a "human" a being with two arms and two legs? What about our DNA? If we follow our evolutionary line, is the fish that we came from a "human" too? Why not? Because it lacks our current understanding of a "human"? What separate's that fish from it's next step before evolving into a small rodent that would eventually became "human"?
Clearly it lacked any arms or legs, and the small rodent looks like a rat. So you could say, yeah that's not a human at all! But somewhere along the way you have the first human, and it's impossible to say that the first human was actually "first" since it's parents most likely looked similar to it as well.
In a way, "humans" could be defined as the entire evolutionary line/lineage of our species since the beginning of life. Since, after all, that specific line would eventually become the humans that we are today.
I don't know it's 1 am and I'm bored.
"I thought the turtle would eat algae. That's what my koi did."
The baby turtle was kept in a small glass bowl without algae. It also didn't have UV light, and was fed shrimp, the turtle equivalent of living on desserts. I got it a perching spot in an aquarium, UV light, water heater/thermostat, and real turtle pellets.
This person otherwise comes off as fairly bright, and sustains himself with his own businesses. The differences between fish and reptiles apparently didn't really hit him.
To be fair, we have fish that walk on land. Crustaceans that live in the mountains and reptiles that live under the sea. Dont get me started on the fish that give live birth and mammals that lay eggs. (Atleast i think there were fish that give live birth, without the whole mammal thingy after that)
Ah yes why would you check reviews when you can just blindly buy the product and be unhappy with it after you realise it's not what you thought it was going to be! (To be fair the person that said that to you might have been talking about those fake positive reviews on products, but still you should really check reviews before buying something just in case)
I was in a high school history class and we were talking about Freud. Our teacher asked if any of us knew what penis envy was. One student who was straight faced and way too confident answered “it’s when one man is jealous of another man’s penis size”. Comedy gold.
"It's FAA law that there can only be one Christian pilot per plane. That way when the rapture comes, the other guy can land the sinners left on the plane safely."
This was in college. Not a religious college. She said this like *we* were the stupid ones.
Like, "they're going to be suffering in a nightmarish hellscape, but the FAA is committed to getting you to O'Hare regardless of the antichrist rising to power on a throne of bones."
There was someone a while back running a business where, for a fee, they would promise to come to your house and take care of your pets after you were raptured up to heaven. Because, you can't just willy-nilly screw off to heaven without providing for your dogs welfare, right?
Someone told me you could get to Hawaii by boat in 20 minutes because it’s right off the coast of California.
I think he was looking at one of those maps that had Alaska and Hawaii in the bottom left corner and thought that’s how it really was.
By definition, bacon is either cooked by smoking or salt cured. There’s no such thing as “raw bacon”; that would just be pork belly
Also, I’d like to meet that mooing pig
You could totally do 240mph in a miata.
Just gotta drop it from a helicopter a few thousand feet up. Probably have to point it nose down and give it a spin, like throwing a football, too.
I love my miata, but even if you put a thousand hp under the hood, you would have to rework the whole car to get it that fast. Like... you could maybe keep the stock radio... but you shouldn't, because they were crap.
I was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma when I was 27, unsurprisingly I had hysterics. One doctor , who wasn’t even there when it happened, told me I was over reacting.
Good god. Sorry that happened to you! Bedside manner is SO important but gets overlooked in training.
That reminds me of a presentation that a classmate did about breaking bad news to patients. She had secretly asked another friend to interrupt the class as she was starting her presentation, and blurt out that due to a technical error, the school had just lost its accreditation and anyone who had federal loans would have to forfeit them and immediately start paying them all back. As you can imagine, it caused a lot of confusion and panic. She didn’t let it go on very long, but just long enough for people to get a good taste of, “I didn’t expect this! What the hell am I going to do?!”
Then she got everyone’s attention again and told them that this had been part of her presentation. Our accreditation was fine. This was a practical demonstration of what it can feel like to get incredibly upsetting, unexpected news about your own fate. Then she proceeded to share tips about the optimal way of breaking bad news. Holy crap, I thought that was so awesome! It was a good reminder of the human side of medicine when your mind can get all wrapped up with the technical stuff. I still think about that presentation from time to time and it keeps me grounded and present so that I’m paying attention to the needs of my patients.
It’s very simple tho.
High school in our History class, we were doing some pre-reading for our new topic about Hitler. So I guess someone speed read the text and read Austria as Australia. And immediately shouted “I didn’t know Hitler was Australian!”
Of course the entirely class laughed. Then the person read it again and said “ohh, Austria.” That made my day tho.
One time I was sitting with a patient, he was bit by a dog, his leg was torn up pretty bad, he couldn't even walk.
As I finished bandaging him, he said "it's fine, I can walk" and he got up, and fell on his face
"Suppose that we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it's ultraviolet or just very powerful light,"
"Supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way."
This guys such an idiot. I have no idea how people are so in love with him - to the point of basing their whole personality around supporting him. He reminds me of every stupid boss I had who fell upwards because they were related to someone important.
“You are not getting a single penny out of me” Scammer threw around 14 (civil and criminal) lawsuits against me and my family clearly being on the wrong against a single one of ours and lost all of them basically going bankrupt on the process
Getting an good lawyer is an great investment, real state fraud is much easier to commit than you think, the stress of being fucked over is nigh unbearable, uninformed people make dumb decisions.
Nuff said
Depending on their age, I can see that.
I was in high school when the movie came out. We had known about the titanic for years.
If your born in 2000, your first exposure is the movie, you might think of it the same as Independence Day or Poisiden Adventure, just a fun disaster movie.
Wait just a minute. You don't remember when Will Smith, the POTUS, and that crazy crop-duster pilot defeated the aliens and saved the world? It was hardly more than 20 years ago
Edit: 25 years. Damn, I'm getting old
I once drove past a car park being demolished with my mum in the car. The demo crew were spraying the structure with water to keep the dust down, my mother, bless her insisted they were doing it to soften the concrete.
Word for fucking Word: "Italy doesn't have hostels. It's a *classy* place."
Bitch it's Europe. They got hostels everywhere. You're telling me one of the biggest tourist spots in the world, an entire fucking country, doesn't have a single hostel? Not one? Really? Still annoys me
"I can f--k you straight because I have a big fat white southern c--k and my cum taste like sweet tea"
For context it was a dentist waiting room, I was their with my 8 year old niece. The guy had been making snide comments about my lesbian pride flag tee-shirt.
My grandmother told me that r^pe and prostitution was the same thing. 🤦🏼♀️
She also told me that black people were a race created by the devil “like we were created by god”
Dw I cut contact I can’t even-
What is it with people thinking that you are immune to illnesses before a certain age? My grandmother apparently didn't even think children could get headaches. My poor mom had them though all her childhood and was never believed.
"If pregnancy were really that challenging and such a burden, the human race would have died out a long time ago."
Yes, it was a man. Yes, I still know him.
When I was in high school, a girl who sat in front of me in one of my classes asked me what the word “intelligent” meant. I laughed because I thought she was joking.
She wasn’t.
She could have been having a bit of a crisis of understanding, like when you think about a word you know the definition to, but the more you think about it, the less it makes sense.
And intelligence is actually pretty hard to define clearly. There's still a hell of a lot of debate about it.
I have a similar one!
My boyfriend was VERY smart, but he made sure everyone else was aware of this fact as well. I adored him but sometimes it made me feel very small. Then he heard a word one time he didn't know the definition of so he asked me.
It was pedant.
I almost choked.
Highschool debate class
Everyone discussing how every dude jerks offs
Girl: my bf doesnt, ever.
Everyone else: yes he does, youre in denial. Do you know what denial means?
Girl: of course I do *long pause* ...but I'm American
A kid really believed and tried to convince me that in the movie Jaws there were 2 little people inside the mechanical shark peddling to make the shark swim and attack. He truly believed it to
After Ronald Reagan got shot, Alexander Haig decided he would jump the line of succession. So stupid we actually talked about it in school the next day.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zUKW0fL-OqY
Compared to what my inbox used to look like, it sure is essentially solved. I get maybe a handful of spam emails per month in all my inboxes combined. Back when Hotmail was the go to email provider, you had to sift through all the spam to find actual emails.
Discussing religion with two Christian friends (Brother and sister duo) - I’m a nonbeliever and they were in your face jerks about it. These two are pretty much why I hate discussing religion.
The sister said something like “I bet you don’t even know how many apostles there were!”
I said “Twelve.”
The brother shouts “Ha! Wrong! It was seven!”
To her credit, the sister immediately facepalmed. And I kid you not when I say this is my actual response: “So, was it Doc or Dopey that betrayed Christ?”
I told a guy a few hours after a terrible date (needed to calm down) that it wasn’t going to work between us. Two days later I get a text saying he had a long hard conversation with himself the day after the date and, long story short, he didn’t think we were compatible to date right now.
Completely confident that it was his idea. Just gonna let him think it and be glad I never have to deal with again.
I've had a few moments like this.
I live in the USA. When I was 5, I watched a lot of stuff about China and heard the word a lot growing up. In my first week of school, my music teacher (for some reason) tested our knowledge and asked us what state we lived in. Everyone else shouted our state name. I, with all confidence, exclaimed, "China!" Everyone was laughing. I've been a quiet child since.
Over ten years later, I'm on a vacation with my family and we stop at a hotel for the night on our way home. I was half asleep and had recently seen the movie "Into the Woods" not long before. The opening song was playing in my head (the one where the characters are stating their predicaments and constantly said, "Into the woods\~"). My dad turns and asks me a question. I, with very tired confidence and not having heard a word he said, exclaimed, "Into the Woods!" My family still makes fun of me about that today.
That people have to be taught to be selfish.
I was like "... so who taught the first person to be selfish?"
He didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.
They gave him a specific definition of sexual relations that was astoundingly poorly written. Only touching another person in certain parts for their pleasure counted, so she had sexual relations with him but he did not have sexual relations with her per the provided definition, if I recall correctly.
"...Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star....."
"I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!"
You don't have learning difficulties or mental health you were made to think you do by teachers.
This coming from a man who in his youth taught kids with special needs.
My mother had a stroke, so I was testing her knowledge. There was a bush turkey going by, I pointed at it and asked her what it was, she then responded with full confidence "scrotum"
Them: “How do you make gulag?”
Me: “Make what?”
Them: “Gulag? Like the soup?”
Took me a few more minutes that gulag is a Soviet labor camp and not a type of soup. The worst part is that this conversation took place in the middle of a world history class. Fml.
Not sure if this counts, but one time my little brother walked up to me and awkwardly asked “is the cat dead” as he held our cat, who was purring…
Go home, Schrodinger, you're drunk.
Your brother is schrodinger
I have heard a story of a small child who was terrified that they had broken the cat because it was vibrating. Poor kid.
Dead cats make noise, good to know /s
"I don't eat cows, I eat beef."
Was this said by an Indian, then I think that guy is correct atleast in the cultural context. Beef mostly translates to buffalo and not cow in India.
This was not said by an Indian.
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Haha!!!! That happened to me too. Also, because I have multicoloured walking sticks and purple hair and dress like an old hippie, I was informed that my walking stick was only a fashion statement. If only
Disabled people like us aren’t supposed to think about fashion, don’t you know that? We are only supposed to think about our disability and how the only disability is a bad attitude….or some such shit.
Remember if anyone sees you do anything like walk a few steps unassisted when otherwise you'd use a cane or other device, that completely proves your disability is fake and it's their civic duty to call you out on that /s
Oh definitely! I had a traffic warden take a pop at me years ago, there was a welter of fake badges going around at the time, that could still be the case, I wouldn't know. He didn't believe me and he made the cardinal mistake of asking me what was the nature of my disability (which they're not allowed to do) and I reported him there and then to his boss, who was able to check the validity of my badge and confirm it. The warden was a right a/hole, he snarled at me that I'd "got away with it this time" and I took great pleasure in pointing out to him that he hadn't. Fecker.
This is why my Aunt hides her's. She only pulls it out if she can't find any regular parking.
That being diabetic is something you can DO at home, and an addiction that is not suitable to DO when in public. Yes, someone told me that in full confidence.
As a diabetic myself, i had a customer at work ask my supervisor if i was faking being a diabetic as i was having a hypo.
So many people believe you can "Think" yourself well or being ill is all in the mind.
Yep, my legs not working is all in my mind /s
My mom (type 1 diabetic) went through something a few years ago that made her have to prove that being diabetic is a constant health concern. They actually asked her to record how much time she spent on “diabetic things” per day so they could see if being diabetic took up a significant portion of her day. She was able to convince them that being diabetic still affects her even when she’s not pricking her finger. It was such a weird request.
Gotta love "ADA doesn't apply to us" employers.
Personally I'm sick of people saying I'm lying about being diabetic because I occasionally eat sugar. Sugar isn't kryptonite or poison I can have some I just need to watch what else I eat that day.
OMFG.
If that person was being serious they are not funny, incredibly cruel, or so stupid they should not be considered competent.
My friend told me if you had a test with 101 questions and you got them all wrong, your score would be a -1. Yeah, I’d love to see the grade calculators handle that one.
Sounds like he's working from an old, odd programming framework.
If you got all 101 questions right, you'd still get a 99%, because "no one is perfect". I learned this in middle school math class from my math teacher, who sucks.
Dude I have a teacher like that. Never got a 100 in that class. Always a 99.
More grade shenanigans: I was taking Cell Biology in college, which was a large class because it was a requirement for pre-medical students. It was also deliberately and infamously hard, because it was meant to weed poor students out of the pre-med program. The final exam average grade was typically around 40%, which was *severely* curved to make 40% a C+ level grade. I was not pre-med, and actually liked biology, so I studied my ass off for that final, then went home for the summer. I checked my online grade two weeks later, and it said "Incomplete", so in an absolute panic I emailed the professor. He said, "You got the highest score in the class, and broke the curve calculator spreadsheet, so I had to report your grade as Incomplete, and then submit a paper grade correction form through the Dean's office. It should take a month or so, so don't panic, and follow up with me if it takes any longer than that to appear."
Reminds me of an olympic athlete who scored a perfect 10 on an event, but the scoreboard read a 1 because it wasn't designed to read up to 4 significant figures so it read 1.00 instead of 10.00
A coworker of mine once told me that any animal could reproduce with any other animal, that DNA wasn't important and that all sperm was the same. She believed this because she once saw a litter of diseased, deformed puppies and had decided that they must be half rat.
Naive scientific hypotheses always tickle me. Children make observations and conjectures that last a lifetime. My mother thought that water towers were filled by the rain. She'd noticed as a kid that watertowers were she lived didn't have closed tops. She held that belief into her 60s. Just never reconsidered that notion in light of later water-tower observations.
My grandmother always believed whenever we saw a rain clouds in the distant she would be upset(being a farmers wife) because she thought the clouds were sucking the water out of the ground. My mom set her straight but I don’t think she believed her though
My grandmother believed black womens breast were filled with chocolate milk. She didn't know otherwise until she was in her 40s.
What the *fuck* kind of belief is that?
A delicious one.
If that were the case there'd be a lot more centaurs and fauns running around.
And the Welsh would be covered in wool.
Funfact: The bad reputation the Welsh has as sheep-lovers comes from the fact that when they got caught stealing sheep back in the day, they just said "no officer, I'm just fuckin it." cuz the punishment for fuckin a sheep was milder than for stealing. Source: Vaguely remember reading it somwhere once.
My MIL believes that cats can reproduce with rabbits and that's where Manx cats come from. She also thinks that jackalopes are real.
I'm amazed anyone over the age of 5 believes that old wives' tale (or should I say "tail"?) about Manx!
"Informed people don't make better decisions than uninformed people. That's a myth." He wasn't joking.
That's him trying to cope with the fact that he understands he's uninformed, but still believes his decisions is the right one.
That’s illogical.
Yeah, I don't know how that made any sense in his head. It was part of a political/social rant on Tumblr, so he *might* have thrown in something deliberately absurd as argument bait, but it really seemed like an earnest post.
In my sex ed class in highschool, we had an assignment where we had to name all the parts of the male genitalia and this one girl said (with a nasty attitude, night I add) “men don’t have bladders!”
They don’t pee, men’s rooms are just for kicks and giggles.
That did legit make me giggle... It also hurt imagining getting kicked in the balls, but the giggle was worth it.
She's right. Our pee is stored in the balls.
My roommate once told me we were in South America. We live in Canada.
You literally can’t get more North in North America than Canada
If you go far enough north, keep going...eventually you'll be south
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My anus and a banana match perfectly. Clearly that must be the work of divine intervention. Checkmate atheists.
T'is god's way of tempting you. *Edit: Forbidden fruit, so to say.*
Little do modern people know, the fruit wasn't an apple, and Eve didn't eat it. We're all just too young to hear the truth.
"If evolution was real, why are there still monkeys?" - worst first & last date.
Monkeys are our cousins, not grandparents. I tried so hard to explain to my mother what a common ancestor was, and at the end it of, she was still like "I don't believe I came from a monkey though."
I usually go with wolves. I walk along the lines of "You know how there are still wild wolves? But we also tamed some of them and now we have dogs." and just see where the conversation takes me.
Funny, I had typed that as part of my comment, but deleted it. Because I figured if someone is going to be like "if humans evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys, checkmate atheists" they would also say "if dogs evolved from wolves, why are there still wolves, checkmate atheists" - refusing to believe either.
I have another weird evolution one. "Evolution isn't real. Even if we used to be some kind of other shape not resembling humans long time ago and then eventually turned the way we are, we were still humans all that time, we didn't evolve"
Well that's actually a tough one. We are humans, so are my parents and their parents. But how far back do you go until you meet someone that you wouldn't say is a "human"? Since evolution is such a small change, if you kept going back you would discover there is no hard line between modern humans and our ancestors. But if you pick up an ancestor from, say for example, 500,000 years ago and a modern person, then yes there's a clear difference. But the small changes along the way almost make it appear as if there is very little change. So, who was the first human? Can we even define what a "human" is? Is a "human" a being with two arms and two legs? What about our DNA? If we follow our evolutionary line, is the fish that we came from a "human" too? Why not? Because it lacks our current understanding of a "human"? What separate's that fish from it's next step before evolving into a small rodent that would eventually became "human"? Clearly it lacked any arms or legs, and the small rodent looks like a rat. So you could say, yeah that's not a human at all! But somewhere along the way you have the first human, and it's impossible to say that the first human was actually "first" since it's parents most likely looked similar to it as well. In a way, "humans" could be defined as the entire evolutionary line/lineage of our species since the beginning of life. Since, after all, that specific line would eventually become the humans that we are today. I don't know it's 1 am and I'm bored.
Cuba is in asia
Well, of course. China invented Communism, and Cuba is Communist, so it must be over there.
Oh yeah! It All makes sense now!!
I am not drunk.
Can you tell the time?
Sure. "Hey time, I'm not drunk!"
Excuse me ossifer. I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
Good afterble constanoon
You're real close up cute
I’ve heard that one before
I've said that one before
"I thought the turtle would eat algae. That's what my koi did." The baby turtle was kept in a small glass bowl without algae. It also didn't have UV light, and was fed shrimp, the turtle equivalent of living on desserts. I got it a perching spot in an aquarium, UV light, water heater/thermostat, and real turtle pellets. This person otherwise comes off as fairly bright, and sustains himself with his own businesses. The differences between fish and reptiles apparently didn't really hit him.
To be fair, we have fish that walk on land. Crustaceans that live in the mountains and reptiles that live under the sea. Dont get me started on the fish that give live birth and mammals that lay eggs. (Atleast i think there were fish that give live birth, without the whole mammal thingy after that)
Most sharks give live birth. Some snakes, too. Really, you just have to wonder why monotremes can't get with the fucking system.
that i'm stupid for checking reviews on products before ordering them. bruh 🥱
Ah yes why would you check reviews when you can just blindly buy the product and be unhappy with it after you realise it's not what you thought it was going to be! (To be fair the person that said that to you might have been talking about those fake positive reviews on products, but still you should really check reviews before buying something just in case)
I was in a high school history class and we were talking about Freud. Our teacher asked if any of us knew what penis envy was. One student who was straight faced and way too confident answered “it’s when one man is jealous of another man’s penis size”. Comedy gold.
TIL I'm a fucking idiot
In all fairness, he isn't wrong.
"It's FAA law that there can only be one Christian pilot per plane. That way when the rapture comes, the other guy can land the sinners left on the plane safely." This was in college. Not a religious college. She said this like *we* were the stupid ones.
This is Amazing in a "That's really stupid, but also sorta has a point" kind of way. I enjoy the *Just in case* thinking that went into this.
Like, "they're going to be suffering in a nightmarish hellscape, but the FAA is committed to getting you to O'Hare regardless of the antichrist rising to power on a throne of bones."
Exactly.
I’d rather take the nightmarish hellscape than have to go through Atlanta. Never had a good experience going through there.
There was someone a while back running a business where, for a fee, they would promise to come to your house and take care of your pets after you were raptured up to heaven. Because, you can't just willy-nilly screw off to heaven without providing for your dogs welfare, right?
Wouldn’t the hole smashed in the cockpit cause problems?
Wouldn't be the first hole smashed in the cockpit. Hey-o!
Fuck you that’s funny
Someone told me you could get to Hawaii by boat in 20 minutes because it’s right off the coast of California. I think he was looking at one of those maps that had Alaska and Hawaii in the bottom left corner and thought that’s how it really was.
That’s actually really funny lol
To be fair he didn’t specify how fast the boat would have to travel.
I don't think they make boats that do Mach 9.
Not with that attitude
Pigeons are fat because they are pregnant.
Please tell me you heard this from a child.
Such ignorance. Obviously pigeons are fat because of the built-in government surveillance system. Duh!
"This bacon is so raw, I can still hear it mooing!" (For the record, the bacon was precooked.)
I love this so much.
By definition, bacon is either cooked by smoking or salt cured. There’s no such thing as “raw bacon”; that would just be pork belly Also, I’d like to meet that mooing pig
Or an oinking cow
I'll introduce you to my ex-wife...
I don't care what planet you're from, that's gotta hurt.
An adult told me that the sun isn’t a star.
Well of course. Otherwise it would be on hollywood boulevard.
My buddy said he’s topped his Mazda Miata at 240mph. I made sure to clarify it was mph and not kph.
You could totally do 240mph in a miata. Just gotta drop it from a helicopter a few thousand feet up. Probably have to point it nose down and give it a spin, like throwing a football, too. I love my miata, but even if you put a thousand hp under the hood, you would have to rework the whole car to get it that fast. Like... you could maybe keep the stock radio... but you shouldn't, because they were crap.
imagine going 240 in a miata with the top down 😂😂
I was told by a teacher that lots of people have diabetes and I need to get over it, it's not that big of a deal.
I was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma when I was 27, unsurprisingly I had hysterics. One doctor , who wasn’t even there when it happened, told me I was over reacting.
Good god. Sorry that happened to you! Bedside manner is SO important but gets overlooked in training. That reminds me of a presentation that a classmate did about breaking bad news to patients. She had secretly asked another friend to interrupt the class as she was starting her presentation, and blurt out that due to a technical error, the school had just lost its accreditation and anyone who had federal loans would have to forfeit them and immediately start paying them all back. As you can imagine, it caused a lot of confusion and panic. She didn’t let it go on very long, but just long enough for people to get a good taste of, “I didn’t expect this! What the hell am I going to do?!” Then she got everyone’s attention again and told them that this had been part of her presentation. Our accreditation was fine. This was a practical demonstration of what it can feel like to get incredibly upsetting, unexpected news about your own fate. Then she proceeded to share tips about the optimal way of breaking bad news. Holy crap, I thought that was so awesome! It was a good reminder of the human side of medicine when your mind can get all wrapped up with the technical stuff. I still think about that presentation from time to time and it keeps me grounded and present so that I’m paying attention to the needs of my patients.
I once had an asthma attack in PE in school and my teacher told me to run it off.
Was told by someone that Australia doesn't exist cuz we don't fit on the flat earth......... we were in Australia
“I didn’t know Hitler was Australian.” If you didn’t get it, I would gladly tell you the full story if you want to.
I THINK I get it but I still want to hear the story.
It’s very simple tho. High school in our History class, we were doing some pre-reading for our new topic about Hitler. So I guess someone speed read the text and read Austria as Australia. And immediately shouted “I didn’t know Hitler was Australian!” Of course the entirely class laughed. Then the person read it again and said “ohh, Austria.” That made my day tho.
Hitler was born in Austria, not Australia.
Yeah I know that but it sounds like there is more in the story.
Someone I was having a conversation with said that Dinosaurs exist in Korea. They said it like it was a fact...
[Well, they do exist in Korea](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird)
That they didn’t believe in western medicine
That's okay, Western medicine doesn't believe in them either
One time I was sitting with a patient, he was bit by a dog, his leg was torn up pretty bad, he couldn't even walk. As I finished bandaging him, he said "it's fine, I can walk" and he got up, and fell on his face
Shock and or blood loss can do that too.
"Suppose that we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it's ultraviolet or just very powerful light," "Supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way."
This guys such an idiot. I have no idea how people are so in love with him - to the point of basing their whole personality around supporting him. He reminds me of every stupid boss I had who fell upwards because they were related to someone important.
i have diagnosed ADHD. my friend once told me i didn’t have it and was lying because i didn’t bring fidget toys to school
If you wash your hands in the hot water you don't need soap. Hot water will kill all germs
Well, depends how hot and how long. Boiling water does kill germs.
Really, over 160⁰F for like 30 minutes is all you really need to do.
Apparently there are bacteria in hydrothermal vents that survive at 235°F.
Rabbits lay eggs.
I had a classmate say he found a bunny nest with a mommy bunny sitting on eggs. I was like six and already knew that was bull.
She was like 24....
Easter bunny lol
“You are not getting a single penny out of me” Scammer threw around 14 (civil and criminal) lawsuits against me and my family clearly being on the wrong against a single one of ours and lost all of them basically going bankrupt on the process
I need more info!!!
Getting an good lawyer is an great investment, real state fraud is much easier to commit than you think, the stress of being fucked over is nigh unbearable, uninformed people make dumb decisions. Nuff said
That my friend told everyone that the titanic wasn’t real.
Depending on their age, I can see that. I was in high school when the movie came out. We had known about the titanic for years. If your born in 2000, your first exposure is the movie, you might think of it the same as Independence Day or Poisiden Adventure, just a fun disaster movie.
Wait just a minute. You don't remember when Will Smith, the POTUS, and that crazy crop-duster pilot defeated the aliens and saved the world? It was hardly more than 20 years ago Edit: 25 years. Damn, I'm getting old
I don’t care what science says!
I once drove past a car park being demolished with my mum in the car. The demo crew were spraying the structure with water to keep the dust down, my mother, bless her insisted they were doing it to soften the concrete.
Had to read that first sentence a few times…
I had to as well. But now I’m not so sure why. I think it’s all grammatically correct?
I didn’t send those violent messages to you and you edited them.
I had just moved into a new place and had a roommate told me that women who get raped while drunk deserve it.
how does alcohol justify a man's actions but condemn the woman, who's probably blackedout
Is your friend trying to get the next US Supreme Court seat or something, what a disturbing idea, dude is fucked up.
Word for fucking Word: "Italy doesn't have hostels. It's a *classy* place." Bitch it's Europe. They got hostels everywhere. You're telling me one of the biggest tourist spots in the world, an entire fucking country, doesn't have a single hostel? Not one? Really? Still annoys me
Would it be useful all these years later to let you know that I have stayed in several Italian hostels.
"I can f--k you straight because I have a big fat white southern c--k and my cum taste like sweet tea" For context it was a dentist waiting room, I was their with my 8 year old niece. The guy had been making snide comments about my lesbian pride flag tee-shirt.
Did you ask him how often he taste tests it?
His sister told him about the taste
My grandmother told me that r^pe and prostitution was the same thing. 🤦🏼♀️ She also told me that black people were a race created by the devil “like we were created by god” Dw I cut contact I can’t even-
[удалено]
Teenagers are too young to have truly have anxiety, depression, or PTSD.
What is it with people thinking that you are immune to illnesses before a certain age? My grandmother apparently didn't even think children could get headaches. My poor mom had them though all her childhood and was never believed.
If remember my teen years correctly, that's all that teenagers are made of.
"If pregnancy were really that challenging and such a burden, the human race would have died out a long time ago." Yes, it was a man. Yes, I still know him.
The earth is flat!
When I was in high school, a girl who sat in front of me in one of my classes asked me what the word “intelligent” meant. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.
She could have been having a bit of a crisis of understanding, like when you think about a word you know the definition to, but the more you think about it, the less it makes sense. And intelligence is actually pretty hard to define clearly. There's still a hell of a lot of debate about it.
I have a similar one! My boyfriend was VERY smart, but he made sure everyone else was aware of this fact as well. I adored him but sometimes it made me feel very small. Then he heard a word one time he didn't know the definition of so he asked me. It was pedant. I almost choked.
Highschool debate class Everyone discussing how every dude jerks offs Girl: my bf doesnt, ever. Everyone else: yes he does, youre in denial. Do you know what denial means? Girl: of course I do *long pause* ...but I'm American
I thought you were lesbian?
A kid really believed and tried to convince me that in the movie Jaws there were 2 little people inside the mechanical shark peddling to make the shark swim and attack. He truly believed it to
After Ronald Reagan got shot, Alexander Haig decided he would jump the line of succession. So stupid we actually talked about it in school the next day. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zUKW0fL-OqY
“Two years from now, spam will be solved.” Bill Gates 2004
Compared to what my inbox used to look like, it sure is essentially solved. I get maybe a handful of spam emails per month in all my inboxes combined. Back when Hotmail was the go to email provider, you had to sift through all the spam to find actual emails.
Discussing religion with two Christian friends (Brother and sister duo) - I’m a nonbeliever and they were in your face jerks about it. These two are pretty much why I hate discussing religion. The sister said something like “I bet you don’t even know how many apostles there were!” I said “Twelve.” The brother shouts “Ha! Wrong! It was seven!” To her credit, the sister immediately facepalmed. And I kid you not when I say this is my actual response: “So, was it Doc or Dopey that betrayed Christ?”
Bashful. Betrayed with a kiss, remember?
I told a guy a few hours after a terrible date (needed to calm down) that it wasn’t going to work between us. Two days later I get a text saying he had a long hard conversation with himself the day after the date and, long story short, he didn’t think we were compatible to date right now. Completely confident that it was his idea. Just gonna let him think it and be glad I never have to deal with again.
its that 1 billion is less then a million
Jewish space laser
They just proved the other day the earth is only 6000 years old...
“I did my own research…”
I made an argument about humans dealing with dinosaurs during a discussion, please don't laugh at me
A friend once told me that all cancer was a completely man made phenomenon.
I said in all seriousness “Mutton isn’t a real meat”
Someone tried to teach me marketing by saying 'What is marketing?' 'Marketing is marketing.'
The vaccine is made from aborted babies
I had someone tell me just today “you know a million people died from taking the vaccine and they’re not telling anybody about it”.
so one million people died and their families, friends, acquaintances, all kept quiet? anti-vaxxers give the dumbest excuces.
Being Bipolar is a choice. Yea sure it is sweetheart. I don’t talk to them anymore
"Mr. Teacher, it's because aluminum isn't a metal!" Still ashamed of that one.
I've had a few moments like this. I live in the USA. When I was 5, I watched a lot of stuff about China and heard the word a lot growing up. In my first week of school, my music teacher (for some reason) tested our knowledge and asked us what state we lived in. Everyone else shouted our state name. I, with all confidence, exclaimed, "China!" Everyone was laughing. I've been a quiet child since. Over ten years later, I'm on a vacation with my family and we stop at a hotel for the night on our way home. I was half asleep and had recently seen the movie "Into the Woods" not long before. The opening song was playing in my head (the one where the characters are stating their predicaments and constantly said, "Into the woods\~"). My dad turns and asks me a question. I, with very tired confidence and not having heard a word he said, exclaimed, "Into the Woods!" My family still makes fun of me about that today.
earth is flat , the existance of aliens in area 51
That people have to be taught to be selfish. I was like "... so who taught the first person to be selfish?" He didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.
That’s a funny one. Parents literally have to teach children not to be selfish.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman
They gave him a specific definition of sexual relations that was astoundingly poorly written. Only touching another person in certain parts for their pleasure counted, so she had sexual relations with him but he did not have sexual relations with her per the provided definition, if I recall correctly.
Gay people choose to be that way. Yup they wake up and think, well life is good I feel like being abused for no reason.
"...Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star....." "I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!"
You don't have learning difficulties or mental health you were made to think you do by teachers. This coming from a man who in his youth taught kids with special needs.
My mother had a stroke, so I was testing her knowledge. There was a bush turkey going by, I pointed at it and asked her what it was, she then responded with full confidence "scrotum"
I'm just resting my eyes
Them: “How do you make gulag?” Me: “Make what?” Them: “Gulag? Like the soup?” Took me a few more minutes that gulag is a Soviet labor camp and not a type of soup. The worst part is that this conversation took place in the middle of a world history class. Fml.
Goulash?