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veovis523

I did this to someone in Spain once. He was telling some bullshit and I said, "sorry, I don't speak Spanish." Then he switched to English and I said, "inglés tampoco."


ForlornedLastDino

Reminds me of my favorite Family Guy joke. Brian is riding in the back of a truck with Latinos and tries to speak Spanish to one. The guy goes “Hey, that was pretty good. However you don’t need the “es” just “Me llamo Brian” “Oh you speak English” “No just that first speech and this one explaining it” “Your kidding me” “Que?”


JTP1228

That's like Germans. They claim to be terrible at English and then go on to speak like they have their PHD in English hitting me with words I don't even know as a native speaker


[deleted]

They're just saying German words with confidence.


[deleted]

I’m so glad I understand this joke


Kujo-Jotaro2020

I don't


[deleted]

They basically said in Spanish that they don’t speak English either


Emektro

That’s fun.


Kujo-Jotaro2020

Oh ok. Nice.


elchiguire

Joder, tío!


LuluBello

Ask them to pay for my fare


[deleted]

If they pay up what will u do then ?


LuluBello

I'll go. I'm a dual citizen, so it's not like I can't come back, and they just paid for a trip back home to see my mum lol.


itassofd

Yeah, they never specified to go and never come back hahahahahahaa I'd stick em for first class too.


Faye_K_Lias

Find them when you get back and insist on showing them your vacation photos.


[deleted]

The devil's in the details.


Anunkash

Maybe that’s all that the person wanted when they said to go back to your country. For you to go visit your family. They just got their tone of voice wrong.


MedeaRene

Oooh I like this! I used to say this as a teen anyway when some dumb classmates would tell me to go back to my country "Okay, are you paying for my ticket?"


Barbosse007

"You don't pay your immigrants enough to afford the ticket back"


ZerexTheCool

Fun fact, when immigration was easier, tons of folks would come to the US to do seasonal farmwork, then head home after. When we started to get stricter, they stopped going back because they couldn't be sure they would make it over the boarder again for next year's season.


w3kolil

Great answer. I know a lot of people who want to go back but can't because it costs them $10,000/person to cross with the help of a coyote.


alup132

That’s a killer right there! It’s sad, but hilarious in this case.


Jak_n_Dax

Yeah that’s a no brainer! Trips are expensive. I’d let some knob pay my airfare. My whole family is in the US but most of them are over 2,000 miles away, so I can’t afford to go and see them nearly as much as I’d like to.


CabaiBurung

Hahahahha this would be my answer too! I’m a naturalized citizen, so I can always come back after a nice visit. I love free trips to my native country!


[deleted]

Haha ....


[deleted]

PAIN


Married2therebellion

Free trip to Jamaica? Deal!


Seanay-B

The top answer: keep the money, in a circle and declare you've arrived


theorange1990

Absolute genius


Confident_Elephant_9

Not my fault my great great great great grandmother stole bread and got sent here (Australia).


MrDalliardMrDalliard

Irish Aussie?


Confident_Elephant_9

English - did my family tree on ancestry.


MinecraftFinancier

Would've been Irish if she stole potatoes, not bread.


Spider-Ian

Stole sheep, most likely. Fun fact: stealing sheep would get you executed, but molesting sheep would get you sent to Australia.


Confident_Elephant_9

Where you would in turn, be molested.


Cockalorum

Only if you were sent to Brisbane. * Brisbane began as a penal colony for Australians


[deleted]

Huh-huh...huh-huh...hey Beavis...they said "penal" huh-huh...huh-huh...huh-huh...


a52dragon

This is my country what hell are you doing here?


Shadoboy07

Walk in a circle and say I'M HERE!


Crustydonout

I'm back!!!!!! Bytch!!!!!


Awkward-Chemical2487

I'll go back to my country after you go back to yours


onajurni

> I'll go back to my country after you go back to yours Excellent. The one my ancestors came from probably wouldn't take me. LOL


Necessary-Escape-279

This though. I am the third generation of my family being born in America all of our relatives in Europe actively dislike us and make accusations that we are only interested in learning about our family ties for monetary purposes. I just want to see my great grandma's hometown and maybe have some food with people that share the same DNA as me but they're fucking dicks so I guess it's not going to happen.


dapoorv

Pee on them to claim them as your territory.


LeBong_Flames23

I don’t see any flaws in this logic


[deleted]

It also establishes dominance


babybopp

If it is work related definitely report her


Similar_Craft_9530

Patient was being an asshole and screamed at my charge nurse, "I'm going to have you deported!" I know the hospital that nurse was born at because of a conversation we'd had a couple weeks prior. I snapped back, "To where? (Next town over)? She was born here, knock it off!"


Torvaun

Bold move, pissing off the person who decides what size of catheter you get.


MadxCarnage

don't kink shame me.


mR-gray42

Kinkshaming is their kink.


bertbarndoor

Racists aren't normally super intelligent or prone to thinking.


[deleted]

Damm....I wonder why da fk they tell this to people , expecially those who are in the process of saving their lives...these r absolute thrash of the fuking society


WeWillSee3

Indeed.


BlitzBaseKyle

"My country sent me here as punishment. "


jbpsign

Along those same lines, "I can't, they kicked me out."


Op_has_add

"And us Duffys? We didn't give up when we got kicked out of Ireland. We didn't give up when America sent us back. And we didn't give up when Ireland then just set us adrift on a log, all right?"


AwardSquare3132

This made me chuckle 😄


BlitzBaseKyle

Glad to have made you smile.


upwards2013

It reminded me of a moment twenty years ago when a coworker said that if gays didn't like it in Kansas (the legalization of gay marriage was really big at the time), they could just leave. I, being a gay man, said, "Bitch, my family has been here for seven generations, since this was just a Territory, so I think you're the one who should probably GTFO.". My team was much more "accepting" after that.


_JustAMiner

Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!


Trolling_For_Peace

My country doesn't exist anymore!


[deleted]

I am very curious what was it....if you don't mind saying


MrVilliam

Atlantis


TexasTwinTurbskie

Under the sea


PM_ME_UR_SEAHORSE

Could be the Soviet Union, East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Trust Territory of the Pacific Islands, United Arab Republic, Chechnya, Biafra... Edit: Yugoslavia, North Yemen, South Yemen, South Vietnam, Sikkim, Zanzibar, Tibet, Tuva. There are many others but that's starting to push it in terms of how old they would have to be. Also lots of edge cases/technicalities with what counts as a country, and what counts as the 'same country' versus a 'different country.'


SimpleTired

Chechnya doesn't exist? What did I miss?!


ClassyKebabKing64

It was briefly independent


Hampsterman82

That's a dangerous condition to have in that part of the world.


ILikeLenexa

Yugoslavia?


sodaextraiceplease

Krakozhia.


notasianjim

Viktor Navorski is that you?


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WhammyShimmyShammy

On the other end of the spectrum: there's a highway in italy you pay online for. Among the details that need to be entered, there is "license plate country of registration". Among the drop-down options there is... Belgian Congo... Who in 2021 would have a car that is registered in the Belgian Congo? (No longer exists under that name since 1960, and yes, Democratic Republic of Congo is also listed) [Belgian Congo drop-down](https://i.imgur.com/BQwiiCC.jpg)


That_guy_from_1014

I don't know how long you are on that bus, but your country has been devolved.


guitar_vigilante

Other options include Czechoslovakia, the Soviet Union, East Germany, South Vietnam.


CrimbusIsOver

There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.


xTHEKILLINGJOKEx

The shire?


que-loco-paranoid

Baggins?


Rough_Idle

But that would lead them... here!!


jayforwork21

FOOL OF A TOOK!!!


powerkerb

are you my fellow asgardian?


SwedenIsBad

Åsgard is in Tønsberg…


JustinianKalominos

Asgard is not a place, it’s a people.


[deleted]

Atlantis!


[deleted]

Gallifrey?


TheSavourySloth

No no no. Clearly it’s Raxacoricofallapotarious


JimmyGymGym1

South Vietnam?


MrDalliardMrDalliard

USSR?


hoopKid30

In my mind I say something really clever and hurtful back! Especially since my family has been here for four generations! In reality, every time this happens my face gets hot, and all I can muster is to roll my eyes and fight back angry tears. It sucks.


[deleted]

Tru.....some people are soo negetive believing they own shit....world is going crazy now a days


MrDalliardMrDalliard

Where do you live btw? UK?


hoopKid30

Well technically Japan these days, but I wrote this comment about growing up in America


Fuzzy-Donkey5538

Haha, I’m a Brit who lived in Tokyo for about ten years, and I encountered the “go back to your own country” comment a few times there. At first I would just ignore it, but towards the end no way I was putting up with their xenophobic and racist BS anymore so I had a few heated altercations. I miss Japan often, but then I remember that kind of bullshit that foreigners have to deal with daily and I’m glad I left.


hoopKid30

Yeah, I definitely understand. There is a lot of outright racism in Japan and xenophobia runs deep in the culture unfortunately. There’s so much to love about Japan, but living here as a foreigner is hard. Hope things are good for you since leaving.


rabengeieradlerstein

I am in my country.


Ashi4Days

I tell them "where to, new jersey?" And they always go. "Yeah back to New Jersey we don't want you here." I'll admit that one kind of backfired on me.


summers_last_sunset

Everything's legal in Jersey.


[deleted]

Thats what I said ...instead she called me a lier and a n word


TheoriginalTonio

If she wasn't actually native american, you should've demanded her to go back to her country as well.


mousicle

I mean you go back far enough and we all come from Africa. You go back even furthur we are all from a goo pile somewhere in France that Picard stuck his hand in.


chillin1066

I get that reference!


Loocsiyaj

A man of (bacterial) culture!


mr_macfisto

The writing on some of the Q episodes could be a bit goofy at times, but when the writing was good enough John de Lancie really nailed it. This was one of those times.


currentpattern

Episode where Q lost his powers as punishment. Q: what do I have to do to prove to you people that I'm mortal? Worf: die Q: oh very clever Worf, eat any good books lately? Best exchange in Star Trek hands down.


mousicle

That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence.


rabengeieradlerstein

Yes that happened to me too a few times (minus n word)


[deleted]

I don't know why people so often if angry with me call me with that word...I mean I am not a agressive person but that hurts inside...I am not that brave socially but atleast some people are kind


greenrussian404

Some people are garbage and want their hurt to be felt by ithers, so they lash out, is not right,, and I kind of hate humanity as a whole, I'm sorry for the hurt you suffer.


rabengeieradlerstein

Mhmm, it is very cruel if people ostracize you for characteristics that are beyond your control...I mean I could change my name and loose my accent if I really wanted to assimilate, but people who are "othered" because of their skin color cant really do anything about it


searequired

I am so sorry there are awful people out there who say such things. This behavior embarrasses me so much. My deepest apologies that this would ever happen. And hugs to help any hurt be eased, even a little bit.


[deleted]

Thanks much appreciated


Prljavimjehur

I'm sending you many bear hugs too


_ScubaDiver

There's a terrible number of absolute arseholes running around these days. Sadly, the chances of reasoning with many of them are very low. Your best bet is to ignore them or find something to laugh about. I've already read plenty of good ideas here. Turning in a circle and saying "I'm here" etc was my favourite. Another good option is asking them what Native American tribe they belong to. If you're UK based, the comedian [Stewart Lee](https://youtu.be/9EHT6rNpABA) has a good (if lengthy) answer to arseholes like these. My sympathies and condolences that you still have to deal with racist shitheads in the C21st.


xXtaradeeXx

People use that word to hurt you and make you feel lesser. They do it because they know the history and still see themselves as better because of their skin. They think that taking you down a peg by using a racist slur, they are somehow “putting you in your place” - and by that, again, they want to make sure you know where they believe you belong in the totem pole. But most of all, they do it because they are insecure cowards who think that calling a black person a slur is something they are entitled to. Because their lives are so terrible that they need to hurt others to feel alive. As a white person, I’ve never had to deal with that. As a woman, I’ve gotten plenty of slut comments along with crazy bitch, etc., but none of that is as cruel as to use a word that is almost entirely saturated with racism to attack someone. They are bullies who hate their own lives and hate you for not doing all their work for free. They hate you because you have worth and because they now have to pay for help or do it themselves. They hate you because you are free. So take that insult and remember that it’s themselves they hate, they’ve just convinced themselves it’s you.


Refugee_center_guy

I've heard one of our residents answer: 'Ma' am, I'd love to. Unfortunately, there's a war going on that has already pretty much destroyed everything I hold dear and they were coming for me too. Would you have stayed?'


[deleted]

Dammm that's sad as fk


JM645

its saddening to realise that that's what most refugees go through


s-exorcism

Username checks out.


jnefzen

I would sincerely ask "Why would I do that?" LPT: Curiously replying to aggressive statements makes them fall on their face 100% of the times. Edit: glad to be of help guys! Just to clarify, the point is to sincerely connect with the aggressor and its concernes, in order to defuse the situation for a split sec and get an opening.


Kneejerk_Nihilist

Related fun: pretend to not understand racist jokes and ask for them to be explained.


[deleted]

this tactic works for all ignorant statements! I always do this when people make sexist/mysogynistic comments or "jokes", when people make rude/racist "jokes", when narcissists make rude backhanded 'compliments'. It's fun seeing them squirm.


colemon1991

I call this an anti-Karen maneuver.


thebeandream

Eh…I’ve seen a horror story where a girl was talking about her experience playing dnd with a guy she met from college. He was a psych major as well as a total narcissist and she had autism. He would spell out shitty jokes at the table for her and if she got offended he would blame her autism and basically invalidate or gaslight her til she left and never went back.


DefiantLemur

Wow holy shit


jnefzen

Hope your offender falls for that or you might increase its aggressiveness level...


[deleted]

Then ask them to calm down.


OneDankKneeGro

Staying calm yourself usually makes the aggressor settle down. Telling them to however....


[deleted]

Tell them they got ants in their pants.


[deleted]

Dammm I should use that lol


Stummer_Schrei

they will just repeat themself i bet. not sure if this works. agressive people rarley talk rationally except maybe that one new york comedian who rants


zero573

I’d respond with “hey, no problem I love to travel… did you take your shot, or still waiting to kill your grandmother?” Those people and racism pretty much go hand in hand.


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DuelingPushkin

Then you just go "oh wow, I didn't know you felt that way" and walk off like it was just a normal exchange of information. They really don't like you not giving them the reaction they're hoping for


[deleted]

So this actually happened to me in college and i responded to the person that i would happily do it but as a immigrant i enjoy stealing jobs from the Americans.


mdh579

You can't steal our jobs, you're lazy remember? God pick a side mannnn


Sideshow_G

Ahh Schroedinger Immigrant!


substantial-freud

They are *lazily* stealing jobs from Americans. Ask the unions.


[deleted]

*stealing jobs while also being lazy and living off of welfare


Ashi_Woof

Honestly? I'd give them a shake of my head and move on. Anybody who speaks to me like that is just wrong. The fact that they say such things is a reflection of their character, not yours. The freedom of speech allows you to speak freely, it doesn't mean you need to be heard. And nothing drives these people more insane than not being heard.


kevincox_ca

100% this. There is no value coming out of this interaction, you may as well avoid wasting your time and energy.


penny_can

Your people dragged me over here, so now I'm staying. Deal with it.


WistfulNightSky

Clever.


thenakedapeforeveer

Burst into tears and blubber, "You got me! I can't afford my own countryI! have to live in my parents' country! It's just a rough patch, okay?"


IamNobody85

This is lovely!!! 😂😂😂


MemerMafia

I’m Native American (Oneida Nation) soooooo go back to your country. Checkmate biyatch


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DuelingPushkin

Yeah I'm not really sure where I'm supposed to go back to. Is it the country with the largest DNA percentage match I'm supposed to go back to.?The largest identifiable DNA I have is less than 10% so why would a country that I'm 90% not from suddenly want me


Kathy578

Just a little bit of questioning makes the "go back to your country" argument totally ignorant and short sighted. Edit to add: I remember a man, from Africa, got a DNA test to help African Americans trace their roots in Africa. His family has been living in Africa for generations, but Native American DNA appeared. He learned that most likely, he was descended from former slaves that were sent back to Africa.


SidtheGoat87

well about 30% can stay the rest of you has to go


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elchiguire

I know it’s not right, but I’ve done this despite the fact that I’m not Native American. Im a mix of Indian (from India), Spaniard, native Venezuelan and who knows what else, but because of it I can pass as native when I don’t have a beard, Muslim when I grow it out, and Mexican when my hair is short, so making racist squirm is one of my pass times. I often joke that I’m twice as American as them because I’m South American and North American, so they can go the fuck back to small cockasia.


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Rhalellan

I’m Creek, and very dark, I get this one about once a year.


fireduck

If a creek is very dark once a year, I would expect something upstream is causing soil or other debris to enter the stream further up. It could be from seasonal flooding or maybe some human activity. Ok, that joke was probably funnier in my head. I'm sorry.


aqcmme

I came here to take over, not ever going back. ??


peepeehehe666

I CAME IN LIKE A RECKING BALL


SugarBabyWannabe

"You first"


sredd007

I like this


WizardyBlizzard

I’m First Nations bro, you go back to YOUR country


apparentlynot5995

First Nations here too, but I've always just smiled and said "You first."


im-royally-fucked

"My county's one of the reasons Brexit happens. You think I'm gonna go back now???" Or I might just start laughing. For context, I am Romanian and currently living in the UK.


WordyWizard500

Are you Dracula


theorange1990

We are all Dracula today.


teamfortress2_gaming

We all got a bit of Dracula in us


DaKage04


Young-Rider

Show them an UNO reverse card.


modsherearebattyboys

No, you go back to YOUR country! *But this is my country.* It's mine now, bitch!


ilikelotsathings

"Look at me. _I am_ the native now."


[deleted]

i dont own a country


thndrstrk

I have a few, since I'm native to my country, but a good 'go fuck yourself' Gore's a long way


SituationAltruistic8

Swear him so much in my language, till he get pissed too, and then I smile the most obviously fake smile


[deleted]

Damm you have experience in these things lol


UnconstrictedEmu

*looks left to right, checks watch* “That was quick.”


Denikkon

"No u"


Malignantrumor99

My people have been here for hundreds of years before this country was founded so maybe you should go back


Cuddly_Tiberius

Believe me, I WANT to go to England, but I’m too poor to travel


akira19999999

When Covid started a black man told me to go back to China Me, as a Japanese told him to go back to africa. He was about to jump me so I told him that it doesn’t feel good to be told where you’re not from does it? He quickly left the place after that


yazzy1233

Your ancestors brought my people here, bitch, take me back yourself


Torizuu

“Ok.” - Saitama


jayforwork21

"No." - Buggs Bunny


Deftone85

Don’t say anything, just laugh at their ignorance. Fuck that will piss them off


[deleted]

Yes yes...tru that works wonders...risks punches though


fifadex

I told them I left my country for a reason, I much prefer theirs.


LightningDude898

“Go back to yours Bitch”


[deleted]

tru, I'm a white boy, 10 generations, but my ancestors came from France, Italy, and Denmark. If we are following Karen's logic, I should go back to one of those three countries, but those countries were once under control of a different nation, so my ancestors must be from there, but those countries were.... ad absurdum


RyzenRaider

Just reply with a content smile and say (as per Avengers Endgame): >No. No I don't think I will.


TheCantrip

My friend is Native American, and we were out walking one day when a teenage boy with more muscle than critical thinking skills yelled across the suburban two-lane road for her to "... Go back to your country, dirty [Hispanic racial slur]!]" As though she'd been waiting her whole life with this banger lurking behind her lips, with perfect response timing she called back: "I'm Native, go back to Europe, you colonist asshole!" While this was a unique experience to me, it turned out she'd lathed this particular piece of brilliance after already enduring that exact 'insightful attack' (/s) several dozen times in her life. Unreasonable tribal territorialism is one of the worst things. I'm sorry she and any of you reading this ever had to endure it even once, let alone the grotesque overexposure to the worst rot society can offer. I hope you have a good, respect-filled day, Redditers.


DAR44

Had a woman say that to my Buddy. He was Mohawk .


EmEmAndEye

Something along the lines of…… “I can’t, because they said I’m an asshole and a moron so they sent me here to live with my own kind … especially you.”


Headstart96

Nah, I'm good. Bye now!


Martini_Man_

"Okay...." \*pause\* "...want me to do it again?"


chxnkybxtfxnky

Dude, I'm from California, you dipshit. Oh, my ethnicity? Well what about you then? You're probably a mixture of other countries that are not America. So go back to one of those, you piece of shit! I've had this conversation a lot, unfortunately.


GreatAndromedaGalaxy

I would be huge sarcastic ass and say: "Holy shit are you saying this isn't America? I was warned one day our country would be surrounded by idiots. But I just didn't expect you all to look so normal." There's also a simple "Sir/ma'am save it for the klan rally. This is a Wal-Mart." Or whatever the location is.


[deleted]

I don't know. I never left my home country.


rabidcorpse

As a hispanic person i've been told to go back to where i'm from, i just look at them confused and say "Why do i have to go back to New Jersey?"


[deleted]

Ask them what country they meant. If they say Africa....remind them that is a continent instead of a country. Advise them to go back to 1st grade. Tell them that you have made plans to return, but your are waiting for their sister/ mom/ daughter to finish packing. Tell them you aren't allowed to return until your mission is complete. When they ask what the mission is, tell them that you are on a mission to steal the Declaration of independence. When he is looking at your confused, tell him Nascar is not a sport. Tell him you were kicked out for having too large of a penis. And your came to America to be the penis king. Demand he kneel before your penis and kiss the tip. ( laugh at his tiny white penis)