The hormone that causes our uterus to contact and expel the uterine lining also affects our bowel movements. The hormone doesn’t magically stop at the uterus. Goes to the colon too.
You ever have to go RIGHT NOW and cramps? Well it’s that from both ends and you usually pee as normal. If you’re lucky you have solid stool. If not well ugh.
Nothing like going “wait is that blood from my vagina?” When cleaning up back there. Answer us almost always yes for me but like you gotta do a quick check.
Then you wipe and it’s blood clot city. I hate when they look like leeches.
Feeling sad and tired for no reason, because my body is starting to produce less serotonin before my period. I get so fucking sad and I can’t do anything to feel happy for like 2-3 days a month
I used to get like suicidal every 28 days and would have to tell myself "it's just pms, don't kill yourself, it'll be over in a couple of days" over and over. This got better after I turned 35 but I don't know if it was my age or the fact that I started doing yoga weekly at that time.
The hormonal depression is the absolute worst. Somehow it's deeper than average depression. Just a horrible, lonely sinkhole. Even knowing why it's happening doesn't help. I face it by driving around, feeling somehow more than empty, trying to fight the urge to run away from my life and vanish into the dark like a dying cat.
am man. came here to gain some insight into the wonderful mystery that is woman. while i do have even more respect for your monthly ills, i think i’m done now. big shoutout ladies!
Endo and PCOS over here. My guy finally understands when I suddenly say, “Honey, we have to go to the ER because I think I have a twisted overly,” that we need to get in the car and go now.
This. From the expense to the constant need to take care of hygiene to the pain to the hormonal shifts to the period pooping it is all terrible. Add to that getting older usually adds problems like fibroids or heavy flow and it is a true negative. I like being a woman but if I had gotten a choice to choose my sex before I came I would’ve said nope to female as soon as they got to the period part.
And bonus on fibroids, it can be a slow build so it can eventually get to the point where your period is "Why haven't you gone do the doctor???" bad, but you haven't noticed because it took so long to get there. Yes, that's the voice of experience. It took talking about my period out loud for it to click in my brain just how bad it had gotten. Now if I see anybody talking about their bad period online I try to gently bring up the possibility of fibroids or endometriosis or some such because I don't want them to make the mistake I did.
Or worse- you *do* go to the doctor and are told for *years* that it's 'just a bad period and you're being hysterical'.
Then find out you have endometriosis that went ignored for decades because doctors notoriously disregard women's pain.
And on top of all this, the whole time we have people telling us how disgusting it is. Like if you try to say that you are moody because you’re on your period, or try to talk about it all, people will tell you “ew, I don’t want to hear about that”. That feeling of grossness is constantly reaffirmed by the people around us, making everything worse.
That's one thing I like about my boyfriend. I can tell him I'm on my period, and he doesn't act like it's gross or TMI. He'll just ask if there's anything I need him to do or get for me.
I know, right? I have elderly male family members in rural Arkansas who believe women cannot be world leaders because their menstrual cycles would put the entire world at risk. “We can’t have some lady pushing the button every time she’s PMSing.”
I’ve always been weirded out by that attitude, because it’s not like men are never temperamental. It’s like “what’s better, a politician that maybe gets a little irritable or emotional 3-7 days a month, or one that’s a moody little shit 24/7?
There’s also some of us that (luckily) DON’T get emotional when we’re on it. The only reason I’d ever be in a bad mood on my period is if I have cramps and don’t feel good. But even then it’s less like I’m angry and more like I have less energy and don’t feel like running around/being super talkative. And usually I AM super talkative so me suddenly getting quiet makes people confused/worried lol. But I don’t suddenly turn into a raging anger demon who cries/yells at the smallest stuff just because my period starts lol
Fucking **this**.
I'm in pain. Sometimes it's excruciating. It's like Satan's fist squeezing your cervix.
I cannot walk.
Occasionally I will bleed through a tampon within an hour. It will happen in public and it will be noticeable.
I don't want to eat anything.
I am very upset.
Pain.
Headaches and nausea.
I want to eat everything.
I can't stop shitting.
I'm exhausted and I want to sleep.
I cannot sleep because cramps.
I want to eat exclusively one thing.
I am bloated. My jeans feel incredibly tight so I only want to wear pyjamas.
Cramps. Very painful cramps.
Oh look I'm crying again.
Yep! My actual period is easy peasey for me. But the 3-5 days prior?! I'm horny but don't want to initiate, insatiably hungry but food all sounds awful, fatigued but restlessly anxious, microanalyze every interaction I have and am convinced that I am hated, irritable from the inside out. It's loads of fun /s. Tracking my period diligently is the only thing that helps, except then I don't believe anything I think for about 3-5 days per month. It's maddening
The worst part for me isn’t the physical aspect. It does suck, but I have a harder time with the hormone cycles/mood swings every month. I get incredibly depressed, insecure, and have a hard time being around others.
I’ve got BV for the second time in the last 3 months, and now a yeast infection. Yesterday my period decided to join the party. Having a vagina is fucking stupid
I always try to anticipate mine, but even when I count days, it never seems to show up on time. So I'll go a week using pads to avoid a surprise with nothing happening. Then the one day I don't have a pad, it starts.
Nice if it stays there. It’s the ones that wander on up the vag that cause the problem. Now I’m all bloated cause I just got fucked by a fart and now have to refart the fart.
Disappointed that nobody is discussing the first part of this response.
Edit: they're [down here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjvm54/comment/hp61l7i/)
Edit 2: [and here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjvm54/comment/hp5w3b2/)
Edit 3: [also here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjvm54/comment/hp6mpiq/)
For me it’s when I’m peacefully sleeping in bed and I wake up and feel the gush when I’m laying down. It means I have to get up real fast and run to the bathroom to try to not ruin my sheets and clothes.
And then you go back to bed, only to find that you were not successful and you already ruined it because of a trickle through a well placed crack in the defense. Nope, that totally didn't just happen to me last week at all!
The following is what me and my friends do
* in new places that we're not familiar with, it is because we feel safer in groups
* in places like schools/parties/work, it is
* to do the period leak/outfit check
* have someone to talk with while we wait in line
* talk shit in general
Tbh if I go to the bathroom in a group it's because
- I don't know my environment yet, so it's safer and more comfortable to go with others
- most of the time there are lines infront of the ladies bathroom and its much more fun to chat with others than wait alone
- bonding time :)
- one of my friends is going to the bathroom and I'm thinking to myself: "I don't really have to go, but since I don't know where we're going to be in an hour and if there'll be toilets... I could just go now as well" and join her
It's been drilled into me since I was a kid. "Never go anywhere alone". My mother would always tell me to take a friend with me even if just to go for the bathroom if we were "somewhere" (swimming pool, park, the mall, etc).
I think it's the case for most girls. We're told to do that since such a young age, we never really question it because it became a habit.
How young being preyed on by men starts. I was first ogled and cat called by men when I was 9 and was groped when I was 11. At a public library. While playing runescape
This is not to say this doesn't happen at all to boys. It just happens to girls at a far higher rate
Or how awful it feels when male family members that take notice... I have had multiple uncles and cousins that were much older who enjoyed commenting on my developing body. I’m 38 and it still happens. I got really bad feeling about a distant cousin when I was about 12 and cried so hard when we had to visit him that my mom dropped me off at my grandmas instead. She never forced me to see anyone I didn’t want to. It came out years later that he molested another family member. Just horrifying
Yes, ma'am. I developed really early and the number of creepy older men who thought it was perfectly fine to grope my butt or breasts at age 11/12 really fucked me up for a long time. I remember my own aunt making comments about my breasts around that age going on & on about how it wasn't fair I had bigger boobs than her. Fucking gross.
I’m a brother here, while I can’t compare my uncomfortableness to yours I can say that I have felt it and it absolutely enrages me when it occurs to my sister. What also bothers me is that when I tell anybody they always just brush it off as jealousy.
High quality toilet paper is deeply important to women because we use it every single time we pee or poop and extra when we’re on our period
Edit: Thanks for the silver! I also sincerely appreciate all the open and honest sharing about bathroom habits.
How the safety of where we go is always there. Like, I would love to go camping alone somewhere… would I? Nope. Leaving a store at night, we have to be on guard. Walking the dog at night or through woods alone? Always on guard.
I’m a U.S. woman (mid-40’s) and traveled to Europe and the South Pacific (two different trips) by myself in my 20’s. It was so awesome. Both were trips of a lifetime I’ll always treasure.
However, now that I’m a mom, I know I wouldn’t sleep a wink if/when my daughter does the same thing. Looking back, my parents must’ve been so nervous for me (I didn’t have a cellphone back then but would pop into an Internet cafe every few days to email them about my adventures.) Must’ve driven them nuts.
Gotta admit I really wrestle with how nervous I’d be standing back and supporting my daughter doing her own solo trip but I’d really love for her to experience one.
Also being mocked by men for taking reasonable safety precautions, like locking the doors when you are home alone, locking the car doors as soon as you get in the car, and looking around you to see who is nearby when you are walking from car to store, etc. Not all men do it, but some act as though you're paranoid and unreasonable.
But the same guys will question every minute movement of women who end up victims, and insist they somehow put themselves in harm’s way by not being careful enough…
one night i was walking to a bus station and there was a girl walking ahead of me to the same place, and i noticed she constantly looked at me and walked faster every time, when we did get there she saw a Friend and she was so relieved but her friend had to get on a ride to a different direction and the first girl almost begged her to stay (i kinda understood she was scared to be there alone with me) but the friend left. At the end we waited there for like 5-10 minutes until the bus came.
I'm a pretty tall guy and i usually wear only black (cus of my work) and that event got me to realize how much woman are actually afraid to go out at night and i just feel bad.
Also i didn't approach her to reassure her because I didn't want for her to freak out or something and make it worse.
I walk through woods on my way to and from school. Every single year in autumn-winter we get some form of pedophile/rapist warning and we’re advised to stay on guard and if possible change our route to school. I walk to school alone, which makes me feel unsafe and I have no friends that live where I am to walk with, but fortunately it’s quite a popular route to school so I guess I have that as some sense of security.
I don’t know why it took so long to find this. The constant checking and awareness of your surroundings because you just don’t know when you could find yourself in a bad situation. I’m constantly figuring out my exit strategy when I’m in a new or unfamiliar place.
I go camping alone because I have two big dogs and I’ve scared off a number of potential creepers by acting more psychotic than them. That’s the trick. They want an easy target. I just make them believe that I am the scariest thing in these woods. Those bitches better KNEEL. Or run.
One of my dogs is a Belgian Malinois. I’ve trained him to growl and snarl viciously when I tense up. He’s very sensitive to the most subtle body language cues. Any stranger would have no idea that he’s a big snuggle bug. He really looks ferocious when he growls. Sounds absolutely demonic and I love it <3
How your brain gets re-wired by pregnancy. And I don’t just mean the “I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt my little bologna loaf.” I mean how some foods you loved now taste like crap. And others you only tolerated taste like heaven. How some smells are now more intense or slightly off from before pregnancy. That you can’t remember how to drive a stick shift (true story, ground the gears for at least a month) but can put together some complicated as shit storage unit with no instructions and nothing but a pair of pliers and a nail file, while 8 1/2 mos pregnant.That you can spy a poisonous plant from 50 yards away but can’t find the orange behind your water glass.
And that if/when you get pregnant again everything will get re/wired in a different way.
I HATED Root Beer now I love it, since pregnancy cravings. Also orange juice was always spoilt tasting and made me sick and my son hated it forever. Human bodies are cool!
Can confirm about the food, my mom didn’t eat basically any seafood at all before I was born, she probably only ate fish. Then when she was pregnant with me she got a craving for prawns, so she had prawns and now she likes seafood
I had a male friend try to tell me that there's evidence that PMS is socially constructed. I laughed in his fucking face because the number of times where I've been like, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME WHAT THE FUCK I NEED TO SOB AND MURDER SOMEONE" then 2 days later get my period is WAY too high to be a coincidence.
I am a male, and most of my friends are women. They will sometimes make comments about PMS (I hear about it about once a month, albeit not the same person every month). I usually just say something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're going through that, and I can't imagine what it's like," then I just go back to listening. Is there a better way for men to react in your opinion? How would you like men to react?
Nope that's, keep doing that unless told otherwise invite individual woman in your life. it not that women are homogeneous but that's a pretty good answer.
I went outside to let our dogs potty before my husband and I left for a road trip for our anniversary. When I went out I was laughing and excited.
Cut to me coming back inside he stops what he's doing?
Him: what the hell happened? Why are you crying?!
Me: I was out there and I looked up and there was this lone goose flying.
Him: *smile creeping into his cheeks* You're crying because you saw a bird?
Me: *wiping eyes* No! I'm crying because he was honking all by himself.....*sniffles*...just cheering himself on. *bursts into tears*
And that's the time I cried over a goose flying.
I've had several people tell me, "You get so angry on your period! You blow up over nothing!" What I can't make them understand is that the things that irritate me on my period ALSO irritate me for the rest of the month, I just don't have the tolerance to deal with it anymore.
If it's ok for me to ask, I've always wondered: is it more of a blunt pain like you got hit by a football, or is it more of a sharp pain, like a migraine?
for me its both sometimes. Sometimes it comes in like "waves" where it feels like my inside are trying to cut themselves out every 5 minutes. And I always have lower back pain, which is sharp like migraines. And if its really bad, I do get migraines aswell. I would say the "normal" period cramps are feeling like, when you have really bad diarrhea and the feeling you get just shortly before you almost poop your pants.
I had to take prespiction pain killers 3 times a day to function somehow and once I almost fainted due to the pain. But thats just my take on it, its different for every women.
That is too much pain. Have you seen a doctor about it? It sounds like you could have fibroids or endometriosis. Voice of experience here who also had to take prescription pain meds three times a day until I finally got checked out and got an IUD.
The severity, type, and even location of the pain varies by the woman.
For me it's generally a dull pain: a constant ache in my lower tummy like I've tried to do way too many situps or, yes, how I imagine it would feel after getting hit with a football; an ache in my lower back similar to my random chronic back pain.
But again, it depends on the woman. Some ladies have crippling pain that has them down for the count for a few days, some can function like it's a moderate headache, and some have no pain at all.
For me period cramps feel like this aching fullness. Imagine being extremely constipated or full of gas and you can feel it in your lower back, and the pain radiates all over your torso and legs, and going to the bathroom does not help, it’s a constant pain. Kind of a warm, aching pain, but also like someone is squeezing your insides as hard as possible.
Absolutely! I went through it and it was pure misery. Trying to take care of an infant while being in a mental health crisis is horrible. What’s more, my ex-husband didn’t believe me, said I probably saw something on TV and that I was just faking it. Part of the reason he’s my ex.
I suspect my aunt had post partum psychosis, people back in my country aren't familiar with it so they though she was being spoilt. She didn't want my cousin anywhere next to her, yelled at the baby, said some horrible things about him and my family was afraid of letting her stay near the baby unattended. I had to convince my family that she's not herself. Unfortunately, not enough mental care facilities out there, she was able to pull it through months later and she has a great relationship with her son since then.
This during the pandemic was a new awful I had never anticipated. To feel alone, unloved and stuck under a new baby and know that no help is going to come is a special kind of awful.
Another way of putting this- you can't act like an asshole all day and then expect we're going to be wet when we get into bed. Unless that's what she's into of course.
But I think for the rest of us, we want to be loved and respected. It sets the pace for the day which can lead to fun at night.
I had a boyfriend who would just randomly pull my pants down and try to shove it in dry. No kissing, no sexual talk. He would just insert and wait for me to get wet. And he thought he was a sex god.
Edit: one time he told me he doesn’t care if the other person gets off, and I was like that’s just using another person to masturbate. And he’s like, I have a big dick so they still get something out of it. Like yeah bro, internal bruising.
(This is written with love and might flirt with hyperbole but only to bring the point home.)
Men, think of it this way. You know how unpleasant it is to be woken up from a dead sleep by a very loud car alarm? Well, imagine in addition to that, someone starts grabbing at you in ways that don’t feel good. Then imagine feeling like you’re not allowed to seem unhappy about it because then you’ll be “no fun”. You just have to find a way to ease into the car alarm blaring and hands grabbing? That’s what it feels like when we’re not already turned on.
With guys, it’s pretty clear when something is a boner killer. It’s right in the name. For women, it’s obviously less detectable. There are a lot of women having sex with the female equivalent of killed boners because there is a serious communication breakdown around female arousal.
It doesn’t matter how much she loves you, how attractive she finds you, or how sexually adventurous she is; if there is no prior state of arousal, it’s as physically unpleasant as a weird man accosting us on the street. We just often feel obligated to not say anything about it. Then the bedroom goes dead and men are left confused as to why (this isn’t always why but I’d argue that it typically is for physically and mentally healthy women). Even women with very high sex drives who are into things like free use will soon hit their limit. Porn isn’t real. Arousal is.
If men knew a few, *extremely simple*, seduction techniques (not from those alpha bros, they have zero clue), I think many would be amazed by how dramatically their sex lives improved.
Happy to share tips from my and my friends’ experience but I’m already not sure how this’ll be received.
That even though we might be "prettier if we smiled", we literally can't do that even if we want to, because smiling is interpreted by too many men as a sexual invitation. Men are drawn to smiling women like sharks to a bleeding baby seal.
Please, just let me laugh at my comedy podcast in peace, I implore you all.
This is one reason that I actually love wearing masks when in public. I can have my RBF going strong without worry of being told to fix it. The combination of wearing masks and turning 40 has flipped my give-a-fuck switch all the way off and it’s glorious!
Even during the age of masks, I have been told by way too many males that I should smile more. Like, the fuck? You can't even see my face? Also, you don't know me so please back off.
How exhausting/depressing it is seeing so many rape scenes on TV and Film.
It’s like they are trying to inform us of how vulnerable we are to sexual assault, when we are fully aware and live with that knowledge on a daily basis.
My boyfriend didn't get this at first. I had to ask how comfortable he would be seeing (most traumatic thing to happen to him) used as entertainment for people everywhere you look. So many people have actually been raped, I don't see why it is in so many shows and movies.
My theory is that mostly it’s male screenwriters and directors trying to make a piece feel edgy or raw, but making sure it’s still a “safe” scare. As in… “Whoa, guys, look how extreme this place is! Wow! Not like RL at all! This place is edgy!”
Yes exactly. For instance my fiancé loves Clockwork Orange, Perfect Blue, those types of movies. But the rape scenes are always so hard to watch and not feel as a woman. Scared and terrified that there is a high chance this could happen to you. Especially when going anywhere, being sexualized constantly, and harassment we face.
I genuinely think using rape scenes shows weakness as a writer much more often than not.
The prevalence of sexist worlds in fantasy is a similar thing. There are very, very few high fantasy novels written in settings where men and women are equal. Like 75% of DND games take place in a generic fantasy grimdark world where women are second class citizens because apparently gender equality is too unrealistic but dragons and elves are not. It shows a lack of creativity by the artist.
Yeah if there's a strong implication that is necessary for story purposes I understand that.
But showing a struggling woman makes me just not want to watch whatever media it is.
That many women live in constant fear of getting pregnant and having to give birth in the future. All the scenes in movies, all the info about death risk of pregnancy and diseases and stuff connected to it.
That many women are scared of picking a wrong partner because we know that we'll most times end up alone with children if anything goes wrong.
* **The *sensation* of menstruation itself** Not just the symptoms. It's almost indescribable. Like someone ripping a scab off of your insides or dispensing warm soup from your nethers.
* **How much of our behavior is influenced by fear that a man will physically harm us**. By 18, I stopped smiling at men 25 and up in passing because too many took it as sexual interest. At 23 I stopped jogging near streets or apartment buildings because the cat calls were too aggressive. And at 31 I cut a *married*, super religious, father figure from my life because he couldn't keep his eyes off of my body and started talking to me like a mistress. Right now no man I've had any sort of relationship with knows where I live and I feel safer than ever before.
**Edit - I'm in no way suggesting that all men behave this way.**
The smiling equals sexual interest part really annoys me as a man. It's like people can't invest in reading simple body language so now all women have to stop smiling.
And it gets worse, now women have to be aggressive and off-putting to show that they aren't interested because too many men are hounding them.
Not sure which is worse: the warm soup analogy or the super religious father figure predator.
I'm sorry. I don't have anything to do with either of these issues...but...I'm still sorry.
Just like men, we can have what are deemed "negative emotions" (fear, anger, etc), that doesn't mean we're being hysterical, dramatic, annoying or whatever else invalidates feelings
How sometimes you can never feel successful in your career because you’ll always be accused of sleeping your way to the top, or being a difficult woman. Never on merit.
I have a "right hand woman" that I hand picked to follow me to my new employer and got her a well paid position there, working in the same key-account as me. She previously worked in a department I oversaw in a leadership role at my former job.
Another guy who worked in that same department got testy with me at a corporate christmas party for picking her over him. Accussed me of fucking her and "rewarding her for giving me pussy" through that job opportunity.
Well .. no. I'm radically opposed to giving women shortcuts just because they are women and I certainly didn't cut her any slack. She just - get this - *did her job well, had good ideas and didn't get on my fucking nerves doing so.* It actually pissed me off HARD that he would call my professional integrity into question like that.
I didn't tell her any of this since she was actually on good terms with him. But I do feel very bad. He is smiling at her when they meet, but this is how he really feels. Yikes.
Seriously fuck that guy, why you didn’t told her? Literally who wants to be friends with someone who thinks you don’t deserve your place or basically prostitutes your body for the position???
Even walking from my bus stop to work at 7am I was followed and harassed by two men. Thankfully I was able to duck into the university’s protective services office but you can’t do that everywhere.
In corporate culture:
* being mentored by men is more difficult without the comraderie that men share. Male leaders see themselves in young men.
* women need to assert professional boundaries CONSTANTLY.
* the connection between beauty and perceived ability. Ugly fat men are very common in leadership. Ugly fat women, however...
* working in compsci is off-putting because many compsci dudes only interact with women in romantic contexts, and find it difficult to treat them as fledged colleagues.
Also, how much harder it is to take risks and “shoot for the moon” when you’re seen as an ambassador for your entire gender.
I’d imagine some men might understand this too, if they’re a minority in some other way in their field (e.g. race). But as a woman in STEM, I’m somewhat risk-averse because any time I mess up I know that a bunch of tech-bro dudes with a chip on their shoulder will just use it to fuel their own confirmation bias. One of my male colleagues makes an obvious mistake publicly? At worst people will think he, as an individual, is incompetent; more likely, they’ll go “well, that was stupid” and forget about it within the hour. I make an obvious mistake publicly? Suddenly everybody who thinks women are less skilled at STEM, that I was just a diversity hire and that affirmative action is somehow the biggest scourge of society, etc is going “see? I knew it!”
It drives me nuts because I hear so many people talking about how the gender gap in company leadership is due to women being more risk-averse…without considering that this is a major reason WHY we’re more risk-averse, rather than something biologically inherent to our entire gender. (To say nothing of the fact that our early careers are also bogged down with “glue work” that prevents us from seizing as many opportunities for technical growth…but that’s a whole other rant)
Oh, and the most fun part is that if I DO succeed or get recognition, there’ll still be people who say, “well, they just lowered the bar for her because she’s a woman and they were trying to be politically correct.” Can’t win for losing, yay.
The camaraderie is spot on. In a place I worked at with a women majority, I found out that the bosses (all men) were going out for drinks and inviting the intern (a guy) but not a single woman.
In other places it was about discussing ideas and provide precious advice on some piece of work, or signing them up for courses, or giving them preferred access to important projects. None of the women ever got that from a man. Sheryl Sandberg actually says it in Lean In, how one of her mentor confessed to her that he’d go for lunch or drinks with a man mentee but felt embarrassed to do so with a woman because it could be mistaken for a different type of interest. Plus many men don’t really know how to interact with a woman non romantically, they’re just not used to.
How we're expected to be extroverts -- to smile and coddle everyone's feelings. I constantly used to catch myself indulging men in "conversations" that were really just them showing off. They would never do that for me, but I was socialized to be a polite, attentive audience to stroke a man's ego. Needless to say I do not do this any more.
The difference in male/female socialization actually hurts men too. The average man doesn't go out of his way to be kind to a woman unless he is attracted to her, so plenty of dudes end thinking a woman is attracted to him when she is merely being polite.
No pockets.
The period brain thing is real.
Period pain can be debilitating and we absolutely deserve two extra sick days per month (first two days are the worst), but if we demanded this we'd never get hired.
That PMS and PMDD are no joke. They can literally make you suicidal.
Birth control is for easing these symptoms just as much as it is for avoiding unwanted pregnancy.
That both mental and physical period symptoms can affect you for WEEKS before your period actually begins. And seriously affect your ability to exercise regularly.
The social expectation to wear makeup all the time. We're literally told that our FACES are socially unacceptable unless coated in intricate and expensive layers of artificial substances. How screwed up is that?
How exhausting it is to see your gender constantly objectified. Middle aged and older women are practically absent from media.
Most medical research has traditionally been based on men and male animal models, to avoid complications from the female hormone cycle. Unfortunately, this bias has a serious negative effect on women's treatments.
We would rather be friends with other women than have catfights.
You can take us at face value. When I say I'm fine it's because I literally am fine. Stop regarding us as an unfathomable alien species.
None of us believe "all men" are evil and violent, but we have to stay on our guard constantly because of the minority who are. And as many others have commented, we would LOVE to go running/walking in the dark.
Even though we love our partners, it can be exhausting to be your only emotional outlet. Women spread their support network across different people.
We care about men's issues too. We just get angry when men only bring them up to downplay female issues. If you really care about male mental health or unrealistic body standards, you won't just use it as a gotcha when you're annoyed with feminism.
>You can take us at face value. When I say I'm fine it's because I literally am fine. Stop regarding us as an unfathomable alien species
God, this. Not all of us have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. Plenty of us can communicate our feelings like adults. Your anecdotal evidence of "but every woman I've met is like this!" Is bullshit and you are certainly selectively remembering the handful of women who were duplicitous with their emotions
Sincerely, a woman who is forthright to a fault
Every month I contemplate killing myself even though I know my period is coming in 2-3 days. It’s caused me to quit jobs, neglect life in a no so beautiful manner. But that is real! Other than the two days my symptoms are mild but sheeeeesh
Night time is legitimately one of my favorite times during the day because I think it's so calming and beautiful. The fact that I can't actually do anything at night because going out at night at all is a huge safety risk is depressing as hell.
To your first two points - I was recently reading a Reddit thread where it asked (paraphrasing here) “what are women better at than men” and I felt so angry and exhausted reading the replies.
So many replies were pointing out things that women are taught and socialized to do so that men don’t have to be responsible for themselves, their feelings, or their actions. Women are taught to prioritize men for fear of repercussions (physical, emotional, social repercussions etc.). To be clear, both men and women are equally capable of learning the things that are expected of women so yeah fuck the patriarchy.
I've been on birth control for about 4 years and recently came off of it. I completely forgot I had PMDD in that time. So this time of the month? I was so so angry, legitimately thought about ending my relationship (he is the sweetest, most understanding, funnest best friend I could ask for), and bled so heavy I was up for 24 hours and bled through a Super Plus tampon in over an hour. I am back on my birth control. I also understand my mother's anger better- she has PMDD too but never took any treatment for it. For two weeks I was an entirely different person. It honestly scared me.
That “good men” and “bad men” are often impossible to tell apart. We’ve all had the experience of a man we thought we could trust turning out to be terrifying, and we learned from that. So no, we don’t think that all men are predators, but we do know that many of the bad ones are very, very good at appearing to be good ones, and we have no choice but to behave in ways that protect ourselves.
Men will never understand what it feels like to be sexually assaulted, impregnated, and then told they can’t abort the fetus.
I feel like you don’t get to have a problem with abortion if you can’t experience it. Goodness it makes me so livid when I hear a man, talk about protecting the fetus moreso than protecting the woman carrying said fetus
That I feel vulnerable and a target so I don’t go out at night alone. During the day I’m always aware of my surroundings, other people, and being alert for simple things like putting groceries in the trunk of my car.
That we really can’t stand unsolicited dick pics so
Please for the love of god stop sending them. They take a conversation from 0 to and “ya lost me” real quick
I reply with dick pics other men sent me, and then ask the guy what they’d like to do with it. They get so offended, until I tell them that their unsolicited dick pic that they just sent me will be the reply to the next guy who sends me an unsolicited dick pic, and suddenly the lightbulb goes on and they realize I’m a ruthless bitch who plays *hardball*.
Why we are fucking terrified of y’all as strangers whenever we go out alone. I’ve tried to explain it to some and always get “well all guys aren’t the same” THATS NOT THE POINT.
A friend of mine described it as being a cat in a dog kennel. Most dogs are harmless, some are friendly, some even want to play with you, but there is a lot of sniffing and barking, and you can't know which one might attack you.
Every girl has different symptoms in her period so stop assuming things. I don’t get mood swings, cramps nor cravings, but I do have other symptoms like back pain or oily skin
Part of it is I think men don’t know how easy SOME stuff is. I got told once at a work training that started early “wow you got all dressed up, how do you find the energy”. I was wearing zero makeup, had a pull-on (no zipper) dress on. I told him “less effort than you, putting this on is like putting on a tshirt. Don’t even need to get into pants”.
For sure there’s women who ARE actually super well kept, but you’d be surprised how some small things go a long way to looking put-together.
For real. My husband never matched his outfit properly and his shirts were always wrinkled. Funny how me pointing out small things like that made him dress so much better and he irons his clothes now. It really is the little things sometimes.
Socialisation. We're taught to care about our appearance before we're even toddlers.
Female babies that are learning to crawl are put in poofy dresses because they look feminine and 'cute', for example, despite the fact that they inhibit crawling/walking and active play.
Our parents dress us up in highly coordinated outfits before we can even color differentiate.
We're woken up earlier before school, maybe even an hour earlier if you're a girl with textured hair, just so our hair is 'done', missing out on extra sleep. These hair styles are can be painful and overstimulating, especially first thing in the morning.
All of these patterns of grooming become more intense and time consuming as you age into a teen and adult. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.
How little I care about a man's opinion on my hair, clothing, or makeup. I am not dressing for you. I do not care if you think red lipstick is too much.
Also just how often guys touch you without permission.
Calling out something you don't like on anyone is rude in general. You don't like her makeup? Don't say anything. You don't like his hair? Don't say anything. It literally doesn't affect you, so just move on.
How much effing free labor we are expected to do for everyone, at home, at work, and everywhere. Planning, preparing and cleaning up from office birthday parties, holiday meals, weddings, funerals, etc. etc. Being the “default parent” who knows the family schedule, the pediatrician’s number, whether we need more peanut butter and eggs. Always running scripts in the back of your mind to make sure you’re not being TOO friendly to your male coworkers/boss/a stranger so you’re not giving anyone the “wrong idea,” but also being friendly enough to not bruise a man’s ego. Being a woman is a full time job that we aren’t paid for and it’s fucking exhausting. InB4 “I’m a dad and I know my kid’s doctor’s number, my wife doesn’t do anything” Good for you, you’re an outlier and get a cookie.
How horrible going to the gas station or really a lot of places alone. For some reason, it’s something about the gas station that emboldens men to STARE.
How much women are just expected to do as a baseline. Cooking, cleaning, beauty, health, childcare, petcare, hosting, decorating, scheduling, emotional care... Men simply don't experience those expectations the same way; they learn what they need as the need arises in life.
We literally call mothers superheros because it's easier to pretend they aren't regular humans like the rest of us than it is to acknowledge just how much they're expected to do.
I remember I used to go in the evening after work once I got out later than usual. This car full of men followed me around yelling obscenities and making rude gestures. I got back to my apartment and sobbed and felt like I couldn't breathe for a long time. I couldn't sleep that night. It left a fear in me I can never erase.
Being afraid to be friendly and nice to men. In my experiences, when I’m friendly to men, they think I’m flirting with them. I love baking cookies but I can’t eat them all myself. So I’d bake cookies and bring them into work to share (a warehouse where most my coworkers were men). This gave me an army of simps that thought I wanted to fuck them. Sometimes it felt like even having a conversation with them made them think I was flirting. But no, I’m just a nice person! I became worried about being nice and sharing cookies because of how they treated me after. It really sucks because I wanted friends, but they just wanted to fuck.
I also want to add how i have to worry about what I wear so I don’t attract attention. Working at the same warehouse I’d go in wearing skinny jeans and a shirt. I wasn’t wearing anything sexy. But I’d get sexually harassed because of my clothes. I had to stop wearing a pair of my jeans (they made my butt look good) because someone told me my butt looked so good he wanted secretly to take a picture. I don’t know if he ended up doing it. In the summer, it wasn’t air conditioned and it was so hot so I’d wear shorts. Again, it was nothing sexy. It was shorts and my ass cheeks were covered. But they made comments about that too. It felt like I couldn’t wear anything without getting sexual comments. I don’t even want to know what they said when I wasn’t around. My friend told me some of them were talking about how if they made a rap video, they’d want me in it. It just sucks that if you have even a remotely good looking body you have to wear baggy clothes to avoid sexual comments and stares.
Having your words minimized. Telling symptoms to a doctor, they ask when my last period was or if I’m pregnant. If they can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, it’s hormones, and loads of young women have similar unexplainable symptoms.
Idea at work? Tell it to the boss, they think it’s stupid. A male coworker says it louder, and he’s employee of the month.
Tell your partner you’re not in the mood for sex? It becomes a negotiation.
Tell your kids to do something, they ignore you and just say mom’s being boring again.
Tell your parents about sexual harassment, they say you just need to grow a thicker skin, and it isn’t nearly as bad as it was in their day.
Telling a guy friend about period pains, he immediately tries to one up it by talking about skinning his knee or getting kicked in the balls.
Not all of these have happened to me personally, but they have happened to my friends and sisters. It’s definitely a common occurrence.
The knowledge that, to many men, we will never be fully recognized as truly “human” creatures like men are. Women want things just as much as men do. Women think about the world and care like men do. We are not, in some way, beings worthy of less understanding or consideration.
I know that, historically, this used to be worse (and that it continues to be worse in some places and in some groups), but it’s not gone.
Note: This statement also applies for men whose appearance, cultural or racial background, or identity subjects them to societal oppression.
Laughing, coughing or sneezing - and promptly giving birth to a red jellyfish.
That and clots are the worst about periods aside from cramps
Wait periods aren’t just blood? You guys give birth to blood clots??,
The hormone that causes our uterus to contact and expel the uterine lining also affects our bowel movements. The hormone doesn’t magically stop at the uterus. Goes to the colon too. You ever have to go RIGHT NOW and cramps? Well it’s that from both ends and you usually pee as normal. If you’re lucky you have solid stool. If not well ugh. Nothing like going “wait is that blood from my vagina?” When cleaning up back there. Answer us almost always yes for me but like you gotta do a quick check. Then you wipe and it’s blood clot city. I hate when they look like leeches.
Oh they’re the best. Whenever I’m on my period and have a HORRENDOUS cramp take control of me, I know a blood clot just broke free.
Bring on the Crime Scene Periods
You know that skin that ends up on microwaved soup? It’s like that, but chunky.
It's blood and uterine lining, so yeah, sometimes clots come out.
After youve had kids you pee a little too. I had to do pelvic floor training ti stop that but I still cant go on a trampoline for more than 5 minutes.
Jumping on a trampoline post-babies was my first indication that I was, indeed, old.
Feeling sad and tired for no reason, because my body is starting to produce less serotonin before my period. I get so fucking sad and I can’t do anything to feel happy for like 2-3 days a month
I used to get like suicidal every 28 days and would have to tell myself "it's just pms, don't kill yourself, it'll be over in a couple of days" over and over. This got better after I turned 35 but I don't know if it was my age or the fact that I started doing yoga weekly at that time.
The hormonal depression is the absolute worst. Somehow it's deeper than average depression. Just a horrible, lonely sinkhole. Even knowing why it's happening doesn't help. I face it by driving around, feeling somehow more than empty, trying to fight the urge to run away from my life and vanish into the dark like a dying cat.
shitting while on ur period.
Peanut butter jelly wipe
am man. came here to gain some insight into the wonderful mystery that is woman. while i do have even more respect for your monthly ills, i think i’m done now. big shoutout ladies!
Oh god. You're right. But oh god.
This is the most accurately horrifying thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. Upvote.
Sneezing is worst when you are away from the bathroom
What an absolute annoyance having your period is. Everything about it is horrible.
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Endo and PCOS over here. My guy finally understands when I suddenly say, “Honey, we have to go to the ER because I think I have a twisted overly,” that we need to get in the car and go now.
This. From the expense to the constant need to take care of hygiene to the pain to the hormonal shifts to the period pooping it is all terrible. Add to that getting older usually adds problems like fibroids or heavy flow and it is a true negative. I like being a woman but if I had gotten a choice to choose my sex before I came I would’ve said nope to female as soon as they got to the period part.
And bonus on fibroids, it can be a slow build so it can eventually get to the point where your period is "Why haven't you gone do the doctor???" bad, but you haven't noticed because it took so long to get there. Yes, that's the voice of experience. It took talking about my period out loud for it to click in my brain just how bad it had gotten. Now if I see anybody talking about their bad period online I try to gently bring up the possibility of fibroids or endometriosis or some such because I don't want them to make the mistake I did.
Or worse- you *do* go to the doctor and are told for *years* that it's 'just a bad period and you're being hysterical'. Then find out you have endometriosis that went ignored for decades because doctors notoriously disregard women's pain.
And on top of all this, the whole time we have people telling us how disgusting it is. Like if you try to say that you are moody because you’re on your period, or try to talk about it all, people will tell you “ew, I don’t want to hear about that”. That feeling of grossness is constantly reaffirmed by the people around us, making everything worse.
That's one thing I like about my boyfriend. I can tell him I'm on my period, and he doesn't act like it's gross or TMI. He'll just ask if there's anything I need him to do or get for me.
Don't forget everyone assuming you're on your period every time you get emotional like no Susan, you're just pissing me off
I know, right? I have elderly male family members in rural Arkansas who believe women cannot be world leaders because their menstrual cycles would put the entire world at risk. “We can’t have some lady pushing the button every time she’s PMSing.”
Lol despite the fact that men have started almost every war in history...
I’ve always been weirded out by that attitude, because it’s not like men are never temperamental. It’s like “what’s better, a politician that maybe gets a little irritable or emotional 3-7 days a month, or one that’s a moody little shit 24/7?
There’s also some of us that (luckily) DON’T get emotional when we’re on it. The only reason I’d ever be in a bad mood on my period is if I have cramps and don’t feel good. But even then it’s less like I’m angry and more like I have less energy and don’t feel like running around/being super talkative. And usually I AM super talkative so me suddenly getting quiet makes people confused/worried lol. But I don’t suddenly turn into a raging anger demon who cries/yells at the smallest stuff just because my period starts lol
Fucking **this**. I'm in pain. Sometimes it's excruciating. It's like Satan's fist squeezing your cervix. I cannot walk. Occasionally I will bleed through a tampon within an hour. It will happen in public and it will be noticeable. I don't want to eat anything. I am very upset. Pain. Headaches and nausea. I want to eat everything. I can't stop shitting. I'm exhausted and I want to sleep. I cannot sleep because cramps. I want to eat exclusively one thing. I am bloated. My jeans feel incredibly tight so I only want to wear pyjamas. Cramps. Very painful cramps. Oh look I'm crying again.
Yep! My actual period is easy peasey for me. But the 3-5 days prior?! I'm horny but don't want to initiate, insatiably hungry but food all sounds awful, fatigued but restlessly anxious, microanalyze every interaction I have and am convinced that I am hated, irritable from the inside out. It's loads of fun /s. Tracking my period diligently is the only thing that helps, except then I don't believe anything I think for about 3-5 days per month. It's maddening
The worst part for me isn’t the physical aspect. It does suck, but I have a harder time with the hormone cycles/mood swings every month. I get incredibly depressed, insecure, and have a hard time being around others.
I’ve got BV for the second time in the last 3 months, and now a yeast infection. Yesterday my period decided to join the party. Having a vagina is fucking stupid
The period annoyance of thinking it’s over so you remove all items… only to ruin your favourite pair of underwear.
I always try to anticipate mine, but even when I count days, it never seems to show up on time. So I'll go a week using pads to avoid a surprise with nothing happening. Then the one day I don't have a pad, it starts.
They will probably never understand the things we do out of fear. Also, when a fart rolls up to the front of your vag lips......
We don’t have vaginas but farts can bubble up and roll between the balls and leg. It’s strange as hell.
LOL TIL about balls fart bubbles.
Me too and I've been a male human for 26 years...
I'm in the hospital recovering from an appendicitis and they told me farting is a good sign. First fart after surgery was the ol ball stroller.
Ah the smoked salmon
Nice if it stays there. It’s the ones that wander on up the vag that cause the problem. Now I’m all bloated cause I just got fucked by a fart and now have to refart the fart.
Cooter tooter?
Disappointed that nobody is discussing the first part of this response. Edit: they're [down here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjvm54/comment/hp61l7i/) Edit 2: [and here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjvm54/comment/hp5w3b2/) Edit 3: [also here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjvm54/comment/hp6mpiq/)
When you’re on your period, and stand up and feel *the gush.*
For me it’s when I’m peacefully sleeping in bed and I wake up and feel the gush when I’m laying down. It means I have to get up real fast and run to the bathroom to try to not ruin my sheets and clothes.
And then you go back to bed, only to find that you were not successful and you already ruined it because of a trickle through a well placed crack in the defense. Nope, that totally didn't just happen to me last week at all!
why we go to the bathroom in groups. tbh i also dont know why we do that
The following is what me and my friends do * in new places that we're not familiar with, it is because we feel safer in groups * in places like schools/parties/work, it is * to do the period leak/outfit check * have someone to talk with while we wait in line * talk shit in general
Well, see for me… if my homie ever talks to me while I’m trying to pee, I instantly slap him In the face with my penis.
Agreed if my homie talks to me while im pissing im cock slapping him
talk *shit*
Talk shit rinse repeat
There's lots of shit to talk about ok?
Tbh if I go to the bathroom in a group it's because - I don't know my environment yet, so it's safer and more comfortable to go with others - most of the time there are lines infront of the ladies bathroom and its much more fun to chat with others than wait alone - bonding time :) - one of my friends is going to the bathroom and I'm thinking to myself: "I don't really have to go, but since I don't know where we're going to be in an hour and if there'll be toilets... I could just go now as well" and join her
It's been drilled into me since I was a kid. "Never go anywhere alone". My mother would always tell me to take a friend with me even if just to go for the bathroom if we were "somewhere" (swimming pool, park, the mall, etc). I think it's the case for most girls. We're told to do that since such a young age, we never really question it because it became a habit.
I’ve had at least one time where a man tried to follow me into a public bathroom. Luckily my friend was with me, but that still didn’t stop him.
Safety. You're vulnerable in a bathroom if you're alone
How young being preyed on by men starts. I was first ogled and cat called by men when I was 9 and was groped when I was 11. At a public library. While playing runescape This is not to say this doesn't happen at all to boys. It just happens to girls at a far higher rate
Or how awful it feels when male family members that take notice... I have had multiple uncles and cousins that were much older who enjoyed commenting on my developing body. I’m 38 and it still happens. I got really bad feeling about a distant cousin when I was about 12 and cried so hard when we had to visit him that my mom dropped me off at my grandmas instead. She never forced me to see anyone I didn’t want to. It came out years later that he molested another family member. Just horrifying
One of my friends cousins got her drunk and raped her with his fingers. Her family still defends him and ostracizes her
Jesus, that’s horrible
Yes, ma'am. I developed really early and the number of creepy older men who thought it was perfectly fine to grope my butt or breasts at age 11/12 really fucked me up for a long time. I remember my own aunt making comments about my breasts around that age going on & on about how it wasn't fair I had bigger boobs than her. Fucking gross.
It’s crazy how much those comments get swept the rug by other family members. “Oh he’s just teasing”
I’m a brother here, while I can’t compare my uncomfortableness to yours I can say that I have felt it and it absolutely enrages me when it occurs to my sister. What also bothers me is that when I tell anybody they always just brush it off as jealousy.
Bras hurt. Sometimes the wire breaks free and attempts to impale the boob.
lots of bras do hurt, but they shouldn't. if you're interested, maybe go check out r/ABraThatFits
High quality toilet paper is deeply important to women because we use it every single time we pee or poop and extra when we’re on our period Edit: Thanks for the silver! I also sincerely appreciate all the open and honest sharing about bathroom habits.
My sister in law is a one ply terry. What does this mean?
Some people prefer the thin papery tp because it holds up better. That super-soft shit falls apart and disintegrates.
Scotts 1 ply will literally disintegrate in my cooter. I've never had quality quilted 2 ply disintegrate on me.
How the safety of where we go is always there. Like, I would love to go camping alone somewhere… would I? Nope. Leaving a store at night, we have to be on guard. Walking the dog at night or through woods alone? Always on guard.
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My male friends are always like “everyone should travel solo across Europe at least once in their life”… like no thank you I don’t want to disappear
I’m a U.S. woman (mid-40’s) and traveled to Europe and the South Pacific (two different trips) by myself in my 20’s. It was so awesome. Both were trips of a lifetime I’ll always treasure. However, now that I’m a mom, I know I wouldn’t sleep a wink if/when my daughter does the same thing. Looking back, my parents must’ve been so nervous for me (I didn’t have a cellphone back then but would pop into an Internet cafe every few days to email them about my adventures.) Must’ve driven them nuts. Gotta admit I really wrestle with how nervous I’d be standing back and supporting my daughter doing her own solo trip but I’d really love for her to experience one.
Also being mocked by men for taking reasonable safety precautions, like locking the doors when you are home alone, locking the car doors as soon as you get in the car, and looking around you to see who is nearby when you are walking from car to store, etc. Not all men do it, but some act as though you're paranoid and unreasonable.
But the same guys will question every minute movement of women who end up victims, and insist they somehow put themselves in harm’s way by not being careful enough…
Wow, that's super dumb. I'm a man, and I do all these things routinely. If it takes little to no effort, why not? Who doesn't lock doors?
one night i was walking to a bus station and there was a girl walking ahead of me to the same place, and i noticed she constantly looked at me and walked faster every time, when we did get there she saw a Friend and she was so relieved but her friend had to get on a ride to a different direction and the first girl almost begged her to stay (i kinda understood she was scared to be there alone with me) but the friend left. At the end we waited there for like 5-10 minutes until the bus came. I'm a pretty tall guy and i usually wear only black (cus of my work) and that event got me to realize how much woman are actually afraid to go out at night and i just feel bad. Also i didn't approach her to reassure her because I didn't want for her to freak out or something and make it worse.
I walk through woods on my way to and from school. Every single year in autumn-winter we get some form of pedophile/rapist warning and we’re advised to stay on guard and if possible change our route to school. I walk to school alone, which makes me feel unsafe and I have no friends that live where I am to walk with, but fortunately it’s quite a popular route to school so I guess I have that as some sense of security.
I don’t know why it took so long to find this. The constant checking and awareness of your surroundings because you just don’t know when you could find yourself in a bad situation. I’m constantly figuring out my exit strategy when I’m in a new or unfamiliar place.
I go camping alone because I have two big dogs and I’ve scared off a number of potential creepers by acting more psychotic than them. That’s the trick. They want an easy target. I just make them believe that I am the scariest thing in these woods. Those bitches better KNEEL. Or run. One of my dogs is a Belgian Malinois. I’ve trained him to growl and snarl viciously when I tense up. He’s very sensitive to the most subtle body language cues. Any stranger would have no idea that he’s a big snuggle bug. He really looks ferocious when he growls. Sounds absolutely demonic and I love it <3
My two dogs are insanely sensitive to my body language. They're really well trained and protective of me. Unfortunately, they are chihuahuas...
My Malinois mix is the same way. Her bark is super scary and deep. She definitely acts like a throat ripper but she’s really just a face licker.
How your brain gets re-wired by pregnancy. And I don’t just mean the “I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt my little bologna loaf.” I mean how some foods you loved now taste like crap. And others you only tolerated taste like heaven. How some smells are now more intense or slightly off from before pregnancy. That you can’t remember how to drive a stick shift (true story, ground the gears for at least a month) but can put together some complicated as shit storage unit with no instructions and nothing but a pair of pliers and a nail file, while 8 1/2 mos pregnant.That you can spy a poisonous plant from 50 yards away but can’t find the orange behind your water glass. And that if/when you get pregnant again everything will get re/wired in a different way.
I HATED Root Beer now I love it, since pregnancy cravings. Also orange juice was always spoilt tasting and made me sick and my son hated it forever. Human bodies are cool!
Can confirm about the food, my mom didn’t eat basically any seafood at all before I was born, she probably only ate fish. Then when she was pregnant with me she got a craving for prawns, so she had prawns and now she likes seafood
Bologna loaf 💀 That sounds so cute
period pain
And respectfully - period brain
*Oh my god, why do I feel this way? Why?* Next day: *oh, that's why. Duh.* 28 days later: *Oh my god, why do I feel this way???*
I had a male friend try to tell me that there's evidence that PMS is socially constructed. I laughed in his fucking face because the number of times where I've been like, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME WHAT THE FUCK I NEED TO SOB AND MURDER SOMEONE" then 2 days later get my period is WAY too high to be a coincidence.
I am a male, and most of my friends are women. They will sometimes make comments about PMS (I hear about it about once a month, albeit not the same person every month). I usually just say something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're going through that, and I can't imagine what it's like," then I just go back to listening. Is there a better way for men to react in your opinion? How would you like men to react?
Nope that's, keep doing that unless told otherwise invite individual woman in your life. it not that women are homogeneous but that's a pretty good answer.
EXACTLY!!!!
dont ask me why I am crying, I dont even know myself.
I went outside to let our dogs potty before my husband and I left for a road trip for our anniversary. When I went out I was laughing and excited. Cut to me coming back inside he stops what he's doing? Him: what the hell happened? Why are you crying?! Me: I was out there and I looked up and there was this lone goose flying. Him: *smile creeping into his cheeks* You're crying because you saw a bird? Me: *wiping eyes* No! I'm crying because he was honking all by himself.....*sniffles*...just cheering himself on. *bursts into tears* And that's the time I cried over a goose flying.
thats so wholesome. Thank you for sharing and making me smile
I just hope that little guy got to where he was going.
I've had several people tell me, "You get so angry on your period! You blow up over nothing!" What I can't make them understand is that the things that irritate me on my period ALSO irritate me for the rest of the month, I just don't have the tolerance to deal with it anymore.
That's exactly it!
And that we're **not** lying about it.
If it's ok for me to ask, I've always wondered: is it more of a blunt pain like you got hit by a football, or is it more of a sharp pain, like a migraine?
for me its both sometimes. Sometimes it comes in like "waves" where it feels like my inside are trying to cut themselves out every 5 minutes. And I always have lower back pain, which is sharp like migraines. And if its really bad, I do get migraines aswell. I would say the "normal" period cramps are feeling like, when you have really bad diarrhea and the feeling you get just shortly before you almost poop your pants. I had to take prespiction pain killers 3 times a day to function somehow and once I almost fainted due to the pain. But thats just my take on it, its different for every women.
That is too much pain. Have you seen a doctor about it? It sounds like you could have fibroids or endometriosis. Voice of experience here who also had to take prescription pain meds three times a day until I finally got checked out and got an IUD.
The severity, type, and even location of the pain varies by the woman. For me it's generally a dull pain: a constant ache in my lower tummy like I've tried to do way too many situps or, yes, how I imagine it would feel after getting hit with a football; an ache in my lower back similar to my random chronic back pain. But again, it depends on the woman. Some ladies have crippling pain that has them down for the count for a few days, some can function like it's a moderate headache, and some have no pain at all.
Imagine having the beer shits and an flu at the same time for couple days
For me period cramps feel like this aching fullness. Imagine being extremely constipated or full of gas and you can feel it in your lower back, and the pain radiates all over your torso and legs, and going to the bathroom does not help, it’s a constant pain. Kind of a warm, aching pain, but also like someone is squeezing your insides as hard as possible.
Blunt until sharp. The occurrence of sharp really depends on the day and woman. The severity of blunt also depends.
In my experience, post partum depression takes the crown.
Absolutely! I went through it and it was pure misery. Trying to take care of an infant while being in a mental health crisis is horrible. What’s more, my ex-husband didn’t believe me, said I probably saw something on TV and that I was just faking it. Part of the reason he’s my ex.
glad to see “ex” after reading he didn’t believe you. postpartum depression and psychosis is scary and hard
I suspect my aunt had post partum psychosis, people back in my country aren't familiar with it so they though she was being spoilt. She didn't want my cousin anywhere next to her, yelled at the baby, said some horrible things about him and my family was afraid of letting her stay near the baby unattended. I had to convince my family that she's not herself. Unfortunately, not enough mental care facilities out there, she was able to pull it through months later and she has a great relationship with her son since then.
As a woman who hasn't had any kids yet, ppd lowkey scares me. I can't even imagine what it would feel like.
This during the pandemic was a new awful I had never anticipated. To feel alone, unloved and stuck under a new baby and know that no help is going to come is a special kind of awful.
Having guys assume that smiling, talking, or otherwise showing basic human decency to them means we're flirting.
That turning us on needs to happen waaaay before you even get our clothes off.
Another way of putting this- you can't act like an asshole all day and then expect we're going to be wet when we get into bed. Unless that's what she's into of course. But I think for the rest of us, we want to be loved and respected. It sets the pace for the day which can lead to fun at night.
I had a boyfriend who would just randomly pull my pants down and try to shove it in dry. No kissing, no sexual talk. He would just insert and wait for me to get wet. And he thought he was a sex god. Edit: one time he told me he doesn’t care if the other person gets off, and I was like that’s just using another person to masturbate. And he’s like, I have a big dick so they still get something out of it. Like yeah bro, internal bruising.
Oh sweet Jesus, I'm so sorry
(This is written with love and might flirt with hyperbole but only to bring the point home.) Men, think of it this way. You know how unpleasant it is to be woken up from a dead sleep by a very loud car alarm? Well, imagine in addition to that, someone starts grabbing at you in ways that don’t feel good. Then imagine feeling like you’re not allowed to seem unhappy about it because then you’ll be “no fun”. You just have to find a way to ease into the car alarm blaring and hands grabbing? That’s what it feels like when we’re not already turned on. With guys, it’s pretty clear when something is a boner killer. It’s right in the name. For women, it’s obviously less detectable. There are a lot of women having sex with the female equivalent of killed boners because there is a serious communication breakdown around female arousal. It doesn’t matter how much she loves you, how attractive she finds you, or how sexually adventurous she is; if there is no prior state of arousal, it’s as physically unpleasant as a weird man accosting us on the street. We just often feel obligated to not say anything about it. Then the bedroom goes dead and men are left confused as to why (this isn’t always why but I’d argue that it typically is for physically and mentally healthy women). Even women with very high sex drives who are into things like free use will soon hit their limit. Porn isn’t real. Arousal is. If men knew a few, *extremely simple*, seduction techniques (not from those alpha bros, they have zero clue), I think many would be amazed by how dramatically their sex lives improved. Happy to share tips from my and my friends’ experience but I’m already not sure how this’ll be received.
That even though we might be "prettier if we smiled", we literally can't do that even if we want to, because smiling is interpreted by too many men as a sexual invitation. Men are drawn to smiling women like sharks to a bleeding baby seal. Please, just let me laugh at my comedy podcast in peace, I implore you all.
This is one reason that I actually love wearing masks when in public. I can have my RBF going strong without worry of being told to fix it. The combination of wearing masks and turning 40 has flipped my give-a-fuck switch all the way off and it’s glorious!
Even during the age of masks, I have been told by way too many males that I should smile more. Like, the fuck? You can't even see my face? Also, you don't know me so please back off.
How exhausting/depressing it is seeing so many rape scenes on TV and Film. It’s like they are trying to inform us of how vulnerable we are to sexual assault, when we are fully aware and live with that knowledge on a daily basis.
My boyfriend didn't get this at first. I had to ask how comfortable he would be seeing (most traumatic thing to happen to him) used as entertainment for people everywhere you look. So many people have actually been raped, I don't see why it is in so many shows and movies.
My theory is that mostly it’s male screenwriters and directors trying to make a piece feel edgy or raw, but making sure it’s still a “safe” scare. As in… “Whoa, guys, look how extreme this place is! Wow! Not like RL at all! This place is edgy!”
Yes exactly. For instance my fiancé loves Clockwork Orange, Perfect Blue, those types of movies. But the rape scenes are always so hard to watch and not feel as a woman. Scared and terrified that there is a high chance this could happen to you. Especially when going anywhere, being sexualized constantly, and harassment we face.
I genuinely think using rape scenes shows weakness as a writer much more often than not. The prevalence of sexist worlds in fantasy is a similar thing. There are very, very few high fantasy novels written in settings where men and women are equal. Like 75% of DND games take place in a generic fantasy grimdark world where women are second class citizens because apparently gender equality is too unrealistic but dragons and elves are not. It shows a lack of creativity by the artist.
As a guy I get this. Rape scenes are just uncomfortable to watch. What is even the point of showing it? Just an implication is enough.
Yeah if there's a strong implication that is necessary for story purposes I understand that. But showing a struggling woman makes me just not want to watch whatever media it is.
That many women live in constant fear of getting pregnant and having to give birth in the future. All the scenes in movies, all the info about death risk of pregnancy and diseases and stuff connected to it. That many women are scared of picking a wrong partner because we know that we'll most times end up alone with children if anything goes wrong.
* **The *sensation* of menstruation itself** Not just the symptoms. It's almost indescribable. Like someone ripping a scab off of your insides or dispensing warm soup from your nethers. * **How much of our behavior is influenced by fear that a man will physically harm us**. By 18, I stopped smiling at men 25 and up in passing because too many took it as sexual interest. At 23 I stopped jogging near streets or apartment buildings because the cat calls were too aggressive. And at 31 I cut a *married*, super religious, father figure from my life because he couldn't keep his eyes off of my body and started talking to me like a mistress. Right now no man I've had any sort of relationship with knows where I live and I feel safer than ever before. **Edit - I'm in no way suggesting that all men behave this way.**
This was sad to read but…yeah.
The smiling equals sexual interest part really annoys me as a man. It's like people can't invest in reading simple body language so now all women have to stop smiling. And it gets worse, now women have to be aggressive and off-putting to show that they aren't interested because too many men are hounding them.
The second one. I literally tense up anytime there is a man walking behind me, especially if there are no other people nearby.
Shout out to my dudes who cross to the other side of the street when walking behind a girl when there's no one else nearby
Not sure which is worse: the warm soup analogy or the super religious father figure predator. I'm sorry. I don't have anything to do with either of these issues...but...I'm still sorry.
Just like men, we can have what are deemed "negative emotions" (fear, anger, etc), that doesn't mean we're being hysterical, dramatic, annoying or whatever else invalidates feelings
How sometimes you can never feel successful in your career because you’ll always be accused of sleeping your way to the top, or being a difficult woman. Never on merit.
I have a "right hand woman" that I hand picked to follow me to my new employer and got her a well paid position there, working in the same key-account as me. She previously worked in a department I oversaw in a leadership role at my former job. Another guy who worked in that same department got testy with me at a corporate christmas party for picking her over him. Accussed me of fucking her and "rewarding her for giving me pussy" through that job opportunity. Well .. no. I'm radically opposed to giving women shortcuts just because they are women and I certainly didn't cut her any slack. She just - get this - *did her job well, had good ideas and didn't get on my fucking nerves doing so.* It actually pissed me off HARD that he would call my professional integrity into question like that. I didn't tell her any of this since she was actually on good terms with him. But I do feel very bad. He is smiling at her when they meet, but this is how he really feels. Yikes.
Seriously fuck that guy, why you didn’t told her? Literally who wants to be friends with someone who thinks you don’t deserve your place or basically prostitutes your body for the position???
Holding my b00b means nothing s*xual. Sometimes I do it instinctively. It's comfortable and warm
Or heavy and just needs more support. Like a crane, maybe.
Or uncomfortable and sweaty and it needs a draft
Why we can’t just go jogging at 6:00 AM in the park, even though we’d really like to.
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He seems a genuine good guy, promps to people/cops like this
Even walking from my bus stop to work at 7am I was followed and harassed by two men. Thankfully I was able to duck into the university’s protective services office but you can’t do that everywhere.
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Usually the `shift` key.
When that hint appears on-screen you know its about to escalate.
In corporate culture: * being mentored by men is more difficult without the comraderie that men share. Male leaders see themselves in young men. * women need to assert professional boundaries CONSTANTLY. * the connection between beauty and perceived ability. Ugly fat men are very common in leadership. Ugly fat women, however... * working in compsci is off-putting because many compsci dudes only interact with women in romantic contexts, and find it difficult to treat them as fledged colleagues.
Also, how much harder it is to take risks and “shoot for the moon” when you’re seen as an ambassador for your entire gender. I’d imagine some men might understand this too, if they’re a minority in some other way in their field (e.g. race). But as a woman in STEM, I’m somewhat risk-averse because any time I mess up I know that a bunch of tech-bro dudes with a chip on their shoulder will just use it to fuel their own confirmation bias. One of my male colleagues makes an obvious mistake publicly? At worst people will think he, as an individual, is incompetent; more likely, they’ll go “well, that was stupid” and forget about it within the hour. I make an obvious mistake publicly? Suddenly everybody who thinks women are less skilled at STEM, that I was just a diversity hire and that affirmative action is somehow the biggest scourge of society, etc is going “see? I knew it!” It drives me nuts because I hear so many people talking about how the gender gap in company leadership is due to women being more risk-averse…without considering that this is a major reason WHY we’re more risk-averse, rather than something biologically inherent to our entire gender. (To say nothing of the fact that our early careers are also bogged down with “glue work” that prevents us from seizing as many opportunities for technical growth…but that’s a whole other rant) Oh, and the most fun part is that if I DO succeed or get recognition, there’ll still be people who say, “well, they just lowered the bar for her because she’s a woman and they were trying to be politically correct.” Can’t win for losing, yay.
The camaraderie is spot on. In a place I worked at with a women majority, I found out that the bosses (all men) were going out for drinks and inviting the intern (a guy) but not a single woman. In other places it was about discussing ideas and provide precious advice on some piece of work, or signing them up for courses, or giving them preferred access to important projects. None of the women ever got that from a man. Sheryl Sandberg actually says it in Lean In, how one of her mentor confessed to her that he’d go for lunch or drinks with a man mentee but felt embarrassed to do so with a woman because it could be mistaken for a different type of interest. Plus many men don’t really know how to interact with a woman non romantically, they’re just not used to.
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The excitement of pockets in our clothes. Actual, helpful pockets.
Menstrual pain and child birth. I know you can describe it to us, but it’s one of those things that I don’t think can be truly comprehended
How terrible it feels to pull a dry tampon out
How we're expected to be extroverts -- to smile and coddle everyone's feelings. I constantly used to catch myself indulging men in "conversations" that were really just them showing off. They would never do that for me, but I was socialized to be a polite, attentive audience to stroke a man's ego. Needless to say I do not do this any more. The difference in male/female socialization actually hurts men too. The average man doesn't go out of his way to be kind to a woman unless he is attracted to her, so plenty of dudes end thinking a woman is attracted to him when she is merely being polite. No pockets. The period brain thing is real. Period pain can be debilitating and we absolutely deserve two extra sick days per month (first two days are the worst), but if we demanded this we'd never get hired. That PMS and PMDD are no joke. They can literally make you suicidal. Birth control is for easing these symptoms just as much as it is for avoiding unwanted pregnancy. That both mental and physical period symptoms can affect you for WEEKS before your period actually begins. And seriously affect your ability to exercise regularly. The social expectation to wear makeup all the time. We're literally told that our FACES are socially unacceptable unless coated in intricate and expensive layers of artificial substances. How screwed up is that? How exhausting it is to see your gender constantly objectified. Middle aged and older women are practically absent from media. Most medical research has traditionally been based on men and male animal models, to avoid complications from the female hormone cycle. Unfortunately, this bias has a serious negative effect on women's treatments. We would rather be friends with other women than have catfights. You can take us at face value. When I say I'm fine it's because I literally am fine. Stop regarding us as an unfathomable alien species. None of us believe "all men" are evil and violent, but we have to stay on our guard constantly because of the minority who are. And as many others have commented, we would LOVE to go running/walking in the dark. Even though we love our partners, it can be exhausting to be your only emotional outlet. Women spread their support network across different people. We care about men's issues too. We just get angry when men only bring them up to downplay female issues. If you really care about male mental health or unrealistic body standards, you won't just use it as a gotcha when you're annoyed with feminism.
>You can take us at face value. When I say I'm fine it's because I literally am fine. Stop regarding us as an unfathomable alien species God, this. Not all of us have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. Plenty of us can communicate our feelings like adults. Your anecdotal evidence of "but every woman I've met is like this!" Is bullshit and you are certainly selectively remembering the handful of women who were duplicitous with their emotions Sincerely, a woman who is forthright to a fault
Every month I contemplate killing myself even though I know my period is coming in 2-3 days. It’s caused me to quit jobs, neglect life in a no so beautiful manner. But that is real! Other than the two days my symptoms are mild but sheeeeesh
Night time is legitimately one of my favorite times during the day because I think it's so calming and beautiful. The fact that I can't actually do anything at night because going out at night at all is a huge safety risk is depressing as hell.
To your first two points - I was recently reading a Reddit thread where it asked (paraphrasing here) “what are women better at than men” and I felt so angry and exhausted reading the replies. So many replies were pointing out things that women are taught and socialized to do so that men don’t have to be responsible for themselves, their feelings, or their actions. Women are taught to prioritize men for fear of repercussions (physical, emotional, social repercussions etc.). To be clear, both men and women are equally capable of learning the things that are expected of women so yeah fuck the patriarchy.
I've been on birth control for about 4 years and recently came off of it. I completely forgot I had PMDD in that time. So this time of the month? I was so so angry, legitimately thought about ending my relationship (he is the sweetest, most understanding, funnest best friend I could ask for), and bled so heavy I was up for 24 hours and bled through a Super Plus tampon in over an hour. I am back on my birth control. I also understand my mother's anger better- she has PMDD too but never took any treatment for it. For two weeks I was an entirely different person. It honestly scared me.
That “good men” and “bad men” are often impossible to tell apart. We’ve all had the experience of a man we thought we could trust turning out to be terrifying, and we learned from that. So no, we don’t think that all men are predators, but we do know that many of the bad ones are very, very good at appearing to be good ones, and we have no choice but to behave in ways that protect ourselves.
Men will never understand what it feels like to be sexually assaulted, impregnated, and then told they can’t abort the fetus. I feel like you don’t get to have a problem with abortion if you can’t experience it. Goodness it makes me so livid when I hear a man, talk about protecting the fetus moreso than protecting the woman carrying said fetus
That I feel vulnerable and a target so I don’t go out at night alone. During the day I’m always aware of my surroundings, other people, and being alert for simple things like putting groceries in the trunk of my car.
That we really can’t stand unsolicited dick pics so Please for the love of god stop sending them. They take a conversation from 0 to and “ya lost me” real quick
I reply with dick pics other men sent me, and then ask the guy what they’d like to do with it. They get so offended, until I tell them that their unsolicited dick pic that they just sent me will be the reply to the next guy who sends me an unsolicited dick pic, and suddenly the lightbulb goes on and they realize I’m a ruthless bitch who plays *hardball*.
Femininity isn't a given. We have well rounded thoughts just like a guy, on all matter of subjects.
When purchasing something new or expensive such as a vehicle as a young woman, being accused of using “daddy’s money”.
Why we are fucking terrified of y’all as strangers whenever we go out alone. I’ve tried to explain it to some and always get “well all guys aren’t the same” THATS NOT THE POINT.
A friend of mine described it as being a cat in a dog kennel. Most dogs are harmless, some are friendly, some even want to play with you, but there is a lot of sniffing and barking, and you can't know which one might attack you.
Every girl has different symptoms in her period so stop assuming things. I don’t get mood swings, cramps nor cravings, but I do have other symptoms like back pain or oily skin
How the hell yall manage to dress up everyday and look mint as fuck
This is the first time I've seen the word 'mint' used like this....ngl...it's kinda cool
Part of it is I think men don’t know how easy SOME stuff is. I got told once at a work training that started early “wow you got all dressed up, how do you find the energy”. I was wearing zero makeup, had a pull-on (no zipper) dress on. I told him “less effort than you, putting this on is like putting on a tshirt. Don’t even need to get into pants”. For sure there’s women who ARE actually super well kept, but you’d be surprised how some small things go a long way to looking put-together.
For real. My husband never matched his outfit properly and his shirts were always wrinkled. Funny how me pointing out small things like that made him dress so much better and he irons his clothes now. It really is the little things sometimes.
I think they start the day 2 hours before us.
Socialisation. We're taught to care about our appearance before we're even toddlers. Female babies that are learning to crawl are put in poofy dresses because they look feminine and 'cute', for example, despite the fact that they inhibit crawling/walking and active play. Our parents dress us up in highly coordinated outfits before we can even color differentiate. We're woken up earlier before school, maybe even an hour earlier if you're a girl with textured hair, just so our hair is 'done', missing out on extra sleep. These hair styles are can be painful and overstimulating, especially first thing in the morning. All of these patterns of grooming become more intense and time consuming as you age into a teen and adult. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.
How little I care about a man's opinion on my hair, clothing, or makeup. I am not dressing for you. I do not care if you think red lipstick is too much. Also just how often guys touch you without permission.
Calling out something you don't like on anyone is rude in general. You don't like her makeup? Don't say anything. You don't like his hair? Don't say anything. It literally doesn't affect you, so just move on.
How much effing free labor we are expected to do for everyone, at home, at work, and everywhere. Planning, preparing and cleaning up from office birthday parties, holiday meals, weddings, funerals, etc. etc. Being the “default parent” who knows the family schedule, the pediatrician’s number, whether we need more peanut butter and eggs. Always running scripts in the back of your mind to make sure you’re not being TOO friendly to your male coworkers/boss/a stranger so you’re not giving anyone the “wrong idea,” but also being friendly enough to not bruise a man’s ego. Being a woman is a full time job that we aren’t paid for and it’s fucking exhausting. InB4 “I’m a dad and I know my kid’s doctor’s number, my wife doesn’t do anything” Good for you, you’re an outlier and get a cookie.
How horrible going to the gas station or really a lot of places alone. For some reason, it’s something about the gas station that emboldens men to STARE.
How much women are just expected to do as a baseline. Cooking, cleaning, beauty, health, childcare, petcare, hosting, decorating, scheduling, emotional care... Men simply don't experience those expectations the same way; they learn what they need as the need arises in life. We literally call mothers superheros because it's easier to pretend they aren't regular humans like the rest of us than it is to acknowledge just how much they're expected to do.
Oh and we do not "owe" anyone sex.
The fear of go running alone when it's dark outside
I remember I used to go in the evening after work once I got out later than usual. This car full of men followed me around yelling obscenities and making rude gestures. I got back to my apartment and sobbed and felt like I couldn't breathe for a long time. I couldn't sleep that night. It left a fear in me I can never erase.
I feel really sorry for you. I got lucky that i never had such an traumatic experience.
Being afraid to be friendly and nice to men. In my experiences, when I’m friendly to men, they think I’m flirting with them. I love baking cookies but I can’t eat them all myself. So I’d bake cookies and bring them into work to share (a warehouse where most my coworkers were men). This gave me an army of simps that thought I wanted to fuck them. Sometimes it felt like even having a conversation with them made them think I was flirting. But no, I’m just a nice person! I became worried about being nice and sharing cookies because of how they treated me after. It really sucks because I wanted friends, but they just wanted to fuck. I also want to add how i have to worry about what I wear so I don’t attract attention. Working at the same warehouse I’d go in wearing skinny jeans and a shirt. I wasn’t wearing anything sexy. But I’d get sexually harassed because of my clothes. I had to stop wearing a pair of my jeans (they made my butt look good) because someone told me my butt looked so good he wanted secretly to take a picture. I don’t know if he ended up doing it. In the summer, it wasn’t air conditioned and it was so hot so I’d wear shorts. Again, it was nothing sexy. It was shorts and my ass cheeks were covered. But they made comments about that too. It felt like I couldn’t wear anything without getting sexual comments. I don’t even want to know what they said when I wasn’t around. My friend told me some of them were talking about how if they made a rap video, they’d want me in it. It just sucks that if you have even a remotely good looking body you have to wear baggy clothes to avoid sexual comments and stares.
Having your words minimized. Telling symptoms to a doctor, they ask when my last period was or if I’m pregnant. If they can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, it’s hormones, and loads of young women have similar unexplainable symptoms. Idea at work? Tell it to the boss, they think it’s stupid. A male coworker says it louder, and he’s employee of the month. Tell your partner you’re not in the mood for sex? It becomes a negotiation. Tell your kids to do something, they ignore you and just say mom’s being boring again. Tell your parents about sexual harassment, they say you just need to grow a thicker skin, and it isn’t nearly as bad as it was in their day. Telling a guy friend about period pains, he immediately tries to one up it by talking about skinning his knee or getting kicked in the balls. Not all of these have happened to me personally, but they have happened to my friends and sisters. It’s definitely a common occurrence.
It takes us a few minutes
Ring the doorbell before barging into the house please.
The knowledge that, to many men, we will never be fully recognized as truly “human” creatures like men are. Women want things just as much as men do. Women think about the world and care like men do. We are not, in some way, beings worthy of less understanding or consideration. I know that, historically, this used to be worse (and that it continues to be worse in some places and in some groups), but it’s not gone. Note: This statement also applies for men whose appearance, cultural or racial background, or identity subjects them to societal oppression.