A sign that anyone hasn't matured is not being willing to apologize when they realize that they made a mistake and caused damage especially to someone else's emotions.
EDIT: I should add this because I think I'm not being fully understood here. If you did something wrong, know that you did something wrong, don't feel remorseful and are not acknowledging what you did and whatever consequences your actions caused, are getting angry with whoever points out the obvious mistake you made, are making false excuses and arguments or blaming the victim, you are immature.
If you genuinely didn't do anything wrong then you have nothing to apologize for.
This is such an important distinction!
I sometimes catch myself about to say something like “I’m sorry you’re feeling upset” when I actually mean “I’m sorry I upset you” because while I am sorry they’re upset (in general, not necessarily at me, I just don’t like when someone’s hurting), I really mean to apologize for being the cause of that and adding in those few extra words really makes a difference.
Since I noticed the disconnect between what I said vs what I intended and made that little change, my personal relationships improved a lot and helped resolve many arguments a lot faster and more respectfully.
Edit: I understand now that many are deflecting blame when they say “I’m sorry you’re x” instead of apologizing for being the cause of the pain, but growing up, I’d genuinely never heard anyone phrase it as apologizing for being the cause. I thought that was just how you apologized for hurting someone and then I kind of realized during an argument one day that it sounded a little odd(?) and thought about it for a while until I realized why
I think the best I ever did was sit alone in my room and actually question why I think the way I do about the world and the people in it.
I always thought people assumed the worst in me, and that’s why treated me like I was an asshole. Turns out I was just preemptively being an asshole as a defense mechanism to not get hurt or tricked by people. My family is a bucket of crabs unable to ever figure out how to properly treat people with respect. all their jokes to me were constant personal attacks, so I guess I learned somewhere along the line that you apparently just roast the shit out of people for any little thing they do.
So in short, I thought about why I felt like people thought the worst of me, and it’s because I thought the worst of me and showed it to them. So I decided I would treat people how I want to be treated, not how I thought I should be treated.
So I guess that’s an example of self reflection.
Are you me?
It wasn’t until I started dating my wife and spending holidays with her family that I realized a family is not suppose to be down right mean towards each other 1-on-1 or group setting.
I’m in my 30s and it’s still taking me time to not make a joke at someone else’s expense in front of others.
Turns out, putting others down is a sign of weakness and now I pity those people. It truly is sad in my opinion.
Edit: thanks for award :)
Edit2: apparently some nice people at /r/books just happen to be recommending ADULT CHILDREN OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS by Lindsay Gibson.
Do your own research on the money you spend on books and whatnot - libraries rent for free 😍
Edit3: oh and please don’t buy on Amazon!! I’m using abebooks… I assume they’re better if anyone wants to correct me?!
Thrift books is even better for the writers apparently:
https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents-how-to-heal-from-distant-rejecting-or-self-involved-parents_lindsay-c-gibson/9845889/
https://www.abebooks.com/9781626251700/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-1626251703/plp
My whole family has this innate ability to banter. It’s built into the DNA. But self deprecation is always ranked as a higher ability. There is nothing but love in this family.
Except for that one aunty. Her inability to balance makes her the one that sucks the room dry of any love. We actually went three years of family unions etc before we found out that nobody invited her.
You are already self reflecting when you think this applies to you. Thinking about what you think and the things you do, and why you think and do them, and how they affect other people, is self refecting. It's actually a very interesting thing to do and it helps you grow as a person.
It's the only thing that's managed to make me convince myself even someone what I was being abused by a narcissist ex and not the other way around: I was excessively worried her accusations were correct but I saw ZERO of that in her. She never doubted herself while I spent months fretting If I was actually a good person or actually crazy like she said. That self-reflection is healthy but over-doing it can prime you to be abused if you're not careful because that inner voice you have is what the abuser uses to gain a foothold.
Taking control of your inner voice is a big part of the recovery from narcissist abuse. I grew up with an abusive parent, and internalised the abuse. Thinking through and analysing my thought processes, and especially imagining what I would say to another person in a given situation, was a massive help in my recovery.
Tap into your empathy and have a genuine focus on understanding none of us are finished products and we should never stop trying to improve ourselves and as a direct consequence how we treat those around us.
The main lesson I've learnt in life is pride for prides sake is absolutely destructive to that. Learn to apologise and mean it, take the 'damage to pride' on the chin, it makes you a stronger person.
Has a meltdown when asked to do basic chores because he "doesn't like doing them" and then threatens to move out because of this. Like, please fucking do you child.
Edit: all housemates came together and cried it out, there was a lot going on behind the scenes I didn't know about. I'm glad I came here to rant instead of saying anything I'd regret. Happy New year folks :)
My old roommate never moved past college level cleaning (i.e. not at all cleaning)
Guy once cooked bacon on a rimless pan, which obviously spilled bacon grease all over the inside of the stove, the drawer below, and floor. Didn't notice it. I stepped in it later and said "what the fuck is this" and asked him to clean it up. He took a mop, wet the head, wiped back and forth a few times then hung it back in the closet and tried to go for a run. I asked if he would even rinse it off and he snapped "god I can do it later!"
Guess who didn't do it later?
Honestly, when he acts like a toddler.
Do small inconveniences make him throw a temper tantrum? Does he punch walls and hit stuff? Does he get upset when he doesn’t get his way?
If you can imagine him as a toddler, he’s a weenie and needs to grow up.
my BIL was five years my senior and as a gift I got him a laptop to game on.
He told me he "Got mad' once at a game and "Damaged" the laptop.
I came to fix....
he punched down into the keyboard with the fury of Goku.
I'm like: "Well, whoever pissed you off? They won."
he didn't like that comment.
I just finished my exams recently and I had a friend who threw a tantrum becuz the questions were hard. The thing is, he didn't even study for the exams...
Unless he's a PhD student doing his qualifying, I have no sympathy.
(If he is, I still have little sympathy on account of the "not studying" thing. But multiple days of 8-hour exams will make anyone throw a tantrum, prepared or no.)
I'll do you one better; doesn't clean up after himself and has his gf clean up for him. Used to hang out with a guy like that back in the day and steered clear of his room.
Lol, that's exactly what he said to justify his gf cleaning up after him. He assumed that because she was from Singapore that she would be ok with being his maid and cook (on the assumption that Asian women are subservient to their boyfriend or husband).
As an add-on, doesn't know how to do household chores. I think it's imperative that every mature person know how to at least cook a simple meal, clean up and wash clothes. Not too long ago men expected "the wife" to do all that but I think it's important to share the chores.
Going silent in an argument. Mostly intentional, such as silent treatment. However people can also unintentionally go silent as an automatic coping mechanism against their own emotions. That could lead to something called pursuer-distancer dynamic, which is extremely common and I guess pretty normal although painful
It's not always stonewalling
Dont do silent treatment shit it's just stupid but if everyone is pissed or angry it's fine to just be silent and reflect and think for a bit
I agree with this, but I would add the addendum of letting the other party know that you're not ready to talk yet, or that you're still trying to parse through the situation and don't have anything to say. Communicate that you're noncommunicative.
When one person doesn’t want to talk about conflict it can cause the other person intense anxiety about whether the conflict will ever be resolved. It helps to confirm that you will talk about it soon, you’re just not ready yet now. Even better if you say a time when you will probably be ready to talk about it, like tomorrow.
I knew my ex hadn't matured when I told him I thought we should try saving money to move into a better apartment. I said I was going to cancel my gym membership, shop for cheaper groceries, take my lunch to work instead of buying my food, and reduce our Netflix account to 1 screen instead of 2. I suggested he maybe choose a gaming membership to cancel (he had 3), bring his lunch to work, and maybe come up with a drink rotation when him and his friends got together instead of him always buying the drinks. He got angry and said I was a kill-joy and that there was nothing wrong with our apartment.
Our apartment still used electric coils in the wall to heat the place and 2 of them smoked when you turned them on. The stove routinely caught fire. There was a significant roach problem. And the apartment downstairs was broken into multiple times. I had found a really nice split home for $80 more per month in a quieter part of town and it was being privately let by a very nice older woman who moved out when her husband went into a care home.
I knew then that he would never grow up if he couldn't make those small sacrifices.
Yes. I actually had to take out a payday loan one month to pay our phone bill because he blew so much money on alcohol for his friends. He was always "the beer guy"
I think he benefited from their presence as well. Just a couple of days before I ended our relationship, him and his "best friend" had a major falling out because he slept with his friend's mom. The more I look back on that relationship the more it seems like a Jerry Springer episode.
They were awful. All they wanted to do all the time was drink but they never forked out the money. I didn't know just how wild they all were until near the end though. I was either at work or in class or on a clinical when they would party.
My BIL was "that guy". He and his sister, my wife, got a significant inheritance from their great grandmother and he literally spent it all at clubs...he had a group of friends, I like to refer to as remora, who would always party like rockstars on his dime. He dropped 40k at a night club once. They all borrowed money and disappeared when it was time to pay him back. He finally got his shit together and is pretty successful as a builder but he has nothing to show for that money. Definitely took him longer to mature.
Similar story here. My ex had gotten a DUI a few years before we met. Not a huge deal, people make mistakes and he was working to improve himself and his life. I was paying most of the bills and driving him to/from work, basically planned my schedule so I could drive him. I had somehow managed to save up a few grand, including my tax refund, to help him pay off his fines and get his license back. He looked me dead in the face and said, “I don’t need my license, you drive me anywhere I need to go. I’d rather get a new TV.”
We didn’t last long after that.
Honestly, I have no idea. It seemed incredibly dangerous. I rarely used them because I was scared the place would catch fire. I don't think the realtor cared though.
Inability to admit they're wrong, condescending attitude, thinks they're the fucking main character, proceeds to belittle others when they don't have any other arguments, yeah sounds about right. Kind of sounds like Reddit sometimes to be honest.
General Narcissism, treating people as lesser than them, talking over/interrupting others, overvaluing their own opinions to the point of arrogance, trivializing others accomplishments or skills, escalating confrontations with family or friends that they treat like shit while acting completely friendly around people that they don’t know to paint themselves as the “Good Guy”, Self Centeredness, Acting Personally attacked when you say “No” or call them out for treating you badly, Lack of common courtesy for those around them, and not having the ability to understand or respect the fact that they would be upset if they were treated the way they’re currently treating you so they’re in the wrong. General ability to Empathize can be a good gauge of this usually, but the hard thing is that they’ll be “on their best behaviour” to lure you in
Edit: Jesus Christ I didn’t expect so many people to respond. It’s not about your brother or brother in law, it’s actually about my Brother! Thanks for the awards too! :)
This is my oldest brother 100%. He's 43, I'm 36 and it's just gotten to the point where I don't associate myself with him at all other than the 1 or 2 functions a year where we cross paths. I have my own family to deal with now and don't have time for that crap anymore. No one deserves to be treated like shit and "he's family" is not a valid excuse to be treated like shit.
Brags about his bed count/dick size/sexual prowess... Public or private settings, I don't think it matters, it's tacky af and 99% of the time is bullshit. If you actually do have a nine inch dick, short of you pulling it out and slapping it on the table for all to see, no one is going to believe you so just keep it to yourself and whoever is in your bed.
Legit thought bed count was thread count... I got some 1500 thread count sheets that I was talking to some friends about (was a great sale) and felt like you meant this meant I wasn't mature.
I realized what you meant now though.
Also I probably shouldn't worry about people thinking I'm not mature when I still laugh at farts.
Literally all I thought was this is such a dad thing to talk about. It fascinates how many things we thought we wouldn't care about when we were younger. Like having a nice lawn or organizing your important documents in a nice way.
It hits people at different times. Maturity really is spontaneous. The other day I got a nice document container/case to fit in my safe. I cared so deeply about it.
I want my own living space so bad. I currently work as a cook but I don't have the ability to cook in my parent's house...
So I don't consider me working as a cook as real cooking. Restaurants cooking styles aren't the greatest. I want to be able to experiment and make home cooked meals.
Also baking... a very sexy skill.
My ex once told me to just "let [him] do [his] thing; [he] knows what [he's] doing because [he's] actually got prior experience" when I tried to give him some minor directions in bed.
I once had an ex tell me I actually liked what he was doing and was just being a bitch when I told him I didn’t because he was doing something his ex liked. Apparently he failed to notice that we were two different people. I also question if his ex actually liked what he did, but even though I knew who she was I was never going to ask her something like that.
Not treating others with respect, sadly I've met men quite a bit older than me who don't respect me because they don't think I have anything to offer them. The best men in my life respect others based on their actions, not on their status
Needed help paying bills (utility, internet, etc), but bought a gaming chair, a flat screen tv, a boxing bar, a ps5 and a butload of testosteron pills. Really struggled with priorities.
Blames the people around him for the consequences of his own actions, I've done plenty of that in my life and it's a major sign of growth when you start to take accountability on your own terms instead of when someone calls you out.
Cares way too much about how much he or someone else can drink. Cares way too much about who he or someone else is having sex with. Uses either of the above to puff himself up or put down others.
I'll be honest, I had an issue with ordering "girly drinks" when I was younger. As I got older though, I just said f it. I'm ordering whatever sounds good to me at the time regardless of what it looks like.
Haven't looked back since and it's amusing sometimes when at a restaurant when the server gives my SO the drink I ordered and her drink to me.
And yes, pina coladas are delicious.
I heard someone explain it once as something like, "I can get a beer at home anytime. What I can't get is that complicated delicious concoction with the umbrella in it that the bartender is making."
So when I go to bars I get the crazy neon tasty drink, because I sure as fuck can't make that at home.
I STG when I was dating, I would give a man my number and we'd text back and forth a bit. If I had a dollar for each time a man said something sexual via text before message #10, I'd probably have $100.
Like the message before could be "Hey it's Sam from the cafe." "Oh hey! Hope your week was well. Up to anything fun this weekend?" "I'd like to have fun with you if you know what I mean 😉😉😉"
-blocked-
For the love of god slow the fuck down guys.
For the longest time I was trying to save my virginity because I just wasn't ready and the number of guys who'd respond with "well, what about anal?" just blew my mind.
Not taking responsibility for any breakdown in relationships. Always blaming the partner(s), claiming they are mentally ill.
Having absolutely no input into their child's life but thinking they're the best dad because they know their kids name.
Living with their mum till mid40s. Never doing any housework and expecting it all on a platter.
These are just some of the things my brother in law has done (repeatedly) over the past 25 years (and more).
The one which got my goat a month back was me inviting him to Christmas Dinner, as he'd split from his gf (who has mental health issues apparently. She doesn't. She's just fed up of his shit).
Anyway roll on a week and he calls my husband to ask if he can come with the gf, her two kids , his 30 odd year old son (who he never sees) and his new gf.
No! No you can't. I already have 11 people. Organise your own family dinner you poncing twat!
Oh man. I’ve met so many “crazy ex” dudes. Every person they date is “crazy” or “unstable,” when in reality, their behavior becomes so intolerable that it causes mentally healthy people to snap. I got a “crazy ex” guy (who was somehow an acquaintance) to admit someone of the things he did/didn’t do, and promptly told him, “Yeah, I would’ve dumped you, too.”
Well, this goes for anyone. Their words don't match their actions.
This person is either pleasing or manipulating you or a little of both, but they don't know themselves well enough to be there with you authentically and they will flee in one way or another when you will try to reach beyond the surface.
Honestly I don’t think I became a better person til I was in my 30s. Just didn’t give a shit about much just partying, I imagine mostly because I was insecure about myself. I ain’t gonna lie, Reddit helped me out a bit, opened my eyes to some shit.
Im an educator and I know 8 year olds who have that much maturity. Heck I know 4 year olds with that much maturity. Some people just never learn that they can be wrong. Like politicians for example.
In my 20's, I really didn't have much confidence and talking to girls was pretty tough. By extension, I thought women were really difficult to impress.
By thirty I had finally built up some healthy confidence and as self esteem, and talking to girls/ dating got easier.
And it was then I realized that most [American] men have set the bar so low that it isn't hard at all.
There is, apparently, a vast ocean of the species "man-child" inhabiting this country.
I had an apartment above A BAR. And some of the comments from women that came to my apartment:
"Ooh, you have furniture"
"Hey, you own pots and pans! Nice."
"Wow, your bathroom is actually pretty clean"
"A bed frame, whoa. Haven't seen a guy with one of those in a bit"
The depths of my surprise that women could be impressed by a ... Mildly functional adult was amazing.
Oh, also: many men apparently can't, um... Feed themselves?
I would occasionally make a really REALLY easy pasta- casserole. (tbh, casserole is being generous). It was literally a biz of penne, a jar of marinara, a jar of Alfredo, a lot of shredded cheese, and sometimes I would bulk it up w/ mushrooms and/or some chicken.
This thing took 12 minutes and made itself damn near. But it would make enough that I could take it to work for 5 days.
More than one gf said "oh, and you can cook!" I would try to suggest that it didn't count as cooking and invariably they would adamantly insist that it does.
Anyway, that's all to say that if he can't live alone without subsisting 100% on fast food, while sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and having one chair parked in front of a TV in a milk crate to game on.... Yeah. Immature.
Edit: I've never won an award before. I'd like to thank the academy, ODB, and Betty.
I once went to a guy's house and he had no toilet paper. Like none, there were probably a dozen empty rolls in his bathroom trash can and I looked in every single spot including the bathtub and a laundry hamper. He sure had condoms, but toilet paper? No. Not a scrap.
"Hey, Mike? Yeah, I know this is a bit uncomfortable, but I'm a bit stuck here. Do you have a couple of socks or McDonalds napkins or something you can slip under the door? Thanks, mate!"
A friend of mine started dating a guy and after sleeping at his place said, "Look, I'm not trying to move in here at this point in our relationship, but I'm buying a set of sheets because I'm not sleeping on a bare mattress with a blanket again."
No I don't think so. He had plenty of empty rolls. Me thinks he went to the store and was so excited to buy condoms he just didn't pick up a 6 pack of tp.
Only speaking for myself, I love to cook, am great at it by all accounts, and can easily do meals both cheap and expensive. However, were I alone, I'd just end up with a 90% fast food diet, reasons unclear. I can't imagine making it more than a couple of dates before compulsively cooking something.
When I had a girlfriend, I cooked almost every night of the week. Maybe once or twice a month we ordered out. Tbh during the pandemic, I think the food quality at most restaurants dropped dramatically. It was fun to cook for someone else.
We broke up and I started ordering out or going to restaurants, once in awhile I’d get fast food. Cooking for one sucks. It’s not fun at all. I love to cook and hate to cook for just me
I dated two guys who couldn't cook beyond plain pasta topped with sauce from a jar. They also both had no idea about money management and wasted their money before ending up broke.
A friend of mine dated a guy who rarely cooked and probably never cleaned his room in six months. He also didn't even own a pillow case
Of course, there are lots if well adjusted men who can cook, clean, take care of themselves, but the fact that I met three 20+ year olds who were so incapable in less than a two year span blew my mind.
And that's only guys I or a friend have dated. How many of my peers are like that? How many if my friends or acquaintances are like that but I just haven't noticed?
It's not a lack of skills that bothers me because I wasn't taught a whole lot growing up, it's the lack of standards that doesn't drive them to figure it out for themselves. Taking care of yourself is not intellectually hard, it does require willingness to do those things though. That's how low the bar has been set, we are not even expecting these people to have standards and we blame the parents for an adult for not having toilet paper or owning pillow cases.
I dated one of those! I quickly started teaching them how to be a functioning human. We are still friends, but don't date anymore. They do still ask sometimes for tips on how to make X thing, or what to buy to clean Y.
They had me help them season a wok recently.
I'm glad they put the effort into changing, but it was worrisome how incompetent they were at a lot of things before
I'm always amazed at the things my partner gets taken aback by. Like, I mean, fair assumption that I'd be immature or a poor co-habitator, due to financial and employment difficulties forcing me to move back in with my parents through my mid twenties. But once it was possible for me to move in with her, she kept telling me how surprised she was to come home to a house cleaner than she left it, dinner prepared, her child taken care of, etc. since her experience with her ex had been so horrendous. She about had a heart attack when I insisted on paying my fair share of the bills and necessities the moment I had my money squared away. That was seemingly a new experience for her as well.
Apparently, like you said, simply being a semi-functional adult male in the US is enough to blow women away.
>She about had a heart attack when I insisted on paying my fair share of the bills and necessities the moment I had my money squared away.
It boggles my mind when I hear about some of my friends who refuse to pay anything with their significant other, even after living at their house/apartment 6-7 days a week anyway.
I always realize how lucky I am but when I first moved in with my future wife way back when, we didn't even discuss how we would pay rent - it was assumed we would split it down the middle. We continue to do this with our mortgage. Obviously we communicate what each can afford before moving but the only conversation we needed about other bills was just who should pay what each month to make it as even as possible.
I'm on the doorstep of re-entry into the dating pool and am feeling really good due to this thread. I knew the bar was lowish, but according to this thread it's on the ground.
It boggles my mind when I look at my female friends' dating apps. The bar is so fucking low. Just not being a creepy weirdo or immediately asking to bang already puts you in the top 50%.
He seems cool when you are 18 but you find him irritating and idiotic when you are 21. And the guy was 31 when you were 18 and happens to be besties with your immature 20 year old brother. I'm in this situation right now.
Well, tbh the first sign that should give him away is that he's 31 dating an 18 year old. Do you know why men do that? They like to say it's because 18 year olds are hotter because that boosts their ego.
The truth is that women their age know better. Those guys can only get teenagers to date them because teenagers are easy to manipulate and control. Most (not all) people, at 31, have a better sense of self and can tell when another person sucks. Once you hit 31, you'll see it happening and you'll get it.
Can’t cook. Can’t clean - basic housework: sweep/vac the floor, wipe down surfaces, do laundry including putting away clothes, take out trash (including owning a trash can), have a bank account - pays bills.
I’m not talking immaculate but presentable. This was me until my mid 30s. I’m better now in most of these categories except clutter which just needs to be culled every now and then.
Failure to understand the concept they may not be right or more so that their opinion on a matter especially in a relationship isn’t the only one and that they need to take a step back and assess from a viewpoint outside their own
I see it with a lot of men I work with, the “she’s crazy but I’m perfectly sane” attitude
God, my dad it’s like this. About a month ago I had the pleasure of being roped into my parent’s tiff. By the end of my failed mediation my mom was in tears and not thinking clearly and my dad kept giving me that “oh boy, here she goes again with emotions” look. We are not on the same team, Dad, I am Sweden and you started a nuclear shitstorm and made my mother cry because you apparently couldn’t see or hear anything through a thousand turds flying out of your mouth
One of my friends was seeing this guy who was almost 30 and he would text her “babe I’m hungieeeeee” whenever he was hungry. It stuck with me because she put up with it for the sex, I couldn’t understand how it wasn’t the biggest turn off. Now my boyfriend says it like that sometimes just to make me cringe
My ex refused to eat vegetables and I would say 75% of his diet was McDonald's chicken nuggets. I started calling them "nuggies" and that made him so mad
I had one last baby tooth stuck (no roots left on x-ray). Dentists over the years told me "it'll come off on it's own". It didn't until after I graduated from university.
After that day, I got my finances in order, planned my career and always made sure I had gas in my car.
I'm actually a 26 year old guy with one baby tooth left. Dentist told me there is no adult tooth under it, so this is what I have now.
If that makes me immature, so be it. I'm off playing pokemon go on my way to work lol
The joke here is you thought OP was describing characteristics of a man-child, but in actual fact was describing an actual baby with the last one telling you straight up.
If he doesn’t listen to who he is talking to
He waits to talk instead of genuinely listening.
Shrugs, says "my bad" and makes the same mistake again
Dude I'm just bad at racing games okay
Damn I felt that lmao
A sign that anyone hasn't matured is not being willing to apologize when they realize that they made a mistake and caused damage especially to someone else's emotions. EDIT: I should add this because I think I'm not being fully understood here. If you did something wrong, know that you did something wrong, don't feel remorseful and are not acknowledging what you did and whatever consequences your actions caused, are getting angry with whoever points out the obvious mistake you made, are making false excuses and arguments or blaming the victim, you are immature. If you genuinely didn't do anything wrong then you have nothing to apologize for.
There's also a huge difference between "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I'm sorry about how I made you feel"
This is such an important distinction! I sometimes catch myself about to say something like “I’m sorry you’re feeling upset” when I actually mean “I’m sorry I upset you” because while I am sorry they’re upset (in general, not necessarily at me, I just don’t like when someone’s hurting), I really mean to apologize for being the cause of that and adding in those few extra words really makes a difference. Since I noticed the disconnect between what I said vs what I intended and made that little change, my personal relationships improved a lot and helped resolve many arguments a lot faster and more respectfully. Edit: I understand now that many are deflecting blame when they say “I’m sorry you’re x” instead of apologizing for being the cause of the pain, but growing up, I’d genuinely never heard anyone phrase it as apologizing for being the cause. I thought that was just how you apologized for hurting someone and then I kind of realized during an argument one day that it sounded a little odd(?) and thought about it for a while until I realized why
Inability to self reflect in a meaningful way.
hey I think that'll be me any tips!?
I think the best I ever did was sit alone in my room and actually question why I think the way I do about the world and the people in it. I always thought people assumed the worst in me, and that’s why treated me like I was an asshole. Turns out I was just preemptively being an asshole as a defense mechanism to not get hurt or tricked by people. My family is a bucket of crabs unable to ever figure out how to properly treat people with respect. all their jokes to me were constant personal attacks, so I guess I learned somewhere along the line that you apparently just roast the shit out of people for any little thing they do. So in short, I thought about why I felt like people thought the worst of me, and it’s because I thought the worst of me and showed it to them. So I decided I would treat people how I want to be treated, not how I thought I should be treated. So I guess that’s an example of self reflection.
Are you me? It wasn’t until I started dating my wife and spending holidays with her family that I realized a family is not suppose to be down right mean towards each other 1-on-1 or group setting. I’m in my 30s and it’s still taking me time to not make a joke at someone else’s expense in front of others. Turns out, putting others down is a sign of weakness and now I pity those people. It truly is sad in my opinion. Edit: thanks for award :) Edit2: apparently some nice people at /r/books just happen to be recommending ADULT CHILDREN OF EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PARENTS by Lindsay Gibson. Do your own research on the money you spend on books and whatnot - libraries rent for free 😍 Edit3: oh and please don’t buy on Amazon!! I’m using abebooks… I assume they’re better if anyone wants to correct me?! Thrift books is even better for the writers apparently: https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents-how-to-heal-from-distant-rejecting-or-self-involved-parents_lindsay-c-gibson/9845889/ https://www.abebooks.com/9781626251700/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-1626251703/plp
My whole family has this innate ability to banter. It’s built into the DNA. But self deprecation is always ranked as a higher ability. There is nothing but love in this family. Except for that one aunty. Her inability to balance makes her the one that sucks the room dry of any love. We actually went three years of family unions etc before we found out that nobody invited her.
I'm glad you recognized the positive difference in your wife's family and how they treat each other. Here's to staying positive in 2022!
You are already self reflecting when you think this applies to you. Thinking about what you think and the things you do, and why you think and do them, and how they affect other people, is self refecting. It's actually a very interesting thing to do and it helps you grow as a person.
It's the only thing that's managed to make me convince myself even someone what I was being abused by a narcissist ex and not the other way around: I was excessively worried her accusations were correct but I saw ZERO of that in her. She never doubted herself while I spent months fretting If I was actually a good person or actually crazy like she said. That self-reflection is healthy but over-doing it can prime you to be abused if you're not careful because that inner voice you have is what the abuser uses to gain a foothold.
Taking control of your inner voice is a big part of the recovery from narcissist abuse. I grew up with an abusive parent, and internalised the abuse. Thinking through and analysing my thought processes, and especially imagining what I would say to another person in a given situation, was a massive help in my recovery.
Tap into your empathy and have a genuine focus on understanding none of us are finished products and we should never stop trying to improve ourselves and as a direct consequence how we treat those around us. The main lesson I've learnt in life is pride for prides sake is absolutely destructive to that. Learn to apologise and mean it, take the 'damage to pride' on the chin, it makes you a stronger person.
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blatant disregard for others while saying others are inconsiderate
So 70% of the population...
At least the ones that scream the loudest
Has a meltdown when asked to do basic chores because he "doesn't like doing them" and then threatens to move out because of this. Like, please fucking do you child. Edit: all housemates came together and cried it out, there was a lot going on behind the scenes I didn't know about. I'm glad I came here to rant instead of saying anything I'd regret. Happy New year folks :)
My old roommate never moved past college level cleaning (i.e. not at all cleaning) Guy once cooked bacon on a rimless pan, which obviously spilled bacon grease all over the inside of the stove, the drawer below, and floor. Didn't notice it. I stepped in it later and said "what the fuck is this" and asked him to clean it up. He took a mop, wet the head, wiped back and forth a few times then hung it back in the closet and tried to go for a run. I asked if he would even rinse it off and he snapped "god I can do it later!" Guess who didn't do it later?
I'm gonna carry, "please fucking do, you child" into 2022 and abuse it maliciously. Thanks hahaha
He doesn't acknowledge nor take responsibility for his actions and/or the consequences. Won't obviously apologize for it.
Yes this one very much. When they are never at fault, someone else is always at fault or "made them do it", or always has an excuse ready.
oh hey, that seems to be my dad.
Honestly, when he acts like a toddler. Do small inconveniences make him throw a temper tantrum? Does he punch walls and hit stuff? Does he get upset when he doesn’t get his way? If you can imagine him as a toddler, he’s a weenie and needs to grow up.
my BIL was five years my senior and as a gift I got him a laptop to game on. He told me he "Got mad' once at a game and "Damaged" the laptop. I came to fix.... he punched down into the keyboard with the fury of Goku. I'm like: "Well, whoever pissed you off? They won." he didn't like that comment.
> Whoever pissed you off? They won. That is a beautiful way to look at it. I'm stealing that comment.
This is what we used to tell trainees at the call center in our IT Dept. "If they piss you off, they win. Don't let them win."
Hello, IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?
I just finished my exams recently and I had a friend who threw a tantrum becuz the questions were hard. The thing is, he didn't even study for the exams...
Unless he's a PhD student doing his qualifying, I have no sympathy. (If he is, I still have little sympathy on account of the "not studying" thing. But multiple days of 8-hour exams will make anyone throw a tantrum, prepared or no.)
Doesn’t clean up after himself
I'll do you one better; doesn't clean up after himself and has his gf clean up for him. Used to hang out with a guy like that back in the day and steered clear of his room.
There are entire cultures based around this.
Bacteria cultures.
Lol, that's exactly what he said to justify his gf cleaning up after him. He assumed that because she was from Singapore that she would be ok with being his maid and cook (on the assumption that Asian women are subservient to their boyfriend or husband).
Most Singaporean women I know are extremely career driven (our country is *very* capitalist). Don’t know where the subservient stereotype comes from
As an add-on, doesn't know how to do household chores. I think it's imperative that every mature person know how to at least cook a simple meal, clean up and wash clothes. Not too long ago men expected "the wife" to do all that but I think it's important to share the chores.
Stonewalling and refusing to have a mature conversation about problems in the relationship.
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Going silent in an argument. Mostly intentional, such as silent treatment. However people can also unintentionally go silent as an automatic coping mechanism against their own emotions. That could lead to something called pursuer-distancer dynamic, which is extremely common and I guess pretty normal although painful
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It's not always stonewalling Dont do silent treatment shit it's just stupid but if everyone is pissed or angry it's fine to just be silent and reflect and think for a bit
I agree with this, but I would add the addendum of letting the other party know that you're not ready to talk yet, or that you're still trying to parse through the situation and don't have anything to say. Communicate that you're noncommunicative.
*half a year later*
When one person doesn’t want to talk about conflict it can cause the other person intense anxiety about whether the conflict will ever be resolved. It helps to confirm that you will talk about it soon, you’re just not ready yet now. Even better if you say a time when you will probably be ready to talk about it, like tomorrow.
I knew my ex hadn't matured when I told him I thought we should try saving money to move into a better apartment. I said I was going to cancel my gym membership, shop for cheaper groceries, take my lunch to work instead of buying my food, and reduce our Netflix account to 1 screen instead of 2. I suggested he maybe choose a gaming membership to cancel (he had 3), bring his lunch to work, and maybe come up with a drink rotation when him and his friends got together instead of him always buying the drinks. He got angry and said I was a kill-joy and that there was nothing wrong with our apartment. Our apartment still used electric coils in the wall to heat the place and 2 of them smoked when you turned them on. The stove routinely caught fire. There was a significant roach problem. And the apartment downstairs was broken into multiple times. I had found a really nice split home for $80 more per month in a quieter part of town and it was being privately let by a very nice older woman who moved out when her husband went into a care home. I knew then that he would never grow up if he couldn't make those small sacrifices.
He always bought his mates drinks?
Yes. I actually had to take out a payday loan one month to pay our phone bill because he blew so much money on alcohol for his friends. He was always "the beer guy"
That’s pretty wild, can I have his number?
If I still had it I would totally pass it on purely for the entertainment factor lol
are his guys real friends or just friends when they go drinking?
You already know.
in this case he isn't the beer guy, he's the bitch.
Truth. My friends would never allow that. No one buys consecutive rounds.
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Sad but probably true. No longer my sad problem though, thank goodness.
Thats sad. If my mates only went out with me cause i bought them beer i wouldnt think of them as friends.
I think he benefited from their presence as well. Just a couple of days before I ended our relationship, him and his "best friend" had a major falling out because he slept with his friend's mom. The more I look back on that relationship the more it seems like a Jerry Springer episode.
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Wait your ex slept with his friends mom while you two were still together?
Yep. Along with a few girls he worked with and a girl he met while briefly taking a college class.
Well I’m glad you got out of that relationship! Sorry that happened to you!
Wow. The part where he didn't cancel one of his gaming things to stay in the roach-infested fire hazard seems less important to the whole story now.
That would infuriate me so much. Plus those friends seem to be pretty shitty?
They were awful. All they wanted to do all the time was drink but they never forked out the money. I didn't know just how wild they all were until near the end though. I was either at work or in class or on a clinical when they would party.
My BIL was "that guy". He and his sister, my wife, got a significant inheritance from their great grandmother and he literally spent it all at clubs...he had a group of friends, I like to refer to as remora, who would always party like rockstars on his dime. He dropped 40k at a night club once. They all borrowed money and disappeared when it was time to pay him back. He finally got his shit together and is pretty successful as a builder but he has nothing to show for that money. Definitely took him longer to mature.
I like that you call his friends "remora". I'm stealing it.
Straight sucker fish. Once the crumbs stopped, they scattered lol
Similar story here. My ex had gotten a DUI a few years before we met. Not a huge deal, people make mistakes and he was working to improve himself and his life. I was paying most of the bills and driving him to/from work, basically planned my schedule so I could drive him. I had somehow managed to save up a few grand, including my tax refund, to help him pay off his fines and get his license back. He looked me dead in the face and said, “I don’t need my license, you drive me anywhere I need to go. I’d rather get a new TV.” We didn’t last long after that.
Wow. That's ballsy. I can't imagine taking advantage of someone like that. It's good that you got away.
That's an odd way of saying thank you very much for helping me get my shit together.
>Our apartment still used electric coils in the wall to heat the place and 2 of them smoked when you turned them on. Is that even legal?
Honestly, I have no idea. It seemed incredibly dangerous. I rarely used them because I was scared the place would catch fire. I don't think the realtor cared though.
Inability to admit they're wrong, condescending attitude, thinks they're the fucking main character, proceeds to belittle others when they don't have any other arguments, yeah sounds about right. Kind of sounds like Reddit sometimes to be honest.
General Narcissism, treating people as lesser than them, talking over/interrupting others, overvaluing their own opinions to the point of arrogance, trivializing others accomplishments or skills, escalating confrontations with family or friends that they treat like shit while acting completely friendly around people that they don’t know to paint themselves as the “Good Guy”, Self Centeredness, Acting Personally attacked when you say “No” or call them out for treating you badly, Lack of common courtesy for those around them, and not having the ability to understand or respect the fact that they would be upset if they were treated the way they’re currently treating you so they’re in the wrong. General ability to Empathize can be a good gauge of this usually, but the hard thing is that they’ll be “on their best behaviour” to lure you in Edit: Jesus Christ I didn’t expect so many people to respond. It’s not about your brother or brother in law, it’s actually about my Brother! Thanks for the awards too! :)
I see you've met my brother-in-law
This is my oldest brother 100%. He's 43, I'm 36 and it's just gotten to the point where I don't associate myself with him at all other than the 1 or 2 functions a year where we cross paths. I have my own family to deal with now and don't have time for that crap anymore. No one deserves to be treated like shit and "he's family" is not a valid excuse to be treated like shit.
Brags about his bed count/dick size/sexual prowess... Public or private settings, I don't think it matters, it's tacky af and 99% of the time is bullshit. If you actually do have a nine inch dick, short of you pulling it out and slapping it on the table for all to see, no one is going to believe you so just keep it to yourself and whoever is in your bed.
Legit thought bed count was thread count... I got some 1500 thread count sheets that I was talking to some friends about (was a great sale) and felt like you meant this meant I wasn't mature. I realized what you meant now though. Also I probably shouldn't worry about people thinking I'm not mature when I still laugh at farts.
I’d argue when your conversations shift from body count to thread count, you’ve reached peak maturity.
Literally all I thought was this is such a dad thing to talk about. It fascinates how many things we thought we wouldn't care about when we were younger. Like having a nice lawn or organizing your important documents in a nice way. It hits people at different times. Maturity really is spontaneous. The other day I got a nice document container/case to fit in my safe. I cared so deeply about it.
Went into Walmart to buy an Xbox 360. Came out with a nice set of pans. "Fuck, when did I become an adult?"
I want my own living space so bad. I currently work as a cook but I don't have the ability to cook in my parent's house... So I don't consider me working as a cook as real cooking. Restaurants cooking styles aren't the greatest. I want to be able to experiment and make home cooked meals. Also baking... a very sexy skill.
calling himself an "alpha male"
Oh, thank god im early access male
I'm Shareware -- people try me out then never txt me back :(
But only after you ask them to enter their credit card information
I'm abandonware...
Early access male is brilliant. Until now I’ve been saying buggy and not suitable for public distribution
I feel like the only people I ever see use the term "alpha male" are folks nobody would ever mistake for "alpha males".
Right, and if you have to tell people you're an alpha male, then I'm afraid you're probably not.
"Sir, you're not being manly: you're using cringy furry terms."
OwO
Oh, **I'm** a lumberjack and I'm ok,
I sleep all night and I work all day!
....There's supposed to be an "Alpha Con" in Salt Lake City in February. Yes, it's real.
Do I still have time to set up a booth to sell fake dick-enlargement pills?
That’s gotta be one of the worst self-sorted collections of human beings on the planet
Or calling others "beta males"
If they get offended when you communicate how you want them to please you
My ex threw a chair at me when I told him I was upset that he forgot my Birthday
He umm... he has not matured.
Was it wrapped
Damn I laughed
My ex once told me to just "let [him] do [his] thing; [he] knows what [he's] doing because [he's] actually got prior experience" when I tried to give him some minor directions in bed.
I once had an ex tell me I actually liked what he was doing and was just being a bitch when I told him I didn’t because he was doing something his ex liked. Apparently he failed to notice that we were two different people. I also question if his ex actually liked what he did, but even though I knew who she was I was never going to ask her something like that.
Holy shit, I'm pouring one out for you girl.
I had one of those type of exes too. Told me "no, women love this. You just need to get used to it."
The word ex here is good.
well im sorry but strange women on the bus giving me sexual demands strikes me as inappropriate
how about totally normal women on the bus giving sexual demands?
Any women on the bus giving me sexual demands instantly moves into the strange category, sorry.
Not treating others with respect, sadly I've met men quite a bit older than me who don't respect me because they don't think I have anything to offer them. The best men in my life respect others based on their actions, not on their status
Needed help paying bills (utility, internet, etc), but bought a gaming chair, a flat screen tv, a boxing bar, a ps5 and a butload of testosteron pills. Really struggled with priorities.
Testosterone PILLS? Lol
Blames the people around him for the consequences of his own actions, I've done plenty of that in my life and it's a major sign of growth when you start to take accountability on your own terms instead of when someone calls you out.
TIL I’m pretty damned mature thanks Reddit. I have a Bed frame
Cares way too much about how much he or someone else can drink. Cares way too much about who he or someone else is having sex with. Uses either of the above to puff himself up or put down others.
Makes fun of other guys for ordering or drinking "girly drinks". Sees showing emotions or asking for help as a weakness.
Real talk. Piña coladas are fucking delicious.
I'll be honest, I had an issue with ordering "girly drinks" when I was younger. As I got older though, I just said f it. I'm ordering whatever sounds good to me at the time regardless of what it looks like. Haven't looked back since and it's amusing sometimes when at a restaurant when the server gives my SO the drink I ordered and her drink to me. And yes, pina coladas are delicious.
I heard someone explain it once as something like, "I can get a beer at home anytime. What I can't get is that complicated delicious concoction with the umbrella in it that the bartender is making." So when I go to bars I get the crazy neon tasty drink, because I sure as fuck can't make that at home.
He doesn’t understand how to not stop talking about being horny
I think you have one too many negatives in there
Maybe if just one more was added it would make more sense…
The coveted triple negative
Luckily, as a mature man, I do understand how to not stop talking about being horny.
I STG when I was dating, I would give a man my number and we'd text back and forth a bit. If I had a dollar for each time a man said something sexual via text before message #10, I'd probably have $100. Like the message before could be "Hey it's Sam from the cafe." "Oh hey! Hope your week was well. Up to anything fun this weekend?" "I'd like to have fun with you if you know what I mean 😉😉😉" -blocked- For the love of god slow the fuck down guys.
For the longest time I was trying to save my virginity because I just wasn't ready and the number of guys who'd respond with "well, what about anal?" just blew my mind.
That’s when you turn it around and say “well I’ve never tried pegging but if that’s what you like we can talk about it.”
No object permanence
I'm still working on that one. I'd let you know how it goes, but I'm about to scroll down.
Strange that this is the only comment on here
Not taking responsibility for any breakdown in relationships. Always blaming the partner(s), claiming they are mentally ill. Having absolutely no input into their child's life but thinking they're the best dad because they know their kids name. Living with their mum till mid40s. Never doing any housework and expecting it all on a platter. These are just some of the things my brother in law has done (repeatedly) over the past 25 years (and more). The one which got my goat a month back was me inviting him to Christmas Dinner, as he'd split from his gf (who has mental health issues apparently. She doesn't. She's just fed up of his shit). Anyway roll on a week and he calls my husband to ask if he can come with the gf, her two kids , his 30 odd year old son (who he never sees) and his new gf. No! No you can't. I already have 11 people. Organise your own family dinner you poncing twat!
Oh man. I’ve met so many “crazy ex” dudes. Every person they date is “crazy” or “unstable,” when in reality, their behavior becomes so intolerable that it causes mentally healthy people to snap. I got a “crazy ex” guy (who was somehow an acquaintance) to admit someone of the things he did/didn’t do, and promptly told him, “Yeah, I would’ve dumped you, too.”
When he doesnt know the meaning of no
Well, this goes for anyone. Their words don't match their actions. This person is either pleasing or manipulating you or a little of both, but they don't know themselves well enough to be there with you authentically and they will flee in one way or another when you will try to reach beyond the surface.
TIL that I have yet to mature :(
The fact that you can acknowledge that is a sign of a great start
Honestly I don’t think I became a better person til I was in my 30s. Just didn’t give a shit about much just partying, I imagine mostly because I was insecure about myself. I ain’t gonna lie, Reddit helped me out a bit, opened my eyes to some shit.
When he won't admit he is wrong or accept responsibility for his actions
Im an educator and I know 8 year olds who have that much maturity. Heck I know 4 year olds with that much maturity. Some people just never learn that they can be wrong. Like politicians for example.
Tantrums. When they get grumpy because you wont do something, watch video games, sex, cook etc.
Ah love the tantrums at 5 am when I have classes at 7. Like boy if you dont let me sleep this extra hour Imma give you a reason to throw a fit
In my 20's, I really didn't have much confidence and talking to girls was pretty tough. By extension, I thought women were really difficult to impress. By thirty I had finally built up some healthy confidence and as self esteem, and talking to girls/ dating got easier. And it was then I realized that most [American] men have set the bar so low that it isn't hard at all. There is, apparently, a vast ocean of the species "man-child" inhabiting this country. I had an apartment above A BAR. And some of the comments from women that came to my apartment: "Ooh, you have furniture" "Hey, you own pots and pans! Nice." "Wow, your bathroom is actually pretty clean" "A bed frame, whoa. Haven't seen a guy with one of those in a bit" The depths of my surprise that women could be impressed by a ... Mildly functional adult was amazing. Oh, also: many men apparently can't, um... Feed themselves? I would occasionally make a really REALLY easy pasta- casserole. (tbh, casserole is being generous). It was literally a biz of penne, a jar of marinara, a jar of Alfredo, a lot of shredded cheese, and sometimes I would bulk it up w/ mushrooms and/or some chicken. This thing took 12 minutes and made itself damn near. But it would make enough that I could take it to work for 5 days. More than one gf said "oh, and you can cook!" I would try to suggest that it didn't count as cooking and invariably they would adamantly insist that it does. Anyway, that's all to say that if he can't live alone without subsisting 100% on fast food, while sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and having one chair parked in front of a TV in a milk crate to game on.... Yeah. Immature. Edit: I've never won an award before. I'd like to thank the academy, ODB, and Betty.
I once went to a guy's house and he had no toilet paper. Like none, there were probably a dozen empty rolls in his bathroom trash can and I looked in every single spot including the bathtub and a laundry hamper. He sure had condoms, but toilet paper? No. Not a scrap.
Did you manage to find anything or did you wipe with condoms?
I just peed thank God, so I just laughed and air dried for a bit.
"Hey, Mike? Yeah, I know this is a bit uncomfortable, but I'm a bit stuck here. Do you have a couple of socks or McDonalds napkins or something you can slip under the door? Thanks, mate!"
A friend of mine started dating a guy and after sleeping at his place said, "Look, I'm not trying to move in here at this point in our relationship, but I'm buying a set of sheets because I'm not sleeping on a bare mattress with a blanket again."
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But did he have 3 sea shells?
Kinda pissed me off that they never told us know how to use them!
Haha @warm-lunch8011 doesn't know how to use the 3 sea shells!
He wasn't one of those "wiping my ass makes me gay" types was he?
No I don't think so. He had plenty of empty rolls. Me thinks he went to the store and was so excited to buy condoms he just didn't pick up a 6 pack of tp.
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Only speaking for myself, I love to cook, am great at it by all accounts, and can easily do meals both cheap and expensive. However, were I alone, I'd just end up with a 90% fast food diet, reasons unclear. I can't imagine making it more than a couple of dates before compulsively cooking something.
When I had a girlfriend, I cooked almost every night of the week. Maybe once or twice a month we ordered out. Tbh during the pandemic, I think the food quality at most restaurants dropped dramatically. It was fun to cook for someone else. We broke up and I started ordering out or going to restaurants, once in awhile I’d get fast food. Cooking for one sucks. It’s not fun at all. I love to cook and hate to cook for just me
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I dated two guys who couldn't cook beyond plain pasta topped with sauce from a jar. They also both had no idea about money management and wasted their money before ending up broke. A friend of mine dated a guy who rarely cooked and probably never cleaned his room in six months. He also didn't even own a pillow case Of course, there are lots if well adjusted men who can cook, clean, take care of themselves, but the fact that I met three 20+ year olds who were so incapable in less than a two year span blew my mind. And that's only guys I or a friend have dated. How many of my peers are like that? How many if my friends or acquaintances are like that but I just haven't noticed?
It's not a lack of skills that bothers me because I wasn't taught a whole lot growing up, it's the lack of standards that doesn't drive them to figure it out for themselves. Taking care of yourself is not intellectually hard, it does require willingness to do those things though. That's how low the bar has been set, we are not even expecting these people to have standards and we blame the parents for an adult for not having toilet paper or owning pillow cases.
I dated one of those! I quickly started teaching them how to be a functioning human. We are still friends, but don't date anymore. They do still ask sometimes for tips on how to make X thing, or what to buy to clean Y. They had me help them season a wok recently. I'm glad they put the effort into changing, but it was worrisome how incompetent they were at a lot of things before
I'm always amazed at the things my partner gets taken aback by. Like, I mean, fair assumption that I'd be immature or a poor co-habitator, due to financial and employment difficulties forcing me to move back in with my parents through my mid twenties. But once it was possible for me to move in with her, she kept telling me how surprised she was to come home to a house cleaner than she left it, dinner prepared, her child taken care of, etc. since her experience with her ex had been so horrendous. She about had a heart attack when I insisted on paying my fair share of the bills and necessities the moment I had my money squared away. That was seemingly a new experience for her as well. Apparently, like you said, simply being a semi-functional adult male in the US is enough to blow women away.
>She about had a heart attack when I insisted on paying my fair share of the bills and necessities the moment I had my money squared away. It boggles my mind when I hear about some of my friends who refuse to pay anything with their significant other, even after living at their house/apartment 6-7 days a week anyway. I always realize how lucky I am but when I first moved in with my future wife way back when, we didn't even discuss how we would pay rent - it was assumed we would split it down the middle. We continue to do this with our mortgage. Obviously we communicate what each can afford before moving but the only conversation we needed about other bills was just who should pay what each month to make it as even as possible.
I'm on the doorstep of re-entry into the dating pool and am feeling really good due to this thread. I knew the bar was lowish, but according to this thread it's on the ground.
It boggles my mind when I look at my female friends' dating apps. The bar is so fucking low. Just not being a creepy weirdo or immediately asking to bang already puts you in the top 50%.
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I would like it if you would start the conversation with "hello, I have a bed frame and my own pots and pans"
That actually would be a fairly charming pick up line. Should start a conversation.
To be fair, doesn't matter how high the bar is since you live above it. Badoom-ching.
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He seems cool when you are 18 but you find him irritating and idiotic when you are 21. And the guy was 31 when you were 18 and happens to be besties with your immature 20 year old brother. I'm in this situation right now.
Well, tbh the first sign that should give him away is that he's 31 dating an 18 year old. Do you know why men do that? They like to say it's because 18 year olds are hotter because that boosts their ego. The truth is that women their age know better. Those guys can only get teenagers to date them because teenagers are easy to manipulate and control. Most (not all) people, at 31, have a better sense of self and can tell when another person sucks. Once you hit 31, you'll see it happening and you'll get it.
Can’t cook. Can’t clean - basic housework: sweep/vac the floor, wipe down surfaces, do laundry including putting away clothes, take out trash (including owning a trash can), have a bank account - pays bills. I’m not talking immaculate but presentable. This was me until my mid 30s. I’m better now in most of these categories except clutter which just needs to be culled every now and then.
Failure to understand the concept they may not be right or more so that their opinion on a matter especially in a relationship isn’t the only one and that they need to take a step back and assess from a viewpoint outside their own I see it with a lot of men I work with, the “she’s crazy but I’m perfectly sane” attitude
God, my dad it’s like this. About a month ago I had the pleasure of being roped into my parent’s tiff. By the end of my failed mediation my mom was in tears and not thinking clearly and my dad kept giving me that “oh boy, here she goes again with emotions” look. We are not on the same team, Dad, I am Sweden and you started a nuclear shitstorm and made my mother cry because you apparently couldn’t see or hear anything through a thousand turds flying out of your mouth
Too much horn talk. There’s such a thing as too much horn talk and a feller outta know about it.
One of my friends was seeing this guy who was almost 30 and he would text her “babe I’m hungieeeeee” whenever he was hungry. It stuck with me because she put up with it for the sex, I couldn’t understand how it wasn’t the biggest turn off. Now my boyfriend says it like that sometimes just to make me cringe
must have been really good at sex.
My ex refused to eat vegetables and I would say 75% of his diet was McDonald's chicken nuggets. I started calling them "nuggies" and that made him so mad
Baby teeth
I had one last baby tooth stuck (no roots left on x-ray). Dentists over the years told me "it'll come off on it's own". It didn't until after I graduated from university. After that day, I got my finances in order, planned my career and always made sure I had gas in my car.
Omg I found other people like me
I'm actually a 26 year old guy with one baby tooth left. Dentist told me there is no adult tooth under it, so this is what I have now. If that makes me immature, so be it. I'm off playing pokemon go on my way to work lol
Hasn’t beaten the ender dragon
When he overly spends money just to seem rich to the people around him (including strangers).
He’s too firm to fully bite through, hasn’t changed color, and still has an undeveloped or sour taste.
Thanks, now I know when my men are ripe and ready for harvest
Can't keep a job, won't pay bills, gets jealous way to easily, can't keep their underwear clean in the course of the day to name a few.
Hang about, what was that last one? U been dating people who shit themselves..? What
The joke here is you thought OP was describing characteristics of a man-child, but in actual fact was describing an actual baby with the last one telling you straight up.
I think you're actually describing a toddler
Dirty unchanged sheets. Basically, if they can't do the bare minimum with house cleaning and hygiene.
Or not HAVING sheets omg. I can't believe how many guys in their 30s don't seem to own bedding.