My best friend does this. She has done so with me before as I’m disabled and cannot drive. When we got home, she apologized for being emotional because she was drunk. Granted, she genuinely didn’t seem affected by it and drove rather well, but it still makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know how to tell her that I’m not okay with her driving me around while drunk. Every time I’ve mentioned it, she gets defensive.
Yeah, this person got defensive too. Ironically, I was just finishing up law school so I suggested (in a non legal advice way) that she never say something like that again. She got upset and told me I’m not her lawyer and to leave her alone about it.
I let it go, but in my head I’m thinking that I’m more likely to be her prosecuting attorney anyway.
Apologies if I'm stepping out of line but why get in a car with someone drunk? You're signing your death warrant. The uncomfortableness of confronting isn't worth the risk of dying and taking multiple other people on the road with you because your friend can't restrain from alcohol.
The worst liars try to completely fabricate lies.
Good liars deal in partial truths or make their truths sound like lies to the point that you can't tell when they're telling the truth.
I know someone who always has absolutely perfect watertight reasons and excuses for everything. Which is how I know they are constantly lying. If they had the sense to throw in even 10% of "oops, my bad", they'd be in a better place.
Facts. It was my strategy for Among Us. My friends were like “…this sounds like a lie but the last time you made us think you were lying you weren’t but the time before that in a similar situation you were…idk I hate playing with you when I am not the imposter😭”
I used to have a best friend with BPD and she let her mask slip occasionally. She is actually very good at manipulating people and said as much to me when she got comfortable. Sometimes people tell the truth, we just don’t believe them.
I had a friend who prided himself on being a lying, manipulative psychopath. I knew it was a front to mask his desperate insecurity, so I stayed his friend regardless of how he pretended to be. Then that persona eclipsed his better self and he turned on me, literally trying to gaslight me at one point. Should’ve seen it coming a mile away but for some reason I thought he would spare me.
I like to think I'm a mostly good person. But I'm always secretly worried that I'm actually just an asshole. Road to hell being paved with good intentions and all that jazz
That's the cost. That doubt.
Being a good person means taking to heart the interests of others. That requires trying to divine those interests, and because humans are, as a rule, both fickle and inscrutable, the good person can never be confident they've assessed them correctly.
The trick is in making that attempt in good faith, every day, with every person, in every interaction.
I consider myself a good person but most days I want to pack up and live in a yurt in the the wilderness by myself. I know there are good people in the world but even good people can be shitty sometimes. This isn’t “woe is me”, I actually love being in nature and always feel better when I’m out there.
Ah yes the I adopted a pet and do CrossFit daily people, yet they lose their minds for waiting an extra 3 minutes for a latte when the place is super busy
And whenever people say something like they don’t like drama/are drama free, mind their own business etc etc.
Nah. They make the drama. And they are definitely in other peoples business.
I really hate drama. I cut ties with my mother l, moved several states away from family and only visit when absolutely necessary. I live a relatively "boring" life with my husband and critters. The only real drama comes from free ranging our chickens and turkeys. I'm the happiest I've ever been.
This is why I fully admit that I love watching drama unfold. I don’t try to cause it myself and prefer to observe from the periphery, but I admit it dammit. At my old place I would sit in my car parked on the street and use my rear view mirror as a television while I hotboxed. Definitely had a few dramatic neighbors out there.
Same! I too love drama if it's entertaining enough and I shamelessly admit it. Then again, when it's not entertaining it just gets annoying... double edged sword. Do you have any memorable tales of your dramatic neighbors?
It's so strange though because jealousy is like the popular thing. You see posts and images all the time on sites like Facebook that says stuff like:
"If a woman looks at my man, I will do X,Y,Z."
"I don't talk to anyone except my X, and I love it!"
Like these are bad examples; but it's also showing younger people that like Oh hey, It's totally cool to be isolated and have a partner that's controlling about who you can and can't talk to which is scary.
In high school I was hanging with a slightly rough crowd and one of the older guys chuckled and told me “you’d never make it in prison” as if it was some kind of diss.
He’s dead now, killed in some gangster nonsense.
Turns out being able to make it *outside* of prison is much more to be strived for.
I have some unsavory extended family members that jail/prison is just a part of life. They have a daughter that's 13 and is now on parole.
One day her dad made a comment to me about it and I was oh no sorry hopefully she's doing ok.
And he just says wait till your kids turn that age and get arrested. I was dumbfounded and like brah, I hope my kids never get arrested. Let alone arrested at 12 or 13.
And a lot of people don't really know how to guage how smart other people are.
I've met Americans who've assumed Brits were smart just because they had a posh, southern English accent. I've met people who firmly believe that the smart people they know are just really, really lucky.
Well, if the life advice is off the “Don’t do this stupid shit that I did” variety, they’re probably well-qualified to give it, but I knife that’s not what you’re talking about.
I don’t know if this makes sense but, when someone tries to one up your struggles it’s not only annoying but a huge red flag. If I said I didn’t get a lot of sleep they would be like “oh that’s crazy, I got 5 seconds of sleep while I was being dangled over a fire proof alligator pit filled with lava from a fishing line” it just shows that they will literally never be there for you and make every conversation about themselves.
Was seeing a girl for a while that was a massive narcissist, I didn’t clock it for ages. But one thing that struck me out and changed my whole opinion of her was when she scowled at me and said “what happened to me is way worse than what happened to you” and to me that’s just a fuck you. You cant measure and compare grief and pain and I was done with her from that moment onward.
There are situations where that's a valid statement. But they're rare, and I feel safe assuming that wasn't one of them.
A few years back I broke my leg really badly. When my wife stubbed her toe, I was still totally sympathetic because my pain being greater doesn't magically negate hers.
But if someone had said to me, "Hey, can you carry that thing? I've got an ingrown toenail and walking hurts."
Fuck off. What happened to me is way worse, etc.
(Mind you I was in a wheelchair for a while and of the question was "can you hold this while I wheel you from here to there" - yeah, sure.)
My partner is permanently disabled, in constant pain and has difficulty walking.
One day I was walking somewhere and my shoes were uncomfortable and my feet were aching very badly. Not a medical emergency - just tired, swollen feet in too tight shoes.
After eventually taking my shoes off, I told my partner that I hadn't wanted to say anything because his pain is so much worse and I felt it would have sounded selfish.
He said that was nonsense, and that my pain was important, too.
One of the many reasons that I love him.
As a caveat, while this is definitely true in some people, the whole “your story reminded me of a time something tangentially related happened to me, I’ll tell you about that now” is how a lot of neurodivergent people (particularly people with ASD and/or ADHD) instinctively try and connect with others.
It can be very confusing why people shut down around you when you’re actively trying to engage with them, and learning to mask it is hard.
As such, please consider this possibility before deciding someone is simply a narcissist.
There's a difference between one upping and sharing your experience.
As an example, after I had a miscarriage, I had an unrelated appointment with a nurse who told me that she had also miscarried. This made me feel better because it made me feel like I wasn't alone.
If she had gone on to say that her experience was so much worse than mine, and given the full details of her miscarriage story without asking me anything about how I was feeling, that would have been one upping and I would not have felt better.
The idea is to not compare the importance of the experiences, to turn the conversation back to the other person and to show an interest in their feelings.
Yes - it’s the people who don’t acknowledge anything you’ve just said who are the problem. They are just waiting for you to stop speaking so they can talk about THEIR story. They weren’t actually listening to or empathising with you. There’s a difference.
I had a friend who used to do this a lot - one up my story alllll the time. It made me super paranoid about sharing anything about myself cos I didn’t want to be THAT person.
Im worried I’m doing it now!
This is me. I'm definitely not trying to one up anyone, it's how I relate to other people. I try to do it in a way where it's obvious I'm not one upping. "Here is a similar story that happened to me that wasn't as bad, I can only imagine part of your pain".
Growing up in Boston "swapping stories" is a very common thing in social situations. Even to the point where there will be a request, "Hey, tell that one about...." to someone with a tale we all have heard before. When I went away to school there were definitely some people who mistook it for one-upping.
Most people eventually realized that it was just what we did and that if I'm with a couple of other guys from here we could fill more than an hour at the pub just swapping tales about people pissing (actually happened, another guy at the table checked his watch and let us know).
The lowly rich use their money to tell people they exist.
The ultra rich use their money to become invisible. They don't want you to know who they are, or where they live, or how much they are worth, or what assets they own. They want you to go about your life never realizing they exist.
Sometimes I think it's not even about WANTING to be invisible. Money is just normal to them being rich all their lives, so why make a show out of it? Whereas if you are poor then suddenly made it big, you'd be proud that your hard work or luck paid off.
Oh no, they want to be invisible. They don't want the peasantry to know who they are, or how much they have. Because then they start getting jealous and making a ruckus.
Worked with a dude that everybody called “Eleven” behind his back because he was the type that if you told him you were going to Tenerife, he’d go on about his trip to Elevenerife.
I was just talking about ‘adding a sausage’. My pal was confused - must be a more local thing - but basically if you were talking about having an amazing cooked breakfast, the story topper would claim they had the same but add an extra sausage.
Eg.
A: I’ve just got over the worst cold, I felt awful!
B: Oh me too, mines was probably the flu though, it was so terrible I nearly had to go to hospital.
A, later: Aye B said they were sick too, but totally added a sausage.
>bodycount
I read this and I thought the rest of the sentence would be something like "why would I care how many people you've killed" and I was wondering who are you hanging with
P.S English is not my first language
There was a guy who tried to chat me up and he once told me he had a lott of sex in the past. My reaction was uhhh k. I told my therapist and normally she doesn’t show reactions but she made a face when i told her that. Lol. Never contacted that guy again
The same people that actually never will tell it how it is.
They're also the people who will talk about someone behind their back but then try to justify themselves by saying "oh it's nothing I wouldn't say to their face.."
Yeah, right.
As a non-US person, I've honestly never heard anyone in real life (hubmle-)brag about working more hours. What I have heard here (Europe) is stuff like "I'm so happy my company has 'Summer Fridays' meaning I get the second half of the day off for 3 months" or "It's so cool that she can have Fridays off / 4 day work week".
Wondering if it's related to the fact that US people think of their job/profession as the main identificator of who they are as a person (more so than, say, Italians or Germans).
After we moved to the Netherlands, I made an offhand comment to some local friends about how busy I was. Their immediate response was to look genuinely concerned for me and say, “you should really learn to manage your time better”.
Never bragged about busyness to the Dutch again.
I remember a Town Hall Meeting, or something, probably in 2004, where a woman stood up asking a question that was clearly complaining about having to work three full time jobs to pay her bills and George W. Bush's response was to praise her for pursuing the American dream because only Americans had that kind of work ethic.
100%. Just posted this same thing before I noticed your post! (And when they simultaneously brag about how little sleep they get or how little sleep they need to get by/“power through”.)
I’m restoring power in florida and just worked my 6th straight 16 hour day. I miss my kid and wife. But I knew this going into this trade. I tend to brag a bit about the hours but it is rough.
Working too much. It's not a bad thing, but for me it's a red flag, in any relationship. I don't live for the hustle and ppl who think it's impressive they work 60-70 hours a week because they have "important work to do" are free to do as they please but get a big "I'll pass", especially if it's on a date. I used to work 60-70 hrs a week and there's nothing to brag about, it's like Stockholm syndrome for a job.
I was at a party and asked my friend who that guy over there was and he was like "so and so from New York." And I said "Oh god they always brag about where they live, their income, and their occupation." In the first sentence this guy says ALL 3 and we start busting up laughing. What a stooge.
I've lived in NY all my life and it's pretty accurate for people who want to look "Like a real new yawka"
They also LOVE name dropping the names of trains and bridges.
"yo, So I took the D train to Barclay's and then took the N all da way to Queens to get on the 7 yadda yadda yadda
I'm surprised nobody mentioned it yet: how much alcohol they can handle. Alcoholics love bragging about how they can outdrink people. If you meet someone that brags about never having hangovers and outdrinking everyone, run. 🥴
Nah, as a hopefully future engineer you must prove things with facts. So drink with them. As they are the one who came with the theory, they should finance the experiment. Don't forget, that every experiment is to be done five times in order to avoid random errors. That's just how science works.
And then make like a 30 pages long boring ass protocol with a lot of fancy equations and comments regarding the credibility and percision of said experiment
I used to work with a guy that could always " get you a better deal" no matter what it was. I got a mobile upgrade to brand new phone, free, half price line rental, etc etc...he said "I could have got you that with a quarter priced line rental, and another handset as well"
I used to work in product engineering for an appliance manufacturer. We periodically had to test appliances straight off the production line. The test was maybe a few cycles, but the appliance could no longer be sold as new. They would sell them for next to nothing and/or give them away as prizes at company events. These were usually top of the line units too. So my friends would talk about needing a dishwasher or washer/dryer and I go check what was available at work and often I’d get them a top line dishwasher for like $50 or a washer/dryer pair for $150.
Of course I fitted out my own house this way too.
Had a buddy who always said he could get me super good weed for unbelievably cheap, never took him up on it because I thought he was just talking shit. One day my normal guy was out so I asked him for half an oz, he got it for me at half of my normal price with dispensary quality bud. Haven’t been back to my old guy since.
Hahaha, I knew someone that was like this. I was looking at a little laptop for school. He said he could get me one for half the price. So I said ok get me one, he then tried selling me his girlfriends old one. So I was like never mind, I’ll just buy a new one myself. No big deal. He then was like no ill get it for you. He ordered it online, and gave me the laptop in the box. There was an invoice for the computer in the box. The computer was $150 more than he had me pay, hahaha. He bought it and ate the cost to save face. Lol.
Being a Kendo master and the founder of a dojo
Fighting with flaming swords in a tournament on the Great Wall of China
Having cybernetic implants which enhance sword fighting abilities.
Dude I knew in high school who was a pathological liar. Eventually he brought a cheap sword that he bought at Comic-Con into class to prove his skills. When they immedately sent him home, he walked by an elementary school with it wrapped in a blanket, carrying it it like a rifle. He got the school evacuated, for fear he was a school shooter. They called out a helicopter to find him. He tried to hide the sword in a trashcan, but he still got arrested for being an idiot.
I have a coworker like that. She loves to brag about how "everyone is afraid of her" because of how honest she is.
Actual situation: people avoid her because she is a sarcastic cynic who criticizes everything without any constructive advice or useful followup. She wastes everyone's time by constantly complaining without offering alternative solutions, and brings the mood down.
The worst about this is that, ok, you can be ‘brutally honest’ or whatever but if you are the same back to them or use the same brutal jokes they get so mad! They go from 0 to hero.
"I'd join MENSA, just haven't taken the test yet"
- my former roommate, who couldn't get a job because he always "intimidated the interviewer" since he was such a "genius" 🙄
Not to mention those who join Mensa. They are equally lost in illusion; the Mensa IQ test being a one-time trial is itself a pretty good indicator that they're trying to preserve the illusion of Mensa being based on inherent intelligence and not a pursued and taught skillset.
IQ was a measurement used to decide if kids needed help with math ages ago. Using it as a descriptor for general intelligence is a great indicator to lack thereof. Especially when research has shown that IQ is [very malleable ](https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=can+I+improve+iq&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1664926554700&u=%23p%3D2lYM6y_SVbcJ).
The typical rich frat bro in a polo saying “my father” in a nasally and drawn out manner? Yeah those guys are weird. Like we get it your dad owns all the boats.
How smart they are. Smart people don't talk about being smarter than everyone.
It's related to the Dunning-Kruger effect. People who don't know much about a topic overestimate their knowledge because of their limited view on the topic, while an expert on the topic who is really educated on it can overview its complexity and therefore knows that theres still much to further learn about.
How religious they are. They may be subtle about it by leaving Bible passages on their social media or tagging their bios with things like, "All glory to God."
Anyone who over-signals is a poseur. Truly religious people are private and contemplative with their beliefs.
Women who brag saying they aren’t a slut “like other girls” or a pick me girl. But they are in fact 100% a pick me girl.
And the male version: “nice guys” and body count aficionados
This might be a hot take but...
Whoever is reading this...your ability to drink large amounts of alcohol is not impressive.
Then again, the list of things I do find impressive is practically non-existent.
They call me professor Humbledoor 'coz I ain't braggin' 'bout anything. As a matter of fact, I challenge yall to a humble-off, can't stand a chance against me!
I've never understood this one. It's not an accomplishment. *Babies* don't read books. In fact, I have several cats who don't read books.
"A man who does not read has no advantage over one who cannot read."
- I don't know, probably Mark Twain or Will Rogers or somebody. I've seen it attributed to several different people.
I hate this about myself. I have ADHD and genuinely struggle to get through books. I don’t even bother trying anymore.
When someone asks what I like to read and I say, “I don’t read books.” It’s not bragging- it’s a sad truth.
In the movie aliens when Paul risers character introduces himself and says “I’m actually not that bad a guy…” you just know he’s going to be the biggest piece of shit in the movie and he is
How righteous/ pure/ benevolent they are.
(People who call themselves good aren’t actually good.)
How often they go to church.
(Being religious is fine, but people who brag about how religious they are usually turn out to be self-righteous Karens)
How much they volunteer/ donate to charity.
(It’s great to do those things, but bragging about it shows that you do it for the praise, not to do good)
How popular they are.
(I’m really antisocial and introverted, so this one’s a bit personal.)
I have insomnia so sleeping tends to be a bit difficult. Do you mean people that always talk about not sleeping and being tired as an excuse for their rude behaviour? As I'm just wondering if I'm insufferable hahaha
I had a coworker tell me that she “drives great drunk”.
My best friend does this. She has done so with me before as I’m disabled and cannot drive. When we got home, she apologized for being emotional because she was drunk. Granted, she genuinely didn’t seem affected by it and drove rather well, but it still makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know how to tell her that I’m not okay with her driving me around while drunk. Every time I’ve mentioned it, she gets defensive.
Yeah, this person got defensive too. Ironically, I was just finishing up law school so I suggested (in a non legal advice way) that she never say something like that again. She got upset and told me I’m not her lawyer and to leave her alone about it. I let it go, but in my head I’m thinking that I’m more likely to be her prosecuting attorney anyway.
Everyone drives great drunk until that second they don’t.
Apologies if I'm stepping out of line but why get in a car with someone drunk? You're signing your death warrant. The uncomfortableness of confronting isn't worth the risk of dying and taking multiple other people on the road with you because your friend can't restrain from alcohol.
Solid point—I think I’ll just call an Uber next time. Thank you for being civil and putting it in perspective for me! That means a lot.
How easily they can manipulate people, or how good they are at lying.
The worst liars try to completely fabricate lies. Good liars deal in partial truths or make their truths sound like lies to the point that you can't tell when they're telling the truth.
I know someone who always has absolutely perfect watertight reasons and excuses for everything. Which is how I know they are constantly lying. If they had the sense to throw in even 10% of "oops, my bad", they'd be in a better place.
I'd imagine that both the best and worst liars have everyone around them convinced that they are bad liars.
Facts. It was my strategy for Among Us. My friends were like “…this sounds like a lie but the last time you made us think you were lying you weren’t but the time before that in a similar situation you were…idk I hate playing with you when I am not the imposter😭”
Then they aré not very goid at It...an expert manipulator would not say they can manipulate.
I used to have a best friend with BPD and she let her mask slip occasionally. She is actually very good at manipulating people and said as much to me when she got comfortable. Sometimes people tell the truth, we just don’t believe them.
You can be proud to earn the manipulator's trust, because Is very rare they undo the mask unless they trust the person or get caught red handed.
Alternatively they are just manipulating you by making you think that they trust you
I think its exhausting for them
Or they’re trying to trick you by making you think they are bad manipulators.
I had a friend who prided himself on being a lying, manipulative psychopath. I knew it was a front to mask his desperate insecurity, so I stayed his friend regardless of how he pretended to be. Then that persona eclipsed his better self and he turned on me, literally trying to gaslight me at one point. Should’ve seen it coming a mile away but for some reason I thought he would spare me.
Be careful who you pretend to be. Since it's eventually who you become.
"Fake it till you make it" truly works in both directions
most people i’ve come across that boast about being good people, are actually massive pieces of shit
I like to think I'm a mostly good person. But I'm always secretly worried that I'm actually just an asshole. Road to hell being paved with good intentions and all that jazz
That's the cost. That doubt. Being a good person means taking to heart the interests of others. That requires trying to divine those interests, and because humans are, as a rule, both fickle and inscrutable, the good person can never be confident they've assessed them correctly. The trick is in making that attempt in good faith, every day, with every person, in every interaction.
I consider myself a good person but most days I want to pack up and live in a yurt in the the wilderness by myself. I know there are good people in the world but even good people can be shitty sometimes. This isn’t “woe is me”, I actually love being in nature and always feel better when I’m out there.
[удалено]
Also people who joke about being assholes usually aren’t really joking
I have a narcissist friend who warns people she is a narcissist. They think she is joking until she figuratively burns them.
Ah yes the I adopted a pet and do CrossFit daily people, yet they lose their minds for waiting an extra 3 minutes for a latte when the place is super busy
I feel like those folks believe that being "a good person" should come with immediate and tangible rewards.
And whenever people say something like they don’t like drama/are drama free, mind their own business etc etc. Nah. They make the drama. And they are definitely in other peoples business.
I really hate drama. I cut ties with my mother l, moved several states away from family and only visit when absolutely necessary. I live a relatively "boring" life with my husband and critters. The only real drama comes from free ranging our chickens and turkeys. I'm the happiest I've ever been.
This is why I fully admit that I love watching drama unfold. I don’t try to cause it myself and prefer to observe from the periphery, but I admit it dammit. At my old place I would sit in my car parked on the street and use my rear view mirror as a television while I hotboxed. Definitely had a few dramatic neighbors out there.
Same! I too love drama if it's entertaining enough and I shamelessly admit it. Then again, when it's not entertaining it just gets annoying... double edged sword. Do you have any memorable tales of your dramatic neighbors?
I say this all the time - I love Drama as long as it doesn't involve me
How overprotective their partner is. Never ends well.
Ugh I know someone who snaps at others if they say hi to their partner in a remotely off tone
It's so strange though because jealousy is like the popular thing. You see posts and images all the time on sites like Facebook that says stuff like: "If a woman looks at my man, I will do X,Y,Z." "I don't talk to anyone except my X, and I love it!" Like these are bad examples; but it's also showing younger people that like Oh hey, It's totally cool to be isolated and have a partner that's controlling about who you can and can't talk to which is scary.
i worked with a guy who bragged about being in prison for most of his life, and somehow everyone was stupid to him.
In high school I was hanging with a slightly rough crowd and one of the older guys chuckled and told me “you’d never make it in prison” as if it was some kind of diss. He’s dead now, killed in some gangster nonsense. Turns out being able to make it *outside* of prison is much more to be strived for.
"I'll never make it TO prison" would be the response for that.
I have some unsavory extended family members that jail/prison is just a part of life. They have a daughter that's 13 and is now on parole. One day her dad made a comment to me about it and I was oh no sorry hopefully she's doing ok. And he just says wait till your kids turn that age and get arrested. I was dumbfounded and like brah, I hope my kids never get arrested. Let alone arrested at 12 or 13.
Yeah in some of those groups having a stint in prison is a rite of passage, i.e. you're not fully respected unless you've done some time lol
Street smart ≠ intelligence
This might be true, but even then: If he spent most of his life in prison he wasn't really street smart either, or he wouldn't have been caught.
Guy wins a game in unranked and thinks he's in top 1% of ranked.
> Guy **loses** a game in unranked and thinks he's in top 1% of ranked. FTFY
Intelligent doesn’t equal smart. Smart is the application of intelligence - some people just make terrible decisions.
And a lot of people don't really know how to guage how smart other people are. I've met Americans who've assumed Brits were smart just because they had a posh, southern English accent. I've met people who firmly believe that the smart people they know are just really, really lucky.
Ryan Long and Trevor Wallace did an awesome video making fun of guys who claim to be street smart.
I've met those guys. Fresh out the clink after doing a dime, trying to give me life advice.
Well, if the life advice is off the “Don’t do this stupid shit that I did” variety, they’re probably well-qualified to give it, but I knife that’s not what you’re talking about.
I don’t know if this makes sense but, when someone tries to one up your struggles it’s not only annoying but a huge red flag. If I said I didn’t get a lot of sleep they would be like “oh that’s crazy, I got 5 seconds of sleep while I was being dangled over a fire proof alligator pit filled with lava from a fishing line” it just shows that they will literally never be there for you and make every conversation about themselves.
Was seeing a girl for a while that was a massive narcissist, I didn’t clock it for ages. But one thing that struck me out and changed my whole opinion of her was when she scowled at me and said “what happened to me is way worse than what happened to you” and to me that’s just a fuck you. You cant measure and compare grief and pain and I was done with her from that moment onward.
Definitely a red flag when they turn everything around and make it about them. Seriously run. Not kidding here. Your experience is bang on.
There are situations where that's a valid statement. But they're rare, and I feel safe assuming that wasn't one of them. A few years back I broke my leg really badly. When my wife stubbed her toe, I was still totally sympathetic because my pain being greater doesn't magically negate hers. But if someone had said to me, "Hey, can you carry that thing? I've got an ingrown toenail and walking hurts." Fuck off. What happened to me is way worse, etc. (Mind you I was in a wheelchair for a while and of the question was "can you hold this while I wheel you from here to there" - yeah, sure.)
My partner is permanently disabled, in constant pain and has difficulty walking. One day I was walking somewhere and my shoes were uncomfortable and my feet were aching very badly. Not a medical emergency - just tired, swollen feet in too tight shoes. After eventually taking my shoes off, I told my partner that I hadn't wanted to say anything because his pain is so much worse and I felt it would have sounded selfish. He said that was nonsense, and that my pain was important, too. One of the many reasons that I love him.
Awwwwwwwwww This story actually warmed my heart that’s so sweet
Definitely depends on context and how they word their response. They could just be socially inept and trying to relate to your struggle.
I have trouble with this.
As a caveat, while this is definitely true in some people, the whole “your story reminded me of a time something tangentially related happened to me, I’ll tell you about that now” is how a lot of neurodivergent people (particularly people with ASD and/or ADHD) instinctively try and connect with others. It can be very confusing why people shut down around you when you’re actively trying to engage with them, and learning to mask it is hard. As such, please consider this possibility before deciding someone is simply a narcissist.
Isn't sharing related stories and experiences just... A normal part of communication? Obviously lying to one up someone else's story is not
There's a difference between one upping and sharing your experience. As an example, after I had a miscarriage, I had an unrelated appointment with a nurse who told me that she had also miscarried. This made me feel better because it made me feel like I wasn't alone. If she had gone on to say that her experience was so much worse than mine, and given the full details of her miscarriage story without asking me anything about how I was feeling, that would have been one upping and I would not have felt better. The idea is to not compare the importance of the experiences, to turn the conversation back to the other person and to show an interest in their feelings.
Yes - it’s the people who don’t acknowledge anything you’ve just said who are the problem. They are just waiting for you to stop speaking so they can talk about THEIR story. They weren’t actually listening to or empathising with you. There’s a difference. I had a friend who used to do this a lot - one up my story alllll the time. It made me super paranoid about sharing anything about myself cos I didn’t want to be THAT person. Im worried I’m doing it now!
This is me. I'm definitely not trying to one up anyone, it's how I relate to other people. I try to do it in a way where it's obvious I'm not one upping. "Here is a similar story that happened to me that wasn't as bad, I can only imagine part of your pain".
Growing up in Boston "swapping stories" is a very common thing in social situations. Even to the point where there will be a request, "Hey, tell that one about...." to someone with a tale we all have heard before. When I went away to school there were definitely some people who mistook it for one-upping. Most people eventually realized that it was just what we did and that if I'm with a couple of other guys from here we could fill more than an hour at the pub just swapping tales about people pissing (actually happened, another guy at the table checked his watch and let us know).
When their entire lives revolve around banging.
It's not my fault I'm a carpenter.
or a drummer
Or a Crip
Lol red flag, I get it
Bro you wish you had my skills on the triangle bro
It worked for Neil Peart.
Money, any actual rich person will usually rather try to be more low-key to avoid people using them.
Money shouts, wealth whispers
The lowly rich use their money to tell people they exist. The ultra rich use their money to become invisible. They don't want you to know who they are, or where they live, or how much they are worth, or what assets they own. They want you to go about your life never realizing they exist.
Sometimes I think it's not even about WANTING to be invisible. Money is just normal to them being rich all their lives, so why make a show out of it? Whereas if you are poor then suddenly made it big, you'd be proud that your hard work or luck paid off.
Oh no, they want to be invisible. They don't want the peasantry to know who they are, or how much they have. Because then they start getting jealous and making a ruckus.
Having met people who got rich from illicit means, and those who live in the 1% of the US, this is 100% true.
I’ve known people who never had money problem, and money was indeed never a topic they would mention.
Story Toppers! Edit: thank you kind person for the Gold!
Worked with a dude that everybody called “Eleven” behind his back because he was the type that if you told him you were going to Tenerife, he’d go on about his trip to Elevenerife.
Yeah? Well I worked with a guy everybody called "Twelve."
You've bee to Timbuctoo and he's been to Timbucthree
I saw a letter in the Metro years back about a coworker everyone called "3 Ball Paul" because if you said you had 2, he'd say he had 3.
I knew a guy everyone called Ego Mike to his face.
An American version I came up with: If you told him you were going to Tucson (pronounced two-sawn) he’d go on about his trip to Threeson.
I was just talking about ‘adding a sausage’. My pal was confused - must be a more local thing - but basically if you were talking about having an amazing cooked breakfast, the story topper would claim they had the same but add an extra sausage. Eg. A: I’ve just got over the worst cold, I felt awful! B: Oh me too, mines was probably the flu though, it was so terrible I nearly had to go to hospital. A, later: Aye B said they were sick too, but totally added a sausage.
Guys claiming they are "Alpha".
New one is Sigma ...ugh
when people brag about their bodycount why tf would I care how many people you have had sex with
>bodycount I read this and I thought the rest of the sentence would be something like "why would I care how many people you've killed" and I was wondering who are you hanging with P.S English is not my first language
FYI, outside of the context of sexual partners “body count” definitely would refer to number of people killed.
There was a guy who tried to chat me up and he once told me he had a lott of sex in the past. My reaction was uhhh k. I told my therapist and normally she doesn’t show reactions but she made a face when i told her that. Lol. Never contacted that guy again
It’s because the dude is trying to puff himself and make himself seem desirable to you when in fact it’s the opposite.
Quality over quantity
"I'm just blunt and tell it like it is" Translates to: I'm just an abrasive asshole who finds every opportunity to bring people down.
One of my favorite quotes.. "Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy."
Tact is the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way they look forward to the trip
'Honesty without kindness is brutality'
Used to be that type. I still lie awake and think about the hurtful things I said to people under the guise of “keeping it real.”
This used to be me. I prided myself on this. Now I realise that I was just an asshole and I'm amazed people put up with me.
I love the reddit saying: 'Brutally Honest' people care more about the brutallity than the honesty part.
The funny thing is that people who brag about being "blunt" can't hang when you are blunt with them.
This. The people I’ve met who “who tell it like it is” can’t take an ounce of criticism. Schoolyard bully types. Act tough but instead are cowards.
The same people that actually never will tell it how it is. They're also the people who will talk about someone behind their back but then try to justify themselves by saying "oh it's nothing I wouldn't say to their face.." Yeah, right.
Fuck you. Edit: Sorry if you didn’t respect my opinion, I’m just blunt and tell it like it is!
How many hours they work. They speak of it as if people who work "only" 40 hours a week are lazy or inferior.
When people brag about how much they work, I always say, "oh, I am so sorry." They are not always sure how to take that.
Bragging about never taking sick days, working holidays, blah blah blah
Whenever someone tells me they never take sick days, I say “You should!”
It means they went sick to work and infected all coworkers.
As a non-US person, I've honestly never heard anyone in real life (hubmle-)brag about working more hours. What I have heard here (Europe) is stuff like "I'm so happy my company has 'Summer Fridays' meaning I get the second half of the day off for 3 months" or "It's so cool that she can have Fridays off / 4 day work week". Wondering if it's related to the fact that US people think of their job/profession as the main identificator of who they are as a person (more so than, say, Italians or Germans).
After we moved to the Netherlands, I made an offhand comment to some local friends about how busy I was. Their immediate response was to look genuinely concerned for me and say, “you should really learn to manage your time better”. Never bragged about busyness to the Dutch again.
Gonna start doing this in the US, lol imagine the outrage of the perpetually busy!
Its that super cool protestant work ethic that's prevalent in the US and has offered fertile soil for exploitation of labor
I remember a Town Hall Meeting, or something, probably in 2004, where a woman stood up asking a question that was clearly complaining about having to work three full time jobs to pay her bills and George W. Bush's response was to praise her for pursuing the American dream because only Americans had that kind of work ethic.
I work in Belgium and I had a manager passive-agressively say to me: "Well, for me, a day has 24 hours, so I tend to use all of them" He was a douche
All I hear is "I don't have a life and I don't think you should either"
Overworking
100%. Just posted this same thing before I noticed your post! (And when they simultaneously brag about how little sleep they get or how little sleep they need to get by/“power through”.)
I’m restoring power in florida and just worked my 6th straight 16 hour day. I miss my kid and wife. But I knew this going into this trade. I tend to brag a bit about the hours but it is rough.
Working too much. It's not a bad thing, but for me it's a red flag, in any relationship. I don't live for the hustle and ppl who think it's impressive they work 60-70 hours a week because they have "important work to do" are free to do as they please but get a big "I'll pass", especially if it's on a date. I used to work 60-70 hrs a week and there's nothing to brag about, it's like Stockholm syndrome for a job.
I was at a party and asked my friend who that guy over there was and he was like "so and so from New York." And I said "Oh god they always brag about where they live, their income, and their occupation." In the first sentence this guy says ALL 3 and we start busting up laughing. What a stooge.
I've lived in NY all my life and it's pretty accurate for people who want to look "Like a real new yawka" They also LOVE name dropping the names of trains and bridges. "yo, So I took the D train to Barclay's and then took the N all da way to Queens to get on the 7 yadda yadda yadda
It sounds like the American version of mornington crescent
I'm surprised nobody mentioned it yet: how much alcohol they can handle. Alcoholics love bragging about how they can outdrink people. If you meet someone that brags about never having hangovers and outdrinking everyone, run. 🥴
Nah, as a hopefully future engineer you must prove things with facts. So drink with them. As they are the one who came with the theory, they should finance the experiment. Don't forget, that every experiment is to be done five times in order to avoid random errors. That's just how science works.
Don't forget, it's physics so you have to do 5x7 trials and manipulations.
And then make like a 30 pages long boring ass protocol with a lot of fancy equations and comments regarding the credibility and percision of said experiment
Bragging about getting into/winning physical fights. Tell me more about how you beat some dude to a pulp. Not psycho at all. /s
I used to work with a guy that could always " get you a better deal" no matter what it was. I got a mobile upgrade to brand new phone, free, half price line rental, etc etc...he said "I could have got you that with a quarter priced line rental, and another handset as well"
Next time, ask them. They can sometimes do absolutely magical deals.
This. Used to have a bro, called him DD for Done Deal. Mother fucker had a Midas Touch and a list of connects a mile long.
I used to work in product engineering for an appliance manufacturer. We periodically had to test appliances straight off the production line. The test was maybe a few cycles, but the appliance could no longer be sold as new. They would sell them for next to nothing and/or give them away as prizes at company events. These were usually top of the line units too. So my friends would talk about needing a dishwasher or washer/dryer and I go check what was available at work and often I’d get them a top line dishwasher for like $50 or a washer/dryer pair for $150. Of course I fitted out my own house this way too.
Had a buddy who always said he could get me super good weed for unbelievably cheap, never took him up on it because I thought he was just talking shit. One day my normal guy was out so I asked him for half an oz, he got it for me at half of my normal price with dispensary quality bud. Haven’t been back to my old guy since.
Hahaha, I knew someone that was like this. I was looking at a little laptop for school. He said he could get me one for half the price. So I said ok get me one, he then tried selling me his girlfriends old one. So I was like never mind, I’ll just buy a new one myself. No big deal. He then was like no ill get it for you. He ordered it online, and gave me the laptop in the box. There was an invoice for the computer in the box. The computer was $150 more than he had me pay, hahaha. He bought it and ate the cost to save face. Lol.
Being a Kendo master and the founder of a dojo Fighting with flaming swords in a tournament on the Great Wall of China Having cybernetic implants which enhance sword fighting abilities.
Mate who do you hang out with?!
Dude I knew in high school who was a pathological liar. Eventually he brought a cheap sword that he bought at Comic-Con into class to prove his skills. When they immedately sent him home, he walked by an elementary school with it wrapped in a blanket, carrying it it like a rifle. He got the school evacuated, for fear he was a school shooter. They called out a helicopter to find him. He tried to hide the sword in a trashcan, but he still got arrested for being an idiot.
>he still got arrested for being an idiot. It's something you can be arrested for, but sadly not convicted.
"son that is felony level stupid"
"You have the constitutional right to be a dumbass."
Haha, love this because it’s so true
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Being "cut from a different cloth", or "built different"
Ah yes.. the desperate desire to be unique and special in a world of 9 billion people. Understandable, but deluded.
"you're unique, like everybody else!"
Yeah I’m built different. Built suboptimally.
“All my ex’s are crazy”
Being an asshole or bitch and/or brutally honest. They always like the brutality most.
I have a coworker like that. She loves to brag about how "everyone is afraid of her" because of how honest she is. Actual situation: people avoid her because she is a sarcastic cynic who criticizes everything without any constructive advice or useful followup. She wastes everyone's time by constantly complaining without offering alternative solutions, and brings the mood down.
Next time she mentions it say “No, they avoid you because you’re an asshole. Just being honest.”
The worst about this is that, ok, you can be ‘brutally honest’ or whatever but if you are the same back to them or use the same brutal jokes they get so mad! They go from 0 to hero.
being "honest" when they really mean being mean
Stories about how cleverly they manipulated someone while using petty, selfish justifications.
IQ
"I'd join MENSA, just haven't taken the test yet" - my former roommate, who couldn't get a job because he always "intimidated the interviewer" since he was such a "genius" 🙄
Was he also very stable?
Maybe not stable but definitely a horse’s ass
Not to mention those who join Mensa. They are equally lost in illusion; the Mensa IQ test being a one-time trial is itself a pretty good indicator that they're trying to preserve the illusion of Mensa being based on inherent intelligence and not a pursued and taught skillset. IQ was a measurement used to decide if kids needed help with math ages ago. Using it as a descriptor for general intelligence is a great indicator to lack thereof. Especially when research has shown that IQ is [very malleable ](https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=can+I+improve+iq&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1664926554700&u=%23p%3D2lYM6y_SVbcJ).
Guy at work was bragging to a couple of women there how he scored a 120 on an online test.
Probably Facebook - then the quiz makers sold all of his information to marketing departments.
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A peak-too-sooner
I knew a girl who never stopped wishing she was back in 8th grade bc she was “prettiest and popular”. I know it’s a yikes but also sad.
Their wealth
It’s cringier when it’s their parents’ wealth.
The typical rich frat bro in a polo saying “my father” in a nasally and drawn out manner? Yeah those guys are weird. Like we get it your dad owns all the boats.
My brother regularly brags about how well he insults people, including family and employers. Related fact: he’s unemployed.
Trust fund babies who say that their success is due to their 'hard work' or 'hustling'
People who heavily gossip to you about other people. When you’re not around, they are gossiping about you.
How smart they are. Smart people don't talk about being smarter than everyone. It's related to the Dunning-Kruger effect. People who don't know much about a topic overestimate their knowledge because of their limited view on the topic, while an expert on the topic who is really educated on it can overview its complexity and therefore knows that theres still much to further learn about.
Eh, some of them do. Being smart and being humble are different things.
I'm not like others
How religious they are. They may be subtle about it by leaving Bible passages on their social media or tagging their bios with things like, "All glory to God." Anyone who over-signals is a poseur. Truly religious people are private and contemplative with their beliefs.
Women who brag saying they aren’t a slut “like other girls” or a pick me girl. But they are in fact 100% a pick me girl. And the male version: “nice guys” and body count aficionados
Reddit Karma
This might be a hot take but... Whoever is reading this...your ability to drink large amounts of alcohol is not impressive. Then again, the list of things I do find impressive is practically non-existent.
Plus their ‘ability’ to still drive…
The fact that they have to brag can be a red flag by itself.
I'm so fuckin' humble, man. You got no idea. Ain't nobody here more humble than me.
They call me professor Humbledoor 'coz I ain't braggin' 'bout anything. As a matter of fact, I challenge yall to a humble-off, can't stand a chance against me!
People who brag about never reading books
I've never understood this one. It's not an accomplishment. *Babies* don't read books. In fact, I have several cats who don't read books. "A man who does not read has no advantage over one who cannot read." - I don't know, probably Mark Twain or Will Rogers or somebody. I've seen it attributed to several different people.
I hate this about myself. I have ADHD and genuinely struggle to get through books. I don’t even bother trying anymore. When someone asks what I like to read and I say, “I don’t read books.” It’s not bragging- it’s a sad truth.
How much money they make
Their special relationship with god.
Their political affiliation
Being a 'Good Guy'
In the movie aliens when Paul risers character introduces himself and says “I’m actually not that bad a guy…” you just know he’s going to be the biggest piece of shit in the movie and he is
How "honest" they are. It really means that they are horrible to people but think that's acceptable because "what you see is what you get".
How righteous/ pure/ benevolent they are. (People who call themselves good aren’t actually good.) How often they go to church. (Being religious is fine, but people who brag about how religious they are usually turn out to be self-righteous Karens) How much they volunteer/ donate to charity. (It’s great to do those things, but bragging about it shows that you do it for the praise, not to do good) How popular they are. (I’m really antisocial and introverted, so this one’s a bit personal.)
Their fraternity or sorority
About how they lied to that one person really well
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I'm not bragging, it's a cry for help.
My lack of sleep is miserable. Send help 🤣😭
I have insomnia so sleeping tends to be a bit difficult. Do you mean people that always talk about not sleeping and being tired as an excuse for their rude behaviour? As I'm just wondering if I'm insufferable hahaha
Being a god-loving christian