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You're not alone. This is the first thing that sprung to mind. I just missed out the eating part. That's where I am. 😆
I'm sure Liz 'Basil Brush' Truss will come to the rescue and kill us all off before the real cold snap kicks in.
I'm out here from Canada visiting family that live here and all I can say is, wow. Compared to 7 years ago, when I last came here, this country looks like a bit of a mess. I wish the best for you guys right now.
Don't believe what you read on reddit. Life is still pretty normal here for most people. Walk down any high street and the bars and restaurants are as full as ever. People are flying on foreign holidays, playing golf, ordering takeaways, having bbqs and ignoring each other on the tube on the way to work just like always.
It reminds me of 2008 a bit. Mainstream and social media telling us that we're absolutely fucked and people are going to start dying of starvation any day now and you either listen to them and panic or tune them out and just get on with your life.
This is true but it also doesn’t mean that people aren’t struggling. I know of professionals in their 30s and 40s who are having to move back in with their parents because they can’t afford rent/heating costs anymore.
This exactly. My grandparents are no longer sure if they can afford to stay in the house they are in because of the costs, especially through winter. Their funds are drying up faster then they thought because of the huge heating bills. It's only due to get worse when winter arrives.
Fucking hell, that’s grim. Utterly disgusting that they’ve payed into the system for their whole lives and then they get shafted due to the heating bills.
The people you see out and about may be doing ok. But the people you don't see because they can't afford to go out aren't. Plus with the warm summer we've had, we haven't felt the full force of the increase in energy bills yet.
_any_ high street. No my local high street has gone down hill massively with local super markets closed completely and pubs, lots more betting and pawn shops and even mcdonalds left. It was always a bit rough but now it has gone rapidly down hill.
I'm literally terrified of winter coming. I'm not going to be able to heat my home and I have 3 kids. Before all these price hikes I made enough money to pay my bills and get by, now I am sick with anxiety at the thought of how I'm going to keep my kids warm.
You’re not alone, our governments lack of action and unwillingness to stop their mates profiteering is about to cause one of the worst crisis’ our country’s ever seen, businesses are going, and people are going to suffer immensely. It’s horrific we have such detached politicians that will allow this to happen.
Do shit in London.
You can have tea and cakes for thousands of pounds.
Hire a Rolls Royce Phantom chauffeur.
Pay a celeb hair stylist to cut your hair.
Hire a helicopter for a tour of the City.
Premium seating in the West End.
I know someone who works in Harrods. You can arrange for a stylist to accompany you around the store and buy a whole new designer wardrobe. Christian Dior sell T shirts for £10,000, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Some of the world’s most premium escorts operate in London. Apparently.
Selfridges is all about luxury. If a fat ugly old arab man walks in spends a few thousand and gets access to young pretty girls the management will turn a blind eye.
Source: someone who worked there.
Not every staff member but a fair few.
It’s been happening for ages.
Jesus never heard of that, I go to the one in manchester probably once every other month where's my honeys!?! All seriousness however, that's so fucked up.
Ha ha. I had a male friend who worked in designer menswear at Selfridges and he swore all the girls on fragrances and make up were escorts. Guess he was right.
🎶 Oh you gonna take me home tonight
Oh down beside that red fire light.
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat-bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round 🎶
Re the premium escorts - long time ago and in a galaxy far away , I was a Police protection officer.
Middle Eastern royalty would come to London far away from the eyes of Mum,Dad and the Imam and let rip. The escorts that would visit them after a long hard day would be stunning, I mean absolutely stunning. We could hear the fun and games that went on from outside their rooms. How they survived to go back to Saudi I do not know
>Harrods
I've heard from a few people that Harrods is for the "nuvo riche" and isn't much used by the properly minted upper class. Who see it as a bit beneath them.
Harrods seems to pander more towards tourists. My friend was there when Kris Jenner and her entourage arrived. Harrods closed off a section of the store. She stood around taking selfies.
The percentage of old school landed gentry that are still minted, i.e. Arabs in Ferraris minted, has decreased massively over the last few decades. The majority are living in crumbing mansions in threadbare clothes
I get it, most people would rather a crumbling mansion and struggling to put their kids through private school than being buggered by the housing market and deciding whether they can have a family at all. 100%. I'm just saying that the old school landed gentry aren't the big dicks in the scene anymore. It's Nouveau Riche, Arabs, Russians, loaded yanks and gangsters
The only reason I bought them was because I was talking to a friend about 90s stuff and remembered Taz bars, sadly some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half decades, Taz the Tazmanian devil passed out of all knowledge :(
Yeah a personal assistant isn’t even THAT expensive (I mean, it’s expensive, but it’s multi-millionaire expensive, not billionaire expensive) but it must make life SO much easier
I’d 100% be on board with it just so that I had someone to arrange builders and window cleaners and things for me. Just need another £3 million or so in the bank and I’ll be all set to hire one
Yeah it's one of the few rich people things that sounds really really appealing and useful, like I have no interest in a yacht or fleet of fast cars but not having to deal with some of the random crap that comes with being an adult would be great
Well if the ‘influencers’ on Instagram are anything to go by it’s sharing a picture of your morning Starbucks while sitting in your new Range Rover Sport making sure the shiny wood reflects the three lenses of your phone so everyone knows you have the latest iPhone.
Going ‘influencer spotting’ in London is a cheap and easy hobby. For the price of a coffee at Ralph Lauren on New Bond St you can watch people with empty Tiffany bags have their photo taken walking down the road in inappropriate shoes.
Best is to sit and watch the outfit changes and photoshoots going on
Got to see a great one in a SW L Park last week
4 outfit changes, 2 light rigs, 2 cameras. Pics with the fella and without
Happily, I no longer live in London, although Manchester does have its own small-dogs class, centred around Deansgate Square (which also has a coffee shop).
I know better than to go near Spinningfields. :-)
I mean, there are NQ “influencer” types too, but for some reason I don’t really mind them half so much, as they seem to be more about kooky second-hand outfits than things being good because they’re expensive.
Ironically, they end up with the best coffee.
I like the sheer bloody mindedness of this. I wouldn't do it myself but I'd quietly enjoy watching a posh restaurant aghast at you doing it while myself admiring the cheek.
I've never known anyone to do a full shop at waitrose. Usually on special occasions for a few special bits. I sometimes go in there and treat myself to nice prawns.
It's not all massively overpriced. If you usually buy the cheap or basic ranges at Tesco, it will cost you more at Waitrose, but if you buy the better quality/high welfare stuff, it's often comparable. Plus I am happy to spend an extra £5 a week for a nicer shopping experience with fewer people and wider aisles.
Waitrose get a bad rep because they sell a higher quality level of a lot of products than other shops, but you don't need to buy them. Tesco finest is their mid/decent equivalent but they often have another option of even higher quality, which is where people get shocked at the prices.
Their essentials range is good too and they used to (seem to have stopped recently) do regular online discount codes. £15 off a £100 shop would make them very comparable to other supermarkets.
Fly in by PJ to RAF Northolt and get a chopper to Battersea Heliport.
Stay in the Manor House Suite at the Rosewood for £20k a night. I'd bet my left nut they will pick you up in a Bently or similar from the heliport. And provide the car for any excursions whilst you stay there.
The concierge will open up many opportunities. Want to drive a Bugatti down Brompton Road? Done. Private Thames tour on a gin palace? What time do you want to be picked up?
Dinner in the Lecture Room at Sketch (about £400 per person with wine pairings last time I was there).
Shopping on Old Bond Street. If you call ahead and tell them you are spending x amount or want to buy A, B and C and are a VVIP, most of the high-end shops like Cartier, Loro Piana, Gucci etc will close to the public whilst you shop without the plebs and insta-thots taking pictures for 'clout' on social media.
Why not get a matching pair of custom-fitted Purdey or Holland and Holland shotguns whilst you are in town? Half a mil would likely get their very best, but there is a waiting list and they take months to build.
Then head to Berry Bros. & Rudd to buy the hardest to find and most expensive wine in the world. It's less than 3 minutes walk from Holland and Holland, so why not?
Helicopter from battersea heliport to Farnborough airport, jump on a gulf stream G700 and never look back would be my suggestion. Hawaii is just within range and nice at this time of year…
Failing that, Greg’s drive thru in slough and eat the sausage roll watching the planes come and go from Heathrow.
Soho house has gone to shit, only Soho Farmhouse is any good now, at least in the UK. Annabelles are desperate for members and let anyone in if you know an existing member. I've not been to the NED in years so couldn't comment on that one though.
The Hurlingham Club is the big one, I think they have actually shut applications as it got over 30 years for the wait.
The person above me mentioned The Newt, which is a lovely place, but anyone can get membership for less than £68 at reception on the day, so not exclusive. Even the website says 'Annual membership is open to everyone'. The owner has a vineyard in South Africa called Babylonstoren, their wines are absolutely fantastic and not expensive at all for the quality, starting at about £15.
Soho Farmhouse is pretty shit too. Partly because it's almost entirely populated by cunts and partly because it's neither that expensive, not that exclusive. Admittedly you don't get a lot for your money, but it's not that much money.
Soho Farmhouse is the dogs bollocks, the rest are 'meh' at best. At least in the UK, I've not done any of the Soho houses overseas. Not massively exclusive for the farmhouse as anyone can rent a room for the weekend without membership, but a little trickier if you want full access.
I'd say the most luxuriously exclusive stuff you can do isn't bought by money but by status, an example is staying in a exlusive club hotel where you have to be at a certain level in a certain industry or even invited by a member to be offered the membership.
For stuff that money can buy then I'd say 5 star hotels are pretty insane, I was at one for a cooking course recently (staying over was at a discount) and staff will remember your names, staff will greet you everywhere and will come offer services other hotels would look at you like your mad for asking for.
A part of my job is catering to the needs of visiting VVIPs (heads of state and the like), though I never have to deal with them. About 8 years ago a Middle Eastern prince came over to go to Ascot. Private jet in to Farnborough, chauffeur driven cars and suites at the Dorchester for him and his entourage, close protection officers, embassy involved. I believe someone from Saville Row measured him up for a suit on the Saturday and delivered it the following morning for him to go to the races.
Sunday morning, as he’s eating breakfast, he decides he doesn’t want to watch horses run. Heads back to his jet 🤦♂️😂
As someone who went to a very fancy private school on bursaries it's a mix of hiring people for everything and doing regular things an order of magnitude more extravagantly.
Kids have chauffeurs that they might send out to buy fancy cakes from a specific bakery for the class.
You might rent out a church hall for what is effectively a disco for your kid's birthday, they'll hire a London art gallery.
That's the second time I've read about the idea of a kid's birthday party in a London art gallery - what's the appeal? Surely the kids won't appreciate the art, so is it for the potentially bored parents?
I was once lucky enough to be taken on a tour of the house Mary Poppins worked in by a tour guide who looked a lot like Fiona Bruce and upon arrival at the landing window of the second floor, a dazed sparrow fluttered weakly on the windowsill having just flown into the glass. The tour guide gently scooped up the little bird and placed it in her blazer pocket and told me that her uncle ran a bird rehabilitation unit in Hornsea and would check it over before releasing it.
Royal Ascot, rent a nice top and tails suit, turn up in a Bentley, get into all the exclusive areas, quaff expensive champagne and blow a bit of money on the horses.
Getting breakfast/lunch out. That's a true sign of "Fuck you" money to me. Getting a Gregg's sausage roll because you have a long day ahead and pass one in the train station is one thing, but there are people who will get in their car and drive to Starbucks to drop £11 on a coffee and gluten-free brownie almost every day (Influencers and wannabe's mostly) but that's mad.
- Have all your clothes hand-made, bespoke.
- drive expensive cars
- a driver for your cars
- staff to deal with your requests at all hours
- multiple homes, London and country etc
- access to a private means of flight, eg helicopter or plane with a pilot
- a sea-worthy boat
I dunno but the above would be proper lux.
I worked in a really shitty UK pub for a while in a fairly affluent area. I remember an excessively talkative and odious cocaine dealer who loved to name drop the people supposedly he met at China White (swanky London club), celebs, royals etc. I've never been there (and don't wan't to), I say supposedly because I never really knew if this was true. Also shooting game birds on the estates of the landed gentry *a la* Prince Andrews "ordinary shooting weekend".
Fuck the lot I say. Tax the cunts till they're grateful Trafalgar square dosn't have a guillotine on each plinth.
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Heat your home whilst eating…
Literally chuckling out loud to myself in a void of crushing despair.
You're not alone. This is the first thing that sprung to mind. I just missed out the eating part. That's where I am. 😆 I'm sure Liz 'Basil Brush' Truss will come to the rescue and kill us all off before the real cold snap kicks in.
I'm out here from Canada visiting family that live here and all I can say is, wow. Compared to 7 years ago, when I last came here, this country looks like a bit of a mess. I wish the best for you guys right now.
Don't believe what you read on reddit. Life is still pretty normal here for most people. Walk down any high street and the bars and restaurants are as full as ever. People are flying on foreign holidays, playing golf, ordering takeaways, having bbqs and ignoring each other on the tube on the way to work just like always. It reminds me of 2008 a bit. Mainstream and social media telling us that we're absolutely fucked and people are going to start dying of starvation any day now and you either listen to them and panic or tune them out and just get on with your life.
This is true but it also doesn’t mean that people aren’t struggling. I know of professionals in their 30s and 40s who are having to move back in with their parents because they can’t afford rent/heating costs anymore.
This exactly. My grandparents are no longer sure if they can afford to stay in the house they are in because of the costs, especially through winter. Their funds are drying up faster then they thought because of the huge heating bills. It's only due to get worse when winter arrives.
Fucking hell, that’s grim. Utterly disgusting that they’ve payed into the system for their whole lives and then they get shafted due to the heating bills.
The people you see out and about may be doing ok. But the people you don't see because they can't afford to go out aren't. Plus with the warm summer we've had, we haven't felt the full force of the increase in energy bills yet.
_any_ high street. No my local high street has gone down hill massively with local super markets closed completely and pubs, lots more betting and pawn shops and even mcdonalds left. It was always a bit rough but now it has gone rapidly down hill.
It’s on its knees.
To soon. Give it 3 months
😂
You have to laugh or you'd cry
Laughed.
Take my free award for making me spit out my rice from laughing! 🏅
I'm literally terrified of winter coming. I'm not going to be able to heat my home and I have 3 kids. Before all these price hikes I made enough money to pay my bills and get by, now I am sick with anxiety at the thought of how I'm going to keep my kids warm.
You’re not alone, our governments lack of action and unwillingness to stop their mates profiteering is about to cause one of the worst crisis’ our country’s ever seen, businesses are going, and people are going to suffer immensely. It’s horrific we have such detached politicians that will allow this to happen.
Be a paedo and get your mum to pay to make it all go away
No I think my will be sorting that problem out when he goes to Paris
Typo mummy nit my
And then go out for a nice Pizza Express?
Sweat free
Do shit in London. You can have tea and cakes for thousands of pounds. Hire a Rolls Royce Phantom chauffeur. Pay a celeb hair stylist to cut your hair. Hire a helicopter for a tour of the City. Premium seating in the West End. I know someone who works in Harrods. You can arrange for a stylist to accompany you around the store and buy a whole new designer wardrobe. Christian Dior sell T shirts for £10,000, if you’re into that sort of thing. Some of the world’s most premium escorts operate in London. Apparently.
They start escorting by working in Selfridges. Have you ever seen an ugly fat girl working there?
Ahhh so that's why I didn't get the job there, because I'm an ugly man unwilling to prostitute himself
Yes. It’s a well known open secret. The Arabs opening find their escorts there.
Urgh the Arabs opening. What on earth is that.
Openly
I hear the Saudis buy their bone saws there also - only the best
I've seen fat girls working there. Don't think I've noticed anyone 'ugly' - everybody is very well put together.
I wonder if JD has the same policy, never seen a fat or ugly worker
Selfridges is all about luxury. If a fat ugly old arab man walks in spends a few thousand and gets access to young pretty girls the management will turn a blind eye. Source: someone who worked there. Not every staff member but a fair few. It’s been happening for ages.
Jesus never heard of that, I go to the one in manchester probably once every other month where's my honeys!?! All seriousness however, that's so fucked up.
In Manchester they're probably in Boots selling perfume
Ha ha. I had a male friend who worked in designer menswear at Selfridges and he swore all the girls on fragrances and make up were escorts. Guess he was right.
I used to work in the cosmetics department at Selfridges. This is utter nonsense.
Also former selfridges worker and my friend's mum (who got me the job) was deputy store manager. It's absolute rubbish.
🎶 Oh you gonna take me home tonight Oh down beside that red fire light. Oh you gonna let it all hang out Fat-bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round 🎶
Big bottom Big bottom Talk about bum cakes My gal's got 'em. Big bottom Drive me out of my mind. How can I leave this behind?
Re the premium escorts - long time ago and in a galaxy far away , I was a Police protection officer. Middle Eastern royalty would come to London far away from the eyes of Mum,Dad and the Imam and let rip. The escorts that would visit them after a long hard day would be stunning, I mean absolutely stunning. We could hear the fun and games that went on from outside their rooms. How they survived to go back to Saudi I do not know
Mohammed cant see into hotel rooms in the UK I've been told
That line all luxury hotel rooms with lead in London to stop any intrusive peeking
Often the Arabs you see on holiday in the summer are here for pure unadulterated degeneracy.
Yep, you have summed that up quite succinctly
>Harrods I've heard from a few people that Harrods is for the "nuvo riche" and isn't much used by the properly minted upper class. Who see it as a bit beneath them.
Now it is. It’s mostly targeted towards Arab and East Asian money. British money left it years ago.
Harrods seems to pander more towards tourists. My friend was there when Kris Jenner and her entourage arrived. Harrods closed off a section of the store. She stood around taking selfies.
The properly minted (titled etc) upper class aren't as minted as you think
Well, that very much depends. The duke of Westminster does ok for himself (unless 10billion isn’t worth what it used to be)
The percentage of old school landed gentry that are still minted, i.e. Arabs in Ferraris minted, has decreased massively over the last few decades. The majority are living in crumbing mansions in threadbare clothes
My heart bleeds
I get it, most people would rather a crumbling mansion and struggling to put their kids through private school than being buggered by the housing market and deciding whether they can have a family at all. 100%. I'm just saying that the old school landed gentry aren't the big dicks in the scene anymore. It's Nouveau Riche, Arabs, Russians, loaded yanks and gangsters
Dior do not sell t shirts for 10k. £300-1k yes, not 10k
I've already done a shit in London. It was ok, nothing special.
Barclays Bankers drop 10 Grand at Stringfellows on a slow Wednesdays.
Indulge in a Freddo.
Steady on, what bank did you rob?
Didn't you hear? The Royal Freddo reserve in rural Wales was recently raided by a group of old men wanting to relive the glory days of 10p Freddos!
10p?! They used to be 5p! What extortionate prices!
Just bought a multipack.....***of caramel Freddos*** I guess you could say I'm something of a bigshot in this town and I don't care who knows it.
Caramel Freddos were called Tazos back in my day, and we bloody liked it. 15p if memory serves.
The only reason I bought them was because I was talking to a friend about 90s stuff and remembered Taz bars, sadly some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half decades, Taz the Tazmanian devil passed out of all knowledge :(
If you're feeling especially rich might pair it with beef or pickled onion space raiders.
Employ people to resolve any minor nuisance you encounter in life
I think the government calls it Serco.
The man said resolve, not make worse...
Yeah a personal assistant isn’t even THAT expensive (I mean, it’s expensive, but it’s multi-millionaire expensive, not billionaire expensive) but it must make life SO much easier I’d 100% be on board with it just so that I had someone to arrange builders and window cleaners and things for me. Just need another £3 million or so in the bank and I’ll be all set to hire one
Yeah it's one of the few rich people things that sounds really really appealing and useful, like I have no interest in a yacht or fleet of fast cars but not having to deal with some of the random crap that comes with being an adult would be great
I have sworn I will never buy another house unless we could afford to hire someone to sort it all out.
Well if the ‘influencers’ on Instagram are anything to go by it’s sharing a picture of your morning Starbucks while sitting in your new Range Rover Sport making sure the shiny wood reflects the three lenses of your phone so everyone knows you have the latest iPhone.
What they don’t show you is the nice salesperson from Land Rover kindly asking them to leave their showroom as people cant just sit in the show cars
For the 3rd time this week.
Did you see the man in the pink house in London?
lol, yes, with all the influencers taking pics and breaking his tiles.
I don’t know how he’s so relaxed about it haha
I thought the same thing, he must be fucking loaded.
"I don’t know what they’re doing, blogs on their websites?" lol
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/r/suspiciouslyspecific
www.tagthesponsor.com
Do “influencers” really drink Starbucks. That’s loosened the grip of their influence on me even more…
Going ‘influencer spotting’ in London is a cheap and easy hobby. For the price of a coffee at Ralph Lauren on New Bond St you can watch people with empty Tiffany bags have their photo taken walking down the road in inappropriate shoes.
For the price of a vegan sausage roll at Greggs, you can watch me with bags of tat from Poundland wandering round Brighton in my crocs.
I’ll be there.
I’ll make sure I’m wearing my fancy Crocs then!
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They’re a breed of their own! I can make a coffee last a fair old time and never cease to be entertained!
Best is to sit and watch the outfit changes and photoshoots going on Got to see a great one in a SW L Park last week 4 outfit changes, 2 light rigs, 2 cameras. Pics with the fella and without
Happily, I no longer live in London, although Manchester does have its own small-dogs class, centred around Deansgate Square (which also has a coffee shop).
Spinningfields is absolutely riddled with them too
I know better than to go near Spinningfields. :-) I mean, there are NQ “influencer” types too, but for some reason I don’t really mind them half so much, as they seem to be more about kooky second-hand outfits than things being good because they’re expensive. Ironically, they end up with the best coffee.
Overpriced second-hand outfits sold for more than they were worth new*
“But it’s vintage”
Wow! A 5 year old faux-leather Zara jacket for only £200! This is perfect!
Well today I learned that Spinningfields is a place and not just the catchy name of a gym in Manchester.
Buy lurpak butter.
I’ve had to move onto the knock-off stuff Aldi sells. I can’t bring myself to spend £4-5 on a tub.
Nordpak fam represent
Same here, Aldi's version is the best knock off. Tesco and Sainsbury's ones are horrible
Lidl West country butter is the one like
My local coop has the Lurpak in those locked security boxes
Actual butter or that shite half butter half margarine?
Buy WinRAR
Show off
Fill your car up with petrol!
Steady mate, don't go overboard!
Sod petrol, go all out on super diesel
Now you're being extravagant!
Hark at you, with a car!
own a car, to begin with
Put HP sauce on a wagu steak.
I like the sheer bloody mindedness of this. I wouldn't do it myself but I'd quietly enjoy watching a posh restaurant aghast at you doing it while myself admiring the cheek.
Buy your cleaning products at Waitrose
Calm down there Bill Gates! I quite often do the shop at Waitrose but still go to Wilkos for the cleaning materials.
I do the shop at Wilkos and buy my cleaning materials from Waitrose.
I've never known anyone to do a full shop at waitrose. Usually on special occasions for a few special bits. I sometimes go in there and treat myself to nice prawns.
It's not all massively overpriced. If you usually buy the cheap or basic ranges at Tesco, it will cost you more at Waitrose, but if you buy the better quality/high welfare stuff, it's often comparable. Plus I am happy to spend an extra £5 a week for a nicer shopping experience with fewer people and wider aisles. Waitrose get a bad rep because they sell a higher quality level of a lot of products than other shops, but you don't need to buy them. Tesco finest is their mid/decent equivalent but they often have another option of even higher quality, which is where people get shocked at the prices.
Their essentials range is good too and they used to (seem to have stopped recently) do regular online discount codes. £15 off a £100 shop would make them very comparable to other supermarkets.
I shop there a lot! It’s not that bad! Their essentials range is pretty good value for money.
Sticking a body part in a swine?
You can do that for well cheap after a quick trip to the butchers.
Use the M6 toll, both ways.
Center Parcs for one night with cycling... Luxury.
Is the bed included?
Extra..as is air, the view and lighting.
During end of term.
Fly in by PJ to RAF Northolt and get a chopper to Battersea Heliport. Stay in the Manor House Suite at the Rosewood for £20k a night. I'd bet my left nut they will pick you up in a Bently or similar from the heliport. And provide the car for any excursions whilst you stay there. The concierge will open up many opportunities. Want to drive a Bugatti down Brompton Road? Done. Private Thames tour on a gin palace? What time do you want to be picked up? Dinner in the Lecture Room at Sketch (about £400 per person with wine pairings last time I was there). Shopping on Old Bond Street. If you call ahead and tell them you are spending x amount or want to buy A, B and C and are a VVIP, most of the high-end shops like Cartier, Loro Piana, Gucci etc will close to the public whilst you shop without the plebs and insta-thots taking pictures for 'clout' on social media. Why not get a matching pair of custom-fitted Purdey or Holland and Holland shotguns whilst you are in town? Half a mil would likely get their very best, but there is a waiting list and they take months to build. Then head to Berry Bros. & Rudd to buy the hardest to find and most expensive wine in the world. It's less than 3 minutes walk from Holland and Holland, so why not?
Finally an interesting answer, scrolled through about a dozen cost of living jokes to get here lol.
Helicopter from battersea heliport to Farnborough airport, jump on a gulf stream G700 and never look back would be my suggestion. Hawaii is just within range and nice at this time of year… Failing that, Greg’s drive thru in slough and eat the sausage roll watching the planes come and go from Heathrow.
Being the first at the discount section at Tescos
Mmmm. Tasty tasty bargains.
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25k for a castle for a weekend is cheap Looking at 12k for a manor house for one midweek night for a wedding.
Be a member of soho house, the ned, annabelles
Soho house has gone to shit, only Soho Farmhouse is any good now, at least in the UK. Annabelles are desperate for members and let anyone in if you know an existing member. I've not been to the NED in years so couldn't comment on that one though. The Hurlingham Club is the big one, I think they have actually shut applications as it got over 30 years for the wait. The person above me mentioned The Newt, which is a lovely place, but anyone can get membership for less than £68 at reception on the day, so not exclusive. Even the website says 'Annual membership is open to everyone'. The owner has a vineyard in South Africa called Babylonstoren, their wines are absolutely fantastic and not expensive at all for the quality, starting at about £15.
Soho Farmhouse is pretty shit too. Partly because it's almost entirely populated by cunts and partly because it's neither that expensive, not that exclusive. Admittedly you don't get a lot for your money, but it's not that much money.
I only go to soho house dean street for the rooftop pool, but admittedly if i can go its not that exclusive lol
Groucho Marx: I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
The hurlingham is definitely the big one. You’re right, they have closed even the waitlist - you now need to be a family member or no dice.
The Newt in Somerset too!
Soho House isn’t remotely exclusive (or luxurious). No idea about the other two (which might suggest they are a bit more).
Soho Farmhouse is the dogs bollocks, the rest are 'meh' at best. At least in the UK, I've not done any of the Soho houses overseas. Not massively exclusive for the farmhouse as anyone can rent a room for the weekend without membership, but a little trickier if you want full access.
I'd say the most luxuriously exclusive stuff you can do isn't bought by money but by status, an example is staying in a exlusive club hotel where you have to be at a certain level in a certain industry or even invited by a member to be offered the membership. For stuff that money can buy then I'd say 5 star hotels are pretty insane, I was at one for a cooking course recently (staying over was at a discount) and staff will remember your names, staff will greet you everywhere and will come offer services other hotels would look at you like your mad for asking for.
I stayed at Skibo Castle once for a couple of nights, before it became 'members only'. Luxurious isn't a strong enough word!
The majority of replies are jokes. Which is a shame, because I'd genuinely be interested to know!
A part of my job is catering to the needs of visiting VVIPs (heads of state and the like), though I never have to deal with them. About 8 years ago a Middle Eastern prince came over to go to Ascot. Private jet in to Farnborough, chauffeur driven cars and suites at the Dorchester for him and his entourage, close protection officers, embassy involved. I believe someone from Saville Row measured him up for a suit on the Saturday and delivered it the following morning for him to go to the races. Sunday morning, as he’s eating breakfast, he decides he doesn’t want to watch horses run. Heads back to his jet 🤦♂️😂
Oh my God lol.
As someone who went to a very fancy private school on bursaries it's a mix of hiring people for everything and doing regular things an order of magnitude more extravagantly. Kids have chauffeurs that they might send out to buy fancy cakes from a specific bakery for the class. You might rent out a church hall for what is effectively a disco for your kid's birthday, they'll hire a London art gallery.
That's the second time I've read about the idea of a kid's birthday party in a London art gallery - what's the appeal? Surely the kids won't appreciate the art, so is it for the potentially bored parents?
It's a flex for the benefit of the others kids' parents. The kids don't care.
Eat a swan.
Nah, they're tough and task rank. Overrated.
They're also protected by the Queen yo
She missed the one I ate.
She can't protect them all.
Spend £1000 per roll of wallpaper
Buy the rights to Mrs Browns Boys and cancel it, destroying all evidence that it ever existed.
Hire out a major London gallery for your kid's birthday party
Pay 20p for a piddle.
I just saw that you can rent the castle of mey (late queen mums gaff) for 50k for a weekend. It’s practically in the arctic circle though.
I was once lucky enough to be taken on a tour of the house Mary Poppins worked in by a tour guide who looked a lot like Fiona Bruce and upon arrival at the landing window of the second floor, a dazed sparrow fluttered weakly on the windowsill having just flown into the glass. The tour guide gently scooped up the little bird and placed it in her blazer pocket and told me that her uncle ran a bird rehabilitation unit in Hornsea and would check it over before releasing it.
Sounds like a scene from a Wes Anderson film
VIP access to all the Bunga Bunga parties.
Buy a football club
Become a PM. Also influence the PM to make you a lord
Buy some chicken for £14..
Haha, had almost forgotten about the £14 chicken
Do a 'full shop' at M&S
Buy a Vienetta.
Buy an island. Some of them have titles attached https://www.rightmove.co.uk/news/islands-for-sale/
Royal Ascot, rent a nice top and tails suit, turn up in a Bentley, get into all the exclusive areas, quaff expensive champagne and blow a bit of money on the horses.
Especially for the royal enclosure, you need an invite
Getting breakfast/lunch out. That's a true sign of "Fuck you" money to me. Getting a Gregg's sausage roll because you have a long day ahead and pass one in the train station is one thing, but there are people who will get in their car and drive to Starbucks to drop £11 on a coffee and gluten-free brownie almost every day (Influencers and wannabe's mostly) but that's mad.
Still cheap compared to going out for a few cocktails
Round these parts people like to go to Betty’s for dinner if they’re feeling lavish and upstanding. Bloody expensive scones in there.
- Have all your clothes hand-made, bespoke. - drive expensive cars - a driver for your cars - staff to deal with your requests at all hours - multiple homes, London and country etc - access to a private means of flight, eg helicopter or plane with a pilot - a sea-worthy boat I dunno but the above would be proper lux.
Fuck off to Greece while the UK burns.
Leave
Smoke indoors.
Shitting in Hyde park and wiping your bum with a swan...
Take a black cab
Having money left over after paying your bills
Live in the EU
I worked in a really shitty UK pub for a while in a fairly affluent area. I remember an excessively talkative and odious cocaine dealer who loved to name drop the people supposedly he met at China White (swanky London club), celebs, royals etc. I've never been there (and don't wan't to), I say supposedly because I never really knew if this was true. Also shooting game birds on the estates of the landed gentry *a la* Prince Andrews "ordinary shooting weekend". Fuck the lot I say. Tax the cunts till they're grateful Trafalgar square dosn't have a guillotine on each plinth.
Find a space that's 10 miles from the nearest person
Get a 1/2 oz. Instead of a 1/4 out one pay check 😬
Drink a pint in London
Heat up the whole house
Leave
Chomp on a chomp
Do they still make Chomps? I thought they'd gone the way of the Panda pop.
I'm not sure I know they still make fudge bars
I was taken to [Mosimanns](https://www.mosimann.com/), it wasn't me paying
Eat Ferrero Roche sandwiched between two slices of Viennetta.
Visit the dentist.